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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Hello.
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00:00:05,002 --> 00:00:07,006
Testing. Is it heard?
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:08,001 --> 00:00:11,001
Well, recording.
6
00:00:11,001 --> 00:00:14,008
This is the first day of the
video diary for Gaby's vacatioin.
7
00:00:14,008 --> 00:00:16,003
That is, me.
8
00:00:16,003 --> 00:00:21,007
We're in RS's summer house.
We arrived about half an hour ago.
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00:00:21,007 --> 00:00:27,002
We're unpacking and are about to go
to a beach that is about an hour from here.
10
00:00:27,007 --> 00:00:33,004
Fabio, that guy right there, insists
that the beach is awesome.
11
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That it is so so awesome that it's secret.
12
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Because he went to a beach
festival about three years ago
13
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And he told us that it's the best beach
festival that ever existed in Puerto Rico.
14
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,006
Fabio! Fabio! Fabio!
15
00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:53,000
Fabio...
16
00:00:57,001 --> 00:01:01,003
Supposedly the festival is
held around this time.
17
00:01:01,003 --> 00:01:03,005
But we haven't heard anything.
18
00:01:03,005 --> 00:01:09,005
What we're going to do is go there without
a plan, as always, and see what happens.
19
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:13,009
I have my own plans this summer.
20
00:01:14,006 --> 00:01:18,005
I plan on meeting the most
beautiful woman in the world.
21
00:01:18,005 --> 00:01:25,004
She is spontaneous, delicate,
professional and super sexy.
22
00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:28,008
I love her.
23
00:01:28,009 --> 00:01:32,005
And she will be the protagonist
in all of my movies.
24
00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:34,009
But that's for later.
25
00:01:34,009 --> 00:01:39,005
For now we're gonna go hang in Playa Roja.
26
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,000
Hey, Gaby, record this.
27
00:01:47,005 --> 00:01:49,007
Vulgar.
28
00:01:50,001 --> 00:01:51,007
That was Chicho.
29
00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:53,008
I was forgetting to introduce my friends.
30
00:01:55,005 --> 00:01:57,002
I'll start with Fabio.
31
00:01:57,002 --> 00:01:59,001
Fabio's the weird one.
32
00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:01,002
We call him the philosopher.
33
00:02:01,002 --> 00:02:05,003
He smokes way too much
weed so he's always high.
34
00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:07,007
But he's a really smart guy.
35
00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:09,007
We have RS.
36
00:02:09,008 --> 00:02:11,006
RS is the one with the money.
37
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,009
The one with the ladies.
38
00:02:12,009 --> 00:02:14,002
And the one with the house.
39
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:17,003
Women drool over him.
40
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,002
Maybe it's because of the money.
41
00:02:19,002 --> 00:02:21,002
And Chicho.
42
00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:23,004
Him I can describe with three words...
43
00:02:23,006 --> 00:02:26,004
Fat. Vulgar. And sick.
44
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:30,004
But, those are my friends.
For now, over and out.
45
00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:32,009
Over and out?
46
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,002
What kind of bullshit is that?
47
00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:48,004
Let's go have a hardcore hang out!
48
00:02:53,002 --> 00:02:55,000
Dude, I'm bored.
49
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,008
We should have gone to Jobos.
50
00:02:57,008 --> 00:03:00,001
This was your idea, dumbass.
51
00:03:01,003 --> 00:03:04,004
Damn, man, my nipples are burning.
52
00:03:04,004 --> 00:03:06,008
You mean your boobs?
53
00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:09,008
Hand over the sunblock.
54
00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:23,006
Well, my friends since there's nothing
to do I will procede to take out the wasasa.
55
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,006
What are you doing?
56
00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:37,000
Meditating.
57
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,001
Meditating?
58
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,006
That's why people think you're gay.
59
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,000
Gaby isn't gay, he's shy.
60
00:03:45,003 --> 00:03:51,009
A pussy. And if you don't score this summer
we're gonna upgrade you to gay. Confirmed!
61
00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:56,000
I don't have to prove anything to anyone.
62
00:03:56,005 --> 00:04:01,008
I am in love and I am sure of what I am.
63
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:06,007
And for your information I am saving myself.
64
00:04:11,006 --> 00:04:13,008
You see this?
65
00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:20,005
This is a temple and it will be
desecrated by the perfect woman.
66
00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:23,007
Amanda!
67
00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:27,002
I love you Amanda!
68
00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:29,000
Who?
69
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,001
Amanda.
70
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,008
That's a beautiful name.
71
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:37,004
Who the fuck is Amanda?
72
00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:46,004
A bit more hair. Okay. Good.
73
00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:53,000
Very good. That's all Amanda. Thank you.
74
00:04:53,006 --> 00:04:56,000
-Thank you
-Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
75
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,007
Oh, Dalesio, I need a dress for tonight.
76
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:03,009
-Tonight is Lucio Capellys's party
and I need to look gorgeous.
-You always look gorgeous, honey.
77
00:05:03,009 --> 00:05:04,007
I know.
78
00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:08,007
Where do you think I should go? I want it to be exclusive.
I don't want to see anyone else there with my dress.
79
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:12,000
Let's go to Carlianny. He called me
yesterday to go see his new line.
80
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:14,005
Surely there could be something that
would help you stand out.
81
00:05:14,006 --> 00:05:16,008
I always stand out. What's
the matter with you?
82
00:05:16,009 --> 00:05:20,002
-Go get the car for me, please.
I want to get out of here as soon as possible.
-Sure, sure.
83
00:05:20,002 --> 00:05:25,005
-Take Horacio. I'll give you a call when I'm downstairs.
-Very well but hurry up because I am exhausted.
84
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:51,001
I don't know why people say that Schaefer tastes bad.
I remember it was really popular back in the day.
85
00:06:51,006 --> 00:06:56,009
If you drink Schaefer you fuck your dad.
I prefer Blue Label.
86
00:06:57,004 --> 00:07:00,004
"I prefer Blue Label."
87
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:03,004
Because you have money,
dude! The Heir!
88
00:07:03,007 --> 00:07:04,008
What was that?
89
00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:10,000
Look, I love you man but you know you're
only drinking Blue Label because you have a horse.
90
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,009
And like you say "if you don't have
a horse you're riding your mother."
91
00:07:15,004 --> 00:07:19,003
-I drink Blue Label because it tastes good.
-Of course that shit tastes good!
92
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:24,004
When you order that in a bar a waiter appears and
bows his head and everything when he hands it over!
93
00:07:24,004 --> 00:07:26,004
Shit's expensive as fuck!
94
00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:28,004
It's just a fine liqueur.
95
00:07:28,004 --> 00:07:31,002
You better have a life plan, my friend.
96
00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:35,001
Because if you want to keep paying for
those Blue Labels you're always drinking...
97
00:07:35,001 --> 00:07:38,004
you're gonna have to feed the
horse and show the money.
98
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,004
I have a life plan. I know my family
isn't going to support me forever.
99
00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:45,009
Oh, yeah? What's your plan?
100
00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:49,008
I'm gonna marry a rich cougar.
101
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:55,007
These girlies don't motivate me anymore.
Now I'm interested in cougars with money
102
00:07:56,007 --> 00:08:00,006
and kinky habits. I'm gonna
be like my Uncle John.
103
00:08:01,006 --> 00:08:04,003
I have a life plan too.
104
00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:07,005
Coke crops are illegal in Puerto Rico.
105
00:08:07,006 --> 00:08:10,007
It's not about that, my dear circular friend.
106
00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:14,006
Have you guys ever heard of
the sale of future shares?
107
00:08:14,008 --> 00:08:16,005
Future shares?
108
00:08:16,006 --> 00:08:20,006
The same business that turned the
executives of Enron into millionares.
109
00:08:20,008 --> 00:08:26,004
You sell your company's shares now convincing
your clients they'll be worth more in the future.
110
00:08:26,008 --> 00:08:29,002
It's selling dreams like you guys say...
111
00:08:29,002 --> 00:08:33,001
but invented by the smartest
bunch of guys in the world.
112
00:08:33,004 --> 00:08:36,004
Weren't those guys prosecuted
in 2006 for doing just that?
113
00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:39,005
Yeah. But that was because they got caught.
114
00:08:39,006 --> 00:08:42,006
And what makes you think
you won't get caught?
115
00:08:42,006 --> 00:08:44,002
Easy.
116
00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:49,000
I stop before they catch me.
117
00:08:53,007 --> 00:08:57,002
"I stop before they catch me."
118
00:08:59,004 --> 00:09:01,006
That's like...
119
00:09:01,006 --> 00:09:04,006
Getting it on with your neighbor's wife...
120
00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:07,006
and before you can get caught you stop.
121
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,000
Dude, you're a genius.
122
00:09:14,005 --> 00:09:17,006
-I'll toast to that!
-Cheers!
123
00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:21,007
You stop before they-- duh! Of course!
124
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:55,009
-Hello, Amanda. I am a big fan of yours!
-Really? Thank you. Where are you from?
125
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,005
From Cayey.
126
00:10:01,002 --> 00:10:04,007
From the country side... I see.
127
00:10:07,001 --> 00:10:13,006
Will you be going to the party tonight?
128
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:19,007
Of course. Everyone's going. Hello!
129
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,000
Yes!
130
00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:29,003
I would like to see you there.
131
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:35,009
I don't know you.
132
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:47,003
I know, but we can get to know each other there.
133
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:53,008
Send me a picture and I will think about it.
134
00:11:04,008 --> 00:11:07,008
Shit!
135
00:11:16,001 --> 00:11:18,005
I'll have to do it.
136
00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:26,000
Not bad at all.
137
00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:29,001
What car did you say you have?
138
00:11:30,007 --> 00:11:32,007
What car?
139
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:52,001
A BMW isn't all that bad.
140
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:56,008
I think we can keep talking a bit more.
141
00:11:57,003 --> 00:12:01,006
I hope you won't disappoint me.
142
00:12:03,008 --> 00:12:06,008
I won't.
143
00:12:07,004 --> 00:12:10,004
I'll see you tonight.
144
00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:12,004
My love.
145
00:12:12,004 --> 00:12:15,004
Okay, whatever.
146
00:12:26,003 --> 00:12:28,002
Oh, shit!
147
00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:29,008
Now what do I do?
148
00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:49,005
Woah, sit down right here my dear friend.
149
00:12:49,005 --> 00:12:52,005
Did you sleep well?
150
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,005
Sit down.
151
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,000
-You made me breakfast?
-Yeah.
152
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,008
Remember what I told you.
153
00:13:15,009 --> 00:13:18,009
People do the math and
continue to think you're gay.
154
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,002
No. No I'm not.
155
00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:23,006
I just need you to do me a favor tonight.
156
00:13:23,006 --> 00:13:24,009
I knew it.
157
00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:27,008
I need you to meet Amanda for me.
158
00:13:27,008 --> 00:13:29,009
You want me to meet her for you?
159
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,006
And hook up with her for you as well?
160
00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:34,002
No! Just meet her.
161
00:13:34,002 --> 00:13:36,007
It's just that she thinks you're me.
162
00:13:36,007 --> 00:13:40,009
I was chatting with her, she asked me
for a picture and so I sent her yours.
163
00:13:40,009 --> 00:13:44,001
Mine was no good.
164
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:49,003
She also asked me what car I had.
I told her it was a BMW.
165
00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:51,007
What car you had?
166
00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:56,001
-That's something a selfish woman would ask.
-She's not selfish. She's refined.
167
00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:01,002
A snob! Asking you what car
you drive? That's bullshit!
168
00:14:01,009 --> 00:14:04,009
Don't get involved.
169
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:08,007
Besides women like that only
like good looking guys with money.
170
00:14:09,002 --> 00:14:11,000
Like me.
171
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,000
And to get her to give you a piece
you're gonna have to work really hard.
172
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:18,001
Fuck it! I'll work hard!
I'm in love.
173
00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:21,006
In love? You don't even know her.
174
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:29,008
Look, when you try some pussy,
any pussy, love will go to hell.
175
00:14:29,009 --> 00:14:33,005
In fact, if you want I can introduce you
to a cousin of mine who's always in heat!
176
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,009
She sleeps with any guy even if he's ugly.
177
00:14:35,009 --> 00:14:37,006
I don't want an easy woman.
178
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:40,006
I do. I'm practically climbing walls.
179
00:14:42,009 --> 00:14:45,006
Women like Amanda are good looking and all but
180
00:14:45,007 --> 00:14:48,009
they're so delicate your body can't enjoy them.
181
00:14:48,009 --> 00:14:50,006
They don't give head.
182
00:14:50,006 --> 00:14:52,002
They don't swallow.
183
00:14:52,002 --> 00:14:54,006
They don't give you the small hole.
184
00:14:54,008 --> 00:14:57,008
What do you want a girlfriend like that for?
185
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,000
To love and care for her.
186
00:15:07,009 --> 00:15:10,009
Love and care for her?
187
00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:14,003
That's a good one, Gaby.
"To love and care for her."
188
00:15:14,003 --> 00:15:16,003
Hey, Gaby, Gaby.
189
00:15:16,004 --> 00:15:19,006
Don't leave, man. Come here.
190
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:23,007
Love and care for her? Good one.
191
00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:29,008
Tonight I'm gonna give you an
intensive class on how to pick up women.
192
00:15:29,008 --> 00:15:31,006
Sound good?
193
00:15:31,006 --> 00:15:35,004
-Really?
-Yes. "Love and care for her". Okay.
194
00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:38,005
-Thank you! You're my brother, RS!
-Whoa! Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me.
195
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,005
Okay, okay.
196
00:16:05,004 --> 00:16:08,004
Check it out. Bitches.
197
00:16:08,004 --> 00:16:11,006
Damn, man. And I'm not in the mood to work...
198
00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:12,009
Wanna go fishing?
199
00:16:12,009 --> 00:16:15,009
Let's go in before the cacos get here.
200
00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:29,002
Damn, we're too late.
201
00:16:29,002 --> 00:16:31,005
What they want is muscle mass.
202
00:16:31,005 --> 00:16:34,008
Dude, you think those girls are
excited because the guy's strong?
203
00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:39,009
Well, they say that women have a
strong tendency for the black race.
204
00:16:39,009 --> 00:16:42,001
And why do you think that is?
205
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,003
Could it be because of the Yin Yang?
206
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:50,001
Yin Yang my balls, dude! Look
at the size of that dude's dong!
207
00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:54,003
Damn! That guy lives far.
208
00:16:54,003 --> 00:16:57,003
That's what's got those girls all hot.
209
00:16:57,008 --> 00:17:02,000
It can't be... No! What kind of gay stuff is this?
210
00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:17,003
Dude! They're tutti frutti!
211
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:21,009
Well, perfect! Now it's on.
212
00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:47,007
Hey, girls. What's up?
213
00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:49,007
Where you from?
214
00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,000
Ocean Park.
215
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,007
Oh, that's nice. And are you by yourselves?
216
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:56,006
We're together.
217
00:17:56,006 --> 00:17:58,002
Of course.
218
00:17:58,002 --> 00:18:00,000
Is this a gay beach?
219
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,006
Not that I know of.
220
00:18:01,006 --> 00:18:05,002
So why are all the men in bikinis,
greased up and in pairs?
221
00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:08,006
Well, sweety, I don't know
but I'm really not gay and
222
00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:12,005
I'm here with my friends. I came
over to invite you to hang out.
223
00:18:12,005 --> 00:18:14,000
There's four of us.
224
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,009
You, that one and the stoner?
225
00:18:17,009 --> 00:18:22,003
Me, the stoner and RS. And a
friend of ours named Gaby.
226
00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:25,000
-RS?
-You know him?
227
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,009
-RS from Los Paseos?
-That's the one.
228
00:18:27,009 --> 00:18:30,009
Oh, okay.
229
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,001
Are you coming with us?
230
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:37,009
Not in a long time but, you have weed?
231
00:18:37,009 --> 00:18:42,000
Ha! Home-grown, baby.
232
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,002
Let's go, then.
233
00:19:00,001 --> 00:19:03,001
Check this out.
234
00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:11,004
Two Face Flower, my favorite band.
I have the t-shirt and everything.
235
00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:12,009
That's nice.
236
00:19:13,003 --> 00:19:17,008
Hey, did you notice your
friend is fucking my friend?
237
00:19:21,007 --> 00:19:23,009
Gosh!
238
00:19:23,009 --> 00:19:25,008
I hadn't noticed.
239
00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:28,001
For a while now.
240
00:19:28,008 --> 00:19:32,007
Wow... that's crazy, right?
241
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:36,004
They're out of control!
242
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:43,005
You want me to blow you?
243
00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:54,002
-I'm sorry?
-Like that.
244
00:20:00,007 --> 00:20:03,002
We just met.
245
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:06,002
Don't worry. I'm not gonna fall in love.
246
00:20:06,002 --> 00:20:09,002
I don't know. I don't know.
247
00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:11,000
Are you gay?
248
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:16,004
No! I'm not gay! I just don't want it!
249
00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:21,005
Fine! All men like to be blown!
250
00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:28,007
And the iPod Nano is for girls!
251
00:20:50,009 --> 00:20:56,000
-Chicho!
-Oh, damn, man!
252
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,009
Hey, hey, hey! Don't look!
Screw you if you look!
253
00:21:00,005 --> 00:21:03,005
These girls will most likely be at the party.
254
00:21:03,005 --> 00:21:06,005
Gaby, learn this. Lesson number one
255
00:21:06,005 --> 00:21:09,007
you have to give yourself status.
You have to make yourself important.
256
00:21:09,008 --> 00:21:14,004
We're riding in a BMW.
We're automatically good looking.
257
00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:17,003
You can be ugly as fuck, like Chicho
258
00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:20,003
but if you're riding in a car like
this you're good looking
259
00:21:20,006 --> 00:21:22,009
Look how they look at us.
260
00:22:20,004 --> 00:22:24,000
-There she is!
-Where?
-Amanda!
261
00:22:24,005 --> 00:22:27,005
Damn, dude! That's too much for you.
262
00:22:28,007 --> 00:22:31,001
I know, I know.
263
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:34,000
Relax. Look, we just got here, okay?
264
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,000
When I talk to her I'll let you
know if you'll be able to or not.
265
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,001
Be right back.
266
00:22:41,002 --> 00:22:44,002
You won't be able to.
267
00:22:44,005 --> 00:22:47,005
I knew it.
268
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,007
You know what the problem
is? She's fucking pretentious.
269
00:22:51,007 --> 00:22:53,002
You know what was the first
thing she asked me?
270
00:22:53,002 --> 00:22:56,000
Where I was from? Who my parents are?
271
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,006
If I studied in Yale and all that bullshit.
272
00:22:58,006 --> 00:23:03,001
Damn, when she finds out I study
at Rivera's College. I'm screwed!
273
00:23:04,004 --> 00:23:07,006
Well, look. I'm saying you won't be able to
274
00:23:07,006 --> 00:23:10,006
and that's because you're not ready today.
275
00:23:10,006 --> 00:23:15,004
You never know. The first thing you
need to do is work up your self-confidence.
276
00:23:15,004 --> 00:23:18,007
If she sees you're sure of
yourself, that helps you a lot.
277
00:23:19,002 --> 00:23:22,002
Okay. How do I do that?
278
00:23:28,009 --> 00:23:31,009
You see that girl over there?
279
00:23:33,005 --> 00:23:36,005
You're gonna go over to her and tell her this...
280
00:23:42,001 --> 00:23:45,008
-Seriously?
-Yeah, go!
281
00:23:46,005 --> 00:23:48,007
Go!
282
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,003
Tell me.
283
00:24:32,009 --> 00:24:35,009
Shall we?
284
00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:10,000
-You see the padawan?
-Yeah, he's dancing with María la popa.
285
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,001
¿La popa?
286
00:25:12,001 --> 00:25:13,007
La popa.
287
00:25:13,007 --> 00:25:16,001
I'm not even gonna ask.
288
00:25:16,001 --> 00:25:19,001
You've turned him into quite the ladies man.
289
00:25:19,001 --> 00:25:22,006
Nah. I just told him the password she likes.
290
00:25:23,004 --> 00:25:24,006
The password?
291
00:25:24,006 --> 00:25:26,007
The password.
292
00:25:26,007 --> 00:25:29,007
What password, dude?
293
00:25:29,007 --> 00:25:33,000
Who wrote this script?
294
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:38,004
I told him to tell her "I go down
the well even if it smells like hell.”
295
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:40,009
What?
296
00:25:41,006 --> 00:25:44,003
That's the password.
297
00:25:44,003 --> 00:25:47,003
I can't believe it, dude.
298
00:25:56,003 --> 00:25:59,003
You've spent the entire night
talking to every girl except me.
299
00:25:59,003 --> 00:26:02,004
Not interested anymore?
300
00:26:02,004 --> 00:26:08,008
Oh! Yeah. It's just that since I got here I've been
having a good time with my friends and all.
301
00:26:08,008 --> 00:26:11,004
But I am interested. Tell me about yourself.
302
00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:13,004
As you can see I enjoy being alone.
303
00:26:13,004 --> 00:26:17,004
I have lots of suitors but I'm
not attracted to any of them.
304
00:26:17,004 --> 00:26:20,000
-Hard to get, huh?
-Selective.
305
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,000
"Distance and category" as
my mother would say.
306
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,007
From a golden crib, huh?
307
00:26:24,007 --> 00:26:26,002
Look who's talking!
308
00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:29,000
And you? Where did you get the car?
309
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,008
My dad gave it to me.
310
00:26:30,008 --> 00:26:35,001
Well then you can't talk because you,
darling, are also from a golden crib.
311
00:26:35,001 --> 00:26:38,001
Although, there's nothing wrong with that.
312
00:26:38,001 --> 00:26:41,006
Um... the party's really good, right?
313
00:26:41,006 --> 00:26:44,006
Come on. I want you to meet my friends.
314
00:26:46,007 --> 00:26:50,009
Amanda, I'd like to introduce
you to one of my best friends.
315
00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,000
Gaby.
316
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,009
Hello.
317
00:26:54,007 --> 00:26:58,000
He's one of the smartest guys in my class.
318
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,008
Graduated with honors.
319
00:26:59,008 --> 00:27:01,008
That's nice.
320
00:27:01,008 --> 00:27:06,006
You know everyone's huddled around
you tonight. You are desirable.
321
00:27:06,006 --> 00:27:09,006
That me on.
322
00:27:10,001 --> 00:27:13,001
But I would much rather
hang out with my friend Gaby.
323
00:27:13,001 --> 00:27:17,009
He always has great advice and
knows how to treat women.
324
00:27:17,009 --> 00:27:22,006
Gaby, say something to Amanda.
Something you know she wants to hear.
325
00:27:23,005 --> 00:27:26,005
Something poetic.
326
00:27:30,006 --> 00:27:33,006
I am a poor fool...
327
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,003
who breathes slowly...
328
00:27:40,001 --> 00:27:44,003
but I always enjoy life...
329
00:27:46,007 --> 00:27:50,000
and I am not lazy...
330
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,008
and if you want I'll go down
the well even if it smells like hell.
331
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,002
I fucked it up!
332
00:28:16,001 --> 00:28:19,006
Now, she'll never notice me.
333
00:28:20,003 --> 00:28:23,003
My life stinks!
334
00:28:25,003 --> 00:28:27,008
Dude, you drank too much.
335
00:28:27,008 --> 00:28:31,005
You couldn't say the password to
Amanda. Not every woman falls for that.
336
00:28:34,003 --> 00:28:36,007
What happened?
337
00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:38,008
He said the password to Amanda.
338
00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:43,005
Na! You dog, dude! That's awesome!
339
00:28:43,005 --> 00:28:46,005
You sai-- No, that's not right.
340
00:28:46,005 --> 00:28:49,000
But, dude, you were hitting it off
with another girl, what happened?
341
00:28:49,001 --> 00:28:51,004
Yeah, man. Don't make things
complicated for yourself.
342
00:28:51,004 --> 00:28:57,002
Dude, be like me. Look, I met her
here tonight, she's hammered...
343
00:28:57,002 --> 00:29:03,004
divorced, three kids. She's all
over the place, man. It’s a sure thing!
344
00:29:03,004 --> 00:29:05,000
Right, mamita?
345
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,005
And she knows the popola song!
Tell me this isn't a sure thing!
346
00:29:08,005 --> 00:29:18,005
Don't give me anymore cos my
popola hurts. Give me from behind...
347
00:29:19,002 --> 00:29:24,001
Forget about that! I am
condemned to loneliness.
348
00:29:25,002 --> 00:29:28,004
The woman I love rejected me!
349
00:29:28,009 --> 00:29:31,004
I'm gonna kill myself!
350
00:29:32,004 --> 00:29:33,008
Turn it on!
351
00:29:33,008 --> 00:29:37,000
-Turn it on!
-Come on, man, cut the crap!
352
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,004
You want me to tell you what
I think about that Amanda?
353
00:29:39,004 --> 00:29:41,004
She's a bitch!
354
00:29:41,004 --> 00:29:44,001
Without money you won’t
get anywhere.
355
00:29:44,001 --> 00:29:46,002
Fall for another one.
356
00:29:46,002 --> 00:29:49,002
And to top it off she slapped him.
357
00:29:49,002 --> 00:29:51,005
What!? No, man!
358
00:29:51,005 --> 00:29:55,008
You have to make them respect you!
You're a man! Men should be respected!
359
00:29:55,008 --> 00:30:01,001
These things never happened in the past! Back then
women were submissive and it was better that way!
360
00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:04,009
No woman will ever slap me!
361
00:30:04,009 --> 00:30:06,005
Shut up, you big lug!
362
00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:08,009
Bitch!
363
00:30:08,009 --> 00:30:12,005
-You'll see the big lug later, you hear me?
-Pig!
-You'll see the big lug later.
364
00:30:18,002 --> 00:30:22,008
Relax, Gaby. We'll think of something.
365
00:30:32,001 --> 00:30:35,001
Recording.
366
00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:37,003
Last night was a bust.
367
00:30:37,003 --> 00:30:41,005
Amanda hit me in the face for
telling her the password.
368
00:30:42,004 --> 00:30:47,000
I suppose I'll have to think of
another way to seduce her.
369
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,007
I don't know what it is about her
but I can't stop thinking about her...
370
00:30:53,005 --> 00:30:56,008
can't stop imagining her...
371
00:30:56,008 --> 00:30:59,008
can't stop wanting her.
372
00:31:01,002 --> 00:31:04,002
But...
373
00:31:04,002 --> 00:31:07,006
Today we're going camping to Guajataca Forest.
374
00:31:07,006 --> 00:31:11,002
It's supposed to be fun.
375
00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,006
I don't know. We'll see.
376
00:31:17,002 --> 00:31:23,000
But I definitely need a new plan.
377
00:31:34,009 --> 00:31:38,003
It's been a while since I came
in contact with nature.
378
00:31:38,003 --> 00:31:41,000
You come in contact with it
every day. You smoke it.
379
00:31:41,001 --> 00:31:43,005
Dude, I hate the outdoors.
380
00:31:43,005 --> 00:31:45,009
I hate insects and mosquitoes.
381
00:31:45,009 --> 00:31:48,001
And I'm tired, man.
382
00:31:48,001 --> 00:31:52,001
And to top it off I know as soon as I enter the
mountain my feet are gonna get riddled with twigs.
383
00:31:52,001 --> 00:31:54,001
Stuck over here.
384
00:31:55,008 --> 00:31:59,006
What you have to do is stop eating
so much and start losing weight.
385
00:31:59,009 --> 00:32:04,005
Dude, you should record Chicho on the trail
so he can hear how much he complains.
386
00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,008
I'll take out the camera!
387
00:32:59,007 --> 00:33:02,007
Look at that!
388
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,009
-They're dykes.
-You think?
389
00:33:06,009 --> 00:33:09,009
You want me to prove it?
390
00:33:09,009 --> 00:33:12,009
Hey, girls! How you doin'?
391
00:33:12,009 --> 00:33:15,009
Good. How's the water?
392
00:33:15,009 --> 00:33:18,009
It's good. Come on, jump in.
393
00:33:29,009 --> 00:33:33,002
Look at that! Now it's on!
394
00:33:33,002 --> 00:33:34,003
Wait, wait!
395
00:33:42,007 --> 00:33:45,007
Hey, it's your turn!
396
00:33:48,007 --> 00:33:50,006
Are there rocks in the bottom?
397
00:33:50,006 --> 00:33:54,000
No, come on, get in!
398
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,005
If something happens to me it's on you guys.
399
00:33:56,005 --> 00:33:58,006
Don't worry, we'll rescue you.
400
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,009
Something bit my boob!
401
00:34:28,009 --> 00:34:31,000
Fucking shit!
402
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,003
I'm outta here!
403
00:34:33,003 --> 00:34:36,006
I got bitten too! They're piranhas!
404
00:34:36,006 --> 00:34:38,007
They're piranhas!
405
00:34:38,007 --> 00:34:40,006
They're messing with us.
406
00:34:42,003 --> 00:34:45,003
Piranhas!
407
00:34:49,006 --> 00:34:56,000
Don't leave me! Please don't leave me!
408
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,000
-Come on!
-I can't get out of here!
409
00:35:14,007 --> 00:35:17,003
-What dumbasses.
-Oh, yeah.
410
00:35:17,003 --> 00:35:20,003
Suckers!
411
00:35:27,007 --> 00:35:31,008
You dumbasses shit your pants,
didn't you? I shit my pants.
412
00:35:32,004 --> 00:35:35,003
It's been a long time since I got
taken in like that by a woman.
413
00:35:36,001 --> 00:35:40,002
Those girls were dykes, you think they
were even remotely interested in men? Please!
414
00:35:46,008 --> 00:35:49,002
And Gaby? What's he up to?
415
00:35:49,002 --> 00:35:52,002
Gaby? Gaby's scared shitless, dude.
416
00:35:52,002 --> 00:35:55,007
He's scared of the goths and the
crazy bitches from the river.
417
00:35:56,007 --> 00:35:59,007
Gaby! Come here!
418
00:36:00,005 --> 00:36:03,005
Let me finish spraying flee in here!
419
00:36:04,006 --> 00:36:07,006
I don't want a centipede to bite me!
420
00:36:10,004 --> 00:36:15,001
Tonight is Ritual Night. That's
why they had the rooster.
421
00:36:15,001 --> 00:36:18,005
That's what I told Gaby.
422
00:36:18,005 --> 00:36:22,003
Hey, did they ever find those gringos
that disappeared here in Guajataca?
423
00:36:23,003 --> 00:36:26,003
They found them dead.
424
00:36:26,003 --> 00:36:30,007
Apparently for a Satanic ritual...
425
00:36:30,007 --> 00:36:33,002
by goths.
426
00:36:33,003 --> 00:36:35,008
Yeah, right. What a joke.
427
00:36:35,008 --> 00:36:37,007
I'm not gonna fall for that.
428
00:36:37,007 --> 00:36:40,007
Don't believe, but it's true.
429
00:36:41,002 --> 00:36:44,009
You guys just want to scare
me and I'm not falling for it.
430
00:36:44,009 --> 00:36:47,009
I imagine that's what the gringos thought.
431
00:36:49,005 --> 00:36:53,009
They didn't believe and in the morning
they were found hanging from their feet...
432
00:36:53,009 --> 00:36:56,009
without a single drop of blood.
433
00:36:57,009 --> 00:37:01,003
They peel them like chickens and roosters
434
00:37:01,003 --> 00:37:04,003
and then they cut their private parts.
435
00:37:09,003 --> 00:37:12,003
Who?
436
00:37:12,009 --> 00:37:15,000
The goths.
437
00:37:18,003 --> 00:37:20,009
You know I'm not falling for it, right?
438
00:37:20,009 --> 00:37:24,004
That's fine, don't believe. But
as Dave Chappelle says...
439
00:37:24,004 --> 00:37:27,004
"Night, night and keep you butthole tight."
440
00:37:31,005 --> 00:37:33,004
"Your butthole tight."
441
00:38:22,004 --> 00:38:25,007
Psst, psst. Hey, guys?
442
00:38:26,006 --> 00:38:29,006
Are you there?
443
00:38:34,006 --> 00:38:37,006
Stop messing around.
It's not funny anymore.
444
00:38:42,009 --> 00:38:45,009
RS, I'm scared ha--
445
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,003
You can come out now.
446
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,007
Chicho! Chicho, come out!
447
00:39:00,009 --> 00:39:03,009
Their agenda is to mess with me.
448
00:39:05,003 --> 00:39:07,005
But they'll see. They'll see.
449
00:39:07,005 --> 00:39:10,005
Where's the camera?
450
00:39:12,004 --> 00:39:14,009
I'm gonna turn the tables.
451
00:39:14,009 --> 00:39:17,009
This is gonna be the horror
scene for the movie.
452
00:39:47,002 --> 00:39:49,008
This is Fabio's shirt.
453
00:39:49,008 --> 00:39:52,002
They take me for a fool.
454
00:39:52,002 --> 00:39:55,002
But I'm going the right way.
455
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,001
Amanda?
456
00:40:36,001 --> 00:40:41,000
Tonight Satan will receive a double sacrifice!
457
00:40:42,005 --> 00:40:45,008
Why double?
458
00:40:45,008 --> 00:40:50,000
Double... because we will
sacrifice only these two.
459
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:54,000
The fat one we'll roast at the rod.
460
00:40:54,006 --> 00:40:57,006
What!? I told him to lose weight!
461
00:40:57,006 --> 00:41:00,006
This one...
462
00:41:05,001 --> 00:41:07,001
we'll cut off his dick!
463
00:41:07,001 --> 00:41:10,001
Dick for Satan! Dick for Satan!
464
00:41:11,003 --> 00:41:14,003
And this one...
465
00:41:14,003 --> 00:41:16,007
we'll also cut off his dick!
466
00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:19,007
Dick for Satan! Dick for Satan!
467
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,009
Oh, no, not now!
468
00:41:23,009 --> 00:41:25,005
Not now!
469
00:41:35,002 --> 00:41:37,003
Brothers...
470
00:41:37,003 --> 00:41:41,006
Tonight our sect will take
its second important step.
471
00:41:41,006 --> 00:41:44,006
First it was the gringos.
472
00:41:44,006 --> 00:41:47,009
And now, it's the native boricua's turn!
473
00:41:49,005 --> 00:41:53,003
We will cut off their dicks and burn them.
474
00:41:54,007 --> 00:41:58,007
And then we'll get high just for kicks.
475
00:41:59,009 --> 00:42:03,002
-Are you ready?
-We're ready!
476
00:42:03,007 --> 00:42:05,005
-What do we have for tonight?
477
00:42:05,005 --> 00:42:08,005
Dick for Satan! Dick for Satan!
478
00:42:11,008 --> 00:42:16,001
What do I do? What do I do?
479
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,000
There's somebody there! Get him!
480
00:42:39,007 --> 00:42:42,007
Don't come near me! I'm crazy! I have caca!
481
00:42:42,007 --> 00:42:46,004
Caca!
482
00:42:46,004 --> 00:42:47,004
I'm crazy!
483
00:42:47,004 --> 00:42:50,004
Gaby!
484
00:42:55,008 --> 00:42:58,003
Come on, we're leaving!
485
00:43:08,005 --> 00:43:11,004
RS! Come here.
486
00:43:11,004 --> 00:43:14,004
Look! It's Amanda.
487
00:43:14,004 --> 00:43:17,004
Yeah, she was camping here, too.
488
00:43:17,004 --> 00:43:21,000
That means I felt her presence last night.
489
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,007
That's why she was in my dream!
490
00:43:22,007 --> 00:43:24,005
And I bet you didn't bang
her in your dream.
491
00:43:24,005 --> 00:43:26,000
Nah, man.
492
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,003
I have to talk to her. I have to
talk to her. I'm going to talk to her.
493
00:43:29,003 --> 00:43:32,003
I'm gonna apologize.
494
00:43:32,003 --> 00:43:34,002
Man, you go.
495
00:43:34,002 --> 00:43:37,002
-Dude, forget about that woman!
-I can't!
496
00:43:37,008 --> 00:43:40,008
Come on. Please. Go. She's right there.
497
00:43:40,008 --> 00:43:44,003
Waiting for you. Come on. Go. Please?
498
00:43:44,003 --> 00:43:46,006
-You're pathetic, my friend.
-Well then go.
499
00:43:46,009 --> 00:43:48,009
Go, come on, she's right there.
500
00:43:48,009 --> 00:43:51,009
Please?
501
00:43:51,009 --> 00:43:55,006
Alright fine, I'll go! I'll go! You look like
you're about to have a heart attack.
502
00:44:04,007 --> 00:44:07,007
Well, look who's here.
503
00:44:07,007 --> 00:44:10,005
-How are you?
-Good.
504
00:44:10,005 --> 00:44:13,005
Girls, this is RS, the friend I told you about.
505
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:17,000
And is this the one that
goes down the well?
506
00:44:17,002 --> 00:44:20,002
No. That was his friend.
507
00:44:20,002 --> 00:44:23,000
That was Gaby. He was really wasted that time
508
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:26,007
and he's really ashamed. Also
he wanted to apologize to you.
509
00:44:26,007 --> 00:44:28,003
What are you doing today?
510
00:44:28,003 --> 00:44:31,009
-Aerobics, honey, remember.
-Oh, that's right. I have my aerobics class.
511
00:44:31,009 --> 00:44:33,002
Okay?
512
00:44:33,002 --> 00:44:37,005
But you can go. I mean if you'd like to.
513
00:44:37,005 --> 00:44:41,009
Because it's just a group of girlfriends in
leotards bending all the time and sweating.
514
00:44:42,008 --> 00:44:45,008
I have no problem with that.
515
00:44:46,009 --> 00:44:49,006
Here. Call me?
516
00:44:49,006 --> 00:44:51,003
I'll call you.
517
00:44:52,007 --> 00:44:56,008
You bitch! He's yummy.
518
00:44:57,006 --> 00:45:01,009
That one? That's one's going to be
my boyfriend. Good looking and rich.
519
00:45:01,009 --> 00:45:03,006
And, his friends?
520
00:45:03,006 --> 00:45:06,000
Oh, horrible! Look for yourself.
521
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:09,000
Ugly and vulgar.
522
00:45:10,005 --> 00:45:13,005
Yeah, I saw.
523
00:45:14,009 --> 00:45:16,004
What happened?
524
00:45:16,004 --> 00:45:17,004
I got you her number.
525
00:45:17,004 --> 00:45:21,001
Nah! You're kidding!
526
00:45:21,001 --> 00:45:24,001
You have some aerobics
clothes? You're gonna need them.
527
00:45:28,002 --> 00:45:32,000
1...2...3...4...
528
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:35,007
5...6...7...8
529
00:45:35,007 --> 00:45:42,004
2...3...4...5...6...7...8
530
00:45:48,003 --> 00:45:50,005
Wow...
531
00:45:50,005 --> 00:45:53,001
She's so beautiful!
532
00:45:53,001 --> 00:45:56,009
I prefer the instructor. She's hot.
533
00:45:58,001 --> 00:46:00,009
She's a bit older.
534
00:46:00,009 --> 00:46:03,009
Just the way I like them.
535
00:46:03,009 --> 00:46:07,001
I don't get you, sometimes.
536
00:46:07,001 --> 00:46:10,006
There are a lot of things you won't
get, my dear Spielberg wannabe.
537
00:46:10,006 --> 00:46:12,007
So go get changed.
538
00:46:12,007 --> 00:46:16,001
-Aren't you gonna get changed?
-Nah. I'll distract them.
539
00:46:16,001 --> 00:46:19,001
I'll take care of the instructor.
540
00:46:30,006 --> 00:46:35,005
Ven, nena, ven que te voy a regalar
un muñeco de cuero con la cabeza pelá.
541
00:46:35,005 --> 00:46:40,007
Ven, nena, ven que te tengo una cosita
con el cuerpo recto y la cabeza rosita.
542
00:46:40,007 --> 00:46:44,002
Que tu puedas jugar, que tu puedas trepar [...]
543
00:46:44,002 --> 00:46:47,002
Ra Ra Ra, se mueve.
544
00:46:48,001 --> 00:46:52,007
Perhaps what you need is some kind
of synthetic fertilizer or something.
545
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,008
Or would you prefer a bit of poop?
546
00:46:56,008 --> 00:47:00,000
Talk to me! Tell me! What can I do for you?
547
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,002
I know.
548
00:47:01,002 --> 00:47:06,003
They say too much of this stuff
can have its narcotic effect.
549
00:47:06,003 --> 00:47:10,000
I don't know. But let's try it out.
550
00:47:12,003 --> 00:47:17,001
Quiero amanecer con alguien.
551
00:47:17,001 --> 00:47:20,001
Amor de noche.
552
00:47:20,001 --> 00:47:22,009
Vendo una boca rosa.
553
00:47:22,009 --> 00:47:26,004
Que se quede el infinito [...]
554
00:47:34,008 --> 00:47:37,008
-What happened!?
-I'm gonna die!
555
00:47:37,008 --> 00:47:39,003
Why are you screaming like that!?
556
00:47:39,003 --> 00:47:42,003
A cockroach!
557
00:47:42,007 --> 00:47:46,000
You make yourself out to be a badass
tough guy and you're scared of a roach?
558
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,009
I don't care! Kill it!
559
00:47:47,009 --> 00:47:50,009
-I can't deal!
-Dumbass.
560
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,000
It's too tight.
561
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:13,003
Forget about that. Look, you're gonna
go in, go to the back and follow the routine.
562
00:48:13,003 --> 00:48:15,003
Okay?
563
00:48:16,006 --> 00:48:18,005
I can't do it.
564
00:48:18,005 --> 00:48:21,001
I don't want to hear that, okay!?
565
00:48:21,001 --> 00:48:24,001
Focus on your prey.
566
00:48:30,007 --> 00:48:33,007
Two...
567
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:41,006
Amanda, start with the Amazonic routine
568
00:48:43,001 --> 00:48:44,007
Alright, girls.
569
00:48:44,007 --> 00:48:56,005
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
570
00:48:56,008 --> 00:49:02,006
Hey, I have a question. What training do
you do to make your body look so...
571
00:49:03,002 --> 00:49:05,002
...fuckable?
572
00:49:11,008 --> 00:49:23,005
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
573
00:49:27,007 --> 00:49:30,007
Now we get up.
574
00:49:30,007 --> 00:49:33,007
We lie down.
575
00:49:37,009 --> 00:49:41,005
Contract and raise.
576
00:49:43,002 --> 00:49:46,002
Down.
577
00:49:46,005 --> 00:49:49,008
Contract and raise.
578
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,000
Down.
579
00:49:57,005 --> 00:50:00,005
Contract and raise.
580
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,009
Down.
581
00:50:06,005 --> 00:50:08,006
Wait a minute.
582
00:50:09,008 --> 00:50:12,001
What's your problem?
583
00:50:13,002 --> 00:50:16,008
Excuse me? I'm talking to
the only guy in the class.
584
00:50:16,008 --> 00:50:19,008
The one who turned away.
Turn around, please.
585
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:34,009
So, you married?
586
00:50:35,009 --> 00:50:40,006
Yes. My husband and I run the gym.
587
00:50:41,002 --> 00:50:43,004
And where's he?
588
00:50:43,004 --> 00:50:47,004
I don't know. I think he
went out for a while.
589
00:50:48,007 --> 00:50:52,003
-And if he catches us?
-He'll kill us.
590
00:50:52,003 --> 00:50:56,008
Both of us. Maybe only you.
591
00:50:56,008 --> 00:50:59,008
Not you?
592
00:51:00,003 --> 00:51:05,006
Maybe. He owes me one
and this is my revenge.
593
00:51:05,009 --> 00:51:08,000
Well...
594
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:12,003
The important thing here is that you cum.
595
00:51:14,002 --> 00:51:16,004
Turn around.
596
00:51:16,004 --> 00:51:17,007
I already turned around.
597
00:51:17,007 --> 00:51:20,007
No, no, no, no, the other way. Girls?
598
00:51:30,005 --> 00:51:33,005
That is not sweat.
599
00:51:34,006 --> 00:51:37,006
We have an early riser here!
600
00:51:38,008 --> 00:51:40,006
It can't be!
601
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:51,000
I know you enjoyed it.
602
00:51:51,006 --> 00:51:54,002
Is that what you think?
603
00:51:54,002 --> 00:51:57,002
Well, I can't go on.
604
00:51:57,002 --> 00:51:59,006
Besides you had an orgasm.
605
00:51:59,006 --> 00:52:01,009
Not at all, baby.
606
00:52:01,009 --> 00:52:04,009
A minute is not enough time.
607
00:52:05,004 --> 00:52:08,008
You should get yourself
checked out. It's kind of pathetic.
608
00:52:09,003 --> 00:52:12,007
That doesn't happen to my husband.
609
00:52:15,007 --> 00:52:18,007
-There she is!
-Oh, hey! You're here!
610
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,000
-Hey, all good?
-All good.
611
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,001
-Can I help you with something?
-No, thank you.
612
00:52:30,001 --> 00:52:32,007
I'm just here to pick up my friend Gaby.
613
00:52:32,007 --> 00:52:34,004
He was just here exercising.
614
00:52:34,004 --> 00:52:38,001
Awesome. Welcome to the
gym. If you need anything
615
00:52:38,001 --> 00:52:41,005
just ask and if I'm not here
my wife will service you.
616
00:52:41,009 --> 00:52:43,001
Yeah, thanks.
617
00:52:43,001 --> 00:52:45,004
-Are you looking to lose weight?
-Yeah.
618
00:52:45,005 --> 00:52:52,000
Look what I have here. The number one book
for losing weight in Puerto Rico '100% Fat Free.'
619
00:52:53,002 --> 00:52:57,005
So let's lose weight and get in
shape. Here, a gift for signing up.
620
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:01,000
-Thanks.
-Cool.
-Later.
-Let's get in shape!
621
00:53:01,002 --> 00:53:04,007
Chicho. Chicho, man wake up. Chicho!
622
00:53:04,007 --> 00:53:07,007
I'm a loser. I'm not gonna try
anymore, it's not worth it.
623
00:53:07,007 --> 00:53:09,001
What a bad trip, man.
624
00:53:11,007 --> 00:53:14,007
What's wrong with him?
625
00:53:14,007 --> 00:53:17,004
-A roach.
-What?
626
00:53:17,004 --> 00:53:22,000
He was taking a shower and he saw a roach and
apparently he's deathly afraid of them. He's catatonic.
627
00:53:22,006 --> 00:53:25,006
Chicho. Chicho, can you hear me?
628
00:53:25,006 --> 00:53:28,001
Trust me I've tried everything
and nothing works.
629
00:53:28,002 --> 00:53:32,000
-Slap him.
-We can't do that!
630
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,009
I don't know! Pinch a nipple.
631
00:53:33,009 --> 00:53:36,005
No. Let's take him to the hospital.
632
00:53:36,005 --> 00:53:38,006
And what will we say?
633
00:53:38,006 --> 00:53:42,002
"Doctor we have a patient here that's
been motionless since he saw a roach."
634
00:53:42,002 --> 00:53:45,002
They're gonna take one look
at us and say the guy's stoned
635
00:53:45,002 --> 00:53:48,004
and that he has a toy car stuck
up his ass like in Jackass.
636
00:53:48,004 --> 00:53:49,007
I know!
637
00:53:49,007 --> 00:53:51,003
Let's give him an enema.
638
00:53:51,003 --> 00:53:54,003
If you're gonna do that let me know because
I am not up for the sight of a hairy ass.
639
00:53:56,001 --> 00:53:59,008
Just what we needed! This
vacation has been a disaster!
640
00:53:59,008 --> 00:54:03,005
Everything's been going wrong!
Why don't we leave? We better leave.
641
00:54:03,005 --> 00:54:06,005
What's wrong? What's got you down, man?
642
00:54:06,005 --> 00:54:10,000
Man, I screwed up with Amanda again.
643
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,002
He got hard during the aerobics class.
644
00:54:12,002 --> 00:54:17,000
No. Not just that! Amanda
saw and exposed me.
645
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,000
-Damn!
-Pathetic!
646
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:20,005
Pathetic!
647
00:54:20,005 --> 00:54:23,005
Pathetic? I was having sex with the instructor
648
00:54:23,005 --> 00:54:25,001
and I came early.
649
00:54:25,001 --> 00:54:28,004
And she made fun of me. Now, that's pathetic!
650
00:54:28,004 --> 00:54:31,004
Does this have an expiration date? No, right?
651
00:54:31,004 --> 00:54:34,007
This vacation is disastrous.
652
00:54:34,007 --> 00:54:36,007
Disastrous like my girls.
653
00:54:36,007 --> 00:54:38,007
I can't seem to mix them with anything.
654
00:54:38,007 --> 00:54:40,006
They're dying on me.
655
00:54:41,002 --> 00:54:44,009
Fatty! Fatty! Don't you die on me too.
656
00:54:45,003 --> 00:54:48,006
What are we gonna do? We have
to take him to the hospital.
657
00:54:49,005 --> 00:54:52,005
We can take Chicho to the hospital.
658
00:54:52,005 --> 00:54:53,009
But they're not gonna cure him.
659
00:54:53,009 --> 00:54:56,009
Fabio needs a formula.
660
00:54:56,009 --> 00:54:59,009
I need some kind of remedy.
661
00:54:59,009 --> 00:55:01,009
And you...
662
00:55:01,009 --> 00:55:03,008
You need to be born again.
663
00:55:03,008 --> 00:55:08,001
There's only one person on
this earth that can help us.
664
00:55:09,002 --> 00:55:11,000
My Uncle John.
665
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:14,009
Your uncle John, who's that? Man, this is serious!
666
00:55:15,002 --> 00:55:17,006
Take it easy, man. You don't know him.
667
00:55:17,006 --> 00:55:21,000
Uncle John is the biggest son of a bitch you could ever meet.
668
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,002
Let's start with the fact that he's a Vietnam veteran.
669
00:55:24,002 --> 00:55:26,008
Second, he's a chemist.
670
00:55:26,008 --> 00:55:30,002
And third he has a harem.
671
00:55:30,002 --> 00:55:31,004
A harem?
672
00:55:31,004 --> 00:55:33,006
A harem, dude!
673
00:55:33,006 --> 00:55:36,006
The guy lives with his millionaire wife.
674
00:55:36,006 --> 00:55:40,001
Wo, by the way, let's him live
in the house with all his women.
675
00:55:40,001 --> 00:55:44,004
She works all day and he
does nothing. He does jack-shit.
676
00:55:44,009 --> 00:55:46,009
And he's a chemist.
677
00:55:46,009 --> 00:55:50,002
A Harvard graduated chemist.
678
00:55:50,002 --> 00:55:52,009
He enlisted for shits and giggles.
679
00:55:52,009 --> 00:55:55,008
As he puts it "to kill Chinamen."
680
00:55:55,008 --> 00:55:57,007
And the other women?
681
00:55:57,007 --> 00:56:01,004
There are like ten. Well at least
a year ago there were ten.
682
00:56:02,002 --> 00:56:05,005
How does he do it? That's
the question everyone asks
683
00:56:05,005 --> 00:56:07,006
and nobody knows the answer.
684
00:56:07,006 --> 00:56:09,001
You never asked?
685
00:56:09,001 --> 00:56:12,005
Like a thousand time.
But he's never told me.
686
00:56:12,006 --> 00:56:14,000
He doesn't like me.
687
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,004
Chicho, what should we do?
688
00:56:19,007 --> 00:56:23,009
First thing tomorrow morning,
we're going to my uncle's house.
689
00:56:23,009 --> 00:56:26,009
If there's someone on this
earth that can give us advice
690
00:56:26,009 --> 00:56:29,009
to stop being so pathetic, it's my uncle John.
691
00:56:30,004 --> 00:56:33,009
And if he doesn't resolve Chicho's
problem we go to the hospital.
692
00:56:33,009 --> 00:56:37,005
If you ask me I can solve
this with a slap in the face.
693
00:56:37,009 --> 00:56:40,006
You think he can help me with my experiments?
694
00:56:40,006 --> 00:56:43,006
Ask him it at your own
risk. He prefers opium.
695
00:56:43,006 --> 00:56:46,000
Opium!? Whoa.
696
00:57:12,004 --> 00:57:16,007
Husband, your nephew's here.
697
00:57:16,009 --> 00:57:21,001
-Hold it right there. Sit down.
698
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:36,008
Uncle, these are my friends. This is Chicho...
699
00:57:36,008 --> 00:57:38,002
Fabio...
700
00:57:38,002 --> 00:57:40,002
And Gaby.
701
00:57:40,002 --> 00:57:42,009
What's up with him?
702
00:57:42,009 --> 00:57:46,006
He's in shock. He's afraid of roaches.
703
00:57:46,006 --> 00:57:49,006
Bah! I had to eat them when
the Chinamen captured me.
704
00:57:51,003 --> 00:57:54,003
How can we help him?
705
00:57:54,003 --> 00:57:56,005
Slap him.
706
00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:58,000
That's what I said!
707
00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:01,004
No, man, not that!
We're not Barbarians!
708
00:58:02,006 --> 00:58:05,006
Is this the faggot of the group?
709
00:58:05,006 --> 00:58:07,005
The mascot.
710
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:13,000
Excuse me, what are you smoking?
711
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,002
This is opium. The girls like it.
712
00:58:19,008 --> 00:58:23,002
Well, what do you want?
Why are you here?
713
00:58:23,002 --> 00:58:27,002
We need some of your immense wisdom.
714
00:58:29,000 --> 00:58:32,000
Um, can you help us with fatty?
715
00:58:32,005 --> 00:58:35,001
Well, I would solve it with a
good slap in the face but
716
00:58:35,001 --> 00:58:36,009
but since the group faggot doesn't want that
717
00:58:36,009 --> 00:58:41,004
we'll have to apply a bit of Oriental Medicine.
718
00:58:42,003 --> 00:58:44,004
Sukiki!
719
00:58:45,003 --> 00:58:47,009
This is Sukiki, she's one of my favorites.
720
00:58:47,009 --> 00:58:50,009
I brought her over from China and therefore
knows everything about acupuncture...
721
00:58:50,009 --> 00:58:56,009
Tai Chi, Algebra, Jihad, The
Qur'an, the Kamasutra, Sexualism
722
00:58:56,009 --> 00:58:59,009
Lesbianism and all the culinary arts.
723
00:58:59,009 --> 00:59:02,009
Believe me, she can cure anything.
724
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:21,000
Observe.
725
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,000
I had a dream.
726
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:00,007
I dreamt that Puerto Rico was a plate of buffet
727
01:00:00,007 --> 01:00:03,005
and that the roach wanted to eat from the plate.
728
01:00:03,005 --> 01:00:06,002
But the red farmer sprayed him with flee
729
01:00:06,002 --> 01:00:08,009
and the Nazi roach died.
730
01:00:08,009 --> 01:00:14,009
Then I saw the titties and the red
farmer and I suckled on them.
731
01:00:16,008 --> 01:00:19,008
See? That's why she's one of my favorites.
732
01:00:19,008 --> 01:00:23,003
-He's cured!
-Incredible!
733
01:00:23,009 --> 01:00:25,007
Perhaps you could help me.
734
01:00:25,007 --> 01:00:31,000
The thing is that I grow weed and I'm always mixing
it with different substances but they keep dying.
735
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:33,008
And what I want to achieve is
736
01:00:33,008 --> 01:00:37,001
is a new species, an hallucinogenic species.
737
01:00:37,001 --> 01:00:38,004
Unique.
738
01:00:38,004 --> 01:00:42,009
Weed is for faggots and tree huggers.
739
01:00:42,009 --> 01:00:45,009
Here. Try this.
740
01:01:26,005 --> 01:01:28,006
Wow...
741
01:01:28,006 --> 01:01:31,001
This is amazing!
742
01:01:31,001 --> 01:01:34,006
I told you. There's nothing like it.
743
01:01:34,006 --> 01:01:38,004
I will give you one seed to start with. But...
744
01:01:38,004 --> 01:01:43,008
this is for personal use only. No profit.
If you do profit I want 20% cash.
745
01:01:45,005 --> 01:01:48,005
This is absurd! Can we go now?
746
01:01:49,002 --> 01:01:52,002
Uncle I wanted to ask you something, too. Um...
747
01:01:52,002 --> 01:01:55,002
What can I do to last longer?
748
01:01:55,008 --> 01:01:57,004
Last longer?
749
01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:59,000
Yeah, you know...
750
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:00,007
prolong myself.
751
01:02:00,007 --> 01:02:03,007
Well, you can smoke some of that before.
752
01:02:03,007 --> 01:02:06,007
Uncle, isn't there a less narcotic option?
753
01:02:07,001 --> 01:02:09,000
Try a finger up the hole.
754
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:12,000
-I don't know.
-It works, trust me.
755
01:02:14,001 --> 01:02:17,008
Well, Mr. John, it's been a
pleasure but we gotta go.
756
01:02:17,008 --> 01:02:19,005
Right? We're leaving?
757
01:02:19,005 --> 01:02:21,008
What's the hurry?
758
01:02:21,008 --> 01:02:24,004
You think I don't know
what your problem is?
759
01:02:24,004 --> 01:02:27,008
I used to be a shy pussy, too. There's
nothing to be ashamed of.
760
01:02:27,008 --> 01:02:29,009
I don't have a problem.
761
01:02:30,004 --> 01:02:33,001
He's in love.
762
01:02:33,001 --> 01:02:35,008
He's in love with a woman that
has humiliated him twice, already.
763
01:02:35,008 --> 01:02:39,003
Humiliated!? Twice!?
764
01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:44,009
Idiot! No woman should
ever humiliate a man!
765
01:02:44,009 --> 01:02:47,009
A woman's purpose is to
serve a man not humiliate him!
766
01:02:47,009 --> 01:02:50,006
-But--
-But nothing! This is the scepter!
767
01:02:50,007 --> 01:02:52,008
Symbol of the king's power!
768
01:02:52,008 --> 01:02:57,005
The queen is decorative. She's there to
serve and give birth not to humiliate.
769
01:02:57,005 --> 01:03:00,008
-She's full of herself.
-A snob, right?
770
01:03:00,008 --> 01:03:03,005
-No she's not!
-She is!
771
01:03:03,005 --> 01:03:06,005
Women like that make me sick!
772
01:03:07,007 --> 01:03:10,007
They don't treat me like that.
773
01:03:12,008 --> 01:03:15,008
Because I've discovered the solution.
774
01:03:15,008 --> 01:03:18,008
Really? What's the solution?
775
01:03:19,002 --> 01:03:21,002
Forget it!
776
01:03:22,003 --> 01:03:26,005
You're too young. Besides he
doesn't have what it takes.
777
01:03:26,005 --> 01:03:30,002
Uncle, Gaby is a poor wretched soul.
778
01:03:30,002 --> 01:03:33,002
You were a poor wretched soul
once but you found happiness.
779
01:03:33,002 --> 01:03:36,009
Don't deny this poor devil
the chance to be happy too.
780
01:03:36,009 --> 01:03:39,009
Don't help me so much.
781
01:03:39,009 --> 01:03:44,000
Mr. John, I am a firm believer that
we all have a purpose in this life.
782
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:47,003
Perhaps yours is to pass on the
scepter so your legacy may continue.
783
01:03:47,003 --> 01:03:52,004
So that your service in
Vietnam was not in vain.
784
01:03:52,004 --> 01:03:57,005
So that the knowledge only you posses
may not be lost once you are gone.
785
01:03:58,002 --> 01:04:03,003
Look at him. Look at him! Helping
him would cost you nothing.
786
01:04:04,004 --> 01:04:07,004
Tell us your trick...
787
01:04:08,009 --> 01:04:11,007
Alright. But you have to
promise one thing.
788
01:04:11,007 --> 01:04:13,004
Anything, uncle.
789
01:04:13,004 --> 01:04:16,009
-You never heard it from me.
-Never heard it from you.
790
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:20,008
-You'll never tell anyone.
-We'll never tell a soul.
791
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:25,006
Girls, leave us, please.
792
01:04:25,006 --> 01:04:28,006
I love you all equally.
793
01:04:34,003 --> 01:04:37,002
You need to look at life differently.
794
01:04:37,002 --> 01:04:40,008
All rebellious women have their weak spots.
795
01:04:40,008 --> 01:04:44,002
If you want to seduce a
woman who is smug and proud
796
01:04:44,002 --> 01:04:47,009
you have to be a man. You
have to have the balls to do it.
797
01:04:47,009 --> 01:04:49,008
Do what?
798
01:04:49,008 --> 01:04:52,002
You have to shit in her bed.
799
01:04:57,001 --> 01:04:59,008
What?
800
01:04:59,008 --> 01:05:01,009
Shit in her bed.
801
01:05:01,009 --> 01:05:06,003
-Are you serious?
-Yes. Totally.
802
01:05:06,003 --> 01:05:11,000
You make love to her and when
you're done you shit her bed.
803
01:05:11,007 --> 01:05:13,008
Never fails.
804
01:05:13,008 --> 01:05:16,009
That's disgusting!
805
01:05:17,005 --> 01:05:20,005
I knew it had to be something extreme.
806
01:05:21,002 --> 01:05:25,001
What do you mean "shit
her bed"? I don't get it.
807
01:05:26,002 --> 01:05:30,000
It'll probably take you some time to fully
understand it because you're still young.
808
01:05:30,005 --> 01:05:33,005
This is crazy! Mr. John,
809
01:05:33,005 --> 01:05:36,000
with all due respect
810
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,003
that whole "taking a bio brake on a woman's bed"
811
01:05:39,003 --> 01:05:43,009
is humiliating, degrading and not to mention disgusting!
812
01:05:43,009 --> 01:05:45,005
Exactly!
813
01:05:45,005 --> 01:05:48,005
That's the idea.
814
01:05:48,005 --> 01:05:51,001
It's a psychological game.
815
01:05:51,001 --> 01:05:56,003
A proud and pretentious woman is a
woman who thinks you don't deserve her.
816
01:05:56,003 --> 01:06:00,007
Therefore, taking a "bio break" in
a woman's bed after making love
817
01:06:00,007 --> 01:06:06,002
is like investing in her psyche. She'll be
angry, of course, and she'll hate you.
818
01:06:06,002 --> 01:06:09,006
But the trip from hate to love is a short one.
819
01:06:09,006 --> 01:06:12,006
And after two or three weeks
she'll start saying things like
820
01:06:12,006 --> 01:06:16,004
"but, why did he do it? I don't want him to
abandon me. I don't want him to ignore me."
821
01:06:17,005 --> 01:06:22,004
The poor thing will fall in love with you without
even realizing it. She will become your sexual slave.
822
01:06:22,004 --> 01:06:25,007
She will forgive everything. Believe me.
823
01:06:26,003 --> 01:06:28,000
Incredible.
824
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:31,000
How did you learn something so complex?
825
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:34,000
The Chinese culture is filled with mysteries.
826
01:06:35,002 --> 01:06:39,005
Well, I'm gonna pretend I never
heard all this madness, okay?
827
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:43,000
It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. John.
828
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:46,005
Remember! In order for it to work
two things need to happen.
829
01:06:46,005 --> 01:06:49,009
You need to get to her bed and
ignore her calls for three weeks.
830
01:06:49,009 --> 01:06:52,005
Do not answer her calls for anything!
831
01:06:52,005 --> 01:06:55,009
I will never do that to any woman! See ya!
832
01:06:56,002 --> 01:06:57,006
Uncle...
833
01:06:57,006 --> 01:06:59,005
does it really work?
834
01:06:59,005 --> 01:07:02,005
You have a better explanation
for everything you see?
835
01:07:08,003 --> 01:07:13,004
Is it me or did we just meet
the craziest guy on this island?
836
01:07:13,004 --> 01:07:16,000
Quite the contrary, I think he is a genius.
837
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:19,000
Damn, man, that whole thing
about shitting in someone's bed
838
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:20,008
that wouldn't work for me
839
01:07:20,008 --> 01:07:23,009
-because when I go to the toilet
what I leave is this hu--
-Shhhh!
840
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:27,002
Chicho, we already know, okay?
841
01:07:27,005 --> 01:07:31,002
Look, that Uncle John may seem crazy
842
01:07:31,002 --> 01:07:34,002
but he has everything very well calculated.
843
01:07:34,002 --> 01:07:37,008
I bet that if the millionaire wife leaves him
844
01:07:37,008 --> 01:07:42,001
she would surely have to pay him the alimony.
845
01:07:42,001 --> 01:07:45,001
That is if he doesn't keep
half of the fortune.
846
01:07:45,007 --> 01:07:50,002
And he has nine more women!
847
01:07:50,002 --> 01:07:53,006
That's what I call a solid life plan!
848
01:07:53,006 --> 01:07:55,007
I drink to that!
849
01:07:55,007 --> 01:08:00,009
To a solid life plan!
850
01:08:03,003 --> 01:08:06,003
I'm so wasted, dude.
851
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:08,005
I know, man!
852
01:08:08,005 --> 01:08:11,005
Gaby, man you drive 'cause seriously...
853
01:08:18,004 --> 01:08:23,006
Hey, hey assholes. Give me
your money or the car keys.
854
01:08:23,007 --> 01:08:27,000
What? Take this one.
855
01:08:27,004 --> 01:08:30,009
Don't get cute if you don't
want me to pop you, you hear?
856
01:08:31,004 --> 01:08:33,003
Wait, wait! I got one, too!
857
01:08:33,003 --> 01:08:36,003
It's not about going shopping
it's about carrying the bags!
858
01:08:37,001 --> 01:08:38,007
Wait, wait, wait.
859
01:08:38,007 --> 01:08:44,004
"Just because the dogs are under the car
doesn't mean they're mechanics, dude."
860
01:08:44,004 --> 01:08:47,004
Shut your mouths our I'll
pop you! The money! Hurry!
861
01:08:47,004 --> 01:08:48,008
Give me the money! Give me the money, man!
862
01:08:48,008 --> 01:08:50,002
Take it easy...
863
01:08:50,002 --> 01:08:53,002
Look, I have the money here. Take it...
864
01:08:53,002 --> 01:08:55,004
Don't shoot us. Don't shoot us, please.
865
01:08:55,004 --> 01:08:58,004
Dude, take the money
but if you want the car...
866
01:08:58,004 --> 01:09:00,001
take this one.
867
01:09:00,001 --> 01:09:02,008
I'm the one in charge here, you hear me dumbass?
868
01:09:02,008 --> 01:09:06,003
And I'll take whatever I want.
So shut up or I'll pop you all!
869
01:09:06,003 --> 01:09:08,003
Calm, calm, calm.
870
01:09:08,003 --> 01:09:10,009
You want opium, my friend?
We can pay you with opium.
871
01:09:10,009 --> 01:09:12,006
I look like a junkie to you?
872
01:09:12,006 --> 01:09:14,004
Actually yeah, you do.
873
01:09:14,004 --> 01:09:17,000
I'll tell you something, fatty.
You don't wanna mess with me.
874
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:19,005
You don't know who you're
messing with. So shut your mouth
875
01:09:19,006 --> 01:09:22,002
if you don't wanna wake up with lead in your mouth, you hear?
876
01:09:22,002 --> 01:09:26,009
Chicho, shut up 'cause the kid's
nervous and he's gonna "pop" us.
877
01:09:26,009 --> 01:09:28,003
Nervous, my balls!
878
01:09:28,003 --> 01:09:30,007
I'm gonna pop the shit out of this pig!
879
01:09:30,007 --> 01:09:32,009
And hurry up and give me the keys 'cause I gotta go!
880
01:09:32,009 --> 01:09:34,009
-My friend--
-I'm not your friend!
881
01:09:34,009 --> 01:09:36,009
The money and the keys, coño!
882
01:09:36,009 --> 01:09:41,000
Don't you people know how to add?
Four minus three equals the cangri!
883
01:09:42,001 --> 01:09:45,005
Evidently the reggueton music
has marked his life considerably.
884
01:09:47,008 --> 01:09:51,000
What would uncle John do?
885
01:10:39,005 --> 01:10:42,005
That's enough!
886
01:10:42,009 --> 01:10:46,005
I am upset and I can't take it anymore!
887
01:10:47,004 --> 01:10:50,004
I am so so upset that I
want to get even with you!
888
01:10:52,004 --> 01:10:57,004
So if i were you I would go home, now!
889
01:10:57,004 --> 01:11:00,004
You hear!?
890
01:11:00,004 --> 01:11:04,003
Gaby, you did what uncle John would do.
891
01:11:05,009 --> 01:11:08,009
Uncle John can suck my dick, too!
892
01:11:09,001 --> 01:11:12,001
So let's go!
893
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:23,008
The kid has finally grown some balls.
894
01:12:51,002 --> 01:12:52,007
Recording.
895
01:12:52,007 --> 01:12:56,002
Well, I am taking control of my life.
896
01:12:56,002 --> 01:12:59,009
In truth? I feel much better.
897
01:12:59,009 --> 01:13:04,008
You can't always be the good guy.
Sometimes in life you have to be rough.
898
01:13:04,008 --> 01:13:10,001
Amanda? Bah! I don't even think
about her anymore. I don't care.
899
01:13:10,001 --> 01:13:11,006
She's not worth it.
900
01:13:11,006 --> 01:13:15,002
I am going to go seduce another
woman. Or perhaps more.
901
01:13:16,007 --> 01:13:19,007
In fact someone will come
to pick me up soon.
902
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,003
They're here!
903
01:13:24,003 --> 01:13:27,003
I'm out. Keep you posted.
904
01:13:29,001 --> 01:13:32,009
Gaby! I'm in the bathroom! Go see who's downstairs!
905
01:13:33,006 --> 01:13:35,004
It's for me!
906
01:13:35,004 --> 01:13:38,004
And bring me toilet paper!
907
01:13:58,009 --> 01:14:02,003
Hello. Is RS in?
908
01:14:03,003 --> 01:14:06,003
Yeah... No...
909
01:14:08,008 --> 01:14:10,009
Who's asking?
910
01:14:10,009 --> 01:14:12,008
Amanda.
911
01:14:12,008 --> 01:14:15,008
RS!
912
01:14:16,009 --> 01:14:19,009
There's someone here for you!
913
01:14:23,009 --> 01:14:25,009
He's not in?
914
01:14:25,009 --> 01:14:29,005
Apparently not. Call him on his cel if you want.
915
01:14:29,005 --> 01:14:32,008
-I'm sorry, I have to go.
-No! No, wait.
916
01:14:32,008 --> 01:14:35,002
Do I know you from somewhere?
917
01:14:35,002 --> 01:14:38,005
-I don't think so.
-What's your name?
918
01:14:38,005 --> 01:14:40,004
Gabriel...
919
01:14:40,004 --> 01:14:43,000
Gabriel Fonalledas.
920
01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:45,004
Fonalledas?
921
01:14:45,004 --> 01:14:48,007
At your service. Good afternoon.
922
01:15:10,004 --> 01:15:13,006
Hello there, sweetheart.
Looking for someone?
923
01:15:13,006 --> 01:15:16,009
Yeah, but I found him.
924
01:15:16,009 --> 01:15:19,009
Could you do me a favor?
925
01:15:19,009 --> 01:15:22,006
-I think you could do me the favor.
-I'm sorry?
926
01:15:22,006 --> 01:15:26,008
Eh, nothing. Tell me. What's
up? What do you need?
927
01:15:27,009 --> 01:15:31,000
What does Gabriel Fonalledas do for a living?
928
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,003
Gabriel?
929
01:15:33,003 --> 01:15:36,003
Oh, Gabriel!
930
01:15:36,003 --> 01:15:38,005
Who's Gabriel?
931
01:15:38,005 --> 01:15:42,005
Gabriel is a famous director,
very important here in Puerto Rico.
932
01:15:42,005 --> 01:15:45,008
He only works with the best.
933
01:15:45,008 --> 01:15:48,007
Anything else?
934
01:15:48,007 --> 01:15:51,005
Director? Not bad.
935
01:15:51,005 --> 01:15:54,009
-Could you give me his number?
-Of course.
936
01:15:54,009 --> 01:15:57,009
Next week I will be meeting
up Steven Spielberg.
937
01:15:58,008 --> 01:16:01,000
-Give me a second.
-Yes, yes.
938
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,004
-Hello?
-Dude!
939
01:16:03,004 --> 01:16:05,007
You'll never guess what just happened.
940
01:16:05,007 --> 01:16:09,000
No, I won't. Tell me.
941
01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:12,000
Amanda just asked me for your number!
942
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:15,008
Oh, yeah? Seriously? Why?
943
01:16:15,008 --> 01:16:18,004
She was intrigued by you!
944
01:16:18,004 --> 01:16:21,001
Dude, like she didn't know you!
945
01:16:21,001 --> 01:16:23,009
I think she really didn't recognize me.
946
01:16:23,009 --> 01:16:25,007
Well that's for the best.
947
01:16:25,007 --> 01:16:28,007
-What?
-Man, that helps you!
948
01:16:28,007 --> 01:16:31,009
I told her you were a famous filmmaker.
949
01:16:31,009 --> 01:16:35,007
Without a doubt, any minute now
she's gonna give you a call.
950
01:16:35,007 --> 01:16:38,002
-You think?
-Of course!
951
01:16:42,007 --> 01:16:45,001
Chicho give me a second I
have a call on the other line.
952
01:16:45,001 --> 01:16:47,001
Alright, alright.
953
01:16:49,008 --> 01:16:52,003
-Good afternoon?
-Gabriel?
954
01:16:52,003 --> 01:16:54,009
-Yes.
-It's Amanda.
955
01:16:54,009 --> 01:16:57,009
-Yeah I know.
-I'm sorry?
956
01:16:58,005 --> 01:17:01,000
Wha-- wh-- Which Amanda?
957
01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:05,000
I'm RS's friend. I met you this
morning at the summer house.
958
01:17:05,004 --> 01:17:08,000
Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.
959
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:12,001
It's just that we didn't have time to talk much.
960
01:17:12,001 --> 01:17:15,004
I was just in a hurry.
961
01:17:16,001 --> 01:17:22,002
I can imagine. A filmmaker as
renowned as yourself must be very busy.
962
01:17:22,002 --> 01:17:24,006
Filmmaker?
963
01:17:24,006 --> 01:17:27,000
Yes, well, of course.
964
01:17:27,000 --> 01:17:31,007
You know, I'm a model and an actress.
965
01:17:31,007 --> 01:17:35,006
Oh, yeah? That's nice, I didn't know.
966
01:17:35,006 --> 01:17:41,000
Would you like to go get some coffee?
I mean, if you're not too busy.
967
01:17:41,000 --> 01:17:45,005
Okay. That sounds good.
968
01:17:45,005 --> 01:17:48,007
Tomorrow at three?
969
01:17:48,007 --> 01:17:52,000
-Yes, that works.
-Perfect.
970
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:54,003
Then I'll pick you up.
971
01:17:54,003 --> 01:17:56,002
Super.
972
01:17:56,002 --> 01:17:58,001
See you tomorrow.
973
01:17:58,001 --> 01:18:00,001
Sure.
974
01:18:01,005 --> 01:18:06,000
See? My path to Hollywood is
becoming shorter every day.
975
01:18:06,000 --> 01:18:10,006
Hollywood? With that idiot face
of his? I've never even heard of him.
976
01:18:10,006 --> 01:18:13,008
Oh, come on, hello? All
directors have idiot faces.
977
01:18:13,008 --> 01:18:15,006
Haven't you ever seen Tarantino?
978
01:18:15,006 --> 01:18:18,000
But I don't care. I could see his style.
979
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:21,000
He's sophisticated and very professional.
980
01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:25,002
But I don't know. His face
does seem familiar, though.
981
01:18:29,004 --> 01:18:34,000
Finally! Tomorrow I will meet my diva.
982
01:18:35,002 --> 01:18:38,005
-I love her!
-I don't know what you see in her. She's a bitch.
983
01:18:38,005 --> 01:18:40,006
And an opportunist.
984
01:18:40,006 --> 01:18:44,006
I don't know what it is but she drives me crazy.
985
01:18:44,007 --> 01:18:49,000
You're gonna be disappointed in the end. Write that down.
986
01:19:01,001 --> 01:19:04,001
Chicho!
987
01:19:04,006 --> 01:19:08,002
You fat fuck! Wake up!
988
01:19:10,009 --> 01:19:13,008
Chicho!
989
01:19:15,005 --> 01:19:18,007
Chicho open the door!
990
01:19:23,006 --> 01:19:26,000
The fuck is that!?
991
01:19:29,000 --> 01:19:32,000
Chicho!
992
01:19:34,003 --> 01:19:37,003
-Chicho!
-Oh, damn! The popola!
993
01:19:41,006 --> 01:19:45,009
Look here, faggy. Go get that fat friend of yours
994
01:19:45,009 --> 01:19:50,009
and tell him his woman is here and
that I'm pregnant, you hear me?
995
01:19:50,009 --> 01:19:55,001
Tell him to get up!
996
01:19:57,000 --> 01:20:03,001
Hey, sweetcake! Your girl's out
there and she's fucking crazy!
997
01:20:05,003 --> 01:20:08,004
Dude, get up. Your friend is out there.
998
01:20:08,004 --> 01:20:11,004
What the fuck is wrong with that bitch?
999
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:14,007
She says she's pregnant.
1000
01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:19,006
Oh, for the love of God! Please,
I can't impregnate. Ignore her, she's drunk.
1001
01:20:19,006 --> 01:20:22,004
What you're gonna do is get up! She's out there!
1002
01:20:22,004 --> 01:20:25,004
Ignore her. Forget about it, man!
I'm not going out there so go to sleep.
1003
01:20:25,004 --> 01:20:27,009
She's gonna be screaming all night!
1004
01:20:27,009 --> 01:20:30,008
-You're gonna have to do something!
-Tell her I left with Ivy Queen.
1005
01:20:30,008 --> 01:20:33,008
That'll piss her off. Tell her I went like this...
1006
01:20:35,005 --> 01:20:39,009
Chicho!
1007
01:20:52,003 --> 01:20:54,000
Oh...
1008
01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:56,000
Fatal Attraction.
1009
01:20:56,001 --> 01:20:59,000
Yeah, man.
1010
01:21:03,005 --> 01:21:06,006
Relax. This bait will work, you'll see.
1011
01:21:07,003 --> 01:21:11,004
We've been here two hours. The only
thing we're gonna catch is insulation.
1012
01:21:12,007 --> 01:21:14,004
And quite the high...
1013
01:21:15,002 --> 01:21:18,005
Hey, you think Gaby's changed too much?
1014
01:21:19,005 --> 01:21:20,009
Quite.
1015
01:21:20,009 --> 01:21:24,006
Gaby's been like when a little
boy's balls drop for the first time.
1016
01:21:25,001 --> 01:21:26,008
What?
1017
01:21:26,008 --> 01:21:29,000
You know.
1018
01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:32,002
When you're a baby you have your
balls like up here, in the garage.
1019
01:21:33,002 --> 01:21:35,008
I don't know what the scientific
term is, exactly but
1020
01:21:35,008 --> 01:21:38,008
as you grow up they...
1021
01:21:38,008 --> 01:21:41,008
they go down.
1022
01:21:42,002 --> 01:21:45,000
Gaby's balls are lowering right now.
1023
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:48,003
-So, what you're saying is that Gaby's maturing?
-Yes.
1024
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:51,007
He can't be a pussy for the rest of his life.
1025
01:21:51,007 --> 01:21:54,009
Seems he got tired of being picked on all the time.
1026
01:21:54,009 --> 01:21:57,002
It's possible.
1027
01:21:57,002 --> 01:21:59,005
Man, we're not gonna catch anything here.
1028
01:21:59,005 --> 01:22:03,005
Fuck it. Summer's almost
over and I'm not leaving here
1029
01:22:03,005 --> 01:22:05,007
until I catch a mermaid.
1030
01:22:10,007 --> 01:22:12,009
This is bad...
1031
01:22:38,006 --> 01:22:41,004
Aha! You've been ignoring me!
1032
01:22:41,004 --> 01:22:44,000
-Wait, come by later--
-No, no, no, not later.
1033
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:45,006
You and I are going to talk now!
1034
01:22:45,006 --> 01:22:49,006
-You knock me up and now you're ignoring me!?
-That's not possible! I can't knock up!
1035
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:52,006
-What do you mean you can't knock up?
The Holy Spirit didn't do it!
-Gaby!
1036
01:22:52,006 --> 01:22:55,002
Well then start looking elsewhere
because I can't knock up!
1037
01:22:58,005 --> 01:23:00,006
Gaby!
1038
01:23:00,006 --> 01:23:03,006
You're an insect!
1039
01:23:27,000 --> 01:23:31,005
Tell me about your projects.
What's your next movie about?
1040
01:23:31,005 --> 01:23:34,005
Well, I'm still writing it.
1041
01:23:34,009 --> 01:23:36,009
That's nice. You know...
1042
01:23:36,009 --> 01:23:40,002
I've never had the opportunity to star in a movie.
1043
01:23:40,002 --> 01:23:42,004
Of course, I still haven't been discovered.
1044
01:23:42,004 --> 01:23:45,004
Well, I would love it if you starred in mine.
1045
01:23:45,004 --> 01:23:47,007
-Really?
-Really.
1046
01:23:47,007 --> 01:23:51,003
But, I don't know. I wouldn't want
to take advantage of our friendship.
1047
01:23:51,003 --> 01:23:55,008
No, no, no, not at all. I'd really love it.
1048
01:23:55,008 --> 01:23:58,008
I think you'd be perfect.
1049
01:24:12,009 --> 01:24:17,005
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disrespect
you. I just got carried away.
1050
01:24:18,005 --> 01:24:21,001
I've wanted that for a long time.
1051
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:25,008
What? But we just met.
1052
01:24:28,007 --> 01:24:32,008
Amanda, I have a confession to make.
1053
01:24:37,007 --> 01:24:39,008
We've already met.
1054
01:24:39,008 --> 01:24:41,005
What?
1055
01:24:41,005 --> 01:24:45,009
Yeah well I'm Gaby, remember?
1056
01:24:47,009 --> 01:24:50,009
"I'll go down the well even if it smells"?
1057
01:24:53,000 --> 01:24:56,006
I see. I knew you looked familiar.
1058
01:24:57,003 --> 01:25:00,003
Please forgive me.
1059
01:25:00,003 --> 01:25:02,008
So you're an actor, too!
1060
01:25:02,008 --> 01:25:06,008
And you've been offering me starring
roles in your movies and everything!
1061
01:25:07,006 --> 01:25:09,009
I don't know what to say. I feel so stupid!
1062
01:25:09,009 --> 01:25:11,009
Don't you get it?
1063
01:25:11,009 --> 01:25:14,003
I'm in love with you.
1064
01:25:14,003 --> 01:25:17,002
I've been in love with you for a long time.
1065
01:25:17,003 --> 01:25:20,007
I just didn't have the guts to say it.
1066
01:25:20,007 --> 01:25:22,008
Then why did you act like an idiot?
1067
01:25:22,008 --> 01:25:25,003
It was all a mistake. I screwed up, I know.
1068
01:25:25,003 --> 01:25:29,005
But I want to start over. I want
us to get to know each other.
1069
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:33,000
And I'm so dense I believed
everything you told me!
1070
01:25:33,000 --> 01:25:36,004
I don't know what to say. I feel so used.
1071
01:25:36,004 --> 01:25:38,001
Don't say that!
1072
01:25:38,001 --> 01:25:42,002
I really do think you have talent. And I
really do want you to star in my movie.
1073
01:25:42,006 --> 01:25:45,002
In fact I've met Steven Spielberg.
1074
01:25:45,008 --> 01:25:49,007
-Seriously!?
-Yeah! I have the picture here, look.
1075
01:26:12,005 --> 01:26:14,002
Should we go?
1076
01:26:14,003 --> 01:26:17,002
You go. Enjoy.
1077
01:26:36,003 --> 01:26:38,004
I'm intrigued.
1078
01:26:38,004 --> 01:26:41,004
What do you do to make your bodies look so...
1079
01:26:41,004 --> 01:26:43,005
fuckable?
1080
01:27:08,004 --> 01:27:11,004
This shit's gonna make me a millionaire!
1081
01:27:12,008 --> 01:27:16,000
Come swim with me.
1082
01:27:16,000 --> 01:27:18,003
You have clothes down there?
1083
01:27:18,003 --> 01:27:21,003
We mermaids don't wear clothes.
1084
01:27:23,004 --> 01:27:26,007
Nah, I don't believe you're a mermaid.
1085
01:27:27,001 --> 01:27:28,006
Don't believe me, then.
1086
01:27:28,006 --> 01:27:30,003
Fine, I won't believe you.
1087
01:27:30,003 --> 01:27:32,002
Come and make sure.
1088
01:27:33,004 --> 01:27:35,003
Let's go!
1089
01:27:39,002 --> 01:27:42,002
Wait for me!
1090
01:27:46,000 --> 01:27:47,008
Wait for me!
1091
01:27:50,004 --> 01:27:52,003
Wait for me!
1092
01:28:06,004 --> 01:28:09,008
Take off your clothes while I slip
into something more comfortable.
1093
01:28:48,008 --> 01:28:53,001
You better enjoy it because this is a one time thing.
1094
01:28:53,001 --> 01:28:56,007
I mean, business is business.
1095
01:28:57,005 --> 01:29:02,001
And I have to make sure that you'll
give me the leading role in your movie.
1096
01:29:02,001 --> 01:29:06,004
Maybe for you this is important
because you're in love.
1097
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:09,004
But you're not my only suitor.
1098
01:29:10,002 --> 01:29:13,005
Nor are you the first director I sleep with.
1099
01:29:13,005 --> 01:29:17,008
So enjoy it while it lasts.
1100
01:30:05,008 --> 01:30:08,008
Gabriel!
1101
01:30:25,009 --> 01:30:29,000
Man, this bitch gonna keep calling?
1102
01:30:29,008 --> 01:30:32,008
What did you do to her?
1103
01:31:01,005 --> 01:31:03,009
One week later...
1104
01:31:12,006 --> 01:31:14,009
Two week later...
1105
01:31:17,001 --> 01:31:18,007
I hate you.
1106
01:31:19,004 --> 01:31:21,007
Three weeks later...
1107
01:31:26,003 --> 01:31:31,001
I love you.
78717
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