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Let's see how this goes.

What's this?

God, I am covered in blood.

Bloody hell, what a cut.

These things always happen to me.

My God.

Even my nose is dripping.

Enough already.

She's asleep.

Everyone is asleep, except me.

Let's have a cigarette. Can't do without them.

Here are more. Good.

Can't do without 'em.

A cigarette,

another cigarette.

I'm not looking after myself.

All for me.

Jesus, even my stomach is rumbling.

Even my stomach is rumbling.

One of these days, Carmina...

is going to explode.

Carmina will explode and to hell with everything.

Carmina.

CARMINA OR BLOW UP

My name is Carmina.

I am 58 years old.

I smoked my first cigarette when I was seven.

Because I used to spend a lot of time with my grandfather,

who smoked a terrible amount.

He would get very sad when he ran out of tobacco.

He was always holding his tobacco pouch to see if it was full or empty.

And I noticed, so I would go with my grandfather to the bus stops.

"Granddad, let's go, we're going to take the..."

I would pick up the butts, open them and fill up the pouch.

When it was full to the brim I would say,

"Granddad, now that you're happy" and I would take one.

"This one is for me, OK?"

He said OK, and I smoked them at 7 years of age.

The two of us were so happy.

Him with the pouch, me with the butt.

One month ago

We have a bar.

A month ago they robbed us.

Other times we've been robbed they took insignificant things:

the cash register, the slot machine,

things that didn't really matter.

But this time they have really ruined us.

They have fucked us over. They left us in the shit.

They have taken the entire lot of cured ham that we bought.

They didn't even break in. I don't know, but it's all gone.

All I could think about was

how was I going to organize my Cristina's communion?

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Good morning.

What are you saying? My insurance doesn't cover this?

Look, Carmina, as I said, since no lock was broken,

they must have had keys, what else could have happened?

How could they have keys, I'm the only one with a key!

Then you mustn't have closed the blinds or locked a door.

It's as if you had left your car open with the keys inside,

it gets stolen and then you want the insurance to pay.

This is negligence on your part.

Fuck, negligence on my part.

Before, because my payments weren't up to date.

Now, because of my negligence.

Summing up, I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

I'm always the one missing out.

You told me about the ham. I'm here and I see no ham.

It's not that I don't believe you, but I've seen all kinds of things.

So have I.

For fuck's sake. I'm broke.

I didn't expect this, you know.

I did really not expect this.

This leaves me high and dry.

I do not know what I will do now.

I really don't know what bloody way I will go now.

What do I have insurance for then?

I always get shit,

for one reason or another. What the hell do I do now.

What the hell do I do know.

No ham to sell, nothing to sell. Just olives.

As if my clients were birds, for fuck's sake.

How am I going to sell anything?

What do I do, bury myself?

With my Juanito Villa, who instead of helping me just goes to sleep.

My daughter is unemployed now, too.

Another mouth to feed, unemployed.

Instead of helping me, she's just a pain in the ass.

My name is Maria.

I am twenty two

and I have no qualifications.

I didn't study, I just didn't go down that road.

The clubs, the boys, that's what teenagers think about.

What's a girl going to want,

to pick up a book?

All I wanted were cigarettes...

I have a 4 years old girl, my Marina.

A young, single mother. A modern mum.

I worked for a long time in an upmarket clothes store,

without any studies at all, just a document from school,

you know, the diploma.

You see, I'm just like my mother. I'm a go-getter.

When I don't know something, I don't worry about it.

Later I worry about it at home.

When I close my eyes at night, I remember and I worry.

But... on the spur of the moment I'm not afraid.

Boom, forwards. I inherited that.

I went to meet Jesus Pasion, who would be my boss.

I was only a young silly thing.

Silly thing, with those trousers...

Since I was small, I've always wanted to look like I was grown up.

I had the most expensive clothes...

I would go to highstreet stores and buy grown up clothes

that had to be taken in, the trousers at the sides, straps...

So that it would fit me.

Besides, I've always been tiny.

I had a tiny waist and everything was always big on me.

I mean, on top of that, I wanted to look grown up.

I went with those trousers, I will never forget that interview...

They hired me.

They put me in charge of shirts.

I sold a lot, especially to men.

I sold shirts like hot cakes.

And suits for the flamenco fair since the shop was in that area.

"Maria, listen, I need a suit for the opening day of the fair."

I used to tell them, "I've got one in the back for you".

Lies. I had suits for everyone.

I sold a lot.

I got loads of commission.

But, you know, jealousy and all that.

I trust people too much.

They fired me from the store because of a jealous workmate.

That bitch.

Then I wanted to work in clubs.

But my mother said no. She made me help her in the bar.

Right now we are having a streak of really bad luck...

A streak of really bad luck...

My father... My father.

My mother never complains, the poor thing.

We're having a rough streak now,

because the bar has been robbed two or three times, but, you know,

one after the other.

Yes, again.

Again.

They didn't leave anything.

Who is that?

Susi, Mum, who else would it be?

It was my father's fault. He closed the bar yesterday.

He left the door open, the drunk.

Your father doesn't drink anymore. He's in therapy.

- My father doesn't drink? No... - No, he does not.

He doesn't drink, he dances, that's all.

Marina, come here sweetheart, don't get in the way of the cars.

Come here with your mother and your Grandma.

- Hello. - What happened with the insurance?

What was going to happen? As always. We lost.

- We didn't get paid. - What a pity.

See you later, thanks.

Oh, my little girl.

I'll let you know how we solve this mess.

Everything has a solution, shut up already.

Let's see if I can talk to you now.

She's fine. She's here giving our girl kisses.

Our girl has no fault in all this.

You should see her hands...

No cream, no, they are completely raw.

It looks like she had killed a pig.

Well, yes. That's from all her praying.

- Have I told you about her rituals? - Go over to Granddad, love.

- It's really cold out here. - She has an altar set up.

You're so funny. Don't joke about these things.

I have so much faith that all I ask for I receive, so...

Well, you can start asking, because with all this...

Don't worry, I will.

I'll ask all my saints: St. Jude Thaddeus, St. Rita...

St. Gaetan, St. Expedite, Friar Leopold...

- She asks all of them. - I ask every last one.

They'll give it to me, you just wait and see.

She says her saints will give her that.

Because I will ask for it. Listen.

Hang up so we can talk.

Susi, fuck sake, hang up!

She wants me to hang up on you.

- You are so cheeky. - What are you doing, Mum?

- What am I doing? - Why did you hit me?

You're messing about...

You like hitting people too much.

Too much.

- Bitch, that hurt, you know. - You hurt me too.

She's nastier than a trapped cat, Susi.

Stupid girl. That hurt, you know?

So did that slap, what did you slap me for?

- What was that for? - Hang up already.

She's jealous.

You're jealous that I have friends and that I talk to them.

Go to hell.

She's jealous of me.

Oh, so jealous...

Poor wretch!

Come to the bar.

Wear a nun costume, and we can all pray by the door.

She will be beautiful, we could hang a painting of her.

Bitch.

I want to see this nun costume. What a bitch.

- Go on then, look for a costume. - Hang up, Susi, now.

Alright.

Goodbye.

Thank God, all day long with your mobile.

Listen, I'm thinking of going to the ham suppliers.

I'm going to place an order, a huge order, so they won't suspect.

- And then with the profits... - What profits, Mum?

From the sales. At Christmas everything sells.

We pay it off. And if not, with my rituals...

The saints have never let me down.

- Fuck sake, remember that. - So your saints are going to solve it.

Whoever. You have to have faith.

- Yeah, faith. - Don't laugh, you bitch.

You and Susi will sort it between the two of you.

Since you don't help me...

You'll end up like St. Fuck,

you'll take it up your front side and your back.

I made the order, of course I did. Why wouldn't I...

And besides, I've known that man for a long time

and I know that his ham is very good.

The problem was that at that time I couldn't pay for any of it.

Mari Fe has woken up.

Are you hungry?

Are you hungry?

Look how she's looking at me. Maybe she's hungry.

I'm a very brave woman, a go-getter.

But, also, a lot of the time, when I'm alone I get very scared.

I get very scared of death, too.

I think about death a lot.

I hardly ever go to the cemetery because I shit myself with fear.

Once a year, on all saints day,

I go to clean my parent's graves.

They won't be less than anyone.

I go and put down flowers, I paint, I clean.

There's a grave near my parents

of a 3 years old little kiddie called Bebo.

It's decorated with cars, with the kiddie's teddies...

They have it all set up...

They change the toys now and then.

I always go and visit that boy.

He has a little marble plaque.

And it says:

"Bebo, you were conceived with all the love and affection in the world."

"Your mother will not forget you."

When I come back home,

I keep thinking about that little kid.

When I leave the cemetery, I always say "my God".

I wouldn't like to be buried lying down.

Rather sitting...

I'd like to be carried in an armchair,

why should I be put in a box?

As if I was...

I'd like to be sat in an armchair on a pick-up truck.

They'll put a cigarette in my hand

and the wind will blow the smoke away.

Everybody will march behind.

They'll look at me, laugh and say "look at her, lucky bitch".

Stiff as a poker, but still smoking.

I'd like that.

If it's true you don't feel pain, I'd like that.

Everybody would laugh their ass off.

They'd look at me and they'd see a fun-loving smiling face.

One week ago

Come on, girl.

One week ago I was walking with Maria loaded with carrier bags.

We had bought lots of things for my Cristina's communion,

because I was going to be her godmother.

We were both carrying the bags towards the car park.

"Maria, where is the car?"

"You're right, Mum. Where did you park it?"

"I think it was here."

"Didn't you park it somewhere else?"

"No, no, it was here."

"So they probably stole it, oh my God..."

"I can't believe Granddad's car has been stolen."

"It's a very attractive car. People like it."

"Maybe, the police tow truck took it."

"It was not a bloody tow truck."

Oh God.

- Good afternoon. - Hello.

We want to go to the closest police station.

Is that the one in Nervion?

- That's the one. - So get us there, please.

What a drag.

What a mess.

This could only happen to us.

Susi.

What are you up to?

You won't believe it, girl.

My mum and I got our car stolen.

My granddad's.

Of course, they took it away.

- What a mess. - Is that our car?

- Which one? - The one in front of us.

We're heading to the police station.

- Fuck sake, that's the car. - Look at the number plate.

The car is in front of us. Don't you see the sticker, Mum?

Bloody hell!

- See the sticker. That's our car. - Don't lose sight of that car.

We're not going to the police. That's our car.

- We're not going? - No. Follow the car.

They probably forced the door.

- It seems they're just two brats. - Two guys, two junkies.

I'm getting out here.

Are you getting out? Mum, please!

- Where the hell are you going? - I'm getting out, fucking hell.

- My mother is crazy... - Let me do what I want.

- Mum, let's call the police. - I'm not calling them.

It would be better to call them.

Why should we call the police? They're useless.

Why do you want to follow them?

- Get off my back. Follow it! - Calm down, ma'am.

I'll calm down, but follow it.

I don't know where we are.

They are heading to the slums.

- I won't go in that area. - You will have to.

I won't lose sight of that car for anything in the world.

What a mess.

- For God's sake. - They're pulling over!

They pulled over there. Wait here.

Be quiet. They'll be screwed soon.

- You'll see. - But...

You shut up. Shut up now.

- Where are you going, Mum? - Shut up.

Hold on a second. Where are you going, Mum?

You're as mad as a hatter. What are you doing?

Mum! What are you doing?

Where are you going for fuck's sake!

She's completely nuts.

- Mum! - Come here.

Mum!

Bloody hell!

Mum!

Go to hell!

Bastards! They're real bastards.

This woman is nuts.

Sons of bitches. Am I nuts?

Go to hell!

- Mother fuckers. - Come with me.

Mother fuckers!

- Mother fuckers! - Maria!

The taxi driver's face was a picture.

The way he looked at me...

His face was... He was stunned.

I took the car. They had hot-wired it,

so I undid it.

Maria said "you'll get an electric shock."

"Of course not. Find a garage."

I went to the garage and talked to the mechanic,

who was very nice.

"Don't worry, ma'am, I'll fix it right away."

I said "Maria, listen. Here is the money and the keys."

"Take the car to the bar, you know how to drive it."

Jeez!

Fuck you.

You bitch.

Shut up. You're going to wake him up.

You never work properly and today you felt like singing.

What a bitch, this witch.

So I got to my house.

Shortly after I had arrived and started cooking

the phone rang.

"Mum, listen, don't freak out, nothing bad has happened."

"Nothing bad has happened?"

"I bumped the car."

For God's sake. Don't give me such bad news.

What happened?

Come over here, because I don't have a license.

Don't move from there. Don't worry, I'll be right there.

- Did you hurt yourself? - No, I didn't.

They were driving the wrong way.

- Hello, what happened? - It was just a small bump.

Just a small bump? The car is a total wreck.

- Since you drive a heap of scrap... - A heap of scrap?

You were driving a massive car the wrong way down the street.

But the real problem is that the girl doesn't have a license.

You were driving the wrong way.

- It was your fault. - Stop talking for a moment.

Stop talking, stop talking...

I'll tell you something.

Don't you remember that I was driving the car

and the girl was sitting next to me?

What?

You've lost your mind.

You will lose yours after I give you a good belting.

I was the one driving the car.

It's your word against mine. I have my witnesses.

- What's up, Carmina? - Hi.

Everything is fine, dear.

These gents were driving the wrong way and hit our car.

I think we will sort it out.

It's up to you.

It's not just the bump in the car, also, my neck is hurting...

from the strength of the crash,

as you bumped against me with all your might.

I don't know what the consequences could be.

I think we will work it out.

I got 500 from him. I could have got more.

I am starving.

When I get nervous I get so hungry...

Oh God, the hunger I get when I am nervous.

Suffering from nerves is really bad.

I used to be very slim.

And now, even if I am fat, I don't see myself as fat.

So I think I must suffer from the opposite of anorexia.

I think I am very fit.

Sometimes, I go to fitting rooms

where there are mirrors in front and behind you.

I take off my clothes and look at myself.

Bloody hell, they must use magnifying mirrors.

I am not that fat.

If I see my front side,

and then I sneak a peek at my back side,

I think, fucking hell, my back is like...

I look like Urtain, the boxer.

How can I look like that, my goodness?

Sometimes I would like to send my clothes to hell,

go to the upholsterer's and order a suit

as big as a three seater sofa, cushions included.

God damn it.

How I used to be... God.

Basilio is the one who uses the Dyane 6 the most.

He has his naps there.

Basilio...

My name is Basilio.

I used to have a dog called Sparky. It was killed by a car.

Sparky was killed by a car.

A car ran over Sparky.

One day I had to pick up some beer barrels.

We're going to pick up some barrels. Are you coming with me?

- Yes. - OK, dear.

I took him with me, I parked

and said "don't move from here". He always does as I say.

Carmina, Carmina, I do as Carmina says.

When I came back,

the police were there saying "you mugger! you mugger!"

Then I arrived. "What is going on? Let him go."

- Ma'am, is he with you?" - "Of course, didn't he tell you?"

"How come you take such a weird man in your car?"

"For the very same reason"

"the major has a moron like you dressed as a policeman."

"Don't you realize, don't you see he's not well?"

"Let him go." "No, we're taking him with us."

The poor thing was crying "Carmina, they're taking me!"

Scared, his eyes popping out of his head.

Mother fuckers. How could they..

The police took refuge in the fact that he didn't have his ID.

So when I arrived

I said "where is he?"

- "Hold on a second, did you bring the ID? - Yes, yes."

"They're taking him out."

And I heard the poor lad saying

"You're good. The other one is bad, he hit me."

I said "did you hit him?"

I saw the blood dripping from his face.

"OK, then. So you say you didn't, right?

I'll take him right away to the hospital,

and he'll get checked out.

When we went into the court room someone said "Basilio Martinez?"

and he stood up.

"Could you identify who hit you?"

The poor thing turned towards one side.

"That one, that one, that one."

He just pointed at him.

He just said that and the judge did this.

We won the trial.

If you could get him now, what would you do to him?

Hit him in the face as he did with me.

So get up. How would you do it? Show me.

Kick the officer's ass, that bastard.

That son of a bitch. Take his gun off him.

He's a show-off. Have a go at this abuser.

Take that! Take that!

Look at this!

Come over here before you wake him up.

Have this.

Look at her.

What a pest! Have this, have this.

Good heavens. It's 6 am...

and I've got balls to be up feeding the goat.

Have this.

Two days ago

I was at the bar,

mulling things over in my head,

thinking how to sort out my Cristina's communion party.

I was completely absorbed in my thoughts,

when I saw the debt collector coming in.

Good morning.

My goodness, that's just what I needed now.

What's up? I've seen you before, right?

Yes, but I didn't come here to have a drink. I came to work.

He came to claim the payment of a supposedly unpaid bill

that I owed since the first break in.

A tobacco bill.

You contracted a 15,000 debt with the Cerro del Aguila tobacco shop.

OK. Do you really think you are getting it now?

I am not in a hurry.

Are you just going to stay right there?

It's up to you.

The only thing I could do is try to pay it off next month.

I'll try to. I'll see if I can pay you.

If you come around next month and things are looking up...

The sooner this is sorted out, the sooner I will be able to rest.

So that's it.

I can't do anything else.

The only thing I have now are my three kids.

I'm so poor that I don't even have lice.

I will just ask you something. Don't say anything to my husband.

It's just because he suffers from nerves.

Alright.

Well. I'll come around next month if I don't hear from you before.

- What do I owe you? - Nothing.

This one is on the house.

Have a good day.

Watch out, try not to fall.

Why?

Because I'm going to push you.

Is this Badia's ham shop?

I'm calling from the roadside bar Calixto.

I had placed an order.

Yes, yes.

That is the address we gave you, but it's the wrong one.

No, the address where you have to send it

is the one I'm going to give you now.

My name is Antonio.

I'm Carmina's husband.

She calls me the "Braces Boy".

I was practically born in a bar.

I've been working behind a bar ever since,

and I think I'll die on one side or the other of a bar.

I love my dear Carmina so much.

I don't get into any business. I let her rule the roost.

She's a real Sevillian from Triana

and I'm from the Macarena quarter. Is that worth less?

Years have passed by,

she's still the same, but now she has a rubber ring around her waist.

She used to have a sylphlike figure.

Now both of us are... Look at my swimsuit!

My rubber ring, my braces, she buys them for me, you know?

Now I live a contemplative life.

I watch bullfighting on TV, football on TV,

flamenco on TV.

Everything on TV.

I drink my alcohol-free beer and smoke my "Pall Mall" cigarettes.

I have also water

and that's about it.

That's that.

I stopped drinking. Now I swallow.

The doctor told me to quit drinking,

but he didn't say quit swallowing, right?

Well...

Flamenco makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

After only one drink, I start tapping on the counter.

The people that don't feel this cannot understand me.

They can't understand

those of us who have this in our blood.

Partying in Seville makes me lose it,

it always did and it will always do.

It's good to have one drink every so often,

even if it's not fizzy.

There are fizzy and flat drinks.

I am happy enough just watching the drinks being poured.

I just need to watch them coming out of the barrel

to get their flavour and I get stimulated,

I feel glorious.

And, if the drink is for me, I'm in seventh heaven.

I get so excited that I could order a razor blade from the barman

and shave my beard with the beer froth.

What a great thing.

I love having a good cold beer.

Just one...

One after another. Just from time to time. You know?

I always down the first beer in one. It tastes so good!

You go glug, glug and then you don't drink anymore.

I tell my dear Carmina that I don't drink and I don't.

He said he had stopped drinking,

but when he came he was that drunk that he had even pissed himself.

That day I had a really bad headache,

so I took a painkiller when I came home.

And then I thought "my goodness, I have forgotten something."

What did the gynaecologist say that was wrong with me?

I have a small infection and I have to take...

He said "have some antibiotics before you go to bed"

"and use one of these sachets."

I poured some water in a tall glass.

I opened and emptied the small sachet, which did this.

It was bubbling upwards.

I said "jeez, this must taste so good that it will make me burp!"

I drank it all and, holy shit,

it was so bloody bitter,

so unpleasant.

What bloody shit had the doctor prescribed?

I'm sure of this, I won't have that again,

never again, even if my pussy starts falling to pieces.

I will never have it again. It was so disgusting...

and so revolting... I'm surprised I didn't throw up.

Although I was feeling sick, I took the car with Maria.

She wouldn't stop talking about Susana and her little girl...

I'm asking Susi to pick up my girl.

I'm fucking fed up with that Susi.

What do you care if I leave my daughter with Susana?

Stop touching my face and my pimples, fucking hell!

You have something on your face.

Leave it, that's just one of so many troubles...

Your bloody troubles.

You think you're different from others.

You think I never suffer or worry or get nervous.

Nothing is ever wrong with me.

You're so annoying, kid.

So I'm always buggering about. You don't pay attention to me.

Leave me alone, leave me alone, bitch, leave me.

You shouldn't have given birth to me.

I had you and I could kill you, bitch.

You always make a fool of yourself.

- I'll tell you something. - What?

That's disgusting, Mum.

You're such a pig.

It stinks.

I think I shat myself.

You can't be serious.

What are you saying, Mum? What are you saying?

You're not serious, right?

Yes what? What?

Fuck, this stinks, this is disgusting.

Now that I have started, I'm going to shit it all.

What are you doing, Mum?

Please, open the door.

Mum!

- That door doesn't work, bitch. - I can't believe it, Mum.

I'm sorry.

- What are you doing? - I'm sorry.

- Are you serious? - Look at this.

Fuck, this is disgusting, you cow! Open the door!

Look, touch it, my goodness.

Mum, please!

I can't get out like this, bloody hell.

- How can I open it? - It feels so good, God.

It's disgusting, Mum, you fat cow!

- Oh gosh! - Bloody girl,

I was laughing my ass off, I was cracking up.

I had a good time at least.

Gosh. I still smell the shit.

- Oh, yes, that's true. - Still.

- It smelled like hell. - It was a strong smell.

It doesn't usually, but this time my shit stank.

Yes, it stank.

Oh gosh! Oh gosh!

I can't talk about this with my friends from Madrid.

By the way, one of my friends from Madrid is coming here next week.

Yes. You probably know Mayra.

- Mayra? - Mayra Gomez Kemp. She's on TV.

Oh, good.

Yes. She's a very good friend of mine and I've invited her

to spend a few days in my house.

So she's coming down next week.

Things between her and her husband are a bit, you know.

So she's coming next week.

Last summer she spent two weeks here.

Last summer? When?

In August, when you closed the bar for the holidays.

- This is why you didn't meet. - What a coincidence!

She came when I wasn't here.

She loves staying in my house.

What she loves more than anything in the world is my gazpacho soup

and having a good siesta.

I close the blinds to leave her room in darkness

and I mop the floor with water for her.

After she has the gazpacho, she lies on the bed spread-eagled

and half naked and she feels so comfy.

You can't imagine.

She's like you and me.

A simple and charming person, like Sofia.

- Sofia? - The queen.

- The queen? - Yes.

She's also a charming person.

The queen of Spain?

Yes. When I go to Madrid,

if I don't call her, she gets angry.

The prince was studying in the States

the first time she invited me to the Royal Palace.

- Did you go to the Royal Palace? - Yes, yes.

And you know what? I stay at the princess Elena room.

She keeps that room for me, as the princess lives away.

So I stay there,

and Elena doesn't mind.

She's a very friendly and charming girl.

She's very fond of me.

But you're so scared of dogs...

When I go there they keep the dogs away.

They know I'm terrified of dogs, so they keep them.

Also, they give me presents,

but I don't want them to spend any money on me.

She gave me a beautiful Manila shawl last year.

- The queen? - Yes.

- Both sides were embroidered. - That's nice.

If you come to my house later, I'll show you.

- I'll go then. - Yes, yes, yes.

Juan Carlos, the king, is very competent and such a dear...

But my poor Sofia...

Juan Carlos takes his motorbike...

and you know...

She suffers like us.

She's going through all this stuff.

You know it's not right talking about people's private affairs.

He drinks like a fish, right?

You can't imagine. You can't imagine.

Like our husbands.

The same thing.

Poor thing.

- You had never told me about it. - I didn't realize.

Besides, it's not right telling people about these things.

I don't want people to believe that I boast about these things,

but you know...

I have stomach cramps.

- Still? - I have them from time to time.

I don't know if I want to have a shit again or if I have wind.

- It's very weird. - Oh dear.

How long have you been feeling like this?

It all started

when I called the gyno to get my coil changed.

He prescribed me a treatment.

So I had my antibiotics and that sachet.

The sachet was bloody disgusting.

What did he prescribe?

I don't know... whatever, but I'll never have it again.

Where is it? Look, this is it.

Let me see.

My goodness.

This is a vaginal wash,

you don't have to drink this,

you have to dilute it in 2 litres of water

and wash yourself.

I have already drunk it.

What is wrong with you?

I took a sachet...

of vagina wash.

- What? - I took a sachet of vagina wash.

Did you wash yourself with it or did drink it?

- I drank it. - You drank it.

You might not believe it, but I drank it all.

Hold on a second, ma'am.

I usually read the directions for use, but I didn't this time.

Is Dr. Casado still there? Tell him not to leave yet.

Open it a little more.

It makes you feel a little nauseous, right?

What else did you have afterwards?

A glass of rum with coke

and a relaxant, because I suffer from nerves.

Honestly, Carmina...

I tell you something, I think the coke did her good,

and the rum made her relax.

You couldn't be fitter, Carmina.

You could remove callus with what you drank, but you're fine.

Antibiotics, a strong painkiller, what else?

Alright, you drank the vaginal wash, right?

Yes.

A relaxant and the rum with coke.

She's vaccinated enough to travel to India.

It was bloody delicious.

God, it's 6.30 am.

The phone will be ringing soon.

Look at her face.

She's so smart!

The way she looks at me,

you would think she knows exactly what I have done.

Today

This morning, my husband and Basilio opened the bar.

But I was also up at 8 am.

I waited until he left because I had to go the other place,

as the cured ham legs order was arriving today.

- Did you bring all of them, son? - Yes, all of them.

Could you sign here, please?

The one who signs is the one who loses.

You're so right.

It was quite hard to find this place, ma'am.

Really, dear? First, we wanted them to be sent to our bar,

but we thought it would be better here since we're painting the bar.

You can unload them.

- OK. Where should we put them? - Over here.

Put two legs aside, I have to take them to a communion.

In the meantime, my husband was alone in the bar.

- Good morning. - Some anisette?

And the debt collector appeared.

Could you come here when you're available, sir?

Right away. You seem in a hurry.

I'm not in a hurry.

Here is the bottle.

How can I help you?

I came to collect the 15,000 you owe to the Cerro del Aguila tobacco shop.

- Just that? - Just that?

He called me and said

"The debt collector is here. He says we owe some money."

So he's there, that son of a bitch.

Pour him a cold beer. I'll be right there.

OK.

What did I tell you?

- What did I tell you? - Ma'am, calm down.

- Are you going to hit me? - I'm not going to hit you.

Are you going to hit me, son of a bitch?

You're so brave, what did I tell you?

- Don't insult me. - I say what I fucking want.

I told you not to come here to disturb my husband.

- I didn't know he was here. - You didn't know? Mother fucker.

Hey, are you going to hit me?

I could bang my head against the counter and split my head open.

I'll say it was you. That'd ruin your life.

- Ma'am, let's calm down. - Ma'am? You mother fucker, look.

- My dear! - That bastard, that bastard!

Mother fucker, you did this to me, bastard.

Look at what you have done to me, son of a bitch!

Look, look.

What do you have?

- What do you have, dear? - Is it big? Is it big?

It's nothing, just a scratch.

This son of a bitch, what a job he chose!

He left and we started to get the party ready

for the communion of Juan's daughter.

I didn't really feel like preparing the party,

but the girl was so excited about it...

that I spent more than I should on it, but we did it.

- What happened to you, Carmina? - A beer bottle broke on my head.

Damn it.

Two plates, one for you and another one for you.

Where is Maria?

Your sister?

As usual, she will be...

Cheese! All together!

Cheese!

Cheese!

Cheese!

Look at her, the same as her dad.

A chunk of bread was all mama used to bring home.

A chunk of bread was all mama used to bring home.

And I dribbled between them both.

And I dribbled between them both.

A chunk of bread. A chunk of bread.

Next week, I'll have a visit...

- At your place? - Yes, at my place.

- That's good. - Yes, yes.

My path to hope.

Sometimes, I can't find it.

My path to hope.

Of coal and sighs.

Tiresome loneliness.

My dear, I can just give up.

Bravo, Maria!

Antonio probably suspected something

because he got as pissed as Tony Curtis.

When I managed to get him into the car,

which wasn't an easy job,

he met the goat. This one.

Are you coming with me once and for all or not?

Good grief!

Mari Fe, what is this woman like!

Listen, are you coming or not?

Where?

- Is Tomas coming here? - Are you kidding me?

There is not a soul here.

You know what? Listen to me. You know what?

Stay there and go to hell, Antonio Leon.

Leon like a lion?

OK, fried eggs and chips.

Mari Fe.

I'm going to give you a kiss, don't bite me, alright?

I'm going to give you a kiss, don't bite me.

Come here.

You're so God damn nice and friendly.

My little one.

Water?

Is that what you want me to drink?

Mother of frogs and toads, where you wash your clothes.

Leave the wine for me

and let the oxen be and drink their water.

Bravo! Bravo!

You know something,

life is so beautiful that it could be real.

The moon...

Oh, moon, cheerful moon...

It's so beautiful!

It's such a great thing!

It's such a great thing!

You understand me, right?

You understand me.

It's so great!

What is this goat, Dad?

She's Mari Fe.

Let's go home, Mari Fe.

Mum had enough of this and my girl is sleeping.

Are we taking her with us?

- The goat? - Yes.

OK, but let's go.

We'll give her some soup with sherry.

OK, we'll take the goat, but let's go.

- Of course. - Let's go.

- We'll feed her with some good stew. - OK, some stew.

- With big potatoes. - Let's go, Dad.

I want to tell you something.

Triana has a lamp

that throws its light from a bridge

on the river Guadalqui...

Let's go.

Big potatoes, as it should be.

You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

This happens with him.

He's a hopeless case.

I think that when I've passed away,

when I die, I often think about this,

if I knew I was ill and I was going to die,

I'd end this son of a bitch before I go.

I couldn't leave that burden to my children.

He's my burden and I know how to deal with him.

After all, he's a prize idiot that can't do anything without me.

Sometimes I think

to get rid of him...

I even check the trash bags that I have at home,

the big black ones I normally buy.

And I think they could be used to throw him into a dumpster,

away from the neighbourhood.

I don't know if I'm nuts, but I think about it.

Yes, of course I think about it.

For the good of everyone.

For his own good,

for my children, for the good of everyone.

He must have fallen asleep around 4 am.

But I think, is he really sleeping?

The more I want him to be asleep, the longer it takes.

I keep waiting with an eye on him.

But he's snoring now.

So he's already sleeping. Now I'm sure.

I took a pair of gloves and Alex's trainers

and went back to the bar.

Hello?

Yes.

Yes, I was sleeping.

This can't be happening! Oh, Ani!

Don't tell me that.

So are all the blinds open?

Oh God, these sons of bitches were watching me.

They were probably there when the ham legs arrived.

They were watching me.

Oh God, we're broke!

We're ruined, again, Ana, again.

Yes, no wonder, dear, no wonder. What a mess.

Is the police there? Have they arrived yet?

Basilio was there, right?

OK. I won't drive too fast.

I'll be right there, dear. Thanks, bye, bye.

- Eighty? - Eighty.

- Pig legs? - The pig legs.

And the cured pork loin.

There were 35. This is a 4, right?

- Forty. - Yes, yes.

- What else? - Everything that is written down there.

OK, this is very good. Was anything else missing?

A radio cassette player.

- Was it new? - No, old.

Do you have the receipt?

I don't think so, but my husband's watch...

- Do you have the receipt for that? - Yes, at home.

- Well, then... - I'll look for it.

Everything is correct.

- Thank God. - So you won't have any problems.

- Oh, thank God. - Everything will be sorted out.

It's all in order.

Thank God, I was freaking out.

I will just need the watch's receipt.

- Yes. - The rest is in order.

I'll bring it to you.

Oh, good heavens.

Didn't I tell you that the Lord would help us?

Now you know what the saints can do.

The end.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense. Tom Clancy.