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1
00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:07,007
♪ {\an8}I'm in love with you♪
2
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,405
♪ {\an8}Want you to love me too♪
3
00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:17,495
[upbeat music playing]
4
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:30,247
♪ {\an8}True love
Can be hard to find♪
5
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:33,946
♪ {\an8}True love
Can be hard to find♪
6
00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:38,038
♪ {\an8}True love
Can be hard to find♪
7
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,780
♪ {\an8}True love
Can be hard to find♪
8
00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,915
- ♪ {\an8}I'm in love with you...♪
- Hi!
9
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:46,785
Hi.
10
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:03,367
- What's your name?
- I thought I--
11
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:04,455
- What?
- No, you go.
12
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:05,587
Sorry what was it you said?
13
00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:07,458
Who are you out with?
14
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,591
My housemate. He's over there.
15
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,554
What's your name?
16
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,208
- Ryan.
- No way.
17
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,732
I had a rabbit called Ryan.
18
00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:23,866
Cool. How is he?
19
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:24,954
Oh, dead.
20
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,783
- Good.
- What?
21
00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:29,393
- There can only be one of us.
- [chuckles]
22
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:35,051
- What's your name?
- Laura.
23
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,099
I always said
if I had a daughter...
24
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:40,883
You'd call her Laura?
25
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,712
Well no,
26
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,107
I'd probably call her
"Yet another, in a long line
27
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,152
of women
that I cannot have sex with."
28
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,939
Sorry that--
that was a joke.
29
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:57,291
I don't have a daughter, so,
30
00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:59,031
even if I did,
I'm not an incestuous pedophile.
31
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,996
Oh, my God, can't believe
this, she's left.
32
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,173
She always does this.
33
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:15,613
Do you want a drink?
34
00:02:18,964 --> 00:02:22,664
Uh, I-- I, should,
I should probably go after her.
35
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,842
Then again, she'll have gone
to his house and...
36
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,800
- So was that...
- Yes.
37
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:32,587
Yeah. I'll have
a shot of Tia Maria.
38
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:36,678
Great. Hi, can we please
have a shot of Tia Maria
39
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:38,549
and a beer please.
40
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,551
Why don't you
try Tia Maria with me?
41
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:46,340
Sure, and can I have two
shots of Tia Maria, please.
42
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:49,038
- I'm converting him.
- [chuckles]
43
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,041
The church of Tia Maria,
all hail.
44
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,349
- It's not that good.
- Oh.
45
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:56,567
[joyful music]
46
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,401
[man] {\an8}Women often rate a good
sense of humor as more important
47
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:07,012
{\an8}to them in a partner
than physical attractiveness.
48
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:10,190
{\an8}A sense of humor implies
a man's ability to cope with
49
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,671
{\an8}potentially stressful
or even dangerous situations.
50
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:17,414
[woman] {\an8}Makeup is used
primarily to artificially
enlarge our features.
51
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,635
{\an8}Big eyes and slips
are indicators of youth.
52
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:25,074
{\an8}The younger the woman the more
fertile she's likely to be
53
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,598
{\an8}and the more capable her body
is of nurturing
54
00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:29,600
{\an8}and providing
for her offspring.
55
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:32,299
[man] {\an8}The DNA contained
within saliva and exchanged
56
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,475
{\an8}through a kiss
gives us invaluable
57
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,955
{\an8}information regarding
our genetic compatibility.
58
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:39,871
[woman] {\an8}Natural blonde hair
is the result
of high estrogen levels.
59
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:43,484
{\an8}Dying hair blonde imitates
increased levels of fertility
60
00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,790
{\an8}and offers scientific reasoning
61
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:47,749
{\an8}to the claim
that men prefer blondes.
62
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:50,447
[man] {\an8}A woman's lips offer
a subconscious representation
63
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,668
{\an8}of female genitalia.
When a woman is aroused
64
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:58,020
{\an8}her genitals become deep red,
wearing red glossy lipstick
65
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,979
{\an8}is an unconscious attempt
to mimic this process.
66
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,634
{\an8}The human race
depends upon sex.
67
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:07,203
{\an8}We need to do everything we can
to ensure we attract a mate,
68
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:10,554
{\an8}not just any mate,
but the best we can get...
69
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:12,774
- [crosstalk] {\an8}
- ...to do this we need to enhance ourselves
70
00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,558
{\an8}and there are many
ways we can do this.
71
00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:17,431
[woman] {\an8}Spray a finishing
spritz across your face
72
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,869
{\an8}to set the look,
and you're done!
73
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,610
What?
74
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,612
{\an8}That's it for this week,
guys.
75
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,528
{\an8}Remember to hit "like" if you
like the video and subscribe...
76
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,704
- Fuck's sake.
- {\an8}...to become part of the glam fans.
77
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,795
♪ {\an8}You say I
will show you mine♪
78
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:36,450
♪ {\an8}If you will show me yours♪
79
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:39,061
♪ {\an8}And one by one
we're throwing♪
80
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,933
♪ {\an8}All our clothing
On the floor♪
81
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,066
♪ {\an8}You say don't
blow out the candles♪
82
00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:45,894
♪ {\an8}Cause I want you to...♪
83
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,026
Absolutely gorgeous.
84
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,465
Well, you said
he was a smart dresser.
85
00:04:51,595 --> 00:04:54,076
Yeah, not a Victorian.
86
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,774
Second dates are what makes
or breaks a relationship.
87
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,560
- Says who?
- Says the fella on the YouTubes.
88
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,867
Oh, don't go giving yourself
away tonight though. All right?
89
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:06,175
Men like the chase, the less
you give the more they want.
90
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,178
I don't want you making
the same mistake
I did with your father.
91
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,528
- [man] I can bloody hear you, Val.
- Oh, fuck off.
92
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:13,878
You looked
lovely in that jacket.
93
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,098
Just get out.
94
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,364
Why are you
wearing my shirt?
95
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:22,931
Because I needed
a shirt, Ryan.
96
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:25,325
No, I need the shirt.
Laura's coming around.
97
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:26,761
Then you don't need
a shirt, do you?
98
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,154
[singing]
because you're gonna be naked.
99
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:32,810
- We're going for an Indian.
- In the Indian naked.
100
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:35,683
- Just give me the shirt.
- Right will you back a-way--
101
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,511
Will you stop wearing
that towel like a girl, please?
102
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,124
- I thought she was coming here.
- She is, and we're going for an Indian.
103
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:45,780
She's not travelling
all the way across town for
an "onion bhaji", is she?
104
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,130
She's come here for one thing
and one thing only.
105
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,133
[choking]
106
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,397
Yeah, I don't think
that's why she's coming.
107
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,486
- Cock.
- I understood,
108
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:59,359
it's more
than sex it's more than...
109
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:02,623
- Why don't you have sex, Ryan?
- I do have sex, I've done sex.
110
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:05,539
- Yeah with Tufts, brilliant.
- Yeah, and Jess. Remember Jess from college?
111
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:16,463
- Is that it? Just two girls? That's all you've had sex with.
- But I was in a relationship,
112
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,334
- a long-term relationship.
- No wonder you're still in love with her.
113
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:19,770
- Who?
- Tufts.
114
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,424
I don't still love her.
115
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,991
When was the last
time you texted her?
116
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:27,125
- Uh, I don't-- Friday?
- Oh, man.
117
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:29,824
I've not texted in a week,
it's been a week, it's finished.
118
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,783
Yeah, two years ago when she was
jumping on somebody else's dick.
119
00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:36,396
- Move on man.
- I have. I am. With Laura.
120
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:40,400
[groaning]
121
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:46,797
Weeded the garden yet?
122
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:50,105
- No, I'm not going to sleep with him tonight.
- Do it!
123
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:53,064
He might
not even want to sleep with me,
he might not even like me.
124
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,415
No, he was pissed
the last time he saw me.
125
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:58,069
That being
the only time he saw me.
126
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,507
- He might...
- Do the bracelet test.
127
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,727
- What's that?
- If you ever want to know how someone feels about you,
128
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:04,989
you do the bracelet test.
129
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,470
If you genuinely like
this girl, Ryan,
130
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:08,993
and I mean, genuinely.
131
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:12,867
Do her. Girls like
the game of cat and mouse.
132
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:15,739
It's a test.
They like to be pursued.
133
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:19,090
Bring her here, rave
in her cave, pass the test,
134
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,962
then you can have all the
bloody pilau rice you want,
135
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,442
I'm going to Inferno's, ciao.
136
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,534
Take off your bracelet
and discretely
137
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:31,015
push it into his personal space
and see what he does with it.
138
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:33,931
{\an8}If he pushes it away, he
probably wants to push you away.
139
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:36,847
He's not interested. If he
picks it up and plays with it,
140
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,283
he wants to get closer
to you.
141
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:41,504
{\an8}If he ignores it,
you get the gist.
142
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:46,030
But if he puts it on,
he wants to be inside you.
143
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:54,909
{\an8}Hello?
144
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,911
Wait, wait.
145
00:07:58,434 --> 00:07:59,653
Are you going out with Adam?
146
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:00,915
Who's Adam?
147
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,394
Our housemate.
148
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:04,614
You mean Abel.
Is his name Adam?
149
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:07,138
I've been calling him Abel
for ages. Anyway, no.
150
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,836
I forgot we even had a flat mate
to be honest.
151
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:12,013
You can use my sexy silky bed
sheets for one night.
152
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,755
I'm not going to use
your sexy bed sheets--
153
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:17,105
- sexy silky bed sheets.
- But you can do.
154
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,454
- Okay.
- Okay?
155
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:24,025
Oh, you look awful.
156
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,376
Mum! I can't breathe
in these sodding jeans.
157
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,683
So, fuck it. I'm not going!
158
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,946
Calm down!
Of course you're going.
159
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:33,904
Now put this on,
now keep it buttoned up.
160
00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:35,340
- Have you brushed your teeth?
- Yes.
161
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:37,168
- Have you got perfume on?
- I don't want perfume.
162
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,954
I want him to smell
my pheromones. Mum!
163
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:42,870
- What? It's ocean breeze.
- It's room spray!
164
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,046
It's better than that
pheromones thing you put on.
165
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:48,092
Now, you listen to me. You make
sure now you're safe tonight.
166
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:50,051
He could be a pedophile
for all we know.
167
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:53,184
- I'm twenty-eight.
- And you're still my baby.
168
00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:55,143
[soft music]
169
00:09:01,932 --> 00:09:05,283
[GPS] {\an8}
Head northeast along Claringdale
Road for two hundred meters
170
00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:07,808
{\an8}and take a left
onto Chapel Lane.
171
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:12,595
♪ {\an8}She's got you high
And you don't even know yet♪
172
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:16,251
♪ {\an8}She's got you high
and you don't even know yet♪
173
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,992
♪ {\an8}The sun's in the sky,
174
00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:19,994
♪ {\an8}It's warming
Up your bare legs♪
175
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:23,214
♪ {\an8}And you can't deny
You're looking for the sunset♪
176
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:26,914
♪ {\an8}She's got you high
And you don't even know yet♪
177
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:30,787
♪ {\an8}She's got you high
And you don't even know yet♪
178
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:34,356
♪ {\an8}It's the search for the time
Before it leaves without you♪
179
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:38,273
♪ {\an8}Have you lost your mind, has
She taken all of yours too?♪
180
00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:42,494
♪ {\an8}She's got you high♪
181
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:50,024
♪ {\an8}She's got you high...♪
182
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:54,463
[GPS] {\an8}
For 200 yards take your second
left onto Sunningdale Drive.
183
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:58,902
♪ {\an8}She's got you high♪
184
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:03,646
♪ {\an8}Romance alive and hope
She's going to tell you♪
185
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:09,826
♪ {\an8}She's got you high♪
186
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:14,004
- [Laura] So, did I ask you what your name was?
- Ryan!
187
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:16,180
No way!
I had a rabbit called Ryan.
188
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,400
Yeah.
189
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,489
- He's dead now.
- Ah!
190
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,883
He went behind the shed
and the cat from next door
191
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,841
went behind there.
I thought they were playing.
192
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:26,626
So, I just left them,
but turns out cats and rabbits
193
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:29,019
- don't get on in real life.
- As opposed to?
194
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,108
- My mind.
- What?
195
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:34,982
When I found him, he was
paralyzed with fear, and dead.
196
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:37,941
So I buried him
under a tree in the garden.
197
00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:40,074
And may be rest in peace.
198
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:42,685
Well no, because I didn't
dig a deep enough hole
199
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,078
and the foxes got to him.
200
00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:48,299
Well, then he died
as he lived. Badly.
201
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:53,391
- Oh.
- Hey, if it makes you feel any better,
202
00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:55,959
I had a fish once that died.
203
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:59,571
- What was your fish called?
- Called Wanda.
204
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:02,226
That's a shit name for a fish,
mine was called Bubbles...
205
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,402
- and Chick-a-teter.
- [gasps]
206
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:24,335
[tension music]
207
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,819
[GPS] {\an8}Your destination
is on the right.
208
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:44,616
Just get the-- hi, sorry
I'm late I was at Pilates.
209
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:48,490
Yes. Yeah that's good,
telling him about Pilates.
210
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:50,884
[doorbell rings]
211
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:57,586
Oh, God.
212
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,984
- Hi!
- Hi.
213
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:07,988
- Sorry I'm late I...
- Oh, don't be,
214
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:08,989
- you're not late.
- ...I came from Pilates.
215
00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:10,860
Sorry where?
216
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:12,993
No.
217
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,737
- I...
- Shit, come in, sorry.
218
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:23,351
- Oh.
- Ooh. It's lovely.
219
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:26,354
- I'll give you a tour if you like.
- Okay.
220
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,138
Er...
221
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,620
Oh! [both chuckle]
222
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,145
- It's Dan you live with, isn't it?
- Yeah.
223
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,278
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but he's out clubbing.
224
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:38,627
[loudly] Clubbing!
225
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,674
Okay. Um...
226
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:47,810
This is a hallway.
Through there is the kitchen.
227
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,471
This is indeed a kitchen.
[chuckles]
228
00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,561
Through there
is the living room.
229
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:01,476
Ooh.
230
00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:06,089
- These are stairs or broken escalators.
- Very lovely stair--
231
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:07,743
Oh, or broken escalators.
232
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,440
[cracking wood]
233
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,884
Bathroom there,
Dan's room there.
234
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:21,235
That's a cupboard
and this is the boudoir.
235
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,541
Ooh, nice.
236
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:27,807
- Very tidy.
- Ah, well not really,
237
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,505
there's a few plates there
from last night,
238
00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,246
a cup over there.
239
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,552
Right.
240
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:40,036
What's this? Secret room?
241
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,908
It's a toilet, yeah.
242
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:42,909
What an en suite?
243
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,130
- I've always wanted one of these.
- Oh.
244
00:13:56,836 --> 00:14:01,188
Wow. So, you've got
the biggest room then?
245
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,277
Yeah, the master bedroom.
246
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:05,627
Because I am the master.
247
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,194
[both laugh]
248
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,939
- Do you want a drink or...?
- Yes, please.
249
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,594
We have Cobra, um...
250
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,162
Port...
251
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:22,905
Ribena... milk.
252
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,084
Um. I've never had port.
253
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,217
Great, well port it is.
254
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,001
- I'll just get you some.
- Okay.
255
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:45,885
Um... do you want a hand
with those drinks?
256
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:57,853
Do you want a hand or anything?
257
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:03,772
No. No. I'm fine.
258
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,430
Right, well I just-- I'll wait
in the living room then.
259
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,128
- Okay.
- Okay.
260
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:25,011
- [upbeat music]
- [phone ringing]
261
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,278
- Didn't take long did it?
- Where's the Port?
262
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:34,455
- The what?
- Didn't we have a bottle of Port, where is it?
263
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:38,589
- Is she there yet or what?
- Obviously, I'm not drinking fucking Port by myself, am I?
264
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,810
Fuck the port, if you want
to get her there's five steps.
265
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,205
I'm going to tell you,
but you can't tell nobody else
I'm going to write a book.
266
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:49,818
- Where is the Port?
- Compliment her, mirror her, ask her questions,
267
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,821
teasingly put her down and steer
the conversation towards sex.
268
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,431
I know,
but this isn't a book.
269
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:58,522
Then you fuck her.
Six steps, new book. Boosh!
270
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:01,134
I've found the Port.
I've found the Port.
271
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,049
Right calm down!
Calm down.
272
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,443
Where were the glasses,
do we have any glasses?
273
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,706
{\an8}Yeah,
well there's one in my room.
274
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,797
But I piss in that when I can't
go to the toilet. Up to you.
275
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,843
Right, I've got to go
I'll call you later.
276
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,453
{\an8}All right mate, bye-bye.
277
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,587
You're a proper dickhead,
you know that?
278
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,202
Ta da!
279
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:32,774
- Wow.
- I'm sorry about the cup, all our glasses are in shops.
280
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,170
So how have you been?
281
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:41,000
Good, yeah.
Ooh, is that Irn-Bru?
282
00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,524
Port and Irn-Bru, yeah.
283
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:46,527
All the celebs are drinking it.
284
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,268
It's Meryl Streep's favorite.
285
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,748
And you only drink what,
Streep drinks?
286
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:54,622
Yeah, just Cobra
and Port and Irn-Bru.
287
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:57,973
Oh, that's classy.
288
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:02,760
God, I'm so sorry, I didn't know
there was someone else in here.
289
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,285
- Are you Dan?
- No that's--
290
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:11,378
- not, not Dan, Dan's out.
- Oh.
291
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,206
Yeah.
292
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,904
- You all right, mate?
- Yeah,
293
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,950
just got a little bit
of the old, dead skin
294
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,388
forming on the sole
of my foot there. So,
295
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,652
going to hit that up later on
once it's softened up,
296
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:28,308
but it does take time.
A little bit egotistical,
297
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:31,137
but so important
to look good, isn't it?
298
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:38,492
- Do you want to see the garden?
- Sure.
299
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,972
- See you.
- Oh, lovely, yeah, all right.
300
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:42,409
[door closes]
301
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:45,325
[Laura] Garden's gorgeous.
302
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:49,329
It's a movement sensor,
you've got to keep moving.
303
00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:50,417
Right.
304
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,073
Who was that?
305
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:57,511
- I don't know.
- What?
306
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,949
As in he does live here,
but I don't know his name
307
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,733
that's why
I couldn't introduce you.
308
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,345
[laughs] Just ask him.
309
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:08,522
I can't.
He's been here like a month.
310
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:11,090
I've been calling
him Adam, or Alex.
311
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:14,397
Dan calls him Abel.
But he responds to all of them.
312
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:18,358
[laughs] I honestly
didn't know he was there.
313
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:21,448
I know.
It's like that all the time.
He's got no presence at all.
314
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:22,753
Oh!
315
00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,497
- [Laura] Are you waving or what?
- It should come on in a sec.
316
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,110
- There we are. Oh! Shit!
- Ah!
317
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,983
How did you get out here
without setting the light off?
318
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:39,379
Didn't know that we had a light.
Oh, motion sensor, is it?
319
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:42,208
- Yeah, it should be.
- Right, that's it then.
320
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:46,212
No. No, those things never
pick me up for some reason.
321
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:51,695
Automatic doors, automatic
dryers, automatic toilets,
322
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:54,481
can never go back to Japan.
323
00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:00,226
So, we going out then or what?
324
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:04,317
Well, I was thinking we could
stay in here for a bit.
325
00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:06,188
[scrubbing]
326
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:11,759
But I thought we said we were
going for a meal or something.
327
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,545
Well, yeah,
328
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:20,071
but then I thought we could
watch a film or something.
329
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:25,164
You don't want to go
for a drink at a bar?
330
00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:29,255
Well, I have drinks here.
331
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:35,174
In fact, I was going to grab
another beer. Just one sec.
332
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:38,568
[man] Sorry, old friends,
left it too long.
333
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:49,623
I left these out earlier.
334
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,061
I'll put them away
in case you trip.
335
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:59,981
- You lift weights, do you?
- Every day.
336
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,899
How many do
you normally do?
337
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,684
About one hundred a day.
338
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,340
Oh. Wow.
339
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:12,907
I'll show you,
340
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:14,387
- if you don't believe me.
- No.
341
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:20,567
One. Two.
342
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:24,048
Three. Four. [panting]
343
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:29,663
All day. Four. Four.
344
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,406
- Five.
- Oh.
345
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,408
Just like that really.
346
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:38,498
I could do more, but you know.
347
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:55,602
What we going to watch then?
348
00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:59,693
Oh, yeah, whatever you want.
349
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,261
I've got-- I've got
all the Pixar films.
350
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:03,871
All right.
351
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:10,486
Okay. Scarface?
X-Men, Godfather trilogy.
352
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:14,447
- Ooh. Oh.
- Oh, or there's my laptop there.
353
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:16,623
We could watch whatever you
want. I've got Netflix.
354
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:18,886
Oh.
355
00:21:27,198 --> 00:21:30,201
Oh, there's so
much Pikachu that's cute.
356
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:31,812
- [man] Fuck yeah.
- [Pikachu] Pika.
357
00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:33,553
- Shit!
- Shit.
358
00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:35,119
No, no, no, no.
359
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:37,644
- That's...
- {\an8}Pika, Pika.
360
00:21:37,774 --> 00:21:40,603
Dan. He took that, the laptop.
361
00:21:40,734 --> 00:21:44,564
- Oh no, no, no, no, Dan.
- {\an8}You, filthy custard slag.
362
00:21:44,694 --> 00:21:49,264
I think he's just,
he's looking on YouTube or like,
363
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,919
it would have come up on
the side or something and he
364
00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:55,618
wondered why people were into
it. I don't think he's into it,
365
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:57,707
probably thought
it was a bit weird, so.
366
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:08,936
Pikachu's a slag
then, eh? Who knew?
367
00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:12,635
Yeah. Well, I don't.
368
00:22:14,071 --> 00:22:15,812
I've not seen that.
369
00:22:21,818 --> 00:22:24,212
- Can I use your bathroom a minute?
- Yeah, sure.
370
00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:26,388
- You know where it is.
- Yep.
371
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:31,480
Oh.
372
00:22:43,274 --> 00:22:46,408
[upbeat music]
373
00:22:46,539 --> 00:22:48,932
[indistinct chatter]
374
00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:56,549
♪ {\an8}That thing I like♪
375
00:22:56,679 --> 00:22:59,856
♪ {\an8}That thing, that thing
You do♪
376
00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:03,164
♪ {\an8}That thing I like
Yeah, you got me going crazy♪
377
00:23:03,947 --> 00:23:06,602
♪ {\an8}That thing, that thing
You do♪
378
00:23:07,951 --> 00:23:10,040
♪ {\an8}Yeah you got me going crazy♪
379
00:23:10,171 --> 00:23:13,392
♪ {\an8}Don't stop make it last
Don't stop make it last♪
380
00:23:26,492 --> 00:23:28,885
So, I found {\an8}
A Fish Called Wanda.
381
00:23:30,670 --> 00:23:35,501
No? Or {\an8}Cruel Intentions
which may be more to your taste?
382
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:39,853
Than Pixar Pokémon porn?
Doubt it. [laughs]
383
00:23:41,681 --> 00:23:43,334
I'm only joking, {\an8}
Cruel Intentions.
384
00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:45,206
A fine choice.
385
00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:57,958
Right, sorted.
386
00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:03,877
Do you want a top up
before it starts or?
387
00:24:04,007 --> 00:24:06,445
Er... No, I've still
got plenty thanks.
388
00:24:06,575 --> 00:24:08,142
[ {\an8}Cruel Intentions begins]
389
00:24:11,362 --> 00:24:14,453
Sit up here if you like?
Probably see it better.
390
00:24:15,976 --> 00:24:16,890
Yeah.
391
00:24:20,415 --> 00:24:21,808
Get on properly.
392
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,114
Oh, right.
393
00:24:28,641 --> 00:24:30,120
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
394
00:24:41,088 --> 00:24:45,353
[woman] {\an8}Sebastian. Can you
at least pretend to focus?
395
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,271
[Sebastian] {\an8}What good
would it do? I'm unfixable.
396
00:24:50,401 --> 00:24:54,623
- {\an8}Nobody's unfixable.
- Yes, I am, a text-book...
397
00:24:54,754 --> 00:24:57,321
Did you know that this
was actually the film
398
00:24:57,452 --> 00:25:00,150
that Ryan Phillippe
and Reese Witherspoon
met before they got married?
399
00:25:00,281 --> 00:25:02,849
- No way.
- Yeah. Yeah.
400
00:25:02,979 --> 00:25:04,154
Wow.
401
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:10,683
- Isn't she that actress that got stabbed? Reese..
- Witherspoon.
402
00:25:10,813 --> 00:25:12,206
No with a knife.
403
00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:14,077
[laughs]
404
00:25:15,992 --> 00:25:17,167
Sorry.
405
00:25:21,432 --> 00:25:23,043
[soft music]
406
00:25:25,654 --> 00:25:28,222
[woman] {\an8}...the right conditions
anything is possible.
407
00:25:29,832 --> 00:25:31,791
[Sebastian] {\an8}It took you
12 chapters to say that.
408
00:25:35,055 --> 00:25:36,665
- {\an8}You're right.
- I know I am.
409
00:25:39,712 --> 00:25:43,324
[Sebastian] {\an8}I've come
to a point in my life when
all I can think about is sex.
410
00:25:43,454 --> 00:25:45,587
{\an8}Take coming here for example,
411
00:25:46,806 --> 00:25:50,113
{\an8}you're a beautiful woman,
perfect curves,
412
00:25:50,244 --> 00:25:52,986
{\an8}stunning breasts,
knock out legs.
413
00:25:59,122 --> 00:26:01,472
[woman] {\an8}But you have
to look beyond that.
414
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:03,910
[Sebastian] {\an8}
I know but it's hard.
415
00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:09,524
[woman] {\an8}
Well, it's fortunate we've come
to the end of our session then.
416
00:26:11,918 --> 00:26:13,528
- [Sebastian] {\an8} It's really been an hour?
- Hour fifteen.
417
00:26:16,139 --> 00:26:18,925
[Sebastian] {\an8}It seems
you like to keep me here
as much as I wanted to stay.
418
00:26:19,839 --> 00:26:21,667
[woman] {\an8}Read the book.
419
00:26:21,797 --> 00:26:23,582
{\an8}I think you're going
to get over this...
420
00:26:23,712 --> 00:26:25,279
- Is that for me?
- No.
421
00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,633
- Oh. Do you want it back?
- No, you can borrow it if you want.
422
00:26:31,764 --> 00:26:33,374
To do with what you want.
423
00:26:35,158 --> 00:26:36,638
Am I supposed to do
something with it?
424
00:26:39,423 --> 00:26:40,337
No.
425
00:26:42,557 --> 00:26:44,428
[soft music continues]
426
00:26:50,130 --> 00:26:53,176
- [Sebastian] {\an8} You have a daughter?
- [woman] That's her,
427
00:26:53,307 --> 00:26:55,875
{\an8}a straight A student,
best girl on the cheer squad.
428
00:26:56,005 --> 00:26:58,355
[Sebastian] {\an8}That's the sort
of girl that could cure me.
429
00:26:58,486 --> 00:27:01,620
[woman] {\an8}She's a little out
of your league, Sebastian.
430
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:04,579
{\an8}I'm sure the right girl
will come along.
431
00:27:04,710 --> 00:27:06,842
[Sebastian] {\an8}
What if she already has?
432
00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:10,106
[woman] {\an8}Then I wish you
the best of luck.
433
00:27:10,237 --> 00:27:11,630
{\an8}Let me know how it goes.
434
00:27:23,337 --> 00:27:26,557
{\an8}What is it?
Put her through.
435
00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:30,649
- [young woman] {\an8}Mom!
- [woman] You know not to call when I'm working.
436
00:27:30,779 --> 00:27:33,347
[young woman crying]
437
00:27:34,348 --> 00:27:36,350
{\an8}He told me I was beautiful
[crying]
438
00:27:37,612 --> 00:27:39,614
{\an8}I'm such an idiot.
439
00:27:39,745 --> 00:27:41,703
[woman] {\an8} You're not,
you're just not smart
440
00:27:41,834 --> 00:27:43,836
{\an8}when it comes to having sex.
What have you done now?
441
00:27:45,576 --> 00:27:48,362
[young woman] {\an8}He's put videos
of me all over the internet.
442
00:27:48,492 --> 00:27:50,973
- {\an8}What videos?
- What do you mean what videos?
443
00:27:51,757 --> 00:27:52,975
{\an8}Sex tapes.
444
00:27:54,803 --> 00:27:57,110
[woman] {\an8}You idiot,
how could you let this happen?
445
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:01,027
[young woman] {\an8}I don't know.
He said I had perfect curves
446
00:28:01,157 --> 00:28:04,552
{\an8}and stunning breasts,
he asked if he could film them
447
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:08,121
{\an8}and I said yes but I went
too far, please help me, Mom.
448
00:28:09,644 --> 00:28:11,820
[scream]
449
00:28:11,951 --> 00:28:13,256
Do you know what? I've--
450
00:28:13,387 --> 00:28:15,737
I've already seen this film.
451
00:28:15,868 --> 00:28:18,435
Oh. Well, do you want
to choose something else?
452
00:28:19,567 --> 00:28:24,311
No. Actually I'm-- I'm just
not in a filmy sort of mood.
453
00:28:25,094 --> 00:28:26,008
I see.
454
00:28:27,618 --> 00:28:29,011
What mood are you in?
455
00:28:31,622 --> 00:28:33,233
I'm not--
I thought we were going out
456
00:28:35,017 --> 00:28:36,671
- for dinner, so.
- Right, no.
457
00:28:36,802 --> 00:28:38,804
I-- I...
458
00:28:41,154 --> 00:28:43,591
actually I have agoraphobia.
459
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:44,635
What?
460
00:28:46,028 --> 00:28:47,377
I'll get us a drink.
461
00:28:50,293 --> 00:28:51,207
Sorry.
462
00:28:55,472 --> 00:28:56,778
[woman] {\an8}Sebastian.
463
00:28:59,476 --> 00:29:00,956
Oh, my God.
464
00:29:01,087 --> 00:29:02,436
- I need your cup.
- Oh.
465
00:29:05,047 --> 00:29:06,657
- Come on.
- [phone line ringing]
466
00:29:06,788 --> 00:29:10,966
Come on, Beth,
pick up the phone. Come on!
467
00:29:11,097 --> 00:29:12,838
- [Beth] {\an8}Hello!
- Beth.
468
00:29:12,968 --> 00:29:14,840
{\an8}-This is Beth's phone.
Leave a message.
- No.
469
00:29:17,407 --> 00:29:19,670
Who else is there?
Yeah.
470
00:29:20,628 --> 00:29:21,803
[phone line rings]
471
00:29:22,630 --> 00:29:25,589
[phone ringing]
472
00:29:34,598 --> 00:29:37,079
- Los!
- B, I need an emergency phone call now.
473
00:29:37,210 --> 00:29:40,213
{\an8}Okay. It's an emergency,
it's massive,
474
00:29:40,343 --> 00:29:43,259
there's people on fire
and they're dead.
475
00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:45,784
No, that's not how
you do an emergency call.
476
00:29:45,914 --> 00:29:47,524
I found a body just one body.
477
00:29:47,655 --> 00:29:49,526
- No!
- What's happening?
478
00:29:49,657 --> 00:29:52,094
- He wants to have sex with me.
- {\an8}And?
479
00:29:52,225 --> 00:29:54,009
He wanks off to Pikachu.
480
00:29:54,140 --> 00:29:55,794
Pikachu's quite pretty.
481
00:29:55,924 --> 00:29:58,884
It's a drawing
of a cat, thing.
482
00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:01,800
He says he's agoraphobic,
that's a lie,
483
00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:04,063
or is it? I don't know.
484
00:30:04,193 --> 00:30:07,240
- Stop being so scared.
- {\an8}I am scared.
485
00:30:07,370 --> 00:30:09,590
I can't have sex with him.
It's too soon.
486
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:11,418
If I do it, I haven't shown
enough resistance.
487
00:30:11,548 --> 00:30:13,202
And I've not shaved.
488
00:30:13,899 --> 00:30:17,380
[phone line rings]
489
00:30:17,511 --> 00:30:18,686
[upbeat music]
490
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,557
[phone ringing]
491
00:30:22,603 --> 00:30:24,605
Yo yo yo!
492
00:30:24,735 --> 00:30:27,260
- [Ryan] {\an8}I'm losing her.
- What are you doing?
493
00:30:27,390 --> 00:30:30,524
Right now, I am talking
to you while there is a girl
494
00:30:30,654 --> 00:30:33,266
who thinks I have intermittent
agoraphobia held hostage
495
00:30:33,396 --> 00:30:38,793
in my room. That's what
I am doing. I am off-piste.
496
00:30:38,924 --> 00:30:41,187
[Beth] {\an8}Okay, now dip your tits
into the cold water,
497
00:30:41,317 --> 00:30:43,319
{\an8}helps plump them up
makes them look bigger,
498
00:30:43,450 --> 00:30:45,713
but you need to continue doing
this throughout the evening
499
00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:47,584
because they will shrink
in the heat.
500
00:30:47,715 --> 00:30:49,935
This isn't 50 shades
of fucking Gray, Bink.
501
00:30:50,065 --> 00:30:52,851
No, it's more like
one shade of shit.
502
00:30:52,981 --> 00:30:55,592
{\an8}You've been talking
about this guy all week.
503
00:30:55,723 --> 00:30:59,640
{\an8}Give him a chance. If he's
fucking up, take control.
504
00:30:59,770 --> 00:31:02,817
{\an8}If you're feeling nervous,
think to yourself,
505
00:31:02,948 --> 00:31:06,038
"What would Shakira do?"
And then just do that.
506
00:31:08,431 --> 00:31:09,128
Put them in.
507
00:31:10,259 --> 00:31:11,217
Fuck it.
508
00:31:13,872 --> 00:31:16,309
Ah. Fuck it's freezing.
509
00:31:17,266 --> 00:31:19,529
- [Dan] {\an8} Have you complimented her?
- Yes.
510
00:31:19,660 --> 00:31:21,618
Probably, I don't know.
511
00:31:21,749 --> 00:31:23,838
- {\an8}Have you spoken about sex yet?
- No.
512
00:31:23,969 --> 00:31:25,492
I can lead a horse
to water, Ryan.
513
00:31:25,622 --> 00:31:28,103
Okay. So, we compliment her,
514
00:31:28,234 --> 00:31:30,410
- and the sex talk.
- {\an8}Be dominant, man.
515
00:31:30,540 --> 00:31:31,977
Tell her to get in the bed,
516
00:31:32,107 --> 00:31:34,196
The bedroom rules,
they love rules.
517
00:31:34,327 --> 00:31:37,199
- That's dogs.
- {\an8}This one works for both.
518
00:31:37,330 --> 00:31:39,767
Right before you fuck,
look her in the eye and say,
519
00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:43,858
"You might not enjoy
this, but by God,
you'll remember it." Okay?
520
00:31:50,517 --> 00:31:51,822
[soft music]
521
00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:09,449
Fuck.
522
00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:11,755
[Ryan]
Are you all right in there?
523
00:32:11,886 --> 00:32:13,148
Yeah, just give me a sec.
524
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:27,728
You getting back
in the bed or what?
525
00:32:29,556 --> 00:32:31,471
These are the bedroom rules.
526
00:32:33,299 --> 00:32:35,170
Do not break them.
527
00:32:35,301 --> 00:32:37,129
[woman in the movie] {\an8}
Do you want to have sex or not?
528
00:32:38,739 --> 00:32:40,088
[soft music]
529
00:32:52,318 --> 00:32:54,102
[woman] {\an8}See, that wasn't
so weird, was it?
530
00:32:55,538 --> 00:32:57,845
[woman 2] {\an8}Wasn't weird at all.
I liked it.
531
00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:00,369
[woman 1] {\an8}Good.
Now we're going to do it again,
532
00:33:00,500 --> 00:33:03,111
{\an8}only this time you're going
to feel my tongue in your mouth
533
00:33:03,242 --> 00:33:07,550
{\an8}and when you do, you're going
to massage it with yours.
Are you ready?
534
00:33:07,681 --> 00:33:10,597
It's all sex, sex,
sex these days isn't it?
535
00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:16,342
Sex, sex, sex. Sex.
536
00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:19,998
You know this film
was actually made in 1999.
537
00:33:26,439 --> 00:33:27,744
And in those days as well.
538
00:33:30,921 --> 00:33:32,923
Some things just never change.
539
00:33:52,595 --> 00:33:53,422
[woman 1] {\an8}How was that?
540
00:33:54,380 --> 00:33:55,990
{\an8}Let's do it again.
541
00:33:56,121 --> 00:33:57,948
{\an8}How about you try it again
with your friend.
542
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,474
[woman 2] {\an8}
My mother would kill me!
543
00:34:01,604 --> 00:34:03,867
[woman 1] {\an8}Your mother doesn't
need to know everything
about your life.
544
00:34:03,998 --> 00:34:05,608
{\an8}I'll take care of your mom...
545
00:34:11,788 --> 00:34:14,226
- You smell really good.
- Thanks.
546
00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:16,402
What is it?
547
00:34:17,185 --> 00:34:18,056
Ocean Breeze.
548
00:34:20,014 --> 00:34:21,668
- Well, it's good.
- Thank you.
549
00:34:28,892 --> 00:34:31,373
[Ryan] {\an8}This is happening,
don't get over excited,
550
00:34:31,504 --> 00:34:35,203
{\an8}stay calm. I am not calm!
551
00:34:37,205 --> 00:34:38,728
[Laura] {\an8}
Shakira what would you do?
552
00:34:40,208 --> 00:34:43,516
[Ryan] {\an8}Okay. Start with
the face and work your way down.
553
00:34:43,646 --> 00:34:44,952
[Laura] {\an8}Get that leg over.
554
00:34:46,475 --> 00:34:50,218
{\an8}And then you'd do
your chest jutting thing
555
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,353
{\an8}and roll around in the mud.
556
00:34:56,746 --> 00:34:57,617
[Ryan] {\an8}What is happening?
557
00:34:58,618 --> 00:34:59,836
{\an8}I should have had a wank.
558
00:35:01,577 --> 00:35:03,231
{\an8}She is so confident.
559
00:35:04,145 --> 00:35:06,278
[Laura] {\an8}
Where am I going with this?
560
00:35:06,408 --> 00:35:08,367
[Ryan] {\an8}
How many guys has she had?
561
00:35:08,497 --> 00:35:10,064
[Laura] {\an8}
Oh, fuck what am I doing?
562
00:35:15,548 --> 00:35:17,506
{\an8}Crawl back, crawl back.
563
00:35:19,856 --> 00:35:22,772
- {\an8}Oh God, he's touching my boob.
- Oh my, oh my God.
564
00:35:22,903 --> 00:35:24,078
[Laura] {\an8}Take control.
565
00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:27,342
[Ryan] {\an8}You're going to have
to be good at this.
566
00:35:27,473 --> 00:35:28,735
{\an8}All your best moves.
567
00:35:31,607 --> 00:35:34,219
[Laura] {\an8}Right. We'll start
with his shirt, kiss for a bit
568
00:35:34,349 --> 00:35:36,090
{\an8}then I'll take off mine
and that is the new plan.
569
00:35:42,270 --> 00:35:45,578
[Ryan] {\an8}Be dominant, you can't
let her take off her own shirt.
570
00:35:45,708 --> 00:35:46,970
- Ah!
- Ow.
571
00:35:47,101 --> 00:35:49,016
- [Ryan] Sorry. Sorry.
- It's okay.
572
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,018
- Shit, sorry
- It's okay.
573
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,628
- You all right?
- Yeah.
574
00:35:53,673 --> 00:35:56,110
- It's a--
- It's okay.
575
00:35:56,241 --> 00:35:59,766
- It's a wrap around thing.
- Right.
576
00:36:01,071 --> 00:36:02,203
[Laura] Fuck's sake.
577
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,297
Ah, got it.
578
00:36:10,037 --> 00:36:12,692
Oh, it's fucking knotted.
579
00:36:15,173 --> 00:36:16,304
- Oh.
- You all right?
580
00:36:16,435 --> 00:36:19,351
Yeah, right. Got it.
581
00:36:23,137 --> 00:36:24,399
Ah. The jeans.
582
00:36:27,533 --> 00:36:28,838
- Do you need a hand or?
- No.
583
00:36:28,969 --> 00:36:31,232
[Laura] {\an8}
I forgot how tight they were.
584
00:36:31,363 --> 00:36:35,584
{\an8}Shit... Take them off.
585
00:36:36,759 --> 00:36:39,675
{\an8}This is most awkward situation
that has ever happened.
586
00:36:39,806 --> 00:36:41,895
{\an8}Fuck these jeans.
587
00:36:43,462 --> 00:36:44,463
Ah.
588
00:36:48,554 --> 00:36:50,860
- Ah.
- Ah. Here, lie down.
589
00:36:51,513 --> 00:36:53,211
[sighs] Okay.
590
00:36:56,779 --> 00:37:00,000
{\an8}Oh, God.
This is the worst thing ever.
591
00:37:00,130 --> 00:37:02,481
Ah! Thank you.
592
00:37:04,309 --> 00:37:08,617
[panting]
593
00:37:08,748 --> 00:37:10,445
[soft music]
594
00:37:17,844 --> 00:37:19,280
I'll just...
595
00:37:22,979 --> 00:37:25,068
[Ryan] {\an8}Yes. Oh, yes.
596
00:37:28,768 --> 00:37:31,031
[panting] {\an8}Okay, relax.
597
00:37:34,687 --> 00:37:36,645
{\an8}I cannot wait
to tell Dan about this.
598
00:37:37,690 --> 00:37:39,518
{\an8}Who's the daddy now, Dan?
599
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,436
{\an8}Got to tell him about that porno
as well in case she asks him.
600
00:37:44,566 --> 00:37:47,090
{\an8}Right, just stop thinking,
stop thinking.
601
00:37:47,221 --> 00:37:48,222
{\an8}This is a result.
602
00:37:50,833 --> 00:37:52,270
[Laura] {\an8}Should I stop yet?
603
00:37:53,706 --> 00:37:55,403
[Ryan] {\an8}Oh, I hope
it's clean down there.
604
00:37:56,839 --> 00:37:59,973
{\an8}What if it's too clean?
Could she taste soap?
605
00:38:00,103 --> 00:38:01,279
[Laura] {\an8}I can't breathe.
606
00:38:02,323 --> 00:38:03,498
[Ryan] {\an8}
Can she breathe down there?
607
00:38:04,891 --> 00:38:06,980
{\an8}Give her some air,
a little air hole.
608
00:38:10,940 --> 00:38:13,073
[Laura] {\an8}I don't know how long
I should do this for.
609
00:38:15,641 --> 00:38:16,729
{\an8}Maybe a few more swirly ones.
610
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:19,471
[panting]
611
00:38:20,907 --> 00:38:22,430
[Laura] {\an8}
They always work like a charm.
612
00:38:32,179 --> 00:38:34,268
Hey. Thank you.
613
00:38:35,487 --> 00:38:36,966
[Laura] {\an8}
Please, don't go down there.
614
00:38:37,097 --> 00:38:38,881
{\an8}I think she wants
me to go down there.
615
00:38:39,012 --> 00:38:40,840
- {\an8}Don't go down there.
- She's not kissing me, so,
616
00:38:40,970 --> 00:38:44,017
- {\an8}yep that's what she wants.
- Oh, no he's not going to-- no!
617
00:38:44,147 --> 00:38:46,454
- {\an8}Oh, I hope I remember how to do this.
- Oh, no.
618
00:38:47,890 --> 00:38:52,155
[Ryan] {\an8}I can't see shit.
Oh, God. Where is it?
619
00:38:53,635 --> 00:38:55,115
{\an8}Oh, it's here.
620
00:38:56,290 --> 00:38:58,771
[Laura] {\an8}Okay. Just relax.
621
00:39:02,078 --> 00:39:03,123
[moans]
622
00:39:06,692 --> 00:39:08,346
[Ryan] {\an8}
Who the fuck designed this?
623
00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:11,261
[Laura] {\an8}What is he doing?
624
00:39:12,872 --> 00:39:14,526
{\an8}Maybe stroke his hair.
625
00:39:15,265 --> 00:39:16,789
[soft music continues]
626
00:39:17,703 --> 00:39:21,446
[Ryan] {\an8}A, B, C,
627
00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:26,755
{\an8}D, E, F,
628
00:39:28,191 --> 00:39:31,369
{\an8}G. G is a hard one.
629
00:39:33,196 --> 00:39:35,373
[Laura] {\an8}Okay, get him back up.
How do I end this?
630
00:39:35,503 --> 00:39:36,765
{\an8}Wiggle him off?
631
00:39:39,246 --> 00:39:42,118
{\an8}Oh, she's had enough probably
because I fucked up the G.
632
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:48,342
{\an8}You look her dead
in the eye and you say...
633
00:39:49,212 --> 00:39:50,257
Hiya.
634
00:39:56,481 --> 00:39:58,178
{\an8}Right, here we go.
635
00:39:58,308 --> 00:40:01,747
Ryan. Got a condom?
636
00:40:02,704 --> 00:40:04,402
Condom yep, yep.
637
00:40:05,446 --> 00:40:06,404
Right.
638
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:33,169
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
639
00:40:35,389 --> 00:40:37,565
Can never get these things
the right way, round.
640
00:40:39,872 --> 00:40:40,873
Right.
641
00:40:47,009 --> 00:40:48,881
- Hey.
- Ow.
642
00:40:51,536 --> 00:40:52,580
[Laura clears her throat]
643
00:40:59,195 --> 00:41:02,764
- Ah.
- So sorry.
644
00:41:02,895 --> 00:41:06,333
- It's okay it's just, just a bit higher.
- Yep.
645
00:41:07,247 --> 00:41:11,686
{\an8}Don't go soft.
Don't die on me. Fuck.
646
00:41:13,645 --> 00:41:16,952
- {\an8}I could just thumb it in.
- Don't thumb it in.
647
00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:19,825
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
648
00:41:22,915 --> 00:41:25,178
[Ryan panting]
649
00:41:27,789 --> 00:41:30,749
- Give me a second. Sorry.
- Do you want me to do anything?
650
00:41:30,879 --> 00:41:34,056
No, no. Sorry.
651
00:41:34,187 --> 00:41:35,580
Ah.
652
00:41:41,673 --> 00:41:42,978
{\an8}Come on!
653
00:41:49,419 --> 00:41:51,247
Sorry.
654
00:41:51,378 --> 00:41:55,034
Sorry. [moaning]
655
00:41:55,164 --> 00:41:57,863
[phone ringing]
656
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:05,958
Okay.
657
00:42:13,705 --> 00:42:15,141
[phone continues ringing]
658
00:42:21,103 --> 00:42:22,670
- Sorry about that.
- It's okay.
659
00:42:25,934 --> 00:42:29,895
- I'm usually better.
- As am I.
660
00:42:42,081 --> 00:42:44,344
- Just going to nip to the loo.
- Okay.
661
00:42:47,303 --> 00:42:49,349
[phone ringing]
662
00:42:58,314 --> 00:42:59,315
[door closes]
663
00:43:01,491 --> 00:43:03,319
Oh.
664
00:43:05,974 --> 00:43:07,541
[slow music]
665
00:43:13,242 --> 00:43:14,461
Oh.
666
00:43:15,767 --> 00:43:17,725
Well, there we are.
All done.
667
00:43:19,945 --> 00:43:21,599
It was-- it was nice
seeing you again.
668
00:43:22,512 --> 00:43:23,470
Yeah and you.
669
00:43:24,776 --> 00:43:27,387
And thanks for, for everything.
670
00:43:27,517 --> 00:43:30,564
No, no worries. No probs.
671
00:43:31,783 --> 00:43:33,393
- Bye.
- Hey.
672
00:43:34,699 --> 00:43:35,613
Oh.
673
00:43:43,838 --> 00:43:44,970
Bye.
674
00:43:49,322 --> 00:43:50,497
Just...
675
00:43:56,895 --> 00:43:57,765
Bye.
676
00:44:06,252 --> 00:44:10,386
[Ryan] I'm waiting out here.
Are you alright?
677
00:44:10,517 --> 00:44:13,172
- Wait.
- Oh, they hurt so bad.
678
00:44:13,302 --> 00:44:15,653
- Why would you hurt yourself?
- I don't know.
679
00:44:15,783 --> 00:44:18,003
- Here, let me take these.
- Ah.
680
00:44:18,133 --> 00:44:20,396
- I'll give you a piggyback. Get on.
- Yes.
681
00:44:20,527 --> 00:44:22,877
- Come on. Get on.
- Yes, yes, yes.
682
00:44:23,008 --> 00:44:26,228
Get on. Jump, jump.
Oh no, whoa, whoa.
683
00:44:27,534 --> 00:44:30,232
Oh, my God. Is this
how you see the world?
684
00:44:30,363 --> 00:44:32,974
- Yep.
- Everyone looks tiny.
685
00:44:35,585 --> 00:44:38,501
Wait, wait. Look how I see it.
686
00:44:40,199 --> 00:44:42,723
Wow! You're a borrower.
687
00:44:42,854 --> 00:44:46,161
- You're a borrower.
- I think one of us is a freak.
688
00:44:46,292 --> 00:44:50,426
- Yeah, I think it's you.
- Well, I think we should ask this guy.
689
00:44:50,557 --> 00:44:54,169
Hey, excuse me, which one of us
would you say is a freak?
690
00:44:54,300 --> 00:44:55,475
Fuck off.
691
00:44:57,912 --> 00:45:01,437
- That was my dad.
- [laughs]
692
00:45:05,050 --> 00:45:06,573
- Hey.
- Have a chip.
693
00:45:07,705 --> 00:45:09,010
[slow music continues]
694
00:45:15,930 --> 00:45:16,801
Oh.
695
00:45:19,499 --> 00:45:22,110
- Laura. Laura.
- What?
696
00:45:22,937 --> 00:45:23,895
It's that way.
697
00:45:45,438 --> 00:45:46,308
I'm sorry...
698
00:45:48,049 --> 00:45:50,399
about this, all of it.
699
00:45:51,444 --> 00:45:53,707
- About what?
- The whole thing.
700
00:45:56,362 --> 00:45:59,495
I just-- I haven't-- um--
701
00:46:01,933 --> 00:46:04,674
I suppose you're going to go,
so it doesn't really matter.
702
00:46:05,632 --> 00:46:06,938
I, um,
703
00:46:10,898 --> 00:46:12,857
I haven't ever
really done this before.
704
00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:16,861
I don't mean
that I have done that,
705
00:46:16,991 --> 00:46:19,037
though it didn't look
like it, but I have.
706
00:46:20,821 --> 00:46:21,691
Never well.
707
00:46:24,912 --> 00:46:27,785
I haven't been with anyone
in a while and
708
00:46:27,915 --> 00:46:31,353
I fucked it.
Again, not well.
709
00:46:32,398 --> 00:46:35,096
Sorry-- I'm-- I don't know
what I'm trying to say, um.
710
00:46:36,663 --> 00:46:38,012
I'm sorry
I didn't take you out.
711
00:46:40,623 --> 00:46:42,974
I should have. I panicked.
712
00:46:45,324 --> 00:46:47,195
I don't know--
I don't know how to do this.
713
00:46:47,326 --> 00:46:48,936
I don't either.
714
00:46:49,067 --> 00:46:50,459
Oh, no you do.
You definitely do,
715
00:46:51,417 --> 00:46:53,114
the confidence and the dancing.
716
00:46:53,245 --> 00:46:55,769
Oh, God, no,
that bit wasn't strong.
717
00:46:56,901 --> 00:46:57,771
I liked it.
718
00:47:01,340 --> 00:47:03,603
So, what you don't usually
take girls to your bedroom
719
00:47:03,733 --> 00:47:06,171
- on a second date?
- [chuckles]
720
00:47:06,301 --> 00:47:08,042
I don't usually have
second dates to be honest.
721
00:47:10,871 --> 00:47:12,699
I haven't met anyone
that I like in a while,
722
00:47:14,135 --> 00:47:15,267
or that likes me.
723
00:47:17,138 --> 00:47:20,315
Is that because of an ex
or you're just not that...
724
00:47:21,099 --> 00:47:22,187
into women?
725
00:47:24,972 --> 00:47:29,107
You don't have to tell me,
I'm not like one of those
girls that's like "Who is she?
726
00:47:29,237 --> 00:47:31,500
Do you still see her?
Does she still love you?
Do you still love her?
727
00:47:31,631 --> 00:47:33,763
do you? Do you?" [chuckles]
728
00:47:33,894 --> 00:47:35,156
Do you?
729
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:44,600
- [Ryan] Oh.
- Shit! Ryan! Why aren't you at your mums?
730
00:47:44,731 --> 00:47:47,299
Why are you having sex
with James?
731
00:47:47,429 --> 00:47:49,779
I wanted to talk
to you about this.
732
00:47:49,910 --> 00:47:53,131
- About what?
- Me and James.
733
00:47:55,611 --> 00:47:59,485
- We're seeing each other, yeah.
- Pull out a minute.
734
00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:06,579
[panting]
Oh, Ryan. I'm so sorry.
I just knew you'd be so upset.
735
00:48:06,709 --> 00:48:09,277
I was going to talk to you about
it over a weekend or something,
736
00:48:09,408 --> 00:48:12,454
but well,
at least you know now.
737
00:48:15,501 --> 00:48:17,764
Where are your pants?
Put them on for a start.
738
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:20,810
- I'm pretty hot in here.
- Yeah.
739
00:48:20,941 --> 00:48:23,378
The central heating's faulty,
you don't get the dial spot on
740
00:48:23,509 --> 00:48:25,815
the temperature goes
up and up and up.
741
00:48:25,946 --> 00:48:28,906
- You could take a look at it?
- Yeah, we can look at that.
742
00:48:31,517 --> 00:48:32,474
On my count.
743
00:48:34,607 --> 00:48:35,825
Release it now.
744
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:41,788
- Perfect.
- [Ryan crying] You didn't count.
745
00:48:42,789 --> 00:48:44,051
That'll do it.
746
00:48:48,534 --> 00:48:49,448
Thanks.
747
00:48:50,797 --> 00:48:54,496
Oh, my God. That's so shit.
748
00:48:54,627 --> 00:48:57,499
- Ah, the temperature's fine though.
- Ah.
749
00:48:59,588 --> 00:49:03,157
- How long were you together?
- Two and a half years.
750
00:49:03,288 --> 00:49:06,421
- Shit.
- I mean, it's fine now, like I've-- you know, I--
751
00:49:07,857 --> 00:49:10,382
we don't hang out or anything,
but like I'm not mad.
752
00:49:15,822 --> 00:49:17,476
It's too cold
to be standing out here.
753
00:49:22,655 --> 00:49:23,656
Do you want to come back?
754
00:49:27,051 --> 00:49:27,965
Yeah.
755
00:49:30,315 --> 00:49:31,881
- Amazing.
- [chuckles]
756
00:49:35,407 --> 00:49:39,193
[Ryan] {\an8}What about you then?
You've got to tell me about you,
if I'm telling you all this.
757
00:49:39,324 --> 00:49:41,979
Fine. Right, but you have
to ask the questions, okay?
758
00:49:43,415 --> 00:49:48,855
So, me and my ex we finished
five months ago. Go.
759
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:52,380
- Okay. Was it serious?
- Yes.
760
00:49:52,511 --> 00:49:54,643
- How long were you together?
- Six years.
761
00:49:55,731 --> 00:49:57,298
- Six years?
- Yes.
762
00:49:59,431 --> 00:50:04,044
- Um... Did you live together?
- Yes.
763
00:50:04,175 --> 00:50:05,741
- Are you married?
- No.
764
00:50:05,872 --> 00:50:07,352
- Were you married?
- No.
765
00:50:07,482 --> 00:50:08,744
- Engaged?
- Yes.
766
00:50:08,875 --> 00:50:11,051
- What happened?
- You can't do that.
767
00:50:11,182 --> 00:50:13,010
- What I have to guess?
- Yes.
768
00:50:14,750 --> 00:50:17,188
- Did one of you cheat?
- No.
769
00:50:17,318 --> 00:50:22,367
- Did he-- oh God. He's not dead, is he?
- No.
770
00:50:22,497 --> 00:50:24,238
Oh, God. I was going to say
this game is awful.
771
00:50:24,369 --> 00:50:26,719
Fine, I'm just going
to tell you, okay?
772
00:50:26,849 --> 00:50:32,246
So, it started about a year ago
when he told me he was bisexual.
773
00:50:33,334 --> 00:50:36,468
- And you were fine with that?
- Well, yeah pretty much.
774
00:50:36,598 --> 00:50:38,905
I was like
"Do you still fancy me?"
775
00:50:39,036 --> 00:50:41,255
And he was like, "Yeah."
776
00:50:41,386 --> 00:50:42,865
And when I thought about it,
777
00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:44,954
I thought I kind of fancy
Jennifer Aniston.
778
00:50:46,217 --> 00:50:48,697
- Sometimes I imagine what she must smell like.
- Coconut.
779
00:50:50,003 --> 00:50:53,572
Yes.
I've always said piña colada.
780
00:50:54,573 --> 00:50:58,011
- I think she uses a lot of scented body lotions.
- Exactly.
781
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,668
Okay, so anyway, I was in bed,
782
00:51:02,798 --> 00:51:04,844
it must have been
like 3 A.M. or something,
783
00:51:04,974 --> 00:51:08,326
- I woke up and he wasn't there.
- Shit.
784
00:51:09,501 --> 00:51:11,459
But I could hear noises
coming from downstairs.
785
00:51:11,590 --> 00:51:14,549
So, I got up, I went down
and there was in the living room
786
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:17,770
- fiddling with the ornaments.
- Is that like code for...
787
00:51:18,553 --> 00:51:21,426
No, no just actual ornaments.
788
00:51:21,556 --> 00:51:23,384
Like a little dish
and a wooden cat thing.
789
00:51:23,515 --> 00:51:24,864
- That's weird.
- I know.
790
00:51:24,994 --> 00:51:26,648
And I say to him
791
00:51:26,779 --> 00:51:30,435
- "Are you okay?"
- And he's like, "No."
792
00:51:30,565 --> 00:51:32,872
Obviously, he's fiddling
with ornaments at like 3 A.M.
793
00:51:33,002 --> 00:51:36,354
And he says, "Okay, so you know
a couple of months ago
794
00:51:36,484 --> 00:51:39,313
- I told you I was bisexual?"
- Which you did.
795
00:51:39,444 --> 00:51:41,228
Which I did, yeah.
So, I say, "Yeah."
796
00:51:41,359 --> 00:51:46,103
And he says,
"Well I'm not. I'm gay.
797
00:51:48,017 --> 00:51:50,107
I'm sorry. I'm gay."
798
00:51:50,237 --> 00:51:51,891
And what did you say?
799
00:51:53,371 --> 00:51:55,416
Well, I told him that
I thought it was a bold move
800
00:51:55,547 --> 00:51:57,766
for the marriage,
but that it was okay
801
00:51:57,897 --> 00:52:01,379
because he still fancied me.
And then he just stared at me
802
00:52:01,509 --> 00:52:05,687
and kept repeating,
"I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.
803
00:52:05,818 --> 00:52:09,517
- I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay."
- And...
804
00:52:09,648 --> 00:52:13,130
- "I'm gay". Yep.
- Did you see that coming, or?
805
00:52:13,260 --> 00:52:17,134
Well, looking back now I can
kind of see the signs but...
806
00:52:17,264 --> 00:52:18,744
Did his boyfriend give him away?
807
00:52:18,874 --> 00:52:20,267
No. I--
808
00:52:21,921 --> 00:52:23,401
that was such a dad joke.
809
00:52:23,531 --> 00:52:25,490
- I'm sorry.
- [chuckles]
810
00:52:26,621 --> 00:52:27,535
Ah.
811
00:52:30,625 --> 00:52:32,323
So, you just had
to stop everything.
812
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:35,108
- Yeah.
- I guess you would have to.
813
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,503
- We had a house and everything together so.
- Oh.
814
00:52:38,633 --> 00:52:41,680
To start with I was like,
"We can still live together.
815
00:52:41,810 --> 00:52:43,551
We can be mates and all that."
816
00:52:43,682 --> 00:52:45,858
But that really didn't work out.
817
00:52:45,988 --> 00:52:49,340
So, I'm back
with my mom for now,
818
00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:51,429
and if all of that
didn't happen,
819
00:52:51,559 --> 00:52:53,344
I'd be getting married
next week.
820
00:52:55,781 --> 00:52:56,695
[door closes]
821
00:52:57,522 --> 00:52:59,132
So, is that your only ex then?
822
00:52:59,959 --> 00:53:02,004
No other women
I have to fight off.
823
00:53:02,135 --> 00:53:05,486
- You're going to fight them?
- Yeah, why not?
824
00:53:07,009 --> 00:53:09,011
That cheating one
sounds like she deserves
a punch in the face.
825
00:53:11,100 --> 00:53:14,887
Well, I'm kind
of a big deal so um--
826
00:53:21,807 --> 00:53:23,330
No there've not been many.
827
00:53:25,158 --> 00:53:27,682
And how many is not many?
828
00:53:29,771 --> 00:53:30,946
Ah.
829
00:53:33,819 --> 00:53:35,386
Are you just
making up a number?
830
00:53:35,516 --> 00:53:36,952
What? No.
831
00:53:37,866 --> 00:53:40,347
- I'm just trying to remember.
- You're going to lie.
832
00:53:40,478 --> 00:53:41,870
How many have you had then?
833
00:53:43,176 --> 00:53:46,179
- Uh...
- See, now you're going to lie.
834
00:53:46,310 --> 00:53:47,789
[knocking on door]
835
00:53:51,140 --> 00:53:52,577
It's not going to be for me.
836
00:53:52,707 --> 00:53:55,188
No, it's going to be Dan,
837
00:53:55,319 --> 00:53:56,798
he probably is going
to want to speak to you.
838
00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:01,368
- He's been drinking so don't believe anything he says.
- [knocking continues]
839
00:54:02,848 --> 00:54:05,459
Just go get him,
I won't judge you I promise.
840
00:54:06,765 --> 00:54:08,157
[whispering]
I have already judged you.
841
00:54:12,771 --> 00:54:13,989
[Ryan] Ow.
842
00:54:15,339 --> 00:54:16,949
Where are you keys?
843
00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:20,779
- [suspenseful music]
- You made me give you them back.
844
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,739
Please don't shut the door
just hear me out.
845
00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:29,440
- What are you doing here?
- I came here to talk to you.
846
00:54:29,570 --> 00:54:31,529
I called you like nine times.
847
00:54:31,659 --> 00:54:33,182
You didn't pick up
which I understand,
848
00:54:34,532 --> 00:54:35,837
but please can I come in?
849
00:54:37,099 --> 00:54:40,668
No. I'm on my way to bed.
850
00:54:40,799 --> 00:54:46,370
I'll be like ten minutes.
Five minutes. Max.
851
00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:49,547
- Don't call me...
- Don't call you Max, I know, I remember.
852
00:55:05,432 --> 00:55:07,956
- Where's Dan?
- He's out.
853
00:55:12,483 --> 00:55:15,790
- Are you okay?
- No, sorry. I'm--
854
00:55:17,531 --> 00:55:20,708
drank some wine and--
all the wine. [chuckles]
855
00:55:24,277 --> 00:55:25,365
James and I broke up.
856
00:55:29,064 --> 00:55:30,718
Fucked up, massively.
857
00:55:31,589 --> 00:55:34,331
[tension music]
858
00:55:36,594 --> 00:55:37,638
I love you.
859
00:55:40,641 --> 00:55:42,077
I keep thinking about you,
860
00:55:43,165 --> 00:55:45,211
hoping that I'll bump into you
and what I'm going to say.
861
00:55:46,778 --> 00:55:47,953
Does that sound pathetic?
862
00:55:49,128 --> 00:55:50,172
[door closes]
863
00:55:51,696 --> 00:55:54,699
- Is that, Dan?
- Give me two seconds.
864
00:55:54,829 --> 00:55:56,135
I thought you said he was out.
865
00:56:00,226 --> 00:56:02,315
- I found baby Ryan.
- No,
866
00:56:02,446 --> 00:56:04,448
no that's,
it came with the frame.
867
00:56:05,187 --> 00:56:06,493
- It didn't.
- Genuinely,
868
00:56:06,624 --> 00:56:08,060
I don't know that baby.
869
00:56:10,018 --> 00:56:12,978
Okay. You all right?
870
00:56:13,108 --> 00:56:16,851
Yeah, no I'm--
that's-- it's not Dan in there.
871
00:56:18,113 --> 00:56:20,072
It's my dad.
872
00:56:20,202 --> 00:56:22,509
And he's,
he's in a pretty bad way.
873
00:56:23,902 --> 00:56:25,207
Should I leave? I should leave.
874
00:56:25,338 --> 00:56:27,471
No! You can't leave.
875
00:56:27,601 --> 00:56:30,648
He'll see you.
Can you just wait here?
876
00:56:30,778 --> 00:56:33,390
- I'll get him to leave.
- You don't have to do that, it's your dad I don't--
877
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:35,957
It's fine, it's fine,
can you just stay here?
878
00:56:36,088 --> 00:56:38,482
- Give me two minutes.
- Okay, yeah.
879
00:56:42,442 --> 00:56:43,400
Hello.
880
00:56:45,097 --> 00:56:48,579
- Hello. Listen.
- [moans]
881
00:56:48,709 --> 00:56:52,278
I am really, really grateful
for you coming over
882
00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:55,063
and saying this,
but can I call you tomorrow
883
00:56:55,194 --> 00:56:56,413
when this sunk in?
884
00:56:58,197 --> 00:57:00,199
Aren't you even going
to open your present Ryan?
885
00:57:00,329 --> 00:57:02,854
- Yeah, I'll open it tomorrow.
- No, do it now.
886
00:57:02,984 --> 00:57:04,421
Can you please stop shouting?
887
00:57:06,205 --> 00:57:07,902
[tension music]
888
00:57:16,563 --> 00:57:17,651
Is that James?
889
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:21,568
Well yeah, I didn't have
a photo of us two together.
890
00:57:21,699 --> 00:57:25,659
Look, Ryan, you tell me
what to do and I will do it.
891
00:57:25,790 --> 00:57:27,444
I won't fuck up this time.
892
00:57:27,574 --> 00:57:30,447
Why don't we watch
the Godfather trilogy
893
00:57:32,057 --> 00:57:34,538
and how about I give you
your real present?
894
00:57:39,194 --> 00:57:40,935
I promise I will
call you tomorrow.
895
00:57:41,632 --> 00:57:43,111
Oh, God.
896
00:57:46,724 --> 00:57:48,856
[crying] Ryan.
897
00:57:52,381 --> 00:57:55,646
That's it. Be quiet, shh.
Up you come. Come on, that's it.
898
00:57:55,776 --> 00:57:57,474
That's it. There we go.
899
00:58:01,216 --> 00:58:03,392
- At least let me get my bloody shoes.
- Shh.
900
00:58:04,655 --> 00:58:06,265
[whispering] You stay here.
901
00:58:06,395 --> 00:58:07,440
Yeah, all right, Dad.
902
00:58:10,661 --> 00:58:12,053
Always forgetting them.
[chuckles]
903
00:58:17,015 --> 00:58:18,407
There goes one.
904
00:58:22,063 --> 00:58:23,891
Can I use
your toilet before I go?
905
00:58:25,458 --> 00:58:27,634
- No. It's broken.
- What about your toilet?
906
00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:30,115
That's also broken.
907
00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:32,160
There's something wrong
with the water level
908
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:33,858
and the toilets won't fill.
909
00:58:33,988 --> 00:58:35,599
The toilets
are broken, honestly.
910
00:58:35,729 --> 00:58:37,601
Right, well how do
you go to the toilet?
911
00:58:37,731 --> 00:58:39,559
We use the sink,
or McDonald's.
912
00:58:39,690 --> 00:58:40,995
It depends on the number.
913
00:58:58,622 --> 00:58:59,797
I miss you.
914
00:59:01,712 --> 00:59:04,453
- Oh.
- Ryan, look at me, will you?
915
00:59:04,584 --> 00:59:07,587
I stayed with him
because I hated myself
for what I did to you.
916
00:59:07,718 --> 00:59:09,284
I will never forget that look.
917
00:59:10,416 --> 00:59:11,504
[loud noise]
918
00:59:13,201 --> 00:59:18,555
Have either of you two seen
my assorted biscuit tin?
919
00:59:31,524 --> 00:59:33,918
- Hiya.
- All right?
920
00:59:35,702 --> 00:59:37,269
[tension music]
921
00:59:46,278 --> 00:59:47,496
You can keep those.
922
00:59:51,239 --> 00:59:52,545
Beth?
923
00:59:52,676 --> 00:59:53,633
Laura?
924
00:59:55,679 --> 00:59:58,159
How-- how did
you know I was here?
925
00:59:58,290 --> 00:59:59,334
I didn't.
926
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,337
Why are you here?
927
01:00:03,382 --> 01:00:05,993
- Why is she here?
- You know him?
928
01:00:06,124 --> 01:00:08,082
- Do you two know each other?
- Yeah.
929
01:00:08,213 --> 01:00:10,868
I-- are you two
in this together?
930
01:00:10,998 --> 01:00:12,217
Is that what this is?
What is this?
931
01:00:12,347 --> 01:00:13,305
Oh, my God.
932
01:00:15,089 --> 01:00:19,354
You're Ryan, Ryan. He's--
he's pissy Ryan? Oh, my God.
933
01:00:19,485 --> 01:00:22,053
- Are you two on a date?
- Whoa, why am I pissy Ryan?
934
01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:26,274
Why did you say pissy Ryan
and she said yes?
935
01:00:27,275 --> 01:00:28,842
The time you had loads to drink
and pissed the bed.
936
01:00:28,973 --> 01:00:30,931
- Are you two on a--?
- What three years ago?
937
01:00:31,062 --> 01:00:34,326
That night? That happened
one time, one time.
938
01:00:34,456 --> 01:00:36,545
- You pissed the bed loads.
- One other time
939
01:00:36,676 --> 01:00:38,547
and otherwise
it's been dry nights.
940
01:00:38,678 --> 01:00:40,419
Dry nights Ryan
should be what you call me.
941
01:00:40,549 --> 01:00:44,728
- Are you two on a date?
- No.
942
01:00:44,858 --> 01:00:47,208
No, no, so why are you here?
943
01:00:48,296 --> 01:00:51,125
- Don't you live in Wales now?
- Yeah.
944
01:00:51,256 --> 01:00:53,737
- You came from Wales, here?
- It was the Megabus.
945
01:00:53,867 --> 01:00:55,347
It's fine. It's cheap.
It's fine.
946
01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:58,393
Is this your idea
of getting back at me?
947
01:00:58,524 --> 01:01:00,831
- Is it?
- No, I'm not.
948
01:01:00,961 --> 01:01:03,703
I don't know what this is?
What is happening here?
949
01:01:03,834 --> 01:01:05,705
Beth is who I was
out with on Friday.
950
01:01:05,836 --> 01:01:07,533
And is this your ex Beth?
951
01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:10,492
[crying] I don't believe this.
952
01:01:10,623 --> 01:01:15,019
Beth I-- I didn't know
that that was pissy Ryan
953
01:01:15,149 --> 01:01:17,630
- or dry nights Ryan.
- How do you two know each other?
954
01:01:17,761 --> 01:01:19,980
Beth, if I'd have known that
I wouldn't have come here,
955
01:01:20,111 --> 01:01:23,767
- and you know that.
- Fine, fine.
956
01:01:23,897 --> 01:01:25,682
You two stay,
I'm going to leave.
957
01:01:25,812 --> 01:01:27,422
I'll let you get on
with your little sex party.
958
01:01:27,553 --> 01:01:29,555
Oi, why did you say
it was your dad?
959
01:01:29,686 --> 01:01:31,688
I didn't-- I don't
know what I'm supposed to say.
960
01:01:31,818 --> 01:01:32,906
This is going well, isn't it?
961
01:01:33,951 --> 01:01:35,213
I'm going to go.
962
01:01:35,343 --> 01:01:37,389
- No.
- No, no, no, stay.
963
01:01:37,519 --> 01:01:40,566
- It's what you want, isn't it?
- Beth, stop it.
964
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:43,090
No. We'll let him choose.
965
01:01:44,570 --> 01:01:45,832
Pick one.
966
01:01:52,099 --> 01:01:54,188
- I'm going to go.
- No, you are going to stay
967
01:01:54,319 --> 01:01:56,974
because clearly
you're the one he wants now,
968
01:01:57,104 --> 01:02:00,238
unlike last week when you
were texting me asking was
I all right, saying goodnight,
969
01:02:01,500 --> 01:02:03,763
like pretty much you have done
for the past two years,
970
01:02:04,677 --> 01:02:06,940
telling me you love me,
you miss me.
971
01:02:12,424 --> 01:02:14,731
- Here we go.
- Oh, no don't--
972
01:02:14,861 --> 01:02:16,994
Listened to "The man
who can't be moved."
973
01:02:17,124 --> 01:02:20,432
"Made me think of you." Wait.
Yeah, this is a really good one.
974
01:02:22,086 --> 01:02:26,351
"Miss you, still can't find
a girl who compares to you."
975
01:02:26,481 --> 01:02:30,355
- [door closes]
- ♪ {\an8}Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo♪
976
01:02:30,485 --> 01:02:32,661
- High five.
- [girl laughs]
977
01:02:32,792 --> 01:02:35,752
You see Ryan this is Tali.
Tali this is Ryan.
978
01:02:35,882 --> 01:02:40,495
Tali teaches Yoga,
and yeah, Tali, Ryan.
979
01:02:40,626 --> 01:02:42,454
Yeah, is it shoes or no shoes?
980
01:02:44,108 --> 01:02:47,720
Hiya, Tufts. This is Tufts,
Ryan's ex-girlfriend,
981
01:02:47,851 --> 01:02:49,766
who cheated on him
in this living room in fact.
982
01:02:49,896 --> 01:02:52,159
That's why we don't have
a sofa anymore, isn't it?
983
01:02:52,290 --> 01:02:54,858
- My name's Beth.
- Yeah, but we call her Tufts
984
01:02:54,988 --> 01:02:57,425
because once happened
she shaved herself
985
01:02:57,556 --> 01:03:00,602
and when the pubes grew back
came as these like tufts,
986
01:03:00,733 --> 01:03:02,561
looked like individual popcorns.
I'm sorry.
987
01:03:02,691 --> 01:03:05,259
I didn't see it,
definitely not,
988
01:03:05,390 --> 01:03:08,175
but you told me it was rough
as fuck, didn't you?
989
01:03:08,306 --> 01:03:10,656
This lady I have definitively
never laid a gander on.
990
01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:13,615
I'm assuming, you're the girl
Ryan's trying to have sex with.
991
01:03:14,573 --> 01:03:16,444
- [Tali] Hello.
- [Dan] Tali everybody!
992
01:03:16,575 --> 01:03:18,838
- Woo!
- Woo, woo, woo!
993
01:03:18,969 --> 01:03:21,623
Well, Laura,
why don't you tell me
994
01:03:21,754 --> 01:03:24,452
how long has this
really been going on for?
995
01:03:24,583 --> 01:03:28,761
Nothing's been going on.
I only met him like last Friday.
996
01:03:28,892 --> 01:03:33,810
Friday! What?
When you were out with me,
to cheer me up? Thanks.
997
01:03:33,940 --> 01:03:36,160
- You left.
- Yes, because I was upset.
998
01:03:36,290 --> 01:03:38,684
- What you two know each other?
- Seems like it.
999
01:03:38,815 --> 01:03:43,167
So, you took me out,
let me leave and then pull
my ex. Great plan!
1000
01:03:43,297 --> 01:03:44,951
Why are you making out
like I planned this?
1001
01:03:45,082 --> 01:03:47,693
I didn't even know
he was your ex,
1002
01:03:47,824 --> 01:03:50,304
and do you know what maybe we
could have realized this sooner
1003
01:03:50,435 --> 01:03:52,524
if you'd actually asked
me about my date tonight,
1004
01:03:52,654 --> 01:03:54,439
or you'd called me like a mate.
1005
01:03:54,569 --> 01:03:56,702
Oh, yeah, yeah that's it.
You mean like earlier,
1006
01:03:56,833 --> 01:03:59,096
when you texted me asking me
for an emergency phone call
1007
01:03:59,226 --> 01:04:01,185
because quote
"It is desperately needed."
1008
01:04:01,315 --> 01:04:02,839
and I'm not making this shit up.
1009
01:04:02,969 --> 01:04:05,406
- Look, Ryan.
- Put your phone away.
1010
01:04:05,537 --> 01:04:09,715
Now, I don't know if now's
a good time but has anybody lost
a pair of these?
1011
01:04:09,846 --> 01:04:11,717
- Ouhg.
- Is that one of yours?
1012
01:04:16,069 --> 01:04:19,246
That looks so much worse
and oddly so much better
than it actually is.
1013
01:04:19,377 --> 01:04:23,555
Look, I'm not going to argue
with you, I barely know the guy.
1014
01:04:23,685 --> 01:04:26,297
So, you two have obviously
got a lot to go through.
1015
01:04:26,427 --> 01:04:28,690
- I'm going to leave you to it, okay?
- No honestly, Laura
1016
01:04:28,821 --> 01:04:31,868
- That-- it's not what you think.
- Ryan! Ryan.
1017
01:04:31,998 --> 01:04:34,174
- Really it looks bad, but--
- I'm done here, okay?
1018
01:04:35,784 --> 01:04:38,396
I've wanted someone that wanted
something else for years
1019
01:04:38,526 --> 01:04:40,311
and it, it doesn't work.
1020
01:04:44,968 --> 01:04:45,969
[sighs]
1021
01:04:51,670 --> 01:04:52,932
Oh, wet towels.
1022
01:04:55,152 --> 01:04:58,155
- [door closes]
- [Tali] I've always been like, "A raisin is a raisin.
1023
01:04:58,285 --> 01:05:01,114
It's its own fruit,
and then Dan was like,
1024
01:05:01,245 --> 01:05:03,725
"It's a shriveled up, grape."
I was like, "What?
Did you know this?"
1025
01:05:03,856 --> 01:05:05,466
- He told me.
- Really?
1026
01:05:05,597 --> 01:05:06,946
- Yeah.
- Tell us something else.
1027
01:05:14,432 --> 01:05:16,477
Women are fucking crazy.
1028
01:05:16,608 --> 01:05:19,480
Laura is, I'm not. Anymore.
1029
01:05:19,611 --> 01:05:20,829
You okay?
1030
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:23,571
Yeah, yeah.
1031
01:05:26,487 --> 01:05:27,749
[upbeat music]
1032
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:29,751
Okay. Goblin,
1033
01:05:29,882 --> 01:05:31,449
- where are you from?
- [imitating a goblin's voice] Dublin.
1034
01:05:32,276 --> 01:05:34,452
How will you be
leaving this club later?
1035
01:05:35,975 --> 01:05:40,110
- [imitating] Stumbling.
- Okay, okay.
1036
01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:41,938
- Seriously now.
- Yes.
1037
01:05:42,068 --> 01:05:44,375
How do you find the current
situation in Syria?
1038
01:05:47,769 --> 01:05:49,206
- [imitating] Troubling.
- Yes.
1039
01:05:51,338 --> 01:05:54,037
Um, what was it like receiving
the Nobel Peace Prize?
1040
01:05:57,388 --> 01:06:00,608
- It was very...
- [imitating] Humbling.
1041
01:06:01,783 --> 01:06:03,176
- Yeah.
- Yeah. All right!
1042
01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:08,312
- Don't worry about it.
- About what?
1043
01:06:08,442 --> 01:06:11,097
- About being on a date with my friend.
- I'm not.
1044
01:06:12,707 --> 01:06:15,145
You've been
seeing one of my friends
for the last two years, so--
1045
01:06:15,275 --> 01:06:16,885
Okay, we all know
what's happened.
1046
01:06:17,930 --> 01:06:20,106
Why don't I open
that champagne, yeah?
1047
01:06:21,586 --> 01:06:23,718
You'll even like champagne.
It's made from grapes.
1048
01:06:23,849 --> 01:06:25,285
Oh, better not I'm pregnant.
1049
01:06:26,330 --> 01:06:28,201
You're-- what did you say?
1050
01:06:28,332 --> 01:06:31,509
[Beth] Ryan, where are
the champagne flutes?
1051
01:06:33,337 --> 01:06:35,600
You know, where are they?
1052
01:06:35,730 --> 01:06:37,645
Baby, where are your glasses?
1053
01:06:37,776 --> 01:06:38,690
- I'll--
- Don't.
1054
01:06:40,126 --> 01:06:41,736
- [Beth] Why?
- We don't have any glasses.
1055
01:06:42,520 --> 01:06:43,651
Please let me get her a glass.
1056
01:06:43,782 --> 01:06:45,566
- No.
- All right.
1057
01:06:45,697 --> 01:06:48,091
I don't understand this.
You've been
1058
01:06:48,221 --> 01:06:50,484
texting me, sending me flowers,
pretty much begging me
1059
01:06:50,615 --> 01:06:54,445
- to get back with you and now--
- I sold my fucking couch!
1060
01:06:55,402 --> 01:06:58,405
And now you're back here
like nothing happened
1061
01:06:58,536 --> 01:07:02,018
- and looking for glasses?
- What's the deal with the glasses?
1062
01:07:02,148 --> 01:07:04,281
But all those texts
and messages that I sent you,
1063
01:07:04,411 --> 01:07:06,109
you didn't reply to one,
not a single one.
1064
01:07:07,284 --> 01:07:08,807
I know and I'm sorry,
1065
01:07:09,547 --> 01:07:11,114
but if we want to make this work
1066
01:07:12,724 --> 01:07:14,160
you have to move on.
1067
01:07:18,208 --> 01:07:20,558
- Baby...
- Yeah, I have.
1068
01:07:21,298 --> 01:07:22,168
From you.
1069
01:07:23,778 --> 01:07:24,736
Baby.
1070
01:07:27,391 --> 01:07:28,479
You're going
to have to leave now.
1071
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:30,698
Get out.
1072
01:07:31,656 --> 01:07:32,787
Please get out.
1073
01:07:40,273 --> 01:07:41,535
You're not actually
doing this, are you?
1074
01:07:43,798 --> 01:07:46,801
One date with my mate,
a few reps and suddenly
you're the big man.
1075
01:07:48,499 --> 01:07:49,674
I came here for you.
1076
01:07:50,849 --> 01:07:53,112
You came here for yourself
because James left you.
1077
01:07:54,374 --> 01:07:56,855
- Laura's right.
- Laura's an idiot.
1078
01:07:56,985 --> 01:08:00,337
She's an idiot
who doesn't make me feel totally
shit about myself all the time.
1079
01:08:00,467 --> 01:08:02,600
- Still an idiot though.
- Come on.
1080
01:08:03,688 --> 01:08:05,385
Please, get out.
1081
01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:11,261
Please, leave.
1082
01:08:20,226 --> 01:08:22,272
[door opens]
1083
01:08:23,577 --> 01:08:24,970
I'll raise
that child as my own.
1084
01:08:27,538 --> 01:08:28,800
I'm not really pregnant.
1085
01:08:33,457 --> 01:08:35,937
[GPS] {\an8}Head southwest
for thirty meters.
1086
01:08:36,068 --> 01:08:37,374
Which way is southwest?
1087
01:08:38,853 --> 01:08:41,900
You made your choice
"pissy pants Ryan."
1088
01:08:42,030 --> 01:08:45,208
Hope you and "I would rather
be married to a gay guy"
are very happy.
1089
01:08:45,338 --> 01:08:46,644
You certainly
fucking deserve each other!
1090
01:08:48,515 --> 01:08:50,256
Ah.[gasps]
1091
01:08:50,387 --> 01:08:52,215
Ah, oh!
1092
01:08:53,738 --> 01:08:56,697
- See, she did deserve a punch in the face.
- Ryan!
1093
01:08:56,828 --> 01:09:00,136
- Laura!
- Shut up. Ridiculous.
1094
01:09:01,311 --> 01:09:04,879
Right,
where is southwest? That way?
Where does the Megabus go from?
1095
01:09:05,010 --> 01:09:07,099
You can kiss
goodbye to your job.
1096
01:09:07,230 --> 01:09:09,275
You haven't got the authority
to sack me, Beth.
1097
01:09:09,406 --> 01:09:11,973
- No, but Marion does, when she--
- Marion hates you.
1098
01:09:12,670 --> 01:09:13,932
She fucking hates you.
1099
01:09:16,500 --> 01:09:19,024
[groans]
1100
01:09:19,155 --> 01:09:21,983
- Marion loves me.
- [Laura] Slut!
1101
01:09:22,114 --> 01:09:25,770
- Which way is it? That way?
- No, no, wait, Laura, Laura.
1102
01:09:25,900 --> 01:09:28,773
I'm so sorry for--
I didn't mean to lie to you.
1103
01:09:28,903 --> 01:09:31,341
She just turned up and I didn't
know what I was supposed to do.
1104
01:09:31,471 --> 01:09:33,778
I know this has got to be
like the worst date ever.
1105
01:09:33,908 --> 01:09:34,779
This isn't a date anymore.
1106
01:09:34,909 --> 01:09:36,128
- No?
- Nope.
1107
01:09:36,259 --> 01:09:37,260
[slow music]
1108
01:09:38,870 --> 01:09:40,828
Shit do you want
a jacket or something?
1109
01:09:40,959 --> 01:09:42,439
No. I'm fine.
1110
01:09:42,569 --> 01:09:44,745
Look, I don't know
which way southwest is,
1111
01:09:44,876 --> 01:09:47,008
it's probably that way.
But would you
1112
01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:50,447
please just come in,
just for one minute.
1113
01:09:50,577 --> 01:09:52,013
I know I don't deserve it.
1114
01:09:52,144 --> 01:09:54,146
- Do you love her?
- No.
1115
01:09:55,321 --> 01:09:58,629
No. Honestly, no.
1116
01:10:00,021 --> 01:10:03,460
Laura, Laura, I am so sorry.
1117
01:10:05,026 --> 01:10:06,767
I didn't mean for any of this.
1118
01:10:08,334 --> 01:10:12,991
I-- would you please just come
in, please let me explain.
1119
01:10:14,079 --> 01:10:16,864
- Yeah, come inside, Laura.
- Yeah, babe, come inside.
1120
01:10:16,995 --> 01:10:19,302
- Yeah, come inside you.
- Stop talking, please!
1121
01:10:19,432 --> 01:10:20,651
[Dan] Fine.
1122
01:10:27,571 --> 01:10:28,789
Fine.
1123
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,357
- [all] Yeah! Yeah!
- She's coming in!
1124
01:10:33,272 --> 01:10:35,318
Oh, please, please,
some room thank you.
1125
01:10:39,322 --> 01:10:42,281
Thank you. So much.
1126
01:10:43,848 --> 01:10:48,026
Do you want a drink?
I've got champagne, genuinely.
1127
01:10:48,156 --> 01:10:51,377
It's still in a cup,
but the caliber of drinks
has skyrocketed in here.
1128
01:10:53,205 --> 01:10:54,250
Do you want one?
1129
01:10:56,121 --> 01:10:56,991
Sure.
1130
01:11:02,649 --> 01:11:07,654
- [champagne bottle opens]
- Whoa, wow, wow. Oh. So erotic.
1131
01:11:07,785 --> 01:11:09,134
[both laugh]
1132
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:11,963
- Whoa! Take it easy.
- I'm so...
1133
01:11:12,093 --> 01:11:14,008
Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles.
1134
01:11:16,750 --> 01:11:19,231
- To Streep.
- Always to Streep.
1135
01:11:22,756 --> 01:11:23,583
So, Goblin.
1136
01:11:25,455 --> 01:11:28,240
- How's the champagne?
- [imitating voice] Bubbling.
1137
01:11:30,242 --> 01:11:33,201
- I thought you'd forgotten.
- I didn't forget.
1138
01:11:33,332 --> 01:11:37,162
- Ah.
- I am so glad you can't read maps.
1139
01:11:37,293 --> 01:11:39,251
I can,
it's just that first bit.
1140
01:11:39,382 --> 01:11:41,166
I couldn't have had you
going back to Wales thinking
1141
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:42,950
I was an even worse
Ryan than Ryan the Rabbit.
1142
01:11:44,125 --> 01:11:45,562
Oh my God. How do
you know about my rabbit?
1143
01:11:47,085 --> 01:11:50,393
Because you kept talking
about him, for hours, genuinely.
1144
01:11:51,872 --> 01:11:54,005
I don't know why?
He was a shit rabbit.
1145
01:11:54,135 --> 01:11:55,746
Don't say that now.
1146
01:12:09,890 --> 01:12:13,372
- Oh. [yawning]
- Oh. That good, am I?
1147
01:12:13,503 --> 01:12:15,983
- Sorry.
- Are you tired?
1148
01:12:16,114 --> 01:12:18,290
- Yes, a bit.
- Thought you were French kissing.
1149
01:12:19,509 --> 01:12:20,597
Is this a date then?
1150
01:12:21,772 --> 01:12:23,556
No, I don't think
we should ever date.
1151
01:12:24,992 --> 01:12:26,733
That would be ideal.
1152
01:12:28,909 --> 01:12:35,002
That's sweet.
This is actually some
really nice stuff you guys.
1153
01:12:36,047 --> 01:12:37,918
- Shall we go upstairs?
- Yeah.
1154
01:12:40,312 --> 01:12:42,227
- No, you don't have to do this.
- I do.
1155
01:12:43,881 --> 01:12:47,232
Just let me get the champagne,
in case we do really have...
1156
01:12:48,625 --> 01:12:51,192
All right. Come on.
Mind your head, whoa.
1157
01:12:51,323 --> 01:12:52,803
[Laura] Ooh-hoo.
1158
01:12:53,934 --> 01:12:56,372
[Ryan] Ready, ready boys?
Strong legs them private!
1159
01:12:56,502 --> 01:12:58,243
[Laura laughs]
1160
01:13:00,071 --> 01:13:03,814
[Dan] You might not enjoy this,
but my God you'll remember it!
1161
01:13:03,944 --> 01:13:06,512
- [Tali] What is wrong with you?
- [Dan] Just joking.
1162
01:13:06,643 --> 01:13:10,734
- [Tali] What is this? Piss?
- [Dan] Yes.
1163
01:13:10,864 --> 01:13:15,129
- Oh, my God. You're disgusting.
- Why? It's just piss.
1164
01:13:16,217 --> 01:13:18,524
- Oh, oh it stinks.
- No, it doesn't.
1165
01:13:18,655 --> 01:13:20,265
It was in the morning.
Stay here one minute.
1166
01:13:20,396 --> 01:13:22,702
- [Tali] No.
- I love you.
1167
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:24,269
[door closes]
1168
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:26,837
Oh. I didn't see you there.
1169
01:13:26,967 --> 01:13:28,708
Oh, I shouldn't worry,
it happens a lot.
1170
01:13:32,669 --> 01:13:33,626
I'm Tali.
1171
01:13:36,194 --> 01:13:38,370
Tali, I'm A...
1172
01:13:38,501 --> 01:13:40,241
Ah... Right.
1173
01:13:41,199 --> 01:13:45,333
So, we have banana,
or that could just be yellow.
1174
01:13:45,464 --> 01:13:48,162
This apparently
makes everything burn.
1175
01:13:48,293 --> 01:13:50,817
- Uf... Not that.
- I don't like those either.
1176
01:13:50,948 --> 01:13:54,430
We have ribbed
or glow in the dark.
1177
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:57,476
I'd prefer it if my cock
doesn't glow to be honest.
1178
01:13:57,607 --> 01:14:00,348
Banana.
1179
01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:01,741
Right.
1180
01:14:13,361 --> 01:14:14,232
Come here.
1181
01:14:24,938 --> 01:14:26,592
No, that's just yellow.
1182
01:14:26,723 --> 01:14:28,420
[both chuckle]
1183
01:14:30,074 --> 01:14:31,249
It's just yellow.
1184
01:14:41,433 --> 01:14:43,870
You ready? Do you want
me to do anything?
1185
01:14:45,568 --> 01:14:46,873
Nah.
1186
01:14:51,095 --> 01:14:51,922
All right.
1187
01:14:53,663 --> 01:14:54,881
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1188
01:14:56,100 --> 01:14:57,797
- Oh.
- Oh.
1189
01:14:57,928 --> 01:14:59,886
- Ah. Okay.
- Oh.
1190
01:15:07,372 --> 01:15:08,808
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1191
01:15:10,767 --> 01:15:14,031
[both moaning]
1192
01:15:16,990 --> 01:15:17,904
No...
1193
01:15:23,519 --> 01:15:26,260
- No!
- Oh, dear.
1194
01:15:26,391 --> 01:15:28,175
[both laugh]
1195
01:15:28,306 --> 01:15:31,178
- Did you come?
- Yeah.
1196
01:15:31,309 --> 01:15:34,355
- I did, but I can keep going.
- Can you?
1197
01:15:35,618 --> 01:15:37,968
No. I'm sorry.
1198
01:15:38,098 --> 01:15:40,187
That's okay.
It's fine, it's fine.
1199
01:15:43,321 --> 01:15:44,540
Sorry about that.
1200
01:15:49,980 --> 01:15:52,112
Hey, it was much better
than last time.
1201
01:15:52,243 --> 01:15:54,941
Yeah. It was, wasn't it?
1202
01:15:55,072 --> 01:15:56,377
So, imagine next time.
1203
01:15:56,508 --> 01:15:58,249
Puff... [chuckles]
1204
01:16:01,731 --> 01:16:04,647
♪ {\an8}Sweat, baby, sweat, baby
Sex is a Texas drought me♪
1205
01:16:04,777 --> 01:16:06,518
♪ {\an8}And you do the kind of stuff♪
1206
01:16:06,649 --> 01:16:08,607
♪ {\an8}That only Prince
Would sing about♪
1207
01:16:08,738 --> 01:16:11,218
♪ {\an8}So put your hands down
My pants and I'll bet♪
1208
01:16:11,349 --> 01:16:14,178
♪ {\an8}You'll feel Nuts, yes,
I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert♪
1209
01:16:14,308 --> 01:16:16,397
- ♪ {\an8}And you're getting two thumbs up♪
- Yes. Ah!
1210
01:16:16,528 --> 01:16:18,443
♪ {\an8}You've had
Enough of two-hand touch♪
1211
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:20,532
♪ {\an8}You want it rough
You're out of bounds♪
1212
01:16:20,663 --> 01:16:22,316
♪ {\an8}I want you smothered
Want you covered♪
1213
01:16:22,447 --> 01:16:24,188
♪ {\an8}Like my Waffle House
Hash browns♪
1214
01:16:24,318 --> 01:16:26,016
♪ {\an8}Come quicker than Fed Ex
Never reaching apex♪
1215
01:16:26,146 --> 01:16:28,192
♪ {\an8}Like Coca-Cola Stock
You are inclined♪
1216
01:16:28,322 --> 01:16:30,107
- ♪ {\an8} To make me rise An hour early♪
- Fuck.
1217
01:16:30,237 --> 01:16:32,196
- ♪ {\an8} Just like Daylight Savings Time♪
- Yes. Ah!
1218
01:16:35,982 --> 01:16:38,550
- I know you're watching Pikachu.
- I'm not.
1219
01:16:38,681 --> 01:16:40,117
- You are.
- I'm just checking my emails.
1220
01:16:48,342 --> 01:16:50,475
How long have
you been awake?
1221
01:16:50,606 --> 01:16:53,652
♪ {\an8}You and me baby
ain't nothin' but mammals♪
1222
01:16:53,783 --> 01:16:57,569
♪ {\an8}So let's do it like they
Do on the Discovery Channel♪
1223
01:16:57,700 --> 01:17:00,441
Say my name. Say my name.
1224
01:17:00,572 --> 01:17:03,053
Oh, I've forgotten it.
1225
01:17:03,183 --> 01:17:04,620
That's okay.
1226
01:17:37,261 --> 01:17:40,830
♪ {\an8}Love, the kind you clean up
With a mop and bucket♪
1227
01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:44,529
♪ {\an8}Like the lost
Catacombs of Egypt Only God
Knows where we stuck it♪
1228
01:17:44,660 --> 01:17:47,227
♪ {\an8}Hieroglyphics Let me be
Pacific, I want to be down♪
1229
01:17:47,358 --> 01:17:49,839
♪ {\an8}In your South Seas But I got
This notion that the motion♪
1230
01:17:49,969 --> 01:17:52,015
♪ {\an8}Of your ocean
Means small craft advisory♪
1231
01:17:52,145 --> 01:17:53,625
♪ {\an8}So, if I capsize in
Your thighs, high tide♪
1232
01:17:53,756 --> 01:17:57,020
I actually have agoraphobia.
1233
01:17:57,150 --> 01:18:00,806
[both chuckle]
1234
01:18:00,937 --> 01:18:02,460
- Right.
- What?
1235
01:18:04,810 --> 01:18:10,294
Right, no. I, um,
I actually have agoraphobia.
1236
01:18:19,390 --> 01:18:21,348
So, right.
1237
01:18:24,612 --> 01:18:26,397
- Cool down.
- Ah.
1238
01:18:26,527 --> 01:18:28,921
- Ah, right. Okay, okay.
- Oh.
1239
01:18:31,228 --> 01:18:36,363
Fuck it now. Right, right. Okay,
right, right. No, no. Okay.
1240
01:18:36,494 --> 01:18:38,017
But um-- actually, right...
1241
01:18:38,148 --> 01:18:39,932
Well, I thought
we were going out, so...
1242
01:18:40,063 --> 01:18:44,415
- Right, no. What.
- Just--
1243
01:18:45,938 --> 01:18:49,159
Oh, my God. Just say it
really quick, right? Ready?
1244
01:18:49,289 --> 01:18:51,639
I just--
I thought we were going out.
1245
01:18:51,770 --> 01:18:52,728
Right.
1246
01:18:55,034 --> 01:18:57,341
Can we-- can we cut?
1247
01:18:57,471 --> 01:18:58,516
♪ {\an8}Nothin' but mammals♪
1248
01:18:58,646 --> 01:19:00,431
♪ {\an8}So, let's do it like they do♪
1249
01:19:00,561 --> 01:19:02,607
♪ {\an8}On the Discovery Channel♪
1250
01:19:02,738 --> 01:19:06,306
♪ {\an8}Do it again now
You and me baby
Ain't nothin' but mammals♪
1251
01:19:06,437 --> 01:19:09,919
♪ {\an8}So, let's do it like they
Do on the Discovery Channel♪
1252
01:19:10,049 --> 01:19:11,398
♪ {\an8}Gettin' horny now♪
92764
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