Original subtitles

Oh no don't get up, I'm just right here anyway.

I'll help you Mrs. Forman.

Oh no, don't you worry Samantha.

It's just a little unbalanced because our appropriate sized clothes are on one side

and your little teeny-tiny strippers clothes are on the other.

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry I'm so grumpy.

I got a manicure yesterday and Red still hasn't said a darn word.

You know, if you really want him to notice you,

you should get drunk and do some doughnuts on his lawn.

Mrs. Forman, you should change your hair.

When I went blond, Eric went nuts.

And then Fez went nuts

and then I started wearing a lot of hats.

No, I can't change my hair. Red loves it.

It's my trademark.

It'd be like telling Fonzie not to say "hey".

Mrs. Forman, a great way to get a man's attention is to show him how smart you are.

But a faster way is to take your clothes off.

I can help you work on some moves.

Oooooh nooo, I don't need to see that.

It'll be like watching my Mom strip.

Which unfortunately I saw at "Take your son to work day".

No you know what, I'll just uhm

I'll just spray on some of my special occasion perfume.

It's very expensive but you put a little water in there, you can really make it last.

Hey Sam. Can I ask you something?

Uhm I wanted to send Eric some..you know,

like sexy pictures.

Sure, I have some eight by tens in my car.

Of me.

Anyway uhm,

would you mind taking them?

I'd love too! I have a great pair of thigh high boots you can use.

Oh I don't think we're the same size.

Oh you're not gonna wear them silly. You're gonna lick 'm!

Oh hi Jackie.

Hang in there baby.

And the kid is hanging.

Funny.

So, what the hell are you doing in my apartment?

Oh well, since Michael moved to Chicago, he let me have his room.

We're gonna be roommates!

Roommates?!

Hot diggity!

Think of the whacky adventures we will have.

We're gonna take the plunge now

We're gonna dive right in now

We're gonna have it all

We don't believe in maybe

"Can't" is a word we'll never know

Sometimes we'll have our struggles

But, oh, baby, oh

We're gonna take our chance now

Fly by the seat of your pants now

When we're divided, we fall

And we're really gonna have it all

And we're really gonna have it all

Fez, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Catchy tune though.

Okay, Jackie, I'm off to work.

Wait, but we're roomies! What am I supposed to do while you are gone?

Listen,

when I get home, it's you and me, we'll do whatever you want.

OH! The Wizard of Oz is on TV tonight!

We can watch it and make fun of Kansas!

It's a date! I love these little munchkins.

I wish I could represent a lollypop-guild.

Boy, there'd be some changes!

I can't believe I let you take naked pictures of me

I don't really get that one with the GI-Joe between your boobs?

But hey, you know Eric better than me!

Hi sweetie. Whoo, a letter for Eric. Want me to mail it for ya?

No no no, I got it.

But I love going to the postoffice!

I have these funny things I ay when a line is moving slow, like:

Hey, were did I park my dinosaur?

Uhm

okay. But you know it's illegal to tamper with mail right?

Yeah but is not illegal to complain about a slow moving line!

Hey can we speed it up, my pet snail is getting away!

That's good stuff Dad.

Have a browny Red

Something smells terrific!

You noticed!

Sure did!

You put peanutbutter in the brownies!

Samantha!

Okay, stripping is all about the art of seduction.

So the first thing you wanna do is set the mood. Like with music, or candles.

Oh..oh. All I have are those trick candles, the ones you can't blow out.

They make Red furious, it's very funny!

I always start my routine by slowly removing my gloves.

I have gloves!

Feel sexy already!

You know what?

Let's skip ahead.

Look your husband in the eye

and go step, dip, hair, flip.

You try it!

Okay.

Step, dip, hair, flip.

That's great.

For our next lesson I'll teach you how to pick up money using everything but your hands.

Hey Kitty!

Taking Donna's letter for Eric over the postoffice.

Got anything to eat...

I mean mail.

Oh you know what? Why don't you leave this with me, I have to add some things.

Like, todays Marmaduke, it's a stitch!

Okay...

Have a brownie Bob.

That's what I was waiting for!

Oh Marmaduke, when will you ever learn?

Donna...?

Oh my!

GI Joe?!

Mrs. Forman, the washer is acting up again!

Umh, okay okay!

Coming!

Where are those damn car keys?

Good lord!

Steven, you could have fixed that!

Well, I'm off to work.

So if you need me, I'll be at the Hub.

Oh no!

Oh nooo!

Oh please noooooo!

All right, Kitty, Kitty, don't panic. You know what to do.

Holy crap, it's Caroline!

Who is Caroline?

She went out with Fez. But he broke up with her, because she's crazy.

Which is ironic, 'cause that's probably why she went out with him in the first place.

Guys, I can't let her see me. Hide me!

Where should we hide you Fez?!

Fez?!

Well played, you son of a bitch.

- Hi! - Hi!

Caroline, you look good.

Not quite so... nuts.

Yeah, I'm doing much better thanks to my therapist.

And my meds. And some good old-fashioned bzzzzz electricity!

But there is one thing about me that hasn't changed.

Is it that you can still spin your head all the way around?

NO!

It's that I still have a thirst for hot chocolate...

you know what I mean.

I do. I used to have a thirst for...

crazy medicated white women.

So uhm, maybe I could come over tonight?

I mean, if there are no other women in your life cause I couldn't handle that.

No, the only other women in Fez's life are in his head.

But you must know about that?

You've got a cast of thousands up there.

Shut up!

So, you just invited me over for some brownies in the middle of the day?

Yes...

Oh, and I opened your mail and I saw your nudy pictures. Would you like some milk?

What?!?!

Oh my God!

Your father gave me the letter, I just wanted to add some things.

Well, did you mail the pictures?

No, but I will as soon as I find them!

Whaaaaatt?!?!?!?!?!

Well don't worry I'm sure nobody else saw them.

Hey Kitty, have you seen the car keys? Oh, Donna

Oh my God, you too?!

I was looking for the damn car keys!

This drawer is for car keys and

and magnets, that's it.

Well, where are they now?

Whoooow!

Holy hell!

I know man.

Where's Marmaduke?!

Hey.

Heyyy Donna

What's so funny?

Guess I'm just a happy guy.

Hey, it's the naked lady from the newspaper!

Okay, here it comes.

Err, I have just one question for you.

Does my wife know you were licking her boots?

Donna, I'm writing a letter to the newspaper. About your photo-essay.

Here is what I have so far: Yeeesss!

Okay, just tell me where the pictures are.

Hey not to worry. I hid 'm in a Barry White album.

Great. Where's that?!

You'll have to ask the guy who bought it. Duhh!

Knock, knock, who's there?

Fez!

And Barry White.

Hey Fez. It is almost Wizard of Oz time.

And I did my hair like Dorothy, but since there are no foreigners in Oz,

I created a new charater for you.

The Butler.

Oh. Bad news racist Dorothy.

Something has come up. Someone unexpected doiiing iiit.

You remember Caroline?

What with the crazy nut-job who said she was gonna scratch my eyes out?

Yes. Sweet girl.

Look she is coming over tonight and she gets very jealous of other women.

So, you're gonna have to leave.

Where am I supposed to go?!

I don't know, just click your heels three times and get the hell out.

Fez, I am not gonna leave my own apartment!

Okay, you know you're right. I'm being unreasonable.

Just go into your room and don't come out untill morning.

And eat quiet foods only.

Yoghurt, marshmellows, maybe cotton candy.

But save me some, because I just love it.

I can't believe this, I mean we made a plan to watch the Wizard of Oz.

Yes and then I was offered sex, so ding-dong the plan is dead!

Oh crap, did we blow a fuse again?!

Kitty? What are you doing?

Making your day sailor!

And step,

dip,

hair flip.

Kitty watch the candles! Oh my God your hair is on fire!

What?!

Am I out?

Wow. This is really nice.

Oh it's been so long since I've sat and talked to a man and

been able to move my own arms freely.

Whose mascara is that?! Fez, is there another woman here?!

What? No, no! It's a... it's mine.

Yeah, lashes like this don't come naturally baby.

Uhm, why don't you go to the kitchen and uhm open us a bottle of wine?

Well my doctor says I'm not supposed to drink while I take my meds. But what he doesn't know is,

I didn't take my meds!

What are you doing?!

I have to go to the bathroom!

Well you should have thought of that before I locked you in your room!

Fez, where is the corkscrew?

Uhm, it's under the sink my dear!

You are supposed to stay in your room! I even gave you quiet foods!

Yeah ok, the yoghurt you gave me expired two months ago and it's smells like vomit and peach.

Honey?

Yes baby?

I can't find...

where did you get that yoghurt?

Oh uhhh,

I keep yoghurt all over my apartment.

I love it.

See.

Yummmm.

That's the stuff.

So uhm, did you find that corkscrew honey-pie.

Not yet

Fez, I'm not like you.

I don't know how to entertain myself in the dark.

Oh here it is!

I want to watch the Wizard of Oz!

Okay,

Okay, a scarecrow gets a brain, a lion gets some courage and the robot gets a heart.

You know,

when I was in the kitchen, I wanted to carve our initials into my arm.

But that's what the old crazy me would have done.

So I carved them into your counter top instead.

Well... look who's all better...

Please Leo,

you have to remember who you sold that record to.

Think.

Who have you seen today?

Well I remember a guy with scraggly hair and a beard.

And he was brushing his teeth.

That was you in a mirror.

And then there's this other guy, with big lips

and another guy with long hair

and another guy with a thumbtack in his head.

That would be the Aerosmith poster.

You know, I have been trapped in this vortex before.

There is a way we can jog his memory.

It was Fez man!

Okay Red.

You're not gonna be happy.

My stylist said there wasn't enough left up there to salvage my old hairdo. So,

I'm sorry, but.

Wooooooww!

Look at you!

Do you like it?

Hubba hubba!

Really?

I have been trying so hard to get you to notice me and all I had to do was set my hair on fire.

How do you like to go upstairs and let me see it in the dark?

Or... we could leave the lights on...

Well that was a nice appetizer, but I believe the main course will be served in the bedroom.

Yes. I am going to brush my teeth.

Yoghurt-breath.

Why don't you go in and put on some Barry White.

Where are they, you pervert?!

Look Donna, you have to leave!

I'm not going anywhere without my pictures!

Shhhh! What pictures?

The naked ones of me, the ones in the Barry White record you bought.

Ahhh crap!

What the hell are these? And what is she doing here?!

Will you give me those?!

Fez, I thought you said you lived alone!

I do! She's just visiting I swear! There is no-one else that lives here.

Screw this, you know I'm not gonna sit locked up in my room with stale marshmellows.

I live here too!

Oh that's incredibly bad timing.

Two women?!

Okay. Caroline, I have to be honest with you.

Juanita and Mary-Jose are my maids.

Well then. They can clean up all of your blood!

Okay, here's how you make fruit salad.

First, let me squeeze those melons.

Oh, aren't they nice and firm?

Yes..

Now grab my banana!

Oh, it's huge!

All right you perverts, stop it right now...

Another fruit salad?

Why can't they ever be having sex?