Original subtitles

♪

[Narrator] In the annals of criminal history,

much has been written about deviant minds and genius

villains.

This movie is not about any of them.

♪

♪ Yeah

♪ When I've been looking

♪ Looking for an answer

♪ Somebody promise me one

[Man] What happened at kick boxing?

She changed it.

Give me the clicker or I will kill you.

No, your not.

♪ Wake me up when we hit 2001 ♪

I hate sports.

Don't get me started.

♪ And I've been talking

Gloria, I got a lot of money on this match, okay?

Why don't you, uh--

you go take a swim.

Yeah, yeah,

go stick your head in the water, right?

You guys are a pain in my...

Gloria, come on, and get out of the way.

Gloria, would you get out of the way?

[Man] Oh, Abruzzo in there, in there with a nice left hook.

I can't believe I had to smack that ditzy broad up.

Look at that guy, he's a killer.

Hey you guys.

[chattering from TV]

Ha.

I blame this on you.

You know, this is business Mooney,

and she's supposed to be our hostage

and rule number one says you tie up your hostage.

Yeah, but she doesn't know she's our hostage.

I mean, that's the beauty of it, right?

She thinks we like her...

or something.

The point being here is that we ain't got

to tie her up or look after her, nothing.

All we got to do is sit back, watching on TV, eat some cereal,

hmm, no worries, you know what I'm saying?

Huh, no worries.

You are a fucking idiot.

♪

Jump, jump, jump,

it is gonna be

so much fun in 2001.

♪

Oh, look at his-- boom.

Look at this guy.

Was that you that told me to bet on this guy?

Sure winning, you said.

♪

Okay.

[Announcer ] And he delivered.

Get up.

Get up!

Whoa!

Kick him, kick him in the head.

Kick him in the face.

Punch him in the throat you idiot.

Now get him, yeah, come on, boom.

[screams]

That's like a-- that's how my momma used to hit me.

Hello, goodnight.

Bam, right out of nowhere, boom.

The end, done, here we go.

[water bubbling]

♪

♪ Ooh

♪ There's something I think I should tell you ♪

♪ I mean, I was just passing by ♪

♪ I really think you mistake me for someone ♪

♪ Who could tell you why

♪ I always walk straight and narrow ♪

♪ I never wanna hurt no one ♪

♪ This feels like someone else's party ♪

♪ Momma told me not to come

♪ So if you don't mind

♪ Hey

♪ I really must be going now ♪

♪ I really can't stay

♪ I really got to be going now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I really must be going now ♪

♪ I can't hear my intuition ♪

♪ Through all this pounding in my brain ♪

♪ I bought and paid my tuition ♪

♪ That's supposed to keep me sane ♪

♪ So if you don't mind

♪ Hey

♪ I really must be going now ♪

♪ I really can't stay

♪ I really must be going now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I really got to be going now.♪

♪ I must be going now

♪ I got to be going now

♪ I must be

♪

♪ Going now

♪ Yeah

You stun me.

Are you gonna work right through the spring break,

aren't you?

I'm not celebrating this year, no.

You know what's your problem is?

Your problem is, is that you're in a rot.

I'm never gonna get my PhD at this rate.

Well, you know, what my stock answer is,

take a sabbatical, party till the sun comes up.

Come to the party with me.

My friend Rick, he's gonna be there.

Rick?

The blind date guy who stood me up?

I don't think so.

It's my duty as your mentor

and your housemate

to show you a good time.

The Easter bunny says, "Let's hippity hop

to the party."

You're not gonna make me laugh.

I don't wanna laugh.

Yes, hippity hop.

All right.

Hippity hop, hippity hop, hippity hop.

[Narrator] The hostage crisis.

♪

Damn, Jesus, damn.

No, no, no, this is sucks, right?

I mean, the first rule is you're not supposed

to let the hostage die.

No, Mooney, the first rule

is you're supposed to tie him up.

The second rule is, you don't let him die.

All right, we should have tied her up, you happy?

Oh, yeah, I'm delirious.

We just better figure out what the hell we're gonna do

before Carl gets here.

I'm not scared.

Carl, nice to see you, hey.

Carl, hey.

What you have done is, you...

Shut up.

What's up with the dame, what she doing?

She's sleeping.

Taking a nap, very tired.

Dead tired.

She's taking a nap?Yeah.

With a towel over her head?

She don't want no sunburn.

We ran out of the sun block, you know.

Very sensitive skin.

Yep.

She's sleeping,

sleeping like my daddy Carl, Sr.

We buried his ass two freaking years ago.

Well, it was an accident and it was not my fault.Carl, I told him, he wouldn't listen.

I said, tie her up and he wouldn't.

She seemed like a good swimmer

but, you know, pools could be very dangerous.

Quiet!

I need to think about this.

What happen to the rules?

I begged, I told him about the rules.This morning, I got here...

Quiet.

Morons.

Okay, okay.

I just got to get another one, that's all.

You two clowns better find me a replacement.

Another trampoline?

No, another girl.Another girl.

I need another girl, you idiot.

[Narrator] The solution.

Hi.

Hello. [clears throat]

Hi.

Oh, wait a minute, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

This is my buddy, Rick, this is Teresa.

Teresa, Rick, Rick, the guy who stood you up,

he didn't give a chance to youOh, you're the one.

Yes, I am the one who stood you up last weekend,

but I have a very good excuse.See?

I forgot.Oh, that's a great excuse.

I feel horrible about it-- look, I tried calling you,

I tried sending you notes.Tried to call you.

I suppose you were allergic to the flowers I sent.You sent her flowers?

I send her a big bouquet.He sent you flowers?

He sent me flowers.You didn't tell me he sent you flowers.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Good luck.Thanks.

I like flowers.

Thank you for sending me the flowers but I really think

that if you would want to make a good first impression,

you would have shown up.

Shown up.

For the date, yeah.

It's better when you show up.

Uh, but it was-- it was really nice to meet you

and, um... I have no hard feelings

whatsoever.

Take care.

Excuse me, Carl.

We're trading her back to her own brother.

You think he's gonna take somebody else?

No.

We got to find the dame that looks like this broad,

okay?See?

That's thinking.That's it.

It'll be dark.

By the time this moron figures out that it ain't her,

we'll be long gone with the goods.

See?

Uh, excuse me, Carl, I was doing some thinking

and I don't-- I don't think the feds are gonna like

this one at all.

Hey, do me a favor, don't think, okay?

What are we, the boy frickin' scouts, huh?

No.

What the feds don't know won't hurt them, all right?

Not to mention, we're doing them a favor

in the first place.That's right.

And besides, all they really give a shit

about are the good anyway.

Okay, right.

So, where we find a girl like that, huh?

I don't know.

Perhaps you two geniuses could come up with something

right about now.

We could put an ad in the paper

that says skinny, red-headed babe with tattoo

or something needed for modeling job,

maybe?

No?

Oh, okay.

You better do something with this guy

and do something with this body too.

Get rid of it.

Just like before, the same place

Okay, it's done.

No problem, forget about it, Carl.

Taken care off.

You know something Carl, don't worry 'cause it's done.

♪

That guy is awesome.

Get a feet, Titus.

I think he took it pretty good.

He's very even tempered if I say so myself.

You know, Mooney, I told you specifically

about rule number one, didn't I?

Rule number one, rule number two,

when are we gonna eat?

So listen, what are you gonna do

during your spring break, huh?

You're gonna work right through it again?

Deserting your family, breaking odds.

Bruno, I told you three times already.What?

Do you ever listen to me?What?

I told you three times, I am going to the beach

with Sara.Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, and then I'm going to meet my new step-family.So?

So how bad can this extended family be?

[Narrator] Hello?

Yes, I had a sinful life

before I found the Lord,

but I changed my ways.

And the good Lord saw fit to give me my husband, Frank.

Actually...

I'm an applied mathematician.

My work involves creating mathematical models to, uh,

hypothesize the rates at which

re-enforced concrete will corrode.

Oh, honey, I sure do wish you were gonna come

to that stock car extravaganza

with us this weekend.

[Rooster crowing]

I do Math, yeah.

Uh...

what do you do?

Cop.

You know, you should talk to Nora, my sister.

She's the Math whiz in the family.

Yup, numbers, she gets them.

Of course, the only trouble that we've had at all

is when we switched over from the manual cash registers

to the scanners which nobody anticipated that,

but, you know, 'cause now, of course, there's nothing.

There's no price at all on any of the merchandise

and sometimes the scanner just doesn't work at all.

Oh.

Oh, here's my little hugger bunny.

Teresa...

have you accepted Jesus Christ

as your personal Savior?

Waylon.[children shouting]

Quit beating up-- Elvis, now, stop that.

Stop it.

I don't care who did it first.

All right, what time is it, what time is it?

It is time to turn the other cheek, okay?

Hmm.

[dog barking]

Two.

[clock ticking]

Hmm.

[chuckles]

[toy car revving]

[laughs]

You drool on your pillow.

Ew.

[toy car revving]

Brats.

♪

[indistinct chatter]

Morning, beer?

No.

Uh, wasn't her hair blonde before?

Yes.I'll get it.

Hi.

You must be Sara.

You Jack?Um, grip.

No, Frank, Jack's baby brother.Ah, oh.

Hi.Hi.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you.Me too.

Hey.Ah, Sara.

Nice husband. I'm gonna go dance with him now.

Is this a beer?Yes, take it.

Save me, help me.

[dog barking]

Sara, I will never be able to repay you from saving me

for the hell of a stock car race

weekend with those.

Come on, they seem like a lot of fun to me,

but then again, I don't go all gooey

thinking about long division

or whatever it is that you do.Uh-huh.

So, what are we gonna do now?

I do not care

as long as it's embarrassing.Thanks,

but I already did that last night.

What's this?At the spring break party I went to the--

nothing, forget it, I don't really wanna talk about it.

That's not gonna last.

Come on, let's go find some trouble.

Don't hit me.

[Narrator] Trouble, Part 1.

♪ Sister

♪ Partying together

♪ Was nobody now

♪ My sister what she's gonna do ♪

♪ I'm gonna save myself

Ah.

This is still fun for you, huh?

Oh, come on, this is great

and you never know who you might meet at a bar.

I mean, I met Dan Packard at a bar.

I was crazy about him.

Crazy is the key word.

He wrecked your car, he impregnated your cousin.Impregnated?

That's a word.you have to say that?

At least he didn't try and steal your stereo,

that guy was--

Hey, hey, do you remember her?

That is Randy's little sister, Kay.

I heard she was a lesbian.

She was always really nice to me.

Uh-huh.

Kay, Kay.

Sara.

Sara Pond.

Sara, yeah.

Hi, Teresa Brigger.

Teresa, yeah.

You had that Olympic size crush on my brother.

Oh.God, was it that obvious?

Hmm, don't feel bad, you weren't the only one.

So what are you two up to, you look a little, um...

overdressed from this dive.

We are going on vacation and we thought

we'd start the night out wild.

Really?

I'm headed over to a private party.

Wanna come with?

Oh, yeah, that would be great.

Yes, we would love to.I really dont--

[Narrator] Trouble, part deux,

Uh, oops, deux, sorry.

♪

[Sara] Cool house.

A friend of yours?

Uh, business acquaintance.

It's nice, it's, uh, big.

Big.

[Man] Yes, put it right up here.

Ooh, Sable.

Darling.

Look at you.

Sable?

Hi.

Sable?

Nobody calls me Kay anymore.

I think Sable's got a nice sensuous sound to it,

don't you?

Fur is dead.

[Sara] Nice floor.

[Screaming and moaning]

♪

Not many men here.

Remarkably few men.Yeah.

Lesbians.Well, this is where I know I wasn't invited here

to work for the party.

Surely, you heard all the rumors

down at the bar.

One of the favorite topics of conversation I hear.

Uh, yeah.

It's not that bad.

The money's fantastic, plus there are worse things

than being a hooker, don't you think?

[Woman] Oh, Sable.

Leticia.

♪

Boy, do I feel stupid.

She could have told us before we got here.

Then we wouldn't have come here.I would have.

You would have come here?A gritty party full of lesbian hookers?

How many times you get an opportunity like this?You're actually enjoying this.

Absolutely.I can't believe you.

You know, something does puzzle me.

What?Is Kay a lesbian hooker

or a hooker that's a lesbian?I don't know.

I'm just wondering.You're so weird.

Don't worry, I'll protect you.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ You feel

♪ I feel, I feel you

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ You feel

♪ I feel, I feel

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ You feel, you feel

♪ I feel, I feel

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ You feel, you feel

[background chatter]

[Sarah] This is a great party.

You got to dance.Okay, okay.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Mr.Hamilton would like to invite you

to the library for cocktails.

Ooh, that's very nice, but I'm sorry,

we really must be going, it's very late.No, no, we'd be delighted.

of course we're not going, we're staying for cocktails.

Right this way, please.No.

We have snacked the only man in this place.I don't care, no.

We're going, we're going.

Mmm, excuse me.

Um, the invitation was only for you.

I'm sorry, what was your name again?

Uh, my name?

Uh, my, uh, what's in the name anyway, right?

Are you saying you don't have a name?

No, I have a name, it's, uh--Her name is Ermine.

It's Ermine.I'm Fox.

Fox.We're inseparable.

Okay, well, whatever.

Right this way, please follow me.

Come on.No.

Yes.Who is this person?

Yes.We don't know this person.

[Narrator] Trouble, part three:

The Final Chapter.

[door opens]

[Mooney] Here we are.

Oh, ladies, welcome.

I'm Carl.Welcome to the house.

I'll get the drinks.

This is Ermine and Fox, they're inseparable.

Freelancers.

Loyalty.

I admire that.

It's hard to buy these days.

Would you two care to join us for champagne?

No.Why not?

Champagne?

Titus, how about another glass for Ermine.

I'm Fox.

Whatever.

Please, drink up.

Please.

You have a beautiful house.

Thank you.

My daddy Carl, Sr. started this collection

and left it all for me.

Oh, good.

So, that would make you Carl Jr.?

Excuse me, champagne, Ermine?

Fox.

Whatever.

Ah, a Remington, huh?

Uh, no, actually, that's not a Remington.

Actually, that's not a Remington.

This happens to be a very favorite of mine.

This is a, uh--

this is actually a mystery,

this piece.

It's an unsigned work.

Hmm.

[Carl] To the mystery.

What's the matter, you don't like champagne?

It's a little bitter.

Mooney.Hmm?

The Don, next.

Don Luis?

I promise you,

the next glass will be better.

Please.

So, you're friends with Sable's?

Oh, yeah, uh, well, yeah.

You work with her?

She's just had a little too much.

Way too much.

I understand.

That's what parties are for.

My brain is going numb.

My hands are going numb.

I think I'm gonna pass out.

Did you put something in our drinks?

♪

Sweet dreams, baby doll.

Goodbye.

[Mooney] Titus, oh, I don't feel so well.

Did you put something in our drink?

[laughing]

♪

[groans]

[birds chirping]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Aw.

Oh, my God!

Ah!Ah!

You were supposed to sleep longer.

I demand--

I demand clothes!

All right, calm down.

I got some new ones for you.

You can wear them for your lunch date.

Yeah, would you please stop? I'm so scared.

You're such a baby about that tattoo.

I was awake?

Well, uh-hmm.

Oh.

Right this way, grasshopper.

Try not to kick nobody.

Sir, uh...

I had, uh, a nice time at the party.

Um... but the makeover

is really amazing and, uh--

and it was wonderful of you to fix

all these lovely food

but, um, uh, my family is expecting me and--

You do what I tell you to do, that's what you do.

You too.

You'll get home soon enough.

Uh, okay.

But, you see, we need to be out of here

right away, we really cannot stay.

Oh, you got to go home?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know.

Uh, I'll get a taxi for you.

Maybe Mooney will fly in the helicopter

or something.

Oh, whatever is easy--Yeah, yeah, yeah, like I care.

How about that?The both of you, you're staying for lunch

and you will enjoy yourselves.

Carl Jr. will be here in a minute.

Keep your mouth shut and I don't know,

have some food.

He likes it when people eat.

You, don't be such a pig.

Partake.

Come on, eat, be a good girl.

These are fantastic.

God, can you believe I flirted with these guys?

Do you think they want us to do something illegal?

They've drugged and kidnapped us.

I think it's safe to say it's probably illegal.

Oh.

It's a cool dress though.

Sara... I'm gonna be sick.

Do you feel like you might spew?

You know, gag, hurl, throw up,

talk to Ralph on the big white telephone?

What's the matter with you, I'm asking you a question.

You got gas, You need something?

I'll get you something for that.

Don't go nowhere.

I'll get you some for that.

Ah...

my guests.

Ladies, it's a pleasure to see both of you again.

Please, please, please eat.

You're my guests

and you shall enjoy yourselves.

I just love festifications, don't you?

I mean, the music, the candlelight, the dancing.

I bet you're hell at polka.

Oh, a wild Philly, my favorite.

How do you like the dress?

Um, it's very, uh...

it's very, uh, leather-ish.

What?

It's not good enough?

You're not eating your food, either.

Uh, I'm just not very hungry right now.

Don't you realize this is the future?

Taters?No!

Not Taters.

Mystical spud puppies and pizza pillows.

Do you think it's easy trying to be legit?

Huh, what's the matter?

Aren't my pizza pillows good enough for you?

Someone's gonna feel better,

yummy for your tummy

Drink up, cupcake.

Hmm!

Good.

Hmm!

Good.

Better than homemade.

[Carl] Oh, my God.

What took you so long?Sorry.

It's time for you to go to the factory.

Take the Philly and I'll meet you there.

Which Philly?

Got it.

All right, Ermine, let's go.

Fox.

Ermine, Fox, who gives a frog's fat ass.

Quite the last supper, ain't it?

Oh.

♪

[sighs]

[humming]

Well, I gave you very specific instructions.

Now, how in the world did you ever get a job

anywhere near the space program?

'Cause you sure as hell ain't no damn rocket scientist.

[humming]

Well, well, you see, my mother knew this guy, right?

who knew this other guy who figured that

I was the guy that like to be the security guy

and I figure I had a knack for it, so I--

Oh, would you just shut up?

You were supposed to find the holographs.Yeah.

Steal the holographs.

Bring the holographs back to me

and we were gonna sell them back for a whole truck load of money.

Now, how hard is that, numb nuts?

Oh, no, no, you had to give them to your sister,

your stupid sister.

You know how terrifying that is?

The thought that there's more of you out there,

more of your species.

Hey, wait a minute,

that's my sister you're talking about.

I mean, she doesn't know what those earrings are.

Well-- oh, boy.

I tell you, if my mother finds out, she's gonna kill me.

Yeah, well, let me tell you something,

if your sister don't have those earrings,

I'm gonna kill you and your mother.

Hey, hey, that's my mother

you're talking about.

Would you just go?

Okay, okay.

Go, go, we'll get the earrings.

We'll get the earrings.

♪

Got her,got her?

Yeah, I got her.

You give me a hand, huh?Come on, right this way, cupcake.

Oh.

Not too cooperative is she for a little minx.

Sit down over here.

Right here, cupcake.

Don't make a sound, all right?

Wear this.

I'm gonna be watching you at all time.

You shut up.Dork.

All right, you don't hear so well, shut up.

But--Shut up!

Mooney, shut up.

Help.

X equals negative b or c,

plus or minus the square root of--

he loves me, he loves me not.

He love me, he can do without me.

Gloria, give me the earrings.

What'd you do with the earrings?

I told you not to take them off.

She took them off.She's not wearing it.

It's gone.Well, suck me purple. Here she and she's--

Okay, here's your sister.

Now, give me the holographs.

Who are you all fronting for, the feds?

I don't think that's any of your business,

Mr. Asshole.

Thank you.

Boys, you'd rather sandpaper a lion's butt

than to tangle with me.

Just give me the holographs

and we can all go home.

Well, the thing is, is, uh,

we don't got them.

He says that he ain't got them.

Nah, shut up.

Shut up.

Slap leather.

[gunshot]

Ah!

Get in the car

Gloria, you listen to your brother now.

Don't listen to them.This is not happening.

Get in the car. What are you doing?

You leave her alone, now you hear?

Get in the car.

Please, get in the car? I'm gonna be nicer.

Come on, you get in the car right now.

He's your whole damn family, this one thing.

Skedaddle.

[yelling]

Oh, boy.

How did I do?

What do you think?

Shit, shit, shit, those federal shit.

God.

Well, so much for brotherly love, eh, Ermine?

Uh, you're like they were shitting out, darling.

That's right, that's right.

We should cut off a couple of her fingers,

send them off national post, how about that?

Yeah!

Oh, God! Get off me.

[siren blares]

Oh good.

Police, hey, over here.

Help Police.

Oh, no.

Thanks.

Excuse me sir,

I've been here a long time.

Haven't we all?

Um, I'm sorry.

There's no need to be rude.

You got a video camera on you?

No.

Then I'll do what I want.

Charming.

Uh, is Detective Higgins around?

Who?

Detective Higgins,

I gave him a statement earlier in the day.

Higgins, Higgins, Higgins,

Higgins, Hig, Haggins,

Higgins.

Higgins, Higgins, Hig,

Higgins, H.

Ms. Baker,

you had a shock.

Perhaps,

you're a little confused.

We couldn't verify the information

that you gave us.

I told you,

my family is at the stock car races this weekend.

Your family is at the races?

Yes.

And the Math Department at the university

is closed for a spring break.

And your statement which we all liked,

you voluntarily went to a party of lesbian prostitutes

where three men drugged you.

You woke up with a new hairdo

and a tattoo.

We're fed greasy freezer

treats and drugged again.

After which you were driven to a dark scary place

where additional bad men chased you,

threaten to cut off your fingers

before wrecking their own car.

Yes. That's what-- exactly what happened.

I was-- I was drugged,

I was kidnapped,

and I was tattooed, three things,

all three, drugged, kidnapped, tattooed.

Okay.

But,

you must have some idea why you were,

um, drugged, kidnapped, tattooed.

I don't know, really.

I think I'm supposed to look like somebody.

I think-- I think for now

you should call someone to come

and take you home and rest.

What about my friend?

My friend is still a hostage.

What are you gonna do about that?

Hostage?

Seems like a strong word, doesn't it?

All right. Uh, what was her name again?

Her name is Sara.

Her name is Sara Pond,

P-O-N-D, Pond

like a small lake.

I've got it.

You can file a missing persons report

after 24 hours.

Thank you.

Pond.

Goodbye.

Uh, payphone, please.

Ugh, shoo.

[narrator] Teresa phones home

I'm, uh, a theoretical mathematician

and, uh, my work involves creating various

mathematical models with which, uh-- forget it.

Uh, just fuck it.

Uh, thank you.

It's not my usual brand.

Excuse me,

I'm looking for a Teresa Brigger. She's--

Hit it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's okay.

It's just this, um, file pack thing.

Rick? What are you doing here?

I, um--

Here.Teresa?

Yes.What happened to you?

Never mind this. Where is Bruno?

Well, I thought I'd come, you know, make up

for our blind date thing that I missed.

Oh, my God.But I don't think you need me.

I think you need like a new stylist.

Maybe some clothes.

Right, great.

Do you have the spud puppies?

Yes, spud puppies.Pizza pillows

Pizza pillows.Wonderful, okay.

I don't wanna be rude. I don't wanna pry or anything

but what the hell happened to you?

I was attacked by a roving van of drunken cosmetologist,

can't you tell?Uh-huh, yeah.

Did you get their certification numbers?

Because you might be entitled to a refund or something.

I don't need this.No?

This, I don't need.You look beautiful.

Thanks.

Come on, let's go.Seriously, seriously,

where are we going?

Going to, um,

Mr. Carl's Frozen Food Factory.

Mr. Carl's, right.

Okay then.

Bingo, B-I-N-G-O.

Rise and shine, sleeping beauty,

you're sister has been sprung.

I don't see those damn earrings though.

And who the heck is that guy?

Hey!

Gloria?No, no, no, no, no.

The guy in the bike, right over there.

That was some lowlife scumbag she picked up in jail.

I don't know I can't make him. I mean,

I can't see him.

Would you look at them before they get out of sight?

I don't think I've ever seen him before.

Useless, useless, freaking useless,

you and your freaking sister.

Hey, what's it about my sister?

Look, I can't just let you waltz right in there.

I'm just gonna go and see if Sara's in there.

No, they already know what you like.

Yes.I'll go.

Do words PhD candidate mean anything to you?

PhD? How about a dead PhD candidate?

It doesn't mean you have any horse sense.

Oh.Hey.

Like, now.Who the fuck are you?

Hey, oh, let me chase you.

Why don't you tell me something

because this has run in the family,

is this some sort of genetic defect?

Dumb--dumb sister gets herself re-kidnapped.

Once wasn't good enough.

I wonder what she did with those earrings.

You know, I wonder who that guy is.

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder who wrote

the book of freaking love!

Ermine, don't do this.

Not since the Bay of Pigs

has there been such a case of gross incompetence.

I don't understand why this agency insists

on farming out such a delicate task

to bozos like you.

I prefer the term businessman to bozo.

Of course you would.

Thankfully she was too doped up to figure out

what was going on. I think I convinced her

she was having some sort of nervous breakdown.

Of course, your story is so crazy,

I don't think anybody will believe it!

All right Ermine, let's go.

Move.

Ooh, ow, ow.

Ow.

[Wheeler] Here, hold it.

Dropped my head knuckle.

Now, where is this Sara?

Uh, Sara,

Sara--

[Gloria] You, what are you--

Damn.Hey, Carl.

No problem.

No worries. I'll take care of it.

What's she doing here?

Why are you asking me, sir?

I thought you took care of it?

Carl until we can retrieve the holographs,

we need to keep the girl,

um, monitored?

Oh, she will be monitored, sir.

All of your other duties are hereby terminated.

You and your men will have no further

involvement in the case.

Hey, look what I found.

Yeah.

Everybody is together again.

I'm gonna be right outside this door, all right?

Please, no more bullshit.

Are you okay?Oh, my bank shuts for shit but you--

come on, what happened? Are you all right?

It's a long story.

We have got to get out of here.

When attempting the very dangerous

but rewarding bold face lie,

it is crucial to look directly

into the eyes of your victim

and stress the action verb.

"No. You don't look fat."

"No. You don't look fat, honey."

Hey, idiot. How are the dames?

Oh, great.

Little peaches, no problem.

Good.

Cookie?

Go get me some real food, would you?

Pizza pillows in cud pieces, huh?

You want sauce or the tar or--

I'll bring them both.

I'd love to get you some food.

I would love to get you some food.

Oh, no.

Oh, boy, big trouble.

[Gloria] We're really gonna get it now. Oh, no.

Hello? Hello?

What's going on here, huh?

A regular party, I see.

Ooh.

I love this table.

Aw.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I give up.

Oh, you cheap, lousy whore.

I hate it when someone calls you cheap,

don't you?

Somebody's coming.

This way.

Oh,

Okay, just be calm.

Stay calm.

It's just a dead body.

A dead, frozen body.

It's my head.

It's my head.

You think they murdered her? What do you--

what do you think? What do you think they did?

I just-- I wouldn't think about it, just don't, just--

I mean this, think of it as a--

just a giant fish stick.

Sara!Sorry.

It's cool earrings though. I like them.

Come on, let's get out of here.

These are holographs.

What?Holographs.

No.That's why they want them.

Oh, don't touch, gross.

Bruno could probably decode these.

Oh, come on, let's get out of here.

We can't just leave her here.

You want to end up like her?

You know, there are people trying to kills us.

But--What are talking about? We're gonna come up--

[Carl] Could you give me a break with the moaning, huh?

I don't feel so good.

Who gets the phone?

I get the phone.

Oh.

[telephone ringing]

Oh, God. Do I got to do everything, huh?

Aw, aw.

Is someone hitting me in the balls with a soup spoon

because I'm dying over here.

What?

[Titus] Carl, it's me, Titus. How you feeling?

What do you think?

Hey, don't answer that, huh?

Just tell me you found the dames.

I am dangerously close Carl, dangerous.

I just need a couple of more days.

But I am on them like some skin disease

on a poodle's ass.

[Carl] What, a few more days?

You think I got a few more days?

I got the feds on me like a skin disease

on whatever you just said.

All right Carl, I read you.

I got you like, Ethel Merman on a bull horn,

loud and clear.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking maybe something like an exfoliating scrub,

you know, from my back,

'cause I'll get a bunion back there like regular.

Something I got to burn off with a match.

That ain't pretty.

See, that little winter will get you, did you?

Yeah. Hey, can I get some, uh, real ice?

Hey, can we get some ice over here for this handsome.

Broad does knocked him out.

You don't have to announce it to everybody.

You know, it's a lucky thing you ran in to us.

Are you sure it was a woman?

I mean, little red-headed dang?

Here.Thanks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Am I supposed to chew it?

Oh, yes, a woman.

Matter of fact, she look like real biker's slut.

Hey, that's my sis--

Cockroach.

So, um,

you know this chick, the one who hit you?

Well, all I know about her is, uh,

her name is supposedly Teresa

and she's a grad student

and she's roommates with my buddy Bruno.

Hey, wait a minute, she, uh-- right.

So, do you know her or not?

No. No.

I don't know her at all.

That's it.

That's all I know. Um, I got to take a piss.

Oh, gonna go drain your lizard, huh?

Hey, why don't you order me a cheeseburger?

Hey, shake it more than three times,

you're playing with it.

It's something's fishy here.

And, you know, I could use a cheeseburger myself,

you know, maybe a Caesar salad.

Fishy, fishy, fishy.

You think they make egg creams here?

There's rock in my shoe.Look, it's Rick.

Who's Rick?You hit me.

I hit you?You hit me.

You left me there. I get kidnapped again.

You hit on the head senseless, left me on the ground to rot.

I did not hit you in the head.

You hit him on the head?

What are you crazy or something?

Oh, I'm crazy. I'm the crazy.

Now, you feel my head.I don't wanna feel your head.

Go ahead, go ahead, you feel it.

Who are you? Who is he?

Yeah, and I don't want no anchovies

on a Caesar salad and, uh, do my cheeseburger-- uh,

well done like shoe leather, right?

You want some rings, onion rings?

No onion rings. That's it, thanks.

Who did I rescue from the police station?

Who did I drive to a frozen food factory?

Listen to me, I did not hit you on the head.

Wait a minute.

What, did he do, fall in?

Who?

Would you go check on him?

Who?The college boy.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

They got an institution for guys like that.

Who are you? How did you know her?

I don't know.

We hooked up the other night at the spring break party.

Spring break party.

Oh, you're the guy she wants to

Yeah, I'm the guy she wants to

I'm the guy that you wanna--

I'm Sarah Pond, very nice to meet you.

Hi, I'm Rick.

Sara!

[Michael] Hey, was that my cheeseburger?

Whoa, get down, down.

Gloria?

Gloria, you're okay.

I was-- I was worried about you.

You got the earrings on, great.

Great, great, um, okay.

Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back, okay?

Great, okay.

[Rick] Um, I guess that means he saw you.

That's the guy who said you hit me.

[Gloria] And you believed him?

Yeah.He was lying.

Son of a bitch.Now, are you gonna help us get

the holographs to Bruno?

Holographs? Hell, I can't wait

to hear this one. Just go hide.

Meet me back in two hours. I'll get my bike.

Hey, there are three of us.

Hey Wheeler, Gloria is outside.

She's waiting for us.

She got the earrings on and everything.

Outside?

Outside?

Grab her. would you just grab her?

Go, go, go.

I'll spend the rest of my vacation a fugitive.

[Wheeler] Oh, you stupid idiot.

Michael, come here you damn freeholies for brains.

[narrator] A twist of faith.

Excuse me, who are you trying to kid?

God, I'm trying to kid God.

Just leave me alone.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

Now we're both idiots. Get up here.

Shh.

Nun.Oh, Jesus.

Oh, sorry.

She scared me.Shh, don't say Jesus, we're in a church.

Shh.Don't say Jesus.

Why are we laughing?

Because we're so damn tired, that's why.

I know, but we shouldn't--

I'm just gonna rest my eyes little bit.

You wake me up if I fall asleep.

Okay, okay.

But really, I mean, we just shouldn't--

Take a nap?No.

Jesus Christ, my Dear Lord.

I know I'm in a Catholic church

but the Baptist church was locked.

Hey, come over here.

I'm telling you it's her.

No way. I mean, her hair is different.

Duh.

It's a wig.

Mom just got one just like it.

Brats.

Elvis!

Whoa.

It's an unbelievable.

Boys, Waylon, Elvis.

You're lucky to even be alive.

Jesus Christ, Nora.

Can you just get us out of here

and back to Los Angeles?

No, no, no. Now, there's a way to do this right

and I'm gonna call my friend at the FBI

and he'll come down here and get you out of here

and we'll get to bottom of this.

Now, are you sure that the police are involved in this?

Yes, absolutely.

That makes you sick, don't it?

Just sick.It's a stain.

It's a stain on all of us men in uniform.

It's a stain.

Where's my mother?

She and Jack slipped off again.

You know, how newly weds are.

Hmm, You know, just in case.

Here, take this, Mace. It don't hurt to be prepared.

Yes, protection.

You think we'll actually need this?

Sugar, the way the two of you are dressed,

I am stunned you haven't needed it already.

It wouldn't hurt to change their whole appearance.

Ah hey, will you watch that thing?

Hey, you know what, I don't know why Gloria

keeps running away from me.

Maybe she hates your guts. Imagine that.

Well, at least she had those earrings on.

At least she had those earrings on.

Why didn't you grab her right then

and there instead toddling back to me,

giving her a chance to get away?

Well, I told I don't know why she keeps running away.

Well, the way I see it, there's three

possible explanations.

One

your sister's working for the federalist,

the Federal Bureau of Incompetence.

Gloria-- no way.

B, you're double-crossing me.

Wheeler, whoa, hold on,

I ain't smart enough to double-cross you.

Right.

Which leaves us with three.

No, C.C,

she ain't your sister.

Oh, of course she's my sister.

Oh, really?

Get a good look at her, did you?

Or why is she keep saying she is a grad student

named Teresa or something rather?

I don't know, I mean, she is acting a little weird.

I mean-- but if that's not Gloria,

then where is Gloria?

Well, I don't care where in the world she is,

but I do care about those earrings

and we're gonna find whoever is wearing them

so you circle the square one more time.

God, huh?

Circle the square.

Oh.Triangle head.

Your plan is not working.

Where is Gloria?

Oh, my God, I need a hummus plate or something,

a little tastiest delight, huh?

Curry goat falafel.

A falafel, you ain't kidding, Carl.

I never felt this awful.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

That harebrain on the phone.

Hello pea brain?

Yeah.

You got to help me out, the food is killing me.

How about some Indian, huh?

Carl, I don't understand.

How am I supposed to get Indian takeout food

and chase the dames?

Okay.

Uh, you know, tastiest delight with a hummus plate,

you got it, done.

Momma?Hmm?

This guy is working me like a dog.

Aw.Look at me, I look terrible, don't I?

No.Look at your grandson.

You look good.

He looks better than you though.

Oh, go away.

You're in prison.

Oh, well, it's home.

Look at these flowers I got for you, huh?

Uh-hmm.Is that beautiful?

Uh-hmm.But they don't fit through the bar,

so I got to take them away.

Well, I knew I could--

Take a good last look.

You won't get to see flowers like this for another 20 years.

[door slams]

I'm not really sure we're going to blend.

What are you kidding me?

These are great.

Well, they're very, uh, very colorful.

Well, I never in my life dress not to attract attention.

The finishing touch.

Ah!No man looks twice at a pregnant woman

except to get out of her way.

Nora, I really think we underestimated you.

Really?

Oh, sometimes people can surprise you.

Cool.

Look, Frank called the FBI, right?

He didn't call the police.

Right, right.

Well that guy was in the factory talking to Mr. Carl.

They seemed pretty familiar.

Wait, what are you saying?

That the bad guys and the FBI are in this together?

Yes.

Ooh, you better get your butts in gear.

All right, I'll stall them as long as I can

but if I were you, I'd head straight out of town.

You know, up where they put out one of those APAs here.

Ma'am.

It's Frank.

Hurry up Sara, come on.

Sara, hurry up.

You know, ladies.

Uh-hmm.

Got to be all pretty.

Hey.Hmm?

What about those two?

No, that's a mother.

Give me those.

It's not a mother yet, you idiot.

Jackpot.

Not so pregnant, kind of like not so smart, huh?

What, what?

What?

Unfortunately, even the best laid plans go awry

when they're not handled by a professional.

I'm sorry, sir, they were up there when I left.

Of course they were.

And I'm assuming that we're gonna have the cooperation

with your entire family from now on

and that they'll be on call unreservedly.

That is if you care about those girls.

Yes, sir, I do.

Now, sir this isn't gonna--

you're not gonna count this against me are you?

No, of course not, now, not me Frank, but

everything goes into the report.

Off the car, Frank.

Yes, sir.

Hey Carl, how are you feeling, better?

Oh, yeah, I got the dames, I can smell them from here.

Yeah, Carl, listen, you know, this, uh, this break neck phase

though, you know, burning the candle

of both ends and such, little expensive.

I think you might send me out a few more candles?

No, no, I mean cash.

No, ouch.

Hello, hello, nurse.

Nurse, please, may I have some very hot tea

for my very sore throat.Yeah, right.

Please, with some lemon.

And honey, without honey, it goes right through him.

Oh, God, who-- where is the-- who's the plants from, huh?

It's from Titus.

Oh, God.This is nice, huh?

It says, "Hope the food's good.

Glad you didn't die."

Hmm, that's nice.

That's nice.

♪

[narrator] The Escape.

[narrator] The Roadblock.

Doesn't even matter.

Nope, can you believe it?

No, come on.

It's dead.

[car horn honking]

Any ideas?

Well, we got to keep moving so let's go hitch a ride.

Okay, here we go.

[woman] Hey, come on.

Okay, um, act like you're going into labor.

What?

They wouldn't turn away a lady who is having contractions.

Ooh, my, oh, labor.

Oh, look it.

What in the ham sandwich is going on here?

Ham sandwich, I could use one of them.

Would you-- get on them, get on-- get on them.

[tires screeching]

Oh, what are you doing?

Can you see the-- did you check your blind spot?

And you--Son of a--

I didn't see him on front of me.

I love-- I'm so-- I love this car, I'm really sorry,

I really wanna--

hey, it's--Hola, senor Friend Rick.

Um, it was so kind of you to stop.

It's her first baby and she's really scared and--

Cut the crap, we know you're not pregnant.

Yes, I am, I am too pregnant.

And if the girl said she's pregnant,

she obviously has a good reason to lie.

Yeah, I can tell you right now she is not going into labor.

Her pillow hasn't dropped yet.

♪

[metal clatters]

And there she goes, Gloria, your girlfriend.

Who's Gloria?

[car engine revving]

♪

[narrator] The Cameo.

Good evening, ma'am, we're just running

a standard sobriety check if you just take a second.

You ladies had anything to drink tonight?

Hmm.

How about you ma'am, did you have

anything to drink at the stock car races today?

[burps]

Oh, the baby is coming, oh, the baby is coming.

Ooh, wow.

[exhales fast]

Thank God, is that woman in labor?

Is she in labor?

What do you think that is, a pillow?

No, ma'am.

Is there anything we could do?

Would you like us to radio ahead to the hospital for you?

Oh, no, that wouldn't be necessary.

No, she's just as-- just another baby, that's all.

It happens every day.

Now we're gonna be just fine.

Thank you, thank you very much.

[engine starts]

♪

[indistinct radio dispatch]

Hey, tequila?

Uh, okay.

Uh, just where are you two trying to get to?

[both] Home.

Don't get me anymore of that phony-baloney.

Where's my sister?

I don't know who is your sister.

Gloria, G-L-O-R-A.

I told you, I don't know any Gloria.

But that red-head, that's my sister.

No, no, the red-head is not Gloria.

The red-head is Teresa.

It's Teresa, T-E--

She just looks like Gloria, okay?

Now, listen, we want those earrings she's wearing

and now you're gonna tell us where she is.

I'd love to-- I don't-- how would I know this?

Well, alright then, where's this Bruno character?

Now, what does Bruno have to do with any--

Where does Bruno live?I don't know.

Ah.

The hell is that?

Is that your moron meter going off again?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Well, now.

How much is set you back, college boy?

This, uh, wouldn't happen to be for address, would it?

Have a nice evening, ma'am.

Stop the car, please turn the engine off.

Top of the evening to you, officer.

What am I doing, speeding?

No, sir, this is just a routine sobriety check.

You mind telling me where you've been and where you're going?

Home, just going home and, uh,

my grandmother, she lives up here, you know,

she don't feel too good so, I-- you know,

I'm bringing chicken soup and wiping her nose.

Sir, can I see your driver's license

and registration, please?

Yup, uh, well, no

and I'll explain why because--

I had car troubles of my own and I decided to borrow

my sister's car and she-- to get back home.

So, your sister's gone to visit your grandmother also then?

Huh?

Your sister's gone to visit your grandmother also?

That's right, both of us.

Could you tell me how your sister plans on getting home

if you're driving her car?

[car honking]

Well, there's some sort of emergency, I don't know, uh--

Could you please step out of the car?

[keys rattling]

It would be my pleasure.

♪

[groans] Oh, what's, uh--

What is this?

Hello.

I guess your grandmother's got a drinking and a gun problem too.

Gun?

What gun?

♪ Save from all of this

♪ Betrayed a man with a single kiss ♪

♪ It's human nature's fault

♪ Never ending battle of the darkness ♪

Bye.

Wish I had my keys so we didn't have to wake him up.

Is that why we're here to wake him up?

Oh, yeah, right.

[computer beeping]

Cool.

Oh, wow, come on now, this is all perfectly clear to me.

Let me try another sector.

That might help.

[computer beeping]

And you, Teresa Brigger got this off a dead body?

Dead and frozen.

♪

[tires screeching]

Um, uh, that's the place, 2008, I'm telling you.

That's the right street, I think.

[Wheeler] Yeah, right, you couldn't find

your butt with both hands and a compass.

What street was that?

Hey!Oh, okay, all right.

You don't have to go open the guy's ears off.

I'll snatch you bald-headed.

I say we have the plans for the space program

for the next century.

[whistles]

Bruno, how long would it take you

to copy everything onto floppy disk?

Weeks.Not good enough, okay.

We modem it straight to the university.

All right.

Yeah, okay, you do that,

and I'm gonna start on phase two.

So, why don't you just toddle off inside

and bring those earrings back from your sister?

What, me?

No, Rufus the wonder dog, yes, you.

Mom, listen to me, this is very important.

I want you to promise me, promise me that you won't tell

anyone where I am

especially not anyone with the government.

Promise me.

Um, well, of course, honey, bye-bye, darling.

Okay, bye.

Well, I just invited the feds.

Take this and you use it if you have to.

What, do you want me to shoot my own sister?

Let me tell you something,

you come back without those earrings,

I'm gonna shoot you, your sister,

and your whole damn family.

Now, skedaddle.Roger Dodger.

Roger Dodger?

Move or I'll turn you from a rooster to a hen right now.

Oh, aw, uh, aw!

[groans]

Well now, just who the hell do you think

you're dealing with, college boy?

Done, you're a goddess, now what?

Shower.

No thanks.

When this happens, I am going to be clean.

Where you at?

I'm in the bushes, out back.

Would you stop sneaking around the bushes

like some pretty bird.

Get in the goddamn house!

Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going.

[thud]

Oh, Mikey.

Okay, I'm gonna go in.

♪

You mind?

No, I usually work.

[groans]

I'm in.

Okay, I'm crossing the floor.

I'm in the kitchen.

[buzzing]

You, you, you, you.

What, what, what's going on?

Shoo, good, just coffee.

Hey--

Freeze, don't move, don't move.

Don't move, stay there.

Mikey.

Stop!

Michael.

Everything's okay, it's okay, yeah.

I got the pregnant one here, only, uh,

she's not pregnant anymore.

I mean, she was never pregnant to start with.

What am I supposed to do?

Ask her where Gloria is.

You, where's Gloria?

I've-- I don't know.

Um, who-- who's Gloria?

She doesn't know who Gloria is.

Oh, well, maybe we ought to just pack up and go home.

She's lying, you idiot!

You're lying, you idiot!

What do I do now?

Tie her up, tape her mouth, and then go find the other one.

Oh, God, oh, God, tape, tape.

You got any tape?

♪ [indistinct] road

♪ As I walked down

♪ In the streets of Laredo

♪ As I walked down in Laredo one day ♪

♪ Pushed her in

Tape, okay, that's good.

You are kidding with this, aren't you?

No, this is serious business.

Is that okay, it's not too tight?

Uh-uh.Okay, okay, just two more times.

I'm really sorry about this.

You know, if you were really pregnant,

I wouldn't be doing this, you know.

It's not too tight, is it, no?

Okay, okay.

♪ I spied a cowpuncher, all wrapped in white linen ♪

♪ Wrapped in white linen as cold as the day ♪

Freeze, you asshole!

♪ So

♪ So bang the drum slowly

♪ Fight for me

♪ Bang the drum slowly

I hate that song!

I'm really sorry about all this

but, you know, I really appreciate you didn't tie this

so tight but, you know, I really got to--

Shh.Find out where Gloria is

because she's my sister and I love her and I know--

Can you believe this?

I had this in my pocket the whole time.

Oh.

You know, I got to Mace you right now.

No, we can't do that.Why not?

Because it's like the Geneva Convention thing or something.

If you have a prisoner and he's totally subdued,

which you are totally subdued, even if you deserve it,

which you do, we're not supposed to harm you.

[muffled scream]

Ah, aw, great, this is just great!

Oh, my God. Rick.

Thank you.

Does it still hurt?

Yeah.

I, uh, I really am sorry.

I'll make it up to you.

When this is all over, uh, I'll buy you coffee or something--

A beer at my favorite pool hall.

A coffee at my favorite bookstore.

But we take my bike.

Where is your bike?

I don't know.

But at this point I don't really care.

Hey, guys, Bruno is done if you care.

We were-- I--

Uh-hmm, it's okay, seen it before.

I'm feeling better, thank you.

Good.This much--

[exhales]

SWAT team is here.

Oh.Oh, good, hey, guys.

SWAT-- okay, good,

so, we'll go and greet them, okay.

We were just--

[indistinct radio]

[helicopter noise]

You.

Take the earrings,

The other one.

Aw, that hurt.

Teresa Anne Brigger, 2008 Glenway Avenue,

you jeopardized a highly sensitive government operation.

And as such, you may be subjected to arrest

and prosti-- prosecution.

We may be willing to waive these charges if given

your complete cooperation.

My cooperation?

Nothing ever happened.

What part of it never happened?

Was it the part where the government's plans

for the space station?

Put your hands up.Or stolen by two petty thieves?

I'll meet you halfway.Maybe it was the part

where you hired gangsters to get them back?

Oh, I know, it was the part where the innocent woman

was found murdered in a deep freezer in Bakersfield.

Murdered seems a strong word.

It was an accidental thing.

The Bureau never murdered anyone officially.

You're the Bureau.

I paid taxes so that you can kidnap me and terrorize me?

[laughs] I don't know what you're talking about.

You know, the government often provides grants

for extremely gifted students like yourself.

I may be able to speed an application through.

And bribe me.

Teresa, Teresa, don't be hasty.

A vacation would be good.

Jamaica is a nice place.

Jamaica is nice.Can you believe this?

As an agent of the Bureau, I hereby arrest you.

[laughs]

I think you should reconsider.

The Bureau never reconsiders.

[laughs]

Well, maybe you should.

See, 'cause Bruno and I, we send all of the holograph data

straight to university's mainframe computer.

Bruno, do you wanna come here and explain this?

Yeah, I just, um-- excuse me.

Uh, yes, see, what we've done is we've, um, implanted

a time and voice-activated trigger device which goes

into the hard drive, which goes into the main system, which--

It's a time bomb, and it sends all of the information

to all of the newspapers and wire services--

You're up.Newscast--

That's right.Everyone can read about it

and know about it.

Unless, of course, Teresa decided to, uh,

deactivate the decide with her own personal

and secret voice code then--With my voice.

Then, uh--Then, it will be fine.

So, what are you saying?

[both] You're screwed.

♪

Would you do me a favor?

Would you, uh, turn your head?

I think that your left side is a lot more--

No, you think?Photogenic, it is.

Yeah.

You'll be hearing from us.

Good.

[indistinct chatter]

Out of sight.

Hey there, sir, good to see you again.

Look, uh, I felt real sorry about what I did before.

That's what do is I went ahead and filled out a report

and, uh, had turned it in the Bureau

so, uh, saved you the leg work.

Is there anything else I can do to help you out?

Looks like you got it all under control here.

No, I think you've done just about enough, thank you.

Oh, it's my pleasure, sir.

Anything I can do to be of assistance.

On second thought, could you put your head in front of the tire?

Sir?

The front one?

[narrator] The-- uh, where's the card?

Nurse, put me through.

And my family.

I'm Titus.

Please, answer, please, Carl, answer.

Hey, Carl, hey, listen, uh, [clears throat]

No, I do not have the dames

but I'm right on their tails, Carl.

I'm right behind them.

Carl, listen, read my lips, we got trouble.

We got big, big trouble, Carl.

I'm making friends, Carl.

Look, you got to call the guy at the highway patrol

or something, hello?

[yawning]

Carl?

Hey, Carl.

Carl, you're not gonna believe it.

Something creepy is going on.

This bed's got a mind of its own.

I ain't even clicking on nothing.

This is fantastic.

I got to get one of these.

Carl, I've been thinking, you know,

if Titus ain't gonna do what we say then

to hell with it, you know, 'cause you remember my cousin,

Joey, works down at Helen Handelman's moo goo gai

pan restaurant specialty shop?

He's a doorman saturday-- you remember, Carl?

He's the one who fixed your tire.

[snoring]

Anyway, you know, I'm thinking, you know, he's saying

that he wants to hang around and maybe he can learn

some knowledge from Moscow.

[snoring]

You know, see-- you know, just hang around

and see what makes us tick, see what makes us us.

That's what I'm saying, that's all.

[snoring]

Carl?

This thing is fantastic.

I hopefully getting creamed corn tonight.

♪

♪ Hey

♪ Crawl out of that box now

♪ Come on, don't stop

♪ Climb a little higher

♪ Till you hear the limb pop

♪ Grab onto that knife with the palm of your hand ♪

♪ And when you hear the brakes squeal ♪

♪ Don't jerk, just stand

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Don't be a hero

♪ Don't do it to be tough

♪ Throw back your head

♪ Do it for the rush, baby

♪ Do it for the rush, now

♪ Hey, come on, come on, rush, baby ♪

♪ Do it for the rush now

♪ Stand in the rain 'cause lightning ♪

♪ Always strikes twice

♪ Walk in the dark and lay your skin on the ice ♪

♪ Do what they do

♪ Not what they say

♪ Cover your tracks while you're running away ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Now, don't be a hero

♪ Don't do it to be tough

♪ Throw back your head

♪ And do it for the rush, baby ♪

♪ Do it for the rush now

♪ Hey, come on, come on, rush, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, do it for the rush now ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Don't be a hero

♪ Don't do it to be tough

♪ Throw back your hand

♪ And do it for the rush

♪ Do it for the rush now

♪ Come on, rush, baby

♪ Come on, rush now

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Rush, baby, rush, baby

♪ Yeah

♪ Come on, rush, baby

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Oh, come on, come on, come on ♪

♪ And do it for the rush now

♪ Now come on, do it for the rush, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Baby, yeah

♪ Yeah