Original subtitles

Hello. Can I pay you 100 kroner for that?

I'd prefer to smoke it myself.

Okay.

No thanks.

Fucking hell! What's the deal?

Has the entire world become 40-plus?

You're allowed to think outside the box.

It's possible. The whole thing's such a fucking snooze.

-It's just... You know what you are? -No.

You're a fucking asshole.

FANNY

POLICE

BELOW

How are you doing at work?

-You were in some industry... -The IT industry. It's going well.

-Yeah? A lot of action there, right? -Yeah, every day.

Right. Here we are.

Welcome to this extraordinary general assembly.

I'm so glad to see you again.

-You look great, all of you. -You too.

Right. The main point on today's agenda is the stair lift.

After a fire safety assessment,

the building permit has been approved

-by the municipality. -And I didn't bribe them.

Right. So...

What we're going to discuss today is...

It's...

Sorry, but we really don't want a stair lift in our stairway.

We'd like to offer you what you paid for the fire safety assessment

and an additional 55,000

to move.

What's...

If you don't want a stair lift, why did you sign the approval form?

Nobody wants to be the first person who doesn't want a stair lift.

It would feel awful.

Is it because I didn't support the pizza oven in the backyard?

Is that it? Or the voluntary work?

It's because it wouldn't look nice.

It wouldn't look nice, and the resale value is reduced.

I guess we just don't get why you want to live here.

You didn't want that pizza oven.

It's my home.

This is where I live.

It's just an offer. It's totally up to you.

We can't refuse you to live here, so if you decline,

we will of course be really nice

and say hi when we meet you.

The air quality in Oslo isn't as good as many idiots claim.

You really notice it when you come from out of town.

-It's something else. -Yes, it is.

But...

Do you know what the reason is?

-I don't know. -Studded tires, among other things.

And diesel cars, actually.

But the last thing is a bit weird.

If I remember correctly, it's old wood-burning stoves.

-That's... -That's a little weird.

-Yeah. -Many people don't...

Would you look at that.

That T-Rex is insanely good.

I think I'm going to eat a chocolate bar.

And I really don't want to share it, so I hope no one sees it.

I think that would be chocolate bar number two for the little one today.

No, that's fine. Do you want one?

I think you deserve it, Pål, since you've let me borrow your room

while you've slept in Mom and Dad's argument room.

It's not really an argument room.

What Auntie is trying to say, buddy,

is that sometimes, when Mom and Dad are going to bed,

if we have a disagreement,

Dad finds it hard to go to sleep if he has to sleep with Mom,

so he sleeps in the room Auntie mistakenly calls the argument room.

But we're in agreement now.

I need a shower. Hey, that shower chair...

Is that something that...

Can the rest of us...

-Go down? -I'd like to borrow the chair.

Maybe it came out wrong, but I'd love to borrow the chair.

-It looks really comfy. -Enjoy.

Right.

Lovely. Come with me, buddy, and we'll freshen up a little.

-Can't I just take him? -I'll take him.

But... Okay.

Come on. The boys.

-Thank you. -Okay.

Did you eat the entire chocolate bar, Pål?

Oh my God.

I can't believe that the stair lift got approved.

Your entire body must be tingling now that you can move back in there.

It's going to be great.

Have you heard anything from Jill?

-Haven't you? -No.

That's not surprising, is it?

Fanny, can I just...

Can you please not say anything to Marius about...

The creepy neighbor? Of course not. I'd never do that.

Thank you.

But don't you feel that the entire relationship is built on a lie?

Should I devastate him just so I can feel a little bit better?

I'll just see how they're doing.

The boys.

Watch your head. I'll wriggle you in.

Watch your hands and feet.

Who's going to help your sister?

-Congrats on the lady's success. -Likewise.

You look great.

What's going on over there?

It's supposed to symbolize the essence of the show.

My gang! Here's my gang!

Welcome.

Here's the CEO, producer, and creative director,

alongside me, of course. And this is my lovely family.

My dear daughter Fanny. My dear Radin.

Fanny was paralyzed in an accident, and Radin is a vintage war refugee.

Mom? Hello.

-Yes, and this is Fam. -Hi.

Pål and I found some sparkling water.

Then we can move on.

Hey, would you like to say hi to all the cool TV people

that Grandma will work with now that she's retired?

Come on, let's go.

It's so great that the two of you are back together.

It's so great!

Yeah.

Lie about an eating disorder, so Mom will pay attention to you.

-That dress is lovely. -You think so?

We're bad! We're brash! We're the resistance!

We're avant-garde!

And it's about fucking time that we get a place in the TV landscape.

-Let's go as low as we can. -I can't. You'll have to do it.

Let's do it. Come on.

There are too few emergency exits here.

May I have a glass of water?

Thank you. Well, there aren't too few,

but there's a paper towel box in front of...

-Excuse me? -You're so fucking boring.

-No, I'm not! -Great comeback.

Okay, well, it's obvious that you think I'm boring.

Are you able to do something about it?

When you think, "I've got something interesting to say,"

are you able to take a moment

to think about whether it's interesting for anyone else?

Yes, maybe I can do that if you stop judging people

without knowing anything about their history.

Not everyone feels that they have to be all that exciting.

Maybe they have other...

-interesting characteristics. -Tell me, then.

Maybe I've gotten attention in other ways.

-Like what? -I've gotten attention...

I've gotten attention because since I was about 15, I have...

I've had quite a big dick, and...

that has probably made me lazy.

But I've tried other things, too, to spice it up.

-I've taken salsa lessons. -Stop it! What are you saying?

-Boring people don't do that. -Now you're just being gross.

I'm a kind man.

I apologize for that, but even though I'm not a firecracker...

Fam actually deserves to have some fun!

When did you start caring about Fam having fun?

-You don't care about that. -Okay.

You don't. It's better to be really boring person

than to be someone who makes others feel like boring shits.

And Fam has always felt like that around you.

You know what Fam has felt? She's felt joy.

She's been finger-painting while you were away.

You haven't finger-painted with her.

I didn't say it was with me.

Hello, hello. What are you talking about?

Did you meet someone while we were separated?

No...

Hey! What's your problem?

-I asked you not to say anything! -It was an accident.

It would've gotten out anyway. You couldn't have kept lying.

Sorry. I forgot that nobody's as cold as you.

I said that you had been finger-painting.

Marius doesn't get the subtext, because he's a plant.

-But I'm a plant too. -No, you're not!

-Yes! -No!

You won't become a square just because you drive an electric car!

You can't put a Moomin mug lid over who you are!

But this is how I want to be!

Don't you get it!

I'm trying hard to smother all my genetic defects!

Look at where we come from. Look at Mom,

who invents a new character because she fucked up.

That's not good. I don't want to be like that.

And I sure as hell don't want to be like you.

You ruin everyone who tries to love you.

How long are you going to keep it up?

You have no one left. You know what?

Get lost.

I've been running after you for 30 years. I've had enough.

And I'm sure you're glad to hear that.

You think that's funny?

You're fucking unbelievable.

Hey! What are you doing!

She punched that woman in the wheelchair!

-Seriously? -Oh my God.

-Are you all right? Are you sure? -Yes. Please don't. I'm the asshole.

-Hi. Why are you here? -Can I come in? Is that all right?

Sure. Okay.

Oh my God. What's going on?

I'm packing. I've sold the house.

Why?

I couldn't afford to keep the house and support myself at the same time.

That's just the way it is.

But I've bought a new place.

Fuck, this is in the middle of nowhere!

I've always wanted to live in the middle of nowhere.

I want my daughter to grow up the way I did.

In a place where people greet each other and stop for a chat.

Where it's okay to eat Balinese chicken curry.

What are you talking about? I love Balinese chicken curry.

Look at this. I'm thinking about building a playhouse.

At some point.

Why are you here?

I have...

I want to be godmother.

You came all the way here just to say that?

Yes. I want to be godmother.

Do you really?

The last time I asked, you weren't happy about it.

I'd love to do it.

Maybe we can discuss it later, closer to the baptism?

I have a lot going on with packing and moving and giving birth.

I actually have to get some stuff from the basement.

Maybe I can help you with that.

The reason he said he didn't know if you were the one

was that he didn't want me to know.

And you have to name her Buffy. It's so fucking cool.

Imagine being named Buffy.

No one in that town will get the reference anyway.

Fuck, maybe I should just do it.

Buffy.

-Thanks for coming. -Yeah.

Hello!

What the hell? Fanny! How the hell did you get up there?

-What are you doing here? -You didn't answer your phone!

The last time you didn't answer, you nearly died.

-What the fuck! -The key is inside it!

Hi.

What's going on?

Huh?

I want to say it, but I can't. I can't tell anyone.

If you have something to say, you have to say it.

I brought a completely...

awful guy home one time.

I got scared because he wouldn't leave.

I seriously thought he would rape and kill me.

But he didn't. I was fine.

But Kurt...

Kurt got really scared and insisted that we...

should have a code word.

It was just a random word. It was "tramp stamp."

But he wanted us to have it, so I could call him or text him

if anything happened.

-And he would come at once. -Yeah.

And the day of the accident, I used the code word.

Because you were about to be raped.

No.

I wasn't.

-What? -I wanted him to go out with me.

And...

I didn't want him to be at that dinner party.

I was mad about it, so I called him and said the code word

just because I knew he would take it seriously.

And I ended up in hospital, where they told me he was dead.

Yes.

And Jill saw him run out from that dinner,

and she wondered what had happened, of course,

so I panicked and lied about it.

I made sure, Fam,

that the only person in the whole world that likes me

for who I am, is dead.

What makes this bad is that Kurt died.

Yes.

Otherwise, this would just be a bad joke and nothing more.

Kurt would understand that you felt abandoned and lonely.

And he would forgive you.

If he could.

Do you hate me now?

I ruined everything with Marius.

No, you didn't.

Marius is moving back.

Mom should have watered that cactus.

-Thanks for the help. -Of course.

-Can you help me over? -Let's see.

-Should we check the mail? -I've already checked it. No!

What?

-Fuck! I completely forgot! -What is it?

Jill.

She made me report it.

False report. That's not ideal.

But...

-Fucking hell. -Is that...?

-Okay. -Fucking hell!

Yes.

But isn't it fucked up that the case has been dropped?

Yeah, what the fuck?

What if it were true?

-That's insane. We should complain. -Fucking hell.

-You know what you are? -No.

-You're a fucking asshole. -Right.

You can have it.

-Okay. -Yeah. It was nice meeting you.

No!

Hello.

-Tramp stamp. -Where are you?

Where are you?

Fanny!

Fanny! What the hell?

What's going on? Are you all right?

-No. What the fuck? -I'm sorry.

Are you kidding?

Seriously?

Are you kidding? Is this a fucking joke?

-Seriously? -Jesus! Don't be mad!

-Fuck you! -Hey, look what I scored.

I thought you were being murdered or raped. What are you doing?

-I'm rescuing you. -I don't want to be rescued, okay?

I was eating ice cream cake. I was having a great time.

And you used our fucking code word.

All of a sudden, you're going to eat ice cream cake

and asparagus with your in-laws?

You remember what we promised?

We promised we'd never become cunts, like you are now.

We're supposed to be the ones who get it.

The ones who aren't complete morons.

It's the two of us against the world,

and when you do things like that...

That means I'm all alone.

Jeez. I mean...

I'm going to be a dad.

Okay.

What a fucking blessing.

Yeah. I think so too.

Fucking hell.

Goddamn moron. Fuck you.

-Fuck you. -Yeah.

-Can you drive me home? -Yeah.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Are you gassy?

Just gulping up some asparagus au gratin.

Helene?

Hi. Are you all right?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

Would you like to grab a beer?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

Come on.

-It'll be all right. -Yeah.

-Yes. -It will.

Subtitles: Aleksander Kerr plint.com