Original subtitles

It's the two of us against the world,

and when you do things like that...

That means I'm all alone.

Jeez. I mean...

I'm going to be a dad.

Two people coming through the kitchen.

If they get married, I'll puke.

That's way too common for Mom.

Maybe she has started going to a shrink herself.

-No. -Why not?

Maybe she wants to change. She's old.

I think they're adopting an albino baby.

Jesus Christ.

Could you fill our glasses? I'm making a big announcement.

-I'm so excited! -So am I.

Okay, so, this has been...

Thank you.

...a remarkable year.

We have been struck by unexpected events

like pearls on a string.

The latest thing happened to me.

That has made me reflect over what kind of person I want to be.

So I'm going to participate in a docusoap.

-Right? -What?

You're going to be on a reality show?

No, it's more than that.

By exposing my own life,

I will contribute to stopping

the marginalization of women over 60.

This will be era-defining.

-This is just great, Mom. -It was my own pitch, actually.

I've had the idea for a long time.

I had absolutely no intentions,

just so you know, of being in it myself.

Not at all. But the producer just kept begging.

And I didn't have any excuse, since I'm retired now.

You're retired?

What will this entail?

Will I be on TV? You said I shouldn't be on TV.

Sounds like Real Housewives, if you ask me.

I don't think anyone asked you.

It's a good time to be open about the revoked authorization.

-To create openness. -I won't be open about that, Radin.

When you have the opportunity to start from scratch

and decide who you'll be, you can't roll around in old shit.

I agree completely.

-Oh my God, cheers! -Yes, cheers.

BELOW

Hey...

Have you ever been bribed to tell the municipality

that the escape routes meet all the requirements?

-No. That would be quite unusual. -Yeah.

Putting a sprinkler system in this building would be too expensive.

What? No!

-No! Really? -Yes.

No way. There must be something we can do.

Anything at all.

You'd really like to keep living here.

You know what? We can go with a so-called evacuation mattress.

Yes. A mattress.

-What's that? -If there's a fire in here,

a neighbor will have to come to your rescue.

The neighbor will place you on this mattress

so you can slide down the stairs.

Okay. Yes please.

That sounds really fun and a little demeaning,

but I'll say yes to that, if that's possible.

But that requires that you have neighbors

who can come to your rescue.

Are your neighbors often at home?

-Do you get on well? -Yes, we do.

Yeah. They're at home most of the time,

and they've supported me from day one.

Right. We can try that, then.

-Yes! -We'll do that. Have a nice day.

Okay.

-No, you won't. -Yes.

No. No!

I want some coffee.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

-Hi. -Hi.

Right. Late night?

-No. -Yes.

-Was it? -Yes, it was.

-It was a late night. -I didn't check when we went to bed.

You should take a look at what Fam has painted in there.

-Yes, I will. -Yes.

-No, she shouldn't. -Yes.

Fam gets so embarrassed all the time.

-But she's so amazing. -I agree.

Great. Thanks for that. That was nice of you.

-Okay. Maybe you... -Yeah.

...should get going.

-Yeah. Have fun at the baby... -Baby shower. Yeah.

-Good. -Right. Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, what was it you forced me to buy as a wedding present?

I'm just checking you're not possessed by a demon or something.

I got a Grand Cru thermos jug from Rosendahl.

-Yes, isn't that what you got? -Yes.

It was an exciting shopping trip for me.

What are we giving her?

A wooden monkey from Pål's room that I just gift-wrapped.

Fucking hell, Fanny! This is Kay Bojesen!

-It costs 4,000 kroner. No way. -We don't have anything else.

-Don't... -Are you a moron? Let go!

-Okay, I'm kidding. -Fuck!

-Hi! -Hello!

-Hi! -Hi!

-Come on in! -Yes. Here we are.

-It's a mobile. -Okay. That's good.

You guys look great.

I'm about to serve the tapas.

I just had to eat something. I'm so hungry.

This looks great, Jill.

Really? For me? No! How lovely!

These are my friends.

People from university, old colleagues, and... A good mix.

Fanny was Kurt's best friend. I've inherited her.

And Fam is Fanny's twin sister.

Oh, yes.

Help yourself to drinks. The beer is for you.

Yes! Cheers!

-The house is lovely, Jill. -Thank you.

Really. And the coffee maker is so fancy.

Yeah, it's great. It was here when we bought the place.

-That's great. -Yeah.

You were really lucky. And it's right next to the forest.

I'm in the forest quite a lot, actually.

-Do you get deer in your yard? -Yes.

The other day, I saw a deer family. With two little babies.

No!

-What's going on? -Should I slap your back?

-I'll slap your back. -Just stop!

I've eaten a lot of Brie! Fanny!

-We're going to lose him! -Who?

The baby! He's dying!

-What happened? -Brie!

I was so hungry. I forgot myself and wolfed it down.

-I'm the worst mom in the world. -You're not.

I can feel that there's less movement.

I get that it's psychological and that listeria don't move that fast,

but there's a first time for everything, and I'm sure it's now.

The probability that you've eaten a Brie with listeria

that will harm your baby is very low, so this will be fine.

You see? It's a stayer.

But if you get symptoms or a fever, you should contact your doctor.

-But she's doing very well. -It's a boy.

-It's a girl. -No.

My gynecologist said it's a boy.

Oh? Okay.

Do you see this?

-These are the labia. -What? No!

Damn it! A girl!

Nothing goes the way it's supposed to!

Should we go back to the baby shower,

where all your friends are?

We can come up with a lot of cool girl names

that they've been saving up for years,

and then we'll get drunk on smoothies.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Let's go back to the baby shower I arranged myself.

Yeah. Isn't that how it should be done?

No. It's supposed to be a surprise.

I've waited three months for the girls to arrange a baby shower.

I've even dressed up every time we've gone out for a coffee.

Just in case.

I finally understood...

that they're afraid.

They're even afraid to look at my belly.

They only talk about how nice the house is.

I don't even know if I can keep it.

I get that they mean it well. They're just trying to be nice.

After everything that's happened, I need people with more substance.

It's really hard to find people.

Want to go out on the town?

What do you mean? Just go out on the town? Fuck them?

Yes!

-Okay. -Okay!

-Yes? -Yes?

Won't it be embarrassing to go out with a pregnant woman?

Not if you take some oxazepam to quell your miscarriage anxiety.

I'll calm down.

Oh my God! This will be so much fun!

Yeah. It'll be really fun.

Maybe we'll meet some men.

Okay.

-We'll see. -We'll see.

-Yeah. -Oh my God! Fam!

I just have to call her.

Shit, where's my phone?

I just had it.

-I left it in the doctor's office. -I'll call you.

No, hold on.

Here.

Oh my God. I'd forgotten that.

You gave me that number before I knew you.

So I saved it like that.

It's a long time ago. I just forgot to change it.

Fun!

-Let's go. -Yeah.

Okay. Show me.

You probably think memorial tattoos are tacky.

No.

"Your wings were ready, my heart was not."

That's deep.

But you're not allowed to tattoo drunk people.

You shouldn't be allowed to tattoo grieving people either.

No, exactly! You should get it drawn on first

until you're more stable.

-Right? And it's... Hi! -Hi.

-Hi. Hi. Are you all right? -Not really.

-Oh? -No, I'm having a girl.

-You're having a girl? -Yeah.

That's... Yeah.

I have to pee, because she keeps kicking my bladder. Bitch!

Okay.

Can I have a Fernet? Give me two. Three. No, two for starters.

What's up?

Marius has called.

Okay. What did he want?

To tell the world's longest story about his tow bar?

No, he wants us to call off the separation.

He wants us to move back together.

-No! -Yes.

-He forgives me, Fanny. -He forgives you now?

That's magnanimous.

What the fuck? That's so fucking arrogant.

-What are you thinking? -I think it's out of the question.

-I'm pissed off at him. -Good. Yeah.

He knows I've been waiting for so long,

and just when I feel I'm over the worst...

That's right!

Okay. You drank both of them.

He's staring at you.

-Who? -The guy at the bar.

-The blue shirt. -Him?

I met his gaze. Don't look! Look at me. Just look at me.

I got the wink. This hasn't happened to me in ages.

-I can't take this. -It's the sex glow.

It's your creepy neighbor glow-up.

I swear, that's what happens once you start having sex.

You'll start glowing.

-I think I'll go home. -What?

I'm making a fool of myself. I feel stupid and gross.

What happened?

I was in the bathroom, and I saw a cute guy.

I tried to flirt with him.

He replied by looking me up and down,

and then he started laughing, and then he left.

What the fuck! That's insane!

Isn't it a compliment to be hit on by a pregnant woman?

-Who was it? -Just forget it.

Jill, who was it?

Sorry, but that's the way it is.

-Hi. Hello. Hi. -Hi.

I heard that you just laughed at my friend

when she tried to sleep with you.

-I only wanted to sleep with him. -Him? Okay.

Is it funny that she's horny?

She's pregnant, so it was a little uncomfortable for me.

So funny! Then it must be really fucking uncomfortable for you

that I'm also keen on you.

I get that you probably want her to go home and knit diapers

with her gross belly with a live baby in it,

and I should probably just be gassed to death,

but we're here, and we're not leaving,

and we'd just love to lick your balls.

Fucking hell!

Shit, my mouth is really dry right now.

Do you want to be godmother?

-Like a fairy godmother? -No, to my daughter.

Okay, but won't the godparent have to take care of the kid if you die?

You have to be a part of her life.

I have no edge, and Kurt's not around,

so you have to give her edge!

Jill, you don't want me to be your kid's godmother.

I'm a nasty person.

I lie and cheat and talk trash, and I don't like dogs or anything.

That's exactly why it has to be you.

-You know I've had scabies? -Cool!

Okay, I'll think about it. I'll think really hard.

And you have to find a name. You haven't even done that yet.

When I was little, I wanted to change my name to Buffy,

because she was so cool.

Maybe that can be her name! Buffy!

-Buffy the Vampire Slayer? -Yes!

No? No. No, that was stupid. That's freaky.

-Yes, very. Okay. -Cheers!

-So do I! -No, you don't, Fam!

-You don't have an IQ of 130! -Why do you say it like that?

Because you don't. I have 110, tops, so you can't have 130. We're twins.

-No! -Yes, we are.

You don't have 130. End of discussion.

-Okay. -What a dumb thing to say.

-Okay. -Here we are.

Okay, the point is that you think you're such a tomboy.

You're not. You have a lot of girly things.

You like trash-talking, you like taking baths...

-Yeah, I do. -And maybe you're a little jealous.

Jealous? I'm definitely not.

I'm not. I'm not jealous.

You weren't jealous when I got together with Kurt?

No. I wasn't.

Okay. But you were really dismissive.

-That's just the way I am. -But you're not like that now.

So what am I like now?

Well, I can gladly admit that I was jealous of you, so...

-Why? -You and Kurt!

-Come on. Hello! -What?

I had to listen to all your stories, and I would just play along.

I tried several times

to get the three of us to do something together and...

Yeah. But you wanted Kurt to yourself.

You didn't even acknowledge my existence.

That doesn't mean I was jealous. I thought you were dull.

It doesn't mean I'm jealous.

Okay, so that's why I'm a badger?

-It was a joke! It's just for fun! -It's not funny to be a badger.

Okay.

Are you crying?

This is feeling like an intervention.

-Ladies, chill. -Why are you so defensive?

You didn't do anything wrong.

Jill said how she felt, and you can just admit that you were jealous,

if you were so hard on her.

-There's no harm in admitting it. -What is it I'm not admitting?

That you were jealous when Kurt became mine.

Right before he died, I asked Kurt if he thought you were the one,

and he said he didn't know.

-Did he say that? -Yeah, he did.

Fanny!

I'm tired.

You can't just leave now.

You have to take some criticism too.

It's so fucking embarrassing

that you're trying so desperately to be my friend.

We're sisters who don't like each other.

I've never gotten a sext on Vipps before.

I usually use Finn,

but they banned me, and now I have to use my mom's profile.

What is it?

-I have to go to the bathroom. -So go, then.

Ouch! The earring.

Should we go over to the couch?

-The couch? -Yeah?

Want me to help you?

-If you move the leg... -Like this?

-Okay? -One, two, three.

Oh my God!

Wow, you're strong.

-What's happening? -Fuck it. It's just spasms.

-Are you all right? -Yeah, it's just spasms.

-You can be rougher. -Okay.

Be rougher.

Can you be rougher?

-Come on! -Okay.

-No, let go. I don't like this. -Sorry.

-I don't want to anymore. -Huh?

-I don't want to anymore. -It's a compliment. I want you.

-No. -Yes.

No, it's not consensual.

Okay. Can we just have sex?

You clearly have a fetish. You invited me here.

Jesus Christ! No, I don't! Can you let go of my penis?

-Okay. -Jesus Christ.

I just wanted to drink some wine and chat.

You sent me a dick pic.

That was only because you sent me a picture of your tits.

Okay. I just... Fuck.

Fuck it. Can I leave? I'd like to leave, if that's all right.

Yes, of course.

-Are you home? -Obviously.

-Where have you been? -Where have I been?

Sorry I just left yesterday, but...

Did you buy new birds?

Marius is coming here with Pål.

-What? Why? -Because we're trying again.

No! Are you kidding?

-Jesus Christ. But you're so happy! -No, I'm not that happy, Fanny.

-You're finger-painting. -I'm having a mid-life crisis.

No, you're not. You're not in the middle of your life.

You have a spark in your eye and everything.

Are my eyes usually dead?

-Do you really want Marius back? -Yes.

Then I can keep the house too.

What's the deal with women and houses?

What?

I want a family!

I don't want to sit in a bar and argue and have a sex glow!

I don't want to be like that!

I want to be with Pål. He hasn't been here in ages.

No, but of course you'll get him back.

-Don't talk! -You'll get your kid back.

Don't talk about my family. It's none of your business.

Marius was probably a great guy ten years ago. Now he's a moron.

-What about the creepy neighbor? -Glass charms.

Okay.

Subtitles: Aleksander Kerr plint.com