Original subtitles

All of a sudden, you're going to eat ice cream cake

and asparagus with your in-laws?

You remember what we promised?

We promised we'd never become cunts, like you are now.

We're supposed to be the ones who get it.

The ones who aren't complete morons.

It's the two of us against the world,

and when you do things like that...

That means I'm all alone.

Hi, it's Jill! Happy birthday!

You're like a good wine. You only get better with age.

I was just wondering... I'm sure you're busy,

but just let me know if you want to help spread Kurt's ashes today.

You couldn't come to the funeral, and I haven't done it yet, so...

It's either a good idea because it's your birthday,

or it's a terrible idea because it's your birthday.

It's up to you. But it wouldn't have to take long.

Hugs.

Fuck.

Please move me to a different location.

Error. Error. Error.

BELOW

-Happy birthday. -Happy birthday.

-Are we giving each other presents? -No, it's just a tiny thing.

Okay.

They'll make your nails taste bad, so you won't eat them.

And a neck warmer.

-Okay. -Yeah.

Christ, it's so ugly. I'll take it back.

-Okay. Why aren't you at work? -I called in sick.

I'm not working on my birthday. That's out of the question.

Too much hassle with cake in the reception and songs.

-What are you doing today? -Drinking.

Alone?

-Alone? No, with Marianne. -Marianne?

-Marianne from high school. -Yes, I know who you mean.

-Okay. How nice. -Yeah.

Now that Kurt's dead, I have room for other people.

He took up a lot of space.

Yes.

By all means. How nice.

Careful, careful, careful! Hello! This is a yellow Little My.

It's gone out of production.

Error. Cannot find location at docking station.

No! You're going in there! What are you doing?

Internal error.

When are you going to town?

Maybe we could go together? I'll have to return Tanja.

-Tanja? -The robot vacuum cleaner.

Named after my previous maid.

Problems with charging.

-Help yourself. -Ew, no.

Is it gross to drink from my bottle? We've shared our lives.

It's gross to drink from other people's bottles.

-Even Pål's? -No, Pål's my son.

-Hi. -I could eat his snot.

-Hi. -Hi.

-Hello. -Yes. There you are.

Yes. Everything good with you?

-Yes, I'm good. And you? -Good. Very good.

Gore-Tex.

-Your jacket. -Oh, my jacket. Yes.

-That's smart. -Yes.

-Schizo weather. -Wool.

-Absolutely. -Your coat.

That's right.

-This is Fanny, my sister. -No, fuck that.

Go on.

-I thought you... -Right.

No, I... But we can... I mean...

-We'll talk later. -I'm sure we will.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Bye. -Nice to meet you.

Are you going to tell me who that guy was?

Can you come up here? You look like a flasher back there.

Can't we just take a cab? I have a transport service card.

You have to get out of your comfort zone, Fanny.

Yes. But you know what?

I've actually read that the bus will just drive past when it sees me

because it takes too long with the ramp and everything.

No, it won't.

You're the only one who cares that you're in a wheelchair.

If you don't see yourself as a person, nobody else will either.

-Come on. -Fine.

You're discriminating against the bus driver.

Okay.

Hello! Hello!

Tell me about that guy.

-Is he a... -Can you drop me off over there?

-...dad from Pål's daycare? -Have fun with Marianne.

-I'm sure it'll be great. -Yeah.

I mean it. It's nice.

It's good that you have other friends than... Yeah.

I have other friends than... Yeah.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Okay. -Okay.

Have a nice day.

-Are we sitting here? -I guess so.

-I think she'll bring us a table. -Okay.

I actually have a present for you.

-Or two. -Really?

A birthday present

-and an "accident survivor" present. -No!

I thought that both things should be celebrated.

-A cup holder! -For your wheelchair.

Right. Cool!

I'm guessing the next present is a...

A cup. It's a cup.

"Have a nice day." That's... cool.

Hello! It's just a joke!

-Oh? -It's a joke gift.

I mean, you're not a baby carriage.

-It's for baby carriages. -I got that. That's funny.

Did I cross a line?

No, please don't be like that. It's fine to joke about it.

-Promise? -Promise.

Hi.

Here you go.

-I apologize. -No, that's fine.

The reservation was for the second floor, so...

It's great that you could meet me.

It was nice of you to get in touch. It's been ages.

How long has it been?

A long time.

We don't need those. We're only having drinks.

-Right. -Can I get two beers and two shots?

I'm sorry, but we don't serve shots until after 2 p.m.

After 2 p.m.?

That's really late. I guess we'll take four beers, then.

Okay.

That was really...

"Won't you let me drink shots?"

"We're from Bergen and have no sense of humor."

-Have you seen anyone from school? -No.

Yes, I'm in a baking club with Jeppe.

Bulimia-Jeppe?

He has new teeth. I saw it on Instagram.

-What? They were completely rotten. -It was awful.

Was he an albino, or was he just borderline?

-Then she said, "I'm not..." -That's right!

Some people just can't get out of it.

-And he smelled... -Terrible. He still does.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

Do you know who was there? Dry Thorstein.

-No! -And he had a girlfriend.

-You're kidding! -And she wasn't ugly.

You have the support wheels. You'll be fine.

I need more speed.

-Would you like to pay? -I have a gift card.

Gift cards are only valid for food, I'm afraid.

If I spent it on food, I wouldn't have anything to drink for.

In that case, you should have gotten a bigger gift card.

Hey, Fanny...

Look at what I stole.

-No! Really? -We deserve it.

-It was so fucking expensive. -It really was.

-Oh, yes! -Steal from the rich.

I have a cup! You gave me a cup! Hello!

I could drink alcohol intravenously today.

Jesus Christ!

Fucking hell. I have to go. I have to hurry.

-Seriously? -Fuck. Sorry, but I have to go.

-No, why? -I have to get to the daycare.

-What for? -My boyfriend's ex-stepchild.

-You have a boyfriend? -Yes.

And he has a kid?

-Yeah. -What the fuck!

-Why? Fuck that. -It's his ex's daughter.

They're still really close. So they're a modern family.

What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?

I didn't ask for it. I just wanted to sleep with the guy,

and suddenly, I'm discussing rainwear with some mom.

-Fucking hell. -That's the way it is.

-Fuck that! -I have to go.

I'll text you when Iver gets home, and we can finish the Ratzeputz.

-So I should save it for you? -Yes, you should. Bye!

-Have a nice day! -Have a nice day, mate!

MOM: CHEERS TO THE WORLD'S MOST ECCENTRIC GIRLS

-Hey! -Are you coming too?

"Too"?

It's nice of you to drop by. Very nice.

But we're going out for dinner.

-Are you here too? -Fuck.

You told me you hate birthdays, you little birthday hypocrite.

-Oh... -Let's see...

I'm not here to celebrate my birthday.

-I'm borrowing a work-related book. -A book?

She was going to leave, but Radin had already started on the pavlova.

-I love pavlova! -Weren't you going to meet Marianne?

Yes, I'm hanging with Marianne, but she had to fix something.

We'll meet up again later.

I can't stop drinking now.

I love that we've become a drop-in family. I love it.

-I'm the youngest. -You're five minutes younger.

Six, I think.

-Was it a C-section birth? -Don't talk about that, Radin.

I've felt guilty all my life.

They didn't get the bacteria from my vagina.

They could have gotten asthma or become obese.

Or we could have died. But we don't have asthma.

That's good. It's not a very nice thing to have.

Did you know that until I was 14, I used Mom's vaginal wash cloth

to wash my face? I got all the bacteria I needed.

It's no wonder the boys loved me.

Has your son Pål called to sing you the birthday song?

No, he hasn't.

I think Marius has forgotten my birthday,

so Pål won't remember it either.

-Can't you call him? -I did.

But I guess they're on a boat trip or something.

-Out and about. -What an asshole.

-How was Marianne? -She's so cool.

Fucking Marius. You know what? He's punishing you.

He's keeping the kid out on that island. That's kidnapping.

-Is Marius punishing you? -Yes, Mom.

Haven't you heard?

-Are you all right? -Huh?

Yes.

I'm good.

I'm just getting a reaction because I was treated like a liar at Elkjøp.

I was returning the vacuum cleaner, but they said it was my own fault.

And that's completely untrue.

I think my body is just reacting to that. It was really unpleasant.

I think.

Maybe it's because it's your first birthday after the separation.

You could have mixed feelings.

Yeah. But I think it's what I said.

Did you and your friend Kurt have any birthday traditions?

-No, we just used to drink. -That's not nothing.

The best thing to do with good friends is to drink alcohol

and talk about shit and philosophy.

It's good that you can talk to Radin about this.

Radin has lost many friends.

Oh my God. It hurts my wine heart to see you guzzle down that wine.

I didn't know you had a wine heart.

I actually got that wine from a client.

They came in third place in a reality show

that I cleared them for,

and they were really pleased.

They're really famous.

Alcoholic. I can't say who it is.

I would like to say a few words.

I want you to know that I'm all-in with this family.

I don't get scared by a little heat. It's all good.

I love your mom, and I would like to get to know the two of you.

For better or for worse.

It's good to get out some bad blood.

-There's no bad blood here. -No.

We don't mind that we didn't get Mom's vaginal bacteria.

I think you're misreading the situation, Radin.

-We're enjoying ourselves. -Yes.

Hi. Do you have a table available?

What are you doing now?

-I'm going home to bed. -"I have to do the laundry."

What are you insinuating? Do you think I'm dull?

No, I think you're predictable.

-Nothing wrong... -"...with being predictable."

You don't always know what I'm going to say. Can you quit it?

I slept with the creepy neighbor

through the window.

Are you kidding?

-What? -Fuck.

-You're not joking? -No.

-Don't be like that. -No, no, no.

Fuck.

-What? -He's the guy we met earlier.

-That awkward old man? -Yeah.

Is he the neighbor in the window with the balls? Is he?

-Yes, Fanny. -That's your neighbor? Okay.

-Have you slept with him? -Yes.

No, I haven't, but he can see into my room too.

-It's so stupid. -No.

So I... Fucking hell.

I got undressed once when I knew he was watching.

-Okay. -Yeah.

And then we sort of started meeting in the room and watching each other.

And then... Fuck.

I slept with Marius while I knew he was watching,

without Marius knowing.

-Fucking hell. -Yeah, fucking hell.

Goddamn it.

I've ruined it, you know.

I've ruined my whole family.

Fuck.

-Isn't he retarded? -Huh?

You've tricked a retarded neighbor into sleeping with you!

-That's really impressive. -He's not retarded, Fanny.

No.

-Is everything a joke to you? -No.

But you get what I mean.

Jesus Christ. Sorry. You're the one who said it.

Thank you so much for coming.

Hey, can I just stay here for a little while?

-I'd like to stay here. -How nice.

But not really, because we've booked a table.

Fam, please. I didn't mean it. Sorry.

I wanted to go out with someone so I wouldn't be alone

and think about the divorce.

But you'd rather drink with some rando from high school.

It's hard to know when you're having a dry day or week or month.

I told you that I've taken a day off from work.

Jesus Christ! How am I supposed to read your mind?

You of all people should be able to do that!

-Hi. -Hello!

Are you done with the bonus kids so you can go out and drink Ratzeputz?

Oh my God! Sorry! We're actually at the hospital.

Frida fell down from a climbing wall in daycare.

We're waiting for a CAT scan and the whole shebang.

Shit! Oh my God! Poor thing. But...

I was going to tell you, but this has taken quite a long time.

But if you're heading out later, you can just let me know.

I think I'll be stuck here the rest of the night. Sorry.

Tell her to look forward to the contrast agent.

-It's a really funny feeling. -I'll do that.

-Okay. Bye. -Talk later.

Taxi!

-Want a smoke? -Sure.

-Do you want one? -No thanks.

-Hi. Do you want to go in? -It's fine.

-Are you sure? We can lift you. -No, no, no. It's fine.

-Hi. -Hey.

Fanny. Fanny, Fanny, Fanny!

Sorry.

Did you lie so you wouldn't have to meet me, Marianne?

I just felt

that we had a bad energy, if you get me.

No. I don't get you.

We were just talking trash about other people.

Yeah. We were catching up.

No, it's as if we were back at school.

I trash-talked Iver and Frida.

They're the most important things in my life. I mean it.

It's weird that you lied about your bonus kid breaking her head.

I become like that when I'm with you!

I become a black hole.

-Right. -You drag other people down.

So why did you invite me to finish the Ratzeputz bottle with you later?

What should I have done? You texted me on your birthday.

And you're in that thing.

Sorry.

I wish you all the best for the future,

and I'm really sorry for everything that happened to you.

-Thanks for that. Ditto. -But...

Happy birthday to you We want to congratulate you

Did you have a nice birthday?

And sorry for not replying about the spreading of the ashes.

No. It came very suddenly.

I never really considered spreading the ashes,

but while I was waiting for a free spot in the cemetery,

I started thinking about him lying down in the ground.

That's really unpleasant.

So I figured I'd rather spread the ashes somewhere else.

He was already cremated, so...

-Have you done it? -No.

I'm so uncertain.

I had actually found a place, but what if Kurt would've hated it?

-I don't know. -Where were you thinking?

There's a little patch outside of Deli de Luca.

It's a small patch of dirt with a little tree.

It's completely illegal, and we would get a fine,

but that's where the three of us first met.

It's silly.

That's the worst and best thing I've heard in my entire life.

-Jesus Christ. Deli! -Yes.

-I think he'd have liked it. -He would have.

Jesus, to think that you had to serve us after we'd been drinking.

-I feel sorry for you. -Yeah.

You were so drunk and noisy and messy.

Shit.

But in spite of that, Kurt was...

one of the loveliest persons I'd ever seen.

I had such a crush on him.

There's a reason we always went to Deli.

The food there is fucking awful.

Sometimes, when you laugh like that, it's just like I'm hearing him.

-It's... -Yeah.

What's going on?

-Birthday! -Fucking hell!

Oh my God!

Happy birthday!

Yeah.

Subtitles: Aleksander Kerr plint.com