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1
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,180
- Um, did you guys see this?
2
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:07,659
"Kevin Costner has announced
that he will no longer
3
00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,270
"be spokesperson
for the Payne Turro
4
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:11,054
"or associated
with the Payne brand
5
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,013
due to the company's
recent scandals."
6
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:16,015
- Why does every celebrity
have to take a big moral stance
7
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,713
on every issue these days?
8
00:00:17,756 --> 00:00:19,323
I mean,
not everything is personal.
9
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,499
- Well, in this case,
it is kind of personal to him.
10
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,675
- He has a ranch
where the fires broke out,
11
00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:26,156
or I guess he hada ranch
where the fires broke out.
12
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,723
- This is not making us
look good.
13
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:30,247
"Costner Leaves Payne
in the Ashes."
14
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,249
But he's also about to star
in a Broadway adaptation
15
00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:33,207
of "The Cutting Edge."
16
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,686
I wanna see that.
17
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,080
- If it helps, I do
an amazing Costner impression.
18
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,690
You can just swap me in.
19
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,954
[as Costner]
Welcome to the Field of Dreams.
20
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:43,086
- That's "Jurassic Park."
21
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,696
- Uh, no,
it's "Field of Dreams."
22
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,133
I literally
just said the title.
23
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:47,699
- Well, we're just gonna get
someone else,
24
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:50,528
someone better
than Kevin Costner.
25
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:53,096
Or you know,
just another someone else.
26
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,229
- Wait, no, it's like, uh...
27
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:56,926
[as Sean Connery]
"Ah, looks like
28
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:58,710
you're on the Waterworld."
29
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,060
Mm.
30
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,452
- That was Connery.
31
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,106
- Yeah, no, I--I heard it
when I--when I said it.
32
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,586
- Yep.
33
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:06,631
- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
34
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:09,112
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
35
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:12,072
[chorus vocalizing]
36
00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:13,334
- Yep, I agree.
37
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:15,510
He is likable,
approachable, and handsome,
38
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,773
but Tony the Tiger
is a cartoon
39
00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:19,295
and the spokesman
for Frosted Flakes.
40
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:21,124
- I'm not saying
he should be our spokesman.
41
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,865
I'm just saying
he's a good template.
42
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:25,215
- Wow, it looks like
we have a lot of ideas.
43
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:26,956
- Yeah, kinda.
I mean, these are celebrities
44
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,349
that we could probably get,
but we don't want.
45
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,960
- AdamRayOkay, Horchata Soto.
46
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,179
Are those real people?
47
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,571
- They're the biggest accounts
on TikTok.
48
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:34,789
- Seriously?
- Yeah, I don't know.
49
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:35,920
The world's a mess.
50
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,271
And then these are celebrities
51
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,186
that we want,
but we could never get.
52
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:40,839
- Uh-huh, and what about
celebrities that we want
53
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,928
and can get?
- They're on that list.
54
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,191
- Ah.
- Yes.
55
00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,106
- Not many A-listers wanting
to be associated
56
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,324
with the brand right now.
57
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:48,759
- Ooh, what about the guy
who played Snape?
58
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:49,935
He has a great voice.
59
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,894
- Alan Rickman?
He died six years ago.
60
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,374
- Snape is dead?
- Yeah.
61
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,636
- It's a damn shame.
62
00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:56,158
I'ma start another list.
"Gone"...
63
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:57,943
- No more lists.
- "Too Soon."
64
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,206
- Oh, uh, James Gandolfini.
65
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,598
Uh, Ray Liotta.
66
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,252
- Uh, Kobe Bryant.
Betty White.
67
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,254
- Would we say
Betty White was gone too soon?
68
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:05,255
- Oh, that's--
- Excuse me?
69
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,300
- Have some respect, Cyrus.
70
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,605
- She was 99.
71
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,172
How is that controversial
to say?
72
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:12,349
- Oh, my God, I've got it.
Okay, what about Gerry Spier?
73
00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,960
Hmm? Come on.
Three-time BAFTA nominee.
74
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:16,440
Lead of "Chasing the Alderman."
75
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:17,789
Really?
You guys haven't heard
76
00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:19,269
of "Chasing the Alderman"?
Where have you been?
77
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,879
- In America.
- Oh!
78
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,838
I played in a celebrity
golf tournament once
79
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:23,839
with Andy Richter.
80
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,188
He was awesome.
81
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:26,929
We were just knocking 'em back
and going insane.
82
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,148
Well, I was.
83
00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:29,497
He was waiting for me
to play through,
84
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,064
but he said
if I never needed help,
85
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,501
I shouldn't be afraid to ask.
86
00:02:33,543 --> 00:02:34,763
- You sure he wasn't talking
about rehab?
87
00:02:34,805 --> 00:02:36,808
- I don't hate that idea,
actually.
88
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:38,418
Andy Richter's
kind of an everyman.
89
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:39,724
- Do you like him?
90
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,422
- I mean, I trust your opinion
on this stuff.
91
00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:42,858
What do you think?
- Me?
92
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:46,078
Oh, well, yeah, he is likeable
and recognizable,
93
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,602
and he seems trustworthy.
94
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,821
- Okay. Richter's the victor!
95
00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:51,736
- Uh, Jeremy Tugendhat?
96
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,738
Yeah, he plays the posh
lord lieutenant to the shire.
97
00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:54,913
Anyone?
98
00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,915
- No one knows
what you're saying, baby.
99
00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,179
- No. Thank you.
- It's a great program.
100
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,223
- I--I really appreciate
the opportunity.
101
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,442
- We're all set.
- Yeah, yeah.
102
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:02,225
Looking forward to it.
- See you then.
103
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,879
- Bye. [sighs]
104
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,663
- Good news?
- Yeah, they wanna meet me
105
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,012
for the management
training program.
106
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,927
- Oh, I applied to that too.
107
00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:10,668
- Oh. Yeah, well, I'm sure
108
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:11,887
you'll get a call
any second now.
109
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,804
Any second now.
110
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,806
- Guess who just jumped
on the Sade-train.
111
00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:19,242
- Hmm?
- I was trying something.
112
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,374
Didn't work.
113
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,202
Katherine asked for my advice.
114
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,247
I gave it to her,
and she took it.
115
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,422
- Mm.
- Could you not?
116
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,728
I'm waiting
for a very important call.
117
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,861
- Oh, sorry.
- And I just got asked
118
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:31,994
to interview for the management
training program.
119
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:33,343
- Oh!
- Yeah.
120
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,040
- That's--that's great too.
121
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:37,521
- It's not that big a deal.
I've heard it's not that good.
122
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:38,914
- Well, I hope you get in.
123
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,090
I mean,
we'll miss having you around.
124
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,396
- Oh, no,
I wouldn't have to leave.
125
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:43,701
They switched it
to being remote this year.
126
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,660
- Oh,
then I do hope you get it.
127
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:46,835
[chuckles]
- Yeah, so you'll have to
128
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,228
figure out another way
to get rid of me.
129
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,228
- Well, there's, like,
blackmail,
130
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,273
excessive force...
131
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:51,709
- Framing me for murder?
132
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,320
- The options,
honestly, they're endless.
133
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,060
- Shh!
134
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,845
- You'll hear it.
135
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,847
- [clears throat]
Okay. Wait. Here we go.
136
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:00,022
[chuckles]
137
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:02,546
Boom, Gerry Spier lays
the smack down.
138
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,896
- He just handed the other
old dude a stack of papers.
139
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,550
- Yeah, right, yeah,
but wait until you see
140
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:07,899
what's in those papers.
141
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:10,293
- Okay, you've seen
other television, right?
142
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:11,686
Where things happen?
143
00:04:11,728 --> 00:04:13,731
- Oh, ha-ha.
144
00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,343
Okay, I'm sorry this isn't
the sort of sensationist trash
145
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:17,692
you two are used to watching.
146
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,737
You know,
where it's all drug deals
147
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:22,262
and teens eating each other
in the woods.
148
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,612
- I watch "7th Heaven."
Nobody is--
149
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:26,396
- Don't--don't listen to him.
- There's no drug deal
150
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,180
in "Touched by an Angel."
151
00:04:28,224 --> 00:04:29,704
- Oh! Andy, my man!
152
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,576
Long time no see.
- Oh, yeah, hey.
153
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:35,623
It's--it's good to see you
again, yeah.
154
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,407
- Hey, look, I'm gonna let
the ladies do their thing.
155
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,582
I just wanted to say,
no pressure.
156
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,150
Don't feel like
you have to agree to anything
157
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,369
just 'cause we're friends.
158
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,935
- I--I appreciate that.
Thanks.
159
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,241
- Hi, Andy.
160
00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:47,330
I just wanna say
I'm a huge, huge fan.
161
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,418
I mean, I'm blushing.
- Thank you.
162
00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:49,506
- I mean, can you see
I'm blushing?
163
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:50,594
[laughs]
- And sweating.
164
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:51,900
- No, I'm not.
I'm just blushing.
165
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,249
I'm just blushing.
166
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,033
Anyway, I'm gonna let Sadie
take it from here.
167
00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,774
- So we've got the Payne Turro
driving through
168
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,950
all kinds
of different landscapes.
169
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:01,823
We got the quiet,
the hustle bustle...
170
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,346
- Probably what you're used to,
right, Andy?
171
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,306
- You dropped out.
What was that?
172
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,351
- Oh, say what you said.
173
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,005
- I said,
"The hustle bustle..."
174
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,963
- And I said,
"You're used to that."
175
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,095
[chuckles]
176
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,750
- Oh, uh, yeah,
okay, yeah, sure.
177
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,273
- [whispers] You're losing him.
178
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,145
- Andy, we see you as
the next James Stewart, really.
179
00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:21,277
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
180
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,801
Beloved and trusted,
America's friend.
181
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,716
I mean,
there really is no one else
182
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,152
who could lead this campaign.
183
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,806
- Except for Kevin Costner,
right?
184
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,417
[laughter]
185
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:33,028
- You know, honestly, I was
never really a fan of Costner.
186
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,465
I was rooting for the other guy
in "The Bodyguard."
187
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:36,814
- The stalker?
188
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:37,989
- No, the baseball--
the baseball movie?
189
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:39,817
- No, no, no,
he's a sex stalker.
190
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:42,254
- Yeah, no, it was a stalker.
- Huh.
191
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,865
[knocking]
- Hey, Cyrus.
192
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,171
- Guess how much
Andy Richter-signed headshots
193
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,303
go for on eBay.
194
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,478
- Mm-mm-mm, 500?
195
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:49,827
- No, less than that.
196
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:51,829
But it's good.
- Hey, can I put you down
197
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,265
as a reference
for the management program?
198
00:05:53,308 --> 00:05:54,658
- Of course! That's great.
199
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:55,832
You got
to the interview portion.
200
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,095
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you nervous?
201
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,053
- Nervous? [chuckles]
202
00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,489
No, no, no.
203
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,143
I just thought it was, like,
a casual meet and greet.
204
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:05,016
Or--or maybe less casual.
205
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,627
- Don't let me get
in your head.
206
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,977
Try to think of it as a normal,
regular job interview.
207
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:11,675
- Right, I have never
actually had a job interview.
208
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,460
Yeah, I got the job
on the assembly line
209
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:14,896
because my buddy's dad
worked there.
210
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,724
Before that, kids at school
would just give me money
211
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,726
when I ate weird stuff.
212
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:20,467
- Jack,
do you even have a résumé?
213
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,251
- Mm, mm-mm.
214
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,296
- I'm sure it'll be fine.
215
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,689
[chuckles]
216
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:26,995
- Look,
I'm just gonna call it out.
217
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,431
Costner cut ties with us
218
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,433
because of our recent issues,
okay?
219
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:34,698
But I can promise you that
we are coming back stronger,
220
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:37,135
and we would love for you
to be a part of that comeback.
221
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:42,402
- Well, uh, you know,
I believe in second chances,
222
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,055
and I like you guys.
223
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,666
So, uh, I'm in.
224
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:46,797
Let's do this.
225
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:47,929
- [laughs]
- Awesome.
226
00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,582
- Well, we're very,
very excited.
227
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,280
We promise
that you won't regret it,
228
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:53,064
and we promise no more fires.
229
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,675
[laughter]
230
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,634
- You dropped out again.
231
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:58,679
What was that last part?
232
00:06:58,722 --> 00:06:59,810
- Um, can we just end this now?
233
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,290
We're done.
- Bye!
234
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,423
- Bye!
- Ah!
235
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:05,425
.
236
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,775
- Uh, hey, everyone,
uh, Andy Richter
237
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:08,906
is coming in today.
238
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,038
We're gonna be
showing him around,
239
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:11,126
signing contracts, all that.
240
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,344
So best feet forward, okay?
241
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,781
Uh, Cyrus, is the car ready?
- Yes.
242
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:16,479
We have a brand-new,
luxury trim, top-of-the-line
243
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,220
Payne Turro
for Andy to take home.
244
00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,048
- And it's not, like,
a dumb color or anything?
245
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,310
- Correct.
I chose one of our
246
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,007
non-dumb colors.
- Great.
247
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:25,053
- Oh, and I know
it can be intimidating
248
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:26,663
seeing a celebrity in person,
249
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,099
but as a friend of his,
250
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,232
I can assure you
that Andy is basically
251
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,494
the coolest guy
you'll ever meet.
252
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:32,974
But maybe don't, like,
approach him.
253
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,454
If you wanna meet him,
come to me.
254
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,194
I'll give you the thumbs-up
or the thumbs-down.
255
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:37,413
- Okay,
I think what we're saying
256
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,719
is be warm,
257
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:40,808
but don't go overboard
trying to impress him.
258
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,070
- Right, exactly,
so like, Jack,
259
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:43,550
I love the effort, but, mm,
260
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,247
maybe probably didn't need
to dress up today.
261
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,553
[chuckles]
- Oh, this?
262
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:48,555
No, it's not about that.
263
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,382
I have an interview
for the management program.
264
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,080
- Oh!
- Congrats, dude!
265
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,777
You're like our own
Billy Madison.
266
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:54,996
- [chuckles] Thanks, thanks.
267
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,693
Uh, you know,
I'm definitely nervous.
268
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,086
- [as Billy Madison]
Oh, stop looking at me, swan.
269
00:07:58,129 --> 00:07:59,348
- [chuckles]
- Okay, great.
270
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,089
Jack,
let's not pull focus, okay?
271
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,264
- Right.
- Today's about Andy Richter.
272
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:03,744
Tomorrow could be a Jack day.
273
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:06,355
All right, everyone! Good luck!
274
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,705
Hi, Andy.
Welcome to Payne Motors.
275
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:09,967
- Thank you, thank you. Hi.
276
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:11,403
- Hi.
- There's my guy!
277
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:12,753
- Hey, hi.
- Come here.
278
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:14,494
- Oh, wow.
- [laughs]
279
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,321
- Hi.
- Thank you so much
280
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,149
for coming all the way here.
281
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:20,500
- Oh, you know,
I have family in Michigan,
282
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:21,675
so you know, um,
283
00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,067
coming here isn't a Payne.
284
00:08:23,111 --> 00:08:25,722
[laughter]
285
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,289
- Dude, Andy, you're so frunny.
286
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:29,987
Funny--sorry.
I meant to say "funny."
287
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,076
I just--I mean, obviously,
it just--
288
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,121
uh, [bleep].
289
00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:36,341
- Well, Andy,
we wanted to kick things off
290
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:39,126
with a little token
of our appreciation.
291
00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:41,607
How do you feel
about a new car?
292
00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:43,000
- Wh--
- [laughs]
293
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,261
- [laughs] What?
- Oh...
294
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,655
- That is incredible!
Thank you!
295
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:47,352
- Sorry, Andy.
Bit of a misunderstanding.
296
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:48,615
That's actually my car.
297
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,834
- Your car?
- Your car's, uh--ah!
298
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:52,140
Right there, yeah.
- Uh, Andy,
299
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:55,404
this is
the all-new Payne Turro.
300
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:56,405
- Oh.
301
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,407
Well, that's very nice too.
302
00:08:58,450 --> 00:08:59,582
- [chuckles]
- Thanks.
303
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:00,975
- [quietly] Give him your car.
- What?
304
00:09:01,018 --> 00:09:02,629
- Give him your car.
- [laughs] Give him my car?
305
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,500
- Give him your car.
- You can't be serious.
306
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,414
He can get his own car.
- [murmuring indistinctly]
307
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:07,808
Give him your car, Elliot.
308
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,418
- Katherine.
309
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:11,333
Right. Uh, Andy, uh, sorry.
310
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:13,422
Just a bit
of Payne Motors humor there,
311
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:17,121
pretending you were getting
the--the family sedan
312
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,688
and not my convertible,
313
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,648
which I don't really want
anyway, so...
314
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:23,824
- Oh, no,
I--I'm fine with this car.
315
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,347
- No, no, no--
316
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,479
- [laughs] I'm kidding.
Thank you!
317
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:28,655
- He's very--
- Wow!
318
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:30,221
A Ferrari!
- He's awfully funny.
319
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,052
- I know.
320
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,358
I know
there's not a lot on there.
321
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,012
- It's certainly sparse.
- Yeah.
322
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,665
- Uh, where'd you go
to college?
323
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:42,843
- I didn't actually
fully graduate college.
324
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,627
- Oh, well, how many more
credits do you need?
325
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:45,715
- Well...
326
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,327
All of them.
- Oh.
327
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:50,894
- I should've just said
I didn't go to college.
328
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,461
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
329
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,810
- Oh.
330
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,290
- Hope you're not writing down
that I'm a liar.
331
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,205
[both laughing]
- No, just some notes.
332
00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,641
- Yeah, notes.
- Yeah.
333
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,254
- Over here, we have
our accounting department
334
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:04,299
crunching those numbers.
335
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,387
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
336
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,780
It's boring,
but it is necessary.
337
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,129
- Andy, Cyrus Knight.
338
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,260
I'm a huge fan.
339
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,610
- Oh, thank you so much.
340
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,394
- I hate to ask,
but could I get your autograph?
341
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,091
- Oh--
- Okay, Cyrus, we're--
342
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,832
- No, no, it's fine.
I'm happy to.
343
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,660
- Just make it out
to "my biggest fan."
344
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:21,446
- Okay,
"To my biggest fan, Cyrus."
345
00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,535
- No, just to "my biggest fan."
346
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,624
- Okay.
347
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,364
Better not see this
on eBay later.
348
00:10:26,408 --> 00:10:27,670
- eBay?
[laughter]
349
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,280
That's good, eBay.
350
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,369
You're a funny, funny man.
- Thank you.
351
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:32,893
- Speaking of autographs,
how 'bout we get one of those
352
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:35,460
bad boys on a contract
and make this all official?
353
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,419
- Yes, I just need
to use the restroom first.
354
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,899
- Oh, yeah.
Right back the way we came.
355
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,030
First door on the right.
- Thanks.
356
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:41,118
- Mm-hmm.
357
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:43,207
- Really?
358
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:44,818
Mm-hmm.
359
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,776
- Dude, Andy, you're so funny.
360
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,473
Dude, Andy, you're so funny.
361
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:50,780
[sighs]
Dude, Andy, you're so funny.
362
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,782
Oh, no!
363
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,262
Dude, Andy, you're so funny.
364
00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:56,090
[snaps] That's it.
365
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,308
[snaps]
366
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:03,053
Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.
367
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:04,141
Oh, hey, I wouldn't, uh--
368
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,273
- Oh, wow, ugh.
- Hey, Andy.
369
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,578
Hey, that's not mine.
370
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,102
I didn't do that.
- Yeah, well,
371
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,277
maybe call a janitor.
372
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,495
That should be fixed.
- No, no, no, no.
373
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,367
I'm saying I didn't do it.
374
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,151
I walked in here.
That was already bombed out.
375
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:15,370
That's got nothing
to do with me.
376
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,501
- Yeah, no.
- I haven't even gone yet.
377
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:17,677
I swear.
- I believe you.
378
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,679
I believe--it's fine.
It's fine.
379
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,684
- Dude, Andy, you're so funny.
380
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,382
- Okay, thank you.
381
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,906
- Uh...
382
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,473
oh, no.
383
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,649
- You know, I have not been
to Detroit in years.
384
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,172
- Oh,
I have just loved it here.
385
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,652
There is so much to do.
386
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,436
- Oh, do you have
any recommendations?
387
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,135
- Um, yeah.
Oh, God, there's so much.
388
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,832
Uh, go downtown.
389
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:45,400
- Okay.
- Yeah, there is this one place
390
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,620
that is on a corner,
391
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,884
uh, in the main part.
- Mm.
392
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,320
- You're describing nothing.
393
00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:53,451
- Oh, wait,
you talkin' about Ricky's?
394
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,540
- Yeah!
It's Ricky--oh, Ricky's.
395
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,325
- The titty bar?
- Oh.
396
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,153
- I guess it's nice
as titty bars go, Andy.
397
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,197
- Okay.
- Yeah.
398
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:01,633
We're a sex-positive company.
399
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:02,896
So we love Ricky's.
- We do.
400
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:03,984
We love them.
- I'm there all the time.
401
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,420
- Okay,
402
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:08,684
which one of you monsters
crap-blasted our bathroom?
403
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,078
Andy and I couldn't believe
how disgusting it was.
404
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,296
- I--I said it was okay.
405
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,515
- It's not okay.
- Mm.
406
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,517
- And whoever did it
should confess,
407
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,910
so this all gets cleared up.
408
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:17,954
- Yeah, we'll look into that.
409
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:19,260
Anyway, Andy, we're just--
410
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:20,522
we're so happy
to be working with you.
411
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:21,958
- Me too.
You know, it's funny,
412
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,133
because just last week,
413
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,092
I met Ryan Reynolds at a party,
414
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,137
and he kept going on and on
415
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,183
about how much
he loves Payne cars,
416
00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:31,011
and now here I am,
the spokesman.
417
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,273
- Huh!
418
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,665
Ryan Reynolds, the actor?
419
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,711
- Yeah.
- Like, "Deadpool," "Free Guy,"
420
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,148
that Ryan Reynolds?
- Yeah, I'd have to check IMDb,
421
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,194
but yeah, I think so.
422
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,543
- Hmm.
- Well...
423
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,197
- [chuckles]
- You know what?
424
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,981
I forgot the champagne.
425
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,591
Do you wanna help me get it?
- Absolutely, yeah.
426
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:47,679
You need
two set of hands there, sure.
427
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:48,768
- I do.
- Yeah, we gotta get
428
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:49,856
a ice bucket.
- Get one for...
429
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:52,423
- Yeah, okay.
- I'll help her out.
430
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:54,861
- Ryan Reynolds loves us?
- I know, I heard it too.
431
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,253
I mean... [chuckles]
432
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,212
So is this something
you think we should explore?
433
00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,735
- I don't know. It's exciting.
434
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,302
- Yeah, yeah.
- But I just don't wanna be
435
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,652
like that dog with the meat,
you know?
436
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:06,089
That he crosses the stream,
and then he sees his reflection
437
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,222
and thinks that dog's got
a bigger piece of meat,
438
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,658
and then he drops the meat,
like, do you know what I mean?
439
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,051
Like, that's a thing, right?
440
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,269
- Uh, yeah, I think so.
Yeah, the meat dog thing.
441
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,662
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, listen, so...
442
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,490
should we stick with Andy?
- See, now I'm picturing
443
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,274
Ryan Reynolds
next to a Payne Turro,
444
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,581
and I'm like, "What?"
- I really love that image too.
445
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:20,538
So it's your call.
- It's a good image.
446
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:21,844
- What do you wanna do?
447
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,803
- Got the contracts
for Andy to sign.
448
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,589
- Change of plans.
Do not let him sign those.
449
00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:29,460
- Yes, great, and do not
let him out of that room.
450
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,027
You stall.
Stall like the wind.
451
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:32,681
- Champagne's this way,
but we're gonna get a bucket.
452
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:33,682
[laughs]
453
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:35,510
.
454
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,425
- And so that, along with
the death of my grandfather
455
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:38,600
when I was 12,
456
00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:41,733
is probably why
I really fear failure.
457
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,561
- Okay, um,
thank you for sharing.
458
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:44,867
- Mm-hmm.
- The question was,
459
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,608
what's your biggest weakness?
460
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,957
Not your biggest fear.
461
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,915
- Yeah, I can--
I'll be happy to answer that.
462
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:52,527
- It was a moving story,
and I'm glad you shared it.
463
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,878
It's all--
it's all grist for the mill.
464
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,706
- Thank--thank you.
- So thank you for that.
465
00:13:57,749 --> 00:13:59,751
- I'm just--yeah.
- Um, yeah.
466
00:13:59,795 --> 00:14:02,189
- Uh, references made
to the agreement date as of...
467
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:03,233
- Yeah.
- That's where the month
468
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:05,061
all goes, so you got that.
- Right.
469
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,236
- And on the day of--
470
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,195
that's where
we'll put today's date.
471
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:10,893
- Yeah, we don't have to read
the whole thing.
472
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:13,026
I mean, I get it.
It's a contract.
473
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,897
- Well, and I'm sure
you've had a lot of experience
474
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,725
with contracts in Hollywood.
475
00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:17,900
You know,
but that's show business,
476
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,641
and this is the car business,
477
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:23,601
which is whole nother business.
478
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,255
- [chuckles] Okay.
- Hands are tied somewhat.
479
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:26,430
- All right.
480
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:28,171
- I think this is
the right move, right?
481
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,956
- Yeah, I mean, look,
I've never had a sex dream
482
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,218
about Andy Richter.
483
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,436
- Have you had one
about Ryan Reynolds?
484
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,655
- Oh, yeah.
485
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:35,918
I mean, it's more
of a sex/anxiety dream.
486
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,398
- Right.
- Like, he's pleasuring me,
487
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,401
but I keep staring at
this plate of chicken Alfredo
488
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,185
and worrying about how long
it's been sitting out.
489
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:44,187
- Yeah, them cream sauces
will turn on you real quick.
490
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,667
- [snaps] Like that.
- [gasps]
491
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:48,235
Ryan Reynolds' autograph
goes for way more than Andy's.
492
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,932
I definitely think
this is the right move.
493
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,455
- Plus,
he's so holier-than-thou.
494
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,153
Like, "I'm Andy Richter.
I'm from Hollywood.
495
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,763
I would never clog a toilet."
496
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:55,938
- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
497
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,113
- Hi!
- Hi!
498
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,767
- [laughs]
- Sorry, Ryan.
499
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:01,117
We were just talking about
how someone clogged the toilet.
500
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:02,118
- Uh, no problem.
501
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,206
Happens to the best of us.
502
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,295
- No, no, no, no. It wasn't me.
503
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,254
I--I walked in,
and I saw it like that.
504
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,995
- Okay. I believe you.
505
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,866
- Okay, good.
506
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,607
- Well, I do think
we can wrap this up...
507
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,869
- Mm.
508
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,349
- Unless you have
any questions for me.
509
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:16,698
- For sure, yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
510
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:17,960
Uh, do you...
511
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,050
Have any plans this weekend?
512
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:25,228
- Nope.
No, just--just staying in.
513
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:26,795
- That's cool.
- Yeah.
514
00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:28,057
- That's very cool.
515
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:29,841
- Well, uh, it was nice
to meet you, Jack.
516
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:30,930
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
517
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,975
[chuckles] Okay.
518
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,934
[clears throat]
- I'm charming.
519
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,805
- What?
- I'm usually very charming,
520
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,502
but I'm--I'm nervous,
521
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:39,982
because I've never
actually done this before,
522
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,853
but normally--
normally, I'm--I'm smooth.
523
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,943
- Mm.
- I am--I'm smooth.
524
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,292
- Mm.
525
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,772
- Right.
- And that's the end--okay.
526
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:48,904
All right.
- Yep. Yep.
527
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,384
- Good to know.
Thank you very much.
528
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:53,996
- Ryan, we really see you
as the next Jimmy Stewart.
529
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,172
Beloved, trusted.
530
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:59,001
There's no one else
who can lead this campaign.
531
00:15:59,045 --> 00:15:59,915
- [clears throat]
Guys, I'm so--
532
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,264
I'm really sorry.
533
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:02,700
My kids are--
they're yelling for me,
534
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,006
so I'm just gonna
cut to the chase right here.
535
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,094
Look, I love your company,
536
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:06,443
I love the cars,
537
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,706
and I would absolutely
love to do this.
538
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,056
- Oh! [laughs]
539
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,318
I think I speak for all of us
540
00:16:11,361 --> 00:16:13,363
when I say we love you, Ryan.
541
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:14,799
Hey, we'll be in touch
with your agent.
542
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,671
- Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Talk soon.
543
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:17,715
- [laughs]
- Whoo!
544
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:19,108
- Whoa!
- Wow!
545
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:20,196
- Amazing.
- You know, I never really got
546
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,371
the whole Ryan Reynolds thing,
547
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,765
but after seeing him on Zoom,
I get it.
548
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:24,896
- Yeah.
all: Mm-hmm.
549
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,376
- Nice work, Sadie.
- Thanks.
550
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,204
- How are you gonna break it
to Andy?
551
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,336
- Me?
- Yeah, you kind of
552
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:30,859
took the reins on this one,
so yeah.
553
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:32,382
- I feel like
it was both of us.
554
00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:35,646
Like, one hand each
holding the rein thing.
555
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:37,213
- I don't think
that's how reins work.
556
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:40,086
- There we go, see?
A double comma, you know?
557
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:41,783
That's--we'll have to get
that sorted out
558
00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,785
before we go any further.
559
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:44,960
I...
- Hey.
560
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,701
- Hi.
- I am so sorry
561
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:48,616
to keep you waiting.
- Oh, it's all good.
562
00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:51,227
I--I think
we're about ready to sign.
563
00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:54,056
I mean,
I really, really hope we are.
564
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,710
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
565
00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,103
But just before we do,
566
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,453
I just wanna make
absolutely sure
567
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:02,586
that you're comfortable
being associated with us
568
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:05,589
with the recall
and the terrible fire.
569
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:08,201
If you think that doing this
could harm your career
570
00:17:08,243 --> 00:17:10,071
in any way,
I would understand completely.
571
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,378
- You know, honestly,
just you saying that
572
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,250
shows what a great place
this is.
573
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,599
I'm not gonna quit
over one mistake.
574
00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:18,253
- Well...[chuckles]
575
00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:20,082
Full disclosure,
it's not just one mistake.
576
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,954
There's a lot of shady stuff
that's--
577
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:24,434
you know,
it could break any day now.
578
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,480
- What shady stuff?
- I can't give any details.
579
00:17:26,522 --> 00:17:29,135
I'm so sorry,
but it's--it's drugs and sex.
580
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:31,093
- Wait, what?
Okay, stop talking right now.
581
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,965
- Let me--I--I--
I'm a loyal guy.
582
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,967
Okay? So whatever happens,
583
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,665
we can weather it together.
584
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,103
- Andy, I'm so sorry.
It's not gonna work out.
585
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,626
We have decided to go
in a different direction,
586
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:43,758
spokesman-wise.
587
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:53,115
- Mother[bleep]!
588
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,464
What did I do wrong?
589
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,249
What did I do?
- You didn't do anything.
590
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,424
- Is it a looks thing?
591
00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:58,860
- Nope.
- Because I can look better.
592
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:02,081
I can get a trainer,
and I build muscle so fast.
593
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:04,953
- It's not that, Andy.
- Or do you want me to get fat?
594
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:06,476
Do you want, like,
a funny fat guy?
595
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,957
Because I can get
so [bleep] fat for you.
596
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,045
- No, it's not.
We don't need fat.
597
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,133
We don't need thin.
598
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:12,700
- What am I gonna tell
my family?
599
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,659
I mean, my dad
was so proud of me, and--
600
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:16,791
what am I gonna tell him?
601
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,880
- He'll understand.
- No, he won't!
602
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,099
You don't know him!
603
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,535
- I don't.
- I guess I'll just have to
604
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:24,320
tell him that his boy's
a loser, like always!
605
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,714
- You're not a loser.
- You don't have to tell him.
606
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:29,717
- [sobbing]
607
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:32,328
.
608
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:34,896
- What I meant to say was,
"This program will help me
609
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:35,984
excel at a job
that I'm passionate about."
610
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,377
But what came out
of my mouth was,
611
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,943
"I'm charming."
612
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,249
- Oh, baby, that's rough.
613
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:41,642
- Sounds like
you really bombed it.
614
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,165
- Thanks, Dale.
- Listen, just go back down
615
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,471
and say it to him now.
616
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:45,994
- Oh, it's too late, Cyrus.
I already blew it.
617
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:47,822
- Jack, you have
nothing left to lose.
618
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:48,866
- Yeah.
- Okay.
619
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,390
- Come on, Jack.
- Okay.
620
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:52,000
- Believe in yourself.
- I'm gonna do it.
621
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,175
- Yes.
- Yeah.
622
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,394
- Yes.
- Yeah. Feel it.
623
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,178
- You're kind, you're smart,
you important.
624
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,310
- Head up, head up.
- That's right.
625
00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:58,615
- You got this, Jack.
- Yeah!
626
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,182
- And maybe mention me
while you're in there.
627
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,879
- Dale, for the last time,
628
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:04,186
you need to find
your own path, baby.
629
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:06,928
- Excuse me.
I'll just be a second.
630
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:07,972
- Gary, I just wanna--
- Hey!
631
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,017
Hey! Uh...
632
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,018
- God!
- No!
633
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:11,324
- No!
- Uh, okay.
634
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,890
- I'm so sorry!
I'm so, so, so sorry.
635
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:15,980
- Should just be a minute.
636
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,504
- I can't believe
we're getting Ryan.
637
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:19,027
- I know.
638
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,463
Do you end up having sex
with him in the dream?
639
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:21,508
- Oh, no,
we never get that far.
640
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,423
- Mm.
- I eat the pasta, though.
641
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,468
- Yum.
- Mmm, it is so good.
642
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,122
[phone beeps]
- Katherine,
643
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,863
I'm so sorry
to keep you waiting.
644
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,908
So Ryan's not gonna do this.
645
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,911
- Well, we just spoke to him
about ten minutes ago,
646
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:35,217
and he said he was.
647
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:36,914
- Well, I spoke to him
one minute ago,
648
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,220
and he said he wasn't.
649
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:39,787
- He literally told us,
650
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,615
"I would absolutely love
to do this."
651
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,182
- Ryan would love to do
a lot of things,
652
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,705
but come on.
653
00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:46,750
He's not interested
in Costner's sloppy seconds.
654
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,230
Plus, we've been in talks
with Dannon Yogurt,
655
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,362
and I think that's really
656
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:50,711
where his head is at
right now.
657
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,452
He appreciates
the interest, though.
658
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:54,236
[line clicks]
659
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,237
- We dropped the meat.
660
00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:58,240
- Yeah, we're meat dogs.
661
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,634
- Really?
Just right there in his office?
662
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,853
- Yep, and then
when I got back here,
663
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:05,291
there was a voicemail saying
I'm in the program.
664
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:06,944
- Oh, there you go!
- Hey.
665
00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:08,163
- No, I'm not gonna take it.
666
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,556
He's only letting me in
667
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:10,905
because he's worried
that I'm gonna report him.
668
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:12,689
It'd be like blackmail.
669
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,909
- [chuckles] Oh, Jack.
670
00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:16,824
So young, so stupid.
671
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:18,217
Let me give you
the first lesson
672
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:20,219
in the world of business:
673
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,090
take every advantage
you can get.
674
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,831
- Mm-hmm.
Some folks have rich parents
675
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,920
who send them to ritzy schools.
676
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:27,356
Other folks walk in
on supervisors
677
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,966
jerking it to daytime porn.
678
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,968
That's just the game.
- [sighs]
679
00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:34,755
Okay. Okay.
680
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,104
Okay, I'm gonna take it.
681
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,323
- As you should.
- I know that's right.
682
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:38,933
- Great call.
Just to be clear,
683
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:42,023
uh, is there an actual rule
against masturbating at work,
684
00:20:42,066 --> 00:20:43,981
or is it just, like,
frowned upon?
685
00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,161
- We screwed up.
686
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:52,163
- We gambled.
- Yeah.
687
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,861
- If you've got a 16
in blackjack,
688
00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:55,123
and the dealer's showing a 7,
689
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:56,298
what are you gonna do?
690
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,257
Stay?
- I do not know.
691
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,214
- You hit.
I mean, unless you want
692
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,389
some chain-smoking grandma
693
00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:02,130
cursing you out in Mandarin.
694
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:03,349
God, I miss Vegas.
695
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:05,133
Point is, even if you bust,
696
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:06,917
hitting was still
the right call.
697
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,136
- It was exciting.
698
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:10,181
Just going for broke.
699
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,053
- Watch out.
Future gambling addict.
700
00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:13,620
- Put it all on red!
- [laughs]
701
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:15,056
Oh, no, no, no, no.
- No, it's just--
702
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:16,231
- You don't play roulette.
- I would never.
703
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,537
- I mean,
that's a sucker's game, Sadie.
704
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:18,668
I know you might've been
thinking that you were
705
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,453
making a funny joke,
but I'm not--
706
00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:22,150
I don't think that's funny.
- I would never.
707
00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:23,151
- You're not stupid like that.
708
00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:25,022
- Yeah, I wouldn't do it.
- No.
709
00:21:25,072 --> 00:21:29,622
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