Original subtitles

There were certain status symbols in Texas

that indicated you were a success,

a rodeo champion belt buckle or, as I call it, the redneck nobel prize,

custom-built ostrich skin boots.

One less giant running bird in the world is fine by this cowpoke.

And, possibly, the ultimate status symbol, the pink Cadillac...

Driven by an elite Mary Kay superseller.

Mr. Lundy?

Mary Cooper, what a delightful surprise.

I can't help but notice what you're driving.

This old thing?

I was actually going to trade it in.

Are you selling Mary Kay?

With my theater background, I just had a knack for cosmetology.

- You must sell a lot. - Guilty.

But these days, I manage my own hand-picked team.

Well, I'm happy for you.

Oh, aren't you a dear.

Hey, um, do you ever do sales?

-Me? No -really?

An attractive young woman like yourself.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Well, here. Here's my card, in case you ever wanna talk.

Maybe one day, you'll be driving one of these,

instead of one of those.

So, spring break is just around the corner.

I'm counting the days.

Me, too. Have you reserved the lab yet?

- Why would I do that? - Without the distraction of classes,

you and I can really buckle down and get some work done.

I won't be here, Sheldon. It's my break, too.

Where are you going?

I'm not telling you where I'm going, Sheldon.

Why not?

Because I'll be happy, and I want to stay that way.

You're in college.

You should be taking spring break as well.

And do what?

Traditionally, you would congregate with your peers and make bad decisions.

But I'm a kid.

Then perhaps a game ofduck, duck, goose.

- Sarcasm? - No.

Geez. You really do need a break.

While researching how to spend

my first collegiate spring break,

my sister led me to a documentary on the subject.

Are they screaming for help?

No, they're having fun.

Are we watching the same show?

They were stuck in school all year, and now they're going wild.

Clearly. I don't see a single lifeguard.

You don't have to go to the beach.

Just do something besides school.

There is science that suggests taking breaks

refreshes the mind and boosts brain function.

Good, because the minute I'm old enough, it's gonna be me out there.

You better learn to swim because no one there is gonna help you.

Guess who I ran into at the grocery store? Mr. Lundy.

Ugh. The weird theater guy?

He's not weird.

He's also a teacher, realtor, choreographer, ooh, and local celebrity.

He's actually not doing that stuff now.

He is selling makeup.

He's even got one of those pink Cadillacs.

Driving a pink car in Texas. Bold choice.

You got to sell a lot to earn one of those. He must be good.

It sure seemed like it.

He's managing a whole team of salespeople.

- Nice. - He gave me his card.

I was thinking about calling him.

Don't you have enough makeup?

I don't.

I'm not buying it. I'm thinking about selling it.

- You? - Yes, me.

Wouldn't hurt to have extra money.

But you already have two jobs. Church and mom.

Well, that second one doesn't pay much.

I do your taxes. The first one doesn't either.

Even more reason to call him.

Mm, sales is a tough racket, mare.

Yeah, it ain't as easy as I make it look.

Well, I think I'd be good at it.

You sure? Sometimes you got to do a little fibbing.

I would do it without that.

And you got to have people skills.

- I have people skills. - Do you?

I'd like to throw my dinner roll at your head right now,

but you don't see me doing it.

I believe in you, mom.

Thank you, honey, but you're not getting free makeup.

Dang it.

My sister suggested I go wild,

so I decided to heed her advice

and do the craziest thing I could think of.

Take a walk outside.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

A whole convention

dedicated to comic books, science fiction and fantasy.

Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, hello, Nathan.

- You going? - I'd like to. Are you?

Yeah. I quit my job for the time off.

Wow.

Well, my job search.

Mm.

It hasn't been announced yet,

but I hear there's a guest appearance by David gerrold.

He wrote the Star Trek episode "trouble with tribbles."

Uh, no doy.

I just found my spring break.

I'm not really looking for a job. I don't know why I lied.

Thank you so much for finding the time.

Oh, please. Always happy to welcome

a new sales associate to the family.

Well, um, I don't normally wear much makeup,

so I'm a little out of my depth.

Which brings us to lesson number one.

In sales, confidence is key.

- Oh. - Are you confident?

- No. - I knew the answer to that.

But that's going to be our little secret,

because just like this full-coverage concealer for all skin types,

we're going to cover that right on up.

I'm all for that.

Now, before we go further, I am going to have to ask

for a check for your sample kit and your startup accessories.

Oh. I was under the impression that I would take orders

and the customers would pay for it later like, um, girl scout cookies.

I'm sorry. Do you see thin mints in this case?

- No. - This is a serious business.

If you are not serious, maybe you are not ready to join my team.

Oh, I am serious. It's just that my husband isn't totally on board

and he'll be upset if I spend a bunch of money.

Oh, well, that's fair.

If you have to ask his permission, I can come back.

It's refreshing, really.

It reminds me of a simpler time

when men made the decisions and women made the beds.

I'm gonna get my checkbook.

Now there is a "take charge" makeup salesperson.

I am the organ grinder,

and the world is my monkey.

All righty, then. Show me what you got.

What do you mean?

Your sales technique. Let's go. Come on.

I'm an eskimo. Sell me some ice.

Really? Right now?

If you can't sell to me and I'm already team Mary,

how are you gonna sell to a stranger?

Okay. Um...

- Hi... - Let me stop you right there.

- What did I do wrong? - It's your face.

What's wrong with my face?

It's your number one sales tool.

You should be advertising the product and you're not wearing any.

Yes, I am.

Where?

I think the best makeup is the kind that no one notices.

Right now, you're what no one notices.

This is your billboard, and I'm driving right on by.

I suppose I could put on a little more.

Attagirl. They've already seen the before.

Let's show them the after.

Here, try this.

- That's awfully red. - Exactly.

And when you see red, what comes to your mind?

Satan.

Glamour, sex appeal, a little va-va-voom.

I don't know.

Look, you are not just selling makeup,

you are selling power, you are selling confidence.

And that starts right here.

Now, are you a powerful, confident woman?

Yes.

Slather this on. Let's try again.

Mm-hmm.

Somebody call highway patrol.

- This billboard is causing accidents. - Really?

You had the va, then you got another va,

and now you got the voom. Sell me some makeup.

- Hello, there. - Now I'm listening.

Mom, I know what I wanna do for spring break.

- What happened to your face? - I told you people take notice.

This is for my new job.

Is your new job fighting Batman? Because you look like the joker.

What do you want?

Can I take a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride

to texarkana for a comic book convention?

By yourself? Absolutely not.

- Can you come with me? - No.

Son, your mother has makeup to sell.

If I get an adult to go with me, can I?

I don't know, maybe.

Ha-ha. No.

But people wear makeup to comic book conventions.

- You could sell it there. - Oh, I see.

- No. - But...

Read my moisturized lips.

Would you like to go with me to a comic book convention?

Will there be girls there?

And if you order right now, I'll throw in some extra concealer for half off.

I mean, this is just allergies.

- Does it look like I've been crying? - No! Oh...

And the best news is it's only a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride away.

So, you want me to ride on a bus for hours

with a bunch of kids to a comic book convention?

It's mostly adults.

Many are in costumes.

Oh, you look fantastic.

- Ready to buy? - No.

But I'm ready to hit the dog track.

And since we're both on spring break, I thought you might like to go with me.

Sheldon, I am the president of the university.

You're right. I should have asked you first.

- So, is that a yes? - No.

Sorry. No.

And what do you want?

For you to go on a bus with me to a comic book convention at texarkana.

God, no.

I don't know...

Trust me. The men are gonna be lining up.

Well, they haven't been so far.

And I've been basically giving it away.

That's your business, really, but...

Hey, I am not just selling makeup. I am selling confidence.

- You are? - I sure am.

Now, are you a strong and confident woman?

Not remotely.

Well, do you wanna be?

- I guess. - Here.

Why don't you put this on and we will try again.

Oh!

Now, are you a strong, confident woman?

- Sure. - Come on, say it like you mean it.

Are you strong and confident?

- Yes. - One more time.

Yes.

So, can I put you down for a starter kit?

- Fine. - Well, all right. Ooh!

You never forget your first sale.

I know. I am still tingling.

I love that feeling. I don't even drink coffee anymore.

I just go on tingle power.

And she didn't just get the starter kit.

She got the mud mask, she got the exfoliator.

I had a feeling about you, Mary.

It's just a matter of time before you're behind the wheel

of your own pink Cadillac, and take it from me...

You will be stared at. I am.

Mm.

So, where do I go from here?

I've kind of talked to everybody I know.

Hmm, well, new faces are the lifeblood of our business.

How do I find new faces?

Don't you run a Bible study?

Uh, I don't know that I'd be comfortable

trying to make sales in a religious setting.

Mary, if god didn't want people to wear makeup,

he'd have made them less ugly.

Well, that's one way to look at it. Mm-hmm.

And you have a daughter, right?

Well, she's not even a teenager yet.

This is when it starts.

Would you rather her borrowing makeup from friends, passing it back and forth?

- She has stolen it from my bag. - See?

Forget about pink caddy, now we're talking pink eye,

which, if she does catch it,

a little waterproof eyeliner, you'd never know.

Attention, science fiction and comic book fans,

this Friday, Saturday and Sunday,

in ballroom b of the texarkana holiday inn,

it's texarkana-con.

- That's right, texarkana... - Khan!

Celebrity appearances,

panel discussions, autograph alley, only at texarkana...

Khan!

Raffles, prizes, costume parade,

Friday through Sunday at texarkana...

Khan!

[Announced William shatner not appearing.

William shatner may not be appearing, but Sheldon Cooper is.

I was normally a rule follower,

but one of the rules of spring break is to cut loose and break rules.

I'm heading out.

Where you going?

To see my comic book friends.

I'm leaving in a few. You want a ride?

No, I'm taking my bike.

All the way to the bus station.

Something funny?

Not funny, just normal.

Smooth.

Bye.

So smooth.

Hey, you made it.

It would have been illogical not to.

Well, you're going to have a blast.

I know this is UN-Spock-like, but I can't stop smiling.

Here you are, dear sir.

Let's get this pusillanimous bucket of nuts and bolts on the road.

We have a comic-con to get to.

Mr. Givens?

Oh, the pain.

So, today I thought maybe we'd mix things up a little bit

and do some reading from Esther.

I don't think I've ever read Esther.

Oh, you are in for a treat, there is some good stuff in here.

Let us open our bibles

to, uh, chapter two, verse 12.

"Before a young woman's turn came to go into king xerxes,

she had to complete 12 months of beauty treatments

prescribed for the women,

six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics."

Did anyone else realize that cosmetics were right here in the Bible?

I just find that fascinating.

Uh, well, but this next verse talks about her being a concubine.

Hey, hey, don't skip ahead, we're still talking cosmetics.

Did you know that Esther used her beauty

to stop a genocide?

Really?

Sometimes I think we forget how powerful beauty can be.

But I know I sure feel powerful when I'm wearing this new line

of Mary Kay cosmetics.

Take a gander, ladies.

So how do you know Dr. Smith over there?

That's not Dr. Smith, that's Mr. Givens. He was my high school science teacher.

Oh. Well, he's dressed as Dr. Smith from lost in space.

Oh. I've never seen it.

Yeah, well, you're not missing much. It was a lame kid's show.

I'm sorry, "lame kid's show"?

For your information, Star Trek wouldn't exist without lost in space.

Ooh.

Yeah, well, at least Star Trek

didn't have to steal its robot from forbidden planet.

I take it from their reaction that was a good dig?

- Solid. - Nice job.

Well, if Star Trek is so great,

how come lost in space kicked its butt in the ratings?

Well, if lost in space is so great,

how come no one's ever remade it?

That's true. They're still making Star Trek movies and a new series.

Yeah, which is even better than the original.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

You heard me.

Star Trek: Next gen is better than the original series.

Lost in space brought me hours of happiness as a child, you jerks.

Esther would be so proud.

This is a face that would stop the spilling of blood.

- You think? - I do.

Now, if you order the starter package today,

- I will throw in the spring palette. - Sold.

Oh, praise the lord. Now, who's next?

Okay, I enjoy Mr. Data but he's clearlyjust a Spock rip-off.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Data wants to be more human,

Spock wants to be less human. How is that the same?

Yeah!

Well, I think we can all agree that William shatner is the better actor.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Patrick Stewart is classically trained.

He's a member of the royal Shakespeare company.

He's too subtle.

When William shatner plays an emotion, my shoe could tell what it is.

Well, if you like big acting,

Have I got a show for you, dear boy.

And kirk is a terrible captain, he always puts the ship in danger.

Picard would never do that.

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess picard never got assimilated by the borg.

Yeah.

Our verbal fisticuffs may have seemed unfriendly,

but the truth is we were engaged in a glorious tribal dance,

like the revelers at Daytona beach.

I will admit, Wesley crusher is the worst.

Now you're knocking wil wheaton. He's the best part of the show.

He's an annoying know-it-all.

Yeah. That's what makes him lovable.

It was the best spring break I ever had

until my parents realized I was missing

and I experienced something worse than the wrath of Khan,

the wrath of dad.

Khan!

What the heck?

You think you can just wash me away?

Yes. I used the gentle cleansing cream formula one with special emollients.

Exploiting your Bible study group, that was just the beginning.

I wouldn't say I exploited them.

Good. Don't. It'll be our little secret.

Now, where are we with missy?

You leave missy alone.

Mom, help! I can't get out!

Missy!

Why are you sleeping?

You should be selling!

My mother never sold makeup again.

And as Mr. Lundy predicted, missy got her makeup from her friends.

My eye feels oozy.

What's the matter, baby? Oh.