All language subtitles for 36 - What Every Young Man Should Know

Samantha!

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

I, um... I didn't expect
you home so early.

Well, that's pretty obvious.

Sam, is this the kind of thing

that goes on behind
my back all the time?

No. Now, Darrin.

I broke that vase,
and... And it's a present

from your Uncle Albert,
so naturally, I thought...

I know what you thought.

You thought you'd just
ring-a-ding-ding your nose

and put everything
back together again.

Sam, you're getting to
be more witch than wife.

Well, you knew I was a
witch when you married me.

No, I didn't. You didn't tell me

until our wedding
night, if you remember.

Darrin.

What?

I wonder about that sometimes.

If I had told you
I was a witch...

would you have still married me?

Well, yeah, sure.
Yeah, of course.

Oh, thank you.

That's very broad-minded of you.

Oh, come on, Sam.

I said I would, didn't I?

Not very convincingly.

Well, how can anyone
be sure of a thing like that?

I am reasonably certain.

I mean, I'm... I'm
practically positive.

Yes, I would.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, I'm, uh,
going to go upstairs

and say hello to the baby.

You do that.

Yeah.

Well... that was
sweet and tender.

Oh, hi, Mother.

There is a way to find out

whether he would've
married you or not.

You would like to know whether
he would've proposed to you

if you told him
you were a witch.

Well, I can put you back in
the past so you can find out.

Oh, no, no, Mother.
Darrin's angry enough.

I wouldn't want to
upset him anymore.

He won't be.

He'll go back in time,
and when he returns,

he'll never remember a thing.

Now, Mother. This is
between Darrin and me.

So will you please
change the subject?

Why, of course, dear.

You know the
weather is very lovely

on the Riviera this season.

You owe yourself
a trip, Samantha.

Mother... you don't believe

Darrin would've
proposed to me, right?

Oh, and there's such

an interesting group
of people there.

There's a young,
divine Italian director.

And there's that
crazy French novelist...

Mother.

No, I don't think

whatchamacallit
would've married you.

Well, you're wrong.

There always will be
a doubt, won't there?

I suppose so.

And when you look across
the breakfast table at him,

you'll wonder what
would have happened if...

Oh, let me send
you back, Samantha.

Well, all right, Mother.

You win.

Good.

Now, sometime in the past,

you're going to tell
him you're a witch.

When do you think
that would've been?

Well, there was the
time I went to cook dinner

in his apartment.

I almost told him then,
before he proposed.

Well that sounds
very, very good.

Now, Mother. No nonsense.

No, no, no.

When you go back to the past,

it'll be exactly as
it would have been.

Now, then, come here.

Ah.

Thunder, lightning, rain, hail

Rummer, dummer, lummer, bane

Backward, turn backward
Oh, time, in thy flight

Let her find out What
would happen that night

Yes?

Mr. Stephens?

Oh, yes, I am.

How about that?

I'm your friendly cosmetic lady,

and we're introducing a new kind

of kiss-proof lipstick.

I'd like to leave you a sample.

Oh, well.

It's a marvelous product.

I'll take all you have.

You look beautiful.

You're just saying that
because you're handsome.

Well, here we are.

Yes, I guess I am.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

To you.

Ooh!

Oh, ah, oh, I'm sorry.

I... I meant for this
evening to be special,

but I didn't mean for
it to be that special.

Darrin... this is sort of

a special evening for me too.

You see, there's
something I have to tell you.

Bet I can guess what it is.

You couldn't possibly.

You forgot to bring the things

for the dinner you're
going to cook me.

Right?

No. No, you'll have your dinner.

I can... whip up a
dinner out of nothing.

Well that's just what we've got

in my refrigerator, nothing.

No, it's something about me

I really think you should know.

I know all I need
to know about you.

I-I don't think so.

It's about my family.

We're, um, different.

Samantha, I'm not
interested in your family.

I'm interested in you.

I wouldn't care if they were
shoplifters, moonshiners

or cattle-rustlers.

If it were only that simple.

Darrin, I think you'd
better sit down.

Okay.

You love me, don't you?

I've been doing my best
to give you that impression.

Well, here goes.

Darrin... I'm a witch.

Well, nobody's perfect.

No. I-I'm serious.

I... am... a witch.

Well, um, what
makes you say that?

No, I mean I am.

I'm a house-haunting,
cauldron-stirring,

broom-riding witch.

Sam, I'll tell you
what we're going to do.

I'm going to take you out
to a nice quiet restaurant.

We're going to have dinner.

And after the dinner, I'm going
to take you to a very funny movie.

How would you like that?

Darrin, I told you we
could have dinner here.

And I think it might
be a better idea

if we had dinner
at a restaurant.

Well... if you don't believe me,

I... guess I'll just
have to prove it.

Oh.

Careful, hot plate.

Ah! That is hot!

Um, well, i-if... If you
don't like roast beef,

uh, maybe you'd
like a turkey dinner.

You're a witch!

Yes, Darrin.

I mean, you really are a witch.

Were you born that way?

Mm-hmm.

Um, Mother's a witch,
Father's a warlock.

I see.

Now that you know, does
it make any difference?

Uh, no!

No, no, no, no, no,
no, of course not.

Why should it?

I mean, what's the difference?

Well, who cares about
a little thing like that?

Oh, Darrin.

Don't touch me!

Oh, how chicken!

Well... now you know.

Oh, boy!

Do I know!

Oh, boy!

Well, it's nice to be sure.

It clears up all your doubts.

Walking out on me!

From his own apartment.

Coward!

What?

Oh, Darrin!

What is this all about?

Whatever it is,
you're responsible.

Oh, tish-tosh.

He doesn't remember.

Now, do you remember the night

I came to your
apartment to cook dinner?

Of course I remember.

Well, this time I told
you I was a witch,

and you behaved very badly.

I did?

You ran out on me.

I... Well, that's
understandable.

Oh, yes, very understandable.

You see what I mean?

Well, I came back, didn't I?

Didn't I?

Well... I don't know.

We didn't go that far.

You didn't go
that... That's not fair!

You didn't give me a chance!

It wasn't necessary.

Your attitude was obvious.

Narrow-minded, intolerant,

middle-class, superstitious.

All right, Mother.

Now, that will
do. Darrin's right.

We didn't give him a chance.

Oh, my poor baby.

Where did I go wrong?
Where did I fail you?

Now, cut that out.

Sam, I love you.

And if this cuckoo
experiment is upsetting you,

I demand the right to go
back and prove myself.

That's only fair. Mother...

send us back.

You sure?

I'm sure!

Oh... all right!

Thunder, lightning... hail, rain

Rummer, dummer, lummer, bane

Backward, turn backward
Oh, time, in thy flight

Both of them go back

And you'll see That I'm right

You're a red-blooded
American boy,

and you're in love with a witch.

She's a beautiful witch,
and you're in love with her.

Darrin... here are my layouts

for the salad oil campaign.

Just pour them
on the desk, Larry.

Please, Darrin, no
jokes about the accounts.

Sorry, Larry.

Hey, wasn't your girlfriend

gonna cook dinner last night?

How'd it go?

Please, no jokes
about my love life.

I'm sorry, Darrin.

But she's beautiful.

What do you care if
she can cook or not?

Oh, she can cook.
She can do anything.

Then what's the problem?

Larry, I had the shock
of my life last night.

I've got to tell somebody.

Yeah? Yeah?

Samantha is...

No, you'd never believe me.

Of course I'll
believe you. Go on.

You'd never believe me, Larry.

I tell you, Darrin,
I'll believe you.

Tell me. You'd never believe me!

Try me!

She's a witch!

Darrin, take it from
an old married man.

All women are witches.

If you really love her
and she loves you,

what's the difference?

But she's a "witch" witch.

W-I-T-C-H!

Oh, come off it, Darrin.

If you want a
vacation, just ask for it!

She's a witch!

Listen, if you keep on
with this fruitcake routine,

you'll have a
permanent vacation!

If she were here, she'd
tell you she's a witch!

Is that what you really want?

It certainly is!

What is the matter with you?

Uh... Samantha, um, I'd like you

to meet my boss, Larry Tate.

Charmed.

I... Uh, I mean, I'm, uh...

I'm, uh, enchanted.

How about bewitched, Mr. Tate?

I, uh... Well, I
didn't mean to, uh...

No offense.

None taken.

Samantha, thank
you for popping in.

Oh, don't mention it.

And now I'll just,
um, disappear.

The way you did last night.

Tell me.

If an advertiser
were trying to decide

between McMann &
Tate and another agency,

could she, uh... make
him choose... us?

Certainly.

And, uh... if we drew
up a campaign for it...

could she influence him so...

He'd be crazy about it.

Marvelous. Marvelous!

Well, now that I'm
no longer needed...

The girl is just what we need.

The trouble is, I love her.

The possibilities!
The possibilities!

Despite the possibilities,
gotta have that girl.

I want that girl on our team.

I'd love to team
up with that girl.

I'll work out the details
and talk to you later.

But don't worry.
You won't regret it.

I know. She's a wonderful girl.

Oh, fine, fine, fine, fine.

You're a red-blooded
American boy,

and you're in love with a witch.

Hello, Samantha. It's Darrin.

Don't hang up!

Honey, I've been
miserable without you.

I... I miss you. I-I
wanna see you.

I wanna talk to you.

Samantha? Samantha?

Oh, honey, I love you.

And I love you.

I'm sorry I reacted
the way I did.

Oh, no, now, sweetheart,
it was my fault.

I just didn't find the right way

of telling you about me.

Maybe I shouldn't have.

No, no. You were right.

I had to find out
sooner or later.

Well, you see, not
many of our people

have fallen in love with
human beings before,

and, well, I just didn't
have a precedent to go on.

Come with me.

Samantha.

Yes, Darrin?

You're the most important
thing that ever happened to me.

I'm glad.

I look into the future,

I can't even imagine
it without you.

I feel the same way.

Well, I know I don't make
a great deal of money,

but I... I'm sure I'll be making
a lot more soon, and, um...

Darrin... is this a proposal?

It's supposed to be, but,
uh... will you help me?

I've never done this before.

Well, I have an idea.

What?

Why don't you just say,
“Will you marry me”?

That's it.

Samantha.

Yes, Darrin.

There's someone at the door.

Go ahead.

Okay.

Good evening, Darrin.

Oh, uh, Larry.

Ha, ha, ha. Hello, Samantha.

I'm glad you're here.

Uh, Larry. Not right now.

Bear with me for
a moment, Darrin.

I've got something
wonderful worked out

for you two lovebirds.

Well, thank you
very much, Mr. Tate...

You know, I think this is
gonna be a marvelous marriage.

Were gonna get
along beautifully.

We?

I've been giving
this a lot of thought.

You know, we can't miss.

Samantha, the way
you can influence a client

will make us the biggest agency

in the world.

Now, just a minute.

Ah, I know what you're thinking.

And don't worry.

I'm going to make
Darrin a vice president

with a big increase in salary.

I see.

That's why you told me

you were gonna be
making more money.

No, Samantha.

I-I don't know
anything about this.

Well, of course you do.

We discussed it in your office.

When?!

After Samantha left.

We shook hands on it.

Well, I hope you two will
be very happy together.

Wait a minute!

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy!

Did you have a
nice trip, darling?

He would have used me.

You would have had me
putting spells on clients.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You and that Larry Tate
were ready to cash in

on my witchcraft.

Does Larry know?

Don't worry.

He won't remember
any more than you do.

Whew! Good.

Oh, Darrin, how could you?

How could I what?

Well, I trusted you.

I was ready to give
up everything for you.

Oh, Mother warned
me about human men,

but I thought you
were different.

I am. I mean, I was.

I mean, I would have been.

You! You are
responsible for all this!

Everything was fine until
you came swooping in here

and stirred up the cauldron.

Well, this is my house,
you're not welcome,

and I want you out of
here on the next broom!

Just a minute.

That is my mother,

and you cannot
talk to her that way.

Well, it may be your mother,
but it's my mother-in-law.

And that makes her a
horse of a different color.

Did I hear you correctly?

Did you call my mother a horse?

She's all mother-in-law
and a yard wide.

A yard wide?

How dare you!

Make that two yards.

Darrin, I never realized
how cruel and thoughtless

and rude you could be.

I'm still pitching
with a cold arm.

Wait till I get warmed up.

You can just be
thankful I didn't meet her

before I proposed to you.

Oh, what a
terrible thing to say.

What a terrible thing to say!

Well, now you know, darling.

He's showing his true colors!

Oh, boy, do I know! Oh, boy!

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

You witches think
you're so different.

Well you're acting
just like any ordinary

run-of-the-mill, human
mother and daughter.

Oh, come on, Samantha!

Take the baby and
come home to Mother.

There's no reason

to put up with this any longer.

Hold it, hold it.

Hold it!

Samantha and the baby
are not leaving this house

except over my unconscious body.

Well, what could
be fairer than that?

Oh!

It's all for the best.

Well, he is my husband.

Well, let's not quibble
about technicalities.

Technicalities?

He's the father
of your grandchild.

But you've already seen

that he never would
have married you.

You've been pulling that
hanky-panky behind my back.

Now, Samantha, you
know that I love you.

I always have loved you!

If you take me back,
I'll prove it to you.

You're not afraid?

Not a bit!

Mother.

What?

Send us back! Send us back.

Oh, hemlock.

Thunder, lightning... hail, rain

Rummer, dummer, lummer, bane

Backward, turn backward
Oh, time, in thy flight

Again send them back
And out of my sight

Now, wait a minute!

Yes?

I didn't have anything
to do with this idea.

No. I take the
full credit for it.

But think what this
would mean, Samantha.

With the judicious
use of your powers,

you two could be the wealthiest

young couple in the country.

In the meantime, you wouldn't be

exactly poverty-stricken
yourself, would you?

I think I would be entitled

to a modest amount of fallout,

shall we say?

For having had
the inspiration. Mm.

Well... that's it.

I've given you the
bare bones of the idea.

Of course, we'll have
to flesh it out a little.

Larry, take your bones
and get out of here!

Huh? Out!

What's the matter with you?

You sore because I
want a piece of the action?

There isn't gonna be any action.

Of all the greedy,
underhanded schemes

I ever heard of,
that is the worst!

I'm not gonna let
you or anybody else

take advantage of Samantha!

I don't like your
attitude, Stephens!

Remember who
signs your paychecks!

Not anymore you
don't, buddy boy!

Find yourself another boy!

Now, you get out of here
before I throw you out!

How about that?!

Oh, Darrin, you were wonderful.

Any success I make
in the business world,

I'm gonna make on my own.

And I want you to
promise here and now

that you won't ever
use that... power of yours

to help me in any way.

I'll do my best.

Now, uh, where were we?

Ah, yes.

Sit down.

I was just telling
you how promising

my financial future
was, and... Oh, boy.

We'll skip that part.

Now, what was the next
thing you were going to say

before we were interrupted?

We are not going to
be interrupted again.

I'm not going to let
anybody through that door.

Mother!

How dare you come
crashing in here!

He was just about to propose.

Forgive me, darling.

I thought he'd like to
meet your mother first.

It's the acid test, you know.

Oh, you're...

Sam... Uh, Darrin. Darrin.

Dear, um... I'd like
you to meet my mother.

Mother?

Uh, yes.

This is my mother.

Uh, how do you do?

Any mother of Samantha's
is a mother of m... Oh!

So human.

Oh! That's out of the question.

Come on, Samantha.

I'm going to take
you right home.

Uh, may I say something?

Must you?

I know this must come
as a great shock to you.

It must be just as difficult

for you to adjust
to as it was for me.

Not difficult at all.

Good. Impossible.

Are you coming, Samantha?

Mother... I love him.

Why... he isn't
even good-looking.

I think he's adorable.

Well, that settles that.

He'll be back.

Don't you help him.

I won't have to.

I don't care what you do to me,

you can't keep me
away from Samantha.

No?

Now, Mother, you stop that.

Oh, Samantha, you're
just a silly little child.

Now, I'm not gonna stand by

and see you make
a fool of yourself.

Okay, Mom, knock it off!

Mom?!

Oh, how disgusting!

Well, you're just going
to have to get used to it.

Daughter or not,
you can't talk that way

to the girl I'm going to marry.

Darrin, is that a proposal?

I've had enough interruptions!

Will you marry me, yes or no?!

Those are the sweetest
words I ever heard.

Will you answer me!

Oh, yes.

I guess I made it, huh?

You sure did.

Isn't that sickening?

Not to us, it isn't.

You both acted
just like children.

Don't you think it's
just a little bit childish

not to admit when you're wrong?

Don't be a bad sport, Mom.

Well, I am.

Mother... put that chair back!

Tsk.