All language subtitles for 14 - Speak the Truth

Darrin, is that you?

No, I left half an hour ago.

Oh.

Hey! Hey, sleepyhead.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.

I meant to get up
and fix your breakfast.

You were sleeping so soundly
and you looked so beautiful,

I just couldn't wake you up.

I'm not beautiful. I'm
sleepy and I look awful.

Not to me you don't.

You look more
beautiful every day.

Do I really?

Of course you do.

Oh, I'll try to get
home early tonight.

The Hotchkisses and the
Tates are coming for dinner.

And I'm looking forward to
them seeing my beautiful wife.

I'll see you tonight.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Who's the most gullible of all?

Mother!

What do you mean "gullible"?

You're getting more and more
human every day, Samantha.

Thank you.

The way you lap up that
treacle, it's just pathetic.

Well, I may not be
appealing to you, Mother,

but Darrin thinks I'm beautiful.

Oh, he's not telling the
truth, and you know it.

Thank you, Mother. You
do say the nicest things.

Humans beings can't get
along without lying to each other.

If they're forced
to tell the truth,

it's instant chaos.

That's not true.

Nonsense.

They're all the same.

Every one of them. Including
your precious Dumpkin.

That's enough, Mother.

Very well, dear.

You'll see.

Hmm.

All right, Hagatha.

Here it is, Endora.

I'm so glad I had
one in stock for you.

These little truth
gods are hard to find.

I knew if anyone would
have it in her shop, you would.

Nobody seems to be
making them anymore.

There's a lot of
handwork goes into them.

And this new
generation of witches

just doesn't have the patience.

Where shall I put it?

Oh, uh... how powerful is it?

Oh, not terribly. Really.

It is very old, you know.

But if a human comes
within three feet of it,

he'll just have to say
what's on his mind.

Oh, splendid!

May I see it, Hagatha?

Of course.

Oh, it's a dear little thing.

Put it on the desk, Hagatha.

One more thing.

They do know what
they're saying, don't they?

Oh, yes.

And Samantha won't
be affected by it, will she?

Not at all.

She's still one
of us, isn't she?

Oh, of course. Of course.

Now, would you like
a gift card to go with it?

Oh, yes.

Thank you, Hagatha.

If I'm not prying too much,

what did you put on the card?

Oh, just, "Thought you
might be interested in this.

Uncle Herbert."

He's an uncle of
Samantha's husband

who travels around
the world a lot.

I'd rather my son-in-law
didn't know it was from me.

Remember... if
he doesn't like it,

you can always exchange
it for something else.

Oh, thank you, Hagatha.

I'll call him right
away, Miss Thatcher.

Hm.

Miss Thatcher, would you
come in here for a minute?

Yes, sir?

Uh, Miss Thatcher, how did
this package get on my desk?

Well, I don't know, sir. I
hadn't noticed it before.

My Uncle Herbert's
full of surprises.

He always says...

That sure is a tight
dress you're wearing.

Your uncle always says that?

And I second the thought.

Wow! That dress looks
like it was sprayed on.

I beg your pardon?

Yes, sir.

That is a tight
dress, is what that is.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm wearing
something inappropriate.

Inappropriate? Oh, oh, no, no.

Not at all, Miss Thatcher.

That's a very charming dress.

I shouldn't have
been so personal.

Well, I don't mind your
being personal, Mr. Stephens.

To tell you the truth, I wore
this dress especially for you.

I hoped it would get to you.

It's two sizes too small,

and I thought it would
be nice for you to notice

that I was a woman.

Just once.

Uh, Miss Thatcher...

I... I was just kidding.

Really. I don't know
what made me say that.

Yes, well, um...
that makes us even.

I'll take that in here.

I wish you would.

Mr. Stephen's office.

Well, just a moment, Mr. Burke.

I'll see if he's in.

Mr. Burke wants to know
if you've done anything

on his advertising campaign.

I haven't done a thing.

I'd better tell him I had the
chicken pox or something.

Hello, Mr. Burke. How are you?

No, I haven't. Not a darn thing.

Well, uh, no, Mr. Burke.

I haven't forgotten about you.

It's just that I've been
snowed under with other things.

To tell you the truth, I
haven't been able to work up

any enthusiasm for your product.

Now, look, Mr. Burke,

we have a lot more important
clients than you, and...

The same to you, buddy!

Sorehead.

Am I mistaken,

or did you just throw an
account out the window?

Yeah, I did. And
it's about time too.

What's the matter
with you, Darrin?

An account's an account.

But there are some
that just aren't worth it.

And this is one of them.

And what's more, you knew
it when you gave it to me.

That's very unfair, Darrin.

It's the truth.

I wanted the Hotchkiss account.

I know how to sell
that dishwasher of his.

And besides, a raise
should go along with it.

What's bugging you
this morning, Darrin?

I gave you the Burke
account because I thought

it was a challenge.

And I want no part of it.

That's a miserable
man, a marginal product,

and I have no intention
of knocking myself out.

And you can stop making goo-goo
eyes at the Hotchkiss account,

because it's mine.

All mine.

Right, Larry. Sure.

And I hope you'll be in a
better mood when we come over

to your house tonight with
Mr. Hotchkiss and his wife.

Yeah, I'll try to be a good boy.

Mm.

I'll see you
tonight at 7, Darrin.

I'm looking
forward to it, Larry.

Big shot!

What did you stop me for?

What is it I'm
supposed to have done?

You know what you did, Mister.
You went through a red light.

That light turned yellow

just as I was going
through the intersection.

It was red all the way through.

It was yellow, and you know it!

Come on, now, tell the truth.

May I see your driver's li...?

Yeah, it was yellow, all right.

You admit it?

Yeah. You got me.

Then what did you
flag me down for?

Oh, I was feeling lousy and...

I just felt like I had to
hang one on somebody.

It always makes me feel
better, when I get this way.

Do you get this way often?

You would too.

I've got two enemies
who are trying to destroy

my natural good nature.

My sergeant by day
and my wife by night.

Well, you've got it rough.

Trying to keep people
from killing one another,

and all you get in return is a
nasty look for all your trouble.

Gee, mister, you
really understand.

You know... you don't meet
up with your kind very often.

Well, I don't feel
this way very often.

Now, would you mind
removing yourself from my car?

I'd like to go home.

Okay, buddy.

But don't go through
that light again,

or I'll throw the book at you!

Sam, I'm home.

Fine, Darrin. Be
down in a minute.

Okay.

Yoo-hoo!

Hello, David.

Did you have a nice day?

Would you mind flying
down from your roost?

My, we are testy
today, aren't we?

I don't know. I'm...
just not myself today.

Oh, you're wrong.

You're very much yourself today.

Exactly what is that
supposed to mean?

Hi there.

Hi, darling.

What kind of a kiss is that?

A cautious kiss.

I didn't want a
roller in the eye.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

But I had to do
my hair for tonight.

You don't mind, do you?

Sure I do. All men do.

If women only realized how
ridiculous and unfeminine

they looked with all that
hardware in their hair...

You want me to
look pretty, don't you?

Well, look at it this way.

How would you feel if I
came tripping down the stairs

with shaving cream
all over my face

and offered you
my forehead to kiss?

Darrin?

I wouldn't be at my
most attractive, would I?

No. And you're not right now.

I find his honesty very
refreshing, Samantha.

Well, thank you, Mom.

You're welcome.

Well, if this side of
me is so distressing,

I'll go back upstairs.

Oh, Sam. Sweetheart.

Darling, you are the
one woman in the world

who can get away with it.

Even if you tried, you
couldn't be... not beautiful.

Aw.

My! That's the sweetest,

whitest little lie I ever heard.

All right, Mother, that'll do.

Oh, what's that?

Oh, that's from Uncle Herbert.

It arrived at the office today.

Hey... you should
have seen the dress

my secretary was wearing today.

Mm-mmm, boy!

Couldn't keep your
eyes off of her, I suppose.

Well, it wasn't easy.

Of course, you can't
compare her with Sam.

Miss Thatcher's...

Well, you take her
out of that dress and...

Is everything set for dinner?

Yes.

Oh, darling.

Don't let a little thing
like that bother you.

You know how men
are with their secretaries.

Now, wait a minute!

Wow.

Why don't you two go on
upstairs and get dressed.

I hope you have
a lovely evening.

Well, thank you, dear.

Don't worry about your mother.

I'll find something
to eat, someplace.

Okay, fine.

By myself somewhere.

Maybe I won't bother.

When I'm alone, I just
don't have an appetite.

Why don't you stay
and have dinner with us?

Oh, darling, that's
very nice of you.

Are you sure that I
won't be in the way?

No, no. Of course not.

The Tates love seeing
you. Don't they, Darling?

Oh. Oh, yes, yes.

They really, certainly,
really, really, really do!

Don't overdo it, dear.

Seven o'clock, Samantha?

Yeah. Seven o'clock.

Seven o'clock.

Oh.

Well, sir, I looked that
man straight in the eye

and I said, "Sir... give me
a chance to prove to you

"that a six-year-old
boy can handle

the toughest paper
route in town."

He did. And I did.

And that's how I got my start.

Ed, that's a wonderful,
heartwarming story.

Isn't it, Darrin?

Certainly is, Larry. Rice
drink, Mr. Hotchkiss?

Oh, thank you.

I'll have one, Darrin.

Stephens, that's a cute
wife you've got there.

Maybe she could help us write
a few slogans for my dishwasher.

I'm afraid I'm not very
good at that sort of thing.

Yes, it does take a
little talent, doesn't it?

Larry, that reminds me.

I thought of a great slogan
for my dishwasher today.

I'll let you have
it for nothing.

Great, Ed. Let's hear it.

Everybody ready?

Frances.

You're absolutely right, Ed.

I haven't said anything yet.

What was the
slogan, Mr. Hotchkiss?

Well, this is going to kill you.

Here's how it goes.

"Confucius say,
Don't be wishy-washy.

Buy a Hotchkiss dishy-washy.”

Hey, that's... great, Ed.

Uh, Darrin, make a note of that,

we'll discuss it at
the meeting tomorrow.

Sure. Sure, Larry.

I won't have to
make a note of that

because... I won't forget it.

How could I forget
anything as ridiculous as that.

What was that you said?

"Wishy-washy, dishy-washy."
You must be kidding, Ed.

Now, Darrin...

you've got to admit
that it's pretty catchy.

Watch yourself, Darrin.

Don't get nervous, Larry.

I know Hotchkiss
is a pet of yours.

That's right, buddy boy.

And if anybody's gonna
laugh at a pet client of mine,

it's gonna be me!

"Confucius say..."

Did you ever hear of
anything as ridiculous.

I've heard better ones
from a ten-year-old child.

Darrin... Larry, don't
tease Mr. Hotchkiss.

They always do
this with a new client.

It's a, sort of, um,
fraternity initiation.

Junior high school fraternity.

You must lose a lot
of clients that way.

Oh, no. We only do it to clients
who have a good sense of humor.

Yeah. Like you, Ed!

Yeah. Ha-ha!

Well, that's one thing
you can say about me

without fear of contradiction.

Right, Frances?

Whatever you say, Ed.

A sense of humor has always been

an important ingredient
in my success.

I've always been able
to laugh at misfortune,

even during the grim days,

when I was pulling
myself up the ladder.

Rung by rung I worked myself up
into the appliance business, until...

Knock it off, Ed.

What did you say, Frances?

You didn't work your way
into the appliance business.

You were kicked
into it by my father

who gave you $25 thousand
when we got married.

How can you say
a thing like that?

It's very easy.

It's the truth.

But...

Darrin... what'd you
put in those drinks?

I don't know, but I'm
willing to give you odds

we never make it to dinner.

Now... Frances, take it eas...

Give him both barrels, honey.

You'll feel better.

Louise!

You know, I've been
clamming up for years

while he's been playing “I
Love M”" on his big trombone.

And don't you ever...

snap your fingers at me again.

Say, why don't we all
have another drink, huh?

Samantha, is
dinner almost ready?

Hmm?

Dinner may be ready,
but Frances isn't.

She has a few more things
to say. Haven't you, honey?

Hmm. Plenty.

But this will do for starters.

The odds against
dinner are going up.

I'll be going up straight
through the ceiling

if you don't do something.

Okay, honey.

You know, uh... a
little bit of frankness

can be a very refreshing
and healthy thing.

But a lot of
frankness is a gasser!

What's come over you?

You interrupted me.

Darrin!

You never talked like this ever.

Well, it's about
time somebody did,

and it's about
time you listened!

Hold on, Darrin!

Darrin, listen...

You stay out of this, Sam.

I can handle this, Larry.

I think it's time for
dinner, everyone.

You might begin by
listening to your wife.

And then your
advertising representatives.

Keep going. Go on.
You're making lots of sense.

I've waited for years
for you to stop being

that silent, suffering martyr.

You picked a beautiful
time to turn yourself on.

Silent martyr?

Now, you look here, Ed.

Now, just a minute, folks.

I'm not finished yet!

I think it's time for
dinner, everyone.

Larry?

Uh... I think we ought to
postpone this little discussion until...

right now!

There are ways and ways
of handling an account,

and I don't think
this is any of them!

Now look, Ed, we
don't tell you how

to make your dishwashers.

We don't have to,
you make a good one.

But we don't need amateurs

telling us how to conduct
your advertising campaign.

Well, let's go in, everyone.

We might as well fight
this out over dinner.

Darrin, let him tell him off.

It's his account!

Louise, if I want
your help, I'll ask for it!

You leave her alone. She's
a fine, courageous woman.

Oh, for heaven's sakes,
where's your manners?

We're guests in this house.

Oh, that's perfectly
all right, really.

This is my house too,

and I give Frances permission
to say anything she wants.

Go ahead, Frances.

Well, why aren't you
laughing, Ed? Huh?

Where's that sense of
humor that carried you through

those dark days when you
were climbing that ladder?

Why don't we let it
wait until after dinner?

Good morning, daughter.

Good morning.

Is there anything
you'd like to discuss

with your dear old mother?

Like last night's
disaster, for example?

Wasn't it awful?

Well, as I said, that's
what you have to expect

when human beings
are forced to tell the truth.

Oh.

Mother!

Isn't that right,
my little friend?

Then Darrin's Uncle Herbert
didn't send that. You did.

That's right.

It's a little truth god.

Hi, sweetheart.
Coffee ready yet?

No, I haven't put it on yet.

Oh. Well, then, how come...?

Oh.

Darrin... before you
come any closer,

I think you ought to know
that... Mother sent that.

And any human that comes near
it has to say what's on his mind.

You see? They just
can't stand the truth.

Any of them.

That was a mean, low,

sneaky, underhanded trick.

Yes, it was.

And I'm quite
pleased with myself.

It was at the party last night.

Mother kept it rather busy.

That's what caused
all the trouble.

Oh, fine. Great.

Then all I have
to do is tell Larry

that we were all under the
influence of a magic statue.

He'll understand. Simple.

Here's your chance to explain.

He's coming up
the walk right now.

Have fun, children.

Moth...!

Oh!

Darling, I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Darrin... you made a
fool of yourself last night.

And you darn near
made one of me.

Appeared to me that everyone
was doing a pretty good job

on themselves... including you.

Oh, good morning,
Samantha. Lovely dinner.

If you want some, it's
still out in the kitchen.

I tell you, I stayed
up practically all night

trying to calm down
Hotchkiss and his wife.

Not to mention Louise.

Oh, I salvaged the account,

but I do think I'm entitled
to an apology from you.

Well, Larry, I...

There's no reason for
Darrin to make an apology.

I'm afraid you'll just have
to get along without one.

Well, maybe I can get along
without him at the office too.

Why don't you try?

You've got a deal.

And it's the worst
deal I ever made.

I need you at
the office, Darrin.

You know that. I can't
get along without you.

Oh, that's nice to
hear, isn't it, Darrin?

What about Mr. and
Mrs. Hotchkiss?

Well...

to tell the truth, I wasn't
up with them last night.

He called me this morning.

It seems that they continued
the donnybrook they were having

last night and cleared up a
lot of old misunderstandings.

They're happy as larks.

Oh, how sweet.

Did they say
anything about Darrin?

As a matter of fact, he did.

He said Darrin was
right about the slogan,

and that we know more
about advertising than he does.

He thinks Darrin's a great guy.

Well, that...
That's fine, Larry.

You'll be down at
the office later then?

Of course, I will,
Larry. I'll be there.

As soon as I get a raise

and full responsibility
for the Hotchkiss account.

What?

You drive a hard
bargain, Darrin.

But okay.

See you at the office.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Where's the statue?

Right here, Mother.

You were wrong.

Nothing but good seems
to have come from the truth.

Well, you can't win them all.

Anything you'd
like to say, dear?

Darling, you're beautiful,
sweet, charming, adorable,

and I love you madly.

There, you hear that?

And that's the truth.

But your mother is
an irritating, meddling...

Darrin. I'm not finished yet.

I'm gonna say a lot more.

Oh, no you're not.

As I was saying,

your mother is an
irritating, meddling, nasty...

Well, I guess I told her.

Guess you did.