All language subtitles for 13 - The Solid Gold Mother In Law

Mother!

- Mother, where are you?
- I'm upstairs, dear with Tabatha.

Let's take Tabatha
for a long ...

Wait till you see the
cute dress I got ...

- Mother.
- Cure dress you've bought fair darling.

Pretty gown.

Mother, how could you?

You asked me to
entertain Tabatha.

Not with a horse.

Well, every little
girl should have a pony.

- You had one.
- Not in the house.

Probably you have forgotten.
Your pony had wings.

Pegasus?

But, that's not the point.

Suppose Darin came home unexpectedly,
and saw a pony stomping about?

He isn't likely to come home,
and see a pony stomping around.

- He IS the pony.
- Oh, no!

- Mother, you are joking.
- You're joking, aren't you?

You're NOT joking!

Oh!

Mother, this is the worst thing
you have ever done.

And considering the past,
that's saying a lot.

I couldn't help it. He came home
and had the effrontery...

to tell me I didn't know
how to look after Tabatha.

Turn him back.

I made a few rather witty remarks
about his stupidity...

and then he accused me
of riding him.

Turn him back.

So I showed him what it was like
to be really ridden.

Him and his childish tantrums.

Now, sweetheart, come here.

Now, listen. Don't do anything
that'll make Mother mad.

She might do something
even worse.

Now, sweetheart, the thing
to remember is that I love you.

Oh, how revolting.

Oh, now, Darrin... Darrin,
don't say anything, please.

- I mean, just...
- I have no intention...

of speaking to your mother.
I have only one thing to say to you.

You can say anything you want to me.
Yell at me, scream at me...

Either your mother gets out of this
house and stays out, or I do.

- Oh, now, Darrin...
- Until she goes, I don't come back.

Well, we're rid of him.

You heard what he said. Out.

At the moment, I can think of
a number of places I'd rather be.

Good.

But I have a sweet
and forgiving nature.

I might even do something nice for
Darwin, such as a peace offering.

Oh, that would be
a very good idea.

Now, what should it be?

Something nice.
Something very, very nice.

If there's one thing I do pride
myself on, it's my imagination.

And may I say that we will
handle your account...

with all the thoroughness and
attention that we have in the past.

With all the thoroughness and...

With all the thoroughness
we have in the past.

It has been our exp...

- Mr. Stephens.
- Yes?

That perfume company in Paris,
the one you did the ads for...

they sent you a sample of their
new perfume, Hallucination.

Tell me what you think of it.

I tried that new perfume.

What do you think?

I think Hallucination
is a very good name for it.

Mr. Stephens, are you all right?

Oh, that perfume's got quite a kick.

Makes you feel like
jumping up and down.

I think I'd better get it
out of the building.

Mr. Gregson, I'd like you to met
one of our bright young men...

Darrin Stephens.

I don't have to tell
you who Mr. Gregson is.

- No, indeed. How do you do?
- How do you do, young man?

What happened to your desk?

They're not making wood
the way they used to.

Something must have gone
against the grain. Won't you sit down.

- Pull up a chair, Larry.
- Thank you.

I was discussing with Mr. Tate
how we'd handle your account...

if you decide to come with us.

I've definitely severed relations
with my present agency.

They don't understand my image.

If I may say so, Mr. Gregson,
your image is the American home.

And if I may say so,
Gregson Home Appliances...

should be synonymous with
that perfect American home.

I never had one as a child.
I was an orphan.

So you see, the perfect home
is sort of a dream of mine...

an ideal, a...

- Your wife?
- Oh, no.

- Mother?
- No.

My mother-in-law.

That's fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.

In all my life, I don't believe
I've ever seen a man...

with a picture
of his mother-in-law on his desk.

Lately I've been taking it
with me everyplace go.

She must be a treasure.
You must adore her.

Well, let's put it this way. She's the
sort of woman who's hard to resist.

I'd like to meet her.

My wife and I are having dinner
with the Stephens tonight.

- You are?
- Perhaps you could join us.

Oh, no, no, no. As much as
I'd like to meet his mother-in-law...

I wouldn't think of intruding.

I'm running late. It's been nice
meeting you, Stephens.

- Mr. Gregson.
- I'll be talking to you later today.

- Give us a ring anytime.
- I'll do that.

- Bye, Mr. Gregson.
- Bye, Larry.

How could you look so dumb when
I said we were coming to dinner?

- Well, I didn't know you were.
- We weren't.

But when Mr. $10-Million-
Worth-of-Advertising...

says he'd like to meet
your mother-in-law, we are.

When I talk to him later,
I'm gonna tell him...

that Samantha absolutely
insists on his coming...

and your mother-in-law
is dying to meet him.

She isn't.

She may have other plans.

What's the matter, Larry?

Just thinking...

how bare this office would look
without your desk.

How forlorn this hat rack
would look without your hat.

Darrin, please reconsider.

Don't leave the company.
We need you. We love you.

- At least while you're with us.
- Larry, I refuse to be intimidated.

By a simple little dinner party
with your best friend and his wife...

and a business associate?

Well, as long as
you're putting it that way...

We'd love to have you, Louise
and Mr. Gregson for dinner...

but that won't guarantee that
my mother-in-law will be there.

Darrin, I know you'll do
the very best you can.

You son of a gun.

You son of a gun.

In spite of what you heard,
you are not invited to dinner tonight.

Thank you. I'd love to come.

- They should be here any minute.
- Sweetheart, stop worrying.

I am sure, under the circumstances,
Mother will not show up.

- Mother.
- You called?

I thought I heard my name.

Thanks for popping in, Endora.
Now do me a favour, pop out.

But I thought I was doing you a favour
by being here to meet Mr. Gregson.

Samantha, will you
kindly ask your mother...

what makes her think our marriage
certificate is her deed to my house?

Now, wait a minute, sweetheart.
Both of you.

Perhaps under the circumstances...

it might be a good idea
if Mother stayed.

- If you promise to behave yourself.
- But of course.

And if you apologize to Darrin
for what happened this morning.

I regret my slight transgression
of this morning...

however deserved.

- That's an apology?
- For Mother, it is.

Okay, but no funny business.

Witch's honour.

There they are. I'll get it.

Mother, try and keep the conversation
on a domestic level.

- Louise.
- Hi, Darrin.

- Darrin.
- Hello, Sam.

- Endora, how nice to see you again.
- Mr. Tate.

Honey, this is Mr. Gregson.

Mr. Gregson, I can't tell you
what a pleasure it is to meet you.

Up until now,
all I've met is your name.

Oh, it's on our vacuum cleaner
and our dishwasher...

almost everything we own.

That's very flattering.

I've been looking forward to
meeting you and your mother.

Endora, I'd like you to meet
Mr. Gregson.

- How do you do?
- How do you do, Mr. Gregson?

And may I say you look
even more lovely in person...

than in your photograph.

Oh, not only may you say so...

but you can repeat it
as often as you wish.

- More coffee, Mr. Gregson?
- No, thank you, my dear.

I was just telling Darrin how much I
admire his frank display of affection.

Your picture on his desk.

I would never have been so egotistical
as to have given it to him.

He must have stolen it.

Do you have your mother-in-law's
picture on your desk, Mr. Tate?

Oh, I can answer that. No.

I happen to be the kind of man that
likes a clean desk, perfectly clean.

Clear head, clean desk.

Darrin can be so gallant.

He was so complimentary to Mother
tonight about her dinner dress.

Endora has exquisite taste.

I'm sure your husband
is just as complimentary...

- to your mother, Mrs. Tate.
- Oh, yes.

Yes, indeed. Darrin and I
are exactly alike in that.

I wouldn't be surprised
if he picked it up from me.

He sees my mother-in-law
at our house so often.

We're a very close family.

You can drop in at our house
anytime, and there she is.

She practically lives with us.

- Oh, I wouldn't say that.
- And I wouldn't have it any other way...

because when it comes
to mothers-in-law...

I can safely say that mine
is really something else.

Oh, excuse me, dear.
I was just crossing my legs.

Excuse us. The light's better
in the living room.

I wanna make sure
I haven't broken the skin.

It's a wonder
you didn't break my leg.

Will you stop with those thinly
veiled insults about my mother?

I've got a client in there, and you're
carrying on about your mother.

I don't care. I will not listen to you
insult my mother, even subtly.

Louise!

No, I'm not leaving. I wouldn't
give you the satisfaction.

Excuse me.

Nothing to be alarmed about.
Just an attack of nerves.

Louise had a little tiff with her
hairdresser this afternoon, and...

Tate, there's no point
in beating around the bush.

I don't think you understand
my image.

I certainly do, Mr. Gregson.
The perfect American home.

You can't have a perfect home
without a harmonious family.

Perfection, Mr. Gregson, is something
that grows, like a flower garden.

Yours seems to be full of weeds.

Not every son-in-law
is as cuddly as Darr-Darr and I are.

Right, and that's what's
given me an idea.

Darrin, suppose I were to set you up
in an advertising agency of your own.

- What?
- Turn my account over to you.

I appreciate it, Mr. Gregson,
but it's out of the question.

Larry here is the genius. I couldn't
handle it. I'm just a routine workhorse.

Oh, I wouldn't say routine.
He's a fine workhorse.

On the other hand, Mr. Gregson...

my son-in-law does understand
your image.

Right. He not only understands
my image, he lives it.

Darrin, think it over.

I already have thought it over.
Larry is the brains.

- He's the greatest advertising man...
- Right.

He is so modest.

Yes, and I admire that in a man too.

Darrin... Oh, my.

- What's the matter, Mr. Gregson?
- Oh, migraine.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Well, unpleasant scenes like this
always bring it on.

Trouble is, my medicine's at home.

I'm terribly sorry,
but I'm afraid I'll have to leave.

- Good night, dear lady.
- Until we meet again.

Yes. Yes.

Mr. Gregson.

- Mr. Gregson...
- Good night, gentlemen.

Well, my boy, congratulations.

- What are you talking about?
- Very clever. In no time at all...

you took a $10 million account
from McMann & Tate...

and opened your own agency.

Don't be silly. He was the one
who suggested it.

- You played up to his weakness.
- Larry, may I remind you...

that you're the one who insisted
on bringing him here?

That's where you showed
real cunning.

Without me even suspecting it...

you made me think
the whole thing was my idea.

Everything's just fine now.

- It is?
- Yes. Louise is feeling much better.

We're leaving.

Oh, and Louise...

in this house, walk with
your back to the wall...

- if you don't want a knife in it.
- Larry.

I'll explain what happened later.
Come on. Come on.

What happened?

- Well...
- Oh, yes, one more thing.

Be sure and let us know
where to forward your mail.

What's so funny?

That's what I love about mortals.

They can get themselves
into such hilarious messes...

without my even lifting
a finger to cast a spell.

- Endora.
- Just call me Mother.

- Sweetheart.
- Good morning, darling.

Good morning and good news.

Mother dropped in to say goodbye.
She's on her way to Paris.

She wanted to select
some designs...

that her couturier
hasn't thought of yet.

That's marvellous, sweetheart. That...

- There she goes.
- And there goes a whole night's work.

I've been lining up a campaign
for Mr. Gregson.

He'll love it. It's in tune
with everything he stands for:

Image, image, image.

- What time is it, darling?
- Nearly 9.

I have to get to the office.
I wanna go over this with Larry.

Thank goodness.

I thought maybe you'd taken
last night a little too seriously.

Of course not. Larry was just mad,
and I don't blame him.

Gregson did give him a bad time.

- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What?

I'm gonna give him credit
for this campaign.

- He didn't have anything to do with it.
- That's how we are with one another.

The doorbell. Probably
Larry come to apologize.

Mr. Stephens, Mr. Tate said
to deliver your office furniture here.

Put it in the garage.

So that's how it is. While I'm slaving
in there to save his account...

- he's throwing my furniture out.
- But maybe if you talked to...

I have no intention of ever
speaking to him again.

I'm gonna take those advertising
ideas down to see Mr. Gregson.

I'm gonna open my own office.

Well, now, don't do anything
you'll regret.

I've always been the brains
of that outfit. It's time I proved it.

Sweetheart, you...

Fiddle-de-dee And fiddle-de-dum

Let witchcraft work
And let it hum

Give all the credit to Larry Tate
As Darrin wanted before his hate

Magnificent.

Unbelievable.

Absolutely brilliant.

You know, without a doubt...

this is the greatest advertising
presentation I have ever seen.

I brought it to you, sir, because
I knew you'd see its value. It has...

It has my image.

Last night you said that Larry Tate
was the brains of your company.

- Well...
- One is expected to say such things...

at a time like that.

I regard humility as a virtue.

Well, the man who can do work
like this is the man for me.

And the man who did that
is at your disposal.

Good. Let's go see him.

I was prepared to set you up
in business...

but you quite simply and honestly
gave me evidence...

that I should stick
with McMann & Tate.

- Me?
- You have the image, all right...

but Tate has the brains
and the know-how.

And when you get right down
to the nitty-gritty...

never mind the image,
I'll take the brains every time.

Do you know any other person
who could do work like that?

Excuse me, sir.

"Larry Tate."

"Larry Tate."

"Larry Tate."

No, I know of only one person
who can do work like that.

Darrin could've
taken advantage of me.

He could've let me believe that
he was the brains of this company.

But no, he simply showed me the
magnificent ideas you'd come up with.

Well, I have so many brilliant ideas
that sometimes I forget some of them.

You have a fine young man
following in your footsteps.

His noble footsteps.

Well, we can discuss
these ideas later.

- Drop in my office this afternoon.
- I will.

- Mr. Gregson.
- Darrin.

- Goodbye, Larry.
- Bye-bye.

You put my name to your work...

after I fired you and then
threw your furniture out?

Remember that the next time
you wanna fire me.

There won't be a next time.

Darrin, I wanna do something
wonderful for you. You name it.

- It isn't necessary.
- No, no, no. Name it.

I'll let you name it.

How does this sound:

McMann, Tate and Stephens.

It sounds sensational.

Well, one of these days,
a few years from now...

if you follow in my footsteps,
that's the way it's going to read.

Couldn't happen to a better man.

That's what I admire
about you, Larry.

That's why you're the brains
of this outfit.

You dream big.

Oh, no.

Oh, Mother, you've done it again.

Come on, sweetheart.
Get off Daddy's back.

Darrin, darling.

Sweetheart...

did something happen
while I was out?

Well, did you get into
another argument?

Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.

- Sam.
- Yes?

Oh, Darrin.

- That pony is shedding.
- I thought it was you.

Yesterday it was.

Oh, and Tabatha loved it so much
that you bought her one.

No, I didn't.

All right, Tabatha,
where did it come from?

Excuse me. Come on, Tabatha.

That's a girl.

- The pony is on me.
- That I'd like to see.

- Darrin.
- Honey...

we cannot accept a gift that
is conjured up by witchcraft.

Oh, really, Derrick.

Why, sometimes, you know,
you're positively quaint.

- Endora, I refuse to even discuss it.
- Oh, the ingratitude of mere mortals...

- never ceases to amaze me.
- No witchcraft...

- I'm getting tired of all this...
- You're constantly coming in here...

and, boom, explosions, animals
running around all the time.

Oh, please! Please!