All language subtitles for 03 - Witches and Warlocks are My Favorite Things

Mother, it's the middle of the night.

That's the proper time for us,
you know.

Well, what is it?

I thought you should know...

...that tomorrow has been chosen
as the day of the witches' coven.

Coven? Why? Who?

Your aunts, the entire group.

They're flying in
from all over the world.

Clara has been collecting
old doorknobs in Bolivia.

And Enchantra has been coaching
a yogi in Outer Mongolia.

And Hagatha is coming
from her school.

-What's the occasion?
-We've all been designated a coven...

...to examine and report on Tabatha.

Report? What kind of report?

Ordinarily I don't get myself
involved in committee work.

I've done more than my share,
as you well know.

But Tabatha is my grandchild...

...and I want to be here
when her powers are measured.

Good. I'd like to know myself.

Darrin will object.
Oh, boy, will he object.

That's why I came to tell you tonight.

-Get rid of him!
-What?

Not permanently, just for tomorrow.

Although permanently is
a more attractive idea.

Well, fortunately,
that won't be necessary.

Even though tomorrow's Saturday,
Darrin has to work.

-So we're in the clear.
-Splendid.

I don't have to measure
your powers, Tabatha.

I know you're the most adorable
little witch in the world.

Bye-bye, honey.

Think you're gonna
have to work late?

Isn't having to work Saturday
bad enough?

Somebody ought to tell Larry about
the 40-hour week, eight-hour day.

-Talk about your slave drivers.
-Oh, darling, Larry's not that bad.

He's not, huh?

Greetings.

Would you mind knocking
before you pop in?

Well, I thought you were
on your way to work.

I am. And somehow you showing up
makes it all seem worthwhile.

-I'll call you later.
-Please do.

Especially before you come home.

Why?

Well, so I can have a martini
in the window. What else?

That's a good idea.

Don't feel you have to
wait for me, Endora.

Never fear.

Oh, that mortal.

Oh, I do hope Tabatha's powers are
not limited to her unfortunate lineage.

That unfortunate lineage happens to be
Tabatha's father and my husband.

-I'll thank you to remember that.
-I know, I know.

But I love her anyhow.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Aunt Clara, are you all right?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I'm-- I'm all right.

Oh, dear.

Oh, yes.

You know, Samantha...

...I'm afraid that you're going to
have to put a bigger chimney in.

You-- You know?

You might try coming
through the door, Clara.

And lose my professional standing?

Oh, there's the little darling.

What a dear little girl.

Oh, it's so long since
we've tested a child.

Aren't you excited, dear?

Oh, yes, I certainly am, Aunt Clara.

I hope the others aren't too late.
I'd like to get on with it.

Mother, do you think
Daddy'll be here?

I have no idea where Maurice is...

...and I have no intention
of hunting him down.

-Well, it would be nice if he were here.
-Why?

It's your father.

Because Tabatha is also
my grandchild.

Oh, Daddy!

How's Daddy's little girl, eh?

May I remind you that she is
also Mama's little girl?

I wish you'd stop making...

...these unannounced
theatrical entrances, Maurice.

It's really quite unnerving.

I'd always hoped somehow that
age would mellow you, Endora.

Instead, you're just puckering up.

Now, now, Mother, Daddy, don't.

Clara, it's been a long time.

Maurice, you're looking very well.

Oh, there she is.

There's Maurice's little precious.

Do that again,
and I'll make you talk baby talk...

...for the rest of your unnatural life.

You wouldn't dare.

Well, she's quite a little girl,
isn't she?

Yes, and she's certainly got it.
There's no question of that.

I'm glad you're pleased, Daddy.

You know, there's a lot of me
in this little darling.

A certain nobility, a certain fire, a--

How about sickening charm?

Someday, Endora. Someday.

Daddy, are you gonna
stay for a while?

Aunt Hagatha and Aunt Enchantra
are coming here.

A coven, eh?

Well, the child must certainly
be certified.

There's no doubt about that,
Samantha. Tests must be made.

-You'll stay for them?
-I'm sorry. I was on my way...

...to the opera in Vienna
when I heard about Tabatha.

They're doing Faust tonight. I always
get a million laughs out of that.

Besides, you don't need me.
This is women's work.

Clara, you're looking
more ravishing than ever.

Oh, thank you very much, Maurice.

I must leave before
this gaggle of geese gets here.

Let me know what their findings are.

How will I be able
to get in touch with you?

Right.

This--

This will always get through to me.

Thank you, father.

Well, curtain time.

Keep smiling, Endora.

I'll never know
what I saw in that man.

I know.

What in the world is keeping them?

I'm due in Tel Aviv this afternoon.

Oh, really? What's in Tel Aviv?

What's in Tel Aviv?

The surf's up, my dear.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I hear them coming.

Aunt Hagatha, Aunt Enchantra,
how lovely to see you both.

Thank you, dear. Nice to be here.

Oh, you came together.
How very sisterly.

Hagatha picked me up on the way.

You're both late. Let's get on with it.

Thank you, Macbeth.
We won't be needing you for a while.

-Where is the little darling?
-She's in the kitchen eating cookies.

Oh, she shouldn't have anything
to eat before the tests.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot, Aunt Hagatha.

Well, I'll just have to make
allowances for it.

Be careful. She's just a baby.

Well, we haven't lost
a patient yet, dear...

...308 years certifying witches.

I hope the husband isn't home.

No, the poor dear's working.

Oh, well, good. Humans emit
a low-grade frequency...

...which upsets my instruments.

Put this on the child, Clara.

Yes.

Oh, it's a pity
that Darrin had to work today.

Some of your ideas are
mighty provocative, Darrin.

Mighty provoc--

Where did you get that?

This?

Samantha gave it to me. It's--

Well, in case we go out to lunch,
and you have some...

...spaghetti or lobster or--

What else is kind of drippy?

You want a straight answer?

The Saturday work must be
getting to him.

Must be getting to me too.

Aunt Clara.

Eight to five, it's Aunt Clara.

Tabatha.

Lovely.

I knew it all the time.
I knew it. I knew it.

-Wonderful.
-Simply wonderful.

That was wonderful.

Well, it's all over.

Wait until you hear the results.

Well, that's it.

Tabatha has been tested by the
approved methods and standards.

And I come to the conclusion...

...that despite the fact she's
a product of a mixed marriage...

...her powers are amazing...

...and she shows a great potential.

Therefore, I, Hagatha...

...do hereby declare and certify
the child Tabatha...

...to be a true and verified witch.

-Lovely tea, Samantha.
-Thank you, Aunt Clara.

Well, let's finish up here, girls.

We have some decisions
to make about Tabatha.

Decisions? What decisions?

We have to decide what Tabatha's
whole future is going to be.

I think that's a matter for Darrin
and me to decide, don't you?

Yes, well, after all,
they are the mummy and daddy.

Quiet, Clara. You too, Samantha.

It's our responsibility.

Well, I don't see it that way.

You will.

Sam, what is going on here? Who--?

-Darrin, dear.
-Who are these--? These-- These--

-Darrin? Dear?
-What?

This is my aunt Hagatha
and my aunt Enchantra.

This is Darrin, my husband.

Tabatha's father.

Well, well.

Yes, indeed.

Well, I suppose it's a matter of taste.

Yes. De gustibus and all that. Pity.

It's getting late and we still have
some decisions to make.

Let's get on with it.

-With what? Get on with what?
-Don't interrupt, Darwood.

Darling, they've been
testing Tabatha...

...and they've found out that her
magical powers are very, very strong.

Well, I guess we'll just
have to live with it, that's all.

Quiet.

Clara, any comments?

Well, yes. Yes, of course.

I--

And on the other hand, you know--

Thank you, Clara. Enchantra?

In view of the fact that Tabatha is
the first witch of her generation...

...and because of her importance
in the hierarchy...

...I feel she should be
immediately sent to your school.

I agree. I agree with Enchantra.

After all, Samantha went
to Hagatha's school.

All the really chic people did.

-Now, wait a minute!
-You're interrupting again.

I'm the father, and I have
a few questions. Where is this school?

That, young man,
is none of your business.

Now, Aunt Enchantra, really.

Mother, this has gone far enough.
Testing Tabatha was one thing...

...but decisions about her future,
that's something else.

Right. This is our business.
Tabatha is our daughter...

...and Miss Tabatha Stephens is
going to our public schools.

That's it! I have spoken.

How dare you.

Easy.

How dare you talk to us
in that tone of voice.

You impudent nothing.

You mortal.

Don't you talk to my husband
like that.

He has every right
to say what he thinks.

This is his house,
and Tabatha is his daughter.

You know, I think
I have a wonderful idea.

Well, I thought--

Now, what was that?

Oh, yes! Oh, yes.

Now, why doesn't...

...Enchantra move in...

...and stay with you
as Tabatha's teacher?

Not a chance. Not a prayer.

Well, if you feel as strongly as that...

...maybe we'd better
think about it some more.

Sort of m-- Mull it over.

There will be no mulling.
Everybody out!

I've had enough of the whole
kit and caboodle of you. Out! Out!

Bravo. Bravo.

Well, I mean, you have to admit that
he said that with a great deal of spirit.

Well, I agree with Darrin.

Tabatha stays here.
That's our decision, and it's final.

Girls.

I don't hear you.

What--? What did you say?

Oh, listen, dears, speak louder.
I can't hear a word you say.

No, I can't-- Can't hear you.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
Whatever they say, I'm on your side.

Samantha.

It really hurts me
that you've drifted so far...

...from our tradition
and your great heritage.

Now, we've heard your decision.

Now hear ours.

You're both obviously incompetent to
raise a child as important as Tabatha.

Therefore, we're sending her
to Hagatha's school at once.

That child leaves this house
only over my dead body!

Unfortunately,
that won't be necessary.

Girls.

Sam, I can't move my feet.

I can't either. Mother, you stop this.

Well, of all the chintzy tricks.

Tabatha?

That's kidnapping! How dare you--?

Mother, you're going to be so sorry
for this. You just wait--

That's enough out of all of you.

Girls.

You may be angry now, Samantha...

...but we're doing this
for Tabatha's own good.

You'll thank us for it later on.

And I'm sure your father
would approve.

Trouble, Samantha?

All right. I get the picture.

A little bit of witch-napping, eh?

Oh, go back to your opera,
Maurice, and stop interfering.

That baby belongs in her room.

Now then, take the spell off them.

-Unthinkable.
-We'll do no such thing.

Out of the question.

It's for our grandchild's own good.

Why, you muddling, bumbling bunch
of creaking old crones.

-I ought to--
-Oh, Maurice, stop the theatrics.

Honestly, I think you should've been
an actor instead of a warlock.

Perhaps, and I should have been
the greatest of them.

I should have played Hamlet.

O that this too too solid flesh
would melt...

...thaw, and resolve itself
into a dew...

...or that the Everlast--

All right, all right.
I heard you the first time.

Maurice, will you please leave?

You'll miss your favourite aria.

No, I won't. They can't put the curtain
up on the third act until I get back.

Take the spell off them.

Now, you have no right
to interfere with this committee.

One word more out of you,
madam, and--

And what?

Where are we? Where are we?

Oh, it's so cold!

It's Mount Everest!

Oh, that ham.

I didn't think he'd dare.

Oh, I'm freezing.
We shall be here forever!

Oh, not I. I'm not dressed for it.

Oh, all right!

Maurice!

I think they'll be more flexible now.

Once they've thawed out.

Ladies, I'm waiting.

All right.

-Thank you, Daddy.
-Oh, yes.

There will be no more interfering
with my grandchild.

Macbeth!

Ladies?

Well, ladies?

Well done, Daddy.

For you and my darling
granddaughter, anything.

I'd like to thank you too, sir.

For you, nothing.

You happen to be just standing in
the fallout of my love for my daughter.

-Gee, thanks, Dad.
-Watch it, boy.

Well, time for the third act of Faust.

Can't keep the curtain
waiting any longer...

...or Mephistopheles
will have hysterics.

Maurice, would you mind
dropping me--?

Clara! I can think of
no nicer company.

Come along.

He's quite a guy, your father.

He's really very nice
when you get to know him.

It's okay, honey.
I understand your father.

Under that suave, polished exterior,
he hates me.

Well, that's all right, sweetheart.

Because under this smooth,
girlish exterior, I love you.

Darrin?

Even though they found that
Tabatha has great potential...

...her powers are still very limited.

She is just a baby, after all.

I knew you'd understand.

Her powers may be limited,
but her appetite isn't.

I'll handle it.

Daddy.

Just got her to sleep.

Two visits in one day.
What a marvellous surprise.

Well, I'm a grandfather.

I just thought I'd do
a little bit of babysitting.

Why don't you and Dolphin
go out for the evening?

Thank you, Daddy.
That would be wonderful.

The evening's on me.
Where would you like to go?

Bullfights in Madrid,
skiing in Switzerland...

...a cup of tea
at the foot of Fujiyama?

What would you like to see?

Daddy, nothing in the world could top
what I'm looking at right now.