All language subtitles for 02 - A Very Special Delivery

Oh, hi there.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I didn't mean to wake you up.

That's okay.

I have to get up anyway.

Mother's popping in.

Oh.

Have you told her the
news about the baby yet?

Well... Sam.

I've been sort
of putting it off.

Oh.

How do you, uh...?

How do you think she'll take it?

I don't know.

Somehow, Mother doesn't
strike me as the grandmother type.

Well, she is just going
to have to get used to it.

Now, you lie down
for another hour.

I'm making breakfast.

But I'm not the least bit tired.

Expectant mothers
are always tired.

Why fight it?

But I'm not, really.

Now, honey, take it easy.

You don't want to
aggravate those back pains.

I don't have any.

I'll get you something
for the morning sickness.

I don't have morning sickness.

Don't do that, honey.

I'll make the bed.

You mustn't strain yourself.

All right, Darrin.

But I'm fine. Really, I am.

I don't have any of the usual
symptoms of pregnancy. Not one.

Well... Maybe one.

Oh, honey.

I was hoping you'd stay in bed.

I was just bringing
up your breakfast.

That's sweet, darling,

but I don't want you cooking
and cleaning up after me.

And I don't want you
lifting a finger around here.

Ha, ha! How cute.

You like that, huh? Mm-hm.

Now, you come on over here

and take the load
off our baby's feet.

Darrin, you're
going to spoil me.

Well, I already
spoiled your figure,

I might as well
spoil the rest of you.

And here we are.

Ooh.

There's orange juice
for vitamin C. Mm-hm.

Hot cereal for protein.

And milk for good, strong bones.

And last but not least,

the food most important to
an expectant mother's diet:

Voilà!

Ooh! Marvelous!

Honey, I think I've got

a pretty good
schedule figured out.

What for?

Well, to help... Oh.

Where are you going?

For the butter.

Oh, the butter. I forgot.

Sit down.

Darrin, how can I convince you

that I'm perfectly capable
of doing these things.

I'm not an invalid.
I'm just expecting.

Sweetheart, I wouldn't
be acting like this

if you were just expecting,

but we're positive.

Now, you promise
to take it easy.

All right, Darrin.

If it'll make you happy,
you can do all the work.

But now you've got to
promise me something.

Anything. What?

When they wheel me
into the delivery room,

you let me take over.

Okay, you got yourself a deal.

Darrin, would you
check over these layouts

on the Stanwyck account?

Yeah, sure, Larry.

Oh!

Darrin...

I had two eggs for lunch

that looked better
than your eyes.

Well, I didn't get much
sleep last night, Larry.

Having a baby is
pretty rough on a guy.

Already?

You just found out you
were going to be a father.

I know, but I...
No buts, Darrin.

It's only rough if
you let it get rough.

Look, Louise just had
a baby, remember?

So I've been through
this diaper derby.

You know, some women
will pull any trick in the book,

if they think they
can get away with it.

Larry, I appreciate
your interest,

but there really
isn't any problem.

Darrin,

I'm only telling you
this for your own good.

You've got to be firm with Sam.

Indifferent.

Stop all this catering to her.

Okay, Larry.

After I cook dinner tonight,

I'll flatly refuse
to mop the floor.

Go ahead, make jokes.

But I've read up on
this motherhood routine.

As a matter of fact,

a well-known doctor has
written a book on the subject:

The Joy of Labor
for Labor's Sake.

The more active the mother,
the more she does for herself,

the happier she'll be,
and the healthier the child.

Really?

Well, it makes sense if
you stop to think about it.

You know, in the pioneer days,
women used to plow the fields,

have their babies
during their lunch break,

and go right on plowing again.

They did, didn't they?

Well, take my wife, Louise.

She played a round of golf
the day before she had the baby.

Golf?

Of course, it ruined
her backswing.

Darrin, you must force
yourself to be sensible.

And that's just
what you should do.

Larry, I just couldn't.

You want a happy
wife, don't you?

Naturally.

You want a healthy
child, don't you?

Of course.

Well, then,

at least try it, for their sake.

Maybe I should.

Mother.

Samantha, how could you?

You know.

I was hoping that it
was just an ugly rumor.

Mother, aren't you pleased?

You're going to
be a grandmother.

That's right, that's right.

Twist the knife.

Give me just one good reason
why I shouldn't have children.

Don't you see?

You'll be tied to that
mortal oaf indefinitely.

That's what I want.

Oh, Samantha, you
just don't understand.

He's turning you into the
typical housewife drudge.

Oh, I can just see
you in a few years...

surrounded by diapers

and bottles and pacifiers

and wall-to-wall babies.

Mother, tell me
something honestly.

Aren't you just a
teeny-weeny bit pleased

you're going to
have a grandchild?

Honestly, now!

Will you let me play with
the child whenever I want?

Mm-hm.

With absolutely
no responsibility?

Mm-hm.

You promise never
to call me "Granny"?

If that's what you want.

Well... It might
be a bit diverting.

I insist on one thing, though.

What's that?

That you won't do
this the hard way.

Promise me you'll
use a little witchcraft

to make it easy for you
while you're expecting.

You know how I feel
about that, Mother.

I want to be like any mortal
woman having a baby.

I want to enjoy every
wonderful moment.

Oh, Samantha,

I will not have you slaving away

while you're expecting
my grandchild.

Ha, ha! You are pleased.

Well, the least he could do

is to get someone to help
you with the heavy work.

Darrin can't do enough for me.

He's very sweet and considerate,

and won't let me lift a
finger when he's here.

I can imagine.

Sam, I'm home!

The voice of the turtle.

In here, sweetheart.

You'll see.

He'll be furious that
I'm cooking dinner.

He thinks I should be resting.

Hi, honey.

Hello, sweetheart.

I was just starting dinner.

Oh, good.

I've had a hard day.

I think I'll take a
little rest till it's ready.

He certainly is considerate.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing, dear.

How is everything going?

Would you put this
on the stove for me?

Well, do it yourself, Sam.

The exercise will do you good.

The prosecution rests its case.

Would you mind getting the
corn out of the vegetable bin?

I don't like to do
too much bending.

A little bending
is good for you.

It strengthens the
stomach muscles.

Darrin, what's gotten into you?

Nothing.

Give a yell when
dinner's ready, huh?

Fix your own dinner.

Why don't you put a couple of
pounds of lead in each pocket?

It'll toughen up her legs.

She's my wife, and I
know what's best for her.

Well, she's also my daughter,

and I think you've been
treating her very shabbily.

Especially at a time like this.

I happen to have done a
little research on the subject.

A very well-known doctor
has a new theory on childbirth,

and I happen to agree
with him wholeheartedly.

Now, if you let a woman do it,

she'll make a career
out of childbirth.

I'm doing this for Sam's good.

Believe me, I know every
ache and pain that she has,

and it hurts me
more than it does her.

It doesn't yet, but it will.

I beg your pardon?

Never mind.

Yoo-hoo!

Wake up!

Wake up, Darrin.

Up, up!

Oh, good morning, sweetheart.

Morning.

How do you feel?

Fine. How do you feel?

Well, not that good.

My stomach's a bit queasy.

Oh!

Ah!

What's the matter?

Suddenly I got a backache.

Oh.

Must've slept funny.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

I feel awfully tired
this morning, though.

Hm.

What's the matter?

My pajama pants
feel kind of tight.

Well, I'll get shaved.

You know, I feel like
having something real crazy

for breakfast this morning.

Me too.

Let's go, Darrin.

They're waiting in
the conference room.

All right. Don't rush me.

Martin's not the kind of man

you can keep waiting, you know.

What's so important about him?

His soap.

It means half a million
dollars a year to this company.

Money, money, money.
Is that all you think about?

Of course. What else is there?

A person's feelings,
that's what else there is.

My feelings!

I'm doing the best I can, Larry.

I'm a human being.

I'm not a machine.

Darrin, what's the
matter with you?

Nothing.

You're crying!

I'm not crying.

Then why are
your eyes all moist?

The sunlight.

Besides, I have hay fever.

Well, the blinds are drawn,

and you never had hay
fever before in your life.

All right, so I'm crying!

I am crying! So what?

A person has the right to
have a good cry once in a while.

Darrin, I didn't
mean to upset you.

That's all right,
Larry. It's all right.

I'm just... I'm
just all worn out.

Want to talk about it?

About what?

Well, whatever it is that's
making you behave this way.

Behave what way?

Well, fidgety, nervous.

I don't know, Larry.

I've been this way ever
since I got up this morning.

Then skip the conference.

I can handle Martin alone.

No.

But, Darrin, if you
don't feel well...

No, Larry.

No, I'm all right now.

I can handle it.

Darrin checked
these over yesterday,

and I feel the Stanwyck
account will go for this approach.

Phil, are you going
to eat your pickle?

Oh, here, help yourself.

Thanks.

If I could suggest
a change here,

I think we ought to accent
the product itself more,

rather than the copy.

It would be more
of an eye-catcher.

Larry, are you going
to eat your pickle?

No.

Now, I think that we've
touched all the bases.

Unless you'd like to add
something, Mr. Martin.

Well, it's just a notion.

I'm inclined to
agree with Larry.

Mr. Martin, are you
going to eat your pickle?

Yes, I am.

I'd like to see the
product a little larger.

Like it was jumping
out of the ad at you.

Exactly.

It would have more
impact that way.

You're not eating it.

I'll eat it when I feel like it.

If you don't want it,

there's no sense
letting it go to waste.

Darrin, it's his pickle.

But it's just lying there.

So it's just lying there.

Then why can't I have it?

Darrin!

You have no intention
at all of eating that pickle!

Look, we're not going to have
an argument about a pickle.

I demand your pickle!

Darrin!

Gentlemen, if you will
excuse us for a moment.

Sorry, Mr. Martin.

Darrin.

What on earth got into you?

I don't know.

It was like some
kind of crazy fixation.

I just had to have his pickle.

Darrin, I think your
wife's having a baby

is really getting to you.

You're like one
big peeled nerve.

That's how I feel.

Look, why don't you
take the rest of the day off.

Go see a doctor.

Get him to give
you a tranquilizer.

Maybe I should.

I just haven't been
myself all day.

I'll see you in the morning.

Get a good night's sleep.

Ow!

Easy on the back, Lar.

Well, blood pressure's
normal, Darrin.

In fact, everything's normal.

Well, that's good.

There must be something wrong.

You can put your shirt on now.

Tell me, what did you do today

that might have had an
upsetting effect on you?

Well, when I woke
up this morning,

I had an upset stomach.

Then when I got out of bed,

I suddenly had the
darnedest backache.

Backache, eh?

Anything else?

Then I had a sudden urge
for something crazy to eat.

Such as?

Oh, ice cream,
watermelon, sardines.

In fact, I got into a
kind of an argument

with a fellow at the
office over a pickle.

A pickle?

I know I shouldn't have
gotten so upset about it,

but, well, he wasn't eating it.

I see.

Does that add up
to anything, doc?

Well, not in your case,

but I'd say that if
you were a woman,

that you were going
to have a baby.

Now that you mention
it, it does sound like...

It doesn't yet, but it will.

Endora.

Endora?

My mother-in-law.

It's nothing.

I hope.

Mr. Stephens' office.

Oh, good afternoon,
Mrs. Stephens.

Mr. Stephens wasn't
too well this morning.

How is he feeling
this afternoon?

Not well, I'm afraid.

He went to see the doctor.

Doctor?!

What's the matter with him?

I'm not sure.

He was quite strange.

In fact, he got into an
argument with an important client

over a pickle.

A pickle?

And you know what he wants me

to order for a snack?

Pickled herring and a
strawberry sandwich?!

Anything else?

A backache?!

Have him call me as
soon as he comes back.

Thanks.

Hmm.

Mother?

I would've been
here sooner, darling,

but I was in Rome.

What did you do to Darrin?

Just teaching
him a little lesson

for the way he
treated you last night.

There was a reason for that.

I know, I know. He read a book.

Believe it or not, he
was only thinking of me.

Now, I'll thank you
to stop your meddling,

and take that crazy
spell off Darrin.

Not until I'm ready, darling.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

there's somebody waiting
for me on the Via Veneto.

Y... Mother?

Oooh!

Dave, I got a problem.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have a baby.

Yeah, I've made up my mind.

This is one boy who's
going to stay single-o.

There's only going to be one
control on my electric blanket.

How could she do this to me?

What'll the neighbors say?

I mean, I don't know
one happy couple.

Sure, my cousin Irving says

he's had four years
of happy marriage,

but he's been married
to Selma for 17 years.

What'll I tell everybody
down at the office?

You can't keep a thing like
that a secret for too long.

People start to notice things.

And what's Irving
got to show for it?

A stack of bills, that's what.

He's engaged to Selma
all through high school,

all through college.

And the day they get married,

she tells him she was
in the half of the class

that had all the cavities.

What will I say to Sam?

"Guess what, dear?

We're gonna have
babies together"?

No, sir.

They're not shoving me
down that middle aisle.

Hey, I gotta go.

Well, glad I could help, Darrin.

You all right, Mr. Stephens?

All right?

Joe, I'm going to have a baby.

Oh, yeah?

Congratulations to the wife.

Not my wife. Me.

You?

Yes. I'm going to be a mother.

That's great.

You'll be the first man
in the world to pull it off.

You'll be famous.

Yeah, I'll be famous.

Fill it up again, Joe.

I never thought of that.

I'll be famous.

I'll be famous.

I'll be famous.

I'll be famous.

I can't stand this waiting.

Mrs. Stephens? Mm.

Your husband had a boy.

Both father and son
are doing just fine.

A boy!

A boy! It's a boy!

It's a boy!

It's a boy!

You realize you're the
first man in the world

to have a baby, Mr. Stephens?

Yes.

And they said it
couldn't be done.

You seem most pleased about it.

Oh, yes.

My wife and I both
wanted a large family.

And this way we can
have twice as many kids.

How is your wife taking this?

Just great.

Not the least bit jealous.

She even made
some of her old clothes

into maternity
sport coats for me.

Do you have any immediate plans?

Not at the present.

Just rest, get my figure back.

I suppose you have big
plans for your first child?

Yes, indeed.

But it could cause
a bit of a problem.

In what way?

Well, as his father, I'd
like him to go into politics,

but as his mother,
I'm against it.

I'll be famous.

I'll be famous.

I'll be famous.

You sure you're all
right, Mr. Stephens?

Hm?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Joe.

Darrin.

Oh, Sam!

I had a feeling you'd be
here drowning your sorrows.

Am I glad to see you.

Darling, I think
you've had enough.

Let's go home.

Honey, I'm not drunk.

I've got something to tell you.

Yes, I know.

Oh, no, you don't know.

Now, listen to me.

I'm going to have a baby.

Mother told me.

I know all about it.

I'll have to have
my pants let out.

Darling, they're only symptoms.

We'll be rid of
them soon enough.

Really?

Yes, sweetheart.

I hope so.

I've had a terrible day.

I know, sweetheart.

Come on, come on.

Oh, hello there.

I didn't see you come in.

How about that
character that just left?

I'll bite, how about him?

Well, didn't you hear him?

He thinks he's
going to have a baby.

Isn't that wild? Ha, ha.

Not necessarily.

Well, it's the most ridiculous
thing I ever heard of.

I've got five kids.

Another one on
the way right now.

Why, it's a snap.

Nothing to get shook up about.

Heh, heh.

Imagine a guy thinking
he's going to have a baby?

Oooh!

Boy, suddenly I got a backache.

You don't say.

I hope it goes away by tonight.

I'm supposed to go bowling.

I wouldn't advise that...

in your condition.

Here you are, sweetheart.

Just a little something
to keep your strength up.

You didn't have to
go to all that trouble.

I could've done it.

No chance.

I'm back to spoiling you rotten.

How do you feel?

Great.

But if that mother of yours
ever pulls a stunt like that again,

I'm going to use a
little magic of my own.

Make a few of her
teeth disappear.

And no jury will convict you.

Now, is there anything
else I can get you?

Darrin, we have
a long way to go.

If you keep this up,

you're going to be awfully tired

by the time the baby's born.

Don't argue. Eat, eat.

Seriously, darling,

you can't go on
waiting on me like this.

I'm not an invalid.

I feel perfectly fine.

Sam, don't try to
tell me how you feel.

I know how you feel. Exactly.

Remember?

Yes, come to
think of it, you do.

That's right.

I'm a man in a million.

So big deal.

I've always known that.

Cheers!