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1
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:15,960
Hello, Mrs Larkin.
2
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,280
What do you want?
3
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,760
There are things going on...
4
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,000
..which you should know about.
5
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,679
How many sherries did you have?
6
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,999
You never ask a lady that.
7
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,120
Ten.
8
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,359
This is very sensitive information,
off the record,
9
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,240
and for your ears only.
10
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:53,600
Obviously, my husband Alec...
Yeah.
11
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,720
..is an idiot.
12
00:00:56,998 --> 00:01:01,958
He has some sterling qualities,
can't remember what they are...
13
00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:08,114
..but he's fallen under the spell
of the Jerebohms...
14
00:01:09,047 --> 00:01:11,847
..especially the pink one.
15
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:15,303
So, what's happened?
16
00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:21,339
The Jerebohms bribed,
17
00:01:21,566 --> 00:01:23,926
then blackmailed about the bribe...
18
00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:29,060
..the magistrate Sprague,
whom Alec knows from the Masons.
19
00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:31,580
Lovely wife.
20
00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:35,519
Your husband never stood a chance.
21
00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:46,859
So, how are we gonna prove it
and get Pop out of jail?
22
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,200
No idea...
23
00:01:50,651 --> 00:01:53,851
..but this is off the record
and for your ears only.
24
00:01:56,479 --> 00:01:58,519
You jump into bed with a man...
25
00:02:00,502 --> 00:02:03,141
..and 30 years later,
26
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:05,460
you realise
it was probably the wrong man.
27
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:19,059
Primrose, Your Grace.
28
00:02:19,505 --> 00:02:23,344
That's actually more
for archbishops, but thank you.
29
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,479
Hello, Pauline.
30
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,825
I'll have a cider
and a pint of Browns, please.
31
00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,369
No, I'll pay.
I'm a fiercely modern woman.
32
00:02:29,394 --> 00:02:31,913
Rotten news about your dad.
Yes.
33
00:02:31,938 --> 00:02:34,417
Though, there are new developments
that I can't talk about.
34
00:02:34,442 --> 00:02:37,161
Oh, yeah?
Well, my copper will be pleased.
35
00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:39,449
Told him he's not getting any
till he helps spring Pop.
36
00:02:41,243 --> 00:02:43,910
So this is cosy, you two.
37
00:02:43,985 --> 00:02:46,871
Yes, I'm a lucky man.
So there is a God.
38
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,879
I mean, I know there is...
Mm-hm.
39
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,840
..but He has manifested His...
40
00:02:54,205 --> 00:02:57,005
You know what I'm saying.
Thank you
41
00:03:10,618 --> 00:03:12,058
Miss Larkin.
42
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:28,805
So, what do you think
of Primrose's new fella, then?
43
00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,509
Yeah, he's nice.
44
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,719
He's very nice.
Yeah, he is very nice.
45
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,319
Actually, Reverend Candy'd
be a lovely friend for you, Charley.
46
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,599
Hm? Come to think of it,
you're not great at making friends.
47
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,004
You haven't got any apart from us.
48
00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:41,668
Yeah, well, Pauline was my friend,
49
00:03:41,693 --> 00:03:43,292
but you stamped on that
pretty quickly.
50
00:03:43,317 --> 00:03:45,716
Male friends.
You could fish together...
51
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,839
What?
..or whatever men do. Compare beers.
52
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,919
I'll be too busy
setting up our future. Aw.
53
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,879
I need a job, and we need a home
before the baby comes.
54
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,719
And what's wrong
with staying in the house?
55
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,839
There are 11 people in there.
56
00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,799
There was a queue for the lavatory
at three in the morning.
57
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,320
Without Dad,
the house feels positively empty.
58
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:09,104
I know. I miss it being
just you and me together.
59
00:04:09,176 --> 00:04:12,576
Well, what would you think
about us moving into the barn?
60
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:14,720
Are you mad?
61
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,621
There were three magistrates.
How is it Sprague has all the power?
62
00:04:19,646 --> 00:04:22,121
A pack leader always emerges.
63
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,559
We're no more sophisticated
than dogs, really.
64
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,679
So, how can we expose him?
65
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:32,280
Er, pressure could be applied
via Alec Norman...
66
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,479
..but I suspect Sprague
has his number.
67
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,519
But the magistrate
must be terrified of being exposed.
68
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,079
Wouldn't that force his hand?
69
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,799
Some people are very good
at brazening out difficulties.
70
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,839
In fact, I am.
71
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:49,439
He... He's invested
in the lie he helped to create,
72
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,679
so he must be presented
with incontrovertible evidence
73
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,400
that he won't get away with this.
74
00:04:56,302 --> 00:04:57,621
But be warned...
75
00:04:57,646 --> 00:05:01,806
an animal is never as dangerous
as when it's being hunted.
76
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,320
So, I'm off for a swim.
77
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,599
Morning, Constable.
I need your help.
78
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,679
Is this to do with Pop?
79
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,199
No, it's to do with road safety
in the village.
80
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,724
Ah, well, I share your concern,
and I think...
81
00:05:29,749 --> 00:05:31,589
Yes, it's to do with Pop!
82
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,599
Have you got
any covert recording equipment
83
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,079
here at the station
and experience of using it?
84
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,439
Yes and no.
85
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,439
That'll have to do.
We need to use it to get Pop off.
86
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,159
I am desperate to get Pop off.
87
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:47,239
Oh, Pauline's still withdrawing
sexual favours till you do?
88
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,039
That is correct, yeah.
89
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,679
That's both of us going without,
then.
90
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,160
FLY BUZZES
91
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,519
She is a very alluring woman,
Mrs Larkin,
92
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,479
and quite frankly, it is killing me.
93
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,759
Then dig out
your miniature microphone
94
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,520
or whatever you've got,
and let's sort this out.
95
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,960
MONTGOMERY SINGS: B-B-B-Baby,
baby, baby. B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby.
96
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:19,520
Did you find an egg, Oscar?
Well done.
97
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,439
PETUNIA: Come on, girls.
You can do it.
98
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,360
Come on, Phil, we're winning.
99
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,000
Aww!
Wait!
100
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,319
Oh,
our first proper home of our own!
101
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,680
Mm.
HE EXHALES
102
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,159
Do you know what?
103
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,799
I don't ever wanna live
anywhere else.
104
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,119
Nor do I.
Are you all right?
105
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,519
You're not too tired
or nauseous or... No.
106
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,439
..or craving pickles?
No!
107
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,639
Why do people treat us like...?
108
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,000
Oh, actually, I'd love some.
Do you mind?
109
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,400
And something rubber to suck.
110
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:19,083
PHONE RINGS
111
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,839
Littlechurch 251.
112
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:31,879
Hello, Norma.
Oh... hello.
113
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,159
Thank you
for coming round last night.
114
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,879
Just... don't exploit my honesty.
115
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,119
Well, I'm not gonna ask you
116
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,479
to incriminate yourself or Alec,
but I do need...
117
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,879
I told you...
I can't help you any more.
118
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,600
'I'm afraid you're gonna have to.'
119
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,879
The Jerebohms are on their guard,
120
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,519
and they're not gonna
incriminate that vile magistrate
121
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,640
unless it's to someone
who's in on it.
122
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,959
Do you really want Pinkie
to get away with this?
123
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,040
I don't.
124
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,879
It's like living with Goebbels.
125
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,359
I just don't see why
on top of doing your pastoral work,
126
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,999
I should do
all the tidying and cleaning.
127
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,479
So, don't do any!
128
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,440
I'll die of dysentery
if one of us doesn't.
129
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,919
But I wouldn't mind that
if you were... pleasant.
130
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,119
It's typical of your generation
to be holier than thou.
131
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,200
Oh! Oh, well, at least one of us
is being holy!
132
00:08:37,699 --> 00:08:41,858
I thought that as we now share
some big secrets,
133
00:08:41,883 --> 00:08:44,123
it would be super if we were pals.
134
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,879
Anyway, thanks for helping us
put Pop Larkin away.
135
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:53,640
Mm, well,
I naively assumed he was guilty.
136
00:08:55,120 --> 00:09:00,039
Are you still on a diet, or could
you tackle a slice of mille feuille?
137
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,559
Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
Or some punschkrapfen?
138
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,319
It's from the continental patisserie
in Dymchurch.
139
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,680
Oh, no.
140
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,560
MICROPHONE SCREECHES
141
00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:20,215
'Was it your idea
or Mr Jerebohm's,
142
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,159
'how to catch Larkin out?
143
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,319
'Mine.
Mr Jerebohm's really quite dozy.'
144
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,039
THEY LAUGH
145
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:31,919
But, er, are you sure nobody knows
you've bought off Major Sprague?
146
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,880
Yes, and as long as everyone
keeps quiet, it'll fade away.
147
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,719
And you and your husband are both...
148
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,039
used to this sort of ruse,
obviously. Mm.
149
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,080
STATIC CRACKLES
What's that crackling noise?
150
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,280
Static electricity.
151
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,079
I'm breaking in
some new Bri-Nylon underwear.
152
00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:00,559
So, Major Sprague
is all taken care of?
153
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:01,799
Oh, can we not talk about him?
154
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,599
He's just a greedy, old buffer
with as much interest in justice
155
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,559
as I have in making jam, thankfully.
156
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:08,040
THEY LAUGH
157
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:13,079
But did you have to pay
Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm?
158
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,359
Cheap at the price, dear.
159
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,840
OBJECT THUMPS
160
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:19,920
What was that?
161
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,840
What's going on?
162
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,400
Hot water boiler.
163
00:10:27,476 --> 00:10:30,156
Are you sure I can't tempt you
with some punschkrapfen...
164
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,720
..or a bomboloni?
165
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,080
Oh!
166
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,719
Ah, Dean.
167
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,559
Afternoon, Vicar. Busy?
168
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:54,959
Frantically, hence my need for...
an emergency nap.
169
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,919
Hm, and how is your co-tenancy
with Reverend Candy going?
170
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,119
He's a nightmare.
171
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,359
He has to go. It's either him or me.
172
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,999
Now, I heard he was hard-working
and popular,
173
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,919
whereas you remain lazy,
drink too much, live in squalor
174
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,919
and recently conducted a mass
christening in a swimming pool...
175
00:11:13,950 --> 00:11:15,749
Exactly. Does that sound lazy?
176
00:11:15,774 --> 00:11:18,533
..which descended into farce
when geese attacked.
177
00:11:18,558 --> 00:11:20,998
You left out half the service,
and someone nearly drowned.
178
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,044
You could learn a lot
from Reverend Candy.
179
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,999
All right, please yourself.
I withdraw my him-or-me ultimatum.
180
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,519
It's too late for that.
181
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,399
We're moving you on to a parish
182
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,879
where you'll rediscover
your sense of purpose.
183
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,919
What? No! Where?
184
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:42,559
Either St Grimbald's in Millwall
or St Jimmy's in Chatham Docks.
185
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,720
You must be bloody joking.
You'll need to move out in a week.
186
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,799
So, this is the bed.
187
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:14,159
And then over here, we've got
a really, really cosy sofa.
188
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,919
Oh, and this makes a stylish sink.
It's a bucket.
189
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,879
Straw has been scientifically proven
to be one of the best
190
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,039
bedding and insulation materials,
interestingly.
191
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:27,239
Interestingly?
But we like having you in the house.
192
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,439
There'll be more room when Angela
and... old Mr Pastry leave.
193
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,599
Oh, I know, but we wanted
a place of our own anyway.
194
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,919
Mariette needs her sleep
now the baby's coming,
195
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,479
and she is snoring more now,
which will wake the house.
196
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,279
Apparently it's caused by
the extra fat of the soft tissue
197
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:41,959
around her neck.
198
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,239
It's in the pregnancy book.
199
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,959
Dad wouldn't want you to leave.
200
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,799
Oh, come on. That's not fair.
201
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,559
We are 50 feet away
from the house!
202
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,759
HORSE WHINNIES Easy, Biscuit.
203
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,519
Lodger?
No, no. She is not staying.
204
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,039
She used to live here,
so we had to invite her.
205
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,999
Primrose'll be next,
off to shack up with her bloke.
206
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,839
We've only been together
for a few weeks.
207
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,399
You don't "shack up" with a Rev.
208
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,359
That's true.
You have to get married.
209
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,439
You would, though, wouldn't you?
God, yes, I love him so much.
210
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,639
What does "shack up" mean?
I don't know.
211
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,959
We will be sorting
all Larkin couples out
212
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,679
with a proper house
when things get back to normal,
213
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:19,839
assuming they will.
214
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,680
CAR DOOR CLOSES
215
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,840
Did it work?
The Jerebohms...
216
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,719
..dead in the water!
217
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,159
Oh!
MONTGOMERY: Ah, brilliant.
218
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,399
VICTORIA: It worked!
He's taped it.
219
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,839
We've been here before,
and it got us nowhere,
220
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,160
so let's just, erm...
221
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:40,960
Let's just see what happens,
shall we?
222
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,920
HE WHISTLES
223
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,040
? All things bright and beaut... ?
224
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,800
..ifully tidy.
225
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,080
Hello, what's going on?
226
00:14:06,938 --> 00:14:08,217
The Dean stopped by.
227
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,480
He says it's you or me.
228
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,560
He wants me to move out
and leave you the parish.
229
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,600
I had no idea.
230
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,119
Castrated and shipped out
like a sacrificial stag.
231
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,479
I promise
I didn't ask the Dean to do this.
232
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,280
But I still have to go.
233
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,240
Unless you do the decent thing
and leave first.
234
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,079
But...
235
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,000
I have reasons to stay here, too.
236
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,840
CHICKENS SQUAWKS
237
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,520
MARIETTE SNORES
238
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,919
Eurgh! Ah! Ah!
239
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,759
Ah! Oh, no!
240
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,760
Ahhh! Ah, what...
Oh, no.
241
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,159
Oh! Ah!
242
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,399
What's going on?
Huh!
243
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,200
Look, there are a few drawbacks
to our new future home.
244
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:47,154
Well, at least for me.
245
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,119
Yeah,
the bugs are used to us Larkins.
246
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,999
Give them a while.
They'll get bored with you.
247
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,039
Oh, no, I can't wait that long.
248
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,999
I am going to find something
to kill them.
249
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,480
Ah, eurgh!
250
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,960
Ow!
251
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,599
What the devil is this?
252
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,159
You'll remember me
from previous visits
253
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,280
regarding Mr Sidney Larkin and...
254
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,159
Are you all right, Sir John?
255
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,840
Yes, fine. Thank you.
256
00:16:20,049 --> 00:16:21,608
Can I have a policeman in here,
please?
257
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,359
Good idea. He can listen in
to this as evidence.
258
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,359
You'll remember the story so far.
259
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,439
You turned down our request
260
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,239
to overturn
Mr Larkin's outrageous sentence.
261
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:37,399
And dismissed as inadmissible
a good quantity of solid argument.
262
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,559
You will not do the same today
with our new ad hominem evidence.
263
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,959
SIR JOHN CHUCKLES
264
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:48,359
This is Sir John Snow QC, so
he deals personally with the Queen.
265
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,400
Hm?
266
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,279
PINKIE: 'He's just a greedy,
old buffer with as much interest
267
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,920
'in justice as I have in making jam,
thankfully.'
268
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:00,799
NORMA: 'But did you have
269
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,959
'to pay Major Sprague a lot,
Mrs Jerebohm?
270
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,439
'Cheap at the price, dear.'
271
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,959
You can go.
272
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,080
GO!
273
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,359
All right. Stop the tape.
274
00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:17,079
So, the only question now is do we
drag you through the courts?
275
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,079
Or do you resign immediately
276
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,120
and release Mr Larkin
with a full pardon?
277
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,479
Ha-ha-ha.
SIR JOHN LAUGHS
278
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,080
Do you really think we'd bring
the only tape without making a copy?
279
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:45,000
I need you to telephone whoever will
get my husband out of prison NOW!
280
00:17:45,793 --> 00:17:48,312
Did we have a copy?
What do you think, Daddy?
281
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,040
Oh, we had one!
282
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,680
Oh!
283
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,719
Thanks, Charley.
284
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,799
Yes, well,
I think we are winning the battle
285
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,240
to create an environment
safe for a pregnant woman and me.
286
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,360
Mainly me.
287
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:24,319
Has it lost a bit of its charm?
Um... Yes, it has.
288
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,320
Sorry.
289
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,119
CHICKEN SQUAWKS
290
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,639
HE LAUGHS
291
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,879
There.
It's not that. It's Dad.
292
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,999
Yeah, I know.
293
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,359
I'm worried. If he doesn't get out,
this'll change him.
294
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,680
Destroy his happy essence.
295
00:18:44,661 --> 00:18:46,541
It's Ma.
She wanted to talk to you first.
296
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,560
Ma?
297
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,200
Thank you.
298
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,679
Pop's coming home.
299
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,679
What?
He's coming home!
300
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,599
What?
Oh, my God! Oh, my...
301
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,119
Guys, three cheers for
the British justice system!
302
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,480
Come on.
SHE CHUCKLES
303
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,719
He's free? He's free!
304
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,319
Yes!
Aww.
305
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,439
I told you
we were close to the house.
306
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,319
The telephone wire even
reaches out here!
307
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,039
What?
308
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,399
I'm going to celebrate with pickles.
Great news, Monty
309
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,599
DOOR CLANGS
310
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,639
PRISONER: Here he is!
311
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,759
THEY CHEER
AND APPLAUD
312
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,999
Well, I love you, too.
313
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,719
I've learnt so much in here.
It's been magical.
314
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,759
THEY LAUGH
315
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,879
See you soon, Pop.
Not in 'ere you won't.
316
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,559
Bless you. I feel like the Pope.
317
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,799
Mike, I've sealed up your tunnel.
Hope you don't mind.
318
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,039
Dave, good lad,
make sure this your last stretch.
319
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,359
Promise me, yeah?
320
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,679
Keith,
if you're ever in Littlechurch,
321
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,279
don't nick my car, all right?
322
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,799
THEY LAUGH
Good lad. See you, boys.
323
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:52,879
THEY CHEER
AND APPLAUD
324
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,280
PRISONER: All the best, Pop.
325
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,039
Thank you, Billy.
Be good, Pop.
326
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,160
Hello, Ma.
327
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,720
THEY SIGH
328
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,640
So, that's over.
Yeah. Come on.
329
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,160
You know what, Pop?
What's that, gorgeous?
330
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,239
I don't think
I've ever been happier.
331
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,759
Ah, me neither.
332
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,160
You got me out, though, Ma.
Nobody else could've.
333
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,239
So, what do you wanna do first,
love?
334
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,400
We could go round the Jerebohms,
give them what for.
335
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:51,039
No, let's save them
for tomorrow.
336
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,359
HE CHUCKLES
337
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,199
Or we could go up to the Downs.
338
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,199
Have a quiet moment before
you get home and the party starts.
339
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,120
Yeah, let's do that.
340
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,440
So...
341
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,320
What was it like in there, really?
342
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,880
The nights were very long
without you, Ma. Endless.
343
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,119
You're so special.
344
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,680
We all are.
345
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,240
It's a beautiful world.
346
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,039
BELL CHIMES
347
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,840
Ah, I love that sound. Read it out.
348
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,959
"Report by our special legal
correspondent Tulip McFarbley."
349
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,319
Ah, like it.
350
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,039
"Mr Sidney Larkin of Littlechurch
351
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,319
"was released from Fordington Prison
today on appeal
352
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,799
"and cleared of all wrongdoing."
353
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,080
Er, "any wrongdoing".
354
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,600
Shut up, it's fine.
355
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,079
"Chief Magistrate
Major Bertram Sprague..."
356
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,039
Satan!
String him up!
357
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,759
"said new evidence
has come to light
358
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,559
"revealing a grave miscarriage
of justice,
359
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,119
"so we are pleased
to release Mr Larkin
360
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,800
"with our sincere apologies."
361
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,199
There's more.
No, I trust you.
362
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,399
I've started a long piece
about abuses and weaknesses
363
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,599
in the magistrature
with particular reference to...
364
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,879
One day, just relax now, Primrose,
all right?
365
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,919
Have some silly time.
366
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,960
Review some terrible am-dram.
Write about hedgerows.
367
00:22:21,904 --> 00:22:23,922
Who's this who keeps appearing?
368
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,280
That's such good news!
369
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,599
Outside!
370
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,280
Revolting display.
371
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,920
Look, I'm sorry to be so dismal
on your happy day, but...
372
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,039
I feel I need to do
the decent thing, as the Vicar says,
373
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,519
and leave him to his church.
Right.
374
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,760
Except I can't bear
to leave the village...
375
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,119
..and leave you.
376
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,519
I can't bear it either.
377
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,199
But, I-I mean...
I mean, I understand if...
378
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,599
if you feel you must move on
379
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,640
and bring joy to another community.
380
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,400
Good. Then, erm...
381
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,200
I'll draft my resignation letter.
382
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,719
Well, obviously, I don't mean it!
Of course you must stay.
383
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,599
Thank God you said that.
He's a terrible vicar.
384
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,599
He is, isn't he?
And you're really good.
385
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:17,679
I am really, aren't I?
386
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:18,720
THEY LAUGH
387
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,439
MR JEREBOHM: I hate villages!
They're just underachieving towns.
388
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,239
GLASS SMASHES
389
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,680
HE LAUGHS
390
00:23:32,820 --> 00:23:35,179
But you had to have the big house
in the country, didn't you?
391
00:23:35,258 --> 00:23:37,857
And now you've blown our secrets
all over the place.
392
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,119
All right.
I may have talked to Norma Norman,
393
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,599
and the evil witch recorded it.
394
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,599
What's wrong
with the people down here?
395
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,120
Can't they see we're special?!
396
00:23:46,186 --> 00:23:48,385
Stop looking at me like that,
you eerie children!
397
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,079
Well, those Larkins
are gonna come after us,
398
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,440
and they'll want our blood.
399
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,839
Then I suggest you have a plan ready
for dealing with them.
400
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,119
HE SCOFFS
401
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,160
Not your usual "let's hide".
402
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,239
Do you know anything
about this calamity?
403
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,559
Because it sounds like you do.
404
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,239
I'll answer that, Alec,
405
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,719
when you take that peevish tone
out of your voice.
406
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,119
Well, maybe it's peevish, perhaps
with a touch of incandescence
407
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,919
because we're up to our necks
in ordure, Norma.
408
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,199
Don't say ordure so close
to my face, please, Alec.
409
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,959
Poor Pinkie rang me in the office
in a right state.
410
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,999
Poor Pinkie?
411
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,679
She's a saint, frankly,
to put up with that husband of hers.
412
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,760
She's worth ten times him
on the open market.
413
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:43,920
Yes?
414
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:49,679
Oh, here they are.
415
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,399
Kent's finest and his moll.
All right, trouble?
416
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,279
You can talk. Welcome back, Pop!
417
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,119
Thank you. And I hear you had
your privileges withdrawn, son?
418
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:00,719
Yes, but they've recently
been restored.
419
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:01,839
I can see that.
420
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,759
Yeah, you've got grass stains
on your elbows there, Casanova.
421
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,120
THEY LAUGH
422
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,559
Mister Larkin, I apologise
for doubting you.
423
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:18,159
My, er, sister doggedly assumes
the worst in people.
424
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,800
And I'm rarely disappointed.
Take the Jerebohms.
425
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,679
I assume there'll be
some retribution.
426
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,359
We're all desperate to see them
thrown into chokey,
427
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:30,159
or maybe dragged along
behind a plough?
428
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,680
Oh, I'm sure
we'll think of something.
429
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,919
Primrose,
where's your dreamy Reverend?
430
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,279
The whole village is talking
about your liaison,
431
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,799
but not in a bitchy way.
432
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,879
He has urgent business
with the Vicar, I'm afraid.
433
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,519
Ah, yes, that's been fermenting.
434
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,199
One doesn't want to kick a work-shy
old parson when he's down.
435
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,279
No. Glass of wine?
436
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,640
No, thank you, it'll only end
with me in a wheelbarrow.
437
00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,719
Mariette.
438
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:00,839
Pauline.
439
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,599
Oh, did you hear, Pauline?
Mariette's having a baby!
440
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,559
I did hear. Any idea who's it is?
441
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,439
Yeah, it's your boyfriend's.
442
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,279
I'm just going to...
443
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,679
Er, look, geese!
444
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,372
I was the man of the house
while you were away, Pop. He was.
445
00:26:14,397 --> 00:26:15,436
That's my boy.
446
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,439
It was quite tiring.
You can be it again now.
447
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,013
Cheers.
448
00:26:20,038 --> 00:26:24,037
Look at you all,
I don't deserve you.
449
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,091
But I've been away
for a few weeks now,
450
00:26:27,134 --> 00:26:29,494
it's time for me and Ma
to go to bed.
451
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,879
I'm not trying to replace you!
It's the Dean's decision.
452
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,759
Well, I'm tired of arguing the toss,
453
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,319
so I'm just gonna
throw you out of the house
454
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,479
I've happily occupied since 1928!
455
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,319
Don't!
I was reaching for my jacket.
456
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,120
Go on, get out.
457
00:26:55,364 --> 00:26:58,043
Where am I supposed to sleep?
I'm sure you'll have offers.
458
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,896
What are you planning to do?
Barricade yourself in?
459
00:27:00,929 --> 00:27:04,825
That's exactly what I'm planning
to draw attention to my plight.
460
00:27:04,850 --> 00:27:08,161
Vicar, this is brainless. And how
long are you gonna keep this up?
461
00:27:08,186 --> 00:27:13,095
Until I've shown the Dean I won't be
shunted off like some evacuee.
462
00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:14,520
I do have my dignity.
463
00:27:17,008 --> 00:27:20,487
Could you ask one of my faithful
to bring me food? Nothing fancy.
464
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,583
But hot, you know, no rubbish.
465
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,372
You're not serious.
I am, Alec.
466
00:27:25,397 --> 00:27:26,796
Pfft!
467
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,560
Give me one good reason
why I should stay in this marriage.
468
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,279
Have you forgotten the question?
469
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,639
I'm thinking!
I don't know, it's habit-forming.
470
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,959
We didn't have to pay
the single supplement on our cruise.
471
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,559
Where am I supposed to sleep?
472
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,399
The spare room!
473
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,639
It's full of your hobbies.
Needles, hallucinogenic glue.
474
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,120
It's a death trap, Norma!
475
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,759
Is this all because
I helped convict an innocent man
476
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,440
whom we don't even like?
477
00:27:57,701 --> 00:27:58,780
SNIFFS
478
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,599
Oh, dear.
479
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,080
I find this room very upsetting.
It's full of raffia!
480
00:28:06,443 --> 00:28:07,763
Oh!
Oh!
481
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,199
That cleared away some fluff.
482
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,160
We truly banged the gong there,
girl.
483
00:28:18,104 --> 00:28:22,607
The only revenge I want, Ma,
is to get that lot out of next door.
484
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,079
And as far away as possible.
Yeah.
485
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,439
KNOCK ON DOOR
486
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,159
Oh, was that the front door?
Yeah.
487
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:32,999
We probably better go
and check on the kids.
488
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,999
Don't you dare get out of this bed!
489
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,319
Huh?
490
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,839
Bet you never heard that in prison.
491
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,599
You'd be surprised, Ma.
492
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,630
THEY LAUGH
493
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:53,359
And he's barricaded all the doors
and windows. It's ridiculous.
494
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:54,719
Poor you.
Thanks.
495
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,439
I tried the inn but it's full,
and if I'm honest,
496
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,759
I didn't feel safe with Mrs Babcock,
who offered herself,
497
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,399
so I wondered if you had a spare
barn or something I could sleep in?
498
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,759
We do. But you'd be in
with Mariette and Charley.
499
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,759
Ah. Well, they're very nice, but...
500
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,927
Yes! We think you and Charley
would make great mates.
501
00:29:09,952 --> 00:29:12,519
You could maybe
go for a beer together.
502
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:13,999
Stay in the house.
Pick a room!
503
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,799
OK. Go! Go to bed.
Come in for prayers!
504
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:16,880
Shut it!
505
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,239
In fact, the house
is comparatively empty.
506
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,319
Monty's been released from
being man of the house
507
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,839
so he's at his mate Shortie's,
508
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,279
and Mariette and Charley
are in the barn, so, you know...
509
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,990
My room's got my name on the door.
Obviously, I'll sleep alone!
510
00:29:35,028 --> 00:29:37,427
Mug of cocoa and we sit
and put the world to rights
511
00:29:37,452 --> 00:29:40,171
in between staring
into each other's eyes?
512
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:41,920
Just what I was gonna suggest.
513
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,280
Vicar?
514
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,200
Erm, Vicar?
515
00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:10,904
I've brought you some breakfast!
Have you come alone?
516
00:30:10,929 --> 00:30:13,488
Yes. I'm afraid I couldn't find
any other, um,
517
00:30:13,513 --> 00:30:15,233
faithful who wanted to cook for you.
518
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:28,239
Hello. I feel rather sad.
Oh.
519
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,199
It's not like you to be sad.
Angry, yes.
520
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,199
Bitter, abusive even,
but rarely sad.
521
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,439
If this is you trying
to cheer me up, try harder.
522
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,679
Don't be sad. Pop Larkin is out!
523
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,999
Why are you telling me
about happy people?
524
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,399
Anyway, here's breakfast.
525
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,879
I'm sorry you seem
to be losing the vicarage,
526
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,360
but everything looks better
after bacon.
527
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,279
I honestly don't think anybody's
gonna storm the building.
528
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,400
I'm not risking it.
529
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,599
ALEC CLEARS THROAT
530
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,679
I had time to think about our union
last night in the spare bedroom,
531
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,359
slightly delirious
from the glue fumes.
532
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:16,119
And I want to fight for
our marriage, Norma, like a...
533
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,239
terrier.
534
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,399
Pop and Ma Larkin are aggravating,
535
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,959
and not even married
now I think about it,
536
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:27,200
but I can see that they appear
loving and generous to each other.
537
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,679
So I slipped out
of the house early,
538
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,479
still fighting the effects of
heavy-duty solvent but that's fine.
539
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:34,760
And I bought you this.
540
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,240
At no little expense.
541
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,239
A vacu-um cleaner.
542
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,599
You're under-selling it, Norma.
543
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,920
I'm assured
it will transform your life.
544
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:06,559
I'm going to give you three minutes
to collect a bag of possessions
545
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,520
and leave.
546
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,999
All right there, Berndt?
Guten tag, wienerschnitzel.
547
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,839
Feel free to yodel,
and thanks for all your help.
548
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,959
No, thank you, Mister Larkin.
549
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,062
Your employers off
on their holibobs?
550
00:32:37,087 --> 00:32:38,846
Somewhere they can't
be found in a hurry?
551
00:32:38,871 --> 00:32:40,031
That is the plan.
552
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,040
That was the plan.
553
00:32:49,062 --> 00:32:50,101
Oh.
554
00:32:50,126 --> 00:32:51,486
Anything to add to that, Pinkie?
555
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,479
Um...
556
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,399
Oh, usually so fluent, words come
tumbling out. Lie built on lie.
557
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,719
Can I just say...
558
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,453
No, you'll need more than words.
559
00:33:03,478 --> 00:33:05,037
But kick off with them
560
00:33:05,226 --> 00:33:07,540
and just give me and Berndt here
a big empty laugh.
561
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,759
My husband and I were...
562
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,719
annoyed to feel you overcharged us
for the house,
563
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,968
and our attempt to teach you
a lesson got wildly out of hand.
564
00:33:16,993 --> 00:33:18,390
So, a huge sorry.
565
00:33:19,294 --> 00:33:21,742
I swear on my children's lives,
I'm a kind person.
566
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:31,359
Well, onto me. I made the best
of my few weeks in jail.
567
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:32,799
Oh, that's nice.
568
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,559
I met some decent blokes and, guilty
though they were of various crimes,
569
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,160
you and your husband are not worthy
to lick their prison boots.
570
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,639
Cuthbert! Cuthbert!
571
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:48,091
You see, it brought shame and worry
on to my family.
572
00:33:48,116 --> 00:33:50,079
So you can tell
your husband from me,
573
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,919
when he's finished
hiding behind the settee,
574
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,880
that me and Ma haven't decided how
we are going to right this wrong.
575
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,959
But you can forget about
going on holiday.
576
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,439
Berndt, would you open up
577
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,279
that big case of Pinkie's
for a moment, for me.
578
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:03,360
Yeah.
579
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:11,199
Thank you. Funny you should be
called Berndt.
580
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,760
Also, folks round 'ere wanted us
to get the law involved.
581
00:34:15,403 --> 00:34:19,722
Have you done for fraud, perjury
and bribing a magistrate,
582
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,079
which could... Oh, hello.
583
00:34:22,173 --> 00:34:24,036
CUTHBERT GROANS
584
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,280
..which could get you both locked up
for a year or two.
585
00:34:31,223 --> 00:34:33,356
Don't you dare, you scumbag.
586
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,200
Also, I don't judge
but I know that you do.
587
00:34:37,683 --> 00:34:39,522
I can tell the whole world
588
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:44,799
about your time in the exotic Essex
dance troupe Folies They're Bare.
589
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,599
Actually, it was very beautiful
and you had to be in the front rows
590
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:48,872
to see anything
through the feathers.
591
00:34:48,897 --> 00:34:51,857
So, Ma and me will have a think
about how to proceed.
592
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:54,799
PINKIE GASPS
593
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,320
Bid you a good day.
594
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,679
My pink things! My pink things!
595
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,599
I'll pee on it!
Look out!
596
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:03,879
Throw your body on it!
597
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:04,959
SHE SCREAMS
598
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,560
And there goes the Chanel.
599
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:24,800
Vicar?
600
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,000
Vicar, we need to talk about this!
601
00:35:32,806 --> 00:35:34,926
I don't trust you.
602
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,920
I can't do this.
It's not fair or Christian.
603
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,599
I'll have to tell the Dean
I'll move on.
604
00:35:43,740 --> 00:35:46,220
No. I can't bear to lose you.
605
00:35:47,733 --> 00:35:49,253
Vicar!
606
00:35:52,340 --> 00:35:54,139
If Reverend Candy tells the Dean
607
00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,185
that you're not as useless
as everyone thinks
608
00:35:56,210 --> 00:35:58,528
and he'd love to work with you,
and the Dean agrees,
609
00:35:58,553 --> 00:35:59,953
might that be acceptable?
610
00:36:07,211 --> 00:36:10,331
Oh! Bloody chain.
611
00:36:20,007 --> 00:36:21,487
Thank you.
612
00:36:25,061 --> 00:36:27,300
Good.
Yes, good.
613
00:36:27,770 --> 00:36:30,969
Thank you, Miss Larkin.
614
00:36:31,385 --> 00:36:32,794
Onward.
615
00:36:32,819 --> 00:36:35,419
Excellent.
Well done.
616
00:36:39,134 --> 00:36:40,552
I'll make some tea.
617
00:36:40,577 --> 00:36:41,656
Lovely.
618
00:36:41,681 --> 00:36:44,401
Actually, would you?
I need a pee and a shave.
619
00:36:48,620 --> 00:36:51,899
They're happier now you're back,
look.
620
00:36:51,900 --> 00:36:55,139
I know, very family-minded,
the geese, aren't they?
621
00:36:55,140 --> 00:36:57,179
'Ey-up, here comes Bonnie and Clyde.
622
00:36:57,180 --> 00:36:59,534
Good morning, Mr and Mrs Larkin.
623
00:36:59,559 --> 00:37:01,038
Uh-huh.
624
00:37:01,100 --> 00:37:05,151
Erm, we won't try to excuse
our recent behaviour,
625
00:37:05,176 --> 00:37:10,206
but I would love you to think of us
as wayward neighbours, who, er...
626
00:37:10,231 --> 00:37:11,790
who are desperate to make amends!
627
00:37:12,131 --> 00:37:14,610
We'd rather not think of you
as neighbours at all.
628
00:37:14,635 --> 00:37:16,120
THEY LAUGH
629
00:37:16,145 --> 00:37:19,189
That's very good.
Yes, super, very wry.
630
00:37:19,214 --> 00:37:20,175
We mean it.
631
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:21,722
Oh...
632
00:37:21,747 --> 00:37:23,146
And not just for ourselves.
633
00:37:23,362 --> 00:37:25,361
You don't bring much to the village,
do you?
634
00:37:25,386 --> 00:37:27,511
Do we bring anything
to the village?
635
00:37:27,828 --> 00:37:30,267
A certain style and confidence?
636
00:37:30,660 --> 00:37:33,779
But in terms of your comment
with regard to us
637
00:37:33,780 --> 00:37:35,643
and a potential legal route...
638
00:37:35,668 --> 00:37:39,787
We've had a think and instead,
we'd like to get you a present!
639
00:37:39,812 --> 00:37:42,886
And as you like pigs,
we thought we'd buy you a pig?
640
00:37:42,911 --> 00:37:46,030
The very best kind of pig there is?
641
00:37:46,625 --> 00:37:51,667
No. What you're gonna do,
is in exchange for us keeping quiet
642
00:37:51,692 --> 00:37:55,291
about your wrongdoings, you're gonna
sell us back your house.
643
00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:58,795
For what we paid for it.
Seven grand.
644
00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:01,499
But we paid you �17,000.
645
00:38:01,549 --> 00:38:03,468
You did, well remembered.
646
00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:05,659
And several thousand more
to make it swanky.
647
00:38:05,660 --> 00:38:08,019
Well, if it makes it
any easier for you,
648
00:38:08,020 --> 00:38:12,219
we'll be using up our profit,
your money, on the village,
649
00:38:12,220 --> 00:38:14,699
cos you just came and sneered
at life down here
650
00:38:14,700 --> 00:38:16,299
and didn't contribute nothing.
651
00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:19,619
So, we've got the cash,
and you've got 24 hours
652
00:38:19,620 --> 00:38:20,819
to sort out your legals,
653
00:38:20,820 --> 00:38:23,100
pack up the house
and never ever come back.
654
00:38:24,940 --> 00:38:27,420
Or we could get you bundled off
in to a police van.
655
00:38:31,700 --> 00:38:32,940
GROANS
656
00:38:33,980 --> 00:38:35,380
Thank you.
657
00:38:39,780 --> 00:38:41,300
KNOCK ON DOOR
658
00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:43,900
CAT PURRS
659
00:38:45,662 --> 00:38:48,021
All right! You've got a key.
660
00:38:48,249 --> 00:38:49,369
DOOR OPENS
661
00:38:55,620 --> 00:38:57,340
I've been walking around for...
662
00:38:58,620 --> 00:39:00,220
Well, since you threw me out.
663
00:39:01,517 --> 00:39:03,996
Where did you spend the night?
On a bench.
664
00:39:04,084 --> 00:39:05,444
Why didn't you stay in a hotel?
665
00:39:06,257 --> 00:39:10,416
Partly meanness.
That's just never going to go away.
666
00:39:10,441 --> 00:39:12,795
And I felt I needed to show
contrition somehow.
667
00:39:12,820 --> 00:39:14,500
You've bought a kitten!
668
00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:17,220
Yes.
669
00:39:21,860 --> 00:39:24,980
Good. It's nice.
670
00:39:28,545 --> 00:39:30,625
Let's start again, Norma.
671
00:39:32,443 --> 00:39:37,962
It's the cheese we shared on our
magical first date, Saint Nectaire.
672
00:39:37,987 --> 00:39:40,466
I hoped it might mean
more than a ring,
673
00:39:40,584 --> 00:39:43,064
as well as being cheaper.
I've got the rest in my pocket.
674
00:39:45,493 --> 00:39:48,378
All right, let's try again.
675
00:39:49,233 --> 00:39:50,593
But there'll need to be changes.
676
00:39:52,735 --> 00:39:54,935
I need to wear the trousers
more now.
677
00:39:57,860 --> 00:40:01,779
There's a wind of change blowing
through modern marriage, Alec,
678
00:40:01,780 --> 00:40:06,380
and I'm contributing to that wind
through these trousers.
679
00:40:08,340 --> 00:40:11,139
I've never seen you
in slacks before.
680
00:40:11,140 --> 00:40:13,659
No, and that's rather my point.
681
00:40:13,660 --> 00:40:14,899
It's quite an eye-opener.
682
00:40:14,900 --> 00:40:20,620
Also my point.
Right, well, it's late...
683
00:40:21,820 --> 00:40:23,659
..and I'm prepared to take you back.
684
00:40:23,660 --> 00:40:25,460
Thank you.
685
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,319
Drive! Drive!
686
00:40:37,344 --> 00:40:39,624
I'm driving!
Well, drive faster!
687
00:40:44,854 --> 00:40:48,133
Not a bad gaff, it has to be said.
It's not, is it, now it's done up?
688
00:40:48,260 --> 00:40:52,204
One forgets how socially mobile
one can be these days.
689
00:40:52,229 --> 00:40:55,148
Especially as a couple days ago,
I was in an eight by ten cell.
690
00:40:55,173 --> 00:40:56,892
Don't let it go to your head.
691
00:40:56,917 --> 00:40:58,757
Far from it, Ma. Common and proud!
692
00:40:59,739 --> 00:41:03,418
I'll admit proud, might even accept
vulgar, but we're not common.
693
00:41:03,740 --> 00:41:05,099
I think we know what we're gonna do
694
00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:06,819
with at least part of this place,
don't we?
695
00:41:06,820 --> 00:41:08,305
Yeah.
Golf course and a wine bar!
696
00:41:08,330 --> 00:41:09,930
Croquet lawn!
697
00:41:10,795 --> 00:41:12,075
POP CHUCKLES
698
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:17,160
Nah, it's nice and all
but it's not really us, is it? No.
699
00:41:18,667 --> 00:41:21,426
Swim in the lake?
Yeah, little dip, why not?
700
00:41:21,451 --> 00:41:22,770
I'll race you!
Starkers!
701
00:41:22,795 --> 00:41:24,875
Come on, Ma!
702
00:41:28,305 --> 00:41:31,184
So, we've bought back Bluff Court
and we insist on giving you
703
00:41:31,209 --> 00:41:33,438
some land off of it
to do whatever you fancy.
704
00:41:33,463 --> 00:41:35,742
You might wanna build a bungalow
before your baby comes.
705
00:41:35,767 --> 00:41:38,846
That is a good notion, Ma.
I tell you, stairs, who needs 'em?
706
00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:41,750
People who've got a house
on two floors? So true.
707
00:41:41,775 --> 00:41:44,641
He's never less than on the ball,
is he, Charley boy?
708
00:41:44,666 --> 00:41:47,465
Oh, go on, then,
or we'll never hear the end of it.
709
00:41:47,490 --> 00:41:48,609
Thanks, Ma.
710
00:41:48,780 --> 00:41:49,766
Thank you, Pop.
711
00:41:49,791 --> 00:41:51,727
Hey, don't, no,
it's just our way of stopping
712
00:41:51,752 --> 00:41:52,791
you two wandering off!
713
00:41:52,820 --> 00:41:54,339
You'll be the other side
of the hedge
714
00:41:54,340 --> 00:41:55,819
where we can see you and the nipper.
715
00:41:55,820 --> 00:41:58,899
Not to tempt fate, of course,
touch wood, where's the wood?
716
00:41:58,924 --> 00:42:00,323
There you go. Sorry, Madame.
717
00:42:00,348 --> 00:42:02,387
Cos it shapes us all, don't it?
Where we live.
718
00:42:02,412 --> 00:42:06,251
A mansion can be a soulless prison,
a tiny cell can be a cherished home,
719
00:42:06,276 --> 00:42:08,275
and who knows what goes on
behind a closed door.
720
00:42:08,380 --> 00:42:11,939
Hmm. We're going into the village,
Larkininoes!
721
00:42:12,112 --> 00:42:14,192
Quick! Before the summer ends!
722
00:42:31,219 --> 00:42:35,618
Apparently, the arrangement is the
old Vicar will have less to do.
723
00:42:35,643 --> 00:42:37,242
That'll take some doing.
724
00:42:37,540 --> 00:42:40,099
Mind you, if the dishy one's going
out with a Larkin,
725
00:42:40,100 --> 00:42:41,299
that'll keep him busy.
726
00:42:41,300 --> 00:42:45,196
The thing about the Larkins is...
Oh, I love the Larkins.
727
00:42:45,221 --> 00:42:46,580
Thank you, Libby.
728
00:42:46,605 --> 00:42:48,899
You weren't supposed
to hear that.
729
00:42:48,924 --> 00:42:50,244
I think they're overrated.
730
00:42:51,471 --> 00:42:54,230
Voice of an angel, Miss Chand.
Voice of an angel.
731
00:42:54,255 --> 00:42:56,814
I could persuade my editor
to do a weekly religion corner.
732
00:42:56,839 --> 00:42:58,598
Yes, that sounds like
a really good idea...
733
00:42:58,623 --> 00:43:00,635
Or I could be
a roving restaurant critic,
734
00:43:00,660 --> 00:43:02,579
eating and drinking my way
around Kent.
735
00:43:02,580 --> 00:43:06,459
And in the summer, the vacationing
vicar reviews luxury holidays!
736
00:43:06,460 --> 00:43:08,059
Somewhere warm.
737
00:43:08,060 --> 00:43:10,059
Oh, the holy table.
738
00:43:10,060 --> 00:43:11,219
Or cars!
739
00:43:11,220 --> 00:43:15,140
Every week the Vicar gets given
a new car to test and keep.
740
00:43:16,952 --> 00:43:18,472
LAUGHTER
741
00:43:19,482 --> 00:43:20,961
Come on, Brigadier.
742
00:43:20,986 --> 00:43:22,821
Oh look, no, no.
Pop'll get you one.
743
00:43:22,846 --> 00:43:25,086
No, I have one...
Tell me what I've said?
744
00:43:27,540 --> 00:43:29,539
Alec, Norma. Come and join us.
745
00:43:29,540 --> 00:43:32,539
So, how are you planning
to humiliate me this time?
746
00:43:32,540 --> 00:43:37,020
Well, we could go mad
and just have a nice chat.
747
00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:41,739
Look at you two, all affectionate.
748
00:43:41,740 --> 00:43:46,940
Yes, we had some tiny differences
of opinion which we've ironed out.
749
00:43:48,462 --> 00:43:51,702
New look, Norma?
Um, yes.
750
00:43:52,793 --> 00:43:54,632
They're going to say
something cutting now.
751
00:43:54,657 --> 00:43:57,896
No! We like it.
752
00:43:57,921 --> 00:43:59,081
You look really nice.
753
00:44:14,071 --> 00:44:16,071
Did you manage to get away
this summer at all?
754
00:44:20,278 --> 00:44:22,758
Actually, no, that...
that's not helpful.
755
00:44:26,660 --> 00:44:29,739
Maybe it's easier if
we don't pretend we like each other.
756
00:44:29,740 --> 00:44:32,220
Yes, I agree.
I can see that, yes.
757
00:44:44,860 --> 00:44:45,980
Oh.
758
00:44:47,100 --> 00:44:49,699
You're not actually allowed to sit
on a uniformed policeman.
759
00:44:49,700 --> 00:44:51,819
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
760
00:44:51,820 --> 00:44:53,820
Try this for size.
761
00:44:55,331 --> 00:44:57,051
I'll authorise it on this occasion.
762
00:44:58,281 --> 00:44:59,880
Where's your Mariette and Charley?
763
00:44:59,905 --> 00:45:02,305
Um, they're off planning
their new home.
764
00:45:03,695 --> 00:45:07,735
Ah, that's nice,
starting out together.
765
00:45:14,968 --> 00:45:16,847
Charley?
Where are you?
766
00:45:17,020 --> 00:45:19,962
Up here. I can see Larkin's Farm!
767
00:45:19,987 --> 00:45:22,387
I think I'm near you. Hang on!
768
00:45:24,420 --> 00:45:25,460
Oh.
769
00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:29,059
Oh, well, never mind.
770
00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:33,259
Stay there, I'll head for you.
No, you stay, I'll come to you.
771
00:45:33,260 --> 00:45:35,260
Maybe we'll meet in the middle.
772
00:45:51,820 --> 00:45:53,860
Out you jump. Hello, girls.
773
00:45:54,900 --> 00:45:57,139
Come on.
774
00:45:57,140 --> 00:45:58,540
Ooh!
775
00:46:01,367 --> 00:46:03,686
Home! Who's hungry?
776
00:46:03,820 --> 00:46:05,539
Me! Me!
And me!
777
00:46:05,540 --> 00:46:06,860
We are, too!
778
00:46:16,100 --> 00:46:18,940
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779
00:46:18,990 --> 00:46:23,540
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