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1
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,960
WHISTLING TUNE
2
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,520
WHISTLING TRAILS OFF
3
00:00:45,544 --> 00:00:48,744
Ma, I'll be in the car.
4
00:00:52,864 --> 00:00:56,384
I'd rather live next door to
a rotting mountain of fish!
5
00:00:56,384 --> 00:00:57,944
Yeah.
6
00:00:57,944 --> 00:00:59,944
Eh? Yeah, yeah.
7
00:01:01,184 --> 00:01:03,424
That getting you arrested took planning.
8
00:01:03,424 --> 00:01:05,584
They're cleverer than I
thought, those Jerebohms.
9
00:01:05,584 --> 00:01:08,904
Well, I'm not gonna give it another
thought, Ma, and neither should you.
10
00:01:08,904 --> 00:01:11,224
Well, what if you ARE
charged with burglary?
11
00:01:11,224 --> 00:01:13,784
That's obviously what they want.
12
00:01:13,784 --> 00:01:16,064
One thing I've learnt, Ma, is...
13
00:01:16,064 --> 00:01:19,824
a lot of things may happen,
and a lot of things may not.
14
00:01:19,824 --> 00:01:22,464
Oh. Thank you, oh, wise one (!) Hm.
15
00:01:22,464 --> 00:01:23,944
Oh, there she is.
16
00:01:25,984 --> 00:01:27,184
Oh!
17
00:01:27,184 --> 00:01:29,064
Um...
18
00:01:31,584 --> 00:01:34,144
ITEMS CLATTER And
she's the bright Larkin.
19
00:01:35,544 --> 00:01:37,584
She's nervous, bless her.
20
00:01:37,584 --> 00:01:40,024
Oh! Gosh.
21
00:01:40,024 --> 00:01:41,864
It's like watching chickens.
22
00:01:42,984 --> 00:01:44,824
Oh...
23
00:01:44,824 --> 00:01:46,984
MA LAUGHS
24
00:02:07,824 --> 00:02:10,424
I don't mind driving you
all the way to work, love.
25
00:02:10,424 --> 00:02:13,024
Thanks, but the journey will
give me time to gather my thoughts
26
00:02:13,024 --> 00:02:15,504
on this auspicious day. "Auspicious"!
27
00:02:15,504 --> 00:02:18,304
How did you and me make this
one, eh, Pop? Yeah.
28
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,024
You go get 'em, my girl.
We're so proud of you.
29
00:02:21,024 --> 00:02:23,784
Thanks, Pop. I'll do my best.
30
00:02:23,784 --> 00:02:25,824
I'll wait with you till it comes.
31
00:02:25,824 --> 00:02:27,584
Ma, I'm not a child any more.
32
00:02:27,584 --> 00:02:30,704
I know, but I'm your mother,
and that's not gonna change,
33
00:02:30,704 --> 00:02:33,984
no matter how grown up
and sophisticated you get!
34
00:02:33,984 --> 00:02:36,263
See you in the village!
35
00:02:36,263 --> 00:02:38,944
HE HONKS HORN Ooh!
36
00:02:38,944 --> 00:02:41,344
Here's your flighty Reverend Handsome.
37
00:02:41,344 --> 00:02:42,624
Ma! Please.
38
00:02:42,624 --> 00:02:44,504
Morning, Reverend!
39
00:02:44,504 --> 00:02:46,464
Oh. Good morning.
40
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:50,263
Er, where are you two going?
41
00:02:50,263 --> 00:02:53,744
Sorry, is that rude?
No! Work, first day.
42
00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:56,704
Ma's just checking I don't get on
the wrong bus and end up in Calais.
43
00:02:56,704 --> 00:02:58,464
Yes, I read your
article. It was brilliant.
44
00:02:58,464 --> 00:03:00,904
Perhaps you could write
something for the parish magazine.
45
00:03:00,904 --> 00:03:03,424
SHE LAUGHS God, no. No-one reads that!
46
00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:07,224
I'm sorry. No, they
should. I mean, they should.
47
00:03:07,224 --> 00:03:08,384
I'm sure it's marvellous,
48
00:03:08,384 --> 00:03:10,544
now that you're involved.
Don't know about that.
49
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,944
Well, I'd... best be getting on.
50
00:03:15,944 --> 00:03:17,664
Bye.
51
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,504
Ugh...
52
00:03:22,504 --> 00:03:25,424
Why did I say that? Was I rude?
53
00:03:25,424 --> 00:03:27,504
You were lovely. You both were.
54
00:03:31,584 --> 00:03:35,744
Completely hopeless, but lovely!
55
00:03:37,144 --> 00:03:38,544
Thank you.
56
00:03:55,464 --> 00:03:59,144
CHUCKLING: I don't remember
us being so tongue-tied!
57
00:03:59,144 --> 00:04:02,064
No, we knew what tongues were used for.
58
00:04:02,064 --> 00:04:03,544
HE LAUGHS
59
00:04:05,384 --> 00:04:08,864
Walk on. Don't let them intimidate you.
60
00:04:12,504 --> 00:04:15,304
I am known for my forgiving nature.
61
00:04:15,304 --> 00:04:16,824
But you two have got a nerve,
62
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,064
swanning about after what you've done.
63
00:04:19,064 --> 00:04:22,144
I think you'll find it was
your husband that got arrested.
64
00:04:22,144 --> 00:04:23,904
I was trying to help you!
65
00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:26,344
We'll let the courts
decide that, shall we?
66
00:04:26,344 --> 00:04:28,744
It'll never GET to court! Ma...
67
00:04:28,744 --> 00:04:30,464
You great pink harlot!
68
00:04:30,464 --> 00:04:31,904
Hit her.
69
00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,864
I don't think that would be very wise.
70
00:04:33,864 --> 00:04:35,584
Come on, Ma.
71
00:04:35,584 --> 00:04:37,024
Ignore 'em.
72
00:04:39,744 --> 00:04:42,224
Let's go and get a little
something to steady our nerves, eh?
73
00:04:42,224 --> 00:04:45,104
Yeah, you're right. Oh...
74
00:04:46,224 --> 00:04:48,343
I'll join you.
75
00:04:48,343 --> 00:04:50,704
I'm just on Cupid duty. Ah.
76
00:05:03,343 --> 00:05:05,184
SHE CLEARS THROAT
77
00:05:05,184 --> 00:05:07,024
Sorry to bother you, Reverend.
78
00:05:07,024 --> 00:05:09,504
Oh, Mrs Larkin. How can I help?
79
00:05:09,504 --> 00:05:11,544
I just brought some
flowers for Miss Pilchester.
80
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:13,584
I heard she's doing the
plinths this afternoon.
81
00:05:13,584 --> 00:05:15,184
Plinths?
82
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,584
Yes, plinths. It's the Everest
of church floral arranging.
83
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:20,824
I thought she might be
in need of some tall ones.
84
00:05:20,824 --> 00:05:22,144
That's very kind.
85
00:05:22,144 --> 00:05:24,424
Are you not tempted to join
the flower ladies yourself?
86
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:26,784
Ooh, no, no, they're a vicious lot.
87
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:30,024
One drooping carnation on
the vicar's big pedestal,
88
00:05:30,024 --> 00:05:31,144
it's social death.
89
00:05:31,144 --> 00:05:33,184
Are you not a regular churchgoer?
90
00:05:33,184 --> 00:05:34,904
No, not really.
91
00:05:34,904 --> 00:05:37,384
I do my praying amongst the
bluebells, truth be told.
92
00:05:37,384 --> 00:05:39,864
Well, I'm always here for you.
93
00:05:39,864 --> 00:05:42,944
Perfect! Supper at Larkin
Farm, tonight at seven.
94
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:44,904
See you there! I'm not
sure I'm available...
95
00:05:44,904 --> 00:05:46,704
Oh, you wouldn't want
me to think that your
96
00:05:46,704 --> 00:05:49,224
"I'm always there for you" is
just some old flannel, would you?
97
00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,864
No. Lamb?
98
00:05:50,864 --> 00:05:52,944
Goose? Chicken in a basket?
Sausages in a basket?
99
00:05:52,944 --> 00:05:54,784
Stop me if you like the
sound of any of these.
100
00:05:54,784 --> 00:05:56,704
Chicken? Smashing.
101
00:05:58,343 --> 00:06:00,864
And bring your appetite!
102
00:06:05,664 --> 00:06:07,544
Kitchen's through there.
103
00:06:07,544 --> 00:06:10,064
You'll be responsible for
sorting the mail there.
104
00:06:10,064 --> 00:06:11,264
Ubiquitous filing.
105
00:06:11,264 --> 00:06:14,944
And ashtrays are emptied in there,
not in the wastepaper baskets.
106
00:06:14,944 --> 00:06:17,264
We've had fires. End of tour.
107
00:06:17,264 --> 00:06:19,424
Thank you. And where
would you like me to sit?
108
00:06:19,424 --> 00:06:20,864
Anywhere you like.
109
00:06:23,144 --> 00:06:24,744
Not there.
110
00:06:24,744 --> 00:06:26,584
Sorry.
111
00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:29,064
And what would you like me to do first?
112
00:06:29,064 --> 00:06:31,144
Pop the kettle on?
113
00:06:31,144 --> 00:06:33,344
Absolutely. Right away.
114
00:06:35,744 --> 00:06:38,784
VEHICLE APPROACHING
115
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:49,064
Oi, oi!
116
00:06:49,064 --> 00:06:50,704
Fruity!
117
00:06:50,704 --> 00:06:52,744
Fruity Pears!
118
00:06:52,744 --> 00:06:55,664
All right, Pop? Must be ten year.
119
00:06:55,664 --> 00:06:58,144
You've aged. I have - ten year.
120
00:06:58,144 --> 00:07:00,304
HE CHUCKLES How's the
fair lark treating you?
121
00:07:00,304 --> 00:07:02,144
Business isn't what it was.
122
00:07:02,144 --> 00:07:04,504
Is it better? I'm
thinking of turning it in.
123
00:07:04,504 --> 00:07:07,264
No! Some days, I can't
even cover me coconuts.
124
00:07:07,264 --> 00:07:08,624
I blame the telly.
125
00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:10,264
Well, pull up over there, on the green.
126
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:13,624
I'll help you drum up some business.
You're on a hiding to nothing, mate.
127
00:07:13,624 --> 00:07:15,464
Trust me.
128
00:07:17,264 --> 00:07:18,464
HE LAUGHS
129
00:07:18,464 --> 00:07:19,704
Park up.
130
00:07:35,144 --> 00:07:37,144
Look!
131
00:07:37,144 --> 00:07:39,064
Drive into the puddle
and drench them, Daddy.
132
00:07:39,064 --> 00:07:40,704
I'd rather not make things any worse.
133
00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:43,664
Drive into the puddle
and drench them, Daddy!
134
00:07:45,744 --> 00:07:46,864
THEY EXCLAIM
135
00:07:46,864 --> 00:07:48,184
Hate you!
136
00:07:48,184 --> 00:07:49,624
You've got a flat tyre!
137
00:07:49,624 --> 00:07:51,384
BRAKES SQUEAL
138
00:08:02,104 --> 00:08:03,343
THEY EXCLAIM
139
00:08:07,224 --> 00:08:10,824
Give me those keys, tiny girl,
or I will... Zinnia!
140
00:08:14,824 --> 00:08:17,864
If you do that, I will personally
feed you to the cow next.
141
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,384
Too late.
142
00:08:19,384 --> 00:08:20,744
SHE LAUGHS
143
00:08:20,744 --> 00:08:24,024
How long does it take
until... I don't know!
144
00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:26,424
Bye! ALL LAUGHING
145
00:08:30,624 --> 00:08:33,224
TYPEWRITERS CLICKING
146
00:08:40,064 --> 00:08:43,384
Can I do anything to help?
Too busy to think of anything.
147
00:08:43,384 --> 00:08:44,504
Lance?
148
00:08:44,504 --> 00:08:48,223
Still no. Just quicker
if I do it myself.
149
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,704
OK, well, just shout if you
need me. Will do. But, Primrose,
150
00:08:51,704 --> 00:08:55,184
maybe ask every 15 minutes
instead of every five.
151
00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:56,864
Got it.
152
00:08:57,984 --> 00:09:00,304
MUTTERS: Every... 15...
153
00:09:02,824 --> 00:09:04,624
Oof! Morning, sir!
154
00:09:04,624 --> 00:09:08,224
Harvey. Harvey, let
me help you with those.
155
00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:12,704
I'm glad I caught you, actually,
because I wanted to have a word.
156
00:09:12,704 --> 00:09:16,304
Are those words "Would you
like a cup of tea, Harvey?"
157
00:09:16,304 --> 00:09:17,984
No. Should they be? Yes, they should.
158
00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:20,584
Two sugars. Thanks awfully.
159
00:09:20,584 --> 00:09:22,624
My-My pleasure.
160
00:09:32,744 --> 00:09:35,344
D'you think we should tell
the kids about the other night?
161
00:09:35,344 --> 00:09:37,104
Just say I had cramp, like we always do.
162
00:09:37,104 --> 00:09:39,664
THEY CHUCKLE I meant
about the Jerebohms!
163
00:09:39,664 --> 00:09:41,984
Nah. It'll all have blown
over by teatime, Ma, trust me.
164
00:09:41,984 --> 00:09:43,624
DOOR OPENS Ma!
165
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,664
It wasn't our fault.
They came out of nowhere.
166
00:09:45,664 --> 00:09:47,424
We saved as many
strawberries as we could.
167
00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:50,064
I thought they were coming for us!
Hang on, hang on. One at a time.
168
00:09:50,064 --> 00:09:51,864
What's happened? Who's come for you?
169
00:09:51,864 --> 00:09:54,024
The Jerebohms. They tried
to run us off the road.
170
00:09:54,024 --> 00:09:57,104
They've got it in for
us. This is a campaign.
171
00:09:57,104 --> 00:09:59,064
Did you get 'em back? Yeah. A bit.
172
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:01,664
There you go, then. You
normally wanna pitch in too.
173
00:10:01,664 --> 00:10:03,624
The Jerebohms are spoiling for a fight,
174
00:10:03,624 --> 00:10:05,424
and from now on, we're
not gonna give 'em one.
175
00:10:05,424 --> 00:10:08,864
Understand? Not really. Well,
that is what's happening.
176
00:10:11,624 --> 00:10:16,104
Come on, my little lemon pips,
let's get you out of these wet togs.
177
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,384
THEY MOUTH
178
00:10:40,304 --> 00:10:42,264
Primrose, what are you
doing? A tea station.
179
00:10:42,264 --> 00:10:44,144
I got the urn out of the back room.
180
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,264
There is a selection of teas and coffees
181
00:10:46,264 --> 00:10:49,544
and the best home-made biscuits in Kent.
182
00:10:49,544 --> 00:10:51,704
So just help yourselves.
183
00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,344
Oh, I see.
184
00:10:53,344 --> 00:10:55,464
Which means I'm now free
to do some actual work.
185
00:10:55,464 --> 00:10:56,944
So, will you give me a proper story,
186
00:10:56,944 --> 00:10:59,464
or shall I just go and get one myself?
187
00:10:59,464 --> 00:11:00,784
Oh, God, she's clever.
188
00:11:00,784 --> 00:11:04,664
Mmm. She's not wrong about
these biscuits, either.
189
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:13,304
Oh!
190
00:11:13,304 --> 00:11:15,184
SHE INHALES DEEPLY
191
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:17,384
Oh! Mmm.
192
00:11:35,864 --> 00:11:37,184
SHE GASPS
193
00:11:42,304 --> 00:11:43,784
I love you, children!
194
00:11:45,584 --> 00:11:47,424
Only joking.
195
00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:15,704
Eat some carrots. I'm not really hungry.
196
00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:20,464
Right, you lot, eat up sharpish.
197
00:12:20,464 --> 00:12:22,784
I've got a cracking
evening planned for us.
198
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,264
Take a look at this!
199
00:12:25,584 --> 00:12:26,824
Ah!
200
00:12:26,824 --> 00:12:30,784
Oh, we spent some happy days at
Fruity's in our youth, eh, Pop?
201
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,064
Not 'alf. "Arms inside the cars!"
202
00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:35,064
AS FRUITY: "No snoggin'
on the 'elter-skelter!"
203
00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:36,424
"Be sick outside the cars!"
204
00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:38,864
Guess what? He's here this
weekend! So, who's coming?
205
00:12:38,864 --> 00:12:40,464
Sounds ropey.
206
00:12:40,464 --> 00:12:42,584
Yeah, we heard it was
a bit old and crap.
207
00:12:42,584 --> 00:12:44,304
Give me that! DOOR OPENS
208
00:12:44,304 --> 00:12:46,384
Oh, Primrose, darling!
209
00:12:46,384 --> 00:12:47,904
How was it? Brilliant.
210
00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:50,984
Any chance of more biscuits tomorrow?
211
00:12:50,984 --> 00:12:53,984
Turns out journalists like
the truth and biscuits.
212
00:12:53,984 --> 00:12:55,064
Not in that order.
213
00:12:55,064 --> 00:12:56,664
Oven's on already, poppet.
214
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:59,664
Thanks. You'll come to the
fair with us, won't you, Prim?
215
00:12:59,664 --> 00:13:02,984
Oh... No, no, she'd like to
relax at home after her first day.
216
00:13:04,224 --> 00:13:06,504
Ma? I've got a guest coming.
217
00:13:07,624 --> 00:13:09,344
What, so no takers? Really?
218
00:13:09,344 --> 00:13:12,184
We'd rather have the swimming
pool up and running. Yep.
219
00:13:12,184 --> 00:13:14,264
Well, fine. But I can't
let Fruity go belly-up
220
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:16,264
cos kids of today have
forgotten how to have fun.
221
00:13:16,264 --> 00:13:17,864
So I'll find folk who 'aven't.
222
00:13:24,864 --> 00:13:26,824
Oh, don't go.
223
00:13:26,824 --> 00:13:28,424
Pop! No, come back.
224
00:13:29,984 --> 00:13:32,784
Kids, you've upset your father.
225
00:13:32,784 --> 00:13:35,664
Do you know how hard that is
to do? Sorry, Ma. Sorry, Ma.
226
00:13:35,664 --> 00:13:37,144
Don't get spoilt,
227
00:13:37,144 --> 00:13:39,784
like that little Cruella and
the other Jerebohm devil-child.
228
00:13:39,784 --> 00:13:42,784
Though what hope they've got,
with those parents, I don't know.
229
00:13:42,784 --> 00:13:44,224
Swimming pools!
230
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,704
Honestly.
231
00:13:45,704 --> 00:13:48,464
Whatever happened to
honest entertainment?
232
00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:52,624
With the chance of losing an
arm, crushed between bumper cars?
233
00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:57,904
WHISTLING, BIKE CREAKING
234
00:14:01,504 --> 00:14:03,344
POP STRAINS
235
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:07,464
Evening, Mr Larkin! Ah!
236
00:14:07,464 --> 00:14:10,264
All right, Rev? Ma
will be in the kitchen.
237
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:12,344
Take it easy on the God stuff.
238
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:15,064
Cos if she signs up to a nunnery,
I'll hold you responsible.
239
00:14:15,064 --> 00:14:17,144
I'll do my best.
240
00:14:17,144 --> 00:14:19,544
Oh... Sorry, where are you taking that?
241
00:14:19,544 --> 00:14:21,904
Squeaky bottom bracket.
242
00:14:23,144 --> 00:14:26,344
Right, thank you.
243
00:14:26,344 --> 00:14:27,984
I think.
244
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,424
POP CHUCKLES
245
00:14:44,824 --> 00:14:47,824
Here he is, God's foot soldier!
246
00:14:47,824 --> 00:14:50,904
Perfect timing. Pull up a chair.
247
00:14:50,904 --> 00:14:53,304
Hungry? Yes, on purpose.
248
00:14:53,304 --> 00:14:56,704
I'm told Larkin portion
size is legendary.
249
00:14:56,704 --> 00:14:59,704
This is a temple of plenty,
and we know when we're lucky.
250
00:14:59,704 --> 00:15:02,824
Me and my brood, we've all
eaten, apart from Primrose.
251
00:15:05,664 --> 00:15:08,064
What's life like at the vicarage?
252
00:15:08,064 --> 00:15:10,624
I can't imagine that the vicar's
much of a cook. No.
253
00:15:10,624 --> 00:15:12,104
He's been known to heat up Spam,
254
00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:15,064
but his real skill is waiting
for someone else to cook for him.
255
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:18,744
SHE LAUGHS Ah, well, we
all love a rogue vicar!
256
00:15:18,744 --> 00:15:19,784
HE CHUCKLES
257
00:15:19,784 --> 00:15:21,344
Why do we love a rogue vicar? Oh!
258
00:15:21,344 --> 00:15:22,944
Reverend Candy. CUTLERY CLATTERS
259
00:15:22,944 --> 00:15:24,104
Hello, Primrose.
260
00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:26,544
Didn't realise you were
here. He just popped in...
261
00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:29,304
Well, you asked me...
..on the off chance.
262
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,304
Are you hungry, my love?
Course you are. Take a seat.
263
00:15:32,304 --> 00:15:34,704
While I get on with
essential farm work outside.
264
00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:37,504
I see. Ma, might we have
a quick word outside?
265
00:15:38,584 --> 00:15:40,744
Help yourself to gravy.
266
00:15:40,744 --> 00:15:44,424
Cold gravy is the work of
Satan. But you'll know that.
267
00:15:46,344 --> 00:15:48,824
Could you please explain,
right now, what you're doing?
268
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:50,544
I asked him to come over.
269
00:15:50,544 --> 00:15:52,384
Why? You were all over him,
270
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:54,664
he panicked, knocked
you back, you gave up,
271
00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:56,944
so I'm helping you back on the horse.
272
00:15:56,944 --> 00:15:58,984
Well, fair enough.
273
00:15:58,984 --> 00:16:00,264
But now what?
274
00:16:00,264 --> 00:16:02,864
You have a little chat
over a lump of meat,
275
00:16:02,864 --> 00:16:04,424
get to know each other better.
276
00:16:04,424 --> 00:16:06,064
All very casual, like.
277
00:16:07,904 --> 00:16:09,224
Thank you.
278
00:16:22,184 --> 00:16:23,824
You're looking nice.
279
00:16:23,824 --> 00:16:25,864
SHE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
280
00:16:27,064 --> 00:16:28,184
So are you.
281
00:16:41,344 --> 00:16:42,824
Er...
282
00:17:00,064 --> 00:17:02,504
All right, General?
Escaping from Colditz?
283
00:17:04,184 --> 00:17:06,064
Jump in! Save your legs for another day.
284
00:17:06,064 --> 00:17:09,504
Er, too kind. But I'd rather
walk, let off some steam, eh?
285
00:17:09,504 --> 00:17:10,984
Ah. Having a domestic?
286
00:17:12,023 --> 00:17:16,344
Yes. My sister and I are in dispute
about where the shoes should go.
287
00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:18,704
Well, I can easily see how
that gets out of control.
288
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,984
To be honest, we haven't stopped arguing
289
00:17:20,984 --> 00:17:23,263
since we landed here in 1946.
290
00:17:23,263 --> 00:17:26,303
Oh, and there's that
faux pas with Angela Snow.
291
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,144
Where are you?!
292
00:17:31,944 --> 00:17:33,303
Hah!
293
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:37,144
Run away! I'll put the shoes
where I damn well please!
294
00:17:39,504 --> 00:17:41,504
Where are we going?
295
00:17:41,504 --> 00:17:43,264
I'm on my way to pick up Edith.
296
00:17:43,264 --> 00:17:45,624
Little funfair in town,
thought she might like it.
297
00:17:45,624 --> 00:17:48,504
I'm sure. Who can
resist a tunnel of love?
298
00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:50,184
Steady on, General!
299
00:17:50,184 --> 00:17:52,584
And, of course, she
gets sad without company,
300
00:17:52,584 --> 00:17:56,064
does our Miss Pilchester. Well,
we are pack animals, Larkin.
301
00:17:56,064 --> 00:17:58,544
Yeah. I'm sure The Pilch
will appreciate it greatly.
302
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,584
Oh, "The Pilch", eh?
303
00:18:00,584 --> 00:18:03,584
You and Edith ever considered
combining forces, Brigadier?
304
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:07,264
Heavens, no. We all know Edith
only has eyes for one man.
305
00:18:07,264 --> 00:18:11,504
Oh, yeah, the dead fiance.
Yeah. Terrible business, war.
306
00:18:11,504 --> 00:18:14,224
Yeah, something like that, Larkin.
307
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:16,144
Something like that.
308
00:18:26,504 --> 00:18:29,624
Oh, it's you, Mr Larkin. How splendid.
309
00:18:29,624 --> 00:18:31,984
Brigadier, you are also a delight.
310
00:18:31,984 --> 00:18:34,384
Pop is taking us to the
funfair, Edith. Come along!
311
00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:37,704
It's like a middle-aged
version of The Wizard Of Oz.
312
00:18:37,704 --> 00:18:40,784
I'd love to come, but what
absolutely ghastly timing.
313
00:18:40,784 --> 00:18:43,384
I've been experimenting with
beetroot. I'm simply not ready.
314
00:18:43,384 --> 00:18:46,024
Well, you are worth the
wait. Don't you agree, Major?
315
00:18:46,024 --> 00:18:48,024
The longer I'm out of
the house, the better.
316
00:18:48,024 --> 00:18:50,784
Then I'll scrub away at my
purple and I'll be right out!
317
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:56,824
Experimenting with beetroot?
318
00:18:56,824 --> 00:18:58,264
Best not to ask.
319
00:19:03,384 --> 00:19:05,864
How could you let them
feed the car keys to a cow?
320
00:19:05,864 --> 00:19:08,264
They are fiendish children.
321
00:19:08,264 --> 00:19:11,584
Make Gilbert wait by the
cow and search the cowpats.
322
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,344
Make Blanche do it! Her
face is like a cowpat.
323
00:19:14,344 --> 00:19:17,104
Berndt is going into town
to get a duplicate key.
324
00:19:19,144 --> 00:19:22,104
Sending Larkin to prison
won't be enough now.
325
00:19:22,104 --> 00:19:24,784
I want his whole family humiliated.
326
00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:28,984
Whoa.
327
00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:33,184
I can't believe the incompetence.
328
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,264
All right, out you jump.
329
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,104
BRIGADIER AND MISS PILCHESTER GIGGLING
330
00:19:45,104 --> 00:19:46,864
Come on. Brilliant.
331
00:19:46,864 --> 00:19:48,264
CHATTER, SQUEALING
332
00:19:48,264 --> 00:19:51,024
All right, Fruity? Promised I'd
bring you some business, didn't I?
333
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,984
Is that it? Don't let
appearances deceive.
334
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:54,904
These two are pillars of the community.
335
00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:56,784
Once the village sees
them knockin' about,
336
00:19:56,784 --> 00:19:58,344
you'll be inundated, make no mistake.
337
00:19:58,344 --> 00:20:00,104
LAUGHTER BOY: Go on,
see how high you can go!
338
00:20:00,104 --> 00:20:02,504
Oi, you lot! Calm it down!
339
00:20:02,504 --> 00:20:03,944
Or what, you old git?
340
00:20:03,944 --> 00:20:05,904
Or you'll regret it, that's what.
341
00:20:05,904 --> 00:20:08,184
BOTH, MOCKINGLY: Ooh!
342
00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:09,664
See what I have to deal with, Pop?
343
00:20:09,664 --> 00:20:11,704
No worse than us when we were their age.
344
00:20:11,704 --> 00:20:14,744
You rode a sheep naked into church.
345
00:20:14,744 --> 00:20:16,424
Right, my treat. Come on.
346
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:20,064
What'll it be? Coconuts,
roundabout, swings, or what?
347
00:20:20,064 --> 00:20:21,504
When does the music start?
348
00:20:21,504 --> 00:20:24,344
Do I need to put, er,
money in it somewhere?
349
00:20:24,344 --> 00:20:25,944
It's out of order.
350
00:20:25,944 --> 00:20:28,624
And I've no money or inclination
to get it back, neither.
351
00:20:28,624 --> 00:20:31,904
That's a shame. I'd absolutely
adore to get my hands on a coconut.
352
00:20:31,904 --> 00:20:33,104
Right!
353
00:20:33,104 --> 00:20:36,384
Fruity, I'll have five bob's
worth, and get the prize ready,
354
00:20:36,384 --> 00:20:39,144
cos Edith here played
stoolball for Kent Ladies.
355
00:20:39,144 --> 00:20:41,264
Not very well, by all
accounts, but she played.
356
00:20:41,264 --> 00:20:43,384
EDITH LAUGHS Thank you.
357
00:20:43,384 --> 00:20:47,344
TEENAGERS SHOUT AND LAUGH
358
00:20:48,944 --> 00:20:51,024
Hello!
359
00:20:51,024 --> 00:20:52,184
Ow!
360
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:55,184
Ooh, that's gonna
frighten off my customers.
361
00:20:55,184 --> 00:20:58,104
You lot, that's it! Do
one. Go on, get out of it!
362
00:20:58,104 --> 00:20:59,824
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
363
00:20:59,824 --> 00:21:01,224
I'm not having that.
364
00:21:01,224 --> 00:21:03,584
Don't risk a hair of your
fabulous head, Mr Larkin.
365
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,624
Come on, tone it down, lads.
366
00:21:08,104 --> 00:21:10,264
Oh, you want it nasty, do you?
367
00:21:10,264 --> 00:21:13,304
Yeah, cos nasty's more interesting
than this crappy old fair.
368
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:17,224
Hey! It might be crappy, but
at least it's all paid for.
369
00:21:17,224 --> 00:21:19,704
Oi! Right. Now you've made me angry.
370
00:21:21,384 --> 00:21:23,064
I could cut you up like a kipper, mate.
371
00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:24,384
Argh!
372
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:26,344
Bloody hell!
373
00:21:26,344 --> 00:21:30,184
EDITH GRUNTING, BOYS YELPING
374
00:21:30,184 --> 00:21:32,384
And don't come back!
375
00:21:32,384 --> 00:21:34,784
Leave it, Jed! Come on, Jed!
376
00:21:34,784 --> 00:21:36,424
Edith Pilchester!
377
00:21:36,424 --> 00:21:39,864
EDITH LAUGHS Well
played, that woman, eh?
378
00:21:39,864 --> 00:21:42,304
HE LAUGHS Thank you, thank you.
379
00:21:42,304 --> 00:21:44,144
How much do I owe you for the balls?
380
00:21:44,144 --> 00:21:46,504
You're joking?! I think she
deserves a coconut, don't you?
381
00:21:46,504 --> 00:21:48,384
She can have the lot.
382
00:21:48,384 --> 00:21:50,584
That's it. I'm done.
383
00:21:52,104 --> 00:21:54,904
MUTED CONVERSATION
384
00:21:54,904 --> 00:21:57,224
PRIMROSE LAUGHING You're so funny!
385
00:21:57,224 --> 00:22:00,264
CONVERSATION CONTINUES
386
00:22:00,264 --> 00:22:01,864
CHAIR SCRAPES
387
00:22:14,624 --> 00:22:17,384
SHE GASPS
388
00:22:25,664 --> 00:22:29,104
HE SIGHS I've eaten
so much, I can't move.
389
00:22:29,104 --> 00:22:31,064
Oh, well, just sit there till morning.
390
00:22:31,064 --> 00:22:34,344
Yes, just cover me in a tea towel
so I don't scare your parents.
391
00:22:34,344 --> 00:22:36,464
THEY LAUGH
392
00:22:36,464 --> 00:22:39,744
I'm embarrassed that I needed
your mother to engineer this.
393
00:22:40,704 --> 00:22:43,064
Me too. Shame on you.
394
00:22:43,064 --> 00:22:44,984
I'm not used to women.
395
00:22:44,984 --> 00:22:47,584
I went to a boys' school,
I studied with men, I...
396
00:22:47,584 --> 00:22:49,504
The Holy Trinity are all men.
397
00:22:50,824 --> 00:22:52,304
I think they hover above gender.
398
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:55,064
Yes, that is a theological minefield.
399
00:22:55,064 --> 00:22:56,944
Well, I'm not used to men, so...
400
00:22:58,384 --> 00:22:59,824
..let's learn together.
401
00:23:06,624 --> 00:23:08,024
Hey, Ma.
402
00:23:08,024 --> 00:23:11,224
Guess what? You've only
missed Edith Pilchester
403
00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:13,184
attacking Teddy Boys with wooden balls.
404
00:23:13,184 --> 00:23:15,104
Get out of here. Swear on my life.
405
00:23:15,104 --> 00:23:16,984
I've never seen quiffs move so quick!
406
00:23:16,984 --> 00:23:19,064
How's the Romeo Rev and Prim?
407
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,904
They still strong at it? Yep.
408
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,904
Good.
409
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:25,344
You all right, Ma? What's going on?
410
00:23:25,344 --> 00:23:26,624
You tell me.
411
00:23:26,624 --> 00:23:28,784
Er...
412
00:23:28,784 --> 00:23:31,184
All right, well, I do
have a confession to make.
413
00:23:31,184 --> 00:23:34,184
I hoped you'd get round
to it. Oh, so you know?
414
00:23:34,184 --> 00:23:36,864
Assume I know everything, always.
415
00:23:36,864 --> 00:23:38,224
And you're not angry?
416
00:23:38,224 --> 00:23:39,824
Nah, I'm more worried.
417
00:23:40,784 --> 00:23:43,104
Worry? Where's the worry
in buying a funfair?
418
00:23:44,184 --> 00:23:46,144
You bought a ruddy funfair?!
419
00:23:46,144 --> 00:23:47,704
Well, I couldn't let Fruity
420
00:23:47,704 --> 00:23:49,544
just sell it to any
old person, could I, Ma?
421
00:23:49,544 --> 00:23:51,144
Some things need preserving.
422
00:23:51,144 --> 00:23:53,344
What d'you think I was
talking about? This!
423
00:23:54,544 --> 00:23:56,504
Oh, Ma.
424
00:23:56,504 --> 00:23:58,224
That's nothing.
425
00:23:58,224 --> 00:24:00,784
Pop, we've got to take it
seriously, It's a court summons!
426
00:24:00,784 --> 00:24:02,264
Bloody jelly-bums, eh?
427
00:24:02,264 --> 00:24:03,904
They must have friends in high places.
428
00:24:03,904 --> 00:24:05,304
We need to take this serious.
429
00:24:05,304 --> 00:24:07,064
You're on trial for
breaking and entering.
430
00:24:07,064 --> 00:24:09,104
You could go to prison.
But I didn't do it.
431
00:24:09,104 --> 00:24:11,104
Which is exactly what
most of the poor buggers
432
00:24:11,104 --> 00:24:12,384
in the clanger say, too.
433
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:13,744
No, we can't take a chance.
434
00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:15,944
All right, all right, we'll sort it out.
435
00:24:15,944 --> 00:24:18,384
Right, and we're gonna
tell the kids, too.
436
00:24:18,384 --> 00:24:19,544
Huh? Yeah.
437
00:24:19,544 --> 00:24:22,264
And Mariette and Charley,
if I can track 'em down
438
00:24:22,264 --> 00:24:24,104
in the arse end of
Europe, wherever they are.
439
00:24:24,104 --> 00:24:25,744
No, not yet, Ma. They'll only worry.
440
00:24:25,744 --> 00:24:28,104
Give me a chance to clear my
name first, then we'll tell 'em.
441
00:24:28,104 --> 00:24:31,504
All right, but I don't hold
with secrets in this family.
442
00:24:31,504 --> 00:24:34,584
And we'll need to keep your
nose clean in the meantime.
443
00:24:48,304 --> 00:24:50,304
Listen to that.
444
00:24:50,304 --> 00:24:51,704
I don't hear anything.
445
00:24:51,704 --> 00:24:54,904
Exactly! Victoria fixed my bike.
446
00:24:54,904 --> 00:24:57,624
Well, us Larkin girls are known
for being good with our hands.
447
00:24:57,624 --> 00:24:58,864
Right.
448
00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:01,624
I mean, we've... we've
all got our talents.
449
00:25:01,624 --> 00:25:04,024
What's yours?
450
00:25:04,024 --> 00:25:05,784
Oh, erm... Gosh...
451
00:25:06,744 --> 00:25:08,864
I suppose writing?
452
00:25:08,864 --> 00:25:10,944
And I love poetry, Donne particularly.
453
00:25:10,944 --> 00:25:12,624
Do you know him? Never heard of him.
454
00:25:12,624 --> 00:25:13,864
Oh...
455
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:18,384
"I wonder, by my troth
456
00:25:18,384 --> 00:25:20,544
"What thou and I did till we loved?"
457
00:25:23,824 --> 00:25:25,384
I do wonder, actually.
458
00:25:27,824 --> 00:25:29,064
So do I.
459
00:25:35,304 --> 00:25:36,584
Thank you.
460
00:25:36,584 --> 00:25:38,464
I-I don't mean "thank you".
461
00:25:38,464 --> 00:25:40,104
Oh.
462
00:25:40,104 --> 00:25:42,104
I mean this.
463
00:25:51,944 --> 00:25:53,344
Do you want to jump on?
464
00:25:54,584 --> 00:25:55,984
Why not?
465
00:25:59,264 --> 00:26:01,704
THEY CHUCKLE
466
00:26:07,744 --> 00:26:09,784
PRIMROSE LAUGHS
467
00:26:15,704 --> 00:26:17,744
OWL HOOTS
468
00:26:21,104 --> 00:26:22,744
CLANGING
469
00:26:23,984 --> 00:26:26,024
RATTLING
470
00:26:27,864 --> 00:26:29,704
CLANGING
471
00:26:34,624 --> 00:26:36,104
Oh, grow up.
472
00:26:37,064 --> 00:26:38,544
THUD
473
00:26:42,104 --> 00:26:44,144
TELEPHONE RINGS
474
00:26:45,944 --> 00:26:48,744
Who's telephoning at this time of night?
475
00:26:48,744 --> 00:26:50,904
Oh, I don't know.
476
00:26:50,904 --> 00:26:53,304
But it's never good news, is it?
477
00:26:54,624 --> 00:26:56,664
TELEPHONE RINGS
478
00:27:09,584 --> 00:27:12,704
Who is it? PC Larkin reporting for duty.
479
00:27:15,424 --> 00:27:18,904
I-I-I'm so sorry to drag you out
of your home. What am I thinking?
480
00:27:18,904 --> 00:27:20,304
Don't fret, Edith.
481
00:27:20,304 --> 00:27:22,904
I heard noises, and I was petrified
those thugs had come to get me
482
00:27:22,904 --> 00:27:25,024
because they heard my name,
and anyone can look me up
483
00:27:25,024 --> 00:27:26,984
in the telephone directory
and find my address.
484
00:27:26,984 --> 00:27:28,944
Perhaps I should have
put a false one in, but...
485
00:27:28,944 --> 00:27:31,184
Calm, Edith, calm, or
you'll have a stroke.
486
00:27:31,184 --> 00:27:33,144
I feel silly now, in
fact, I increasingly do.
487
00:27:33,144 --> 00:27:34,624
But they could be in the woodshed...
488
00:27:34,624 --> 00:27:37,624
Exactly, so I'm gonna stay with
you tonight until the morning.
489
00:27:37,624 --> 00:27:38,784
Won't people talk?
490
00:27:38,784 --> 00:27:40,504
Well, it's been known,
but I'd rather that
491
00:27:40,504 --> 00:27:42,704
than you lose your marbles,
so where shall I kip?
492
00:27:44,264 --> 00:27:46,344
Er...
493
00:27:46,344 --> 00:27:47,784
Well...
494
00:27:47,784 --> 00:27:49,104
Erm...
495
00:27:49,104 --> 00:27:52,264
You must think I'm an
absolute drip and a clot.
496
00:27:53,304 --> 00:27:54,824
Quite the opposite.
497
00:27:54,824 --> 00:27:57,384
Especially now we know you can
kill a man with a wooden ball.
498
00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,984
SHE CHUCKLES
499
00:28:00,304 --> 00:28:02,384
SCRATCHING
500
00:28:02,384 --> 00:28:04,024
Is that someone scratching at the door?
501
00:28:04,024 --> 00:28:05,784
No, sorry, that's me.
502
00:28:05,784 --> 00:28:09,024
I'm a massive scratcher in
times of stress and excitement.
503
00:28:12,584 --> 00:28:14,744
What brought on the attack of purple?
504
00:28:16,464 --> 00:28:19,504
Surplus beetroot. I hate waste.
505
00:28:19,504 --> 00:28:21,984
And perhaps the influence of Pinkie.
506
00:28:23,024 --> 00:28:26,544
She may be evil, but let's
applaud her commitment to colour.
507
00:28:26,544 --> 00:28:28,144
Mm.
508
00:28:29,224 --> 00:28:33,384
Who'd have thought it, eh? Me
and you, chatting away in bed.
509
00:28:33,384 --> 00:28:38,704
Yes, absolutely, that's...
never, ever crossed my mind.
510
00:28:40,024 --> 00:28:41,784
Things could've been so different.
511
00:28:41,784 --> 00:28:44,464
Oh, don't. It's the hope that kills you.
512
00:28:46,264 --> 00:28:48,864
If only your fiance hadn't
have died during the war.
513
00:28:48,864 --> 00:28:50,984
Ah. Yes, so...
514
00:28:50,984 --> 00:28:54,024
What kills you is either the hope or...
515
00:28:54,024 --> 00:28:56,024
crashing your Spitfire into a cliff.
516
00:28:57,344 --> 00:28:58,584
What was he like?
517
00:28:58,584 --> 00:29:00,104
Piers?
518
00:29:03,024 --> 00:29:06,064
D'you know, I'm beginning
to forget. Well, Edith...
519
00:29:07,024 --> 00:29:08,464
You need to replace him, then.
520
00:29:12,344 --> 00:29:15,144
Please don't just slip
away in the morning.
521
00:29:15,144 --> 00:29:16,904
I'd love us to...
522
00:29:16,904 --> 00:29:20,104
have a cup of tea together,
as if we had, you know...
523
00:29:20,104 --> 00:29:21,464
As if we were...
524
00:29:22,664 --> 00:29:23,904
Anyway.
525
00:29:25,784 --> 00:29:27,024
Of course, Edith.
526
00:29:31,304 --> 00:29:33,024
I'm gonna ask you for a favour.
527
00:29:33,984 --> 00:29:35,224
Anything...
528
00:29:46,824 --> 00:29:48,464
I'll take that one, please.
529
00:29:49,504 --> 00:29:50,744
There we go.
530
00:29:53,024 --> 00:29:54,664
CAR ENGINE WHIRS
531
00:29:58,424 --> 00:30:00,304
They're back.
532
00:30:07,504 --> 00:30:09,264
This is how you spend your time?
533
00:30:09,264 --> 00:30:10,784
How funny.
534
00:30:10,784 --> 00:30:13,464
I'd be mortified if my
parents made me sell food.
535
00:30:13,464 --> 00:30:15,584
Don't worry, we're
not selling to you lot.
536
00:30:15,584 --> 00:30:18,664
No, you don't tell me
what's happening, I tell you.
537
00:30:18,664 --> 00:30:23,104
Mummy, keep hold of your car
keys. They can't be trusted.
538
00:30:23,104 --> 00:30:25,224
You may have got the
better of Mr Jerebohm,
539
00:30:25,224 --> 00:30:27,144
but you won't get the better out of me.
540
00:30:27,144 --> 00:30:30,544
I wouldn't bet on it. Have
you come here just to say that?
541
00:30:30,544 --> 00:30:31,824
Yes, I have.
542
00:30:31,824 --> 00:30:33,224
That's pathetic.
543
00:30:33,224 --> 00:30:34,944
Ah!
544
00:30:34,944 --> 00:30:36,904
Ah! Ah!
545
00:30:36,904 --> 00:30:38,944
Stop it!
546
00:30:38,944 --> 00:30:40,344
Stop it!
547
00:30:40,344 --> 00:30:43,104
You'll smirk on the other
side of your countrified faces
548
00:30:43,104 --> 00:30:45,544
when you find out what's
happening to your precious father!
549
00:30:47,704 --> 00:30:50,424
Mummy! The boy's stolen our car!
550
00:30:50,424 --> 00:30:52,904
Hello, Larkin girls!
551
00:30:52,904 --> 00:30:55,624
Ooh, you look cross.
552
00:30:55,624 --> 00:30:58,904
Oh! Buy some strawberries.
That always cheers me up.
553
00:31:01,544 --> 00:31:05,544
Mummy, I don't think they fed
the keys to the cow after all...
554
00:31:06,544 --> 00:31:07,984
MUTTERING: Cretins.
555
00:31:18,904 --> 00:31:20,424
It's great fun.
556
00:31:20,424 --> 00:31:23,144
Vicar, morning. Fruity's fair.
557
00:31:27,384 --> 00:31:29,024
Oh, thank you. See you over there.
558
00:31:29,024 --> 00:31:30,904
Pol, Neil. There you go.
559
00:31:30,904 --> 00:31:33,144
Bring the kids.
Smashing. Bring the kids.
560
00:31:33,144 --> 00:31:35,784
Come to Fruity's fair, it's great fun.
561
00:31:35,784 --> 00:31:37,024
Don't go walking up that way,
562
00:31:37,024 --> 00:31:38,744
you wanna walk that way, Larkin's Farm.
563
00:31:38,744 --> 00:31:40,424
It's great. Come on, yeah.
564
00:31:40,424 --> 00:31:41,864
Look what I won.
565
00:31:44,304 --> 00:31:47,704
Larkin's Farm, Saturday. All
right? Fun for all the family.
566
00:31:47,704 --> 00:31:50,304
I mean, if you haven't got
a family, keep practising.
567
00:31:52,664 --> 00:31:54,184
GEESE SQUAWK
568
00:31:55,304 --> 00:31:57,704
Your son has stolen our car.
569
00:31:57,704 --> 00:31:59,624
Oh, yeah?
570
00:31:59,624 --> 00:32:01,704
Oh, are you gonna
have him arrested, too?
571
00:32:01,704 --> 00:32:03,784
Why not sue me and the
little twins an' all?
572
00:32:04,984 --> 00:32:06,784
You know, I really don't like you.
573
00:32:06,784 --> 00:32:08,424
D'you like anyone?
574
00:32:08,424 --> 00:32:12,064
You and your happy bloody face
and your happy bloody husband,
575
00:32:12,064 --> 00:32:15,864
walking about the place, smiling,
with your happy bloody kids,
576
00:32:15,864 --> 00:32:17,664
as if you haven't got
a care in the world.
577
00:32:17,664 --> 00:32:19,184
Why does that bother you?
578
00:32:19,184 --> 00:32:20,784
Because it's all a big lie.
579
00:32:20,784 --> 00:32:23,144
You're so wrong about that.
580
00:32:23,144 --> 00:32:25,824
Well, if it wasn't
before, it will be soon.
581
00:32:25,824 --> 00:32:29,144
You're not gonna get away with
trying to destroy my family,
582
00:32:29,144 --> 00:32:30,504
our happiness.
583
00:32:36,184 --> 00:32:37,824
I believe these are yours.
584
00:32:39,064 --> 00:32:40,304
And where is our car?
585
00:32:58,304 --> 00:33:00,344
GEESE FLAP AND SQUAWK
586
00:33:10,184 --> 00:33:13,024
STREET ORGAN CLUNKS, HE GRUNTS
587
00:33:13,024 --> 00:33:14,504
CYMBAL CLASHES
588
00:33:15,984 --> 00:33:18,024
What's the point of
it if it doesn't work?
589
00:33:18,024 --> 00:33:20,384
I could say t'same about you.
590
00:33:27,784 --> 00:33:30,224
I hope you're not hoping to
make any money out o' this,
591
00:33:30,224 --> 00:33:31,824
cos you won't, you know?
592
00:33:31,824 --> 00:33:35,024
Some things are worth more than
making money, me ol' mucker,
593
00:33:35,024 --> 00:33:37,184
and knowing you can put your feet up
594
00:33:37,184 --> 00:33:39,264
and enjoy your retirement,
Fruity, is one of 'em.
595
00:33:39,264 --> 00:33:43,144
Retirement? Nah, I got myself a
job on one of them cruise ships,
596
00:33:43,144 --> 00:33:44,784
fillin' up t'fruit machines.
597
00:33:46,224 --> 00:33:48,504
Well, I tell you what,
I'll pay you double
598
00:33:48,504 --> 00:33:51,064
if you stay on and run this
for me, round the locals.
599
00:33:52,424 --> 00:33:54,984
Well, then it'll be
like nothing's changed?
600
00:33:54,984 --> 00:33:56,624
Yeah. Just how I like it.
601
00:33:56,624 --> 00:33:59,344
You wouldn't have done it man
and boy if you didn't love it.
602
00:34:00,704 --> 00:34:03,864
Well, er... if you want.
603
00:34:03,864 --> 00:34:06,904
You've got a deal. HE SPITS
604
00:34:06,904 --> 00:34:10,064
Well done, Fruity. THEY CHUCKLE
605
00:34:12,144 --> 00:34:15,423
You sure about this,
Pop? Course I am, Ma.
606
00:34:15,423 --> 00:34:17,784
I couldn't let Fruity just
flog the fair, could I, eh?
607
00:34:17,784 --> 00:34:19,383
We had our first kiss on those swings.
608
00:34:19,383 --> 00:34:22,224
Mm. HE LAUGHS
609
00:34:22,224 --> 00:34:25,224
Nah, we had our first
kiss in Jethrow's barn,
610
00:34:25,224 --> 00:34:27,664
so I dunno who you're
thinking about on them swings,
611
00:34:27,664 --> 00:34:29,024
but it wasn't me.
612
00:34:29,024 --> 00:34:31,064
STREET ORGAN WINDING UP
613
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,744
STREET ORGAN PLAYING
614
00:34:42,504 --> 00:34:44,624
Ma, they'll soon be 'ere.
615
00:34:45,944 --> 00:34:49,144
Fruity, me old mucker,
look after my balls.
616
00:34:49,144 --> 00:34:51,664
POP CHUCKLES Not a problem, Pop.
617
00:34:56,104 --> 00:35:00,264
CHATTER, HUBBUB
618
00:35:04,184 --> 00:35:06,184
POP LAUGHS Come on, roll up everyone.
619
00:35:06,184 --> 00:35:08,464
WOMAN: Hello, Pop. You all right? Good.
620
00:35:08,464 --> 00:35:11,584
What was it... ? SPEECH FADES OUT
621
00:35:11,584 --> 00:35:15,584
Now, keep the coconut in
your eye line at all times,
622
00:35:15,584 --> 00:35:18,584
then fire, fire, fire and
a coconut may be yours.
623
00:35:18,584 --> 00:35:21,424
We don't like coconut. Nor do I
- revolting.
624
00:35:21,424 --> 00:35:23,664
It's coconut as prize,
not as edible fruit.
625
00:35:23,664 --> 00:35:27,464
What? It's about the journey
towards the coconut, not the...
626
00:35:28,504 --> 00:35:31,384
Forgive me, I'm not used to children.
627
00:35:34,304 --> 00:35:37,344
Have you nailed in these
coconuts? POP CHUCKLES
628
00:35:37,344 --> 00:35:39,184
MISS CHAND: ..Because
it happens every time.
629
00:35:39,184 --> 00:35:42,184
You say you want candyfloss.. And I do.
630
00:35:42,184 --> 00:35:44,064
..then I get it for you,
and you never finish it.
631
00:35:44,064 --> 00:35:46,784
Well, this time, I
will, though. I promise.
632
00:35:46,784 --> 00:35:48,824
Fine.
633
00:35:48,824 --> 00:35:52,064
One SMALL candyfloss,
please, Montgomery.
634
00:35:52,064 --> 00:35:53,344
Comin' right up.
635
00:35:58,864 --> 00:36:01,064
CHATTER, LAUGHTER
636
00:36:03,464 --> 00:36:05,704
I hear you're a big horsey person.
637
00:36:05,704 --> 00:36:09,544
I am. I love big horses. VICAR LAUGHS
638
00:36:09,544 --> 00:36:12,064
Uh, but small horses, too.
639
00:36:12,064 --> 00:36:16,384
I didn't mean that you
favour big horses. I meant...
640
00:36:16,384 --> 00:36:19,184
Oh, never mind. HE CHUCKLES
641
00:36:19,184 --> 00:36:22,664
Of course, Jesus rode into
Jerusalem on a humble donkey.
642
00:36:22,664 --> 00:36:25,184
BACKGROUND LAUGHTER Mm.
643
00:36:25,184 --> 00:36:28,064
That's very Jesus, isn't it?
644
00:36:29,224 --> 00:36:31,704
Hm. It IS very... Jesus.
645
00:36:31,704 --> 00:36:33,584
SHE HUMS
646
00:36:33,584 --> 00:36:36,504
Yes, it's... Mm.
647
00:36:38,784 --> 00:36:40,864
MACHINE WHIRS
648
00:36:44,624 --> 00:36:48,784
Oh, for goodness' sake! It's
all right. I'll take it slowly.
649
00:36:54,344 --> 00:36:55,744
As a reverend... Mm.
650
00:36:55,744 --> 00:36:57,664
..are you allowed to go on the rides?
651
00:36:57,664 --> 00:36:59,864
Yes. Yes, I am.
652
00:36:59,864 --> 00:37:02,744
Oh! Oh, that's nice.
653
00:37:02,744 --> 00:37:04,584
Wh-Why would I not be?
654
00:37:04,584 --> 00:37:07,904
I... don't know.
655
00:37:07,904 --> 00:37:11,584
You two all right for drinks?
Actually, I'd love a glass of water.
656
00:37:11,584 --> 00:37:14,984
No. What you need, young
man, is a quencher...
657
00:37:14,984 --> 00:37:17,824
HE LAUGHS ..not water!
658
00:37:17,824 --> 00:37:21,704
Primrose! Get Super-Rev
here a proper drink.
659
00:37:21,704 --> 00:37:24,584
Only if he comes with me
to show me what he likes.
660
00:37:24,584 --> 00:37:27,264
BIRDSONG, CHATTER
661
00:37:29,024 --> 00:37:31,944
Do I detect a ROMANCE in the air?
662
00:37:31,944 --> 00:37:34,464
Nothing gets past you, does it, Libby?
663
00:37:34,464 --> 00:37:36,064
Oh, do you think so?
664
00:37:36,064 --> 00:37:38,544
I sometimes worry that I'm a bit daft.
665
00:37:39,544 --> 00:37:42,144
Thank you for lending me
your husband last night, Ma.
666
00:37:42,144 --> 00:37:43,664
You're very welcome, Edith.
667
00:37:48,264 --> 00:37:50,424
LIBBY GIGGLES
668
00:37:50,424 --> 00:37:53,104
I'm surprised to see you here, Norma...
669
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:55,984
on your own. Well, don't be.
670
00:37:55,984 --> 00:37:59,544
I'm not joined at the
hip to my husband...
671
00:37:59,544 --> 00:38:03,104
except on Sunday mornings
- Alec loves regularity.
672
00:38:05,504 --> 00:38:08,664
Don't tell Alec I said
that. I once let it slip
673
00:38:08,664 --> 00:38:10,944
that you could time his
bowel movements with a clock,
674
00:38:10,944 --> 00:38:12,664
and he got a lot of ribbing.
675
00:38:12,664 --> 00:38:14,744
You don't have to put up
with his nonsense, you know.
676
00:38:14,744 --> 00:38:17,864
Well, there's a bit of nonsense
in every marriage, isn't there?
677
00:38:19,504 --> 00:38:24,544
I know that your Alec is in
up to his neck against us.
678
00:38:24,544 --> 00:38:28,864
Well, I recommend that you
stay on the side of the angels.
679
00:38:31,984 --> 00:38:35,304
Is it me, or are people
talking in riddles?
680
00:38:47,784 --> 00:38:49,544
GATE SQUEAKS What if someone sees us?
681
00:38:49,544 --> 00:38:51,784
So what? We're allowed
to kiss, aren't we?
682
00:38:52,824 --> 00:38:54,744
HE CHUCKLES I suppose so.
683
00:38:54,744 --> 00:38:56,344
SHE LAUGHS
684
00:38:56,344 --> 00:38:58,504
Only, I'd rather we
kept it quiet for a bit.
685
00:38:58,504 --> 00:39:00,224
You're embarrassed? Heavens, no!
686
00:39:00,224 --> 00:39:03,344
Me, with a girl like you... BIRDSONG
687
00:39:03,344 --> 00:39:07,144
But I-I've only just arrived, and
I'm trying to focus on my work.
688
00:39:07,144 --> 00:39:09,624
I don't want our relationship
to distract people.
689
00:39:10,784 --> 00:39:12,984
OK. We'll keep it between us.
690
00:39:12,984 --> 00:39:14,504
For now.
691
00:39:15,504 --> 00:39:18,104
One last go? SHE LAUGHS
692
00:39:18,104 --> 00:39:20,944
Oh! THEY GIGGLE
693
00:39:20,944 --> 00:39:23,264
MA CHORTLES I call it a triumph.
694
00:39:23,264 --> 00:39:25,704
Not half. THEY CHUCKLE
695
00:39:25,704 --> 00:39:28,624
I told you. Didn't I tell
you? SADLY: You told me.
696
00:39:28,624 --> 00:39:29,824
BACKGROUND CHATTER
697
00:39:29,824 --> 00:39:32,224
Don't dawdle, brother.
I've got to find a bin.
698
00:39:32,224 --> 00:39:33,624
I feel sick. MISS CHAND SIGHS
699
00:39:33,624 --> 00:39:37,264
Rev? So, God goes into this bar, right?
700
00:39:37,264 --> 00:39:40,384
He see's the Devil standing
on a table, singing...
701
00:39:40,384 --> 00:39:42,904
Pop. Pop, we've got visitors.
702
00:39:45,144 --> 00:39:47,544
STREET ORGAN JANGLING, CLUNKING
703
00:39:47,544 --> 00:39:49,064
Oh, here they come. Leave this to me.
704
00:39:49,064 --> 00:39:51,184
Oh, Pop, don't do anything
rash. It's all right.
705
00:39:51,184 --> 00:39:52,664
Be careful!
706
00:39:52,664 --> 00:39:54,184
HE SPITS
707
00:39:55,304 --> 00:39:57,264
It's all right, son. Thank you.
708
00:39:57,264 --> 00:40:01,184
Oh, here he comes. Old
guard to the rescue.
709
00:40:02,224 --> 00:40:04,064
With a pretty bit of fluff by his side.
710
00:40:04,064 --> 00:40:07,104
Get your greasy hands off
me. Ooh, kitten's got claws.
711
00:40:07,104 --> 00:40:09,664
Touch her again, you'll
regret it. Is that right?
712
00:40:09,664 --> 00:40:12,104
Yeah. Yeah, calm down geezer.
713
00:40:12,104 --> 00:40:14,824
We've just come to join the
party, and he gets all unfriendly.
714
00:40:14,824 --> 00:40:17,264
Grown-ups today, eh, Jed? No manners.
715
00:40:17,264 --> 00:40:20,144
Yeah. We should teach 'im a lesson.
716
00:40:21,784 --> 00:40:23,344
HE CHUCKLES
717
00:40:23,344 --> 00:40:25,104
I've heard better
banter on Come Dancing.
718
00:40:25,104 --> 00:40:26,944
Where's the old trout with the coconuts?
719
00:40:28,184 --> 00:40:29,824
There she is.
720
00:40:34,944 --> 00:40:39,104
That's it. I'll give you
jokers ten seconds to get lost.
721
00:40:39,104 --> 00:40:40,784
Or what? Pop, no.
722
00:40:40,784 --> 00:40:42,024
Or this! Oh!
723
00:40:42,024 --> 00:40:43,704
CROWD GASPS Oh!
724
00:40:43,704 --> 00:40:46,504
Nicely done. Thank you, Ma.
725
00:40:51,544 --> 00:40:54,504
TYRES ON GRAVEL, POLICE SIREN
726
00:40:54,504 --> 00:40:57,184
Oh, thank heavens for
that! BRAKES SQUEAK
727
00:40:57,184 --> 00:40:59,064
WOMAN: Yeah, go on.
728
00:41:00,424 --> 00:41:02,184
HE CHUCKLES Is there
any candy floss left?
729
00:41:02,184 --> 00:41:03,704
MISS CHAND: Here you are, PC Harness.
730
00:41:03,704 --> 00:41:06,664
Arrest him, officer. The
man's a violent animal.
731
00:41:07,664 --> 00:41:10,144
Oh, Pop, tell me that's not
true. You're still on bail.
732
00:41:10,144 --> 00:41:12,224
You get charged now, they'll
throw the book at you.
733
00:41:12,224 --> 00:41:15,064
Bail? Pop, what's he
talking about? Cuff him!
734
00:41:15,064 --> 00:41:18,984
Look what he's done to Jed's
face. And Jed's a psycho!
735
00:41:20,264 --> 00:41:22,264
Pop, I have to ask. Did
you assault this man?
736
00:41:24,104 --> 00:41:26,664
No, he didn't. I did.
737
00:41:26,664 --> 00:41:28,944
Really? Really? Liar!
738
00:41:28,944 --> 00:41:33,304
You, Reverend Candy, of this
parish, punched this man in the face?
739
00:41:33,304 --> 00:41:36,944
Yup, bang to rights, as they
say... I think. Yeah.
740
00:41:36,944 --> 00:41:40,264
It was me. A-Ask anyone.
741
00:41:40,264 --> 00:41:42,984
Anyone? CROWD SHOUTS AGREEMENT
742
00:41:42,984 --> 00:41:44,384
They're lying!
743
00:41:44,384 --> 00:41:47,504
Well, Rev, seeing as this is
your first offence, I'm guessing,
744
00:41:47,504 --> 00:41:49,464
and this lot are clearly
a bunch of herberts,
745
00:41:49,464 --> 00:41:50,904
I'll let you off with a warning,
746
00:41:50,904 --> 00:41:53,624
all right, but don't do it again.
I won't. Thank you, Constable.
747
00:41:53,624 --> 00:41:55,144
Are you joking? You reckon
748
00:41:55,144 --> 00:41:57,584
the scrawny parson's
nose 'ere toppled Jed?
749
00:41:57,584 --> 00:41:59,024
JED GROWLS Look at the state of 'im!
750
00:41:59,024 --> 00:42:01,224
Yeah, come on then. Give it a try.
751
00:42:01,224 --> 00:42:03,024
Oh! CROWD GASPS
752
00:42:03,024 --> 00:42:05,424
Oh! Will that do?
753
00:42:05,424 --> 00:42:08,064
Let's have a look. I do apologise.
754
00:42:08,064 --> 00:42:10,864
Or do I? No, I don't, really.
755
00:42:10,864 --> 00:42:13,264
He broke my nose!
756
00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:15,904
Well, do something! Arrest him.
757
00:42:15,904 --> 00:42:19,064
I, er... I'd love to,
but it's half past six,
758
00:42:19,064 --> 00:42:22,024
and I'm off duty now,
so, you lot, get lost.
759
00:42:22,024 --> 00:42:23,704
JED WHIMPERS
760
00:42:24,864 --> 00:42:27,024
That was a lucky punch,
you could've taken him.
761
00:42:27,024 --> 00:42:30,344
You've got a great sense
of timing there, son.
762
00:42:30,344 --> 00:42:32,664
SHE CHUCKLES Thanks, Ma.
763
00:42:32,664 --> 00:42:34,544
Yes. Who called you? Er, no-one.
764
00:42:34,544 --> 00:42:36,504
I actually came to speak to you Larkins.
765
00:42:36,504 --> 00:42:38,464
There's been a few complaints. Who from?
766
00:42:38,464 --> 00:42:41,384
The Jerebohms. What? I've done nothing!
767
00:42:41,384 --> 00:42:44,144
It's not you, Pop, it's
Ma and the kids this time.
768
00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:47,464
It's er, damage to a motor
vehicle, theft of a motor vehicle,
769
00:42:47,464 --> 00:42:51,544
abusive behaviour, and
assault using fruit.
770
00:42:51,544 --> 00:42:53,584
SHE STIFLES LAUGHTER
771
00:42:57,864 --> 00:43:00,104
I thought this family
didn't keep secrets.
772
00:43:01,224 --> 00:43:03,944
Sorry, Pop. CHILDREN: Sorry, Pop.
773
00:43:10,904 --> 00:43:12,544
All right, Ma?
774
00:43:16,544 --> 00:43:20,744
Oh, watch out, Ma. We're
surrounded. What's up, my lovelies?
775
00:43:20,744 --> 00:43:22,584
Why did PC Harness say
that you're on bail?
776
00:43:24,304 --> 00:43:25,944
Now's the time, my love.
777
00:43:28,184 --> 00:43:30,664
All right, then, you lot,
come on, have a sit down.
778
00:43:30,664 --> 00:43:32,264
Let's chat, eh? HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
779
00:43:32,264 --> 00:43:36,544
But before we do, I
want you to know this -
780
00:43:36,544 --> 00:43:39,744
I'm gonna sort
everything out, all right?
781
00:43:39,744 --> 00:43:42,104
We all are... Yeah.
782
00:43:42,104 --> 00:43:45,024
..cos we're gonna do this as a family.
783
00:43:48,904 --> 00:43:51,464
No more secrets.
784
00:43:51,464 --> 00:43:53,544
No more secrets.
785
00:44:09,144 --> 00:44:11,184
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786
00:44:11,234 --> 00:44:15,784
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