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1
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:08,700
Hey, guys, this is my co-cadet
2
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:11,340
at the police academy, Suzy Simpson.
3
00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,020
Simpson, these are my friends.
4
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,780
Take a good look, 'cause you'll probably
5
00:00:14,860 --> 00:00:17,220
be arresting some of them in the future.
6
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,740
You're right. This one looks like the guy
7
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,580
in the "What drugs can
do to you" filmstrip.
8
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:27,620
You're a cop, huh?
9
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:30,500
You don't look like a cop.
You look kind of giggly.
10
00:00:31,020 --> 00:00:33,860
All right, Simpson needed
to give me a ride home,
11
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,740
'cause I sprayed myself with mace
12
00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,500
to see what it'd feel like.
13
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,060
Hey, so, Suzy,
14
00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:40,860
which "Charlie's Angels"
is your favorite...
15
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:42,980
The brainy one, the sporty one
16
00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,300
or the one that just can't find a bra?
17
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:48,500
Mine's the one that just can't find a bra.
18
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:51,260
"Charlie's Angels" are an
embarrassment to the badge.
19
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,780
No real cop would last a
day dressed like those sluts.
20
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,980
Hey, those sluts are my heroes.
21
00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:02,340
Hey, thanks for giving me a ride, Simpson.
22
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:03,820
We back up our own.
23
00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:06,020
Point place police,
crime free, safe streets!
24
00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,340
What's her problem
with "charlie's angels"?
25
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:12,540
Ugh, I bet she watches pbs.
26
00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:15,700
So you and Simpson have been friends
27
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:17,820
for almost two days now, huh?
28
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:20,140
Isn't it about time you got her pregnant?
29
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:24,580
No. It's different with me and Simpson.
30
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:26,260
For the first time ever,
31
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:28,140
I have a girl that's just a friend.
32
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:30,220
Like, when Simpson
talks, I actually listen
33
00:01:30,260 --> 00:01:32,380
instead of watching her
boobs go up and down.
34
00:01:32,740 --> 00:01:35,540
Kelso, you've finally
gotten past the stage
35
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:37,460
where you have to look
at every woman's chest.
36
00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:38,540
Congratulations.
37
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:42,340
Not exactly. I'm lookin'
at yours right now.
38
00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:44,260
May I say, congratulations to you.
39
00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:47,380
You're such a perv.
40
00:01:47,380 --> 00:01:48,540
And thank you.
41
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,660
Oh, hey.
42
00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:54,740
What took you guys so
long at the heart doctor's?
43
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:57,100
Oh, let me guess. You had
to call in a specialist
44
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:59,020
just to find dad's tiny heart.
45
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,340
You know, we could call in a specialist
46
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,700
to find my foot in your ass.
47
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:08,580
We're gonna need an
ass-footologist, stat.
48
00:02:10,180 --> 00:02:12,540
Your father's blood
pressure is still high,
49
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:15,340
and the doctor can't figure out why.
50
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,300
So he wants to send some moron over
51
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:19,260
to find the source of my stress.
52
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,620
And I said, "the source of my stress
53
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:23,700
"is when you quacks try
to pad my medical bill."
54
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:26,100
And then the machine went "beep"
and the appointment was over.
55
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,580
You know, I don't know what
you're so worried about.
56
00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,180
They're just gonna blame me.
57
00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:31,740
Shrinks love to blame the wife.
58
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,580
What do they know? They're barely doctors.
59
00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:35,420
A stuffed animal and a box of tissues
60
00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:37,140
could do their job.
61
00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:39,660
Why is Red so stressed?
62
00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:40,580
Huh,
63
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,020
it's a mystery,
64
00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:46,620
just like when Nancy Drew had to figure out why
the man in the clock tower was so mean to his cat.
65
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,420
And what did you found out?
66
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:50,940
Oh, I don't know, books are too long.
67
00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:24,940
Hello, Wisconsin!
68
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,440
Hi, I'm the stress management
specialist, Stuart...
69
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,240
Sutcliffe. You played
tight end for the packers.
70
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,440
Yeah, till I bent my knee sideways.
71
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,000
Actually, that happened to
me in the school musical.
72
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:45,800
Yeah, I was a dancing mushroom.
73
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,160
Anyway, long story short...
74
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,960
I finished the number.
75
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,000
This is my son Eric.
76
00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,400
Oh, oh,
77
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,000
and I am his loving, relaxing wife, kitty.
78
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,880
How about that?
79
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,160
A real live packer in the house.
80
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,960
Ha ha ha ha.
81
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,760
Well, I hope the fact
that you both love sports
82
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,240
doesn't mean that anyone like,
83
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,040
say, his wife would be judged unfairly.
84
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,280
I mean, I love sports.
85
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,920
So don't start me off with four strikes
86
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,920
in the last quarter of the super series.
87
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,280
No, no. Today I'm just a neutral observer
88
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,480
with a degree in family
therapy and alcohol awareness.
89
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,480
Oh, so, dad, you can
talk to him about sports,
90
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,400
and, mom, you can talk
to him about drinking.
91
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,360
Ha ha ha ha ha.
92
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,920
Oh, pooh. I was instructed by the doctor
93
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,000
to have the occasional medicinal cocktail.
94
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,080
I have a note.
95
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,440
Red, how do you feel
about kitty's drinking?
96
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,160
Makes things easier.
97
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,440
But drinking often adds a
lot of stress to a household.
98
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,920
If you will excuse me,
I'd rather not stay here
99
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,760
and listen to you blame me.
100
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,880
Mother hater.
101
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,040
Well, I hope nobody minds
102
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,600
if I record today's session.
103
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,440
Hey, this is your lucky day, son.
104
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,280
They say the camera adds 15 pounds.
105
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,240
Really?
106
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,360
I heard it also adds a full head of hair.
107
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,040
Hey, kitty. You busy?
108
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,360
No.
109
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,680
Red and I are just having
our marriage dissected
110
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,560
by a teetotaling
know-it-all.
111
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,840
Oh, then is now a good time
112
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,080
to tell red I broke his chain saw?
113
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,520
No. He'll be furious with you.
114
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,600
Yes. He will be furious with you.
115
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,240
Come with me.
116
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:48,000
So then all the mushrooms jitterbugged...
117
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,640
Stuart. Stuart.
118
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,640
This is Bob, the stress causer,
119
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,000
Bob broke red's chain saw.
120
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,880
Bob, meet Stuart. Stuart, blame Bob.
121
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,840
Red, how do you feel about Bob?
122
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,200
Does he cause you stress?
123
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,040
Not really. Bob's just kind
of goofy, like a cartoon.
124
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,720
It's like living next to Elmer Fudd.
125
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,200
That might be the nicest thing
126
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,960
you've ever said about me.
127
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,320
You wascal. Heh heh heh heh.
128
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,760
Oh, so fine.
129
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,400
Now you're best friends.
130
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,360
Now everyone's all happy,
and I look like the crazy one
131
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,560
just yelling and screaming in
the middle of the living room.
132
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,400
Well, I am not the crazy one,
133
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,320
even though I am yelling and screaming
134
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,240
in the middle of the living room.
135
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,160
Is that a camera?
136
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,280
Yes.
137
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,440
I'm recording today's session.
138
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,080
Well, isn't that just
something I didn't know.
139
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,600
?
140
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:50,920
Michael, we got issued our cop sunglasses.
141
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,360
I've been using 'em
142
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,880
to scare the crap out
of civilians all day.
143
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,440
Drop the records, punk!
144
00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,040
I wasn't stealing them.
145
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,240
Yes, I was.
146
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,920
Fez, this is Suzy Simpson.
147
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,840
She and I are training to be cops.
148
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,080
Oh, if there's more like
you at the police academy,
149
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,440
that academy deserves an award.
150
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,560
Academy award... that's funny.
151
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,880
Yeah, Simpson's wanted to
be a cop for, like, forever.
152
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,280
Yeah, it's because of the weapons mostly.
153
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,200
I love things that make a lot of noise...
154
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,600
Guns and boys.
155
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,520
Well, then load me up, baby,
156
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,800
cause I'm ready to go bang.
157
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,360
Well, I'd better go. I've
gotta stop at the candy store.
158
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,040
Wait. You like candy?
159
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,600
Yeah, I'm out of good & plenty.
160
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,360
It says on the box that there's plenty...
161
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,600
But it's never enough.
162
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,200
Jinx. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. You owe me a coke!
163
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,880
That is the woman I've been
searching for my whole life!
164
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,280
Hey, do you want me to
see if she likes you?
165
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,800
Kelso, we've been down that road.
166
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,600
Just give me her address, some binoculars,
167
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,360
and I'll handle the rest myself.
168
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,720
Now while we're filming,
169
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,360
let's just pretend the
camera's not even here.
170
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,520
Now you're going to interact.
171
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,360
I'm gonna write down my observations.
172
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,360
While you're writing down stuff,
173
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,280
would you mind autographing this football?
174
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,640
It's brand-new. Kid never touched it.
175
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,440
Hey, what's going on?
176
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,520
Dude, we're on tv.
177
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,800
How does this thing work?
178
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:35,000
Hey, Steven, point it at me.
179
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,320
Good morning, Dallas.
180
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,640
I'm Jackie sunshine with
your morning weather.
181
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,560
It is going to be sunny today.
182
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,760
So you ladies who let
yourself go this winter,
183
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,280
stay inside
184
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,680
and leave the fellas to us pretty girls.
185
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,840
Please stop touching my camera.
186
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,560
Well, what a lovy day here
187
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,640
in the household of the Formans.
188
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:59,720
I can't say there's a place I'd rather be
189
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,800
than with these kinds of people
190
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,720
in this kind of place.
191
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,640
What are you, Scarlett O'Hara now?
192
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,560
I am being soft and gracious.
193
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,320
Now clam it!
194
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,880
Mom, you know, they have talkies now.
195
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,160
Oh, forget it. I give up.
196
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,040
Where is the "off" button on this thing?
197
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,800
Mrs. Forman, I need to
see things as they happen!
198
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,000
All right, you clocked this lady
199
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,600
doin' 38 in a 35 zone.
200
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,520
Recite it and write it.
201
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:33,600
License and registration, ma'am.
202
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,360
Use the glasses. They're powerful.
203
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,560
It's like a gun you wear on your face.
204
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,200
License and registration, ma'am.
205
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,640
Ooh, that felt good.
206
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,200
Hey, guess what.
207
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,680
I know someone who likes you
208
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,160
and thinks that you're
cute and smart and funny.
209
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,040
Ah. Well, I think I know
who you're talking about,
210
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,640
and I like him, too.
211
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,680
Huh? What do you like about him?
212
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,040
I like how hot he looks
sitting across from me
213
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,880
I n a blue t-shirt eating a hot dog.
214
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,800
You just described me.
215
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,480
Oh, crap.
216
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,640
Man, I thought Simpson was different.
217
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,560
She's supposed to just be my buddy.
218
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,760
Now I'm gonna have to sleep with her.
219
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,280
No, Michael, no. Set her up with fez.
220
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,240
He's the one who likes her.
221
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,640
Fez needs something, man.
222
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,560
Guy's so desperate,
he's been rubbing himself
223
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,320
around on the couch like a cat.
224
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,680
What you need to do
225
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,760
is put 'em together in
a romantic situation.
226
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,680
Suzy might not like fez at first,
227
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,320
but he won't take "no" for an answer.
228
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,960
He's like one freaky, horny little dude.
229
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,120
Just ask the couch.
230
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,440
Hey, I was thinking maybe tomorrow
231
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,480
you could help me brush
up on my target practice.
232
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,160
It's a date.
233
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,560
Yeah, I'll be there. You'll be there.
234
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,000
On a date.
235
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,960
So I'll see you at the shooting range.
236
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,520
For our date.
237
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,640
Your first date with Suzy's all set up,
238
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:10,280
and she told me that
she's crazy about you.
239
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,200
Well, I'd like to say I'm surprised,
240
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,840
but I'm a little crazy about me, too.
241
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,480
Well, it's all set.
242
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,640
Fez is going on a date with Suzy,
243
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,040
who's going on a date with me
244
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,600
and doesn't know she's
going on a date with fez.
245
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,560
I'm ready for our date, Michael.
246
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,000
I'm ready for our date, Suzy.
247
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,880
Oh, yeah!
248
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,320
?
249
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,160
it's such a shame you won't
be able to film anymore.
250
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,880
Look, there's one last
exercise I want to try...
251
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,440
Role-playing.
252
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,280
All right, come on.
253
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,920
All right, now you're going to be Eric.
254
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,920
Eric, you're going to be your father.
255
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,400
Mr. Forman, you can start.
256
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,960
Well...
257
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,080
I'm just a skinny...
258
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,560
Smart-mouthed kid
259
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,640
who always has something
to say about everything.
260
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,880
And I wish I was an octopus.
261
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,120
So I could put eight feet
in eight different asses.
262
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,440
"Star wars." "Star wars."
263
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,640
"Star wars"!
264
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,400
Dead commies! Dead commies! Dead commies!
265
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,240
All right, hold it. Time out. Time out.
266
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,720
I think I know what the problem is.
267
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,880
All right, fine. I drink a little.
268
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,360
What?
269
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,600
I have a very difficult job,
270
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,840
and I come home at night, and, well...
271
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,360
Drinks are her nightly reward.
272
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:46,280
Mrs. Forman, I believe the source
273
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,960
of your husband's stress is...
274
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,840
Oh, here it comes.
275
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,760
Your son!
276
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,480
Him? Me?
277
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:57,040
It's not me? Oh, boy!
278
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,480
You think my problem is my own son?
279
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,960
My son is a fine young man.
280
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,880
Oh, dad, you don't have...
281
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,120
Shut up, dumb-ass.
282
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,800
You know less about my family
than you do about football,
283
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,520
which isn't saying much
284
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,240
since you dropped every
pass that came near you.
285
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,880
And let me tell you something else...
286
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,280
When a real packer hurts his leg,
287
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,480
he stuffs his kneecap back
in and keeps on running!
288
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:35,200
That's what this little
mushroom would have done.
289
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:40,880
?
290
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,120
I love this place...
291
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,520
The sweet smell of gunpowder,
292
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:50,080
the deafening boom of shotgun blasts.
293
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,760
Oops, that kind of
talk is more appropriate
294
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,360
for the bedroom. I apologize.
295
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,720
Knock. Knock.
296
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,440
Who's there? Ivan. Ivan who?
297
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,920
I've an awful lot of
candy for the both of us.
298
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,480
Fez?
299
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,800
Well, if it's not me,
300
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,000
then there's some lucky
bastard who looks just like me.
301
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,880
Michael, I thought it
was just gonna be you, me,
302
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,880
and a box of hot lead.
303
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,320
Well, it's even better.
304
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,560
It's you, me, and a box of hot fez.
305
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,160
Kelso, this wasn't part of the deal.
306
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,360
What wasn't part of the deal?
307
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,440
You! So beat it.
308
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,800
I want her to smell nothing but me.
309
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,080
Okay, you know what?
I'm kind of in the way.
310
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,520
I'm gonna go next door,
311
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,520
and maybe you can show fez how to shoot.
312
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,280
Try to close the deal before
she realizes you're a foreigner.
313
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,080
So where do we start?
314
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,000
I could rifle through the manual,
315
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,840
but why don't you just
give me the bullet points?
316
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,520
Fez, I never joke about guns.
317
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:01,040
Oh...Shoot.
318
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,520
I have no discipline.
319
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,240
Okay.
320
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,240
You're gonna just take aim
321
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,200
and squeeze gently.
322
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,440
Squeebee-geegee.
323
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,120
Here. Put these on and take a few shots.
324
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,520
I'm just gonna go check on Michael.
325
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,800
So he's not alone.
326
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,760
Cologne?
327
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,760
Oh, yeah, I mixed a
bunch of different ones,
328
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,800
and, you know, I make my own scent.
329
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,960
Hey, Michael. Do you want
me to hold your shoulders
330
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:45,000
while you shoot or maybe
square off your thighs?
331
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,040
You know whose thighs need squaring off?
332
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,520
Fez's.
333
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:52,680
Yeah, bad.
334
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,920
Oh, and by the way,
335
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,880
he also told me that he
thinks you're really nice.
336
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,200
Oh, well, he's nice, too.
337
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,240
And now that I can understand
some of what he's saying,
338
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,320
he's kind of charming.
339
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,080
Oh, look, a rabbit.
340
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,280
I love animals.
341
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,360
You know who really loves animals?
342
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,480
Fez.
343
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,560
He does? Yeah.
344
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,600
The bunny!
345
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,120
I got dinner!
346
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,640
?
347
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:34,080
and then my dad actually
gave me a compliment...
348
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,600
"My son's a fine young man."
349
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,920
That's like the most
loving thing he said to me
350
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,200
since he told me that I could be worse.
351
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,800
Are you sure red was talking about you?
352
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,440
I mean, I love you,
353
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,560
but you are a little high-maintenance.
354
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,840
And not in a good way like me.
355
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,880
Remember when it took red all summer
356
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,800
to teach you how to catch a ball
357
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,360
'cause you were too scared of it?
358
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,880
First, red had him look
at a picture of a ball.
359
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,440
Then he put him in a room with a ball.
360
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,920
And then he moves him closer
until he wasn't screaming
361
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,080
being right next to the ball.
362
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,000
What is so scary about a ball?
363
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,040
People throw it right at you, okay?
364
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,160
I'm sorry about what I
did to that poor bunny.
365
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,040
I guess my gun really
had a hare trigger, huh?
366
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,520
Too soon? Yes, too soon.
367
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,400
Well, I apologize for
ruining our first date.
368
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,400
Our first date?
369
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,480
No, I was there on a date with Michael.
370
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,520
What? No, no, he told
me we were on a date.
371
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,880
He told me we were on a date.
372
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,760
You and me "we" or he and you "we"?
373
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,720
I think one of us has been lied to
374
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,120
and the other one, too.
375
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,040
Well, then you should be very angry,
376
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,920
which means I am, too!
377
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,200
Hey, why don't you two kiss and make up?
378
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,480
Michael, what kind of
game are you playing,
379
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,560
inviting me on a date
that wasn't with you?
380
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:13,400
Yeah, I second that, but about her.
381
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,920
And add, "you son of bitch."
382
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,840
Okay, look, I have a really
good explanation for this,
383
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,960
but I left it at home.
384
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,040
Oh, dad.
385
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,280
Uh, about what you said to
the stress management guy...
386
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,200
I just wanted to say thanks.
387
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,760
Okay. Okay.
388
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,680
You said it. We're both embarrassed.
389
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,640
Now move along.
390
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:40,640
No, I mean...
391
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,560
Look, I could be a little
less of a smart-ass.
392
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,840
And you're my father.
Your life matters to me.
393
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,480
So anyway, dad, I...
394
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,640
Eric, if you say, "I love you,"
395
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,800
my heart is going to explode.
396
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,240
Ah, kitty, uh, what's for dinner?
397
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,720
Well, the camera's off,
398
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,040
so I'm having a Margarita with salt.
399
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,840
You two are on your own.
400
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,680
Kelso...
401
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,320
So this is where you go after a hard day
402
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,520
of screwing me over!
403
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,080
All right, look, fez, I'm really sorry.
404
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,840
Zip it, fool!
405
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,320
You stole my girl, and
I really need a girl.
406
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,400
Here, fez. You're probably gonna want
407
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,400
some personal time with the couch.
408
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,120
I even plumped up the pillows for you.
409
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,920
No, I cannot be in the same room with him.
410
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,200
You and I are through.
411
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,880
Now good day.
412
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,720
But, fez...
413
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,480
Fez, he said, "but, fez..."
414
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,440
Oh, I heard him.
415
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,360
Well, now you're supposed to say...
416
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,200
"I say good day."
417
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,240
Yeah, and then we all know
that you're really mad,
418
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,720
but eventually, you'll get over it.
419
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,640
Oh, you'd like that.
420
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,920
Dance, monkey, dance.
421
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,840
Oh, kelso, this monkey
don't dance no more.
422
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:18,920
But, fez...
423
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,880
I said good day! Arrrh!
424
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,300
Oh, fez, it was so nice of
you to make dinner for us.
425
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:32,580
Yeah, this is amazing.
426
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:35,180
Well, food always tastes
better when it's fresh.
427
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,340
So what is this anyway?
428
00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:43,300
Well, let's just say that the Easter bunny
429
00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:45,860
came early this year,
430
00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:46,860
so I shot him.
30741
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