All language subtitles for Children Ruin Everything s02e07 Identity.eng

[birds chirping]

- Daddy,
don't forget the popsicles.

- We were supposed
to bring popsicles?

You are not my child.

Before kids, you have
a strong sense of identity

based on, you know,
your hobbies and interests.

- ASTRID:
The bands you like or your job.

- JAMES: But as you focus
on raising kids,

it feels like
you become more generic.

- ASTRID: People see you
as just another mom or dad.

Mrs. Jellinek wrote
an entire recipe book?

This is so elaborate.

This kid made enchiladas?

VIV: That's Gerardo.

He stepped on my shoe
but he wants to get married.

- Just tell Gerardo
to slow his roll.

You hope some part
of your identity

lives on through your kids,

your ethnic and cultural
heritage for example,

but, uh, even that can get lost.

All these recipes
are so traditional.

And we made
Rice Krispie Treats.

Viv?

What?

- Why does
it say you're Indigenous,

you're part Indian.

- VIV: We don't use
that word anymore.

We are Indian.

- You're not
supposed to say that.

Hey, Felix, great game.

Hey, what do you say, Felix?

- Thanks, coach.
- Yeah.

You know, I'm really--I'm really
surprised we beat Green

because, you know,
they're a lot better than Red.

Well, they didn't have Felix.
He's our secret weapon.

Yeah. Secret weapons,
they run in our family.

I was pretty good.
My dad was a homerun king

and Mom, very athletic.

Felix's mom, not my dad's mom.

But she can jump really high.

- Dad.
- Yeah.

You know, we have
the same batting stance.

He knows it's all in the legs.

- It goes like this.
- Okay.

See you next game, slugger.

- Yeah, yeah. We'll see you.
We'll be there.

Hey, what do you think about
Berney bats for us...

and just call each other that

like, like Joey Bats, you know.
How's that sound?

- FELIX: Dad?
- JAMES: Uh-hmm?

When is baseball over?

What? What do you mean
when's baseball over?

- Season just started, pal.
- My tummy hurt the whole game.

- You get two homeruns
on a bad tummy,

that's like the Jordan flu game.

Hey.

You know, I had a bad tummy too
before games sometimes,

- you know what really helped?
- Um, not playing?

Something more delicious.

- Ice cream!
- Yeah! Small scoop though.

Sensitive gut
also runs in the family.

Let's go, buddy!

- All right. What are
we reading tonight, huh?

Something with a real story,

something that's not
about a licensed toy?

- Read my cookbook!
- Ah, your cookbook. Yes.

I've been meaning to talk to you
about your cookbook.

- I'm in a real book,
like Barbie.

Or like a scientist.

Okay.

So I'm part Indian, which again,
is different than Indigenous.

And because I'm part Indian,

that means
that you're part Indian too.

People from India are Indian.

- Dad is Indian?
- ASTRID: No, not Daddy,

but Felix
and, and Dawn auntie and Corey.

- Uncle Bo's
a citizen of the world.

- Yeah.
Uncle Bo's also from Winnipeg.

- And I'm from India.
- ASTRID: Well, you're not

from India exactly.

Nanima was born in England,

but her parents
were born in India.

And you and me are part Indian.

I thought we were Canadian.

ASTRID: Yeah, we are.

It also is important
where your family lived.

So if Charlotte
from Karate lived in India,

she would be Indian too?

- Charlotte from Karate lived
in India for like 10 years,

and then did a lot of paperwork.

She could technically
become a citizen, I guess.

But being Indian is...

not skin color.

If you like spicy food?

- Sure. Yes. Yup.
Let's go with that. That one.

So a quick recap,

you are English, Scottish,
and East Indian, and Canadian.

And I'm a cat named Ocean.

- Indian Ocean?
- VIV: No.

- So the ethnicity talk
went well?

I confused us both so much.

- Viv forgot she was even human.
- Uh-hmm.

- ASTRID: What's that for?
- Felix.

Our big guy is carrying
the whole team on his shoulders

- and it's upsetting his tum-tum.
- Yeah.

He barely even
touched his dinner, poor guy.

- Pre-game jitters
runs in the family.

All elite athletes get them.

- Do all elite athletes
also get knee pain from driving?

- We are both
sensitive stomached athletes.

It happens all the time.

Cowboy Cerrone,
he puked before every big fight.

Glenn Hall,
notorious pre-game vomiter,

and Bill Russell the goat,
he hurled before every big game.

- But those people
are paid to puke.

Felix is supposed
to be doing this for fun.

- And throwing up
makes room for all the fun.

Don't say that to our kids.

- MS. JELLINEK: Out you go, Viv.
Sorry you had to wait.

Took her a while
to find her coat.

- Yeah, that's not her coat,
or her shoes.

Oh no.

Viv, go find your things.

- She does that sometimes.
- It's cool.

Some of the stuff
she brings home is pretty nice.

- She also pretends
to feed sandwiches

to her shoes sometimes.

As long as no one's eating glue,
I feel pretty good.

- Yeah, totally.
She's, she's also really cool

and smart,
and strong, right?

She's great.

- Love the class recipe book,
by the way.

I just had one small issue.

- Sometimes an eggplant emoji
just means eggplant, you know?

Uh, no.

I think--I think Viv told you
that she was Indigenous.

She's not.

I just--I would hate
for anyone to be offended.

So if you wouldn't mind,
reprinting Viv's page--

- Can I be real with you?
I paid for the printing myself.

Crazy, I know,
but we are severely underfunded.

Did you get
my email about donating pencils

- and spare Kleenex?
- It's just one page.

- Exactly.
Parents are only gonna read

their own kid's page, right?

You probably can't even name
another recipe from the book.

- Well, the pasta puttanesca
really stood out.

That's Italian
for pasta of the prostitutes.

- Yeah.
- Look, maybe we just remove

Viv's page from the book.

- What?
- ASTRID: Hey,

nice coat. It's a keeper.

I wanna be in the book.

All right. New plan.

If I pay for the printing,

can you make sure that gets to
all the other parents? Please?

- Can you sweeten the deal
with, say, some Kleenex?

- Yes.
We failed you as a society.

Hmm.

- ASTRID: Is it
gonna be much longer, Dawn?

DAWN: Not much,

but it's important
to prepare sushi properly.

I heard about a man
who developed an infection

from eating tainted sushi
and had his arm amputated.

I'm gonna eat my own arm.

COREY: Knowing the history

feeds the stomach and the mind.

- Speaking
of super authentic meals,

I was actually thinking
that I should teach the kids

one of our traditional
family recipes.

Rice Krispie Treats?

They were your favorite.
The secret's the Rice Krispies.

- Uh, no. I was thinking
chana bhaturas.

- NISHA: And smell up
the house with frying?

Just order from Little India.

Hey, Viv, dining room.

- Okay.
- BO: Yo. I help Corey

with his cooking videos.

I can teach you
to make a mean aloo gobi.

- Nope.
- Big no.

How are we supposed
to pass on traditions

if we don't know what they are?

- Oh, please.
Soon, everybody will intermarry

and everyone
will be the same shade of tan

and everyone
will eat nutrition pills.

That sounds terrible.

Except for the pills part,

I would literally
eat anything right now.

I mean it.

Look at us.

Hey, that's a family tradition.

White husbands.

Am I a fetish?

- Don't you feel like
we're dropping the ball

- on our heritage?
- Your name is Astrid

from Scandinavia.

I'm named after
Tony Orlando's backup singers.

We're not the ones
who dropped the ball.

- Well, you know what?
I--I'm picking the ball back up.

I'm going to teach Viv
how to make chana bhaturas

and other important things.

Hey, Felix.

When is your baseball
game tomorrow?

Baseball's boring.

- No. Wait, wait.
What do you mean?

We're, we're having
such a great time together,

and you're so good at it.
He's amazing.

- Fine.
Let's go to stupid baseball.

It's tomorrow, pal.

Stupid baseball is tomorrow.

- ASTRID: You feed
your kids to help them grow

and because
you're legally obligated.

But there's
no law that makes kids

eat the food that you serve,
so a lot of it gets wasted.

- JAMES: There's so much
science about which foods

have what nutrients, but you
can make a whole food pyramid

- of the stuff, they won't eat.
- ASTRID: Oh, God.

Food that touched on the plate

and uneaten snacks
from school lunches.

Stuff that was too hot,
or too green, or too mushy.

- JAMES: Stuff they didn't eat,
but we saved them

to eat later but then forgot
about and it went bad,

- and that one's our fault.
- ASTRID: Yeah.

You make chicken tenders
and fries

three nights a week
because they love it.

JAMES: Nope. Viv hates that.
ASTRID: Oh.

- NISHA: Oh, ho, ho, ho. You're
missing Corey's talent show.

I know.

Uh, Mom, I was serious
about making the chanas.

- Can I have the recipe?
- There's no recipe.

I can tell you the ingredients
and how to cook it.

- That's literally
what a recipe is.

- Yeah. But no, no,
it won't be right.

I don't know measurements,
you taste as you go.

Why don't you
come over with the kids?

We'll spend the day
together cooking and,

and Corey can turn it
into one of his videos.

No, God. No, no, no.

I didn't want it
to be this big thing.

I just want it to be this--
this very special intimate,

passing down
family wisdom moment

that Viv can look back
on years from now and think,

"God, she was a good mom.
What a good mom."

Do you have any of those

what a great mom
memories with me?

- Uh-hmm.

Recipe, please.

- Bitoo, Indian-cooking
is all about instinct.

I'm Indian. I have instincts.

Overshot the wasabi.

Oh, my brain!

Yeah.

Look at that aim.

Heads up.

Do I have to play baseball?

- No, you don't have
to play baseball.

I just thought
maybe you wanna play catch,

but only if you want.

Okay.

- Okay. Actually, I don't know
if I can play baseball

because I have a little crink in
my back and it's bothering me.

Wait.

What? What's that?
Heads up.

So Felix Berney.

Fans wanna know.
Baseball.

Do you hate it,
and is it your dad's fault?

- I don't hate baseball.
- Yes, it's fun, right?

I guess. It's just...

Sometimes
I wanna do other things.

- Right.
Like how Dennis Rodman

would wrestle for the WWE
just for a change of pace.

Who did what?

Sands of Time,

buried a lot
of unique treasures.

My point is,
I don't wanna force you

to do something
you don't wanna do,

but also I don't want you
to give up something

that might give you
years of pleasure

just because you're like
a little bored of it.

Oh, my God.

Did you see that?
That curve.

- Curve dance.
- JAMES: Yeah. There we go.

Now we're having fun.

Okay, high heater coming in.

Felix?

Do they sell freezies?

What's all this weird stuff?

- It's not weird, sweetie,
it's Indian.

Uh, excuse me.
Can you help me?

Um, I'm looking
for ground cilantro.

Oh, wait,
that's not the right word.

It's not coriander.

Tip of my tongue.

Dhaniya.

Ground dhaniya,
where can I find that?

I don't know. I don't work here.

- I'm sorry. I just thought--

I know what you thought.

[speaking foreign language]

- I wasn't being racist.
I was just being stupid.

Like wearing a red vest
at a store you don't work at.

Oh, what you get there,
my little bitoo?

Something for Nana G?

Can I buy these big chips?

Meow. Meow.

- Excuse me.
Where's the international aisle?

Next one over?

You work here, right?

Yeah.

- ASTRID: Yeah. Some people
are just vest people.

Uh, so do they have
ground dhaniya, cori--cilantro?

Damn it. Is it all over there?

All spices
are in the international aisle,

except for these.

- ASTRID: Salt, pepper,
and everything

bagel seasoning.
Yup. That tracks.

All right, Kitty.
Let's travel abroad.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- I thought you were going
to an Indian grocery store?

- Yeah, I did.
- Well,

- but this is from Gero's.
- Uh, doy, James?

I got this stuff from Gero's
because we're a Gero's family.

- Hey.
I thought we talked about this.

The doys are for others.

- Where's Viv?
- She's using the litter box.

- You know,
I am respecting her commitment.

- I know.
- Well, well, how do we--

what can--how can I help?
Where--what--how I--

I don't know.

I think what I'll do
is just access

the deep well of information
from my ancestors

from around the world.

- Google. I see.
- Google.

- You know what?
I hear is an excellent resource.

Delicious Corey's kitchen.

- Let's do that. Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Today, me and daddy

are gonna make
authentic Indian aloo gobi.

- Namaste, Corey.
- Namaste, Daddy.

- I hate it. No.
- Sorry. So sorry. My bad.

- I think
I'm just gonna wing it.

- Yeah.
- Me, Viv,

our Indian instincts
making chana bhaturas.

- And I'm gonna follow
my instincts

by having the phone tell me
the directions to Felix's game.

- I believe in you.
- Nah you.

- NISHA: Hello?
- Hi, Mom.

Okay. Let's do this!

Time to go, pal.
What's happening?

You in the zone?

- Am I distracting you?
- My toes are itchy.

- Okay. I think that's
a solvable problem.

Let's get out there
and scratch them toes.

You sure that's all
that's bothering you, buddy?

- I just don't feel
like playing, Dad.

- Okay. Okay.
I understand that. I do.

But perseverance
is also important

and we've never
beaten Blue before,

and they're very smug.

So I just wanna
make sure that you're sure.

Are you mad?

No, no. Son, no.

I just want you to find
something that you love,

doesn't have to be baseball.

Could be dancing.

I wanna drive a tank.

- Okay. I'll see
if there are lessons for that.

- Let's just go home.
- Okay.

- Okay. I gotta just
quickly tell your coach

- that we're not coming.
- Hey, guys.

We're gonna beat Blue today.
I can feel it.

My guy.

- You know,
let's just go straight home.

- Okay. The base of all good
Indian cooking is the masala.

Great. What is in that?

Tomatoes, onion, jeera.

- As far as quantity
is concerned,

I know we're using
our instincts and my instinct

is telling me a quarter
teaspoon of ground jeera.

Half a teaspoon. One spoon.
Give me a clue, woman.

- I'm half-Indian.

You don't say.

Okay then, half.

- That's very cute.
She's actually a quarter.

So is it actually a quarter?

- Dawn, I need you
to chop more ginger.

DAWN: On it.

So exciting.

Do I smell a crossover
with Delicious Corey's Kitchen.

- Looking good, bitoo.
- ASTRID: Mom, Mom.

- You gotta wait for me.
- Chulas wait for no one.

- Okay, Viv, what's next?
- Um, let's see.

These.

- What is that?
- Chilies, and garam masala.

- DAWN: Bo makes
some spicy mango cocktail

- with garam masala.
- Oh, that sounds horrible.

- It's not great.
- ASTRID: But hold on,

can we just--because I--Mom,
I need to know the amounts

and you're going too fast.

Can I put these in?

- NISHA: Yup. Go ahead, bitoo.
- ASTRID: You don't--Mom,

this whole thing
would be a lot easier

if you bothered to teach us
when we were kids.

- Wow. I'm glad I'm the one
holding the knife. [groans]

- VIV: I want to put
Rice Krispies in.

- Viv, we gotta
follow the recipe,

- whatever the hell that is.
- But to be fair,

- she did try to teach us.
- No, she didn't.

- Yes, I did, but you girls
never wanted to learn.

Every time I said
we were having Indian food,

there'd be
such moans and groans.

You said you wanted hotdogs
and macaroni and cheese

- like your friends.
- Not all of the time.

- When are we making
Krispie Treats?

- Wait. Viv, not now.
- No, no, no.

We would have
Indian food once a week,

but you were embarrassed
of the smells

and the yellow fingernails,

and said you wanted
to eat normal food.

So, one day I just stopped.

- Viv, Viv, Viv. No.
Don't, Viv...

- NISHA: Leave it.
We can start over.

ASTRID: Let's just forget it.

It's not like Viv is gonna eat
the chanas anyway.

Why would she?

Most Indian thing
we have is chai.

- It's from Starbucks.
- It's not a big deal.

Maybe not for you, Mom.

You go out in the world
and people know who you are.

Those people at the Indian store

did not even know
that I was Indian.

And they did think
that I was racist.

- Calling them
those people doesn't help.

I get called exotic.

Which means pretty
but not quite why.

- Well, that describes me
to a T.

- You think
I don't have to prove myself,

a brown woman
in the Western world?

Beta, who cares
about everybody else?

I know exactly who you are,
my daughter,

strong, independent,

unable to cook in two cultures.

- Well, I burnt pad thai,
so, make that three.

Excuse me.
I gotta go apologize to a cat.

Hey, Viv.

Meow. Meow, meow.

Well, I guess Viv left.

Oh, well, at least I get
to keep all her toys.

No, you can't. I'm right here.

- There you are.
- I'm sorry I messed up.

Hey, you didn't.

I'm the one
who made a mess of things.

Rice Krispie Treat?

- I know these aren't Indian
but I really like them.

- You know,
my dad used to make these

for me when I was little.

- Was he Indian?
Can dads be Indian?

- My dad wasn't Indian,
but--but some dads are,

like, half a billion of them.

They're my favorite.

Mine too.

When I used
to make them with my dad,

he would let me mix
in all the marshmallows

and sometimes we'd throw in
some special treats

like chocolate chips
or licorice all sorts,

which are disgusting.

But the rainbow sprinkles, woo!

Can we put cookies in?

- We can throw
whole chocolate bars in.

Yes.

- You know how I told you
that you were English,

- and Scottish, and Indian?
- Uh-hmm.

- Well, you are
all those things.

But I forgot to tell you
that you are something

that's totally
different than me,

or Daddy, or Nanima.

You're you.

And there's nobody
on planet Earth who is like you.

Becoming a parent
is a massive shift in identity.

You can't escape
the tickle monster!

Your name changes to mom
or dad like almost overnight.

Viv, I blamed your dad
for eating these.

- JAMES: Your life turns
into talking about your kids,

following them around,
collecting pictures of them.

- ASTRID: It's like being
obsessed with a K-pop group.

- JAMES: Yeah, it sucks
to lose some of your identity.

- ASTRID:
But it's amazing to watch

your kids develop theirs.

- What are you doing?
- Well, I'm busting a move.

What does
it look like I'm doing?

- Stop, Daddy.
- What? I can't--I can't stop.

- What--what's happening?
- You have to pop your hip.

- I have to the pop my hip?
How do I do that, like that?

- You're doing great.
- Thanks, buddy.

Now, shimmy.

- ASTRID: Why are you limping?
- I shimmied too hard.

- So are we ordering
pizza or what?

DAWN: No need. Voila!

- I added a little of this,
a little of that.

It's not what we were going for
but it's pretty good.

And it smells delicious.

- The secrets
the Rice Krispies.

I want one.

- What is--this is amazing.
What do you call it?

- I call them
hot sloppy Nishas.

All right, jaldee,
let's eat before it gets cold.

[snarls]

[chuckles]

- Hi, and welcome
to Delicious Corey's Kitchen.

Today, I'm gonna show you
how to make pumpkin gnocchi

with whipped ricotta
and burnt butter cashews,

alongside
with my sous-chef, Mom.

- That's right,
Delicious Corey.

There ain't nothing hokey
about this gnocchi.

Um, I couldn't find
any ethically sourced cashews,

so I had to substitute walnuts.

I'm gonna need a minute.

It's okay.
I'm just gonna inhale, exhale...

Um, we'll be right back.

Bo. Bo, come quick.

Corey is freaking out.

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