All language subtitles for Children Ruin Everything s02e01 Sleep.eng

- [Astrid] Andrew, if we're gonna
share a room, you gotta sleep.

Andrew, I can't stay
up with you anymore.

[Andrew cries]

Where were you?

- Just took a little
sleep on the stairs for a bit.

- I brought you your purse.
- I asked for water.

- Hmm.
- Here, take Andrew.

It's my turn for stairs now.

- I got you, buddy.
Have we tried pleading with him?

Please, buddy, please.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

- Uh, our daughter,
- Yes?

- Uh, she wants to go to the
animal jail

- Zoo.
- To see the parkour monkeys.

Lemurs. Wait.

You already told me this
twice already. You're delirious.

- Uh, you brought me
a purse to drink.

I need to sleep. Chuck called.

He wants me to come in
tomorrow about a new position.

I--I need to sleep.
I have to sleep.

If I don't sleep, I'm going to
be sloppy and grumpy.

- Yeah, the two worst dwarves.
Maybe we try sleep training.

Andrew can cry it out.

And thus I will cry it out.

- Mm-hmm.

- I think he's falling asleep.
- Is he? Wait.

Quiet.

- Will he stay asleep
if I get him off me

and put him back in the crib?

- I don't know.
I forget--

- Okay.
- Shh.

I can't. Is he awake or asleep?

Can you see back there?
I can't see his eyes.

Astrid? Astrid?

Am I awake or asleep?
I can't see my eyes either.

♪♪

[beeping]

- [radio announcer]
Sunny this morning...

[sighs]

[radio announcer]
and that sun is...

Hey. Excuse me.

Are you wiping
your face in your sleeve?

- Nuh-uh.

What's this?

Go change your shirt, please.

- Viv, why was
my hat in your room?

Why were you in my room?

Are those my socks?

- Okay, guys,
that's a lot of stealing

and trespassing going on.

Let's try to be a better
influence on Andrew here.

Morris is a better name.

- Well, Andrew
is what we named him.

Don't I have
to sign a test for you?

Thank you.

- [Astrid]
Having a kid is life changing.

- [James] Having two
is life changing again,

and also harder and less novel.

- [Astrid] Having three
is honestly a weird choice.

- [James] With three,
you go from man-to-man

to zone defense against
the team that has more energy,

more players, and who
do not care about the rules.

- [Astrid] Which leaves you
feeling defeated sometimes.

But the game can
be so fun and beautiful.

- So really there's no losing.
- [James] Except losing sleep.

- [Astrid] Yes, we're losing
a lot of sleep. And money.

- [James] Yes. And time
and personal space.

And also freedom.

- [Astrid] Anyway, we love it.
- [James] We do.

[both gasp]

[Astrid] Not bad.

Yeah, I think we should sign

- Everyone should sign.
- I wanna sign.

- Yeah, you should sign this.
Well, let's all sign.

♪♪

[loud techno music]

[Astrid] Hi!

- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Astrid.

Am I in trouble?

- I don't know. Are you?
[chuckles]

- I thought you were gonna tell
me the music was too loud.

- It's too loud. Yeah,
but that's not for me to decide.

Or is it? Where's Chuck?

- Oh, he left
for the private sector.

Something to do with money.

- Oh, 'cause-- well, he told me

to come in today
about a new position.

- Oh, you're the
veteran data analyst.

Sick! Come in, come in.

I'm Jean-Luc,
the new team leader.

Welcome aboard.

[Astrid scoffs]

Or back, I guess.

You had a baby, right?
That's nuts.

Have a seat.

- Are-are you my boss?

Well, boss is so business.

We're all fam, sis.

Okay, so you're not my boss.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm your boss.

Chuck is gone and
there's a lot of new people.

We are the oldest ones.

You mean I'm the oldest one.

- Yes, but Chuck said
you did a lot

for the city's bid
for the World Cup.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.
What did I do?

I did lots.

I bet. Like what?

Just, uh...

Um, figuring out how to
use the data to make better...

moves.

Cool.

So you've
been working from home,

but could you
start coming in here

a few days a week?
We vibe better in person.

Yes, totally, totally.

That's my vibe, too.

Uh, and then also, um...

Forgot what I was saying.
[chuckles] Okay.

- Are you, uh, wearing
two different shoes?

Yes.

I am.

[Andrew cries]

- [James] Well, hello there.
I'm Professor Wakey.

You mustn't fall asleep,
otherwise

it will be terribly
sucky for everybody.

Don't you want babies to sleep?

- If he naps now,
then he'll be up all night.

Then I'll be up all night.

- Hey, you know what you
need is some CBD oil.

That always puts me to sleep
when I'm bored of being awake.

- I'm not going to
be drugging my baby.

No, I mean for you.

- I can't be asleep
if my baby's awake.

It's a lot of rules.

Saying you look pretty rough.

- How's being a
regional manager?

[groans] So much driving.

I mean, Toronto to Hamilton,

Toronto to Kitchener

then back to Toronto
from those two places.

- What happened to your, uh,
plan for a secret triple life

where you've
got a girl in each city?

Too much work.

I mean, I'm doing it,
but they all know each other.

You know, they got
a group chat going.

They're going to the
Raptor game this weekend.

- I can't work anymore
on no sleep.

- You know what?
You don't need CBD oil.

You need some of these.

- Why do you
have so many energy drinks?

- [groans]
It's life on the road, man.

I got Hamilton this morning,
Toronto this afternoon.

I got a date with
Margo in Kitchener tonight.

We're going to see Hamilton.
I'm burnt out.

At least this way I can
burn out with my eyes open.

[groans]

It all tastes a bit
like a spoon.

♪♪

- Okay, so you've
probably noticed that Daddy

and I have
been very tired lately.

I haven't noticed anything

and I'm not going to
notice anything.

My lunch had three sandwiches.

And mine had none.

Okay, so Daddy and I have
been up a few nights

- with your baby brother and--and
- Mm-hmm.

- because I'm
going back to work--

- Are you sure
you go back to work?

- Okay, we're going to try
something called sleep training.

- Is there a sensei?
- Ooh, good and cool question.

- We are the sensei and
the training begins tonight.

- What if Morris
doesn't want to sleep?

- Viv, we settled on the
baby's name and it's Andrew.

It's not Morris.

I haven't settled.

- Okay, but the
baby's name is Andrew.

- I've been calling him
Andy and Drew. Is that okay?

- Yes, those are fine.
Maybe not Drew.

Okay. Morris-- Andrew.

If Andrew cries tonight, then
we are just going to leave him.

Mm. He's not in danger.

He's not in pain,
he just needs to learn

how to fall asleep by himself.

- Will you come to
my room if I cry?

Of course, buddy.

- But if--if Andrew's
asleep while you're crying,

just please
try not to wake him up.

- Yes, but you will have to cry
loud enough for us to hear you.

It's a real high low sweet spot.

- [Astrid] Mm-hmm.
- [Andrew cries over monitor]

- Look, it's happening.
- Oh! Okay? All right.

It's okay. Perfectly fine.

- Ain't no thing.
- It's fine. Perfectly fine.

[Andrew continues crying]

- Not for us.
- Yeah, no thanks.

- No.
- Andrew!

Mommy's coming!
You'll never be alone again!

♪♪

- [Felix]
I want to do something else.

- [Viv]
No, it's my turn to choose!

[indistinct chatter on TV]

No, not there.

- Good morning.
- Hi.

- Hey!
- Where were you last night?

- I was with Viv.
She had a Red Ghost nightmare.

- What? Again?
Those dreams are so scary.

He cut her hair off
with a saw in one.

Why do you assume it's a he?

Uh, it's a he, James.

Andrew needs his own room.

He--he smells me.
He hears us.

We need to sleep
before we go insane.

- I don't disagree,
but we don't have the room.

Well...

- No, I feel
what you're thinking.

'Cause now they're going
to destroy each other.

- I think it could be fun.
- No.

- You know,
it's like a sleepover,

but every night forever.

- I had to share my room
with my brother for years.

It sucks.

[indistinct chatter on TV]

- My dear.
- What?!

Hm. Yeah, sorry.

- Look, they asked me to come
into work a few days a week.

Everybody there is
24 and awake on youth.

I can't drag myself in,

like A Weekend at Bernie's
corpse every day.

I can't do it.

- Not a reference to
use with them, by the way.

Okay, fine.
They'll share a room.

We'll have to get
a bunk bed, I guess?

Uh, um...

- Oh, unless...
- If you're trying to figure out

how to stack
their existing beds, stop.

- Well, then we're going to
have to go over there

and break the news to them
that they are

about to share a room.

[Felix] Come on, change it!

Ready?

- [kids grunting]
- [Viv] Give it back!

Not before we have coffee.

- [kids arguing]
- [groans]

[Viv] No!

- Oh!
- Oh! You boofed it!

- [Felix] Stop!
- [Viv groans]

♪♪

Okay...

So...

Andrew needs his own room.

- Now we only have three rooms.
- Mm.

So he's going in the basement?

- No, no, we want
you two to share a room.

- Never.
- I hate it.

- Look, we're going to
get you a cool new bunk bed.

- I call top bunk.
- Bottom bunk!

- Uh--
- Okay.

- No, that's--
- [stammers]

- Felix can protect
me from the Red Ghost.

- Yeah.
- Yes, you can do that.

- Sure.
- Good.

- You have to scare it
with the whisper song.

- The what?
- Oh, I'm not doing that.

- Then I'm not
sharing a room with you.

- I'm not sharing a
room with you first.

- [teasing]
- [James] Stop, stop, stop!

Guys, look at me.
This is important.

What is the whisper song?

[scoffs] We're not asking you.

We are telling you.
You're sharing a room.

- Fine!
- Lame!

You're going to be
moving in this weekend.

It's going to be like
one big sleepover.

[both] Yes!

- Wa- Okay, great.
- Breakfast.

- [James] It was
a real rollercoaster.

- [Astrid] I mean--

- We killed.
- We killed it.

All right. I'm gonna try
getting a bunk bed.

You--you wake up enough
to convince Marla

to let you work from
home a few days a week.

Yes. Actually, don't worry.

I have a secret weapon.

Hey, Viv! No, no, no.
Please put that down.

- Can I have this
for my breakfast?

No! [groans]

You already
have so much energy.

♪♪

[beeping]

[man] Hey!

- Hey, Gary.
Good to see you, buddy.

James!

Just came by to drop off that
CBD oil you said you wanted.

Did not say I want that.

- Hey, man,
don't be so defensive.

It's not a narcotic.

It's just to help you sleep.
You know, like sleeping pills.

- Hey, why are you here
not working?

Don't you have
a new job to not do?

Ennis!

Nice to see you.
I need label designs by four.

You look well.
Price point on sauces today.

So, what brings a regional
manager into my little division?

Work, please.

Can I help you with something?

No, I don't need a thing.

I just came by to say hi
to my oldest pal, James.

It does feel like it's
a little smaller in here.

- You think you're better
than me? You're not.

- Hey, Marla, can I chat with you
in here for a second?

Thanks.

Thanks.

So, Marla, listen. Um--

- [Marla] I have been
working at

Gero's Grocery
for a long time.

I started as a teenager
in the deli slicing meat.

- Mm-hmm.
- But I worked hard,

and now I am Junior VP

in charge of
Gero's newest division.

An in-house
grocery label "Baggie's Buys."

- Yep. No, I'm up to
date about what's happening.

So it brings us to
our current situation,

which I have a question.

- You know, being a VP, it's
a lot like working in that deli.

Trimming the fat,
slicing the bologna,

knowing the look of
someone who needs ham.

I need to work from
home a couple of days

a week so I can
be there for my baby

and also when my kids
get home from school.

- All right, James,
I'll give you your ham,

but I want something, too.

I want Ennis back.

Sorry, you want Ennis back?

It's hard to say why.

He doesn't
seem to need me anymore,

which makes
me feel like I need him.

- Oh, he's negging you?
- Yes, he's negging me.

But he's also got
charisma and effortless charm.

- "Effortless."
That's a good word for him.

Tell you what.
I will deliver you Ennis.

Then we have a deal.

Okay, great. [grunts]
That's needlessly firm.

Deli hands!

♪♪

- He's such a good sleeper.
Better than either of you.

- He's a liar.
He's lying right now.

- Who was a better sleeper,
me or Astrid?

Definitely you.

Astrid was a terrible
baby and a difficult toddler.

Oh, a horrible teenager.

- And now I'm an
exhausted adult

who has a new worst job
with a bunch of 20 somethings.

I'm being punished
for taking six months

- of Mat Leave.
- Mm.

Your third Mat Leave.

Um, two and a half.

Sorry if I'm awesome
at getting pregnant.

- Well, it's illegal for them
to fire you for having a baby,

so they changed
your job to want you to quit.

- In my corporate days,
we'd make life miserable

for pregnant people,
sick people,

people who use
the bathroom too much.

We were monsters.

Hm. I missed the camaraderie.

- How's the
crochet business going?

Well... [clears throat]

You tell me.

Maybe you should still tell us.

Lots of demand for these.

♪ I say this pair for James ♪

He's gonna love those.

- I know, right?
- [chuckles]

- So, while I'm here, um,
you know how

Corey has a bunk bed,
but he's just one person,

and my kids are two
people that need a bunk bed.

- Oh, no.
We gave that bunk bed away.

It was causing
nothing but problems.

- The top bunk brought out
a real air superiority in him.

- We thought it best
if we just removed

the temptation altogether.

- Well, you should
just go on Kijiji and buy

a bunk bed second hand.
Remember Tara's mom?

- No.
- Bad asthma...

Got a fishhook in her eye...

- I don't remember
people by their suffering.

Well, she goes on Kijiji.

Okay.

♪♪

What is the sky made of?

- The sky is made of air.
It's atmosphere.

What is the blue part made of?

- Oh, my G-- Okay, I've
actually been preparing

for this question since
Felix was two months old.

- James.
- [James] Yeah.

It is so past her bedtime.

- She's gonna be fine.
She's going to go to bed.

- No I won't. Where
does energy come from?

- M'kay, well, energy can
neither be destroyed or created.

- [Astrid] James.
- [indistinct]

- Stop letting her
distract you with questions.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

We're gonna focus here,
all right?

[Astrid] Sleep.

Like wearing socks
or drinking water,

kids need to do it,
but really don't want to.

- Look at you.
Clean as a whistle.

Get out of here.

- [James] There's a big list of
requirements that needs

to be met before
your child will

begrudgingly agree
to try to sleep.

- [Astrid] And that list can grow
and change at any time.

Usually bedtime.

[James]
But often after bedtime.

And in some cases,
after your bedtime.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I found a free bunk bed.

- Ooh! Okay, what's the catch?
Is it haunted?

- No. But we
do have to drive to...

- the suburbs.
- [James gasps]

Whew!

It's quiet.

You hear that, Andrew?
It's so nice.

♪♪

[Astrid] James?

- James?
- Hmm?

- Can you help me change Andrew?
- Yes, yes.

Val wanted me to text one guy.

- Don't worry, Andrew,
you're my special friend.

You watch, I'm gonna take
good care of you.

I'm a master.

Better than she is because
you know what it--

[exclaims]

What happened?

- There- he's not done
with the diaper.

The diap-- The diap.

The guy's coming out.

- Well, you know, just--

do we have
a paper towel or anything?

I have something better.

[Andrew fusses]

Hi. I'm Astrid.

- This is James.
- Hi.

So excited about that bed.

I'm so excited to get rid of it.

I love how quiet it is here.

- Oh, well, it's not
always so quiet.

Sometimes the
neighborhood has a barbecue.

Oh, and this one time,

we set off
fireworks in the park.

[chuckles] Got a little raucous.

- Oh! It's always loud
where we are.

We live in the city.

- I knew it.
Because of the pants.

- Oh, yeah. These
are... they're not my pants.

[chuckles]

You want to
give me a hand with this?

Yeah, let's go.

- I don't have
the instructions for it,

but it's pretty straightforward.

Sure we'll figure it out.

- Yeah, thanks, buddy.
- I'm sure.

[James grunting]

- Wait. I just
found a third-size bolt.

- Is it bigger or
smaller than the other bolts?

- A medium?
- Uh--

James, I'm so tired.

Is this hell? Are we in hell?

- We'll just finish
making this bed

because then we'll know
for next time.

"Next time"?

W-we have to go to sleep.

- Yeah. The kids are in
our bed, so I think we're

making this for ourselves.

- Why do we get
rid of their beds?

Why did I go
back to work, James?

Why do we
have so many kids, James?

Okay, I feel your spiral.

I took a nap in the
bathroom at work today.

- How?
- [exclaims]

[sighs]

What if we
moved out of the city?

- To sleep?
- To live.

Mmm. My family's here.

Our jobs are here.
The kids were born here.

- This is our home.
- Mm-hmm.

But what if it wasn't?
More space, less mortgage...

We could open up a window
without hearing a bassline.

- I don't hear
anything right now.

- Mm. We're never going
to get this bed done.

Do you want to share
a bottom bunk with me?

[both] Yes.

Nice work.

[grunts]

[sighs]

[Viv] Mommy! Daddy!
The Red Ghost!

♪♪

[Astrid moans]

- Oh!
- Oh, sorry, sorry.

[grunts]

[alarm beeps]

[groans]

Is it the weekend?

No, no, kiddo.

It's Monday.
Work and school.

- Yeah. Did Andrew
sleep through the night?

Morris slept great.
Yay for Morris!

- Oh!
- [fanfare]

- We did it.
- Yay for Morris!

Oh, Jean-Luc. Hi.

Whoa! You are so early.

- Yeah, yeah, well, I know
the World Cup is years away,

but we're still
very much behind.

- Right? Well, we
normally chill in the morning,

so message your peeps,
grab coffees, make some content,

and then we'll all sit together
and chat in the afternoon.

- I'm sorry.
Why did I need to come in?

- We need you
to help guide us

through what we're
supposed to be doing here.

- Kind of sounds
like I'm the boss. [laughs]

I know, right? [chuckles]

Anyways,
I'm going to be in my office.

Glad you're here.

[Astrid]
To have kids is to be tired.

- Hi.
- [Viv] Mommy!

[James]
The more kids, the less sleep.

It's a simple, devastating math.

- [Astrid]
You just got to push through,

- [James]
Get help where you can.

[Astrid] And just accept

that you're going
to be a doyoy for a few years.

I have saved you.

[Felix babbles]

- [James] There will be a time
when you can sleep again.

- [Astrid] But until then,
if you have to be up,

[James]
At least the company's good.

♪♪

[creak]

[soft creaking]

[toy clatters]

[cries]

I'm sorry.

♪♪

[closing music plays]

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