All language subtitles for stop_splitting_things_in_two_how_binaries_hurt_us_all_en

Good morning.

This is Sam.

Sam recently got married
to her husband, Mark.

Sam took Mark's last name.

Sam was able to navigate the legal
name change process fairly easily,

and her friends, family and coworkers
adjusted to the change quickly as well.

This is Finn.

Finn also changed their name,

but they had a lot harder time
doing so with the same entities.

Finn had to get a court order,

had to publish their name change
in the local newspaper for two weeks

so anyone who wanted to
could object to it.

Finn is often asked
if that’s really their name

or what their real name was.

Finn has been made
by complete strangers in restaurants

and house parties
to produce their driver’s license

for no reason other than to prove
that Finn was their legal name.

Finn has been told by friends
and loved ones:

“You’ll have to understand
I’m going to mess up.

This is really hard for me.”

So what happened?

Why was Sam’s switch
so smooth and Finn’s so not?

Finn changed their name because Finn
is a non-binary transgender person.

That change was part of Finn’s transition.

Finn’s based on a true story.

I’m willing to wager most of you
in the crowd tonight

know somebody who is married.

Maybe you’re married yourself.

Maybe you’ve been
to a couple weddings, of course.

But for some of you, I’m the first
nonbinary person you’ve ever met

face-to-face.

You might be encountering
a little confusion

because your brain hasn’t figured out
what box to put me in yet.

See, it’s human nature
to classify things, right?

Everything has a name
and a box it goes in,

and everything is all
a part of this grand reality.

That reality was built
for the Sams and Marks of the world.

See these boxes that we put
so many things into

were built long before you and I got here.

A lot of people, mostly
people the same skin color I am,

like to split things into binaries,

sets of two.

Day and night.

Rich and poor.

White and Black.

Man and woman.

Good and evil.

Us and them.

We’ll come back to that one.

These binary boxes are social constructs,

classification systems put in place

by people in positions of power who wanted
very much for things to stay that way

and perpetuated, knowingly or unknowingly,

by similar groups of people
who benefit from those systems today.

But where did this power come from?

How did we get here?

When a binary is established,

the two entities naturally oppose
one another in our minds

like poles on a magnet.

Day is the opposite of night.

Good is the antithesis of evil.

When you apply this to groups of people,

something interesting happens.

You end up with a macro-binary
of self and other,

where one group, usually the group
that looks or behaves most similarly

to the group that established the binary,
is held in favor over the other.

When someone comes along
who disrupts this binary,

the people who benefit from it
don’t like it very much.

So what happens?

That group, that person,
is ostracized, silenced,

legislated to the margins,

or worse, eliminated entirely.

Sam had a lot easier time
changing her name

because Sam was following
the socially constructed framework.

Sam is cisgender,
heterosexual, white woman

marrying a cisgender,
heterosexual, white man

and replacing her last name with his.

Sam is following a path set before her
by generations on generations,

on generations of people
in positions of power.

When someone comes out as transgender,

they’re directly challenging
this binary system.

So what have we learned?
What happens?

Marginalization.

Other-ization.

Suddenly the trans community are sick,
perverted groomers leering in bathrooms

waiting to prey on your children.

Won't somebody think of the children?

Any attempt to empathize with

or connect to or support
the trans community

is seen as wokeness taking over

or entertaining the delusions
of the mentally ill.

No nuance allowed.

You get in your box and you stay there,

or be eliminated.

And I’m not just strawmanning here.

In 2022 alone, 370 anti-trans bills

have crossed the legislative floors
in the United States,

mostly affecting trans kids.

These are bills that forbid trans people
from using the bathroom

that most closely aligns
with their gender identity.

These are bills that force teachers
to out trans children to their families.

These are bills that deny trans people
life-saving medical care.

These bills lead to abuse.

They lead to violence,

and they lead to
other heartbreaking outcomes.

In 2021, over 350 trans people

were murdered in hate crimes in the U.S.

To this very day,

murderers of queer people are walking free

because LGBTQ+ or gay panic defenses

are still seen as a viable defense
the courts of 21 U.S. states.

And this is about so much more
than just the gender binary.

Look at our collage here.

Do we see a pattern?

Most of the trans people
who were murdered last year

are Black and Latine trans women.

So you see, these binaries intersect.

The binary of gender,

and the self/other binary of race.

So what do we do?

How do we stop this?

We expand.

We expand the ways we think about
and talk about the world around us.

We learn about the binaries
that exist in our society

and the ways in which they work towards
certain groups of people positively

or negatively.

We call out when these binaries
are being enforced.

And call upon expansion
in multiple different avenues.

We support and uplift the groups
of people who are being marginalized.

And we call out bigotry
and small-mindedness when we see it.

It can be simple.

It can be as simple as introducing
yourself by saying:

“Hi. My name is Finn.
My pronouns are they/them.

What are yours?”

It can be as simple as researching
your governmental candidates

and voting in every election, every time,

to make sure that harmful legislation
never sees a House or Senate floor.

It can be as simple
as donating time or money

to organizations that uplfit
marginalized groups.

It can be as simple as having
those difficult,

uncomfortable conversations
with your ignorant friends and family.

It can be simple.

But we have to make
the conscious decision to do it.

You know,

I’m often told by people
who I give these diversity educations to:

“Yeah, I support the queer
community and everything,

but I just wish you didn’t have to make it
your whole personality.

We get it.

You’re trans. Big deal.

Why can’t people just be people?”

And you know what?

I agree with them.

I would want nothing more than to be seen
for the multifaceted person that I am.

I want my transness to be the least
interesting thing about me.

But the truth of the matter is,

there are people in this world
who look at me and people like me

and see one thing.

A mistake.

A threat that must be erased.

They see this in me, and they see this
in so many of my trans siblings.

Now, I have the benefit of carrying
a certain level of privilege.

So if me being here and trans and loud

convinces even one trans child
to love themselves

for all their many facets,

it’s worth it.

The sooner we stop thinking
in terms of day and night.

the more space we leave
for sunrises and sunsets.

The sooner we stop
splitting things in half,

the sooner we create a world more whole,

more safe and more successful.

Not just for ourselves,

but for the generations to come.

Thank you.

(Applause)