Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:02,503
[computer voice]
K-I-S-W.
2
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,739
(radio plug)
KISW, 99.9.
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:08,409
[computer voice]
K-I-S-W.
4
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,411
Jiggle me timbers.
5
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:12,180
You...
6
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,414
are gorgeous!
7
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,515
[wolf whistle]
8
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:17,451
And you got a movie
opening up on Friday.
Mm-hmm.
9
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:18,786
And, by the way,
I saw it last night.
10
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,521
Jiggle me timbers!
11
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,223
That was a long 2 1/2 hours,
boy.
12
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,224
I'm sorry.
13
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,459
Hey, Max, you've been
sayin' that all morning.
14
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:26,694
Jiggle me timbers--
Where'd you get that.
15
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,429
Well, maybe it'll be
my new catch phrase.
16
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,663
I didn't know
I had to clear everything
17
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,232
with the Lollipop Guild.
18
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,666
Whoa! Whoa!
Careful, boss.
19
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,069
Willie'll beat the crap out
of your kneecaps.
20
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,370
Or higher, even.
(Kimberly)
You guys...
21
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,072
No. I think
it'll catch on.
22
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:40,241
Jiggle meeeee timbers!!
23
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,609
Whoo!
Raw! You're listening
24
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,311
to Mad Max In The Morning.
25
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,413
And we're talking
with Kimberly Dennaman,
26
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,914
whose new movie
is opening everywhere on Friday.
27
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,183
(J.J. over radio)
And closing everywhere
on Saturday!
28
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:52,153
[laughs]
(Kimberly)
Oh, that's mean.
29
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,429
Gas leak.
30
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,197
I can smell it.
31
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,432
Yeah, shut off
the main valve,
32
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:05,866
but we gotta check inside
just to make sure.
33
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,401
All right.
34
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,711
(Max on radio)
All right, now, Kimberly,
here's the question.
35
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,880
If--if--if I wasn't married...
36
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:20,881
[beep]
37
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,284
Would you
take a bath with me...
38
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,752
right now
in the back room?
39
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:25,753
(J.J.)
Oh, yeah!
40
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:26,854
In a little green tub?
41
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,422
[beep]
42
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,424
(Kimberly)
Oh, but you are married,
so it doesn't matter.
43
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,725
(Max)
But haven't you heard?
44
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,827
My wife--
My wife is, uh, very sick.
45
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,196
It's true.
46
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,131
We--It's true.
It's true.
47
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,332
We're very worried
about her.
48
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:39,267
(Kimberly)
Max, seriously,
49
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,134
You shouldn't joke
about that.
50
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:41,335
(Max)
It's true.
Hello?
51
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,404
(Kimberly)
It's bad karma.
It's true.
52
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,438
She just told me
last night
Hello?
53
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,140
to start looking
for wife number two.
54
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,541
It's her dying wish...
Better check upstairs.
55
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,310
Oh, my God.
56
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:52,180
That's what's-his-name
from the radio. [laughs]
57
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,447
(cop)
Max Hudson.
58
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,416
A gas leak
at Max Hudson's house?
59
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,251
Oh, he's gonna
have a field day with this!
60
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,051
Yeah.
61
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,488
(Max over radio)
Whoa!
62
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,157
(J.J.)
Whooo-whooo!
63
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,726
(Max)
Tell me, Kimberly,
that you actually believe
64
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,161
in the sanctity
of marriage.
65
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,596
(Kimberly)
I do.
[coughing]
66
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,398
(J.J.)
Kimberly can't even
spell "sanctity."
67
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,499
(gas man)
I'll turn the gas off.
68
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,500
(J.J. over the radio)
Say sanctity.
69
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:13,634
(Kimberly)
Santity.
70
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,569
(Max)
Close enough!
[laughter]
71
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,605
Close enough!
[whistle blows]
72
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,539
We have a winner!
73
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,407
(Kimberly)
You guys are awful.
74
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,073
(Max)
It's "santiment."
75
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,875
[whirring over radio]
76
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,611
(radio plug)
Trust us.
77
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,778
Hey, Max.
78
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:25,879
There's a cop
on line one.
79
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,582
He says it's important.
80
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:29,883
Okay, uh...
81
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,519
I'll just take it
in the back, all right?
82
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:32,553
Anybody you know?
83
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,488
No, man.
84
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:40,961
[quietly]
My God, is she all right?
85
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,530
[clears throat]
86
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:43,697
[more dramatically]
Oh, my God...
87
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,533
Is she all right?
Oh, my God.
88
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,570
Hello.
89
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,239
Speaking.
90
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,508
My wife...?
91
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,578
Oh, my God,
is she all right?
92
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,614
Yes, sir.
93
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,516
I-I understand.
94
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,817
I'll be right there.
95
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,927
[Randy Newman Ragtime theme]
96
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,430
* It's a jungle out there
97
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:20,668
* Disorder and confusion
everywhere *
98
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,371
* No one seems to care
99
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,438
* Well, I do
100
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,974
* Hey, who's in charge here?
101
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,811
* It's a jungle out there
102
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:34,014
* Poison in the very air
we breathe *
103
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,517
* You know what's in
the water that you drink? *
104
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,688
* Well, I do,
and it's a-ma-zing *
105
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,857
* People think I'm crazy
'cause I worry all the time *
106
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:47,528
* If you paid attention,
you'd be worried too *
107
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,532
* You'd better pay attention,
or this world we love so much *
108
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:55,336
* Might just kill you
109
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,037
* I could be wrong now
110
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,540
* But I don't think so
111
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,975
* 'Cause it's
a jungle out there *
112
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:05,779
* It's a jungle
out there *
113
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:09,717
You put the blades up?
114
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,585
That is
really interesting.
115
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,654
I'm always afraid
I'll cut myself.
116
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,389
Yeah,
I'm a "blade-down" man.
117
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:18,426
But that's what makes
horse races, am I right?
118
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,693
Doesn't mean we still
can't be friends.
119
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,562
Actually,
I run them twice.
120
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,497
Blades up
and then blades down.
121
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,832
That's fascinating.
122
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,567
Ooh!
Is this dishwasher safe?
123
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,601
Let me just--
124
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:28,969
Yes, it is.
125
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,405
Funny story:
I have a casserole dish.
126
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:32,706
It was a gift
from my sister.
127
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,408
Not the sister you met.
128
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,743
The one who used
to live in Milwaukee
129
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,611
but moved to St. Paul
last summer.
130
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,980
Well, not summer,
per say.
Okay, yeah.
131
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,982
K-Kevin...
It doesn't matter.
132
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,018
Anyway, the dish
didn't say "dishwasher safe,"
133
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,720
but, you know what?
134
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,756
I took a chance.
135
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,625
'Cause you only go around
once in this life.
136
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,561
That's the best news
I've heard all day.
137
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,695
[doorbell rings]
138
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,564
Mmm.
I'll finish up.
139
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,666
You get the door.
How's that sound?
140
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,434
[dishes crash]
141
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:06,907
Mr. Monk?
142
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,576
Yeah?
143
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:09,677
I'm sorry to bother you
at home,
144
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,945
I read about you
on the internet.
145
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,547
And I looked up your address.
146
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,416
I...
147
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,851
I don't know where else
to go.
148
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,854
I'm on the internet?
149
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,993
Um, uh...
150
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,895
Uh, thank you.
151
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,800
Thank you.
152
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,868
[blowing]
153
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:40,007
If you could wait
until my assistant gets here.
154
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,010
She's in charge
of saying the right things.
155
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,145
(Kevin)
Adrian, I'm putting
the tablespoons in front
156
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,647
and the serving spoons
in back.
157
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,648
Any objections?
158
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,750
Kevin, it doesn't matter.
159
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,419
Okay.
160
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:55,088
My sister, Jeanette,
died four weeks ago.
161
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,124
There was a gas fireplace
in--
Excuse me.
162
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,794
Actually, I do prefer
163
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,696
the serving spoons
in the front.
164
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,965
Really?
In the front?
165
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,701
Okay, you're the boss.
166
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:10,804
Sorry.
167
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,540
There was a fireplace...?
168
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,875
There was a gas fireplace
in the bedroom.
169
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:19,112
It was turned on,
and she was asphyxiated.
170
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:24,718
This is a copy
of the coroner's inquest.
171
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:25,753
They said it was an accident.
[dishes clatter]
172
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:28,789
But, Mr. Monk, Jeanette
never used that fireplace.
173
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:31,058
I know he killed her.
174
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,125
Who?
175
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,160
Her husband--Max.
176
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,163
Getting a divorce would
have cost him $30 million.
177
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,731
I'm sorry.
Could I have another?
178
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:38,866
[sniffles]
179
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,200
Here's the thing.
180
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,736
Uh...
181
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,738
I buy ten boxes at a time,
182
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,207
And they have to last me
the whole month.
183
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,511
Oh.
184
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,081
Uh, so...okay.
185
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,783
Okay, okay, okay.
186
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,029
Thanks.
187
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,231
(Kevin)
Okay, I'm pouring
the detergent.
188
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,232
You're missing it.
189
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,667
Kevin, please.
190
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,102
Please,
I'm trying to talk to--
191
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,169
I'm sorry.
192
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,571
Linda Riggs.
193
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,473
Jeanette Hudson
was my sister.
194
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,941
Jeanette Hudson?
195
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,443
Max Hudson's wife?
196
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,947
Yeah, everyone thinks
he's so funny.
197
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,549
Jeanette was terrified
of him.
198
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,551
You know, he once
got arrested
199
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,785
for assault.
200
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,220
He has a terrible temper.
201
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,222
So you've
actually met him?
Kevin.
202
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,924
Yes I've met him.
203
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,058
I think he killed my sister.
204
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,693
What's he like?
205
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,261
He's a monster!
206
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,796
Kevin.
207
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,797
Forget it.
208
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:44,798
Withdrawn.
209
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:45,966
Never said it.
210
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,736
Excuse me.
I have dishes to do.
211
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,943
Well, I don't
like that guy either.
212
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:56,710
He's such a bully.
213
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:57,878
Have you ever
heard his show?
214
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,012
I don't think so.
215
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,180
What station is he on?
216
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,281
99.9.
217
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,250
Ahhh...so close.
218
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,885
I just don't see
how he could have done it.
219
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,687
Have you looked
at this?
Mm-mm.
220
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,955
So when Jeanette died,
221
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,257
Max was on the radio
doing a live show.
222
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,559
And the night before,
223
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,960
he's in Los Angeles
at a party.
224
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:13,827
He hasn't been home
in two days.
225
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,829
I promised her sister
I'd look into it.
226
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:16,997
I had to.
227
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,866
She was using up
all my Kleenex.
228
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:19,867
Hi.
229
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,569
I don't think he's home.
230
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,972
Did you tell him
I was coming?
231
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,974
(Natalie)
No, Mr. Monk,
That's not for you.
232
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,275
That's a joke.
233
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,943
It's a joke?
234
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,912
How--how is--
How is that funny?
235
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,582
Um, well,
I guess it's funny
236
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:35,883
because it says
the opposite
237
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,119
of what a Welcome Mat
would normally say.
238
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,555
So it's an opposite joke.
239
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,323
Yeah, that's right.
240
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,958
He's not home.
241
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,259
I live right there.
242
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,295
I saw him leave
about two hours ago.
243
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,663
Okay.
244
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:50,764
That's a nice dog.
245
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:51,999
(man)
Well, thank you.
246
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,200
That's a nice cat.
247
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,735
(giggling)
248
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,004
Come on.
Let's go.
249
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:57,905
Phew!
250
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,239
That's it.
251
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,574
This is still my sister's home.
252
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:01,909
I'm going in.
253
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,156
(Linda)
This is where
she was found.
254
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,157
On the bed.
255
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,926
This morning,
256
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,293
I heard him joking
about it on his show.
257
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,328
I don't know
how somebody can joke
258
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,063
about something
like that?
259
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,364
I don't know.
260
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,933
Anytime I'm at a restaurant
or a store
261
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,969
and he's on the radio,
I just have to leave.
262
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,237
According to the police,
263
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,105
Jeanette turned on the gas,
264
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:35,776
then forgot that it was on
and just went to sleep.
265
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,811
Uh-oh.
266
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,613
What?
267
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:42,015
There's only
39 shoes here.
268
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,050
There's one missing.
269
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,017
(Natalie)
Mr. Monk, is that
important right now?
270
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:47,020
It looks like
a dark-brown Ramato loafer.
271
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:50,023
It's about a size 10 1/2
or 11, I guess.
272
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,959
Okay, okay.
273
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,994
That's a 10 1/2.
Okay.
274
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:58,165
So, Mr. Monk,
Jeanette was found here.
275
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,801
Okay.
276
00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:05,839
So she turned it...
277
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,074
like this?
278
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,942
[hissing]
279
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,779
And then forgot it was on?
280
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,114
No.
281
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:19,953
[groans]
282
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:20,954
Eh!
283
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,956
(Natalie)
Mr. Monk, are you okay?
284
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:23,957
Oh! Yeah.
285
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,058
That's gas.
286
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,794
Yeah, I'm--I'm fine.
I'm fine.
287
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,830
It's just a little--
a little gas.
288
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,965
(Monk)
According to
the police report,
289
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,835
the flue was--
was--was closed?
290
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:35,836
Right.
291
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,104
Right.
292
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,739
It's closed.
293
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,846
Look at this.
Hmm.
294
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,982
It's just...
295
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,051
dried out--
296
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,420
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
297
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,955
Dried...
298
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,691
Dried leaves.
299
00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:01,128
Fire would have burned them
or charred them.
300
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,363
No, no. This thing
hasn't been used in months,
301
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,364
if ever.
302
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,866
(Linda)
That's what I was saying.
303
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,400
It couldn't
have been an accident.
304
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,336
(Monk)
Oh.
305
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,403
Oh, oh, oh.
306
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:11,872
Oh.
307
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,144
You have the inventory there?
Yes.
308
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,814
Are there any matches
or cigarette lighters
309
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,215
in the room?
310
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,383
Um...no.
311
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:27,154
No--no--
no matches anywhere.
312
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,722
That makes no sense.
313
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,901
She died on the 15th?
314
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:41,869
Yeah, that's right.
315
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,471
Two days before
her tenth wedding anniversary.
316
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,006
They always
did something special.
317
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,374
Go on a big trip.
318
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,809
Last year they went to Cabo.
319
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,277
Not this year.
320
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,914
Look, July 17th,
321
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,282
"Tenth anniversary".
322
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,449
Natalie,
Nothing's written.
323
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,185
Nothing planned.
324
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,887
Nothing erased.
325
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:03,824
He knew she
wouldn't be around.
326
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,426
Linda, I think
you're right.
327
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,461
I think he killed her.
328
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,104
I'm going to be down
at the Book Barn
329
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,338
on Market Street tomorrow,
330
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:22,175
signing copies of my new book-
Sex, Lies, and Radio.
331
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,243
So come on down.
332
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,211
But get there early.
333
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,946
I was at a book signing
in Dallas last week.
334
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,181
And, I mean,
it was freakin' insane.
335
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,382
It was a riot.
336
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,851
It was on the news
and everything.
337
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,152
It's an amazing book.
338
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,520
Like you know.
You can't even read!
339
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:34,988
You didn't read it.
340
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:36,289
That's true.
I'm waiting for the movie.
341
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,325
(J.J.)
I read it, boss.
Twice.
Kiss ass.
342
00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:39,993
All right, Mr. Monk,
when you question him,
343
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,061
you have to be very careful.
344
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:41,895
He's very quick.
345
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:42,896
I'm quick.
346
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,231
No, Mr. Monk.
You're not quick.
347
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,565
You have to focus.
348
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,566
He'll try to
make fun of you.
349
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,567
Why would he
make fun of me?
350
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,902
He doesn't even know me.
351
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:49,736
Howard Stern,
if you're listening--
352
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,404
and I know you are--
you're going down.
353
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,073
[shooting noise]
Goin' down.
354
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,042
Goin' down.
(Max)
Would you shut up?
355
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,309
All right, sorry.
356
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,978
(Max)
So, uh...
let's take some calls.
357
00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,913
Bill, from San Diego,
you're on the air.
358
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,248
Mr. Monk,
Please don't do that.
359
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,315
No. No, no, no.
360
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,316
(man over phone)
It was amazing.
361
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,451
It changed my life.
362
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,453
(Max)
Uh, yeah, thanks.
Micky?
363
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,021
Micky, who the hell is that?
364
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,489
His name is Adrian Monk.
365
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,958
He says you invited him down.
366
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,960
Oh! Yeah.
The private dick.
367
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,094
(Little Willie)
Ouch. Oh.
368
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,963
My sister-in-law
hired a private detective.
369
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,230
Can you believe that?
370
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,932
(J.J.)
What's he doing
to Mr. Limpey?
371
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,467
(Max)
Uh, excuse me, Monk?
372
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,535
Monk.
[cuckoo cuckoo]
373
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,271
Please, don't.
374
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,973
[bell dings]
375
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,008
Whoa! A little freak's show
in our control room.
376
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,409
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
377
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,879
(J.J.)
A left, a right.
378
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,213
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
379
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,215
Oh my God!
He killed Mr. Limpey!
380
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,249
Monk.
381
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,885
(Max)
Get in here!
382
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,319
(J.J.)
What is that?
He's a maniac.
383
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,221
Do not go in there.
Hey, O.J.!
384
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,222
Get in here, buddy.
385
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,090
Come on, Monk.
386
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,457
Hey, Detective,
you want to talk to me?
387
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,426
Now's your chance, okay?
It's now or never.
388
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,161
Don't be afraid of me.
I won't bite ya.
389
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,162
I'm the one that bites!
390
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,864
Rawwrr rawwrr rawwrr!
391
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,165
[dog barking]
(Max)
Whoa, start.
392
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,500
Come on.
That's it.
393
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,068
I'm just gonna talk
to him.
394
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,169
I talk to people
all the time.
395
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,871
Yeah, yeah.
But these aren't people.
396
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,172
Okay, here he comes,
eventually.
The sleeves.
397
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,507
Look at the sleeves.
[Little Willie laughs]
398
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,042
Come on.
[Little Willie barks]
399
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,077
Here they come, gingerly.
400
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:05,178
Oh. Ooh, hello.
401
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,880
Hello, there.
Hello.
402
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:07,948
(Max)
Who is this?
403
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,216
This is Natalie.
She's my assistant.
404
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,350
(Max)
Natalie.
Ooh, hello.
405
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,618
Ooh, Natalie.
406
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,053
Ooh, nice.
407
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:13,987
Ha ha ha.
408
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,188
Do a little twirl,
Natalie.
409
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,389
No, thank you.
(Max)
"No, thank you."
410
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,291
Okay, she's feisty.
Ha ha!
411
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,492
She's brassy.
She's sassy.
412
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,894
She's got gusto!
413
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,963
Sassy, brassy,
but she won't show her assy.
414
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,031
I like it.
415
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,632
Doin' a neck crank.
416
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,334
You can't see it,
ladies and gentlemen.
417
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,969
Yeah, I talked
to this guy last night.
418
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,038
He wants to talk to me
about what happened to Jeanette.
419
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,273
Why don't we talk about that
after the show?
420
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,407
You don't get it,
sugar bumps.
421
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,442
He is the show!
422
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,277
My life is the show.
423
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,578
Detective, why don't you
have a seat, please?
424
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,047
Somebody give him
some headphones, please.
425
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,214
There you go, buddy.
426
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,583
Please don't do this.
It's okay.
427
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,153
Please, please.
428
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,187
[J.J. chuckles]
429
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,488
Wipe.
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
430
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,157
Wipe, wipe, wipe.
431
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,624
[Monk on recording]
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
432
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:52,692
Ha ha!
[laughing]
433
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,161
(Max)
Okay, folks.
434
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,162
Uh, folks,
435
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,296
you gotta see this.
436
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,198
First of all, his shirt
is buttoned up to his eyeballs.
437
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,168
And he's swabbing at his
headphones with a baby wipe.
438
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,136
This is not a baby wipe.
439
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,172
This is--
This is an adult wipe.
440
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,040
I stand corrected.
441
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,341
You gotta know the difference.
442
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,542
(J.J.)
Sorry about that.
443
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,179
Hey, Adrian,
let me ask you something.
444
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,180
When you go to a crime scene,
445
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,115
do you take a police car
or a short yellow bus?
446
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,483
Mr. Monk, you don't
have to answer that.
447
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:17,650
No.
I'll be happy to--
448
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,087
I'll be happy
to answer that.
449
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,354
Natalie drives me.
450
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:22,555
(Max)
I bet she does.
451
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,191
She's drivin' me, baby.
452
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,125
Who's drivin' Natalie?
453
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,159
I wanna change your tires.
454
00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:28,095
Natalie!
[scratches mic]
455
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,329
Ooh!
Ow!
Ah!
456
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,564
You're hurting me.
457
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,133
Ow! Ooh!
This guy is great.
458
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,301
He's--he's possessed.
459
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,203
(J.J.)
"Yo! Adrian!"
460
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:38,138
Yo.
461
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,539
Ha ha!
[laughing]
462
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,673
Yehh!
What?
463
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,976
Okay, we just lost a third
of our audience.
464
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,144
All rightee, then.
465
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,045
So, uh, just for the record,
466
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,180
you're here because
of my sister-in-law--
467
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,481
"Loony Linda."
(Max)
That's right.
468
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,483
Loony Linda,
who thinks
469
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,519
I murdered my wife.
Isn't that charming?
470
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,487
So what do you think,
Mr. Monk?
471
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,124
Are we on the air?
472
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,658
Yeah, we're
on the air, buddy.
473
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,093
It's okay.
474
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,094
I have no secrets
from my fans.
475
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,729
Oh, I think you do.
476
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,031
Ooh.
Ooh!
477
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,365
Cool, okay.
478
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,533
So you think
479
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,268
I murdered my wife,
480
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:13,606
even though I was right here,
on the air, live, when she died?
481
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,775
Well, I do have a few questions.
482
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,444
Oh, of course.
'Cause from what
I've seen,
483
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,513
it seems unlikely
that that bedroom fireplace
484
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:21,681
was ever used.
485
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,550
According
to the crime scene photos,
486
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,018
the fireplace flue was closed,
487
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,353
and there
were no matches anywhere.
488
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,720
Okay, that's great.
489
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,722
That's very compelling,
compelling cross-examination.
490
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,291
Uh, how's this?
491
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,626
Uh...you can
ask me three questions,
492
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,562
which I will answer
right here
493
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,430
in front
of 4 million witnesses,
494
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,533
if Natalie
sits on Willie's lap.
495
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,169
(Little Willie)
Oh!
[J.J. laughs]
496
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,703
Please.
497
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,705
Don't do it, Natalie.
It's a trick.
498
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,506
Do it.
499
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,674
Adrian. I thought
you'd like to know
500
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,310
that the last guy who wore
those headphones had head lice.
501
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,212
Ooh! Wipe! Wipe!
(recording)
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
502
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,380
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
Wipe!
503
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:54,781
Wipe, wipe.
504
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,149
Gimme.
505
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,484
(recording)
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
506
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,219
You should be ashamed
of yourself.
507
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,288
I agree.
I should be.
508
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,555
But I'm not.
Oh!
509
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,824
(Little Willie)
And there we got the view.
510
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:05,825
She gave us a twirl.
511
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:06,826
I think he's the guy.
512
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,728
I do too.
At least I hope he is.
513
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,730
Max Hudson,
the jerk on the radio?
514
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:11,864
According to her sister,
515
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,267
his wife had recently
started taking sleeping pills,
516
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:15,168
30 milligrams.
517
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,803
(Natalie)
Which is
the maximum dosage...
518
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,138
(Monk)
And it
was Max's suggestion.
519
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,206
He called the doctor
personally
520
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,407
to get the prescription.
521
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,175
Here's what happened:
Max is out of town.
522
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,643
It's a perfect alibi.
523
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,778
He knows his wife
is gonna take those pills,
524
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,514
so she's out cold--
525
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,548
Something funny?
526
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,417
Uh, no.
Sorry.
527
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,852
He knows his wife
won't be waking up.
528
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,654
So he has one of his guys--
529
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,289
Randy?
530
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,857
Do you want to share it
with the rest of the class?
531
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,328
I'm sorry. I-
I heard you on the show.
532
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,162
You really got zung.
533
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,331
Oh, my God,
you listen to that creep?
534
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:45,565
I think he's great...
535
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:46,599
-ting.
536
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:47,600
It's grating.
537
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:48,701
De-grating.
538
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,337
Degrading to women.
539
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,205
Yeah, I keep listening,
hoping he'll grow up,
540
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,374
but he never does.
541
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,575
Anyway,
one of his guys--
542
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:57,310
Goons.
They're called Goons.
543
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:59,279
The Goon Platoon.
Goons.
544
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,447
One of his Goons--
thank you--
545
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,714
snuck into the house,
546
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,216
turns on the gas--
547
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,217
It could have been J.J.
548
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,718
The guy's a joke machine.
549
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,220
He's been with Max
for 15 years.
550
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,221
Since Philadelphia.
551
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,122
Whoever it was,
552
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,491
turned on the gas,
closed the bedroom door.
553
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,393
She never woke up.
554
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,861
All right.
How did they get in the house?
555
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:15,928
Max made an extra key.
556
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,697
It sounds good,
but it doesn't track.
557
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,566
This is new.
558
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,767
It's from the
security company.
559
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,569
That house is wired.
560
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,571
It's monitored 24-7,
561
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,239
sealed tight.
562
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,341
No door or window
was opened all night long.
563
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:31,244
No one--no thing--
came in or out.
564
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,812
What about that window?
It says "open".
565
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,349
(Stottlemeyer)
That is a ventilation window
to the basement.
566
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,750
It only opens 8 inches.
567
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,319
Little Willie!
568
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,287
Who?
569
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,354
Little Willie--
He's a...
570
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,290
little person.
571
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,624
He'd do anything
for Max.
572
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:46,493
Last week, he ate
his own weight in bologna.
573
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,463
Jiggle me timbers!
574
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,599
I think
I just solved the case!
575
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,900
"Jiggle me timbers"?
576
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,768
Yeah, that's something
that Ma--
577
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,304
I heard on the radio.
578
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,238
I don't remember
who says it.
579
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,439
(Stottlemeyer)
I don't know.
580
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,374
I mean, we don't even know
if a little person
581
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,176
can get
through an 8-inch window.
582
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,911
Sure they could.
583
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,145
It's awful small.
584
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,381
Monk, Could a little person
fit through an 8-inch window?
585
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,250
I am proud to say
I don't know.
586
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,585
(Stottlemeyer)
Look, we don't even know where
this Little Willie person was
587
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,454
the night she died.
Wait a minute.
588
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,588
We can settle it right now.
589
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:16,489
They're all downtown
at a book signing.
590
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,758
We go down, we talk
to Little Willie.
591
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,693
If we get a chance--
if it happens to come up--
592
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:23,363
we measure the circumference
of his head.
593
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,464
Then divide it by pi.
594
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,632
Or something.
595
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,236
What do you think?
596
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:34,474
I think
we have to check it out.
597
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,483
[belching loudly]
598
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,784
(Disher)
See that guy
over there?
599
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,219
He's on the show
all the time.
600
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,387
They call him
"The Burpinator."
601
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,855
Really?
The Burpinator is here?
602
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:49,956
Is he single?
603
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,891
Do you think you
could introduce me?
604
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,394
Yeah...
Sure, come on.
605
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,995
I was kidding.
606
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,331
You knew that, right--
I was kidding?
607
00:19:58,365 --> 00:19:59,566
Come on, Randy.
608
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,301
Let's get this over with.
609
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,637
William Karelli?
610
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:05,638
That's me.
611
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,407
Hey. Word with you?
612
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,711
I'm Captain
Leland Stottlemeyer.
613
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,446
This is Lieutenant Disher.
We're big fans.
614
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,649
Not--not "big" height.
615
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:19,286
Just I love the show.
616
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:22,422
We are looking into the death
of Jeanette Hudson.
617
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,324
Why?
There was an inquest.
618
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:25,425
It was an accident.
619
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,559
Don't you guys talk
to each other?
620
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:27,794
You're probably right.
621
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,696
There's just a few loose ends
that, uh...
622
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,464
we want look into.
623
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,599
Um...
624
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,401
Where were you
the night she died?
625
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,503
Where was I?
I was on the air.
626
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:39,005
No. I mean before that,
the, uh, the night before.
627
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,374
I know Max
was in Los Angeles.
628
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,375
But you didn't go
with him.
629
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,476
That's true.
630
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:44,944
I was
with my wife and kid.
631
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,646
I got nothing more to say
to you guys.
632
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,648
You want to talk,
talk to my lawyer.
633
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,984
Hey, I'm not done
talkin' to you yet.
634
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,055
Thank you very much.
Thank you, man.
635
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,024
I'm a big fan.
I just--
636
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,492
Nice to meet you.
637
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,397
(Disher)
Tape measure.
638
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,698
(Natalie)
Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
639
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,033
It was right here.
Hold on. Hold on.
640
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,301
Hurry up!
I got it right here.
641
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:09,569
Hurry.
Right here.
642
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,504
You're moving your hands.
I'm not.
643
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:12,539
I don't know
what the hell this is,
644
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:13,540
but it isn't police work.
645
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:14,941
"10 1/2 inches."
646
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:16,576
What?
647
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:17,944
He's not the guy.
648
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,746
And we're all going to Hell.
649
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,514
Just...wait here.
650
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,451
Do it again.
651
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,853
[slaps tape measurer,
rattling]
652
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,523
(Max)
Oh, well, well, well.
653
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:31,991
The Defective Detective.
654
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,594
[laughing]
655
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:36,863
You're not gonna like it.
656
00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:38,731
I know.
I read a couple of pages.
657
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,934
It's nothing but toilet talk
and opposite jokes, right?
658
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,002
[laughing]
Uh-huh.
659
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:44,604
So how would you
like me to sign it?
660
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:47,940
How about "I confess"?
661
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:52,379
I'll be taking
a little break.
662
00:21:52,412 --> 00:21:53,680
Come with me.
663
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,589
You don't think
what happened to Jeanette
664
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:03,623
was an accident, do you?
665
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,358
Uh...
666
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:06,526
Yeah.
667
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:07,727
Well, I'm gonna tell you
something.
668
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,464
Just between us,
man to...man,
669
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,633
I loved Jeanette...
670
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,502
but she was sick.
671
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:16,636
She was clinically depressed.
672
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:18,838
Depressed?
673
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:19,872
Yeah.
674
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:21,708
Her own family
didn't even know.
675
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:24,411
She turned on the gas,
and closed the door, and--
676
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,612
Suicide.
677
00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,380
I tried everything.
[scoffs]
678
00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:29,516
See? You happy now?
679
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:32,084
Was she seeing a doctor,
a psychiatrist?
680
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:35,522
Nah. She never went.
She wouldn't go.
681
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,824
And she didn't
even tell her sister?
682
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:40,727
And you dealt
with this clinical depression
683
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,995
by mocking her on the air
684
00:22:43,029 --> 00:22:47,066
and not making any plans
for your anniversary?
685
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:50,002
I'm not buying it.
686
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,405
You killed her.
687
00:22:52,439 --> 00:22:53,473
How?
688
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:54,941
Hmm?
689
00:22:54,974 --> 00:22:57,009
How could I possibly
have killed her?
690
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,111
The house was locked.
I was on the radio.
691
00:22:59,145 --> 00:23:02,114
I don't know...yet.
692
00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:03,149
According
to your publicist--
693
00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:04,751
No, no. That's it.
That's it.
694
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:07,019
You have any questions for me,
you talk to my lawyer.
695
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,557
Unless...
696
00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:12,659
you want to come back
on the show.
697
00:23:12,692 --> 00:23:14,494
On the show?
698
00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:17,029
I'll talk to you anytime
about anything on the air.
699
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:18,831
What about Monday morning?
700
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:24,937
[chuckles]
701
00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:26,606
I didn't think so.
702
00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:30,443
Na-Natalie.
703
00:23:30,477 --> 00:23:31,944
Wipe, wipe!
704
00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:33,112
Wipe.
Hey!
705
00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:34,581
Here's the Wipe Guy!
706
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:36,516
Wipe! Wipe!
707
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:38,685
(all)
Wipe! Wipe...
708
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:40,820
Well, I think our work here
is done.
709
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:42,589
Wipe! Wipe!
710
00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:44,624
Wipe! Wipe! Wipe!
711
00:23:45,825 --> 00:23:48,194
(Natalie)
Mr. Monk!
[vacuum cleaner]
712
00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:49,729
Mr. Monk!
713
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:51,063
Mr. Monk, come on.
714
00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:52,064
You have to call the Captain.
715
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,200
I can't hear you.
716
00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:55,234
[unplugs vacuum]
717
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,102
You heard me.
718
00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:57,970
If you think Max Hudson
killed his wife,
719
00:23:58,004 --> 00:23:59,639
then we need to
call the Captain.
720
00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:01,207
And tell him what?
721
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,609
I have no proof.
722
00:24:02,642 --> 00:24:04,210
Okay, let me see
if I understand.
723
00:24:04,243 --> 00:24:05,978
One: you need proof.
724
00:24:06,012 --> 00:24:08,481
One-A: to get this proof,
725
00:24:08,515 --> 00:24:09,816
you need to talk
to your suspect.
726
00:24:09,849 --> 00:24:11,017
One-B:
727
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:13,753
your suspect won't talk to you
unless you go on his show.
728
00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,855
One-C: omitted.
729
00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:19,692
Two--you're afraid
to go back on the show
730
00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,494
because you think
he might embarrass you.
731
00:24:21,528 --> 00:24:22,995
No, no.
732
00:24:23,029 --> 00:24:24,196
I'm not afraid.
733
00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:25,197
I'm terrified.
734
00:24:25,231 --> 00:24:26,198
There's a big difference.
735
00:24:26,232 --> 00:24:27,800
You heard what happened.
736
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,201
It was a massacre.
737
00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:30,837
They ripped me apart
in there.
738
00:24:30,870 --> 00:24:33,706
I felt like I was back
in seventh grade.
739
00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:35,041
Okay, then the next time
you go on,
740
00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,242
you'll know what to expect.
741
00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:37,744
No. It won't help
742
00:24:37,777 --> 00:24:39,646
because
I can't fight back.
743
00:24:39,679 --> 00:24:40,780
I'm just...
744
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:41,781
not funny.
745
00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:42,782
I'm not funny.
746
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:43,883
Mr. Monk, that is not true.
747
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:45,217
Natalie, you've known me
for three years.
748
00:24:45,251 --> 00:24:47,086
Have I ever
said anything funny?
749
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,722
Yeah--[scoffs]
750
00:24:49,756 --> 00:24:50,990
Um...
751
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,994
Kevin, have I ever
said anything funny?
752
00:24:55,027 --> 00:24:56,062
That's a good question.
753
00:24:56,095 --> 00:24:57,263
Okay. Let's see.
754
00:24:57,296 --> 00:25:01,133
I met you in October, 1998.
755
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:02,134
First week...
756
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:03,135
No.
757
00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:05,037
You were kind
of a Gloomy Gus.
758
00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:07,106
Second week...
759
00:25:14,046 --> 00:25:15,047
No.
760
00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:17,116
Third week...
761
00:25:17,149 --> 00:25:18,184
[laughs]
762
00:25:18,217 --> 00:25:19,652
[laughs]
What?
763
00:25:19,686 --> 00:25:20,720
Yes!
764
00:25:20,753 --> 00:25:23,022
[laughs] The--
Wait.
765
00:25:23,055 --> 00:25:25,157
Sorry.
No, that wasn't you.
766
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:26,192
It was Arsenio Hall.
767
00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:28,160
He's hilarious.
768
00:25:28,194 --> 00:25:30,029
It's like a blind spot.
769
00:25:30,062 --> 00:25:32,732
It's like everybody else
in the world
770
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,767
can speak another language
771
00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:36,168
that I can't learn.
772
00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,837
Maybe it's genetic.
773
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:40,607
I don't remember my parents
ever laughing.
774
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,875
Okay, Mr. Monk,
that is not possible.
775
00:25:42,909 --> 00:25:44,010
Everybody laughs.
776
00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:46,178
You're just blocking it out.
777
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:49,048
Sit down.
778
00:25:49,081 --> 00:25:51,250
Sit down.
I want to show you something.
779
00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:54,253
Sit down.
780
00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:57,089
These...
781
00:25:57,123 --> 00:26:00,660
are home movies
my brother Ambrose
782
00:26:00,693 --> 00:26:01,794
edited together for me.
783
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:03,696
(Kevin)
Oh, what a treat.
784
00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:05,364
Mr. Monk,
I love home movies.
785
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:09,001
They always make me feel better
about my own family.
786
00:26:09,035 --> 00:26:11,303
[laughs]
787
00:26:13,072 --> 00:26:14,340
(Kevin)
Oh.
788
00:26:14,373 --> 00:26:15,908
[Natalie laughs]
789
00:26:15,942 --> 00:26:17,877
Is that you?
790
00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,211
Adorable.
Look at you!
791
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:21,113
That's my Aunt Clara.
792
00:26:24,016 --> 00:26:25,151
(Natalie)
Ahem.
793
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,122
(Natalie)
Did somebody die?
794
00:26:30,156 --> 00:26:32,692
Christmas morning.
795
00:26:35,227 --> 00:26:39,265
Oh, that's me
playing Hide.
796
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:41,600
You mean Hide-and-Seek?
797
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:44,871
You still don't get it,
do you?
798
00:26:46,673 --> 00:26:49,942
Oh, this--this one
799
00:26:49,976 --> 00:26:51,678
is my cousin's
birthday party.
800
00:26:51,711 --> 00:26:53,913
And...
801
00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:54,981
There's me.
802
00:26:57,249 --> 00:26:59,185
Got a balloon there.
803
00:27:04,691 --> 00:27:06,258
[Monk sighs]
804
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,164
(Kevin)
Huh.
805
00:27:16,335 --> 00:27:18,304
Oh, and...
806
00:27:18,337 --> 00:27:21,140
family picnic.
807
00:27:21,173 --> 00:27:22,875
There's Ambrose.
808
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:30,049
Oh, there's more.
809
00:27:30,082 --> 00:27:31,884
There's--
there's a lot more.
810
00:27:31,918 --> 00:27:33,019
Mr. Monk,
that's the saddest movie
811
00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:35,722
I've ever seen.
812
00:27:39,058 --> 00:27:40,226
I'm not hugging you.
813
00:27:40,259 --> 00:27:43,062
I'm hugging the little boy
in that movie.
814
00:27:47,233 --> 00:27:49,368
I am so sorry.
815
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:54,273
Enh.
816
00:27:54,306 --> 00:27:56,809
[knocking]
817
00:28:01,814 --> 00:28:03,916
[knocking]
818
00:28:06,986 --> 00:28:08,054
Kevin.
819
00:28:08,087 --> 00:28:09,221
what time is it?
820
00:28:09,255 --> 00:28:12,324
Did I ever tell you
about my uncle?
821
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:13,325
No.
822
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,195
Sy Dorfman?
823
00:28:16,228 --> 00:28:17,964
The comedian?
824
00:28:17,997 --> 00:28:19,298
Sy Dorfman?
825
00:28:19,331 --> 00:28:20,432
Uh...
826
00:28:20,466 --> 00:28:22,301
You've heard of Milton Berle,
right?
827
00:28:22,334 --> 00:28:23,302
Uncle Miltie?
828
00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:24,303
Uh, yeah.
829
00:28:24,336 --> 00:28:27,039
Well, they
were contemporaries!
830
00:28:27,073 --> 00:28:28,775
Worked a lot
of the same venues,
831
00:28:28,808 --> 00:28:30,409
had a lot of friends
in common.
832
00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:31,778
Take a seat.
833
00:28:31,811 --> 00:28:33,712
Come on.
834
00:28:39,351 --> 00:28:43,355
When I think about all
the great Milton Berle stories
835
00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:45,825
they would tell Uncle Sy
836
00:28:45,858 --> 00:28:47,393
and then he
would relay to me.
837
00:28:47,426 --> 00:28:51,230
And when he died...
838
00:28:51,263 --> 00:28:53,399
he left me this.
839
00:28:57,136 --> 00:28:59,305
It's his joke file.
840
00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:04,076
Professional jokes?
841
00:29:05,144 --> 00:29:06,813
Field-tested.
842
00:29:06,846 --> 00:29:08,047
Guaranteed.
843
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,316
You want to go back
on the Max Hudson show, right?
844
00:29:10,349 --> 00:29:11,918
Well, here's your chance
845
00:29:11,951 --> 00:29:13,419
to give him a taste
of the medicine
846
00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,387
that he prescribes.
847
00:29:18,157 --> 00:29:19,959
"For the first year
of my marriage,
848
00:29:19,992 --> 00:29:22,795
I thought the only flavor
was charcoal."
849
00:29:22,829 --> 00:29:25,097
[snickers]
850
00:29:25,131 --> 00:29:27,266
Uh...uh.
851
00:29:27,299 --> 00:29:30,136
Yeah, 'cause she
was a bad cook.
852
00:29:30,169 --> 00:29:32,204
She burnt everything.
853
00:29:32,238 --> 00:29:33,806
You see?
854
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,342
That's good.
855
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:37,343
Oh, wow.
856
00:29:37,376 --> 00:29:40,813
That's...powerful.
857
00:29:40,847 --> 00:29:42,381
Are they all that good?
858
00:29:42,414 --> 00:29:45,151
Well, he performed a lot
of them at my Bar Mitzvah.
859
00:29:45,184 --> 00:29:47,386
And he killed.
860
00:29:47,419 --> 00:29:48,821
[laughs]
861
00:29:48,855 --> 00:29:51,057
Oh, thank you, Kevin.
862
00:29:51,090 --> 00:29:52,158
Wow.
863
00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:53,325
All right, let's see.
864
00:29:53,359 --> 00:29:55,127
I'll...
865
00:29:55,161 --> 00:29:57,329
I'll take
some "Mother-In-Laws."
866
00:29:57,363 --> 00:29:58,430
Splendid.
867
00:29:58,464 --> 00:30:00,332
Oh, "Hippy jokes."
868
00:30:00,366 --> 00:30:01,533
I bet those are good.
869
00:30:01,567 --> 00:30:02,601
Those are good.
870
00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:05,504
And what are these red ones?
871
00:30:05,537 --> 00:30:08,174
Those are his dirty jokes.
872
00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:11,310
He only used those when he
was in real trouble.
873
00:30:15,347 --> 00:30:17,349
I'll just take one
of those, okay?
874
00:30:17,383 --> 00:30:18,584
Take it.
875
00:30:20,486 --> 00:30:22,454
I think I'm going to
change that to "B.M."
876
00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:24,323
Yeah, that still--
still works.
877
00:30:24,356 --> 00:30:26,859
Hey, Max, guess who's back.
878
00:30:26,893 --> 00:30:28,928
The psycho wipey detective.
879
00:30:28,961 --> 00:30:29,929
(J.J.)
Monk?
880
00:30:29,962 --> 00:30:31,397
Spunky Monkey is here?
881
00:30:31,430 --> 00:30:33,499
I didn't think he had the nerve,
the way he skedaddled
882
00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:34,500
outta here last time.
883
00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:35,567
Is the blonde with him?
884
00:30:35,601 --> 00:30:38,204
Natalie, I love you.
[moaning]
885
00:30:38,237 --> 00:30:39,638
That's disgusting.
886
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:41,307
Hey, well, let's bring him
on inside here.
887
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:43,275
Let's hear what's
on his so-called mind.
888
00:30:43,309 --> 00:30:45,277
Mr. Monk, maybe we
should wait for the Captain.
889
00:30:45,311 --> 00:30:46,478
No, no, no, no.
890
00:30:46,512 --> 00:30:47,546
Look.
891
00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:48,547
[flicks card]
892
00:30:48,580 --> 00:30:49,581
What are those?
893
00:30:49,615 --> 00:30:52,451
Those are golden bullets.
894
00:30:52,484 --> 00:30:53,419
What are you
talking about?
895
00:30:53,452 --> 00:30:55,154
What are those cards?
What are you doing?
896
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:56,255
Don't worry.
897
00:30:56,288 --> 00:30:57,556
It's in the bag.
898
00:30:57,589 --> 00:30:58,424
He's scared.
899
00:30:58,457 --> 00:30:59,926
Look at the sleeve.
Look at the sleeve.
900
00:30:59,959 --> 00:31:00,927
Whup!
901
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,428
And the sleeve.
[applauds]
902
00:31:02,461 --> 00:31:03,562
Yay.
903
00:31:03,595 --> 00:31:06,265
Hi, Max,
J.J., Willie.
904
00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:07,366
Did you guys miss me?
905
00:31:07,399 --> 00:31:08,234
(Monk on recording)
Wipe. Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
906
00:31:08,267 --> 00:31:11,270
Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe.
[all laughing]
907
00:31:11,303 --> 00:31:12,438
Well, well, well.
Look who's back.
908
00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:14,073
Surprised?
[Twilight Zone theme]
909
00:31:14,106 --> 00:31:15,641
More like annoyed,
actually.
910
00:31:15,674 --> 00:31:17,543
For those of you
who missed it last week,
911
00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:20,012
Adrian Monk
is a private detective
912
00:31:20,046 --> 00:31:22,314
who was hired
by my ex-sister-in law
[Dragnet theme]
913
00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:25,517
who's delusional 'cause she
thinks I killed my...
914
00:31:25,551 --> 00:31:26,518
[woman screams]
915
00:31:26,552 --> 00:31:27,486
my wife. Mmm.
[gunshot]
916
00:31:27,519 --> 00:31:30,389
So what can we do for you
today, Mr. Mo-o-onk?
917
00:31:30,422 --> 00:31:33,092
Well, ahem,
918
00:31:33,125 --> 00:31:36,262
for three weeks
before Jeanette died,
919
00:31:36,295 --> 00:31:39,398
you left the house
at 2:00 every afternoon.
920
00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:41,233
Yes.
According to her sister,
921
00:31:41,267 --> 00:31:44,536
you said you
were going to the gym.
922
00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:46,405
That's right.
Well, I went
to your gym.
923
00:31:46,438 --> 00:31:48,240
And they said
that you haven't been there
924
00:31:48,274 --> 00:31:49,375
in six months.
925
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,243
So my first question is:
926
00:31:51,277 --> 00:31:55,081
what were you doing
at 2:00 every day?
927
00:31:56,615 --> 00:31:58,517
Well, uh, that's really none
of your business,
928
00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:00,519
but, uh, I'm gonna tell you
anyway.
929
00:32:00,552 --> 00:32:04,490
It's no secret Jeanette and I
had an understanding.
930
00:32:04,523 --> 00:32:07,359
We had what some people
would call an "open marriage".
931
00:32:07,393 --> 00:32:10,096
In my house it's called,
"The Impossible Dream."
932
00:32:10,129 --> 00:32:11,597
So you're absolutely right.
933
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:13,165
I did not go to the gym.
934
00:32:13,199 --> 00:32:15,534
I was getting a different kind
of workout.
935
00:32:15,567 --> 00:32:17,069
(J.J.)
Yeah, baby!
[ding]
936
00:32:17,103 --> 00:32:19,105
B-b-b-b-b-wah!
(J.J.)
Hey!
937
00:32:19,138 --> 00:32:21,607
And for those of you
keeping score at home,
938
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,275
that's Max one,
Monk nothing.
[bell dings]
939
00:32:23,309 --> 00:32:25,511
You wanna play?
940
00:32:25,544 --> 00:32:27,079
Okay.
941
00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:28,647
Let's--Let's play.
942
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,451
Oh...here we go!
943
00:32:32,484 --> 00:32:33,485
[cuckoo cuckoo]
944
00:32:33,519 --> 00:32:35,287
You know, Max.
945
00:32:35,321 --> 00:32:37,656
You look like
you're out of shape.
946
00:32:37,689 --> 00:32:39,758
When you go to a restaurant,
947
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:42,328
you don't use a fork.
948
00:32:42,361 --> 00:32:44,030
You use a harpoon.
949
00:32:46,598 --> 00:32:47,566
(Max)
Uh...
950
00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:48,467
What?
951
00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:50,136
You heard me.
952
00:32:50,169 --> 00:32:52,171
When you took your dog
to the dog show,
953
00:32:52,204 --> 00:32:54,640
you won first prize,
not your dog.
954
00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:56,675
[crickets chirp]
955
00:32:57,709 --> 00:32:59,278
Yeah, that's, uh...
956
00:32:59,311 --> 00:33:00,546
that's not funny.
957
00:33:00,579 --> 00:33:02,714
[wolf howls]
958
00:33:02,748 --> 00:33:04,550
Yes, it is.
959
00:33:04,583 --> 00:33:05,551
No. No, it's not.
960
00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:06,552
Yes, it is.
961
00:33:06,585 --> 00:33:09,455
You know
who you remind me of?
962
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:13,325
The hippie who came home
and gave his dog fleas.
963
00:33:13,359 --> 00:33:14,560
"Hippie?"
What year is this?
964
00:33:14,593 --> 00:33:15,694
[chuckling]
965
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:20,399
Actually, you remind me
of several different hippies.
966
00:33:20,432 --> 00:33:22,134
Like the hippie
who moved into a new apartment
967
00:33:22,168 --> 00:33:23,402
and it was six months
968
00:33:23,435 --> 00:33:27,339
before he realized
there was no hot water.
969
00:33:27,373 --> 00:33:29,275
[crickets chirping]
970
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:33,212
I'm sorry,
but you had that coming.
971
00:33:33,245 --> 00:33:34,346
Yeah, um...
972
00:33:34,380 --> 00:33:37,616
Adrian, uh, are you
telling jokes, buddy?
973
00:33:37,649 --> 00:33:38,650
Max, you've
got a caller.
974
00:33:38,684 --> 00:33:39,718
Thank God.
975
00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:40,819
(Kevin over phone)
Hello, Mr. Hudson.
976
00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:43,355
Long-time listener,
first-time caller.
977
00:33:43,389 --> 00:33:45,057
I love the show.
Thank you.
978
00:33:45,091 --> 00:33:46,725
I can't believe
I got through.
979
00:33:46,758 --> 00:33:50,562
Listen, I just got back
from Los Angeles
980
00:33:50,596 --> 00:33:52,598
and the smog was terrible.
981
00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:56,602
I was wondering if anyone
there has any thoughts
982
00:33:56,635 --> 00:33:57,769
on the subject.
983
00:33:57,803 --> 00:33:59,671
Max, I'll take this one.
984
00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:01,507
I know what he means.
985
00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:03,709
The smog was so bad,
986
00:34:03,742 --> 00:34:07,779
one time I shot an arrow
into the air, and it stuck.
987
00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:09,281
[snickering]
988
00:34:10,682 --> 00:34:12,584
In the a--air.
989
00:34:13,852 --> 00:34:15,687
In the air,
the arrow just--
990
00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:17,689
just stuck.
991
00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:19,591
From the smog.
992
00:34:19,625 --> 00:34:22,261
[dunking,
farting ]
993
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:24,496
Yeah. Yeah, J.J.,
that sound-effect
994
00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:25,831
is about as funny
as my wife's cooking.
995
00:34:25,864 --> 00:34:28,367
Do you know what she
made every night?
996
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:29,301
A noose?
997
00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:32,504
[J.J.
and Little Willie laugh]
998
00:34:32,538 --> 00:34:33,639
No.
No, not a noose.
999
00:34:33,672 --> 00:34:34,740
Leftovers.
1000
00:34:34,773 --> 00:34:37,243
Why would she make a noose?
Yeah, seriously, though.
1001
00:34:37,276 --> 00:34:38,544
Are--are you married?
1002
00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:42,248
Because that's a woman
I would love to meet.
1003
00:34:42,281 --> 00:34:44,183
[laughter]
1004
00:34:44,216 --> 00:34:46,252
I was married.
1005
00:34:46,285 --> 00:34:47,819
Her name was Trudy.
1006
00:34:47,853 --> 00:34:50,456
She died.
1007
00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:52,458
She was murdered.
1008
00:34:52,491 --> 00:34:54,126
It was a car bomb.
1009
00:34:55,627 --> 00:34:57,663
Aw, man, that sucks.
1010
00:34:57,696 --> 00:34:58,697
May she rest in peace.
1011
00:34:58,730 --> 00:35:00,632
Well...
rest in pieces.
1012
00:35:00,666 --> 00:35:03,769
I mean, at least my wife
was buried in a coffin.
1013
00:35:03,802 --> 00:35:06,772
What was Trudy buried in,
a bunch of little snack bags?
1014
00:35:06,805 --> 00:35:08,407
Oh, God.
Let me in there!
1015
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:09,741
Open the door!
1016
00:35:09,775 --> 00:35:10,876
Whoa, whoa.
Max, take it easy.
No, no, seriously.
1017
00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:11,910
You should have called me in.
1018
00:35:11,943 --> 00:35:13,212
I could've helped you
with the case.
1019
00:35:13,245 --> 00:35:15,747
I'm great with jigsaw puzzles.
1020
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:18,317
Are you joking
about Trudy?
1021
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:20,552
(Max with girly voice)
"Adrian, I'm wanna
use the car now.
1022
00:35:20,586 --> 00:35:22,688
Go for a drive.
What's this button do?"
1023
00:35:22,721 --> 00:35:25,491
Ka-booom!
1024
00:35:25,524 --> 00:35:28,394
I bet you needed a whole
buncha wipes that day, huh?
1025
00:35:28,427 --> 00:35:30,696
By the way, you know
the last thing that went
1026
00:35:30,729 --> 00:35:32,498
through your wife's mind--
the steering wheel.
1027
00:35:32,531 --> 00:35:33,599
Aah!
1028
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:35,401
(Natalie)
Mr. Monk!
1029
00:35:35,434 --> 00:35:36,602
Mr. Monk!
1030
00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:39,705
Mr. Monk!
1031
00:35:39,738 --> 00:35:41,740
Let go of him!
1032
00:35:46,278 --> 00:35:48,380
Thanks for stopping by, Adrian.
1033
00:35:48,414 --> 00:35:50,249
Come by anytime.
1034
00:35:50,282 --> 00:35:51,917
Be right back.
1035
00:35:57,756 --> 00:35:59,191
(Monk)
Did you hear him?
1036
00:35:59,225 --> 00:36:00,726
Did you hear what he said
about Trudy?
1037
00:36:00,759 --> 00:36:02,294
(Disher)
Yeah, we were in the car.
We had to pull over.
1038
00:36:02,328 --> 00:36:03,295
I couldn't even drive.
1039
00:36:03,329 --> 00:36:04,696
That wasn't funny, was it?
1040
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:06,498
No, Mr. Monk.
It was unspeakable.
1041
00:36:06,532 --> 00:36:07,666
Here's what I was thinking:
1042
00:36:07,699 --> 00:36:10,202
Number one, sounded like you got
a couple good shots in.
1043
00:36:10,236 --> 00:36:11,603
I was proud of you.
1044
00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:13,339
And two, he sounded scared.
1045
00:36:13,372 --> 00:36:14,506
Scared and guilty.
1046
00:36:14,540 --> 00:36:16,542
He is guilty.
1047
00:36:16,575 --> 00:36:19,611
25 years to life.
That's the best revenge.
1048
00:36:19,645 --> 00:36:21,813
So let's just
take a deep breath.
1049
00:36:21,847 --> 00:36:23,782
Let's focus.
1050
00:36:23,815 --> 00:36:25,884
And let's figure out
how he did this.
1051
00:36:29,588 --> 00:36:32,224
Okay.
1052
00:36:32,258 --> 00:36:36,995
Okay.
1053
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,766
Okay, he was on...on the radio.
1054
00:36:40,799 --> 00:36:43,235
Doing his show
and the house was locked.
1055
00:36:43,269 --> 00:36:45,771
Locked and bolted
from the inside.
1056
00:36:45,804 --> 00:36:47,639
The little window
in the back was open
1057
00:36:47,673 --> 00:36:50,342
but only eight inches.
1058
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:51,410
Not big enough
for a little person.
1059
00:36:51,443 --> 00:36:54,546
which has already
been established scientifically.
1060
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:56,548
[dog barking]
1061
00:36:58,884 --> 00:37:00,552
[dog continues to bark]
1062
00:37:07,659 --> 00:37:09,027
(man)
Ooh, yeah, you got it!
1063
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:11,297
Ooh, here he comes.
Here he comes.
1064
00:37:11,330 --> 00:37:12,298
Oh, he's got it.
1065
00:37:12,331 --> 00:37:14,433
Is that...a loafer?
1066
00:37:14,466 --> 00:37:15,801
Yeah, I think so.
1067
00:37:15,834 --> 00:37:17,503
(Monk)
A brown,
1068
00:37:17,536 --> 00:37:19,771
Ramato loafer,
size 10 1/2.
1069
00:37:19,805 --> 00:37:21,507
How do you know that?
1070
00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:23,675
Oh, uh, hello again.
1071
00:37:23,709 --> 00:37:25,511
Uh, he's not bothering you,
is her?
1072
00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:27,413
No, no, no.
Just curious...
1073
00:37:27,446 --> 00:37:28,880
Where did he get that shoe?
1074
00:37:28,914 --> 00:37:29,915
Oh, hell.
1075
00:37:29,948 --> 00:37:31,883
It's not yours, is it?
1076
00:37:31,917 --> 00:37:33,885
I am so sorry.
1077
00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:35,821
He has a thing for shoes.
1078
00:37:35,854 --> 00:37:37,623
I don't know
where he got this shoe.
1079
00:37:37,656 --> 00:37:39,491
He, uh, just had it
when I got back
1080
00:37:39,525 --> 00:37:40,992
from our vacation.
1081
00:37:41,026 --> 00:37:42,661
You were on vacation?
1082
00:37:42,694 --> 00:37:44,830
Hawaii.
We go every July.
1083
00:37:44,863 --> 00:37:46,798
Who was watching the dog?
1084
00:37:46,832 --> 00:37:48,934
Oh, you're not
gonna believe it.
1085
00:37:48,967 --> 00:37:50,035
I still can't believe it.
1086
00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:51,637
Max Hudson.
1087
00:37:51,670 --> 00:37:53,439
He just volunteered.
1088
00:37:53,472 --> 00:37:54,973
I mean, you think a guy
like that
1089
00:37:55,006 --> 00:37:56,642
would have better things to do.
1090
00:38:09,921 --> 00:38:12,524
What, uh...?
1091
00:38:12,558 --> 00:38:13,825
What's going on?
1092
00:38:13,859 --> 00:38:14,726
Well, I could tell you,
1093
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,563
but Adrian Monk wants
to tell you himself.
1094
00:38:17,596 --> 00:38:19,665
He's upstairs.
1095
00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:22,000
After you.
1096
00:38:24,102 --> 00:38:26,605
[scoffs]
Linda. Uh-huh.
1097
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,474
Uh, I don't know the legal
definition of harassment,
1098
00:38:28,507 --> 00:38:30,476
but, uh, this is pretty close.
1099
00:38:30,509 --> 00:38:31,743
(Stottlemeyer)
Mr. Hudson,
1100
00:38:31,777 --> 00:38:32,778
that's a search warrant.
1101
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:35,113
You've been duly served.
1102
00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:38,016
Uh, sure, okay.
Knock yourself out.
1103
00:38:38,049 --> 00:38:41,353
You'll just
embarrass yourselves again.
1104
00:38:41,387 --> 00:38:42,354
It's over, Max.
1105
00:38:42,388 --> 00:38:43,855
We know how you did it.
1106
00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:45,757
We know what you were doing
everyday at 2:00.
1107
00:38:45,791 --> 00:38:47,025
You were next door
1108
00:38:47,058 --> 00:38:48,460
That's right.
I was.
1109
00:38:48,494 --> 00:38:51,029
I was house-sitting.
I was watering their plants.
1110
00:38:51,062 --> 00:38:52,864
Nah, you were training
their dog.
1111
00:38:52,898 --> 00:38:54,132
(Stottlemeyer)
We replayed a tape
1112
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:57,503
of the show you made
the morning your wife died.
1113
00:38:57,536 --> 00:38:59,905
That was the day you introduced
your new catchphrase:
1114
00:38:59,938 --> 00:39:02,073
"Jangle my tenders."
1115
00:39:02,107 --> 00:39:03,709
[whispers]
"Jiggle me timbers," sir.
1116
00:39:03,742 --> 00:39:05,043
"Jiggle me timbers."
1117
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:06,445
You never said it
before that day.
1118
00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:07,546
or since.
1119
00:39:07,579 --> 00:39:09,948
I'm a big fan.
1120
00:39:09,981 --> 00:39:11,049
Well, I was.
1121
00:39:11,082 --> 00:39:12,984
Unless you're not guilty.
1122
00:39:13,018 --> 00:39:14,753
In which case,
we're all really sorry.
1123
00:39:14,786 --> 00:39:16,054
about all of this.
1124
00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:17,923
Although, I'm pretty sure
you're guilty.
1125
00:39:17,956 --> 00:39:19,558
[whispers]
But, if you're not,
I'm sorry.
1126
00:39:20,559 --> 00:39:21,927
This is insane.
1127
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,029
(Stottlemeyer)
Well, it's easy enough
to prove.
1128
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:27,933
Let's do it.
1129
00:39:27,966 --> 00:39:30,001
[recording of Max]
...came out on Friday
1130
00:39:30,035 --> 00:39:31,036
I saw it last night.
1131
00:39:31,069 --> 00:39:33,439
Jiggle me timbers!
1132
00:39:33,472 --> 00:39:35,941
That was a long
2 1/2 hours, boy.
1133
00:39:37,476 --> 00:39:38,844
(Little Willie)
What is that
"Jiggle me timbers?"
1134
00:39:38,877 --> 00:39:40,512
You've been saying that
all morning.
1135
00:39:40,546 --> 00:39:43,849
(Monk)
The new catchphrase.
That was your command.
1136
00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:46,585
That dog was your accomplice.
1137
00:39:46,618 --> 00:39:48,954
You worked with him everyday
for a month.
1138
00:39:48,987 --> 00:39:52,023
You trained him
to murder your wife.
1139
00:39:52,057 --> 00:39:54,693
That morning, you could have
been a hundred miles away.
1140
00:39:54,726 --> 00:39:57,796
You left his cage open
and a radio on.
1141
00:39:57,829 --> 00:40:01,733
All you had to do was go
on the air and give the command.
1142
00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:03,001
You knew Jeanette
would be fast asleep.
1143
00:40:03,034 --> 00:40:04,936
You knew she'd never wake up.
1144
00:40:06,037 --> 00:40:07,473
(Natalie)
Oh, here he comes.
1145
00:40:24,590 --> 00:40:26,758
(Stottlemeyer)
You made one big mistake.
1146
00:40:26,792 --> 00:40:28,860
Your partner,
your accomplice.
1147
00:40:28,894 --> 00:40:30,796
He's got a thing for shoes.
1148
00:40:30,829 --> 00:40:32,831
He stole one of yours
and brought it home.
1149
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,001
So is he under arrest?
1150
00:40:36,034 --> 00:40:38,036
Yes, he is.
1151
00:40:38,069 --> 00:40:38,970
Thank you, Mr. Monk.
1152
00:40:39,004 --> 00:40:40,972
Thank you.
Hmm.
1153
00:40:41,006 --> 00:40:42,808
(Disher)
You heard the lady, Max.
1154
00:40:42,841 --> 00:40:44,710
You're under arrest.
1155
00:40:44,743 --> 00:40:46,077
Gimme your hands.
1156
00:40:50,582 --> 00:40:54,119
You're not laughing now.
1157
00:40:54,152 --> 00:40:57,055
Are you?
1158
00:40:57,088 --> 00:40:59,190
Are you?
1159
00:40:59,224 --> 00:41:01,493
No.
1160
00:41:01,527 --> 00:41:02,961
I'm not laughing.
1161
00:41:04,830 --> 00:41:06,898
Join the club.
1162
00:41:06,932 --> 00:41:08,199
Let's go.
1163
00:41:16,074 --> 00:41:16,975
(Monk)
Oh, here we go.
1164
00:41:17,008 --> 00:41:19,811
(Trudy)
Mmm, that looks good!
1165
00:41:19,845 --> 00:41:21,146
[laughter]
1166
00:41:21,179 --> 00:41:22,614
(wedding guests)
Aww.
1167
00:41:22,648 --> 00:41:26,852
[applause]
1168
00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:28,587
Ooh!
1169
00:41:28,620 --> 00:41:29,888
[laughter]
1170
00:41:29,921 --> 00:41:31,289
You are so silly.
1171
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:33,091
All right, you ready?
1172
00:41:33,124 --> 00:41:34,626
(Monk)
Okay, don't forget,
I have the knife.
1173
00:41:34,660 --> 00:41:35,661
(Trudy)
I know [laughs].
1174
00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:36,595
You think that's funny?
1175
00:41:36,628 --> 00:41:39,731
Whoo!
1176
00:41:39,765 --> 00:41:42,601
[Monk and Trudy laughing]
1177
00:41:42,634 --> 00:41:44,169
I love how you laugh.
1178
00:41:44,202 --> 00:41:46,304
Mwah!
1179
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,974
(wedding guests)
Aww.
1180
00:41:49,007 --> 00:41:50,676
(Trudy)
Mwah!
1181
00:41:50,709 --> 00:41:52,778
[Monk giggling]
1182
00:41:53,945 --> 00:41:56,948
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
78198
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese