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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:04,245 Welcome to Cardinal Lanes, okay? 2 00:00:04,258 --> 00:00:06,225 - Home of the 7-10 Split Nachos. - Yeah. 3 00:00:06,237 --> 00:00:08,410 Seven jalape�os, ten olives. 4 00:00:08,424 --> 00:00:09,475 Ugh! 5 00:00:09,483 --> 00:00:11,326 And we like to take the olives 6 00:00:11,337 --> 00:00:13,639 and shove them in house balls. 7 00:00:13,652 --> 00:00:15,620 It's literally iconic. 8 00:00:18,315 --> 00:00:19,549 - [LAUGHTER] - Okay, no. 9 00:00:19,557 --> 00:00:21,391 But seriously, we're here for business, okay? 10 00:00:21,402 --> 00:00:22,769 We're actually scouting. 11 00:00:22,777 --> 00:00:24,278 We're checking if this would be a good spot 12 00:00:24,288 --> 00:00:25,421 for my dad's bachelor party. 13 00:00:25,428 --> 00:00:26,428 - Mm-hmm. - 'Cause I don't know 14 00:00:26,434 --> 00:00:27,801 if you've heard, but I'm actually the best man, 15 00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:29,511 so kind of up to me to throw a rager. 16 00:00:29,521 --> 00:00:31,322 Well, originally he asked me to do it 17 00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:32,733 because I'm, like, an actual man. 18 00:00:32,742 --> 00:00:34,643 Pssh. Oh, my God. No, he didn't. 19 00:00:34,654 --> 00:00:37,489 Okay, well, originally originally, he asked his best friend, Danny Foster, 20 00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:38,959 but Danny has to stay within a three-mile radius 21 00:00:38,969 --> 00:00:41,083 of Dayton because he stole a bunch of copper wire, 22 00:00:41,095 --> 00:00:42,196 so then he asked me, yeah. 23 00:00:42,203 --> 00:00:43,369 Yeah, but then I reminded him 24 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,344 I'm way better at throwing parties, so... 25 00:00:45,357 --> 00:00:46,724 And, like, you're kind of lacking 26 00:00:46,732 --> 00:00:48,166 in, like, the "what dads like" department, 27 00:00:48,175 --> 00:00:50,042 you know, 'cause you don't have a dad. 28 00:00:50,053 --> 00:00:52,054 I still haven't told Kelly I found my dad, 29 00:00:52,066 --> 00:00:54,734 but I'm thinking if this night goes really well, 30 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,851 you know, it might be a perfect time 31 00:00:55,858 --> 00:00:57,425 to drop the truth bomb on her. 32 00:00:57,435 --> 00:00:59,903 You know, she might be drunk and not completely kill me 33 00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,818 for keeping it secret for so long, but we'll see. 34 00:01:02,030 --> 00:01:03,598 Shrub, you're up. 35 00:01:04,513 --> 00:01:06,014 - [SQUISH] - Ew! 36 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,892 Kelly, guacamole, sour cream, and olives? 37 00:01:08,908 --> 00:01:10,842 - Are you kidding me? - Guaca-holey! 38 00:01:10,854 --> 00:01:12,422 - Don't. - Yes. 39 00:01:12,432 --> 00:01:13,799 Don't. Don't. 40 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,507 No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 41 00:01:15,517 --> 00:01:17,151 - Don't, don't, don't. - Hey, hey. 42 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,229 - Hey, stop! - [CHUCKLES] 43 00:01:19,242 --> 00:01:21,043 - Ew! - Tastes pretty good, huh? 44 00:01:21,054 --> 00:01:22,588 ? Oh, oh, oh ? 45 00:01:22,597 --> 00:01:23,730 [PINS CLATTER] 46 00:01:23,737 --> 00:01:27,707 It has been hard sharing custody since the breakup. 47 00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:31,332 Emily Chicken son is for sure having abandonment issues, 48 00:01:31,353 --> 00:01:34,255 but I think it softens the blow for Joe. 49 00:01:34,272 --> 00:01:37,274 Also, I'm not allowed livestock at the place I'm staying. 50 00:01:37,291 --> 00:01:38,325 Truthfully, I think it helps Cheryl 51 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,833 to know that we have the chickens to bond over, 52 00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:42,249 although I do admit, 53 00:01:42,257 --> 00:01:44,725 it's nice having them around since she moved out. 54 00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:46,174 And Shrub. 55 00:01:46,183 --> 00:01:47,917 Shrub moved out before her. 56 00:01:47,927 --> 00:01:49,961 It's just me and the chickens. 57 00:01:49,974 --> 00:01:51,975 [STRAINED] Joe and the gals. 58 00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,020 [CHUCKLING] We're great. 59 00:01:53,026 --> 00:01:54,861 [BOTH SCREAM] Jesus! 60 00:01:54,872 --> 00:01:56,339 Why? [LAUGHTER] 61 00:01:56,348 --> 00:01:59,683 - How you doing, buddy? - [LAUGHS] I'm great! 62 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:00,937 Okay, weird. 63 00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:04,714 Well, we are here to invite you to my dad's bachelor party! 64 00:02:04,735 --> 00:02:06,269 BOTH: Ooh-ooh-ooh! 65 00:02:06,279 --> 00:02:08,480 Men only, minus me 'cause I'm the best man. 66 00:02:08,493 --> 00:02:10,328 Oh, and I am... well, I'm the best man too. 67 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,340 Two best men. Yep. 68 00:02:12,352 --> 00:02:15,120 This is great. So great! 69 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,705 [CHICKENS CLUCKING] 70 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,254 No. 71 00:02:24,262 --> 00:02:25,829 You've gotta be kidding me. 72 00:02:25,839 --> 00:02:27,873 What the hell? 73 00:02:27,885 --> 00:02:29,252 The reason I called a meeting 74 00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:31,695 of the entire Flatch town building is becau... 75 00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:33,644 Wait, is this really everybody that works in the building? 76 00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:36,057 - Oh, yeah, it's a small town. - Mm-hmm. 77 00:02:36,071 --> 00:02:37,171 Also, I don't work here. 78 00:02:37,179 --> 00:02:38,312 Me and Cheryl are about to start 79 00:02:38,319 --> 00:02:40,187 our Wednesday Wines-day lunch. 80 00:02:40,198 --> 00:02:42,166 - Hey, hey! - Ooh. 81 00:02:42,178 --> 00:02:43,578 Day drinking. I love that. 82 00:02:43,587 --> 00:02:46,088 Okay, but listen up. Seriously, we got a problem. 83 00:02:46,102 --> 00:02:47,303 Pretty sure you're all aware 84 00:02:47,311 --> 00:02:49,879 that we have a very active porch pirate in town right now, 85 00:02:49,894 --> 00:02:51,661 and that is not a good look when you're trying 86 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,907 to lure a major butter museum to Flatch. 87 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,954 I have actually been tracking this story, 88 00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:59,002 and it turns out that 14 packages have been stolen 89 00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:00,020 in the last month. 90 00:03:00,026 --> 00:03:02,494 He stole my new espresso maker this morning! 91 00:03:02,509 --> 00:03:03,876 - Another espresso maker? - Yeah. 92 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,484 But this one's lemon zest yellow. 93 00:03:05,494 --> 00:03:07,229 Oh, my gosh. I love that so much. 94 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:08,907 - You're so stylish. - Thanks. 95 00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:10,451 Anyway, we need to catch this guy. 96 00:03:10,460 --> 00:03:12,628 Oh, my gosh, it says my ten-pound bag 97 00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:15,476 of grub worms was delivered two days ago. 98 00:03:15,493 --> 00:03:17,627 What is this freak doing with my grub worms? 99 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,909 Who takes food out of the mouths of innocent chickens? 100 00:03:20,928 --> 00:03:25,031 I propose we join forces and catch this guy. 101 00:03:25,054 --> 00:03:29,558 Ooh, yes, neighborhood watch ladies detective team. 102 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,650 - Exciting. - Yes. 103 00:03:30,657 --> 00:03:32,892 We set out packages and catch him in the act. 104 00:03:32,905 --> 00:03:34,706 I got a bear trap we can use. 105 00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:36,017 I gotta clean it first, though. 106 00:03:36,025 --> 00:03:37,492 Yeah. 107 00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:38,501 Oh, you mean... [CLEARS THROAT] 108 00:03:38,508 --> 00:03:40,039 You mean catch him and then call the police. 109 00:03:40,049 --> 00:03:43,020 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's... That's what we all meant. 110 00:03:43,037 --> 00:03:45,505 So the bowling alley was not a good fit. 111 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:46,920 You know, they're not our people, right? 112 00:03:46,929 --> 00:03:48,096 - Yeah, no. - Plain and simple. 113 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,104 You know, 'cause if we're throwing a blowout party 114 00:03:50,116 --> 00:03:53,118 for an absolute maniac in the best way... my dad... 115 00:03:53,136 --> 00:03:55,070 I mean, yeah, we're gonna need somewhere that can handle us. 116 00:03:55,081 --> 00:03:59,218 Yeah, enter Major Shirley Lance's Lazer Tag Park! 117 00:03:59,242 --> 00:04:02,277 CHECK THIS OUT: "Flatch's only certified lazer tag park! 118 00:04:02,295 --> 00:04:05,731 Real-life war simulation! Plenty of on-site parking!" 119 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:07,050 I don't have to tell you everything, 120 00:04:07,059 --> 00:04:08,159 - but it's gonna be epic. - Yeah. 121 00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:10,801 I mean, my dad's gonna love it. It's gonna be the party of the century. 122 00:04:10,816 --> 00:04:13,418 Oh, this laser tag place looks so sick, 123 00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:15,034 but if I'm being honest, 124 00:04:15,044 --> 00:04:17,211 I'm also kind of worried for Kel, you know? 125 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,591 I mean, not to be negative, 126 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,869 but Bobby's not really the most popular guy in town. 127 00:04:21,888 --> 00:04:23,723 I'll see you there. I'll see you there. 128 00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:25,768 Gonna have a blast. 129 00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:27,681 See you there, sir. 130 00:04:27,692 --> 00:04:30,995 Most people we've tried to invite have been a hard pass. 131 00:04:32,926 --> 00:04:34,493 I'm sorry, do you have a problem with my dad? 132 00:04:34,503 --> 00:04:35,537 What was that? 133 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:36,976 Yeah, he's a jerk. 134 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,120 You just hate the guy for no reason? Cool. 135 00:04:39,133 --> 00:04:41,167 No, I hate him for the very specific reason 136 00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:43,514 that he punched me in the face over a parking spot. 137 00:04:43,528 --> 00:04:46,196 Even though he's acting creepy over his breakup, 138 00:04:46,211 --> 00:04:49,046 at least we got Joe coming and Mickey and Dylan. 139 00:04:49,063 --> 00:04:53,267 So here's to hoping Bobby actually shows. 140 00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:55,025 You know, it's kind of ironic, actually, 141 00:04:55,036 --> 00:04:56,503 'cause my dad has been showing up for me 142 00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:58,713 every Thursday at 6:00 p. m. sharp. 143 00:04:58,726 --> 00:05:01,428 So welcome to our third class on audition techniques. 144 00:05:01,444 --> 00:05:04,946 Tonight, how to mime talking on the phone. 145 00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:07,201 But first, just a quick bit of business 146 00:05:07,214 --> 00:05:09,982 for Daniel Stewart. 147 00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:11,899 [CLEARS THROAT] 148 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,912 [COUGHS] 149 00:05:13,924 --> 00:05:15,758 Mr. Stewart? 150 00:05:15,769 --> 00:05:17,236 Oh, yes. Hi. 151 00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:18,779 Sorry. Yeah, that's me. Right. 152 00:05:18,788 --> 00:05:23,459 Mr. Stewart, the Venmo that you sent for last week's class 153 00:05:23,486 --> 00:05:25,387 still just did not go through. 154 00:05:25,399 --> 00:05:28,067 Oh, what? Are you kidding? Again? 155 00:05:28,082 --> 00:05:30,216 Dude. Oh, man, that's... 156 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:32,731 Banks literally suck, am I right? 157 00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:35,448 I've been going under the name Daniel Stewart 158 00:05:35,464 --> 00:05:37,531 because I'm not really ready for him to know my true identity yet 159 00:05:37,543 --> 00:05:40,846 but also because Daniel Stewart is very notably 160 00:05:40,865 --> 00:05:42,899 the son of one of the greatest thespians to ever live, 161 00:05:42,911 --> 00:05:44,211 Sir Patrick Stewart. 162 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,753 And if he's thinking about it, he'll be like, 163 00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:49,466 "Oh, my God, that's Patrick Stewart's son. 164 00:05:49,487 --> 00:05:51,588 "He's the son of a great thespian. 165 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,169 Wait a second. I'm a great thespian." 166 00:05:54,184 --> 00:05:55,551 [IMITATES WHIRRING] 167 00:05:55,559 --> 00:05:57,660 "He's not Patrick Stewart's son. 168 00:05:57,673 --> 00:06:01,142 "He's my son," or something like that. 169 00:06:01,162 --> 00:06:05,766 And now that you've gathered all that energy in a ball, 170 00:06:05,792 --> 00:06:08,027 bounce it off the wall and catch it. 171 00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:09,041 [IMITATES CRASH] 172 00:06:09,047 --> 00:06:11,883 [GROWLING] 173 00:06:17,401 --> 00:06:18,668 Whoa. 174 00:06:18,676 --> 00:06:22,579 Wow. Way to commit, Mr. Stewart. 175 00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:25,369 Thank you. That surprised me as well. 176 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,819 Hey, listen, I was thinking 177 00:06:26,828 --> 00:06:29,296 that maybe we could do some, like, scene work, 178 00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:31,679 like, I don't know, maybe like that scene from "Star Wars" 179 00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:32,993 where it's Luke and Darth. 180 00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,170 And I'm just like, "You killed my father!" 181 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:38,890 And Darth is like, "No, I am your father!" 182 00:06:38,906 --> 00:06:40,473 And, like, maybe you can be Darth, 183 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,917 and I'll be Luke, and I don't know, 184 00:06:41,926 --> 00:06:43,627 we wrap it up with that scene from "Field of Dreams" 185 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,205 where we play catch at the end. 186 00:06:46,891 --> 00:06:48,926 Sadly, we are actually out of time. 187 00:06:48,938 --> 00:06:52,207 But, you know, great work, everyone. 188 00:06:52,226 --> 00:06:54,627 Just yes. 189 00:06:54,641 --> 00:06:56,810 [COMPUTERS CHIMING] 190 00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:00,304 Night, Dad. 191 00:07:02,246 --> 00:07:04,155 Welcome to the war zone. 192 00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:05,400 Looking good, soldiers. 193 00:07:05,409 --> 00:07:07,844 Red squad looks ready to roll. 194 00:07:07,896 --> 00:07:09,163 How's blue doing? 195 00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:12,582 Blue team is doing amazing, sir ma'am. 196 00:07:12,626 --> 00:07:15,795 We are waiting for one team member, 197 00:07:15,814 --> 00:07:18,849 General Bobby Mallet, to show up. 198 00:07:19,168 --> 00:07:21,203 But he is sprinting here 199 00:07:21,215 --> 00:07:24,150 from the Pentagon, finishing up a prior mission. 200 00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:26,268 We don't joke about military ops. 201 00:07:26,281 --> 00:07:29,350 Joking around is how you lose a leg! 202 00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:33,037 Actually, drunk Jet Skiing is how I lost my leg, 203 00:07:33,058 --> 00:07:34,692 but they don't need to know that. 204 00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:35,936 The red squad is definitely made up 205 00:07:35,944 --> 00:07:37,144 of the gentler gentlemen, 206 00:07:37,151 --> 00:07:40,086 but it'll be fun exercising our bloodthirsty sides. 207 00:07:40,104 --> 00:07:41,538 I've never even fired a gun, 208 00:07:41,546 --> 00:07:43,981 but we did have a laser disc player when I was a kid. 209 00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,830 I've seen "Xanadu," like, 100 times. 210 00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,809 [LAUGHS] So funny! 211 00:07:48,994 --> 00:07:50,294 Forgetting something, Lieutenant? 212 00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:52,637 - Thank you. - So I have some, like, 213 00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:53,951 - really good news. - Hey, Kel! 214 00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:55,694 Dad, yes! Oh, my God, he's here. 215 00:07:55,705 --> 00:07:57,906 Hi. Dead man walking. 216 00:07:57,919 --> 00:07:59,453 [IMITATES GUNFIRE] RIP. 217 00:07:59,462 --> 00:08:00,895 I don't think we've actually met. 218 00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:02,238 I'm Dylan. 219 00:08:02,246 --> 00:08:03,379 - Dylan. - Oh, you're gonna 220 00:08:03,387 --> 00:08:04,588 - love this guy. - Dylan the Villain. 221 00:08:04,595 --> 00:08:06,696 - Dylan the Villain. - [LAUGHTER] 222 00:08:06,709 --> 00:08:08,710 - I like that. - That's good. 223 00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,023 So... this is it? 224 00:08:11,037 --> 00:08:14,039 This is Bobby's bachelor party? 225 00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:16,392 - Uh... - Where is everybody? 226 00:08:17,579 --> 00:08:20,180 This is all that Best Man Shrub could get together, 227 00:08:20,196 --> 00:08:23,131 so Best Man Kel made the sign outside. 228 00:08:23,148 --> 00:08:25,317 It's gonna be really fun. 229 00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:27,399 Cheers, guys. Let's do it. 230 00:08:27,409 --> 00:08:29,377 [ALL CHEERING] 231 00:08:29,389 --> 00:08:30,389 Drink up. 232 00:08:30,395 --> 00:08:33,163 "Fragile rare antiques." Nice touch. 233 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,113 Okay, the bait is set. 234 00:08:35,125 --> 00:08:36,159 I mean, if I was a porch pirate, 235 00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:37,533 I would be all over this. 236 00:08:37,541 --> 00:08:41,410 All right, so should we dig a foxhole, 237 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:44,470 rub ourselves in dirt, and then wait for him underground later? 238 00:08:46,163 --> 00:08:48,431 [CLEARS THROAT] I love that, 239 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,714 but I was thinking what we could do 240 00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:55,569 is maybe go inside and look out for him through the blinds 241 00:08:55,591 --> 00:08:58,093 and make a big batch of Barb-aritas. 242 00:08:58,108 --> 00:09:00,142 BOTH: Oh, yes, queen! 243 00:09:00,154 --> 00:09:01,521 Yeah, that works for me. 244 00:09:01,529 --> 00:09:04,164 This shovel only gets more useful when I'm drunk. 245 00:09:04,180 --> 00:09:05,313 [CACKLES] Pow! 246 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,588 - Oh! - [LAUGHTER] 247 00:09:07,602 --> 00:09:10,671 If a laser hits you, you are dead. 248 00:09:10,688 --> 00:09:13,690 If you leave the boundary area, you are dead. 249 00:09:13,708 --> 00:09:17,578 And what happens if you disobey any of the major's rules? 250 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,467 ALL: That is how you lose a leg! 251 00:09:19,478 --> 00:09:22,046 Now, the battle will commence 252 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,597 in three, two, 253 00:09:24,611 --> 00:09:25,778 one. 254 00:09:25,786 --> 00:09:26,850 [BUZZER BLARES] 255 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,294 - Move out! - Go, go, go, go! 256 00:09:28,303 --> 00:09:30,571 - Go, go! - Go, go, go, go! 257 00:09:30,584 --> 00:09:32,151 - I got your back. - I got your back. Come on! 258 00:09:32,161 --> 00:09:36,097 [ROCK MUSIC] 259 00:09:36,119 --> 00:09:38,053 [GRUNTS] 260 00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:39,899 [LASERS ZAPPING] 261 00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:45,348 ? ? 262 00:09:45,379 --> 00:09:47,347 [SHOUTING] 263 00:09:47,359 --> 00:09:53,964 ? ? 264 00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:55,235 [PANTING] Hey. 265 00:09:55,243 --> 00:09:57,911 Hey, dude, I totally kicked ass with this party. 266 00:09:57,926 --> 00:09:59,193 - Yeah. - This is going so good. 267 00:09:59,201 --> 00:10:01,136 - Yeah. Yeah. - Hope my dad's having a blast. 268 00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:03,449 - Hey, speaking of Dads, so... - Hey, Kel. 269 00:10:03,463 --> 00:10:04,730 Hi. 270 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,439 Can we switch guns? My sight broke. 271 00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:07,982 Oh, my God, duh. 272 00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:09,025 Thanks, K-Dog. 273 00:10:09,032 --> 00:10:10,766 Stay frosty out there, all right? 274 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,511 - Mm-hmm. - You too. 275 00:10:12,521 --> 00:10:14,122 - Hey... - Okay, Dad-Dog. 276 00:10:14,132 --> 00:10:15,665 We'll talk soon. We'll talk soon, okay? 277 00:10:15,674 --> 00:10:16,708 I gotta go. 278 00:10:16,715 --> 00:10:18,883 [SIGHS] 279 00:10:18,896 --> 00:10:21,531 [CRICKETS CHIRPING, OWL HOOTS] 280 00:10:21,547 --> 00:10:22,947 No bites yet. 281 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:25,257 Here is a fresh Barb-arita. 282 00:10:26,444 --> 00:10:28,712 Wait. What makes it a Barb-arita? 283 00:10:28,726 --> 00:10:30,160 Oh, I use pink lemonade. 284 00:10:30,169 --> 00:10:32,503 And it's rimmed with Splenda instead of salt. 285 00:10:32,516 --> 00:10:35,185 - So drink up, girl. - All righty. 286 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,434 [LASERS ZAPPING] 287 00:10:36,442 --> 00:10:39,511 - Where is Joe? - We're under heavy fire here. 288 00:10:39,529 --> 00:10:40,663 He's gone rogue. 289 00:10:40,670 --> 00:10:43,838 [SHOUTING] 290 00:10:43,856 --> 00:10:44,890 Go down! Go down! 291 00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:46,130 Go down! Go down! 292 00:10:46,138 --> 00:10:47,906 - Nice shot, Kel! - Yes! 293 00:10:47,917 --> 00:10:49,884 - Yeah! - Yes, blue team! 294 00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:51,296 - Blue team... oh. - Blue! Blue! 295 00:10:51,305 --> 00:10:53,039 Blue team, one. 296 00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:54,984 Red team, zero. 297 00:10:54,995 --> 00:10:57,130 - I've been shot! - Oh, my God. 298 00:10:57,143 --> 00:10:58,777 - Man down! Man down! - Man down! 299 00:10:58,787 --> 00:11:00,721 Are you okay? Did you lose a leg? 300 00:11:00,733 --> 00:11:02,967 It's my heart. 301 00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,849 I've been shot in the heart. 302 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,467 I think I'm dying. 303 00:11:07,476 --> 00:11:09,043 Hold me. 304 00:11:09,053 --> 00:11:10,554 - Um... - Uh... 305 00:11:12,073 --> 00:11:13,406 ALL: Stiff as a board. 306 00:11:13,414 --> 00:11:16,250 Light as a feather. Stiff as a board. 307 00:11:16,266 --> 00:11:18,667 Nothing's happening, except my back hurts. 308 00:11:18,682 --> 00:11:21,517 Oh, my God, I swear this used to work when we were kids. 309 00:11:21,533 --> 00:11:23,768 I think it's 'cause we were 45 pounds. 310 00:11:23,782 --> 00:11:24,915 Time for plan B. 311 00:11:24,922 --> 00:11:27,123 Let's just keep drinking until that bastard pirates us. 312 00:11:27,136 --> 00:11:29,371 - Okay. - Yes. 313 00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:32,253 It's like my chest is hollowed out. 314 00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:33,645 And I don't know if I'll be able to love again. 315 00:11:33,654 --> 00:11:35,412 - And I don't know what to do! - Soldier! 316 00:11:35,423 --> 00:11:37,424 - Snap out of it! - Mickey. 317 00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:39,206 Going through a breakup is hard, 318 00:11:39,214 --> 00:11:41,181 but it's not fatal, believe me. 319 00:11:41,193 --> 00:11:43,995 It's just, I've never been broken up with before, 320 00:11:44,011 --> 00:11:45,145 you know? 321 00:11:45,152 --> 00:11:48,187 I was a teen idol. I thought I was safe. 322 00:11:48,205 --> 00:11:51,541 I mean, breaking hearts, climbing the charts. 323 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,227 Why does it hurt so much? 324 00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:56,906 Because losing something you love sucks. 325 00:11:56,928 --> 00:11:58,129 Not that I really know. 326 00:11:58,136 --> 00:12:00,804 I've never really been through a breakup. Nadine and I have been exclusive 327 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,387 since, like, fourth grade. 328 00:12:02,396 --> 00:12:04,230 But I've seen "Xanadu," 329 00:12:04,242 --> 00:12:05,710 so I know loss. 330 00:12:05,719 --> 00:12:07,286 You gotta uncork, bro. 331 00:12:07,295 --> 00:12:10,163 You gotta talk it through and get it off your chest. 332 00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:11,280 Okay. 333 00:12:11,287 --> 00:12:14,456 I'm gonna try to say what I'm feeling. 334 00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:19,211 Cheryl leaving me was totally crushing. 335 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,942 It makes me feel worthless, 336 00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:24,764 useless, and alone. 337 00:12:24,775 --> 00:12:26,242 Good job. 338 00:12:26,251 --> 00:12:29,086 Whoa, that actually felt pretty great. 339 00:12:29,102 --> 00:12:31,770 I am worthless and alone. 340 00:12:31,786 --> 00:12:33,220 [CACKLES] 341 00:12:33,229 --> 00:12:34,530 Feel your feels, bro. 342 00:12:34,538 --> 00:12:36,872 We are a unit, and nothing will separate us. 343 00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,439 - Nothing... oh, that's Bobby. - [GROWLING] 344 00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:39,529 Gotta go. 345 00:12:39,536 --> 00:12:41,070 - Die, dork! Die! - [LASER ZAPPING] 346 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,914 - No... - Go, go, go! 347 00:12:42,925 --> 00:12:44,292 Kel, two down! 348 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,400 - Two down! - Nice work, Dad! 349 00:12:45,407 --> 00:12:46,541 - Come on! Two! - Sorry, Dyl. 350 00:12:46,549 --> 00:12:48,049 - Go, go, go, go! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, go! 351 00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,225 [GRUNTS] 352 00:12:49,232 --> 00:12:50,833 Blue team, two! 353 00:12:50,843 --> 00:12:52,443 - Okay. - Red team, zero! 354 00:12:52,453 --> 00:12:53,687 Hope you're hiding, Mickey! 355 00:12:53,695 --> 00:12:55,562 I'll never let you guys take me alive! 356 00:12:55,573 --> 00:12:57,074 Coming to get you! 357 00:12:57,083 --> 00:12:58,251 Have you seen "Xanadu"? 358 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,801 Never have I ever ran away from home 359 00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:04,352 and joined a German traveling circus. 360 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:07,435 Oh, okay, well, that's really specific, 361 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,420 so that one. 362 00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:11,867 Never have I ever... 363 00:13:11,881 --> 00:13:14,595 been away from my chickens this long. 364 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:17,035 Wait. I don't get something. 365 00:13:17,048 --> 00:13:19,549 Why does Joe get to see the chickens at all? 366 00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:20,798 They're your chickens. 367 00:13:20,806 --> 00:13:22,473 Well, I thought it would be a nice way 368 00:13:22,483 --> 00:13:24,017 to let him down easy. 369 00:13:24,026 --> 00:13:26,060 You know, Joe is surprisingly fragile. 370 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:28,575 So this guy brings you to a small town 371 00:13:28,589 --> 00:13:30,022 in the middle of nowhere, 372 00:13:30,031 --> 00:13:32,733 breaks up with you, and you get nothing, 373 00:13:32,749 --> 00:13:34,150 but when you break up with him, 374 00:13:34,159 --> 00:13:37,161 he gets your chickens for half the time? 375 00:13:37,178 --> 00:13:38,578 Yeah, in a nutshell. 376 00:13:38,587 --> 00:13:41,923 Well, I think Joe's not allowed to be fragile. 377 00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:44,310 - I think it's bull. - It's bull. 378 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,191 You know what we gotta do. 379 00:13:46,203 --> 00:13:48,872 Write Joe a very strongly worded email. 380 00:13:48,887 --> 00:13:50,087 - No, that's stupid. - What? 381 00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:52,963 We gotta your chickens back to you. 382 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:55,115 Maybe it's the Barb-aritas talking, 383 00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:58,262 but I'm gonna say you can have the chickens here. 384 00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:00,249 - Aw! - [SOBBING] 385 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,595 - Stop crying. Stop. - Hey, hold on. 386 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,344 I need you to grab your shovel, Mandy. 387 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,728 We gotta go prison break some chickens, girls. 388 00:14:07,742 --> 00:14:09,677 - Let's go. - Yes! 389 00:14:11,399 --> 00:14:13,233 This is going better than I could have ever imagined. 390 00:14:13,244 --> 00:14:15,111 My dad's really happy. He loves it. 391 00:14:15,123 --> 00:14:16,424 We even have a secret bird call. 392 00:14:16,432 --> 00:14:18,800 Watch this. Watch this. 393 00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:21,716 [HOOTING] 394 00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:23,166 [HOOTING] 395 00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:25,043 [SNORTS] That's my dad. 396 00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:26,988 Also, we're crushing the red team. 397 00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:28,767 Like, only Mickey's left. 398 00:14:28,778 --> 00:14:30,845 Let's just say my dad and I made a little plan 399 00:14:30,858 --> 00:14:32,759 to seal the win. 400 00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:34,338 Stay tuned. 401 00:14:36,729 --> 00:14:38,163 [HOOTING] 402 00:14:38,172 --> 00:14:41,309 - [GRUNTS] - [HOOTING] 403 00:14:44,848 --> 00:14:47,083 Here we go. Last kill of the day. 404 00:14:47,096 --> 00:14:48,464 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 405 00:14:49,915 --> 00:14:51,182 Shrub. 406 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,559 It's me. It's me. Any signs of Mickey? 407 00:14:54,913 --> 00:14:56,348 [MOUTHS WORD] 408 00:14:56,926 --> 00:14:58,093 Hey, hey, hey. 409 00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,934 You wanted to tell me something earlier, right? 410 00:14:59,945 --> 00:15:02,380 Yeah, actually, so... 411 00:15:02,395 --> 00:15:05,597 What? I'm struggling to hear you. 412 00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:08,084 [MOUTHING WORDS] 413 00:15:10,078 --> 00:15:12,112 Shrub, what are you doing out in the open? 414 00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:14,125 - No, wait! No! - [LASER ZAPPING] 415 00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:16,672 - Mickey, die! - Mickey, die! 416 00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:19,556 Yay, blue team! Yeah, you're dead, Mickey! 417 00:15:19,573 --> 00:15:21,307 - Blue team wins! - Blue! Blue! Blue! 418 00:15:21,317 --> 00:15:22,384 BOTH: Blue! Blue! Blue! Blue! 419 00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:25,192 - Told you! - Mallet! Mallet! 420 00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:26,777 - Dude, we won! - Game over. 421 00:15:26,786 --> 00:15:29,354 Am I 100% cool with being sacrificed by my own team? 422 00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,769 Absolutely not. 423 00:15:30,778 --> 00:15:33,914 But it's whatever, because genuinely, 424 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:36,100 I have never seen Bobby so happy in my life. 425 00:15:36,113 --> 00:15:38,514 And when Bobby's happy, Kelly's happy. 426 00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:39,628 I mean, literally, he's so happy. 427 00:15:39,635 --> 00:15:41,503 Like, he forced us all to come out to this bar 428 00:15:41,515 --> 00:15:42,782 to keep the party going and was like, 429 00:15:42,790 --> 00:15:44,724 "First round's on me," which I have literally 430 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:47,136 never heard him say in my life. 431 00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:51,187 And plus, now Kelly owes me one in the dad department, 432 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,412 so that's huge. 433 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:55,294 [BOTTLE CLINKING] 434 00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,171 Listen up, everyone. 435 00:15:57,182 --> 00:15:59,283 Wow! 436 00:15:59,296 --> 00:16:01,230 Whoo! 437 00:16:01,241 --> 00:16:03,010 Mmm. [GLUGGING] 438 00:16:05,402 --> 00:16:07,636 Wow, yeah. 439 00:16:07,649 --> 00:16:10,284 I know we're all feeling a lot of feelings, 440 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,668 trying to process a lot of emotions tonight, 441 00:16:12,682 --> 00:16:17,586 so I thought it'd be good to get a few things off my chest. 442 00:16:17,614 --> 00:16:19,181 Like, when the bartender guy said, 443 00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:21,258 "We're all out of pretzels," 444 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,838 I'm sure we all felt the same mix 445 00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:25,082 - of sadness and rage. - Okay. 446 00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:28,498 But we lived with the sadness, we processed it, 447 00:16:28,517 --> 00:16:31,553 and then we ordered hot wings, and we moved on, 448 00:16:31,571 --> 00:16:32,771 which brings me to Bobby 449 00:16:32,779 --> 00:16:35,481 and the wonderful reason we're here celebrating tonight. 450 00:16:35,497 --> 00:16:36,997 - Whoo! - Bobby. 451 00:16:37,006 --> 00:16:39,741 Bobby. Bobby. Just remember, Bobby. 452 00:16:39,757 --> 00:16:43,560 Love is a lie. 453 00:16:43,582 --> 00:16:46,150 It doesn't last forever. 454 00:16:46,165 --> 00:16:50,602 We come into this world alone, and we go out the same way. 455 00:16:50,627 --> 00:16:52,094 We kind of fool ourselves 456 00:16:52,103 --> 00:16:55,606 in between Cheryl loving us and wanting to be with us, 457 00:16:55,626 --> 00:16:57,460 so we accept her chickens. 458 00:16:57,472 --> 00:16:59,806 And we end up loving those chickens 459 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:04,124 just like we end up loving the dumb bartender's chicken wings. 460 00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:09,392 I miss Cheryl. I miss her. 461 00:17:09,415 --> 00:17:12,050 [EXHALES SHARPLY] Ooh, okay. 462 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,834 Feels good, guys. I'm feeling my feels. 463 00:17:14,851 --> 00:17:16,785 - Thank you. - Okay, Joe. 464 00:17:16,796 --> 00:17:17,963 - All right, good one. - Wow! 465 00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:19,505 All right, good one. Good job. 466 00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:21,081 - Really good. - Thank you. 467 00:17:21,091 --> 00:17:22,892 Let's hear it for Joe, everybody. 468 00:17:22,903 --> 00:17:24,437 Joe. [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] 469 00:17:24,446 --> 00:17:26,280 - Hey, listen up. - Listen! 470 00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:27,891 I actually want to say something. 471 00:17:27,901 --> 00:17:29,302 I barely know most of you, 472 00:17:29,311 --> 00:17:31,846 but something that you don't know about me 473 00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:35,562 is that I have not always been the best father. 474 00:17:35,584 --> 00:17:37,485 - No, that's a lie. - In fact, 475 00:17:37,496 --> 00:17:41,433 I have been a freaking lousy father at times. 476 00:17:41,456 --> 00:17:42,989 - Dad, that's not true. - No, no, no, no, no, 477 00:17:42,998 --> 00:17:44,633 especially to Kelly. 478 00:17:45,683 --> 00:17:47,550 My best man. 479 00:17:47,561 --> 00:17:50,230 She has put up with so much over the years, 480 00:17:50,246 --> 00:17:52,447 and still, she is always there for me. 481 00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:53,693 Always there. 482 00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:56,270 How lucky am I to have a kid as cool as this one right here? 483 00:17:56,285 --> 00:17:57,952 Huh? Let's hear it for Kelly Mallet. 484 00:17:57,962 --> 00:18:01,865 My firstborn, Kelly Mallet! [PEOPLE CHEERING] 485 00:18:01,887 --> 00:18:04,188 - Ah! - Mic drop. 486 00:18:04,202 --> 00:18:06,036 Come here, kiddo. 487 00:18:06,047 --> 00:18:07,047 Bring in the love. Come on. 488 00:18:07,054 --> 00:18:08,489 Thanks, Dad. 489 00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:12,728 We're gonna steal the chickens 490 00:18:13,028 --> 00:18:14,829 'cause they belong with their mama. 491 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,308 And I wrote him this nice little note 492 00:18:17,323 --> 00:18:19,124 explaining everything. 493 00:18:19,135 --> 00:18:21,369 Where did everybody go? 494 00:18:21,382 --> 00:18:24,351 Gotta dig these chickens out. 495 00:18:24,368 --> 00:18:26,803 Okay, Barb. Up and over. 496 00:18:26,818 --> 00:18:28,318 - I'm gonna take my shoes off. - Okay. 497 00:18:28,327 --> 00:18:30,662 'Cause I don't want to puncture your spleen. 498 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,276 Thank you. 499 00:18:32,286 --> 00:18:33,887 Y'all are wasting y'all time. 500 00:18:33,896 --> 00:18:36,164 I'm gonna get this chicken escape tunnel done 501 00:18:36,178 --> 00:18:37,345 in ten minutes. 502 00:18:37,352 --> 00:18:38,952 Hey, guys. 503 00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:40,863 What are you all doing? 504 00:18:40,874 --> 00:18:43,576 - We're freeing your birds. - What are you doing, lady? 505 00:18:43,592 --> 00:18:45,226 We're just trying to get your chickens. 506 00:18:45,236 --> 00:18:48,204 It's a chicken coop. There's no lock. 507 00:18:48,222 --> 00:18:49,389 - Oh. - Oh. 508 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,331 But this is so much more fun. 509 00:18:51,343 --> 00:18:54,211 [LAUGHTER] 510 00:18:54,227 --> 00:18:55,894 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 511 00:18:55,905 --> 00:18:58,040 What's up, buddy? How you doing? 512 00:18:58,052 --> 00:19:00,320 Like, I knew me and my dad were close, 513 00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:02,669 - but that was... - That was kind of epic. 514 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,316 - I mean... - That was wild. 515 00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:06,061 Thank you for tonight. I couldn't have done it without you. 516 00:19:06,071 --> 00:19:08,205 Oh, my God. No, of course. Of course. 517 00:19:08,218 --> 00:19:11,220 So actually, since it's, you know, a really big dad night, 518 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:14,941 I wanted to share some big daddy news of my own. 519 00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:18,668 I, like... I found him. 520 00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,254 I found my dad. 521 00:19:21,269 --> 00:19:22,669 - What? - Yeah. 522 00:19:22,678 --> 00:19:24,279 Like, I know where he is, 523 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:29,560 and I'm thinking about, like, reaching out, maybe. 524 00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:30,857 I gotta be honest, 525 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,734 like, I do not think that's a good idea. 526 00:19:34,253 --> 00:19:36,587 I don't know, I feel like it actually might be 527 00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:38,002 a good idea because he might be, like... 528 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,145 Shrub, think about it, okay? 529 00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:43,026 Like, your dad isn't like my dad. 530 00:19:43,043 --> 00:19:45,511 He abandoned you when you were a baby. 531 00:19:45,526 --> 00:19:46,859 You don't need that in your life. 532 00:19:46,867 --> 00:19:49,102 Like, you deserve way more than that. 533 00:19:49,115 --> 00:19:50,949 Hey, Kel-Kel, you're up for darts. 534 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,395 - Your turn. - Coming, Dad! 535 00:19:53,410 --> 00:19:56,612 Forget about Lloyd, okay? You have us. 536 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,297 - We're your family, dude. - Yeah. 537 00:19:58,308 --> 00:19:59,876 Yeah! Come on. 538 00:19:59,885 --> 00:20:01,118 Love you. 539 00:20:01,126 --> 00:20:02,360 All right, here comes a bull's-eye. 540 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,668 - Oh! - Oh! 541 00:20:03,676 --> 00:20:05,610 It's a faulty dart. 542 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,489 Okay, Dad, come here. Come here. 543 00:20:07,501 --> 00:20:10,036 - Give me the keys. - Did you hear what he said? 544 00:20:10,051 --> 00:20:12,152 I'm the designated driver, okay? 545 00:20:12,164 --> 00:20:14,198 - Ah! Come on. - Ah! [LAUGHS] 546 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:15,978 Hey, good night, suckers! 547 00:20:15,989 --> 00:20:17,557 Bye, guys. Thanks. 548 00:20:19,411 --> 00:20:21,112 - Shrub. - Mm-hmm? 549 00:20:21,122 --> 00:20:23,256 I'm done hiding how I feel, 550 00:20:23,269 --> 00:20:25,305 not asking for what I want. 551 00:20:26,389 --> 00:20:28,958 I feel very drunk, 552 00:20:28,973 --> 00:20:31,007 and I need you to walk me home. 553 00:20:31,019 --> 00:20:33,088 I got you, bro. 554 00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:36,212 [CHICKEN CLUCKS] 555 00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:38,788 Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, disgusting! 556 00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:39,937 [GAGS] 557 00:20:39,944 --> 00:20:41,844 Oh, come on, Nadine. 558 00:20:41,855 --> 00:20:42,922 [GAGS] 559 00:20:42,929 --> 00:20:45,030 You literally have two disgusting human beings 560 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,510 pooping on you all the time. 561 00:20:46,519 --> 00:20:49,288 Eh, wrong, the babies know to poop on Dylan. 562 00:20:49,304 --> 00:20:51,505 - [FAINT RUSTLING] - What was that? 563 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:54,120 Oh, my gosh. It's the porch pirate. 564 00:20:54,136 --> 00:20:55,536 Let's get his ass! 565 00:20:55,544 --> 00:20:59,080 Huh, what's with all these packages? 566 00:20:59,101 --> 00:21:00,601 - Gotcha! - Ah! 567 00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:02,645 [GROANS] Ow. 568 00:21:02,657 --> 00:21:05,258 - Oops. - Oh. 569 00:21:05,273 --> 00:21:07,742 - Hi, roomie! - [LAUGHS] 570 00:21:07,757 --> 00:21:08,823 I got you always. 571 00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:10,598 Oh, I'm just gonna crash in my man cave. 572 00:21:10,609 --> 00:21:12,443 I don't want to wake up Jessie and the baby. 573 00:21:12,454 --> 00:21:14,021 Shh, be quiet. Shh. 574 00:21:14,030 --> 00:21:17,433 [LAUGHS] You're the best, kid. 575 00:21:17,453 --> 00:21:19,153 You're the best. 576 00:21:19,163 --> 00:21:21,298 Night-night, Kel. 577 00:21:21,311 --> 00:21:22,946 Let me get you a blanket. 578 00:21:26,149 --> 00:21:29,285 [DOGS BARKING] 579 00:21:29,335 --> 00:21:33,885 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41743

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