Original subtitles

Awop boppa-loo-bop, awop bam boom! Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy!

Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy!

Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudi, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudi!

Awop boppa-loo-bop, awop bam boom!

I've got a girl named Sue, She knows just what to do!

I've got a girl named Sue, She knows just what to do!

She rocks to the east, She rocks to the west,

But she's the girl I love best!

Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy, Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy!

Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy!

Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy!

Tutti Frutti, oh, Rudy!

Awop boppa-loo-bop, Awop bam boom!

Riding along in my automobile,

My baby beside me at the wheel.

I stole a kiss at the turn of the mile,

My curiosity running wild!

Cruising and playing the radio,

With no particular place to go.

Riding along in my automobile,

I wanted to say the way I feel.

So I told her softly and sincere.

She leaned and whispered in my ear.

Girl, I know I'm driving slow,

With no particular place to go... Go...go...go...go...go...GO !!

GUITAR BREAK

"No Particular Place To Go"... >

..a rare film-clip of Glasgow band, the Majestics,

once seen as Britain's answer to Freddy Bell and the Bellboys,

performing the Chuck Berry classic back in 1964.

And it was here, in this quiet Glasgow street, just six weeks ago,

that Jazza McGlone, the Majestics' extrovert vocalist,

discovered that "No Particular Place" meant precisely that.

The Ford Sierra he was driving crashed headlong

into THIS bus shelter, at over 70mph...

Can we go back on that? Some idiot's moved the flowers! Cut! >

SUZI: Not a peep out of you for two weeks and then you turn up at dawn!

This is the last time I get out of my bed at 6.15 for ANYBODY !

You might have given some warning. I had no warning!

Eddie just phoned the digs and said the BBC were doing a special on us.

I'd just as soon be in Ardrossan.

It's just about you, then?!

Why so incredulous? Word has obviously got back.

Move over a bit. That suit's giving me a headache.

Where in God's name did you get it? I dropped in at Theresa's and had a rake through Jazza's wardrobe.

Nice, eh? You could give it a couple of coats of yacht varnish, bring it up a bit, yeah?

Just you wait till you see the effect it has on this bird doing the interview.

What's her name? Sheena Fisher.

Sheena Fisher. The one that did the "Phone me up and I'll sort you out" radio show?

You know her? She was at my school!

She was a RIGHT bimbo...

How she got a job in TV beats me.

"Rockin' Thru' The Rye". > 159 - Take 1. Action!

This bunch of fading flowers is just one of the dozens placed here by anonymous fans over the weeks.

They turn an ordinary bus shelter into a kind of rock 'n roll shrine,

much in the same way as the Paris grave of Jim Morrison has become a place of pilgrimage, since 1971.

Let me do that bit again.

Cut! ..Whatever you think.

..since that gent's...mysterious but timely exit in 1971.

All right?

- Morrison, Dougie! - Fine.

OK, board in!

Turn over! Running!

"Rockin' Thru' The Rye". > 159 - Take 2.

Action! >

This bunch of fading flowers...

'Bizarre'?

No more so than Emperor Hirohito standing for the photographers in front of the Cenotaph.

I'll thumb a lift home from here.

It must be around here somewhere.

Let me out! ..It's disgusting! It's just a stupid bus shelter!

A-ha...! I spy...

..a milk man! Ten pints and a brown loaf (!)

OY ! HEY ! 'SCUSE ME, JIM !

< We're looking for a bus shelter!

We're looking for a bus shelter.

A bus shelter?

Try asking in Gaelic (!)

A boy was killed there a while back.

I'll get out here. Jazza McGlone - the rock 'n roll star. Let me out!

Mebbe seen it in the paper. Danny!

He was out for kebabs at the time.

Disnae ring a bell ? < No.

What's up?! The one on Berryhill Drive? That's it!

AS THE ARGUMENT RAGES: < Turn left and it's straight ahead.

You cannae miss it. Very good (!)

What's up with him? It's the corpse's brother. Thanks, pal.

Don't go getting in a state, Danny boy. I'm NOT ! It's her!

Eddie says there's every chance it'll get networked as a tribute.

What d'you mean 'tribute'? It's not all going to be about Jazza, is it?

No longer the heir presumptive (!)

SHEENA FISHER: 46-year-old McGlone, known in the business as 'Big Jazza',

was a one-time amphetamine addict and alcoholic.

A 19-stone delinquent, he regularly downed 20 pints of heavy in one go,

and his carnal excesses won for him a star rating alongside other such celebrated debauchees,

as Roscoe Arbuckle, Frankie Lymon, and Aleister Crowley.

I asked his younger brother, Danny, who has replaced Jazza in the band,

what HE thought of this unsavoury reputation.

Was it justified? Or was it, as some would have us believe,

simply an astute MANAGEMENT move

to foster the 'monster' image for commercial gain?

He said LEFT ! They'll have gone home by now... Try this one.

Here? NO !! THAT one!

We might as well get the noddies in while we're waiting, Archie.

Where the devil's this Danny chap, Sheena?

No Duke of Edinburgh orienteering badge for YOU.

I don't suppose THAT would be it? Where...? Oh, so it is!

Like a homing pigeon, aren't I ?!

I wondered who was making a mess of the seats (!)

(Good grief!)

This whole thing is utterly tacky. You don't have to come and watch.

You're welcome to stay in the van.

And miss your first walk-on screen appearance?! Not on your life!

God!

No deckchair with my name on it?

Behave!

↑ You welcome them, ducky.

Sheena Fisher. Sorry we're late. My driver's dyslexic.

Susan Kettles. Have we met before?

Have we? I'm pretty sure we have.

And this is... No, I've forgotten!

Dennis Sproul. I don't find him funny, either. Hi!

And this is the Hunting Sproul I'm wearing! Come and meet Douglas.

Douglas? The director. Hear that, Kettles?!

God, I've just realised... It's OK. I wanted a few snaps of it, anyway.

We could leave this till some other time, if you like. What a good idea.

Just don't ask me to sing in front of it... Danny! Shut up, Kettles!

Douglas!

I KNOW it's only got one sleeve! Why do you suppose we got them all back?

Where's the bag with the rest? I gave it to you.

Several havenae any sleeves at ALL!

Where's that message bag?

You left it on the bus. What?!

What one of you's Mr Clockerty?

Hazard a guess (!) Are you one of the people responsible for THIS ?

No, I'm kiddies' nightwear.

Mr Cairns says you've to see yourselves off the premises.

What are these for anyway...? A funeral service?!

No, the invalid already had his napper down the lavvy

while Big Jazza was still on stage doing his number... And CUT ! >

More volume, Donny. She's just asked for less! And it's 'Danny', Dougie!

Right.

How're we doing, Kettles? What are you up to?

He was your brother, for God's sake. And stop colluding with HER !

I'm NOT !

Danny! > She's paid to do a hatchet job. You aren't. Aw, shut up!

We'll do this next bit inside, OK ?

It's only rock 'n roll, Suzi.

Where did you say, sweetheart?

Archie, what about > moon-lighting this next one?

Don't think I'm trying to upstage the accident by wearing this!

Hey, Kettles, I was just saying...

(Where is she?)

If this is a close-up, I want my hair done.

SEAGULLS CRY OVERHEAD

"..Ach am faic thu seo," arsa Padraig Eirisgeach.

"An tractar ur le dosar air an t-sroin aige."

"Putaidh seo rud sam bith," arsa Padruig.

" 'Se phutas!" ..Where's Dennis away to? The wagon's gone.

Vincent! I'm talking to you!

Turn the volume up. I can't make out what he's saying.

Never heed what HE'S saying. The wagon's no' there!

You might have gave us a shout.

DENNIS! Are you no UP yet? Shush! DENNIS !!

Shout louder. He's away to Glasgow. Can I turn this over? Just try it!

Glasgow! I'm meant to be fetching the family off the Arran ferry!

Him and Danny's away to Glasgow. There was a phone call last night.

That's a better-looking bus > than we've got!

WHAT phone call ? Frae Eddie. 12.30am.

You and Vincent were still knocking it back with the landlady.

Can I turn it to the golf now? No, shut up. What's on in Glasgow?

Do YOU know anything about this?

I'll kill him. I TOLD him I needed the wagon. I'll have to get a taxi.

Are you THERE, Mrs Mulholland?

How come they're talking funny? Is this "Round Britain Quiz" (?)

< MRS MULHOLLAND !

Fud, go and phone me a taxi, then phone Eddie's office and find out what's going on.

Hurry up! All right. All right.

Come on! Come on! MOVE it! I'm going!

Tell 'em I want it straight away.

You want WHAT straight away? The TAXI !

LOUDER: Ach cha robh dragh aig Coinneach. "Tha'n t-uisge anns an einsean."

Why are they talking funny? 'Cos it's for weans! How should I know?!

PLIP PLOP OF RAINDROPS

"Sin thu fhein." "Tapa leat!" D'you want to come and eat with us?

Do you want to...? No, I'm OK.

You havenae seen our Joseph in ages.

I cannae. I'm waiting for Glenna to pick us up.

You're waiting for WHO ? You heard.

What's up with your features?!

WHERE is it your taxi's gaun? >

The ferry! WHERE ?

THE CAR FERRY !!

I don't want to see her face at this gig... OK ?

OK, Vincent?

It's up to her.

It's on its way... Oh! I've missed the ending!

Did you phone Eddie? Oh, I forgot. Go and PHONE ! OK. OK.

What was it about again?

Ask him what they're doing in Glasgow and why we know nothing about it.

You shouldnae be so paranoid. Everything's no' a conspiracy.

No, just one or two things, Vincent... Just one or two (!)

That's why I gave 42nd Street the elbow. Cut!

OK, sweetheart? Fine.

That was terrific, Danny. Thanks. Come and let me buy you a drink.

I wonder where my transport's gone. I can drop you off.

Come on. There's a pub just down the road. One drink, that's all !

Aye, OK.

So long as you promise not to molest me.

Where HAS Stupid Appearance gone? Didn't she say? The roadie, I mean!

I could go off you. Go on. You're only saying that! True!

Did I hear somebody mention a drink?!

Mind your tootsies. Thank you!

Is Bomba away? I spoke to Janice.

You know what they went back for? (I'm glad Bomba's no here!)

To make a TV movie...all about Danny boy. So Janice said just now.

She's kidding you on! Danny boy?! It didnae sound as if she was.

Don't be daft! He's away back to see his bird.

A TV movie?! AND...they've got these T-shirts with his face on 'em.

Ask her yourself. T-shirts? Majestic T-shirts are the only ones I know.

Majestic T-shirts havenae his kisser all over them. She's pulling your leg!

Did she sound like she was? Nope.

She must be. I'll talk to her. She'll say the same.

He's got his ain TV show and his ain T-shirts.

Bomba's gonna be RIGHT vexed.

Bugger Bomba. I'M vexed!

See if this is true...his own TV show and T-shirts?

I'll sort HER out! Don't say I told you!

Vincent! DOORBELL >

Some welcome, this (!)

< Oh, no!

It's no' Bomba's day!

Hey, Doll ! He's on the phone about the TV show.

VINCENT - it's her!

GLENNA: Thanks (!)

RING RING

You'd better answer that.

They know the shop's open. It's Vincent! Any sensible person would have given up by now.

It may be Cairns. I was only away for 2 seconds and what happens?

He asked me straight out! What was I supposed to tell him?

Office security! I should tell lies, you mean?

YES ! ..No... Yes!

If needs be. I'LL answer it!

If it IS Vincent, I'll tell him it was a mistake about the T-shirts.

It's no' as if we've got any anyhow. And what are you going to say about the TV, Miss Smarty-pants?

Don't be daft! They'll see it when it comes out!

And you said they were all going to be in it. So what's the beef?

The beef is that while Danny boy's presenting his kisser in full technicolour,

the Majestics are only appearing in scratchy 8 mm black and white,

shot in Dalmarnock 20 years ago

by Mrs Clockerty and her Brownie, you stupid girl!

How was I supposed to know that?

You HEARD me telling wee Tommy 'archive footage', right?

I'm a drapery assistant - no' Film Buff of the Year!

'Archive footage' (!)

PHONE FINALLY STOPS RINGING Listen!

What? What do you make of that?

You don't pay me to think. Work it out yourself!

The minute I get your redundancy money together, you're fired, my lady. Aw, shut up!

No answer. Hiya! What's this about a TV show? I told you!

He said something about a TV show. I told you it was a big mistake!

Say hello, then. I've just driven from Glasgow...

You can drive us back up. Come on!

WHAT ?! You break the news to Bomba, Fud. < What about the gig?

I'll be back in plenty of time. I want to sort this out with Eddie.

We're really going to Glasgow? Are you not being a bit hasty? Maybe it was a joke.

Drive! Bomba won't like this!

Bomba can stick it up his...nose.

Danny boy is out and the doll's in. In WHAT ? Drive, I said!

Bomba won't like this!

Danny boy either, come to that.

Thanks, Kettles, you're a chum.

And you, McGlone, are an idiot.

You're too kind.

You're not just an idiot, you're a nuisance.

How would YOU like it,

if I staggered into YOUR workplace and was sick over the juke-box?

I was merely showing my contempt for the record selection.

What kind of state was SHE in?

Who's 'she'? The hatchet woman. Oh, Sheena? Search me.

She had to go back to BH (!)

Ow-ya!

I dread to think what kind of fool you make of yourself on the road... I bet you're wrecked every night.

God, if your mother could only see you now...

Did somebody mention my mother? What ABOUT my mother?

Did I tell you she was dead? < SOUND OF RUNNING WATER

Where are ye?!

Likewise my brother... and my father...

..ALL dead...

You...are looking at... (Where have ye GOT to?)

You are looking at...

You are looking at an orphan, Kettles.

Get the togs off. You're going under the shower. Eh?

1958...that's the year the old man went.

Same year as Elvis brung out "Jailhouse Rock"...

and Connie Francis charted with "Who's Sorry Now?"

What're you doing?! There's no hot water.

Did I ever tell ye how he died? The immerser's on the blink.

He got hit by a painting. Did I ever tell ye?

The shampoo's in the basin.

Exhibition...

Exhibition of Italian Surrealists, Kelvingrove Art Gallery.

Give us your other leg up.

He bent down to get a squint at a de Chirico...

and got hit with a Carra... CHOKES

Don't forget to take your socks off!

You should have seen the frame of this thing... It was THAT wide!

You know what the Tallies are like.

It cracked his skull like a peanut.

Ah, my old bedroom! The fire's on, you've got 5 minutes, then OUT !

Yup, the farra with the Carra and the brurra in the Sierra. DOOR BELL >

Five minutes!

Don't tell me... He's in the shower. I tried every pub I could think of.

< WA-A-A-AH !! (Suffering God!)

What time's the gig at? 7.30.

Will we make it, do you think? 'We' ?!

I'm not letting him out of my sight from now on...

The bottle of shampoo is in the BASIN ! ..Coffee? Yeah, thanks!

How's it gone so far? The tour? Don't ask!

Has he not said nothing? He said it was a sell-out!

You're such a liar, McGlone! So are you! You said the water was hot!

Hullo, Dennis. Where've you been?

Ah-ha! Coffee! I'll have mines with milk and lots of sugar.

(This is the bird that's supposed to be crazy about me!)

Wait here!

What d'you mean he's not available? JANICE: Do you want it in writing (?)

Where is he? Up here?

Are you in there, Eddie...? EDDIE ?

See if I find out you're in there, I'm going to get violent.

(I'll KILL that Janice!)

I know you're in there, you midden! Open up and let's have a civilised conversation.

I can hear ye!..I can HEAR ye!

If that's the way you want it...

A-A-A-A-A-H-H !!

SMASH !! (God!)

Vincent! Was that YOU knocking?

Oh, my God!

Then Joseph needs to have a go on the dodgems, so we all go on.

I was glad to see the back of them!

You're lucky your lot's away on this Poland trip.

I'll ask Mrs Mulholland for a pot of tea. Is Danny boy back yet?

< Mrs Mulholland! Where's Vincent? Did the girlfriend turn up?

< MRS MULHOLLAND ! Is that the time? Are we not due for a sound-check?

I'll make the tea. Dennis'll do it.

Come and talk. All I've had all day has been the family jawing away...

What did Eddie say? I'll do the tea.

Never mind the stupid tea! Come and tell us what gives.

Did the lovely Glenna turn up, eh?

What WAS Danny doing in Glasgow?

Where's Vincent?

Did you talk to Eddie?

What's Dennis done with the wagon?

Aye and no...TV...

Don't know... No, Janice...

Cannae imagine. In that order.

Say again?

You might've helped us out and said something at the time,

instead of letting us make such a hash of it.

What d'you think I took you on location for? Eh?

Oh, my noggin...!

I DID say something but you were too besotted with Fisher/Barbie Doll to listen!

"Yes, Sheena. No, Sheena. Three bags full, Sheena."

Ha! I do believe you're jealous, Kettles! Huh!

O-O-O-w-w-w !! To think I gave up a promising career for this trip!

Get a grip! You've a show tonight - or has that slipped your mind?

After all, it has been an exciting day, hasn't it (?)

I used to fondly believe that you and I had an affinity, Kettles.

But if this is the level of unsubtle abuse you used to subject your cocktail bar customers to,

it's no wonder you got your jotters.

Let's get this straight. I did not get my jotters... I resigned!

And why did I resign? Because of YOU, you big dope!

Do you think I'm flattered?! Hell mend you!

If this is going to carry on, I'll bale out at the next fill-up.

It's her! It's him!

I don't believe this is happening.

I SAID, I don't believe this is happening!

Sorry. I thought you were talking to yourself. I might as well be!

I SAID, I might as well be! Oh, aye.

Can you picture it at the Pavilion?

The climax of the Silver Jubilee Tour...

Lights go down... curtain goes up...ta-raaaa!

And a 12-year-old stands there, out to here with Lover Boy's wean?!

We'd get lynched!

Eddie should be sorting this out!

Forget Eddie! Whatever needs doing, I'll do. Will ye? 'Course I will !

Good. 'Cos the guy at the Paradiso said if the band isn't on stage at 7.25, you get knee-capped.

I get what?

Knee-capped. They get a drill and...

Why do I get knee-capped? What guy?

No' the one with the missing ear?

I thought if I explained the situation to him, gave him your name and address...

What situation?! That one or two might not make the gig.

Are you off your skull ?

You've drapped us in it now! He sounded quite nice...

No, correction...ME ! You've went and drapped ME in it!

He's a nutter, this guy!

What the hell do we do? It's 7pm ! We'll see who turns up.

Will you quit choking us now?!

Suppose it's Vincent and the chick?

Then we go with the chick! God...!

You'd have a chick singer fronting the Majestics?

If it means we can walk out the Paradiso,

I wouldnae give a monkey's if a chick PEA fronted the Majestics,

as long as it could open its gub! OK...

OK, I'll go with that, just as long as I don't have to be civil to her!

Civil to her?!

OK, OK...I know. Vincent's upset, too.

What if our Noreen found out?!

Aye, well, she hasnae, has she?

Let's keep it like that. All RIGHT !

I'm beginning to hope it's that sleekit swine McGlone that gets here.

Whoever it is, I hope they get a bloody move on!

Can you not go a bit faster?

No, and don't talk to me while I'm driving.

See THAT !

How are we feeling? Stitches still nipping?

Can you not talk while I'm driving?!

What're we doing here, anyway?

TRYING to get to Ardrossan (!)

YOU drive, then! A-A-AH ! Steady!

Cut that! I'd drive if I hadnae got 40 stitches in my flaming scalp!

Did you want cremated when you go, Mr Clockerty (?)

What's she saying? > Nothing! Shut up?!

Take a telling, Miss Toner.

Just carry on, m'dear.

You don't still have the handbrake on, do you?

Who-o-a-a-ahh !!

You don't like rock 'n roll, You just want to go to the cinema,

And sit there holding hands! You're so square...

Baby, I don't care!

You don't know any dance steps

That are new-oo-oo

I don't know why I love you Like I do, do, do...

IN CLOSE HARMONY: Dree-ee-ee-ee-eam...

When I feel blue In the ni-i-ight...

When I need you To hold me tight... Whenever I want you...

All I have to do Is dree-ee-ee-ee-eam, Dream, dream, dream...

DANNY AND SUZI: Dree-ee-eeam!

I can make you mine Taste your lips of wine... Any time, night or day!

Only trouble is, Gee whiz! I'm dreaming my li-ife away...

When I want you In my arms,

When I want you And all your charms...

Whenever I want you All I have to do

Is dree-ee-ee-ee-eeam, Dream, dream, dream...

..DREE-EE-EEAM !!

You never told us she could sing. That was ME throwing my voice!

I didn't believe that she could...

Watch OUT !! AAIIEE !!

SUZI: What was that?! What? We nearly ran into a car! Car?

Did you not see it? I never saw nothing.

A mauve car, with people in it! Well, there isnae a car there now.

I put it down to an under-active thyroid, Kettles.

Ow-ya!

Riding along in my automobile... Da-da, da-da, da-da!

My baby beside me AT the wheel...

I stole a kiss after a mile...

I couldnae unfasten her safety belt!

Scooshing along in my calaboose.

Still trying to get her belt unloose,

All the way home I held a grudge...

SHEENA: ' "No Particular Place To Go"...

'..a rare film-clip of the Majestics back in 1964.'

Spool through.

SPEEDED-UP SOUNDTRACK

From there. 'Known in the business as Big Jazza,

'he was a former amphetamine addict and self-confessed alcoholic.

'I asked younger brother Danny, who replaces him,

'what HE thought of this unsavoury reputation...

'It was a real shock to discover that Eddie Clockerty

had hyped their record into the charts.

'I know that's happened before AND since...

'But it was like finding out Hans Christian Anderson was a werewolf!

'Or the Pope was a drag queen...!'

VOICE FADES OUT Right.

I can run it again. There's still some more footage I want.

- This Clockerty... - You know him? - He once sold me a shirt - 29/11d.

"Washes well !" he said... I hope you nail him!

Where would I see Vincent? I've just come from Glasgow. Never mind.

Is all the gear set up, eh?

FUD ! Tell Danny boy to get a move on!

We've no' got much time... BOMBA !

Is the gear set up? Why's everybody fussing?

How's your knees? Sorry?

Vincent'll know to go straight there?

Who needs to swing a cat in it (?) It's horrific.

She'll take it, Mrs Mulholland!

Where's Vincent? Still upstairs?

BOMBA ! < I'm coming! I'm coming!

What was it before it was a boarding house?!

I hope that's you I'm looking at!

Get that motor started! Come on, move it!

Goodbye, Mrs Mulholland!

C'mon, out into the van. OUT !

Hurry up! We'll be late! Come on!

What about Vincent? He'll be there.

And she's no getting access to the dressing room, whoever she is.

OW-ya!

I thought you said Vincent was the charmer (!)

SILENCE...BROKEN ONLY BY THE BAA-ING OF SHEEP

JANICE: I don't see why it should be us that had to wait for the RAC...

I'M no' a member. You surprise me!

There was tons of room in that jeep.

We should all have gone to hospital.

Look at my stockings! That 'jeep' was a Range Rover.

It was extremely courteous of the gentleman to phone for the RAC.

What's that funny smell? You're in the country, Miss Toner!

No THAT funny smell! The other funny smell... Smell it?

I can't smell anything.

Is it that stuff for your scalp? WHAT stuff?!

A-A-AHH !! >

Oh, my GOD !

I TOLD you I smelled something! >

DISCO MUZAK

MY fault? You went back to Glasgow!

What about Vincent? If YOU hadnae snuck off, Vincent'd be HERE now!

We've still got... Oh, my God!

I'll go and talk to these people.

You don't TALK to these people... they talk to YOU, Danny boy!

Black 'n Decker! Black 'n Decker! Shut UP ! Calm down!

Shouting does no good.

Maybe... Shut UP !

Maybe Dennis has stalled them. Aye, he's good at that kinda thing (!)

Vincent wouldnae let us down, eh?

He'll be here. 'Course he will.

We'll give him another 5 minutes.

Dennis'll explain. No problem.

Black 'n Decker! Black 'n Decker!

No problem, Mr Peebles. If you paid for four Majestics, you'll get four...at 7.30.

I cannae think who could have phoned to the contrary... OOH-YA !

(Come on! Come on!)

Stop footerin', Thomas! >

Stop footerin', I said!

He's an awful footer!

See that big man with a bandage on his head?

I'll get him to take you away to the Bad Fire if you don't behave yourself!

Mr Divver? Diver. How is she?

We'll keep her in overnight. In Ward 8.

Have you seen a doctor? No, no yet.

Where d'you think YOU'RE going!

< How did he get his head jammed in THAT ?!

WOMAN: Because he's a wee footer!

Well, that'll be the day When you say goodbye,

That'll be the day When you make me cry-y!

You say you're gonna leave me...

You know it's a lie, 'Cos that'll be the da-a-ay I die!

You give me all your loving, Your turtle-doving,

And your mo-oney, too!

You know you love me, baby!

And still you tell me, "Maybe!"

Well, that'll be the day When you say goodbye,

That'll be the day When you make me cry-y!

You say you're gonna leave me... But that'll be the da-a-ay When I die!

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

I'd prefer the drill to these drainpipes!

Well, that'll be the day When you say goodbye,

That'll be the day When you make me cry-y!

You're gonna leave me? That is a lie...

'Cos that'll be the da-a-ay When I die!

When Cupid shot his dart He shot it at your heart!

So if we ever part, Then I'll leave you!

You said you'd hold me And you'd tell me boldly. And some day...

Never trust a bugger in a jeep!

D'you want to try giving it a shove?

I often think your sense of humour is somewhat misplaced at times, Miss Toner.

Aw, go on. You've gotta laugh, haven't you?

(Oh, GOD !)

I'm fine...

They're only keeping me in overnight for observation.

You'd better go.

So long as you're all right...

God, I didn't half get the wind up!

You were as white as these sheets.

Are you sure you're OK ?

I love you.

I love me, too!

Go! You'll be LATE !

Look after yourself. I want you up beside me at the next gig. OK ?

OK ? Try and stop me!

Ssssh!

(Don't go and get caught! I'll be in for you in the morning. Go!)

MOUTHS: I love you!

Bye, bye, Love! Bye, Bye, Happiness!

Hello, Loneliness, I think I'm gonna cry-y!

Bye, bye, Love! Bye, bye, Sweet Caress!

Hello, Emptiness, I feel like I could die-ie!

Goodbye, my love, goodbye!

There goes my baby

With someone new. She sure looks happy...

I sure am blue.

She was my baby...

Till he stepped in.

Goodbye to romance That might have been.

Bye, bye, Love! Bye, bye, Happiness!

Hello, Loneliness... I think I'm gonna cry-y.

Bye, bye, Love! Bye, bye, Sweet Caress!

Hello, Emptiness... I feel like I could die-ie!

Goodbye, my love, goodbye...

I'm through with romance I'm through with love.

I'm through with counting The stars above.

And there's a reason Why I'm so free...

My loving baby Is through with me...

What're you playing at, Janice? The Paradiso's THIS way.

And Glasgow's THIS way!

Give my love to the band, Mr Clockerty! Bye! Janice!

SHEEPDOG GROWLS

JANICE !!

SOUND OF TRANSIT DRAWING UP OUTSIDE

VAN DOORS SLAM

FRONT DOOR OPENS

< Aye, OK ! I suppose anything's preferable to a knee-capping.

It depends on how you look at it.

Oh, look what's turned up! Vincent!

What have you done to your nut?

Is that a bandage? Aw, there you are!

The boy's hurt.

What happened to you, Vinnie?

It's upstairs, Kettles! > What did you do?

Oh...! I LIKE it, Diver!

I LIKE IT !!

I've...just come from the hospital. Oh... Sorry!

What was it, a frontal lobotomy?! Shut it!

You could have killed her! ME ?!

Are you confusing me with somebody? What happened?

If she's not OK... Steady, Vincent!

He's concussed!

Take it easy, old son! I don't WANT to take it easy!

'Observation.' You know what that means, eh?

(Either that or he's on drugs.) Shut up!

See if anything happens to the kid,

I'm going to hold you all responsible...

..especially YOU, McGlone!

Easy...! HE'S a big kid (!)

Who hit you? Nobody hit us! Leave go of us!

Regressive behaviour under drugs...

You can tell by his eyes. LEAVE GO OF ME !

Leave go of him. YOU leave go!

Ah...! Somebody's going to get their face punched in! Do you want an Aspro?!

I know what it is!

He's been for a hair-weave... a follicle transplant, eh?!

You're asking for trouble!

Hey, KETTLES ! Come and look at Daffy Duck!

A-A-A-AH !! Get his legs!

Daffy Duck, right?! WA-A-A-A-A-AHHH !!

BLEEP BLEEP

He had VERY severe diarrhoea.

As well as a fractured skull ?!

No - Bomba, I'm talking about.

I've never seen anyone so scared.

Not that you were yourself? Me?! Of course, I wasnae!

That was just an act to keep the others company.

As far as Bomba's concerned, Suzi, you are now an honorary man.

You, McGlone, are going overboard!

Aye, for YOU, Kettles!

There's a whole poop deck watching, you moron! See if I care!

The doll looked good in drainpipes. I don't want this getting out.

Her voice wasnae that bad, either.

If this gets out, we'll never be able to hold our heads high again.

(Bloody chicks!)

Trouble...that's all they are...

Trouble!

It's only for another few days. I'll be fine. It's just a precaution.

Was there a party after last night?

Aye, there was a 'party' all right.

Listen, Glenna... It's OK. I know what you're going to tell me.

I told her not to bother but she's got a week's holiday.

I should never have phoned her.

Why can't she wait for the Glasgow gig? It's OK.

Just promise me one thing... Anything!

Promise you willnae sleep with her. ..What?

Promise me you willnae SLEEP with her! But she's my wife!

PROMISE me! ( OK !)

Right, the doctor will look at Mrs Diver now.

No, I'm not Mrs Diver...

..YET !

EDDIE: I only wish I was exaggerating, Tommy... It was a nightmare!

By the time I got there, the arse was hanging out my good shoes.

And when he heard about his car...!

And you know that lassie Danny's got a crush on? It turns out... Mr Clockerty! >

Hang on! I'm on the TELEPHONE, Miss Toner!

It turns out...

Someone for you. Hold on...

You can see I'm on the telephone! What is it? An inside leg?

Hold on!

Tommy? It turns out... They want to see you now! > Hold on.

I'm on the phone! Who IS it?!

They're frae the BBC.

I'll speak to you later!

Rockin' Thru' the Rye... > 174 - Take 1.

MAJESTICS: Gin a body digs a body, Rockin' through the Rye!

Gin a body digs a body, Need a body cry?

Every lassie digs a laddie, Nane they say hae I.

Yet all the lassies rock with me When Rockin' through the Rye!

The Campbells are rockin' the blues away!

There ain't no stopping 'em, Man, they're bopping 'em!

Gang awa', gang awa', go man go!

The bonnie lassie is on the beat, The bonnie lassie is rockin' reet!

Let's go Rockin' in the Rye!

They'll be jumping in the heather Like a knocked-out feather!

Hey, dig that crazy news! Hoot!

The Campbells are rockin' the blues away!

Live it up! Live it up! Live it up! Gang awa... Let's go Rockin' through the Rye.

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

Maxwellton's braes are bonnie And the bluebell's lost the blues!

They'll be jumping in the heather Like a knocked-out feather...

Saying, "Dig that crazy news!"

The Campbells are rockin' the blues away!

The Campbells are rockin' the blues away!

Man, let's live it up! Live it up! Live it up!

Gang awa! Let's go Rockin' through the Rye!

Gang awa'! Let's go Rockin' Through The Ry-y-y-y-e-e-e-e !!

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