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1
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,030
Hey, Calvin.
2
00:00:14,230 --> 00:00:15,490
Hola, mi amor.
3
00:00:15,690 --> 00:00:18,200
Guess what I'm making.
4
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,650
Paella.
Paella.
5
00:00:20,650 --> 00:00:24,990
Yes, the authentic recipe
we learned in "Barthelona."
6
00:00:25,820 --> 00:00:28,710
Well, you know, you could say
Barcelona like an American.
7
00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:30,980
No, I like saying "Barthelona"
8
00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:32,300
like a "Barthelonian."
9
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:36,220
You know, Calvin, you don't
have to make paella every day.
10
00:00:36,420 --> 00:00:39,700
I still haven't finished
my lunch paella.
11
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:45,160
Hey, you must have
had a busy day. (chuckles)
12
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,410
Yeah, let's go with that.
13
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,070
And speaking
of getting busy,
14
00:00:52,270 --> 00:00:55,730
you know, we haven't done
that since this morning.
15
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,040
(chuckles)
16
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,700
Calvin, where's my favorite mug?
17
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,890
Oh, I, uh,
I threw it out.
18
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,380
Yeah, I was watching
Jennifer Hudson this afternoon,
19
00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:06,110
and the feng shui
expert said that
20
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:09,580
you should replace any
chipped or broken item.
21
00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:11,750
But my mug wasn't chipped.
22
00:01:11,950 --> 00:01:13,450
Well, I broke it
23
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:15,340
when I was trying to
feng shui the kitchen.
24
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,120
Oh, by the way,
25
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,890
Magnum, P.I. thinks we should
get a reverse mortgage.
26
00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:22,450
What you think?
27
00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:26,970
Okay, Calvin,
I know that you've had
28
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:30,870
a lot of time on your hands
since selling the shop, but...
29
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:34,870
you got to stop
watching daytime TV.
30
00:01:35,070 --> 00:01:37,310
How about you just
get out the house?
31
00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:39,150
Do something.
32
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,310
Babe, I'm doing things.
33
00:01:41,510 --> 00:01:43,150
I got plenty of stuff to do.
34
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,280
My schedule is jam-packed.
35
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,790
Alexa, what's
on my calendar tomorrow?
36
00:01:48,990 --> 00:01:51,490
ALEXA:
At 03:00 p.m., you have a haircut.
37
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,690
Hmm?
Didn't you get a haircut yesterday?
38
00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:56,880
Yes, Tina.
I'm a very hairy man.
39
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:02,080
Well, how about you
go out and play some golf?
40
00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:04,820
Well, all my friends work.
41
00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:07,770
Are you trying to get rid of me?
42
00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:10,480
No, no, no, baby.
I just...
43
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,210
I don't think it's very healthy
44
00:02:12,410 --> 00:02:14,580
for a man to stay
at home all day,
45
00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,920
or his wife
might kill him.
46
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,450
Oh! I just watched
a Lifetime movie about that.
47
00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:22,210
You know, the lady
got away with it, too.
48
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,460
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *
49
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:27,110
* Welcome to the hood. *
50
00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:35,570
Okay.
Oh, Tina, we can't take all your paella.
51
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:38,850
Please take it.
It'll really help my marriage.
52
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,610
Ooh, look, Dave wants some.
He's drooling.
53
00:02:41,810 --> 00:02:43,810
(slurring):
Nah, it's from the dentist.
54
00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:45,490
I'm still numb.
55
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:49,570
Here, sweetie,
clean yourself up.
56
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,120
So, has it been hard for Calvin
having all this free time?
57
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,820
Hard for me.
He's driving me crazy.
58
00:02:58,020 --> 00:02:59,190
He's always here.
59
00:02:59,390 --> 00:03:01,230
He watches my shows before I do
60
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,230
and then spoils the endings.
61
00:03:03,430 --> 00:03:05,030
You know, I finally
just sent him to Ernie's bar
62
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:06,200
to give away
some of this paella.
63
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,580
And there's this much left?
64
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,270
You feel my pain.
65
00:03:11,470 --> 00:03:12,460
Ooh.
66
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,770
Mama! Oh.
Hey, guys.
67
00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:18,040
TINA: Hey.
Did a box come for me today?
68
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,310
Oh, yeah, it's right over there.
69
00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,850
Um, why did you
have it sent here?
70
00:03:22,050 --> 00:03:23,680
I didn't want Malcolm to see it.
71
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,650
It's a longsword
for my Arthurian groom-posal.
72
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:28,600
It's a what for the what what?
73
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,260
(chortles)
74
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,130
I'm gonna ask Malcolm
to be my best man.
75
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,080
And then slay him?
76
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,600
Marty's doing a grooms-posal.
77
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,030
They're like prom-posals,
but for your groomsmen.
78
00:03:41,230 --> 00:03:43,000
Yeah, back when I did mine,
79
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,050
society thought
they were only for bridesmaids.
80
00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,470
Then I rode into
my friend Bobby's yard
81
00:03:48,670 --> 00:03:51,090
on that horse, shirtless.
82
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:56,570
I broke barriers
for groomsmen everywhere.
83
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,550
I'm...
84
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:01,040
I'm-I'm gonna go "shirt on."
85
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,590
But I do want Malcolm
to be blown away.
86
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:07,790
So, uh, Marty, got all your
groomsmen picked out already?
87
00:04:07,990 --> 00:04:09,900
Yeah. Yeah.
88
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,960
Well, i...
It's only four of us.
89
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,870
It's Malcolm, my two
best friends from college,
90
00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:16,250
and my play
cousin Daniel.
91
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,670
(short chuckle)
S-So he's not even
92
00:04:18,870 --> 00:04:19,940
a real cousin, huh?
David...
93
00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:22,070
Dave, let it go.
You're not in the wedding.
94
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,160
Stop being so thirsty.
95
00:04:27,030 --> 00:04:29,280
(cheering)
96
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,690
Oh, shoot. Ernie's killing it
at cornhole. He's undefeated.
97
00:04:33,890 --> 00:04:35,420
Hey, Calvin,
98
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:38,120
do you want me to embarrass
you next or should I
99
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,630
crush Trey as a warm-up?
100
00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:42,300
Also, no outside food.
101
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,400
Oh.
102
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,830
It's paella.
I brought you some.
103
00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:48,000
Oh, don't mind if I do.
104
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,750
Winning burns a lot of calories.
105
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,670
Ernie, I haven't seen
you lose in a week.
106
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:55,840
You juicing?
107
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,140
Nah. No, man.
No, no, no.
108
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,580
I'm just the best holder
109
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:02,420
anyone's seen
this side of the 405.
110
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:04,050
Probably the other side, too.
111
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:06,170
There's just
too much traffic to be sure.
112
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:11,660
You bragging about
throwing beanbags in a hole?
113
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:14,040
(giggles)
(mock giggles)
114
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:19,160
Sound like somebody's scared.
115
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,470
Ooh, I'm terrified.
(chuckles)
116
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,670
What's the next challenge--
hopscotch?
117
00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:27,010
Or maybe Candy Land?
118
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:29,540
Calvin, just whup his ass
and shut him up.
119
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,440
Man.
Hey.
120
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,240
I-It's ridiculous, man.
121
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:35,680
This requires no skills.
I mean, anybody could do it.
122
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,400
Watch.
123
00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,190
Ha-ha!
124
00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:44,060
Reminds me of the time
we played mini-golf
125
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,770
and you hit that old lady.
126
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:48,530
It was a bank shot
off her walker.
127
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:49,800
I still made par.
128
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,350
Ah.
129
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,080
Okay.
130
00:05:56,450 --> 00:05:57,840
ERNIE:
Oh. Oh, yeah.
131
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,810
Close, close, but no cigar.
132
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:01,140
All right,
this ain't over.
133
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:03,460
All right, here we go.
134
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:07,130
(grunts)
135
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:08,850
Yeah!
136
00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:10,180
(patrons cheering)
Oh!
137
00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:12,670
Boom, baby! In your face!
138
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,820
Okay, Calvin.
All right.
139
00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:18,020
If you feeling so cocky,
140
00:06:18,220 --> 00:06:19,690
then why don't you
play in the tournament?
141
00:06:19,890 --> 00:06:21,160
Mm, nah, I'm good.
142
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,000
Uh-huh. Uh, I-I forgot--
you retired.
143
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,260
You too busy
sitting on the front porch
144
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,000
in a rocking chair.
145
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,290
ALL:
Ooh!
146
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,770
You know what?
I'm in.
147
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:36,880
And for your information,
it's a glider!
148
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,080
(patrons cheering)
149
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,580
All right.
Well, good luck, Calvin.
150
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:44,280
Good luck. Oh, did you see
the gallery of champions?
151
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,670
They all look a lot like me,
don't they?
152
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:51,790
You know, I forget about
the year you had the toupee.
153
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,840
It's called a hair unit.
154
00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,030
(knocking)
155
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,820
Hold on.
156
00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:06,290
Oh, my God!
157
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,280
Marty, what is going on?
158
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,550
Malcolm Langston Butler,
first of his name,
159
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:18,020
you are hereby
160
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,520
commanded to pull
161
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,650
the sword from
yon stone.
162
00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:25,870
Only the true best man
can such a feat achieve.
163
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:30,060
What?
164
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:33,530
If thou wouldst be the best man,
165
00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:37,200
thou must pull the very
expensive custom-engraved sword
166
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,610
from yonder stone.
167
00:07:39,810 --> 00:07:43,410
Okay, Marty, obviously
I am going to be your best man.
168
00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:46,140
Uh, did you say "wouldst"?
What does that even mean?
169
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,180
I don't know, man.
Can you just play along?
170
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:49,680
No, I said I'm in, Marty, okay?
171
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,480
I-I'm doing
all the best man stuff.
172
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,390
I went to the cake tasting,
we went soup shopping.
173
00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,450
Okay, if-if you're
not into this,
174
00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:57,160
maybe I'll ask somebody else.
175
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,290
Marty, I'm your only brother.
176
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,660
Who else would you ask
to be your best man?
177
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:02,710
Derek.
178
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,730
Derek?
Derek has no personality.
179
00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:08,300
He's a board game friend.
180
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,240
You have to be distracted
just to hang out with him.
181
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,400
Well, Derek would
have pulled the sword
182
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:12,540
from the stone by now, man.
183
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,510
Well, 'cause Derek is a dork!
184
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:17,340
Great.
You tell him that to his face
185
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,010
when he takes your role
as the best man.
186
00:08:19,210 --> 00:08:20,050
Wha...
187
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,480
From the shadows you come
188
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,270
and to the shadows
I bid you return.
189
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,860
(exclaims)
Almost had it.
190
00:08:32,060 --> 00:08:33,360
(scoffs)
191
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,090
Don't flatter yourself.
You weren't even close.
192
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:37,730
You're pulling
your left shoulder.
193
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:39,260
Thanks a lot, Gemma.
194
00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:41,000
But a lot of those bags
went in the hole
195
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,800
before you
broke my concentration
196
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,920
by sneaking up on me.
197
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,010
Okay, you want
to keep missing,
198
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:49,240
keep doing it your way.
199
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,240
Or you could
square up a bit
200
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,110
and add a little arc
to your toss,
201
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:54,560
like this.
202
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,690
Damn, woman, you can hole.
203
00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,250
Where'd you learn
to play like that?
204
00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:03,420
There wasn't a lot to do
in Hickory Corners.
205
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:04,690
All we had was corn.
206
00:09:04,890 --> 00:09:06,360
Either you ate it
or you threw it.
207
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:07,760
Or the crows got it.
208
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,550
On a bad day, all
three could happen.
209
00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:13,870
So, you used to play with corn?
210
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,300
Did you not have Barbie dolls?
211
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:16,750
Crows got 'em.
212
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,810
That's why I became
so good at cornhole.
213
00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:21,970
Uh, w-wait, wait.
214
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,280
I want to learn how to play.
215
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,480
Cornhole isn't
something you learn.
216
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,450
It's something you become.
217
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,110
When I holed,
218
00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:31,620
I gave myself fully
to the game.
219
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,220
I'd expect you
to do the same.
220
00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:34,950
I'm ready.
No.
221
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,340
No, you're not.
222
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:39,790
But you will be.
223
00:09:39,990 --> 00:09:42,490
Forget everything you think
you know about cornhole.
224
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,260
I literally know nothing.
225
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:49,480
Raw clay.
I like it.
226
00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:56,880
Derek?
227
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,780
Derek is gonna be your best man?
Yes, Mom.
228
00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:03,570
Help me remember--
did I carry Derek in my womb?
229
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,180
I think you know you did not.
230
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:08,950
Then Derek should not
be your best man.
231
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,610
Calvin, back me up.
232
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:13,360
Listen to your mama, boy.
233
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,740
Ooh!
Four in a row!
234
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,400
Calvin!
235
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,970
What? I'm folding the laundry.
Thanks for noticing.
236
00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:25,640
Stop playing games and help me
talk some sense into this boy.
237
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,340
Uh, Marty, if you want your
brother to be your best man,
238
00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:31,780
you should ask him
like a normal person.
239
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:33,050
I'm sure he'll say yes.
240
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:34,680
Well, he did
say yes.
241
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,330
That's not the point, Daddy.
He disrespected my process.
242
00:10:39,470 --> 00:10:40,590
TINA:
Listen, baby,
243
00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:42,520
when you look back
on your wedding
244
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,520
years from now...
245
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:45,740
(clang)
246
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,530
...you're gonna
want to have those memories
247
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:49,860
with your brother.
248
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,030
(clang)
249
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,730
Calvin, what the
hell are you doing?!
250
00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:55,100
I'm emptying the dishwasher.
251
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,690
Apparently, I have to do
everything around here.
252
00:11:01,790 --> 00:11:03,360
That was going in.
253
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:08,410
I mean, it is nonstop, Trey.
254
00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:10,820
One ridiculous wedding event
after another,
255
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:13,220
a-and the groom-posal
was insane.
256
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:15,350
There was a rock,
there was a sword,
257
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,170
and then there was
a suit of armor.
258
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,230
So, he did all that just
to ask you to be his best man?
259
00:11:22,430 --> 00:11:24,130
Yes. I mean,
it's ridiculous, right?
260
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:25,230
Tell me I'm wrong.
261
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,000
You're wrong.
Thank you.
262
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,930
Wait, what?
263
00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:30,670
I'm just saying,
Marty went through
264
00:11:30,870 --> 00:11:33,170
all that trouble to make you
feel loved and appreciated,
265
00:11:33,370 --> 00:11:35,370
and you went
and acted like a jackass.
266
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,690
I did not.
(knocking)
267
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,300
Word on the street is you
were a total jackass to Marty.
268
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,190
I said yes to Marty, okay?
269
00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:49,350
Look, maybe I wasn't as nice
as I could have been... Okay,
270
00:11:49,550 --> 00:11:50,910
I-I don't care. Uh...
271
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:54,760
Are you now bumped down
to regular groomsman
272
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,430
or... or are you out out,
273
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,380
and now there's an opening?
274
00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:01,570
Well, I can't be completely
out of the wedding, Dave.
275
00:12:01,770 --> 00:12:04,570
Uh, I mean, look,
I got to do something.
276
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:08,170
Marty's a big baby,
but he is my baby brother.
277
00:12:08,370 --> 00:12:10,680
You're right.
You're a good brother.
278
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,310
Damn it.
279
00:12:12,510 --> 00:12:15,400
So, what do I do?
280
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:23,270
Malcolm, go to him.
281
00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:27,990
Yeah, but you got to
do it right.
282
00:12:28,190 --> 00:12:31,660
After what you did,
you need to go all the way. Yeah.
283
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,200
Meaning I got to
completely humiliate myself?
284
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,330
No, no, not at all.
285
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:39,140
Now, let's talk
tunics and tights.
286
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,890
Oh...
287
00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:55,800
You do know there's nothing
in your hand, right?
288
00:12:56,870 --> 00:12:58,420
Of course, babe.
289
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:01,130
The tournament is tonight.
I can't risk injury.
290
00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:03,660
Hey, Tina, would you
do me the honor
291
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:07,030
of shagging my bags
this evening?
292
00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:08,550
Do what now?
293
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,970
I forgot,
you don't speak hole.
294
00:13:13,170 --> 00:13:15,140
(chuckles)
295
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:16,940
It means retrieving my bags.
296
00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:19,480
I just need to concentrate
on my throwing.
297
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,920
Alexa, is it windy
in Pasadena tonight?
298
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,280
Hello, Cornhole King.
299
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,550
This evening
in Pasadena, California,
300
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:30,490
it's breezy
at 14.2 miles per hour.
301
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:31,790
Hmm.
302
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:35,380
I'm gonna have to adjust
my arc for the wind.
303
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,670
Did you actually program Alexa
to call you Cornhole King?
304
00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:45,850
Yes. And trust me,
it's starting to catch on.
305
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,210
Uh, you know, Calvin,
306
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,140
I know I encouraged you
to get out of the house
307
00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:53,580
and find something to do,
308
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:55,350
but don't you think
that maybe you're taking
309
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:57,350
this Cornhole thing
a little too seriously?
310
00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:59,430
(chuckles)
Don't be ridiculous.
311
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:02,890
Calvin, bombaye!
312
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:05,020
Calvin, bombaye!
313
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:08,030
Calvin, bomba...
314
00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:10,680
Did you people not see Ali?
315
00:14:12,210 --> 00:14:14,430
Calvin, bombaye!
316
00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:18,590
ALL:
Calvin, bombaye! Calvin, bombaye!
317
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:25,290
Go, babe!
(cheering)
318
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,450
It's all right, my man.
319
00:14:29,650 --> 00:14:30,680
You can tell your grandkids
320
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,120
you got beat by Calvin Butler.
321
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,700
Go on, now.
322
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,510
Calvin, let's talk management.
323
00:14:41,410 --> 00:14:42,630
What are you celebrating?
324
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,230
You haven't won anything yet.
325
00:14:44,430 --> 00:14:46,710
I just took the semis.
326
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,920
Finish the job!
327
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:51,700
Sorry, Calvin.
328
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,740
You've had your fun,
but your little lucky streak
329
00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:56,710
ends here.
This is my house.
330
00:14:56,910 --> 00:14:59,080
Yeah, that's because
you lost your real house
331
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,480
in your last divorce.
332
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,220
(exclaiming, chattering)
333
00:15:03,420 --> 00:15:04,680
True.
334
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:09,090
But not you or my
other exes or the IRS
335
00:15:09,290 --> 00:15:10,290
can take cornhole from me.
336
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:13,390
Don't you worry, Calvin Butler.
337
00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:14,930
I'll keep the trophy here.
338
00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:16,930
You can come see it
whenever you want.
339
00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:18,400
Oh. Uh,
340
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:19,700
I'm gonna see it every night
341
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,800
'cause it'll be in my bedroom.
342
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,440
The hell it will.
343
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,520
Hey, uh, shag girl,
you're messing up my trash talk.
344
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,690
(doorbell rings)
345
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:39,870
Hedwig?!
346
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,560
"Your presence is requested
in Mother and Father's yard
347
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,230
"at the stroke of 9:00.
348
00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:56,300
Yours, magically,
Alan Dumbledore."
349
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,200
(laughs)
350
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,590
It's Albus, but okay.
351
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:04,960
(laughing)
352
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,650
Who dares approacheth my lair?
353
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,980
You invited me, Dumbledore.
354
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,580
Yes, right.
355
00:16:12,780 --> 00:16:15,750
Approacheth, Grayskull Legolas.
356
00:16:15,950 --> 00:16:17,960
You are mixing
so many different things,
357
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,640
but I love it!
358
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:23,700
When I cast this spell,
359
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,460
you will no longer remember that
360
00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:28,550
I was dickish unto thee.
361
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:32,370
And you will once again
welcome me back
362
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:36,190
as your best friend,
your best brother and...
363
00:16:37,390 --> 00:16:38,990
...your best man.
364
00:16:41,430 --> 00:16:43,670
Kombucha!
365
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:48,540
Yes. A thousand times yes.
366
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,060
This is unbelievably tense.
367
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:54,610
It is?
368
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:58,900
They're tied. They've gone
bag-for-bag this whole round.
369
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,030
The next hole wins.
370
00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:02,020
Ooh, and then we're done?
371
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,440
Oh. Hey, hey.
372
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,070
You hear that, Calvin?
373
00:17:07,270 --> 00:17:09,790
That hole is
calling my name.
374
00:17:12,590 --> 00:17:14,110
ALL:
Ooh!
375
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:15,410
Yeah.
376
00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:17,350
Oh, I hear it now.
377
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:18,450
And it's saying,
378
00:17:18,650 --> 00:17:21,170
"You're in second place,
sucker."
379
00:17:21,970 --> 00:17:24,020
Time out. Time out, time out.
380
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:26,320
Calvin, his bag
is teetering over the edge.
381
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,860
It's air mail time.
382
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:28,990
Air mail?
Yes.
383
00:17:29,190 --> 00:17:30,260
We practiced this.
384
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:32,000
No, we didn't.
385
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,200
We didn't? Crap.
386
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,700
Okay.
387
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:38,670
You've got to arc high.
Crazy high.
388
00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:40,710
Higher than you've ever
arced in your life.
389
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:42,810
Your bag's got to come
straight down
390
00:17:43,010 --> 00:17:45,410
through that hole without
taking Ernie's bag in with it.
391
00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:47,480
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Delay of game.
392
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,980
Okay, hey, I'm tossing.
393
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:51,950
I'm tossing, man.
394
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,700
Okay.
395
00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:56,740
* *
396
00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:23,580
Yes! We did it!
We're awesome! (exclaims)
397
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:26,170
(laughs)
Suck it, loser!
398
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,890
Hey, uh, good game, Calvin.
399
00:18:31,090 --> 00:18:33,490
Yeah, that felt pretty good.
Oh,
400
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:35,290
need to take your picture
for the wall.
401
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,360
Oh, not without my shag girl.
402
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:38,850
Nah, I'm good.
403
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,430
Hey, that was, uh
404
00:18:42,630 --> 00:18:44,300
that was some fine holing,
Calvin.
405
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,300
Yeah.
Maybe the best I've ever seen.
406
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,410
It was fun.
Yeah, it was.
407
00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:51,610
Oh, it doesn't have to be over.
See, there's a doubles circuit.
408
00:18:51,810 --> 00:18:53,780
We can take this act
on the road as a team.
409
00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:56,780
There is a tournament
next weekend in Reno.
410
00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:59,320
Now, the way I figure...
Look, sorry, Ernie.
411
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,750
I mean, since I sold the
shop, I have been looking
412
00:19:02,950 --> 00:19:05,620
for something to be
passionate about, but...
413
00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:08,560
this is your thing,
man. All right?
414
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,300
I'm still searching for mine.
415
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,900
Mm. You'll
find it, baby.
416
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:16,100
Hey, you-you sure
about that, Calvin?
417
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:18,670
Very.
But you--
418
00:19:18,870 --> 00:19:20,100
you go out there
and give 'em hell.
419
00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:21,440
Hey!
420
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,610
I'll do it.
I'll go with you, Ernie. Reno!
421
00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:25,780
Reno! (laughs)
422
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:26,710
Hey,
423
00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:27,880
you drive stick?
Yeah.
424
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:29,350
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you do.
425
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:30,450
Hey, hey!
426
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:31,850
You're not
going to Reno.
427
00:19:32,050 --> 00:19:33,790
You're a wife, a mother
and a principal.
428
00:19:33,990 --> 00:19:35,050
CALVIN:
Okay, Gemma,
429
00:19:35,250 --> 00:19:37,420
uh, go home, all right?
Go on, now.
430
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:39,240
Go.
431
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:48,020
Something is definitely
wrong with her.
432
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:02,350
David Seymour Johnson,
433
00:20:02,550 --> 00:20:04,930
first of his name, come forth.
434
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,430
Oh, my God.
435
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,030
Is this happening?
436
00:20:15,230 --> 00:20:17,560
The maiden Necie hath decreed
437
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,330
that the size of her bridal
party will increase by one.
438
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:23,070
Her cousin Keisha
will be joining us
439
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:24,720
from the Woods of Ingle.
440
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,100
Huh?
441
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,960
Keisha from Inglewood.
442
00:20:30,860 --> 00:20:35,280
Wilst thou do me
the most high honor
443
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,350
of joining the Groom's Watch?
444
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:39,600
Wedding is coming.
445
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,840
T'would be my honor, your grace.
446
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,840
With thy very knee
I bendeth like Beckham.
447
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,030
Macchiato!
448
00:20:55,230 --> 00:20:57,020
(thunder rumbles)
449
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:05,740
Captioning sponsored byCBS
450
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:08,550
and TOYOTA.
451
00:21:08,750 --> 00:21:12,130
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
452
00:21:12,180 --> 00:21:16,730
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