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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,880
Is this where, er...?
2
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,440
Where what?
You know.
3
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,160
Is this where the old woman died?
4
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,720
Oh, my mother? No.
Oh.
5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,560
Er, this one's a bit of a mess,
sorry.
6
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,360
Did she pass away in here, then?
7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,160
No! Shall we?
8
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,120
Ooh!
SHE CHUCKLES POLITELY
9
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,320
Well, is this where...?
She died in hospital.
10
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,440
THEY LAUGH
Phew!
11
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,440
Argh!
Argh! Oh!
12
00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,120
Argh! Nicole!
13
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,400
This really... isn't how it looks.
14
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,440
DOOR OPENS BELOW
WOMAN: I'm back!
15
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,480
Sorry I took so long.
That Tesco Express takes forever.
16
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,280
They were out of squirty cream,
so I got lemon curd.
17
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,760
As you can see, the...
the fitted wardrobes are quite new.
18
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,840
Thanks for helping me untie him.
19
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:31,760
Yeah.
Mm-hm, er, yeah.
20
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,160
So, they seemed nice.
Do you think they'll make an offer?
21
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,320
Well, it just depends
what their requirements are.
22
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,880
South-facing garden,
off-street parking...
23
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,840
own sex dungeon. If I'd known
you were showing buyers round...
24
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,400
Oh, I'm in the wrong?
25
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,280
You've got a married man tied
bare-arse to our late parents' bed.
26
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,720
Well, it's the only double.
And I'm in the wrong?
27
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,800
I'm forty-fucking-five!
Everyone available is married.
28
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,640
They're not all
married to our sister.
29
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:04,160
Oh! Well, I wondered
when you'd get round to that.
30
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,080
It's all the trauma.
I'm not thinking straight.
31
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,240
When did this start?
32
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,880
Er, March.
33
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,720
Mid-March.
34
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,080
March the 14th.
35
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,560
NICOLE GASPS
36
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,000
Not Mum's funeral?!
No!
37
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,920
After. Four o'clock-ish.
I needed to be held.
38
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,040
And what was his excuse?
Grief hits people in different ways.
39
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,040
You got that tattoo!
Yeah, and when the money
40
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,440
from this place comes through,
I'm having it lasered.
41
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,720
Doesn't even look like Mum and Dad.
Christ...
42
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,640
God, Nicole.
Have you never tried knocking?
43
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,880
Did you not knock?!
Why's everyone making it my fault?
44
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,400
I felt objectified.
Proper pervs!
45
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,480
They were in shock.
They'd come to view the house,
46
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,880
not his meat and two veg.
Nicole!
47
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,760
You know he had that accident
on his bike.
48
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,040
One veg.
Not that it's held him back.
49
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,640
Look, I know how this must seem,
50
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,760
but it's really not worth
upsetting Ursula about.
51
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,320
It was just one moment of madness.
52
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,960
She says it's been going on
since March.
53
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,320
It was just six moments of madness.
54
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,040
Oh, very nice (!)
55
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,840
So I'm a mistake?
56
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,400
Look, I don't think you appreciate
the stress I've been under.
57
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,120
Ursula isn't the woman I married.
58
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,880
Don't you blame our Ursula for this,
you snake in the grass.
59
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:16,480
Why do you think she's changed?
60
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,080
Dietary?
Ooh...
61
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,800
We've ALL been affected.
62
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,600
First we lost Dad.
63
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,920
TEARFULLY:
Then, six months later, me mum.
64
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,720
You exploited me.
65
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:37,480
At my lowest ebb, you made me
betray the most sacred bond.
66
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,560
Oh, Yvette.
67
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,760
I can't be held responsible
for this.
68
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,680
Right, well, um, I think
the best thing we can all do now,
69
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,360
and for as long as we live,
70
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,880
is to pretend
like this never happened. Mm.
71
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,600
So...
72
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,600
seeing as I'm not really here,
I'll just...
73
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,480
I'll see myself out.
74
00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:00,120
YVETTE SOBBING
75
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,200
What did Ursula ever see in him?
76
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,200
Anyway, best be off myself.
I'm halfway through Selling Sunset.
77
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,160
Hey, if I pick up any tips...
78
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,520
Oh, you're going nowhere, lady.
79
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,360
I'm sick of sorting this place out
on me tod.
80
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,560
I want that front room cleared
by close of play today,
81
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,840
and you're staying to help.
Sorry, this is the future?
82
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,040
You rumble me and Austin,
suddenly I'm your skivvy?
83
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,360
Mm-hm.
84
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,520
DOORBELL
Is that him back?
85
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,480
Oh, God.
86
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,280
Sorry we're, er, a little bit late.
87
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,840
Stopped by the gym. Oh, not for...
Just had to drop off, er...
88
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,520
..something.
What?
89
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,640
Stu, what?
90
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:42,720
Our Ciaron. Oh, for God's sake,
Stuart! He's s'posed to be grounded.
91
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,480
And I told him to make sure
he's back before... you are.
92
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,040
Is this our Ciaron?
What's he done now?
93
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,080
Hello, sweetheart.
Don't say "now". He egged...
94
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,680
Neighbour's car.
And the neighbour.
95
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,320
Yeah, caught her
square in the bosom. Which one?
96
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,840
Left.
97
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,360
Which neighbour?
98
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,960
That Tamsin,
or whatever she calls herself.
99
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,520
So you can't really blame him.
100
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:04,240
No, you never do.
101
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,960
Can we just drop it, please?
102
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,880
Oh, God!
103
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,000
And how did the viewing go?
104
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,880
Terribly.
They said it stank.
105
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,200
Didn't he, Nicole?
Of piss... iddle. Piddle.
106
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,240
That's the only reason
they're not buying. Piddle.
107
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,040
So, are you proud
of your littlest nephew?
108
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,440
Doing a sponsored silence
for his Scouts badge. Aw!
109
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,200
Is it for...
LOWERS VOICE: ..cancer?
110
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,440
In honour of Nanny and Grampy, Con?
111
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,320
It's for paraplegics,
in honour of, er...
112
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,160
Professor X from X-Men.
113
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,520
Aw! What are people giving?
114
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,400
Think I can stretch to 10p.
115
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,840
Er... Austin and Ursh gave 60 quid.
116
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,280
Did they?
117
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,320
Yeah. And we've banned him
off his phone,
118
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,960
so he can't go gassing to his mates
when we're not looking.
119
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,040
And he'd been going on PornHub.
120
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,200
Ooh, has he?
121
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,080
I remember when all he'd watch
was Finding Nemo on a loop.
122
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,760
Right, now we're all here,
let's make a start on sorting.
123
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,760
If we can just get
this one room done...
124
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,120
Well, er, I was planning on
going through the books upstairs.
125
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,200
Get loads off to the charity shop?
126
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,240
No, it's more
that I've finished my Jack Reacher,
127
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,120
but, yeah, I...
I can filter through any crap.
128
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,600
Eh?
For "charidee".
129
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,040
Careful. When I took
that last load to Save the Children,
130
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,560
there was one on the Moors Murders,
and if looks could kill...
131
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,760
Oh, keep Con away from
any Jilly Cooper, the mucky pup.
132
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,240
Come on, son.
133
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,120
Right, let's clear some floor space,
and then...
134
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,720
SHE SIGHS
135
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,240
..there'll be some space
on the floor.
136
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:40,840
Oh, God.
137
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,280
DOOR OPENS
Nicole? Are you here? Yvette?
138
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,280
Ursula!
139
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,520
Shit!
140
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,160
I know you are...
141
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,040
YVETTE WHIMPERING
142
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,800
I saw your cars on the drive.
143
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,680
Yes, that's where we park them.
But why are you here?
144
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,120
What are you up to?
145
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,960
Just, er...
146
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,640
general sorting.
147
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,600
I'm about to heft that table.
148
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,600
You'll never guess
what's happened at my gym.
149
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,360
Apparently,
some lad doing kettlebell swings
150
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,080
has hurled a 35-pounder
151
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,560
through a plate glass window
overlooking the pool.
152
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,600
Concussed some woman
doing aqua aerobics
153
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,440
and shattered another one's jaw.
154
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,880
Bloodbath.
Yeah, I'd never have guessed that.
155
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,160
But I thought, "Not to worry,
156
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,720
"I can always use the exercise bike
at Mum and Dad's."
157
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:29,960
More than they ever did.
158
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,880
Well, Mum used to dry her tights
on the handles.
159
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,800
By the way, does your Ciaron
use that membership we've got him?
160
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,320
Yeah. Cos I won't renew it
next birthday if he isn't.
161
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,440
He is.
That's, er...
162
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,760
That's the only reason you're here,
is it, Ursh?
163
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,080
For the bike?
164
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,920
I know there's some cheap dig at me
there,
165
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,080
but since I can't work out
what it is, I'll let it slide.
166
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,760
Just hang this up.
167
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,000
Why's she being nice to me?
168
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,520
My God, she knows.
169
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,960
Are your kneecaps still attached?
Yeah.
170
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,800
Then no, she doesn't know.
Oh.
171
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,320
I feel quite guilty now.
172
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,840
Now?
173
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,480
Who's putting the kettle on?
174
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,840
Ooh, yeah, I'd love a coffee.
175
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:18,800
Oh, for fuck's sake.
176
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,640
The crap in these cupboards!
177
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,520
No wonder Mum's diabetes
went nuclear.
178
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,920
She had her pleasures
and hang the consequences.
179
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,520
Now we're all bereft.
180
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,320
She was hardly Amy Winehouse. Do
you think she stashed any biccies?
181
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,200
I could just go one with my coffee.
182
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,040
You OK, Ursh?
Yeah, I'm fine.
183
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,600
Just...
184
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,880
Me skin's quite irritated.
185
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,000
And I'm not really sleeping
at the moment.
186
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,760
Get in! Biccies.
187
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,000
Don't take the piss, but...
188
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,600
I think I've developed
that restless leg syndrome.
189
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:59,280
Kicking out all night
like someone cursed to cancan.
190
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,080
I can't think why.
191
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,360
My hair's the best it's ever been.
Work's going great.
192
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,200
Even Austin's being tolerable.
193
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,320
We just lost Mum and Dad!
194
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,040
No. Do you know
what I think might help?
195
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,280
What? If you went through
that front sideboard,
196
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,400
boxed up anything of value
and binbagged the rest.
197
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,320
Just as a distraction.
No.
198
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,280
GAYNOR: Anyone here?
Er, yeah, everyone.
199
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,520
That's it - I'm moving back!
200
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,720
STUART: Hey, Connor!
Auntie Gaynor's here!
201
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,240
Oh. And Ursula.
202
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,560
But Auntie Gaynor!
203
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,240
What's happened this time?
204
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,360
Oh, every two seconds,
it's, "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!"
205
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,480
And when it's not,
it's, "Babe. Babe. Babe."
206
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,680
You know, I swear there's
some kind of defect on Greg's side.
207
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,200
They're incapable
of doing anything for themselves.
208
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,520
Oh, could someone help me?
209
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,240
Aw, but not little Poppy?
210
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,720
No, she's the worst!
211
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,200
You know, this morning,
she wanted me to braid her hair.
212
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,640
She's only sat watching Peppa Pig!
Who's looking at her?
213
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,400
No, it takes me all my time
to get meself up,
214
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,320
washed and dressed,
do me own hair and makeup.
215
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,480
Your nails.
216
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:14,880
{\an5}Oh, yeah. You noticed!
217
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,760
{\an5}Trying a new shade
from the Goth range.
218
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,240
{\an5}Midnight Haemorrhage.
219
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,680
THEY SNIGGER
220
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,920
Is no-one putting the kettle on?
221
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,120
THEY MUTTER
222
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,560
Oh, for God's sake.
223
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,600
Well,
we made quite the impressive haul.
224
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,480
Some stuff about the Nazis,
one about Chernobyl,
225
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,440
and when we go back up,
we'll start on your dad's shelf.
226
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,280
There's a book I got him for
Father's Day I'd like back. Softy!
227
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,880
I just haven't read it yet.
228
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,840
The Life Of Josef Fritzl.
229
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,000
It's probably more Mum's thing,
now I think on.
230
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,480
Of course, I'm the one
this has all hit hardest.
231
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:50,640
How'd you work that one out?
232
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,800
You've all got one parent
that's still alive.
233
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,640
Yeah, who buggered off
when the three of us were tiny.
234
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,520
I couldn't even tell you
what he looked like.
235
00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,280
Sort of Dracula meets Rod Stewart?
236
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,560
Your dad was more my dad
than our dad.
237
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,840
He walked me up the aisle,
and Ursula.
238
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,240
Helped raise the grandkids.
239
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,280
Well, that's it.
You got free childcare.
240
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,760
Hey, Connor, why don't you
tell your Auntie Gaynor
241
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,480
about your sponsored silence?
242
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,200
Ah!
HE LAUGHS
243
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,760
Oh, I nearly got you there!
244
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,880
The paraplegics wouldn't have
thanked me for that. Or you.
245
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,560
It was just a prank.
246
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,040
Is he being monitored, though?
247
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,400
Cos anyone can say
they're staying silent.
248
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,240
One of us is with him at all times,
249
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,440
except bog times
and when it gets boring.
250
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:36,800
Now we've finished our coffees,
251
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,680
let's make a start
on clearing this room.
252
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,720
Bit of teamwork,
we can make some headway.
253
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,600
'Ey, I'm not ready to let go yet.
254
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,480
Of the Diana plate?
255
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,920
I'm just here to ride the bike.
256
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,560
Well, you need to clear a path
first.
257
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,640
Lugging some boxes might
exercise your... triceps, is it?
258
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,960
Triceps, biceps, abdominals...
259
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,400
trapezium, pectorals, dorsals.
It's actually not a bad idea.
260
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,600
DOORBELL
Oh, God, who the hell's that now?
261
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,640
Poppy!
Is she here?
262
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,320
What do you think?
Come on, then, babe.
263
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,680
POPPY: Auntie Nic-Nic!
264
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,920
Is that my little princess?
265
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,320
Have you got a huggy-huggy
for Uncle Stuey?
266
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,160
Yeah!
THUD
267
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,520
My balls...
268
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,800
Come on, Pops.
Let's go and get a juice,
269
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,840
far away from Chubby Brown.
270
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,800
I can't see.
271
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,640
I'm not gonna kiss them better.
272
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:32,920
'Ey, where's Gaynor?
273
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,520
GAYNOR: I'm just not
emotionally prepared.
274
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:36,920
HE MUTTERS
275
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,120
My plums!
276
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,520
Here you go, Pop-Pops.
Woof!
277
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,880
This is her latest thing.
278
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,400
She wants it out of a bowl,
like a dog.
279
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,120
Oh, right. Um...
280
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,840
Our poor Bongo's
permanently parched.
281
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,440
Shouldn't you be in there,
talking to your wife?
282
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,360
And maybe, you know,
shifting a chair or two?
283
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,520
What? No. If she doesn't
wanna be with me, sod her.
284
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:03,920
But Poppy needs her mum.
285
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,240
And her uniform sorting
for tomorrow. I'm clueless.
286
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,440
You don't mean that.
287
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,920
I know there's some sort of tie
involved.
288
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,120
You don't mean "sod her".
I do. Don't I?
289
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,440
No, I do! I do.
290
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,080
I mean, come on, Nic.
I'm still a good-looking lad.
291
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,200
I know you are. Very.
And Gaynor knows it.
292
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,720
Any second now, she'll come running.
293
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,760
Just watch.
294
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,560
GAYNOR: And she's as bad!
295
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,800
My daughter doesn't even seem
to be missing me. Oh...
296
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,640
Any second.
297
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,040
..you have no idea what that's like.
298
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,920
Don't pretend you care,
you just want to gossip.
299
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,360
I can't even rely on you...
I can wait.
300
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,560
How long's he been here now?
301
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,080
And he hasn't so much as
cocked his head round the door.
302
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,000
He's so pig-headed.
303
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,400
It's quite sexy!
304
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,560
I'd imagine.
305
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,160
I've had it with him.
I'm changing my Facebook status.
306
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,240
Only to "It's complicated", but...
307
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,360
he can consider that a warning shot.
308
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,600
Oh, for f...
Why did we cancel the Wi-Fi?
309
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,520
Mum and Dad's ghosts don't email.
310
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,320
For all we know.
Er, we know that much.
311
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,840
You can get next door's if you
squidge up against the alcove.
312
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,080
Not a word.
"Alcove"?
313
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,520
"Squidge".
Well, she's squidging.
314
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,560
Which network is it?
There's "SexMonster62" here.
315
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,480
That's number 34.
316
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,840
You'd think they'd have changed it
after the court case.
317
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,960
Maybe I won't use theirs.
I know Bob was acquitted, but...
318
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,160
Next door's is
"UseYourOwnFriggingWiFi".
319
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,680
Password's just "password".
320
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:31,840
Woof!
321
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,560
Er, Nicole,
I think Gaynor's little girl
322
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,680
is having some kind of
neurological attack.
323
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,320
What, your niece?
Woof! Yeah.
324
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,920
She's just pretending to be a doggy,
aren't you, sweetheart?
325
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,800
Moo!
SHE GASPS
326
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,400
Or an asthmatic cow!
327
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,760
OK, well, don't be a cow
near Auntie Ursula.
328
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,200
Go on, off you go.
329
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,880
Moo!
330
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:56,000
Look at her, off to... pastures new.
331
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,280
All right, then, Ursh.
Come on, let me have it.
332
00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,800
Tell me how I'm being a shit husband
333
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,640
and how I'm letting
your little sister down.
334
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,200
What? I just wanted
to get away from the histrionics.
335
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,440
Oh, fair play.
336
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,000
Gregory? Oh, what? Will you
get in there and sort your wife?
337
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,680
She's doing my head in.
And mine.
338
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,640
I constantly feel like
I'm walking on, um...
339
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,480
Oh, what's the word? Um...
340
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,120
Sunshine? Eggshells?
Them.
341
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,920
All's I've gotta say to her,
342
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,200
"What's up with your face,
mardy arse?"
343
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,240
And it's like
I'm the worst in the world!
344
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,160
What am I doing wrong, Nic?
345
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,840
I just think the answer is improved
communication. Try telling him that!
346
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,840
No, you tell him. To be fair,
I heard her say it myself.
347
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,280
He's been no support at all
since Mum and Dad.
348
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,320
Well, I don't know what to say,
do I, babe? That's me point!
349
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,480
I don't know why we're the
only ones being singled out here.
350
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,040
Look, we've been here 20 minutes,
and me so-called nephew
351
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,600
hasn't even said "Hello",
or "Kiss my arse", or anything.
352
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,200
Oh, he's doing a sponsored silence,
for paraplegics.
353
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,120
Nice. Old-school, kid.
354
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,560
At least someone's getting paid
for the silent treatment.
355
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,720
By some of us.
356
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,160
Look at us all!
Those two are stropping.
357
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,000
Aw, she knows I love her,
the narky cow.
358
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,120
And there's Ursh
with her restless legs.
359
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,240
STUART EXCLAIMS
360
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,360
Sorry.
361
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,120
I just think
we all need to open up more.
362
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,480
And there is something
I would like to share with you
363
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,680
that only Vetty and I know.
364
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,040
Whoa, you two-faced little...
365
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,240
There's children present!
..tart!
366
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,240
I... showed buyers around
this morning.
367
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,200
What?!
368
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,560
Oh.
369
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,400
Yes! That.
370
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,120
And you're two-faced
for not consulting everyone.
371
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,880
Though I understand why you didn't
372
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,000
and now don't think
you're two-faced at all.
373
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,280
Or a tart.
374
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,240
Er, I wish I could say the same.
375
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,720
You sneaked this on the market
376
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,640
without any say-so
from the rest of us?
377
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,160
No-one agreed to a plan.
I was born in this house.
378
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,520
I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
379
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,800
Mum went into labour
during Inspector Morse.
380
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,920
She hoped to ride it out
before the case was cracked.
381
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,040
Dad's face when he got in!
Do you remember?
382
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,120
Oh, d'you remember James?
383
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,160
He thought he was
coming round for some home brew!
384
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,840
Jim delivered me.
What, he was a doctor?
385
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,200
No. He was a sales rep
for Cadbury's Roses.
386
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,160
That's how
I got my middle name - Jim.
387
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,120
POPPY GROWLS
Nicole,
388
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,480
the little girl's going feral
again. Aw!
389
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,880
Come to your Auntie Nic, Pops.
390
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,480
Let's go through
Nanny's dressing-up box.
391
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,560
Yeah, that's the laundry basket.
It's been there since Mum took ill.
392
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,160
She doesn't know.
393
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,840
This is the only place we meet.
394
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,680
It's the focal point,
the hub of our family.
395
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,600
She's right. Once it's gone,
we'll all go our separate ways
396
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,640
and only ever speak
through the family WhatsApp.
397
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,720
There's a family WhatsApp?
In theory.
398
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,320
Look, I don't make friends easily -
they always want something -
399
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:41,000
but I thought the one thing
I could say about my family
400
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,280
was that you're obligated
to be there for me.
401
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,560
I can't believe you would sell
our childhood home from under us.
402
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,120
A time comes when we have to
put away childish things.
403
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,600
Says who? I have to say, Nic,
I thought you and Stu
404
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,560
were gonna take the place on.
Sell your house,
405
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,080
buy the rest of us out.
That was NEVER the plan.
406
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,160
It was in my mind.
It's what we all hoped.
407
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,000
That'd suit everybody, wouldn't it?
You wouldn't have to lift a finger.
408
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,960
You'd fillet out what you wanted
and leave the clearing down to me,
409
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,480
just as Christmases would be down to
me, and birthdays and get-togethers.
410
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,840
So selfish.
411
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,600
Look, if it matters so much, why
doesn't one of you buy the place?
412
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,000
ALL SCOFF
413
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,680
I didn't work my sweet patootie
off to end up back where I started.
414
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,280
I'm giving up me beach view
for no-one.
415
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,640
I'm on my own
now our Raymond's flown the coop.
416
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,480
I'd be rattling around
like a fart in a bottle.
417
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,480
D'you know, I never got that.
A fart's a gas. It doesn't rattle.
418
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,800
It just expands
to fill the available space.
419
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,320
Oh, I know. I used to
share a bedroom with Nicole.
420
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,480
LAUGHTER
421
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,000
You're all so full of it.
422
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,640
You all grew up here,
but what about my lads?
423
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,760
What, am I supposed to uproot them
from their... What?
424
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,840
Chest... Chest...
425
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,000
Floor?
426
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,240
Lung. Lung carpet?
427
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,120
He's going into cardiac arrest!
Do something, Greg!
428
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,120
Oh, fuck the paraplegics, kid,
just spit it out.
429
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,040
Can he write?
430
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,920
Course he can write, he's in Year...
431
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,280
Oh, I see what you mean.
432
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,080
No. No writing, no texting.
433
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:07,120
Unless, like,
he'd been, say, shot, or something.
434
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,400
Well, could he point out the words
in a book?
435
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,960
Oh! Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
436
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,080
Er, Trainspotting.
437
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,360
I got that for Mum.
When you're done, I'll have it back.
438
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,880
"I". Easy.
439
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,040
Aw! "Love".
440
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,960
"Smack"? Connor!
441
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,440
Ah. "This"...
442
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,280
.."house."
443
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,240
"I love this house."
444
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,080
So you don't wanna see it sold.
445
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,720
All right, there, son, you're not
coming live from Her Majesty's.
446
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,160
Mum and Dad,
if this is what you want,
447
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,640
for the house to stay in the family,
send us a sign.
448
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,320
Oh, don't start this again.
449
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,400
Well, when Hairy Dawn's brother
died,
450
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,880
he kept liking her tweets.
451
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,400
That was someone taking the piss.
Yeah, her dead brother.
452
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,720
As if anyone but her
gives a toss about those cats.
453
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,120
Any sign.
454
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,440
WHISPERS: Any sign.
455
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,960
SHE SIGHS
456
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,200
DOORBELL
457
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,560
Oh, I've got chills!
458
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,120
Greg, I've got chills.
Yeah, I've just filled my kecks.
459
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,000
It's probably our Ciaron.
460
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,000
I sent him a text
saying we were still here.
461
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,520
Go on, then.
'Ey...
462
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,160
Even if it is our Ciaron,
he's their grandson.
463
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,560
Did they send him as a messenger?
464
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,920
No. Well, I'd need more proof
than my son cadging a lift.
465
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,800
MAN: Are your mum and dad in?
466
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,960
WOMAN: Are we supposed
to follow him?
467
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,160
Oh, hi.
Hello again.
468
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,360
And you.
469
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:44,840
You all right?
470
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,880
So, we've been thinking,
and, you know, despite...
471
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,320
everything...
472
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,800
..we feel like this house has got
a proper family feel to it.
473
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,200
So, er...
474
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,680
Look, we'd like to put in an offer.
475
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,640
SHE GASPS
476
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,280
Bollocks!
477
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,560
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