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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,000
The following programme
contains strong language.
2
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,254
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
3
00:00:03,255 --> 00:00:04,775
We robbed our boss, Al.
4
00:00:04,815 --> 00:00:05,894
�50,000 in our bank account.
5
00:00:05,895 --> 00:00:07,255
�50,000 in our bank account.
6
00:00:07,295 --> 00:00:10,175
Well, it's bitcoin so it's
an offline digital wallet.
7
00:00:10,215 --> 00:00:12,255
It's amazing- that's what's
gonna give us a baby.
8
00:00:12,295 --> 00:00:13,894
Does he know the money's
missing? No.Great.
9
00:00:13,895 --> 00:00:14,095
Does he know the money's
missing? No.Great.
10
00:00:14,135 --> 00:00:16,351
Then why do you have that "I
came too quickly" expression?
11
00:00:16,375 --> 00:00:17,935
Alfie, we need money.
12
00:00:17,975 --> 00:00:20,215
We don't just have
money lying around.
13
00:00:20,255 --> 00:00:21,894
1.2 million.
14
00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:22,895
1.2 million.
15
00:00:23,775 --> 00:00:27,455
The reason for this was for IVF,
not for bloody Prada handbags!
16
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,894
We might as well wear a sign saying,
"Oh hey Alfie, how you doing?
17
00:00:29,895 --> 00:00:30,215
We might as well wear a sign saying,
"Oh hey Alfie, how you doing?
18
00:00:30,255 --> 00:00:32,855
By the way, I just
robbed your company."
19
00:00:33,975 --> 00:00:35,615
(MUSIC FADES)
20
00:00:35,655 --> 00:00:37,375
Oh, fuck.
21
00:00:37,415 --> 00:00:37,895
Alfie, I-I can explain.
22
00:00:37,896 --> 00:00:39,815
Alfie, I-I can explain.
23
00:00:39,855 --> 00:00:41,295
(HEAVY THUD)
24
00:00:41,335 --> 00:00:43,655
Shit, Alfie. Alfie.
25
00:00:43,695 --> 00:00:45,655
Alfie!
26
00:00:45,695 --> 00:00:45,895
(WHIMPERS)
27
00:00:45,896 --> 00:00:46,975
(WHIMPERS)
28
00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:49,735
(WHOOPING) Alison, Alison.
29
00:00:49,775 --> 00:00:51,175
We are fucked.
30
00:00:54,975 --> 00:00:56,575
Thank you so much for coming.
31
00:00:56,615 --> 00:00:58,391
I don't think I could
handled this without you.
32
00:00:58,415 --> 00:01:00,335
To be clear, this does
not mean we've made up.
33
00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:01,894
I would settle for just not
going to prison, right now.
34
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:02,415
I would settle for just not
going to prison, right now.
35
00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:04,575
OK, so our story is, we
came to take Alfie to work,
36
00:01:04,615 --> 00:01:06,175
you were worried he
wouldn't wake up.
37
00:01:06,215 --> 00:01:08,535
OK. What if he heard everything?
We might have to kill him.
38
00:01:08,575 --> 00:01:09,894
(LAUGHS) What?
39
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:10,895
(LAUGHS) What?
40
00:01:12,135 --> 00:01:15,055
Hi Alfie, w-we just
came to... Um...
41
00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:17,894
Go.
42
00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:18,295
Go.
43
00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:19,895
(CLEARS THROAT)
44
00:01:19,935 --> 00:01:21,855
(MENACING MUSIC)
45
00:01:21,895 --> 00:01:24,855
Um, we've just come...
coming to take you to work,
46
00:01:24,895 --> 00:01:25,895
cause I worried you
wouldn't wake up.
47
00:01:25,896 --> 00:01:27,336
Cause I worried you
wouldn't wake up.
48
00:01:29,775 --> 00:01:31,335
You OK, mate?
49
00:01:31,375 --> 00:01:33,735
You've got a hell of a nerve.
50
00:01:33,775 --> 00:01:33,895
(STAMMERS) (METALLIC ZING)
51
00:01:33,896 --> 00:01:36,135
(STAMMERS) (METALLIC ZING)
52
00:01:36,175 --> 00:01:38,775
YOU are meant to be my friend.
53
00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:39,975
Um, A-Alfie...
54
00:01:40,015 --> 00:01:41,894
You were the worst
wing man I've ever had.
55
00:01:41,895 --> 00:01:43,535
You were the worst
wing man I've ever had.
56
00:01:45,135 --> 00:01:46,495
S-Sorry, what?
57
00:01:46,535 --> 00:01:49,095
I read somewhere, if you take
an ugly mate out with you,
58
00:01:49,135 --> 00:01:49,895
he makes you look better
and helps you pull.
59
00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:51,591
He makes you look better
and helps you pull.
60
00:01:51,615 --> 00:01:53,895
Turns out your husband...
61
00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,255
he's a walking vagina repellent.
62
00:01:56,295 --> 00:01:57,695
I know. What?
63
00:01:57,735 --> 00:01:57,895
Right. (STUTTERS) So you
didn't overhear any kind of...
64
00:01:57,896 --> 00:02:01,655
Right. (STUTTERS) So you
didn't overhear any kind of...
65
00:02:01,695 --> 00:02:03,735
Deacon said he had
a wonderful time.
66
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:05,735
Oh yes, I did,
yeah. I had a wo-
67
00:02:05,775 --> 00:02:05,895
It was a magical
night. Thank you.
68
00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:07,735
It was a magical
night. Thank you.
69
00:02:07,775 --> 00:02:11,495
Well, unless you want your wife to
see what a real cock looks like,
70
00:02:11,535 --> 00:02:13,855
I suggest you piss off
and let me get dressed.
71
00:02:13,895 --> 00:02:17,135
Yeah, sure. Absolutely, I don't want her
to see that. Thanks Alfie, cheers mate.
72
00:02:17,895 --> 00:02:20,135
Your results so far
are encouraging.
73
00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:21,615
How have you been
on the hormones?
74
00:02:21,655 --> 00:02:21,895
Fine. I cried at a pigeon.
75
00:02:21,896 --> 00:02:24,575
Fine. I cried at a pigeon.
76
00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:27,215
Well, I thought he was
mourning his friend,
77
00:02:27,255 --> 00:02:29,894
but he was eating him off
the road. But otherwise fine.
78
00:02:29,895 --> 00:02:30,095
But he was eating him off
the road. But otherwise fine.
79
00:02:30,135 --> 00:02:32,815
That's understandable. Your
body is going through a lot,
80
00:02:32,855 --> 00:02:35,735
so you need to be understanding
of any mood swings.
81
00:02:35,775 --> 00:02:37,894
What, hers or mine? (LAUGHS)
82
00:02:37,895 --> 00:02:38,855
What, hers or mine? (LAUGHS)
83
00:02:38,895 --> 00:02:40,975
(CLEARS THROAT) It was...
It was just a joke.
84
00:02:41,015 --> 00:02:42,695
Yeah. Is there
anything else, doctor?
85
00:02:42,735 --> 00:02:45,295
If you could just check in
with reception to settle up.
86
00:02:45,335 --> 00:02:45,895
W-We have to pay now?
87
00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:47,095
W-We have to pay now?
88
00:02:47,135 --> 00:02:50,015
Just the first instalment.
Is... that a problem?
89
00:02:50,055 --> 00:02:51,855
No. no, that's not.
No, no it's fine.
90
00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:53,455
Thank you so much for your time.
91
00:02:53,495 --> 00:02:53,895
How much have we got left on the credit
card after you went all Kardashian?
92
00:02:53,896 --> 00:02:56,431
How much have we got left on the credit
card after you went all Kardashian?
93
00:02:56,455 --> 00:02:59,575
Why can't we use the shit
ton of money we just stole?
94
00:02:59,615 --> 00:03:01,855
Oh yeah, OK, we can.
We'll do that, yeah.
95
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:04,495
OK, absolutely. Hello. I
hope everything went well.
96
00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:07,295
How are we planning
to pay, cash or card?
97
00:03:07,335 --> 00:03:09,894
Um, we were wondering
if you accept Bitcoin.
98
00:03:09,895 --> 00:03:10,135
Um, we were wondering
if you accept Bitcoin.
99
00:03:10,175 --> 00:03:11,495
What?
100
00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:13,015
Bitcoin.
101
00:03:13,055 --> 00:03:16,015
You want to pay in coins?
102
00:03:16,055 --> 00:03:17,894
We won't be able to pay today.
103
00:03:17,895 --> 00:03:18,055
We won't be able to pay today.
104
00:03:18,095 --> 00:03:20,095
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
105
00:03:24,695 --> 00:03:25,894
Office, now.
106
00:03:25,895 --> 00:03:26,255
Office, now.
107
00:03:26,295 --> 00:03:29,415
Jesus Alfie. I-I'm just trying
to sort some bits out here.
108
00:03:29,455 --> 00:03:31,135
So-Now!
109
00:03:32,175 --> 00:03:33,894
I'm gonna level with you. We
are in a tight spot, Deacon.
110
00:03:33,895 --> 00:03:35,631
I'm gonna level with you. We
are in a tight spot, Deacon.
111
00:03:35,655 --> 00:03:38,815
Really, w-what do you mean?
Well, obviously, over the years
112
00:03:38,855 --> 00:03:40,775
we haven't always played
by the rules exactly.
113
00:03:40,815 --> 00:03:41,894
Sorry, why do you
keep saying "we?"
114
00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:42,855
Sorry, why do you
keep saying "we?"
115
00:03:42,895 --> 00:03:45,095
It's on all the accounts
that are run by you.
116
00:03:45,135 --> 00:03:46,655
You know, them little
tricks we played,
117
00:03:46,695 --> 00:03:49,455
putting up concrete
at 500 quid a litre.
118
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:49,895
What, so how much is
it then? �5 a litre!
119
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,535
What, so how much is
it then? �5 a litre!
120
00:03:51,575 --> 00:03:54,135
It's not liquid fucking gold.
121
00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:56,455
But it's alright, I've
been through this before.
122
00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:57,894
It's sorted.
123
00:03:57,895 --> 00:03:58,015
It's sorted.
124
00:03:58,055 --> 00:04:02,215
I've kept all the records of our
dodgy dealings on just one laptop.
125
00:04:02,255 --> 00:04:03,455
Yours.
126
00:04:03,495 --> 00:04:05,894
So, you just make sure
you don't give it to them.
127
00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:05,935
So, you just make sure
you don't give it to them.
128
00:04:05,975 --> 00:04:08,375
W-Who's "them?" Ah, with
all your fucking questions.
129
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,215
I forgot to tell you, didn't I.
130
00:04:10,255 --> 00:04:13,894
HMRC is sending some twat
down here to conduct an audit.
131
00:04:13,895 --> 00:04:15,511
HMRC is sending some twat
down here to conduct an audit.
132
00:04:15,535 --> 00:04:17,575
(SOFT MENACING MUSIC)
133
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:20,295
Shit. That's her now.
134
00:04:20,335 --> 00:04:21,894
You better do something
pronto about that laptop.
135
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,815
You better do something
pronto about that laptop.
136
00:04:23,855 --> 00:04:26,255
Stop staring her up,
you're married.OK.
137
00:04:26,295 --> 00:04:28,375
Right. Act casual.
138
00:04:28,415 --> 00:04:29,894
(TENSE MUSIC)
139
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:30,895
(TENSE MUSIC)
140
00:04:31,895 --> 00:04:33,855
Right guys, quick one.
141
00:04:33,895 --> 00:04:36,055
We're just having a
little audit, yeah.
142
00:04:36,095 --> 00:04:37,894
So, all I need for you to do is
give Janine everything she needs.
143
00:04:37,895 --> 00:04:40,495
So, all I need for you to do is
give Janine everything she needs.
144
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:43,695
Obviously, nothing sexual.
145
00:04:43,735 --> 00:04:45,895
Just joking.
146
00:04:51,615 --> 00:04:53,495
Laptop, please.
147
00:04:53,535 --> 00:04:53,895
Um, do you know what,
it's... it's at home.
148
00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:56,375
Um, do you know what,
it's... it's at home.
149
00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:58,495
It's at home? Yeah.
150
00:04:58,535 --> 00:05:00,295
So, what have you
been doing today?
151
00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:01,894
Well, I've been bloody looking for
the thing, do you know what I mean.
152
00:05:01,895 --> 00:05:03,111
Well, I've been bloody looking for
the thing, do you know what I mean.
153
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:05,295
It's just... yeah,
what a nightmare.
154
00:05:05,335 --> 00:05:07,495
It's now 3 PM and you're
saying you've been searching
155
00:05:07,535 --> 00:05:09,894
for your laptop since
you got to work?
156
00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:09,935
For your laptop since
you got to work?
157
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:12,055
Well, you know,
sort of on and off.
158
00:05:12,095 --> 00:05:14,975
Like, not the whole time.
I-I-I cleaned my desk
159
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:17,894
cause I wanted to make my
workspace sort of, more efficient.
160
00:05:17,895 --> 00:05:18,095
Cause I wanted to make my
workspace sort of, more efficient.
161
00:05:18,135 --> 00:05:19,775
And then, um, I had lunch.
162
00:05:19,815 --> 00:05:21,615
Been making stuff
from-from scratch,
163
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,495
so that took a little
longer. You don't care.
164
00:05:24,535 --> 00:05:25,894
We're working out
of the meeting room.
165
00:05:25,895 --> 00:05:26,375
We're working out
of the meeting room.
166
00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:28,535
Please find it and
drop it in there. Sure.
167
00:05:28,575 --> 00:05:31,735
Oh, and not that you would, but
don't try to delete anything.
168
00:05:31,775 --> 00:05:33,575
We can recover deleted files.
169
00:05:33,615 --> 00:05:33,895
No, I mean, I don't even know
how to delete files. I mean...
170
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:36,495
No, I mean, I don't even know
how to delete files. I mean...
171
00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:38,575
I mean obviously I do, but
you know, I'm just saying
172
00:05:38,615 --> 00:05:41,215
I wouldn't for the...
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
173
00:05:41,255 --> 00:05:41,895
(SIGHS) No!
174
00:05:41,896 --> 00:05:43,095
(SIGHS) No!
175
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:46,295
We're not the reason they're
investigating. It's only 50 grand.
176
00:05:46,335 --> 00:05:48,015
In a property company
that's nothing.
177
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:49,894
Yes, thank God it's just 50
grand. So relax. I got a plan.
178
00:05:49,895 --> 00:05:51,751
Yes, thank God it's just 50
grand. So relax. I got a plan.
179
00:05:51,775 --> 00:05:54,511
What do you mean you've got a plan?
How do you know I don't have a plan?
180
00:05:54,535 --> 00:05:57,535
I could have a plan.
OK, what's your plan?
181
00:05:57,575 --> 00:05:57,895
Well, you seem excited about
your plan, let's hear yours.
182
00:05:57,896 --> 00:05:59,911
Well, you seem excited about
your plan, let's hear yours.
183
00:05:59,935 --> 00:06:02,295
Alright, so if we let the
auditors get your laptop
184
00:06:02,335 --> 00:06:04,095
we are fucked on two counts.
185
00:06:04,135 --> 00:06:05,894
OK, feels more like stating the
fucking obvious, but alright.
186
00:06:05,895 --> 00:06:07,031
OK, feels more like stating the
fucking obvious, but alright.
187
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:09,215
So, we need to destroy it.
188
00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:10,935
Where is it?
189
00:06:10,975 --> 00:06:13,255
Well, it's in my office drawer.
190
00:06:13,295 --> 00:06:13,895
Locked?
191
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:14,775
Locked?
192
00:06:14,815 --> 00:06:18,535
Well, I mean there is a lock on the
drawer, but I think it's broken.
193
00:06:18,575 --> 00:06:20,935
You left something that could
implicate you in doctoring
194
00:06:20,975 --> 00:06:21,895
company accounts UNLOCKED in
your personal office drawer.
195
00:06:21,896 --> 00:06:23,951
Company accounts UNLOCKED in
your personal office drawer.
196
00:06:23,975 --> 00:06:26,111
When you say it out loud with
that stank in your voice,
197
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,551
it sounds bad. But I just didn't
wanna get caught with it on me.
198
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:29,894
Alright, I'll deal with
the laptop tomorrow.
199
00:06:29,895 --> 00:06:30,695
Alright, I'll deal with
the laptop tomorrow.
200
00:06:30,735 --> 00:06:33,215
Smashing something up could
be good for my hormone rage.
201
00:06:33,255 --> 00:06:35,495
But, please, please, will
you sort the bitcoin?
202
00:06:35,535 --> 00:06:37,455
Oh, I will. And you know why?
203
00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:37,895
I know you think you're some
sort of bad arse, but...
204
00:06:37,896 --> 00:06:39,671
I know you think you're some
sort of bad arse, but...
205
00:06:39,695 --> 00:06:42,095
Bad ASS. Badass.
206
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,351
I know that's how you say it,
but I can't say it like that-
207
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:45,855
Try.Badass.Yes.
208
00:06:45,895 --> 00:06:47,135
Sounds mental. No. (LAUGHS)
209
00:06:47,175 --> 00:06:50,135
Anyway, the point
is, I will sort it.
210
00:06:51,615 --> 00:06:53,775
OK, I'll leave it
to you bad arse.
211
00:06:53,815 --> 00:06:53,895
Please do, cause I'm a bad ass.
212
00:06:53,896 --> 00:06:55,615
Please do, cause I'm a bad ass.
213
00:06:56,975 --> 00:06:58,375
Lovely.
214
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,175
(LAUGHS) You're safe. Come in.
215
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,095
It's really nice of you
to let us join you guys.
216
00:07:08,135 --> 00:07:09,894
No worries. It's nice to all
have a proper dinner together.
217
00:07:09,895 --> 00:07:11,271
No worries. It's nice to all
have a proper dinner together.
218
00:07:11,295 --> 00:07:12,615
How come you've
got so much food?
219
00:07:12,655 --> 00:07:14,535
I always buy the 20
piece mega bucket.
220
00:07:14,575 --> 00:07:17,175
It works out less than
40p a piece of chicken.
221
00:07:17,215 --> 00:07:17,895
So, even when you chuck
half the chicken away,
222
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,935
So, even when you chuck
half the chicken away,
223
00:07:19,975 --> 00:07:22,855
it still works out cheaper
than two value meals.
224
00:07:22,895 --> 00:07:24,095
Wow.
225
00:07:24,135 --> 00:07:25,894
Plus you get the extra bonus of
sort of attracting all the rats
226
00:07:25,895 --> 00:07:26,575
Plus you get the extra bonus of
sort of attracting all the rats
227
00:07:26,615 --> 00:07:28,815
and foxes to your bins
as well, which is good.
228
00:07:28,855 --> 00:07:30,735
Yeah, yeah. I like foxes, too.
229
00:07:30,775 --> 00:07:33,015
So Esme, how's the
job hunt going?
230
00:07:33,055 --> 00:07:33,895
Well actually, I was doing
a bit of work for Jed.
231
00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:37,295
Well actually, I was doing
a bit of work for Jed.
232
00:07:38,015 --> 00:07:40,815
Really? Yeah, why is
that such a shock?
233
00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:41,894
(CLEARS THROAT) Well, um...
234
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,295
(CLEARS THROAT) Well, um...
235
00:07:43,335 --> 00:07:45,215
(STUTTERS) To be honest,
236
00:07:45,255 --> 00:07:48,215
it's just not entirely clear
what it is that Jed does,
237
00:07:48,255 --> 00:07:49,894
no offence Jed.
Oh no, it's cool.
238
00:07:49,895 --> 00:07:50,455
No offence Jed.
Oh no, it's cool.
239
00:07:50,495 --> 00:07:52,351
Just a little bit of this,
a little bit of that.
240
00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:54,695
You know, drop off a car, pick
it up. It's just business.
241
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:56,935
It's quite a long
job title, isn't it?
242
00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:57,895
Esme, you are so bright,
you could do anything.
243
00:07:57,896 --> 00:07:59,775
Esme, you are so bright,
you could do anything.
244
00:07:59,815 --> 00:08:02,855
You need to get a proper
stable job with prospects.
245
00:08:02,895 --> 00:08:05,135
You should be aiming so high.
246
00:08:05,175 --> 00:08:05,895
To be fair though,
247
00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:06,935
To be fair though,
248
00:08:06,975 --> 00:08:08,855
the stolen car game,
it's pretty solid.
249
00:08:08,895 --> 00:08:12,175
My boss said it's the oldest
game in the book so, you know.
250
00:08:12,215 --> 00:08:13,894
Wow, yeah that makes sense.
251
00:08:13,895 --> 00:08:14,055
Wow, yeah that makes sense.
252
00:08:14,095 --> 00:08:16,015
I mean Jed, do you know
what, I really feel like
253
00:08:16,055 --> 00:08:18,015
you and Allison could be
best friends, you know.
254
00:08:18,055 --> 00:08:19,615
It feels like you're
on that wavelength.
255
00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:21,894
Kinda see things from the
same perspective. Yeah, yeah.
256
00:08:21,895 --> 00:08:22,335
Kinda see things from the
same perspective. Yeah, yeah.
257
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:24,415
Don't you think, Allison?
258
00:08:26,495 --> 00:08:29,855
Al, I was just thinking about our...
our little money laundering issue.
259
00:08:29,895 --> 00:08:32,215
The one you said you'd deal
with and that's all in hand.
260
00:08:32,255 --> 00:08:33,855
Yeah, that one. Erm...
261
00:08:33,895 --> 00:08:35,815
But look, I might have
had a bit of an idea.
262
00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:37,894
Can I stop you there, Deacon.
Does your idea have anything to do
263
00:08:37,895 --> 00:08:38,375
Can I stop you there, Deacon.
Does your idea have anything to do
264
00:08:38,415 --> 00:08:41,175
with the waste of skin cells
that is my sisters boyfriend?
265
00:08:42,015 --> 00:08:43,895
Do you know what, I-I'll
explain it tomorrow.
266
00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:45,894
It's quite complicated.
It's sort of algorithms...
267
00:08:45,895 --> 00:08:46,055
It's quite complicated.
It's sort of algorithms...
268
00:08:46,095 --> 00:08:48,615
Night Deacon. ..it's
quite Bitcoiny.
269
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:50,455
Goodnight. (DRAMATIC MUSIC)
270
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,535
It's really nice, you getting
to know Jed a little better.
271
00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:06,095
He's a good guy.
272
00:09:06,135 --> 00:09:07,695
He's a great guy.
273
00:09:07,735 --> 00:09:09,415
What's that meant to mean?
274
00:09:09,455 --> 00:09:09,895
Nothing. I'm saying
he's a really great guy.
275
00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:11,655
Nothing. I'm saying
he's a really great guy.
276
00:09:11,695 --> 00:09:14,375
Don't start. (LAUGHS) What?
277
00:09:14,415 --> 00:09:16,055
I am agreeing with you.
278
00:09:16,095 --> 00:09:17,894
I said Jed is a
really great guy.
279
00:09:17,895 --> 00:09:19,031
I said Jed is a
really great guy.
280
00:09:19,055 --> 00:09:20,775
Yeah, yeah, fuck you.
281
00:09:20,815 --> 00:09:23,775
Look, all I'm saying is,
find a job on your own.
282
00:09:23,815 --> 00:09:25,894
Be independent. Make
your own decisions.
283
00:09:25,895 --> 00:09:26,215
Be independent. Make
your own decisions.
284
00:09:26,255 --> 00:09:30,055
You can't rely on a man, especially
one who's got nothing going for him.
285
00:09:30,095 --> 00:09:32,255
Morning. Morning.
286
00:09:32,295 --> 00:09:33,894
Have you guys got a
towel or anything?
287
00:09:33,895 --> 00:09:35,375
Have you guys got a
towel or anything?
288
00:09:36,335 --> 00:09:39,175
(FRIDGE CLOSES)
OK, not nothing.
289
00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,895
Look, I told you I'd sort
it, and I have sorted it.
290
00:09:46,935 --> 00:09:49,775
My Uncle Kethan is incredibly
well connected, so all good.
291
00:09:49,815 --> 00:09:49,895
YOU have family
who's well connected,
292
00:09:49,896 --> 00:09:52,335
YOU have family
who's well connected,
293
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:54,735
like criminally well connected?
294
00:09:54,775 --> 00:09:56,255
Yes. What's so weird about that?
295
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,894
Alright, to be honest, I just
really need this to work out.
296
00:09:57,895 --> 00:09:58,735
Alright, to be honest, I just
really need this to work out.
297
00:09:58,775 --> 00:10:01,415
I don't think I can handle it if
I have to stop the IVF course.
298
00:10:01,455 --> 00:10:04,095
No, I know. Thanks for
piling on the pressure.
299
00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:05,894
It'll be fine,
alright. He's family.
300
00:10:05,895 --> 00:10:06,495
It'll be fine,
alright. He's family.
301
00:10:06,535 --> 00:10:08,415
He even helped my mum
sort out her passport.
302
00:10:08,455 --> 00:10:11,015
Well kind of, but...
It'll be fine, right.
303
00:10:11,055 --> 00:10:13,135
If you can't trust
family who can you trust?
304
00:10:13,175 --> 00:10:13,895
Right.
305
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:14,775
Right.
306
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,495
Mr Kethan will see you now.
307
00:10:16,535 --> 00:10:18,735
(TENSE DRAMATIC MUSIC)
308
00:10:25,415 --> 00:10:27,815
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.
309
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:29,895
(LAUGHS) Deacon, hello.
310
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,415
(LAUGHS) Deacon, hello.
311
00:10:32,455 --> 00:10:34,935
Hi Uncle, thank you so
much f-f-for seeing us.
312
00:10:34,975 --> 00:10:37,455
(DOOR CLOSES) And
you must be Allison.
313
00:10:37,495 --> 00:10:37,895
Hi, great to meet you.
314
00:10:37,895 --> 00:10:38,695
Hi, great to meet you.
315
00:10:38,735 --> 00:10:40,855
Firstly, can I just say, wow.
316
00:10:40,895 --> 00:10:44,215
Ahh. You look like a
movie star. Thank you.
317
00:10:44,255 --> 00:10:45,894
She's a dead ringer for
Naomi Harris, innit?
318
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:45,975
She's a dead ringer for
Naomi Harris, innit?
319
00:10:46,015 --> 00:10:49,415
(LAUGHS) I don't think
so. You mean Naomi Watson?
320
00:10:50,255 --> 00:10:51,855
No.
321
00:10:52,855 --> 00:10:53,894
I-I get Naomi Harris all
the time. Of course you do.
322
00:10:53,895 --> 00:10:55,791
I-I get Naomi Harris all
the time. Of course you do.
323
00:10:55,815 --> 00:10:58,855
So, how can your
good old Uncle Kethan
324
00:10:58,895 --> 00:11:00,415
help you two love birds?
325
00:11:00,455 --> 00:11:01,894
Well it's actually a
bit of a long story.
326
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:02,575
Well it's actually a
bit of a long story.
327
00:11:02,615 --> 00:11:04,095
Make it shorter.
328
00:11:04,135 --> 00:11:08,575
Oh right, OK. Well, we have
come into a bit of money.
329
00:11:08,615 --> 00:11:09,735
�50,000.
330
00:11:09,775 --> 00:11:09,895
Ooh! Congratulations.
331
00:11:09,896 --> 00:11:11,735
Ooh! Congratulations.
332
00:11:11,775 --> 00:11:14,055
Yeah. But it's on a
memory stick in Bitcoin.
333
00:11:14,095 --> 00:11:16,095
Which Deacon didn't
realise would be completely
334
00:11:16,135 --> 00:11:17,695
and utterly useless to us.
335
00:11:17,735 --> 00:11:17,895
Yes, thank you very
much for that, Allison.
336
00:11:17,896 --> 00:11:19,511
Yes, thank you very
much for that, Allison.
337
00:11:19,535 --> 00:11:23,415
But basically the situation is,
is that in it's current state
338
00:11:23,455 --> 00:11:25,495
it's kind of tainted,
because (CLEARS THROAT)
339
00:11:25,535 --> 00:11:25,895
the-the manner in which it was
a-a-acquired, and obviously-
340
00:11:25,896 --> 00:11:28,855
the-the manner in which it was
a-a-acquired, and obviously-
341
00:11:28,895 --> 00:11:31,935
For God's sake. So we stole
50 grand to pay for IVF,
342
00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:33,894
and I'm to my
eyeballs in hormones.
343
00:11:33,895 --> 00:11:34,255
And I'm to my
eyeballs in hormones.
344
00:11:34,295 --> 00:11:36,655
But now we may not be able
to pay for the IVF course,
345
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:40,375
'cause we don't know how to get the
money safely from whatever that is,
346
00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:41,894
into our account. We just
really need you to help us,
347
00:11:41,895 --> 00:11:42,535
into our account. We just
really need you to help us,
348
00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:45,175
because, otherwise you're
gonna see Naomi Harris
349
00:11:45,215 --> 00:11:48,295
have a full on breakdown in front
of this tiger in your office.
350
00:11:48,335 --> 00:11:49,894
Hey, that's not necessary.
That's not necessary.
351
00:11:49,895 --> 00:11:51,351
Hey, that's not necessary.
That's not necessary.
352
00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:53,815
I can clean the money.
353
00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:57,015
Oh, my God. Um,
thank you so much.
354
00:11:57,055 --> 00:11:57,895
(SIGHS) How's your mother?
355
00:11:57,896 --> 00:11:59,015
(SIGHS) How's your mother?
356
00:11:59,055 --> 00:12:01,695
What? (LAUGHS)
How's your mother?
357
00:12:01,735 --> 00:12:03,535
Oh yeah, she's fine, yeah.
358
00:12:03,575 --> 00:12:05,375
She still got that
nose piercing?
359
00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:08,615
Um... Yeah.
360
00:12:11,095 --> 00:12:13,095
(EXHALES)
361
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,335
(CLEARS THROAT)
362
00:12:19,175 --> 00:12:21,894
As it's you, I can do it for 5%.
363
00:12:21,895 --> 00:12:22,415
As it's you, I can do it for 5%.
364
00:12:22,455 --> 00:12:24,615
Just leave me with
the memory stick,
365
00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:26,615
and also give me
your account number,
366
00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:29,215
and I'll send it in,
what, 5K instalments.
367
00:12:29,255 --> 00:12:29,895
That's-That's great.
Thank you so much.
368
00:12:29,896 --> 00:12:31,351
That's-That's great.
Thank you so much.
369
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:34,135
If anyone asks, you just have a
rich uncle who is very generous.
370
00:12:34,175 --> 00:12:35,935
OK, great, thank
you. Just one thing,
371
00:12:35,975 --> 00:12:37,894
we do need the first instalment
tomorrow, if possible.
372
00:12:37,895 --> 00:12:38,215
We do need the first instalment
tomorrow, if possible.
373
00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:39,815
Of course. Leave it with me.
374
00:12:39,855 --> 00:12:43,895
Great, thank you. Look,
w-we-we appreciate this.
375
00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:45,735
You know, I'm
actually impressed.
376
00:12:45,775 --> 00:12:45,895
You can turn the amazement down
in your voice a bit if you like.
377
00:12:45,896 --> 00:12:48,271
You can turn the amazement down
in your voice a bit if you like.
378
00:12:48,295 --> 00:12:50,135
No, Deacon, well done.
379
00:12:50,175 --> 00:12:52,455
Someone deserves a special
treat when we get home.
380
00:12:52,495 --> 00:12:53,894
Hold on, are we
talking about sex?
381
00:12:53,895 --> 00:12:54,015
Hold on, are we
talking about sex?
382
00:12:54,055 --> 00:12:55,815
Oreos. Double stuffed.
383
00:12:55,855 --> 00:12:57,415
While having sex? No.
384
00:12:57,455 --> 00:12:59,575
OK, well I accept, but
I do have to actually,
385
00:12:59,615 --> 00:13:01,894
I've just remembered I've got
to speak to my Uncle Kethan-
386
00:13:01,895 --> 00:13:02,295
I've just remembered I've got
to speak to my Uncle Kethan-
387
00:13:02,335 --> 00:13:04,015
I need to pass on a
message from my mum.
388
00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:05,375
I'll be out very, very quickly.
389
00:13:05,415 --> 00:13:07,695
Maybe like, you
know, buy some Oreos.
390
00:13:10,535 --> 00:13:13,175
Kethan, I- This is
more than 50,000.
391
00:13:13,215 --> 00:13:16,135
Yeah, I was just coming back to
say. Well, why didn't you tell me?
392
00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:17,894
Well it's possible, and by
possible I mean absolutely certain,
393
00:13:17,895 --> 00:13:19,751
Well it's possible, and by
possible I mean absolutely certain,
394
00:13:19,775 --> 00:13:22,095
that Allison does not know.
395
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,535
(WHEEZES WITH LAUGHTER)
396
00:13:34,295 --> 00:13:37,135
I'm taking... I'm
taking ten percent.
397
00:13:37,175 --> 00:13:38,775
Look fine, just please help me.
398
00:13:38,815 --> 00:13:41,215
A-And please do not say
anything to Allison.
399
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:41,895
And dinner with your mum
would be nice. (LAUGHS)
400
00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:43,631
And dinner with your mum
would be nice. (LAUGHS)
401
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,215
You're joking right?
402
00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:47,735
Of course. (BOTH LAUGH)
403
00:13:49,215 --> 00:13:49,895
But ask her. Yeah, OK.
404
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,135
But ask her. Yeah, OK.
405
00:13:59,735 --> 00:14:02,175
Just out of curiosity, how
long does it normally take
406
00:14:02,215 --> 00:14:03,655
for a bank transfer to show up?
407
00:14:03,695 --> 00:14:05,815
Kethan hasn't paid
the first instalment?
408
00:14:05,855 --> 00:14:05,895
Not yet, no.
409
00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:07,055
Not yet, no.
410
00:14:07,095 --> 00:14:09,695
I know he's your uncle, but
how well do you know Kethan?
411
00:14:09,735 --> 00:14:11,095
Well. OK.
412
00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:13,175
Well, you know, quite well.
413
00:14:14,695 --> 00:14:16,575
'Cause now he has all our money.
414
00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:18,095
Yes.
415
00:14:28,455 --> 00:14:29,855
(SIGHS)
416
00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:33,295
Well, that's fucking
depressing. Jesus, Alfie.
417
00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:37,415
Now listen, we need to have
a really serious talk.Right.
418
00:14:37,455 --> 00:14:37,895
We're both really worried that
you haven't handed in your laptop.
419
00:14:37,896 --> 00:14:40,231
We're both really worried that
you haven't handed in your laptop.
420
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,095
You both are? I thought
I made it very clear
421
00:14:43,135 --> 00:14:45,615
how seriously I was
taking this audit.
422
00:14:46,335 --> 00:14:48,895
Now, you need to hand your
laptop in straight away.
423
00:14:48,935 --> 00:14:50,655
Well, it's... it's gone.
424
00:14:50,695 --> 00:14:52,615
That feels a bit suspicious.
425
00:14:52,655 --> 00:14:53,894
Yeah, very suspicious.
426
00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:54,455
Yeah, very suspicious.
427
00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:55,815
Where's it gone to?
428
00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:58,695
Well, I-I've lost it. I can't
really see it ever turning up.
429
00:14:58,735 --> 00:15:01,894
Didn't I tell you. Deacon can be as
useless as unwashed wank blanket.
430
00:15:01,895 --> 00:15:02,911
Didn't I tell you. Deacon can be as
useless as unwashed wank blanket.
431
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:04,775
Can't you, Deacon?
432
00:15:04,815 --> 00:15:08,175
Yes, I can be as useless as
an unwashed wank blanket.
433
00:15:08,215 --> 00:15:09,895
I have to warn you,
434
00:15:09,935 --> 00:15:13,455
this could have very
serious consequences.
435
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,455
Very serious indeed.
436
00:15:15,495 --> 00:15:17,894
I'm sorry you had
to see this. Janine.
437
00:15:17,895 --> 00:15:18,255
I'm sorry you had
to see this. Janine.
438
00:15:18,295 --> 00:15:20,095
You make me sick.
439
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,055
Thank you so much
for joining, Sally.
440
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:25,894
Always happy to help. (LAUGHS)
441
00:15:25,895 --> 00:15:27,055
Always happy to help. (LAUGHS)
442
00:15:30,255 --> 00:15:33,295
(SIGHS) For fuck's sake.
443
00:15:37,295 --> 00:15:39,855
E-E-Excuse me, sorry. Yeah.
444
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,894
How can I help? Yeah, I
need to speak to Kethan.
445
00:15:41,895 --> 00:15:41,975
How can I help? Yeah, I
need to speak to Kethan.
446
00:15:42,015 --> 00:15:43,655
Who?
447
00:15:43,695 --> 00:15:46,055
Um, Kethan. Kethan who?
448
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:49,335
Sorry, what do you mean?
Kethan. Y-Your boss, Kethan.
449
00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:49,895
I spoke to him here yesterday.
I spoke to YOU here yesterday.
450
00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:52,335
I spoke to him here yesterday.
I spoke to YOU here yesterday.
451
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:54,335
I'm sorry, I don't know
who you're talking about.
452
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:55,735
Have you got the
right Taj Mahal?
453
00:15:55,775 --> 00:15:57,894
There is another Taj in
Reading town centre. Just...
454
00:15:57,895 --> 00:15:59,935
There is another Taj in
Reading town centre. Just...
455
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,255
From when?
456
00:16:10,615 --> 00:16:12,255
Fuck this.
457
00:16:15,455 --> 00:16:17,975
(DOOR CLOSES) Esme,
I'm not waiting outside
458
00:16:18,015 --> 00:16:20,135
my own-What the shit.
459
00:16:20,175 --> 00:16:21,894
Can you not read the sign?
460
00:16:21,895 --> 00:16:22,495
Can you not read the sign?
461
00:16:22,535 --> 00:16:23,815
What is going on?
462
00:16:23,855 --> 00:16:26,015
I think it's called
"getting my life together."
463
00:16:26,055 --> 00:16:28,495
What are you talking about? You
are fist-fucking a watermelon.
464
00:16:28,535 --> 00:16:29,894
Have you not heard of ASMR?
It's for my only fans page.
465
00:16:29,895 --> 00:16:31,431
Have you not heard of ASMR?
It's for my only fans page.
466
00:16:31,455 --> 00:16:34,135
Oh, my God, you've
actually lost your mind.
467
00:16:34,175 --> 00:16:36,495
Can I remind you that you are
the one that said I needed
468
00:16:36,535 --> 00:16:37,894
to start making my own money?
No, I said you need to start
469
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:38,775
to start making my own money?
No, I said you need to start
470
00:16:38,815 --> 00:16:41,295
making smart decisions. I
would argue that fucking fruit
471
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:43,175
in your underwear is
not a smart decision.
472
00:16:43,215 --> 00:16:45,335
Well, I earned �350
today. (DOOR OPENS)
473
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:45,895
Jesus, really? Yeah. Oh my
God, well maybe keep doing it.
474
00:16:45,896 --> 00:16:48,136
Jesus, really? Yeah. Oh my
God, well maybe keep doing it.
475
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,615
Allison can I speak
to you in the, um...
476
00:16:50,655 --> 00:16:52,255
b-bedroom, please.
477
00:16:52,295 --> 00:16:53,375
Mm-hmm.
478
00:16:54,575 --> 00:16:56,615
Hey. Hey.
479
00:16:59,095 --> 00:17:00,975
Start again.
480
00:17:01,015 --> 00:17:01,895
OK, what's the problem?
481
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:02,975
OK, what's the problem?
482
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:04,751
You're making that face
like on our date when-
483
00:17:04,775 --> 00:17:06,175
Shat myself. Yes I know.
484
00:17:06,215 --> 00:17:08,735
Look, I may need to come clean
about a couple of things, OK?
485
00:17:08,775 --> 00:17:09,894
Go on. Well, it's possible
I don't know Uncle Kethan
486
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:12,095
Go on. Well, it's possible
I don't know Uncle Kethan
487
00:17:12,135 --> 00:17:13,855
quite as well as I suggested,
488
00:17:13,895 --> 00:17:17,895
and I'm starting to worry a
little bit that he may have...
489
00:17:17,935 --> 00:17:20,215
taken the money.
No, he's your uncle.
490
00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:22,015
Asian uncle.
491
00:17:22,055 --> 00:17:23,695
Wh-What does "Asian Uncle" mean?
492
00:17:23,735 --> 00:17:25,894
"Uncle" in Asian culture is
more like a term of respect.
493
00:17:25,895 --> 00:17:26,255
"Uncle" in Asian culture is
more like a term of respect.
494
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,895
It's not actually an Uncle.
495
00:17:27,935 --> 00:17:31,455
It's sort of any random brown man.
Like, I've got hundreds of them.
496
00:17:31,495 --> 00:17:33,894
So, he's NOT your uncle? No,
and he's not answering my calls.
497
00:17:33,895 --> 00:17:34,695
So, he's NOT your uncle? No,
and he's not answering my calls.
498
00:17:34,735 --> 00:17:37,071
He's not paid the money in, and
he's also refusing to see me.
499
00:17:37,095 --> 00:17:41,894
So hold on, you gave all our
money to a complete stranger?
500
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:41,975
So hold on, you gave all our
money to a complete stranger?
501
00:17:42,015 --> 00:17:44,895
He's not a complete stranger. He
did date my mum once, to be fair.
502
00:17:44,935 --> 00:17:47,735
But yes, he is a complete
stranger to me, but not to my mum.
503
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,775
He was quite handsy,
actually. Oh, my God.
504
00:17:49,815 --> 00:17:49,895
It was all for nothing.
I can't handle this.
505
00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:52,415
It was all for nothing.
I can't handle this.
506
00:17:52,455 --> 00:17:54,615
The synthetic hormones
coursing through my veins
507
00:17:54,655 --> 00:17:56,415
are struggling with
this new development.
508
00:17:56,455 --> 00:17:57,894
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, OK.
Look, it's not all for nothing.
509
00:17:57,895 --> 00:17:58,695
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, OK.
Look, it's not all for nothing.
510
00:17:58,735 --> 00:18:00,975
I will sort it, OK. I-I
shouldn't have come back.
511
00:18:01,015 --> 00:18:02,815
I've got it covered.
You can get the laptop
512
00:18:02,855 --> 00:18:04,735
while I sort out Kethan...
OK. ..then we can
513
00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:05,894
get into bed and have a nice
cry watching Toy Story 3, OK?
514
00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:07,711
Get into bed and have a nice
cry watching Toy Story 3, OK?
515
00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:09,655
Love you. Love you so much.
516
00:18:09,695 --> 00:18:11,335
So, so much. (GROANS)
517
00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:12,975
(DOOR CLOSES)
518
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,055
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
519
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,535
Allison. Sally, hi.
What are you doing here?
520
00:18:32,575 --> 00:18:35,855
I forgot to pick up Alfie's
dirty shirts for dry cleaning.
521
00:18:35,895 --> 00:18:37,855
Classic accountant
duties, right?
522
00:18:37,895 --> 00:18:39,895
What you doing here?
523
00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:43,535
I'm here just working on
our investment strategy
524
00:18:43,575 --> 00:18:45,894
for the next five years. But shirts are
really important too, huh? Gotta run.
525
00:18:45,895 --> 00:18:47,471
For the next five years. But shirts are
really important too, huh? Gotta run.
526
00:18:47,495 --> 00:18:49,455
Bye. (DRAMATIC MUSIC)
527
00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:53,894
Oh, you again. How can I help?
528
00:18:53,895 --> 00:18:55,031
Oh, you again. How can I help?
529
00:18:55,055 --> 00:18:57,575
Cut the shit. I need to
speak to Kethan, now.
530
00:18:57,615 --> 00:18:58,655
No. Now.
531
00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:00,511
Once again I don't know
who you're talking about.
532
00:19:00,535 --> 00:19:01,894
Sure about that, are you? Yes.
533
00:19:01,895 --> 00:19:02,455
Sure about that, are you? Yes.
534
00:19:02,495 --> 00:19:04,775
Right. Cause it's just...
535
00:19:04,815 --> 00:19:06,735
(EXHALES DRAMATICALLY)
536
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:08,255
..feeling a bit...
537
00:19:08,295 --> 00:19:09,894
feeling a bit funny in
my stomach, you know.
538
00:19:09,895 --> 00:19:10,055
Feeling a bit funny in
my stomach, you know.
539
00:19:10,095 --> 00:19:11,975
I'm trying to figure out
what it is. I don't...
540
00:19:12,015 --> 00:19:14,215
I don't know what it is.
I feel really, like...
541
00:19:14,255 --> 00:19:17,894
Jeez, it feels like a cement mixer
of just pure, unadulterated shit.
542
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:19,071
Jeez, it feels like a cement mixer
of just pure, unadulterated shit.
543
00:19:19,095 --> 00:19:21,295
And I think it might be
because I've been eating here.
544
00:19:21,335 --> 00:19:23,391
I hope you're enjoying your
food, cause you're gonna be
545
00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:25,735
seeing it again very soon.Sorry.
Makes you sick as shit.
546
00:19:25,775 --> 00:19:25,895
And it doesn't matter
which curry you have,
547
00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:27,551
And it doesn't matter
which curry you have,
548
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:29,375
because they use the
same sauce in every one.
549
00:19:29,415 --> 00:19:30,935
I've had that one, by the way.
550
00:19:30,975 --> 00:19:33,215
Made me shit non-stop for
days. He's only joking.
551
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:33,895
That'll come straight
through you. Stop, please.
552
00:19:33,896 --> 00:19:35,895
That'll come straight
through you. Stop, please.
553
00:19:35,935 --> 00:19:38,615
I was shitting so much you
could've used me as a fountain.
554
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:41,215
That's enough. Do you know
what, I suggest all of you here
555
00:19:41,255 --> 00:19:41,895
just go into your calendars,
write off the next month,
556
00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:43,631
just go into your calendars,
write off the next month,
557
00:19:43,655 --> 00:19:46,415
and just write "shitting."
It's incredible, this place.
558
00:19:46,455 --> 00:19:48,831
You need to call it Satan's Dick
cause that's what feels like-
559
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:49,894
Deacon. My boy.
560
00:19:49,895 --> 00:19:50,895
Deacon. My boy.
561
00:19:50,935 --> 00:19:53,335
Oh, hello, Kethan. Why did
no-one tell me he was here.
562
00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:55,255
(LAUGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
563
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,255
Sorry for the
commotion, everyone.
564
00:19:57,295 --> 00:19:57,895
Um... Dinner's on the house.
565
00:19:57,896 --> 00:19:59,855
Um... Dinner's on the house.
566
00:20:01,015 --> 00:20:03,455
(LAUGHS)
567
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:05,615
Deacon, what's this all about?
568
00:20:05,655 --> 00:20:05,895
Right, well it's actually about
this whole money instalment thing.
569
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:09,055
Right, well it's actually about
this whole money instalment thing.
570
00:20:09,095 --> 00:20:10,535
I said the money
would come today.
571
00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:12,495
Right. That's exactly
the problem, it hasn't.
572
00:20:12,535 --> 00:20:13,894
Check your bank. I only
checked it not that long ago.
573
00:20:13,895 --> 00:20:14,775
Check your bank. I only
checked it not that long ago.
574
00:20:14,815 --> 00:20:17,175
Yeah, OK. (CLEARS THROAT)
575
00:20:18,415 --> 00:20:19,695
Hold on, one sec.
576
00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:21,895
Oh, right yeah,
it is actually...
577
00:20:21,896 --> 00:20:23,295
Oh, right yeah,
it is actually...
578
00:20:23,335 --> 00:20:25,735
I paid the first instalment
because I'm a man of my word.
579
00:20:25,775 --> 00:20:27,375
Right.
580
00:20:27,415 --> 00:20:29,894
Looks like you made a bit of an
arse of yourself tonight, innit?
581
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:30,415
Looks like you made a bit of an
arse of yourself tonight, innit?
582
00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:32,535
Yeah, I-I'm sorry about
that. (CLEARS THROAT)
583
00:20:32,575 --> 00:20:35,375
So, how about that number?
584
00:20:35,415 --> 00:20:37,575
What, my-my mum's number?
585
00:20:38,735 --> 00:20:42,095
Yeah, I can't see any...
problems with that.
586
00:20:42,135 --> 00:20:44,095
See how this works?
587
00:20:44,135 --> 00:20:45,894
I help you, you help me.
588
00:20:45,895 --> 00:20:46,855
I help you, you help me.
589
00:20:46,895 --> 00:20:48,735
And long may it continue.
590
00:20:48,775 --> 00:20:50,695
That's what family's
all about, am I right?
591
00:20:50,735 --> 00:20:52,935
Yeah, you're right, yeah.
Thanks, Uncle Kethan.
592
00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:53,895
OK. (LAUGHS)
593
00:20:53,895 --> 00:20:54,895
OK. (LAUGHS)
594
00:20:54,935 --> 00:20:57,815
Oh, and pull a stunt
like this again yeah,
595
00:20:57,855 --> 00:21:00,015
and I'll chop your dick off.
596
00:21:00,055 --> 00:21:01,894
(BOTH LAUGH)
597
00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:02,895
(BOTH LAUGH)
598
00:21:08,415 --> 00:21:09,894
Do you fucking work for me?
Oh, yeah. No, no, sorry, Uncle.
599
00:21:09,895 --> 00:21:12,215
Do you fucking work for me?
Oh, yeah. No, no, sorry, Uncle.
600
00:21:12,455 --> 00:21:15,415
Yeah Mum, it's me. You're gonna
need to change your phone number.
601
00:21:21,015 --> 00:21:23,935
Hey, how'd it go?
Well, I sorted it.
602
00:21:23,975 --> 00:21:25,894
We've got five grand in our
account so, you'll be fine
603
00:21:25,895 --> 00:21:26,375
We've got five grand in our
account so, you'll be fine
604
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:29,255
for the appointment
tomorrow. Wow, thank you!
605
00:21:29,295 --> 00:21:31,655
You're welcome. I have
some more good news.
606
00:21:31,695 --> 00:21:33,375
I managed to destroy the laptop.
607
00:21:33,415 --> 00:21:33,895
By "destroy it" you
mean... (GRUNTS)
608
00:21:33,896 --> 00:21:35,735
By "destroy it" you
mean... (GRUNTS)
609
00:21:36,815 --> 00:21:39,895
I took the last few months of stress
and hormone injections out on it.
610
00:21:39,935 --> 00:21:41,894
God, that sounds horribly
violent, but thank you.
611
00:21:41,895 --> 00:21:41,975
God, that sounds horribly
violent, but thank you.
612
00:21:42,015 --> 00:21:43,975
I think everything's
gonna be OK.
613
00:21:44,015 --> 00:21:46,535
I hope so. (ALARM RINGS)Oh!
614
00:21:46,575 --> 00:21:49,495
It's my trigger shot.
(SIGHS) I'm too tired.
615
00:21:49,535 --> 00:21:49,895
Can you stick it in and
hopefully I won't feel it.
616
00:21:49,896 --> 00:21:52,015
Can you stick it in and
hopefully I won't feel it.
617
00:21:53,255 --> 00:21:56,015
A bit like my last birthday.
618
00:21:56,055 --> 00:21:57,894
AccessibleCustomerService@Sky.uk
619
00:21:57,895 --> 00:21:59,175
AccessibleCustomerService@Sky.uk
620
00:21:59,225 --> 00:22:03,775
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