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1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,367
ADULT ADAM: If being sentimental were
a sport, my mom would've gone pro.
2
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,303
Each moment of our
lives was documented,
3
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,365
decorated and preserved forever
4
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:11,910
in one of her many
creepy scrapbooks.
5
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,469
Aw. (CHUCKLES)
6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,744
His little body's changing.
7
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:20,215
You said that was to
show the dermatologist.
8
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:21,446
Lies!
9
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,715
ADULT ADAM: My dad,
on the other hand,
10
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,155
wasn't quite
as sentimental about us.
11
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,051
Bye, Dad.
12
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,595
Have fun at camp or college
13
00:00:29,662 --> 00:00:31,186
or wherever it is you're going.
14
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,732
ADULT ADAM: It drove him crazy that
my mom would commandeer the garage
15
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,792
to obsessively save every
little piece of artwork,
16
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,997
doodle and drawing
that we had ever done.
17
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,061
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
18
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,469
It accrued slowly over time
until that fateful day
19
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,547
of the great Goldberg avalanche.
20
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:49,971
(MURRAY YELLS)
21
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:52,979
MURRAY: Are you kidding me?
22
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,846
Oh! Damn it!
23
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:55,910
Help!
24
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,119
(CAR HORN HONKS)
Bevy!
25
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,191
I could've been killed!
26
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,554
Oh, poop!
27
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:06,587
You ruined Adam's jelly bean
diorama of Custer's Last Stand.
28
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:07,655
Poopies!
29
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,328
That's it. I'm cleaning
this whole place out.
30
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,971
No! Where am I gonna
hide my six-pack of...
31
00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:14,028
Homework?
32
00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:16,007
And the magazines
I'm holding for a friend?
33
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,068
Hide it in the woods
like every other kid!
34
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:22,112
All this crap has got to go!
35
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:23,975
It's not crap.
36
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:27,213
Every box is filled with
priceless family memories,
37
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:29,414
each one more valuable
than the next.
38
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:32,821
MURRAY: Bevy, we are drowning
in our children's art projects.
39
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,757
You have literally kept
40
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,625
every drawing, every doodle,
41
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:39,597
every macaroni necklace
they have ever made.
42
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:43,033
Did you know that Albert
Einstein's first macaroni necklace
43
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,300
just sold for over $1 million?
44
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:47,996
Einstein, huh?
45
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,505
Which child would that be?
46
00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,001
Hey, Bar?
47
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,476
Ugh! Ew!
48
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:55,341
♪ I'm twisted up inside
49
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:58,748
♪ But nonethelessI feel the need to say
50
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,745
♪ I don't know the future
51
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:05,620
♪ But the past keeps gettingclearer every day ♪
52
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,186
ADULT ADAM: It was
January 7th, 1980-something,
53
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,422
and Erica was finding
54
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,431
a new and exciting way
to torture us.
55
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,990
Ha! Look, it's Barry's
baby helmet.
56
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,662
No! I thought we gave that
back to the institute.
57
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,135
You were so cute with
your little flat head.
58
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:21,605
I used to rest
my Kool-Aid on you.
59
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:23,799
Well, my head's
perfectly round now.
60
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:27,435
Oh, my gosh, it's a picture
of you all helmeted up.
61
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:28,906
This is gonna look great
in the yearbook.
62
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,346
No, please, show mercy.
63
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:31,744
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
my sister had a gift
64
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,911
for making our lives
a living hell.
65
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,478
The more public
the humiliation, the better.
66
00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:37,784
(CLOTH TEARING)
Hey!
67
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,219
(LAUGHTER)
Why?
68
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,920
You wore tear-away pants.
This is on you.
69
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,587
(SING-SONGY) Hey, Adam.
70
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:44,855
Oh, balls!
71
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,831
It's your potty pal, remember?
72
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,333
Mom bought him for you
because you thought
73
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:49,561
monsters lived in the toilet.
74
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,997
They weren't monsters!
75
00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:53,197
They were toilet trolls.
76
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:54,931
(BABY VOICE) Aw,
is pudgy wittle Wadam
77
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,101
still too scared to make
poo-poos now, huh?
78
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,777
Oh, like you're so
perfect with all your...
79
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,646
Your trophies, and
your A papers, and your...
80
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,446
Your framed commendation
from the mayor? Seriously?
81
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:07,543
Yeah, nice try.
82
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,248
Well, let's see what
treasures lie in this box.
83
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:14,152
Nothing to see here, bye-bye.
84
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,785
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
85
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,098
It's an old box of your
New Kids on the Block stuff.
86
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,257
You still love them.
87
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,958
(SCOFFS) No, I'm way too old
to like boy bands.
88
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,095
Then I'll throw
them away for you.
89
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,966
No! Don't touch them! They're mine!
(BELL TOLLS)
90
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,474
ADULT ADAM: Yep, long before
One Direction and *NS YNC,
91
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,975
there was the original boy band,
92
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,306
New Kids on the Block.
93
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,743
You still love the New Kids.
You're lame.
94
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:35,110
You love 'em.
You're so lame.
95
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,945
No, you guys
are lame sacks of...
96
00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,450
Just shut up!
97
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:40,508
Damn it!
98
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:42,677
She got away with all our ammo!
99
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:43,983
Not all of it.
100
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,490
How?
Sleight of hand.
101
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,219
And you thought magic
camp was for dorks.
102
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,192
I still do, but good work.
103
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,464
ADULT ADAM: After years of one-sided
torture, we finally got some ammo.
104
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,023
Oh, hey, guys.
105
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,761
ADULT ADAM: And it would
change everything.
106
00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:57,928
Erica Goldberg,
your number one fan.
107
00:03:58,771 --> 00:03:59,897
(LAUGHS)
108
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,763
And I wanted to make this video
109
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,240
so that you could see firsthand
110
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:06,540
how much I love you and wanna marry you.
(GIGGLES)
111
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,912
But not all of you.
Just you, Jonathan.
112
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,474
In fact, I wrote a song
about you.
113
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:14,110
So, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna sing it for you.
114
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,914
♪ Jonny
115
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,548
♪ Jonny, Jonny
116
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,355
♪ I love you ♪
117
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:22,721
(SOBS)
118
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,556
I love you so much!
119
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:27,391
I do! I...
120
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,230
♪ I love you
121
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,360
♪ I love you ♪
122
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,631
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
I love you so much!
123
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,031
I always knew one day
124
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,938
a good thing would happen to me.
125
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,475
And that day is now.
ERICA: I love you so much!
126
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,077
Do you know what this means?
127
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,636
Her reign of terror
is finally over.
128
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,049
And we must annihilate her.
129
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,550
Absolutely.
130
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,676
Don't steeple your fingers.
131
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,981
I'm steepling mine.
132
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,385
We can't both do it.
133
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,355
If anybody should be
steepling, it should be me.
134
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,221
Your fingers are weird.
What?
135
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,761
No, they're not. What
are you talking about?
136
00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:56,984
How's that weird?
137
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:58,291
How can you say that
with a straight face?
138
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,894
I don't think
it's that weird, man.
139
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,697
ADAM: They're like
witch's fingers.
140
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,136
ADULT ADAM: Meanwhile,
my dad had laid down the law.
141
00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:09,197
My mom was allowed to fill
a single trunk with our art.
142
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,436
Sadly, it didn't
have infinite space.
143
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,708
Bevy, we've been
at this for hours.
144
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:16,544
Please move it along.
Come on.
145
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:17,605
Oh.
146
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,218
Adam's family portrait
from kindergarten.
147
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:21,651
I gotta keep this.
148
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,189
What are we, a family of potatoes?
Toss it.
149
00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:27,720
All right, fine, but you can't
expect me to get rid of this.
150
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:30,422
Oh, yes, I can. It's a turkey.
We get it.
151
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,828
It's his little hand
preserved forever.
152
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,662
He still has a hand!
153
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:38,393
Adam, come down here and
show your mother your hand!
154
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,671
Now it's all huge and gangly.
155
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:44,676
Don't you just miss those
pudgy little baby hands?
156
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:47,474
It's just a crappy
turkey. Toss it!
157
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:51,244
And toss the blue banana
and the dog with six legs!
158
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,376
Okay, you seriously
can't tell me
159
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:56,081
that Erica's finger painting
makes you feel nothing.
160
00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:57,348
I feel something.
161
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:58,617
Confused.
162
00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,783
Who the hell's "babby"?
163
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,253
It says "daddy."
164
00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:03,755
She made her
little D's backwards.
165
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,024
You're her "babby."
166
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,895
How do you not feel anything?
167
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,031
I'll tell you how,
and it's simple.
168
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,203
Our children are not talented.
169
00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:13,730
You're a monster.
170
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:17,204
Well, that would explain why I
have three eyes and lobster hands.
171
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,467
Toss!
172
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,910
Okay, fellas, it's all gotta go.
173
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:23,574
Are you sure
Bevy's fine with this?
174
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,583
Absolutely.
She's more than fine.
175
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,482
Then why do I feel
her eyes on me
176
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,521
like 1,000 tiny daggers?
177
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,500
Ripped By mstoll
178
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,459
I let her keep her one trunk.
179
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:37,257
That's more than fair.
180
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,857
Trust me, once that stuff's at the
dump, she'll forget all about it.
181
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,657
All right, that's everything.
182
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:44,460
Thank you.
183
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,629
I feel good about this.
Mmm.
184
00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:50,732
Wait, where's the trunk?
(ENGINE STARTING)
185
00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:53,108
Hey, wait!
Hey, hold on!
186
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:54,339
POPS: Wait, wait!
MURRAY: Stop, stop!
187
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,111
All right, you run after them,
I'll go get the car keys.
188
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,582
Why do I have to run after them?
189
00:06:58,651 --> 00:06:59,948
You're spry.
It's your thing.
190
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:02,517
How 'bout you run,
I get the keys?
191
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:03,987
You can't drive!
192
00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,887
Get off my jock, Mur.
193
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:08,392
I'm making this stuff
up on the fly here.
194
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,429
Fine! We'll both
get the damn keys.
195
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,667
That truck is gone.
196
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:18,267
Yes, it is.
197
00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:19,326
(LAUGHTER)
198
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,428
BARRY: Hey!
199
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:21,495
ALL: Hey!
200
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:22,802
Come on in!
201
00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,103
We just invited over a few pals
202
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,735
for a little
video-premiere party.
203
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:26,801
No.
204
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,779
I like it when you said
your hand was Jonathan
205
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,509
and then you made out with it.
No!
206
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,448
Wait, you made fun of me
for my Corey Feldman shrine,
207
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,042
and all along you
were doing this?
208
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,451
No!
Yes.
209
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,546
No! Let's play it
again, shall we?
210
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,648
Stop doing what you're doing,
and turn it off.
211
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,052
Turn it up?
Yeah, you got it.
212
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,286
Turn it off!
I love you!
213
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,826
Here, Andy. Andy!
214
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:47,388
ADULT ADAM: My sister was furious
she had lost all the power,
215
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,698
but not half as mad as when she
saw what we did to her room.
216
00:07:50,770 --> 00:07:51,759
(CHUCKLES) Oh!
217
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:55,102
(DRUMBEATS)
218
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,366
Donald.
219
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,478
Why are you doing this to me?
220
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,706
We just wanted to make
sure you had (CHUCKLES)
221
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:02,805
The Right Stuff.
222
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,845
Just take your stupid flat helmet
head and get out of my room.
223
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:09,717
Normally, that would send me
into an emotional tailspin.
224
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:12,519
But from now on,
no matter what you say,
225
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:15,288
you're just a borderline adult
woman who likes lame boy bands.
226
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,760
No! You do not
have the power!
227
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,058
I have the power.
228
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:20,790
(CHUCKLES) Oh, no.
229
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,800
For years, our
stupid life choices
230
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:24,200
and physical awkwardness
231
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,535
has given you ammo to
humiliate us, but no more!
232
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,040
I say, no more!
233
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:31,834
ADULT ADAM:
And just like that,
234
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:35,039
Erica's childhood dreams
became her adult nightmare.
235
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:38,407
It had been three days
236
00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:41,009
since we started using
New Kids to taunt Erica.
237
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,385
Unfortunately, all that
musical exposure
238
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,390
led to some unintended
consequences.
239
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,652
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE)
(ADAM SINGING ALONG)
240
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,318
♪ First time was a great time
241
00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,589
♪ Second time was a blast
242
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,494
♪ Third time I fell in love
243
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,032
♪ Now I hope it lasts ♪
244
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,256
What are you doing?
245
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,564
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
Me? Like, right now?
246
00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:01,230
Just, you know, bagging on
Erica and her stupid music.
247
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:03,068
By singing along?
Yes.
248
00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:05,610
I mean, how am I really
gonna torture Erica
249
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:08,044
if I don't know all the
words to the song?
250
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,873
ADULT ADAM: It was
a wobbly premise at best,
251
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:12,281
and there's no way he'd buy it.
252
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:13,784
That's a good point, dude.
253
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,054
It is?
Yeah.
254
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,090
'Cause I might've memorized
their entire album.
255
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:21,391
Smart! That'll really
piss her off!
256
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,655
What's your favorite song?
To torture Erica with.
257
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:27,265
That'd be a 10-way tie between all of them.
Take that, Erica!
258
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,400
Can you believe her favorite
New Kid is Jonathan Knight?
259
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,733
I mean, hello, he's the shy one.
260
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,599
Yeah, but you put him on the dance
floor, he blows everyone away.
261
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:36,733
Of course!
262
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,868
That's why I learned all of
Joey Mclntyre's lyrics,
263
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:40,572
'cause he's like me, the
youngest and the cutest
264
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:42,113
and always getting
into shenanigans.
265
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,240
Joey? If anything,
you're a Jordan,
266
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,375
'cause your voice is all high,
267
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:46,611
and you're cocky
when you shouldn't be.
268
00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,620
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're a Danny.
269
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,122
Please. I'm Donnie, the
bad boy, and you know it.
270
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,123
Can you knobs please keep it down?
I'm trying to study.
271
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:55,717
Why? You studying
with your boyfriends,
272
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,262
Danny, Donnie,
Joey, Jon, Jordan?
273
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,730
Gosh, shut up with that!
274
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:00,788
I have the power!
275
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:05,060
See? I know at a glance
I have Danny aspects,
276
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:07,469
but Donnie has that roughneck
appeal that ladies love.
277
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:11,041
Hey, you know what would
totally drive Erica nuts?
278
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,441
If we learned all
their dance moves.
279
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:15,139
Know what else would
really rub her nose in it?
280
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,705
We do a shot-for-shot remake
of their music video.
281
00:10:18,050 --> 00:10:19,449
Yes!
(ADAM GIGGLES)
282
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,481
Yeah.
All right.
283
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,717
I'm gonna go cut off the
sleeves of my jean jacket,
284
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,088
you go gather up
some leather vests,
285
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,922
and that'll really
stick it to her!
286
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,690
ADULT ADAM: While my brother
and I were fooling ourselves,
287
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:32,958
my dad and Pops
were hoping to fool my mom
288
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:36,193
by forging our old artwork and
putting it in a duplicate trunk.
289
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,963
There you go.
290
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,929
Good as the real thing.
291
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,266
MURRAY:
What the hell is this?
292
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:44,104
You said Adam drew
a potato family.
293
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:46,940
Not actual potatoes.
Potato-shaped.
294
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:48,576
And what are they
doing on a farm?
295
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,582
Where else would a
potato family live?
296
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,777
It's too good.
It's supposed to be awful.
297
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:55,650
Well, we gotta fill up
this trunk with something,
298
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,690
and all we got is a few
macaroni necklaces,
299
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:01,453
a blue banana
and this glittery thing.
300
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:05,688
It's supposed to say,
"I love you babby." "Babby"!
301
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:06,925
What the hell is a babby?
302
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:09,091
I'm the babby!
303
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,728
It's too good. Do it
again, and do it worse.
304
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:14,295
Hey, I got talent.
I can't suppress it.
305
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:17,604
In fact, if you don't
want my potato family,
306
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,076
perhaps The New Yorker will.
307
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,506
I give up.
308
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:24,344
There's no way Bevy's
gonna believe this crap.
309
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:25,474
What are you gonna do?
310
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:26,980
The only thing I can do.
311
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,021
Come clean and end this.
312
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,114
ADULT ADAM: My dad hoped
she would take it well,
313
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,446
but she didn't.
314
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,514
(SOBBING)
315
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:35,924
Well, on the bright side,
our garage is clean.
316
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:37,019
(WAILING)
317
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,793
(SIGHS) Okay, you win.
318
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,663
I will never make you throw
anything away again.
319
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,566
Promise?
Yes!
320
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,435
You can hoard whatever
crap you want from now on.
321
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,065
You won't hear so much
as a grumble from me.
322
00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:51,609
Well, that's a start.
323
00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,709
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Now, if you'll excuse me,
324
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:56,145
I need to, uh, be alone to mourn
325
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,445
the piece of my heart
that died today.
326
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:03,915
ADULT ADAM:
My dad came clean,
327
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,889
but my mom was playing dirty.
328
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:06,980
To teach my dad a lesson,
329
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:10,517
she had paid the haulers
to stash our art here.
330
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,393
Okay, so for the monthly
storage cost,
331
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:13,522
I'm gonna need a credit card.
332
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,588
Mmm, no, no, Gabe.
333
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,827
This will be a strictly
cash transaction.
334
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,631
No paper trail that way.
335
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,930
Um, that's kind
of weird, but okay.
336
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:25,441
See, I had all these
pieces of my kids
337
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,206
in these boxes,
338
00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,679
and someone tried to
take them away from me.
339
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:32,112
(CHUCKLES) We can't have
that, can we, Gabe?
340
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,619
(LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
341
00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:39,856
ADULT ADAM: That day, my mom's guilt
trip worked a little too well.
342
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,086
My dad actually went
down to the local dump
343
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:44,686
and searched for our art
with a can-do attitude.
344
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,890
(BLEEP)
345
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,537
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
346
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:56,598
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
347
00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:58,836
Man, look at our moves.
348
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,378
Our lines are so crisp.
349
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,604
In your face, Erica.
350
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,679
Wait, I'm confused.
351
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:08,183
How exactly is this
a joke on Erica?
352
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:10,484
Um, earth to Chad Kremp.
353
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:13,548
It's called a parody, like Weird Al.
Look him up.
354
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,589
But Weird Al changes
the song into a joke.
355
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,357
This is clearly a labor of love
356
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,489
executed by two super fans.
357
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,534
So, apparently, that whole
revenge plot on Erica,
358
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,198
it took a strange turn.
359
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:30,668
Seems like it, yes.
360
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,370
You need to destroy that tape.
361
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:33,772
For sure.
362
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:34,972
ADULT ADAM: But I didn't.
363
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:38,107
That was some of my best work,
so I hid it under my bed.
364
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:40,852
A decision
I would quickly regret.
365
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:44,120
♪ Listen up, everybodyif you wanna take a chance
366
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,521
(ALL LAUGHING)
367
00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:49,259
♪ Just get on the floorand do the New Kids dance ♪
368
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,494
(LAUGHTER)
369
00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:53,758
Hey, come on in.
370
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,630
We're just having
a little video-premiere party.
371
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:56,690
No!
372
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,397
Adam, I thought you
destroyed the tape.
373
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:03,737
I couldn't do it.
Our lines were so crisp.
374
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,800
Dude, this is way worse
than Erica's tape
375
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,276
'cause at least
she was, like, young
376
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,370
and a girl.
377
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:09,570
DANA: I'm sorry, Adam.
378
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:12,573
I didn't wanna watch, but then
I just couldn't look away.
379
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,582
We've watched this
video four times.
380
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:15,813
BOY: We're watching it again!
381
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,355
ALL: Yeah!
382
00:14:17,656 --> 00:14:18,816
(LAUGHTER)
383
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,550
Guys, come on.
384
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:25,657
You showed that video to all my
friends and the girl of my dreams?
385
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,130
And my girlfriend!
386
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,860
I can only take so
many hits like that
387
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,799
before she comes to her
senses and dumps me.
388
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:31,962
I mean, you handed me the ammo.
389
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,299
What did you expect me to do?
390
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,003
Oh, please! You've
always had the ammo,
391
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,202
'cause we're the easiest
targets on the planet.
392
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,472
Making fun of Adam
for his lazy eye
393
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,571
and his inability
to hit a baseball
394
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,047
and his stupid haircut,
395
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,845
his bad breath...
Okay, okay, okay.
396
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:46,942
And then there's me!
397
00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:49,487
Always gunning for one of
my many awesome qualities
398
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,852
that you feel threatened by.
399
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,391
Just once we had the upper hand.
400
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,893
Oh, I see, so you can dish it
out, but you can't take it.
401
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:57,861
We always take it!
402
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,892
You're our big sister. You're
supposed to protect us,
403
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,763
but you always
just make things worse.
404
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,169
ADULT ADAM: While my sister
was feeling like garbage,
405
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,174
my dad was still
knee-deep in it.
406
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,732
You gotta be kidding me.
407
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,439
ADULT ADAM: As fate would have it, he
stumbled upon a box of children's art.
408
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:18,179
Oh! (LAUGHS)
409
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,274
Yeah!
410
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,188
ADULT ADAM: Unfortunately, my dad had
no freaking clue it wasn't ours.
411
00:15:23,522 --> 00:15:25,046
Whoa, now.
What's happening?
412
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:28,059
You would not
believe my luck, Al.
413
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,591
I went down to the dump,
414
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,823
and I actually found
one of the boxes.
415
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:32,989
And I had 'em framed.
416
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,396
I really hope that
wasn't expensive.
417
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,794
(LOWERED VOICE)
Incredibly expensive.
418
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,370
You know, at first,
I was doing this
419
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,599
so Bev wouldn't hold it
over me forever.
420
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,469
But as I look
at my children's art,
421
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:45,737
I realize I was wrong
to throw it away.
422
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,913
Out of curiosity,
who would this be?
423
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:51,647
Well, that's, uh,
me in Mr. Chair.
424
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,145
And since when does
Mr. Chair have wheels?
425
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,447
And since when is
your name Abuela?
426
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:57,614
What do you think that means?
427
00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:59,620
It means this is someone's
428
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,660
Hispanic wheelchair grandma,
429
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:04,958
and you've spent a fortune
framing a stranger's art.
430
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,054
Huh.
431
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,964
Also, this call came in.
(PHONE BEEPS)
432
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:10,925
GABE: Hey, Jenkintown Storage.
433
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:13,901
That larger unit opened up
for your boxes and your trunk.
434
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,406
Give us a call.
435
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,303
(PHONE BEEPS)
Huh.
436
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,401
You know what I think happened?
437
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,447
I think Bevy lied and
made a fool out of you.
438
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:23,503
Huh.
439
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,239
Huh.
440
00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:30,615
ADULT ADAM: It had been two days
since Erica outed us as blockheads,
441
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,122
and we still weren't
talking to her.
442
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,180
Hey, guys.
443
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:34,954
Got a couple cold ones.
444
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:38,428
I decline your hollow peace
offering of an Ecto Cooler.
445
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,727
And I will take it,
but it changes nothing.
446
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,093
Come on, guys, you can't give me
the silent treatment forever.
447
00:16:43,235 --> 00:16:45,465
Oh, we can, and we will.
448
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,102
Too much finger.
Put it down.
449
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,230
ERICA: Enough, okay?
450
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:51,333
Brothers and sisters torture each other.
That's how it works.
451
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,640
If you're so upset about
it, then just do it back.
452
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:56,272
We'd like to, believe me,
but here's the thing.
453
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,612
That New Kids ammo is all
we ever had on you.
454
00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:00,714
Please stop acting
like I'm so perfect.
455
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:02,117
You saw my video.
456
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,587
I had braces and glasses
and frizzy hair.
457
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,255
(LISPS) Look at this.
458
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:08,190
This is what braces look like,
459
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:10,558
not your cute little metal ones.
460
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:12,494
Mine has a chin strap.
461
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,691
A chin strap!
Okay!
462
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,166
You're pathetic
fish in a barrel.
463
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:17,463
What do you want from me?
464
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,868
To stop humiliating
and belittling us.
465
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,998
We're just asking for basic human decency.
What all men want!
466
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,304
(INHALES DEEPLY)
467
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,004
Ooh, God.
468
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,877
I can't do it. I'd like to say
yes, but it's impossible.
469
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,607
Right, 'cause you
have the power.
470
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,743
You always have the power.
471
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,378
I hope it feels good.
472
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,389
ADULT ADAM: While Erica
was striking out with us,
473
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,655
my dad hoped to strike
back against my mom.
474
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,120
BEVERLY: Oh.
475
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,553
Wow.
476
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,430
Uh, what's going on here?
477
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:50,627
Good news, honey.
478
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:54,069
I just spent six hours wading
through toxic garbage,
479
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,538
and look, I found our kids' art.
480
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:57,168
Great. (CHUCKLES)
481
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,467
MURRAY: You were right.
482
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,302
From now on, we're keeping
every piece of art,
483
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:04,838
'cause each one is a
masterpiece of love.
484
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,147
You know about the storage unit.
485
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,551
Of course I know!
486
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,814
You made me go to the dump.
487
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,152
Well, what was I supposed to do?
488
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,284
You were gonna
throw it all away.
489
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,191
Secret storage
was my only option.
490
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,693
I just want one room
with my special things.
491
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,957
And now I guess you're gonna
take that away, too, huh?
492
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:26,493
ADULT ADAM: And that's when my dad
decided to stop torturing my mom.
493
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,767
Actually, I already did.
494
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,669
ADULT ADAM: Turns out, my dad
was sentimental after all.
495
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,507
You schlepped it all back?
For me?
496
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:40,917
Just do me a favor and try
to thin it out a little bit.
497
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,150
But won't you miss your garage?
498
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,281
Yeah.
499
00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:46,654
But you never know,
one of our morons
500
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,852
could turn out
to be the next Einstein.
501
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:56,296
Hey, need a ride?
502
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,528
Uh, no,
we're gonna walk, thanks.
503
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,402
Wait, come on, just...
504
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:02,565
Just come back!
505
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,074
BARRY: Wow,
nice New Kids shirt.
506
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,167
Got us good.
507
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:08,407
I'm not wearing it to bust on you.
It's an olive branch.
508
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,579
ADAM: New Kids
third row center?
509
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:15,576
ERICA: Look,
I thought we could go.
510
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,987
Sure, I'm too old to like
them, and you're dudes,
511
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:22,220
but everyone has that band
that they listen to in secret.
512
00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:24,956
So, why can't we just go have
fun at the concert and own it?
513
00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:27,222
But what if someone
sees us there?
514
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,624
I'm your big sister.
I'll protect you.
515
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:32,599
ADULT ADAM: That was the beginning
of our sister having our back
516
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,036
when she felt like it.
517
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,840
It was also the beginning
of my mom letting go.
518
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:41,107
You know, I thought maybe
we should hang this one up.
519
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,346
ADULT ADAM: And my dad learning
the value of holding on.
520
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:49,949
Turns out, being called "babby"
did make him feel something.
521
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,957
And as we danced in a sea
of 12-year-old girls,
522
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:56,984
we realized that some things from
your past are worth hanging on to.
523
00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:59,030
Donnie!
524
00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:00,962
You're the best!
525
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,467
Yeah!
He pointed at me!
526
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:05,669
ADULT ADAM: Sure, you might
think you've outgrown them,
527
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:08,865
but deep down, they always
stay in your heart.
528
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,239
That's why it's nice
to hold on to your memories,
529
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,708
even if they're tucked
in the back of your closet,
530
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,713
to remind you of
where you came from
531
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,646
and the people
who knew you when.
532
00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:22,379
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
533
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:27,892
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
534
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:33,158
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
535
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,292
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
536
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,231
♪ Oh, listen up, everybodyif you wanna take a chance
537
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,177
♪ Just get on the floorand do the New Kids dance ♪
538
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:54,809
All right, and we're rolling.
539
00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:57,548
World's most badass Hangin'
Tough music video ever made.
540
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:58,612
Take one.
541
00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:01,585
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh
542
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:07,196
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
543
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,325
♪ Get loose, everybody
544
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:11,960
♪ 'Cause we're gonnado our thing
545
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,873
♪ 'Cause you know it ain't
over till the fat lady sings
546
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,537
♪ Hangin' tough
547
00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:23,207
♪ Hangin' tough
548
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,875
♪ Hangin' tough
549
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:29,683
♪ We're roughRough, rough ♪
550
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:39,500
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