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Back in the day,
trick-or-treating was my jam.
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I'd spend months making
3
00:00:04,279 --> 00:00:05,411
the most epic Halloween costumes
4
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the '80s had ever seen.
5
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I was a master of tape and glue-gunning.
6
00:00:09,446 --> 00:00:11,751
My costumes were not only awesome,
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but they were also topical.
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I'm the coolest E.T. ever.
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And I'm Elliot, E.T.'s owner!
10
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...until my mom turned them
into couples costumes.
11
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,828
Look out, Jenkintown.
12
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Here comes a Ghostbuster!
13
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It was embarrassing.
14
00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:27,467
And I'm his stay puft marshmallow mom.
15
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And every year, it got worse.
16
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:32,338
Freeze, creep. I'm Robocop.
17
00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:37,277
And I'm Ed-209, Omnicorp's foray
first foray into robotic policing.
18
00:00:37,312 --> 00:00:38,645
I'm Indy!
19
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:39,879
...and it got more frustrating.
20
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,247
And I'm Mork.
21
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I thought you said you were going as Mindy.
22
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Why would I be going as Mindy?
23
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,287
Well, I guess we're Mork and Indy.
24
00:00:48,542 --> 00:00:49,942
But not this year.
25
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My girl was in town, and she'd
be the Ripley to my Alien.
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I love us.
27
00:00:53,581 --> 00:00:54,713
Me too.
28
00:00:54,749 --> 00:00:57,850
Which I why I want you to have this.
29
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Oh, my god.
30
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Our promise ring.
31
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I know you gave it back when you moved,
32
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but I think we've proved
nothing can stand between us.
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Hey, Boopie.
34
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What the hell?!
35
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It's me. It's Mama. I'm the Predator.
36
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Stop it.
37
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The Predator doesn't talk with smooches.
38
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He clicks.
39
00:01:17,371 --> 00:01:20,439
Well, this predator
kisses instead of kills.
40
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You're ruining the property.
41
00:01:21,611 --> 00:01:24,243
Or is Preda-mom making it better?
42
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I told you, this year, I'm
doing a couples costume
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with the person I'm
actually in a couple with.
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Hi, Mrs. Goldberg.
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Dana. Look.
46
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Your alien movie has nothing
to do with my costume,
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at least not that I know of.
48
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God.
49
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What?
50
00:01:39,427 --> 00:01:41,060
Oh, my god. What is --
51
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it's your favorite comic book,
"alien versus predator"?
52
00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:46,832
Now, when did these two
get to know each other?
53
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You said our costume was mom-proof.
54
00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:50,436
I forgot about the crossover.
55
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This is a very happy coincidence.
56
00:01:52,540 --> 00:01:54,339
We're gonna make quite the trio.
57
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:57,376
No. You are not following us
around tonight in that costume.
58
00:01:57,411 --> 00:01:59,511
You want me to follow you
around without a costume?
59
00:01:59,547 --> 00:02:01,980
Come on. I'm gonna look crazy.
60
00:02:02,016 --> 00:02:04,416
I don't need my mom's help
to go trick-or-treating.
61
00:02:04,452 --> 00:02:05,918
I'm going with Dana.
62
00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:06,819
Not you.
63
00:02:06,854 --> 00:02:08,921
Oh. Okay.
64
00:02:08,956 --> 00:02:11,990
I guess I'll just go.
65
00:02:12,026 --> 00:02:14,560
Have a good time without me.
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If you need me, just call my name...
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For anything.
68
00:02:18,966 --> 00:02:20,833
Or I could just stay if you want.
69
00:02:22,369 --> 00:02:23,469
Did someone call me?
70
00:02:23,504 --> 00:02:25,637
I thought I heard, "please don't go."
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No?
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00:02:27,653 --> 00:02:29,186
Is there another way out of here?
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Nope.
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Call if you need me.
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Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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It was October 31, 1980-something,
77
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and my siblings were hard at work
78
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strategizing how to beat Halloween.
79
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,542
Okay, here's our path through Jenkintown.
80
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,544
First, we hit Tom McFadden's Kegger,
81
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,013
then we head north and
hit these three parties.
82
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,815
Ooh, are you planning a candy route?
83
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,116
We should combine our data.
84
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,238
- May I?
- You may.
85
00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:05,784
Nerd punch!
86
00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:06,952
Ow!
87
00:03:06,988 --> 00:03:08,089
What was that for?
88
00:03:08,114 --> 00:03:10,990
Dude! Your girlfriend came
across the ocean to be with you.
89
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,191
Dana lives in Seattle.
90
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,159
Exactly. Do you really think
91
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,061
she wants to spend her one night in America
92
00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:17,997
collecting candy like a little toddler?
93
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,732
But that's w-what we always do.
94
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,934
It's what you did. You're adults now.
95
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,937
Just listen to your deep,
yet still high weird voice.
96
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,438
Hurtful, but continue.
97
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,341
It's Halloween, dude --
a night for romance.
98
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,610
This holiday's all about
girls getting scared
99
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,013
and running to a big,
strong man for protection.
100
00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:35,114
It's evolution.
101
00:03:35,149 --> 00:03:35,948
Idiot punch.
102
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:36,782
Ow.
103
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,050
But he's got a point.
104
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,185
We do pretend to be scared
to make it easy for boys
105
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,420
because we feel bad for them.
106
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,488
Wow. Okay.
107
00:03:42,548 --> 00:03:44,315
So I should take her someplace scary.
108
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,848
Like JCPenney?
109
00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:46,692
- What?
- What?
110
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,495
They put a bunch of spider webs
up in their mattress display.
111
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,730
You know they're fake,
but they make you think,
112
00:03:51,766 --> 00:03:53,666
"What if my bed had spiders?"
113
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,974
Oh, my god, no.
114
00:03:54,999 --> 00:03:56,268
There's a frat at Villanova
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that runs an awesome haunted house.
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Take her there.
117
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What? You want me to pay
money to get tortured
118
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:02,241
when candy is free?
119
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,242
Nut up, bro.
120
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,144
It's just a stupid haunted house.
121
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,211
You'll be fine.
122
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,480
Hey. Ready to head out?
123
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,382
Uh, yeah. Question.
124
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,078
What would you rather do tonight --
125
00:04:12,103 --> 00:04:14,086
get unlimited free nougaty candy...
126
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,587
...Or go to a haunted house?
127
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:16,622
What?
128
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,790
Or go to a haunted house?
129
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,402
What?
130
00:04:18,427 --> 00:04:20,418
Free candy?
131
00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:23,529
Or go to a lame haunted house --
super-boring.
132
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,330
A haunted house does sound cool,
133
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,499
although, I might need you to protect me.
134
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,300
Told you.
135
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:29,968
Haunted house it is.
136
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,438
Hopefully they have friendly
ghosts like Casper.
137
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,673
Actually, Casper weirds me out, too.
138
00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:35,474
Nerd punch!
139
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,476
Ow!
140
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,478
As I was facing my first
grown-up Halloween,
141
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:42,247
my mom was facing her first one alone.
142
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,215
What are you up to?
143
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,118
Hiding a deadly razor in some candy.
144
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:47,886
Okay.
145
00:04:47,922 --> 00:04:49,021
Don't you judge me.
146
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,823
I'm just creating a visual aid
147
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,859
to show Adam the dangers of
getting candy from strangers
148
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:54,927
without his mother.
149
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,763
See? This used to be fun-size.
150
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,565
Now it's terror-size.
151
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,833
You know what's terrifying?
152
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,102
The fact that you still want
to go trick-or-treating
153
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,371
in matching costumes with
your almost-adult son.
154
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,240
I don't want to.
155
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,943
I have to for his safety.
156
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,846
Halloween is a night where
gangs of street toughs
157
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:16,682
roam the sidewalks looking
to rough up children
158
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,983
and take their candy.
159
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,218
Street toughs?
160
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,486
In Jenkintown?
161
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,920
They drive in.
162
00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:23,956
And don't even get me
started on the kidnappers.
163
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,758
They hitch a ride with the street toughs.
164
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:26,859
So they're all carpooling.
165
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,060
Maybe they're taking the bus.
166
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,428
What kind of bus is this?
167
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,363
The point is, I don't do this for me.
168
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,098
Trick-or-treating is a nightmare,
169
00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:35,167
and I can't wait for Adam to give it up.
170
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,869
Hey, ma, me and Dana decided
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00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,904
to go to a haunted house this year.
172
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,038
We'll be back by 9:00.
173
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,074
But what about trick-or-treating?
174
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,842
I have a visual aid to prove a point
175
00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:44,977
that now doesn't matter.
176
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,145
Yeah, we're over it.
177
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:49,047
But -- we always --
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we Al-- we always --
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00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:53,986
candy.
180
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,254
Just go.
181
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,191
Well, there you go, Bevy.
182
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,425
Nightmare's over.
183
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,661
Yeah. This is just what I wanted.
184
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,799
Maybe I'll make myself useful by dusting
185
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:10,335
or by...Sitting in my room in the dark
186
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,970
to save on electricity.
187
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:13,772
I'll figure something out.
188
00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:17,840
Could I eat that?
189
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,213
Well, that's never stopped me before.
190
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,147
Moron!
191
00:06:22,183 --> 00:06:24,246
There's a razor in it.
192
00:06:24,271 --> 00:06:26,718
You win this round, old man.
193
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,334
While my mom's Halloween was falling apart,
194
00:06:30,359 --> 00:06:32,524
mine was coming together.
195
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,626
Aww. I love this ring.
196
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,828
I'll never take it off again.
197
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,963
Besides being a beautiful
symbol of our love,
198
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,865
that bad boy really makes your eyes pop.
199
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,966
Aww.
200
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,403
Whoa.
201
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,271
I didn't think this was gonna be so scary.
202
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,843
Don't worry, girl. Ad-rock's
here to protect you.
203
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,144
Yep, I was the man.
204
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,679
In that moment, I couldn't believe
205
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,547
I ever doubted Barry and Erica.
206
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:58,550
And then a moment later,
I remembered why I did.
207
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,455
But since this was all for love,
208
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,458
I knew I could handle
some cobwebs and fog...
209
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,428
...but not a werewolf...
210
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,363
...Or a dude with a chainsaw.
211
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,465
And so I used Dana as a human shield...
212
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,434
Aah! Aaah! Balls, balls,
balls, balls! Aaaah!
213
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,203
...and then ditched her
and ran for my life.
214
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,374
Oh. Hey. Lost you in there. Sup?
215
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,675
Hopefully she didn't notice.
216
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,143
You used me as a human shield.
217
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:26,011
She noticed.
218
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,846
Babe, it -- it was just a goof.
219
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:30,482
As you ran out, you screamed
"kill her, not me!"
220
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:33,218
You got to commit hard to the bit, right?
221
00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:34,353
Oh, god.
222
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:35,988
My ring's gone.
223
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,556
I must have lost it back there.
224
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,057
You got to go get it for me.
225
00:07:39,093 --> 00:07:40,158
Um...
226
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:42,094
Can I just get you a new one?
227
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,695
I lied about it making your eyes pop.
228
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,730
It makes them look gross.
229
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,266
Whatever.
230
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,667
Are you mad?
231
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:49,835
No.
232
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,870
I'm just tired.
233
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,572
I actually think I'm gonna go.
234
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,807
Happy Halloween.
235
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,078
She's not tired, bro.
236
00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:02,447
It can taaaalk!
237
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,483
While my Halloween had turned sour,
238
00:08:04,508 --> 00:08:06,485
pops was busy handing out sweets.
239
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,453
Ooh! Look at you!
240
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:12,324
It's spider-guy, strawberry
flapjacks, and hey!
241
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,926
It's Herman the frog.
242
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,694
Wokkity! Wokkity!
243
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,297
Everything you're saying is wrong.
244
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,699
Enjoy!
245
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:25,337
Oh, there she is. Happy Halloween, pumpkin!
246
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,272
There will be no more happy Halloweens,
247
00:08:27,308 --> 00:08:29,675
not if I can't be out there
with my little nub-nub.
248
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,109
I assume that's Adam.
249
00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:32,678
Adam is my nub-nub, yes.
250
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,179
I don't care for nub-nub.
251
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,281
It -- it sounds wrong to the ear.
252
00:08:36,317 --> 00:08:38,016
It's just... Adam was the last one.
253
00:08:38,052 --> 00:08:39,851
Now what's the point to Halloween?
254
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:40,686
Hey.
255
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,020
You still got me.
256
00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:44,089
Come on, hand out some candy.
257
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,325
Dad, have you been handing out
this candy the whole time?
258
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,293
Yeah, why?
259
00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:50,929
Uh, where is my deadly candy bar?
260
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,030
What's happening?
261
00:08:52,066 --> 00:08:53,765
Where's my deadly razor candy bar?
262
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:54,967
What's happening?
263
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,636
I jammed a lady razor
into a delicious treat
264
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,097
to show Adam any crazy person could do it.
265
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,740
Why would you do that?
266
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,175
You know what a safety nut I am!
267
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,676
I did it for safety!
268
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,979
That is the opposite of safety!
269
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,180
I know!
270
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,349
Oh, god. I got to go find it!
271
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,484
I must save the children!
272
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,386
And save them she would.
273
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,887
Safety check!
274
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:16,722
Give me your candy.
275
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:17,556
No.
276
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,091
I'm not asking, I'm taking.
277
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,192
Give it. No!
278
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,960
Give it!
279
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:22,928
Young man!
280
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:24,429
Young man.
281
00:09:24,465 --> 00:09:27,432
I'm not a street tough,
I'm a concerned mama.
282
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:28,800
I'm here for safety.
283
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,669
Run towards safety.
284
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,005
Run towards safety and
away from the razors.
285
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,906
Spider-man, give me your candy!
286
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,308
I'm saving lives.
287
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,642
I'm saving lives!
288
00:09:39,048 --> 00:09:40,314
Halloween was in full swing,
289
00:09:40,349 --> 00:09:42,115
and the night would be
more trick than treat.
290
00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:46,567
Yo! Guess who I am.
291
00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:47,895
Bruce Lee?
292
00:09:47,938 --> 00:09:49,137
What? No!
293
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,272
I'm Chuck Norris!
294
00:09:50,307 --> 00:09:51,306
Oh, yeah.
295
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,110
It's kind of hard to read. Can I fix it?
296
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,047
Please do.
297
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,680
Perfect.
298
00:09:57,715 --> 00:09:59,315
You're a good person.
299
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:01,450
Thanks for nothing, jerks!
300
00:10:01,486 --> 00:10:04,415
You ruined my Halloween, you
ruined my relationship,
301
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,455
and you ruined my underpants.
302
00:10:06,491 --> 00:10:09,191
I haven't actually checked yet,
but I know what I'm in for!
303
00:10:09,227 --> 00:10:10,393
Can we do this later?
304
00:10:10,428 --> 00:10:11,894
Suck Norris and I have
several parties to hit.
305
00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:12,662
What?
306
00:10:12,697 --> 00:10:14,163
No, you can't go.
307
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,198
I took your stupid advice,
and I freaked out
308
00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,401
in that haunted house like
a scared little baby.
309
00:10:18,436 --> 00:10:21,037
Dude, it's not our fault you're
a nervous, jumpy, wuss-bag.
310
00:10:21,072 --> 00:10:23,039
Dana dropped her promise
ring in that haunted house.
311
00:10:23,074 --> 00:10:24,740
Barry, you got to go in there and get it.
312
00:10:24,776 --> 00:10:26,809
No way. We have six parties to hit.
313
00:10:26,844 --> 00:10:28,577
Come on, just help me.
314
00:10:28,613 --> 00:10:29,779
You're always bragging
315
00:10:29,814 --> 00:10:31,814
that you're literally not
scared of anything on earth.
316
00:10:31,849 --> 00:10:33,616
Or stuff in the sky, like birds or meteors.
317
00:10:33,651 --> 00:10:34,684
And you've said many times
318
00:10:34,719 --> 00:10:36,252
that you have the strength of 10 men.
319
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,054
And 44 medium-sized children.
320
00:10:38,089 --> 00:10:40,756
And you have claimed you're
an unstoppable killing force.
321
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:44,393
I did karate kick a jellyfish
at the beach that one time.
322
00:10:44,429 --> 00:10:47,163
It stung pretty bad, but
he floated away lifeless.
323
00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:49,165
My god! Just go and do it already.
324
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,399
Oh, fine.
325
00:10:50,435 --> 00:10:52,068
I guess this is my burden to bear
326
00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:54,804
since I'm the one born with
extra testosterone and no fear.
327
00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,005
You'll really help me?
328
00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,242
Dude, if anyone can find
that ring, it's this guy.
329
00:11:00,278 --> 00:11:01,977
As I was in search of my ring,
330
00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:04,180
my mom was hunting down her razor candy.
331
00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:07,516
I'm home! Come quick, I need your help.
332
00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:14,223
Holy crap!
333
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,524
Did you take all that
334
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,893
from the tiny hands of little children?
335
00:11:17,929 --> 00:11:19,628
And this.
336
00:11:20,865 --> 00:11:22,898
Bevy, the razor's not in there.
337
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:24,734
But it might be in here.
338
00:11:26,571 --> 00:11:27,703
I threw it away!
339
00:11:27,739 --> 00:11:30,306
You power-walked out of
here like a panther!
340
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,707
We couldn't find you!
341
00:11:31,743 --> 00:11:35,044
Well, this is...Concerning.
342
00:11:35,079 --> 00:11:37,880
You -- you have another bag, don't you?
343
00:11:37,915 --> 00:11:38,881
She did.
344
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:45,388
She also had three more in the car.
345
00:11:45,423 --> 00:11:47,957
Heavy. I got it.
346
00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:49,725
How far did you walk?!
347
00:11:49,761 --> 00:11:52,128
Well, I didn't know if that
razor made it to the next town.
348
00:11:52,163 --> 00:11:53,562
I had to be sure.
349
00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,899
And all those kids she stole candy from
350
00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:59,034
were for sure gonna get their revenge...
351
00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:00,469
With a few dozen eggs.
352
00:12:00,505 --> 00:12:01,270
What are they doing?
353
00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:03,172
Egging our house!
354
00:12:03,207 --> 00:12:04,673
Which we deserve.
355
00:12:04,709 --> 00:12:06,642
This is gonna stain our aluminum siding!
356
00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:08,544
Again, well-deserved!
357
00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:10,646
Just give them the candy back.
358
00:12:12,116 --> 00:12:15,484
The only thing they're
getting is a lecture.
359
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,286
My mom stormed into the dark night
360
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:19,355
to defend our home against Kermit the frog
361
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,856
and strawberry shortcake.
362
00:12:20,892 --> 00:12:24,460
This...Is a waste... Of groceries!
363
00:12:25,663 --> 00:12:28,103
But it became an Alien standoff --
364
00:12:28,128 --> 00:12:31,734
Predator versus Alf.
365
00:12:31,769 --> 00:12:34,703
Look both ways when you cross the street!
366
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,073
Turns out, years of power-walking
367
00:12:38,109 --> 00:12:39,542
made her a power-runner,
368
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,277
and Alf's little legs were no match
369
00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:42,945
for my angry smother.
370
00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,812
Hey, Bar, we don't say this stuff much,
371
00:12:47,837 --> 00:12:50,677
but you're a good brother
for going in there for me.
372
00:12:50,717 --> 00:12:51,716
Yeah, yeah.
373
00:12:51,751 --> 00:12:54,385
Thanks, I'm just gonna --
yeah, yeah.
374
00:12:54,421 --> 00:12:55,987
- Are you okay, man?
- Of course I'm okay.
375
00:12:56,022 --> 00:12:57,622
Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm an adult.
376
00:12:57,657 --> 00:12:58,389
Aah!
377
00:12:58,425 --> 00:12:59,591
What was that?
378
00:12:59,626 --> 00:13:00,692
Are you okay, man?!
379
00:13:00,727 --> 00:13:03,094
Yeah! I just had the bravery shakes, god.
380
00:13:03,129 --> 00:13:04,696
What's happening with you right now?
381
00:13:04,731 --> 00:13:06,464
Look, I know for some reason
382
00:13:06,499 --> 00:13:09,133
you think I have extra
testosterone and no fear.
383
00:13:09,169 --> 00:13:11,213
Yeah, 'cause you've said those exact words
384
00:13:11,238 --> 00:13:12,704
for the last 10 years.
385
00:13:12,739 --> 00:13:15,240
Right, but the truth is,
386
00:13:15,275 --> 00:13:17,784
I actually have a normal
amount of testosterone
387
00:13:17,809 --> 00:13:20,144
and a tremendous amount of fear.
388
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:21,679
Then why would you say it?
389
00:13:21,715 --> 00:13:24,148
I say it 'cause people
finding out about my fear
390
00:13:24,184 --> 00:13:25,483
is my greatest fear.
391
00:13:26,386 --> 00:13:28,653
Fine! Erica, you go in.
392
00:13:28,688 --> 00:13:29,754
Pass.
393
00:13:29,789 --> 00:13:32,123
Seriously? You're scared
of haunted houses, too?
394
00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:33,358
Hell, no.
395
00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:35,026
But there's a frat guy I
made out with in there,
396
00:13:35,061 --> 00:13:38,129
and if I see him, I know I'll
fall right back into it.
397
00:13:38,164 --> 00:13:40,327
And that's my greatest fear...
398
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,300
Or at least something I
would like to avoid.
399
00:13:42,335 --> 00:13:43,735
Come on! Safety in numbers!
400
00:13:43,770 --> 00:13:45,236
We just have to stick together.
401
00:13:45,272 --> 00:13:46,793
Okay, let's do this.
402
00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:47,984
But, wait!
403
00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:49,709
How's my hair?
404
00:13:51,887 --> 00:13:52,450
Good.
405
00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:53,978
Yeah.
406
00:13:54,013 --> 00:13:56,432
And with that, the three
of faced our fears.
407
00:13:56,457 --> 00:14:00,850
The plan was simple --
stick together at all costs.
408
00:14:12,369 --> 00:14:13,835
Yo, pretty, pretty.
409
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,070
Hey, Anton!
410
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,471
Go, just go. Leave me.
411
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:18,340
But what about sticking together?
412
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:20,875
So, Anton, did you like, um,
413
00:14:20,911 --> 00:14:23,111
lose my number or something?
414
00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:28,350
The ring's got to be around here somewhere.
415
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,354
My ankle!
416
00:14:32,389 --> 00:14:33,722
Adam, help me!
417
00:14:33,757 --> 00:14:35,323
I can't hear you through the fog!
418
00:14:35,359 --> 00:14:36,825
That's not how fog works!
419
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:37,992
Goodbye, Barry!
420
00:14:38,028 --> 00:14:41,463
You were a terrible
brother, but I love you!
421
00:14:41,498 --> 00:14:43,264
That night, I wasn't the only one
422
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,966
facing an angry monster.
423
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,268
Shame on you kids.
424
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:51,406
Running around like hooligans
in the night, egging my house.
425
00:14:51,441 --> 00:14:54,742
Your mothers have failed as mothers,
426
00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:57,445
and they are gonna be
livid when I call them.
427
00:14:57,481 --> 00:14:58,713
Hello.
428
00:14:58,749 --> 00:15:00,915
May I give you another
take on this situation?
429
00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:02,350
Not now. I'm on a roll.
430
00:15:02,386 --> 00:15:05,153
Has it occurred to you that
these children's parents
431
00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:07,655
might think differently,
given all the facts?
432
00:15:07,691 --> 00:15:08,923
It has not occurred to me
433
00:15:08,959 --> 00:15:10,892
and will continue to not occur to me.
434
00:15:10,927 --> 00:15:12,026
Well, it occurs to me
435
00:15:12,062 --> 00:15:13,728
you've become everything
you fear on Halloween.
436
00:15:13,764 --> 00:15:15,330
Please. I have not.
437
00:15:15,365 --> 00:15:16,931
You hid a razor in a chocolate bar.
438
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:18,166
To prove a point.
439
00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:21,236
You stole candy from children
like a street tough.
440
00:15:21,271 --> 00:15:22,771
To protect them.
441
00:15:22,806 --> 00:15:25,874
And then there's the kidnappings.
442
00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,342
All I did was round them up
443
00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:29,177
and force them into my house and --
444
00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:30,378
oh, my god, that is bad.
445
00:15:31,581 --> 00:15:33,281
Hiya, guys.
446
00:15:33,316 --> 00:15:36,117
On your way out, you'll
each find a bag of candy
447
00:15:36,153 --> 00:15:37,986
that I put a $5 bill in,
448
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,922
so maybe you shouldn't mention
this to your parents.
449
00:15:40,957 --> 00:15:43,324
And by the way, have a happy Halloween.
450
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,193
Your wife's nuts, dude.
451
00:15:45,228 --> 00:15:47,228
Oh, yeah.
452
00:15:49,733 --> 00:15:51,032
Kermit's right.
453
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,801
I really did lose it tonight.
454
00:15:52,836 --> 00:15:55,336
It's just Halloween. Who cares?
455
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:58,640
Don't you understand what
this night means to me?
456
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:01,643
No matter how old Adam got,
457
00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:04,946
he was always so happy when we
would go out and get candy.
458
00:16:04,981 --> 00:16:07,882
His smile, the excitement,
459
00:16:07,918 --> 00:16:10,919
his sweaty little hand
reaching up to grab mine,
460
00:16:10,954 --> 00:16:16,124
and now his sweaty little hand
is grabbing someone else's.
461
00:16:16,193 --> 00:16:18,126
He'll never need me again.
462
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,564
You got anything savory?
463
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:25,934
Please leave.
464
00:16:28,063 --> 00:16:29,463
That night my mom realized
465
00:16:29,498 --> 00:16:31,727
it was time to let go of
her kids on Halloween,
466
00:16:31,752 --> 00:16:34,078
and my dad realized he
could help her through it.
467
00:16:34,212 --> 00:16:35,177
Hey.
468
00:16:35,213 --> 00:16:37,179
Look at me.
469
00:16:37,215 --> 00:16:40,216
I'm an alien man just like you.
Na-nu, na-nu.
470
00:16:40,251 --> 00:16:42,273
What are you doing? What is this?
471
00:16:42,298 --> 00:16:43,986
I thought, "well, if you're
in a couples costume,
472
00:16:44,021 --> 00:16:46,270
you might as well be with someone
473
00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:48,224
you're in an actual couple with."
474
00:16:48,259 --> 00:16:51,138
You put together this stupid thing for me?
475
00:16:51,163 --> 00:16:54,647
Yeah, you know, I'm not
one for sentimental crap.
476
00:16:54,672 --> 00:16:56,005
God! Son of a bitch!
477
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,006
Just take it off.
478
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:57,772
I can't!
479
00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,240
This is a child's helmet.
480
00:16:59,276 --> 00:17:00,775
It's like sucking on my head.
481
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:01,843
My head's in a vacuum.
482
00:17:01,878 --> 00:17:03,444
Why would you just jam it on?
483
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,713
The more you pull it
off, the more it clamps!
484
00:17:05,749 --> 00:17:07,115
Why would you do this?!
485
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:08,249
I just thought, you know,
486
00:17:08,285 --> 00:17:10,418
you can't have Halloween
with the kids anymore,
487
00:17:10,453 --> 00:17:12,287
and maybe you could have Halloween with me.
488
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,824
That is so sweet.
489
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,225
And I would love that.
490
00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:18,580
Mama, I need you!
491
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:19,460
Move!
492
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:20,895
Boopie, what's wrong?!
493
00:17:20,931 --> 00:17:21,640
It's Barry!
494
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:22,981
He twisted his ankle in the haunted house.
495
00:17:23,017 --> 00:17:24,083
Oh, no. Where's Erica?
496
00:17:24,118 --> 00:17:26,318
She's in there, too, with
a frat boy named Anton.
497
00:17:26,354 --> 00:17:28,032
Oh, hell, no!
498
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,691
All right, so we'll put a
pin in the couples costume.
499
00:17:32,727 --> 00:17:35,928
maybe after Adam goes to college.
500
00:17:48,476 --> 00:17:49,875
Turns out, that night,
501
00:17:49,911 --> 00:17:53,145
the scariest thing in that
haunted house was my mom.
502
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:54,413
What the...?
503
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:55,781
Move it!
504
00:17:55,816 --> 00:17:56,982
Out of my way!
505
00:17:57,018 --> 00:17:58,183
Back off, punk!
506
00:17:58,219 --> 00:18:00,052
- Ohh!
507
00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:03,956
Mom kick!
508
00:18:03,991 --> 00:18:05,057
Mom slap!
509
00:18:05,092 --> 00:18:06,292
You! Out!
510
00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:08,861
Damn it! Call me?
511
00:18:08,896 --> 00:18:11,063
Do not call her!
512
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,100
Dana's ring wasn't the only thing I found that night.
513
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,036
I also discovered
514
00:18:17,070 --> 00:18:18,536
That my mom and I made quite the team.
515
00:18:18,573 --> 00:18:19,939
I found the ring.
516
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:20,906
Then go.
517
00:18:20,942 --> 00:18:22,541
I'll stay and find your brother.
518
00:18:22,577 --> 00:18:24,343
Thanks, mama.
519
00:18:24,378 --> 00:18:26,512
You got it, my little alien
520
00:18:28,449 --> 00:18:30,783
and even though that was our last couples costume,
521
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,851
it turned out to be the best one ever.
522
00:18:35,122 --> 00:18:36,589
as much as my mom savored
523
00:18:36,624 --> 00:18:38,991
every single Halloween when I was little,
524
00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:41,360
this was the one she'd remember forever.
525
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:43,395
Aah! My ankle.
526
00:18:43,431 --> 00:18:45,837
It's all right, love bug.
527
00:18:45,862 --> 00:18:47,345
You're safe now.
528
00:18:47,370 --> 00:18:49,683
You hear that, bar? Mom saved us.
529
00:18:49,708 --> 00:18:51,103
We are the luckiest kids in the world.
530
00:18:51,138 --> 00:18:52,504
You're grounded for a month.
531
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:53,973
For sure.
532
00:19:03,985 --> 00:19:05,651
that's the thing about love.
533
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,486
when you face your fears,
534
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,678
you can finally take off your mask
535
00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:10,034
and show people who you really are.
536
00:19:17,584 --> 00:19:19,918
Sorry for using you as a
human shield and all.
537
00:19:19,954 --> 00:19:23,255
Well, you went back in.
538
00:19:23,290 --> 00:19:24,957
It was so scary in there.
539
00:19:24,992 --> 00:19:27,893
It was, but losing you was even scarier.
540
00:19:27,928 --> 00:19:30,729
You know, Halloween isn't over.
541
00:19:30,764 --> 00:19:32,664
It -- it's not too late to get some candy.
542
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:35,434
Candy sounds great.
543
00:19:35,469 --> 00:19:38,270
So my first Halloween ended the way it always did --
544
00:19:38,305 --> 00:19:40,272
With me and Dana getting candy.
545
00:19:40,307 --> 00:19:42,283
and it couldn't have been more perfect.
546
00:19:42,308 --> 00:19:44,977
You gonna go keep him safe?
547
00:19:45,012 --> 00:19:49,481
Actually, I think he'll be all right without me.
548
00:19:51,685 --> 00:19:53,685
But watching from a distance can't hurt.
549
00:19:56,490 --> 00:19:58,957
Growing up, there's a lot to be afraid of,
550
00:19:58,993 --> 00:20:02,227
but when you know in your heart
your family has your back,
551
00:20:02,262 --> 00:20:04,563
nothing in life is scary.
552
00:20:14,002 --> 00:20:16,169
Yo, man, this place is really crazy.
553
00:20:16,204 --> 00:20:19,739
I know. God, it looks scary in the dark.
554
00:20:19,775 --> 00:20:21,174
Oh, this is so creepy.
555
00:20:21,209 --> 00:20:22,509
Look at the cobwebs.
556
00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:23,543
Whoa.
557
00:20:23,578 --> 00:20:24,411
What's that?
558
00:20:24,446 --> 00:20:25,211
Oh.
559
00:20:25,247 --> 00:20:26,046
What was that?!
560
00:20:26,081 --> 00:20:26,846
Aah!
561
00:20:30,916 --> 00:20:33,956
Who wants waffles?
562
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,507
Kids, come on down!
563
00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:37,934
Here you go, Murray.
564
00:20:38,618 --> 00:20:39,732
Oops. I almost forgot --
565
00:20:39,768 --> 00:20:41,899
I need to get the kids' lunch money.
566
00:20:41,954 --> 00:20:44,637
Mom's got to stop wearing
her old Halloween costume.
567
00:20:44,706 --> 00:20:45,805
She won't.
568
00:20:45,841 --> 00:20:48,212
Whoever's standing there,
let go of my purse.
569
00:20:48,237 --> 00:20:49,776
Her new perm didn't settle right.
570
00:20:49,811 --> 00:20:52,444
She doesn't want anyone to see
what's going on under there.
571
00:20:52,505 --> 00:20:55,071
Still getting the hang of this thing.
572
00:20:55,112 --> 00:20:56,852
Yeah, we should go.
573
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,457
Help your mother.
574
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,754
You have 30 seconds to comply.
575
00:21:00,778 --> 00:21:04,718
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www.addic7ed.com
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