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1x24 - Attack of the Beetle
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My name is Spider-man
and you're probably wondering
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why we're at this
snooty McSnooty restaurant
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00:00:06,434 --> 00:00:08,468
where I couldn't even
afford the breadsticks.
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Have I taken a job
as a busboy? Nope.
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Well, wait for it,
because I'm about to show up. And...
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Here I am.
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Everybody stay calm!
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Just your friendly, neighborhood
Spider-man doing a... kitchen inspection.
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Heh. Looks good.
Very clean.
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00:00:28,706 --> 00:00:32,742
Oof. Must've finally
got a look at the prices.
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00:00:32,777 --> 00:00:36,780
Where is she?
Ah-ha! There she is.
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00:00:36,814 --> 00:00:39,616
So, to the questions
you're all asking yourselves...
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00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:41,918
what's my aunt May doing here?
Why is she all dressed up?
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Who is she waiting for?
Hah! It's a funny story.
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00:00:51,929 --> 00:00:56,833
Well, it was a funny story.
Until the Beetle crashed the party.
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00:00:56,867 --> 00:00:58,935
Waiter! I think I know
what I want for my entre...
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00:00:59,712 --> 00:01:01,504
Duck!
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00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:02,672
Hey, what're you doing?
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Leave my aunt Ma... that woman that
I can't possibly know out of this!
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Noooo!
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
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Noooo!
24
00:01:32,591 --> 00:01:36,561
Okay, this... does not look good.
But, then again,
25
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the entire day has been
a complete nightmare since...
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This afternoon at school.
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00:01:43,669 --> 00:01:45,603
Hmm.
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Parker, the school
day ended an hour ago.
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What're you still doing out here?
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00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:54,445
Me? Agent Coulson, what
are you doing in there?
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00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,547
I have to maintain my cover...
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00:01:56,582 --> 00:01:59,617
And part of my job as acting
principal is to engage in
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parent-teacher conferences.
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00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:06,524
And that sweet lady is my aunt May.
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00:02:06,592 --> 00:02:08,459
I can tell her everything.
Except of course,
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that I'm your friendly,
neighborhood Spider-man.
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00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:13,564
Oh, this is horrible! This is
the ultimate Spidey nightmare!
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00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,501
Worlds are colliding!
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Must... stop...
this!
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00:02:18,704 --> 00:02:21,706
Ahh!
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00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:24,509
Wait a minute.
What am I worried about?
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I get good grades.
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And Coulson's whole gig is about
keeping things on the down-low.
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00:02:29,481 --> 00:02:32,517
He's not gonna blow my
cover. Heh. This is no biggie.
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00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:35,353
Hello.
I don't know if you remember me.
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- I'm principal Coulson.
- Yeah, and this is aunt May.
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- My aunt May.
- Please, call me May.
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00:02:41,627 --> 00:02:45,463
Of course. May.
After the Roman Earth goddess.
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00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:49,600
Please, call me Phil.
I think I was named after a gas station.
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00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:54,372
Phil? May?
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00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:57,608
What happened to principal
Coulson and miss Parker?
52
00:02:57,643 --> 00:03:00,545
I don't know what I was
thinking, being so optimistic.
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00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,647
Did I forget that I'm Peter Parker?
54
00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:05,550
Of course this is bound
to go from bad to worse.
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00:03:07,352 --> 00:03:09,353
Is this part of your job description...
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- Phil?
- Peter.
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Sorry.
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This is official
school business, Parker.
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00:03:15,394 --> 00:03:18,596
Your aunt May is in good hands.
So, if you don't mind...
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00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:23,434
Yeah, sure.
I got stuff to do.
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00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:24,502
No problemo.
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00:03:28,573 --> 00:03:30,641
What are they saying in there?
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00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:42,553
It's been a true delight, May.
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00:03:42,588 --> 00:03:46,357
You too, principal Coul...
I mean, Phil.
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00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:48,459
I haven't laughed like that in a while.
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00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:51,662
Well, your nephew can spark
some lively conversation.
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00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:56,601
Lively conversation.
What does that mean?
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00:03:56,635 --> 00:04:00,571
There she goes.
Crisis averted.
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00:04:00,606 --> 00:04:04,375
You know, we could continue
the conversation over dinner...
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00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:05,543
If you'd like?
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00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:10,314
Why, I-I think that'd be great!
72
00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:18,322
- Pick me up at 7:30?
- All right, see you then.
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00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:32,536
Oh, man. Crisis has just
become full-on natural disaster!
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00:04:32,571 --> 00:04:34,405
A date?
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00:04:34,439 --> 00:04:37,475
What kid wants their aunt
dating their principal,
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00:04:37,509 --> 00:04:39,543
especially when he's not
even a real principal,
77
00:04:39,578 --> 00:04:42,546
but a super-SHIELD spy
working undercover?!
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00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:45,549
I gotta stop this at all costs!
79
00:04:54,593 --> 00:04:56,727
What do they keep laughing about?
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00:04:56,762 --> 00:04:59,497
He's not funny. I'm funny.
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00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:01,699
How could she like hanging out with him?
82
00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:05,436
He is so...
completely and totally uncool.
83
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:07,471
It just doesn't make any sense.
84
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:17,581
Time to initiate...
Operation: Disaster Date.
85
00:05:26,558 --> 00:05:28,659
Maybe I should sneak in the back door.
86
00:05:54,453 --> 00:05:55,619
Sir, you have a phone call.
87
00:05:58,523 --> 00:06:00,491
This is Coulson.
88
00:06:00,525 --> 00:06:03,394
Yeah... uh... Coulson!
This is Nick Fury.
89
00:06:03,428 --> 00:06:04,595
We got a big problem and
you need to take care of it.
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00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:06,397
No one else!
91
00:06:06,431 --> 00:06:10,434
Director Fury?
Your voice sounds strange.
92
00:06:10,469 --> 00:06:13,537
I have a cold... I mean... flu!
93
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,342
Like I said, you need to abort your
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00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:21,544
current assignment and report
to Latveria, immediately.
95
00:06:21,805 --> 00:06:22,680
No, make that Antarctica.
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00:06:22,714 --> 00:06:24,682
Like, right now...
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00:06:24,716 --> 00:06:27,318
Coulson?
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00:06:27,352 --> 00:06:28,486
Phil?
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00:06:34,559 --> 00:06:37,595
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
100
00:06:41,566 --> 00:06:45,436
- What are you doing?
- Me? What are you doing?
101
00:06:45,470 --> 00:06:47,538
I'm trying to have a nice evening out.
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Thanks to you, I haven't
been able to spend 30 seconds
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00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:51,709
- with your...
- My aunt.
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00:06:51,743 --> 00:06:55,413
What's your problem? She's
a lovely, interesting woman.
105
00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:59,517
Ew! La, la, la, la, la!
I can't hear you!
106
00:06:59,551 --> 00:07:02,486
So, you are trying to
sabotage our evening.
107
00:07:02,521 --> 00:07:05,656
You bet your SHIELD badge I am.
That is...
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00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:09,493
If you really are Agent Coulson.
109
00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:12,463
Who are you?!
The jig is up, buddy!
110
00:07:12,497 --> 00:07:15,332
You can't fool me with a mask...
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00:07:15,367 --> 00:07:17,401
As soon as I...
112
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:19,603
This thing is on here pretty good.
113
00:07:24,742 --> 00:07:28,412
Knock it off.
I genuinely like your aunt.
114
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,581
And it seems she likes me, too.
115
00:07:30,615 --> 00:07:33,317
Come on, Parker.
116
00:07:33,351 --> 00:07:36,420
- It's not that bad.
- No.
117
00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:39,323
Something's hitting
my Spider-sense hard.
118
00:07:39,357 --> 00:07:40,658
Something up there!
119
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:48,632
In case you're wondering who the
guy in the tricked out body armor
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00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:50,601
with full blown weapons system is...
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00:07:50,635 --> 00:07:54,605
...he's the Beetle...
world's deadliest mercenary...
122
00:07:54,639 --> 00:07:56,607
and he's never been taken down.
123
00:07:57,192 --> 00:07:59,293
Well, except once...
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by this super cool
arachnid-themed superhero.
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00:08:02,097 --> 00:08:03,231
Me.
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00:08:03,515 --> 00:08:05,649
He's also not very chatty,
127
00:08:05,684 --> 00:08:08,552
but I'm pretty sure he
isn't here for dinner...
128
00:08:10,155 --> 00:08:13,390
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Whoa!
129
00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,660
Yo, Beetle!
130
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:18,529
Come and get me!
131
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:25,336
This guy really holds
a grudge, doesn't he?
132
00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:27,571
At least now you know how we got here.
133
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:29,406
Whoa!
134
00:08:38,483 --> 00:08:41,519
Hey, what're you doing?
135
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:48,326
Noooo!
136
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:52,396
Yeah, it's even worse than I remember.
137
00:08:55,739 --> 00:08:58,437
Anyone else wondering
how I get out of this?
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00:08:58,861 --> 00:09:00,583
Noooo!
139
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,632
Coulson?
140
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:07,398
We've got to clear
these people out of here.
141
00:09:07,495 --> 00:09:09,226
No problemo.
142
00:09:09,557 --> 00:09:13,224
People! My health inspection has
uncovered a severe bug problem.
143
00:09:13,915 --> 00:09:15,033
Lots of bugs.
144
00:09:15,147 --> 00:09:19,210
So, if you could all evacuate
in a calm and orderly fashion...
145
00:09:22,972 --> 00:09:24,472
I thought I said "calm and orderly."
146
00:09:24,506 --> 00:09:28,309
Now you get aunt May out of here.
I'll handle tin can man.
147
00:09:28,343 --> 00:09:30,311
After all, I'm the one he's after.
148
00:09:30,345 --> 00:09:32,480
Wait, I have something to tell you!
149
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,550
Don't forget to tip your Spider.
150
00:09:43,525 --> 00:09:45,560
Phil, Spider-man is here!
151
00:09:48,363 --> 00:09:50,565
And he's fighting a robot or something!
152
00:09:52,367 --> 00:09:57,505
Oh! Um...
Why don't we get dessert to go?
153
00:10:03,612 --> 00:10:06,614
Any requests?
154
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:10,551
Whoa! Whoa!
155
00:10:10,586 --> 00:10:13,354
I haven't heard that one.
156
00:10:16,391 --> 00:10:19,327
Name that song, chucklehead!
157
00:10:27,035 --> 00:10:31,372
Wait a minute!
They're holding hands on a first date?
158
00:10:31,406 --> 00:10:33,508
I don't think I like where
this thing is heading.
159
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:37,411
Hi ya, honey. I'm home.
160
00:10:37,446 --> 00:10:42,316
Wonderful.
How was your day of super-spying?
161
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,318
Just great.
162
00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,553
Now where's that boy of ours?
163
00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:48,422
I need to have a talk with that rascal.
164
00:10:51,426 --> 00:10:54,462
I'm just hanging around.
165
00:10:55,664 --> 00:10:59,634
I mean, come on.
Hasn't anyone heard of taking it slow?
166
00:10:59,668 --> 00:11:02,570
Ah, okay, where were we?
Oh, yeah...
167
00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:04,438
Ahhh!
168
00:11:12,281 --> 00:11:14,448
- Phil, what are you doing?
- I forgot my wallet.
169
00:11:14,483 --> 00:11:16,551
- Your wallet?
- I'll meet you out back, May.
170
00:11:16,585 --> 00:11:17,552
Phil!
171
00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:24,358
It's been a long time.
Last time I checked
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00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:26,594
you were locked up in
a maximum security prison.
173
00:11:26,628 --> 00:11:29,430
I take it you didn't get
released on good behavior.
174
00:11:29,464 --> 00:11:31,499
Sir, you didn't pay your bill!
175
00:11:34,336 --> 00:11:36,537
Uh! Remember me?
176
00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:43,311
Ah!
I didn't order spaghetti.
177
00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:49,417
Hey, I'm the superhero you want.
178
00:11:53,388 --> 00:11:54,655
He's after you?
179
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:57,291
The Beetle and I are
old sparring partners.
180
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:00,361
I'm the only Agent
who ever took him down.
181
00:12:00,395 --> 00:12:03,297
And he's been trying to
even the score ever since.
182
00:12:05,334 --> 00:12:08,236
You?
You gotta be kidding me.
183
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:11,239
I told you there was a lot
you didn't know about me.
184
00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:17,378
I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
185
00:12:17,412 --> 00:12:20,548
Maybe there is more
to Phil than meets the eye.
186
00:12:20,582 --> 00:12:22,483
You're pretty quick, Coulson.
187
00:12:22,517 --> 00:12:26,454
I have black belts in
jujitsu, karate and kung-fu.
188
00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:39,300
Cooking school.
One year.
189
00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:41,569
I think that means your goose is cooked.
190
00:12:41,603 --> 00:12:44,338
Heh!
Get it? Cooked?
191
00:12:54,449 --> 00:12:57,385
Hey! Where's aunt May?
Huh?
192
00:12:57,419 --> 00:12:59,654
Let me go!
193
00:13:02,833 --> 00:13:03,882
Phil!
194
00:13:06,091 --> 00:13:07,999
Phil?
195
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,726
Hand on tight, Coulson.
196
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,095
We're gonna get my aunt
May back safe and sound.
197
00:13:20,129 --> 00:13:22,998
I'll put all SHIELD
Agents on high alert.
198
00:13:23,032 --> 00:13:26,001
No! You call in the calvary,
and the Beetle will go nuts
199
00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:27,836
and aunt May will get hurt!
200
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:30,839
Forget it! We go in...
just us... and save her!
201
00:13:30,873 --> 00:13:33,942
If he touched a hair on her head...
202
00:13:33,977 --> 00:13:36,778
Fine. But I'm still
tapping into SHIELD sats
203
00:13:36,813 --> 00:13:39,848
to track the Beetle's movements
and triangulate his position.
204
00:13:39,882 --> 00:13:42,117
Well, do it, Phil.
205
00:13:59,168 --> 00:14:03,772
That looks complicated.
You must be very smart.
206
00:14:03,806 --> 00:14:05,741
And strong.
207
00:14:07,844 --> 00:14:11,713
Your parents must be enormously proud...
208
00:14:23,893 --> 00:14:25,894
They're on the U.S.S. Excelsior!
209
00:14:25,928 --> 00:14:27,963
The museum? Okay, hold on!
210
00:14:34,971 --> 00:14:36,972
Ready for round two?
211
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:40,942
- Make sure she's safe.
- Roger that.
212
00:14:48,117 --> 00:14:50,919
- May!
- Phil!
213
00:14:50,953 --> 00:14:54,089
Not a big fan of taking nice
ladies hostage, you know.
214
00:15:00,163 --> 00:15:02,798
You ran out before
we could have dessert.
215
00:15:02,832 --> 00:15:04,132
The night's not over yet.
216
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,068
- Find somewhere to hide.
- Me?
217
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:09,071
What about you?
And how did you find me?
218
00:15:09,105 --> 00:15:13,842
Um, I, uh, I hitched
a ride with Spider-man.
219
00:15:13,876 --> 00:15:14,843
Hmm.
220
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:31,960
You and I have some
unfinished business, Beetle.
221
00:15:38,101 --> 00:15:40,068
Coulson! Be careful!
222
00:15:40,103 --> 00:15:42,037
I've got this.
223
00:16:04,127 --> 00:16:05,861
Whoa!
224
00:16:05,895 --> 00:16:07,829
I need to get out!
225
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:11,967
Fencing champ.
SHIELD Agent training, year one.
226
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:15,904
I-I can't believe I'm admitting this.
But...
227
00:16:15,938 --> 00:16:20,709
Agent Phil Coulson is...
kind of... cool?
228
00:16:20,743 --> 00:16:22,778
What's next?
229
00:16:22,812 --> 00:16:24,946
Cats marrying dogs?
230
00:16:24,981 --> 00:16:27,082
- I do.
- Meow, too.
231
00:16:56,078 --> 00:17:00,015
Hey, stink-bug.
You forget about little ol' me?
232
00:17:06,923 --> 00:17:08,723
Hang in there!
233
00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:15,964
- Spidey on deck.
- Batter up, Beetle!
234
00:17:15,998 --> 00:17:17,833
Sa-wing batter!
235
00:17:20,903 --> 00:17:21,937
Nice hit.
236
00:17:21,971 --> 00:17:25,040
Little league. One year.
Bench warmer.
237
00:17:29,979 --> 00:17:31,947
You missed, Beetle-breath!
238
00:17:31,981 --> 00:17:34,015
He never misses.
239
00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:42,891
I win, Coulson!
240
00:17:59,141 --> 00:18:01,877
Shall we?
241
00:18:11,787 --> 00:18:14,923
I'm calling the helicarrier now.
If it's okay with you?
242
00:18:14,957 --> 00:18:18,760
Hold on. I wanna say I'm sorry.
243
00:18:18,794 --> 00:18:24,833
And kinda grateful.
I guess I might've misjudged you, Phil.
244
00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:27,035
Despite the fact that you
tried to ruin my evening,
245
00:18:27,069 --> 00:18:28,970
I might've misjudged you too, Parker.
246
00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:32,007
I'm impressed.
But you ever call me Phil again...
247
00:18:32,041 --> 00:18:34,809
you'll be in detention
for the rest of your life.
248
00:18:34,844 --> 00:18:38,847
Right.
Agent Coulson. Gotcha.
249
00:18:38,881 --> 00:18:40,749
Hey.
250
00:18:40,783 --> 00:18:42,817
Can I get a hand up here?
251
00:18:43,986 --> 00:18:45,987
I don't know what happened.
252
00:18:46,022 --> 00:18:48,089
I was just finding a place to
hide and must've accidentally
253
00:18:48,124 --> 00:18:50,091
- hit a button.
- That was lucky.
254
00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:53,929
Yes... lucky.
255
00:18:53,963 --> 00:18:56,097
Ah-huh.
Pretty cool, huh?
256
00:18:56,132 --> 00:18:59,768
May, you are truly an amazing woman.
257
00:18:59,802 --> 00:19:03,972
You're not so bad yourself...
for a school principal.
258
00:19:04,006 --> 00:19:05,774
As for you.
259
00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:07,876
Does your family know you
run around dressed like that?
260
00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:10,779
Um...
Heh.
261
00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:17,419
Wow. It's the SHIELD helicarrier.
Wonder how that got here.
262
00:19:17,453 --> 00:19:20,289
Oh... well, that's my cue.
263
00:19:22,472 --> 00:19:25,307
So, how 'bout we get you home?
264
00:19:29,546 --> 00:19:33,783
It's 9:30.
They should be back here by now.
265
00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:38,153
I'm gonna have a word with her
about going out on a school night.
266
00:19:38,388 --> 00:19:40,255
Can you ground your own aunt?
267
00:19:46,429 --> 00:19:49,565
So, May, how would you feel
about another shot at dinner?
268
00:19:49,599 --> 00:19:52,334
Uh, dinner where we actually get to eat
269
00:19:52,368 --> 00:19:54,436
and don't have to battle
an armored mercenary.
270
00:19:54,471 --> 00:20:01,477
Heh, that would be nice.
But I have to be honest, Phil, I...
271
00:20:01,511 --> 00:20:05,481
I think Peter probably feels
a little bit awkward about all this.
272
00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:09,585
You being the principal and all.
And Peter means the world to me.
273
00:20:09,619 --> 00:20:12,287
I would do anything for him.
274
00:20:12,322 --> 00:20:14,456
Oh, man.
275
00:20:14,491 --> 00:20:18,360
So, unfortunately, I have to decline.
276
00:20:18,394 --> 00:20:21,563
Even though, all things
considered, I had a lovely time.
277
00:20:21,598 --> 00:20:23,565
Well...
278
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,468
It's probably for the best
they don't hang out again.
279
00:20:28,438 --> 00:20:30,339
Don't look at me like that.
280
00:20:30,373 --> 00:20:34,309
Well, I can't say I'm not
disappointed, but I understand.
281
00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:37,412
Peter's a great kid.
Goodnight, May.
282
00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:41,517
- Goodnight.
- Wait a second.
283
00:20:41,551 --> 00:20:45,354
Obviously, I've been
a little weirded out about you
284
00:20:45,388 --> 00:20:47,422
going on a date with principal Coulson.
285
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:50,459
But I know you're not just my aunt.
286
00:20:50,493 --> 00:20:53,428
You have a life of your own.
And while I would rather
287
00:20:53,463 --> 00:20:56,365
you didn't date the
principal of my high school...
288
00:20:56,399 --> 00:20:58,600
which could be the worst
thing ever for me...
289
00:20:58,635 --> 00:21:03,272
if it makes you happy,
then I'm happy. 'Kay?
290
00:21:04,674 --> 00:21:06,408
Mwah.
291
00:21:08,344 --> 00:21:12,915
Whew!
You know I actually thought she might...
292
00:21:13,249 --> 00:21:15,250
Phil! I changed my mind.
293
00:21:15,285 --> 00:21:17,452
I think I would like
some dessert after all.
294
00:21:17,487 --> 00:21:19,454
I'm craving something sweet.
295
00:21:19,489 --> 00:21:22,457
I doubt we'll find anything
as sweet as you, May.
296
00:21:33,269 --> 00:21:36,405
What?
A lot can happen at dessert...
297
00:21:39,371 --> 00:21:42,542
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