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1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,672
PICARD:
Captain's log, stardate 42402.7
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,508
We are traveling
in the Omega Sagitta System
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:14,138
traversing between twin planets
that form the coalition of Madena.
4
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:16,807
Both worlds are populated
by a humanoid race
5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,768
which colonized the planets
two centuries ago
6
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:23,689
and which now co-exist under
a precarious but successful treaty.
7
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:24,940
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
8
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,860
Unidentified vessel approaching.
9
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,156
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
10
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:37,286
Sensor readings show it to be
a small Class Nine vessel.
11
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,955
Probably an interplanetary
cargo ship.
12
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,791
One life sign aboard, sir.
13
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,794
It appears to be humanoid.
14
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,131
- I have its call sign now, sir.
- WORF: Confirmed.
15
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,842
Armed with lasers only.
16
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,761
Its cargo holds are empty.
17
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:57,014
The readout shows
its guidance system is malfunctioning.
18
00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,309
The pilot is attempting
to hold course manually.
19
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,145
I recommend we set the Enterprise
on an intercept course
20
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,022
in case he needs
emergency assistance.
21
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,774
Make it so, Mr. Crusher.
22
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,776
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
23
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,630
We are in position now, captain.
24
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,340
Open hailing frequencies.
25
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,676
- Hailing frequencies open.
- On viewer.
26
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,846
This is the USS Enterprise.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
27
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,349
OKONA: And this is
the cargo carrier Erstwhile.
28
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,810
Captain Okona at your service, sir.
29
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:45,020
There's no need for your phasers,
captain.
30
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,482
I'm harmless and not quite yet ready
for a mercy killing.
31
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,859
You were never considered
a danger, captain.
32
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:55,781
Oh, that's a shame. I can remember
when I was at least considered a risk.
33
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,451
I'm the owner
and operator of this craft,
34
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,121
and since we both know
that you've already scanned it,
35
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,664
you know I'm alone and empty.
36
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:08,752
Which is truly a rare occasion
for a man of my charm and talent.
37
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,379
Mute main viewer.
38
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,340
- Counselor?
- TROI: His emotions suggest
39
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:18,178
he's mischievous, irreverent,
and somewhat brazen.
40
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:22,641
The word that seems to
best describe him is rogue.
41
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,102
Rogue?
42
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:29,773
Ah. Cad, knave, rake, rascal, villain,
wild elephant--
43
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:33,944
Yes, Data, but there is
no malevolence or ill will.
44
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:39,324
Audio on. Do you have a burnout
in your guidance system, captain?
45
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,828
Whoa. Since you're able to diagnose
my problems,
46
00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,413
how about helping me fix them?
47
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:48,917
Captain, we can easily repair
the type of system he uses.
48
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,253
We can accommodate you, captain.
49
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,590
This is the First Officer. If you
prepare to shut down your engines,
50
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,884
we can lock on the tractor
and beam you here.
51
00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:00,179
Sir, recommend limited access
to our ship.
52
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,472
- PICARD: Agreed.
- Data, lock on the tractor beam.
53
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,808
Transporter Chief,
prepare to beam him aboard.
54
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,518
ROBINSON:
Ready on your command, sir.
55
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:10,898
Excuse me, commander,
is that a woman's voice I hear?
56
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,153
Yes. Now please follow
Commander Riker's instructions
57
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,739
so our ship can get back
to its normal routine.
58
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,699
OKONA:
Whatever you say, captain.
59
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,576
Something funny?
60
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:26,163
Well, the unexpected
is our normal routine.
61
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:50,938
PICARD:
Space, the final frontier.
62
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:55,400
These are the voyages
of the starship Enterprise.
63
00:03:55,568 --> 00:04:00,781
Its continuing mission:
to explore strange new worlds,
64
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:05,744
to seek out new life
and new civilizations,
65
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:10,457
to boldly go where no one
has gone before.
66
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,103
Hold it steady, Wesley.
67
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,148
- Ready to link up on my command.
- Aye, sir.
68
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,860
Easy, easy.
69
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:26,408
Engage.
70
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,956
Captain Okona,
shut down your engines.
71
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,583
- OKONA: Understood.
- Transporter Room,
72
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,543
prepare for the beaming.
We're on our way.
73
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,004
Wesley, Data, let's go.
74
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,480
Your weapons, please.
75
00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:00,317
A Klingon security officer?
76
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,526
WORF:
Yes.
77
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,862
No wars available, eh?
78
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:18,085
It's more a piece of jewelry
than a weapon. A remembrance.
79
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,467
Welcome aboard, Captain Okona.
I'm Commander Riker.
80
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,719
If you'll turn over the inoperative part
to Commander Data,
81
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:28,970
we can begin repairs.
82
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,473
I'd be most happy to do
the work myself, commander.
83
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,642
I'm sort of the hands-on type.
84
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,812
I think you'd find the tools we use
rather unusual, sir.
85
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,981
I can believe that.
May I at least watch?
86
00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,984
- That can be arranged.
- Good, then.
87
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:46,071
Commander, I leave this
in your capable hands.
88
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,825
Sir, this is Commander Data.
I'm just an Acting Ensign.
89
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,369
Well, Acting Ensigns have names,
don't they?
90
00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,247
Wesley. Wesley Crusher.
91
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,458
Nice to meet you, Acting Ensign,
Wesley, Wesley Crusher.
92
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,380
And thank you
93
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:08,885
for beaming me here and enabling me
to see a truly beautiful woman.
94
00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:11,513
You have the majestic carriage
and loveliness
95
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,100
that could surely be traced
back to the noblest families.
96
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,063
Well, I'm sure you've said that
to many ladies before
97
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,607
and it was no more true then
than it is now.
98
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:26,027
But it's how I say
it that's really important.
99
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,612
The warmth,
100
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,032
the attraction that I have for you.
101
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:34,911
The attraction that we share.
102
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:42,127
Mr. Okona appears to have
excellent vision,
103
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,296
as well as a healthy libido.
104
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:45,755
[TALKING lNDISTINCTLY]
105
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:46,965
RIKER:
Captain Okona,
106
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:51,136
if you follow Commander Data,
you can get started right away.
107
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,475
[SIGHS]
108
00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,856
Now, that's sex appeal.
109
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,943
Sexual attraction in this context
is not a part of my programming.
110
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,070
I am an android.
111
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:14,951
Well, then, have you seen
any good-looking computers lately?
112
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,790
That's a joke. It's funny.
113
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:24,044
Oh. Of course it is.
114
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,463
[LAUGHING]
115
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:37,516
- Will that do what the original did?
- It sure will. And better.
116
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:38,934
Let me show you.
117
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:42,312
On your old one here, the Zelebium
contacts wore down and then fused.
118
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,900
Now what I've done
is replace them with Tricellite.
119
00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,278
Tricellite isn't available in this system
if I ever had to replace it.
120
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:53,490
Don't worry, you won't.
Your ship will never outlast this part.
121
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,784
Because of the part
or the way I fly my ship?
122
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:56,952
[LAUGHING]
123
00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:59,412
Well, this part.
But the stress test did show
124
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:03,917
that you tend to push your ship
a little beyond its designed capabilities.
125
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,836
Blame the pattern of my life,
Lieutenant La Forge.
126
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,214
Because it relegates me
to cargo carrying
127
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,092
rather than the grand explorations
you enjoy,
128
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,929
I am forced to add a measure
of flamboyancy and zest
129
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,807
to the doldrums of my existence.
130
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,440
- Have you ever been cold?
- No.
131
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,735
- Warm then?
- No.
132
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,989
- What about drunk, ever do that?
- From alcohol?
133
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,992
- That is not possible for me, sir.
- Pity.
134
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,952
What about love?
135
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:43,415
- The act or the emotion?
- They're both the same.
136
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:46,501
I believe that statement
to be inaccurate, sir.
137
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,462
Maybe.
138
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,548
Life
139
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:55,343
is like loading twice your cargo
weight onto your spacecraft.
140
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:56,886
If it's canaries,
141
00:09:57,054 --> 00:10:00,515
and you can keep
half of them flying all the time.
142
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,310
You're all right.
143
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,313
I doubt that statement
is entirely accurate either, sir.
144
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:09,357
Accurate? That was a joke
I just told you.
145
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,152
I do not understand.
146
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,071
- You don't know what a joke is?
- Of course I do.
147
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:18,033
It is a witticism, a gag, a bon mot,
148
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,702
a fluctuation of words
concluding with a trick ending.
149
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:24,039
That's the dictionary meaning.
I'm talking about humor, fun.
150
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,874
Do you know what funny is?
151
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,837
Where is 806?
152
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,382
Right over there, sir. Why?
153
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,845
You probably wouldn't
understand that either.
154
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,772
ROBINSON:
Hello, there.
155
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,588
- Status on the repair?
- Working on it.
156
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,467
Commander, what do you think
of Captain Okona?
157
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,970
Well, Okona is an
interesting man certainly.
158
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,223
We've seen how
he handles his ship.
159
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,934
Apparently he knows how
to handle people as well.
160
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,435
Then why does he work alone?
161
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:30,438
He's a man who lives his life
by his own rules.
162
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:34,150
He does what he does by choice,
by his choice.
163
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,778
Someday you'll make yours.
164
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,572
I already have.
165
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,710
So you agree with Okona that I am
missing a very important human factor.
166
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:56,548
I never said that. I simply said
that I've never seen you laugh.
167
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:01,511
I am capable of that function,
when it is expected of me.
168
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,932
Data, do you even know
what a joke is?
169
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:09,894
Of course I do.
It is a witticism, a gag, a bon mot,
170
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,730
- a fluctuation--
- Stop.
171
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,149
Look, there's just you and I here.
172
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,193
We're talking, we're having
an intimate conversation.
173
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:21,656
Why? Because you're a droid
and I'm a noid.
174
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,242
- But why?
- Because that's what I am.
175
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:28,663
- Have I said something to offend you?
- No.
176
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,248
Then why are you annoyed?
177
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:37,297
Because you're a droid
and I'm a noid.
178
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,800
- Humanoid.
- Yes.
179
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,343
- You told a joke?
- Yes.
180
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,679
- I am not laughing.
- Yes.
181
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,851
- Perhaps the joke was not funny.
- No. The joke was funny.
182
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,311
It's you, Data.
183
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,856
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
184
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,859
I agree. What do I do?
185
00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:02,197
Well, under normal circumstances,
I'd say seek a higher power.
186
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:06,159
But in your case, probably
a smarter computer is in order.
187
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:16,211
Computer, I wish to know
more about humor.
188
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:21,049
Why certain combinations of words
and actions make humans laugh.
189
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,052
COMPUTER: Source material
on that subject is extensive.
190
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,553
Please specify.
191
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:30,350
Animated presentation, humanoid,
interaction required.
192
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,812
Physical humor, cerebral
or general raconteur?
193
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:39,067
Of all performers available,
who's considered the funniest?
194
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,236
Twenty third century, Stan Orega,
195
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,531
specialized in jokes
about quantum mathematics.
196
00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:47,116
No. Too esoteric.
197
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:50,411
- More generic.
- Accessing.
198
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,000
That one.
199
00:13:56,168 --> 00:14:03,132
- RW96321, 20th century.
- Program complete. You may enter.
200
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,857
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
thank you very much.
201
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,776
You've been great.
I'd like to take you all home with me.
202
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,696
Unfortunately, I took the last audience
home and there's no more room.
203
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,074
Heh. Buh-bum.
But thank you, really, thank you.
204
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,869
And thank you for bringing me here.
What's up?
205
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,038
Mr. Comic, I wish to know
what is funny.
206
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,418
Funny? I don't know.
It's a matter of opinion, I guess.
207
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,587
Tip O'Neill in a dress.
208
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:44,090
Some people say words
that end with a K are funny.
209
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,719
A briefcase that looks like a fish.
Personally, I find that hysterical.
210
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,222
Tip O'Neill. Accessing.
211
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:58,813
Twentieth century male, politician,
overweight, wearing female clothing.
212
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,900
Carrying a valise that
looks like a fish.
213
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:08,823
So the juxtaposition of gender
and an amphibian briefcase is funny.
214
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:12,869
Well, I think whatever
makes you laugh is funny.
215
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,917
Nothing makes me laugh.
I wish to learn.
216
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,628
Well, how much time
do we have here?
217
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,464
- Unlimited.
- We're gonna need it.
218
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,885
- Because you, pal, are a tough room.
- Tough room?
219
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:34,140
Ah. A colloquialism meaning a severe,
rigid, close-minded audience.
220
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:38,019
I understand. I will attempt
to be an easy room.
221
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:42,523
- Show me what is funny.
- All right, you're on. Uh...
222
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,944
Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis.
223
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,491
[IMITATES JERRY LEWIS YELLING]
224
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,243
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
225
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,871
Ooh. Ooh, ah.
226
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,790
Mr. Robot, would you
like to come up--
227
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,376
- I'm an android.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
228
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,795
Mr. Android, here, teeth.
Put them in your mouth.
229
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,089
Come, come up, Mr...
Where did he go?
230
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,883
Where, where did...
Mr. What, Mr. And--
231
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:12,679
Here, try if you would.
We go... We do... Hah.
232
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,222
- Ha.
- No.
233
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,431
- Hai-ee.
- Ha-hai.
234
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,558
- Ahh! Ahh!
- Hai! Hai!
235
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,519
[BOTH GRUNTING]
236
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:23,731
[MUMBLING]
237
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,776
That is considered to...
238
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,988
That is considered to be funny?
239
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,407
Actually it brought the house down
in Teaneck.
240
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,575
Ah. A word that ends in K.
241
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,537
So if you put funny teeth
in your mouth
242
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,916
and jump around like an idiot,
that is considered funny.
243
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,627
- I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.
- Data.
244
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,172
Data, look,
did you ever consider juggling,
245
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:52,218
- weird bird calls, something like that?
- That does not apply.
246
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,054
I simply want to know what is funny.
247
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,683
I want to involve myself
in other peoples' laughter.
248
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,685
I wish to join in.
249
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,145
Well, I think that's nice.
250
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,689
Let's put the physical
stuff aside for a while.
251
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,733
And we'll do some jokes.
252
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,444
Not my forte, but I think
that would work for you.
253
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:13,698
If you would just have a seat and we'll
try some jokes like, I don't know,
254
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,491
we'll start with the classics.
255
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,368
See,
there's a traveling salesman,
256
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,995
he's going down the road,
his car breaks down.
257
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,580
Access faster.
258
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,165
[SPEAKING RAPIDLY] It's probably
best when you do something like this,
259
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,708
you need a little cigar.
Because it's, kind of, a prop,
260
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,251
kind of thing,
you got to go like this...
261
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,046
Faster. Move to maximum speed.
262
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,298
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
263
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,769
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
264
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,063
The doctor tells him,
"You need an operation."
265
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,065
The guy says,
"I want a second opinion".
266
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:50,068
The doctor says, "Okay,
you're ugly too." Buh-dum-boom.
267
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:55,406
- Wasn't that funny?
- No.
268
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:06,667
Data, you spoiled the joke.
269
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,878
I mean, it could have been
your timing.
270
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:10,880
My timing is digital.
271
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:12,673
[CHUCKLES]
272
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,258
What?
273
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,804
- That's funny.
- Why?
274
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,225
It would take too long to explain.
Tell me another joke.
275
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,896
A monk, a clone and a Ferengi
decided to go bowling together--
276
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,857
PICARD: Commander Data, report
to the Main Bridge immediately.
277
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,194
DATA:
I will be back.
278
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,615
Bring new jokes.
279
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:47,458
We have an unidentified at
twelve-mark-four.
280
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,171
No response to our inquiries.
281
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,508
Extend hailing frequencies,
all languages, all channels.
282
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,717
WORF:
Extending.
283
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,595
DATA: Sensors show it
to be an interplanetary vessel, sir.
284
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:04,517
- Class Seven. Crew complement, 26.
- WORF: Still no response.
285
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,247
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
286
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:30,293
Captain, they are now
locking lasers on us.
287
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,712
- Lasers?
- WORF: Yes, sir.
288
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,214
Lasers can't even penetrate
our navigation shields.
289
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,632
Don't they know that?
290
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,886
Regulations do call
for a Yellow Alert.
291
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,847
Hmm. Very old regulation.
292
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,559
Well, make it so, Number One.
And reduce speed.
293
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,853
Drop main shields as well.
294
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,147
May I ask why, sir?
295
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,734
In case we decide to surrender
to them, Number One.
296
00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:00,489
[GROWLS]
297
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,583
Still no response to our hail, sir.
298
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,920
It is slowing and holding its position,
captain.
299
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,465
Sir, we are now being hailed.
300
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,258
Viewer on.
301
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,302
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
302
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:25,306
Federation vessel, you have no rights
in this solar system.
303
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,099
I am Debin of Planet Atlec,
304
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,436
ordering you to heave to
and prepare to be boarded.
305
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:35,608
Shades of Gulliver's Travels.
He actually meant it.
306
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:39,445
But he is right.
We are in their solar system.
307
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,075
- Open a channel.
- Open, sir.
308
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:48,829
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard
of the USS Enterprise.
309
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,916
For what reason have you locked
your weapons on us?
310
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,503
Enterprise, you are towing
the spacecraft of a known criminal.
311
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,926
He was in need of emergency repair.
It was our obligation to assist.
312
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:06,639
You have a man aboard
by the name of Okona. I want him.
313
00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:08,599
On what authority?
314
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,560
He is guilty of crimes
committed on the Planet Atlec.
315
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:15,856
I expect him to be turned over
to my authority immediately.
316
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,693
Mute.
317
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:22,363
- What do you think, counselor?
- He believes what he's saying.
318
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,073
His anger is genuine.
319
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,493
Open.
320
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,915
What crimes are you referring to?
321
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:37,211
Neither important nor necessary.
I want Okona now!
322
00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:40,256
Captain, we have another
Class Seven armed spacecraft
323
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,508
approaching
from the opposite sector.
324
00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:44,719
Another ship from Atlec?
325
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,346
Similar in specifications
and capabilities,
326
00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:51,058
but a variation in markings
and hailing language.
327
00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:53,936
Debin, hold this position. Viewer off.
328
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,606
Data, identify.
329
00:21:57,774 --> 00:22:02,236
Sensors indicate it's a security vessel
from the Planet Straleb.
330
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,448
Another glob fly.
331
00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:07,700
Glob fly?
332
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,745
A Klingon fly,
half the size of an Earth mosquito,
333
00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:14,040
with no sting and buzzing sound
like this, mm--
334
00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:17,126
Data, viewer on. Hailing frequencies.
335
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,419
Open, sir.
336
00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:21,088
I am Secretary Kushell
337
00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:24,133
from the Legation of Unity
of the Planet Straleb.
338
00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:26,177
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard.
339
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,138
We know who you are,
Captain Picard.
340
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,265
We've been monitoring
your communications
341
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:35,561
and we know of the demands
made by Debin of the Planet Atlec.
342
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,148
Then you're aware
that we have no hostile intentions.
343
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:42,651
You only have to concede
to one demand.
344
00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:47,114
That word demand
has a tone of finality.
345
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:50,242
It is a word I have chosen.
346
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:54,997
We demand that you turn Okona
over to us immediately.
347
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,417
Mute.
348
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:01,420
Mr. Okona,
to the bridge immediately.
349
00:23:01,588 --> 00:23:03,130
Open.
350
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,968
The same demand has been made
by the Atlec legation.
351
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,763
I have no interest in their request.
352
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:14,517
But we intend to back up our
legal rights to Okona.
353
00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:19,021
I would rather not escalate
this situation any further.
354
00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:21,440
Our honor and prestige are at stake.
355
00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:23,317
We are prepared to
take Okona by force
356
00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:26,112
and die in the doing of it,
if necessary.
357
00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:30,491
I trust that that can be avoided.
358
00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:34,495
I will respond to your request shortly.
Viewer off.
359
00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:38,958
Captain Okona
has not responded, sir.
360
00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:42,128
He's been reported in
three different crew quarters.
361
00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:43,671
Find him. Get him up here.
362
00:23:44,172 --> 00:23:46,006
Yes, sir.
363
00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:12,241
You will come with
me to the Main Bridge.
364
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,536
I'm sure it can wait a few minutes.
365
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:20,291
Now!
366
00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:32,636
I'd like that
367
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,058
but I have my orders.
368
00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:41,061
Some other time.
369
00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:48,611
Remember what it took to drag
me from your arms.
370
00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,965
Am I going to meet Captain Picard?
371
00:25:10,133 --> 00:25:11,217
[WORF CHUCKLES]
372
00:25:11,384 --> 00:25:14,678
- Definitely.
- I say something funny?
373
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:31,529
Captain Picard,
this is Thadiun Okona.
374
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:37,117
Mr. Okona,
you were welcomed aboard
375
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:39,286
without any undue investigation.
376
00:25:39,454 --> 00:25:43,332
In turn, it was assumed that you did
not come under false pretenses.
377
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,251
It now seems that
you may have done.
378
00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:47,044
Heh. Captain,
379
00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:50,714
if you mean my "socializing"
with the members of the crew.
380
00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:53,092
PICARD:
Mr. Okona,
381
00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:56,095
you are free to socialize with
the members of my crew.
382
00:25:57,264 --> 00:25:59,598
I'm talking about a man
named Debin.
383
00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:03,477
He's from Atlec. I've had dealings
with some of his family.
384
00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:06,689
Then perhaps you can explain
why his craft is threatening
385
00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:10,067
to attack us unless
I give him custody of you.
386
00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,360
I can't.
387
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:15,239
Then tell me why Kushell
of the Planet Straleb
388
00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:18,617
- is demanding the same thing.
- He's here also?
389
00:26:18,868 --> 00:26:22,162
Mm-hm. And quite adamant.
390
00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:26,625
Mr. Okona, what crimes
are you accused of?
391
00:26:27,794 --> 00:26:30,212
I am not a criminal.
392
00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,797
Why do these men want you?
393
00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:33,299
Uh...
394
00:26:34,342 --> 00:26:36,093
I can't say.
395
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:39,054
They are threatening to attack
the Enterprise.
396
00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:41,140
They'd be crazy.
They wouldn't stand a chance.
397
00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:42,725
Right!
398
00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:50,316
So you can offer no reason,
why they are
399
00:26:50,483 --> 00:26:52,860
set on this provocative course?
400
00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:58,115
I can't think of one right now.
401
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,200
On viewer.
402
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:03,287
- Which ship?
- What? Uh...
403
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,998
The first one. Captain Debin.
404
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:11,795
Captain, let me ask you again.
What are Okona's crimes?
405
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:13,839
That is not your concern.
406
00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:16,508
It is if you wish me
to release him to you.
407
00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:19,178
All right.
You want to know what he did?
408
00:27:19,346 --> 00:27:22,014
You want to know why I have
chased him across this system?
409
00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:24,850
All right, here. This is his crime.
410
00:27:29,564 --> 00:27:32,149
He dishonored my daughter.
He took advantage of her.
411
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:35,444
Then he ran off
and left her carrying his bastard child.
412
00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:38,030
He'll return.
And he'll do the right thing
413
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:41,533
or I'll hunt him
to the ends of the galaxy.
414
00:27:46,247 --> 00:27:47,873
PICARD:
Captain's log supplemental.
415
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:51,627
Some of the mystery surrounding
this ancient morality play
416
00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:54,046
we've been dragged into
has been revealed.
417
00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:58,425
One of Captain Okona's pursuers is
an outraged father with a heartfelt,
418
00:27:58,593 --> 00:28:01,428
if arcane, sense of righteousness.
419
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,138
Your advice, Counselor.
420
00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:07,851
We are dealing with ancient codes
involving procreation.
421
00:28:08,019 --> 00:28:10,187
While they may appear
meaningless to us,
422
00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:12,523
to Debin they represent his honor.
423
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,651
He will fight,
risking himself, his crew,
424
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,404
his daughter, and her unborn child.
425
00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:21,240
You know, Captain, your Counselor
is right. He will fight.
426
00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:24,243
The Captain of the other ship
is demanding to be heard.
427
00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:29,123
I don't suppose you can give me any
indication why this man wants you.
428
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:30,874
[SIGHS]
429
00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:36,380
Let's put all this together.
430
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:39,967
Lieutenant Worf, multiple image,
full conference mode.
431
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:42,720
- Let them all see each other.
- Yes, sir.
432
00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:48,058
Here you are, Debin
trying to save this criminal.
433
00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:50,978
My purpose is not your concern.
434
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,480
- It is if it involves Okona.
- PICARD: Gentlemen.
435
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:56,650
Please, let's try
and resolve this matter.
436
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:57,860
Captain Kushell,
437
00:28:58,027 --> 00:29:00,446
what crime has Okona allegedly
committed against you?
438
00:29:00,613 --> 00:29:04,616
He is a thief.
He stole the Jewel of Thesia.
439
00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:08,412
- A national heritage.
- A thing. An item.
440
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,290
My case involves the victimization
of my daughter.
441
00:29:11,458 --> 00:29:13,041
And my honor.
442
00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:16,503
- I'll have Okona now.
- He is mine.
443
00:29:16,671 --> 00:29:20,048
One at a time.
Who accuses me of stealing?
444
00:29:20,216 --> 00:29:23,886
- I do. My son, Benzan and I.
- Father, please.
445
00:29:24,053 --> 00:29:26,930
- He used you to become my friend.
- He used my daughter.
446
00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:30,100
He used my son to plunder
a national treasure!
447
00:29:30,935 --> 00:29:32,478
Mute.
448
00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:33,729
[MUTED DIALOGUE]
449
00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:47,618
Terminate communications.
Come with me.
450
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:56,335
Captain, you can't be afraid of what
those two can do to your ship.
451
00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:57,544
No.
452
00:29:57,712 --> 00:30:00,422
They can fire until their lasers run dry
and they wouldn't hurt the Enterprise.
453
00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,132
My predicament is
what to do with you.
454
00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:03,550
I'm sorry.
455
00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:06,094
I'm sorry my ship broke down.
I'm sorry you stopped to help.
456
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,679
I'm sorry you're involved.
457
00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:11,475
But you're right. Whatever happens,
however it goes, someone gets hurt.
458
00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:14,102
Hand me over to Kushell,
and Debin goes to war.
459
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,814
And if I hand you over to Debin,
it's the same thing.
460
00:30:17,273 --> 00:30:19,066
I wish I could...
461
00:30:22,570 --> 00:30:24,738
I wish I could make it easier.
462
00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:26,824
I'm sure you do.
463
00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:32,830
I'm not going to apologize for the
way I am or how I live my life.
464
00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:37,125
But, just for the record, I did not
steal the Jewel of Thesia.
465
00:30:37,293 --> 00:30:41,004
I am not a criminal, Captain,
and as to the other business,
466
00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:45,676
that's between me
and Yanar, no one else.
467
00:30:46,761 --> 00:30:48,303
In truth, I
468
00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:52,432
simply do not have authority
in this matter. I'm not your judge,
469
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,060
nor is it my duty to arbitrate.
470
00:30:55,812 --> 00:30:59,064
But you are in my custody
and that creates the dilemma.
471
00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:00,274
How about this?
472
00:31:03,152 --> 00:31:05,988
Do what you said. Fix my guidance
system and let me leave.
473
00:31:07,156 --> 00:31:10,742
According to Starfleet regulations,
that would be my only course of action.
474
00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:14,830
But their ships are faster than yours.
I'm not doing you a favor.
475
00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:18,750
Captain, with all due respect,
that's not your concern.
476
00:31:18,918 --> 00:31:23,046
Besides I can take care of myself.
477
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,931
MAN:
Let's have a look at that.
478
00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:37,936
You're quite a craftsman,
Lieutenant La Forge.
479
00:31:38,104 --> 00:31:41,315
- How soon?
- What's the rush?
480
00:31:41,482 --> 00:31:45,652
- I thought you liked it here.
- I did. It stopped liking me.
481
00:31:45,820 --> 00:31:47,863
Time to disappear.
482
00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:50,824
- Where will you go?
- What?
483
00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:52,534
I said, where will you go?
484
00:31:52,702 --> 00:31:56,371
A new place, if I make it.
485
00:31:56,748 --> 00:32:00,292
- Don't you ever stay anywhere?
- Not for long.
486
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,713
- I couldn't be like that.
- Oh?
487
00:32:05,048 --> 00:32:07,466
I mean, always being alone.
488
00:32:07,634 --> 00:32:11,094
Commander Riker says you choose
to live the way you do, and like it.
489
00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:12,679
Is that what he says?
490
00:32:13,473 --> 00:32:14,973
Yeah.
491
00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:19,102
It would be difficult for me to be
leaving all the time.
492
00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:23,148
I'd miss my friends, the people I love.
493
00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:27,402
I guess leaving's gotten easy for you.
494
00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:31,740
I seem to have a way
of using up a place.
495
00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:34,743
I wasn't talking about a place.
496
00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:39,331
I know. I know
what you were talking about.
497
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,124
LA FORGE:
It's ready.
498
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:46,546
You should be able to install this
in roughly five minutes.
499
00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:49,549
[SIGHS]
500
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,970
Like you said, Geordi,
what's the rush?
501
00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:58,100
I have some friends around here.
I think it's time to make a stand.
502
00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:16,076
PICARD:
Mr. Okona.
503
00:33:19,038 --> 00:33:21,623
Captain, I've decided not to leave.
504
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:25,127
- Oh.
- Don't worry. I'm not staying either.
505
00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:27,004
PICARD: Just what are your plans,
Mr. Okona?
506
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,172
I've decided to surrender myself.
507
00:33:30,091 --> 00:33:31,133
To which one?
508
00:33:31,300 --> 00:33:33,510
Ha-ha-ha.
There's really only one option.
509
00:33:36,556 --> 00:33:38,140
Viewer on.
510
00:33:38,349 --> 00:33:39,766
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
511
00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:46,898
Gentlemen, communicating
like this is very distracting.
512
00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:49,526
I suggest that we beam you up to
the Enterprise
513
00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,611
and we'll resolve this face-to-face.
514
00:33:52,321 --> 00:33:53,572
Excellent.
515
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:55,157
Agreed.
516
00:33:55,324 --> 00:33:58,243
Leave your weapons behind.
Let's keep this civilized.
517
00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:00,996
Number One, you have the bridge.
Counselor Troi,
518
00:34:01,164 --> 00:34:03,957
would you accompany me to
Deck 14 conference room?
519
00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:07,836
- Worf, see to our guests.
- WORF: Aye, sir.
520
00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:23,435
ROBINSON:
They have no weapons.
521
00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:25,520
WORF:
This way.
522
00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:45,791
- Okona, you are without shame.
- For once I agree with Debin.
523
00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:47,918
You are without shame.
524
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:51,922
I trusted you.
My son treated you like a brother.
525
00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:56,301
And then, to steal from us.
I want him now.
526
00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,553
No. He's coming with me.
527
00:34:58,721 --> 00:35:01,014
Captain, my complaint
was registered first.
528
00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:06,103
Now, please, please be calm.
Lieutenant, thank you.
529
00:35:10,733 --> 00:35:13,902
Everyone is talking about me,
and no one's talking to me.
530
00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:19,825
You all believe I stole the jewel.
531
00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:22,369
And it was I who fathered the child.
532
00:35:22,537 --> 00:35:26,164
You dare call my daughter a liar?
533
00:35:26,332 --> 00:35:29,960
And now I'm offered these
two choices
534
00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,420
and given these two options
535
00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:38,552
condemnation as a thief or,
marriage to the beautiful Yanar.
536
00:35:39,178 --> 00:35:41,930
I will take the
more pleasant sentence.
537
00:35:44,016 --> 00:35:46,685
I will take Yanar as my wife.
538
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:49,312
- No, you can't.
- My son is right.
539
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,232
- You can't escape that way.
- That's not what I mean.
540
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,818
It's not up to you nor to Okona.
541
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:57,737
I've been dishonored.
I will decide.
542
00:35:57,905 --> 00:35:59,114
YANAR:
Wait.
543
00:35:59,282 --> 00:36:03,535
Since all of you believe Okona is
the father of this child, then so be it.
544
00:36:08,124 --> 00:36:12,043
- I'll marry you.
- No, you can't.
545
00:36:12,795 --> 00:36:16,256
- Yes, I can.
- Okona is still a thief.
546
00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:20,427
No, he's not.
Nothing has been stolen.
547
00:36:21,929 --> 00:36:26,057
The Jewel of Thesia has been taken
into custody by its rightful heir.
548
00:36:26,225 --> 00:36:27,726
Me.
549
00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,271
I was to give it to Yanar as our
pledge of marriage.
550
00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:33,315
Marriage?
551
00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:38,486
Yanar is carrying my child.
552
00:36:39,071 --> 00:36:42,532
Oh. You said it was Okona's.
553
00:36:44,493 --> 00:36:48,246
If I told you it was Benzan, you
would have gone to war with his father.
554
00:36:48,623 --> 00:36:50,999
So I let you believe it was Okona.
555
00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:53,126
See how a man gets a reputation?
556
00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:56,963
If I had told you that I was giving
the jewel to Debin's daughter,
557
00:36:57,131 --> 00:36:58,465
you'd have disowned me.
558
00:36:58,633 --> 00:37:00,717
Now we're hearing some truth.
559
00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:03,261
KUSHELL:
So you let me chase Okona
560
00:37:03,429 --> 00:37:05,722
- when you knew he was innocent--
- Yes.
561
00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:10,018
Because I didn't believe for one
moment that you could catch him.
562
00:37:10,186 --> 00:37:11,853
Well said. He never would have.
563
00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:14,689
Then once Yanar
accepted the Jewel,
564
00:37:14,857 --> 00:37:18,526
- the marriage would have been made.
- Well, I never got it.
565
00:37:18,694 --> 00:37:21,112
Then Okona does have the Jewel.
566
00:37:21,697 --> 00:37:25,325
I never had the chance to deliver it.
567
00:37:25,868 --> 00:37:28,745
Anyway, it's too late.
I won't marry Benzan.
568
00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:30,705
Then you'll marry Okona.
569
00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,251
I won't marry anyone.
570
00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:40,507
I have reinstated the same program.
571
00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:42,717
Along with some new jokes, I hope.
572
00:37:42,885 --> 00:37:45,929
COMPUTER: Program complete.
Enter when ready.
573
00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:59,150
Comic, continue.
574
00:37:59,694 --> 00:38:01,987
More freebies, huh?
No cover, no minimum.
575
00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:03,738
Just, "Comic, continue"?
576
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,408
So tell me, Data, what happened?
577
00:38:06,909 --> 00:38:08,618
- I told a joke.
- And?
578
00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:09,828
No one laughed.
579
00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:11,538
No one?
Nobody in the whole room?
580
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,081
I was the whole room.
581
00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:14,791
She said I spoiled the joke.
582
00:38:14,959 --> 00:38:17,210
Actually, killed would have been
a better word.
583
00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:19,004
I think I know
what your problem is.
584
00:38:19,213 --> 00:38:21,923
You should always try out new
material on an audience.
585
00:38:22,091 --> 00:38:25,802
He could be right. Perhaps
an audience is what you need.
586
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,390
Computer.
587
00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:34,519
Program an audience
appropriate to this venue.
588
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,730
[AUDIENCE CHATTERING]
589
00:38:39,025 --> 00:38:40,608
OKONA:
Yanar...
590
00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:48,908
You're angry at the
embarrassment of all this,
591
00:38:49,076 --> 00:38:52,620
and maybe the timing and the
approach is not the most romantic,
592
00:38:52,788 --> 00:38:57,125
but I know you love Benzan,
593
00:38:57,668 --> 00:39:00,045
and I don't want to see you
throw away that feeling
594
00:39:00,212 --> 00:39:02,714
because your parents
have been quarreling for years
595
00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:05,800
and don't know
how to behave properly.
596
00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:12,682
I've carried your messages back
and forth for almost six months.
597
00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:15,018
Smuggled each of you into
the other's homeland.
598
00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:19,647
You feel for him
the same way he feels for you.
599
00:39:35,581 --> 00:39:37,832
I do love you.
600
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,254
It is your child. It's our child.
601
00:39:47,134 --> 00:39:48,635
Marry me.
602
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:51,262
Yes.
603
00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:53,556
[WHISTLES]
604
00:40:04,568 --> 00:40:05,944
We'll find a new planet to live on.
605
00:40:06,112 --> 00:40:07,195
[CHUCKLES]
606
00:40:07,363 --> 00:40:09,948
You'll live on Straleb.
607
00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:13,743
No, no, no, no, no.
You'll live on Atlec.
608
00:40:13,911 --> 00:40:17,205
I will not have this man
raising my grandson.
609
00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:18,498
The rest of this
610
00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:21,292
is an issue, gentlemen,
to be settled between yourselves.
611
00:40:21,460 --> 00:40:23,378
Now if you'll excuse us,
we have business.
612
00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:24,796
YANAR:
Thank you, Captain.
613
00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:28,133
- Your grandson?
- KUSHELL: My grandson.
614
00:40:31,053 --> 00:40:32,345
Thank you.
615
00:40:32,513 --> 00:40:33,763
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
616
00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:35,974
Thank you.
Thanks for coming, folks.
617
00:40:36,142 --> 00:40:37,934
We've got a great show
for you tonight.
618
00:40:38,102 --> 00:40:39,853
I'm so excited this evening.
619
00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:43,148
Tonight I have for you
the funny man of the stars,
620
00:40:43,315 --> 00:40:47,318
the Android of Antics,
that Lieutenant Commander of Mirth,
621
00:40:47,486 --> 00:40:49,404
give him a welcome,
ladies and gentlemen
622
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:54,033
none other than,
he's just the best. Data.
623
00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,244
[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]
624
00:41:04,503 --> 00:41:06,379
Good evening, ladies and germs.
625
00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,423
[ALL LAUGHING]
626
00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:15,305
[DRUM ROLL]
627
00:41:15,556 --> 00:41:17,557
[ALL LAUGHING]
628
00:41:19,435 --> 00:41:23,229
I come from a town so small,
we had a fraction for a zip code.
629
00:41:23,397 --> 00:41:25,273
[ALL LAUGHING]
630
00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:28,860
- You made a living doing this?
- Yes, I did.
631
00:41:29,028 --> 00:41:32,280
It was so small, in fact,
we didn't have a godfather of crime,
632
00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:34,616
we had a nephew.
633
00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:36,826
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
634
00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:50,173
I was so ugly as a child,
they hung a pork chop around my neck
635
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:52,133
[ALL LAUGHING]
636
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:57,764
So the dog would play with me.
637
00:41:57,932 --> 00:41:59,349
[ALL LAUGHING]
638
00:42:03,437 --> 00:42:06,147
And then there was the
human cannonball
639
00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:08,650
that was hired and fired
in the same night.
640
00:42:08,859 --> 00:42:10,652
[ALL LAUGHING]
641
00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:15,949
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
642
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,203
Audience program, off.
643
00:42:20,412 --> 00:42:22,413
[ALL LAUGHING]
644
00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:32,799
Discontinue Comic.
645
00:42:42,184 --> 00:42:44,018
It was a Holodeck audience.
646
00:42:44,186 --> 00:42:46,854
They were programmed
to laugh at everything.
647
00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:49,816
Perhaps I should reprogram
the audience
648
00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:51,859
to display a more
accurate response.
649
00:42:52,027 --> 00:42:54,946
Data, let me give you one.
650
00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:57,865
Being able to make people laugh,
651
00:42:58,033 --> 00:43:02,203
or being able to laugh, is not the
end-all and be-all of being human.
652
00:43:02,371 --> 00:43:07,750
No, but there is nothing more
uniquely human.
653
00:43:23,350 --> 00:43:25,226
Hold your speed, Captain Okona.
654
00:43:25,394 --> 00:43:27,145
Disengage.
655
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:29,897
Separated.
656
00:43:30,065 --> 00:43:33,192
I'm under my own power now.
Thank you, Enterprise.
657
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,821
- Thank you, Captain Picard.
- Goodbye, Captain Okona.
658
00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:39,032
Bye, Captain Okona.
659
00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:42,952
Say goodbye, Data.
660
00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:44,996
Goodbye Data.
661
00:43:45,205 --> 00:43:47,081
[TROI & RIKER LAUGH]
662
00:43:48,292 --> 00:43:49,375
Was that funny?
663
00:43:49,585 --> 00:43:50,585
[CHUCKLES]
664
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,671
Accessing.
665
00:43:54,673 --> 00:43:59,552
Huh. Burns and Allen, Roxy Theatre,
New York City, 1932.
666
00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:01,471
It still works.
667
00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:04,974
Then there was the one about
the girl in the nudist colony
668
00:44:05,142 --> 00:44:06,434
that nothing looked good on.
669
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:08,436
We're ready to get underway, sir.
670
00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:11,356
Take my Worf, please.
671
00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:15,241
- Warp speed, sir?
- Please.
52990
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