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1
00:00:10,855 --> 00:00:13,825
Contrary to popular belief,
the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo
2
00:00:13,895 --> 00:00:14,895
wasn't racist.
3
00:00:14,963 --> 00:00:15,903
It was racial.
4
00:00:15,965 --> 00:00:16,895
There's a difference.
5
00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:18,936
Mr. Aquino,
6
00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:20,065
passing notes and giggling?
7
00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:22,180
Not on my watch.
8
00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:23,614
"Could the postcolonial reconstruction
9
00:00:23,681 --> 00:00:25,791
of the American Southwest
be any cooler?"
10
00:00:25,852 --> 00:00:27,762
How dare you be sarcastic
with me!
11
00:00:27,822 --> 00:00:28,792
Mr. Wallace, it's sincere.
12
00:00:28,858 --> 00:00:29,858
I'm that nerdy.
13
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:30,997
How's this for sincere?
14
00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:32,202
Extra reading tonight.
15
00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:33,574
On Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
16
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:34,774
Oh, man!
17
00:00:34,836 --> 00:00:36,366
MR. WALLACE: Dissect
the Rosenbergs' timeline
18
00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:38,339
and see how it lines up
with the show The Americans.
19
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,180
Passing notes
is a slippery slope.
20
00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:41,577
Hi, Teach.
21
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,950
You bored me to death!
22
00:00:43,019 --> 00:00:44,259
Oh, God! Ahh!
23
00:00:44,322 --> 00:00:46,562
Oh, God! Ahh! Oh, God.
24
00:00:46,627 --> 00:00:48,497
Oh, my God.
That was so cool.
25
00:00:48,564 --> 00:00:52,304
I'm your sub, Mr. Boner,
and I'm hard for history.
26
00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:53,711
I don't--
I don't deserve to die.
27
00:00:53,774 --> 00:00:55,444
Oh, God! Oh, God!
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
28
00:00:55,511 --> 00:00:58,681
We still good to try that new
WWE-themed ice cream place,
29
00:00:58,751 --> 00:00:59,691
Stone Cold Creamery?
30
00:00:59,753 --> 00:01:01,293
Gimme a hell yeah!
31
00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:02,456
Hey. Chrissy, right?
32
00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:03,825
Arabella, don't hurt us!
33
00:01:03,894 --> 00:01:05,874
One of us could be the person
to solve global warming.
34
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,172
You know my name?
35
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,244
That skeleton thing you did
was so dank.
36
00:01:09,305 --> 00:01:11,375
Like, such a subversion
of Western hegemony.
37
00:01:11,442 --> 00:01:12,652
Oh, yeah, that's, uh,
38
00:01:12,712 --> 00:01:14,482
my least favorite kind
of hegemony.
39
00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:16,919
We're protesting fast fashion
at Camry's later.
40
00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,257
You should come.
- Uh, yeah.
41
00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:19,233
Okay, I'll be there.
42
00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:20,862
TTYL, Chrissy.
43
00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:22,329
We have to stop at Forever 21.
44
00:01:22,398 --> 00:01:24,638
I'm gonna hang out with
Arabella and her friends today?
45
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:26,773
Sure, she's popular,
but what's the big deal?
46
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,110
They're somebody.
People remember their names.
47
00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:31,018
They're not just "new girl."
Oh, God.
48
00:01:31,082 --> 00:01:32,452
What do I wear
to protest fast fashion?
49
00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:33,689
What's slow? A turtleneck?
50
00:01:33,754 --> 00:01:35,364
You mean after we get
ice cream, right?
51
00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,234
The flavors will put you
in a suplex.
52
00:01:37,294 --> 00:01:39,034
- Cool if we reschedule?
- Totally.
53
00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:40,168
TTYL.
54
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,013
LOL, NP...
55
00:01:43,073 --> 00:01:44,743
if "LOL, NP" stood for
56
00:01:44,810 --> 00:01:48,720
"Losing one's laughter.
Nihilism, pain."
57
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:08,688
So, uh, don't forget it's our
weekly deer skinning tonight.
58
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:11,058
Gonna show you how to remove
soft tissue from the hide.
59
00:02:11,129 --> 00:02:12,459
Ugh, vom.
60
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,832
Okay,
can you just put down that book
61
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:14,871
and eat your breakfast?
62
00:02:14,936 --> 00:02:16,506
It's the novelization
of Parasite.
63
00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:18,443
And breakfast
is a social construct.
64
00:02:18,511 --> 00:02:20,581
Last week, you wanted
dinosaur-shaped pancakes,
65
00:02:20,648 --> 00:02:22,648
and now you're protesting
the idea of breakfast?
66
00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,221
Some of us are interested
in growth,
67
00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:26,290
not just being a shill.
68
00:02:26,359 --> 00:02:27,759
I literally support anarchy.
69
00:02:27,829 --> 00:02:29,299
That outfit is anarchy.
70
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:30,935
All right, Chrissy,
what has gotten into you?
71
00:02:31,002 --> 00:02:32,202
Stop calling me that.
72
00:02:32,271 --> 00:02:33,941
My girlfriends call me
Skelli-Trash Bride.
73
00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,008
Wait a minute--you don't have
any friends that are girls.
74
00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:38,449
I have more of a life outside
of this house than you think.
75
00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,517
Coming from the girl who took
Erwin to the fall dance?
76
00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:42,558
- I'm right here.
- Whatever!
77
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:44,455
I'm gonna be late. Bye.
78
00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:46,499
Wait a minute.
Who is driving you to school?
79
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,397
Are they old enough?
- My friend Camry.
80
00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:50,880
And she repeated eighth grade
three times, so yeah.
81
00:02:50,942 --> 00:02:53,112
Maybe your new friends
like your shitty attitude,
82
00:02:53,179 --> 00:02:54,249
but I don't.
83
00:02:54,315 --> 00:02:55,545
Don't touch me.
84
00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:57,618
I wanna hang out
with people my own age,
85
00:02:57,689 --> 00:03:01,699
not skin deer with some
ancient, dried out hag.
86
00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:04,969
Oh, by the way, Chrissy took
one of your Wiccan tools
87
00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:06,307
earlier.
- What?
88
00:03:06,372 --> 00:03:07,942
Why the fuck didn't you say
something sooner?
89
00:03:08,009 --> 00:03:09,079
Maybe don't shit on me
90
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,305
for being someone's
fall dance date.
91
00:03:12,986 --> 00:03:14,686
That little fucking brat.
92
00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:21,104
And where does she get off
calling me a hag?
93
00:03:21,169 --> 00:03:22,369
I am 34.
94
00:03:22,438 --> 00:03:24,378
Thank you very much.
95
00:03:31,957 --> 00:03:33,527
Haruch vas divinite!
96
00:03:39,806 --> 00:03:42,176
Hey, Laura, I'm joining
a rec softball team.
97
00:03:42,244 --> 00:03:43,884
You in? Oh, God. What's this?
98
00:03:43,948 --> 00:03:45,688
I'm borrowing youth
from this baby.
99
00:03:45,752 --> 00:03:47,892
So you're taking
this hag thing hard, huh?
100
00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:48,786
Chrissy took a Wiccan tool
101
00:03:48,858 --> 00:03:50,358
that can conjure
the darkest evils,
102
00:03:50,427 --> 00:03:52,227
and it's all because of those
popular girls.
103
00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:53,727
She's only listening to them,
104
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,071
so I have to transform myself
into an actual tween
105
00:03:56,139 --> 00:03:57,169
to get through to her.
- Oh.
106
00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,441
Well, when you put it
like that,
107
00:03:58,511 --> 00:04:00,111
this kidnapping
is actually cool and normal.
108
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:01,220
Oh, grow up.
109
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,452
They're in a state
of deep slumber.
110
00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:04,489
They might as well be
in a spa right now.
111
00:04:04,556 --> 00:04:05,856
This is gonna be painful
for me.
112
00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:07,055
Lock the garage door.
113
00:04:07,127 --> 00:04:09,497
No matter how much I beg you,
do not open it.
114
00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:10,896
All right, but later,
115
00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:12,808
I get to do one weird thing
in the garage.
116
00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:16,578
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!
117
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,477
Erwin, this wasn't worth it!
I'll Let Chrissy die!
118
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,421
Please open the garage!
119
00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:23,264
Would it kill you to smile?
120
00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:24,726
I promised Chrissy a weekend
121
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:26,526
of gambling and smoking cigars.
122
00:04:29,673 --> 00:04:31,443
- Ah, hold up, hold up.
123
00:04:31,510 --> 00:04:32,850
I'm getting a text.
124
00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:36,090
"Hey, Dad.
125
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:37,622
"Can't make this weekend.
126
00:04:37,689 --> 00:04:39,189
Have a crazy school project."
127
00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:40,488
Grimacing emoji.
128
00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:42,601
"Working at Bennigan's." What?
129
00:04:42,665 --> 00:04:45,135
I'm being upstaged
by the fucking yo-yo kid?
130
00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:47,113
Son of a bitch, pulling the ol'
131
00:04:47,174 --> 00:04:49,184
"school project" routine on me?
132
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,475
It's code for butt stuff.
133
00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:52,448
Snake with Arms, cadaver.
134
00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:56,458
Oh, God!
I killed an armadillo!
135
00:04:56,527 --> 00:04:58,857
Fucking stairs...
136
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,841
All right, you sick fuck.
137
00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,442
Ahh! Zombie armadillo!
138
00:05:02,505 --> 00:05:04,735
It's me, the Devil,
in a dead armadillo.
139
00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:05,950
Wait, what do you want
from me?
140
00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:07,522
Are--are we friends now?
- Where is she?
141
00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:09,992
I heard about your
"school project," perv.
142
00:05:10,053 --> 00:05:11,523
Your pee-pee's getting
the guillotine.
143
00:05:11,590 --> 00:05:13,060
I guess that was her cover.
144
00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:14,556
I haven't seen Chrissy in days.
145
00:05:14,629 --> 00:05:16,199
Ever since she got popular.
146
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:17,195
What the f--
147
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:18,397
When did this happen?
148
00:05:18,469 --> 00:05:20,139
Tell me everything you know,
now!
149
00:05:20,207 --> 00:05:21,437
This week! What's wrong?
150
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:23,550
Popular people
are a menace to society.
151
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,024
And this is me talking.
152
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:27,663
I've seen this crap play out
for hundreds of years.
153
00:05:27,722 --> 00:05:29,632
First, she's popular
in middle school.
154
00:05:29,693 --> 00:05:32,603
Then she joins a middle tier
sorority in college.
155
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,025
Before you know it,
she's married
156
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,571
to some dick-nose named Trent
157
00:05:35,638 --> 00:05:37,938
who works in mergers
and acquisitions.
158
00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:39,909
She'll be so wrapped up
in that kind of shit,
159
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,920
she'll lose sight of what's
really important in life.
160
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:43,954
- Her real friends--
- Universal supremacy!
161
00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:45,861
There's gotta be something
we can do, right?
162
00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:47,385
Nah. We can't do shit.
163
00:05:47,461 --> 00:05:48,801
Chrissy's popular now.
164
00:05:48,864 --> 00:05:50,944
She won't listen to anyone except...
165
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,812
a more popular kid.
166
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:55,142
You're gonna possess someone
more popular and get her back?
167
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:56,610
You kidding? If I possess,
168
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:57,980
Chrissy will sniff me out.
169
00:05:58,049 --> 00:05:59,619
I got it! You.
170
00:05:59,686 --> 00:06:00,816
- What?
- Only you can help her.
171
00:06:00,888 --> 00:06:02,358
No, no, no.
I can't become popular.
172
00:06:02,424 --> 00:06:03,594
I'm more of a wallflower.
173
00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:05,201
Not just popular,
174
00:06:05,263 --> 00:06:08,173
the kind of kid she doesn't use
as a cover story.
175
00:06:08,236 --> 00:06:09,566
Plus, she seems to like you.
176
00:06:09,639 --> 00:06:11,879
Or she did, at least.
177
00:06:12,812 --> 00:06:13,752
You know what?
178
00:06:13,814 --> 00:06:16,224
Let's make me
the coolest gosh-darn kid
179
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:17,485
this town has ever seen.
180
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:19,425
Now you're talkin', Benny!
181
00:06:26,506 --> 00:06:27,706
All right, Laura.
182
00:06:27,775 --> 00:06:29,475
You're wiser and hotter
than these morons.
183
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:30,846
I'll have Chrissy back
before lunch.
184
00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:32,275
Just a reminder,
185
00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:34,421
Principal Dawkins
is holding a safety assembly
186
00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:35,728
in the theater this afternoon
187
00:06:35,791 --> 00:06:37,561
on the new dangers
of teenager-ness.
188
00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:39,369
Attendance is mandatory.
189
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,501
Hi. Where can I find
Chrissy Feinberg?
190
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:42,740
I'm her lab partner.
191
00:06:42,805 --> 00:06:43,865
Why don't you just text her?
192
00:06:43,941 --> 00:06:45,711
Uh, because cell phones
are brain poison.
193
00:06:45,778 --> 00:06:47,008
Read a book, you dumb idiot.
194
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,080
Whoa, uncool.
Weaponizing intelligence?
195
00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:50,961
Not a behavior
I wanna see normalized.
196
00:06:51,022 --> 00:06:53,032
- Are you all right?
- I just feel so gaslit.
197
00:06:53,092 --> 00:06:54,662
Get away from us,
toxic new girl.
198
00:06:54,729 --> 00:06:56,629
Aw, wait, come on, come on.
199
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:57,870
I--I didn't mean...
200
00:06:57,936 --> 00:06:59,366
Wait a minute,
why do I give a shit?
201
00:06:59,438 --> 00:07:01,338
Stupid fuckin' teen spell,
202
00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:03,279
making me all hormonal
and emotional.
203
00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:18,877
- You vape?
- Sometimes.
204
00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:20,554
You know
it gives you popcorn lung.
205
00:07:20,615 --> 00:07:22,475
- What are you, my mom?
- Uh, me? No--
206
00:07:22,552 --> 00:07:24,592
I'm Abigail Carter-Lange,
new in town,
207
00:07:24,656 --> 00:07:26,726
no discernible past,
so don't bother looking me up.
208
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:29,003
- Okay?
- So what's the haps, huh?
209
00:07:29,064 --> 00:07:31,474
Where do the, uh, cool kids go
to let loose
210
00:07:31,536 --> 00:07:33,136
and play with
otherworldly artifacts?
211
00:07:33,206 --> 00:07:34,206
Are you confused?
212
00:07:35,578 --> 00:07:37,178
Is toxic new girl
bothering you?
213
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:38,247
No, she just, like--
214
00:07:38,316 --> 00:07:39,986
Who made those braces,
Amtrak?
215
00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:42,533
Those shoes should come
with a Content Warning.
216
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:43,762
Let's leave
before toxic new girl
217
00:07:43,827 --> 00:07:45,297
tries to red-pill us.
218
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,038
Well, who made your shoes, huh?
219
00:07:49,104 --> 00:07:50,114
Amtrak?
220
00:07:50,173 --> 00:07:51,343
Damn it.
221
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,516
"Slimm Timm"?
222
00:07:55,584 --> 00:07:57,894
Who the hell is Slimm Timm?
223
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:03,501
All right, first step
in making you cool as shit
224
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,537
was getting you
this cool-as-shit hat.
225
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:07,584
I will agree with you, sir,
on this.
226
00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:09,582
This hat is super cool.
- Keep it on.
227
00:08:09,646 --> 00:08:11,046
I'm gonna pull your hair
to control you.
228
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,445
Ooh, like Ratatouille.
229
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,588
If you don't shut up, you're
gonna fuck up my whole plan.
230
00:08:14,656 --> 00:08:16,056
Oh, and--and what is
your plan, sir?
231
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:17,725
Let's just say
you're about to look
232
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:19,865
like the biggest badass
in middle school history.
233
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,043
Now mush.
234
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:23,012
Whoa, wait. H-how?
235
00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:24,642
I started a credible rumor
that you're banging
236
00:08:24,709 --> 00:08:26,049
the hottest teacher in school.
237
00:08:26,112 --> 00:08:27,082
Wait. You what?
238
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,917
Miss Rainy,
you are utterly depraved!
239
00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:30,924
How could you?
- Principal Dawkins,
240
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,728
I swear those photos
aren't real.
241
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:34,432
Bennigan, please.
Tell the truth.
242
00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,625
Of course. The truth is...
243
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,870
That I nailed Ms. Rainy
244
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,205
in ways
that would make God cry.
245
00:08:41,475 --> 00:08:42,875
Oh, God.
246
00:08:42,945 --> 00:08:44,175
Please, no! Please, no!
That is so messed up.
247
00:08:44,248 --> 00:08:45,718
She was my favorite teacher,
and now she's a perv.
248
00:08:45,785 --> 00:08:46,685
I don't get it.
249
00:08:46,753 --> 00:08:47,993
Why aren't people
worshipping you?
250
00:08:48,056 --> 00:08:50,556
You told people
that I slept with a teacher.
251
00:08:50,628 --> 00:08:52,128
- That's cool.
- That's not cool!
252
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,497
It's a heinous crime!
253
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,537
Poor Miss Rainy.
254
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,502
What are they gonna do to her?
255
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:56,471
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
256
00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:57,940
All press is good press.
257
00:08:58,009 --> 00:09:00,079
As long as people are talking.
258
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:02,946
- "Slimm Timm."
259
00:09:04,388 --> 00:09:06,128
W-w-w-w-w-wowy kazowee,
260
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,232
shizbags!
261
00:09:07,294 --> 00:09:08,264
Aye! Aye!
262
00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:09,259
Kamerickle Spurkles
263
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,271
with all the latest tea
264
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,203
on the cray and creepy.
265
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:14,680
Hold onto yer tables
and piss on this!
266
00:09:14,743 --> 00:09:16,013
Slimm Timm.
267
00:09:16,078 --> 00:09:18,278
Teens across the world
posted stories
268
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,649
of a slender man
who roams the globe
269
00:09:20,721 --> 00:09:24,031
in search of young hearts
to devour.
270
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:25,134
How the hell
don't I know this freak?
271
00:09:25,196 --> 00:09:26,496
It's my whole thing.
272
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,566
The more you believe in him,
273
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,405
the more real he becomes.
274
00:09:29,471 --> 00:09:31,381
A tulpa. Fuck. Of course.
275
00:09:31,442 --> 00:09:32,712
Acolytes will often offer him
276
00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:34,209
their weakest member
in exchange
277
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:36,721
for his eternal love
and admiration.
278
00:09:36,787 --> 00:09:38,057
Don't forget
to smash Subscribe
279
00:09:38,122 --> 00:09:40,332
for more sick vids
and dank memes.
280
00:09:40,393 --> 00:09:42,703
Those bitches
are gonna sacrifice Chrissy.
281
00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,025
Hey, you, where in this school
282
00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:45,571
do kids go to do dark shit, huh?
283
00:09:45,638 --> 00:09:46,738
Tell me now. Come on.
284
00:09:46,807 --> 00:09:48,307
That depends
who you're referring to.
285
00:09:48,376 --> 00:09:50,706
Manga girls read guro
under the bleachers.
286
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:53,021
Then you got the art kids,
total smackheads.
287
00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:54,855
Okay, okay. Well,
what about the popular girls?
288
00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:56,033
Always something new
with them.
289
00:09:56,091 --> 00:09:57,561
Just look at their
ShitSta page.
290
00:09:57,628 --> 00:09:59,158
They'll post
all their dark shit there.
291
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:00,331
The fuck is...
292
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,200
Look, if that's some
social media bullshit,
293
00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:03,640
there's no way
Chrissy has one of those.
294
00:10:03,707 --> 00:10:04,637
Chrissy Feinberg?
295
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:05,949
Uh, yes, she does.
296
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:08,081
Her page is growing in numbers
as we speak.
297
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,349
Climbing to the top ten
student body influencers
298
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:11,760
in just under three days, and--
299
00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:14,733
Save it for your podcast,
loser, and show me.
300
00:10:14,796 --> 00:10:15,726
She likes free jazz?
301
00:10:15,798 --> 00:10:17,268
Since when?
302
00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:19,744
Hey, guys, sorry
I haven't posted in forever.
303
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,836
Laura's been sucking the life
out of me.
304
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,780
Can't wait to get
out of the hag's prison
305
00:10:23,847 --> 00:10:26,317
and into my happy place,
hangin' with my girlies.
306
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:30,361
Hey, where is this?
307
00:10:30,426 --> 00:10:31,556
The old boiler room.
308
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:32,970
It's the tragic
and haunted site
309
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,302
where they take kids
to get bullied.
310
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,168
Nearly 40 years ago,
they went too far--
311
00:10:36,238 --> 00:10:38,678
Oh, my God, I'm gonna turn
your ribcage into a lampshade.
312
00:10:38,744 --> 00:10:40,824
Shut up and tell me
where the fuck it is.
313
00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:42,691
Look, I want to get popular
314
00:10:42,752 --> 00:10:44,022
and talk some sense
into Chrissy
315
00:10:44,087 --> 00:10:45,217
just as much as you do, sir--
316
00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:46,230
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah.
317
00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:47,662
But we can't hurt anyone.
Deal?
318
00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,058
This idea's harmless.
319
00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:50,431
See those cool kids over
there cutting class?
320
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,570
Yeah.
We're gonna
321
00:10:51,636 --> 00:10:53,106
do one of those viral pranks
322
00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:55,682
that kids love to make you look
like a fuckin' stud.
323
00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,284
Okay.
And we're gonna do this by...
324
00:10:57,347 --> 00:10:59,787
On my signal,
a team of Beast Guards
325
00:10:59,853 --> 00:11:01,793
are gonna beat the shit
out of that cool kid.
326
00:11:01,857 --> 00:11:03,487
I mean,
really decimate the guy.
327
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,270
Then I figure you jump out,
strip to your undies,
328
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,802
dive into a kiddie pool
of tapioca pudding,
329
00:11:08,871 --> 00:11:11,611
and you will yell "swag"
or "kazooie."
330
00:11:11,676 --> 00:11:12,676
Wha--no!
331
00:11:12,745 --> 00:11:14,305
H-how is that a prank to you?
332
00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:16,351
Beating someone
within an inch of their life?
333
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:17,658
Holy shit, kid.
334
00:11:17,722 --> 00:11:19,192
You are fuckin' hopeless.
335
00:11:19,258 --> 00:11:22,258
First, it's, "Ew, sex
with teachers is a crime."
336
00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:24,070
- It is.
- Now you're against pranks.
337
00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:27,214
This isn't the '80s,
Mr. Satan, sir, okay?
338
00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,854
Why can't we just get popular
by being like a decent person?
339
00:11:29,913 --> 00:11:31,183
All right,
you don't wanna listen to me?
340
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,178
Try it. Be decent.
341
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,390
Let's watch you
crash and burn, dipshit.
342
00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:36,394
Fine. Respectfully, I will.
343
00:11:37,562 --> 00:11:39,632
What do you want?
We're ditching class.
344
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,639
Beat it.
- Hey, I've been there.
345
00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:43,643
Skipping class
is just a way to say,
346
00:11:43,707 --> 00:11:46,107
"Hey. I'm so, so scared,
347
00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:49,478
and in my life, this is
the one thing I can control."
348
00:11:49,552 --> 00:11:51,392
But Brian, hey.
349
00:11:51,455 --> 00:11:53,255
Look at me, bud. Look at me.
350
00:11:53,326 --> 00:11:55,726
You. Are. Valid.
351
00:11:58,737 --> 00:12:00,237
I'm so afraid of the future.
352
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,746
Sometimes I feel invisible,
and this is the only way
353
00:12:02,812 --> 00:12:04,882
I feel seen.
- Shh, shh, shh. I gotcha.
354
00:12:04,949 --> 00:12:07,859
Ol' Benny Boy Superstar's
gotcha.
355
00:12:07,922 --> 00:12:12,032
You are the single
coolest kid I've ever met.
356
00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,127
Welcome, king.
357
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,769
STUDENT 1:
Yeah! No, he is cool.
358
00:12:14,836 --> 00:12:16,306
STUDENT 2:
Emotional maturity is the tits.
359
00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:19,412
- Holy shit.
- That worked? That worked!
360
00:12:19,478 --> 00:12:22,348
I never thought to just talk
to the popular people.
361
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,957
Big deal, "kazooie" would've
accomplished the same thing,
362
00:12:25,023 --> 00:12:26,363
but with more sex appeal.
363
00:12:26,425 --> 00:12:28,795
Now for phase two.
364
00:12:28,864 --> 00:12:30,674
You ever see someone
and think, man,
365
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:32,614
that looks just like
the child version
366
00:12:32,672 --> 00:12:34,042
of somebody I used to nail?
367
00:12:34,107 --> 00:12:35,607
I--I never thought that.
368
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,000
Skelli-Trash Bride, hurry up
369
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,537
and sit your sacrificial ass
on that pentagram.
370
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,036
You got it...
Bish.
371
00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:52,408
You don't call her bish!
372
00:12:52,477 --> 00:12:54,617
Sorry. Sage Dragomire.
373
00:12:57,287 --> 00:13:00,127
I can't believe she chose
dungeons and dipshits over me.
374
00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:02,673
And as your principal,
I am obligated to speak up
375
00:13:02,732 --> 00:13:04,502
about the latest trend
I'm seeing,
376
00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:06,139
worshipping the occult.
377
00:13:06,205 --> 00:13:07,975
You are not
"the daughters of the witches
378
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:09,682
they could not burn,"
all right?
379
00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,146
You're 12.
- Whoo-ey.
380
00:13:11,215 --> 00:13:13,545
Wow, popularity
really is a trip.
381
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:14,960
So what's the plan?
382
00:13:15,023 --> 00:13:17,433
Do I pull Chrissy aside
and we do a heart-to-heart
383
00:13:17,494 --> 00:13:18,734
about how, popular or not,
384
00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:20,067
true friends will--
- No, no.
385
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,143
Get up on stage
and read this speech I wrote.
386
00:13:22,203 --> 00:13:24,213
"Friends,
as the new popular kid,
387
00:13:24,274 --> 00:13:25,884
"I must warn you
about the scourge
388
00:13:25,944 --> 00:13:27,354
"that is Chrissy Feinberg.
389
00:13:27,414 --> 00:13:28,954
"Her impression
of Charles Barkley
390
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,687
is the most racist thing
I've ever seen"?
391
00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:31,894
Wait, wait, no.
392
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:33,356
You want to cancel
your own daughter?
393
00:13:33,426 --> 00:13:34,186
It's for her own good.
394
00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:35,501
But what about being kind?
395
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,174
That's how we got cool
in the first place.
396
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:40,113
I did opiates with Rasputin.
Don't lecture me about "cool."
397
00:13:40,173 --> 00:13:41,943
Now get up there
and read the damn speech.
398
00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:43,650
- She'll be a pariah.
- Good.
399
00:13:43,714 --> 00:13:46,424
All the more reason for her
to ditch the mortal bullshit
400
00:13:46,485 --> 00:13:49,215
and make chaos reign with me.
- Wow.
401
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:51,761
You're so insecure that she
has other people in her life
402
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:54,130
you'd rather
she be totally alone.
403
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,311
Which means I make you insecure
404
00:13:56,372 --> 00:13:57,982
because I have
a real connection with her,
405
00:13:58,042 --> 00:13:59,612
and you don't.
- You little fuckin'...
406
00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:00,579
All right, all right. Look.
407
00:14:00,647 --> 00:14:01,877
I'm not gonna mince words here.
408
00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:03,220
Read the speech, or I'll murder
409
00:14:03,285 --> 00:14:04,415
your whole family.
410
00:14:04,488 --> 00:14:05,888
Hey, everybody.
411
00:14:05,958 --> 00:14:08,158
The new cool kid Bennigan
should give a speech.
412
00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:10,069
Speech! Speech!
413
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:12,343
Oh, Slimm Timm,
hear my plea.
414
00:14:12,404 --> 00:14:15,144
We call you forth
as witches three.
415
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:17,209
With tainted blood,
we sacrifice,
416
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,750
to hear your call
as cold as ice.
417
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,889
Please accept this mortal coil,
418
00:14:21,956 --> 00:14:24,126
bone to dust, and soul to soil.
419
00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:27,944
Deus mar varicht.
Deus mar varicht.
420
00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:30,172
Ugh!
God, these girls are amateurs.
421
00:14:30,239 --> 00:14:32,139
Deus mar varicht.
422
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:36,617
Oh, shit, it's working.
423
00:14:45,269 --> 00:14:47,979
Yippee-ki-yi-yay...
424
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:51,422
Here I come.
Here comes Slimm Timm.
425
00:14:51,482 --> 00:14:53,452
Tumm Timmy Tumm.
426
00:14:56,325 --> 00:14:59,355
I can growl too, bitch.
427
00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:28,887
- Whoa! Hey.
428
00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,057
Hey, guys.
429
00:15:30,126 --> 00:15:31,996
Crazy seeing you all
round here.
430
00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,773
Got lost
looking for the bathroom.
431
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:35,004
Whazzup?
432
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:37,039
What the--
where is he, Chrissy?
433
00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:38,337
It didn't work.
434
00:15:38,409 --> 00:15:40,349
We rehearsed
your fake sacrifice all week.
435
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:41,683
Fake?
You said
436
00:15:41,749 --> 00:15:43,489
your Wiccan tools could help us
summon Slimm Timm
437
00:15:43,553 --> 00:15:45,163
so we could finally
hold him accountable
438
00:15:45,223 --> 00:15:47,033
for all those young girls
he preyed on.
439
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:48,433
I know, I'm sorry.
440
00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:49,996
I-I used my powers
to make me look half-dead.
441
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,396
It should have lured him to me.
442
00:15:51,468 --> 00:15:53,908
The only thing it lured
was that toxic new girl.
443
00:15:53,974 --> 00:15:55,114
What a waste.
444
00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,776
See you never, Chrissy.
445
00:15:57,848 --> 00:15:58,948
Hey.
446
00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:00,547
So Arabella ditched you, huh?
447
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:02,221
I guess she really sucks.
448
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,190
Sorry, who are you?
449
00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:04,899
Abigail, from earlier?
450
00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,632
I just wanna be alone
right now.
451
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,939
And I'm the one that sucks.
452
00:16:08,002 --> 00:16:08,972
I screwed up.
453
00:16:09,037 --> 00:16:10,037
That's not true.
454
00:16:10,106 --> 00:16:11,136
Plus, who cares
what they think?
455
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:13,348
I thought I raised you--I...
456
00:16:13,412 --> 00:16:16,222
I thought you'd be cooler
than trying to impress bullies.
457
00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:17,555
Maybe this sounds stupid,
458
00:16:17,621 --> 00:16:19,491
but I moved around so much
growing up
459
00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:21,959
that I never had girlfriends
my own age.
460
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,400
So I guess
when they noticed me,
461
00:16:23,465 --> 00:16:27,035
it felt like it might be my
only chance to have friends.
462
00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:28,706
See ya.
463
00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:33,721
I really am a fuckin' hag.
464
00:16:35,022 --> 00:16:36,892
Store-bought cloves? Come on.
465
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,060
No one even bothers to forage
their own shit anymore.
466
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,370
Bunch of posers.
467
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,773
It's like, are we trying
to be real witches
468
00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:42,836
or make a fucking pie?
469
00:16:43,874 --> 00:16:44,944
Hmm?
470
00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:49,722
Oh, fuck.
471
00:16:49,785 --> 00:16:51,555
Where the hell did he go?
472
00:16:51,623 --> 00:16:53,393
Fuck. Fuck. Chrissy!
473
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,170
Uh... what's up, guys?
474
00:16:58,235 --> 00:16:59,265
We love you, Bennigan!
475
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:02,437
Hmm. I...I just, uh...
wanted to say...
476
00:17:02,511 --> 00:17:03,551
Stay on the script, you--
477
00:17:03,613 --> 00:17:04,653
I...I...
478
00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:05,815
Think about your mother.
479
00:17:05,884 --> 00:17:06,994
Think about your father.
480
00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:08,363
I'm gonna kill your family.
481
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:09,832
I can't do it.
Ah!
482
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:12,262
Can't do what?
I've had a crazy 48.
483
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,700
I used to think
I was a pretty good person,
484
00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:17,469
that I used to be someone
who cared about his friends.
485
00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:19,511
I was ready to throw
that all away.
486
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:21,149
Well, I'm done
being a pushover.
487
00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,045
I'm done lying.
488
00:17:24,421 --> 00:17:25,691
STUDENT 1: You just revealed
an armadillo.
489
00:17:25,757 --> 00:17:27,797
STUDENT 2: Yeah, that doesn't
mean anything to us.
490
00:17:27,861 --> 00:17:29,361
I'm done taking orders
from you.
491
00:17:29,431 --> 00:17:31,201
I'd rather Chrissy blow me off
until the end of time
492
00:17:31,268 --> 00:17:32,468
than say those mean things.
493
00:17:32,538 --> 00:17:34,238
Huh.
What are you gonna do, twerp?
494
00:17:34,307 --> 00:17:36,277
You're still the same
nerdy bitch, Bennigan.
495
00:17:36,345 --> 00:17:37,645
Oh, yeah? Well, you forgot
496
00:17:37,715 --> 00:17:39,585
the most important part
of being a nerd.
497
00:17:39,652 --> 00:17:40,552
What's that?
498
00:17:40,621 --> 00:17:43,331
Always carry
a writing utensil.
499
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,244
STUDENT 3: Armadillo murderer!
500
00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:49,742
STUDENT 4: Not cool!
501
00:17:49,805 --> 00:17:50,735
Wait, no, no, no.
502
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:52,337
I can explain.
503
00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,720
That Armadillo did
a Charles Barkley impression,
504
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,692
and it's the most racist thing
I've ever seen.
505
00:17:56,753 --> 00:17:58,193
STUDENT 5: Hell yeah!
STUDENT 6: Very cool!
506
00:17:58,255 --> 00:17:59,555
STUDENT 7: That's my Bennigan!
507
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:00,955
We should get Sasquatch next.
508
00:18:01,028 --> 00:18:02,798
I've never seen him wear pants.
509
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,267
OMG!
510
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,543
I totally just screamed.
511
00:18:21,603 --> 00:18:22,573
It's Slimm Timm.
512
00:18:22,638 --> 00:18:23,938
I thought
it was Pete Davidson.
513
00:18:26,613 --> 00:18:27,413
Run!
514
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,450
Strong women don't avoid
515
00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:30,146
tough challenges, Skelli-Trash.
516
00:18:30,219 --> 00:18:31,359
Get in formation, girls.
517
00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:33,591
It's time
to hold him accountable.
518
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:36,470
Whatever.
Hey, Slimm Timm, over here!
519
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,872
It's me you want.
- Slimm Timm?
520
00:18:37,935 --> 00:18:39,165
More like Dimm Timm.
521
00:18:39,237 --> 00:18:41,377
You're an ageless being
who exploits tweens.
522
00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:42,881
Literally grow up.
523
00:18:42,945 --> 00:18:44,345
Piggybacking off that,
Slimm Timm,
524
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,084
have you ever heard
of toxic parasocial
525
00:18:46,151 --> 00:18:47,321
sexual power dynamics?
526
00:18:56,271 --> 00:18:59,281
Now you die.
527
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:01,214
Enough talk.
528
00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:02,891
Time to take action.
529
00:19:02,951 --> 00:19:04,151
Can someone please help?
530
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:05,820
This is a contemplative
think piece
531
00:19:05,891 --> 00:19:06,991
for Vulture
532
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:08,530
that not only enumerates
your crimes,
533
00:19:08,596 --> 00:19:11,226
but puts the media on trial
for their complicit--
534
00:19:11,301 --> 00:19:12,571
Whoa, nice hit.
535
00:19:12,638 --> 00:19:14,138
If we somehow survive this,
536
00:19:14,207 --> 00:19:15,577
I'm gonna be a social pariah.
537
00:19:15,644 --> 00:19:18,054
When I was your age,
I had the same fears.
538
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,215
But if you're true to yourself,
539
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:20,794
the right friends
will come along.
540
00:19:20,854 --> 00:19:22,224
Wait, aren't we both 13?
541
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,890
Uh, no. I'm 14.
542
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,830
I shall devour you all.
543
00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:29,438
Hey. No heavy petting.
544
00:19:31,274 --> 00:19:34,724
Mortal tools cannot kill
Slimm Timm.
545
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,652
Wait.
Y'all manifested him, right?
546
00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,859
It's like
that Stephen King miniseries.
547
00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:40,163
Just stop believing in him.
548
00:19:40,226 --> 00:19:41,156
I don't believe.
I don't believe.
549
00:19:41,228 --> 00:19:42,298
Ahh, I fucked up!
550
00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:43,433
He's not Tinkerbell.
551
00:19:43,499 --> 00:19:44,739
The only way to destroy him...
552
00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:46,742
Is with the tool
that summoned him.
553
00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:47,976
Was about to say that.
554
00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:49,112
Shit. Shit!
555
00:19:49,177 --> 00:19:50,407
What the phrase? What was it?
556
00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:52,989
Um, "revi", or, uh, "rembi--"
557
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:56,792
- Reverterte.
- Reverterte unde venisti.
558
00:20:09,952 --> 00:20:11,422
That was fucking awesome.
559
00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:13,728
Accountability
does not equal violence.
560
00:20:13,793 --> 00:20:14,933
Not cool, Chrissy.
561
00:20:14,995 --> 00:20:17,195
In some ways,
you're worse than Slimm Timm.
562
00:20:17,266 --> 00:20:18,336
You're welcome.
563
00:20:18,402 --> 00:20:20,312
You, uh... you okay?
564
00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:21,512
I'm fine.
565
00:20:21,576 --> 00:20:23,146
Except I nearly got us both killed
566
00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:24,982
so I could have somewhere
to sit at lunch.
567
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:25,979
You think that's bad?
568
00:20:26,051 --> 00:20:27,521
At Matt Levy's bar mitzvah,
569
00:20:27,588 --> 00:20:29,318
I once drank my own pee
on a dare.
570
00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:33,634
Hey, um, have you ever been
to Jake's Pizza?
571
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,140
They have the best breadsticks.
572
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:36,512
We should, uh, go sometime.
573
00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:37,982
Yeah, that would be...
574
00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:40,211
Oh, shit.
575
00:20:40,279 --> 00:20:41,679
- Where are you going?
- I forgot!
576
00:20:41,749 --> 00:20:43,289
I'm, uh, babysitting tonight.
577
00:20:43,352 --> 00:20:44,992
And every night!
I'm a teen mom!
578
00:20:45,055 --> 00:20:46,155
Don't look for me.
579
00:20:46,224 --> 00:20:47,904
Bye.
580
00:20:47,961 --> 00:20:49,871
Damn, she's fast.
581
00:20:57,213 --> 00:21:00,393
Oh, wow, I feel like I've
been asleep for 6,000 years.
582
00:21:00,453 --> 00:21:02,323
I feel fucking great.
583
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:08,597
Hey, Bennigan, way to hold
that racist accountable.
584
00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:11,170
Bennigan, yo.
Yeesh. You okay?
585
00:21:11,241 --> 00:21:13,381
Yeah. Long story. You?
586
00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:14,875
Yeah, same.
587
00:21:14,949 --> 00:21:18,589
Hey, so, uh, normally
I wouldn't say anything,
588
00:21:18,656 --> 00:21:20,856
but you blew me off
all last week,
589
00:21:20,927 --> 00:21:22,657
and that wasn't cool.
590
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,903
I'm sorry.
I just got so caught up
591
00:21:25,971 --> 00:21:28,211
in being popular and--
- No, I get it.
592
00:21:28,275 --> 00:21:29,575
You're trying so hard
to become popular
593
00:21:29,645 --> 00:21:30,705
that before you know it,
594
00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:31,880
you're slaughtering
an armadillo
595
00:21:31,949 --> 00:21:33,619
in front of a group
of your peers.
596
00:21:33,686 --> 00:21:35,286
Huh.
597
00:21:35,356 --> 00:21:36,626
I know we couldn't go earlier,
598
00:21:36,692 --> 00:21:39,402
so I managed to sneak
your favorite.
599
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:42,644
The Macho Man Candy Savage
flavor?
600
00:21:42,704 --> 00:21:44,544
Ooh, yeah.
601
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:56,600
Bennigan wrecked my shit.
602
00:21:57,901 --> 00:22:00,271
What, so Chrissy could
ice me out of Armageddon?
603
00:22:00,339 --> 00:22:01,409
Pass.
604
00:22:01,474 --> 00:22:03,084
That weirdo cares
more about her
605
00:22:03,145 --> 00:22:05,175
than I realized.
606
00:22:05,249 --> 00:22:07,819
That might be,
as the kids say...
607
00:22:07,888 --> 00:22:09,488
problematic.
608
00:22:21,849 --> 00:22:24,089
Look, before you can say
anything, I'm sorry.
609
00:22:24,153 --> 00:22:26,593
You were right.
Those girls were just trouble.
610
00:22:26,659 --> 00:22:28,259
We could spend the weekend
611
00:22:28,328 --> 00:22:30,128
skinning that deer
like you wanted.
612
00:22:30,199 --> 00:22:32,299
Eh, you should be
with your friends, you know?
613
00:22:32,370 --> 00:22:33,540
Go see a movie with Bennigan
614
00:22:33,606 --> 00:22:35,606
or get breadsticks
from Jake's Pizza.
615
00:22:35,677 --> 00:22:37,677
Does this mean
I'm not grounded?
616
00:22:37,748 --> 00:22:39,518
Get out of here
before I change my mind.
617
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:41,315
Oh, my gosh. Thanks, Mom.
618
00:22:41,388 --> 00:22:43,328
I'll be back later.
619
00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:46,632
At least we still have
each o...
620
00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:48,370
Whatever.
621
00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:49,865
"Hey, Erwin, how was your whole
622
00:22:49,939 --> 00:22:52,609
heartwarming comeback saga
with your rec softball league?"
623
00:22:52,678 --> 00:22:54,408
"Good, thanks for asking."
624
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,520
Dick.
42123
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