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1
00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:37,239
The weary gunfighter
walked slowly through the saloon.
2
00:00:37,519 --> 00:00:40,919
The long miles from Cheyenne
had taken their toll.
3
00:00:41,199 --> 00:00:42,519
Who's saying that stuff?
4
00:00:42,679 --> 00:00:45,319
He scanned the room
with a suspicious eye.
5
00:00:45,599 --> 00:00:48,039
Years of being on the wrong side
of the law
6
00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:51,359
had taught him that a tough man
can get out of a situation,
7
00:00:51,559 --> 00:00:53,799
but a smart man
never gets himself into one.
8
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:54,999
Please quit doing that.
9
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:57,319
I just want to have a shot of whiskey
in peace.
10
00:00:57,519 --> 00:00:59,719
But the gunfighter would find
no peace
11
00:00:59,879 --> 00:01:01,959
for the Henderson boys were waiting
in the corner
12
00:01:02,199 --> 00:01:05,399
to kill him for the two hundred dollars
bounty on his head.
13
00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:10,679
Is that true? You boys try
to kill me like this voice is saying?
14
00:01:13,439 --> 00:01:14,439
No.
15
00:01:14,479 --> 00:01:17,239
- Lied the older Henderson Boy.
- How do you know I'm lying?
16
00:01:17,399 --> 00:01:19,199
The oldest Henderson boy asked the air.
17
00:01:19,359 --> 00:01:24,079
No, I didn't ask the air,
I'm asking you, you fuckin'... voice!
18
00:01:24,359 --> 00:01:25,959
Said the oldest Henderson boy.
19
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:28,519
Would you please stop saying
'said the oldest Henderson boy'?
20
00:01:28,679 --> 00:01:32,119
Implored Tommy...
The oldest Henderson boy.
21
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:34,319
Meanwhile, the younger Henderson's hand
22
00:01:34,479 --> 00:01:36,759
twitched by the Colt Peacemaker
on his right hip.
23
00:01:36,919 --> 00:01:39,159
He was thinking of shouting
"Look out behind you!"
24
00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:41,159
to trick the gunfighter into
turning around
25
00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:42,679
so he could shoot him in the back.
26
00:01:42,839 --> 00:01:43,879
No! I was not!
27
00:01:44,039 --> 00:01:46,055
Come on Johnny, again with
the "look out behind you?"
28
00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:48,119
What were you going to say
was behind him this time?
29
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,119
Nothin'.
30
00:01:49,279 --> 00:01:51,759
Johnny lied.
He was going to say "A bear."
31
00:01:53,559 --> 00:01:55,399
A bear? In a saloon Johnny?
32
00:01:55,559 --> 00:01:57,279
Johnny's face turned red.
33
00:01:57,439 --> 00:02:02,119
He began wishing he was in a safe place.
At home. In bed. With his dolls.
34
00:02:02,719 --> 00:02:05,999
What?!? I ain't got no dolls!
35
00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:09,599
To calm his nerves, he pictured himself
combing his dolls' hair
36
00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:12,079
and pouring them each a cup of tea.
37
00:02:12,239 --> 00:02:13,439
Nooooo.
38
00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:17,839
Wait. Wait.
You have tea parties with your dolls?
39
00:02:18,679 --> 00:02:21,319
But something about the younger
Henderson's vulnerability
40
00:02:21,479 --> 00:02:23,639
opened a door in the Gunfighter's heart.
41
00:02:23,799 --> 00:02:25,599
Nope. No it didn't.
42
00:02:25,759 --> 00:02:28,799
Inside a sea of confusing emotions
bubbled to the surface.
43
00:02:28,959 --> 00:02:29,599
No!
44
00:02:29,759 --> 00:02:32,879
He started imagining himself holding
the younger Henderson
45
00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:34,599
and stroking his greasy hair.
46
00:02:34,759 --> 00:02:35,359
Nope.
47
00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,639
He pictured his first kiss
with the younger Henderson.
48
00:02:37,799 --> 00:02:39,799
They both giggle at how clumsy it was.
49
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,999
They know
the next one will be even better.
50
00:02:42,159 --> 00:02:44,319
I am seriously not picturing that.
51
00:02:44,479 --> 00:02:45,559
But inside he was.
52
00:02:45,719 --> 00:02:47,239
- No I'm not.
- But he was.
53
00:02:47,399 --> 00:02:49,679
No I'm not. And that's the final word.
54
00:02:59,319 --> 00:03:01,519
- But he was.
- God damn it!
55
00:03:02,119 --> 00:03:04,199
Why don't you two get a room?
56
00:03:04,359 --> 00:03:06,999
Hey, why should we trust this voice anyway?
57
00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:09,399
Just then the gunfighter had an idea.
58
00:03:09,559 --> 00:03:12,559
Hey you, think of a number between
one and a hundred
59
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,559
and then we'll see if the voice
really knows what we're thinking.
60
00:03:15,719 --> 00:03:17,039
Ok. Got it.
61
00:03:17,199 --> 00:03:21,959
Sally, the whore, began thinking
of her favorite number, which was 32.
62
00:03:22,479 --> 00:03:25,159
She then thought of her lady parts
and how itchy they were,
63
00:03:25,319 --> 00:03:28,239
before decided to change her mind
and go with 76...
64
00:03:28,519 --> 00:03:30,239
her second favorite number.
65
00:03:30,399 --> 00:03:31,919
The voice is right!
66
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,119
32 is my favorite number!
67
00:03:34,279 --> 00:03:36,519
But then I changed my mind to 76!
68
00:03:36,679 --> 00:03:38,119
And your cootch?
69
00:03:38,279 --> 00:03:40,599
Been itching something horrible
since Saturday, Bill.
70
00:03:40,759 --> 00:03:42,359
You know anything about that?
71
00:03:43,479 --> 00:03:44,479
No.
72
00:03:44,639 --> 00:03:47,119
He did.
But we'll get to that in a minute.
73
00:03:47,679 --> 00:03:49,839
Looks like that voice
really does know everything.
74
00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:53,599
The gunfighter noticed for the first time
that the bartender was black.
75
00:03:54,079 --> 00:03:55,959
This was still unusual in the West
76
00:03:56,119 --> 00:03:58,959
but the Gunfighter decided
he was ok with it.
77
00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:01,279
Thanks?
78
00:04:01,439 --> 00:04:03,479
The people in the town prided themselves
79
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:05,519
for their progressive attitudes
about race.
80
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,679
That's right!
81
00:04:06,799 --> 00:04:08,479
But would they still feel that way
82
00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,599
if they knew that Sam had been sleeping
with Ned Schilling's wife?
83
00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:12,879
What?!?
84
00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:17,239
Relax Ned, everyone's been with her.
85
00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:20,119
- Guilty.
- Yeah. You're right.
86
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,559
And Elijah Jessup's sister.
87
00:04:22,719 --> 00:04:24,519
Well, Sam's got to die.
88
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:27,719
Watch yourself Jessup.
89
00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:30,359
You best put that gun down
or I'll cut you in half.
90
00:04:35,039 --> 00:04:38,799
That music seems kind of...
ominous, don't it?
91
00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:41,599
Ominous, what's that mean?
92
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,439
Like, you know,
something bad's about to happen.
93
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,399
Like a needless gunfight.
94
00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:49,879
The stage was set for an awesome
ballet of death.
95
00:04:50,119 --> 00:04:52,519
Blood would be spilled,
but who would be the first to...
96
00:04:52,679 --> 00:04:55,599
Wait a second!
Ballet of death? What the hell?
97
00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:58,359
I think this voice
wants us to kill each other.
98
00:04:58,519 --> 00:05:01,679
Meanwhile the gunfighter
saw his opening to shoot Tommy dead.
99
00:05:01,999 --> 00:05:05,879
No... no wait, that one really is a lie.
See, my hand isn't even near my gun.
100
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,679
Ok you got me. That one wasn't true.
But this one is.
101
00:05:09,879 --> 00:05:13,239
Yesterday Tommy Henderson
made sweet love to Bill Jessup's wife.
102
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,599
Noo!
103
00:05:15,119 --> 00:05:17,119
You made sweet love to our mama?
104
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,039
Here's the thing about that.
105
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:21,959
Oh you're dead Henderson!
106
00:05:22,119 --> 00:05:24,799
Said Gabriel, who had recently delivered
a load of cream
107
00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,079
to the back porch of his brother's wife.
108
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:30,479
He did her in the butt.
109
00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:31,439
What?!?
110
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,239
How could you? Your own brother!
111
00:05:33,439 --> 00:05:37,439
Yet even as Bill reacted with disgust
the irony was not lost on him...
112
00:05:37,599 --> 00:05:40,319
You know what? I see where you're going
with this
113
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:43,759
and I'm just gonna retract my disgust
right now if that's possible...
114
00:05:43,919 --> 00:05:47,159
For he had been regularly sneaking
into Paul Valentine's barn...
115
00:05:47,319 --> 00:05:52,239
Ok! We're good... We're good here...
I think we should just move on...
116
00:05:52,479 --> 00:05:55,839
Where he'd been having sex
with Paul's favorite sheep, Martha.
117
00:05:55,999 --> 00:05:56,999
Oh boy.
118
00:05:57,039 --> 00:05:59,239
Martha, Bill? Martha?
119
00:05:59,399 --> 00:06:01,319
That is why I'm so itchy!
120
00:06:01,679 --> 00:06:04,639
You know what? We all
just need to take a deep breath here.
121
00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:07,559
We're playing right into
the voice's hands.
122
00:06:07,719 --> 00:06:10,879
Sure there's been a surprising amount
of infidelity in this town,
123
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,879
and the beastiality should probably stop.
124
00:06:14,039 --> 00:06:17,959
And I might be gay! But if we start
shooting, the voice wins.
125
00:06:18,439 --> 00:06:20,639
I think the voice has given us
an opportunity.
126
00:06:20,799 --> 00:06:24,479
In a world where our deepest,
darkest secrets are unveiled one by one,
127
00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:27,439
maybe we'll stop doing the things
that we're ashamed of...
128
00:06:27,599 --> 00:06:31,159
and start to embrace the things about
ourselves that we're afraid to accept.
129
00:06:31,399 --> 00:06:33,919
Hell, this could be the beginning
of a new utopia...
130
00:06:34,199 --> 00:06:37,319
a society based on tolerance
and fairness...
131
00:06:37,519 --> 00:06:39,959
where it doesn't matter whether
you're rich or poor...
132
00:06:40,119 --> 00:06:41,119
Or a woman!
133
00:06:41,239 --> 00:06:42,959
Well, let's not get carried away here...
134
00:06:43,119 --> 00:06:46,639
but the point is that the voice
is showing us the worst side of ourselves,
135
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,359
and we need to show it our best.
Who's with me...?
136
00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:57,879
It was a good speech and things
might have turned out differently
137
00:06:58,079 --> 00:07:01,919
if the crowd never found out that
the gunfighter had just last night
138
00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:06,159
shot and killed the youngest son
of John McCullers because he quote,
139
00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:09,999
"Had some breath that smelled like
the ass end of a Chinaman."
140
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:16,039
Well, you must be Mr. McCullers.
141
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:34,159
It was a true ballet of death.
142
00:07:34,879 --> 00:07:40,279
When the gruesome bloodbath was over,
not a single person was left standing.
143
00:07:41,119 --> 00:07:44,119
Except for Sally, the itchy whore,
144
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:48,479
who celebrated
by scratching her front porch.
145
00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:52,679
Little did she know
that she would be mauled to death
146
00:07:52,879 --> 00:07:55,279
by a rabid wolf the very next day.
147
00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:57,039
Well, fuck.
148
00:07:57,559 --> 00:08:00,519
THE GUNFIGHTER12008
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