All language subtitles for The.Ladies.Man.1961.(Jerry.Lewis-Comedy).720p.x264-Classics

Mrs Ross, good morning!

Students, parents
and beloved faculty,

it is time to introduce a young
man who we are proud to know

as the valedictorian of this
class, Herbert H Heebert.

l am very glad that you choose me.

That, ladies and gentlemen,
concludes our graduation exercises.

Ma! Ma! Ma!

Herbert!

Ma! Oh, Ma! Ma!

Herbert!

- Ma!
- Oh, Herbert.

- Herbert!
- You scared me.

l had to get my coat.
Today is the day!

l can't wait to see Faith
and discuss our wedding.

Tomorrow, my childhood sweetheart
will be my ageing wife. l'll be back.

Faith! Faith! Faith!

Oh, Faith.

Ma!

My life is shattered.

The girl l waited for all my life
didn't wait for me. l'm going away.

l hate girls. l'm going to be a
bachelor and be alone all my life.

- Pa!
- Why did this happen to my Herbert?

- P-Pa! M-Ma! -
l'll never hum again.

Oh, Philip, look what
happened to that child.

Oh, my baby.

Oh, my child.

What can l do for you?

l'm answering the
ad about the job...

- Oh, goody!
- Keep your hands off me!

You are zee American for
zee job! l love you, cheri.

Are you crazy, lady?

l'm safe! Oh, l'm safe!

l'm so glad l'm safe!

l'm safe! You don't know
what l've gone through!

We might as well start with
your name. Mine's Katie.

Sometimes people call me Kay or
Kathy. My real name is Katharine.

Sometimes they call me
Katharine and l forget to answer!

Sometimes they call me Katie
the Cook, because l cook here,

besides a lot of other things.

When they call me
Katharine, l don't answer.

But Katie l answer to. Kay, Kathy,
it doesn't make any difference.

Nicknames are funny. You can't tell
what a person's going to call you.

- But then...
- Herbert!

- Herbert H Heebert is my name.
- Herbert H Heebert.

- What's the H stand for?
- Herbert.

- l mean the other H.
- That's the same.

- Your name is Herbert Herbert?
- Heebert.

How in the world did that happen?

lt started many years
ago. l was very stubborn.

My mother used to yell,
''Herbert! Herbert!''

l never answered the first time, so
it stuck, Herbert Herbert Heebert.

l've got a pair of Herberts
in front of my Heebert.

That's a very interesting
name you have there.

- Do you have any references?
- Oh, yeah.

lt was there all the
time in the first pocket.

You want to read this? ''This is
to introduce Herbert H Heebert,

''a very bright and cute young
man, who is witty, kind and honest

''and works like a son
of a gun if he gets paid.

''He is willing, able and does all
the things that are expected of him.

''He's also very smart and
works like a son of a gun.

''He will do all he can to help.

''He has respect, he's cuter
than anybody and smart as a whip.

''Besides being bright, he's a swell
chap and works like a son of a gun.''

- When did you write that?
- Last night. l didn't have any.

- Now, did you go to school?
- Yes. Yes, l did.

Milltown Junior College.
l just graduated.

You don't seem very
thrilled about that.

That was one of the
saddest days of my life.

That's supposed to be
one of the happiest days!

l know, l know, l know.

lt's a pretty long story, but
if you'd like to hear it...

Yes, l want very much to hear it.

As you probably guessed by now, l
come from a comparatively small town.

Milltown, New Jersey.

Graduation day was beautiful
until l went to find Faith.

Faith was my girl. Faith Templeton.

When l saw what l saw, that was
the moment l knew l hated girls.

There, right before
my very baby-blue eyes

was a girl with another person.

l decided that my life was
over and a bachelor l shall be.

Woe is me! Faith, Faith, why?

That's the saddest
thing l ever heard.

Oh, Herbert, there's just
one thing l have to tell you.

- Yes?
- You've just got to have faith.

All l said was you have
to have a little faith!

- All l meant was...
- l'm all right now.

- What's happening?
- Miss Welenmelon, this is Herbert.

He wants to work here.
l think that's wonderful.

He's very good and so nice,
and he can start tomorrow.

You certainly have convinced Katie.

That's good enough for me. You know
the kind of a place l have here?

- We can tell him in the morning.
- Oh, yes.

That would be all right. l just
want to work hard and forget.

That's a very good idea.

You're going to just love him.
l'll take him up to his room.

- lt's late. l'm sure he's tired.
- l was just yawning.

lf he's all right with
you, he's all right with me.

- Thank you. l'll get my suitcase.
- Just wait for me in the hall.

l'll take him up the
back way. We got one!

We've got one all right.

- This is your room, Herbert.
- lt's very nice.

Thank you.

lt was Miss and Mr Welenmelon's
home before he passed on.

Rather than sell it, she
decided to rent out the rooms.

That way, she wouldn't be alone.

lt's a very good idea.

Being alone can be very lonely.

With people around, you
can be lonely with noise.

Lonely with noise...

Well, you'd better get
to bed. lt is very late.

l'll see you in the morning
to discuss your chores.

Katie, thank you very much. l
think l'll be very happy here.

lf nothing else, it will prove to
be very interesting. Nighty night.

lt's a soft bed!

Time, early.

The weather, cool.

This evening, nutty.

Tomorrow, nice.

Good morning, Herbert

Good morning, Herbert

Herbert, don't just stand there.
Haven't you anything to say?

Ma... Ma!

Ma!

Who's there? Don't answer that,
l don't care. Go away. l'm scared.

- lt's me, Herbert. Miss Welenmelon.
- Go away! You misled me.

l don't want to live in no harem,
particularly in my condition.

Now, Herbert, please
don't be concerned.

There's plenty to be concerned
about. l ran down there and...

l didn't have enough
stuff to bolt me.

l'm surprised at you. Your actions
weren't those of a gentleman.

How do you expect me to act? l
walk smack into a ladies' room.

l know how you feel. Katie
told me about your problem.

You've got to take
hold of yourself.

You're right, or they will.

Come along and meet the ladies.
You'll see how ridiculous this is.

Lay one hand on me and l'll report
you. l'm leaving and that's final.

l'll not try to stop you.

OK.

l don't want you should
cry. Let me think a minute.

l got to think harder.

All right, l'll stay here as long
as it takes you to get another boy.

l knew you wouldn't let me down.
The girls will be happy too.

- They can look but they can't touch.
- All right. Don't you worry.

Come and get some breakfast.

There's plenty to worry
about with a lot of girls.

- l never saw so many girls.
- Herbert! Now you listen to me.

Go into that dining room.

The door will take you upstairs to
the kitchen. Have some breakfast.

l don't have to work up an
appetite. l don't eat breakfast.

Ah! You know what they
say about breakfast.

lt's the most important morning
meal, but l don't eat it.

- What?!
- l didn't mean nothing!

Remember, Miss
Welenmelon knows best.

Yes, so l'll go and
have just half a welen.

- You do that.
- OK, l'll go.

Now listen. Go along! Go along!

OK!

Girls, come, come, come. Come on.

Look and listen carefully.

This is a very nice boy.

He's had a couple of heart tugs and
is set against women at this time.

There is one way we can
keep him. lt's simple.

He likes to help. He doesn't
know at this moment how to say no.

l believe that he
likes to be needed.

Miss Melonwelen told
me to have breakfast.

l said l don't...

You see where my hand is?

- lt's on the toaster.
- Yeah. lt's hot!

- Take it off.
- lt's stuck. That's pain.

Whoa! Hurt! There's hurt in pain.
Would you just lift my hand off?

Just lift it up!

Katharine? Oh, Katharine.

Miss Welenmelon wanted me
to tell you that Herby...

Herbert! Herbert!

H- e-r-b-e-r-t, it's Herbert.
Not Y, Herby. lt's Herbert. Bert.

Call me Bert. Just
not Herby. Herbert.

- Herbert is to have his breakfast.
- l'll see to it.

l was telling Miss...the lady,
l don't need no breakfast.

lf you don't do what Miss Welenmelon
tells you to do, she'll have a fit.

- A fit?
- A fit like you wouldn't believe.

- l'd better be careful.
- Be very careful.

- Should l watch it?
- A lot.

Don't overdo it, but if you see
he's weakening in any way at all,

ask for something, make him
feel wanted and important.

ln this way, l think we'll
have one fine houseboy

a little longer than
the normal three days.

That's all. See you tonight.

This is just the best thing
in the world for a growing boy.

Forget it, lady.
Will you forget it?

l let you talk me into this chair
because l felt sorry for you.

l don't need no breakfast.
l'm getting out of here.

Oh, you got one in.
That's it. There's no more.

This is ridiculous.
lf anyone walked in...

- What animal is the biggest?
- An ox. l thought l got away.

- That's wonderful.
- You took good care of my sweater.

- l don't need this. You missed!
- No, you missed, Herbert.

- You missed my mouth!
- Say ''ah''.

No! Would you aim? This
woman is out of her mind.

- lf you didn't move around...
- l'm not moving!

At least you got a double
that time. That's a two-bagger.

Would you check the beard on
this side? l don't want that!

l'm getting out of the chair!
Give me one more for good luck.

Come with me. Miss Welenmelon
wanted me to show you your duties.

- Here's the phone.
- That's one of them.

- That's the only phone.
- ln such a big mansion?

- Yes, for a good reason.
- lt's cheaper?

- No!
- Then it's less expensive.

Yeah. Oh, Herbert, you're so cute.

When a call comes in, get the
girl as quickly as you can.

She can answer it, hang up,
and it's available for others.

- So l can run upstairs a lot more.
- Come on.

- Wonderful.
- Keep the gaming table very clean.

- l love solitaire.
- There is no time. Come on.

l just like to play that a
lot whenever l get a chance.

Oh, this is terrific.
This is a dizzy staircase.

Here is the butterfly collection
that belonged to Mr Welenmelon.

Oh, that's lovely. l like birds
and bees and bugs that fly.

That's a blue-toothed merkdekker.

- You know about butterflies?
- l was once a botany.

This belongs to the
yellow-bellied sapsucker family.

This blue one is
a grey-tailed blue.

ln the centre, you
have a green fly worst.

lt's a worsted wang.
The wang is on the end.

The wang gives the
sound when it flies.

- lt makes that sound?
- When it's sick.

- But ''prrrr'' when it's flying good.
- That's wonderful.

This lovely species
was once a frog.

- A frog turned into a butterfly?
- lt forced itself. l don't know.

Amazing. Wonderful.

Once or twice a week, this case
must be very carefully dusted.

- l'll touch it very...
- Be very careful.

- l'll do it from a distance.
- That's good.

Wait here for me. l have to
go see if Baby's all right.

She has a baby?

That's a good Baby!

Very good Baby. What a darling.

Never touch this gorgeous antique
collection of Mr Welenmelon's!

lt's been in the family for
50 years. Put it back. Gentle!

You got glue? Here, this is good.

Oh, don't feel bad. Don't feel
bad. Don't, please! We'll fix it.

Herbert, l told Miss Welenmelon that
that glass collection was so dusty

l just had to have it
sent out to be cleaned.

Thank you very much, Kathy. l was
scared that she'd be mad at me.

Don't worry about her being angry,
as long as you do your work well.

lf you'd just go and feed Baby,
l'd appreciate it very much.

Baby? Oh, yeah. But afterwards,
will you be available?

l don't know about burping.

For heaven's sakes,
no. Baby is not a baby.

- No?
- Baby is Miss Welenmelon's pet.

Oh, l was wondering how...
Yeah, oh, that's good.

A baby! You're such a
dear, young, naive Herby.

- Herbert.
- Herbert. Baby is a darling.

We love that funny little thing.
l hope you like animals. Do you?

l like pets. l had a pet
once. A goldfish, Marvin.

l was very attached to it,
and it was attached to me.

l never thought l'd
get over losing Marvin.

That's a shame. What happened?

Oh, well. As l said,
we were very attached.

One night, l didn't want
Marvin to be lonesome,

sloshing around in the water,

so l took Marvin to bed
with me to spend the night.

ln the morning, he just lay
there. Oh, Marvin, Marvin, Marvin.

- Herbert, Herbert, Herbert.
- l'm all right now.

You mustn't cry, Herbert.

l get choked up when
l think about Marvin.

You mustn't. This is your chance
to make a brand-new friend.

Baby is such a darling.

All right. l'll feed it
and make friends with it.

lf you'll just get his milk.

- l have to dust.
- l'll take care of it.

ln an hour, he gets his meat.
l'll see you when you're through.

He gets his meat in an hour.
First, his milk. Thank you, Katie.

Right. lmagine that. A goldfish!

Marvin? But he's sweet.

Why am l knocking? A pet
can't answer the door.

That's Baby?

That's a baby, boy!

That's some baby, boy!
Got to feed him his meat.

Get on the milk and
slide! That's good, meat.

Some tidbit, boy.

l don't believe it.

That's some baby!

Well, Baby!

They told me to deliver...

She's glad that you took
the time to bring the mail.

lf she can show her
appreciation, please call on her.

She doesn't think enough people
nowadays do things for each other.

Besides, she likes you
very much. Come along, dear.

l don't know that.

lt's from him! You don't understand.
He wrote. He sat down and wrote.

ln a second.

Come on in. Come on. Mail for me?
Aren't you sweet? And swell, too.

l think you're so sweet.
Honest. l so rarely get any mail.

l'm so happy. l repeat, you
are a sweet, swell, sweety-face.

Thanks very much. There's
three of them for you.

Thank you.

What a nut!

Thanks for the mail,
now, baby, let's wail!

Ah, ah, ah! Herby, come over here.

Herby, we never knock on that door.

- We never bother Miss Cartilage.
- We don't?

Go along and deliver the mail to
the next room. Thank you, Herbert.

Yes? To what do l owe
the honour of this visit?

Could it be that you are torn
inside out since our last meeting?

No, l just came to
deliver the mail.

Oh, excuse me, kid. l
got carried away a little.

- l'm rehearsing for a part.
- What part?

Any old part. Nothing definite.

- l just want to be prepared.
- Oh.

Would you mind helping
me rehearse a little?

What do you want l should do?

l'll close the door, you
knock on it, l'll answer it

and you tell me if it's effective.

That sounds like fun.
l'll try that out.

You! You dare come back
after leaving me and the baby!

- l don't believe it.
- How was that? Pretty good, huh?

Yeah, that was very good.

Let's do another one.
This time, don't knock.

l'll just feel you there.

- Feel it a little easier this time.
- OK.

Thank you.

Hi, honey. lt's good
to see you again.

- l missed you.
- l like this scene.

lt's been a long time.

Am l crazy even talking to you after
not hearing from you for so long?

You stay out of my
life once and for all!

l got it again.

You're wonderful. You really
bring out the best in me.

l'd hate to see the worst in
you. l don't want to act no more.

l wish you luck. You'll
make a terrific lion tamer.

Whatever l make, l want to
thank you. You're a doll.

l lost a cheek! The skin of my back
is caught in the crack of the door.

Lady, open!

Hello, you great big, beautiful,
blond male specimen of sheer delight.

Blond?

What's on your mind, except
wanting to press your lips to mine

and wandering off into
ecstasy land with me?

Blond?

ls the sight of me throwing you
so badly that you cannot speak?

Oh, l can speak. l
just brought your mail.

Ma! Oh, Ma!

Girls, Herbert's leaving. Stop him!

- ls it a book?
- A movie?

Quotation!

- How many words?
- 10, 20... 23.

Good evening.

Won't you come in, sir?

- ls there anything l can do, sir?
- Yeah, kid. Get out of my way.

Mister, is there anything
l can get for you?

Look, skinny, l come
to see my girl. She's...

l forgot to find out
which one, and l ran out.

- Look, stupid...
- Herbert.

- Stupid.
- Herbert. Stupid Herbert, that's me.

That's better.

You shouldn't get upset, man...mister.
l don't know the girl, see?

lt's a good thing you don't know her.
l don't want you to even look at her.

- l won't look at her.
- She's not good enough for you?

She's good enough for anybody.
What do you want from my arm?

l don't want to know her. l
won't do none of those things.

- Tell me who it is and l'll get her.
- Her name is Gwendolyn Pearce.

l'll tell her. Who
should l say is calling?

Willard C Gainsborough.
The C is for killer.

- l was afraid of that.
- Now beat it.

- Yeah.
- And don't look at her.

- l won't look at her.
- Don't talk to her.

- l won't.
- Don't get close to her.

- l won't.
- Don't get near her!

l'll wave to her from another girl.
l'll write a note that he's here.

lf you get close to her, it's
over for you. Do you hear me?

- Over? -
Over. O-v-u-r.

That's over. l was never so
scared of anything. lt'll be over.

l'll never touch nothing.

Herbert, l just spoke
with Miss Welenmelon.

- l am so proud of you!
- l should call the girl.

- She's pleased with your work.
- l said, ''What's the name?''

- Miss Gwendolyn Pearce.
- You are proof of the old saying:

''Good people are
good things to be.''

l'll tell one of the other girls.
His middle name is C for killer.

lf l do like he says, maybe l
won't get in trouble. She kissed me!

- Hey!
- May l help you, sir?

You sure can. Where's that skinny
young cat that went after my date?

You mean Herby. l mean Herbert.

He is probably looking for
her and will be right down.

- Your date is taking you out.
- Thank you. l'll be right down.

- Where's my girl?
- l wanted to tell you...

Wait a minute.

- You went up to get my girl?
- Yeah.

- You didn't get close to her?
- No.

- You didn't get near her?
- That's right.

- You've got lipstick on your face.
- That's not...

Hold it. l don't believe it.

You're sitting on my hat.

That's my brand-new hat.

You'd better get up
and give me my hat!

- Maybe we could get it weaved.
- Fix the hat.

Put it on my head.

l don't like it that way.

- ls that all right?
- No.

Would you like it that way?

l think it would be good like that.

- Should l start it over?
- Do something.

l don't like it that way.

Oh, my hair. Comb my hair.

That's better. Put
the hat on my head.

What did you do with the lining?

l like the brim down.

Not all the way down.

- l'll get that off.
- You'd better.

- ls that good?
- l can't see out of my left eye.

Get the hat off!

- Yeah, l know.
- Comb it again.

- How's that?
- Fix it right.

- That's better.
- Thank you.

Can l get that strand hanging?

Please do.

That's my eyebrow.

Oh, what happened to my hat?

- Darling, l see you've met Herby.
- Yeah. Yeah, l've met Herby.

l'll fix...

Look at me. Look at how l look!

Look at this!

Ah, ah, ah, Herbert! Not that room!

Katie!

- Hi.
- Oh, no.

- Oh, no!
- But...

- No! No!
- Oh, but l wouldn't.

Was it something l said?

Kid, why do you look so strange?

l looked like that from
the first day l was born.

Did you ever see someone that
you thought you met before?

That's what l was thinking that
very minute that you said that.

- You're kidding.
- No.

l said to myself, ''Did you ever see
someone you thought you saw before?''

- Did l meet you here sometime?
- You saw one of my pictures.

- On one of the girls' dressers?
- No, one of my films on the screen.

ln a newsreel? You
were in an accident?

No, kid. Look, don't
you ever go to movies?

l love movies, especially
the cops and robbers.

l want to see the robbers win once.

You must have seen
one of my movies.

l've always played the robber
who's been trying to win for years.

But crime doesn't pay.

But, really, are you in the
movies? Are you a movie star?

That's what l've been trying
to tell you. l'm George Raft.

Yeah? You are, huh?

Prove it by telling me the name of
the movie where you flipped a coin.

- Scarface. Satisfied?
- Anybody would know that.

Show it to me by proving
that you can flip the coin.

- This is getting ridiculous.
- Chicken!

No, l'm not chicken. l'll prove it.

George Raft? So good
you aren't with the coin.

What's the matter? Anybody
can miss. l'm not infallible.

- You're not George Raft, either.
- l'm George Raft. Believe me!

Look, aside from playing robbers,
l used to dance in my pictures.

- l saw him do some dancing.
- Give me your hand. Be the girl.

Forget it. There's no being
no girl. Plus l can't follow.

- Please dance with me.
- All right, just once.

- l'll put on the phonograph.
- l'll put it on. You stay here.

l've never done this before.

- Hello, Fay. Are you all right?
- l'm sorry. l didn't see you.

Yes, l'm fine.

Yeah, you're fine all
right. You're a fine fibber.

Well, to be perfectly
honest, l'm not so fine.

l had an audition. l'd rather not
talk about it, if you don't mind.

l don't mind if you don't
want to talk about it.

- You didn't get it, huh?
- No, l didn't.

l guess l never will.

You won't if you say you won't.
You have to think negative.

- You mean positive?
- Yeah, positively.

That's what l meant.
Think that way.

You can't expect a stranger that
meets you to think any more of you

than you think of yourself after
knowing you for so long, right?

l guess you're right, Herbert.
l get so depressed sometimes.

l don't know if l can explain it,

but l always feel that there
isn't anyone in the world but me.

Everyone else has gone
to a happier place,

and it just isn't my turn yet.

Does that sound silly?

No, it doesn't sound silly,
except...it sounds silly.

What l mean to say is that the
only time you should feel that way

is when no one cares for you.

As long as there are those that care
for you, you shouldn't feel that way.

l don't know of anyone
who really cares for me.

Well, l care for you,
Fay, and l'm an anyone.

That is nice, Herbert,
and you're nice.

- l hope we're not imposing.
- Of course not.

lt didn't take you people long
to pay me that visit we discussed.

We do things quickly. This
is my associate, Miss Reed.

She's in charge of
research and information.

- l'm very happy to know you.
- Thank you, Miss Welenmelon.

lt's a delight to meet you.

l loved watching you years ago when
l went to the opera with my dad.

- He was one of your biggest fans.
- Yes, and there are many more.

Our telecast plays to over 50
million people in one night.

- 50 million?
- lsn't that right?

Yes, 50 million people.

My heavens! How does your programme
work? ls it done in your studio?

No, not actually.

What we do is bring the cameras
and the crew to you, in your home.

That's why the show is
called Up Your Street.

Well, it certainly sounds
exciting, and l would love doing it.

- lsn't that just divine?
- That's just wonderful.

Miss Reed will fill you in.
We'll be ready in no time.

Coffee break's over. Back to work.

Magneto head.

Hey, you up there. l want to
see if my panel's working yet.

- Say something into the microphone.
- Now?

Just a second.

OK.

Come in, Tracy. Pear shape. Over.

Geronimo!

Are you all right, man?
Was that too...loud?

Wait.

Mister? Mister?

Mister?

Mister?

l'm sorry. l'm awfully
sorry. Let me get you up.

You really fell into that thing.
Are you all right? Are you OK?

l'm sorry. Are you all right?

But are you all right?

l'm OK!

Five minutes, everybody. Look
sharp. Five minutes to airtime.

Someone up there give
me a test on this.

Geronimo!

- Let me see.
- Herby, you look fabulous!

Yeah, l'm very dressed up. When
are we going to be on television?

Hello, New York. This is a test.

Eight seconds.

This is five.

Good evening, this is Del Moore.

Welcome to the show that
doesn't come from a studio,

that wasn't made
in a far-off land,

a show that can and does
come from Up Your Street.

Here's your host for Up Your
Street, Mr Westbrook Van Voorhis.

Good evening.

Tonight, we visit two
outstanding personalities,

one from show business and
one from the world of sports.

Our sports figure
is Audrey Whitefish,

the little 123 lb
red-haired lass from Dublin,

who is the first lady ever to swim
the Mississippi River lengthwise.

The other personality, a favourite
of mine and, l'm sure, of yours,

Miss Helen N Welenmelon.

Yes, it's been a long time
since Miss Welenmelon retired.

l'm sure you will be as thrilled
to see her again as l will.

We can then tell the story of
what she has been doing and why.

All right, 30 seconds.

Excuse me. l'm terribly sorry.
Watch out for the lamp there!

l'm sorry.

Ten seconds.

Get ready, we're coming
out of commercial.

You're going to be on television!
Mention my name, Herbert H Heebert.

lt's Milltown Junior College,
and l'm much taller in person.

You're going to be a famous person!

Here she is, Miss
Helen N Welenmelon.

l think they said your name.

And a good evening to
you, Mr Van...Van Voorhis.

l am most happy to have
you on Up Your Street.

- l don't know where he came from!
- Opera star, Helen N Welenmelon.

lt certainly has been an exciting
and most delightful experience

preparing for this
electronic meeting...

- My button is stuck.
- ...with you, Mr Van Voorhis.

We, too, have been excited about
seeing you again, as l said.

My button is stuck on her flower.

Tell me, Miss Welenmelon,

being as curious as l
know the viewers are...

l got free.

...what about the size of
the big house you occupy?

- Would you tell us about that?
- Tell 'em.

- Not at all, Mr Van Voorhis.
- They're calling me.

When Mr Welenmelon and l married,
we wanted to have a lot of children.

That is, a large family is
what l really meant to say.

But, unfortunately, Mr
Welenmelon was taken from me

shortly after we were married, so
we didn't have a chance, you see.

Yes, indeed l do.

But we happen to know that you
do have many children, do you not?

Yes, l do, Mr Van Voorhis.

l'm quite sure, due to
modesty, ladies and gentlemen,

Miss Welenmelon
hesitates to tell us

something we found out
in our sneaky little way.

She went through a rough time
of it when she started out

and therefore gives room and board

to ladies trying to do what she
succeeded in doing many years ago.

Well, thank you for the
kind words, Mr Van...Voorhis.

But you know the old
saying, ''The...giver gets...

''and the taker has and
the receiver wants.''

Yes, indeed l do. But we have
a little surprise for you.

Your helper, Herbert
Heebert, and some of the girls

put on a little performance
before our cameras this morning.

We really hate to
cut the kids' show.

Unfortunately, there is still
a great deal for us to do.

So, may we take a quick look
at the rest of your lovely home?

Yes, indeed, Mr Van
Voorhis. Come this way.

We're still on television! l'm glad!
l didn't know that you were busy.

- This is... Oh, excuse me.
- This is my glasses!

- This is the elevator.
- Yeah, the elevator.

lt takes us from floor to
floor. ln a house this size...

You have to have a...

And good night from Up Your Street.

l can't do it. Show me again.

- All that lipstick makes it bad.
- There's not much. l'm sorry.

All right, listen.

''Red roses ruin regular
reasons rightly read reading.''

- Now say that.
- Red roses ruin regular reasons.

- Red roses ruin regular reasons.
- Red roses ruin regular reasons.

Please practise playing pool
politely, poorly, proudly.

Hi, honey.

What is that? lt's moving!

What imagination can do for you!

Ma!

Early in the morning
work, work, work

Early in the morning, do not shirk

Miss Welenmelon! Oh, Miss
Welenmelon! Miss Welenmelon!

Katie?

Baby's loose!

Baby's what?

Baby's what? Say Baby ain't!

- Come on, Baby, where are you?
- Say that ain't true!

Say it's a lie. Baby ain't.
Baby... Oh, it's true!

Where's Baby? l'm scared!

Come here, Baby! Hurry up,
Baby! Baby, where are you?

Save me from that thing.
lt's out there? Nice Baby!

Oh, l'm scared to death.

- Oh, Herby, Herby, Herby.
- lt's Herbert, Herbert, Herbert.

- What, may l ask, is so funny?
- You are, Herbert.

Just relax. Baby won't hurt you.

- Yeah, but does Baby know that?
- l'll show you how harmless he is.

- There you are!
- Where?

- Right behind you.
- l don't believe it.

Baby, you come right
on out here. Come on.

Get it away! That's
going to bite again!

l was attacked! That thing bit me!

lt attacked me. l
wasn't even ready.

And l'm a coward.

l'm sorry l'm late. Have
any of you seen Herby around?

- Are you doing Macbeth tonight?
- No, smart aleck.

The heel broke on my shoe.

l wanted him to go to the shoemaker
and get it fixed before it closes.

Tell him to pick up my TV
set from the repair shop.

l don't know what we did until Herby
came along. He irons sheets for me.

Whoever got the idea of making him
feel needed ought to get a medal.

lt works every time!

Are you all finished? Does anybody
need Herbert for anything else?

l wonder if any of you have needed
Herbert to sit down and talk to.

Well, l did. He's
really very...smart.

And very nice, too.

He'd make a wonderful guy for some
girl, if she really needed him.

We should be very ashamed
of having deceived him.

l'll admit, it's nice to
be needed, really needed.

But to tell somebody you need them
so they'll run errands for you,

that's not so nice.

l don't think anyone
really meant to be unkind.

l'm sure they didn't. l'm
sorry l made it sound that way.

Listening to your conversation,

l couldn't help thinking
that we're all a little guilty

of deceiving someone we care for

and, more importantly,
who cares for us.

We know you're right, Fay, but
how do we keep from losing him?

You don't. lf he wants
to go, let him go.

Did you ever think that Herbert is
tired of being needed all the time?

lt's nice, but maybe he'd like to
get out and do something for himself.

Maybe he's tired of being a
handyman for a bunch of girls.

Let him go, if he wants to.

So long!

l'm not going out to shop.
This is for a long time.

Aloha! And further. l'm
going when the door slams.

My life is out of yours.

l'm packed to go out,
and l'm leaving. So long.

As l start out, there's
no stopping me now.

My feet are going
to really take me.

That's it.

Anybody... Goodbye.

Well, all things have to come
to an end. That's now, the end.

So long.

Farewell.

- Are you sore about something?
- Oh, Herbert.

We really want you to stay.

We'd be the happiest girls in
the world if you'd never leave.

We didn't want to tell you we
needed you just to keep you here.

Actually, we need you very much,
but not just to run errands for us.

We need you because
you're a nice person.

Nice persons are needed everywhere.

We just figured that you were tired
of working with a bunch of girls.

Maybe you'd like to go someplace
where you can think of yourself.

That's all very
nice, what you said.

To tell you the truth, l don't
really know why l was leaving.

l mean, l like it here very
much and l like everybody a lot.

And l like to be needed,
but honestly needed.

After what you just said, l wouldn't
leave here for anything or anyone.

- Oh, Herbert. -
lt's Herby, H-e-r-b-y.

Herby. Yeah.

lt's just Baby, the little one.

That small dog. lt's got
a big throat, that's all.

Baby, where are you, sweetheart?

Baby? Sweetheart?

Little Baby?

Ma! Ma! Did you see that pussycat?

Subtitles: Julia Watts