Original subtitles

Excuse me, miss. Is everything alright?

Oh, yes, Mr Dowling.

Um, I'm just taking notes on your circa-1970s cornicing

and the silver hardware on your tootalie-wootalie.

Mm-hm.

-Swimmer? -Swimmer.

-Is she? Yeah! -Yeah.

She looks like it.

-Shoulders. -Yes. Classic.

Ohh!

Oh, she was a beautiful dog.

-Oh, yeah.

Oh...

Well, "Storms make trees take deeper roots."

Oh, it's just a little Dolly Parton saying

that I find helpful.

-Oh, thank you. -Yeah.

What, so the... the roots nestle in?

Yeah.

Yeah, like, um, you know...

-And the trunk thickens up? -Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I like that.

Ooh, um, uh...

You've got a lovely two-bed, one-bath, one-car time warp.

-And I have valued it highly.

So you will definitely get your refinancing for your family.

-Thank you. -Mm-hm. Look, I've gotta go.

I've just...

I've got a big office party tonight

and I've gotta get dolled up and, you know...

But thank you so much for sharing your life story.

It was my whole life story.

Yeah, it really was.

-It's cathartic, sharing. -Yep.

Franny, I'm going to have to meet you in there.

I've only just finished my last valuation.

It's dress-up! You know you've gotta dress up.

I know! Yeah, I know, I know.

-Well, who are you coming as? -Who do you think?

-Are you OK, Red?

Well, it's just I can't run!

My fitness is just not up there.

Oh!

Whoops!

Turn around. Just turn around and leave.

-Hello, Dolly. -G'day.

Hmm.

Francis?

I'm gonna kill you.

I don't want to be a joke, Franny.

I want to be taken seriously, for swear-word's-sake!

I can't get anywhere when I look ridiculous!

OK, well, the outfit doesn't help that.

Oh, come on, Red. Loosen up!

Don't tell me to loosen up. I am loose, I am loose!

I hate you right now.

Well, do you want to sneak out of here?

Well, I'm not a coward.

OK, so what are we doing?

Come on.

How do you feel?

Well...before you killed me,

I was feeling like a, you know,

frothy, talented, successful Dolly Parton.

OK, everybody, everybody!

Welcome to the Presley Property Awards!

And first up, a very special guest,

the king himself, Elvis!

Alright.

Ooh!

Yes, yes!

The most outstanding valuer is...

..Lionel!

-Whoo-hoo!

-Sorry, babe. -Whoo!

Thank you! Thank you!

-I'm gonna get that next year. -Mm.

And the last award tonight

is a crowd-pleaser, a bit of fun.

She's had a wobbly start to the job,

but I'm excited to announce the Office Clown Award goes to...

..Raylene 'Red' Delaney.

-I didn't know about this bit.

And tonight she didn't disappoint.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Hmph.

-Oh, hello!

-Taxi!

Um...

It's my first award ever. Huh!

And I would like to thank my mum

for giving me this clown head.

Well, there are two kinds of people.

Those who know how to have a good time...

..and those who are willin' to learn.

For the second group, let me introduce myself.

My name is Dolly and I'm your teacher.

-Yee-ha!

I'd like to invite our esteemed boss, Forbes Presley,

up onto the dance floor with his beautiful wife.

-Come on! -Come on!

I'd like to sing a little somethin' for ya.

Huh! Kenny Rogers!

He's our most successful client.

We're gearing up for his Australasia tour.

Twin Palms Theatre, Hong Kong, etc.

Oh, Twin Palms? My mum loves that theatre.

It's pretty impressive.

Well, if the show sells out,

we'll go to the USA, which I'm gunning for.

Are you?

How long you been performin' Dolly?

Oh, no. Golly, no.

Just mucking around, but, um...

Tonight was just an unfortunate mistake.

Yeah, right.

Well, it took guts.

-Especially with those people.

It's the bland leading the bland in there.

No offence.

-I thought you did alright. -Cheers.

-I'd watch that one.

Kenny's performing at the Tamworth Country Music Festival.

-You should come. Bring Dolly. -Oh, no.

You know, only if you liked being an unfortunate mistake.

Night.

Welcome to my own

little Tennessee cabin.

Come here, baby. Come on. Come on.

-Come on.

OK.

-Darlin' Dolly. -Yeah?

-You're a straight-up fantasy. -Oh! OK.

I gotta be honest with you, Dolly.

-I hate these orange pants. -Oh.

Take 'em off, you'd be close to perfection.

-Yeah, OK. -Ah! Shh, shh.

As Dolly.

Oh, howdy-doody.

Well, my pants are comin' off.

Bathroom. Back in a sec.

-Raylene! -Oh!

Not on my beautiful grass!

Ohh!

Who was that?

Elvis Presley.

Oh, it was that good, was it?

Ma, please stop locking me out.

It's one o'clock in the morning!

You chose to live in the garage!

Bloody ridiculous.

There are two kinds of people.

Those who know how to have a good time...

..and those who are just trying.

-Mum!

Put your gown on!

Nothing wrong with being comfortable

in your skin, darling,

au naturel.

I just wish I looked a little bit more professional.

You are a beautiful sunburnt mushroom.

Um, thanks, Mum.

It's not what I'm going for, but...thanks.

Hurry up!

You're late. Hopeless!

I mean, look at her.

All that nylon. It'll make your snatch sick.

Well, they say natural perfection isn't everything.

Um, perfection is a bitch. And do we have to be beautiful?

Because it's not easy and it's not my preference.

-Could I get a word, Raylene? -Yes, you may.

I'll just get my... ..cup of ambition.

-So... -Who do you remind me of?

Scarlett Johansson.

No.

Raylene, I, uh...I have grounds

to fire you for sexual harassment.

Sorry?

Sexual harassment.

-'Cause I was touching crotches? -Many.

#MeToo, too many crotches.

I'm sorry. I...I've got this impulse control problem.

No, it's not just about last night, Raylene.

Your behaviour has been inappropriate

prior to last night also.

See, you're not bad at putting a value on a property.

It's just the whole rest of the job

that you're a mess.

You know, in business you need to be

a shiny, professional house-and-land package

and you're like a, uh...

-Converted garage? -Yes.

Honestly, you don't really fit in in any office, Red.

I mean, you're late every single day.

You lost your driver's licence when half the job is driving

and you had whisky with that little old lady at the auction.

But she was so lonely!

She hadn't spoken to anyone in two weeks!

If you want to stay here, you need to shut down.

-Shut myself down? -Mm-hm, yep.

Tuck yourself in.

OK, it's too much copper, which is why we're red

and why we hardly charge and why we bleed lots.

It's like bed them or bury them alive

is what the ancient Egyptians...

I don't care about your hair, Red.

Please, Forbes.

I can fit in.

And I can tuck in. I can tuck right in.

And I'd never bring up the size of your cock.

You're fired.

You're like the love child of Mick Hucknall

and Ronald McDonald if they banged.

-I quit! -Excuse me?

This is a circus and you're the freak!

You can't fire me because I quit!

-Oh! -Shi... Oh!

-Oooh!

Ohh!

Tuck that shit in!

-I love you!

Come back to my room. I love you!

Thanks a lot.

And this one. This one's for Trudy.

-And this one too!

Dolly. Where do I start?

I mean she's old-school, but she's new-school relevant.

-Mm. -She's funny and successful.

And smart and talented.

But she's heart-breaking and she's a poet,

but she knows who she is, you know?

She's just like that little bit of hope

holding up humanity or at least my humanity.

Why are you 'Teeth'?

-Real name's Annie. -Oh.

But I got my nickname

'cause I had a sack of teeth growing in my ovaries.

Every time.

-What?!

Hey, we're casting for a new Dolly at the moment

for Kenny's show to boost his image and ticket sales

and I'm submittin' you as my number one.

What?

There's a Dolly stand-up gig on tonight.

-Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Yeah. Come on.

-Oh. -It's gonna be a tough crowd.

Let's see what you're made of.

Oh, wow. Alright.

Yeah, make-up's a little extra.

Thanks, Tay-Tay, you squeaky mouse.

You said do my best. Best.

Oh, no. Oh, no!

-Is it too much? Is it too much? -No, look.

It's...it's...it's fine.

It's...it's fine. We don't have time.

Plus, Kenny's here.

Don't worry. You don't have to sing.

Just, um, banter.

I don't think this is such a good idea.

-I feel carsick. -No, listen. Come on.

Remember, it's about the audience

and their nostalgia, right?

It is more about them and less about you.

-OK. -Yeah?

Like you did at that office party.

Unless you wanna go back to a boring nine-to-five.

I really don't, I really don't.

No, 'cause you'd neck yourself, mate.

-And I'd probably help you. -Thank you.

-Now... -Thanks.

..let me look at you.

Well, mate, you're a bit of a hot mess.

But the time is now.

-OK. -Pony up. You can do it.

That a girl.

Welcome, Dolly!

Best of luck.

Howdy.

I've gotta be honest.

This is my first time properly.

We'll be gentle!

-Howdy, darling!

Well, look at you all!

Thanks, Doll.

We'd rather be looked at than overlooked!

Well, I really...

..I really patterned my look from a serious place,

from a country girl's idea of glamour

after what they called the "town tramp".

In a country town, a mountain town,

there's always a few loose women.

That's me!

And she had this beautiful peroxide hair

piled on her head, red nails, high-heel shoes

and I just thought she was the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

But my momma, she said, "She ain't nothin' but trash."

And I thought, "That's what I wanna be, Momma.

"I want to be trash!"

Opinionated mommas, we've all got 'em,

burnin' in our ears.

But thank you so much for listening, boys.

One piece of advice.

Always act like it's rainin' and wear your rubbers!

Thank you and goodnight!

-Doll. -Hey!

I may look like a man, but inside I'm a lady.

-Whoo-hoo!

Hey, you did pretty good!

Hey, who's that guy with Kenny?

He looks like Neil Diamond.

That's my boss, Wilson Stone.

He runs Genuine Copy Management.

-I didn't want to freak you out. -I freaked anyway.

-I mean, I freaked! -No, but you were fine.

I've gotta get Kenny to the hotel.

-But make sure you call me. -I will.

-You did well. -Thanks.

I need a drink.

Hey, Franny, I'm staying at this motel

with this huge golden guitar...

-Hey! -Thank you, Dolly.

..this huge golden guitar out the front

and I just performed as Dolly,

but I didn't touch any crotches.

And I've got this new friend who grew teeth in her ovaries.

OK. See you. Bye.

Come in.

Buddy!

You get fired from work, you're five hours out of town

with a woman with teeth in her vagina?

Call me crazy, but terror ran through my brain.

You're a silly, billy, willy, villy.

Get up.

Help me.

Yep, yep. That's good, that's good.

Come on, Red. Get in the shower.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, my feet!

This drag queen had the prettiest boob job.

-Do not get bolt-ons! -I'm just saying...

I'm just saying, what a professional.

I smell Sunday roast chicken!

It's hormone-free!

Can't have my men growing breasts.

-Red, hi. -Hey, Gramps.

-Mwah! -Darlin'.

Ooh! Bathroom.

Where have you been?

Francis's couch.

Just 'cause you're old enough doesn't mean that I've...

..stopped being your mum.

Oh, Franny, did you win that award, darling?

-I forgot to ask.

-Nope. -Maybe next year.

Or Red might even get the award.

-I will. -You got fired.

You got fired?

-Again? -I didn't. Mum, calm down.

Well, it's not exactly soothing information.

It's nothing. It's just a career glitch.

Oh, sorry, Red quit. She quit.

You got fired and quit, but in the same day?

Well, that's new.

You know, in all my career, I have never lost a job.

I've always been a high achiever.

I've had rounds of IVF and then being a single mum,

very creative.

I've managed to have my cake, decorate it and eat it,

so to speak, hm?

I just boggle at...you.

I know! You can work with me at the Royal Blind Society.

You could move back in here, we can rent out the garage...

Mum, I'm not moving back in here.

-I'm perfectly capable myself. -Are you?

'Cause I'd say it's been quite the journey so far.

What are you going to do?

Well, I'll tell you. She is going...

Mm!

She's gonna tell you that Franny and I are dating.

See? Partner, Mum.

-Ticked that box. -Oh! Oh!

That's the news to focus on.

Ohh, my darlings!

I know!

Ha ha ha!

Ohh!

Where are you going?

Obviously to yours.

I just need a frickin' minute, just a minute,

to work out me and my career thing

without everyone's 50 cents.

So Dolly... is moving in with you.

-Ooh! -Ohh.

She's brash, she's bubbly,

real forward.

Nipples to the sky.

And be confident!

Three bras does the trick.

Hello, Kenny. My name is Dolly.

Kenny, you're so hot.

I will always love you.

Oh, man, she's hard. Dolly's so hard.

I will love you too if you keep your ass so tight.

Should have gone with Britney Spears or something.

Ooh! Cool Bowie!

The Teeth is taking me to this secret club

and hopefully I'll win over her boss somehow

and he'll take me on as Kenny's Dolly.

OK, so just a reminder that your track record with bosses

or any authority ever is not great.

So try and be a bit more Dolly

and less Red when negotiating

or even charming him

'cause you're gonna need cash to pay off

the credit debt you just cranked up.

Yeah, well, big stars of the copy world make good coin.

This isn't a game to me. This is business.

Franny, can you help me?

I can't do anything with these nails.

Oh, just...

Yeah.

Here.

My name is Dolly. Ain't you cute?

-Ain't you sweet? Ain't you... -Is this right?

Yeah. Can you do it up?

Hurry, Franny. Come on. I'm running late.

-And I got it.

OK. How do I look?

Ain't you a squeezy bag of peaches?

OK.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm late.

I'll have to knock that out of you

'cause my time is no less valuable than yours, alright?

And ease up on the 'sorry's.

Dolly would do one tough 'sorry' and that's it.

Sorry.

Cool.

-Ready to be Dolly? -Yeah.

-That wig is so much better. -Thanks.

You get one shot with Wilson, so don't mess it up, OK?

It's cocktail hour

with the one and only Miss Ton Vee!

I told you I've got a Streisand back in the States.

I don't need another, darling.

Sorry to interrupt. Dolly, this is Wilson.

Wilson, Dolly performed in Tamworth, remember?

In...in drag.

Take me back to Vegas with you, Neil Diamond.

Mwah!

Always with the kiss.

Two, two.

'I Will Always Love You'.

Really?

Good move not selling that song to Elvis

and making a packet with Whitney Houston.

Ladies and gentlemen,

keep that applause going

for your favourite master of ceremonies,

the one, the only, Elvis!

-Come here, baby. -Mmm!

Come on.

-Oh!

Isn't she a sweetie? Miss Ton Vee!

Could I have another round of applause for her, please?

Oh, hello, Norma Jean.

-Oh! -Later?

We've got a fabulous show for you here tonight.

We're gonna be following up with Lady Gaga...

..and Miss Amy Winehouse,

so please hang onto your drinks, your wares.

I'll be right back.

We're gonna have a great time tonight.

Going to the ladies.

Hey, Wilson! How's it goin'?

-Shit! -You sound amazing.

-I was trying... -I'm a woman, not a drag act.

Good for you. I'll tell Kenny. He was wondering.

I want to make a living doing this.

You and every other tribute performer.

Doesn't mean it's a good idea.

Give me a chance.

Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned chance?

They got phased out in the '80s.

I have genuine copies,

not copies of copies.

Do you breathe, sleep and eat Dolly?

It's hard work, OK,

from every small, demeaning gig to the biggest venues.

And you strike me as someone

who doesn't stick to things, right?

Yeah. I thought so.

This is where I belong.

I feel at home here.

This is what I'm supposed to be doing!

I mean, I've idolised Dolly since I was a kid.

Please, Wilson.

-Man, please! -Hey!

Dolly don't beg.

No begging. Sorry.

No sorrys.

No sorrys, no beggin'.

I would've been tall if I didn't get bunched up at the top.

Poof! Poof!

Hmph.

Yeah, you're weird enough. I'll give you that.

We need more Dollys in the world.

Listen to me.

I've got someone else in mind for Kenny's tour.

But...

..I like the '80s

so I'm gonna throw you a bone.

Show me what you're made of.

Hey, I grabbed your favourite power juice.

Did I tell you I saw Katy Perry making out with Katy Perry?

Well, I want to see the Katys!

Not until I'm a pro and not at the club

'cause you're not a copy or a manager

or a celebrity.

Yeah, you wouldn't fit in.

These people are so wonderfully unique.

Can you try and keep Dolly

tucked in to just one corner of the house?

-Don't wait up!

-You're welcome.

So you just stick to the script, yeah,

honouring the incredible work

of iconic Australian actor Jack Thompson.

Then you sing your Jack song.

-And then you're off. -Yeah.

George, the Minogue sisters are stuck together.

Hang on, Dannii!

If I pull down and you pull sideways, it might work.

Kylie and Dannii were supposed to do a spot

with Elvis and introduce Dolly.

Dolly, you buffer with Elvis.

Remember, banter is your forte.

No, no, I can't do that. I can't improvise.

-Yes, you can. -I have to prepare.

-Let's go. -What's...

You two, I'm gonna push you out.

There's gonna be a lot of people coming through here.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you very much.

Who's wearing a wig now? Who's wearing a wig?

Oh, Madonna, darlin', you look so pretty there.

I'm just not so sure about your hair.

You take it down, you'd be close to perfect.

May I come down there and give you a kiss, ma'am?

Thank you, ma'am. Thank you.

Improvise, Dolly. You've got this. You...

Damn straight I do.

-Why, howdy, Elvis!

Ladies and gents,

dollars and cents.

Hello, Dolly. Look at you.

Please do. I'd rather be looked at than overlooked.

-Mm-mm!

Madonna, don't listen to Elvis.

I don't like to be like everybody else.

That's the easiest thing in the world to do.

Love you, Dolly!

But you ain't

the real deal now, are you, Dolly?

Nothin' real about me, but my heart.

I've seen you perform. I ain't so sure.

I've seen you perform too, Elvis.

-That's right.

All men come back for an encore and a standin' ovation,

but you weren't even standin'.

Oh, thank you very much, Dolly. Thanks very much about that.

Miss Dolly Parton here. Thank you very much.

Has he left the buildin' yet? I'm just kiddin'.

Isn't he a sweetie, ladies and gentlemen?

Now, we've got a very special guest here tonight

and I've got a little song for my friend Jack.

Alright, the guest spot in Kenny's show,

starting with five appearances at the Orchard Oriental.

My cut is 35%.

-20. -30.

Done, with a cut of the merch.

We don't have merch. But you know what?

Actually, that's a very good idea.

-Hm. -OK. What do you think?

Dolly says, "You'll never do a whole lot

"unless you're brave enough to try."

Alright, Dolly. Pack your bags.

Sunday, you're going to Hong Kong, baby.

Yes!

-Hmm... -Watch the bar.

-Watch the bar!

Are you gonna come out of the closet to Viv before you fly?

Franny, don't take the piss.

I'm nervous enough as it is.

Come on. This is one bed, one bath.

I am busting my arse right now!

Old self is gone.

I've torn down the fibro, chucked out the asbestos

and the new brick has gone up.

I'm a better house

not ready to be appraised just yet.

Hong Kong is a big deal!

They're gonna start paying me well.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying! It's a professional job.

You can stop covering up. Viv will be proud.

Do you think she might be mildly proud?

It's a great Mother's Day gift.

Mm.

She does love her garden more than she loves me.

That could be true.

Yeah.

-Ooh...! -Oh, Franny, don't.

Well, I've got some news.

Oh, here we go. Brace for it.

-I've got some news too. -Oh.

-But you go first. Go on. -OK.

I sold one of my macrame thingies to a lady at work!

Congrats, Ma.

Is she blind?

Well...yes.

And I've started online dating.

-Whoa. -Mm!

It must be two decades since...

-OK, Dad! Thanks.

Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself.

Very modern of me.

Well, my news, also modern.

-Job. -Oh! Fabulous!

Oh, I couldn't bear another embarrassing

career song and dance.

I'm a Dolly Parton impersonator.

Oh!

OK, I mean, we all know how much you love her,

but people are gonna pay to see you do that, are they?

-Yes!

As much as people pay for your cock and ball thingos.

I manage to be normal, thank you, darling,

while you're off on some wild, sequinned goose chase

that isn't gonna end well.

They're flying me to Hong Kong tonight for a gig

with the world's best Kenny Rogers impersonator.

And we're performing at this really posh hotel

for a whole week!

Much to your surprise, Mum, I'm not an idiot

and it will end well if it kills me.

Dolly or dead!

So...end of discussion.

You're enough.

This will probably be your last job

and you'll never work again.

You're enough.

You're gonna be fine.

-I'm farting too, constantly.

-Must be the plane food. -What?

-I said, "Starting!" -Oh, golly, gotta...gotta go.

I wish we had more time to prepare.

Now, I gotta tell you, folks,

this next song is one of my all-time favourites.

He might be singing it by himself.

-I know. Jesus! -I promised you a surprise.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm such an idiot.

Far out.

-There she is! That's... -Did I miss it?

-What happened? -Oh, my God.

-It's fine. -It's not fine!

It's not. Where are your other wigs?

-In my dressing room. -We don't have time...

-Go. Go! -It's fine, it's fine.

-I'm going on. -It's not fine. You look crazy.

-Just get it together, OK? -OK. Yeah.

And remember to hold his hand. Be Dolly!

Smile and get it together.

This sexy man makes a girl speechless!

A stream is a small body of water.

Yeah, I know, but it's fine.

There's no way an island fits in a stream.

I know.

Thank you very much. You have been a wonderful audience.

Thank you very much!

And thank you to the divine Dolly Parton.

Well, thank you for havin' me, Kenny.

Shall we sing it one more time? What do you say, folks?

-Let's sing it one more time.

Hey, Dolly, my little star, get...get back up here!

-Come on! -Enunciate!

Oh, my God.

I'm landin', covered in make-up, glitter on my face.

Glitter?

And I hear...

In walks Wilson

and Mr Kenny Rogers himself

and he says,

"You do me better than I do me."

Oh, I love that.

I love that!

Then he goes, "World's best.

"You keep the dream alive, boy."

Ohh!

-Mmm. -Mm-hm.

Oh, his...

..his music touched me deeply when I was growin' up.

Mm-hm.

And I look like him.

-And he chose me. -Mm-hm.

It's been my clear calling all of my life.

Well, now he's gone, it's...it's just me.

And, uh...

Dolly.

-Oh, Dolly.

Oh, Kenny.

-Get up. Get up.

Oh!

-Oh, Kenny... -Oh!

Oh, Kenny!

Oh, Kenny!

-Oh! -Oh, Dolly.

-Oh, Dolly.

-Oh, Dolly!

-OH, DOLLY! -OH, KENNY!

Hm...

Hmm.

-I've got 'pwesents'! -Hey.

I'm so sorry I didn't call, Franwa.

It's just Hong Kong was just full-on, but it was amazing.

This Kenny Rogers impersonator is such a professional.

-What's his name? -Um...

..coincidentally, it's Kenny.

His name is Kenny?

Did you two get it on?

-Mmm. -Good for you, mate!

At least one of us is getting laid.

Bring him to Sunday roast so we can all judge him.

-Hmm. -I'm kidding.

Let's not jump ahead, Franny.

But he does bring out the best in me.

If I were an impersonator, I'd want to be...

Who would you be?

-Mm? -I'd be you.

As if you could be me.

Because I blink a lot

because it's really intense living my life

because I've got really full-on hair

and it's really full-on and hard,

but some people just fly to Hong Kong

and then you just become the most perfect Dolly,

the perfect Dolly.

I'm actually making a career out of this.

Yeah, I know, but you can't just be

a cardboard cut-out of an impersonator.

I'm not.

I'm just saying you've gotta bring more to it

than a blonde wig and a bra full of socks, right?

Creatively,

emotionally, socially.

I am bringing more!

It's fibro walls.

You should, um, start looking at rentals.

Also, have you spoken to your mum yet?

I'm wondering if I should "break up" with you or what?

-Um, yeah. Um...

Tell her that I broke up with you because I couldn't...

-..commit. -Open up?

Yeah, great. Perfect.

It's an investment for my career,

so as I was saying,

I just, uh...I don't want to be so flat.

You know, I want to have shape, you know, big'uns.

Take a seat. Doreen, is it?

Uh, it's actually Raylene.

This is the size I am willing to do for you.

They will be beautiful.

The size you're asking for you'd have to work up to

with multiple surgeries over an extensive lifetime career.

Oh.

If you decide to go under the knife,

do you want them under the breast muscle or over?

Let me think.

What did Dolly do?

-Jolene? -Um, yeah? Oh, sorry, yes.

Um, under the breast muscle.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together

for the Copy Club's hottest duo,

Kenny and Dolly!

Yee-ha!

OK, Kenny, if you could step out now.

-Alright, baby. Over to you. -OK!

Get over here!

Kenny, I cannot believe this house!

We smash the rest of this tour, baby,

Nashville will be calling.

Mmm.

So...

..your real name.

You're coming undone here.

-Oh, golly. -Here.

No, you're right, you're right.

Kenny, Dolly.

I'm...I'm Kenny Rogers, officially deed polled and all.

You prefer Dolly, I assume?

Like you have no idea.

People think that I'm weird,

that my behaviour is inappropriate or whatever,

but being a mimic is not enough.

It doesn't matter who you are or what industry you're in.

You cannot be halfway in.

Yeah, you've gotta bring everythin'.

Emotionally, creatively, socially.

I get it.

You're just blossomin'.

Dolly would be really proud of you, Dolly.

And we just fit, you and I.

Still, here we are,

both of us lonely.

Okey-dokey.

Five, six, seven, eight...

OK.

Well... Alright.

You got your own room for your private gal time.

Mm-hm.

And don't worry. I'm not too far away. Just over there.

Spare key set cut for front and back door

just in case you get locked out.

Huh!

I guess we're doin' this.

Home, sweet home!

-Oh, baby. -Mmm!

Yeah!

I know. I know.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome

our newest master of ceremonies,

the Empress of Country,

Ms Dolly Parton!

Thank you!

Welcome, my new friends.

Oh, my golly, welcome!

It is important to keep our homes open to everybody.

It doesn't matter what size, colour, shape you are.

You find out who you are and you do it on purpose.

Ain't that right, Elvis?

Truth is like the sun.

You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.

Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!

Dolly! Dolly! Dolly! Dolly!

That's Zhang, my new border.

I'm assuming you're worried about me

and you've come to apologise

for falling off the face of the earth.

I'm fine. Lost weight. Mm. See?

I've come to give you some cash for the mortgage

and invite you to my gig,

which is at your favourite theatre,

Twin Palms.

Hmm. A step up from the school talent contest.

I'll come for a laugh.

No, Mum, don't come for a laugh.

It's serious!

I mean, they're talking Nashville and a US tour.

I can't win with you.

I was devastated to hear that you and Franny were a joke.

How cruel.

Alright! Alright!

It's her problem!

"Kenny in the Kimberley." Got a great ring to it.

How long till you're back?

It's only two weeks, baby, but...I'll miss you.

-Mm-hm. -I will.

At home, on stage,

backstage, everywhere.

I'll give you a call once I land.

OK.

My weapons of mass distraction. Hm.

Hmm!

Mm, let's do this.

Here we go.

Little sting. Little prick.

Everything's gonna be alright.

Yeah.

Hey, it's OK.

You're in recovery and this is normal.

Your body is naturally going into protective mode

and is rejecting the implants, which is absolutely...

-Normal. -..normal.

Oh.

I'll go and get you some morphine.

OK.

Oh, and your next of kin is waiting for you outside.

Oh, shit.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yes, yes!

Franwa, hello!

Do I look 'boobiful'? I can't say it!

-Why are you so angry?

Everything's gonna be alright.

Cutting yourself to be beautiful

is unbelievable to me.

It's fucking stupid!

Oh, why are you so jacked up

about what I do with my body anyway?

Because I'm your mate

trying to stop you from making dumb choices.

Well, I don't need saving.

I'm not trying to save you.

I'm trying to love you, you arsehole!

Ow.

If you hadn't had your head so far up your arse,

you'd know I've actually met someone.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

I am back and I am better than ever!

I've always had big'uns, just not this big.

I used to be a little champagne glass

and now I'm a watermelon.

-Whoo!

Oh...

Who is the real Kenny?

Oh, where is this guy?

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny!

You're part synthetic.

Well, I think that's probably true.

I think a part of what magic I may have

as far as my personality

is the fact that I look totally artificial

and I like to think that I'm totally real.

Do you see yourself as a sex symbol?

I feel sexy.

I...I try to be, uh, sexy, I guess...

Is that my star man?

I got an early flight 'cause I missed my girl!

I got presents!

Whoo-hoo-hoo, girl!

Yeah...girls!

I'm 100% committed.

-Hmm. -You wanna feel 'em?

-Right?

Why'd you do that?

Because the other ones weren't working.

I hadn't noticed, but I'm a butt man, so...

Huh.

Well, these are real.

Sure thing, Doll. I hope they make you happy.

So...so, um...

Yeah, it's a little messy, but I'm gettin' to it.

Have, uh, you been...

..you been going through my things?

Lookin' for what?

Your momma. Your friends.

More about the real you.

I...I am real.

So how'd you get here?

Do you miss your old self?

Come on, now.

You can't just be a cardboard cut-out.

Well...

Kenny Rogers, baby.

You OK?

Red, the Twin Palms Theatre has sold out.

-Mm. -Congratulations!

Oh...

Dolly's finally taken over, hey?

What does Kenny think of your new equipment?

He's a butt man.

But I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself.

You alright?

-Oh!

Night.

-Oh.

Hey, Dolly.

So how's it been fillin' my shoes,

takin' my job, hm?

You think you're so fuckin' special.

Nothin' real about me...

-..'cept my heart. -'Cept my heart. Mm.

Those look real fake.

Your opinion means nothin' to me.

Well, then, you won't mind me reminding you

of who you really are.

I know what's under that wig...

..Raylene.

-Hey!

I...

-I...

It's so easy for you.

You have no idea.

It's not easy for any of us!

You're seriously red

and you have no titties.

It's nothin' personal, darlin', but, uh,

the truth is like the sun.

You can shut it out for a time,

but it ain't goin' away.

Oh!

Mmm!

Dolly, honey.

-Quit, quit, quit... -Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Baby, stop! Dolly, this is serious business, alright?

Now, I want to show you something, alright?

My daddy, he was in the army.

He made me shave it all off.

He was violent.

He was a real piece of work.

One of the saddest days of my childhood.

Just because you lost your fuzz

don't mean you ain't a peach.

You're a good man, Kenny.

Hey.

You're a good man.

I wanna meet your mom.

Uh-huh.

Mm.

-And, darling? -Mm?

Breasts?

Well, I get to choose what I do with my body

because it's mine.

If people have gotta look at you,

at least give them somethin' decent to look at.

Ain't that right, Zhang?

And what about you two?

-Francis introduced us. -Mm!

Mm.

Viv...this chicken is delicious.

Oh, thank you...Kenny.

It's not too dry?

Oh! So tender.

I'll get it.

Thank you.

Hey, Zhang.

-Oh, darling, hello! -Hi!

-How are you? -Good to see you.

Red, this is Betty.

Oh, Dolly, Betty.

It's so great you're finally here

and I get to meet you!

It's funny. I get 'Ruby' all the time.

So sorry we're late, Viv.

I'm Kenny, man. Nice to meet you.

-Hi. -Pleasure.

Thank you.

You can trump last time.

So what do you do?

I'm...I'm a lawyer.

Very serious job, not like yours.

Oh, I'm very proud of my girl.

She has worked hard.

This little Dolly, she's dynamite.

The kid always had the spirit in her.

Nice one, Gramps. He's a wise guy.

Well, blessings don't come without difficulties.

Amen.

I'd love to see your garden, Viv.

Darling, of course!

I had let it go, but Lionel and Zhang and I

have been working very hard in the garden.

-Mm. Let's go. Let's go! -Let me get that.

-Come on! -Hm? OK, right now?

Oh, thank you. Aw!

-My pleasure. -Excuse me.

Come on, love.

Yours is a mashed potato!

Ahh!

Oh, it's good to see you, Red.

'Dwinks'!

Whee!

Whoo!

So what's the hardest case you've had?

Ooh, yeah, I had this one absolute...

You are out of your mind!

-Franny, Franny... -What are you doing?

Dolly Parton is about being the best version of yourself,

but to never take yourself too seriously.

You're living as someone else,

with someone else

who is also living as someone else!

Yeah, so?

That's the gig!

And life is working unbelievably better this way.

And he is who he is,

which is a version of someone else,

and you're you, which is you,

which I'm sure is a version of yourself

and I'm sure probably someone else!

You're lost.

If you're busy being someone else...

..who's busy being you?

What am I gonna do, Dolly?

It's OK to be nervous. Tomorrow's show is a big deal.

I don't know what's wrong with me!

The more unique you are as a person,

the harder it is to be someone else.

That's why Kenny does it so well.

He was just a blank canvas before.

He was a starter kit.

Being Kenny Rogers

gave him more than he ever would've had without it.

Why did you stop being Neil Diamond

when you were so successful?

I was tired of ripping myself off...

..ripping my wife off being someone else.

The only applause I ever really needed was from her.

I realised that too late.

But who are you?

I mean, are...are you a copy, are you a copy-copy?

You're still walking around like you're Neil Diamond.

You ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king

and then became one?

Except for the names and a few other places,

when you talk about me, the story's the same one.

You got this, kid.

It's all a bit ridiculous.

You get your looks from me, though, obviously.

Hello, love.

Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats.

The show you've all been waiting for!

Thank you, folks! Thank you very much!

Yee-ha!

Oh, wow! Wow!

I, um...

I...I usually keep my cards pretty close to my chest.

But tonight I got something to say.

I LOVE you, baby!

I love you, I love you, I love you!

-Kenny... -Heaven and earth.

-Oh, no.

Marry me.

Oh, Kenny...

He's just foolin' around. Come on, baby.

Marry me, baby. This is it.

This is the way it's meant to be.

What do you say, folks?

It's definitely not a joke.

Well, he's never really been that funny.

I want all of you to share in this moment.

Babe, I love you.

Kenny, you're not in love with me.

I am.

Baby, I sure am.

Kenny, don't do this.

I thought that this was what you wanted.

-I can't do this.

I'm not the girl you want, Kenny.

I'm not her.

But that silly-billy Dolly...

..taught me all the things that you loved, that I pretended.

To have confidence in yourself.

And that bravery is vulnerability.

And to not put a value on yourself,

but value the things you love.

-Oh, what...

Baby, what are you doin'?

Dolly's got some wisdom.

Dolly's got so much wisdom.

I haven't got any wisdom, but I do know

that I've got to learn to be all those things, but as me.

This is not an impulse reaction.

I'm stripteasing in a somewhat untidy fashion,

all in the name of saving myself...

..and the skin that I'm in.

Oh!

Eeee!

I love you, Mum.

I love you too, darling.

-She's mine!

I propose and women drop their knickers!

You go back out there. That's for you.

It's OK. I don't need it.

Have a good night, folks.

Hm... Ohh!

Ohh.

Nice to see you.

Ain't you all glad that the king is back?

And later on today - and I'll say it again -

I want you to have a great day.

Later on today - and I'll say it again -

I want you to have a great day.

-Kenny! Showtime!

Thanks, Tom.

Now, to the most outstanding valuer of the year.

I'm excited to announce the winner is...

..Francis!

-Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Good work, Francis! Good man!

Go, Francis!

Um, I'm terrified at public speaking

so I hoped wearing this would give me David Bowie guts

to get up here and say thank you.

So, um...

..thank you.

Whoo!

I wasn't gonna miss it.

Awards are kind of stupid.

I'm really sorry, Franny.

You really pushed it.

-You pushed me. -I know.

I just wanted that feeling

that everyone else looks like they're having.

You know, that they're respected and...

..you know.

What would the world do with two Dolly Partons?

Celebrate?

You know I'm doing a new thing.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

I think I've kind of found my audience.

-As yourself? -Yeah.

Everyone else is taken.

My name is Red and I'm your teacher.