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Previously on Velma�
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00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,136
She has no brain!
3
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,472
Now, when I try to solve a mystery,
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00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:17,017
my guilt triggers a potentially heart
stopping hallucination.
5
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,311
Wait, you think I killed Brenda?
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00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,439
You just said you were
going to do to me what you did to her.
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00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,400
I meant pay you to keep quiet.
I'm innocent!
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00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,739
Velma, you should see this.
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00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:39,206
Oh God, it's Krista!
And she also has no brain.
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00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,714
So, what's more surprising?
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00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,637
Fred Jones being arrested
for murdering and removing the brains
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00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,430
of Brenda Bright
and Krista McCray
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00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,100
or that his delicate,
teen heartthrob good looks
14
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:01,395
stem from the fact that he hasn't gone
through puberty yet?
15
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,730
The murders.
Obviously, it's the murders.
16
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,274
It's not small, it's scared!
17
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:09,945
But it just goes to show,
we all have secrets.
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00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,406
Velma's birthday gift!
19
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,742
Even the ones we least expect.
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00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:24,459
But as much as you try to hide
who you really are�
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Your ass is mine, best friend.
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00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,757
�Velma Dinkley always knows
the ugly truth.
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00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,052
Velma, have you seen that
sweater vest I bought Sophie?
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00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:35,929
No.
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00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,774
Because without your ascot,
you're naked.
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00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:53,488
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories.
What are you, poor?
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00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:58,326
Yes, Fred Jones, heir to the Jones
Gentlemen's Accessories fortune,
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was arrested last night
for murder.
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Yeah, thanks to me!
30
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,584
And according to the police, Jones
would have gotten away with it, too.
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00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,544
if it wasn't for his classmate�
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- Say my name.
- Vermin Dorkley.
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00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,631
It's Velma Dorkley!
I mean Dinkley!
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00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:16,386
And finally only one lawyer has agreed
to represent Fred Jones.
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Vermin's own father,
Aman Dinkley!
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What?
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00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:23,226
Velma, winning this case could make
your father rich!
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I already bought a baby monitor
that shoots on film.
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00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,522
It just looks more real,
you know?
40
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:31,568
Exactly. I mean, look at this
from my perspective, Velma.
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00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,279
If you needed money to keep
your pregnant girlfriend happy,
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00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,865
and then you heard what
the Joneses are willing to pay,
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00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:40,327
I'm sure you'd agree it's possible
Fred didn't do it.
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Fred's a rich white guy
with a tiny dong.
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He did it. Now, excuse me.
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I have to go find
my missing mother.
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00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,377
You didn't mention
Fred had a tiny dong.
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00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:50,795
Yeah, real baby carrot.
49
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:54,049
And I'm going to ride it
all the way to victory!
50
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,012
Wow, people seem to be taking
to the fact
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00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,598
that Fred is a brain stealing sociopath
really well.
52
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:05,560
All our classmates are idiots or sheep,
so let's assume they're high.
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00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:09,272
Man, if I ever even think
about getting into 420, 420 culture,
54
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,858
or especially
420 related humor, kill me.
55
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,401
You know what 420 is right?
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00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:17,155
Yeah. It's code for adults
who still watch cartoons.
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00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:19,533
Now, have you seen Daphne?
Her parents are detectives,
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00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,077
so I need her help to get my mom's
cold case files.
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00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,371
You want me to come with
in case you have another hallucination?
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00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,706
Thanks. But after catching Fred,
I feel my hallucinations
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are like the return
of high waisted jeans.
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00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,169
It took a while, but we're finally
through the worst of it.
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00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:36,299
Sweetie, are you sure you don't want
to take a mental health day?
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00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,218
It's not often your boyfriend
is arrested
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for removing
two of your friends' brains.
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00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,597
Thank you. But if the kids in
every teen show ever
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00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:46,268
can get through a brush
with a deranged serial killer, so can I.
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00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,437
Good lord!
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00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,773
It smells like the
Playboy Jazz Festival out there.
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00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,859
And a kid's eating
sheet cake at 8:00 in the morning.
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00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,529
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Let's go get a sheet cake?
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High five!
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- Hey, Daphne.
- What do you want, Vermin?
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00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,120
Just to offer my sincerest condolences
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for the loss of your more popular friends
that you picked over me.
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Stop! I know you think I'm a huge bitch
who ditched you to be cool.
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What? That's so not true.
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Fine.
I need a favor.
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00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,469
I need you to get me
my mom's cold case file.
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00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,680
Why would I do that?
We're not friends anymore.
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00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,640
- We're nemesises�
- Nemeses.
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- That's why.
- Okay.
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00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,521
Well, I was hoping
you'd get it for me for old time's sake.
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00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,526
I see.
85
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:40,780
Well, for old time's sake,
I'll give you the file�
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- Really?
- For 500 dollars.
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00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,786
Five hundred dollars?
That's like, a million dollars.
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00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,872
Well, like you said,
I'm a huge bitch.
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00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,708
I was being sarcastic.
You can't read tone in graffiti.
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00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,460
Five hundred dollars
or nothing.
91
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,548
Now, first, thank you
for taking my case.
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00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,176
We could not be happier
you're on the team, Velma's dad.
93
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,972
Sorry, what we meant
to say is that you are our last choice.
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00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,016
And if you blow this,
my family will bring
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00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,268
the full weight of
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories
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00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,520
and Jones Gentlemen's
Accessories for Women
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down on your head!
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00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:16,816
Okay, well, the case
won't be easy.
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00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,693
Of course it will. I'm innocent.
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00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,237
The only reason people think
I removed those girls' brains
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00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,364
is because I "basically confessed"
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and have
"well documented anger issues".
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I mean, does that even mean?
Hey! Am I on a hunger strike?
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Where the hell are my pancakes?
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Are you trying to choke me to death?
You forgot cutties.
106
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,255
You're embarrassing
ourself, Frederick.
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00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,382
It's bad enough
you still eat pancakes
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and drink non alcoholic
beverages like a baby!
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Yes, Father.
Sorry, Father.
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00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,555
Our apologies, Aman.
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00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:51,267
Freddie is due in court this afternoon,
and the case has everyone out of sorts.
112
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,354
No, this childishness
is actually perfect.
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00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,689
See, I feel the only way
to prove Fred's innocence
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is to play up the fact
that he's a late bloomer.
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00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:04,822
I mean, the world sees Fred Jones,
teen sociopath.
116
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:10,036
So instead, let's show them Fred Jones,
innocent little boy.
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It can't miss, right?
Please say it can't miss.
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My girlfriend just bought
a 2,000 dollar stroller. It hovers.
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00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,045
William,
our son cannot go to prison.
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00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,422
He can barely survive
on the outside as is.
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00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:26,636
Victoria, admitting he's a little boy
is worse than any crime.
122
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,137
It's embarrassing.
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00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:32,559
He is the future CEO of
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories!
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Is he, though?
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00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,191
We'll try it your way.
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00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,027
Great. I just hope people
can actually think I'm a little kid.
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00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,447
Crap. I'm all syrupy.
Bathies!
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00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:53,997
So, Velma, what brings you to Casa
Del Norville Rogers, Blythe Rogers
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00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,082
and me, his father,
Lamont Rogers?
130
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,459
Here for a Rogering,
as we might say?
131
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:02,297
I was just in the neighborhood.
No ulterior motive whatsoever.
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00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,050
Hey, that's a nice vase.
Is that worth 500 dollars?
133
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,053
Hey, look who's busy
not finding my missing mother.
134
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,389
Actually, Daphne's moms
are here
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00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:14,767
because they think we have
a Candy Man problem at school.
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00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,645
And as the principal,
I've asked them to go undercover
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00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,106
as high school students
to find them.
138
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,734
And that's the 4-1-1,
home skillet.
139
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,777
- Words.
- Candy Man?
140
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,697
I think you mean Sugar Daddy?
And Sarah's 18.
141
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,115
Her parents are cool with it.
142
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:31,617
A Candy Man's a drug dealer,
V-Dawg.
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00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,288
I knew that.
So is Norville in his room?
144
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,540
What's going on, guys.
145
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,334
So today on Norville Snacks,
our World Tour continues East,
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00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,296
as we say ni hao
to Beijing style shrimp chips.
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00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,465
- Norville!
- Velma! Not while I'm live.
148
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,342
I can't get banned for your thoughts
on South Asian desserts again.
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00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:52,722
I'm so sorry, but this is important.
Daphne wants 500 dollars for the file,
150
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,974
and all my money is tied up
in streaming services.
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00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,476
Velma, I don't have it.
152
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,103
My mom's birthday is coming up,
and this year she just wants cash.
153
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,813
Otherwise, you know
I'd give it to you.
154
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:02,106
I know, it's okay.
155
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,902
Like the dessert course
at an Indian restaurant, just forget it.
156
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,284
Wait, in teen movies,
whenever a girl needs money,
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00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,744
a guy sells something
158
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,330
and then blackmails
the girl into dating him for it.
159
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,541
Problematic, but effective.
And hilarious!
160
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:24,921
So it was not easy,
but I got your 5 dollars.
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00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,756
I assume I-O-U's are okay?
162
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,674
It's 500 dollars, Velma.
163
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,302
But if you don't have it, there might be
a way you can earn it.
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00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,346
I was thinking you could
come work for me.
165
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,015
Doing what?
And is the office culture cool?
166
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:37,850
Like, are there snacks?
167
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,771
You're the Candy Man?
168
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:51,155
Candy Woman.
And I have your sugar right here.
169
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,407
Daphne, why would you
deal drugs?
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00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,034
You're beautiful and popular.
171
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,286
Being a bad girl too
just muddles your brand.
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00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,872
This doesn't make me
a bad girl.
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00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,792
According to TV,
it's morally okay to deal drugs
174
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,627
if your life is just kind of crappy.
175
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,380
Like your kid's sick,
you're a widow with a mortgage.
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00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,131
You have to live on a lake
in Missouri.
177
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,842
Those are all white people, Daphne.
178
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:14,053
Minorities on TV can only deal drugs
to escape poverty.
179
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,763
Wait, that's it.
180
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,140
This is about you trying to run
with your fancy rich crowd.
181
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,600
Yup, that must be it.
182
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:23,020
Because the brilliant Velma Dinkley
knows everything about everyone,
183
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,897
and isn't afraid to say it.
184
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,233
Exactly. I spit truth without a filter,
185
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:30,236
like every comedian before
hashtag "MeToo".
186
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,946
Look, are you in
or are you out?
187
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,157
I'm out. Because if you
don't give me that file,
188
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:39,078
I'll tell your police officer moms
their perfect daughter is�
189
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:44,000
You wouldn't dare.
190
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:49,213
Yeah, no, it was a dumb idea.
So what are we selling?
191
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,383
Just the usual. Zoinks, Jeepers,
Mystery Machine,
192
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,135
and of course,
guh-guh-guh-guh-ganja.
193
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,179
Only 80 bucks?
194
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,640
But I need 500
to get a girl to date me.
195
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,184
Hilarious. But no.
196
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,357
You want to make some real money?
197
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,985
I don't have time to flip houses,
but I'll hear you out.
198
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,114
Nice roller bag.
You selling bibles later?
199
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:18,200
Nice outfit. You driving a big rig
to Bakersfield later?
200
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,578
No, dummy.
This is a disguise.
201
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,539
Because what we're doing
is illegal.
202
00:10:23,622 --> 00:10:27,293
Sorry we can't all make it rain
cool shades, El Chapo.
203
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:28,627
You know what?
Let's just do this.
204
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,671
Don't you want any tips
on selling?
205
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:34,759
I think I got it. Drugs are like crack
to these people.
206
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,513
Now most cultures of the world as
a rule, wouldn't mix kiwi and whitefish.
207
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,141
But they don't play
by the rules in North Korea.
208
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,560
Drugs here!
Get your drugs here!
209
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,314
Narc, narc.
210
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,650
White girl with too much money,
white girl with too much money.
211
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,653
You don't know me. I'm a white girl
who's bored. Let's roll.
212
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,280
Yeah. Go. I don't care.
213
00:10:56,364 --> 00:11:00,284
Enjoy your slow descent
into organic farming, losers.
214
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:02,161
Look, I know you're a genius�
215
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,580
- Thank you.
- Who thinks she has everyone pegged.
216
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:07,249
But you might have
more success with this
217
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,293
if you went in
just a little less judgy.
218
00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:12,713
Wait, I'm judgy?
You would say something like that.
219
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,091
You want your mom's
cold case file, right?
220
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,676
Yes. Fine.
I'll try. I'll try.
221
00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:21,013
If you want to get swole,
try Zoinks!
222
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,015
You'll be bouncing them
big old man boobs
223
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,267
faster than you can say,
"who is this for?".
224
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,478
Yeah, we like the sound of that.
What'll it cost?
225
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,271
Not much. Just your dad's love
226
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:32,066
when you blow out your knee
and lose your scholarship.
227
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,110
I was being helpful.
228
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,862
The sooner he can focus on getting
his real estate license, the better.
229
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,073
Jeepers raises
your dopamine levels,
230
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:41,158
so it will definitely
help you memorize your lines.
231
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:47,206
I'm sorry, Velma.
I could feel you forcing that.
232
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,333
Yeah. You know
what else feels forced?
233
00:11:49,416 --> 00:11:52,753
Your belief that you're the only one
sleeping with the lead.
234
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,299
Sorry.
235
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,844
- Okay. You're fired.
- What? Why?
236
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,270
Will I sell you a kidney,
237
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,314
to get the 500 dollars
I need to make Velma date me?
238
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:15,025
I mean, I'd be a fool
not to at this point, right?
239
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,194
Justice for Brenda and Krista!
240
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:20,489
It's a mob scene here
as Fred Jones arrives
241
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,324
for his day in court.
242
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,618
Aman, over here.
243
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,955
How could you risk your career
and entire livelihood
244
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,040
on the most
unlikeable defendant
245
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,835
since that chimpanzee
who ate a woman's face?
246
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:38,716
Because what you see as risk,
I see as mere child's play.
247
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:44,013
Hewo fwends! My name is Fwed!
What's yours?
248
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:49,852
I think I speak for the entire
journalistic community when I say,
249
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,354
"Don't I feel like an asshole!"
250
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:56,108
No way this scrumptious muffin
removed those girls' brains!
251
00:12:56,191 --> 00:12:57,693
Thanks, news lady!
252
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,619
Stop! No pictures!
Unless it's in portrait mode!
253
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,954
Oh, God,
he looks like Hitler!
254
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:12,249
And not just because we compare
everyone to Hitler these days.
255
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:17,463
You couldn't keep your opinions
to yourself, could you?
256
00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:20,591
I literally had to take five Jeepers
not to strangle you�
257
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:25,054
Sorry, I can't just
conjure up a whole new personality
258
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,514
whenever I want
like some sort of sexy witch.
259
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,433
Is that really
what you think of me?
260
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,769
Hey, girlies!
261
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:38,734
Okay, since you know so much,
why am I selling drugs?
262
00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:42,154
Easy. You're looking to rebel against
your overprotective parents
263
00:13:42,237 --> 00:13:44,281
but don't have
the balls to get pregnant.
264
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,242
Wrong! I'm saving money
to hire a private investigator
265
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,244
to find my biological family.
266
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:52,206
Yeah. Unexpected twist.
267
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:55,250
Holy crap. Really? Looking
for your family is a big deal.
268
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:59,505
Yeah, it's just you know how
different I am from my moms.
269
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,673
I need to
find out who I really am.
270
00:14:02,257 --> 00:14:03,634
Where do I come from?
271
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:06,261
And how is my hair
the color of buffalo wings?
272
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,764
I just always figured your parents
were Wilma Flintstone
273
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,557
and Daniel Dae Kim.
274
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,726
Freeze, person in baseball hat,
275
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,896
putting drugs in my daughter's locker
and other Oompa Loompa person!
276
00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,107
- We know you're the candymen!
- Linda!
277
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:21,068
You're a cop and not a teenager?
But I love you!
278
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,945
What do we do?
I can't go to jail.
279
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,697
- Run!
- You know I can't. I'd prefer jail.
280
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,216
I'm trapped!
281
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:50,889
Oh, God!
282
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,235
Oh, God, Daphne, no!
283
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,630
Baby want sheet cake?
284
00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:28,051
Hey, hurry up in there!
285
00:15:28,468 --> 00:15:29,845
Give me the money!
286
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:32,973
You wish, guy from
that "wanted" poster all over town.
287
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,770
All right. Don't make me
come in the bathroom.
288
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,314
I'm a thief, not a perv.
289
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,694
Nothing can stop me
from buying Velma's love!
290
00:15:46,653 --> 00:15:47,821
That might.
291
00:15:49,489 --> 00:15:51,867
It is Norville
from Norville Snacks.
292
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,785
Like, let him go, man.
293
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:57,998
Wait, you stoners
watch Norville Snacks?
294
00:15:58,081 --> 00:16:01,376
Damn it! This is exactly what happened
to my vlog about Lil Wayne.
295
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:05,213
God, where is that candyman?
296
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,549
I mean candyperson.
It could be anybody.
297
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,926
Even though we both
definitely know it's a man.
298
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,431
"I'm home and want to adopt
a sick cat. Where are you?"
299
00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:18,268
- A cat needs our love!
- Out of our way!
300
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,898
That totally worked, Velma.
301
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:24,733
A lotta help.
302
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,700
Sorry. I was just wiping some garbage
slime off your cheek.
303
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,994
Yeah, me too. Slime.
304
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:40,499
Okay. Well, thankfully, your moms
are still hella bad detectives.
305
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:44,628
Yeah, they still think I spent
200 dollars on a math tutor
306
00:16:44,711 --> 00:16:45,921
named Coachella.
307
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,341
Wait. Am I enjoying
hanging out with you again?
308
00:16:49,424 --> 00:16:51,802
Or is it the high
of moderate exercise?
309
00:16:51,885 --> 00:16:54,388
I don't know. Maybe I'm not the shallow
monster you think I've become.
310
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,223
Maybe you
judge people so harshly
311
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,266
because it's easier
to feel right from afar
312
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,143
than risk getting close
and being wrong.
313
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,730
Okay, Easy, Dr. Phil.
I'm the brains of this operation.
314
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:06,191
You're just the look,
style and effortless charm.
315
00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:08,652
We do make a good team, don't we?
316
00:17:10,445 --> 00:17:13,615
Well, speaking of teams,
someone's looking to score.
317
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:17,119
and if you want your mom's file,
you're going to sell to them my way.
318
00:17:20,288 --> 00:17:22,749
That's him.
The guy in the beanie.
319
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,293
It's always
the guy in the beanie.
320
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,629
A beanie? It's 90 degrees out!
321
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:30,173
And I'm not supposed to assume
he's hiding a bald spot?
322
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,801
No! Less assuming!
More criminal behavior.
323
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:33,885
Go!
324
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,930
Drugs here.
Get your fresh hot drugs here.
325
00:17:37,013 --> 00:17:38,723
Hey, do you have
anything that can
326
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,184
make me feel better about
having ruined my life?
327
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,270
- Wait, Dad?
- Velma?
328
00:17:45,438 --> 00:17:47,315
Why were you selling drugs?
329
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,860
To make money, genius.
The real question is,
330
00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,570
why were you wearing a beanie?
331
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,280
Those are only
for television actors
332
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,574
who want you to know
that their roots are still in theater.
333
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,368
Wait, you don't care
that I was buying drugs?
334
00:17:58,451 --> 00:17:59,578
That makes sense.
335
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,830
You gambled our future
on Fred Jones' innocence
336
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:03,582
and now drugs
are the only escape.
337
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:06,209
But what do you possibly need
drug dealing money for?
338
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:09,504
I already buy you all the inhalers
you could ever want.
339
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,464
Fine.
340
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:14,843
Daphne will give me Mom's
cold case file for 500 dollars.
341
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:20,182
Okay, look, I'll give you
the 500 dollars for her file
342
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,018
if you help me
prove Fred's innocent.
343
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:24,477
What? Are you crazy?
344
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:27,147
Finding Fred innocent
would require me to admit
345
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:29,649
I'd incorrectly
pre-judged someone.
346
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:30,901
Wait.
347
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:37,574
Yeah. No, I was right.
348
00:18:37,657 --> 00:18:40,285
Homeslice is like
Robert Durst level guilty.
349
00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:42,954
Okay. But instead of just
staring at the evidence
350
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,414
and swearing very loudly,
351
00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:46,416
do you maybe want
to ask me some questions?
352
00:18:46,499 --> 00:18:48,585
Yeah, I do.
Why frame me?
353
00:18:48,668 --> 00:18:50,670
Yeah, exactly.
Why would I do that?
354
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:54,132
Before you just started talking,
I thought you were our housekeeper.
355
00:18:54,674 --> 00:18:57,052
Oh, my God,
could that be colder?
356
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,846
You know what?
Now I'm in a snit.
357
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,640
Let's regroup after lunch.
358
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,268
Cutties.
359
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,230
Holy crap.
You are innocent.
360
00:19:09,689 --> 00:19:10,941
He is?
361
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,778
Okay, here's
your 500 dollar reward.
362
00:19:14,861 --> 00:19:17,864
Good luck using it
to coerce Velma into dating you.
363
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,367
Keep it. The stoners
caught him, not me.
364
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:21,868
If I want Velma
to like me now,
365
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,870
I'm just gonna have to do it
the old-fashioned way.
366
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,622
Bet a friend
I can make her fancy.
367
00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:27,832
That's how we got together.
368
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:30,335
Okay. For my next witness,
369
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:33,213
I would like to call
the woman who caught Fred,
370
00:19:33,296 --> 00:19:35,507
my own daughter,
Velma Dinkley.
371
00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:41,888
Velma, do you swear
to tell the truth,
372
00:19:41,971 --> 00:19:43,390
the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?
373
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,558
So help me,
Shonda Rhimes, I do.
374
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,853
Now, Velma, how long have you
known the defendant?
375
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,397
We met at lunch
in the eighth grade
376
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,440
when he confused me
for a beanbag chair.
377
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,652
- Classic.
- What did you think of my client?
378
00:19:55,735 --> 00:19:57,904
Honestly, that he was super-hot.
379
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,283
But also that he was
just another entitled rich guy
380
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,869
who might kill someone
because he has a tiny dong.
381
00:20:09,916 --> 00:20:12,127
Unfortunately,
I was wrong about Fred.
382
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:16,756
The way it's possible I might have
been wrong about other people.
383
00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:20,468
Weird. It feels like
she's looking right at me.
384
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,388
Why would Velma want
to send me a message, Daphne?
385
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:27,142
Fred Jones did not kill
those two girls.
386
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:32,730
His whole life, Fred has never had
to lift a finger to do anything.
387
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,065
He's been so pampered,
388
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,359
his body hasn't even felt
the need to fully mature.
389
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,446
Fred literally can't feed himself.
390
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:43,408
That's not true. You just cut
the food and put it on the�
391
00:20:43,491 --> 00:20:45,869
What's the dumb thing called?
A dinglehopper!
392
00:20:45,952 --> 00:20:47,495
Great. Show us.
393
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:02,635
Cutties.
Mother, cutties.
394
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:05,096
Oh, my God,
he is just like a little boy.
395
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,807
Exactly. So tell me this.
396
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:11,060
How could someone
who can't even cut a steak
397
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,229
remove two girls' brains?
398
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:16,065
He couldn't!
Clearly Fred's innocent.
399
00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:19,736
But at what cost to his reputation
and that of his family's business?
400
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,822
That lump has made
a mockery of us!
401
00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:25,158
Be nice. Our son is free.
402
00:21:25,241 --> 00:21:27,285
I'd say that lump
did quite well.
403
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:37,378
That's not true.
I'm a big boy.
404
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:40,215
A big boy who could have removed
those dumb girls' brains,
405
00:21:40,298 --> 00:21:42,175
no problem if I wanted to!
406
00:21:43,092 --> 00:21:44,594
Hear, hear!
407
00:21:44,677 --> 00:21:47,013
- Guilty.
- Based on what?
408
00:21:50,558 --> 00:21:53,061
Blonde-haired people
have bad days, too.
409
00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:58,149
Oh, my God,
what have I done? I'm ruined.
410
00:21:58,232 --> 00:22:01,277
They wouldn't even let me represent
a gymnastics coach now.
411
00:22:03,821 --> 00:22:06,324
Daphne?
What are you doing here?
412
00:22:06,407 --> 00:22:08,576
Wait. Did you
realize I stole all your Zoinks?
413
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,453
- Please don't kill me.
- No, you're good.
414
00:22:10,536 --> 00:22:12,580
I mean, return it
or I'll hurt you very badly,
415
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:15,375
but I saw you on TV
and brought you this.
416
00:22:16,417 --> 00:22:18,711
My mom's cold case file!
Thank you!
417
00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:20,922
Wait, do you not have potentially
fatal hallucinations
418
00:22:21,005 --> 00:22:23,091
when you try to solve
mysteries anymore?
419
00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:24,384
You remember that?
420
00:22:24,467 --> 00:22:27,720
You had one of your first ones
at my house back before�
421
00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:30,556
Well, your fear pee stain
is still on my rug.
422
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,933
Well, I think I'm fine.
423
00:22:32,016 --> 00:22:33,393
Norville helped me
get over them
424
00:22:33,476 --> 00:22:36,479
in the last episode
of my hallucinations.
425
00:22:36,562 --> 00:22:39,899
Velma! Are you hallucinating?
I'll put down newspaper.
426
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:41,109
No, it's a clue.
427
00:22:41,192 --> 00:22:43,319
The last place my mom's
cell phone pinged
428
00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:46,447
the night she went missing
was at Fred's house.
429
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,783
Damn it! I knew
that jerk was guilty.
430
00:22:49,283 --> 00:22:51,202
Too bad you'll never know for sure.
431
00:22:51,285 --> 00:22:53,871
I was wrong again!
I'm hallucinating! Help!
432
00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:56,999
No one can help you now, Velma.
433
00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,877
Solving mysteries
only causes pain.
434
00:23:01,170 --> 00:23:03,840
What do I do? Velma!
435
00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:06,217
Try to make me laugh.
436
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:08,261
I don't know any jokes,
437
00:23:08,344 --> 00:23:10,805
but my moms love my impression
of my Aunt Cindy.
438
00:23:10,888 --> 00:23:14,058
I am sad my husband died.
Anything?
439
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,936
No. Try something else.
Anything. Quick!
440
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,148
Oh God, my heart!
441
00:23:20,231 --> 00:23:22,316
What do I do?
442
00:23:33,536 --> 00:23:35,455
Did that work?
443
00:23:35,538 --> 00:23:36,706
Yeah.
444
00:23:41,335 --> 00:23:44,755
Great. Now even just
being myself won't work.
445
00:23:45,256 --> 00:23:46,966
Romcoms can kiss my ass.
446
00:24:01,355 --> 00:24:03,733
My name's Fred.
Who are you?
447
00:24:03,816 --> 00:24:06,360
They call me The Thief.
448
00:24:07,028 --> 00:24:08,321
What are you in for?
449
00:24:09,197 --> 00:24:12,241
Thieving. But I'm innocent.
450
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:14,160
Aren't we all?
451
00:24:14,243 --> 00:24:16,704
Bunk beds!
Hoisties!
36303
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