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1
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I always knew that this problem was big.
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I always knew that
there was nothing special about me
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and that this had happened.
4
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I think that once I began teaching,
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I just accessed a new level of rage
about the institution
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and also just our larger society
that allows this to happen.
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We've had a reckoning for men in film,
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we've had a reckoning
for predators in the church.
9
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Yet then, classrooms.
10
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I think that the bad guys
are not only the individual actors,
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but I think it is also,
in a much larger way,
12
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the problem of the administration.
13
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No institution wants to take
the responsibility
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that they had a teacher
who was abusive
15
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and who was abusing their students.
16
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There are no accountability systems
for that.
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It's incredibly frustrating,
18
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and it's incredibly demoralizing.
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- Hi.
- Hello.
20
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You look super MILF-y.
21
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Oh, my God. It's so heavy.
22
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- Here. It's all right. I got muscles.
- Wait. Don't do that. I need a hug.
23
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Do you remember when none of these
overpasses and freeway things were here?
24
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I remember
when none of this existed.
25
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Yeah. It was just,
like, the country.
26
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Being back on the highway with you,
27
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I don't think you and I
have driven together
28
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since we were in the car
and that kid flipped his Mustang.
29
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And he slammed on his brakes
30
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and then literally, like,
flipped twice into the field.
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And they were in a convertible.
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That is literally
one of the last memories I have...
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- Wow.
- ...of us hanging out.
34
00:01:59,616 --> 00:02:01,243
- A car crash?
- Mm-hmm.
35
00:02:01,785 --> 00:02:03,329
Oh, my God!
36
00:02:03,495 --> 00:02:05,789
Look at it. It makes me so sad.
37
00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:08,584
I can't believe you haven't driven
by here already.
38
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Oh, my God. That was my house.
39
00:02:10,502 --> 00:02:13,005
I was, like, devastated
when we had to move away.
40
00:02:13,172 --> 00:02:14,412
I was, like, totally devastated
41
00:02:14,631 --> 00:02:16,991
'cause we had to move into,
like, that really small place...
42
00:02:17,051 --> 00:02:20,679
KATIE; I remember that being a time
where you were really defensive.
43
00:02:20,846 --> 00:02:22,139
It was over everything.
44
00:02:22,765 --> 00:02:26,894
And looking back,
I had no idea why, but...
45
00:02:31,190 --> 00:02:34,026
As a teenager,
Cheryl and I were inseparable.
46
00:02:34,193 --> 00:02:35,944
Like, it wasn't a normal friendship.
47
00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:38,739
It was... We were inseparable.
48
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We had, like, a 6:00 p.m. phone call.
49
00:02:43,118 --> 00:02:44,870
Whoever I was dating,
50
00:02:45,204 --> 00:02:46,830
she was dating as well.
51
00:02:47,373 --> 00:02:51,293
So I feel like she would have
had no choice but to pull away
52
00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:53,629
when something like that happens.
53
00:02:56,673 --> 00:02:59,635
All of a sudden, she wasn't talking to me.
54
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This is the girl who had told me
every phone call she'd had with a boy,
55
00:03:04,556 --> 00:03:09,061
every crush, every song she'd listened to
since we were eight.
56
00:03:11,146 --> 00:03:13,440
She stopped coming around,
she stopped telling me things,
57
00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:18,278
she stopped calling,
and I didn't know what happened at all.
58
00:03:18,946 --> 00:03:22,449
I just knew she was mad
and then she was gone.
59
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,205
I remember feeling entirely isolated.
60
00:03:29,415 --> 00:03:31,875
I mean,
we didn't have a lot of people anyway.
61
00:03:38,048 --> 00:03:39,675
And he took my best friend.
62
00:03:53,355 --> 00:03:56,525
I feel really nervous
because it's becoming clear
63
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what the sort of consequences are gonna be
64
00:03:59,445 --> 00:04:02,906
of bringing all of this stuff to the fore.
65
00:04:03,782 --> 00:04:05,868
I didn't call up everybody and say,
66
00:04:06,034 --> 00:04:08,495
"Hey, did you guys know
I was involved with a teacher?"
67
00:04:09,246 --> 00:04:11,366
Just like, "Do you wanna,
like, process through this?"
68
00:04:11,457 --> 00:04:13,250
After I left Little Elm.
69
00:04:13,417 --> 00:04:17,379
And so I feel guilty exposing it in a way.
70
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I feel like I'm betraying something
I learned early in my life
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00:04:22,759 --> 00:04:25,846
that isn't very polite,
which is, you know,
72
00:04:26,013 --> 00:04:28,765
telling the truth about these things
73
00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:31,768
and asking other people to come
and tell the truth as well.
74
00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:43,155
- Cheryl.
- Yeah, darling?
75
00:04:43,322 --> 00:04:44,448
This one?
76
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:46,950
Or is this too professional brunch-y?
77
00:04:47,117 --> 00:04:48,577
No, no, no. I think it's great.
78
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And also, like, we're 38,
79
00:04:50,537 --> 00:04:52,247
so professional brunch-y is fine.
80
00:04:52,414 --> 00:04:54,666
Don't ever say that again.
81
00:04:55,626 --> 00:04:57,836
Are you nervous? I'm nervous for...
82
00:04:58,253 --> 00:05:01,673
I just don't know
who's actually gonna come to this thing.
83
00:05:01,882 --> 00:05:04,968
I heard back from one of the girls
that we went to school with
84
00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:09,556
and she was, like,
seemingly pretty pissed.
85
00:05:09,723 --> 00:05:14,061
And I guess I'm worried
that I'm becoming a person
86
00:05:14,228 --> 00:05:16,897
that people can sort of
direct their fear at
87
00:05:17,064 --> 00:05:18,065
because I'm doing this.
88
00:05:18,232 --> 00:05:21,693
It's like now I'm gonna be the enemy
because I'm, you know,
89
00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:27,533
I'm talking about this
on a sort of bigger platform.
90
00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:41,672
Okay.
91
00:05:58,730 --> 00:06:03,443
When I started working on this project,
92
00:06:03,610 --> 00:06:06,488
I knew that that I was gonna be
stepping in some stuff
93
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:08,991
and I knew that I was gonna be
kind of confronting people
94
00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:11,201
about things
that they didn't want to talk about,
95
00:06:11,451 --> 00:06:13,495
but what I was interested in
96
00:06:13,662 --> 00:06:17,833
was trying to open up this dialogue.
97
00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:21,962
Coming forward about something
isn't just about coming forward about it,
98
00:06:22,129 --> 00:06:24,047
it's not just telling your side of it.
99
00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:26,466
There's other people
that had their own experiences
100
00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:30,262
that have an impact
on the meaning of your story.
101
00:06:30,429 --> 00:06:33,390
But a lot of people
who looked the other way then,
102
00:06:33,557 --> 00:06:36,476
still refuse to take accountability
for their actions now.
103
00:06:36,768 --> 00:06:38,854
I'm just seeing
how difficult it's gonna be.
104
00:06:39,021 --> 00:06:40,647
Like, I feel...
105
00:06:41,565 --> 00:06:42,691
I'm bummed.
106
00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:54,119
So I've done every...
I've, like, I've reached out
107
00:06:54,286 --> 00:06:57,414
to basically everybody
that I can reach out to at this point.
108
00:06:57,581 --> 00:07:00,292
I wrote Brandi and Mandy again,
but I didn't hear back from them.
109
00:07:00,459 --> 00:07:01,918
I also tried to reach out to JD.
110
00:07:02,085 --> 00:07:05,088
I thought I had a number for him,
but the guy didn't respond,
111
00:07:05,255 --> 00:07:07,924
so I don't know if it's his number or not.
112
00:07:08,091 --> 00:07:10,445
I don't think that they're all
gonna respond to me, honestly.
113
00:07:10,469 --> 00:07:12,679
Like, I think some of them
are slow playing,
114
00:07:12,971 --> 00:07:15,098
which makes sense, but...
115
00:07:17,017 --> 00:07:18,644
Let me check my Facebook.
116
00:07:19,686 --> 00:07:21,480
All right. I'm gonna write Brandi Preas.
117
00:07:21,647 --> 00:07:24,733
Was she in that after-school
theater group of...
118
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:25,984
- Yeah.
- ...kids? Okay.
119
00:07:38,205 --> 00:07:40,999
Look at you. Oh, my God!
120
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,961
Hi!
121
00:07:45,545 --> 00:07:47,089
Hi.
122
00:07:52,219 --> 00:07:53,762
Oh, There I am again.
123
00:07:53,929 --> 00:07:55,055
What is going on here?
124
00:07:55,222 --> 00:07:57,182
We do not look happy. Neither one of us.
125
00:07:57,307 --> 00:07:59,184
I think this was Shayna.
126
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,521
- There's Mandy and...
- Yes.
127
00:08:03,397 --> 00:08:04,898
...and Nathaniel.
128
00:08:05,524 --> 00:08:08,235
Yeah, so I reached out to them.
They don't wanna...
129
00:08:08,652 --> 00:08:11,613
- They don't wanna be part of this.
- Okay.
130
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:14,991
I was trying to get them to sort of talk
about, you know, their experience,
131
00:08:15,158 --> 00:08:16,618
but I don't know.
132
00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:18,620
Have they... have they responded at all
133
00:08:18,787 --> 00:08:21,331
or are they just straight up
ignoring everything?
134
00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:25,501
So there's been like a little bit
of communication, but mostly it's just...
135
00:08:25,585 --> 00:08:28,630
I got one that was, like, not hostile,
but definitely like,
136
00:08:28,797 --> 00:08:31,174
"Leave me alone.
I don't wanna talk about this."
137
00:08:31,842 --> 00:08:33,844
So I don't know.
138
00:08:34,219 --> 00:08:39,391
I would... My thing is
depending on their position,
139
00:08:40,308 --> 00:08:41,911
like if they had the same
experience with you,
140
00:08:41,935 --> 00:08:46,064
maybe a bit of shame and they just
don't want it brought back up.
141
00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:47,607
Yeah.
142
00:08:48,692 --> 00:08:50,569
You know, I...
143
00:08:52,571 --> 00:08:55,824
I had issues, you know,
with wanting to come forward because...
144
00:08:57,409 --> 00:08:58,994
my anger towards you...
145
00:09:00,787 --> 00:09:03,290
was awful.
146
00:09:04,082 --> 00:09:05,584
I hated you.
147
00:09:05,751 --> 00:09:08,920
I wanted nothing to do with you.
I blamed you. I don't know why.
148
00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:11,965
I saw
149
00:09:13,341 --> 00:09:15,385
your attachment to each other.
150
00:09:16,094 --> 00:09:18,638
I could see how he was favoring you.
151
00:09:19,139 --> 00:09:23,226
We felt like you never got bad directions.
152
00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:25,270
You always got the part.
153
00:09:26,021 --> 00:09:29,483
Most people assumed
you had the influence over him
154
00:09:30,859 --> 00:09:33,195
and you were calling the shots
in a lot of ways.
155
00:09:33,653 --> 00:09:36,323
I mean, if I were to act it out,
I'd be like, "Oh, my gosh."
156
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:39,576
It's like,
"She's just so in love with him.
157
00:09:39,743 --> 00:09:41,745
"It's just gross!"
158
00:09:42,329 --> 00:09:46,416
I mean, like we did the, you know,
the whole teenager angsty, "Ugh!"
159
00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:50,670
It's just all we could focus on was you.
160
00:09:52,422 --> 00:09:56,176
And we were a bunch of assholes about it.
161
00:10:01,973 --> 00:10:04,254
And that's why I wanna do this,
and that's why I did this.
162
00:10:04,309 --> 00:10:05,560
I wanna go back,
163
00:10:06,061 --> 00:10:09,564
and this was one of the starting points
of a lot of negativity.
164
00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:12,566
And so let's...
165
00:10:13,235 --> 00:10:14,486
let's clear it.
166
00:10:17,781 --> 00:10:19,074
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
167
00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:25,121
After the anger settled,
168
00:10:26,289 --> 00:10:27,457
there was guilt,
169
00:10:27,791 --> 00:10:28,792
a lot of guilt.
170
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:31,378
The guilt for the anger,
the guilt for not seeing it,
171
00:10:31,545 --> 00:10:33,213
the guilt for just saying...
172
00:10:34,256 --> 00:10:37,843
You know, blaming a kid
instead of an adult.
173
00:10:39,469 --> 00:10:42,848
Sadly, women are responsible for it all.
174
00:10:43,014 --> 00:10:45,016
We get blamed for it all.
175
00:10:46,476 --> 00:10:48,663
With Cheryl, people blamed her
because women
176
00:10:48,687 --> 00:10:51,648
get blamed for men's actions
all the time.
177
00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:55,277
Because someone has to be accountable
and why would it be him?
178
00:10:55,652 --> 00:10:58,238
If an adult male was after you,
179
00:10:58,405 --> 00:11:00,991
it was because there was something
you were doing.
180
00:11:01,575 --> 00:11:07,038
There was something you were doing
to make that adult male attracted to you.
181
00:11:09,124 --> 00:11:10,125
So...
182
00:11:11,042 --> 00:11:13,503
you know, when we started
seeing that relationship,
183
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:17,257
I... I did... I did start getting
kind of bad vibes about it,
184
00:11:17,465 --> 00:11:21,094
but at the same time, I think
some other people took it more as a joke,
185
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:24,723
more of saying
Cheryl was looking for attention.
186
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:27,767
You know, I hung out with a lot of guys
in athletics,
187
00:11:27,934 --> 00:11:32,689
and a lot of it was,
why Cheryl would pay attention
188
00:11:32,856 --> 00:11:34,190
to this dorky teacher.
189
00:11:34,357 --> 00:11:37,277
And maybe if there really was
something going on,
190
00:11:37,444 --> 00:11:39,613
one of the other adults,
one of the other teachers
191
00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:42,032
would speak up and say something.
192
00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:56,421
Mexican rice, blend hot sauce.
193
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,423
Yeah,
so this is from our Mexico trip
194
00:11:58,798 --> 00:11:59,799
- senior year.
- Stop it.
195
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:01,509
Crystal, you're making me sick.
196
00:12:01,676 --> 00:12:03,637
No, no, no.
197
00:12:03,803 --> 00:12:05,931
Oh, here comes the dancing.
198
00:12:09,517 --> 00:12:11,269
Oh, no!
199
00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:16,232
Oh, my God. Yeah, get it, Cheryl.
200
00:12:17,484 --> 00:12:18,902
It's so weird to, like...
201
00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,529
I don't know, think about this time.
202
00:12:21,696 --> 00:12:23,073
It's very strange.
203
00:12:24,032 --> 00:12:26,826
This is fun. Like, it's funny
'cause you watch this stuff
204
00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:28,787
and looking back, it's super fun.
205
00:12:28,954 --> 00:12:30,554
But then sometimes it's like you realize
206
00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:32,707
there was so much shit,
you know, going on.
207
00:12:32,874 --> 00:12:34,209
There's just like so much...
208
00:12:34,626 --> 00:12:36,795
- Yeah.
- ...other stuff, you know?
209
00:12:36,962 --> 00:12:37,963
I don't know.
210
00:12:42,133 --> 00:12:43,885
- There's me and Tom.
- You and Tom.
211
00:12:44,052 --> 00:12:45,762
You were close with Tom too, right?
212
00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:48,515
Yeah, yeah.
I did two trips with Tom.
213
00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:51,142
He was crazy.
He was such a crazy teacher.
214
00:12:51,309 --> 00:12:55,063
It's hard to... it's hard to describe
his classes 'cause they were so...
215
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:58,274
he was... It's stuff
that you couldn't get away with now.
216
00:12:58,441 --> 00:12:59,484
No, no...
217
00:13:00,777 --> 00:13:03,321
My role was I was a Spanish teacher.
218
00:13:03,488 --> 00:13:05,699
I was hired in 1997
219
00:13:05,865 --> 00:13:08,284
and basically the department
was a disaster
220
00:13:08,451 --> 00:13:11,013
and so I had to create a new culture,
221
00:13:11,037 --> 00:13:14,082
and Cheryl became part of that culture
222
00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:18,461
and one of my most beloved
and amazing students.
223
00:13:18,628 --> 00:13:20,338
It was a very small district.
224
00:13:20,505 --> 00:13:24,968
I mean the graduating class,
I think, of Cheryl, was not even 100.
225
00:13:25,385 --> 00:13:29,305
And so we were encouraged
and I think rightly so
226
00:13:29,431 --> 00:13:33,977
that, you know, get with these kids,
know them, know who they are.
227
00:13:35,854 --> 00:13:38,148
And all of us were young teachers
at that time.
228
00:13:39,524 --> 00:13:41,651
There are so many different hats
that teachers wear.
229
00:13:41,776 --> 00:13:43,111
It's really
230
00:13:43,319 --> 00:13:46,656
not just standing up in front of
the class and delivering information.
231
00:13:46,781 --> 00:13:49,743
It's helping take these children
232
00:13:49,909 --> 00:13:53,747
and help mold them
into functioning adults.
233
00:13:53,913 --> 00:13:56,833
The majority of the teachers
that I interacted with
234
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,600
seemed to really care about the students
235
00:13:58,752 --> 00:14:00,754
and wanted to help
make their lives better.
236
00:14:01,504 --> 00:14:04,799
You do what's best for the kid.
It was spaghetti education.
237
00:14:04,966 --> 00:14:08,344
You just threw everything at the wall
and you saw what'd stick.
238
00:14:08,511 --> 00:14:11,222
The rules were very vague.
239
00:14:11,389 --> 00:14:13,933
But the fact was
you built those relationships,
240
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,352
that intimate, you know,
241
00:14:16,519 --> 00:14:19,522
"Hey, I want you...
I want to continue with you."
242
00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:21,775
I mean, you know, the teachers
243
00:14:21,941 --> 00:14:24,903
that really wanted
the kids to like them...
244
00:14:25,653 --> 00:14:28,406
did things to make the kids like them.
245
00:14:28,573 --> 00:14:31,260
You know, I might ask my students,
"What did you do over the weekend?"
246
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:34,287
But that's different than saying,
"Hey, Friday night, you know, what...
247
00:14:34,454 --> 00:14:36,454
"Did you go to the club?
What clubs did you go to?"
248
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:39,143
And, "Oh, I was out at clubs
Friday night too," you know,
249
00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:40,794
and trying to seem hip.
250
00:14:41,419 --> 00:14:43,004
But it never occurred to me
251
00:14:43,171 --> 00:14:46,007
that somebody at that point
would take it further.
252
00:14:46,674 --> 00:14:51,763
There's that one percent
that screws it up for everyone.
253
00:14:52,263 --> 00:14:55,934
With him, it hit me on a personal level.
254
00:14:56,101 --> 00:15:00,688
This son of a you-know-what was someone
255
00:15:00,855 --> 00:15:03,024
who I viewed as a friend,
256
00:15:03,191 --> 00:15:07,112
but you break a rule like that,
you break a rule like that
257
00:15:07,278 --> 00:15:08,696
and use me,
258
00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:11,366
all of us paid the price for it.
259
00:15:12,158 --> 00:15:13,159
All of us.
260
00:15:14,702 --> 00:15:17,247
And I will never forgive him
for that. Ever.
261
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,711
Here is the play by number 11,
Landen Chambers.
262
00:15:23,878 --> 00:15:25,588
Stopped by a pack of Lobos
263
00:15:26,005 --> 00:15:29,217
at the 42 yard line.
First and ten for the Panthers.
264
00:15:42,814 --> 00:15:45,650
"It is hard to decipher
my current feeling.
265
00:15:46,025 --> 00:15:48,736
"I'm happy because of the events
that have taken place,
266
00:15:48,903 --> 00:15:50,530
"yet sad that some have to.
267
00:15:50,905 --> 00:15:53,366
"Suspicious minds make me weak.
268
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:57,245
"They sit in their houses
with picket fences and laugh at me.
269
00:15:57,412 --> 00:15:58,788
"I just get so angry.
270
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:01,207
"Why do they always ruin our fun?
271
00:16:01,374 --> 00:16:03,126
"I just want to be happy.
272
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:05,420
"I just want to keep the smile.
273
00:16:05,587 --> 00:16:08,006
"The only way I can is through him."
274
00:16:08,631 --> 00:16:11,718
We as humans
just in general, tend to bond.
275
00:16:11,885 --> 00:16:13,571
I mean, that's what we want to do
with people,
276
00:16:13,595 --> 00:16:16,264
and so the grooming process is designed
to make a bond.
277
00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:17,473
You're invested...
278
00:16:17,682 --> 00:16:19,726
and you believe that they are too.
279
00:16:19,976 --> 00:16:24,522
And so when it comes to moments
that you might feel uncomfortable with
280
00:16:24,689 --> 00:16:28,610
that you might think,
"Mm, this doesn't feel right to me,"
281
00:16:28,776 --> 00:16:32,822
you're not gonna be very motivated
to speak out against that.
282
00:16:34,365 --> 00:16:38,870
I tried to talk to Cheryl
about the situation.
283
00:16:39,037 --> 00:16:40,371
When I heard the rumor,
284
00:16:41,539 --> 00:16:44,584
I called her
and tried to talk to her about it.
285
00:16:44,751 --> 00:16:47,795
She denied it.
Straight away, denied it.
286
00:16:47,962 --> 00:16:50,173
She said, "People are blowing it
out of proportion."
287
00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:53,509
That it's not... Nothing's happening.
"Everything's fine."
288
00:16:53,635 --> 00:16:56,721
And so I just kind of
had to trust my friend at her word.
289
00:16:57,555 --> 00:16:58,890
I think it's really similar
290
00:16:59,057 --> 00:17:01,935
to falling
into a domestic violence relationship.
291
00:17:02,101 --> 00:17:07,190
You know, it starts with
sort of this excitement and romance,
292
00:17:07,357 --> 00:17:12,028
it doesn't start off
as horrible or sad or dark or depressing,
293
00:17:12,195 --> 00:17:16,282
so I think it's incredibly difficult
to expect a young person
294
00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:19,202
to be able to see what is happening
at the time.
295
00:17:19,869 --> 00:17:21,246
I wanted to just be with him.
296
00:17:21,412 --> 00:17:25,208
I wanted to feel in those
little, concentrated periods of time
297
00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:27,919
that I was with my boyfriend.
298
00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:30,922
Like, I saw him as my boyfriend.
299
00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:35,593
And in my mind, he was the one
who had everything on the line.
300
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,680
Like, he was risking
his entire life for me.
301
00:17:38,846 --> 00:17:40,640
It made me feel so special.
302
00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:43,601
It made me feel so important to know that
303
00:17:43,768 --> 00:17:46,729
if somebody found out about us,
like, he could get fired.
304
00:17:46,896 --> 00:17:49,607
Why would he do that unless he loved me?
305
00:17:49,774 --> 00:17:54,279
Secrets aren't love,
and by isolating the victim,
306
00:17:54,445 --> 00:17:58,449
you're able to take away
the sort of checks and balances
307
00:17:58,616 --> 00:18:00,844
and you're able to take away
the opportunity for a friend
308
00:18:00,868 --> 00:18:02,554
or a family member
or an outsider to be like,
309
00:18:02,578 --> 00:18:04,998
"Huh, that's kind of messed up.
Like, why is that happening?"
310
00:18:05,581 --> 00:18:08,334
I couldn't tell anybody
about what was going on.
311
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:12,588
Like, I couldn't tell anybody
about my relationship with him.
312
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:16,509
And so it just got more and more
and more and more like tunnel vision,
313
00:18:16,676 --> 00:18:19,178
and the tunnel just led straight to him.
314
00:18:19,637 --> 00:18:25,476
The secrecy was
almost like a spiritual corner
315
00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:28,604
that we both could be together in.
316
00:18:28,771 --> 00:18:30,982
It wasn't real. It was pretend.
317
00:18:31,941 --> 00:18:33,276
I mean, it didn't feel real
318
00:18:33,443 --> 00:18:38,781
until the whole thing
about my mother finding my journal.
319
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:42,744
What was your impetus
for looking for the journal?
320
00:18:43,244 --> 00:18:45,121
Something wasn't right.
321
00:18:45,788 --> 00:18:49,042
And mostly, I got that vibe from you
with your...
322
00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:51,419
your attitude,
323
00:18:51,627 --> 00:18:53,796
but I think you were acting different,
324
00:18:54,255 --> 00:18:56,007
so I looked through your backpack.
325
00:18:56,132 --> 00:18:59,052
There was a map to, like, a park
326
00:18:59,886 --> 00:19:00,887
in Denton.
327
00:19:01,888 --> 00:19:04,742
And I thought that seemed strange.
328
00:19:04,766 --> 00:19:09,270
There was a couple of things
that I read that were about play rehearsal
329
00:19:09,771 --> 00:19:13,691
and that you were being more
intimate with him,
330
00:19:13,858 --> 00:19:16,527
that it wasn't like another school mate
or something.
331
00:19:16,694 --> 00:19:19,238
So... my first thought was
332
00:19:19,405 --> 00:19:23,117
if anybody knew anything
that was going on,
333
00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:25,912
it would be Tom.
334
00:19:28,331 --> 00:19:32,752
When her mother approached me
to talk about it,
335
00:19:32,919 --> 00:19:36,172
I was entirely blown away.
336
00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:37,799
I literally looked at Theresa
337
00:19:37,965 --> 00:19:41,344
and said, "Are you...
What are you talking about?"
338
00:19:42,011 --> 00:19:43,346
And then she showed me the diary,
339
00:19:43,471 --> 00:19:45,824
she showed me the journal,
she showed me the stuff.
340
00:19:45,848 --> 00:19:49,060
I'm going, "Oh, my God."
341
00:19:49,352 --> 00:19:51,145
And she said, "I need to talk to him."
342
00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:56,734
I had to go and invent a story
to get him to my house.
343
00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:58,444
And then her mother...
344
00:19:59,237 --> 00:20:00,279
uh, pounced.
345
00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:05,701
I started talking to them
and telling them about...
346
00:20:06,411 --> 00:20:08,454
...what I had found in your backpack.
347
00:20:08,663 --> 00:20:11,165
And he was just like, "Oh, no, no, no.
348
00:20:11,332 --> 00:20:12,708
"That's not it at all."
349
00:20:13,376 --> 00:20:18,423
His concept was that you were writing
about what you were seeing
350
00:20:18,589 --> 00:20:21,467
in his relationship with his wife.
351
00:20:24,053 --> 00:20:28,182
He totally said,
"No, no, you're misinterpreting."
352
00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:30,661
"All this stuff, that's not about me.
353
00:20:30,685 --> 00:20:35,523
"That's... You know, that's her,
you know, creative writing."
354
00:20:35,940 --> 00:20:39,318
And, you know, I supported him.
He was my friend.
355
00:20:39,902 --> 00:20:42,071
I... I basically talked Theresa down.
356
00:20:42,238 --> 00:20:45,575
"Okay, listen, I guarantee
this is not happening.
357
00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:48,286
"This is not what's going on."
358
00:20:48,744 --> 00:20:50,913
By the time we were through talking,
359
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,376
I felt a little foolish that I had even
brought that to their attention then
360
00:20:55,543 --> 00:20:57,855
because it was your diary,
361
00:20:57,879 --> 00:20:59,088
it was your...
362
00:21:00,131 --> 00:21:01,291
things that you were writing.
363
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:04,677
And then I thought, "Oh."
I thought I'd made a big mistake
364
00:21:04,844 --> 00:21:08,014
by bringing that out into the open.
365
00:21:08,639 --> 00:21:10,725
When it was over, I felt like...
366
00:21:12,143 --> 00:21:15,730
I had to be completely wrong
about my gut feeling.
367
00:21:17,106 --> 00:21:19,567
That's kind of a bummer
368
00:21:19,942 --> 00:21:23,738
because it sort of throws me under the bus
in a way.
369
00:21:24,405 --> 00:21:26,073
Oh, well, definitely,
370
00:21:26,574 --> 00:21:27,574
definitely.
371
00:21:27,658 --> 00:21:33,414
I mean, you know, I think
the whole intent of that conversation was
372
00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,124
for me to feel like
373
00:21:35,875 --> 00:21:38,336
fantasizing
and writing in your journal,
374
00:21:38,503 --> 00:21:42,715
that completely would be a normal thing
for a teenage girl to do.
375
00:21:47,261 --> 00:21:50,014
I think nobody in that room
wanted it to be true.
376
00:21:51,557 --> 00:21:54,769
Nobody looked at my emails,
nobody looked at any of that stuff.
377
00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:58,231
Everybody kind of believed him.
378
00:21:59,190 --> 00:22:01,190
They didn't kind of believe him.
They believed him.
379
00:22:01,275 --> 00:22:03,819
And they all kind of, like,
hugged it out or whatever
380
00:22:03,986 --> 00:22:06,405
and left it.
381
00:22:06,572 --> 00:22:12,203
But of course, all of the kids in school
were talking about it.
382
00:22:12,453 --> 00:22:14,121
You know, there were rumors,
383
00:22:14,747 --> 00:22:16,507
you know, everybody knew
something was weird.
384
00:22:16,624 --> 00:22:17,625
It wasn't right.
385
00:22:17,792 --> 00:22:21,963
But like, we were just hiding
in plain sight.
386
00:22:23,297 --> 00:22:26,551
Southern culture is very much
you don't air your dirty laundry,
387
00:22:26,717 --> 00:22:29,554
you don't talk about it,
you don't tell someone else about it.
388
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,556
That's really the heart of it,
389
00:22:31,722 --> 00:22:34,392
is that you
don't talk about the hard stuff.
390
00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:36,769
Everything is fine all the time.
391
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:38,771
Everything is fine.
392
00:22:39,689 --> 00:22:42,984
I wasn't looking for it.
I wasn't keeping an eye out for it.
393
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:46,737
You know, I was... I was very naive
and I was very trusting
394
00:22:46,904 --> 00:22:50,908
that adults are gonna make
the right decision.
395
00:22:51,409 --> 00:22:52,689
And that wasn't the only reason.
396
00:22:52,827 --> 00:22:56,163
I mean, it was definitely
a male-dominated school.
397
00:22:56,330 --> 00:22:59,500
The principal was male,
the assistant principal was male.
398
00:22:59,667 --> 00:23:05,756
And, you know, you just kind of learned
that you didn't want to kind of
399
00:23:05,965 --> 00:23:08,050
get sideways with any of them
400
00:23:08,217 --> 00:23:11,262
if you wanted your life to just be smooth.
401
00:23:12,805 --> 00:23:14,599
Women are told to trust men.
402
00:23:15,016 --> 00:23:17,893
And that is, you know,
steeped in patriarchy,
403
00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:21,856
steeped in misogyny,
steeped in rape culture.
404
00:23:22,023 --> 00:23:25,985
It makes it so easy
for predators to take advantage.
405
00:23:26,777 --> 00:23:28,195
It just makes it so easy.
406
00:23:40,207 --> 00:23:45,296
People are not interested
in facing this kind of story
407
00:23:45,463 --> 00:23:48,883
because it is shocking, it is disturbing,
408
00:23:49,050 --> 00:23:50,176
and school districts
409
00:23:50,343 --> 00:23:53,095
are interested
in protecting themselves
410
00:23:53,262 --> 00:23:55,056
and the decisions that they make.
411
00:23:56,140 --> 00:24:00,019
Call it nepotism, call it cronyism,
412
00:24:00,394 --> 00:24:02,146
call it circling the wagons.
413
00:24:02,438 --> 00:24:05,608
It is... up
that these kids are not being protected
414
00:24:05,775 --> 00:24:09,945
by the very people who take that job,
who take the oath
415
00:24:10,112 --> 00:24:13,074
and say, "Yeah, I will protect
your children above all else."
416
00:24:13,908 --> 00:24:18,704
Your job as an administrator in education
is always to protect your employees.
417
00:24:18,871 --> 00:24:20,206
That's being a good leader.
418
00:24:20,373 --> 00:24:23,501
However, if your system is failing,
419
00:24:23,668 --> 00:24:26,796
then you are definitely
not doing your job.
420
00:24:27,838 --> 00:24:29,924
You believe these men are good people,
421
00:24:30,091 --> 00:24:34,053
you believe that they are people who would
do the right thing as well,
422
00:24:34,345 --> 00:24:35,429
and...
423
00:24:35,971 --> 00:24:38,766
you know, we know better.
424
00:24:42,436 --> 00:24:44,730
Okay, I'm gonna show you this thing.
425
00:24:44,897 --> 00:24:47,497
Do you remember looking at...
Do you remember this journal at all?
426
00:24:47,608 --> 00:24:48,693
Probably not, huh?
427
00:24:49,402 --> 00:24:52,697
This was the poem that he gave me
in the hall.
428
00:24:53,364 --> 00:24:56,283
He put it in my hand
and he said, "This is for you."
429
00:24:57,535 --> 00:24:58,744
And it was the...
430
00:24:59,662 --> 00:25:02,206
moment where it all changed.
431
00:25:02,373 --> 00:25:04,250
Like, I became something else.
432
00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:06,460
I remember it. I don't wanna read it.
433
00:25:06,752 --> 00:25:08,504
I don't wanna read it at all actually.
434
00:25:08,879 --> 00:25:12,174
Can you tell... can you tell me you
remember this?
435
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:13,801
Okay.
436
00:25:27,773 --> 00:25:29,275
Hey, what's going on?
437
00:25:30,359 --> 00:25:32,737
Can you tell me
what's so upsetting about this?
438
00:25:38,826 --> 00:25:41,078
Yes, you did show that to me.
439
00:25:41,454 --> 00:25:43,664
He was discussing...
440
00:25:45,332 --> 00:25:47,001
His longing.
441
00:25:47,168 --> 00:25:49,420
I just... I know that's where it goes,
442
00:25:49,587 --> 00:25:52,506
and I didn't even have to read past it.
443
00:25:52,673 --> 00:25:54,633
He was longing for you.
444
00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:05,144
I remember being really angry,
and you were excited.
445
00:26:12,276 --> 00:26:15,112
And I was freaking out.
446
00:26:23,454 --> 00:26:27,374
I think that I was conflicted
447
00:26:27,541 --> 00:26:30,336
because you were finally,
like, excited about a boy
448
00:26:30,503 --> 00:26:32,671
and you were always so critical of them.
449
00:26:35,174 --> 00:26:36,759
I took it to my parents.
450
00:26:37,051 --> 00:26:38,844
I said something to them,
451
00:26:39,887 --> 00:26:42,306
but everybody else, they just...
452
00:26:42,556 --> 00:26:44,308
They weren't... They didn't listen.
453
00:26:47,228 --> 00:26:50,648
The shitty poem. What the...?
454
00:26:57,154 --> 00:26:59,865
- Hello?
- Hello. Come in.
455
00:27:00,449 --> 00:27:01,951
You are grounded.
456
00:27:02,618 --> 00:27:04,411
- Come here.
- So grounded.
457
00:27:04,578 --> 00:27:06,956
You do not know how grounded you are.
458
00:27:07,289 --> 00:27:08,290
Hi.
459
00:27:08,874 --> 00:27:10,793
Cheryl was like my second daughter.
460
00:27:10,918 --> 00:27:15,023
And, you know, Katie and Cheryl were
very involved in everything in school.
461
00:27:15,047 --> 00:27:18,068
I mean, they were... they were both,
at that time, cheerleading
462
00:27:18,092 --> 00:27:20,594
and doing the things
that you do at that age.
463
00:27:20,761 --> 00:27:22,972
And then the next thing you know...
464
00:27:24,306 --> 00:27:26,517
Cheryl changed.
You know, something changed.
465
00:27:26,684 --> 00:27:29,103
You know, we had discussed Cheryl
466
00:27:29,270 --> 00:27:33,065
in the context of the inappropriate
relationship in the house.
467
00:27:33,649 --> 00:27:36,819
I think my dad had hoped that
it was more so gossip.
468
00:27:37,278 --> 00:27:39,363
When Katie found the poem,
she told us about it
469
00:27:39,530 --> 00:27:41,490
and Katie's dad was like,
"That's not right.
470
00:27:41,657 --> 00:27:44,034
"That is not...
That shouldn't be happening.
471
00:27:44,201 --> 00:27:45,411
"And what do we do?"
472
00:27:45,578 --> 00:27:49,164
And I said, "You're gonna go down there,"
'cause I was... I was mad.
473
00:27:50,082 --> 00:27:53,168
He walked into the office
and they said, "Who are you here to see?"
474
00:27:53,335 --> 00:27:55,254
And he said, "I wanna start at the top."
475
00:27:56,797 --> 00:27:58,257
They didn't take it serious.
476
00:27:58,632 --> 00:28:00,217
They shut him down.
477
00:28:00,718 --> 00:28:02,518
You know, told him
there was nothing going on.
478
00:28:02,678 --> 00:28:05,431
Laughed at him,
made him feel like an idiot.
479
00:28:05,806 --> 00:28:07,492
You know,
"You need to look in your own house
480
00:28:07,516 --> 00:28:10,895
and not in our house," you know,
like, just made him feel awful.
481
00:28:11,437 --> 00:28:16,275
So then we got this letter
mailed to us March 10th, 2000.
482
00:28:16,442 --> 00:28:19,042
"I wanted to offer my appreciation
for the time you spent with me.
483
00:28:19,153 --> 00:28:20,953
"I agree with you
that we have found ourselves
484
00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:23,532
"in a less than desirable situation.
485
00:28:23,699 --> 00:28:25,117
"In time, this issue will pass.
486
00:28:25,284 --> 00:28:28,037
"All parties involved will cease
from discussing the issue
487
00:28:28,203 --> 00:28:31,540
"of an alleged inappropriate relationship
between a student and a teacher.
488
00:28:31,665 --> 00:28:33,435
"With the knowledge
that I have investigated the issue
489
00:28:33,459 --> 00:28:34,960
"and found it to be lacking merit.
490
00:28:35,586 --> 00:28:40,716
"Again, I offer my sincere appreciation
for having come in my office,
491
00:28:41,342 --> 00:28:43,886
"thus permitting me
to intervene in the matter."
492
00:28:52,102 --> 00:28:54,772
I got called into the principal's office.
493
00:28:57,358 --> 00:28:58,359
And...
494
00:28:59,818 --> 00:29:01,362
the principal was there
495
00:29:01,528 --> 00:29:04,865
and the counselor was there
and they sat me down in this chair.
496
00:29:05,491 --> 00:29:06,700
And they said,
497
00:29:07,910 --> 00:29:10,496
"Are you involved
498
00:29:10,913 --> 00:29:15,209
"in a sexual relationship
with the teacher?"
499
00:29:17,503 --> 00:29:21,256
I just remember channeling him and...
500
00:29:23,842 --> 00:29:26,637
just trying to turn into a cool cucumber.
501
00:29:27,137 --> 00:29:32,226
And I just said... I just said...
I said, "No."
502
00:29:32,893 --> 00:29:34,728
Like in a question, "No?"
503
00:29:35,521 --> 00:29:37,982
And then that was it.
They sent me out of the room.
504
00:29:41,110 --> 00:29:42,987
This was the inflection point.
505
00:29:43,153 --> 00:29:46,115
This was the point
where something could've changed
506
00:29:46,532 --> 00:29:48,452
and it would have been very easy,
but nothing was
507
00:29:48,534 --> 00:29:51,453
because it was much more convenient
for the administration to just
508
00:29:52,079 --> 00:29:54,373
slide it right under the rug
and keep going.
509
00:29:56,417 --> 00:29:58,544
If they had told my mother
510
00:29:59,753 --> 00:30:01,005
what was happening,
511
00:30:01,171 --> 00:30:03,841
if they had told my mother
that they were even calling me
512
00:30:04,008 --> 00:30:07,028
into the office to ask me
about these things,
513
00:30:07,052 --> 00:30:10,347
if the administration had told her
514
00:30:10,597 --> 00:30:16,770
that my best friend, Katie, was the person
who had told her father about this,
515
00:30:16,937 --> 00:30:19,189
it would've put
more questions in her mind.
516
00:30:21,358 --> 00:30:22,359
But they didn't.
517
00:30:22,776 --> 00:30:24,611
It would've made the school look bad.
518
00:30:25,988 --> 00:30:27,268
They don't want anything public,
519
00:30:27,406 --> 00:30:30,784
they don't want anything to appear
like anything is wrong.
520
00:30:30,951 --> 00:30:33,746
They want to just handle it
and make sure it's quiet.
521
00:30:36,081 --> 00:30:38,459
I went to school the next week
522
00:30:39,126 --> 00:30:42,921
and our Spanish teacher, Mr. Warrick,
523
00:30:43,464 --> 00:30:45,340
kind of backed me into the corner.
524
00:30:45,924 --> 00:30:48,028
And he basically told me that
525
00:30:48,052 --> 00:30:51,638
he would fail me
if I continued to run my mouth
526
00:30:52,848 --> 00:30:55,976
like a spoiled, entitled...
527
00:30:57,603 --> 00:30:59,063
little girl.
528
00:30:59,897 --> 00:31:02,232
I was removed from my Spanish class
529
00:31:02,399 --> 00:31:06,070
and placed in
a distance learning environment.
530
00:31:07,946 --> 00:31:09,073
And I stayed there.
531
00:31:10,282 --> 00:31:12,910
I quite honestly do not remember
532
00:31:13,410 --> 00:31:15,829
the conversation
that you are talking about.
533
00:31:15,996 --> 00:31:18,749
I'm not trying to be...
No, I'm trying to...
534
00:31:18,916 --> 00:31:22,169
I think... I'm going through
the Rolodex of my memory,
535
00:31:22,544 --> 00:31:24,606
but I can't remember
the conversation you're talking about.
536
00:31:24,630 --> 00:31:25,630
I'm sorry.
537
00:31:49,404 --> 00:31:51,073
There's so many things
in this section
538
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,440
I'm just looking at right now.
539
00:31:52,491 --> 00:31:54,636
It's like Nabokov
and Henry Miller and Of Mice and Men.
540
00:31:54,660 --> 00:31:56,540
And, like, all of that stuff
that's on this row.
541
00:31:56,745 --> 00:31:57,830
And I just remember, like,
542
00:31:58,288 --> 00:32:01,375
coming here and, like,
thinking of this big artist life
543
00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,186
that I was gonna live,
you know what I mean?
544
00:32:03,210 --> 00:32:04,211
Just sitting and...
545
00:32:05,170 --> 00:32:10,175
reading and dreaming
and all of that, you know?
546
00:32:12,970 --> 00:32:15,055
Like Lolita, you know,
547
00:32:15,889 --> 00:32:17,933
I was like obsessed with it.
548
00:32:19,935 --> 00:32:23,939
When I first read Lolita,
he had sort of given it to me.
549
00:32:24,106 --> 00:32:26,608
So I just read it as quickly
as I possibly could,
550
00:32:26,775 --> 00:32:28,235
like, read it cover to cover.
551
00:32:31,071 --> 00:32:32,298
I don't know. I just...
552
00:32:32,322 --> 00:32:35,367
I guess I used to, like,
compare myself to Lolita sometimes.
553
00:32:35,534 --> 00:32:38,287
And then I think in the very beginning,
he was like,
554
00:32:38,453 --> 00:32:40,598
"No, no, no, it's nothing like that.
It's nothing like that.
555
00:32:40,622 --> 00:32:43,022
"That's not our relationship."
But then I think he kind of...
556
00:32:44,877 --> 00:32:48,046
played the game, you know?
And was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is."
557
00:32:48,797 --> 00:32:51,550
In his way. But, you know, like...
558
00:32:59,641 --> 00:33:01,018
Yeah, I don't know.
559
00:33:01,602 --> 00:33:04,313
I might need to take a break honestly,
if that's okay.
560
00:33:05,105 --> 00:33:07,316
I'm just feeling a little, like, drained.
561
00:33:08,901 --> 00:33:09,902
Yeah.
562
00:33:22,247 --> 00:33:24,458
I'm gonna get
these colored pencils because...
563
00:33:24,958 --> 00:33:27,294
- Oh, yeah. I forgot about them.
- ...why not?
564
00:33:28,253 --> 00:33:29,463
Here. I'll put 'em here.
565
00:33:29,630 --> 00:33:30,631
Okay.
566
00:33:32,216 --> 00:33:34,801
- You're an artist and I'm not, so...
- I'm not an artist.
567
00:33:34,968 --> 00:33:36,968
- I'm just...
- I'm already at a disadvantage here.
568
00:33:37,012 --> 00:33:38,597
Oh, this is a competitive sport?
569
00:33:38,764 --> 00:33:40,557
Yeah. Isn't everything?
570
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,649
There's a lot of stuff that, like,
you and I didn't talk about
571
00:33:48,774 --> 00:33:50,400
- over the years and...
- No.
572
00:33:50,567 --> 00:33:53,904
...I'm trying to be, like,
as honest and detailed
573
00:33:54,071 --> 00:33:55,822
and all of that, as possible.
574
00:33:56,490 --> 00:33:57,824
- You know?
- Yeah.
575
00:33:57,991 --> 00:33:59,743
So why didn't you
wanna talk to me about it?
576
00:33:59,910 --> 00:34:01,662
Like, why didn't you
wanna ask me about it?
577
00:34:02,621 --> 00:34:05,415
You know, it just...
578
00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:08,919
You know, after a while, you just...
579
00:34:09,670 --> 00:34:11,880
You want everybody to say,
"You know what?
580
00:34:12,047 --> 00:34:15,300
"Just get over it and forget about it
and let's move on with our lives,"
581
00:34:15,467 --> 00:34:17,261
because that's...
582
00:34:18,136 --> 00:34:19,136
I mean, that's what...
583
00:34:20,222 --> 00:34:22,516
what people need to do,
get on with their lives.
584
00:34:22,683 --> 00:34:25,352
But that would be
one of my questions to you is,
585
00:34:25,852 --> 00:34:29,690
did you feel like you
were going to just not talk about it
586
00:34:29,856 --> 00:34:31,149
for the rest of your life?
587
00:34:35,696 --> 00:34:39,950
Yeah, I think so.
But also I think I was so kind of ashamed
588
00:34:40,158 --> 00:34:41,994
because the whole narrative is,
589
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:46,999
"Well, Cheryl, you were so mature.
We expected a lot out of you," you know?
590
00:34:47,165 --> 00:34:49,918
But then the problem is that...
591
00:34:50,085 --> 00:34:51,878
You weren't, you were 16.
592
00:34:52,587 --> 00:34:58,343
The people that think
you should have known better,
593
00:34:58,510 --> 00:35:02,931
I mean, jeez, they're the stupid ones
in this because they're not looking at it
594
00:35:03,598 --> 00:35:05,434
from the... from the right direction.
595
00:35:06,810 --> 00:35:09,813
You know, you were a target of something
and from someone
596
00:35:09,980 --> 00:35:12,190
that was obviously an expert at it.
597
00:35:12,691 --> 00:35:15,277
I mean, I should have...
598
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:17,320
You know,
599
00:35:17,988 --> 00:35:21,908
I think now you look
at anything and you say...
600
00:35:24,119 --> 00:35:28,081
going forward, my very first gut instinct,
601
00:35:28,248 --> 00:35:30,000
I'm going with it no matter what.
602
00:35:30,917 --> 00:35:33,503
Parents in general
make a lot of mistakes too,
603
00:35:34,212 --> 00:35:35,714
so I feel bad about...
604
00:35:36,423 --> 00:35:38,050
about how all that happened.
605
00:35:39,509 --> 00:35:43,138
So you know,
you can't change anything now,
606
00:35:43,305 --> 00:35:47,642
you can just maybe learn from it.
607
00:35:49,519 --> 00:35:53,273
Doing this, I think it's an eye opener
for everybody.
608
00:35:54,274 --> 00:35:57,486
You're better off if you just
get everything out on the table.
609
00:35:57,986 --> 00:36:03,575
And I think that probably will make you
sleep better at night, too, right?
610
00:36:04,242 --> 00:36:05,327
Yeah.
611
00:36:13,794 --> 00:36:17,255
There are just going to be people
who are predators,
612
00:36:17,422 --> 00:36:22,636
but I think that what we can shift
is that middle ground
613
00:36:22,803 --> 00:36:29,476
where people are justifying
or normalizing behavior that is toxic.
614
00:36:29,643 --> 00:36:35,816
Like, people would joke about students
having sex with their teachers
615
00:36:35,982 --> 00:36:36,983
like it was funny.
616
00:36:37,150 --> 00:36:41,196
I don't think anybody really understood
what the fallout of that was,
617
00:36:41,363 --> 00:36:45,867
what I went through, how it affected me,
how it affected my relationships,
618
00:36:46,034 --> 00:36:47,786
and how it affected my sex life.
619
00:36:50,038 --> 00:36:52,165
It's hard, you know?
620
00:36:53,041 --> 00:36:54,418
Like, it's... hard.
621
00:37:04,594 --> 00:37:05,720
Hello.
622
00:37:06,304 --> 00:37:08,504
Sorry, I didn't know
how much vegetable we needed, so...
623
00:37:08,557 --> 00:37:10,785
- We didn't need any vegetable.
- Yeah, I know but I brought chips...
624
00:37:10,809 --> 00:37:13,871
- I told you I would take care of all this.
- I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.
625
00:37:13,895 --> 00:37:16,648
But I did it anyway, 'cause you don't show
empty-handed, you know?
626
00:37:20,819 --> 00:37:23,029
I've got food all ready to go
whenever we get done
627
00:37:23,196 --> 00:37:25,907
with whatever this is,
this beginning thing.
628
00:37:26,324 --> 00:37:28,827
- We'll break and have some food.
- Yeah.
629
00:37:28,994 --> 00:37:30,495
So help yourself.
Do you want some...
630
00:37:30,662 --> 00:37:33,123
I got... I got... like I said,
I got Topo Chico if you want.
631
00:37:33,290 --> 00:37:34,970
- That sounds amazing.
- No. Not a problem.
632
00:37:39,713 --> 00:37:41,047
In reality,
633
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,759
no one is prepared for teaching.
No one.
634
00:37:45,552 --> 00:37:48,346
No one can walk in the classroom
and go like, "I got this."
635
00:37:48,847 --> 00:37:52,100
- Yeah.
- It doesn't happen. It never happens.
636
00:37:52,976 --> 00:37:55,187
Most of our teacher education was...
637
00:37:56,354 --> 00:37:57,772
quite literally bullshit.
638
00:37:58,190 --> 00:38:01,151
It was theories of education,
how to teach people.
639
00:38:01,318 --> 00:38:04,446
It had nothing to do
with how to interact with kids
640
00:38:04,613 --> 00:38:07,699
and nothing to do with, like, the rules.
641
00:38:07,866 --> 00:38:13,330
And then you get these 23, 24-year-olds
and you toss 'em into the classroom?
642
00:38:13,497 --> 00:38:16,082
- It was a disaster waiting to happen.
- Yeah.
643
00:38:16,666 --> 00:38:19,753
There was just... There was a lot of stuff
going on at the school
644
00:38:20,795 --> 00:38:24,341
where it was pointing to this thing
happening with
645
00:38:25,342 --> 00:38:26,676
- me and him.
- Mm-hmm.
646
00:38:26,885 --> 00:38:29,513
I know that you were defending him
and you did...
647
00:38:29,679 --> 00:38:32,557
You know, he was your friend,
you trusted him and stuff.
648
00:38:32,724 --> 00:38:35,435
But I just wonder
if there was any other...
649
00:38:37,562 --> 00:38:40,106
Was there... Were there...
Was there any other time
650
00:38:40,273 --> 00:38:43,985
where you thought, "Maybe this is true,"
like, "Maybe this is happening"?
651
00:38:44,736 --> 00:38:46,005
Because there was...
652
00:38:46,029 --> 00:38:47,715
- There were rumors.
- No, that's a good question.
653
00:38:47,739 --> 00:38:49,550
It's a totally...
it's a totally honest question.
654
00:38:49,574 --> 00:38:51,284
But, you know, it was just like...
655
00:38:52,285 --> 00:38:56,331
You know, we...
We just... We...
656
00:38:56,540 --> 00:39:01,044
We trusted our instincts
more than we trusted our professionalism,
657
00:39:01,711 --> 00:39:04,965
if that makes any sense.
We just kind of said, "Oh, there's no way.
658
00:39:05,090 --> 00:39:06,424
"Nope. Not gonna happen."
659
00:39:07,425 --> 00:39:10,262
It just wasn't gonna...
You know, "There was nothing going on.
660
00:39:10,428 --> 00:39:11,763
"It was no big deal."
661
00:39:11,888 --> 00:39:13,688
But we were young.
I mean, we were like, what,
662
00:39:13,848 --> 00:39:15,225
eight years older than you?
663
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:16,935
Mm. Yeah, like 13.
664
00:39:17,102 --> 00:39:18,353
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
665
00:39:18,478 --> 00:39:22,566
No, I was...
You were 17, I was, well, 27.
666
00:39:23,149 --> 00:39:25,026
- So yeah, okay, 11, 12 years.
- Yeah.
667
00:39:25,193 --> 00:39:28,947
And, you know, we didn't know the rules.
668
00:39:29,573 --> 00:39:32,576
We were dumb-ass kids thinking
that we were
669
00:39:33,159 --> 00:39:34,619
behaving like adults.
670
00:39:36,037 --> 00:39:38,415
- And...
- You were really dumb-ass adults
671
00:39:38,582 --> 00:39:40,625
behaving like kids though,
you know what I mean?
672
00:39:40,792 --> 00:39:44,087
But, yeah, we were just making it up
as we go along, you know?
673
00:39:46,214 --> 00:39:49,467
And so all that mix
674
00:39:49,634 --> 00:39:52,679
of relationships and everything,
675
00:39:52,846 --> 00:39:56,182
it just kind of all got
tossed into a blender.
676
00:40:01,521 --> 00:40:04,107
I mean, I've had relationships
with female students,
677
00:40:04,274 --> 00:40:05,483
nothing like that,
678
00:40:05,650 --> 00:40:08,778
but I've had those close relationships
where they look at me
679
00:40:08,945 --> 00:40:13,241
as something more than a teacher,
as a guardian, as a mentor.
680
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,578
It's the curse of being a male teacher
681
00:40:16,745 --> 00:40:21,499
that anytime a teenage girl
would have some sort of, like,
682
00:40:21,666 --> 00:40:23,126
connection with you,
683
00:40:23,877 --> 00:40:26,379
they would flag you,
they'd bring you in.
684
00:40:26,546 --> 00:40:27,964
It was the classic,
685
00:40:28,465 --> 00:40:30,258
"Is anything going on?
686
00:40:30,884 --> 00:40:32,802
"Anything happening?"
687
00:40:33,637 --> 00:40:36,848
And of course I would tell,
"No, there's nothing."
688
00:40:38,767 --> 00:40:41,895
I had one time where I was brought in
689
00:40:42,062 --> 00:40:46,107
and they said, "Well, we heard
you're having sex on your teacher desk."
690
00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:49,944
And I go, "Have you seen my desk lately?
691
00:40:50,111 --> 00:40:53,323
"That's my filing system.
I would never screw my filing system up.
692
00:40:53,490 --> 00:40:55,825
"So whatever they're saying. No.
693
00:40:56,409 --> 00:41:00,038
"Invest... Investigate me.
Please investigate me."
694
00:41:00,205 --> 00:41:04,334
And so as a male teacher,
especially as a young male teacher...
695
00:41:06,378 --> 00:41:09,005
Unfortunately, that's par for the course.
696
00:41:09,464 --> 00:41:11,424
It is. It is what it is.
697
00:41:13,051 --> 00:41:15,261
Who is there to protect us?
Nobody.
698
00:41:15,512 --> 00:41:17,263
Nobody is there to protect us.
699
00:41:17,430 --> 00:41:19,224
Women are a threat.
700
00:41:20,225 --> 00:41:22,268
And it's so...
701
00:41:23,603 --> 00:41:26,022
It is so deep, deep within us.
702
00:41:26,189 --> 00:41:29,192
I need to control you
because I can't control myself around you.
703
00:41:29,859 --> 00:41:32,487
Try to be welcomed into the world
with that body.
704
00:41:32,862 --> 00:41:34,364
Try to not fight with your friends.
705
00:41:34,572 --> 00:41:37,200
Like, try to not try
to please your teachers.
706
00:41:37,367 --> 00:41:40,578
Like, the constant negotiation of, like,
707
00:41:40,870 --> 00:41:44,541
your dangerous body in the world
is, like, maddening.
708
00:41:44,791 --> 00:41:47,419
And if you constantly have to negotiate
that scrutiny,
709
00:41:47,585 --> 00:41:50,213
then you have to look
for affirmation somewhere,
710
00:41:50,380 --> 00:41:52,966
you have to get validation
from some place
711
00:41:53,383 --> 00:41:54,926
because you have to find safety.
712
00:41:56,636 --> 00:41:58,847
And so I think it's important for me
713
00:41:59,013 --> 00:42:02,767
to make sure that other girls
did not feel alone
714
00:42:02,934 --> 00:42:04,144
in the same way that I did.
715
00:42:07,230 --> 00:42:10,191
Let's start with just
something super simple.
716
00:42:10,358 --> 00:42:14,571
Can you tell me about why
you wanted to participate
717
00:42:14,738 --> 00:42:15,905
in this documentary?
58083
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