Original subtitles

Oh no.

- Is she ready? - She sure is.

There, now you can breathe.

Good morning, Tjalling.

TWENTE UNIVERSITY

It all happened so fast. I still haven't tidied up yet.

The crazy old man walked all the way to Bad Bentheim.

That's what you get with dementia. They run away.

He didn't have dementia.

He was still as bright as a button.

We're ready.

Where's Arend's gun?

Oh, I threw that out last year.

Threw it out? Was he okay with that?

- What do you think, no, of course not. - Something could have happened to him.

An old man with a gun is a death trap.

- His gun meant everything to him. - It was Grandpa's, did you know that?

And to think, it was an heirloom too.

Old men with old junk only mean trouble.

Let it be.

Well, he didn't turn 89 for nothing.

They've prepared the body.

Mother, they've prepared the body.

- And Friday's the cremation? - Friday, yes. But we're burying him.

But he wanted to be cremated.

The graveyard is close by, I'll be able to visit every day.

He will like that as well, don't you think?

You can have whatever you like at the funeral.

Speakers, musicians, clowns, not a problem...

And if it's a cremation, the ashes could be put into fireworks.

There he goes. How symbolic, so beautiful.

And we even have an Andr� Hazes lookalike.

To sing: 'This is the Last Time.'

- if you'd like that, I mean. - He wanted a simple cremation.

My mother and I have decided we'd rather bury him.

Your father wanted to be cremated.

The graveyard is in Langeveen and my mother lives nearby.

- Gedda, you were there when he said it. - But it isn't practical, Jan.

It's not practical? He's dead, how practical do you want it to be?

By burying him, he's close to Mom and she can visit every day.

Yes, and that's exactly what he didn't want.

Sorry. He wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered at the Lorelei.

Oh, scattering his ashes at the Lorelei. You can't take that seriously.

Please, let's not talk about this any longer.

We've already reserved the church for next Friday.

But only the church hall. There won't be a service.

When I'm dead you can do what you want with me.

Heck, throw me in a wheelie bin and put me on the street.

But now I'd like to arrange a simple cremation for my father-in-law.

My husband and I haven't gone over everything yet.

We'll come back later.

- What was that all about? - Your dad knew exactly what he wanted.

He wanted a church service, and a Mass by Mozart.

- No, by Perosi. - See, you remember it exactly.

He never went to church.

But it meant something to him, or he wouldn't have said that.

He never went. He even had a fight with that Pastor Visser,

and now suddenly in church?

His last wish, you can't argue about that. He's not here anymore.

Then he doesn't care about it either.

- I care. - He's my father.

Yes, and because of your mother he lived a meaningless life.

- And now he wanted one damn thing. - He wanted a thousand things.

I can't remember any of his requests being granted.

What is this about?

Jan, do you have any requests?

Please let me bury my father. And I hope you can contain yourself.

If you bury him, I'll dig him up myself.

You and Arend have been supporters of Sursum Corda for forty years.

Of course we want to sing a song for him at his funeral.

Thank you, Meijerink. And this is what it should be.

- 'The Lorelei'. - Yes, he loved that one.

There is a problem.

Right here it says 'pianissimo', which means 'very softly'.

But it doesn't work like that with us.

It's either on or off.

When it's on, it's loud,

and when it's off, you don't hear anything.

Turn it on then.

It will be loud.

Doesn't matter.

Guys, you're late.

- What are you wearing? - This is what he wanted.

That doesn't mean he should do it.

He's an adult, right?

Congratulations on your new apartment.

Is your little Driekus getting used to Erik?

- Yes, it's going well. - They're already very close.

You can't wear that jacket for the photos. Come on, take it off.

Get changed.

Mom, do you still have one of Dad's suit jackets?

Yes, I'll have one somewhere.

Jan?

You can wear it one more time.

Here it comes.

He died in Bad Bentheim. He walked there with his donkey.

Although we don't know how he got that idea exactly.

What's important, Grandpa Arend

you were married to Grandma Sinie for 63 years.

But now you've got peace.

And before we bury you in your final resting place,

Sursum Corda will sing the song of the Lorelei

which Grandpa was crazy about.

Grandpa Arend, you were a great man.

Thank you.

- What was that all about? - What do you mean?

With our Peter, 'now he's got peace'. My father is dead, and you're laughing?

No, I'm laughing for him. Arend would have loved that.

- What's up with Jan? - He's annoyed

because we didn't cremate Grandpa.

- Did Grandpa want to be cremated? - Yes.

Why didn't you do that then?

- My mother wanted him close to home. - Grandpa didn't know what he wanted.

If you ask a man: What would you like?

He says this and this and this.

And as a woman you say: but did you think about that and that and that?

And he says: Oh no, you're right.

Men don't have a feel for practical things.

They have no idea what they're doing in this world.

And we're here to explain it to them.

This is fraud, do you realize that?

Fraud, why?

The papers are in order, the crematorium accepts it as a cremation

without a ceremony. Nobody will find out.

Someday I'll have to bury the old lady.

And she'll be in an empty grave.

Then nobody will be in her way.

I've never done this in my life.

No, and you've never had this much money in one day.

Father had a nice funeral, Mother.

We got married in that church 63 years ago.

And never argued.

Fair enough...

There's no point in putting that small pan on a big burner.

The flames will go around it.

Great.

He walked all the way to Bad Bentheim. What got into him?

I should have kept a better eye on him.

It's very unusual.

It was irresponsible.

- It's also a bit romantic. - You can't say that.

What?

On a day like today.

Wait a minute.

Now you two can figure out if the pan should be on the one burner,

or on the other, okay? Good luck.

It went nicely. I don't regret it. What was that, with the eggs?

I'm happy we did it like this. Much better actually.

And my mother coped well, right, Jan?

- What did you say? - That Mom coped well.

Definitely.

- The choir sang beautifully as well, Jan. - What?

- The choir sang beautifully. - Yes, it was loud and clear.

Actually, the whole family was...

Jan, I'm talking to you.

- I've got some apple pie left. - I only wanted a cookie.

The apple pie needs to be eaten.

Here. Check these bills. You can pay them straight away.

- Bit of an odd day for that, isn't it? - Now you've got time for it.

- Are you comfortable here? - I'm fine.

Here, look, that's much better.

Would you like a drink with that, tea or something?

- No thanks, I'm fine. - You have to drink enough.

I'll bring you a cup of tea.

A nice cup of tea. Have you got everything you need now?

Gedda, you know that better than I do.

Miffy's Bicycle.

Look. Miffy is with two Fs and a Y.

Do you see that?

Oh, that must be your father. Five minutes early.

- Hello. - Hello.

Hi Driekus, are you coming with Daddy?

Mark, don't teach him dialect. He needs to speak Dutch properly.

So, can't he learn French later because he needs to speak English properly?

Come on, Driekus, we're going to get some ice cream.

Hey, Mark.

If you're going to the whores, don't take Driekus.

Liesbeth, was that really necessary?

- Sorry. - Are you still so mad at me?

Extremely mad.

- You have Erik now, he's very different. - Thank God for that, he's honest.

Are you coming, it's ten to seven. Inside Out is on.

Liesbeth.

- I'll watch it later online, all right? - Okay.

Very different.

- Do I have to look at that all day? - What? Isn't it beautiful?

Unusual. Very unusual.

That's Twents dialect for ugly, I know that by now.

- Look, what if we... - What if we...

- Shall we both hang up the same amount? - No, it doesn't have to be that precise.

I'll get some tools.

Liesbeth, don't run. A spiral staircase can't handle that.

- What would you like? - 'Pankokens.'

- What? - Pancakes.

No, it's not the right weather for that.

I know, but you asked what I would like.

- I fancy some Thai food. - No, I don't want Thai food.

Well, you say what I would like, then.

- Pizza? - Then I would love some pizza.

All right. I'll order some.

- Oh, and... - Yes?

I wanted to say something. But I've forgotten.

Oh, good.

- Liesbeth... - Yes, spiral staircase.

Ah, I didn't want any chewing gum.

Why would you open your mouth then?

I'm going to your mother's, see if Arend's donkey is all right.

- Put some old trousers on, then. - These trousers will be fine.

Just do it, or I'll have to wash everything again.

If the trousers get dirty I'll wash them myself, and iron them.

That's my job and ironing has to be done properly.

I'm keeping these trousers on.

- The Lorelei. - Yes, we bought it in R�desheim.

- On your honeymoon? - Yes.

The first and last time you were away from home.

Yes, and then we went to the Lorelei. He thought it was so beautiful.

He even wanted us to scatter his ashes there.

- Oh, that would've been beautiful. - What?

To go to the Lorelei together and then scatter his ashes.

- You can't take that seriously. - That's what Gedda said.

What a hassle. A man like that in the cold water.

- No, you can't do that to him. - But if that's what he wanted?

Oh Jan, what does a man know about what he wants.

From the Lorelei to R�desheim.

The holy Hildegard von Bingen.

And here lie her legs.

What's the deal with the legs of Saint Hildegard?

Ah, there's Gedda.

I saw you leaving without your coat, and you're on the bike.

I found Arend's scrapbook.

- Where did you find that? - In the stable, with the donkey.

Oh. As far as I'm concerned, you can throw it away.

Then I'll keep it. But what's the deal with the legs?

It's just a chest full of bones.

- Bones? - Yes, bones.

- Relics. - Of Hildegard von Bingen.

And my father found it hilarious to call them 'the real legs'

instead of 'the relics' of Saint Hildegard.

He had lots of those little jokes.

He also said: When I'm 65, I'll walk to R�desheim.

- To 'the real legs of Saint Hildegard'. - Yes.

See, I didn't know that. And did you always stop him?

Thank God I always knew how to talk him out of it.

It was just that last time I failed.

Yes, otherwise he'd have reached 400.

Oh, Jan, that's not nice. It's thanks to Mother that Father turned 89.

I told him: you already saw that chest a long time ago, didn't you?

But if you're so keen to see it one more time

we'll go together, on a coach tour.

But he insisted on walking.

- Well then, let him walk. - Oh, there's no point.

No point, maybe, but it makes sense.

I don't see the difference.

You can also want something yourself.

I'm going to get the groceries. Dinner's ready at 19:00.

Gedda takes good care of you, Jan. You should count yourself lucky.

Hello.

You're late.

- Late? - You said you'd be home at 19:30.

It's almost 19:45.

It's busy at the newspaper.

- Willem Alexander's coming to the Uni. - Does that have to take so long?

'Dat he'j mangs.' -What does that mean?

- That happens sometimes. Lovely. - I've called you four times.

My phone's off when I'm in a meeting.

Changing the subject, would you mind looking after Driekus this Thursday?

I have to go to Antwerp, to the paper supplier.

- Haven't you just been there? - That's the thing.

They don't want to lower the price, so I've got to put some pressure on.

- How long will you be gone for? - Two days and two nights.

Two days and two nights for one appointment?

Yes.

Liesbeth, you've got to be honest with me.

What the hell are you thinking about?

No, sorry... Forget it. I'm sorry.

Fine.

- We're taking turns nicely. - Where are you going?

- I'm going to Caf� Central. - Oh, nice.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you?

- You don't like the caf�. - I don't like the Caf� Central, no.

But we're going to another caf�.

I want to go to Caf� Central.

Oh, Jan...

Come on.

- It's nice, just the two of us, right? - Yes.

I knew it.

High Tea for two. Here you are.

We've got to leave on time. At 17:00 we can see the urologist.

- A 'piss doctor'? - Please, Jan.

You're constantly complaining that you're suffering.

- It's not that bad. - It is,

and I'm suffering from it, too. So I'm also doing this for me.

I'm a doctor myself.

A vet, Jan. That's something else entirely.

Gedda, listen.

It's really nice that you arrange and organize everything for me,

but there is such a thing as too much.

- Nonsense. - Why is that nonsense?

That's what I wrote my dissertation on.

When women arrange the practical matters

men feel better and live longer.

Magna cum laude.

Here, your scone.

- Almost nothing comes out, you said? - And he hardly feels anything anymore.

Please, you don't have to rub the girl's face in it.

Jan, that girl is the doctor, and you've got a problem.

And when he ejaculates there's no power at all, so it just dribbles out.

Gedda, please.

And what does come out... Well, a drop is an overstatement.

Really?

Then I should examine you. You can get undressed.

Is it okay if an intern observes?

Of course, not a problem.

Is that necessary?

Don't be embarrassed, she's used to it.

Yes, but I'm not.

Just as I thought. They can't do anything about it, I'll have to live with it.

We shouldn't have come here.

Now at least we tried.

Wait for me, please. I have to go to the toilet.

- Mr. Sanderink? - Hi, Ilse.

What are you doing here?

Nothing special. What about you?

The doctor says Peter's sperm is very slow.

Oh, right. Grandpa would say: 'good slouw'.

- Oh, sorry. - Is there any hope?

If you want to give us grandchildren, you'll have to think of something else.

May I ask you, Mr. Sanderink, Jan, to keep this between us?

- Nobody needs to know. - Thank you... Dad.

All the best, love. Stay strong.

I'm going to Caf� Central tonight. I could use a drink.

I get that, but tonight isn't possible. I invited Ria and Bert Dammink.

- Oh no, did you really invite them? - Yes, I had to.

They're good people and Bert is a good colleague of mine.

- Scrabble again? - Yes, we're playing Scrabble.

They just love that.

Oh well, what's one more thing.

Look. Penguin.

So, thanks to my mother my father reached the age of 89.

What about you, Jan, how old was your father?

His father died at 45, Jan never really knew his father.

- I was barely... - You were barely four years old.

Just imagine, you don't really have any memories then.

- I wouldn't say that... - That's true.

My father died early as well. What was it your father had?

His father lived extremely unhealthily, and his mother did nothing about it.

Yes, but otherwise he would have...

That doesn't say anything. My father was very athletic and died suddenly.

- I just wanted to say that, you can... - Bert, your turn.

- Vorce. - Vorce? That's not a word.

Oh, yes it is. Divorce.

Beautiful.

Jan, I know that you weren't looking forward to tonight,

but you could have opened your mouth a little bit more.

- Me? - Yes. You barely said a thing.

You could have been a bit more talkative.

Can you believe that Ria is okay with them splitting up

after everything she's done for him? I would never have agreed to it.

For marriage you need two people. For divorce only one has to want it.

Marriage is an arrangement between two people, to which you both agree.

If you do end up splitting up, I think you should both agree to that as well.

And what if Bert thinks: if I go on with Ria like this, I'll go crazy?

Then he shouldn't have married her.

And what if I tell you right now

that I want a divorce?

Jan...

Don't talk nonsense, my dear.

We belong together, we'll never be rid of each other.

Did you pay those bills?

I'll do it next week.

Didn't I ask you to pay them straight away? You had them in your hands.

- Next week is early enough. - But you had them in your hands.

There's plenty of time.

Why can't you just say: Yes, Gedda, you're right,

I should have paid them straight away.

Yes, Gedda, you're right,

I should have paid them straight away.

Is that so difficult?

- Who's there? - Room service.

Hi. I thought, if you're staying in such a nice hotel, we could make a night of it.

- But where's Driekus? - With his father.

What a surprise.

Did you sleep well, honey? Great.

- I had a dream. - Oh, really?

- About you. - How about that? And?

- It got a bit wild. - Oh, really?

We were here, in the kitchen, as we are now.

I ripped all your clothes off. I lay you down on the kitchen table.

I got a chair. I sat down in front of you, and I thought:

Now I'm just going to enjoy Gedda.

And then?

And then you said: first go and put your old clothes on.

Is it really that difficult for you, being with me?

You didn't take my advice to heart, I hope?

Well, I can tell you...

I first went and put my old clothes on.

You can be a real loser at times.

Do you know what your problem is? You take on too much of what I say.

You shouldn't do as I say as much.

No, Jan. You shouldn't put the cheese knife on the cheese like that.

- Why not? - It's unhygienic.

- Unhygienic? - You've had your fingers on it.

But I held the cheese as well, so what's the difference?

That's how we do it.

Hey, we have two hedge trimmers, you know.

- Oh, then we can throw one away. - For God's sake.

That was a joke. Come on.

For weeks you've promised me you'll trim the conifers, but you don't do it.

Then I end up doing it myself. Here, I refuse to do any more.

I'll trim them tomorrow.

I have to go, by the way. I have to be at the petting zoo by 15:00.

- Your glasses are here on the piano. - Gedda, I know that.

- I know you. You'd forget them. - No, I won't forget them.

- And did you find the disinfectant? - Yes, I found it.

- Was it in the car? - Yes.

- So you found it. - Yes.

- Because you'd lost it. - I've got it.

- So you're sure about that? - My God, how often do I have to say it?

I'm only trying to help.

Jan, put on a jacket.

- In this weather? - Yes, you never know. Take it with you.

Jan?

What are you thinking about?

Oh, Sanderink, I'm so glad you're here.

- It's the goat. - The goat?

- Yes. - What's wrong with the goat?

- She's acting so strangely. - Strangely?

When it's a bit windy

she stares up at the branches of the trees,

and then she keeps on moving her head...

...from side to side.

Look, she's doing it again.

Is she in pain?

No, I don't think so.

Do you know what I think?

Tell me.

I think she has Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's?

Yes, dementia.

A goat with Alzheimer's. I've never heard of that before.

My father had it too, and that's just how he looked.

So, there's something new.

Dementia. I'll have a think about it.

I warned you.

Was there anything particular at the petting zoo?

They had a goat.

And the volunteer there thought that she

had broken something.

But I just needed to trim her hooves.

I'll take a quick bath and then I'll pay those bills.

Yes, please do. And it'll be nice weather tomorrow, so you can trim the conifers.

- The conifers? - Yes, the conifers.

- The conifers. - You know what conifers are, don't you?

Yes, conifers. They're those things you put next to one another,

- so that people can't see in. - Exactly.

Good. And when are we getting them?

Getting them? You've been trimming them for 25 years.

Have I really?

They never tell me anything.

Jan, what are you doing?

Cup of coffee for in the bath.

What were you thinking?

There, the bills.

TO THE MAYOR

- What are you doing? - Making a smoothie.

Give me that.

You are totally out of it.

- Where are you going? - To my father and mother's.

Jan, stop it. I really don't like this.

I'm allowed to go to my father and mother's, aren't I?

Your father and mother are dead.

Are my father and mother dead?

They never tell me anything.

I'll be right back.

Try it out.

Just cycle around the block. See if you like it.

Thanks for the bike.

Look at that, breakfast in bed. What did I do to deserve that?

We have something to celebrate. Look.

- You're kidding me. Would you believe it. - Great, isn't it?

I have no idea what it says.

Mobility of more than fifty percent.

You've got the best sperm there is.

Are you serious? Me?

I've also spoken to the urologist.

And she said your sperm were so fast, they flew through the lab.

She couldn't keep them under the microscope. They were so lively.

We just have to do it more often. That's all.

There are worse things.

Just a minute, Ria.

So, I've trimmed them right back. We won't have to do them again for a while.

- May we take a look in your shed? - Excuse me?

Yes, take a look in your shed.

- I'll make an appointment at the hospital. - Are you sick?

- For a memory test. - Is there something wrong with your mind?

Not with mine. But there's more than one person living in this house.

- Go ahead. - After you.

- After you. - It's all yours.

Jan, calm down, will you.

That woman wouldn't get in the elevator.

Jan... I'm sorry, ma'am.

- It's okay. - I say.

Problems with short-term memory and not being able to handle money any more.

An obsession with cremation.

First, a couple of general questions before we get down to the problem.

- What's your name? - Johannes Gerardus...

- No, I was asking your husband. - I beg your pardon.

What is your name?

What are you called?

What are you called?

What you're called.

What I'm called.

- I'm not that well-educated. - Think about it.

Mrs. Sanderink, I really have a problem here.

Who's the one with the problem here? I thought that we had the problem?

I have to do an MMSE test one-to-one,

so I'm going to ask you to go and have a cup of coffee in the cafeteria.

Thank you.

Bye, nurse.

Could you repeat after me?

And now this and now that.

And now this and now that.

And could you repeat after me: 'Beaucoup de klamme jotte amme wieme kneutje?'

You can't, can you? They don't teach you anything at school these days.

He'll be having an EEG and a CT and all sorts of other tests,

but it looks like it's Alzheimer's.

So, you'll have to talk to Dad about what he wants.

What he wants? What could he want, then?

It could well be that he wants to arrange something before it gets worse.

I'll arrange everything for him.

So really everything will just be the same. Or not, Mom?

Here are your prostate pills. The pasta is in the oven.

Memory exercises.

And in case you can't remember all that, I've written it all down here.

And you're not going anywhere. Understood?

- I have to see my patients. - I've called to tell them you're sick.

Are you crazy? Why would you do that?

- Jan, you can't work in this state. - For God's sake.

And to be on the safe side, I'm taking your car keys with me.

- You'll stay at home today. - I don't understand.

Exactly.

I have to go. Willem-Alexander's coming to the University and I have to be there.

- Willem-Alexander? - Willem-Alexander, yes. Ring a bell?

Yes, that's our King.

I used to sit in his lap when I was a little girl.

Okay, it'll be fine. Where are my keys?

On the mantelpiece.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Thank you.

- Sweetheart, come here a minute. - What is it? I have to go to yoga.

- Yeah, yeah, just one second. - Quickly then.

- I've measured our paintings. - Measured them?

Yeah, the surface areas.

We agreed that we'd both hang the same amount of paintings on the wall.

Half with your paintings and half with mine.

I've measured the surface areas of your paintings,

and then my paintings...

Er... yeah?

It turns out that I can hang up another 20 by 30 cm painting.

Okay. As far as I'm concerned, you can hang a painting that's 2.5 meters...

No, I don't agree with you.

In a good relationship you make good agreements and stick to them.

If you slack off straight away, it won't be long before it goes wrong.

- Right. I'm going to yoga. - Sure, have fun.

- What time will you be back? - Late. I'm going to the pub.

- Oh, who with? - No idea.

Text me, to let me know where you are, and when you'll be home.

I'm just going to have a drink somewhere.

If I die, I'll send you a text.

What time will you be back? I have to be up really early tomorrow.

If you're tired, go to bed. I'll crawl in next to you.

- What did you say? - Bye.

- You can always call me, if need be. - Fine, I will.

Has something happened?

- Where on earth were you? - At my father and mother's. Why?

- You were gone. - Yes, and now I'm back again.

Gedda has sacrificed her whole life for you, Jan.

And the only thing she wants is that you listen to her a bit.

We can work this out together, Jan, but you won't manage it just by taking pills.

No.

- It'd be better to put him in a home. - Mom, please.

A home? What kind of home?

- Don't worry, we'll think of something. - Good.

Just get rid of that halfwit.

- Here you are. Have a good evening. - Yeah, you too. Thank you.

Erik has called twelve times.

Oh my God. You scared me to death.

I said you should just go to bed, didn't I?

I've called you 16 times, and left 12 voicemail messages.

That's rather a lot, isn't it, Erik?

Whose jacket is this?

- What? - This. This jacket.

- That's your jacket. - Did you have Mark over?

- Is this Mark's? - That's your jacket.

If you don't start acting normal pretty soon, I'm sleeping in the spare room.

Fine, do that. If you don't do it, I will.

Very well. You never wear that jacket.

And you're going to sleep in the spare room.

It doesn't get any crazier than this. You've locked me out.

Gedda, what kind of madness is this?

Open up.

Open up, for God's sake.

Jan, what are you doing? You should be across the road.

What are you doing in my house? With my wife. Dirty old man. Bugger off.

I'll knock the daylights out of you. Gedda, open the door.

Go sit down, Dad.

I'd rather he was in the Ari�ns House, then I could visit more often.

- But he insisted on going to Almelo. - Well, that's where he was born.

I think it's something to do with Antoon, too. They've known each other for ages.

So I agreed to it.

Antoon can also keep an eye on him. Can't he, Jan?

- What do you think? Will they be home? - Who?

My father and mother?

Jan, do you still remember Antoon? He's now the administrator here.

- You know each other from Utrecht. - Utrecht?

- Yeah, you studied there. - Ah, how nice.

Go sit down, Jan.

Jan, do you agree to staying in a locked ward?

A locked ward?

- I think that would be lovely. - Lovely?

Yes, then they can't steal anything from you.

Well, that's sorted then.

I'll come by every day.

Here are some lecithin bars. They're good for your memory.

And throat lozenges in case you cough. Here's your phone. My number's in there.

You'll get your prostate pills from the nurse. I hope I have your pyjamas.

I'll also ask the kitchen if they'll take your dietary requirements into account.

But don't you worry. Nothing can happen to you here.

Sweetheart.

But you have to do what they say. Will you do that?

What an awful condition.

You are such an asshole.

Pretending to have dementia. It doesn't get any crazier than this.

- What do you want to achieve by this? - No idea. But I had to do something.

I'd almost say that you must have dementia to do this.

We have waiting lists from here to Tokyo.

I squeezed you in, which I'm absolutely not allowed to do.

Why don't you just get a divorce, Jan?

Get divorced? From Gedda?

If it wasn't for Gedda, I'd have been dead for 35 years. You know that.

Do you mean because of Karin? In that accident?

Karin and our little Annemiek, both gone in one fell swoop.

You could have carried me away in a box. I was reduced to nothing.

I stood here twice in the Nijrees forest with a rope in my hands.

I know how bad you were then.

Well then. And Gedda got me through all that.

'Now we're going to do this, and now we're going to do that...

And now you do this like this and that like that.' And I needed that.

- But she just never stopped. - No.

- She's still doing it. - Yes, she's stifling me.

- Yes, she does do that. - But she did save my life.

And you don't just leave a woman who loves you that much.

No matter how much she drives you crazy.

I don't want to get involved in this.

Have a look around, see how nice this place is.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. Go.

- Hello, sir. - Ah. Hello, ma'am.

- Where are you from? - I was born in Almelo.

You're from Almelo? So am I.

Which elementary school did you go to?

Oh, it was very elementary.

Yes. I learned just enough to be able to misunderstand everything.

- I'm Jan. - I'm not allowed to die.

- No, that's not allowed. - Those managers say I can't die.

- Really? - I'm a member of the Euthanasia Society.

I'm also a member of the Euthanasia Society.

I'm a member of the Carnival Society. The Papsleef'n.

The Papsleef'n. Then you must come from Geesteren. I'm Jan.

- My husband cheated on me. - Jan.

That's why he's locked me up in here.

Do you know the way to Kloosteres Street?

Kloosteres Street?

Yes, I have to go to Kloosteres Street.

- There. - Lovely.

And, is the food good here?

Do you know what it is? It's all mixed up together.

With the fair in Tubbergen.

My father and mother too. Sometimes.

Buying eggs, in Vasse. Not always.

It's all so mixed up, and all that.

What a strange, stupid story. I don't understand a word of it.

No, as if you always... with your...

It's a lovely home, but all the food is steamed.

And I think that's an omission.

I know what that is.

Really? What is it then? Omission.

One of my brothers was a priest. He was once in the omission.

In Venezuela, with the native Indians.

What are they?

- They're the bombardments. - What?

- Bombardments. - Bombar.

- ...dement. - Dement?

Yes. Does that mean anything to you? Dement?

That's those poor sods, those demented people. You should feel sorry for them.

Tomorrow, both legs are coming off.

- I don't think it will be that bad. - Both legs. Completely off.

- Ah, dear, really? Both legs off? - Both of them. Completely off.

I'd give you one of my legs if I could.

Both of them. But I'm not allowed to die.

I've signed a euthanasia statement, but it makes no difference.

Oh, but the good Lord never left anyone in the lurch.

I've also signed an euthanasia statement.

You don't need to. The good Lord will come and fetch you himself.

I can sit and wait patiently for the good Lord,

but I think it's a waste of my time.

It's better not to be born.

Come on, Koelman, we should all be a bit more optimistic.

Of course not.

Well, cheers, then.

Yes, here's to many more years.

My husband cheated on me.

I'll just take you back to bed.

I want to get out. I want to go home.

Let's get you to bed for a good night's sleep.

I want to go to my wife. Let me go.

I can't get my dress in my pants.

- Bare legs. - 'Bread and jam'.

Now that was a laugh, wasn't it? We could laugh for two whole weeks.

Ah, ma'am, your clothes are all mussed.

Here we go again.

Oh, Jan...

A whole week...

...without one another.

How can you stand it?

So, love. How are you finding it here?

Do you maybe know if they take Jan's dietary requirements into account?

I don't know very much. That's bad, isn't it?

My husband cheated on me.

But I don't carry a grudge because I believe in God.

The Bible says: whoever does wrong, will be repaid for his wrong.

That's what I'm waiting for.

- What's the matter, Mrs. ten Cate? - It's because of those bullshit pills.

What's wrong with your shit?

Could you take me to the Kloosteres Street later?

Do you like it here?

Do you know what it is, Antoon? No one here wants something from me.

And that's been really good for me.

That's good, because I've asked to see the CT scans.

And I've already discussed it with the radiologist.

And it appears that there is a cerebral atrophy.

Yes. So keep in mind, Jan

- that you really do have Alzheimer's. - You're not serious.

No. I'm not serious.

Oh Lord, you scared me.

Good. That's exactly what I wanted to do.

Now you'll realize what you're doing to us. Gedda, the children and me.

Let's agree to this, Jan.

I'll give you one week to find a solution

to this problem you've created.

Thank you.

This morning I told Gedda that it would be better for your treatment

if she doesn't come visit you in the upcoming week.

Because otherwise, you'd keep wanting to go home, as it were.

Cheers.

But you're not staying here. You're going to think about it away from here.

I understand.

- Mrs. Haarman. - Yes?

- Are you coming with me? - Where to?

To Kloosteres Street.

- To Kloosteres Street? - Yes.

Are you crazy? What's there for me to do in the Kloosteres Street?

I don't even want to think about what would happen if someone found out.

No one will find out.

Are you crazy? No photos. Get out of here.

- Thank you, Poorthuis. - Yes, you're welcome.

But I'm never doing this again.

If I don't see you with a coffin, then it is with an urn.

I think we need to talk.

Lovely.

I wanted to make some tea with rum. But I couldn't find any tea.

- I'm Julia. - Jan.

Cheers.

Could you stand over there?

Do you live here alone?

Usually, yes.

You know how it is with guys.

At first it's hallelujah and everything is great.

But then they become complacent.

They assume that you'll organize everything for them. Do all the work.

From the clothes that they have to wear, to where we'll go on vacation.

I can't be bothered with all that.

I want a lover, not a child.

What's the matter? Am I whining?

No, not at all.

She was a doctor, cosmologist, visionary, theologian, philosopher

botanist, and as a nun, she wrote about the female orgasm.

That she did.

In the 12th century.

A strong woman. Just like Gedda.

And she composed.

Yes, beautiful music. Arend thought so too.

You must have gotten along quite well with your father-in-law.

I wouldn't say that. I felt sorry for him.

And are you going to scatter his ashes all by yourself?

Don't worry. I'm not coming with you.

It's not like I can bring Gedda.

Are the pictures on there? From hoisting up the coffin?

They were on there. I've already erased them.

I always had to bake pancakes for Liesbeth as well, when she was young.

- She still prefers to eat... - Would she have trouble with this?

With scattering the ashes?

No, she's made of different stuff.

Well then.

I've got a delicious rabbit in the freezer. You could have had it tomorrow.

Are you trying to tempt me with a rabbit?

Yes, have you finally caught on? You're a bit slow on the uptake.

Thanks for everything.

Thank you for all that you've done.

Hey, partner.

My husband has cheated on me.

You can wear it one more time.

Yes, I've just bought it.

Nice.

- I've had an extensive text from Dad. - From Dad? He still knows how to text?

He sure does.

It's for you too, he said. But he was afraid to send it to you.

You once told Dad that Erik goes through your phone messages. Here.

He wants us to go to him. He's in Germany.

- Germany? - Yes, Bad Bentheim.

Is there something wrong? Has someone texted you?

- No, this is Peter's phone. - Oh, what are you reading then?

- The news site. - Oh.

- You're going to Germany for two days? - Yes, with Peter.

But why? Where are you going to?

We don't know exactly where yet. We're just going on a trip as brother and sister.

I think it's really strange. Your brother as your alibi.

- Alibi for what? - For something I don't want to think about.

What's this I hear, Liesbeth. You're going on a trip with Peter this weekend?

I can't say I agree to this.

- Is that an option? - You're much too easy about it.

And why should I make it difficult?

Liesbeth has misunderstood something.

She's in a relationship with Erik and so you have to abide by certain rules.

This just isn't right. You should say where you're going to.

And you should be more interested in what Peter is doing.

Liesbeth, you're throwing that applesauce in the jar like it falls out of a cow's ass.

Now you're licking your fingers. Next you will be touching the applesauce with them.

Let me do it. Or we'll still be here by Christmas.

No, Mrs. Sanderink. Let Liesbeth do it.

A top journalist who knows exactly what she wants

can surely put applesauce in a jar?

hey kids, don't get married be a little shrewder

you'll only get trapped in the pettiness of another

and that other can go nowhere because of you alone

and the name of this jailer is: 'scared of being on your own'

Where did that come from?

I read it somewhere.

Listen, Erik. I'm going on a trip with my brother.

I can't tell you where we're going. I'll be back the day after tomorrow.

No.

Take it.

No.

Take it.

No.

Why don't you say something?

What? I don't see the problem.

Okay, fine, then you can all just do exactly what you want.

- Exactly. That seems like the best idea. - What a fuss.

I still don't get it.

I didn't know you found it so difficult living with Mom.

They're playing nicely. Before you know it, he'll be mounting her.

You don't need to worry about that.

He's castrated. He's impotent.

I can relate to that.

No, you're not impotent.

You're infertile. That's different.

What do you mean by that?

Just... Nothing. Nothing in particular.

I just wanted to say that you aren't impotent.

You said infertile.

You've seen the sperm test, haven't you?

You have too, right?

Ilse showed me something, yes.

But I could see on the computer that she'd photoshopped it.

They can put sperm cells in a centrifuge.

We recently wrote an article about it in the newspaper.

Here, enjoy.

So they really did go then?

Yes, and they wouldn't say where they were going.

And you have no idea where they are?

- Very strange. - They'll be fine. Leave them be.

Don't say that we don't know where they are too quickly.

Liesbeth's telephone shows you exactly where she is.

It's family sharing. Share your location. It's quite normal to have it these days.

Wait a minute. Doesn't she have to switch it on too, on her phone?

- Yes, I did that for her. - No.

What do you mean, no? If something happens to her, I'll know where she is.

No, you can't do that. That's taking it too far.

What do you mean? It's about helping someone else.

I don't want anything to do with this.

Oh, look. We've got them.

And you, Liesje? I guess it's also not going so well with you either, or is it?

No, it's not great.

If it carries on like this, I'll also be pretending I have dementia in 30 years.

Why did you fall for Erik?

Mark was always cheating on me. And I thought: this one is different.

I was on the train, on the way to the Lorelei.

The Lorelei?

I got off at Bad Bentheim. I thought: perhaps the children will want to join me.

What did you want to do at the Lorelei?

Scatter his ashes.

Look.

What have you got in there?

Your Grandpa is in there.

We buried Grandpa.

- Which he absolutely didn't want. - Are his ashes really in there?

So Grandpa isn't in the graveyard?

He was there for one hour and then he went to the crematorium.

This can't get any crazier. Does Mom know about this?

No.

Do you mean to say that Grandma and Mom stand by an empty grave every day?

They should have done what Arend wanted.

Grandpa is dead. How can he want anything?

That doesn't matter. A last request is a last request.

It does matter. Grandma wanted him close to home.

And that's exactly what he didn't want.

- You're deceiving your own wife. - I don't agree with you.

That dementia thing was deception. You're right about that.

But I said to your Mom: if you bury him, I'll personally dig him up again.

- That's exactly what I did. - What business of yours is my Grandpa?

- I'm married to your mother. - That's your own fault.

- Peter, calm down now. - I'm taking Grandpa home.

- Peter, you're drunk. - Leave me alone.

Get in the car.

Okay. Let's agree to this.

The three of us will put Grandpa's urn in the grave.

Then he's in there when someone visits him and he has also been cremated.

But Grandpa wanted to be as far away as possible.

His ashes scattered at the Lorelei and taken away by the Rhine.

- You always did know how to exaggerate. - I'm not exaggerating.

Then I'll put him in the grave myself.

Can't you understand: a person is also allowed to want something.

That's what Grandpa should have done while he was alive. Just like you.

You're even more impotent than I am.

Always trying to outsmart Mom and to run away.

That's what you're good at.

You're married to Ilse, you got lucky.

That's ridiculous. If you can't find a nice partner, don't get married.

Whoa, just a minute.

For the love of God, you married Mom. What did you expect?

Here. This is where you two belong.

With the donkeys. Look at that. You're both as stupid as these donkeys.

- No, no. - They can leave just like that.

As free as can be. Yet the stupid lumps still stay where they are.

- Leave them alone. - Go on, stupid beasts, outside. Be free.

We'll get into trouble for this.

What are you gawping at? Now you're scared again, aren't you?

You've sat on your ass for 35 years just staring dumbly around you.

Mom never took your freedom away.

You never had any freedom in you in the first place.

Let him go. Everything is going wrong anyway.

- Peter... - Go on.

What now, Dad? Do you now know what you want?

With Mom and all?

I still don't know what I want.

I would say: ask your Mom.

But I do know what I don't want.

- To follow in Grandpa's footsteps. - Right.

Arend should have done what he wanted to do much earlier.

- Do you know what he really wanted? - A cremation and his ashes at the Lorelei.

No, before that.

He wanted to walk to the real legs of Saint Hildegard.

- To the what? - He really does have dementia.

And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to finish what Arend started.

I'm going to walk to the real legs of Saint Hildegard.

I think that Dad has been hit on the head by a windmill.

I'd have liked to have explained it to you, but the taxi's here.

Taxi?

It can't get any crazier than this.

One German and one Dutch.

That's what you get close to the border.

- I'll take the blame. - Are you nuts?

You caused this mess, that's true, but...

I have dementia. They'll let me go.

Just get out of here with Grandpa. Otherwise we'll be in even more trouble.

But don't do anything silly with Grandpa. I've weighed him.

You stole those donkeys.

I didn't steal them, I set them free.

So you're their savior?

I'm the great donkey savior, yes.

And the Good Lord summoned me to free all the donkeys in the world.

Oh yes, and I also have to visit the real legs of Saint Hildegard.

Yeah, right.

Wait here, please.

I am so angry.

How are things here? Is there a donkey savior here, too?

My father can't help it. He's got Alzheimer's.

- Alzheimer's? - He's in a nursing home in Almelo.

Name and number of the nursing home and the doctor who's responsible there.

Could you come with me, please?

Hello.

Hello.

I've been thinking about it,

and I do want to stay with you, but a couple of things have to change.

How many things are we talking about?

when we're getting intimate, total focus - tidy up - keys in the key drawer

53.

Yeah, right.

It's thanks to your husband that we found you.

Before something terrible happened.

Those donkeys could have gotten onto the railway tracks.

He had no idea where we were.

Can we go now? Will that be all?

Yes, if you'll just sign here.

What did you mean by: he found us?

Your husband is pretty good with certain modern technical gadgets.

I don't understand.

Your telephone sends out coordinates.

If you had told me where you were going, I wouldn't have had to do this.

Do you mean to say you spied on me?

No, I just wanted you to be safe.

Oh my God, I live with the KGB.

- Just calm down, will you. - No, you should calm down.

Calm down. First let's make sure that you can go home.

And then we'll talk some more, like civilized people.

There's nothing else to talk about.

- In a good relationship, you agree on... - Shut up.

- You can't just walk off like that. - You can be quiet, too.

Either leave me alone or arrest me right now.

Arrest her.

- Where are you going? - Just check the coordinates.

I've never heard such a strange story.

So that vet pretends to have dementia so that he can get away from his wife?

And I'm supposed to believe that?

Great nursing home you have in Almelo. You could get into trouble for this.

But thanks for the information, doctor.

I've spoken to the Kr�nnenzommer in Hellendoorn. We're taking you back.

Kr�nnenzommer in Hellendoorn? I'm in the Jan Janshuis in Almelo.

Oh? How is that possible? That you suddenly know where you live?

It's unbelievable that you used the nursing home to get away from your wife.

- Yeah, I... - Never mind.

I don't want to know.

Have I really made your father so desperate?

He's also a wimp, let's be honest.

There I am with my 'Magna cum laude'.

What should we do with Grandpa?

With Grandpa?

Shall we put him back in the grave today? Together?

Scatter his ashes, for all I care. At the Lorelei.

Just a minute, you can't be serious.

I am serious.

- That is what my father wanted. - Wouldn't that be deceiving Grandma?

My mother solemnly promised to cremate my father,

and scatter his ashes at the Lorelei. And she didn't do that.

So who's deceiving who?

Ilse is back.

- Peter. Look. Isn't that lovely? - Lovely.

- Lovely, isn't it? - What is it?

A photo of the ultrasound. We're having a little baby.

- You're expecting? - Yes.

Ilse, that's wonderful. Mom's here too.

Mom. You're going to be a Grandma.

Oh, boy oh boy. Oh, Ilse.

And how are you?

You no longer have a son-in-law.

Have you ditched the stickler?

Erik and I have split up.

'The nest fell out of the tree?' -Yeah.

Every time I come here, Ilse is out gallivanting.

So?

You don't think...

Ilse belongs with me. Mom, listen.

For the rest of my life, I'm either the sucker whose wife cheated on him,

or I can be a happy dad.

Ilse found a way.

And if I were you, I'd take a page out of my book.

I can't help it.

When I hear this song, I always have to cry.

Oh, God, now he's starting to talk as well.

Hi, Gedda.

You're back home?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

And what now?

I'm going to get Arend's donkey in a bit.

Are you going to the real legs of Saint Hildegard?

I'm going to the bones of Hildegard.

There's no point, but it makes sense, right?

Yes.

Will you light a candle for us?

Thank you for saying that.

Before I forget.

- Here's your bank card. - Thank you.

- Can I help you pack? - No, that's not necessary.

- So you don't forget to take anything? - No.

Can't I help you with anything? So you don't think later...

I think it's really nice that you are doing what my father would have wanted.

Are you drinking that disgusting slop again? I'll make you a nice coffee.

Gedda

listen to me.

I was reduced to nothing and you saved me.

You helped me get back on track,

but that was 35 years ago.

You don't need to save me anymore

Once the engine is running, you shouldn't keep turning the starter.

Or everything will get clogged up.

The bendix catches onto the flywheel.

And then the starter breaks.

That's far too technical for me.

Let's put it this way:

There isn't a man in the world who loves his wife as much as I love you.

Yes, and there isn't a woman who loves...

Yes, and there isn't a woman who loves... Yes, of course.

But you can also have too much of a good thing.

If you put two blocks of firewood firmly on top of one another, the fire goes out.

But if you lay them loosely, partly touching and partly apart

then they will burn like greased lightning.

There's nothing I would like more, when I return from Saint Hildegard

than to come back to you.

And to grow old and grey together.

But please, my love:

Let me breathe.

And now you have to say something.

Something short, something sweet.

Perhaps, we could have had something great together...

...but you broke something, Jan.

Something has snapped in me.

And to now say: you have to say something sweet, something lovely...

That's not a solution, Jan.

And I get it. I really do.

You used to be happy with me. But what made you happy before, now stifles you.

But what you want from me, that's not who I am

have ever been, or ever will be.

Growing old and grey together for me is: on or off.

And if it's on, it's this.

And if it's off, there's nothing.

No pianissimo.

I don't have that button.

I'm sorry, Jan.

Good morning.

Arend.

Ma...