Original subtitles

-[fire hissing] -[alarm beeping]

[soft tense music]

[reporter] Showing you lower Manhattan and everything,

it's actually in pretty good shape now

as we work into clear, but for us, bright sunny skies.

[music continues]

65 degrees at seven o'clock in the morning

and sunny and pleasant for the rest of the day.

80 degrees, it's kind of a guilty pleasure,

as beautiful as this weather is going to be.

The five-day-- Yeah, look at this.

78 degrees on Wednesday.

Thursday, I think I'm even over-done with the clouds there,

I think it turns out to be a little bit nicer.

Friday, very nice.

Saturday, beautiful, cool, pleasant days.

[anticipatory music continues]

[anticipatory music muffled]

[fire roaring]

[roaring ends]

-... what do you see? -I can't see, either.

I don't know what you see, I don't know.

You don't even know how much of the building--

No. No, I don't.

We're going now, to assess the condition.

[reporter] We are dealing purely in the realm of speculation here

as to what may have happened at the World Trade Center.

-[clicking] -[soft tense music]

[reporter] Obviously, a major incident occurred here,

on the upper floors of one of the World Trade Center towers.

[buzzing]

[Elmes] And when my dad woke me up that morning of

September 11th, 2001,

the first plane had gone into the building

and then I watched the second one go through.

[reporter 2] It does not appear that there's any kind of--

Oh my God!

-[man] Oh God! -[woman] My God!

[reporter 1] That looks like a second plane.

So now you're looking at live pictures,

and there is the second fire.

[buzzing]

[Elmes] You could see the fear on my dad,

watching this, and look at me, goes, he's,

"You wanna do this? You still wanna do this?

Watching this?"

[reporter 2] The entire building has just collapsed.

[reporter 1] ...has collapsed?

[reporter 2] The whole building has collapsed.

[reporter 3] ...problem at the North Tower, Peter.

[reporter 4] Let's look at the North Tower.

-Quickly, quickly. -[reporter 3] Coming down.

[buzzing]

[Elmes] So I watched it, and understood, and,

put myself second, and you first, in life.

And I was okay with that.

[mayor] And I'm very worried about all of my...

police officers and firefighters,

some of whom might still go into the building.

And we haven't been able to find them yet.

This is gonna be a terrible strain on them...

[unclear]

Not only the people who are injured and hurt, and worse,

but rescue efforts like this really drain you,

so, we're gonna need as much help as we can get.

[newscaster] Mayor Giuliani, I appreciate you speaking to us,

live via telephone as we face--

[mayor] Right, I would just like to

say to the people of New York City

and the people of America,

that the situation...

-[unintelligible speaking] -[rumbling]

-[rumbling] -[chanting song]

[chant song continues]

-[blower roaring] -[song continues]

[Elmes] I felt it, like, I, I could be that guy.

I could do that job, I could help the people.

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] I was hired January 15th, 2007.

-You're hurting, sir? -I hurt.

[Elmes] Twelve years.

[victim] That hurts.

-[sirens wailing] -[chanting song continues]

[Elmes] It's not for everybody.

It takes that certain kind of person.

And, I can put aside what I need to put aside,

to get that job done.

[indistinct voices]

[Elmes] Active duty firefighter.

[siren wailing]

-[slam] -[clatter]

[Elmes] My wife would tell you over the years,

that I'd become desensitized, and then we,

we had children.

I'm not...

sensitive when I'm supposed to be sensitive, in her eyes.

[sprayer roaring]

[Elmes] She would call me cold, I just,

I look at it for what it is,

and I take the emotions out of it,

and I think they're just a reaction from work.

[sprayer roaring]

[Carrie] Nick today is very different

than when I met him ten years ago, you know.

Ten plus years of doing that job.

[siren wailing]

[Carrie] The calls,

the sleep deprivation, I mean, all that stuff changes him.

So I mean, Nicky had to deal with

all the shit thrown at him at work,

he'd come home and deal with me, he was a mess.

[Elmes] The beginning of my journey with kids was,

was very tough.

My son was born without any fingers on his left hand.

[soft tense music]

[Elmes] I took my first night off,

the kids were in the INCU unit,

she was in the hospital, in recovery.

I went home, and I just bawled my eyes out.

I'd sit there, I-- this is my moment,

I got my emotions out,

and I went back to the fire-hall for my last night-shift,

and I never took a day off, after that.

[Carrie] I blame myself for Marco's hand a lot,

and I had a really hard time.

[Elmes] My wife suffered from post-partum, severely,

where she was put on suicide watch,

and when I had to go to work, I had to note

when she was gonna be alone

with the kids and stuff, so that...

so I might be available for a call,

'cause she had written suicide notes and stuff.

[Carrie] It made me incredibly strong,

'cause I had to be alone with two babies a lot of the time.

And being a first responder's wife is very difficult.

-[clatter] -[thumping]

[Elmes] I had to take the emotion out

and just be strong, and

take care of everyone, and just, do, like--

She says I just turn everything into a job.

[tense music continues]

[Carrie] As much as they say you turn off when you're done,

you don't, 'cause it affects everything.

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] When I got on, it was still the old-school mentality.

You know, you come back from an ugly accident scene,

"Everyone okay?" "Yep."

"Good. Suck it up."

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] Just bottle that up and bury it.

I just kept going.

-[engine rumbling] -[music continues]

[Elmes] That old-school mentality

in the fire-hall still exists.

And we don't wanna hear about it,

don't talk about it.

-[television humming] -[unsettling music]

♪ Uh

♪ It's a message

[train rumbling]

♪ Gangsters

♪ Black males. Angels

♪ Keep the message

[Sabini] The Bronx is its own kinda...

it's a huge melting pot, is New York City, you know,

it's very much a focal point of the world,

as a result, so are the New York Police Department,

the New York City Fire Department,

we are in that spotlight, so there's a pride that

-we are viewed that way. -[clattering thud]

Whoo!

[indistinct speaking]

[Sabini] My name's Matthew Sabini,

I'm a firefighter on Engine 71, in the Bronx, for the FDNY.

It's been said a million times, so it's almost cliche now,

but it really brought out the best of New Yorkers.

[Sabini] Going to local community college,

finishing two classes a semester, it's just...

no fucking clue what to do.

I came out of that class in the morning,

and I went to the cafeteria where,

when everyone's sitting there glued to the TV, and that's--

-[airplane engine roaring] -[siren wailing]

[Sabini] And then that moment kinda,

something clicked, and it was like...

[reflective music]

Yeah, I kinda, like, realized, like, I needed to do something.

Signed up to take the test,

and then a couple years later I was in Probie school.

And it's unfortunate it took a horrific incident like that,

to do that, but it pretty much made me who I am now.

-[train rumbling] -[music continues]

[Smith] That was my goal in my life,

to be a New York City fireman.

After nine-eleven, I became a New York City fireman.

[reflective music continues]

[Smith] My name's Kirk Smith,

I work for the New York City Fire Department, FDNY,

in South Bronx.

Our area still has Projects.

There's been some times that we have had some issues.

[train rumbling]

Come on, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it.

The crack epidemic hit us hard, so from there on,

it just was downhill. Crack, dope, coke, weed, pills.

Grab your gun, grab your drug, come outside, do your thing.

There's a fire department right down the hill, that

saved a lot of peoples in these projects where I live at,

and they do their thing.

-[anticipatory music] -[beep]

They're gonna see something you don't really wanna see.

[newscaster] In the Bronx, three children trapped

inside a burning building, are in critical condition.

There's gonna be deceased people.

[newscaster] A deadly shooting in a deli in the Bronx.

[sirens wailing]

It's gonna keep going like that.

[newscaster] Devastating scene of fire and ice in the Bronx.

At least twelve people killed, including children,

in the deadliest fire in New York City,

in more than a quarter century.

-[beep] -[anticipatory music continues]

[Sabini] Fuck this, you know? This sucks sometimes.

The first time you see something with a kid,

that really... that hits you.

-Good? -Yeah.

-[beep] -I suck.

Let's go, let's work.

[Sabini] That's the trade-off, is

you get to do this job, and you get to be

in the greatest fire department in the world.

Just push, just push.

Body shot, body shot, there you go.

[reflective music]

[Sabini] But the trade-off is,

yeah, I'm gonna see some of the ugliest

shit that's out there.

I don't think it's a balance, I think it's a trade-off,

it's an accepted trade-off.

[music continues]

[Sabini] And that's what people realize now,

out of that.

That's as a whole, not just New York City,

that's everywhere.

[reflective music continues]

[indistinct voices]

How did I miss that?

[Cooper] There's an adage that says,

"Toronto Fire Service, more than fire,"

we just do a lot of stuff.

[reflective music]

[Cooper] This city's three and a half million people.

We are in the Downtown Corps.

[Cooper] It's the busiest apparatus

on the Toronto Fire Service.

It's the busiest one in Canada.

[siren beeping]

[dispatcher] ...fourteen, medical.

[siren wailing]

[Cooper] Let's just use Friday, for instance.

This is most of what we did Friday.

Fentanyl overdose, at... Yonge-Dundas Square,

where it's-- right near where there's a safe injection site.

Probably on the return from the other call.

-[indistinct voices] -[siren wailing]

[Cooper] A transgender person had had a...

fentanyl overdose in a room in a hotel.

-[indistinct voices] -[siren wailing]

[Cooper] Less than a block from the station.

And it was a fentanyl overdose again.

-[indistinct voices] -[melancholic music]

[Cooper] We went to an alarm call,

this is at 1:20 in the morning,

because alarms had been set off by...

poor cooking.

We've had another fentanyl overdose.

1:01 in the morning,

intravenous drug user who had been sleeping,

passed out unconscious in a stairwell.

Gentleman had taken his life, bag over his head,

and put helium in.

We had another... residential high-rise alarm,

we found a homeless woman had been smoking...

crack in the stairwell,

and probably hadn't bathed in months.

There's-- There's a mental health issue

out here in our area, in our area of the city,

so a lot of the people that we call homeless people,

are people who actually do have mental health issues,

and, it's hard to deal with them,

because you don't know where to send them.

We see here regularly

is sometimes some of our patients,

we have seen more than once in a day,

with the same condition.

-[alarm beeping] -And--

-Can we stop for a sec? -[dispatcher indistinct]

-[dispatcher] ...medical... -Stop.

[dispatcher indistinct]

-[engine idling] -[reflective music]

-[siren wailing] -[music continues]

[man indistinct over radio]

...I have no further information. Stand by.

-[siren wailing] -[tense music]

We have a male seizing under Alexander.

-[indistinct voices] -[siren wailing]

[soft tense music]

[music fades]

[Nevin] Detroit is a real tough town.

We went through a municipal bankruptcy in 2014-15.

It's a tough town,

and it's a tough town for public safety workers.

My name is Myke Nevin.

I am Captain of Squad Company Three.

I have 33 years on the Fire Department.

I'm the President of the Detroit Firefighter's Association.

That represents all the Detroit firefighters,

the Divisions, and EMS.

You've been out, I know you've got footage

of our firefighters, and I know that some of

your crew have even asked, "How do so few men

combat something so violent?"

-[siren wails outside] -You hear the sirens now

as I'm speaking.

This is the city where the sirens never stop.

-We're buzzin' ar-- -[siren wailing outside]

We're buzzin' all over the place,

left and right, never stops.

[siren wailing]

[fast-paced distorted music]

[Nevin] This is the arson capital of the world.

The devil definitely lives in the city of Detroit.

We without hesitation run into burning buildings.

We are an aggressive interior-attack department.

[Smith] I've been here 19 years.

Yeah, there have been a couple of moments

where I come back, like, man, this is a--

this is a crazy reality.

You could die here.

-[alarm ringing] -[music continues]

[Smith] You can die, and that's a very realistic possibility.

[distorted music continues]

-[thud] -[heavy breathing]

[Smith] When we're meeting people,

the pressure is on, right now.

[muffled voice] Hey, you over there on the porch!

[muffled shouting]

[Smith] There's no time, there's no Chapter Six,

there's no textbook.

[muffled voice] Hey! On the porch!

Hang on there for me, right?

It's like, you do it right now.

[thump]

[Nevin] Your big city

public safety workers experience an awful lot,

and a high call volume.

-[muffled] Right here. -[crash]

[Nevin] And a high call volume throughout many, many years.

[distorted music continues]

[Nevin] There's car accidents.

[siren wailing]

There's medical emergencies.

There's... assaults.

There's-- I mean, we're doing an awful lot in this town.

We run harder than any department in the country.

[music continues]

[siren wailing]

[newscaster] Flooding is canceling more classes today.

[newscaster 2] As heavy rains led to this.

[Nevin] And it hasn't slowed down.

-[distorted music continues] -[sirens wailing]

-[saw whining] -[crash]

[Nevin] We've gone from, you know, insane, or lunacy, to--

or, Armageddon, to, like, lunacy.

It-- it's really insane how busy we are.

[music continues]

[music fades]

[buzzing]

[Elmes] You know, growing up in East Vancouver,

you know, some people went this way.

Some people went this way, and I just said,

"Well, I'm just gonna walk down the middle, and

and abide by the law

and do what I gotta do to get on the Fire Department."

So yeah, it set... a straight-line path for me.

[buzzing]

In East Vancouver, everything can change in a couple blocks,

like, you know, head north a few blocks,

and you're in a totally different...

-[hitch] -...atmosphere.

[distorted electronic music]

[Stephen] My name's Brad Stephen.

I have been retired, now, for three years.

Was very fortunate to get on to the Fire Department in 1985,

the Vancouver Fire Department.

Like, I can't believe the deterioration

of this area, and the vacancy,

and the heartache down here that exist today.

It's... a sense for me,

of things just not being in control.

The-- The true horrors of addiction come completely real.

[sirens wailing]

[indistinct voices]

[Higgins] I mean, I've been out of Vancouver 23 years,

and things have changed down here.

Our call volume has doubled,

and sometimes tripled, since when I came on the job.

[sirens wailing]

[indistinct voices]

[Higgins] Like, when I came on the job,

it was common to be in the hall for four or five years.

It was just kind of how it worked out.

In the last ten years, because of the high call volume,

it's not-- it's not feasible.

-[siren wailing] -[tense music]

[dispatcher indistinct]

[indistinct speech]

[Higgins] Mentally, physically.

[indistinct voice on radio]

[Higgins] Guys are burning out.

[indistinct voices]

[Higgins] And when you go home, you don't tell a lot of stories.

I used to, coming home,

tell Mom about everything that was going on at work.

Can't do that anymore.

It's not... How can they relate, or picture

what I'm telling them.

[siren wailing]

[Higgins] They're basing what I tell them on a TV show

and a movie that they've seen, or something on the news.

That's not reality.

What we live here, is reality,

and how we go about our day and what we see, is reality.

-[siren wailing] -[soft reflective music]

[siren wailing]

[siren fades]

[rustling]

[soft anticipatory music]

So I remember... early on in my career,

came on scene and there was a baby on a couch.

Had been drinking from a baby bottle

that was propped on a pillow while the mother

tried to get some rest.

And when we got there the baby was in full arrest.

-So I did CPR. -[siren wailing]

At the time, I had two little infants at home.

The baby, to my knowledge, didn't make it.

Thinking, down in here in Gas Town,

we're on-scene at a nightclub,

found the body of a 21-year old male,

had been stabbed in the chest, had collapsed on the floor,

but he was still... conscious.

And he looked up at me and... he said, "Am I gonna die?"

And I said, "No."

And... he slowly lost consciousness

and he passed away.

Oak Street Bridge.

There was a head-on car crash.

-[splintering crash] -Her legs had been severed.

-[groaning] -Both of them.

Got a report of a stabbing, or an assault.

He's dead, Captain.

The police officer, not a comment on them,

or him at the time, but he screamed, "It's okay!

I felt a pulse!"

And I pulled the stuff that was on him down,

whether it was blankets or whatever, I don't remember.

But he had-- his head was decapitated.

It's fucked up, he's decapitated.

Fuckin', you know, get a grip.

It-- It's just such a bizarre scene,

where two people,

one a police officer, one a firefighter,

are arguing whether a guy still has a heartbeat,

and his fuckin' head isn't attached to his body.

We get on scene, and...

the report of a pedestrian struck,

and I've never ever ever ever forgot this. I see...

two rubber boots,

was like they'd just been placed right on the roadway,

about a 100, 150 feet up the road,

there was about, an eight-year old little boy,

who used to be in those boots.

So we get this call, and there's a...

a male down, he's about 25, 30,

and he had multiple stab wounds, thirty, forty stab wounds.

Like, if you wanna know the imagery, is, it just--

-[thumping] -If you stab a roast,

and you hear that, it's like a thud,

and you can feel the tissue...

I've actually done that, where I've stuck it in.

And I imagine somebody did that

thirty or forty times to this human being.

And this is in this area, roughly.

We get there, and there's a guy hanging by a rope.

There was about a ten-year old boy there.

-[fan whirring] -And his dad's hanging there

in front of him.

There's another call, up in the...

Victoria Drive area.

My God, this baby had been dropped in a...

tub of hot water.

-I had skin on my... -[disturbing rumble]

...uniform.

I highly doubt that baby made it.

Uh, back over here,

-and it was a hose fire. -[fire whooshing]

But there was a... a person on the couch.

-Their abdomen split-- -[fire whooshing]

And they had opened up. It was like a rainbow.

It was the intestines, and,

kidneys and liver, but it was an absolute,

perfectly anatomically preserved body.

I haven't told people these stories.

And every firefighter, they have this...

[pen scratching]

[unsettling anticipatory music]

So, I tend to only speak in this for myself, that... it...

it just adds up.

It's just not normal to be driving down a street,

and seeing the light-poles

where people have crashed and killed themselves

in a car accident,

you've gone, pulled up and they're dead.

It's not normal to see rubber boots

on a shelf in a shoe store,

and think about a little eight-year old boy,

but I do.

It's not normal to cross Oak Street Bridge

and think about...

legs being torn off a body of a 21 year-old girl,

but I do.

It's... just not normal.

[MacDonald] This is my dad.

He actually drove this

fire truck, and it started with a hand crank in the front.

So, this is Number Three Haul, we used to go and pick him up,

after his... night shifts.

Yeah.

My father and I did not talk a lot.

He progressed through his career, and...

He never told me any stories about it, really.

So, I-- I'm starting from square one.

The term PTSD wasn't there.

There was no such thing.

[shredder rumbling]

[Cooper] I've been doing this for forty years now, and

the ones that were really horrible, always stay.

And when they stay with you,

they stay with you your entire career.

[Cooper] We have a fire in-- which is...

in Toronto history, is an infamous fire,

because in this building we lost ten people.

And, going to the inquest after, you know,

maybe a year or two later when they try to figure out

all the recommendations they can make,

to make this not happen again.

Then, you know, you discover-- we're told by the inquest, that

that one of the people that perished was within

six or eight inches of the end of my hand,

and I didn't get them.

And, so, you know what, it's... it's what we do.

Remembering all the stuff that goes on at these things,

it's hard to judge exactly how many triggers you need, or...

or where-- whatever sets it off.

[siren wailing]

It manifests itself in different people different ways.

Talking to my own crew,

you can talk to those guys and know--

they'll say, "Look, I used to drink this much.

And now I drink this much."

I didn't do that consciously, that happened.

[tense anticipatory music]

[Smith] You can see a guy, you know, stumbling in,

you can see it, you see the change,

you see a substance abuse.

We got guys going down left and right, substance abuse.

We got a guy right now, who's in jail now.

[Nevin] You get the DUI from drinking and driving,

after you went to the bar in the morning,

because of a bad night.

You can't keep hitting it 24 on, 24 off.

24 on,

24 off.

It's 24 hours you're away from your family.

[Smith] You know, 'cause your families

take these rides with you.

And that's something that you don't get to turn in,

when you leave, you know, when you leave here,

you turn in some of your gear,

there's a lot of things, there's a big checklist,

and nowhere on that checklist,

is there a spot for all this to-- all the shit you've seen,

over the years.

And that's-- it becomes a challenge,

and if you're not prepared, to dissect that and process it,

you end up taking it home with you,

and there's-- you-- you--

you learn to live with it, or you don't.

[tense anticipatory music]

[Higgins] How is your home life? Are things going well?

Because at the fire hall, you kinda detach from that.

-[alarm beeping] -[clattering]

[dispatcher indistinct]

[Higgins] When we leave this place,

everybody has a life, that they go to.

[siren wailing]

[MacDonald] There-- there was a--

There was a lot of alcoholism on the job.

My brother and I talked a little bit

about how you break the chain.

I only hit my sons once in their entire lives.

I still cringe when I think about how they cried.

[Smith] Guys on our job, PTSD is gonna show up

in those individuals, because of what they see.

[thumping]

[Smith] 'Cause everybody knows they got a little anger issues.

-[thumping] -[grunts]

It's there.

[indistinct shouting]

[Nevin] Sleep deprivation...

you know, our divorce rate's high.

We've been to a lot of funerals, right, we have heart attacks,

we're having-- we've had-- we've had suicides.

[melancholic music]

[Higgins] We had a member on our job

that I'd talked to five days before,

before he killed himself.

And we talked about retirement,

talked about pension, talked about family life.

There was no indication that he was struggling,

that he actually had demons.

[interviewer] Have you ever in your career,

attended a funeral of a firefighter,

who's committed suicide?

Yes.

Yes. And...

And he was...

He was suffering, and we knew the incident.

And we in the Fire Service, at least, in our Fire Service,

I won't speak for the others,

have gone to funerals over the years,

many, many times,

that we knew, the person had taken their own lives,

and it wasn't spoken about.

You didn't even ask, if you didn't know the guy,

how the guy l-- how the guy passed.

We know now, I mean, I can tell you there's

probably a dozen, that I can think of.

[melancholic music continues]

[Nevin] The thing that is absolutely sickening,

sickening about Detroit, is that, since 1863,

not one case of mental illness and or PTSD,

has been reported, or on the books,

since 1863.

Because we were told to suck it up,

move on, what's wrong with ya?

Are ya a sissy?

You know, what are you-- what are you crying for?

I've become more understanding, personally,

and a little more compassionate,

as far as these members that are suffering.

I take a step back now, and go, I get it,

where I didn't, earlier.

My members know that, and that's why they support me.

And I'll keep beating that drum.

We'll get the help we need eventually.

And it may not be me at the finish line,

but somebody will be there.

[clattering]

[Elmes] It's not about, everything you see at work,

it could be what

happens at work, it could be the atmosphere at work,

the family life, that got ruined because of--

where there's so many different things.

I was getting worn out and broken down, so was--

short-tempered, on edge, not happy.

I had mental health issues, I needed...

do something to fix this.

What makes me happy?

[ticking]

[Carrie] My dad, growing up,

at 18, he got into... motorcycles.

I just loved him, growing up, Dad, I can't remember what age

he started taking us on his bikes, and

had a little dirt-bike, when I was little, and,

just-- it's literally, just a way of life.

I mean, now, I don't ride nearly as often.

I've always felt, you know, Nick had a dangerous job.

He also rode, that was his release.

I thought, okay.

Someone needs to be a little bit more stable

and responsible, and he deserves to have his outlet.

[reflective music]

[Elmes] The bad didn't matter anymore.

The dark voices in your head, the dark clouds...

they went away and lightened u.

[engine starting]

[Elmes] So I just had a... the feeling of peace.

You can leave the outside world behind you.

-[engine rumbling] -[distorted music]

[Sabini] When I was a teenager, I wanted a crotch rocket,

but I knew if I did go and buy one,

if the bike didn't kill me, my mother would.

After I got on the job,

I got this extra little money, let's start getting into it.

[distorted music continues]

[Cooper] I get on the thing every day.

-[engine starting] -[music continues]

If-- If we didn't live in Toronto,

I'd be on it all the way through the winter.

-[engine rumbling] -[music continues]

[Sabini] Seeing everything on a bike is different.

It's more visceral.

The different smells and the different tastes in the air

as you're going through...

-[engine rumbling] -[distorted music continues]

[Cooper] And you come back from it,

and that's all you thought about why you were out there.

-[engine roaring] -[music continues]

[Elmes] We found our peace and happiness.

-[engine roaring] -[music continues]

It's wind therapy.

-[roaring fades] -[music fades]

-[humming] -[rustling]

You know, I'll never, I'll never know,

but... you know, my father's father, my grandpa,

who's in this picture, he served in the...

what was known as the Great War, the First World War.

And, he never said a word about it.

And, I don't know how anyone can be normal

after serving in the... the trenches,

it's just-- I don't think it's possible.

[motorcycle engine rumbling]

[MacDonald] With respect to how bikers kind of

formed up after the Second World War,

these guys, and I understand,

a lot of them were fighter pilots.

I mean, they lived on the edge, man.

[engines roaring]

And then you're flying at 200, 300 feet off the ground,

you're getting strafed from ground fire.

And then the war ends, and you come home.

[roaring ends]

[water flowing]

[MacDonald] What the hell are you gonna do,

that even comes remotely close to that?

I don't think it's becoming an accountant

or selling real estate.

[creak]

Riding's become my life.

[engine starts]

[squirting]

Bill Shokar.

Firefighter and Acting Captain,

in New Westminster Fire Department.

And the cultures between the Fire Service,

and the whole motorcycle culture,

kind of like an adrenaline junkie.

[engine rumbling]

Every time the alarms go off, it's that shot of adrenaline.

-[sirens wailing] -[unsettling tense music]

[reporter] And you're looking at the devastation here,

at New Westminster Pier Park.

A fire that started just before eight o'clock last nigh,

so, it's been burning here for over 13 hours now.

[engine rumbling]

[Shokar] A motorcyclist who's a firefighter,

they're risk-takers, little bit of fearlessness.

[fire roaring]

[man] I'm about to go down there, down below.

[indistinct voices]

[Shokar] So when you kind of marry that

with being on a bike, that adrenaline rush.

[engine rumbling]

You know, you're riding something quite powerful.

It's a tough thing to explain.

Just a feeling.

-[engine rumbling] -[upbeat music]

[Shokar] Through the wind in your hair, and

it's just nice to be free.

[engine roaring]

People, I think, reflect in different ways.

Some people need to be in a quiet room.

Whatever works for you.

But for me it's a great time to reflect.

[reflective music]

Hey.

I got hired in 2003.

2004, I lost my brother to suicide.

-[Shokar sniffs] -[reflective music]

[sniffs]

And...

You know, I went to a suicide.

Similar age as my brother,

in the same manner as my brother committed suicide, so--

As you can tell, that clearly had an impact on me.

You know, the job really does take a toll on people.

[engine rumbling]

[Shokar] And there is no handbook for that.

Just get out on the open road.

Nothing compares to it.

[engine rumbling]

[clicking]

My name's, Erik Craig Bjarnason.

I was Captain for North Van City Fire Department

for the last 30 years.

Everybody calls me "Paws," because obvious reasons.

I was a member of North Shore Search and Rescue

for almost 30 years.

Every year, we would go travel somewhere in the world,

and we just climb, and it was just a team-building,

it's keeping our skills up, keeping our...

brotherhood together, like, you know,

if you spend a month in a tent, you either love or hate the guy.

And these are all the pictures of...

the hospital,

but we were not prepared to live.

[soft tense music]

[newscaster] There is a crisis tonight

in an extremely dangerous place.

Three lives are in danger, high up Canada's tallest peak,

Yukon's Mount Logan.

The three are members of a rescue team,

and now their colleagues are trying to figure out a way

to save them.

Three team members of ours are on Logan right now, and...

Things do not look good.

[wind blowing]

[Bjarnason] We were hit by a sub-tropical cyclone.

The storm ripped our tent apart, ripped our gear apart,

left us with nothing.

-[wind blowing] -[tense music]

It was a very somber, surreal moment,

because we all expected to die.

[reporter] An Alaska National Guard helicopter

plucked them from the windy ridge in a basket.

I think one of the most beautiful pictures ever,

because, it's basically, showing a birth, like,

we thought we were dead, this is coming back to life.

[newscaster] Those three climbers

rescued from Mount Logan are back home in Vancouver,

but not out of challenges.

[reporter] But Erik Bjarnason is a firefighter who knows

he may never pull a hose again.

Frostbite has stolen some of his fingers.

[tense music continues]

[Bjarnason] The injury itself,

like, I could explain that with science.

This is how we're gonna treat it,

this is where we're gonna amputate.

And I'm thinking,

you know, what do I do with my life now,

like, a life-time of...

work, is kinda gone down the drain in a few days.

Now I'm useless.

The world's a better place without me.

So I went home, and... and there was a gun.

And I thought about it.

I thought about it long and hard.

-Ah, excuse me. -No problem.

Oh, fuck.

[soft tense music]

Luckily for me I'm a harsh drunk.

So I drank till I passed out,

and I woke up and there was a loaded gun in the bed with me.

[tense music continues]

You don't wanna leave,

you know, a legacy of pain and sorrow,

which was what suicide usually does.

None of my family had any idea.

I am in crisis, I need help,

and that's when I saw the failures in the system,

the failures in me,

and I came up with a game plan, what do I need to do

to get healthier?

[reflective music]

[engine starts]

And now I find this, just riding.

[engine rumbling]

I have to credit it with saving my life.

It took me away from the brink of the cliff.

I know there's a lot of other firefighters

suffering the way I was.

[engine rumbling]

[Bjarnason] Because I want firefighters to know,

that they're not alone.

-[engine rumbling] -[reflective music continues]

[muffled vintage song]

[mumbling]

Anybody that pays me, I do work for them.

To all types of people. Lawyers, doctors...

Guys from motorcycle clubs, all types of clubs.

-[rustling] -[song continues]

[rustling]

[song continues]

-[clicking] -[song continues]

[Bjarnason] Oh, that was perfect.

[man] Oh, that's coming off right now, then.

[Bjarnason] And that's why I'm fat.

I was 185 when I started workin'.

First of-- First of many.

-[upbeat guitar music] -[Bjarnason laughs]

That was funny, the first time I got...

after my amputation, this guy cut me off.

So I pull-- pulled up beside him,

and I'm honkin' the horn, and...

I'm trying to give him the finger

and I'm going like that.

[others chuckle]

And he couldn't tell what I was doin'.

-[laughter] -So he goes...

[others laugh]

It took all the anger out of me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, have a nice day.

[all laugh]

[music continues]

[indistinct voices]

♪ One day in your life

♪ Shouldn't be a problem

[Elmes] I think it was, filling that gap,

to find what we were all looking for,

that missing link.

[clattering]

I started researching other firefighter motorcycle clubs.

And there was lots.

[rhythmic clacking]

But nobody wanted to come here.

Nobody wanted to take that chances,

you know, start one of their charters out here.

[machine clacking]

[Elmes] And it wasn't going anywhere, so...

I decided to open a club.

Group of guys, from other departments,

being able to share and open up.

Brotherhood is still alive, it is real.

♪ You don't have to cry

[Bjarnason] When I heard about the Florian's Knights,

I heard it from one of my union reps, he goes,

"There's a bunch of guys that ride around on Harleys,

and, I think they do some good fund-raising."

And it's the first time in years and years,

that I felt any sort of brotherhood,

with other firefighters.

[men laugh]

[song continues]

[MacDonald] Some of the guys have

networks, whether it's fishing, hockey, golf,

families.

And... some of us don't.

[men laughing]

For me, it, it's important.

I need to have people to talk to.

[indistinct conversation]

The stuff I'm scared to talk about with others,

I'm not really sure to express myself,

or what it means, I'll talk about it here.

You walk in here, and every guy knows,

if you need to cry, you can cry in front of us.

If you need to sit there in silence,

you sit there in silence, we understand.

Whatever you need, you get here.

[song fades]

I don't sleep well at night.

I couldn't turn off the little voices,

talking, talking, talking.

I was self-medicating, like, I couldn't sleep at night,

so I drank myself till I slept.

For many, many years, I, I go back...

-To the 1930's? -To the 1930's.

[others laugh]

We've had a rash of, of suicides,

and depression, that didn't lead to suicide,

but it's still there.

This was all designed with the hope that

the stigma of, saying, hey, I'm having trouble,

that was removed,

and there was a place eventually that you could go to

and you get some help.

We've talked to each other over some rough spots, and,

it's just... it became a family.

[song continues]

Yeah, this tattoo here is... it's for my brother.

It says... Oh, man...

"Alone, you have the power of one,

and together, you have the power of eleven."

It's a saying for brothers.

I didn't really know anybody very well,

when I joined. I think all of us joined,

for different reasons, but also some very similar reasons, just

to try and portray a positive message

about our profession, about work-place stress.

It's brotherhood, and again, just riding bikes.

-[engines rumbling] -[song continues]

-[song fades] -That was a great movie!

[laughs]

[laugh]

[Elmes] You know, I made it. I made it real.

I made a real firefighters' motorcycle club

that was doing good.

Like, this was the point and the purpose,

and it-- it's-- it's reality, now.

-[laughing] -[indistinct speaking]

[Elmes] Like, the kids are in the back-yard playing,

they call all the brothers in the club Uncle.

They just... They just extended the family.

Yeah, there's no limit now.

We're here, we can move forward. The Florian Knights will,

you know, hopefully slowly, grow.

[Sabini] The group of us, we always

kind of have been doing stuff.

We were in another club together.

[Smith] We were with the Fire Riders,

that's the Fire Department's main,

big club.

We just kind of went our own way.

[Sabini] The other club could only be...

it was one chapter and that was it.

There wasn't anywhere to... a way we could grow.

Smitty actually approached me,

we drew a patch up, and everything.

Lookin' on-line, we had a couple ideas for names.

We came up with Florian's Legion,

because Saint Florian was a Roman centurion,

and he's the patron saint of firefighters, so

I'm doing a Google search on Florian's Legion, and

Florian's Knights come up.

And my first instinct was,

"Fuck, somebody already took this."

-[rustling] -[upbeat guitar music]

[Elmes] I got an email, from Matt Sabini,

"We wanna be part of something, and we like what you've done,

your brothers from the Bronx FDNY."

[chuckles] Like,

it was the same guy trying to do the same thing,

on the east coast, in a different country.

I-- It was just all the same ideals and...

he had gotten the jump on me, starting it.

-[door rumbling] -[upbeat guitar music]

[engines rumbling]

Sometimes, you know, you-- you embark on a path,

as much as you, in your heart,

you know, believe in what you're doing,

there's always elements of doubt,

"is this really gonna catch on?"

[guitar music continues]

[Bjarnason] And to be invited into the Bronx,

you know, reminded me why we're doin' this.

This is bringin' firefighters together.

Like-minded men, that like to ride bikes,

that it wasn't just a dream of, like, seven or eight guys,

it was a dream of firefighters in general.

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] You know, I based my career decision

off New York firefighters and their sacrifice.

And then they call me first, to be

the Florian Knights.

[Shokar] From the boys up in Canada,

you know, we're really excited to come down here,

you know, we are all one.

You know, we are you guys, and you are us.

We couldn't wait to get down here, and meet you

and make it official.

You always have a place to go to now in Vancouver.

You got a family.

-[reflective song] -[engines rumbling]

[Sabini] Have an even closer tighter-knit group of guys.

And if that can help other guys that are

dealing with stuff, to talk about something, whatever.

Doesn't have to be firefighting stuff,

could be anything. All right, come on,

let's go for a ride, let's grab some lunch,

get our... you know, clear our heads,

you don't even have to talk, let's just go for a ride.

That's all it is, sometimes the ride's enough.

[engines rumbling]

[reflective song continues]

You know, when-- when the FDNY wants to be a part of you,

whereas most of the world wants to be a part of the FDNY,

that's very gratifying.

It just validates what you've been talking about.

[song continues]

[Smith] If I go down a hallway with you,

at two-thirty in the morning, to a fire,

I can ride with you on a bike, twelve o'clock in the afternoon,

on a 110-degree day,

just to put, whatever we do down here,

back there, and just, keep going.

-[engines rumbling] -[song fades]

[water flowing]

[Elmes] The guys had made that ultimate sacrifice.

The guys had...

you know, I watched on TV, perish that day.

The guys that made me strong enough,

to continue my journey to become a fireman,

and then it brought me back, there.

-[water flowing] -[melancholic music]

So this is Eric Olsen, I was...

honored enough to go to his funeral.

Met all his family, his buddies.

Seemed like a great guy.

[Elmes] It was very touching, very moving, and,

and again, it just felt like, you know, we're not alone,

doesn't matter if we go to New York,

or if we go to Connecticut or wherever,

we're not alone.

[melancholic music continues]

[Elmes] I stuck to my guns, I-- I fought through the bad,

I didn't give up.

[music continues]

[Elmes] Those were the most meaningful hug I'll ever give,

my brothers in my clubhouse, the...

you know, I-- I hope those guys are watching,

from above, looking down.

The hug was for us, but it was for them.

And I feel that I represented

all these guys as well, or I wouldn't been here, I think.

To be at this moment, that was...

it was just amazing, it was like...

it was right, it was a... we did everything right.

[melancholic music continues]

[engine rumbling]

[Cooper] For me, I know, and my partner would tell you

if she were sitting here right now,

that I'm a different person once I've ridden.

I-- I don't have to ride that long,

maybe two, three hours, but it clears the mind of

all the other things that go along, that build up,

and that pressure we were talking about before,

the filling up and the pressure inside...

-[horn roaring] -[sirens wailing]

You get on the bike, that doesn't happen.

And-- when the Florian Knights MC was

out there as something that I might be interested,

I thought, Jesus, that's really kind of weird.

[Cooper] We didn't even know each other.

The guys in New York, Nick out in the West Coast,

not-- we don't know each other.

We-- We found that we're in the Fire Service,

and we found that this stuff works for us, when we ride.

There's no bad side to what-- anything of what we do. None.

If there were, we wouldn't do it.

[Sabini] Everyone was riding on cloud nine.

We had two strong chapters

across the continent, in two countries.

We got Toronto, right now, it's just him by himself, but

it's growing quick, and it tells me,

there is a need and a void, to be filled.

Hm, kinda like a, fuck, yeah, where

where this club's gonna be huge, it's gonna be great, and...

yeah, and then...

[soft tense anticipatory music]

Uh...

[Shokar] Well, it's funny,

the timing couldn't have been any worse,

in terms of... if we were gonna fall, I think,

we-- we fell from the highest pinnacle possible,

especially after

just coming back from New York, and...

You know, reinforcing the bond, in New York,

and to come back, and have that happen...

I... can't think of any other way to describe it,

but, just a tremendous fall.

[distorted tense music]

Um...

[Bjarnason] I felt fantastic in New York.

We are creating something

magnificent, and we're creating it

right from the ground level.

It's gonna take off, it's gonna be well-received,

and then to be, kind of, thrown in the mud...

[distorted music continues]

[MacDonald] I like watching the evolution of the painting.

And the more you paint...

the more you can see in your head, what

in advance, where you're gonna go.

And then the other thing I like about painting is,

you can make mistakes, and you can fix them.

[distorted music continues]

[engine rumbling]

I tend to just lean towards no comment.

I go back to, you know, I'm not a fool.

The public perception was not good.

[Stephen] In my short period as a firefighter,

how seriously I take that,

and how much they should be valued,

in society and in the community,

and I would have quite enjoyed staying as a firefighter.

But, at the end of the day, I... I wanted to catch bad guys.

-[fast-paced distorted music] -[siren sounding]

That was my mission, and in 1987, I did what

a lot of firefighters would say,

was the... despicable act, and go... go to the other side,

but I did, I, I made the transition to police work,

so I joined the Vancouver Police Department in 1987.

So then in 2000 I went plain-clothes,

doing primarily outlaw motorcycle gang investigations.

And then, my last five years,

was at the Vancouver Police Gang Unit,

investigations into... localized crime groups

within the city of Vancouver.

[interviewer] And I wanna give that to you,

and I want you to tell me, what do you see there,

in that front-page photograph?

I see... three Hells Angels and a Florian's Knights.

And then I see... who I believe is Nick Elmes.

[soft tense music]

[Stephen] You know, Mom always told me,

you're judged by the company you keep.

[soft tense music continues]

[Stephen] That, that picture was-- was what caused me to...

to really react.

[anticipatory music]

[Stephen] The cruel and wrong horrific things

that the Hells Angels motorcycle club represents,

is nothing you-- you ever want to go close to.

[anticipatory music continues]

What their history is,

what they involve themselves with...

Significant drug trafficking, specifically, cocaine,

drug importation and trafficking.

We were involved in meth trafficking to,

to a huge degree, in Project E-Pandora,

hundreds of thousands of dollars of meth,

at the direction of the Hells Angels.

If you wanna leave the drug trafficking out of it,

and you just wanna talk about the violence,

the shootings, right,

the Kelowna shootings, the North Dakota shootings,

the... bombings.

Like, that's what happens,

like, violence follows the Hells Angels

or any outlaw motorcycle gang.

[anticipatory music continues]

[Stephen] I was a motorcycle rider once,

it's fun to ride a motorcycle.

The historical sense of independent,

easy rider, go your own way, right?

It's part of the Hells Angels' mantra,

is, turn your back on society.

[anticipatory music continues]

And these other Hells Angels

are looking to sanitize their image,

they're looking for guys like Nick,

to bring into the fold,

to say, "Hey, look, the 15-year firefighter

who's battling PTSD.

We're supporting charity, what's the big deal?"

And before you know it, I, I think you get sucked in,

to... to their culture,

and now they can say, "Hey, we're-- all we're doing is

hang around with regular people, especially firefighters.

You know, aren't we great guys"

[anticipatory music continues]

It's just funny, how one sees the photo,

and look, and like, "Oh, there's... childhood friend."

I grew up in a neighborhood where...

some live, and some became, and...

I didn't dump on most friends for...

choosing their path in life.

I-- I posed with a friend of mine,

I saw my friend and posed with him.

I don't look at...

people sometimes for what other people look at them.

I just look at them, do I know this guy?

Yeah, he's friend I know, he's a good buddy.

Do I know his wife? Yeah.

And then, the allegations came out,

I'm like, really? You can do that, legally?

You can just tarnish somebody, deface them?

[unsettling music]

You know, when we wear this on the back,

I've been stopped by the police, six times in the last month.

I was asleep Sunday night, and I was a Florian Knight,

and I woke up Monday morning and I was something else.

[unsettling music continues]

I think it was a non-story that took on a life of its own.

Like, a friend of mine,

ran into an elementary school friend.

And because of that one picture,

my life's been turned upside down.

[unsettling music continues]

The appearance is very significant to them,

and there's a whole order-- order of that, right,

in the Hells Angels world.

We're gonna use a three-piece patch,

we're gonna use three distinctive

pieces of embroidery,

top rocker, a middle emblem, and a bottom rocker,

as being reflective of the outlaw community.

And to this day,

it's still a significant symbol for them,

and a significant thing to say that it's a three-piece patch.

If-- If you're not

an outlaw club, if you're a regular club,

and you just like riding with your brothers and sisters,

then, again, my question to you is,

why do you want a three-piece patch?

Like, why do you want to emulate what they are?

It's obviously gonna affect your reputation, personally.

But now you're blending the firefighter community

with an organized crime club.

Nick Elmes, you're a hero, all the good you've done,

in your work, and in the community,

you flushed that, buddy.

[papers rustling]

[unsettling music]

[Elmes] Again, there's bad seeds in every organization,

but to paint everybody with the same brush is...

"Bikers are bad," that stigma's still here,

so let's just walk away from it, and...

that's it.

It's addressed to Mr Nick Elmes.

From the city of Burnaby.

"The City has considered your years of service,

and your disciplinary record.

However, this does not

mitigate the seriousness of your off-duty conduct.

Therefore, please be advised

that your employment with the City of Burnaby is terminated

for just cause, effective immediately,

and any and all rights to benefits associated,

ended immediately."

[unsettling music]

[Elmes] The first thing I did when I came home

was that I cut my patches off,

and I phoned Matt in New York, let him know what was up.

I surrendered my stuff, and...

-[click] -...had to...

leave the club.

And I was terminated.

I'm not active or retired, so I don't

fit the category of... being a member.

-[unsettling music continues] -[scrubbing]

[Carrie] All these guys, like, they all have their own issues.

And this was, was helping them,

a group of guys who actually understood.

Now all of a sudden that's taken away from him,

not to mention the fact that he can't even go back to work.

[unsettling music continues]

You know, and...

I...

[sniffs]

[Elmes] A misjudgment error on my behalf,

not thinking that it'd go to social media,

or someone steal it off social media,

someone use it to slander me or whatever.

At the end of the day, that's my fault.

I'll take responsibility for i.

Let everything else be.

The guys, in the club, suffer from mental health.

And this is what they found to keep them going.

You take that away from them,

now they got nothing to keep going.

[unsettling music continues]

[Shokar] Very quickly, I got a, a clear picture of...

the court of public opinion.

You're left just to pick up the pieces.

[train rumbling]

[Shokar] Or when something like this happens

and there's a fall-out,

and there are unintended consequences,

there's also unintended victim.

To stand and fight to clear my name

would have meant bringing down the people around me.

[engine starts]

If my employer is now involved, which affects my livelihood,

which affects my family...

if it affects my kids' education,

you know, when I get contacted by their...

educational institutions... it's not just me.

[engine rumbling]

[unsettling music continues]

[Shokar] I think every individual

that was involved at that time, had different things at stake.

The passion for the riding, was taken away from me,

to a certain extent,

I mean, I still get on my bike, I still ride,

which, you know, it's...

it's sometimes just tough to stomach.

Hard to put a value on that, or hard to really describe...

you know, how do you describe a void?

[music fades]

[Bjarnason] No, it was actually nice.

I really enjoyed living here.

And there's some things you can't come back from.

That picture...

kinda sent me right back to where I started.

When I was injured, I went to my union,

and my North End City Fire Department,

and told them I was having a problem drinking.

But because it didn't affect my job,

they refused to help.

When I actually asked for help, I was ignored,

and then, persecuted,

because I decided to put a vest on.

[unsettling music]

[Bjarnason] I've been with the Department 30 years,

and they were asking me, basically, if I was a criminal.

What we did, for peers to find each other,

go ride their bike, and hopefully heal a bit.

Right now,

there's not a lot of venues out there for that.

[unsettling music continues]

[Bjarnason] Like, if I lose this,

like, I've lost all my social interaction with people.

So I'll go back to that guy that's got the windows,

you know, down,

watching day-time TV, having breakfast beers.

[unsettling music continues]

When I... lost my hands,

I was so proud of myself that I didn't take painkillers,

'cause I know I have an addictive personality.

It was dealing with the...

the negative stigma of being injured,

in the Fire Department,

and then the bottle started calling again, and

you fight, and fight, and fight.

And eventually you give up, and every time you give up,

it's easier to reach over and open a beer.

Yeah, like...

this was never the way I thought I'd live.

[unsettling music]

[MacDonald] My brain lives in a very troubled neighborhood.

When I get in that state, I just--

I quite often think about the people

that wanna live so badly.

You know, you hear people say,

"Come on, man, just pick yourself up.

Come on, don't be a pussy."

But if it was that simple,

we wouldn't be marching for firefighters

because they've taken their own life.

When you hear that it's a selfish act

to take your own life...

You piss into a hurricane only for so fucking long, and..

you got tired of that shit.

Oh, the motorcycle club was a fresh start.

There was just no prior judgments.

I just got to walk in, and...

I found myself being myself again.

I actually love life.

I used to love laughing, and joking around,

and... I lost that for many years.

But with the club it definitely came back.

It would seem that it's the club's death.

Rightly or wrongly, it's... had the desired effect.

And...

we won't be riding as a club any more.

What am I going to do personally, I-- I--

I don't have an answer to that, as a

you know, a concrete answer.

One thing I just know for sure, I'll never stop riding my bike.

[dishes clatter]

...fish and chicken bits.

[splatter]

Does everyone forget that there was zero criminality,

to this whole thing? Zero.

Like zero. Double zeros.

No criminality.

No one broke a law.

I don't even have a ticket.

I don't have a driving infraction.

Screwed up my life.

You know, I screwed my wife up in the head.

Screwed up Paws, he's a mess, that guy's a drunk now.

Roddy, last time I saw him,

was screaming at the walls, hadn't left his

apartment for 36 hours.

Like-- Did-- Did someone win from this?

[unsettling music]

[Stephen] We're a little bit sheltered here in B.C.,

because the Hells Angels have not been

really challenged.

It's easy for the public here in British Columbia,

to be apathetic and indifferent about the Hells Angels,

because they don't see the daily violence.

'Cause they will never get dow,

and reveal what they're truly all about,

that their sole purpose is criminal activity.

The people need to believe that.

The public needs to understand that and accept that.

We as the police need to remind the public,

and send a message to persons of that gang.

And again, it's the combining the PTSD issue,

the-- the-- per-- the-- and the perception th--

the answer... is...

join the Florian's Knights,

and associate with the Hells Angels.

And that can help you.

And-- And that's-- And that's where-- where...

Hold on. Time out, man. Time out.

What have the Hells Angels done for PTSD?

Like, can you go over that for me?

Right? Where have they helped?

They create trauma,

they-- and-- and that's what they're all about.

So, that would be my opinion on that.

[engine rumbling]

[engine cuts]

[Smith] People take things,

they see you doing something like,

we go to a fire, we're breaking windows,

and they start yelling at you,

"Why you breaking the windows for?"

"Oh, you're doing extra damage."

Excuse me, I'm a fireman,

you're a civilian, you don't know what I'm doing.

[Smith] I'm releasing the hot gases

in there for the hose team, so when they come in,

the smoke rises, the temperature goes down,

but they only see me breaking windows,

so they get a little agitated.

[siren wailing]

[Smith] Now you add a bike into it.

Oh, and now you're an outlaw biker,

and now you're this, now you're...

No, that's how you perceive something.

Everybody should take

a couple steps back, look at the big fuckin' picture,

and see what everybody's doin', not just because of...

[thumping]

Look, at what...

that club's doing.

Something positive.

[Sabini] I'm, you know, I'm not ignorant,

and I'm sympathetic to the problems that

Canada has seen, with some outlaw clubs, and I've...

It's not always necessarily with the club,

sometimes it's individuals in those clubs,

and I told Nick that from the beginning,

especially in New York City, we're under the microscope,

and we cannot be associated...

in any kind of way with a one-percent club.

Hindsight being twenty-twenty,

he thought it was a personal photo,

that wasn't gonna be shared, with a childhood friend.

As far as I'm concerned,

that's the only thing Nick's done wrong.

And it's certainly not the consequences

that he's had to face, don't match... that, that slip-up.

[Cooper] I don't even know where that came from.

I-- It's incredible, because they got it wrong.

They got it wrong then, they got it wrong now.

And unfortunately that was a tragic situation out there.

It's so easy to discern the one-percent guys

from anything else,

then there's so many people in Ontario,

there's so many people riding bikes,

that, the one-percent people

look like the one-percent people.

God love them, they're doing whatever they're gonna do.

And what we're doing, and what we're trying to do,

is we're trying to bring attention to illness

in the job that we love.

-Three-fourteen, responding... -[siren wailing]

[Cooper] You see, if somebody judge me--

judges me by the way I look

and with the tattoos on my hands and everything,

they're gonna think something, that rather than what I am.

And you know what, that's too bad.

'Cause in this day and age,

we should be a little bit smarter than that.

[Elmes] I get it, I fit a profile,

I look a certain way, I'm an easy target.

It just wreckin' my reputation, you're wreckin'

a good club, you're wreckin'

what people are trying to change,

that stigma of bikers and motorcycle clubs,

you-- you just wrecked it again,

like, we're working so hard to change that, now...

you're taking it away, and it's like, no wonder

nobody likes bikers, they just keep bashing everybody,

put us under the same umbrella.

[hissing]

[McLaurin] My name is Darnell McLaurin.

I go by the name "Tiny."

I pulled a nine-year old girl out of a four flat, right?

I'm givin' her mouth-to-mouth, it's pourin' down rain,

went into the hospital, we get her to the hospital.

Right before I got to the hospital,

I gave her one last breath,

she bit her bottom lip, I knew we had her back.

Right? We go into the hospital,

they tube her, they do everything,

little girl is living, right?

So you get off shift in the morning,

go to the hospital,

there's not a soul there with this nine-year old girl.

Not a mama, not a daddy, not a aunty, not a cousin.

There was nobody with this child!

But where do we vent all that out, then?

Right here.

Right here at this clubhouse.

[smooth rock music]

[door rumbling]

[engine rumbling]

[Gilbert] My name's Brent.

I'm with Detroit Fire Department.

I'm the National President

of the Axemen Professional Firefighter Motorcycle Club.

The City of Detroit... Go big or go home.

You know, that's how it is.

-[engines rumbling] -[music continues]

[McLaurin] Detroit is the Major League

of firefighting.

We'd been out fighting fires all week.

I had a messed-up call,

people arms was missing, legs was missing,

you know, head shot off, whatever.

We talked about it,

and now we're gonna ride about it.

-[engine rumbling] -[music continues]

So, pre-bankruptcy, post-bankruptcy, right?

It's all the same.

We're gonna hold each other up,

the Axemen, we're gonna hold each other up.

We goin' make sure everybody get through the storm.

-[engine rumbling] -[music continues]

[Gilbert] Going through depressions,

and going through all these horrible times,

through all these years,

the Detroit riots and everything.

This is an outlet for us.

-[engine rumbling] -[rock music continues]

[Gilbert] As far as the motorcycle club,

we're all Detroit, it's on its own event level, too.

We got so many motorcycle clubs, it's ridiculous, and--

I don't know of any other city that's really like that.

-[engines rumbling] -[rock music ends]

[indistinct voices]

[man yelling]

[rock song on player]

♪ Don't come knockin' On my door ♪

♪ I don't wanna see Your shadow no more ♪

♪ 'Cause the lot Gets hypnotized... ♪

♪ Now woman up

♪ Get away

♪ American woman

-[song cuts] -[indistinct voices]

[Harvey] Let me take this off.

It's there.

My centerpiece.

Represents, man and a woman.

Family.

[slow rock music]

Club name is Hammer,

been part of the Boogie Down since about 30 years.

When I first came here, it was a nice beautiful city,

lot of houses, lot of people.

[indistinct voices]

It took a turn for the worse.

Detroit, lot of houses are burnt out right now.

-[indistinct voices] -[slow rock music continues]

Sometimes call it the murder capital

of the United States, you know what I'm sayin', so...

It's always been crime here, it's no

denying that.

[music continues]

We range from everything,

police officers, fire department.

[music continues]

Being a biker is us against the world,

and people...

they can be somethin' different here.

-[engine whining] -[tire squealing]

You almost become a superhero

in that sense, you know what I'm sayin', you just--

Whatever you got inside of you that you always wanted to do...

-[engine whining] -[tire squealing]

You can do it without anybody botherin' you about it.

[engine whining]

You can just be you.

-[engine roaring] -[slow rock music continues]

[man] There you have it, ladies and gentlemen!

A complete circle from the Boogie Down.

Right there.

[music fades]

The riding, I enjoy riding,

it's just a whole different world

when you get out there on that bike.

[engines rumbling]

It's just... unexplainable, sometimes.

You know, the feeling that it gives you.

-[upbeat rock song] -[engines rumbling]

[Harvey] It's just a way of letting go of everything,

whether I'm gonna pay my mortgage or,

you know, the day-to-day, a lot of freedom.

-[song continues] -[engine rumbling]

[song fades]

[indistinct voices]

[Harvey] People outside of the club have

a stereotype of bikers,

which has always been, probably always will be.

They... label us as a gang.

-[engine rumbling] -[rock music]

Police down there.

I guess somebody pulled over.

That blue-red... [unclear]

[Harvey] It's not like we're angels,

you know, we've been involved in a few things ourselves,

'cause even like I say, we have people

of all walks of life here, so..

Some clubs are here to... to rule the world,

and some are to just have fun, and-- Our agenda is not to be

terrorizing the public.

And so when they see us coming up the street,

two by two, twenty deep, they just like,

"Some bad guys, get out of their way."

We're firefighters, nothin' else.

[Gilbert] We've never had that problem with the police,

'cause they know who we are.

We've had to prove ourselves, over and over and over again,

and every time we set up a new chapter somewhere else,

they have to prove themselves.

We're here for the community.

We're not here for anything else, but that.

You know, I've blown by Detroit Police at 90,

they look at my back or... "Axemen, let 'em go."

Not every MC

-is like that. -[engine rumbling]

[McLaurin] 'Cause I feel bad for those guys in Vancouver.

And it's not just Vancouver, I've heard of other departments,

as well,

where they, got the option, quit,

or lose your job.

Not understanding what this guy is about,

not understanding what his organization is about.

Here's the way I try to explain it, right?

Just because I have a uniform on with a badge and a name tag,

I walked in grocery stores, and people be like,

"Officer, officer."

They ain't payin' attention.

All they see is the uniform, and they think I'm a cop.

But what they don't see is a gun,

they don't see a fucking

handcuff, they don't see all that other shit,

that cops wear, right?

Only thing they identify with is the uniform.

And so, the only thing they identify with,

when they see firefighters riding motorcycles,

is... a stereotypical... biker.

Right?

But, they need to have that opportunity,

to converse with me, and say, "Hey, no, we aren't...

what you perceive us to be,

just like, I may look like a cop,

but if you dig a little deeper, I'm not.

I'm just a firefighter in a grocery store, shopping."

Yeah, so these two, but... obviously these two, total loss.

That's where... [unclear]

[Nevin] The firefighters want to come to work and do their job.

They wanna have enough to do their job,

they want the equipment to do their job.

Cities like Detroit, maybe New York,

after what they experienced,

Toronto, Vancouver, your bigger cities.

The jobs of public safety had become more complicated.

There's cellphones, there's cameras.

We have to be more responsible,

and we should be more responsible.

We're held at a very high level in the public,

they expect us to act a certain way.

But when you're on your twelfth run of the day,

and you haven't slept and you're not thinking right,

and that you've only had a half a cup of coffee,

you make mistakes.

[rumbling]

[rumbling crash]

And then they go, "Well, look at that

silly guy over there,

or look at the mistake made over there."

[rumbling crash]

That you're a jerk now,

and the Department wants to shit all over you,

rather than get you into treatment,

and rather help you.

This union in Detroit,

has been begging for support for PTSD

and peer support help.

We've gotten none.

And what they'll do is, they'll use you for pictures,

they'll stand next to you on election day,

and they'll want your support,

and the minute it's over, you're done.

And then they'll cut your budget,

shut your firehouse,

and expect the guys that are left to do more.

It's bullshit.

And it's happening all across North America.

[engine starts]

[Cooper] There's a lot more of media scrutiny,

obviously, we're doing this, right now.

I mean, there's a lot more media scrutiny than there ever was.

[engine rumbling]

And this is new to a lot of people

that are in the Fire Service,

and it doesn't always come off the best way possible.

Or portray us in the most-- in the-- in the best light.

And because we're--

the whole world's been more decentralized,

through media and the internet and everything else, it--

it can sometimes work against us.

People were applauding the fire trucks

when we were driving down the street to calls,

after nine-eleven, for a-- for a year.

We were nine hours away from New York.

We didn't do any of the stuff that happened down there,

but the perception of the Fire Department changed.

[man] Why not?

Now we're down the road,

however many years since nine-eleven,

that's gone away.

They think we're over-paid sometimes,

they think, you know, we're lazy,

or we're doing this, or doing that.

That's just the way that works.

That's unfortunate, because we were just

at a straight line, pretty well all the time,

but the opinion can change,

based on what else is going on around.

-[indistinct voices] -[unsettling music]

[MacDonald] The dangers are constant.

They should remember that, when they see

these articles.

Come to your senses.

Remember what we're about.

Remember what we've done.

[unsettling music continues]

[Sabini] If there's another terrorist attack...

in the city, we're there, we're the front lines, we're...

We're the first wave, it's gonna get, you know,

to be in it.

[cheering]

[man] We're just, literally, arriving at our destination.

Finally.

We're, what, three, four hours late,

but here we are.

[man 2] I got one question for you!

Are you ready?

Your 2019 NBA champion, Toronto Raptors!

It's the question of,

sort of balancing what your experience is

and what your training is.

We train for these events.

We know that there will be large crowds.

[man 3] The NBA title is yours!

The ones that make you think,

are the ones that, being unable to

address all the issues that happen at the time.

[man 4] They needed to create

a locker room of respect and regard.

I wanna make sure everybody stays calm right now.

Okay, please, stay calm.

If-- We're dealing-- I'm getting information

that we're dealing with a situation

that's not far from here.

This is serious.

[gunshots]

[screaming]

[indistinct announcement]

[newscaster] I wanna go to my colleague,

Shepard Smith, apparently a shooting in Toronto?

[reporter] Reports of woman shot,

people running from the area, police, EMS on scene.

Unknown what the injuries are.

-[indistinct voices] -[sirens wailing]

-[indistinct voices] -[unsettling anticipatory music]

And we do not

stand back and wait for a police presence

or anything else like that, we go do it.

-[sirens wailing] -[anticipatory music continues]

[indistinct voices]

-[sirens wailing] -[music continues]

[tense music]

[Cooper] And there were somewhere in the neighborhood f

249 calls in the four hours that the event was taking place.

There was a child this morning, before we started the event,

that was a six-month old infant,

got crushed in the baby cares today.

Probably haven't seen that before,

now they have that in the back of their minds,

when they have these events,

or maybe it stays with them, even worse than that.

Now that you're gonna see more injuries more often,

and more gruesome injuries.

As the officer,

my concern is to be thinking about my crew.

'Cause they're-- Those are the people

their spouses, I have to talk to afterward.

They don't call somebody else.

[hissing]

If you're also feeling that way,

you know what, speak up, let's talk about this.

Let's, you know, let's talk about this,

and get some kind of...

repartee going on amongst ourselves,

so that we can address this,

so that we don't lose more people.

-[indistinct voices] -[reflective music]

[engines rumbling]

[Cooper] And that's why, when Florian's Knights were developed

and they had a goal, you know, they had--

they knew that people were suffering from PTSD,

and they wanted to try to do--

to help something with that particular

rather than a big space, because there is a space there.

[engine rumbling]

[reflective song]

[Sabini] In nine months, unfortunately, since, you know,

we've lost the Lower Mainland Chapter, we got

a couple of guys start up in Boston,

London, England, and Toronto.

It's for all firefighters, for all of us.

If people don't wanna hear about it, or they...

they wanna spin their truth, then,

fuck 'em.

We're gonna keep doin'

what we're doin', 'cause we know we're doin' the right thing.

-[crackling explosions] -[song continues]

[dispatcher indistinct]

What's up, guys?

[Nevin] Well, you know, when you're a union guy,

you become...

There's so much coming at you,

with negotiations and economics and stuff, that

sometimes you forget a little bit.

You know, when you guys came in here,

and you mentioned that you were going to New York,

and Vancouver and Toronto, and...

you were in Detroit, you know,

you kinda kick me in the rear a little bit, you know, and...

So I filed this little lawsuit, yesterday,

and it's for every single member on the Detroit Fire Department.

I've got all their names,

I listed here every single person.

The City's failure to

supply us with any type of real PTSD

procedure, because, enough is enough.

-[indistinct voice on radio] -[reflective song continues]

[reflective song continues]

[clinking]

-[blades whirring] -[song continues]

[Bjarnason] Well, I always knew I'd come back to Logan,

it's one of the most beautiful places on earth.

[reflective song continues]

And I'd rather take my chance on the mountain,

than give my life to the Fire Department.

-[blades whirring] -[song continues]

[MacDonald] People with PTSD can isolate.

Everything has to be dealt with in your head.

[reflective song continues]

And sometimes doesn't work out very good.

The team of one fails and crashes,

and you can get lost pretty quick.

-[engine rumbling] -[song continues]

[MacDonald] And it was great to have a fresh start,

in a sense, with the club.

I have a feeling that they've saved my life.

[song continues]

[Stephen] I've seen PTSD up close and personal,

and what a horrifying thing that is. Right?

-[indistinct voices] -[reflective song continues]

[Stephen] We talk about the New York Florian's Knights,

about the positiveness, that they're all about, right.

And perhaps it needs to be maintained,

and it needs to be built up.

[engine rumbling]

[Sabini] You know, we've been going

to other people's events and saying hi,

but this is our chance to say,

you know, this is us, this is what we're about.

The biker community's coming together.

[man] Don't stay in the way. Don't worry about it.

[Sabini] It has nothin' to do with

how many patches we have on our back.

That doesn't make a motorcycle club an outlaw.

-[engines rumbling] -[reflective music]

[Stephen] What was going on here,

and what it represented here, in my view...

was not a positive thing.

I-- I hope it changes, right.

I really do.

I really hope, as firefighters,

that those particular guys can find a...

can, you know, a good ending to their journey.

You know, but, but, it ain't gonna be...

with those dudes.

[reflective song continues]

[Elmes] I don't hear...

Bill hasn't called me since the day the article comes out.

I haven't seen Roddy much,

he's been struggling and suffering with stuff,

and no one's reached out to offer a hand,

let's put it that way.

[reflective song continues]

I really know who my real friends are.

[reflective song continues]

[song ends]

[scratching]

[MacDonald] It's part of the job.

But it doesn't have to be part of the rest of your life.

If we get the proper care...

And, you know, we're being filmed here,

and... then...

talk about how important is my motorcycle.

I'm still dealing with the rest of my life.

And the motorcycle is my medicine.

-[gulls cawing] -[surf flowing]

[Vaughn] I'm Don Vaughn, and I'm a neuroscientist at UCLA.

I just became fascinated with how

our hopes and dreams and our emotions

and our behaviors are all intertwined,

with this biology in our head.

And trying to understand what happens, when it breaks.

When soldiers started coming back from the war in Iraq

with extra-ordinarily high rates of PTSD,

they didn't get a lot of support at first.

And it took a lot of doctors and scientists

testifying, to actually say, "This is real,

here are the brain scans,

there's something actually going on here,

this isn't malingering."

Sometimes change takes hard evidence.

[crackling]

[Vaughn] So, post September 11th,

when the whole world had seen

what these firefighters had done,

that the extra-ordinary actions that they take.

I think people can understand,

that when you're involved in a really traumatic event,

like, I know, a mass shooter,

there's-- can be an immediate stress response,

and that can cause PTSD.

I think maybe what's less clear is that we're finding out now,

that these small, sort of, sub-clinical traumas

that happen on a daily basis, over years, can also,

cause a heavy toll, and it can manifest as PTSD.

For some people, it's anti-depressants,

and that works for them.

But that only works for less than a third.

Cognitive behavioral therapy,

trans-cranial magnetic stimulation,

but that only works for another third of people.

So what about everybody else who isn't getting treatment?

We're trying to figure out any tool

that makes inroads for people, that's a win for me.

[crackling]

[Maggiora] My mane is Michael Maggiora,

and I'm the Lead Research Technician

and Project Manager, for this experiment,

with Doctor Vaughn.

This type of study has never really been done before.

I mean, this is huge.

All I knew about motorcycles, were

the Hells Angels, the Mongols, you know,

Sons of Anarchy.

I didn't have a lot of direct contact

with motorcycle culture, but the media's cast it as...

bike gangs.

Hey, guys, how's it goin'?

Awesome. I'm Michael.

[Vaughn] You know, from talking to enough motorcyclist,

we found that they would say, "Oh, it's wind therapy."

Mike Maggiora,

-nice to meet you, Jack. -Pleasure.

[Vaughn] And other people would say,

that's just full of it,

you wanna go take some turns real fast.

And you wanna get that adrenaline rush.

Hey, Rod!

Go ahead, have a seat, we'll get started.

[Vaughn] From my perspective, this was a rare chance

to do science, and discover something

that's never been able to be looked at before.

When I put the cap on, all I need you to do,

is just reach up and hold.

[Maggiora] We're using an EEG,

which is an electroencephalogram.

That measures at each of these spots around the brain,

what's the voltage,

what's the brain activity going on.

Is anything registering?

Not yet. We're gonna turn it on now.

[Vaughn] So we've recruited

over 50 experienced motorcycle riders,

to do a very rigorous and long experiment,

where they would come in, they'd ride their own bikes.

They would drive a car,

and then they would sit in what we call passive state,

and just see what the baseline levels were.

We measured their electrical brain activity,

we measured their heart rate,

we measured adrenaline levels and cortisol levels.

The brain's always active.

There's-- It's always processing the world around us.

One way to think about focus, is that you're able to tune out

irrelevant information around you.

So what we did, was, we played tones

in the ears while people were riding

or driving or sitting passively,

and we looked at how their brain processed them.

And we used that as a marker to see how attentive they are

while they're riding, versus when they're not riding.

[reflective music]

[Vaughn] We all have this internal critic,

and these stock patterns that are constantly going on.

But when you start to go down a negative mental health

pathway, you have these recurring traumatic thoughts,

that aren't positive, and that can haunt you,

and there's something about

finding an activity that captivates your brain

just enough, where you can't let that

just continuously run, it's really powerful.

[engine starts]

[Maggiora] I was just worried that neuroscience didn't have

the technology and the analysis to knock this out of the park,

that, all our fancy brain caps would return nothing.

[reflective music continues]

[Vaughn] Honestly, it put a fair amount of stress on me,

that I know, that people were depending on these results,

because they're sick of getting, you know, mocked out of the room

when they say this works for them.

-[engine rumbling] -[reflective music continues]

I'm gonna turn the machine off for you.

How was your ride, Jack? All right, man.

-Go well. -Thank you for your time.

-Thank you. -That was really, really great.

-Yeah. Thank you. -[reflective music continues]

[music fades]

[Maggiora] We took hours and hours of data

on many, many, many people, in order to find this result.

[Vaughn] When it comes to science,

I try and be as cold-hearted as I can about it.

I know that sounds kinda weird,

but it's just not the responsibility of science

to make social decisions.

Our job is discover what's true and tell

the world, and then

society gets to decide what to do with it.

You were talking about hearing those beeps.

-Yeah. -Right, and so

were you able to hear the tones

throughout the entire experiment?

At the beginning, I noticed them.

-Yeah. -They would start,

and about 30 seconds in, I'd forget about it.

So then as soon as I hit that went away,

I off, I was riding again.

Kind of... evolved into it getting to be a normal ride.

That they diminished in their presence.

We found, that in the auditory cortex,

it actually shows a reduced response

to this irrelevant information, while riding a motorcycle.

Meaning, that the brain is so focused,

it doesn't tune in to what doesn't matter.

When we look at changes in hormone levels, we see a...

increase in testosterone

while riding a motorcycle, and a decrease

in the stress-related hormone, known as cortisol.

That tells us that just 20 minutes riding,

somehow produces a physiological effect

that actually reduces these metrics of stress.

Studies find that individuals diagnosed with PTSD

have an 80 percent higher likelihood

of having another mental disorder,

from depression to substance abuse.

We can at least try evidence-based therapies

that have been shown to be effective,

that really can reduce the symptoms,

maybe eliminate them.

-[engine rumbling] -[reflective ending music]

[music fades]