All language subtitles for Florians.Knights.2021.1080p

-[fire hissing]
-[alarm beeping]

[soft tense music]

[reporter] Showing you
lower Manhattan and everything,

it's actually
in pretty good shape now

as we work into clear,
but for us, bright sunny skies.

[music continues]

65 degrees
at seven o'clock in the morning

and sunny and pleasant
for the rest of the day.

80 degrees,
it's kind of a guilty pleasure,

as beautiful as
this weather is going to be.

The five-day--
Yeah, look at this.

78 degrees on Wednesday.

Thursday, I think I'm even
over-done with the clouds there,

I think it turns out
to be a little bit nicer.

Friday, very nice.

Saturday, beautiful,
cool, pleasant days.

[anticipatory music continues]

[anticipatory music muffled]

[fire roaring]

[roaring ends]

-... what do you see?
-I can't see, either.

I don't know what you see,
I don't know.

You don't even know
how much of the building--

No. No, I don't.

We're going now,
to assess the condition.

[reporter] We are dealing purely
in the realm
of speculation here

as to what may have happened
at the World Trade Center.

-[clicking]
-[soft tense music]

[reporter] Obviously,
a major incident occurred here,

on the upper floors of one of
the World Trade Center towers.

[buzzing]

[Elmes] And when my dad
woke me up that morning of

September 11th, 2001,

the first plane
had gone into the building

and then I watched
the second one go through.

[reporter 2] It does not appear
that there's any kind of--

Oh my God!

-[man] Oh God!
-[woman] My God!

[reporter 1] That looks
like a second plane.

So now you're
looking at live pictures,

and there is the second fire.

[buzzing]

[Elmes] You could see
the fear on my dad,

watching this,
and look at me, goes, he's,

"You wanna do this?
You still wanna do this?

Watching this?"

[reporter 2] The entire building
has just collapsed.

[reporter 1] ...has collapsed?

[reporter 2] The whole building
has collapsed.

[reporter 3] ...problem
at the North Tower, Peter.

[reporter 4] Let's look
at the North Tower.

-Quickly, quickly.
-[reporter 3] Coming down.

[buzzing]

[Elmes] So I watched it,
and understood, and,

put myself second,
and you first, in life.

And I was okay with that.

[mayor] And I'm very
worried about all of my...

police officers
and firefighters,

some of whom might
still go into the building.

And we haven't been
able to find them yet.

This is gonna be
a terrible strain on them...

[unclear]

Not only the people who
are injured and hurt,
and worse,

but rescue efforts like this
really drain you,

so, we're gonna need
as much help as we can get.

[newscaster] Mayor Giuliani,
I appreciate you
speaking to us,

live via telephone as we face--

[mayor] Right,
I would just like to

say to the people
of New York City

and the people of America,

that the situation...

-[unintelligible speaking]
-[rumbling]

-[rumbling]
-[chanting song]

[chant song continues]

-[blower roaring]
-[song continues]

[Elmes] I felt it, like, I,
I could be that guy.

I could do that job,
I could help the people.

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] I was hired
January 15th, 2007.

-You're hurting, sir?
-I hurt.

[Elmes] Twelve years.

[victim] That hurts.

-[sirens wailing]
-[chanting song continues]

[Elmes] It's not for everybody.

It takes that
certain kind of person.

And, I can put aside
what I need to put aside,

to get that job done.

[indistinct voices]

[Elmes] Active duty firefighter.

[siren wailing]

-[slam]
-[clatter]

[Elmes] My wife would
tell you over the years,

that I'd become
desensitized, and then we,

we had children.

I'm not...

sensitive when I'm supposed
to be sensitive, in her eyes.

[sprayer roaring]

[Elmes] She would
call me cold, I just,

I look at it for what it is,

and I take
the emotions out of it,

and I think they're just
a reaction from work.

[sprayer roaring]

[Carrie] Nick today
is very different

than when I met him
ten years ago, you know.

Ten plus years
of doing that job.

[siren wailing]

[Carrie] The calls,

the sleep deprivation, I mean,
all that stuff changes him.

So I mean,
Nicky had to deal with

all the shit
thrown at him at work,

he'd come home and deal with me,
he was a mess.

[Elmes] The beginning
of my journey with kids was,

was very tough.

My son was born without
any fingers on his left hand.

[soft tense music]

[Elmes] I took
my first night off,

the kids were in the INCU unit,

she was in the hospital,
in recovery.

I went home,
and I just bawled my eyes out.

I'd sit there, I--
this is my moment,

I got my emotions out,

and I went back to the fire-hall
for my last night-shift,

and I never took a day off,
after that.

[Carrie] I blame myself
for Marco's hand a lot,

and I had a really hard time.

[Elmes] My wife suffered
from post-partum, severely,

where she was
put on suicide watch,

and when I had to go to work,
I had to note

when she was gonna be alone

with the kids
and stuff, so that...

so I might be
available for a call,

'cause she had written
suicide notes and stuff.

[Carrie] It made me
incredibly strong,

'cause I had to be alone with
two babies a lot of the time.

And being a first responder's
wife is very difficult.

-[clatter]
-[thumping]

[Elmes] I had to
take the emotion out

and just be strong, and

take care of everyone,
and just, do, like--

She says I just
turn everything into a job.

[tense music continues]

[Carrie] As much as they say
you turn off when you're done,

you don't,
'cause it affects everything.

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] When I got on, it was
still the old-school mentality.

You know, you come back
from an ugly accident scene,

"Everyone okay?" "Yep."

"Good. Suck it up."

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] Just bottle
that up and bury it.

I just kept going.

-[engine rumbling]
-[music continues]

[Elmes] That
old-school mentality

in the fire-hall still exists.

And we don't
wanna hear about it,

don't talk about it.

-[television humming]
-[unsettling music]

♪ Uh

♪ It's a message

[train rumbling]

♪ Gangsters

♪ Black males. Angels

♪ Keep the message

[Sabini] The Bronx
is its own kinda...

it's a huge melting pot,
is New York City, you know,

it's very much
a focal point of the world,

as a result, so are
the New York Police Department,

the New York City
Fire Department,

we are in that spotlight,
so there's a pride that

-we are viewed that way.
-[clattering thud]

Whoo!

[indistinct speaking]

[Sabini] My name's
Matthew Sabini,

I'm a firefighter on Engine 71,
in the Bronx, for the FDNY.

It's been said a million times,
so it's almost cliche now,

but it really brought out
the best of New Yorkers.

[Sabini] Going to
local community college,

finishing two classes
a semester, it's just...

no fucking clue what to do.

I came out of that class
in the morning,

and I went to
the cafeteria where,

when everyone's sitting there
glued to the TV, and that's--

-[airplane engine roaring]
-[siren wailing]

[Sabini] And then
that moment kinda,

something clicked,
and it was like...

[reflective music]

Yeah, I kinda, like, realized,
like, I needed to do something.

Signed up to take the test,

and then a couple years later
I was in Probie school.

And it's unfortunate it took
a horrific incident like that,

to do that, but it pretty much
made me who I am now.

-[train rumbling]
-[music continues]

[Smith] That was
my goal in my life,

to be a New York City fireman.

After nine-eleven, I became
a New York City fireman.

[reflective music continues]

[Smith] My name's Kirk Smith,

I work for the New York City
Fire Department, FDNY,

in South Bronx.

Our area still has Projects.

There's been some times
that we have had some issues.

[train rumbling]

Come on, get it,
get it, get it, get it, get it.

The crack epidemic hit us hard,
so from there on,

it just was downhill.
Crack, dope, coke, weed, pills.

Grab your gun, grab your drug,
come outside, do your thing.

There's a fire department
right down the hill, that

saved a lot of peoples in
these projects where I live at,

and they do their thing.

-[anticipatory music]
-[beep]

They're gonna see something
you don't really wanna see.

[newscaster] In the Bronx,
three children trapped

inside a burning building,
are in critical condition.

There's gonna be
deceased people.

[newscaster] A deadly shooting
in a deli in the Bronx.

[sirens wailing]

It's gonna keep going like that.

[newscaster] Devastating scene
of fire and ice in the Bronx.

At least twelve people killed,
including children,

in the deadliest fire
in New York City,

in more than a quarter century.

-[beep]
-[anticipatory music continues]

[Sabini] Fuck this, you know?
This sucks sometimes.

The first time you see
something with a kid,

that really... that hits you.

-Good?
-Yeah.

-[beep]
-I suck.

Let's go, let's work.

[Sabini] That's
the trade-off, is

you get to do this job,
and you get to be

in the greatest
fire department in the world.

Just push, just push.

Body shot, body shot,
there you go.

[reflective music]

[Sabini] But the trade-off is,

yeah, I'm gonna
see some of the ugliest

shit that's out there.

I don't think it's a balance,
I think it's a trade-off,

it's an accepted trade-off.

[music continues]

[Sabini] And that's
what people realize now,

out of that.

That's as a whole,
not just New York City,

that's everywhere.

[reflective music continues]

[indistinct voices]

How did I miss that?

[Cooper] There's an adage
that says,

"Toronto Fire Service,
more than fire,"

we just do a lot of stuff.

[reflective music]

[Cooper] This city's
three and a half million people.

We are in the Downtown Corps.

[Cooper] It's
the busiest apparatus

on the Toronto Fire Service.

It's the busiest one in Canada.

[siren beeping]

[dispatcher]
...fourteen, medical.

[siren wailing]

[Cooper] Let's just
use Friday, for instance.

This is most of
what we did Friday.

Fentanyl overdose, at...
Yonge-Dundas Square,

where it's-- right near where
there's a safe injection site.

Probably on the return
from the other call.

-[indistinct voices]
-[siren wailing]

[Cooper] A transgender
person had had a...

fentanyl overdose
in a room in a hotel.

-[indistinct voices]
-[siren wailing]

[Cooper] Less than
a block from the station.

And it was
a fentanyl overdose again.

-[indistinct voices]
-[melancholic music]

[Cooper] We went
to an alarm call,

this is at 1:20 in the morning,

because alarms
had been set off by...

poor cooking.

We've had another
fentanyl overdose.

1:01 in the morning,

intravenous drug user
who had been sleeping,

passed out unconscious
in a stairwell.

Gentleman had taken his life,
bag over his head,

and put helium in.

We had another...
residential high-rise alarm,

we found a homeless woman
had been smoking...

crack in the stairwell,

and probably
hadn't bathed in months.

There's-- There's
a mental health issue

out here in our area,
in our area of the city,

so a lot of the people
that we call homeless people,

are people who actually
do have mental health issues,

and, it's hard
to deal with them,

because you don't know
where to send them.

We see here regularly

is sometimes
some of our patients,

we have seen
more than once in a day,

with the same condition.

-[alarm beeping]
-And--

-Can we stop for a sec?
-[dispatcher indistinct]

-[dispatcher] ...medical...
-Stop.

[dispatcher indistinct]

-[engine idling]
-[reflective music]

-[siren wailing]
-[music continues]

[man indistinct over radio]

...I have no further
information. Stand by.

-[siren wailing]
-[tense music]

We have a male
seizing under Alexander.

-[indistinct voices]
-[siren wailing]

[soft tense music]

[music fades]

[Nevin] Detroit is
a real tough town.

We went through a municipal
bankruptcy in 2014-15.

It's a tough town,

and it's a tough town
for public safety workers.

My name is Myke Nevin.

I am Captain
of Squad Company Three.

I have 33 years
on the Fire Department.

I'm the President of the Detroit
Firefighter's Association.

That represents
all the Detroit firefighters,

the Divisions, and EMS.

You've been out,
I know you've got footage

of our firefighters,
and I know that some of

your crew have even asked,
"How do so few men

combat something so violent?"

-[siren wails outside]
-You hear the sirens now

as I'm speaking.

This is the city
where the sirens never stop.

-We're buzzin' ar--
-[siren wailing outside]

We're buzzin'
all over the place,

left and right, never stops.

[siren wailing]

[fast-paced distorted music]

[Nevin] This is
the arson capital of the world.

The devil definitely lives
in the city of Detroit.

We without hesitation
run into burning buildings.

We are an aggressive
interior-attack department.

[Smith] I've been here 19 years.

Yeah, there have
been a couple of moments

where I come back,
like, man, this is a--

this is a crazy reality.

You could die here.

-[alarm ringing]
-[music continues]

[Smith] You can die, and that's
a very realistic possibility.

[distorted music continues]

-[thud]
-[heavy breathing]

[Smith] When
we're meeting people,

the pressure is on, right now.

[muffled voice] Hey,
you over there on the porch!

[muffled shouting]

[Smith] There's no time,
there's no Chapter Six,

there's no textbook.

[muffled voice] Hey!
On the porch!

Hang on there for me, right?

It's like, you do it right now.

[thump]

[Nevin] Your big city

public safety workers
experience an awful lot,

and a high call volume.

-[muffled] Right here.
-[crash]

[Nevin] And a high call volume
throughout many, many years.

[distorted music continues]

[Nevin] There's car accidents.

[siren wailing]

There's medical emergencies.

There's... assaults.

There's-- I mean, we're doing
an awful lot in this town.

We run harder than any
department in the country.

[music continues]

[siren wailing]

[newscaster] Flooding is
canceling more classes today.

[newscaster 2] As
heavy rains led to this.

[Nevin] And it
hasn't slowed down.

-[distorted music continues]
-[sirens wailing]

-[saw whining]
-[crash]

[Nevin] We've gone from, you
know, insane, or lunacy, to--

or, Armageddon,
to, like, lunacy.

It-- it's really insane
how busy we are.

[music continues]

[music fades]

[buzzing]

[Elmes] You know, growing up
in East Vancouver,

you know,
some people went this way.

Some people went this way,
and I just said,

"Well, I'm just gonna
walk down the middle, and

and abide by the law

and do what I gotta do
to get on the Fire Department."

So yeah, it set...
a straight-line path for me.

[buzzing]

In East Vancouver, everything
can change in a couple blocks,

like, you know,
head north a few blocks,

and you're
in a totally different...

-[hitch]
-...atmosphere.

[distorted electronic music]

[Stephen] My name's
Brad Stephen.

I have been retired,
now, for three years.

Was very fortunate to get on to
the Fire Department in 1985,

the Vancouver Fire Department.

Like, I can't believe
the deterioration

of this area, and the vacancy,

and the heartache down here
that exist today.

It's... a sense for me,

of things just
not being in control.

The-- The true horrors of
addiction come completely real.

[sirens wailing]

[indistinct voices]

[Higgins] I mean, I've been
out of Vancouver 23 years,

and things have
changed down here.

Our call volume has doubled,

and sometimes tripled,
since when I came on the job.

[sirens wailing]

[indistinct voices]

[Higgins] Like,
when I came on the job,

it was common to be in the hall
for four or five years.

It was just kind of
how it worked out.

In the last ten years,
because of the high call volume,

it's not-- it's not feasible.

-[siren wailing]
-[tense music]

[dispatcher indistinct]

[indistinct speech]

[Higgins] Mentally, physically.

[indistinct voice on radio]

[Higgins] Guys are burning out.

[indistinct voices]

[Higgins] And when you go home,
you don't tell a lot of stories.

I used to, coming home,

tell Mom about everything
that was going on at work.

Can't do that anymore.

It's not... How can
they relate, or picture

what I'm telling them.

[siren wailing]

[Higgins] They're basing
what I tell them on a TV show

and a movie that they've seen,
or something on the news.

That's not reality.

What we live here, is reality,

and how we go about our day
and what we see, is reality.

-[siren wailing]
-[soft reflective music]

[siren wailing]

[siren fades]

[rustling]

[soft anticipatory music]

So I remember...
early on in my career,

came on scene and there was
a baby on a couch.

Had been drinking
from a baby bottle

that was propped
on a pillow while the mother

tried to get some rest.

And when we got there
the baby was in full arrest.

-So I did CPR.
-[siren wailing]

At the time, I had
two little infants at home.

The baby, to my knowledge,
didn't make it.

Thinking,
down in here in Gas Town,

we're on-scene at a nightclub,

found the body
of a 21-year old male,

had been stabbed in the chest,
had collapsed on the floor,

but he was still... conscious.

And he looked up at me and...
he said, "Am I gonna die?"

And I said, "No."

And... he slowly
lost consciousness

and he passed away.

Oak Street Bridge.

There was a head-on car crash.

-[splintering crash]
-Her legs had been severed.

-[groaning]
-Both of them.

Got a report
of a stabbing, or an assault.

He's dead, Captain.

The police officer,
not a comment on them,

or him at the time,
but he screamed, "It's okay!

I felt a pulse!"

And I pulled the stuff
that was on him down,

whether it was blankets
or whatever, I don't remember.

But he had--
his head was decapitated.

It's fucked up,
he's decapitated.

Fuckin', you know, get a grip.

It-- It's just
such a bizarre scene,

where two people,

one a police officer,
one a firefighter,

are arguing whether
a guy still has a heartbeat,

and his fuckin' head
isn't attached to his body.

We get on scene, and...

the report
of a pedestrian struck,

and I've never ever
ever ever forgot this. I see...

two rubber boots,

was like they'd just been
placed right on the roadway,

about a 100,
150 feet up the road,

there was about,
an eight-year old little boy,

who used to be in those boots.

So we get this call,
and there's a...

a male down, he's about 25, 30,

and he had multiple stab wounds,
thirty, forty stab wounds.

Like, if you wanna
know the imagery, is, it just--

-[thumping]
-If you stab a roast,

and you hear that,
it's like a thud,

and you can feel the tissue...

I've actually done that,
where I've stuck it in.

And I imagine somebody did that

thirty or forty times
to this human being.

And this is
in this area, roughly.

We get there, and there's
a guy hanging by a rope.

There was about
a ten-year old boy there.

-[fan whirring]
-And his dad's hanging there

in front of him.

There's another call,
up in the...

Victoria Drive area.

My God, this baby
had been dropped in a...

tub of hot water.

-I had skin on my...
-[disturbing rumble]

...uniform.

I highly doubt
that baby made it.

Uh, back over here,

-and it was a hose fire.
-[fire whooshing]

But there was a...
a person on the couch.

-Their abdomen split--
-[fire whooshing]

And they had opened up.
It was like a rainbow.

It was the intestines, and,

kidneys and liver,
but it was an absolute,

perfectly
anatomically preserved body.

I haven't
told people these stories.

And every firefighter,
they have this...

[pen scratching]

[unsettling anticipatory music]

So, I tend to only speak in this
for myself, that... it...

it just adds up.

It's just not normal
to be driving down a street,

and seeing the light-poles

where people have
crashed and killed themselves

in a car accident,

you've gone,
pulled up and they're dead.

It's not normal
to see rubber boots

on a shelf in a shoe store,

and think about
a little eight-year old boy,

but I do.

It's not normal
to cross Oak Street Bridge

and think about...

legs being torn off a body
of a 21 year-old girl,

but I do.

It's... just not normal.

[MacDonald] This is my dad.

He actually drove this

fire truck, and it started
with a hand crank in the front.

So, this is Number Three Haul,
we used to go and pick him up,

after his... night shifts.

Yeah.

My father and I
did not talk a lot.

He progressed
through his career, and...

He never told me
any stories about it, really.

So, I-- I'm starting
from square one.

The term PTSD wasn't there.

There was no such thing.

[shredder rumbling]

[Cooper] I've been doing this
for forty years now, and

the ones that were
really horrible, always stay.

And when they stay with you,

they stay with you
your entire career.

[Cooper] We have a fire in--
which is...

in Toronto history,
is an infamous fire,

because in this building
we lost ten people.

And, going to the inquest
after, you know,

maybe a year or two later
when they try to figure out

all the recommendations
they can make,

to make this not happen again.

Then, you know, you discover--
we're told by the inquest, that

that one of the people
that perished was within

six or eight inches
of the end of my hand,

and I didn't get them.

And, so, you know what, it's...
it's what we do.

Remembering all the stuff
that goes on at these things,

it's hard to judge exactly how
many triggers you need, or...

or where--
whatever sets it off.

[siren wailing]

It manifests itself in
different people
different ways.

Talking to my own crew,

you can talk to
those guys and know--

they'll say, "Look,
I used to drink this much.

And now I drink this much."

I didn't do that consciously,
that happened.

[tense anticipatory music]

[Smith] You can see a guy,
you know, stumbling in,

you can see it,
you see the change,

you see a substance abuse.

We got guys going down left
and right, substance abuse.

We got a guy right now,
who's in jail now.

[Nevin] You get the DUI
from drinking and driving,

after you went
to the bar in the morning,

because of a bad night.

You can't keep
hitting it 24 on, 24 off.

24 on,

24 off.

It's 24 hours
you're away from your family.

[Smith] You know,
'cause your families

take these rides with you.

And that's something that
you don't get to turn in,

when you leave, you know,
when you leave here,

you turn in some of your gear,

there's a lot of things,
there's a big checklist,

and nowhere on that checklist,

is there a spot for all this
to-- all the shit you've seen,

over the years.

And that's--
it becomes a challenge,

and if you're not prepared,
to dissect that and process it,

you end up
taking it home with you,

and there's-- you-- you--

you learn to live with it,
or you don't.

[tense anticipatory music]

[Higgins] How is your home life?
Are things going well?

Because at the fire hall,
you kinda detach from that.

-[alarm beeping]
-[clattering]

[dispatcher indistinct]

[Higgins] When we
leave this place,

everybody has a life,
that they go to.

[siren wailing]

[MacDonald] There--
there was a--

There was a lot of
alcoholism on the job.

My brother and I
talked a little bit

about how you break the chain.

I only hit my sons
once in their entire lives.

I still cringe when
I think about how they cried.

[Smith] Guys on our job,
PTSD is gonna show up

in those individuals,
because of what they see.

[thumping]

[Smith] 'Cause everybody knows
they got a little anger issues.

-[thumping]
-[grunts]

It's there.

[indistinct shouting]

[Nevin] Sleep deprivation...

you know,
our divorce rate's high.

We've been to a lot of funerals,
right, we have heart attacks,

we're having-- we've had--
we've had suicides.

[melancholic music]

[Higgins] We had
a member on our job

that I'd talked to
five days before,

before he killed himself.

And we talked about retirement,

talked about pension,
talked about family life.

There was no indication
that he was struggling,

that he actually had demons.

[interviewer] Have
you ever in your career,

attended a funeral
of a firefighter,

who's committed suicide?

Yes.

Yes. And...

And he was...

He was suffering,
and we knew the incident.

And we in the Fire Service,
at least, in our Fire Service,

I won't speak for the others,

have gone
to funerals over the years,

many, many times,

that we knew, the person
had taken their own lives,

and it wasn't spoken about.

You didn't even ask,
if you didn't know the guy,

how the guy l--
how the guy passed.

We know now, I mean,
I can tell you there's

probably a dozen,
that I can think of.

[melancholic music continues]

[Nevin] The thing that
is absolutely sickening,

sickening about Detroit,
is that, since 1863,

not one case of
mental illness and or PTSD,

has been reported,
or on the books,

since 1863.

Because
we were told to suck it up,

move on, what's wrong with ya?

Are ya a sissy?

You know, what are you--
what are you crying for?

I've become
more understanding, personally,

and a little more compassionate,

as far as these members
that are suffering.

I take a step back now,
and go, I get it,

where I didn't, earlier.

My members know that,
and that's why they support me.

And I'll keep beating that drum.

We'll get the help
we need eventually.

And it may not be
me at the finish line,

but somebody will be there.

[clattering]

[Elmes] It's not about,
everything you see at work,

it could be what

happens at work, it could
be the atmosphere at work,

the family life,
that got ruined because of--

where there's so
many different things.

I was getting worn out
and broken down, so was--

short-tempered, on edge,
not happy.

I had mental health issues,
I needed...

do something to fix this.

What makes me happy?

[ticking]

[Carrie] My dad, growing up,

at 18, he got into...
motorcycles.

I just loved him, growing up,
Dad, I can't remember what age

he started
taking us on his bikes, and

had a little dirt-bike,
when I was little, and,

just-- it's literally,
just a way of life.

I mean, now,
I don't ride nearly as often.

I've always felt, you know,
Nick had a dangerous job.

He also rode,
that was his release.

I thought, okay.

Someone needs to be
a little bit more stable

and responsible, and
he deserves to have his outlet.

[reflective music]

[Elmes] The bad
didn't matter anymore.

The dark voices in your head,
the dark clouds...

they went away and lightened u.

[engine starting]

[Elmes] So I just had a...
the feeling of peace.

You can leave
the outside world behind you.

-[engine rumbling]
-[distorted music]

[Sabini] When I was a teenager,
I wanted a crotch rocket,

but I knew
if I did go and buy one,

if the bike didn't kill me,
my mother would.

After I got on the job,

I got this extra little money,
let's start getting into it.

[distorted music continues]

[Cooper] I get
on the thing every day.

-[engine starting]
-[music continues]

If-- If we didn't live
in Toronto,

I'd be on it
all the way through the winter.

-[engine rumbling]
-[music continues]

[Sabini] Seeing everything
on a bike is different.

It's more visceral.

The different smells and
the different tastes in the air

as you're going through...

-[engine rumbling]
-[distorted music continues]

[Cooper] And you
come back from it,

and that's all you thought about
why you were out there.

-[engine roaring]
-[music continues]

[Elmes] We found
our peace and happiness.

-[engine roaring]
-[music continues]

It's wind therapy.

-[roaring fades]
-[music fades]

-[humming]
-[rustling]

You know,
I'll never, I'll never know,

but... you know,
my father's father, my grandpa,

who's in this picture,
he served in the...

what was known as the Great War,
the First World War.

And, he never said
a word about it.

And, I don't know
how anyone can be normal

after serving in the...
the trenches,

it's just--
I don't think it's possible.

[motorcycle engine rumbling]

[MacDonald] With respect to
how bikers kind of

formed up
after the Second World War,

these guys, and I understand,

a lot of them
were fighter pilots.

I mean,
they lived on the edge, man.

[engines roaring]

And then you're flying
at 200, 300 feet off the ground,

you're getting strafed
from ground fire.

And then the war ends,
and you come home.

[roaring ends]

[water flowing]

[MacDonald] What the hell
are you gonna do,

that even comes
remotely close to that?

I don't think it's
becoming an accountant

or selling real estate.

[creak]

Riding's become my life.

[engine starts]

[squirting]

Bill Shokar.

Firefighter and Acting Captain,

in New Westminster
Fire Department.

And the cultures
between the Fire Service,

and the whole
motorcycle culture,

kind of like
an adrenaline junkie.

[engine rumbling]

Every time the alarms go off,
it's that shot of adrenaline.

-[sirens wailing]
-[unsettling tense music]

[reporter] And you're looking
at the devastation here,

at New Westminster Pier Park.

A fire that started just
before eight o'clock last nigh,

so, it's been burning here
for over 13 hours now.

[engine rumbling]

[Shokar] A motorcyclist
who's a firefighter,

they're risk-takers,
little bit of fearlessness.

[fire roaring]

[man] I'm about to go
down there, down below.

[indistinct voices]

[Shokar] So when you
kind of marry that

with being on a bike,
that adrenaline rush.

[engine rumbling]

You know, you're riding
something quite powerful.

It's a tough thing to explain.

Just a feeling.

-[engine rumbling]
-[upbeat music]

[Shokar] Through
the wind in your hair, and

it's just nice to be free.

[engine roaring]

People, I think,
reflect in different ways.

Some people
need to be in a quiet room.

Whatever works for you.

But for me
it's a great time to reflect.

[reflective music]

Hey.

I got hired in 2003.

2004, I lost
my brother to suicide.

-[Shokar sniffs]
-[reflective music]

[sniffs]

And...

You know, I went to a suicide.

Similar age as my brother,

in the same manner as my brother
committed suicide, so--

As you can tell, that
clearly had an impact on me.

You know, the job really does
take a toll on people.

[engine rumbling]

[Shokar] And there is
no handbook for that.

Just get out on the open road.

Nothing compares to it.

[engine rumbling]

[clicking]

My name's, Erik Craig Bjarnason.

I was Captain for
North Van City Fire Department

for the last 30 years.

Everybody calls me "Paws,"
because obvious reasons.

I was a member of
North Shore Search and Rescue

for almost 30 years.

Every year, we would go
travel somewhere in the world,

and we just climb, and it was
just a team-building,

it's keeping our skills up,
keeping our...

brotherhood together,
like, you know,

if you spend a month in a tent,
you either love or hate the guy.

And these are
all the pictures of...

the hospital,

but we were not
prepared to live.

[soft tense music]

[newscaster] There is
a crisis tonight

in an extremely dangerous place.

Three lives are in danger,
high up Canada's tallest peak,

Yukon's Mount Logan.

The three are
members of a rescue team,

and now their colleagues
are trying to figure out a way

to save them.

Three team members of ours
are on Logan right now, and...

Things do not look good.

[wind blowing]

[Bjarnason] We were
hit by a sub-tropical cyclone.

The storm ripped our tent apart,
ripped our gear apart,

left us with nothing.

-[wind blowing]
-[tense music]

It was a very somber,
surreal moment,

because we all expected to die.

[reporter] An Alaska
National Guard helicopter

plucked them from
the windy ridge in a basket.

I think one of the most
beautiful pictures ever,

because, it's basically,
showing a birth, like,

we thought we were dead,
this is coming back to life.

[newscaster] Those
three climbers

rescued from Mount Logan
are back home in Vancouver,

but not out of challenges.

[reporter] But Erik Bjarnason
is a firefighter who knows

he may never pull a hose again.

Frostbite has stolen
some of his fingers.

[tense music continues]

[Bjarnason] The injury itself,

like, I could
explain that with science.

This is how
we're gonna treat it,

this is where
we're gonna amputate.

And I'm thinking,

you know,
what do I do with my life now,

like, a life-time of...

work, is kinda gone
down the drain in a few days.

Now I'm useless.

The world's
a better place without me.

So I went home, and...
and there was a gun.

And I thought about it.

I thought about it
long and hard.

-Ah, excuse me.
-No problem.

Oh, fuck.

[soft tense music]

Luckily for me
I'm a harsh drunk.

So I drank till I passed out,

and I woke up and there was
a loaded gun in the bed with me.

[tense music continues]

You don't wanna leave,

you know,
a legacy of pain and sorrow,

which was
what suicide usually does.

None of my family had any idea.

I am in crisis, I need help,

and that's when I saw
the failures in the system,

the failures in me,

and I came up with a game plan,
what do I need to do

to get healthier?

[reflective music]

[engine starts]

And now I find this,
just riding.

[engine rumbling]

I have to credit it
with saving my life.

It took me away
from the brink of the cliff.

I know there's
a lot of other firefighters

suffering the way I was.

[engine rumbling]

[Bjarnason] Because
I want firefighters to know,

that they're not alone.

-[engine rumbling]
-[reflective music continues]

[muffled vintage song]

[mumbling]

Anybody that pays me,
I do work for them.

To all types of people.
Lawyers, doctors...

Guys from motorcycle clubs,
all types of clubs.

-[rustling]
-[song continues]

[rustling]

[song continues]

-[clicking]
-[song continues]

[Bjarnason] Oh,
that was perfect.

[man] Oh, that's
coming off right now, then.

[Bjarnason]
And that's why I'm fat.

I was 185
when I started workin'.

First of-- First of many.

-[upbeat guitar music]
-[Bjarnason laughs]

That was funny,
the first time I got...

after my amputation,
this guy cut me off.

So I pull-- pulled up
beside him,

and I'm honkin' the horn, and...

I'm trying to
give him the finger

and I'm going like that.

[others chuckle]

And he couldn't
tell what I was doin'.

-[laughter]
-So he goes...

[others laugh]

It took all the anger out of me.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, have a nice day.

[all laugh]

[music continues]

[indistinct voices]

♪ One day in your life

♪ Shouldn't be a problem

[Elmes] I think it was,
filling that gap,

to find
what we were all looking for,

that missing link.

[clattering]

I started researching other
firefighter motorcycle clubs.

And there was lots.

[rhythmic clacking]

But nobody wanted to come here.

Nobody wanted to
take that chances,

you know, start
one of their charters out here.

[machine clacking]

[Elmes] And it
wasn't going anywhere, so...

I decided to open a club.

Group of guys,
from other departments,

being able to share and open up.

Brotherhood is
still alive, it is real.

♪ You don't have to cry

[Bjarnason] When I heard
about the Florian's Knights,

I heard it from one
of my union reps, he goes,

"There's a bunch of guys
that ride around on Harleys,

and, I think they do
some good fund-raising."

And it's the first time
in years and years,

that I felt
any sort of brotherhood,

with other firefighters.

[men laugh]

[song continues]

[MacDonald] Some
of the guys have

networks, whether it's
fishing, hockey, golf,

families.

And... some of us don't.

[men laughing]

For me, it, it's important.

I need to have
people to talk to.

[indistinct conversation]

The stuff I'm scared to
talk about with others,

I'm not really sure
to express myself,

or what it means,
I'll talk about it here.

You walk in here,
and every guy knows,

if you need to cry,
you can cry in front of us.

If you need to
sit there in silence,

you sit there in silence,
we understand.

Whatever you need, you get here.

[song fades]

I don't sleep well at night.

I couldn't turn off
the little voices,

talking, talking, talking.

I was self-medicating,
like, I couldn't sleep at night,

so I drank myself till I slept.

For many, many years,
I, I go back...

-To the 1930's?
-To the 1930's.

[others laugh]

We've had a rash of,
of suicides,

and depression,
that didn't lead to suicide,

but it's still there.

This was all designed
with the hope that

the stigma of,
saying, hey, I'm having trouble,

that was removed,

and there was a place
eventually that you could go to

and you get some help.

We've talked to each other
over some rough spots, and,

it's just... it became a family.

[song continues]

Yeah, this tattoo here is...
it's for my brother.

It says... Oh, man...

"Alone,
you have the power of one,

and together,
you have the power of eleven."

It's a saying for brothers.

I didn't really
know anybody very well,

when I joined.
I think all of us joined,

for different reasons, but also
some very similar reasons, just

to try and portray
a positive message

about our profession,
about work-place stress.

It's brotherhood, and again,
just riding bikes.

-[engines rumbling]
-[song continues]

-[song fades]
-That was a great movie!

[laughs]

[laugh]

[Elmes] You know, I made it.
I made it real.

I made a real firefighters'
motorcycle club

that was doing good.

Like, this was
the point and the purpose,

and it-- it's--
it's reality, now.

-[laughing]
-[indistinct speaking]

[Elmes] Like, the kids are
in the back-yard playing,

they call all the brothers
in the club Uncle.

They just...
They just extended the family.

Yeah, there's no limit now.

We're here, we can move forward.
The Florian Knights will,

you know,
hopefully slowly, grow.

[Sabini] The group
of us, we always

kind of have been doing stuff.

We were
in another club together.

[Smith] We were
with the Fire Riders,

that's
the Fire Department's main,

big club.

We just kind of
went our own way.

[Sabini] The other club
could only be...

it was one chapter
and that was it.

There wasn't anywhere to...
a way we could grow.

Smitty actually approached me,

we drew a patch up,
and everything.

Lookin' on-line, we had
a couple ideas for names.

We came up
with Florian's Legion,

because Saint Florian
was a Roman centurion,

and he's the patron saint
of firefighters, so

I'm doing a Google search
on Florian's Legion, and

Florian's Knights come up.

And my first instinct was,

"Fuck, somebody
already took this."

-[rustling]
-[upbeat guitar music]

[Elmes] I got an email,
from Matt Sabini,

"We wanna be part of something,
and we like what you've done,

your brothers
from the Bronx FDNY."

[chuckles] Like,

it was the same guy
trying to do the same thing,

on the east coast,
in a different country.

I-- It was just all
the same ideals and...

he had gotten
the jump on me, starting it.

-[door rumbling]
-[upbeat guitar music]

[engines rumbling]

Sometimes, you know,
you-- you embark on a path,

as much as you, in your heart,

you know,
believe in what you're doing,

there's always
elements of doubt,

"is this really gonna catch on?"

[guitar music continues]

[Bjarnason] And to be
invited into the Bronx,

you know, reminded me
why we're doin' this.

This is bringin'
firefighters together.

Like-minded men,
that like to ride bikes,

that it wasn't just a dream of,
like, seven or eight guys,

it was a dream
of firefighters in general.

[siren wailing]

[Elmes] You know,
I based my career decision

off New York firefighters
and their sacrifice.

And then
they call me first, to be

the Florian Knights.

[Shokar] From
the boys up in Canada,

you know, we're really
excited to come down here,

you know, we are all one.

You know,
we are you guys, and you are us.

We couldn't wait to get
down here, and meet you

and make it official.

You always have a place
to go to now in Vancouver.

You got a family.

-[reflective song]
-[engines rumbling]

[Sabini] Have an even closer
tighter-knit group of guys.

And if that can help
other guys that are

dealing with stuff, to talk
about something, whatever.

Doesn't have to be
firefighting stuff,

could be anything.
All right, come on,

let's go for a ride,
let's grab some lunch,

get our... you know,
clear our heads,

you don't even have to talk,
let's just go for a ride.

That's all it is,
sometimes the ride's enough.

[engines rumbling]

[reflective song continues]

You know, when-- when the FDNY
wants to be a part of you,

whereas most of the world
wants to be a part of the FDNY,

that's very gratifying.

It just validates
what you've been talking about.

[song continues]

[Smith] If I go
down a hallway with you,

at two-thirty
in the morning, to a fire,

I can ride with you on a bike,
twelve o'clock in the afternoon,

on a 110-degree day,

just to put,
whatever we do down here,

back there,
and just, keep going.

-[engines rumbling]
-[song fades]

[water flowing]

[Elmes] The guys had made
that ultimate sacrifice.

The guys had...

you know, I watched
on TV, perish that day.

The guys that
made me strong enough,

to continue my journey
to become a fireman,

and then
it brought me back, there.

-[water flowing]
-[melancholic music]

So this is Eric Olsen, I was...

honored enough
to go to his funeral.

Met all his family, his buddies.

Seemed like a great guy.

[Elmes] It was very touching,
very moving, and,

and again, it just felt like,
you know, we're not alone,

doesn't matter
if we go to New York,

or if we go to Connecticut
or wherever,

we're not alone.

[melancholic music continues]

[Elmes] I stuck to my guns,
I-- I fought through the bad,

I didn't give up.

[music continues]

[Elmes] Those were the most
meaningful hug I'll ever give,

my brothers
in my clubhouse, the...

you know, I--
I hope those guys are watching,

from above, looking down.

The hug was for us,
but it was for them.

And I feel that I represented

all these guys as well, or
I wouldn't been here, I think.

To be at this moment,
that was...

it was just amazing,
it was like...

it was right, it was a...
we did everything right.

[melancholic music continues]

[engine rumbling]

[Cooper] For me, I know,
and my partner would tell you

if she were
sitting here right now,

that I'm a different person
once I've ridden.

I-- I don't
have to ride that long,

maybe two, three hours,
but it clears the mind of

all the other things
that go along, that build up,

and that pressure
we were talking about before,

the filling up
and the pressure inside...

-[horn roaring]
-[sirens wailing]

You get on the bike,
that doesn't happen.

And-- when
the Florian Knights MC was

out there as something that
I might be interested,

I thought, Jesus,
that's really kind of weird.

[Cooper] We didn't
even know each other.

The guys in New York,
Nick out in the West Coast,

not-- we don't know each other.

We-- We found that
we're in the Fire Service,

and we found that this stuff
works for us, when we ride.

There's no bad side to what--
anything of what we do. None.

If there were,
we wouldn't do it.

[Sabini] Everyone
was riding on cloud nine.

We had two strong chapters

across the continent,
in two countries.

We got Toronto, right now,
it's just him by himself, but

it's growing quick,
and it tells me,

there is a need
and a void, to be filled.

Hm, kinda like a,
fuck, yeah, where

where this club's gonna be huge,
it's gonna be great, and...

yeah, and then...

[soft tense anticipatory music]

Uh...

[Shokar] Well, it's funny,

the timing couldn't
have been any worse,

in terms of...
if we were gonna fall, I think,

we-- we fell from
the highest pinnacle possible,

especially after

just coming back
from New York, and...

You know, reinforcing the bond,
in New York,

and to come back,
and have that happen...

I... can't think of
any other way to describe it,

but, just a tremendous fall.

[distorted tense music]

Um...

[Bjarnason] I felt fantastic
in New York.

We are creating something

magnificent,
and we're creating it

right from the ground level.

It's gonna take off,
it's gonna be well-received,

and then to be, kind of,
thrown in the mud...

[distorted music continues]

[MacDonald] I like watching
the evolution of the painting.

And the more you paint...

the more you can
see in your head, what

in advance,
where you're gonna go.

And then the other thing
I like about painting is,

you can make mistakes,
and you can fix them.

[distorted music continues]

[engine rumbling]

I tend to just
lean towards no comment.

I go back to,
you know, I'm not a fool.

The public perception
was not good.

[Stephen] In my short period
as a firefighter,

how seriously I take that,

and how much
they should be valued,

in society and in the community,

and I would have quite enjoyed
staying as a firefighter.

But, at the end of the day, I...
I wanted to catch bad guys.

-[fast-paced distorted music]
-[siren sounding]

That was my mission,
and in 1987, I did what

a lot of firefighters would say,

was the... despicable act,
and go... go to the other side,

but I did, I, I made
the transition to police work,

so I joined the Vancouver
Police Department in 1987.

So then in 2000
I went plain-clothes,

doing primarily outlaw
motorcycle gang investigations.

And then, my last five years,

was at the Vancouver
Police Gang Unit,

investigations into...
localized crime groups

within the city of Vancouver.

[interviewer] And
I wanna give that to you,

and I want you to tell me,
what do you see there,

in that front-page photograph?

I see... three Hells Angels
and a Florian's Knights.

And then I see...
who I believe is Nick Elmes.

[soft tense music]

[Stephen] You know,
Mom always told me,

you're judged
by the company you keep.

[soft tense music continues]

[Stephen] That, that picture
was-- was what caused me to...

to really react.

[anticipatory music]

[Stephen] The cruel
and wrong horrific things

that the Hells Angels
motorcycle club represents,

is nothing you-- you
ever want to go close to.

[anticipatory music continues]

What their history is,

what they involve
themselves with...

Significant drug trafficking,
specifically, cocaine,

drug importation
and trafficking.

We were involved
in meth trafficking to,

to a huge degree,
in Project E-Pandora,

hundreds of thousands
of dollars of meth,

at the direction
of the Hells Angels.

If you wanna leave
the drug trafficking out of it,

and you just wanna
talk about the violence,

the shootings, right,

the Kelowna shootings,
the North Dakota shootings,

the... bombings.

Like, that's what happens,

like, violence
follows the Hells Angels

or any outlaw motorcycle gang.

[anticipatory music continues]

[Stephen] I was
a motorcycle rider once,

it's fun to ride a motorcycle.

The historical
sense of independent,

easy rider,
go your own way, right?

It's part of
the Hells Angels' mantra,

is, turn your back on society.

[anticipatory music continues]

And these other Hells Angels

are looking to
sanitize their image,

they're
looking for guys like Nick,

to bring into the fold,

to say, "Hey, look,
the 15-year firefighter

who's battling PTSD.

We're supporting charity,
what's the big deal?"

And before you know it,
I, I think you get sucked in,

to... to their culture,

and now they can say, "Hey,
we're-- all we're doing is

hang around with regular people,
especially firefighters.

You know, aren't we great guys"

[anticipatory music continues]

It's just funny,
how one sees the photo,

and look, and like, "Oh,
there's... childhood friend."

I grew up
in a neighborhood where...

some live,
and some became, and...

I didn't dump
on most friends for...

choosing their path in life.

I-- I posed
with a friend of mine,

I saw my friend
and posed with him.

I don't look at...

people sometimes for
what other people look at them.

I just look at them,
do I know this guy?

Yeah, he's friend I know,
he's a good buddy.

Do I know his wife? Yeah.

And then,
the allegations came out,

I'm like, really?
You can do that, legally?

You can just tarnish somebody,
deface them?

[unsettling music]

You know, when we
wear this on the back,

I've been stopped by the police,
six times in the last month.

I was asleep Sunday night,
and I was a Florian Knight,

and I woke up Monday morning
and I was something else.

[unsettling music continues]

I think it was a non-story
that took on a life of its own.

Like, a friend of mine,

ran into an elementary
school friend.

And because of that one picture,

my life's been
turned upside down.

[unsettling music continues]

The appearance
is very significant to them,

and there's a whole order--
order of that, right,

in the Hells Angels world.

We're gonna use
a three-piece patch,

we're gonna use
three distinctive

pieces of embroidery,

top rocker, a middle emblem,
and a bottom rocker,

as being reflective
of the outlaw community.

And to this day,

it's still a significant
symbol for them,

and a significant thing to say
that it's a three-piece patch.

If-- If you're not

an outlaw club,
if you're a regular club,

and you just like riding
with your brothers and sisters,

then, again,
my question to you is,

why do you want
a three-piece patch?

Like, why do you want
to emulate what they are?

It's obviously gonna affect
your reputation, personally.

But now you're blending
the firefighter community

with an organized crime club.

Nick Elmes, you're a hero,
all the good you've done,

in your work,
and in the community,

you flushed that, buddy.

[papers rustling]

[unsettling music]

[Elmes] Again, there's bad seeds
in every organization,

but to paint everybody
with the same brush is...

"Bikers are bad,"
that stigma's still here,

so let's just
walk away from it, and...

that's it.

It's addressed to Mr Nick Elmes.

From the city of Burnaby.

"The City has considered
your years of service,

and your disciplinary record.

However, this does not

mitigate the seriousness
of your off-duty conduct.

Therefore, please be advised

that your employment with the
City of Burnaby is terminated

for just cause,
effective immediately,

and any and all rights
to benefits associated,

ended immediately."

[unsettling music]

[Elmes] The first thing
I did when I came home

was that I cut my patches off,

and I phoned Matt in New York,
let him know what was up.

I surrendered my stuff, and...

-[click]
-...had to...

leave the club.

And I was terminated.

I'm not active
or retired, so I don't

fit the category of...
being a member.

-[unsettling music continues]
-[scrubbing]

[Carrie] All these guys, like,
they all have their own issues.

And this was, was helping them,

a group of guys
who actually understood.

Now all of a sudden
that's taken away from him,

not to mention the fact that
he can't even go back to work.

[unsettling music continues]

You know, and...

I...

[sniffs]

[Elmes] A misjudgment
error on my behalf,

not thinking that
it'd go to social media,

or someone steal it
off social media,

someone use it
to slander me or whatever.

At the end of the day,
that's my fault.

I'll take responsibility for i.

Let everything else be.

The guys, in the club,
suffer from mental health.

And this is what they found
to keep them going.

You take that away from them,

now they got
nothing to keep going.

[unsettling music continues]

[Shokar] Very quickly,
I got a, a clear picture of...

the court of public opinion.

You're left
just to pick up the pieces.

[train rumbling]

[Shokar] Or when
something like this happens

and there's a fall-out,

and there are
unintended consequences,

there's also unintended victim.

To stand and fight
to clear my name

would have meant bringing down
the people around me.

[engine starts]

If my employer is now involved,
which affects my livelihood,

which affects my family...

if it affects
my kids' education,

you know, when I
get contacted by their...

educational institutions...
it's not just me.

[engine rumbling]

[unsettling music continues]

[Shokar] I think
every individual

that was involved at that time,
had different things at stake.

The passion for the riding,
was taken away from me,

to a certain extent,

I mean, I still get on my bike,
I still ride,

which, you know, it's...

it's sometimes
just tough to stomach.

Hard to put a value on that,
or hard to really describe...

you know,
how do you describe a void?

[music fades]

[Bjarnason] No,
it was actually nice.

I really enjoyed living here.

And there's some things
you can't come back from.

That picture...

kinda sent me right back
to where I started.

When I was injured,
I went to my union,

and my North End
City Fire Department,

and told them I was
having a problem drinking.

But because
it didn't affect my job,

they refused to help.

When I actually asked for help,
I was ignored,

and then, persecuted,

because I decided
to put a vest on.

[unsettling music]

[Bjarnason] I've been with
the Department 30 years,

and they were asking me,
basically, if I was a criminal.

What we did,
for peers to find each other,

go ride their bike,
and hopefully heal a bit.

Right now,

there's not a lot of venues
out there for that.

[unsettling music continues]

[Bjarnason] Like,
if I lose this,

like, I've lost all my social
interaction with people.

So I'll go back to that guy
that's got the windows,

you know, down,

watching day-time TV,
having breakfast beers.

[unsettling music continues]

When I... lost my hands,

I was so proud of myself
that I didn't take painkillers,

'cause I know I have
an addictive personality.

It was dealing with the...

the negative stigma
of being injured,

in the Fire Department,

and then the bottle
started calling again, and

you fight, and fight, and fight.

And eventually you give up,
and every time you give up,

it's easier to reach over
and open a beer.

Yeah, like...

this was never
the way I thought I'd live.

[unsettling music]

[MacDonald] My brain lives in
a very troubled neighborhood.

When I get
in that state, I just--

I quite often
think about the people

that wanna live so badly.

You know, you hear people say,

"Come on, man,
just pick yourself up.

Come on, don't be a pussy."

But if it was that simple,

we wouldn't be
marching for firefighters

because they've
taken their own life.

When you hear
that it's a selfish act

to take your own life...

You piss into a hurricane
only for so fucking long, and..

you got tired of that shit.

Oh, the motorcycle club
was a fresh start.

There was just
no prior judgments.

I just got to walk in, and...

I found myself
being myself again.

I actually love life.

I used to love laughing,
and joking around,

and... I lost that
for many years.

But with the club
it definitely came back.

It would seem that it's
the club's death.

Rightly or wrongly, it's...
had the desired effect.

And...

we won't be riding
as a club any more.

What am I going
to do personally, I-- I--

I don't have
an answer to that, as a

you know, a concrete answer.

One thing I just know for sure,
I'll never stop riding my bike.

[dishes clatter]

...fish and chicken bits.

[splatter]

Does everyone forget
that there was zero criminality,

to this whole thing? Zero.

Like zero. Double zeros.

No criminality.

No one broke a law.

I don't even have a ticket.

I don't have
a driving infraction.

Screwed up my life.

You know, I screwed
my wife up in the head.

Screwed up Paws, he's a mess,
that guy's a drunk now.

Roddy, last time I saw him,

was screaming at the walls,
hadn't left his

apartment for 36 hours.

Like-- Did--
Did someone win from this?

[unsettling music]

[Stephen] We're a little bit
sheltered here in B.C.,

because the Hells Angels
have not been

really challenged.

It's easy for the public
here in British Columbia,

to be apathetic and indifferent
about the Hells Angels,

because they don't
see the daily violence.

'Cause they will never get dow,

and reveal
what they're truly all about,

that their sole purpose
is criminal activity.

The people need to believe that.

The public needs to
understand that and accept that.

We as the police
need to remind the public,

and send a message
to persons of that gang.

And again, it's the
combining the PTSD issue,

the-- the-- per-- the--
and the perception th--

the answer... is...

join the Florian's Knights,

and associate
with the Hells Angels.

And that can help you.

And-- And that's--
And that's where-- where...

Hold on. Time out, man.
Time out.

What have the Hells Angels
done for PTSD?

Like, can you
go over that for me?

Right? Where have they helped?

They create trauma,

they-- and-- and that's
what they're all about.

So, that would be
my opinion on that.

[engine rumbling]

[engine cuts]

[Smith] People take things,

they see you
doing something like,

we go to a fire,
we're breaking windows,

and they start yelling at you,

"Why you breaking
the windows for?"

"Oh, you're doing extra damage."

Excuse me, I'm a fireman,

you're a civilian,
you don't know what I'm doing.

[Smith] I'm
releasing the hot gases

in there for the hose team,
so when they come in,

the smoke rises,
the temperature goes down,

but they only
see me breaking windows,

so they get a little agitated.

[siren wailing]

[Smith] Now you
add a bike into it.

Oh, and now you're
an outlaw biker,

and now you're this,
now you're...

No, that's how
you perceive something.

Everybody should take

a couple steps back,
look at the big fuckin' picture,

and see what everybody's doin',
not just because of...

[thumping]

Look, at what...

that club's doing.

Something positive.

[Sabini] I'm, you know,
I'm not ignorant,

and I'm sympathetic
to the problems that

Canada has seen, with
some outlaw clubs, and I've...

It's not always
necessarily with the club,

sometimes it's
individuals in those clubs,

and I told Nick that
from the beginning,

especially in New York City,
we're under the microscope,

and we cannot be associated...

in any kind of way
with a one-percent club.

Hindsight being twenty-twenty,

he thought it was
a personal photo,

that wasn't gonna be shared,
with a childhood friend.

As far as I'm concerned,

that's the only thing
Nick's done wrong.

And it's certainly not
the consequences

that he's had to face, don't
match... that, that slip-up.

[Cooper] I don't even know
where that came from.

I-- It's incredible,
because they got it wrong.

They got it wrong then,
they got it wrong now.

And unfortunately that was
a tragic situation out there.

It's so easy to discern
the one-percent guys

from anything else,

then there's
so many people in Ontario,

there's
so many people riding bikes,

that, the one-percent people

look like
the one-percent people.

God love them, they're doing
whatever they're gonna do.

And what we're doing,
and what we're trying to do,

is we're trying to
bring attention to illness

in the job that we love.

-Three-fourteen, responding...
-[siren wailing]

[Cooper] You see,
if somebody judge me--

judges me by the way I look

and with the tattoos on
my hands and everything,

they're gonna think something,
that rather than what I am.

And you know what,
that's too bad.

'Cause in this day and age,

we should be a little bit
smarter than that.

[Elmes] I get it,
I fit a profile,

I look a certain way,
I'm an easy target.

It just wreckin' my reputation,
you're wreckin'

a good club, you're wreckin'

what people
are trying to change,

that stigma of bikers
and motorcycle clubs,

you-- you just wrecked it again,

like, we're working
so hard to change that, now...

you're taking it away,
and it's like, no wonder

nobody likes bikers, they just
keep bashing everybody,

put us under the same umbrella.

[hissing]

[McLaurin] My name
is Darnell McLaurin.

I go by the name "Tiny."

I pulled a nine-year old girl
out of a four flat, right?

I'm givin' her mouth-to-mouth,
it's pourin' down rain,

went into the hospital,
we get her to the hospital.

Right before
I got to the hospital,

I gave her one last breath,

she bit her bottom lip,
I knew we had her back.

Right? We go into the hospital,

they tube her,
they do everything,

little girl is living, right?

So you get off shift
in the morning,

go to the hospital,

there's not a soul there
with this nine-year old girl.

Not a mama, not a daddy,
not a aunty, not a cousin.

There was nobody
with this child!

But where do we
vent all that out, then?

Right here.

Right here at this clubhouse.

[smooth rock music]

[door rumbling]

[engine rumbling]

[Gilbert] My name's Brent.

I'm with Detroit
Fire Department.

I'm the National President

of the Axemen Professional
Firefighter Motorcycle Club.

The City of Detroit...
Go big or go home.

You know, that's how it is.

-[engines rumbling]
-[music continues]

[McLaurin] Detroit
is the Major League

of firefighting.

We'd been out
fighting fires all week.

I had a messed-up call,

people arms was missing,
legs was missing,

you know,
head shot off, whatever.

We talked about it,

and now we're
gonna ride about it.

-[engine rumbling]
-[music continues]

So, pre-bankruptcy,
post-bankruptcy, right?

It's all the same.

We're gonna hold each other up,

the Axemen, we're
gonna hold each other up.

We goin' make sure
everybody get through the storm.

-[engine rumbling]
-[music continues]

[Gilbert] Going
through depressions,

and going through
all these horrible times,

through all these years,

the Detroit riots
and everything.

This is an outlet for us.

-[engine rumbling]
-[rock music continues]

[Gilbert] As far as
the motorcycle club,

we're all Detroit, it's
on its own event level, too.

We got so many motorcycle clubs,
it's ridiculous, and--

I don't know of any other city
that's really like that.

-[engines rumbling]
-[rock music ends]

[indistinct voices]

[man yelling]

[rock song on player]

♪ Don't come knockin'
On my door ♪

♪ I don't wanna see
Your shadow no more ♪

♪ 'Cause the lot
Gets hypnotized... ♪

♪ Now woman up

♪ Get away

♪ American woman

-[song cuts]
-[indistinct voices]

[Harvey] Let me take this off.

It's there.

My centerpiece.

Represents, man and a woman.

Family.

[slow rock music]

Club name is Hammer,

been part of the Boogie Down
since about 30 years.

When I first came here,
it was a nice beautiful city,

lot of houses, lot of people.

[indistinct voices]

It took a turn for the worse.

Detroit, lot of houses
are burnt out right now.

-[indistinct voices]
-[slow rock music continues]

Sometimes call it
the murder capital

of the United States,
you know what I'm sayin', so...

It's always been
crime here, it's no

denying that.

[music continues]

We range from everything,

police officers,
fire department.

[music continues]

Being a biker
is us against the world,

and people...

they can be
somethin' different here.

-[engine whining]
-[tire squealing]

You almost become a superhero

in that sense, you know
what I'm sayin', you just--

Whatever you got inside of you
that you always wanted to do...

-[engine whining]
-[tire squealing]

You can do it without
anybody botherin' you about it.

[engine whining]

You can just be you.

-[engine roaring]
-[slow rock music continues]

[man] There you have it,
ladies and gentlemen!

A complete circle
from the Boogie Down.

Right there.

[music fades]

The riding, I enjoy riding,

it's just a whole
different world

when you get
out there on that bike.

[engines rumbling]

It's just...
unexplainable, sometimes.

You know, the feeling
that it gives you.

-[upbeat rock song]
-[engines rumbling]

[Harvey] It's just a way of
letting go of everything,

whether I'm gonna
pay my mortgage or,

you know, the day-to-day,
a lot of freedom.

-[song continues]
-[engine rumbling]

[song fades]

[indistinct voices]

[Harvey] People
outside of the club have

a stereotype of bikers,

which has always been,
probably always will be.

They... label us as a gang.

-[engine rumbling]
-[rock music]

Police down there.

I guess somebody pulled over.

That blue-red... [unclear]

[Harvey] It's not
like we're angels,

you know, we've been involved
in a few things ourselves,

'cause even like I say,
we have people

of all walks of life here, so..

Some clubs are here to...
to rule the world,

and some are to just have fun,
and-- Our agenda is not to be

terrorizing the public.

And so when they see us
coming up the street,

two by two, twenty deep,
they just like,

"Some bad guys,
get out of their way."

We're firefighters,
nothin' else.

[Gilbert] We've never had
that problem with the police,

'cause they know who we are.

We've had to prove ourselves,
over and over and over again,

and every time we set up
a new chapter somewhere else,

they have to prove themselves.

We're here for the community.

We're not here for
anything else, but that.

You know, I've blown by
Detroit Police at 90,

they look at my back or...
"Axemen, let 'em go."

Not every MC

-is like that.
-[engine rumbling]

[McLaurin] 'Cause I feel bad
for those guys in Vancouver.

And it's not just Vancouver,
I've heard of other departments,

as well,

where they,
got the option, quit,

or lose your job.

Not understanding
what this guy is about,

not understanding what
his organization is about.

Here's the way
I try to explain it, right?

Just because I have a uniform on
with a badge and a name tag,

I walked in grocery stores,
and people be like,

"Officer, officer."

They ain't payin' attention.

All they see is the uniform,
and they think I'm a cop.

But what they
don't see is a gun,

they don't see a fucking

handcuff, they don't
see all that other shit,

that cops wear, right?

Only thing they
identify with is the uniform.

And so, the only thing
they identify with,

when they see firefighters
riding motorcycles,

is... a stereotypical... biker.

Right?

But, they need to
have that opportunity,

to converse with me,
and say, "Hey, no, we aren't...

what you perceive us to be,

just like,
I may look like a cop,

but if you dig a little deeper,
I'm not.

I'm just a firefighter
in a grocery store, shopping."

Yeah, so these two, but...
obviously these two, total loss.

That's where... [unclear]

[Nevin] The firefighters want to
come to work and do their job.

They wanna have
enough to do their job,

they want the equipment
to do their job.

Cities like Detroit,
maybe New York,

after what they experienced,

Toronto, Vancouver,
your bigger cities.

The jobs of public safety
had become more complicated.

There's cellphones,
there's cameras.

We have to be more responsible,

and we should be
more responsible.

We're held at a very
high level in the public,

they expect us
to act a certain way.

But when you're on
your twelfth run of the day,

and you haven't slept
and you're not thinking right,

and that you've only had
a half a cup of coffee,

you make mistakes.

[rumbling]

[rumbling crash]

And then they go,
"Well, look at that

silly guy over there,

or look at the mistake
made over there."

[rumbling crash]

That you're a jerk now,

and the Department
wants to shit all over you,

rather than
get you into treatment,

and rather help you.

This union in Detroit,

has been begging
for support for PTSD

and peer support help.

We've gotten none.

And what they'll do is,
they'll use you for pictures,

they'll stand
next to you on election day,

and they'll want your support,

and the minute it's over,
you're done.

And then
they'll cut your budget,

shut your firehouse,

and expect the guys
that are left to do more.

It's bullshit.

And it's happening
all across North America.

[engine starts]

[Cooper] There's a lot more
of media scrutiny,

obviously, we're doing this,
right now.

I mean, there's a lot more media
scrutiny than there ever was.

[engine rumbling]

And this is new
to a lot of people

that are in the Fire Service,

and it doesn't always come off
the best way possible.

Or portray us in the most--
in the-- in the best light.

And because we're--

the whole world's
been more decentralized,

through media and the internet
and everything else, it--

it can sometimes
work against us.

People were
applauding the fire trucks

when we were driving
down the street to calls,

after nine-eleven,
for a-- for a year.

We were nine hours
away from New York.

We didn't do any of the stuff
that happened down there,

but the perception
of the Fire Department changed.

[man] Why not?

Now we're down the road,

however many years
since nine-eleven,

that's gone away.

They think
we're over-paid sometimes,

they think,
you know, we're lazy,

or we're doing this,
or doing that.

That's just the way that works.

That's unfortunate,
because we were just

at a straight line,
pretty well all the time,

but the opinion can change,

based on what else
is going on around.

-[indistinct voices]
-[unsettling music]

[MacDonald] The dangers
are constant.

They should remember that,
when they see

these articles.

Come to your senses.

Remember what we're about.

Remember what we've done.

[unsettling music continues]

[Sabini] If there's
another terrorist attack...

in the city, we're there,
we're the front lines, we're...

We're the first wave,
it's gonna get, you know,

to be in it.

[cheering]

[man] We're just, literally,
arriving at our destination.

Finally.

We're, what,
three, four hours late,

but here we are.

[man 2] I got
one question for you!

Are you ready?

Your 2019 NBA champion,
Toronto Raptors!

It's the question of,

sort of balancing
what your experience is

and what your training is.

We train for these events.

We know that
there will be large crowds.

[man 3] The NBA title is yours!

The ones that make you think,

are the ones that,
being unable to

address all the issues
that happen at the time.

[man 4] They needed to create

a locker room
of respect and regard.

I wanna make sure
everybody stays calm right now.

Okay, please, stay calm.

If-- We're dealing--
I'm getting information

that we're dealing
with a situation

that's not far from here.

This is serious.

[gunshots]

[screaming]

[indistinct announcement]

[newscaster] I wanna go
to my colleague,

Shepard Smith, apparently
a shooting in Toronto?

[reporter] Reports
of woman shot,

people running from the area,
police, EMS on scene.

Unknown what the injuries are.

-[indistinct voices]
-[sirens wailing]

-[indistinct voices]
-[unsettling anticipatory music]

And we do not

stand back and wait
for a police presence

or anything else like that,
we go do it.

-[sirens wailing]
-[anticipatory music continues]

[indistinct voices]

-[sirens wailing]
-[music continues]

[tense music]

[Cooper] And there were
somewhere in the neighborhood f

249 calls in the four hours
that the event was taking place.

There was a child this morning,
before we started the event,

that was a six-month old infant,

got crushed
in the baby cares today.

Probably haven't
seen that before,

now they have that
in the back of their minds,

when they have these events,

or maybe it stays with them,
even worse than that.

Now that you're gonna
see more injuries more often,

and more gruesome injuries.

As the officer,

my concern is
to be thinking about my crew.

'Cause they're--
Those are the people

their spouses,
I have to talk to afterward.

They don't call somebody else.

[hissing]

If you're also feeling that way,

you know what, speak up,
let's talk about this.

Let's, you know,
let's talk about this,

and get some kind of...

repartee going on
amongst ourselves,

so that we can address this,

so that we don't
lose more people.

-[indistinct voices]
-[reflective music]

[engines rumbling]

[Cooper] And that's why, when
Florian's Knights were developed

and they had a goal,
you know, they had--

they knew that people
were suffering from PTSD,

and they wanted to try to do--

to help something
with that particular

rather than a big space,
because there is a space there.

[engine rumbling]

[reflective song]

[Sabini] In nine months,
unfortunately, since, you know,

we've lost the Lower
Mainland Chapter, we got

a couple of guys
start up in Boston,

London, England, and Toronto.

It's for all firefighters,
for all of us.

If people don't wanna
hear about it, or they...

they wanna
spin their truth, then,

fuck 'em.

We're gonna keep doin'

what we're doin', 'cause we know
we're doin' the right thing.

-[crackling explosions]
-[song continues]

[dispatcher indistinct]

What's up, guys?

[Nevin] Well, you know,
when you're a union guy,

you become...

There's so much coming at you,

with negotiations
and economics and stuff, that

sometimes
you forget a little bit.

You know,
when you guys came in here,

and you mentioned that
you were going to New York,

and Vancouver
and Toronto, and...

you were in Detroit, you know,

you kinda kick me in the rear
a little bit, you know, and...

So I filed this little lawsuit,
yesterday,

and it's for every single member
on the Detroit Fire Department.

I've got all their names,

I listed here
every single person.

The City's failure to

supply us with
any type of real PTSD

procedure, because,
enough is enough.

-[indistinct voice on radio]
-[reflective song continues]

[reflective song continues]

[clinking]

-[blades whirring]
-[song continues]

[Bjarnason] Well, I always knew
I'd come back to Logan,

it's one of the most
beautiful places on earth.

[reflective song continues]

And I'd rather take
my chance on the mountain,

than give my life
to the Fire Department.

-[blades whirring]
-[song continues]

[MacDonald] People
with PTSD can isolate.

Everything has to be
dealt with in your head.

[reflective song continues]

And sometimes
doesn't work out very good.

The team of one
fails and crashes,

and you can
get lost pretty quick.

-[engine rumbling]
-[song continues]

[MacDonald] And it was great
to have a fresh start,

in a sense, with the club.

I have a feeling that
they've saved my life.

[song continues]

[Stephen] I've seen PTSD
up close and personal,

and what a horrifying
thing that is. Right?

-[indistinct voices]
-[reflective song continues]

[Stephen] We talk about
the New York Florian's Knights,

about the positiveness,
that they're all about, right.

And perhaps it
needs to be maintained,

and it needs to be built up.

[engine rumbling]

[Sabini] You know,
we've been going

to other people's
events and saying hi,

but this is our chance to say,

you know, this is us,
this is what we're about.

The biker community's
coming together.

[man] Don't stay in the way.
Don't worry about it.

[Sabini] It has
nothin' to do with

how many patches
we have on our back.

That doesn't make
a motorcycle club an outlaw.

-[engines rumbling]
-[reflective music]

[Stephen] What
was going on here,

and what it represented here,
in my view...

was not a positive thing.

I-- I hope it changes, right.

I really do.

I really hope, as firefighters,

that those
particular guys can find a...

can, you know,
a good ending to their journey.

You know, but, but,
it ain't gonna be...

with those dudes.

[reflective song continues]

[Elmes] I don't hear...

Bill hasn't called me since
the day the article comes out.

I haven't seen Roddy much,

he's been struggling
and suffering with stuff,

and no one's reached out
to offer a hand,

let's put it that way.

[reflective song continues]

I really know
who my real friends are.

[reflective song continues]

[song ends]

[scratching]

[MacDonald] It's
part of the job.

But it doesn't have to be
part of the rest of your life.

If we get the proper care...

And, you know,
we're being filmed here,

and... then...

talk about how important
is my motorcycle.

I'm still dealing
with the rest of my life.

And the motorcycle
is my medicine.

-[gulls cawing]
-[surf flowing]

[Vaughn] I'm Don Vaughn, and
I'm a neuroscientist at UCLA.

I just became
fascinated with how

our hopes and dreams
and our emotions

and our behaviors
are all intertwined,

with this biology in our head.

And trying to understand
what happens, when it breaks.

When soldiers started
coming back from the war in Iraq

with extra-ordinarily
high rates of PTSD,

they didn't get
a lot of support at first.

And it took a lot of
doctors and scientists

testifying,
to actually say, "This is real,

here are the brain scans,

there's something
actually going on here,

this isn't malingering."

Sometimes change
takes hard evidence.

[crackling]

[Vaughn] So,
post September 11th,

when the whole world had seen

what these
firefighters had done,

that the extra-ordinary
actions that they take.

I think people can understand,

that when you're involved
in a really traumatic event,

like, I know, a mass shooter,

there's-- can be
an immediate stress response,

and that can cause PTSD.

I think maybe what's less clear
is that we're finding out now,

that these small,
sort of, sub-clinical traumas

that happen on a daily basis,
over years, can also,

cause a heavy toll,
and it can manifest as PTSD.

For some people,
it's anti-depressants,

and that works for them.

But that only works
for less than a third.

Cognitive behavioral therapy,

trans-cranial
magnetic stimulation,

but that only works
for another third of people.

So what about everybody else
who isn't getting treatment?

We're trying to
figure out any tool

that makes inroads for people,
that's a win for me.

[crackling]

[Maggiora] My mane is
Michael Maggiora,

and I'm the Lead
Research Technician

and Project Manager,
for this experiment,

with Doctor Vaughn.

This type of study has
never really been done before.

I mean, this is huge.

All I knew
about motorcycles, were

the Hells Angels,
the Mongols, you know,

Sons of Anarchy.

I didn't have
a lot of direct contact

with motorcycle culture,
but the media's cast it as...

bike gangs.

Hey, guys, how's it goin'?

Awesome. I'm Michael.

[Vaughn] You know, from
talking to enough motorcyclist,

we found that they would say,
"Oh, it's wind therapy."

Mike Maggiora,

-nice to meet you, Jack.
-Pleasure.

[Vaughn] And
other people would say,

that's just full of it,

you wanna go
take some turns real fast.

And you wanna
get that adrenaline rush.

Hey, Rod!

Go ahead, have a seat,
we'll get started.

[Vaughn] From my perspective,
this was a rare chance

to do science,
and discover something

that's never been able
to be looked at before.

When I put the cap on,
all I need you to do,

is just reach up and hold.

[Maggiora] We're using an EEG,

which is
an electroencephalogram.

That measures at each
of these spots around the brain,

what's the voltage,

what's the brain
activity going on.

Is anything registering?

Not yet.
We're gonna turn it on now.

[Vaughn] So we've recruited

over 50 experienced
motorcycle riders,

to do a very rigorous
and long experiment,

where they would come in,
they'd ride their own bikes.

They would drive a car,

and then they would sit in
what we call passive state,

and just see what
the baseline levels were.

We measured
their electrical brain activity,

we measured their heart rate,

we measured adrenaline levels
and cortisol levels.

The brain's always active.

There's-- It's always
processing the world around us.

One way to think about focus,
is that you're able to tune out

irrelevant information
around you.

So what we did,
was, we played tones

in the ears
while people were riding

or driving or
sitting passively,

and we looked at how
their brain processed them.

And we used that as a marker
to see how attentive they are

while they're riding,
versus when they're not riding.

[reflective music]

[Vaughn] We all
have this internal critic,

and these stock patterns
that are constantly going on.

But when you start to go
down a negative mental health

pathway, you have these
recurring traumatic thoughts,

that aren't positive,
and that can haunt you,

and there's something about

finding an activity
that captivates your brain

just enough,
where you can't let that

just continuously run,
it's really powerful.

[engine starts]

[Maggiora] I was just worried
that neuroscience didn't have

the technology and the analysis
to knock this out of the park,

that, all our fancy brain caps
would return nothing.

[reflective music continues]

[Vaughn] Honestly, it put
a fair amount of stress on me,

that I know, that people were
depending on these results,

because they're sick of getting,
you know, mocked out of the room

when they say
this works for them.

-[engine rumbling]
-[reflective music continues]

I'm gonna turn
the machine off for you.

How was your ride, Jack?
All right, man.

-Go well.
-Thank you for your time.

-Thank you.
-That was really, really great.

-Yeah. Thank you.
-[reflective music continues]

[music fades]

[Maggiora] We took
hours and hours of data

on many, many, many people,
in order to find this result.

[Vaughn] When it
comes to science,

I try and be as cold-hearted
as I can about it.

I know that sounds kinda weird,

but it's just not
the responsibility of science

to make social decisions.

Our job is discover
what's true and tell

the world, and then

society gets to decide
what to do with it.

You were talking about
hearing those beeps.

-Yeah.
-Right, and so

were you able to hear the tones

throughout
the entire experiment?

At the beginning,
I noticed them.

-Yeah.
-They would start,

and about 30 seconds in,
I'd forget about it.

So then as soon as
I hit that went away,

I off, I was riding again.

Kind of... evolved into
it getting to be a normal ride.

That they diminished
in their presence.

We found, that
in the auditory cortex,

it actually shows
a reduced response

to this irrelevant information,
while riding a motorcycle.

Meaning,
that the brain is so focused,

it doesn't tune in
to what doesn't matter.

When we look at changes
in hormone levels, we see a...

increase in testosterone

while riding a motorcycle,
and a decrease

in the stress-related hormone,
known as cortisol.

That tells us that
just 20 minutes riding,

somehow produces
a physiological effect

that actually reduces
these metrics of stress.

Studies find that individuals
diagnosed with PTSD

have an 80 percent
higher likelihood

of having
another mental disorder,

from depression
to substance abuse.

We can at least
try evidence-based therapies

that have been shown
to be effective,

that really can
reduce the symptoms,

maybe eliminate them.

-[engine rumbling]
-[reflective ending music]

[music fades]