Original subtitles

[film projector whirring]

[creepy electronic music]

[dramatic music] [thunder rumbling]

- Kilowatt hour,

sauce be a thicken,

[guns firing]

Knick knack paddy whack,

bucket of chicken.

Will you hurry the fuck up?

- You wanna read this shit?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Shut the hell up and let me concentrate.

- I don't know how much longer we can hold 'em off.

I'm runnin' out of ammo.

[ghostly laughing]

I'm out, cover me!

[gun firing]

[screaming]

[policeman yelling]

[ghostly laughing]

- Shit!

[dolls laughing]

Fuck!

- Where the hell are you goin'?

- Hey, Gowdy!

Goddamn little bastards got him.

[coughing]

Goddammit, I really let you down this time,

didn't I, partner?

- Yeah ya did, you fuckin' dick, I told you to cover me.

[laughing]

Tell Maria I love her.

- Actually, while we're on the subject of Maria,

I've been always wantin' to ask you this.

In case somethin' ever happened to you

or you got killed on the force or some kind of accident,

if it would be all right with you if me and--

- You touch her, I'll cut your fuckin' dick off.

[George coughing] - Oh, it's kinda hard

to understand what you're tryin' to say, George.

You're coughin' up blood everywhere.

But I think I know what you're tryin' to say.

You're trying to say that it's all right

if can get with Maria

because you want her to live on and be happy.

- No! - God bless you, George.

- Fuck you. [coughing]

[thunder rumbling]

- Rest in peace, compadre.

- Would you get your hungry, hungry

honky-lookin' ass over here and help a nigger out?

- Don't worry about it.

- Yeah, I see how well that worked for your partner there.

Lookin' like an all-you-can-eat plate from a sushi bar.

[growling]

Shit.

[wind blowing]

- What the hell was that?

Just finish the passage Darius, finish the passage.

Now, god damn it, now.

- I can't believe I got dragged into this bullshit.

Turn around four times,

and shake the wand,

until the seaweed wrap falls.

[yelling]

[screaming]

[glass shattering]

[creepy electronic music]

[crowd murmuring]

- And so, I was like, no grandma,

I don't have any one-size-fits-all condoms.

- This band is awesome, huh?

- Dude, that chick has eyeball-fuckin' the shit out of me.

- Damn, which one?

Dude, I'm not gonna lie, they're pretty hot.

- She's the one turned around right now.

She'll look this way, you'll see.

- Oh!

- At least now we know where the wild things went.

- No, that shit cray.

- Don't be a dick.

- Yeah guys, she probably has a nice personality.

- Yes, she has to.

She's disgusting, look at her.

- Yeah, there's no sugar-coating that.

- Erica.

- What, would it kill her

to at least try and look a little decent?

- Fuck you.

She is a fuckin' 10. - Oh, no no no no no,

that girl is not, she's a 10,

she's a zero, and minus a couple,

so she's like a negative three.

No, I'm serious.

- No, shut the fuck up, Mark.

She's fuckin' hot.

And I am gonna go get her number,

and we are gonna smash.

So, don't wait up for me.

- And here we go again. - Go get her tiger.

- You gonna stop him this time?

- No, he deserves it.

- This time?

How often does he do this?

- All the freakin' time.

- It's actually pretty funny.

- No, not when you're taking him home.

- Okay, well hey,

whenever he realizes the truth,

and decides to blame it on us,

at least we can say that we warned him.

So there, again my friends,

I ask you to question what is the difference

between jelly and jam?

- Great.

- What, what's wrong?

- Nothing, do you guys want to get out of here?

- Yes, please, this party is boring.

- Yeah, there are definitely like a million things

right now that I'd rather be doing.

- No no no, seriously, what's wrong?

- Ian's here.

- Okay, where is he?

I'm gonna beat him up.

- No guys, come on, let's not make a scene,

let's just go.

Is there anything else that we can go do?

- Actually, yeah there is.

- Okay, I'm not into orgies Allison.

I just want to find this Ian guy

and beat the shit out of him. - Beat him up?

That's pretty funny Mark. - And you're gonna help me.

- No I'm not.

- Yes you are.

- All right, guys,

check this shit out.

Found it in my mom's closet.

- Did you find Satan in there too?

Damn Allison, that's creepy, where'd you get that?

- It's an old witchcraft book.

- Can I see that real quick? - Yeah sure, check it out.

It's got all kinds of crazy shit in there.

Spells, potions.

- Oh dude, yeah.

- Ancient recipes. - She's not lying,

she was telling me about this.

There's apparently a potion in there

that rots a guy's balls off.

- Whoa, whoa whoa, never do that to me please.

- Actually, I found a spell in there

about how to conjure up spirits.

- Okay, who taught her that word?

- Okay, how can you read this?

This is literally a bunch of shit.

- Well, my mom was a Wiccan,

so I picked up a thing or two over the years.

Oh my God, why don't we all go to that abandoned factory,

and see if we can conjure up some ghosts?

- Okay look, I don't want to rain on your parade,

but take your book, and I don't want to go to that factory,

because it seems pretty creepy.

- Yeah, I'm with Mark.

That place is probably crawling with bugs,

and you all know, I don't do bugs.

- Well, you seem to do everybody else.

- I'm down.

- Hey, I say, why the hell not? Let's do it.

- [Woman] Yeah I'll go.

- Are you all serious?

- Yeah, it actually sounds pretty exciting,

and I've always wanted to see a ghost, so let's go.

- Do we even know if this place is haunted?

- That's what I hear.

- I mean dude, I've heard a couple of ghost stories

myself about the place.

I say we do it.

- Hold on, somebody's got to get that idiot

away from that man thing, or else she's gonna rape him.

- Oh God, Derrick don't, don't kiss her.

Don't do it.

Oh, god damn it.

We've gotta get him.

[muffled]

- I'll call you okay?

- Dude, what the fuck is your problem?

- What the fuck did you say to me, bitch?

- I said, what the fuck is your problem man?

- What's wrong Kay? You should be happy to see me.

- Ian, really, just leave us alone, okay?

We're leaving.

- Wow, you know it's amazing

how quickly you change your mind about things.

But seriously, you choose this guy over me,

this douchebag?

- Douchebag, huh?

- Yeah.

- Look Ian, it's obvious that she doesn't want you anymore.

Just get the fuck out of here.

- All right cunt,

I wasn't even fuckin' talking to you, bitch.

- Hey bitch.

[crosstalk]

- Any time you want.

- You better fuckin' leave before

I knock you the fuck out, bro.

- Yeah, okay well let me give you a word of advice, okay?

How about you invest in a leash okay?

Because when your bitch is in heat,

she's gonna come running to me, you hear me?

- Yeah I hear you.

[confused shouting]

[eerie electronic music]

- So, what now?

- We find a good spot to set up.

Then we begin.

[soft eerie music]

- You don't think this is a bit much?

- Hey, if you're gonna do something,

then you'd better do it right.

- Ain't that the truth?

- All right, so who's gonna be the human sacrifice?

No seriously, you know this calls for a sacrifice, right?

- Looks like you just volunteered yourself, babe.

- Don't touch me.

- Seriously, he's right.

It does call for a human sacrifice.

I'm just kidding.

According to the book though,

in order for this to work,

everyone has to do exactly what I say.

- All right.

Well if I gotta beat off,

any one of you guys,

except for you Mark, love you man.

- Love you too.

- I'm doing it.

- Real mature.

Okay, so it says we all have to hold each others' hands,

to make a bond within the inner circle.

It says that then we have to recite this passage,

in order to make a connection with the spirits.

Is everyone ready?

- Actually guys, I think Erica and I are about to head out.

- Seriously?

You can't keep it in your pants for like another hour?

- No, we can't.

You see Allison, when a man and woman

are attracted to each other,

they feel the need to express this

in a little physical action.

- Wow Blake, that was really sophisticated.

It's great.

- Fuck you, Mark. - Looks like you'll be doing

all the fuckin' tonight my friend.

- Oh my God Mark, you're so immature.

Trust me, we're not going to be doing any of that tonight.

We just want some alone time,

to get to know each other a little better.

- Of course baby, sure we can.

- You're sure you don't want to stay?

- I would, but, I've waited so long for this,

you know that.

And plus, it'll make me that much more popular

when I'm hooking up with the star quarterback.

- All right, just be safe.

Call me later?

- Of course.

- Okay, now is everyone ready?

You sure about that?

No one else has the sudden urge just to go fuck?

- Well, if you insist Allison,

then I shall fuck you.

- Oh my God, whatever.

All right, let's all join hands.

- FYI, that's my beat-off hand.

- Gross.

Whatever, let's do this.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Sorry.

[speaking in foreign language]

- I'm sorry, this is too much.

The little pentagon, -gram thing here in the middle,

and you speaking Greekinese.

- Lick my nuts.

Bitch.

- Are you guys gonna continue being asses,

or could we finish?

- All right, all right.

[speaking in foreign language]

[thunder rumbling]

[thunder rumbling]

- Damn Allison, what the hell did you eat earlier?

- Shut up.

- Guys, I think we made a connection.

You feel that, right?

- Yeah, I know.

I'm starting to feel something.

It's like a,

it's like a tingling.

In my nuts.

- That's it, I'm done, this is stupid.

- No, seriously.

Kay's right.

I do feel something here with us.

- Are you kidding me?

All right I'm leaving, who's going with me?

- Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with Mark.

This was a fucking waste of time.

- Exactly.

Hey Derrick, you coming with us, man?

All right, I'm taking that as a yes, let's go, all right?

- Okay really?

You're just gonna leave the girls here

to fend for themselves in an abandoned factory?

- You'll be fine, you got Allison

and all your little ghost friends, you'll be good.

- You guys are so lame.

[baby giggling]

[distant laughing]

- You guys heard that, right?

- Yeah.

- Let me see that book, Allison.

Let me see the book.

See what kind of shit you got us into, Allison?

- Guys.

- That sounded like laughing, didn't it?

- Guys.

- Yeah like a child laughter.

- Shh, dude.

Guys look.

- Where the hell did that come from?

- [Kay] Okay, I'm honestly freaked out now.

- It's fine, there's like a whole room

full of them over there, it's okay.

- Yeah, he's right.

This place must have been a doll factory.

Derrick, don't touch that.

- Check it out.

- Okay, I know he's drunk and all, guys,

but that shit is just wrong on so many different levels.

- You like that you dirty little slut?

- That wasn't very polite, mister.

- What the fuck?

[Derrick screaming]

- [Doll] Who's the dirty slut now?

You fellas want to play, too?

[screaming]

Wait, come back.

I'm coming back.

- [Mark] Fuck, watch out.

[screaming]

- You guys are going, I got this.

- Absolutely not.

- Seriously, get the hell out of here.

- Is it bad?

- Well, it's not good.

- Oh fuck!

- Come on Allison, get up,

let's get you out of here, come on.

- It's over there.

- Holy shit!

- That's Tammy.

- Mark, no no no, we don't have time for this,

we have to go.

- Our friends are dying.

- We can't do anything for them right now,

we have to go to the police.

- What, and tell them dolls are killing them?

- Mark, we really don't have time for this,

please, we have to go, please.

Please?

- [Mark] Holy shit!

Fuck you!

[tires squealing]

- [Doll] Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot.

I'm sorry, sincerely.

- Fuck off!

- You know, a young lady such as yourself

shouldn't be using such nasty language.

- Oh yeah?

Fuck you!

- I'm not so sure the Master's gonna like you.

- The Master?

- You'll meet him soon enough.

[screaming]

She's all yours, Master.

Another soul for the collection.

[laughing]

- What are you doing?

- Calling Erica. She needs to know what's going on.

- Erica, seriously?

- I'm not gonna lose another friend, Mark.

- It's Erica, she's kind of a whore, no one likes her.

- Seriously? Really?

Damn it, it went to voicemail.

- Well that's a surprise, I wonder what they're doing?

- Ah, yeah, honey honey.

- Get up your reps, don't talk.

- Erica, when you get this message,

I need you to stay inside

and lock all of your doors and windows,

something very, very bad is happening.

Just call me when you get this, I'll explain everything.

My phone's about to die.

All right, let's go.

You coming?

- Yeah, yeah.

- All you bitches freeze, I'm Deputy Donnie Harris,

and I'm about to lay down the law.

I'm gonna shake your ass bitch.

Can I help you?

- Yes, okay, I'm really not sure how to tell you this,

but we really need your help, our friends are in danger.

- Danger?

What kind of danger?

- Donnie, we talked about you being loud

when you play with your fuckin' toys.

What's all the god damn ruckus?

- Sir, these kids came in here,

and said their friends are in some kind of danger.

- Is that right?

This ain't some kind of cute little

half-ass Halloween prank, is it?

- No, no sir it's not a prank.

We really need your help, our friends.

- Ma'am, ma'am, calm down.

I can't understand what you're saying

when you talk that fast.

Now take a deep breath,

and slowly tell me what happened.

- Me, and my boyfriend Mark,

and a few of our friends,

we were down at the factory, down the road.

- What!

Did you just say?

- She said we were at the factory.

- My hearing's a little off.

I'm gettin' on in years.

Now could you run that by me one more time, ma'am.

- We were at the factory down the road.

- What the fuck were you doin' down there?

You ain't got no business goin' in there.

Are you fuckin' stupid?

- That's a great way to talk to people, isn't it?

So, I guess you're not gonna help us, are you?

- No, no we ain't helpin' you at all.

Just get the fuck out of this station, right now.

- Are you serious?

- Sheriff, I think we need to saddle up.

- I think you need to shut the fuck up and sit down, Donnie.

- Sir, you don't understand.

- I understand perfectly well, Missy.

You two little peckerwoods been sticking your dicks

in places they don't belong.

- What part of help do you not understand?

Are you seriously that stupid?

- Hey man.

- Maybe, but I still ain't helping you.

Now get the fuck out of my town.

- We live in this town, you idiot.

- You do?

- Yes. - Shit.

All right.

Well then just get on home, the both of you.

It's where you belong anyway.

- [Kay] What about our friends?

- We'll take care of it.

Just get on home.

And don't go anywhere near that factory,

if I see you, or you, anywhere near that place,

I'll arrest you, you understand me?

- I got you loud and clear.

You fuckin' douchebag.

- Here here, you want a candy corn.

- Come on Kay, let's get out of here.

- I don't really like this kid.

Hey, run that tone with me one more time, boy.

- This tone? I'll give this tone to you all night,

and come over here and I'll punch you in the face.

- And I'll shoot your little dick off,

would you like that?

Hey, Count Fagula,

don't let the door hit your pussy on the way out.

- Sheriff, why do you get so upset

when they bring up that god damn doll factory?

- Just pull around the patrol car, Donnie.

- Shit.

- How much sugar you had today?

- [Donnie] Just some of that candy corn there.

- What about them sugar plum cherries

I saw you eatin' this morning?

- You all had some of them too, shit.

- Peckerhead.

- That guy was a dick.

- Did you notice how weird he acted

when we brought up the doll factory?

It was like he was trying to hide something.

- Yeah he was, he was trying to hide something.

It seems like people been doing that a lot lately.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Well I got some text messages,

and I was hoping you'd explain them to me.

- Okay, really Mark?

Now is not the time, you know peoples' lives are in danger.

So if you could just hold off

on our relationship problems for a little while?

- Relationship problems?

Well that's good, I'm glad we still have a relationship.

- Okay, fine.

I hung out with Ian a couple of weeks ago.

- Are you fucking kidding me?

- But that's it, nothing happened.

- Well obviously something happened.

- No, nothing happened,

so can we please focus on what's important here?

- Yeah, let's focus, focus on our relationship, or anything,

it's not a big deal.

- Okay, when there's fucking killer baby dolls

running around killing people,

yeah I'd say that our relationship

really isn't the most important thing, Mark.

- Okay, geez.

So what do we do?

Do we go back to the factory, or what?

- No, you heard what he said.

If he catches us at the factory,

he's gonna throw us in jail.

- So we let our friends die?

That's cool.

- We need to be smart about this.

We need to know exactly what we're dealing with.

- It had to have been the ritual.

We must have woken up some sort of evil ghost.

Something.

- Did you happen to grab the book?

- Miguel had the book.

- Well there goes any chance we had at finding the answers.

- It was full of gibberish,

there's no way you could have read it anyway,

so just settle down.

- I have an idea.

We can go back to my house,

get on my brother's computer,

and see what we can find from there.

- Okay, all right let's go.

Because every time we waste.

- Yeah, and go. - Our friends are gonna die,

and I don't want our friends to die.

- Okay, yes, I know.

- Every second, they're dying.

- I'm going.

- [Mark] And now, I guess another one died.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

[thunder rumbling]

- [Master] Good job, my children.

You are making your Master proud.

But I need more souls.

Go into town and collect me more souls.

Go, give me more.

- Dude, that party was sick.

- Who says it has to stop?

- Ah, there is a God, finally.

It takes you this long to take out the beer, dude.

- So I think Kay told her boyfriend

about all that shit you all did.

- Who gives a fuck all right?

Number one, he's a cheap item.

Number two, it's just a matter of time

before she's sucking my dick again.

Give me a fuckin' beer.

- Dude, calm down, we're driving.

- Dude, chill the fuck out,

I've been driving since we had white presidents.

[banging] [horn beeping]

- What the fuck was that? - You hit a dog or something?

- To tell you the truth,

I don't know what the fuck is going on.

Right now I'm fucked up.

- Man we should probably see

if Ian's fucking killed something.

Hey, where the hell you going?

- Where does it look like I'm going,

I've gotta piss like a motherfucker.

That shit's starting to hit me now.

[doll squeaking]

That felt weird.

Oh dude, that's not cool.

[doll yelling]

- Dude, fuck this, let's just go man.

Bryce?

Hey come on before the cops show up, dude.

- Where the hell's Bryce at?

- I thought he said he was gonna go take a piss?

- He was there two seconds ago.

[doll laughing]

What the hell was that?

[dolls laughing maniacally]

- Shit!

[dolls yelling]

- Fuck!

Fuck, dude!

No!

[dolls yelling]

Shit!

[dolls munching]

- Shut the fuck up.

Oh, hm, gee guys, how do you work this fancy contraption?

- Put the key in the ignition, dumbass.

Who let this woman drive?

[car starting]

- Okay, now what?

- Looky here.

I got the gas.

- I'll say.

- I'll fix the brake.

It's good to go.

- [Doll] I got window.

- [Doll] Shotgun!

- [Doll] How in the hell am I supposed to buckle up?

- [Doll] Just put [muffled].

[dolls chattering]

[techno music]

- Yeah.

- Melvin?

- Melvin, I thought you were going out tonight.

- I have better things to do

than to parade around in some ridiculous costume,

like a homeless person,

begging for malnutritious food from strangers.

- Better things, as in play video games and talk to nobody.

- If you must know, I'm playing

Demon Slaughter with Delaney, thank you very much.

- Okay, we really don't care about your online girlfriend.

- No, my long-distance girlfriend.

- Is your long-distance girlfriend's name,

Serial Rapist 69?

Is that right?

- Where's mom and dad?

- Down the street at the neighbor's party.

- Okay, we'll need to warn them too.

I need to use your computer for a second. It's an emergency.

- Well wait, don't get on there.

- [Kay] Oh, Melvin, gross!

- Nice tits.

- You weren't supposed to see that,

would you both please get out of my room?

- Okay look, here's the deal.

Either you're gonna let me use the computer real quick,

or I'm gonna tell mom and dad that

you were looking at facial blasters dot com.

- That's low, sister.

- It's your call, little bro.

- You get 10 minutes.

Oh nothing, scrumptialumpkins,

that was just my annoying sister

and her idiot boyfriend barging into my room.

No, dear, no,

she said fatal masters dot com, it's an online MMO.

Don't worry, buttercup,

you're the only one I'll ever need.

- This is weird.

- [Mark] What's wrong?

- [Kay] It's not finding anything.

- Well, try to reword it or something.

- This makes no sense, Mark.

Nothing.

Hey Melvin, you're good at hacking into stuff, right?

- My services are not currently available.

- Seriously?

- Please try back on Monday.

- All right, well I guess I'll just go talk to mom and dad.

- All right, all right, all right, geez.

How old are we, 12?

Get up.

[joints cracking]

What do you want me to hack into?

- Try getting into the city's personal archives.

See if there's anything about a doll factory.

- You mean that creepy factory down the road?

- Yeah.

- I thought it was a whorehouse.

[keyboard clicking]

Oh yeah, who's awesome?

This guy.

- What did you find?

- The real question, sister,

is what didn't I find?

Let's see, according to this archived document,

the factory opened in 1954,

under a Russian immigrant named, Yegor Zakael--

I don't know, let's see.

Not much else stated here.

It says the factory shut down in 1957,

but doesn't give any reasoning.

- That's crazy, it's like no one

ever talks about this place.

- That's all it says?

- Looks like it.

Oh wait, look at this.

It's dated 1976.

This guy named Darius Grumley,

he's claiming that here that

some kind of evil paranormal activity

was going on at the doll factory.

It says that he was brought in

by local law enforcement officers to perform a ritual

that would send evil spirits back from whence they came,

but then it goes off.

- Rituals, paranormal dealings?

This is the guy we need to talk to.

Can you get his address for us?

It looks like we're gonna be paying Mister Grumley a visit.

- I know you're excited, but we need to calm down.

The old man's probably asleep right now,

let him get some sleep.

- Mark, we don't have a choice.

We have to put a stop to this before more people get hurt.

- Found it, I'll print it out for you.

- Thanks, little bro.

I owe you one.

- So, are you both gonna explain to me what's going on here?

Why do you need all this information?

Why is it such an emergency?

- Okay, I'm not really sure how to tell you this, but--

- Okay, Melvin, okay,

earlier tonight we went out to the factory

with a few friends,

and we said a few things out of a book,

and now we've got baby dolls running around killing people.

- Wow Mark, thank you for explaining that so delicately.

[laughing]

- Killer baby dolls?

Oh dear.

I'm afraid that all that alcohol,

and pot smoking, has caused

your already feeble little minds to diminish even further.

- Hey Melvin,

if you don't stop talking like that,

I'll diminish your face myself.

- Your words cannot hurt me.

- We got the address so let's go.

- I will take this,

because you cannot be trusted,

at all.

So I'm gonna keep it right here in my pocket,

and let's go.

- What could that have been?

Maybe it's the killer baby dolls, oh.

- Melvin do you have any weapons in this room?

- Good sir, I'll have you know I'm quite the pacifist.

- Why can't you just say no, like a normal person, man?

Fuck yeah!

- Hands off, barbarian!

- Dude, it's just a sword.

- A sword?

That good sir, is the almighty weapon of the ancient hero,

blessed by her grace to defend her people

once in power to the free state of [muffled].

- Yeah, I really don't give a shit,

so I'm just gonna go ahead and take this sword.

- Oh just leave the sword, he's real sensitive about it.

He'll keep crying, just stop.

It's okay Melvin.

- All right fine, are you coming with me?

- You coming Melvin?

- Sure sister.

Right behind you.

[screaming]

Guys, I saw it, I saw it,

I saw one.

They're real.

- I'm sorry, get up.

We gotta be quiet, come on.

[soft suspenseful orchestral music]

- How can a doll be alive?

- Shut up Melvin.

- I mean the logistics, they just don't add up.

- Melvin, it's working, shut up.

- Although there was this one theory--

- I swear to you Melvin, if you don't shut your mouth,

I'm gonna shatter your kneecaps and kill you myself.

[rustling]

Shit.

It's in the cabinet.

[doll screaming]

[squealing]

That's it.

[doll screaming]

- [Kay] Mark, the oven!

- Melvin, over here.

[doll whimpering]

What's so funny, huh?

- You're all going to burn in hell.

[laughing]

- [Mark] That's it.

You're done.

- [Doll] No, no!

[screaming]

- What?

The bastard had it coming, right?

- Okay, let's just get cleaned up,

I'm so done with this whole situation.

[doll screaming]

My fucking girlfriend died.

Let's go.

- I may need to borrow some clothes, Melvin.

- I think not,

fucker.

- Seriously?

- I think you look cute.

- I don't find this funny at all, so.

- What ails you Mark?

For the first time in your life,

you actually look like a gentleman.

- Thanks Melvin, appreciate it.

Keep that in mind.

[wind blowing]

[thunder rumbling]

- [Sheriff] You have the light?

- [Donnie] I got it.

- [Sheriff] All right, come on.

[thunder clapping]

- God damn boss,

so you wanna tell me what really happened up here?

- Well, this whole place used to be

a flourishing doll factory,

until that Halloween night back in '54.

Crazy ass Russky that used to run the place,

Yegor I think his name was,

decided to go on a little killing spree,

and killed his whole god damned staff.

- Jesus Christ boss, that shit really happened?

- Yeah, I hate to say it, Donnie.

The old legends are true.

Ever since the incident,

the town's been trying like hell

to keep the whole legend of the doll factory under wraps.

Reckon they're doing a good job, too.

I'm the only one left alive to remember it.

But if I were you,

keep that sidearm handy,

and stick close to me, you know what I mean?

- Yes, sir.

- Let's go.

- Oh, that was amazing.

- I know, I should get paid for this shit.

- I'm so glad you're staying the whole night, tonight.

- Stay the night?

I don't think your parents would like that.

- My mom's probably off trashed somewhere.

She won't be home any time soon.

- Okay, but what about your dad?

Your dad wouldn't approve of this.

- My dad left me when I was a baby.

Look, we will be fine.

- That explains a lot.

- What does?

- Nothing, damn.

- Where are you going?

- What, are you writing a fucking book?

- Well, would you like me to

prepare for round two?

- Guess there's nothing else to do right now,

so might as well.

- Damn it Blake.

- Hey, where's the TP at?

I'm about to dominate this bathroom.

- What's TP?

- Toilet paper.

- I don't know, check the cabinet.

- It's like I'm babysitting a fucking child.

[soft eerie music]

- Thought you could get away from me, huh?

Mom?

Seriously?

Where did you go?

I saw you.

[chomping]

[doll laughing]

[pooping]

[chuckling]

- That is sick.

Left you a present, Erica.

Man, I would fuck the shit out of that girl.

[rustling]

What the fuck was that?

What's going on?

- Man, talk about explosive orgasm.

Ew, what's for dinner?

[doll screaming]

- Well, are you ready?

- Do you really think I can do this?

- Yes, you can, we've all done it.

- All right, all right.

- And don't run away after you knock this time.

- I'm not gonna run this time,

just gonna knock and do my thing.

Okay.

- Where'd the little trick or treaters go?

- Down here Miss.

Trick or treat.

- Oh, I think I've had too much to drink.

- I've come for your soul.

- You are too late for that,

my husband got that 20 years ago.

- I said, give me your soul.

- Tell you what,

I'm gonna give you some candy, okay?

Just one minute.

Here you go.

You gotta go on home, it is getting dark.

- [Doll] Okay, I'll see you later.

- So, what happened?

- I didn't get her soul.

- Cheer up, I got an idea.

[laughing]

- What the hell?

[explosion]

- So I found out the bitch gave me gonorrhea.

It's all right.

- How did we even start talking about that?

- We were talking about my cat shitting in my shoes.

- Your cat shits in your shoes?

- Yeah, it's like the bitch,

that's where she likes to shit.

I got the bitch the box, you know, they box they shit in.

And she keeps hacking up her fuckin',

in the left shoe she hacked up a hairball,

in the right shoe, she shits in it.

- That's no accident man.

Animals do that kind of shit.

- Take a hit of that bud.

- They think we think that they're not doing it on purpose,

but I know that little fucker's doing it.

I had this dachshund.

- Yeah.

- He shit all over my house.

And then I started shitting all over the house,

because I was just like,

I'm gonna have to clean it up anyway.

- Yeah, so you might as well, just go on ahead.

I agree man.

You ever stuck a squirrel in your ass?

Shit!

- Fuck.

- Huh?

- Am I shot?

Did I get shot?

I thought Chris was shootin'.

Is that a fucking doll?

That just, who threw the doll through the window, Freddy?

- You gotta be shitting me.

- You fuckin' piece of shit,

you know how much bark I'm gonna have to flip

to fix that goddamn window?

My mom's gonna kill me,

she's already mad at me 'cause I ran through the fuckin'--

- [Doll] Sorry man.

- I'm gonna fuck you up, doll.

I'm fuckin', you want to jump this bitch?

Wanna jump her?

- Hey hey hey.

- I'm not scared to hit a female, I'm fine.

- Whoa, I think he wants to smoke.

- Wants to smoke what?

What we're smoking?

- Look at him eyeing that piece man.

Look at that. - You wanna smoke with us?

- You down, you DTS?

- You wanna smoke?

- Yeah?

- Bring your bitch ass the fuck over here then.

- Fuckin' A, dude.

- Fuck the window.

[bong bubbling]

- That's some good shit.

- How do you piss?

You ain't got no genitalia, you a fuckin' doll.

- I'm too fucked up to answer questions like that.

Don't even fucking talk to me like that, just let me smoke.

[bong bubbling]

- What are you doing here in the first place?

Why did you bust through the window, man?

- Well, actually, I was planning to come in here

and kill the both of you guys,

and bring your souls back to the Master.

- Fuckin' metal.

It's a metal little fuckin' guy.

- I like that.

- Yes I know, but don't worry guys,

Reggie don't feel like killin',

Reggie just feels like chillin'.

[thunder rumbling]

- Hey boss?

[screaming]

- Shit, you scared the bejesus out of me.

- These batteries are dead.

- Your fuckin' brain is dead.

- Boss, I've been from one side of this place

to the other, everything's locked up, secured,

ain't no sign of no one.

- You're sure?

- Well hell yeah, I'm sure.

- Good enough for me.

Let's get the hell out of here.

- So we can go?

- Hell yeah, we can go.

God damn it, I ended up gettin' fucked.

You have no idea how happy I am right now, do you?

You should have seen your face, man.

- Sir, we've got company.

- You gotta be shittin' me.

Here, hold this.

- This is Amy Wilborn, reporting live,

outside the abandoned doll factory,

where eyewitnesses have reported--

- All right, all right, show's over, show's over.

Just pack your shit up and get out,

right now, nothing to see here, come on.

- What the hell do you think you're doing?

- My name is Bart Barclay, I'm county sheriff,

and I'm asking both of you

to get off the premises right now.

There's nothing to see here, just pack your shit up and go.

Is that easy, move, now now.

- How about you get your fat ass out of my shot,

and let me do my god damn job?

How's that sound,

porky?

- I don't rightly like your tone, ma'am.

- Well I don't like your fat ass all up in my shot.

- She's not playing, sir.

She really gets pissed when she doesn't get her shot.

- I don't give a flyin' fuck

what this bitch don't like, pencil dick.

I'm asking the both of you

to get the fuck off the premises, right now.

Get the fuck off that damn camera.

- Oh, no no no.

- All right, all right,

I understand what's going on here.

The both of you, you and you,

have done pissed me off, royally pissed me off.

Pissed me the hell off.

I'm not gonna [muffled].

- Can you believe this guy?

Fucking hillbilly.

This is why I hate coming out to these hick-ass towns.

- You still filmin' boy?

All right.

Now I have asked you both, politely,

to get off the premises.

Now, I'm gonna ask you both one more time.

Will you please pack up your shit,

and get off the property?

- Not a chance in hell.

- Is that your final answer?

- Yep.

- That's all I needed to hear.

Bye bye.

- Oh my God!

Did you try and taser me?

- I tried, Donnie!

What the fuck is this?

- Please tell me you got this on film.

I'm totally gonna sue his ass.

- Oh, good luck, bitch.

I have video statement of you,

resisting my authority,

and I am now obligated by law,

to take the both of you peckerwoods into jail.

- Yeah, he's full of shit.

Make sure you get all of this.

I'm taking this to my lawyers in the morning.

- Donnie, get me a god damn taser that works,

this shit ain't working.

[screaming]

- Oh shit!

- This is a waste of time, this guy's probably asleep.

- Okay, well we don't really have a choice,

because he's the only one that's gonna know any answers.

[knocking on door]

- Who the hell is that?

Who's idea was it to be Santa Claus for Halloween.

Santa fucking Claus for Halloween!

What kind of crappy shit is this?

Oh shit.

This ain't good.

- I don't feel comfortable here.

- And why is that?

- Because we're in the middle of the ghetto.

I stick out like a sore thumb.

- Well if you didn't wear your pants to your nipples,

you wouldn't stick out so much.

- Do not mock me because I have proper etiquette.

- You really need to get laid.

- I'm working on it.

Kay, as your brother, I demand that you shut up

your slightly mentally-challenged,

and un-original boyfriend,

before I'm compelled to resort to physical force.

- You did not tell me he's a badass.

You're a badass, you know that?

- Is that a real beard?

- What the hell do you want?

I ain't got no candy for your bitch asses,

what the hell you want?

- Mister Grumley?

- Yeah, that's the name they got tattooed to my ass,

what is it to you, heifer?

- Hey, no need to talk like that, man.

- Back off from me, boy.

- Is this guy for real?

- Mister Grumley, we really need to talk to you.

It's very important.

- What the hell you want from me?

I told you I ain't got no candy for your punk asses.

God damn, didn't your parents teach you

about trick or treatin' in the god damn hood?

[siren blaring] [cat meowing]

Hey, I said not now, I'll feed you in a minute.

[cat meowing]

God damn it, if you don't shut the hell up,

I'm gonna drop you in the cat food bag,

and drop your ass down that god damn garbage disposal.

You still hungry now, motherfucker?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Run your ass back into that kitchen.

God damn cat thinks he owns this place.

What the hell do you want?

I ain't got no candy for your punk asses.

- Please, Mister Grumley, it's about the doll factory.

- You say doll factory?

- Yes, we really need answers,

and we know that you've had a previous experience there,

so please, can we please come in.

- Oh, all right, all right, come on, come on in here,

before you get your ass shot.

May I remind you, you're in the hood?

[siren blaring]

- Yeah, I saw that.

- One more word out of you, boy.

I'm gonna find a garbage disposal

and a cat food bag for your ass, too.

- Thank you sir, for kindly inviting us

into your humble home.

- Get your ass in here, boy,

before I put my foot up your ass.

Youngsters, coming and knocking on my door at midnight.

[sirens blaring]

What do you want to know?

Come on, speak up, I ain't got all day.

- Night.

- What?

- It's nighttime, not daytime.

- Stop killin' comedy, boy.

- Okay, Mister Grumley,

so we might have awoken the evil spirits

that were residing at the doll factory.

- Oh Lordy, why do white folks

always gotta be doing dumb shit?

For the love of God.

- Well, we didn't know.

We had no idea that anything ever happened there before.

- Oh but you know now, don't you?

You done fucked up everything.

Do you know how long it took us

to get rid of those little bastards?

- Well, how do we get rid of them?

- First, you gotta get rid of old Yegor.

He's the one controlling those little damn dolls.

- He's the dollmaker, right?

- [Darius] Yeah, that crazy bastard.

- Well, how do we get rid of him?

- I don't know, some ancient passage or some shit,

hell if I know, it's been a while.

- Ancient passage, maybe out of an old book?

- Yeah.

Why?

- We had a book like that, earlier.

- Wait wait, hold the hell up, wait wait.

You say you had a book like that?

What did that book look like?

- It was kind of old looking,

and it had some sort of demon face on it.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh children!

You shouldn't have fucked with that book.

That was Yegor's book.

- Are you serious?

- No, I'm Darius fucking Grumley.

And damn right I'm serious.

That was the book that Yegor wrote all that crazy shit in.

You know, real superstitious,

real voodoo-type black magic shit.

- Okay, so he was into black magic?

So what is his motive?

Like, what is he trying to accomplish with these dolls?

- Hell if I know.

You know I got a fresh pitcher of purple juice

over there in the kitchen, I just made some.

Who would like some?

- I don't like purple.

- I would love a cup.

- Why don't you have a fresh cup of shut the fuck up.

- Okay, so I'm assuming that this book

is the same book that you used

the first time that you encountered Yegor's spirit,

and put a stop to the dolls, right?

- Yeah.

Never thought I'd have to hear this again

in a million years.

You know you should have left that buried

in that shit hole where we left it the first time.

How'd you kids get a hold of it?

- Our friend actually brought it to the party we went to,

and she said she found it in her mom's closet.

- So, Mister Grumley, if you don't mind me asking,

how did you get involved in all this back in 1976?

- Either that or go to jail for 50 years.

A real deal there.

- Okay, so what you're telling me

is you know how to read this book?

- Yeah, I'm probably the only motherfucker

in this entire county,

who knows how to read that dribble-drabble.

That's why the po-pos needed my ass.

Shit if I knew what would happen last time

was gonna happen,

I would have probably thought jail

would have probably been a better alternative.

- Guys, look.

They're talking about it on the news.

- Welcome back, I'm Claudius von Knickerbocker,

and breaking news this Halloween night.

Our own Amy Wilborn is in front

of the old abandoned doll factory,

after reports that some missing teenagers

were last seen near the area.

Here is Amy with that still-breaking story.

[screaming] [banging outside]

- You guys brought those little bastards to my house?

[doorbell ringing]

- This isn't good.

[cat meowing]

- Quiet Friskus.

I say quiet!

You're gonna give away our position.

Fuck this!

[dolls chattering]

They're not gonna get my black ass.

I am so done with this shit.

- All right, I'm sure at that pace,

they'll never catch you.

- My dick, your mouth.

- [Kay] Wait, what are we gonna do?

- You tell me, I have no idea.

- Can we please just get out of here?

I think I'm having a panic attack.

- Calm down Melvin, calm down.

Okay, let's try the back door.

[dark electronic music]

- Oh they got us surrounded, holy shit.

- This is bad,

really bad.

I can't die like this.

- Okay, okay, everyone,

let me think about this for a second.

- Yo, crackers.

[gun cocking]

Let's get you out of here.

- Man I'm tired.

- Take the heat, motherfucker.

[gun firing]

All right, get your asses out of here.

- How are we supposed to stop him?

We can't read the passage.

- Come on, four-eyes could figure it out, there.

- Good sir, I'll have you know

that linguistics are not my specialty.

- We'll give you like a hundred bucks,

if you'll go with us and read

this stupid this stupid passage out of the book.

- Fuck you, punk.

A hundred dollars ain't enough

to wipe the shit off my ass nowadays.

- Okay, look at it like this, if you don't help us,

these dolls are gonna run over the town,

and then Yegor's gonna do God know what, okay.

And wouldn't you want to go down swingin'?

I mean what, you're like, 95, 96?

How many years you got left?

- For your information, I'm 68, motherfucker.

- Close enough, sorry.

- I guess I could be a hero for once in my life.

You know, I could really use a comeback.

You know, redeem myself.

- Just picture it like this,

the news reads, Grumley saves the county.

And as a reward, free prostitutes for life.

How about that?

- You know, Grumley does like the honeys.

That's true.

All right, fine, let's just do this then.

Oh wait, let me go get me a shirt.

Hold on for a minute.

Hold up.

This ain't no god damn marathon.

[thunder rumbling]

- What are you doing?

- I'm looking for a weapon.

Here, take this.

- No thank you.

I'll be using the weapon of the ancient hero

blessed by her grace once empowered

by the three sacred relics,

defeating any foe that stands in my path.

- Melvin, that sword is a fucking joke, okay?

- How dare you mock her grace?

You should be smited.

- All right, little Baggins, whatever you say,

but just for future reference,

you need snap out of your little fantasy land,

and focus, okay?

- Mark, there should be some baseball bats in there.

- I know, I just haven't got there yet, okay?

- Okay, I'm just saying.

- Right here.

See, I got it.

Here, take it.

All right.

[thunder rumbling]

You all ready?

Hey Grumley, you ready?

Hey man.

- What? - You ready?

- Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, I'm good.

- Let's do this.

[dramatic orchestral music]

- Get back I say.

[gun firing]

You!

What the fuck are you doing out here?

I thought I told you kids to go on home.

Grumley?

Darius Grumley?

Is that you?

- Yeah, that's me.

Who the hell are you?

- It's me, you crazy old shit.

It's Bart.

Bart Barclay?

[laughing]

- Well, I'll be damned.

I hardly recognized you.

- All right guys,

I hate to break up your cock party and everything,

but we need to finish this right now.

- Well, you came just in time.

God damn little rug rats are crawling all over the place.

- Look!

[doll screaming]

[doll dying]

- God damn rug rats is crawling all over the place,

like god damn cockroaches.

- Well, at least now we have Mister Grumley,

and we can finally finish this.

- Let me ask you something.

Just how in the hell did you fucking,

you know what?

I don't even care anymore.

Let's just get inside and take care of this.

I'm getting too old for this shit.

- Yeah, you can say that shit again.

Oh my hip's always hurtin' me now.

[thunder rumbling]

- Mark.

- He's dead.

God damn little munchkins,

beat the hell out of him with a sledgehammer,

then took a shit on him.

- Oh, fuck this, uh uh.

- Hey, you can't quit on me now.

We beat these motherfuckers before, and we can do it again.

- Who the fuck are you kiddin'?

We were young back then.

We're old now.

My nutsack is falling down to my toes.

What good are we?

- What good are we?

You are the only motherfucker I know

who can read that god damn book.

And put the world back the way it needed to be,

and give these kids a god damn reason to keep on livin'.

Well, except maybe the little one.

- Oh yeah, you're probably right about that.

- All right, anyway,

you better not chicken out on me,

you god damn donkey shit rat bastard.

Do you get me?

- Fine.

Let's jus get this shit over with.

- Okay, so first things first,

we need to find the book.

- You kids don't have the book?

- Yeah, well we had it and then our friend dropped it

when we were attacked by dolls.

- And do you think you remember where you dropped it?

- Over by the ritual spot.

- All right,

let's get going.

- Okay, lead the way.

- Now why do I need to lead the way?

- Because you have a shotgun, that's why.

- Point taken, let's move.

[ominous orchestral music]

- I get a bad feeling about this, guys.

- Little girl.

- What's wrong?

- Shine your flashlight over there.

[dolls chattering]

- Now this is awkward.

- Submit your souls over to the Master,

or perish in the wake of his resurrection.

- Hold that thought.

All right, huddle up.

All right, tell your Master to go fuck himself, okay?

- So be it.

[dolls screaming]

- Any ideas?

[gun firing]

- Here's an idea for you.

Come on.

[dramatic orchestral music]

[dolls screaming]

You kids get out of here, I'll hold 'em off.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, get gone.

- You heard, let's go.

- Grumley? - Yeah, what is it cracker?

- Nice seeing you, don't let me down.

- I've got this bitch,

you just pay attention.

[Darius yelling]

[gun firing]

[screaming]

- Come on, you little bastards.

Bring all you got!

- [Doll] Look at me! [giggling]

- You rug rats.

[dolls laughing]

- The final saw.

[growling]

Master is coming.

[laughing]

- What the fuck was that?

- Oh shit!

- What is it?

- Yegor.

We best get a move on, crackers.

Come on.

So?

Where the hell is it?

- You guys looking for this?

My children inform me you all have been very naughty.

Tried to stop my resurrection.

That is not very nice.

And you, I remember you.

- You do?

- Oh yes, I remember you quite well, old droopy nuts.

You may have stopped me one time,

but not this time.

I'm glad you are all here.

You will make fine addition

to my growing collection of souls.

- Why are you doing this?

- Why?

Because.

I came to finish what I never could accomplish

in my mortal life.

Things, the don't always go according to plan,

and sometimes wires get crossed

and the guy don't show up and,

well that's over!

I came to finish what I started.

- Finish what?

What's your Master plan anyways?

- Quite simple, actually.

All night my children have been collecting souls,

six hundred and sixty-six to be exact.

I love this number, I don't know why, I don't get it.

Anyway, the souls give me power,

the power I need to become fully invincible.

I will bring hell upon Earth with this power.

I will be king as the rest of the world

is engulfed in darkness.

- That is a pretty epic scheme you got there.

- Thanks, I thought so myself.

You're not bad guy, maybe I only take half your soul.

- All right, well I'm gonna need that book,

because I don't know if you've noticed,

our world is already pretty shitty,

and I don't think these demons

are gonna help us with that problem,

so I'm gonna come over there and take that book from you.

Okay?

- Oh, this book?

- That's the book.

- Well, come and get it, naughty nipples, let's go, huh?

Come on.

- That's it.

- Where you going, sis?

- Stay here Melvin.

- Why in the fuck

am I always stuck

with your punk ass?

[tense orchestral music]

- [Kay] Stop! Stop!

- Kay!

You okay?

Come on, get up, let's go.

Don't quit on me.

Don't quit on me.

That's cool, it's cool.

- Tastes like, puberty.

- Sis?

- You're next.

[Darius screaming]

- Fucked up that plan,

you got another?

Oh yeah, I got that plan, too.

Except with the, thing.

You know what,

we're just gonna die here,

you know while we still got some little dignity left.

Come on.

- I can't die like this.

I'm still a virgin for Pete's sake.

- Don't worry.

I fuck you before I kill you.

- Oh no, no no, we're good.

We're just gonna die here, you know,

save ourselves the embarrassment.

- No, it's not okay.

I refuse to die without having tasted

the sweet milk of a woman's bosom!

- God damn, you are like 31 flavors of strange, you are.

- Ew, demon semen.

- I like to play with swords too, little boy.

Let's go.

[Yegor yelling]

I split you in two, huh?

Hey, I like little boys only rough.

Okay, boy.

Go ahead and run.

Run!

Where to go now, huh?

Okay, little boy,

time to die.

- Is she all right? - I don't think so, man.

Start reading.

- All right, all right,

let me just find this shit.

- Now, you're mine.

[screaming]

- Kilowatt hour,

the concrete will thicken.

[Yedor yelling]

- Now that should do, boy, huh?

Oh fuck!

- Until the seaweed wrap,

falls off.

- You've got to be fucking kidding me.

- Hold on.

Look, look.

- I see it, that's why I'm got it,

you've got to be fucking kidding me.

- Neo dingo weapon of the ancient hero.

By the blessing of her grace,

once again empowered with the three sacred relics,

I banish thee,

to a place you've swept for far too long.

[yelling]

- Well, I'll be damned.

If it isn't the invincible Ultra Honky.

I didn't know you had it in you, boy.

- Don't worry about me, what about my sister?

- You hang in there, Kay.

Everything's gonna be fine, you hear me?

- I love you so much.

- I love you, too.

Kay? Wake up!

Don't you close your eyes on me, Kay.

Open your eyes, Kay.

Don't do this to me.

- Oh, guys.

Look up.

Motherfuckers, look up!

- Tell him we're happy they released us.

- They're happy that you released them.

- Us.

- Us.

- Thank you for releasing us.

- You did good, kids.

Real good.

Grumley, proud of you.

And you,

Poindexter.

What the hell was your name, anyway?

- Melvin.

- Barton.

- Sure.

- Well Malcolm, you made us all real proud.

Take care.

Maybe finally we can get some peace around here.

You take care, now.

- Boo.

- I'm not really supposed to be here, so.

- Excuse me.

I think you might want to revive her.

- Yeah, I think we can do that.

- He wants to help you

bring her back to life,

if she's dead.

- What happened?

- Oh my God.

You're alive!

- Sister, I swear I'll never be mean to you again.

I'll be the best little brother from here on out.

- Why are you guys freaking out?

I'm fine.

- Oh, you little crackers are starting

to make this old man cry.

Oh come on.

Let's get out of here.

[cracking]

Oh shit!

My back just went out on me, again.

Help me, damn it.

- So what happens now?

- Well,

we hope they don't come back.

[bright electronic music]

[dramatic choral music]