Original subtitles

[ROOSTER CROWS]

BURT: Sixty-eight, 69, 70. . .

...71 , 72...

. . .73. . .

... 74...

... 75...

... 76...

..77 ...

. . .78. . .

... 79...

. . .80. . .

. . .81 . . .

. . .82. . .

. . .83. . .

. . .84. . .

. . .85. . .

. . .86. . . .

Ninety-seven, 98. . .

. . .99, 1 00.

[TICKING]

[ALARM RINGING]

[ALARM STOPS]

[ENGINE STALLING]

[RATTLING AND CLICKING]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[BOTH GROANING]

Burt! Shut that bloody thing off!

Do you know what time it is?

Burt! Burt! You stupid old bastard !

What do you think you're doing?

Sorry, George. What'd you say?

Do you know what time it is?

I'm sorry. I've got a heck of a lot to get done today.

Right. And you know what they say, the early bird catches the worm.

Well, if you do this again one more time, I'm calling the cops!

And how about mowing your lawn?

It's a bloody disgrace to the neighborhood.

[DOGS BARKING AND HOWLING IN DISTANCE]

Yeah. All right.

Hi, kid.

Here we are. The perfect recipe.

Two of Chevy. . .

. . .one of Ford.

I think those '36 Chevy pistons. . .

. . . must have a touch of titanium or something in them.

They come out real good, you know?

Hey, the kettle's boiling.

Make yourself useful. Make some tea.

-Can we have a biscuit too? -What?

Can I have a ginger nat?

Yeah. You know where they are. Help yourself.

No. You stay over there. Stay there.

-All right. -What are you doing for Christmas, Burt?

Christmas? I don't know. Why?

Are you angling for a present or something?

No. I wondered if you were going away.

No. No time for Christmas, lad.

Got a lot of work to do.

I only managed 27 test runs this year.

You know, 24 on the beach and three on the road. . .

. . .all illegal like.

I was going a bit over the speed limit, I have to admit.

-How fast were you going? -I don't know. Haven't a clue.

That's why I gotta get it up to Bonneville. . .

. . .find out how fast she will go.

Now, there you go.

Go and get the piston out of the mold.

Bob's your uncle.

Now, this is the last part of the operation. . .

. . .to chill the metal.

It heat-treats it.

All right. Watch yourself.

[SIZZLING]

That's where I got the water for the kettle from.

Yeah, well, that gives the tea a nice tang of titanium, doesn't it?

This bloke, he once asked me, he said:

"How do you heat-treat your pistons, Burt?"

And I said, "I don't, mate.

I just, you know, bang them in cold water and Bob's your uncle."

And he said, "Well, that's the heat treatment," he said.

And he just laughed and shook his head and walked away like, and--

Oh, Lord, this could be the perfect piston.

It blooming well ought to be. I've made hundreds of them.

Look at them all up there, all blown to smithereens.

TOM: You made all those?

Yeah, I did. Look. Perfect.

Beautiful. No inclusion, see?

Tommy, does your mother have a carving knife I could borrow?

A carving knife? Yeah.

Yeah. We need a good, sharp knife.

Okay. All right. Hang on.

Thomas, what are you up to?

Nothing, mom. Can I have some bread and peanut butter?

Okay, but make sure you put everything away when you've finished.

Sorry about that. Yeah.

[SARAH LAUGHING]

Really?

Tom, don't forget the wood.

TOM: No, Mom.

BURT: All right.

I have to get as much rubber off as possible.

It has to be perfectly bald like that, you see?

-Why's that? -Well, at high speed. . .

. . .the centrifugal force expands the tire. . .

. . .and it rubs against the frame of the bike.

Have to be careful not to cut through the cords, though.

[BURT CHUCKLES]

-Why do you pee on your lemon tree? -What?

Why do you pee on your lemon tree?

Who says I do that?

Mom says she sees you every morning. She goes on and on about it.

Oh, does she?

Yeah? Oh, well.

Well, it's good fertilizer, you know.

You shouldn't waste anything in this world, sonny.

-Well, I better be off home. -All right, then.

Mom gets a bit cross if I stay over here too long.

She does? Well. . . .

Are you finished with the knife?

Not yet. I'll drop it by later.

No. Don't do that. I'll pick it up after school tomorrow.

All right.

-Bye! -Cheerio!

[BURT WHISTLING]

-Burt Munro. -Yeah?

-I believe you have my carving knife. -Oh, yes.

-And my sharpener. -Yeah.

Oh, here we are.

Here. Well, thanks a lot, love.

-Good day, Frank, how are you? -Oh, not bad.

-It could be better, it could be worse. -Good.

I see your front tire's gone a bit flat on you there, Burt.

Oh, yeah. Well, the good news is it's only flat on the bottom.

I'll see you tomorrow night for the fun and games.

All right. It'll be a good one.

BURT: Hello, Fran. Uh. . . .

Give us the lot, will you? The usual.

One pension check coming up.

Fran, I want to ask you a question. . .

. . .the answer to which is. . .

. . .you know, a definite yes.

All right. Ready?

All right. Yes. What's the question, Burt?

Would you feel inclined to, you know. . .

. . .accompany an impeccable young gentleman. . .

. . .to a local do tomorrow night?

Are you asking me on a date, Burt Munro?

Well, yeah, I suppose I am, actually, aren't I?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-Would you? -You're on.

-Hello, son. -Hey, Burt.

That's disgusting !

Yeah. It is, isn't it?

I'm all dressed up for the do tonight and I couldn't get my best shoes on. . .

. . . because my toenails had grown like oyster shells.

Anyway, this should do the trick.

There. Look at that.

Little twinkle-toes.

[CHUCKLING]

[BAND PLAYING "KISS TWIST"]

-Thanks, Burt. -Right-o.

MAN: Hey, Burt! -Hi.

-Evening, Burt. BURT: Thank you. Thank you.

-This is Fran. -Hi, Fran.

Thank you very much.

-Hello, Duncan ! -Burt!

I'm just gonna say hello to the lads and then I'll be back in a second, love.

Hello, Pete. Hello, Graham.

-You doing well? -Yeah. Not bad.

-Happy birthday, Burt. -Thanks a lot, mate.

-This is a bit of a surprise, isn't it? WOMAN: Hey, Burt.

Would you like to buy a raffle ticket or two?

What's it for?

Porky the pig, plus two dozen beers.

We're raising money to send Burt to the U.S.A.

Our mate Burt.

-Come on, Burt. Come and dance. -Hello, love.

-What's this? The twist? -This is the twist. You know the twist?

-No. -Come twist with me.

See? You can twist.

That's it, that's it.

When the air clears And the dust settles down

You look outside Have they leveled the town?

But there in the yard So briskly alive

Stands Burt Munro's Trusty old lndian Scout 45

[CROWD APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]

Thank you, mate.

That was a wonderful tribute to Burt. Now, come on, Burt.

We want you up on stage.

Come on, come on. Up you come.

And I hope all of you have bought a raffle ticket tonight. . .

. . . because we believe Burt will put the Southland Motorcycle Club. . .

. . .on the map!

What's going on out there?

MAN 1 : Get out of here!

-Oh, dear. MAN 2: What's this?

Well, folks, it looks like I've cracked it. I've, you know--

You Burt Munro?

The, uh-- What'd he say?

I said, are you Burt Munro?

Are you looking for old Burt?

Why, no. Have you seen Burt anywhere?

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Anyone seen Burt? Well, no--

You are. You're Burt Munro.

You're the old codger that rides the Army Indian.

Oh, that old joker. Burt Munro, yeah.

Yeah, that's me, I think. Oh, yeah.

Now, the-- Young fellow, the Army Indian is a real dog.

What I've got is the genuine article. . .

. . .the 1 920 V-twin Scout.

That's the one with the pedals, right?

[ANGELS CHATTERING]

-Yeah, right. -Good job, Burt.

Well, I don't know what sort of push bikes you monkeys came here into town on. . .

. . . but I know that my old-timer would thrash the backsides off whatever they are.

No, I don't think so, granddad.

No? Why don't you chumps. . .

. . . put your money where your mouth is, then?

You're on, you old coot.

BURT: Right. Yeah.

-Looks like they've chickened out, Burt. -What?

Looks like they've chickened out.

-They're here. BURT: What?

They're here.

It's nice of them to show up, isn't it?

A hundred says the Indian comes last.

Right, mate.

Come on !

[CROWD YELLING AND CHEERING]

[ENGINES REVVING]

Go!

Come on ! Give me a push !

MAN 1 : Now you're talking ! -Come on, Burt!

Give me a push !

Come on, push hard !

MAN 2: Go, Burt!

Go, Burt!

Come on ! Go!

[GRUNTS]

Bugger.

ANGEL 1 : Nice bike, granddad.

ANGEL 2: Loser!

ANGEL 3: Yee-ha!

BURT: Well, thanks, fellas. MAN 1 : Better luck next time.

BURT: Yeah. MAN 2: Bad luck, Burt.

Here you go. Oh, thanks, love.

-Careful, it's hot. -All right.

Well, at least I gave them a good run for their money.

On the downward leg, anyway.

Burt, what's it gonna cost to get over to America?

Sorry, love. What'd you say?

How much is it gonna cost to get over to America?

Oh, I don't know. About 2000, I'm told.

And how much money have you got now?

Well, apart from today's disaster. . .

. . .and the dough from last night. . .

. . .and the pension money I've been saving. . .

. . .about 1 275 dollars, United States dollars, I reckon.

Well, I could lend you some money.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Fran, but, no, I couldn't do that, love.

No. Thanks.

Well, there must be something you can do.

Well, I haven't told anyone else this, Fran. . .

. . . but I don't reckon I'll be going to Bonneville.

I mean, not this year, anyway.

And, you know, $700 is a lot of money to find. . .

. . .and the boat leaves in five days. . .

. . . but, you know. . . .

Except I would like to see how fast she'll really go. . .

. . . before I fall off the perch, as it were. . .

. . . before I, you know, kick the old bucket.

Oh, well. Huh.

BURT: Hello, Lloyd.

Good day, Burt. Shame about the fall.

Yeah, well, I'm still in one piece, aren't I?

Yeah. What are you having tonight?

Specialty of the house, Pea, Pie 'n' Pudd.

-It's 5 bob. -All right.

-Burt. -Yeah?

Why don't you take out a mortgage on your house?

-What house? -Oh, your property.

I mean, it's worth something.

Yeah. Here you are.

Burt Munro, look at the color of your hands.

-What's the matter with them? -You're gonna wash those mitts. . .

. . . before you put them anywhere near me.

Here we are.

[ROOSTER CROWING AND CHICKENS CLUCKING]

BURT: Wakey, wakey.

Time to rise and shine.

Oh, Burt, you're a sweetie.

Gotta get out of here before the neighbors spot me.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, Burt.

This tastes a bit odd.

Metallic.

[SINGS "YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE"]

-Oh. Crikey. Oh. -What?

I've got a pain in my chest. Ah.

FRAN: He's in the shed ! Hurry!

TOM: Mom, Dad, something happened to Burt!

TOM: Burt, what's wrong with you?

I'll be all right, Tommy. Don't worry about me.

-Are you sure? -Yeah.

[SIREN WAILING]

What are you all staring at?

Dirty old men need love too.

-Mr. Munro. -Hello.

So, what's the story, doc?

I'm sorry. It's not good news.

Oh, yeah? Well, fire away.

-You've had an attack of angina. -Oh, yeah?

You have arteriosclerosis.

What's that?

It's a narrowing of the arteries from the heart.

Oh, dear.

I'm afraid there's not too much we can do. . .

. . .for you at your age other than suggesting you take it easy.

Oh, yeah?

Look, if you have another attack, pop one of these under your tongue. . .

. . . let it dissolve and then swallow the saliva.

The pain should be gone in 30 seconds.

What do you call these things?

-Trinitrate pills. -Yeah?

Better known as nitroglycerine.

Oh, yeah. The stuff you blow things up with.

-Yes, but in much smaller quantities. -Yeah. All right.

Will this have any effect on me riding my bike?

Unfortunately, I think your motorcycling days are over.

Like hell they are.

WOMAN: It won't be much longer.

[CHUCKLES]

BURT: Springfield. Springfield.

-That's where the Indians come from. -Indians?

Yeah, the Indians from Springfield, Massachusetts.

It's the world's greatest motorcycle.

-Oh, is that so? -That's right.

[DOOR OPENS]

-You can come through now. -All right. Thank you.

Yeah. Springfield.

BURT: You know, the plan is for me to drive up to Timaru. . .

. . .and there, me and my bike will catch a boat to the U.S. of A. . .

. . .to Los Angeles, and the boat leaves on Saturday. . .

. . .and I'll buy a car in Los Angeles. . .

. . .and drive up to Utah to the Bonneville Salt Flats.

-And it's really important you do this trip? -Sure is, mate.

You know, ever since I was a lad. . .

. . . I've been interested in things that go fast, you know?

Things that roll and go, and, you know, at Bonneville, things go real fast.

It's, you know, this giant, dried-up lake bed. . .

. . .and it goes for miles and miles and it's dead flat. . .

. . .and you can drive a vehicle just as fast as it will go. . .

. . .and it's one of the few places on Earth. . .

. . .where you can find out just what your machine is capable of.

In fact, here I'm on the. . . .

That's me on the front of the New Zealand Motor Cyclist.

-That's the Indian there. -Very good.

Yeah, a few years ago. So I'd best be off soon. . .

. . . because I don't know how much longer I've got to live, you see.

Well, I don't think I heard that last statement.

I said, I don't know how much--

-Yeah. I heard you the first time. -Oh.

So, tell me, Burt. . .

. . .what are you offering as collateral for this loan?

Well, my tools and my bits 'n' pieces. . .

. . .and my trophies and a lot of things like that.

Well, I don't think they'd be of much interest to the bank.

I think we'd be looking for something more substantial. . .

. . .something like the deed of title to your property?

-Did you get the money? -Yep. Off on Thursday.

TOM: Thursday. BURT: Yeah.

That soon? I wish I could come too.

Maybe next time.

Thomas, it's dinnertime. Come home now.

Nearly finished, Mrs. Jackson.

-Yeah, Mom, we're almost finished. -Thomas.

See you after dinner, Burt.

BURT: All right, lad.

[TOM IMITATING ENGINE]

Hey, not so fast!

I'm the record-breaker.

Where are you going?

BURT: And that's the. . . .

Before I put the-- You know, the streamliner on it.

What's that one?

BURT: Yeah. That's a girlfriend of mine. . .

. . .when I first bought the bike, a long time ago, that was.

Yeah.

Aren't you scared you'll kill yourself if you crash?

No.

No, you live more in five minutes on a bike like this, going flat out. . .

. . .than some people live in their lifetime.

And. . . . Yeah, more in five minutes. . . .

That's my dad there.

And my mom.

They've all gone.

It's gone by so fast.

No. Danger is the spice of life. . .

. . .and you've got to take a risk now and again, haven't you, son?

Yeah, that's what makes life worthwhile.

And, you know, having some nice ladies around. . .

. . .can be a big help, mind you.

[BURT LAUGHING]

-You really don't get scared? -No. No.

You know, when I was a boy about your age. . .

. . . I had a little twin brother. His name was Ernie.

And one day, our dad was out in the back. . .

. . .cutting down a tree. . .

. . .and suddenly it got hung up-- The tree, that is.

It got stuck or something, and Ernie went to try and help. . .

. . .and all of a sudden, the tree slipped and fell on him. . .

. . .and killed him stone dead.

Yeah.

I'll always remember that.

Anyway, since then. . .

. . . I've always tried never to be scared of anything.

Though I must say, before a big bike event. . .

. . . I do sometimes get nervous, you know.

If the butterflies in my stomach were cows. . .

. . . I'd be able to start a dairy farm.

Right. That's funny.

When they took you off in the ambulance to the hospital, what happened?

I don't know. It was just a touch of indigestion, I think.

Yeah, that's all it was. There's nothing wrong with me.

Don't you worry about me.

And anyway, at my age. . .

. . .any day above ground and vertical is a good day.

Listen, you take care of this until I get back, all right?

What happens if you don't come back?

Well, we'll talk about that then, shan't we?

-Hey, Burt. -Yeah?

-Don't forget to mow your lawns, will you? -What?

Don't forget to mow your lawns. My dad goes on and on about it.

Oh, he does, does he?

He says it lowers the property values of the neighborhood.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, oh, dear, we can't have that, can we?

What are you doing?

Hello, son ! I was just getting rid of the grass!

Burt, what the hell are you doing this time?

Well, like you said, George, I'm getting rid of the grass. . .

. . . being a good neighbor before I leave tomorrow.

Tom. Tom ! Get back inside now. Now!

Honestly, Burt.

[SIRENS WAILING]

-What are they doing here? -It might be the fire, Burt.

All right. The tire goes in first.

That's it.

That's it. You got it.

Screw it in here.

BURT: Pills.

My papers and passport.

All right. See if I've got everything.

My spectacles, testicles, watch and wallet.

What are you laughing at?

-I'm on my way. -Dad says to call us collect.

-What? -Dad says to call us collect.

That's nice of him.

-Tell us how you get on. -All right. Thank you.

That's our phone number.

Do you think you'll break the record?

Well, I hope so. Yeah.

Dad doesn't think you can do it.

Oh, is that what he said?

He says everyone thinks that.

Oh, well.

Except me.

Ah, you're good-- Good boy, Tom.

Yeah.

I'll tell you something, son. If you don't follow through on your dreams. . .

. . .you might as well be a vegetable.

What type of vegetable?

I don't know. A cabbage.

Yeah. A cabbage.

Here you are. Don't lose it, will you?

-Promise I'll look after it. -Right.

So keep an eye on the place for me, won't you, Tom?

And. . .

-. . .don't forget to feed the fowls. -That's my job.

Yeah, and, you know, you can give the eggs to Mom.

And what else is there?

Uh. . . . Oh, yes.

You can pee on my lemon tree for me, if you like, while I'm away.

And. . . . Well, there's nothing wrong in peeing on your lemon tree.

As Confucius used to say, it's the best natural fertilizer in the world, you know?

Who's Confucius?

Oh, he's a bloke who lives up in Duneaton.

Well, thanks for your help, chaps.

-Good luck, Burt. -Thanks, Jeff.

-You show them. -I will.

-Take it easy, Burt. -That's not one of the things. . .

. . . I'm planning on doing, George.

-Cheerio, love. -Good luck.

BURT: Cheerio, my friend.

If you don't go when you wanna go, when you do go, you'll find you've gone.

-I'll see you. -See you, Burt.

Bye, Burt.

-Good luck! -Cheerio!

See you, Burt!

[HORN HONKING]

[GEORGE SIGHS]

GEORGE: Look at that.

[HORN HONKS]

Well, Fran. . .

. . . I'm finally on my way.

You know, I thought some more of the blokes from the club. . .

. . .would have dropped by to see me off.

Well, they probably had to work today.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

You know, young Tom tells me. . .

. . . no one thinks I can do it.

Do you think I can do it, Fran?

Oh, I don't know, Burt.

I don't think it really matters one way or the other.

Yeah.

You know, I read something once, years ago. . .

. . .and I learned it off by heart. It was. . . .

Theodore Roosevelt said it. He said it's. . . .

He said it's not the critic that counts. . .

. . . not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles. . .

. . .or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. . .

. . .you know. . .

. . .the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.

[MOTORCYCLES APPROACHING]

-Wind your window down. Down ! -What?

-Some beer money. -What?

Some beer money.

I don't drink.

-And good luck! You go well. -Thanks, mate.

Show them Kiwis can fly, huh?

Yeah. I'll bring you back the Statue of Liberty.

Good on you, mate. Thanks a lot.

Hey, not so fast!

Crikey!

Take it easy, mate!

I thought it was a goner.

MAN: Whoa! Whoa!

-Better get going. -Yeah. All right.

Take care of the old jalopy, won't you?

-You look after yourself. -Yeah, I will.

-You've got your pills and everything, right? -Yeah, right as rain.

Okay.

All right.

You come back in one piece.

I will. Cheerio.

-Ah. Where's the captain? -Down below.

-Down that gangway there. -Thanks.

Here.

I'm looking for the captain.

-That's me. -Oh.

Well, my name is Burt Munro.

I'm supposed to do a job to work my passage to Los Angeles.

Yeah, well, I hope you can cook.

Cook?

Well, I'll give it a go.

There's the galley.

Oh. Crikey.

[FLIES BUZZING]

Who does the dishes, mate?

You.

Mm. Smells good !

What do you have for us today, Burt?

That's good Kiwi tucker.

Don't let Burt see you doing that.

Here, don't spoil it with all that sauce.

-Sorry, Burt. BURT: Stand the crowds!

MAN 1 : Watch the movie, Burt? -What's that?

Are you gonna watch the movie?

Yeah. What's it called?

Broken Barrier.

-Oh, yeah? MAN 1 : Yeah. It's supposed to be good.

Is Jane Russell in it?

-Space for you over here, Burt. BURT: Yeah.

ALL: Whoa!

Move your legs.

All right. Okay.

-Smoke? -No. Not for me, mate.

-You don't smoke, Burt? -No, I don't.

And that's why people say to me:

"How do you keep going at your age, Burt?"

And I say, "Well, because I don't smoke."

And that's what I'm telling you young monkeys. Don't smoke.

ALL: Ha, ha, ha. -You can laugh, but my dad said:

"Why contaminate your lungs with tobacco smoke?

The only thing you accomplish by the smoking. . .

. . . is destroying your lungs and shortening your life."

MAN 2: Kill the lights!

Is Jane Russell in this?

Done well, Burt.

Yeah. Thanks, mate.

-All the best. -Heh.

-Good luck to you, Burt. -Thanks.

Remember what I said. Don't smoke.

-I'm trying. -Cheerio, mates. See you.

Welcome to the United States. Customs to the left.

Thank you. Good to be here.

Good day.

Please stand behind the yellow line until you are called, sir.

-What's that? -Behind the yellow line.

The yellow line. Oh, yeah.

Good day.

Passport and customs declaration, please.

Right. Here you are.

And how long do you intend to stay in the United States?

However long it takes me to get to Bonneville and back.

And the purpose of your visit?

To set a land-speed record on my Indian.

Hm. Indian.

OFFICER: Mr. Munro, this is your first time to America.

Yes, sir.

You gave some rather odd answers to the officer. . .

. . .so we have a few further questions we'd like to ask.

Well, fire away.

Let's go over again what you said.

Now, what exactly do you intend to do here in the United States?

Well, set a land-speed record.

Uh-huh. And how do you intend to do that, sir?

On my motorcycle. It's in the hold of the ship at the moment. . .

. . .and they're gonna unload it tomorrow.

It's an Indian, a 1 920 Indian Scout. . .

. . . modified somewhat.

You know what? I think I've read about your bike.

Oh, yeah?

It was in Popular Mechanics a couple of years ago.

That's right. That's me.

Yes. Leslie Hobbs from Christchurch sent that story.

What was it? "Fastest motorcycle in Australia."

Yeah, and in New Zealand.

Well, I guess you're legitimate, Mr. Munro.

It sounds like we should be very honored to have you here in America.

-Thank you. OFFICER: Here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna give you 6 months. That should be time enough to get the job done.

-Welcome to the U.S.A. -Thank you very much.

-Good luck, sir. -Thank you.

Gear's in the trunk.

-What? -Bags in the back.

Bag, back.

Don't worry about me. I'll do it myself.

It's good.

-All right. -Sit in the back. In the back.

-Huh? -You, in the back.

Oh. I'll tell you something, mate.

I don't want to get old around here. Ha, ha.

Ah. Toorah.

-Where to? -What?

Where to?

Hollywood. I want to go to Hollywood.

I want to see the film stars.

Okay. We go to Hollywood.

Where in Hollywood?

A motel on Sunset Boulevard.

I hear that's a pretty great street.

I don't know who you talking to lately.

-Which motel? -Recommend one.

Come, now. What do you think I am, an encyclopedia?

Drop me somewhere and I'll sort it out myself.

They must have a big electricity bill here.

Firestone, Shell. . . .

It's all about cars, isn't it? I've never seen so many cars.

-You say something, man? -I said, I've never seen so many cars.

-Gotta get around somehow. -Yeah.

Oh, look. There's a bowling alley.

Do you bowl?

[HORN HONKING]

What's he honking his horn about?

Jeez! Crikey! Did you see that?

Don't think-- He's just got--

He's crazy! He's nuts!

He did it again.

CABBIE: Don't stare. There's a lot of crazy people in this town.

BURT: I've never seen anything like that before.

[LAUGHING]

CABBIE: This should do. -What's the damage?

Twenty-eight dollars plus bag, $29.

What? Did you just say what I thought you said?

Are you deaf?

-What? -Are you deaf?

Yeah, I am a bit deaf, but I'm not stupid. How much did you say it was?

Twenty-nine dollar.

No. I don't want to buy the cab, mate.

I just want to pay the fare, that's all.

-Where are you from? -What?

-You are British? -No. You must be joking.

I'm no pommie. I'm from New Zealand.

-Well, this is America. -Yeah?

And the fare is right there on the meter. Twenty-nine dollar.

-Yeah. -Open your wallet and let the moths out.

Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Here you go, $29.

Hold on. Don't forget the tip.

-What? -Yes. We tip in America.

-Oh, yeah? -Ten percent.

-How much? -Ten percent.

Oh, yeah. There you are. Ten cents.

-Excuse me, sir. -Yeah?

-You look like a generous man. -What?

You look like a generous man.

-Oh, do I? -Yes, you do.

Would you like to buy a flower to give to someone special?

No, I'm sorry. I don't have any cash.

Oh, don't worry. The money goes to a good cause.

It's for an organization that helps needy people.

-All right. Well, how much is it? -Just give what you can afford.

All right. Well, they all look the same to me.

-They're all green. -Yes, that's why we call them greenbacks.

-This looks like a one. -Oh, look, there's one.

Thanks. You have a good day.

Hey, come on, miss. That's a 1 0.

I didn't want to pay that much.

Hey, come back!

Crikey.

-Hey, baby. -What do you want?

-You want to go? -Go where?

Go inside.

I'm going inside.

I'll take you around the world.

I've just come from halfway around the world.

-Fifteen bucks, baby. -What?

-Fifteen bucks. -No. It's all right. Go away.

Hello.

Phew. Well, I need a room.

A room will cost you 5 bucks an hour.

Well, I'm planning on staying a bit longer than that.

-How long? -I don't know. A couple of days, I guess.

-Double occupancy? -What?

Double occupancy?

No. Just me, myself and I.

Will it cost a lot? Because I can't afford a lot.

-Are you a member of AAA? -What?

-Are you a AAA member? -Never heard of them.

Never heard of AAA?

No, Miss Brittlebritches, I have not heard of AAA.

Okay, let's just say you are a member, doll.

-All right. -That'll save you 1 0 percent.

-Oh. -How does 22 bucks a night sound?

That much? Is that cheap?

Honey, that's cheaper than cheap.

Oh, good. Yeah.

-What's your name? -Tina Washington.

Well, Tina Washington, I want you to have this.

It might cheer you up a bit, get some of that muck off your pluck.

Well, thank you. That's the first nice thing that's happened around here all week.

Well, you're welcome.

My name's Burt Munro, from New Zealand. I'm from down under.

Well, hello, Burt Munro from New Zealand down under.

I tell you, I've had a heck of a night.

Welcome to Hollyweird.

[RATTLING]

[THUMPING]

[THUMPING AND RATTLING LOUDLY]

BURT: Hello.

Anybody home?

-Hello, Tina. -Good morning, Burt.

-You still here? Oh. -Mm-hm.

Well, that's why you were so crabby last night.

-Don't you ever get any sleep? -Honey, I work the night shift.

I'm out of here as soon as James turns up. And he's late.

Oh. Yeah. Could you phone this number for me?

It's a shipping company and they've got a big box of mine. . .

. . .and I want to know how can I arrange to get it?

No, you talk to them. They'll never get my accent.

Okay. What do you want me to ask them?

One moment, please.

Ask them when will Burt Munro's box containing the motorcycle. . .

. . . be ready for pickup?

-Hello. I'm calling for Mr. Burt Munro. MAN: Munro?

Yes. He'd like to know when the box containing his motorcycle. . .

-. . .will be available for pickup. -What ship?

-What ship? -The Rangatira from New Zealand.

The Rangatira from New Zealand.

-lt's arrived. -So he can claim it?

Tomorrow from the Long Beach Customs Holding Area.

-Okay, thank you. I'll tell him. Bye-bye. -That was pretty fast.

You're late!

I can't stand another minute in this place.

Let me buy you breakfast.

This is great.

I've never seen a menu with photographs before.

Ready to order, sir?

-What? -Are you ready?

Oh, yes. I think the Double Delight.

That's for me.

-How would you like your eggs? -What?

-How would you like your eggs? -Well, I'd like them cooked.

Sunny-side up? Over easy?

I don't know. Whatever you recommend.

Over easy is best.

All right. Eggs over easy.

Make that two.

Over easy. I must remember that.

Well, I like this American breakfast thing.

It's good.

So, my girl, where's the best place for me to get a used car?

-The valley. -Oh, yeah?

After breakfast, I could take you there.

Oh, well, thank you.

And I'm not a girl.

[IN DEEP VOICE] I'm a boy.

Oh.

Well, I thought there was something a little odd about you.

But you're still a sweetheart.

Yeah.

Well, thanks a million, Tina.

There are stacks of cars here.

-I'll be back at the motel later on. -Bye.

All right, love.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

BURT: Hello. -How may I help you, sir?

Yeah. I want to buy a car. A cheap car. A very cheap car.

Well, you've come to the right place, amigo.

In fact, if you can find cars like these any cheaper, they're probably stolen.

My name is Burt. Burt Munro from New Zealand.

-Nice to meet you. -I'm Fernando from El Salvador.

-Nice to meet you, Mr. Munro. -You can call me Burt.

-Okay, Mr. Burt. -Yeah.

So how much were you looking to spend here, Mr. Burt?

Not a lot, Fernando.

I haven't got much left after the cab ride I took yesterday.

You want 399 for this?

Sounds a bit sick.

Well, what would you offer me?

Listen, I'll give you 200 if you do me a favor.

Throw in the use of your workshop. . .

. . .and some of that junk I see lying around. . .

. . . because I've got to knock up a trailer to drag my bike over to Bonneville.

That's not a favor. Three twenty-five is a favor.

No, 225.

You're a tough customer, Mr. Burt, but I like you.

I'm gonna give it to you for 250. . .

. . .and you can use the workshop, but only at night.

All right. What about tonight?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, tonight's okay.

All right. Let's stop the car.

Let's get this thing running properly.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[SPARKS]

[ENGINE REVVING]

There. That sounds better.

Let me drive.

Okay. Come on.

Yeah, she's singing like a bird now.

She's a good old girl, isn't she?

Here we are. All right.

[HORN HONKING]

You make a left here, Mr. Burt.

All right.

[HORN HONKING AND TIRES SCREECHING]

-Crikey! -You're on the wrong-- Stop the car!

Stop the-- Aah !

Turn ! Turn this way!

Stop the car!

[BURT CHUCKLING]

Hey, keep your shirt on.

FERNANDO: Scoot over, you stupid old bastard.

BURT: Thought I was back in New Zealand.

We drive on the other side of the road over there.

-Yeah? Gonna get us all killed. -Yeah.

Well, you're not in New Zealand.

-You're in America. -Yeah, I know.

-We drive on the right side of the road. -Yeah.

[BURT CHUCKLES]

-Whoa. -Now, Burt, let me give you some advice.

BURT: What?

When you're driving, not only here in America. . .

-. . . but anywheres around the world. . . -Yeah?

. . .the driver should always be in the center of the road.

-Right. -In the center. If you're not in the center. . .

. . .you're on the wrong side of the road. Okay?

Yep.

[MACHINERY BUZZING]

Well, you want this right here?

Yeah.

That's it. Yeah, good.

Got it.

Dios mio, it's 3 a. m. in the morning.

Yeah, well, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?

You know, when I told you you could use the workshop at night. . .

. . . I didn't mean all night. My wife's gonna kill me.

You take yourself back home. . .

. . .and I'll have a snooze in the back of the car. . .

. . .and I'll lock up the place before I go to sleep.

Seems to me like a whole lot of effort to sell a lousy $250 motorcar.

-Yeah. -Okay, Mr. Burt.

Pull the door down. Have a good night.

Hey, Fernando, where do I go to--?

Where do I take a leak around here?

A leak?

Yeah. A pee. Trouble with the old prostate, you know.

Yeah. Go straight through those doors. There's a door there that says "cabaliero."

-All right. -Okay.

I'll see you in the morning, early, okay?

Good night.

Now, where were we?

[SNORING]

[TAPPING ON GLASS]

-Burt? -Huh?

-Buenos dias, Mr. Burt. -Oh. All right.

So did you get it all finished?

Yeah. All I need to do is find a couple of wheels. . .

. . .and I'll be ready to roll.

Hey, you know, I got some wheels in the back you could have. . .

-. . . if you just do me a favor. -Say the word.

Crank it now, Fernando.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Good.

-Burt. -Yeah?

You're a goddamn genius.

-Thank you. -Hey, listen, why you gotta go?

Stick around a while. I'll pay you well.

Sorry, mate. I've got to get to Bonneville by the 23rd.

That's when Speed Week starts, and, you know, I've gotta hit the road.

Well, you always got a job here.

Thanks, mate. I'll see you.

-Best of luck to you. -Ta-ta.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Hello, love.

-I was worried about you. -Oh, yeah?

Housekeeping said you didn't sleep in your bed all night.

Oh. Well, do I get a discount for that?

I doubt it.

Now, I need you to show me on a map how to get to Long Beach.

-I've got to pick up my bike today. -I'm finished here in 1 5 minutes.

I'll come with you.

[WHISTLING]

Not a bad set of wheels for 250 bucks, eh?

You sure it'll make it to Utah?

Yeah. This old girl'd get to New Zealand and back.

Here.

-Hop in, my fair lady. -Thank you.

The bloke who sold me this car, he gave me a good tip.

He said, always remember that the driver-- That's me.

-. . .should be on the center of the road. TINA: Look out!

Yeah, all right. In New Zealand, we always drive on the other side.

[HORNS HONKING]

-You do? -Yeah. Sorry about that.

-Do you want me to drive? -No. It's all right.

I've got to get used to it, don't I?

TINA: This should be Customs right here.

BURT: Right.

-Hello. -May I help you, sir?

Yeah. My name's Burt Munro. . .

. . .and I've come to pick up my motorcycle.

I came into port two days ago from New Zealand. . .

. . .and, uh-- On a freighter called Rangatira...

. . .and I was told to come here to clear it through Customs.

Okay. Mr. Munro.

Yeah. Munro. M-U-N-R-O.

Munro. Wait here a minute, sir.

Thank you.

Mr. Munro is here for that damaged shipment.

-You want me to talk to him? -Yeah.

-Mr. "Moonro." -Munro.

-Come with me to the storage area. BURT: Is there a problem?

Your consignment has suffered some damage.

Oh, no.

Why the heck did I bother to paint these arrows on the side of it then?

That's the way it was delivered here, unfortunately.

Well, what happened to it?

My information is that 1 0 tons of fertilizer. . .

. . .was inadvertently loaded on top of your box while it was in the hold.

I'd sue the shipping company.

Sue? I have no time to waste my blooming life suing anybody.

Get some of your blokes to pull this right-side up. . .

. . .so I can get in to the motorcycle and see what damage has been done.

All right, fellas. Let's get it unwrapped.

Well, the tire's all right.

No damage so far.

No damage at all. It's good.

-Lucky it was packed so well. -Yeah. It's a blooming miracle.

[LAUGHING]

Well, the old Indian lives to fight another day!

Well, thanks a million, Tina.

I don't know what I'd have done without you today.

You're the real salt of the earth, you know?

Are you sure you wouldn't like to come home to mi casa for dinner tonight?

-No, I can't, love. -I could cook you a meal.

I've gotta get the show on the road, get out of Dodge, as they say.

Okay, my good friend from kiwi-land.

-You stay in touch, won't you? -I will.

-Here's my phone number. -Okay.

-Call me and tell me how you're doing. -I will. Can I call collect?

You can try.

[BOTH LAUGH]

-It's a good job I think you're a woman. -I am a woman.

Yeah, right. Ta-ta, love. See you.

[HORN HONKING]

[KIDS LAUGHING]

[HORN HONKS]

-Morning. ATTENDANT: Good morning.

[BURT GRUNTS]

BURT: Fill her up, would you, please?

Regular or ethyl?

Who's Ethel?

All right. I'll take ethyl.

-Hi, young fella. -Hello. Is this a rocket ship?

-What? -Is this a rocket ship?

I hope so.

[TIRE SQUEAKING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Oh, gosh.

What's happened to you?

Oh, well.

Let's have a look at you.

[GRUNTING]

Gotcha!

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, come on.

I thought we were gonna make it, you and me. . .

. . .and now look what's happened.

Ah.

[BURT GROANS]

[CAR APPROACHING]

-Hello, mate. -Got a problem?

Yeah. Am I glad to see you. Yeah, I've lost a wheel.

Help me get my rig back on the road, will you?

Okay, let me see.

My name's Burt. Burt Munro.

-Jake. -Jake? Are you Indian?

-Yes. -Yeah.

Well, this here could be the world's fastest Indian.

Well, at least until just now.

She's a bit heavy, mind you.

Let's take it easy. One, two, three.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

You live around here, Jake?

[KIDS LAUGHING]

-Burt. -Huh?

What do you want to ride that contraption for?

That's a good question. Uh. . . .

I guess the reward is in the doing of it, you know?

BOY: I don't want to go to bed.

Jake, I'm dying for a pee. Where do I go?

There's a little building back there.

I got a touch of prostate trouble, you know?

I have similar problems.

Well, I thought you blokes would have some magic cure for that sort of thing.

-Well, we have. -Oh, yeah?

One old remedy is ground-up dog balls.

-Oh, good. -Then you're happy for prostate trouble.

Yeah, I bet you do, mate.

BOY: Got you !

Jake, gotta get going. Gotta hit the road.

-Burt, I have something for you. -What's that, then?

-What's this? -For good luck.

Oh, yeah, a piece of-- I've never worn jewelry before.

Thanks, mate. Oh, I've got something for you too.

Right. Let's see.

Here. I've got this.

It's a spare one. I made it myself.

What do I do with this?

-You got a hacksaw? -Yeah.

You just slice the top of it through there. It could also make a great ashtray.

Not that I approve of smoking, mind you.

-Thank you very much. -Thanks a lot, mate. So long.

Sorry we couldn't fix your trailer.

That's all right. I'll get there somehow.

-Burt. -What?

-For the prostate. -Aha.

Use it with water. Plenty of water.

Tastes bad. Really bad.

Dogs' balls, huh?

Well, thanks a lot, mate. See you ! Ta-ta!

[HORN HONKING]

[KNOCKING]

Hello?

Anyone home?

Hello! Hello there!

I've a spot of bother with my trailer.

I've lost a wheel.

You're not from around these parts.

No, I'm from down there.

What?

I'm from down under. The other side of the world. New Zealand.

Southernmost city in the British Empire, called Invercargill. . .

. . .one of the most beautiful cities on the Earth.

My name's Burt Munro.

Burt? Ada.

-What? -Ada!

BURT: Here she is. ADA: Whoa!

Huh ! Ohh.

Well, you got some problems here, yessiree.

Yep.

I'll tell you what you need to do.

Cannibalize the stub axle off that old Ford right there.

-Okay. -Lucky for you, I got some welding gear.

-We'll get a new wheel on there pronto. -Good.

BURT: Okay. That's got it.

-When you finish there. . . -Yeah?

. . . I got something that I wanna show you.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Oh, never you mind.

You just get that wheel on there right.

Yeah.

Why'd you bring me out here?

I, uh-- I want to show you this.

-What? -Right here.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

I, uh. . . .

I laid my old boy to rest 1 2 years ago next week.

-Oh, yeah? -And I sure do miss him.

-Yeah? -I sure do miss the old boy.

BURT: "He did his level best."

He did.

Well, I always figured a man's like a blade of grass.

He grows up in the spring, strong and healthy and green. . .

. . .and then he reaches middle age, and he ripens, as it were. . .

. . .and then, in the autumn, he. . . .

Like a blade of grass, he finishes, just fades away. . .

. . .and he never comes back. Just like a blade of grass.

I think when you're dead, you're dead.

I always thought that, since I grew up a bit.

Is that your philosophy?

Well, I don't know. Yeah, I suppose it is.

When you get to my age, these thoughts cross your mind sometimes, you know.

[RATTLING]

Jump!

[BOTH YELLING]

Jump! Sideways! You move sideways!

Oh, my God, man ! Haven't you ever seen a snake before?

No. We don't get snakes in New Zealand.

Good God ! I ought to move there.

BURT: Where's he going? ADA: Damn rattlers!

Any more around here? Oh, God.

-Fancy this! -What?

You come all this way to bite the dust up at Boot Hill.

Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Be a laugh, wouldn't it? Be a laugh.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Burt.

Huh?

Where are you gonna sleep tonight?

I don't know. I have no idea.

I don't know.

I had a strange dream last night.

I dreamt about my late. . .

. . .twin brother. . .

. . . Ernie.

I thought he was in the room, here, looking down on us.

I guess it's all that fun and games at the graveyard.

I suppose.

Oh, well.

Getting old ain't for the faint of heart, I'll tell you that.

Oh, God ! What have you done to my back, Ada.

Oh !

Oh, I am getting old.

Hey, come on, old girl, make me a cup of tea.

I've gotta hit the road.

Ada, come on. You haven't died in your sleep, have you, old girl?

-Have me a cup of tea. -Mm. Come here, lover-boy.

I'll make it myself.

All right. Thanks.

Now, Burt, you promise me you're gonna pop in on your way back. . .

. . . because I can always use another little cuddle.

Yeah, that's what I said, Ada. That's what I intend to do.

And there's many a good tune played in an old banjo, as it were.

And what we don't use, we lose.

Yeah, that's what they say.

See you. Ta-ta, darling.

And you have good luck with your Indian.

Yeah. You should say "break a leg."

[LAUGHING]

BURT: See you.

Toorah !

[HORN HONKING]

Good day. Boy, is it hot out there.

I bet the birds fly backwards around here to keep the dust out of their eyes.

What can I get you?

-I'd like a cup of tea, please. -Cup of tea?

Yeah, best drink for quenching the thirst when the weather's hot.

We ain't seen a cup of tea in here, ever.

We got Coors. We got Schlitz or Miller.

Or Coke. And whiskey.

Oh.

Well, I'll have Coke, then.

You know smoking's bad for you, don't you?

Is that so?

Yeah. Personally, I don't smoke and I don't drink.

I had the right education from my dad on that one.

He was like King James I, a great anti-smoking man.

[FLY BUZZING]

Sounds like you're on a one-man crusade there, grandpa.

Yeah. Well, you're born with one pair of lungs. . .

. . .so why destroy them with that muck?

Hm. Where are you from? Where's your hometown?

-You English? -Heavens, no. I'm no pommie.

-I'm from Invercargill in New Zealand. -Where?

Invercargill. I-N-V-E-R-C-A-R-G-I-L-L.

I spell it with one "L" sometimes to save ink.

Got any of those critters over there?

BURT: Oh, yes. Much bigger, though.

We breed them down there on big farms. . .

. . .and cut off their antlers, send them over to Hong Kong. . .

. . .and they grind the antlers into dust and they eat that stuff.

It must be some sort of aphrodisiac or something.

Puts lead in your pants.

You could do with some of that, eh, Leroy?

MAN: Yeah, Leroy.

Is she your girlfriend?

Wife.

Oh. Oh, dear. Oh.

[GROANING]

Are you all right?

[GRUNTING]

Oh, God.

Did you decide to leave Jackie a tip after all?

Look, sir, if you're not feeling well. . .

. . .you should drop in to the hospital in the next town.

Oh, all right.

Right.

-Roll down your window. -Eh?

What's the problem?

-You're parked illegally. -Oh.

-You're a danger to passing traffic. -Am I?

-Let's see your driver's license. -Yeah. All right.

Here you are.

Now. . . .

COP: Where are you from? BURT: I'm from New Zealand.

That's the land of the long, white cloud. Aotearoa.

Home of the kiwi bird.

Now, I don't care if you're from Mars.

-You cannot stop here. -All right.

You cannot stop on the side of this road. You're parked illegally.

Okay, well, I'm sorry. I, uh. . . .

I was having a bit of a heart attack and-- Well, recovering from one, anyway.

Well, next time, how about we stop at a proper rest area?

All right. Thanks. My name's Burt Munro.

-Okay. -Sorry about that.

MAN: Oil's okay.

-Thank you. MAN: That's all right, sir.

-Excuse me. Hi, there. -Hi.

Listen, I was wondering if I could catch a ride.

My car, she just broke down. . .

. . .and I'm really trying to get to Salt Lake City.

Well, I'm only going as far as Wendover. That's where I'm stopping.

Well, anything would be better than nothing.

-Ain't that the truth. Hop in, mate. -Hey, thank you.

RUSTY: I'm gonna go see my girlfriend.

She just moved from L.A. to Salt Lake, so. . . .

-Oh, yeah? -I'm home on leave from 'Nam.

-Where? -Vietnam?

-Oh, yeah. -Yeah.

Hey, what is that you got strapped on back there?

Oh, that, young fellow, is an Indian.

Motorcycle.

So, what are you doing in Vietnam?

RUSTY: I'm involved in Operation Ranch Hand.

What's that? Farming or something?

No, not exactly. We just started this program.

We are spraying the jungle from the air with herbicides. . .

. . .so the enemy, the Viet Cong, don't have any place to hide.

-Oh. -Agent Orange we call this stuff.

It comes in these big, orange drums.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

How is it working out?

Um, well, I'm home on two weeks' leave.

Then I gotta get my ass back there.

But we should have this war done in about six months or so.

That's what they keep telling us.

I can't wait to get my ass out of there, to tell you the truth.

Yeah. I remember the Great War, 1 91 4.

I was about your age, and that's what they kept telling everyone.

"It'll soon be over."

Twenty million dead and four years later, it was still going on.

Not as bad as the big flu epidemic, though.

Killed 21 million, that did. Or maybe more.

Every day, when I left to go to work. . .

. . . my mom would spray some formalin on my shirt. . .

. . .and maybe that's why I didn't catch it.

Or maybe I was just lucky.

You never know.

Whew. Knock on wood.

Yep.

[LAUGHS]

You know, life's a funny thing.

You never know what's around the corner, do you?

"Your shaving brush. . .

. . . has had its day."

BOTH: "So why not shave. . .

. . .the modern way?

Burma-Shave."

BURT: "If she doesn't kiss you. . .

. . . like she used to. . . ."

BOTH: "Perhaps she's seeing. . .

. . .some smoother rooster.

Burma-Shave."

"These signs we dedicate. . .

. . .to the men who've had no date of late.

Burma-Shave."

Yeah, that's us.

Or you, anyway.

[RUSTY WHISTLES]

RUSTY: Look at that.

Ooh, that's a cowboy and a half.

I was thinking I'd come out to the Salt with you.

I'd like to be there the first time you see it. It's only a couple miles up the road.

BURT: Yeah. All right, then. That sounds good.

Looks like there's a lot of people in town for Speed Week, huh?

BURT: Yeah, looks like it.

RUSTY: Oh, this is it, Burt.

-You're gonna take a left right up here. -Yeah.

I'm at Bonneville.

I can't believe it.

I mean, I'm here.

I've made it. Ha, ha, ha.

I've made it.

You know, all my life, I've wanted to do something big. . .

. . .something bigger and better than all the other jokers.

This is it. Bonneville.

This is the place where big things happen.

Do you realize, Rusty, the fastest man has ever gone on land is here?

Right here, where we are now.

Huh.

Malcolm Campbell did it here with Bluebird.

First guy to go over 300 mile an hour. . .

. . .and then later his son Donald Campbell was here with Proteus.

He crashed at 350 miles an hour and lived to tell the tale.

John Cobb was here.

First guy to go over 400 miles an hour.

All the great attempts.

George Easton with Thunderbolt. . .

. . .and Mickey Thompson with Challenger.

I'm telling you, Rusty, this place is holy ground, mate.

Holy ground.

And I made it here.

-Well, Burt. . . . -Yeah?

Thanks a million. We'll be looking for you in the record books.

You take care over there in Vietnam, won't you?

I'll be trying.

-Go ahead, mate. -Drive safe.

RUSTY: See you. -See you.

[WHISPERS] God.

Oh !

Thank God.

Jesus. Yeah.

[SIGHS]

-Good day. -Hey there.

-It's gonna be a great day. -Yeah.

JIM: Still. No wind.

BURT: Lovely day for a run.

Salt's in good shape.

Yeah. Firm and dry.

Dead flat, no soft patches.

Not like the beach.

Yeah. I can do it here.

Yep. This week. That's what we're here for.

Yeah.

God, is that yours?

Yep.

Oh, she's a beauty.

I'll bet she goes fast.

-Is that yours? -Yeah. It's an old Indian.

My name is Munro, Burt Munro, from down under, New Zealand.

-Long way from home. -Yeah.

Jim Moffett, San Jose, California.

-Nice to meet you, Burt. -Good to meet you, Jim.

OTTO [OVER SPEAKER]: Next on the starting line, the Moffett Racing entry. . . .

[OTTO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

--Racing Downs. Driven by Jim Moffett, San Jose, California. . . .

[CROWD CHEERING]

[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

BURT: Come on, let's go.

-Morning. -Hello. Burt Munro.

-Mike. -Mike?

Are you checked in?

No. Not yet.

Well, you know, you gotta remove the shell before we do the tech inspection.

Where do I check in?

-It's just over there. -Thanks, fellas.

-Okay. -Thank you.

Gotta see this.

Hello. I've come to check in.

Munro. Burt Munro.

-Registration number? -What?

Registration number. I don't see your number here.

Oh, no, it's 35.

It's on the side of my motorcycle over there.

-That's my lucky number. -Have you registered?

No. That's what I come for.

These two blokes sent me over here. Mike and someone else.

Sir, registration closed last month.

If you haven't registered, I'm sorry, you just can't run.

I can't run? I mean, uh. . . .

Well, how was I supposed to know I should have pre-registered?

I mean, I've come a heck of a long way to run my bike.

You know, I'm not going anywhere until I've done just that.

I've come all the way from New Zealand, you know? It's a long way.

Look, mister, we don't make the rules.

You know, an event like this doesn't just happen in one day.

Rules are rules. Entries closed July 31 st.

But, crikey, I live in Invercargill.

It's halfway around the bloody Earth, you know?

How was I supposed to know these things?

-I didn't know all this stuff. -Sir, that's not our problem.

I thought I could just turn up here and have my bike timed.

You don't have to call me "sir." My name's Munro.

Well, sir, you thought wrong.

Here, Jim. Jim Moffett!

It's Burt Munro. Could you come over here, mate?

Hey, I'll be right back.

BURT: I need a bit of help.

Hey, Burt. What's up?

BURT: Well, I need your help.

These blokes are telling me I can't run my bike. . .

. . . because I'm not pre-registered.

-You didn't register? -No. I didn't know anything about it.

You know how it is, Jim. Rules are rules.

Burt, you should have registered months ago.

I didn't know.

Look, I'll have a talk with these guys later, see if I can change their minds.

-Blood's worth bottling. -I don't know about that.

Look, we can talk about this later.

Maybe you can let him go through tech inspection, get that out of the way.

Just in case we can let him run.

You're asking a lot.

[SOFTLY] Right.

Okay.

-All right. -What?

-Make me proud. -Thanks a lot.

Gave me a bit of a fight there.

You know, these don't look like high-speed tires.

Well, they are high-speed tires.

Look at these hairline cracks. These tires gotta be 25 years old.

-What happened to the tread? -What?

-I said, what happened to the tread? -I cut it off.

That's what happened. I cut it off with a carving knife.

Otherwise, it wouldn't be a high-speed tire, would it?

What are you talking about?

You got to keep the weight down, haven't you, son?

Or when you get it to a high speed, the centrifugal force. . .

. . .would throw the tread right off.

I run them on 65 pounds of air. That tire's safe up to 300 mile an hour.

I guarantee it. These are high-speed tires, and I made them.

Well, you're gonna have to replace them. The suspension here is a leaf-spring.

I mean, can we pass that?

Jeez, last leaf-spring on a motorcycle must have been in the 1 920s.

Well, it is 42 years old.

These brakes are completely inadequate.

I'm planning on going, not stopping. Ha, ha, ha.

The brakes were old-fashioned 40 years ago.

-Yeah. -Is this a hinge off a fence post?

No. That's from an old kitchen door.

[CROWD SNICKERING]

Let me just ask you, what is this?

It's a cork. What does it look like? It's a cork from a brandy bottle.

The thing is, it's all about weight. The less weight, the faster you go.

-Where's your chute? -What?

-Where's your parachute? -I'm not planning on bailing out.

-No. You've got to have a safety chute. -I can't afford one.

These forks, if they give out, we got ourselves a real problem.

I think I'd have a bit of a problem that way, wouldn't I?

-Where's your fire suit? -What?

Where's your fire suit?

Good heavens, man. I don't intend to burst into flames.

Always wear my old suit pants for good luck.

If they were good enough to get married in, they're good enough to ride this old girl in.

And, you know, I just tuck the legs of my pants into my socks like this, you know. . .

. . .stop them getting caught in the chain and Bob's your uncle.

Okay. So you got your suit pants.

-What are you gonna wear on top? -What?

You got your suit pants on the bottom. What do you intend to wear on top?

Yes, a black woolen shirt, New Zealand wool, water-resistant. . .

. . .fire-resistant, and me bash hat.

-Your bash hat? -Bash hat.

-Crash helmet. -You're crazy.

You gotta wear, like, at least a leather jacket on top.

You put the bike down on the salt, it's like coarse sandpaper.

-It's gonna rub your head right off. -I couldn't get into the shell. . .

. . .with anything bulkier than the shirt on my back.

-I mean, it's a very tight fit in there. -Straight out of the ark.

-What did you say? -Straight out of the ark.

Why are you being so cheeky? What's your name, young man?

McFarland. Mike McFarland.

I knew a McFarland. He used to sell milking machines in Timaru.

You must be related to him because he was a total prick.

MIKE: You don't even have a fire extinguisher installed.

Mike McFarland used to give me milking-machine parts. . .

-. . .to make my sprockets with. -Just how old are you?

I don't know. He was about 35 when I knew--

No. How old are you?

His brother owned the general store, down at a place called Bulls.

-That's a town in New Zealand. -Sir, your machine is not safe.

I've been doing this for 43 years, and I'm still here to tell the tale.

Well, times change. We started taking airplanes instead of riding horseback.

-Horsepower? JERRY: Horseback.

BURT: Horseback. Yeah, I got you. Yeah.

You're too old.

Bollocks. I may have this saggy skin on the outside. . .

. . . but inside, I'm still 1 8 years old.

I'd give you a run for your money, young fella.

MAN: Need some help? -Oh, hello.

Rolly Freed, Marty Dickerson. We're a couple of bike fans.

Oh. Burt Munro from kiwi-land.

A pleasure, Burt.

[ALL LAUGHING]

-You got me good there. -Yeah.

Where are you staying?

Well, that's my salubrious accommodation.

I usually sleep at night in the back seat.

Salubrious, you say, Munro, huh?

We been hearing a lot about you.

Sounds like you're cutting your finances mighty fine.

Oh, yeah. You can say that again.

Well, we're up at the Western Ridge. Why don't you drop by?

Looks like you could use a shower and everybody's staying there. . .

. . .and I bet that there's a spare bed there too.

Well, thanks a lot. You Yanks are classic, you know that?

You don't catch me that easily.

WOMAN: Hey, Burt.

Hello.

The front forks could go at any time, the suspension is right out of the 1 920s. . .

. . . he's got hairline cracks all over his tires. . .

. . . he's got no fire extinguisher, no safety chute.

I told you, if it's a time problem, the old guy's welcome to use some of my time.

It's not a time problem, it's a bike problem.

JIM: Well, I think we ought to let him run.

He came all the way from New Zealand to do this.

WARREN: Jim, have you had a good look at his machine?

All I know is, the man's the genuine article.

Well, the bike is a genuine dinosaur.

Look, we carry the can for the decisions around here.

If the old fart kills himself-- And it's about 1 00-to-1 that he will, right?

--we are gonna have a hell of a lot of trouble on our hands.

Yeah. It sounds like we're a bunch of chickenshits, if you want my opinion.

His bike didn't even come close to passing tech inspection, Jim.

JIM: Burt. -Hello, Jim. Come in.

Rolly Freed said I could find you here.

Rolly Freed, yeah. Ah, he's the best. He's a real gentleman.

You know, he set me up at this place for nothing.

What are you doing?

Well, the soft shoe polish fills in the cracks. . .

. . . makes the tires look spic and span. . .

. . .good as new and cheaper than new ones, anyway.

I didn't see that.

Well, can I run?

I'm sorry, Burt.

[BURT SIGHS]

Who the heck do they think they are?

Crikey, Jim, you know, I'm not trying to run a mile in four minutes.

All I've got to do is sit there and open up the throttle.

I mean, after all, it's my ruddy life, isn't it?

Can't you do anything?

I mean, I just want to try and get her to go over 200 just once, that's all.

Once I've cracked 200. . .

. . . I'll be quite happy to piss off back home to New Zealand and Bob's your uncle.

You're a well-respected man, aren't you? Couldn't you talk to them?

I tried.

I mean, you've got as much chance of writing yourself off as I have.

You know that. Just talk to them again.

I know they'll listen to you, mate.

Okay, Burt, I'll try.

-See you tomorrow. -Okay.

[GRUNTING]

I mean, I'm half the age of some of those characters out there.

-What's that? -Oh, that's just indigestion.

You see, everyone wants us old buggers. . .

. . .to curl up in some quiet corner and die.

Well, Burt Munro is not ready to finish yet, I'll tell you that, mate.

I'll give it a shot, but I'm not promising anything.

Thanks, mate. Thanks a lot.

OTTO [OVER SPEAKER]: The famous Mickey Johnson car, Challenger I.

-Where's he going? WARREN: Didn't Jim tell him?

GLENN: He says he did. -Then what's he doing here?

Why won't you let him run?

Hey, he's too old and his bike's too old.

I hear he come halfway around the world to ride that cycle.

Yeah. Come on.

Wendy, if he was to kill himself--

So? It's his life.

ROLLY: Keep an eye out for those officials.

You sure? I don't think it's such a good idea.

If we're gonna do this damn thing, you gotta hurry.

All right. Let's go. Here's your helmet.

Here's your goggles.

-Come on, Burt. We gotta go. -Yeah, right.

Put them on. Put them on.

Go! Come on !

Okay, let's go.

Push. Go fast!

Hey, you can't-- Hey! You can't do that!

BURT: Come on ! Come on !

Whoa! Hey! Whoa!

Hang on ! Whoa!

[GLENN WHISTLING]

BOB: Hey, where are you going with that?

[ENGINE RUMBLING]

Stop! Stop, stop, stop.

What the hell are you doing, Burt?

-What the hell are you doing? -Just getting her warmed up, Bob.

Didn't look like you were getting her warmed up.

Jesus. He was gonna take the thing for a fricking run.

Bob. Oh, boy.

Okay.

That is the most determined man I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah.

I kind of feel sorry for the old coot. . .

. . .coming all this way, huh?

Isn't there some way we can accommodate him?

There can't be much risk there.

His bike will be lucky if it does 70. What do you say?

Why don't we bend the rules this once, huh?

[SOFTLY] Jesus.

EARL: Burt. -Yeah?

Bob and I had a little chat. . .

. . .and we're thinking we're gonna organize a handling run for you.

-You are? What? -Well, a handling run.

All the officials, we're gonna get into our vehicles--

-You're joking. -No, I'm not.

We're gonna follow along behind you and see if you're okay to ride this beast.

Of course I'm okay to ride it.

First thing tomorrow morning, all right? Bright and early.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Thanks, fellas.

I'll see you, then.

-Are you all right? -Yeah.

Don't hurt yourself.

Okay, everyone listen up! This is what we're gonna do!

Burt, you're gonna get rolling, all right?

Ride slowly along. We'll all jump in our vehicles, follow you down the track.

-See if you can handle this thing. -I'll handle her all right.

All right. Everybody got that?

JERRY: Okay. Let's get in the cars.

WARREN: All right. Sounds good.

Hope the old man doesn't make a fool of himself.

-Here we go. -In here. Okay.

Right-o. I'm ready. Let's go! Go ahead, push it!

Come on ! Push it, boys!

ROLLY: Go, Burt! -Whoa!

Sixty, 65, 70.

Attaboy, Burt!

Seventy-five.

There he goes, up to 80, 85.

Ninety.

Ninety-five. Look at that man go!

-Holy smoke! -He's leaving them behind !

What the hell is that old guy up to?

Nobody told him he could give it everything.

Well, that solves the question of whether he can handle it.

I'm doing 95, and he left us in the dust.

-Way to go! -Attaboy, Burt!

[ENGINE DECELERATING]

All right. Grab hold of her.

Got enough room? Got it?

Don't let her go.

Oh, that was a disaster.

Hey, Burt, how'd it go?

Not good.

So, what's the verdict?

When you opened up there in top gear, you sure left us in the dust.

I couldn't even get it out of second gear.

The plugs were oiling up, so I had to. . .

. . .feed it some more juice, you know, up the revs a little.

Well, I guess we'll see if you're telling us the truth, Munro.

You telling me I can officially run my bike on the track and have it timed?

That's what I'm saying, Burt.

You'll never know what this means to me, Otto.

Twenty-five years I've dreamed of this day. Twenty-five years.

Sometimes you gotta bend the rules a little.

Today's one of those days.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

MARTY: Hey, Burt!

-Burt. -What?

-Oh. -What did they say?

What happened?

Well, they said I could run.

-That's great! -Yeah.

-So why the long face, then? -Well, I don't know.

It's just starting to sink in, and I've got a problem, a big problem.

As soon as I get over 1 1 0, it starts to wobble like heck.

I mean, a bad speed wobble.

Well, Burt, it looked like it was about as stable as my last wife.

Yeah.

I've got a theory, and I think I'm right.

I need about 20 car batteries.

-Twenty? -Yeah.

You think it's okay to steal these batteries, Burt?

We're not stealing them, Marty, we're souveniring them.

Be careful of that acid right there. All right. What do we do with them now?

Well, we've got to talk someone into lending us a painter's blowtorch.

A painter's blowtorch?

What are we gonna do with all this metal, Burt?

Well, when this cools down, we'll have ourselves a lead brick.

What do you do with a lead brick?

Place it in the front of the motorcycle.

And that's your plan?

Yeah.

Well, you must get the center of pressure. . .

. . . behind the center of gravity, and if you don't get it right. . .

. . .then she'll start to fishtail as soon as you get her wound up.

What do you mean by fishtail?

Well, like a fish's behind, you know. You'll start doing that. . .

. . .and that's what happened today when I had the handling run.

And so, in a panic, I lifted my head up from behind the screen. . .

. . .and suddenly the bike started to go straight. . .

. . .and I knew somehow that I'd solved the problem. . .

. . . by sticking my head up into the wind.

-I don't get it. -Me neither.

Well, I'll show you. Let me have that.

Hey, give me-- What are you doing?

Now, imagine this cigar is my Streamliner.

You don't poke holes in a cigar.

Now, if I hold it in the middle and blow on it like so. . . .

See how unstable it is?

-Now, if I shift. . . -Not again.

. . .the center of pressure here, and blow on it. . . .

See? It's much more stable. See, the center of pressure. . .

. . . is behind the center of gravity. . .

. . .and that's what I'm trying to fix with the lead brick, see?

You're quite clever, Burt, you know that?

Now all I need to do is to test my theory before I run on the salt. . .

. . .and I was thinking of crossing over the state line. . .

. . .from here in Utah into Nevada where there's no speed limit. . .

. . .and running the bike with a lead brick in the front of it.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[SIREN WAILING]

[SIREN STOPS]

-Good morning. -Good morning.

You know how fast you were going back there?

Yeah. About 1 50, 1 60 miles an hour.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

-Yeah. -Yeah, that sounds about right.

MARTY: How's he gonna talk his way out of this one?

He's sure got his ass in a sling this time, don't he?

So, what's the situation with this thing? You don't have any license plates on it.

-Well, it's registered in New Zealand. -New Zealand?

Yeah. That's where I come from.

Right. You mean to tell me that this contraption of yours. . .

. . . is registered for the road?

Yeah, in New Zealand.

New Zealand. Right.

Well, how about taking it easy here in Nevada?

Just because we don't have a speed limit. . .

. . .don't mean we want people killing themselves.

-Right, sounds fair enough to me. -All right. You have a good day.

-I will. Thank you. -You bet.

MARTY: Burt, everything okay?

Well, fellas. . .

. . .we're gonna have to give the lead brick the old Spanish archer.

-Spanish archer? -Yeah, the big elbow, you know?

The lead brick has got to go. Whose stupid idea was that, anyway?

ROLLY: It was yours.

BURT: Yeah, well, I'm just gonna have to ride her the way she is.

What about that speed wobble?

Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

-I've got another problem, too. -Yeah? What now?

Well, when I get her going, there's an enormous amount of heat. . .

. . .coming off the exhaust pipe, and I hope it doesn't cook my leg.

Maybe you could wrap your leg in some asbestos cloth.

-That should fix it, shouldn't it? -Yeah. That's a good idea.

So you got any more problems you want to tell us about?

Oh, yes. My old ticker.

You got a bad heart?

Yes, I have.

[BURT LAUGHING]

WENDY: Hey, Burt. -Yeah?

-I've got a little surprise for you. -What?

Close your eyes and give me your hand.

-What? -Just close your eyes. Come on.

-What for? -Because I said so, mister. Come on.

Just keep walking.

Wendy, you're not gonna make a fool out of an old man, now.

I'd never do that.

-No? -Never.

Never. Okay. Okay. Now turn around.

-Yeah? -All right.

-All right? -Now hold your hands out.

-Yeah? -Good.

-Put that in your pocket. -All right.

-There you go. Good. -What are you doing?

Okay. You can open them.

[ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]

What are you all staring at?

[ALL LAUGHING]

What is this?

Burt, we've unanimously voted you. . .

. . . here on the Salt Flats, Sportsman of the Year. . .

. . . because we figured nobody has ever traveled as far as you have. . .

. . .to be here for Speed Week.

So normally, we would present a trophy or something like that. . .

. . . but considering your case, we thought a few extra dollars would be appreciated. . .

. . .so we passed the hat around.

Oh, my goodness.

All I know is. . . .

Oh !

Well, thank you all.

Thank you all very much.

I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.

Oh, dear. It's quite overwhelming, you know?

It's 25-years' dream to come here.

Well, I should try to justify your respect. . .

. . .and, you know. . .

. . .the original speed of my old bike was 54 miles an hour.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Now today I'm hoping to, you know, improve it a little.

[ENGINE REVVING]

[OTTO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER SPEAKER]

OTTO: Next is Burt Munro. . .

. . .all the way from Invercargill, New Zealand.

Burt Munro's entry was approved just yesterday.

ROLLY: Huh? Come on, tighten it up.

-Burt, where'd you get this stuff? BURT: What?

-I said, where'd you get this stuff? -Oh, I tore an old electric blanket apart. . .

. . .and got the asbestos cloth out of it.

-Got those heart pills? -You okay?

-Better take one. Yeah. -Yeah. They're almost ready.

Guys, come on, let's go.

The bottle says that they may cause drowsiness. Do not operate machinery.

BURT: I know that. -You're not supposed to take two of them.

One for me, one for the old girl.

Nitroglycerine. Make it go faster.

Have some of this, love.

[CHUCKLING]

There you go.

Yeah. We're almost there.

All right. Here we go. Oh, let's do it.

-Your goggles, huh? -What?

-Your goggles. Put your goggles on. -Calm down. For goodness' sake.

MAN: Come on. BURT: No, I can't.

I can't get my leg in because of the asbestos cloth on it.

Okay.

Let me take it off.

-Well, what about your leg and the heat? -Screw it. I've got a spare one.

-All right, Burt. -Yeah?

Get those goggles on.

-You all right? -Fine.

All right. You know the way. Make sure you come back.

BURT: Come on, let's go!

All right, push !

All right! Come on, fellas, push faster!

ROLLY: All right, Burt!

Keep running !

MARTY: Good luck!

Keep it straight, okay?

ROLLY: There you go, Burt! Come on, go!

Let's go, Burt!

Woo-hoo!

JIM: Come on, Burt!

WENDY: You can do it, Burt!

He's got no parachute and he's got no brakes.

1 58.647.

Mile 1 : 1 58.647 miles per hour.

Go, Burt!

-Come on ! -Go, Burt!

WENDY: Make us proud, honey! ROLLY: Burt!

EARL: 1 67.921 .

Mile 2: 1 67.921 miles per hour.

Crank it, Burt. Come on. Go, go, go!

WENDY: Come on, Burt!

OTTO: Mile 3: 1 70.371 miles per hour.

Come on, come on, come on.

[RATTLING]

Mile 4: 1 72.485 miles per hour.

Go!

MARTY: Come on, Burt! -That's the one! Come on, Burt!

MARTY: Burt!

OTTO: Mile 5: 1 83.694 miles per hour.

[ALL LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

EARL: 1 93.728.

Mile 6: 1 93.728 miles per hour.

Come on, Burt! You can do it! Come on, Burt!

Come on, Burt!

Mile 7: 1 94.21 1 miles per hour.

-Come on, Burt! -Holy moly! Come on !

[GRUNTING]

What is it?

201 .851 .

Mile 8: 201 .851 miles per hour.

Ladies and gentlemen, a new record. . .

. . .201 .851 miles per hour.

Burt, I hope you're gonna stop soon.

-He's going back! Back. -Back where?

Back to whatever planet he came from. . .

. . . because he sure as hell ain't from this one!

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

I really did toast my leg.

[LAUGHING]

I did it. I did it.

[PHONE RINGING]

Tom, can you get that? My hands are wet.

Hello.

OPERATOR: This is the United States calling.

l have a collect call from Mr. Burt Munro. Will you accept the charge?

Mom, it's Burt calling collect!

It is? Accept the call. Accept the call.

-My mom said we can accept the call. OPERATOR: Go ahead, sir.

BURT: Hello, Tom, is that you?

-Yes. -It's me, Burt. I did it, Tom.

-She's the world's fastest lndian! -She is?

Dad. Dad. He did it. Burt did it.

He set a new record.

[HORN HONKING]

MAN 1 : Hi ! MAN 2: Hey!

-How are you? -Hey!

You did it!

Hi, Franklin. Jeff, thanks a lot, mate.

-Welcome home, Burt. -Hello, George.

Oh, my goodness, you've made this space look spiffy, mate.

-You done us proud ! -Yeah !

You put Invercargill on the map.

-Well, I reckon so, yeah. -So, what have you got planned now?

Well, right now I've got a lot of work to do. . .

. . . if I'm to get back to Bonneville next year, you know?

So more early mornings, then.

Yeah. More early mornings. Hello, love.

-Welcome home. -Nice to be back.

-Hello, Tom. -Hi, Burt.

How are you, son? Good to see you.

You're growing up a bit, huh?

[BURT CHUCKLES]

I looked after your lemon tree, like you told me.

You did, yeah. It's looking good too.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

-I fed the chickens. -You did?

-And Mom cooked all the eggs. -Oh, yeah? They taste good?

-Yep. -Yeah. Hey, have you got the key?

-Here it is. -All right, thanks.

-I took care of it. -I knew you would.

TOM: How fast did you go? -Oh, mighty fast.

On one of my runs, I did over 200 miles an hour.

Whoa! What would happen if you opened your mouth at that speed?

Well, you'd blow the backside out of your pants, I reckon.

[LAUGHING]

All right. Let's see.

Ah ! Nice to be home, back in my shed.