All language subtitles for Zoeys.Extraordinary.Christmas.2021.WEBRip.x264-ION10.english

- Hi, my name is Zoey Clarke,

and my story is
probably going to be

the most unusual one
you hear today.

[upbeat music]

About a year
and a half ago,

I was just a regular
programmer gal,

hiding behind my computer

at a big tech company
here in San Francisco.

But then, I started having
some really bad headaches.

So I went to get an MRI,

and as I was lying
in the machine,

there was an earthquake.

And it was like all the songs
in the world

suddenly got uploaded
into my brain.

Next thing I know, I can hear
people's innermost thoughts

expressed through
musical numbers.

This power taught me
that, however it looks

on the outside,
we're all messed up.

We all have our own issues.

My main issue, BTW,
was that my father was dying

of a rare neurological disease
while this was all happening.

He couldn't speak, walk, move,

trapped in his own body.

But because of my new ability,

we could suddenly communicate
all over again through song,

which was everything.

When my dad died,
my family was lost.

But we learned over the last
eight months to carry on.

Whatever that means.

But now there's
a whole new problem.

About two weeks ago,
out of nowhere my boyfriend,

Max, also got
my musical powers and--

- Whoa, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

I'm gonna have to stop you
right there.

- Is there something wrong?

- This is
a very extraordinary tale,

but I have lots
of children waiting.

- Okay.
- And all I asked you was,

"What's your name, what
do you want for Christmas?"

- Oh. I just thought
you needed the back story

to really understand my wish.

I guess I just want my dad back
for Christmas

or some clarity

on why this happened to me
and my boyfriend.

I mean, I know that my dad said
that the universe

has some grand plan
for me but--

- I'll do my best to help

but this might be slightly
above my pay grade.

- Smile.

- Merry Christmas.
[laughs]

- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah.

Is it--is it really necessary?
Okay, okay, I'm going.

I'm going.
Don't look at me like that.

The picture was for my mother.
I have a dead father.

♪ ♪

- Isn't this great?

The smell of peppermint lattes
filling the air,

major discount sales
happening everywhere,

and both Black
and white people alike

all equally stressed out.

How could you not be
in the holiday spirit?

- Yeah.

I guess I'm just feeling
a little conflicted

about Christmas this year,
that's all.

- Oh, 'cause Max is Jewish?
- What?

No, because it's my first
Christmas without my father.

- Oh, yeah.
That.

Look, it's gonna be tough
but you have to focus

on the things that you do have.
You have a man.

- Yes.
- I have a man.

- You do.

- My man has kids who like me
and I like them.

That is a Christmas miracle
in itself.

- So, are all of those gifts
for Perry's kids?

- Oh, no, these are
the stocking stuffers.

I'm having the good stuff
wrapped as we speak.

- Can I have the stomp rocket?
- Absolutely not.

- Okay, I'm happy you're happy.

- [sighs]
- Truly.

Just know that, you know,
this year might not be

quite as great for me
as it is for you.

- Okay Zo, ho-ho.

I will not rub my Christmas joy
in your face.

I'll just keep it
all bottled up to myself, hmm.

- Thank you.

[brassy holiday music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ It's the most wonderful
time of the year ♪

♪ ♪

♪ With the kids
jingle belling ♪

♪ And everyone telling you
be of good cheer ♪

♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪

♪ Of the year ♪

♪ It's the ha-happiest
season of all ♪

all: ♪ Ding dong, ding dong ♪

- ♪ With
those holiday greetings ♪

♪ And gay happy meetings ♪

♪ When loved ones call ♪

♪ It's the ha-happiest
season ♪

♪ Of all ♪

- ♪ There'll be parties
for hosting ♪

- ♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪

- ♪ And caroling
out in the snow ♪

- ♪ There'll be scary
ghost stories ♪

- ♪ And tales of the glories ♪

♪ Of Christmases
long, long ago ♪

- ♪ It's the most wonderful
time of the year ♪

♪ ♪

♪ There'll be
much mistletoeing ♪

♪ And hearts will be glowing ♪

♪ When loved ones are near ♪

♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪

♪ Of the year ♪

♪ ♪

all: ♪ There'll be
parties for hosting ♪

all: ♪ Marshmallows
for toasting ♪

all: ♪ And caroling out
in the snow ♪

- ♪ There'll be
scary ghost stories ♪

♪ And tales of the glories ♪

♪ Of Christmases
long, long ago ♪

♪ Long ago ♪

all: ♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪

♪ Of the year ♪

- ♪ There'll be
much mistletoeing ♪

♪ And hearts will
be glowing ♪

♪ When loved ones are near ♪

♪ It's the most
wonderful time ♪

all: ♪ Yes, the most
wonderful time ♪

♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪

♪ Of the year ♪

♪ ♪

- Yeah, Christmas this year
is gonna be rough as fu--

[festive rock music]

♪ ♪

- So I might have a new theory
on why I got the powers.

- Really?
What do you got this time?

We're both concussed?

It was all a dream?
The universe hates me?

- I think I got them so I could
tell you how awesome they are.

- [snores]
- No, no, no, I mean it.

Ask me how many people
I've already helped

after hearing
their heart songs today.

- How many people have you--
- Three.

And it was super easy too.

Like I heard this one woman
singing "Umbrella"

because she thought
it might rain outside.

So you know what I did?

- Gave her an umbrella?
- I gave her an umbrella.

And she was so appreciative,
she told me she was gonna tell

all of her friends
to come to the restaurant.

- That is so great, Max.
I think it's awesome.

The powers are creating
future revenue.

Hey, maybe that's why
you got 'em.

- Don't take this the wrong
way, but I have no idea

why you've had
so many challenges

with the powers in the past.

Because they're kind
of the best thing ever.

- Okay, you say that now,

but wait until all your
employees are singing a song

about how much they hate you
or a stranger

reveals the darkest depths
of their soul

to you in
the supermarket check-out line.

- Or sing "Pour Some Sugar
on Me" in the bedroom?

- Hey!
You know, don't get cocky!

I was probably just feeling

a little hypoglycemic
at the time.

- Ooh, ooh, before you go
to work,

can I tell you another one?
- Go for it.

- So, I saw some hungry
looking teenagers sing

"Cake by the Ocean"
so you know what I did?

- You got them a cake.

- And showed them
where the ocean was.

Boom, nailed it.

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

- Is it just me
or does a whole food bar

devoted to peppermint bark
feel like a bit of a stretch?

- Huh, I mean I'd take it over
the "Pumpkin Bar" Bar

that we had on Halloween.

Can I talk to you
about something?

- Dude, is this entire food bar
all peppermint bark?

Sweet.

- Walk with me.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Okay, so

this year is gonna be the
first Christmas without my dad.

And Christmas and my father
are, like,

synonymous in my mind.

So, since you've already gone
through year one,

any advice?
And go.

- Ooh, well, I think there's
only two ways to approach it.

Either you go all
in remembering your father.

Honoring him completely.

- Or?
- Avoid it at all costs.

- Okay.
What did you do?

- I went on a yoga retreat
by myself

without any cell service.

[laughs]
So what does that tell you?

- That I should bury my head
in the sand

until at least January 2nd?

- Have you talked to
your family about this yet?

Found out what they wanna do?

- No, we haven't discussed it.

- Well, considering Christmas

is a week away,
you might wanna get on that.

- How crazy is it that
it's the middle of December

and we're eating outside?
Does anyone know

the last time it snowed
in San Francisco, anybody?

- This is a trick question.

It's never snowed
in San Francisco.

- Actually not
a trick question.

David?

- Don't care.

- Maggie?
- The answer is 1976.

- Maggie for the win.
It was 1976.

- How'd you know that?

- Because it happened
the same night I went

to see the Grateful Dead
at the Winterland.

And I was so high
when I came out of that arena

that I didn't know
if it was snowing

or I was hallucinating.
I will never forget that.

- Okay.
So, there's actually reason

I wanted us all to
have dinner together tonight.

- You're pregnant?
You're engaged?

You're pregnant
so you got engaged?

- What?
No.

It's that Christmas Eve
is a week away

and we haven't even discussed
our plans yet.

And I know that it's gonna be
very different this year

without Dad,

but we do have to figure it out
at some point.

So are we doing
what we always do or...

What?

- Um, yeah, well, actually

we've been wanting
to talk to you about this too.

- "We"?

You've all been having
these conversations without me?

- That was--see,
it's kind of a funny story.

Emily, why don't you go ahead
and take this one?

- Coward.
So, my sister is living

at this amazing artist retreat
in Santa Fe

right now and asked
if we'd like to come join her.

- And, yeah, Emily's been
so busy with work.

- And David's been on
constant baby duty.

- We've just been like two
trains passing in the night.

So we just thought
it'd be nice to take, like,

a trip to Santa Fe just to like
mix things up a little bit.

- And avoid thinking
about Dad at all?

- Yeah, that did also
cross my mind.

Yeah.

- Mom?
- Oh, well, I didn't know

what you and Max were thinking
and Deb did invite me

to come with her to a health
and wellness resort in Hawaii,

and I always knew this was
gonna be a tough holiday

and I thought, well, maybe
it would be good to get away

and by myself a little bit.

But I didn't say yes
and I'm not gonna go

unless I have your blessing.
So what do you think?

["Bad Blood" playing]

- ♪ Did you have to do this? ♪

♪ I was thinking
that you could be trusted ♪

♪ Did you have to ruin ♪

♪ What was shining?
Now it's all rusted ♪

♪ Did you have to hit me
where I'm weak? ♪

♪ Baby, I couldn't breathe
and rub it in so deep ♪

♪ Salt in the wound like
you're laughing right at me ♪

♪ Oh, it's so sad to ♪

♪ Think about the good times ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ 'cause, baby,
now we got bad blood ♪

♪ You know it used
to be mad love ♪

♪ So take a look at what
you've done, 'cause, baby ♪

♪ Now we got bad blood ♪
Hey!

♪ Now we got problems ♪

♪ And I don't think
we can solve them ♪

♪ You made a really deep cut ♪

♪ And, baby,
now we got bad blood ♪

Hey!

- Mm.

- [sighs]

I think you guys
should absolutely do

your own thing.

You know,
but only if you promise

to send selfies from
all of your crazy adventures.

[tense music]

- So, I heard you sing
a heart song at dinner.

- Did you?
- I did.

- Oh, my gosh.
Was it "Apples and Bananas,"

so you decided
to pass the fruit?

- That's funny but no.

It was actually "Bad Blood"
by Taylor Swift.

And you seemed pretty upset
with your family

about not spending
the holidays together.

- That was the takeaway?
- Not really sure

there's too many other
interpretations there.

- Okay.
You know what?

I will admit it.

I had some...feelings

when my family
told me their plans.

They just--they caught me
off-guard, okay?

We've never
spent Christmas apart,

so maybe I had a, you know,
momentary visceral response.

- Well, there was also
a high kick involved

and you acted a bit
like a--like a matador.

- Okay, I appreciate you trying
to analyze my heart song.

But there is far more nuance

to this whole heart song thing
than you realize.

You're allowed to feel mad
and hurt for a second

and then have
that impulse go away.

- Right.
But has it gone away?

- Yeah.
Yeah.

Everyone should be able
to do what they want

for the holidays.
Totally was in the right

and it's not fair for me
to be mad at them about it.

- I'm sorry everyone's
doing their own thing.

That must be really hard.

I just want you to be happy.

So, whatever you wanna do
for Christmas is fine with me.

[soft sentimental music]

- Well, in that case--
and no pressure--

but you better plan
something awesome.

- Okay.

- What are you doing?
Stop being so nosy.

- There are way
too many presents

in here with my name on them.

- I think the correct response
is, "Thank you, Mo."

- But I haven't gotten you
anything yet.

You are way too hard
to shop for.

[phone buzzing]
- I don't think so.

Anything with Gucci,
Balenciaga,

Dior on it
will do just fine.

- Who's texting you so much?

Phone was buzzing
all night long.

- Is this you being less nosy?

It's just lots of questions
about "Christmas Carol-oke."

- Is one of the questions
what is Christmas Carol-oke?

- It is an annual dinner
karaoke night

I throw for friends

who don't have family
to be with on the holidays.

Kind of a "Island of
Misfit Boys" type of thing.

Only this year
I think I'm gonna pass.

- Why would you do that?
- Because I have my own family

to worry about
so they're out of luck.

- No way.
I do not wanna be

the one kicking people
out for Christmas.

- And that is why
I am with you.

- It's not
'cause of the beard?

- Oh, baby, the beard
definitely does help.

- [laughs]
I'll catch you later.

Oh, is there any way
you could pick

Amirah up at the
community center around 4:00?

I've got this big firemen's
end of the year party

and those things
can get pretty lit.

- You want me to pick up
your daughter?

- Yeah.

I like you being more involved
in my kids' lives.

Plus Amirah is rehearsing
for the big holiday pageant.

Maybe you can
give her some tips.

- You know, normally I am way
more materialistic than this

but you trusting me
with your children

is the greatest
Christmas present of all.

Bye.

- Bye.
[laughs]

- Whew.
It is a nail biter.

I'm feeling a lot
of pressure, folks.

I do not wanna make
the wrong decision

and forever alter
the dynamics around here.

♪ ♪

Falling Water is...

but it is hard to deny
the Bilbao Guggenheim.

♪ ♪

You know what,

I'm gonna go with
the Commodore 64 Home Computer.

- Whoo, yeah!
Uh!

Take that, Janice!

I mean, uh, thank you.

It was an honor to participate.

Congratulations
to all the builders.

- Oh, before you all scatter
to the winds,

I wanted to play you a message
from our fearless leader.

- Hello.

Sorry I couldn't be
with you today

but when the Space Shuttle
takes off, it takes off.

I just wanted to say that
I hope all of your Christmases

are astronomical

or, you know, whatever holiday
you celebrate.

You know, the point
is Sprq Point's inclusive.

It's tolerant.
It's accepting of all people.

Hence the non-denominational
holiday sweaters

I had made and strongly
encouraged you to wear today.

Anyway, thank you
for your service.

I guess I'll see you all after
another trip around the sun.

No, really, let's go around
the sun one more time.

Is anyone else hot?
Toni?

Toni, do you have--
is there A/C?

- Have a great break everyone.
- I'm really sweating now.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- So, did you and your family

figure out
what you're going to do?

- We sure did.
We sure did.

We are all going
our separate ways this year.

- And how are you feeling
about that?

- It's...
it's fine.

- Mm-hmm.

- I mean, maybe it's better
because I don't wanna

just dwell
on the sadness, you know.

What about you?
What are you doing?

Something wild
and crazy I hope.

- I'm meeting up with my mom
and her new husband in Vegas

which should be weird.

- Very weird.
- Yeah.

I'll try to check in with you.
I just...

I hope you're able to find
some joy over the holidays.

- You too.
[laughs]

Thanks, Simon.

- Yeah.
- But, you know, what?

Who needs to be
with family anyway?

Not me, said the flea.

- [chuckles]

- Hey, gang.

Uh, I just wanted to come
and say goodbye.

Anybody got
any big vacation plans?

Come on, some of you
must be doing something fun.

Gingerbread man,
what about you?

- Uh, I'm just going bird
watching with my brothers

and parents at an incredible
wildlife refuge in New Mexico.

- Wow.

- But I'm sure
it's gonna be terrible.

- Uh, okay.

Speaking of birds, what are you
two lovebirds doing?

- We're going skiing
with my whole extended fam.

Mac's about to meet
all the Batras!

- That should be fun, right?
- Oh, yeah.

As long as she stays away
from my Uncle Jimmy.

- Truthfully, I think the whole
skiing industrial complex

is a real racket anyway,

so it's probably
gonna be pretty lame.

- I see what's going on here.

You all are trying to downplay
your vacation

so I don't feel bad
about mine, is that it?

You don't have to do that.
Really.

- No, it's not
what we're doing.

- It's not?

- Uh, I'm actually pretty sure
that most of us

would prefer to be here,
working, with you.

["Home Sweet Home" playing]

[piano music]

- ♪ You know I'm a dreamer ♪

♪ But my heart's of gold ♪

♪ I had to run away high ♪

♪ So I wouldn't come home low ♪

♪ Just when things went right ♪

♪ It doesn't mean
they were always wrong ♪

♪ Just take this song ♪

♪ And you'll never feel
left all alone ♪

- Aww.
Maybe I'm wrong.

- ♪ I'm on my way ♪

[rock music]

♪ I'm on my way ♪

all: ♪ Home sweet home ♪

- Nope, not wrong.
Not wrong at all.

- ♪ You know that I've seen ♪

♪ Too many romantic dreams ♪

♪ Up in lights,
falling off the silver screen ♪

♪ My heart's like an open book
for the whole world to read ♪

♪ Sometimes nothing ♪

♪ Keeps me together
at the seams ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪
- ♪ I'm on my way ♪

both: ♪ Home sweet home ♪

♪ Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way ♪

♪ Just set me free ♪

all: ♪ Home sweet home ♪

[elevator bell dings]

♪ Home sweet home ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Ooh, I'm on my way ♪

♪ Just set me free ♪

♪ Home sweet home ♪

- Understood.

all: ♪ Joy to the world,
the Lord is come ♪

♪ Let Earth receive her king ♪

- Ooh.
Guess I'm early.

I hope the director
doesn't mind.

Baby, if this were
my rehearsal

and someone just barged on in,
heads would roll.

- I think you're safe.

This is just
a nice little kid's show.

- Is one of them yours?

- Oh no, I'm--I'm Susan.
I'm the director.

- Okay. Ms. Susan. I see you.

Ooh, I love having
a woman director up in here.

Okay.

- [laughing]
And yours is?

- Oh, that adorable bundle
of hair on the end.

Hi, honey.

Although she's not mine.
Maybe one day.

- So what do you think
of all these little angels?

- Did you really want
my opinion?

- Oh, uh, sure, sure.
You said "your rehearsals."

You must know a thing
or two about--

- I think they look scared.

They look like
they're being held hostage.

The song is called
"Joy to the World," Susan.

Do you see any joy
in that stage?

Joy, anywhere?

- No. No.
I, I don't--I don't disagree.

Um, it's a timid group
we have this year, uh,

but if you have any ideas
for how we could make the--

- Oh, sure, hold my purse.
- Oops.

[chuckles]
- Hi, kids.

All: ♪ Receive her king ♪

[baby fussing]

- Where's your rattle?

Let's go find it.

- You all right?
- Mm-hmm.

It's just--it's odd
seeing the house at Christmas

without any decorations.

- Hmm.
- Hi, guys.

- Hey.

Do you know where that photo
is of me in "The Nutcracker"?

Max doesn't believe
that I was Clara.

- Oh, it's probably out
in the garage

with the rest
of the Christmas stuff.

- I'm taking Zoey to see
"The Nutcracker" tonight,

just to give her
a little taste of Christmas.

That's not a guilt trip

because you're all leaving town
for the holidays.

It's just me trying to be cute,
you know, as I do.

- Ooh, I don't know who
there is because--Mom,

can you believe all the cards
that people sent us this year?

All these,
like, perfect families

in their perfect houses
with their perfect little kids.

- Mm-hmm.
- When did this become a thing?

- This is not a judgment
against you, Miles.

This is just them
railing against society,

that's all that is.

- Wow.
People really go all out, huh?

- Oh, those are
nothing compared

to the "Gluck Family
Holiday Newsletter."

- Whoa, who are the Glucks
and why do I wanna be them?

- Hey, you don't wanna be them.

Adam Gluck
is a douchebag, okay?

- Yeah.

- We went to law school
with him.

- Yeah, and every year,

he sends us a long
Christmas newsletter

bragging about
his family's accomplishments.

- Along with multiple photos
of him,

of his wife, of their kids...

- Their two Bernedoodles
that they "rescued."

- Wow, that is a nice backyard.

- Houses are cheaper
in Georgia.

They're cheaper there.
- A lot cheaper.

- I just--I just wanna figure
out a way to, like,

shove it back
in his smug, perfect face.

- Well, there is.

You can make up
your own newsletter

and send it only to him.
He won't know you're lying

and you can say
whatever you want on it.

- [chuckles]

[mischievous music]

- Found it.

♪ ♪

- Just helped two more people.
No song even needed this time.

[imitating sizzling]

- See? There I am.
I told you!

- This is amazing!
- -ly embarrassing,

which is why
it mostly stays in a box.

- Oh, my God.
What are these doing in here?

I haven't seen these for years.

- I think you once tap danced
for us on Christmas Eve.

- To...
both: "Jingle Bells"!

- [laughs]

Oh, my God, I must've had
a lot of eggnog that night.

- Oh, this is cool.
- Yeah.

Ooh, be careful with that!

- You'll have to forgive her.

That's a very meaningful
snow globe around this house.

- Our dad used to pull it out
and wind it up,

and he'd announce to everyone

that the Christmas season
had officially begun.

- And one time,
he let me do it,

and it was the first night

I really felt like
I was a part of the family.

[gear clicking]

["Have Yourself A Merry
Little Christmas" playing]

♪ ♪

- Santa!
- Oh, my goodness!

- Merry Christmas.

♪ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas ♪

And where's Maggie?

Christmas ham.

- Oh, are you ready?
- That looks amazing.

[muffled chatter]

- Yes.
Yay.

- Here you go.

[muffled chatter]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- Zoey, ready to go?
We're gonna miss the show.

- Yeah.
Sorry.

Thank you for taking me
to the ballet tonight.

That was very sweet.

- That, my sugarplum fairy,

is just the first
of many holiday surprises

you have requested
and I have planned.

Now, tell me something.

What is your take on RVs?

- Well, I was super jealous of
David's racecar bed as a child,

so I am big fan of anything
with wheels

that you can sleep in.
- [laughs]

- Why? - Well, I may
have looked into

renting us one
for a couple weeks.

See, the thing is, Christmas
really means nothing to me,

and--and maybe, just maybe,

this year it doesn't have
to mean anything to you either.

I was thinking we could hop
in the ol' RV,

head to the desert,
and just wander around,

like my people did
for 40 years.

There wouldn't be any Christmas
anything in sight.

It--it could honestly be like
it never even happened.

Look, Zoey,

I know how important
this holiday is to you,

but this could be special
in its own way.

Truly, Zoey.

[vocalizing]

[soft acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

♪ I see
the crystal raindrops fall ♪

♪ And the beauty of it all ♪

♪ Is when the sun
comes shining through ♪

♪ ♪

♪ To make those rainbows
in my mind ♪

♪ When I think of you
sometime ♪

♪ And I wanna spend some time
with you ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ We can make it if we try ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

both: ♪ Just the two of us ♪

- ♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ Building castles in the sky ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ You and I ♪

So, what do you think?

- Definitely an idea.
- Right.

- But I guess
I just--I don't know.

Maybe I wanna...

♪ Haul out the holly ♪

♪ Put up the tree
before my spirit falls again ♪

♪ Fill up the stocking ♪

♪ I may be rushing things ♪

♪ But deck the halls
again now ♪

all: ♪ For we need
a little Christmas ♪

♪ Right this very minute ♪

- ♪ Candles in the window ♪

♪ Carols at the spinet ♪

all: ♪ Yes, we need
a little Christmas ♪

♪ Right this very minute ♪

- ♪ It hasn't snowed
a single flurry ♪

♪ But, Santa dear,
we're in a hurry ♪

- ♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ We can make it if we try ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

both: ♪ Just the two of us ♪

- ♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ Building them castles
in the sky ♪

♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ You and ♪
- ♪ Climb down the chimney ♪

♪ Turn on the brightest string
of lights I've ever seen ♪

♪ Slice up the fruit cake ♪

♪ It's time we've hung
some tinsel ♪

♪ On the evergreen bough ♪

- ♪ Just the two of us ♪

♪ We can make it if we ♪

- ♪ Need a little music,
need a little laughter ♪

♪ Need a little singing
ringing through the rafter ♪

♪ And we need a little snappy,
happy ever after ♪

all: ♪ We need
a little Christmas ♪

♪ Now ♪

- You're reading my mind
right now, aren't you?

- You're reading mine,
and you definitely don't wanna

do something
just the two of us.

- I--it's all--

it's all really nice, Max.
Truly.

It's just--
- What?

- I don't wanna not think
about my dad

and be apart from my family
for the holidays.

It's not the Clarkes.
It doesn't feel right.

I want us all to be together

and have the most
Mitch Christmas ever!

- Okay.
Then that's what we'll do.

We will totally go for it.

Honestly, I was worried
about driving an RV anyway.

They're really big, uh--

[warm music]

♪ ♪

- I don't know
about you guys,

but as hard as I try,

most of my memories of Dad
are from when he was sick.

And I think--I think
it's super important

that we remember the good times

and all of the amazing things
Dad did for our family,

which is why I think we
should have Christmas together.

So what do you guys think?

- What's he doing
with the train?

Is he facing it?
- Yeah.

- Is he facing the camera?
- Yeah, he is.

- Vajna, why don't you
take five?

I just think Miles clearly
is not bringing it right now,

so, you know.
Here.

Just work your magic.

- You guys are really
going all out

for this Christmas card, huh?

- Christmas newsletter.
It's a newsletter, Zoey.

- Yeah, and by the time
Adam Gluck gets it,

it's gonna look like
we were skiing in St. Moritz.

- We're gonna blow
his Glucking mind.

- Okay.

So I know you already
have plans with your sister.

But is there any chance
you'd change them, please?

Please, please, please, please?

- Okay, I'll admit it.

We've kinda been dreading going
ever since Jenna informed us

we'd be staying in a yurt
and eating tofurkey.

- Yeah, that sounds bad.

- And was she joking
when she said she needed us

to denounce Christmas

as just "another example
of the mass Capitalist agenda"?

I couldn't tell.
Honestly, I couldn't tell.

- Me either.
- Yeah.

Oh, Zoey.
I mean...

[sighs]

Look, it would be really nice
to spend Christmas

with my family
and, you know,

we could just really focus
on all the good times.

- I promise you both,
I will make it super special.

Just like how Dad
used to do it.

- All right, yeah.
- Let's do it.

Beep, beep.
[whooshing]

- Wow.
- Okay.

We'll cancel on Jenna
if you agree to throw fake snow

at us
as we shred a black diamond.

- Deal!
- Vajna, we're back!

- We're back.
- Great, okay.

So now all I have to do
is convince Mom,

and that shouldn't
be too hard, right?

- It might be.
- Why?

- Oh, well, she and Deb
are really excited

about their trip to Hawaii,
so...

There he is.
Oh, yeah.

- How excited?

- ♪ Mele Kalikimaka
is the thing to say ♪

♪ On a bright
Hawaiian Christmas Day ♪

♪ That's the island greeting
that we send to you ♪

♪ From the land
where palm trees sway ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Here we know that Christmas
will be green and bright ♪

♪ The sun will shine by day
and all the stars at night ♪

♪ Mele Kalikimaka
is Hawaii's way ♪

♪ To say
Merry Christmas to you ♪

- And then we were thinking
of going zip-lining.

- If we're not still hung over

from our booze cruise
the night before.

- And the odds of that are?
- Mm, no comment.

- [chuckles]

- So, clearly, you two
are excited about this trip,

and I'm just wondering

if you would consider
the possibility of...

Postponing it?

- Not on your life.
- Why would we do that?

- Listen, Mom,
I think that it's great

that you are gonna
take this vacation to...

- Jingle and mingle.

- And find yourself again,
which I totally support.

But I'm just wondering
if you could maybe

find yourself...another time.

Like maybe December 26th
or even later?

- Why didn't you say something
before this?

- 'Cause I didn't realize how
much it meant to me until now,

and how important
I think it would be

for all of us to honor Dad

and find our Christmas joy
together again.

If you stay, I promise
I will handle everything.

You won't even have
to lift a finger.

- But what about Deb?

I mean, I can't just
leave her stranded.

- Yeah, your mother's
not the only widow here

looking to escape
for the holidays.

I spent last year
with my son's in-laws.

Zoey, their cat
sat at the table.

- Well, then you can come to
our Christmas Eve dinner too.

Mom, think about it.

Eggnog, a huge feast,
and then we can all watch

one of Dad's favorite old
black-and-white movies

together--that was always
my favorite part.

It sounds pretty great.
I mean, doesn't it?

- [sighs]
She really wants us to stay.

- I know she does.
She played the dead Dad card.

- You know I can hear you,
right?

- So do you think
the trip is refundable?

- My travel agent
is a miracle worker

so we could
probably get a credit.

- And maybe postpone it
to a later date?

- Spring break?

- Oh!

Oh, can't.
I have a huge install in March.

Uh, what about February?

- Hmm, pre- or
post-Valentine's day?

both: During!
- Sold.

But I'm not happy about this,
and I want you to know that.

So much for hot Christmas
with hot men.

- She'll be fine.
- Thank you, Mom.

This is gonna be so great...

if I can pull it all together
before Christmas.

There are a million things
to do

and we don't even have
a tree yet.

all: ♪ Boughs of holly,
fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly,
fa la la la la... ♪

- Valentina, you're singing
so quietly,

dogs couldn't hear you.
And, Sonny, remember,

the audience is out here
and not on the floor.

And, Amirah, I know
that's not all you got in you.

You were more excited
watching your brother

play Minecraft yesterday.

- Mo, uh, I get that
you're trying to help

but you maybe wanna go a little
easier on the children.

It's just a sweet
community holiday...

- Did easy ever win
anyone an EGOT?

- What's an EGOT?
- Why are you doing this to me?

I am teaching them a very,
very valuable lesson

on how the entertainment
business works, Susan.

- Well, you're
the professional.

- I am.

- Can I go to the bathroom?
- No!

Everyone, back to one!

Back to one!

♪ ♪

all: ♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of... ♪

[upbeat pop music]

- Oh!
[chuckles]

How great is this!

The whole family back
at the Christmas tree lot

looking for trees together.
Oh, it's all happening.

- Uh, exactly how many
candy canes

did she eat before we got here?

- Hey, this is my first time
getting a tree.

These things
were strictly forbidden

in my house growing up

so I am just as excited
as she is.

- Hello, folks.

Welcome to Lumber Jack's
Christmas tree lot.

I am Jack and Jack is me.

Can I interest you all
in anything in particular?

- Yes, Jack.
We are looking for a tree.

- Well, you've come
to the right place.

Any specific type in mind?

- Um, what do you guys think?

Should we mix it up
a little bit?

Maybe a red cedar or--
oh, I know.

A blue spruce.
They are so festive.

- Look out.
This lady knows her stuff.

Check out the Fraser firs.

They look and smell great
and are surprisingly durable.

- Yeah, that could work,

or we could throw caution
to the wind

and just get some sort of pine.

[laughter]

- [strained laughing]

Sorry, sorry to interrupt
all this tree bonding

but I actually have
a very clear vision in my head

for this whole
Christmas experience

and I'd really like
to keep things exactly the way

we did them in the past.

- Oh. Douglas fir it is.

- Well, right this way.

So how do you know so much
about Christmas trees?

You don't work
for the competition, do you?

- Oh, no.
I'm a landscape architect.

- Oh, phew, that's good news.
I thought for a second

you might be Holly from Jolly
Holly's Tree Emporium.

- No.
I'm Maggie from Menlo Park.

My family's been
coming here for years.

- That's why you look
so familiar.

- Yeah.

- Your husband, is he
taking the night off or...

- Um, so that's one way
of putting it.

Um, he is no longer with us.
- Oh.

So a very long night
off then, huh?

- [chuckles]
- I'm sorry.

- Yeah, it's okay.
Um...

- Oh, right this way.
- Okay.

- I just remembered Dad
lifting me up right over there

and saying,
"What if we made David

the ornament on the top
of the tree this year?"

- Hey, is it just me
or is there

a little bit of a vibe
between Jack and mom?

- Don't ruin this for me.
- Oh.

- So this is our fir section.

- Wow, sure hope it's fake fir.
Am I right?

I'm Jewish.
- This one.

This is the tree I want.

- Excellent choice.
Listen, don't tell anyone

but...I'm giving you the
friends and family discount.

- Aw, thank you.

- That'll be $110.

- Okay.

- I'll be right back
with the change.

Holler if you
want anything else.

- Okay.
- Okay.

[gentle acoustic music]

- ♪ I threw a wish
in the well ♪

♪ Don't ask me,
I'll never tell ♪

♪ I looked to you as it fell ♪

♪ And now you're in my way ♪

♪ I'd trade my soul
for a wish ♪

♪ Pennies and dimes
for a kiss ♪

♪ I wasn't looking for this ♪

♪ But now you're in my way ♪

♪ Your stare was holdin' ♪

♪ Ripped jeans,
skin was showin' ♪

♪ Hot night,
wind was blowin' ♪

♪ Where you think
you're going, baby? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you
and this is crazy ♪

♪ But here's my number
so call me, maybe? ♪

♪ It's hard to look
right at you, baby ♪

♪ But here's my number
so call me, maybe? ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you
and this is crazy ♪

♪ But here's my number
so call me, maybe? ♪

- And here's your change,
Maggie May.

- Uh, thank you, Lumber Jack.

[both chuckling]

- It is awfully quiet in here.
- Yeah.

- It must be tough living by
yourself sometimes all alone.

- Well, yeah, it does get
a little bit lonely,

but lately I've been into
these Icelandic crime dramas.

They are--they really
make the time go fast.

- So I know you had mentioned
to David and Emily and I

that at some point
you were thinking

maybe of dipping your toe
back in the dating pool

and I'm wondering
is that time now?

- I don't know, Zoey.

I mean, honestly, I wouldn't
even know where to begin.

- Okay, well, there is this new
thing called internet dating.

And we could look
online together.

I mean, if you want.

- [chuckles]
Okay.

I mean, that could be fun.

- Okay.

What age range
would like, Mom?

- Oh, um, I, uh,
will go with 50 to 65.

- Meow!
[chuckles]

Okay, sorry.

And now I'm also
just gonna say, for now,

that you only want someone
within a ten mile radius.

And we're in.
- Wait.

- What do you think
of this guy?

- That is a single guy
who lives in this area

who's looking to date?

No.
He's way too short for me.

Oh, uh, never trust guy
with a ponytail.

That was taken
30 years ago, Zoey.

Oh, God.
They allow that online?

- You know what?
Let's, um--how about

we fill out a quick profile
for you instead?

Finish this sentence.

This year, something
I would like to try is...

- Learn more about
equine therapy.

- Uh, something that is
nonnegotiable for me is...

- Excessive back hair.
- Mom, okay.

I know I have
found the one when...

- I stop thinking about your
father every second of the day.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

I don't think I'm ready
for this yet.

Let's just put a pin
in the dating stuff

and we'll revisit it
after the holidays, okay?

- Sorry.

- Let's do the tree.

- [sighs]

- All right, how we doing?
- Amazing.

Love this one of us
finishing the Ironman triathlon

with Miles
in a stroller in front of us.

- The stroller was
a fantastic touch.

- Yeah.
Vanja is worth all the money.

- All of it.

Now, all we have left to do is
actually write the newsletter.

So the question is how far

can we take it while
also still being believable?

For example, yes,
we climbed the Himalayas.

- And Miles is the new face
of an organic baby formula.

- Ooh, I love that.
That's so good,

but we did not finish
the addition to our compound.

- Why not?

- I mean, Adam can look up
building records.

We have no idea
what he's capable of.

- Great point.
The man's a monster.

Okay, so then
I guess writing

the next Great American novel
is off the table too then?

- Yeah, we--we don't wanna
have to explain

why it never came out in next
year's Christmas newsletter.

- Hmm.

This is fun.
- Yeah.

- Okay, so then how about
we start with this?

Another year...

- Mm-hmm.
- For the record books.

- Ooh, that's nice.

Uh, somehow our magical
little brood has done it again.

- [chuckles]
Baby, you should be a writer.

- Oh, thanks.
Um, you know,

I've actually been thinking
about starting, like,

a stay-at-home
daddy blog.

- Oh, no, I don't think
you should do that.

- Mm-hmm.

- Uh, morning.
What are you doing?

- Sewing sequins onto tiny
little robes to impress my man.

You?
- I don't get it.

What...where are all
the delicious treats you make

that I then come over
and eat and love?

- Girl, you know I don't
have time for baked goods

when I'm
in the act of creation.

- Oh, sorry.

Uh, are those
for the kid's pageant?

- I believe you mean

"Are these for the children's
holiday extravaganza?"

Which my response would be,
"Yes.

I'm channeling
my inner Mariah."

- I'm sorry. I just,
uh--I really need to fuel up

because I have so much
Christmas stuff to do today.

I, like you, am trying
to impress my family

by recreating the perfect
Mitch Christmas,

and I wanna
get it exactly right.

But there are just
so many little details

that go into the whole thing.
I had no idea!

- [sighs] Why don't you just

make it easier on yourself
and come to

my Christmas Carol-oke
night at Maximo's.

It's for all weary souls
and you definitely qualify.

- I think it's very awesome
that you're doing that,

but it just doesn't fit
in my family traditions, so...

- Okay,
my little red-nosed reindeer.

How can I do helping?

- Take a look at this.
- Well, damn.

What are we doing, celebrating
the holidays or robbing a bank?

- Yeah, I told you.
- All right.

Well, let's start
at the beginning.

What's number one in your list?

- Of course, my number one
on my list

is getting great gifts

for everyone
just like my father did.

- Oh, my God.
You're an awful gift-giver.

- I'm aware.

- Um, but you follow someone
with a very cute shoes

and get whatever she gets.

- I love this plan!

[sneaky music]

♪ ♪

Then I have to get
the whole house ready

and decorated by Christmas Eve.

- Oh, that's easy.
Outsource!

[festive music]

- You gotta--you gotta--you
gotta get more, uh, stuff.

- Uh-uh, uh...
- I know, I know, I got plenty.

- All right.
- I've never done this.

- One more, one more, one more.
I got this.

- Thank you.
- Nice.

- Third time's the charm.

- Are we good?
- Uh, I think more that way.

No, that way.

And then I have to cook the
perfect Christmas Eve dinner.

- Yeah, I don't have
any advice for that.

Lord have mercy.
God help us all.

[praying indistinctly]

[frantic festive music]

♪ ♪

[phone buzzing]

♪ ♪

- Hello?

- Merry almost Christmas.
- Merry?

Is it?
Is it actually merry?

I'm sorry, but, like,
what does that even mean?

At what other point in the year

do we ever tell each other
merry anything?

- It sounds like your break
is going well then.

- Sorry, I'm just--

I am trying to cook

the perfect Mitch
Christmas Eve dinner

for six people and, baby,
let me tell you,

it is not going as, uh,
swimmingly as I had planned.

- Well, I guess
that means the fam

didn't go scattering
to the wind.

- Oh, I forgot to tell you.

I had the bright idea
to convince

everyone into sticking around,
all so that

we can have the best
non-Dad Dad Christmas ever.

- Well, if it makes you
feel any better,

I just saw what I think
was a stripper elf

with reindeer ears on
walk by, so...

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're in Vegas.

Um, how's it being
with your mom and the new guy?

- Definitely complicated.

More magic shows
than I thought.

I'll tell you this though,
whatever that dinner

is turning out to be,
it's gonna be better than

this all-you-can-eat buffet
I'm about to go to.

- Oh, my God.
You wanna trade me?

'Cause I would do anything
for a crab leg

and a cup of Jell-O right now.

- Okay.
I can do this, right?

Just one more night
and I'm home.

- Oh, yeah.
You got this.

You definitely got this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh, my God.

I mean, do you need any help?

Everybody's gonna be here
in less than an hour.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Simon, I have to go.

- Just remember,
nothing's perfect.

Good luck.
- Yeah, good luck to you too.

Which is not anything
I ever imagined two people

having to say
to each other on Christmas.

- Uh, Zoey.
- Hmm?

- Talk to me.
What can I do to help?

- [scoffs]
I mean,

ooh, the only thing
I can think of

for you to do
would be go find your appetite

'cause we are
gonna be feasting tonight!

And the crowd goes wild!

[imitating crowd cheering]

- Zoey...
- I mean it.

I have everything
under control.

You have to trust me.

- Okay.

[frantic festive music]

- [grunts]

♪ ♪

["We Wish You A Merry
Christmas" playing]

- It's cute, right?
- Yeah, we went to the salon.

We had his hair done, yeah.
Yeah, look at that.

- David.
- So, so I know this isn't

exactly
what everyone had planned,

but I have some good news.

I have organized some really
fun stuff for us to do tonight,

including a black-and-white
Christmas movie double feature,

if you're all up for it.

So, uh, let's have
a great time.

Cheers!
- Yes, cheers!

[overlapping cheers]
- Cheers to you, sir.

- Mmm, Zoey, this tastes

just like how
your dad used to make it.

- Well, that's 'cause I used
a little something

called his recipe.

- Wow!
This is really good.

There's probably a lot of heavy
cream in it though, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- No, my tummy.

- Honey, I am so impressed
by everything.

The whole house looks
wonderful, doesn't it, Deb?

- Not as wonderful as
a pina colada at sunset in Maui

but I'm rolling with it.

- Well, it was just
really important to me

to make my dad proud

and to create a night exactly
like all those special ones

he did for us
all of those years.

Same decorations, same meal,
same snow globe center piece

in the middle
of the dining table!

- Well, you pulled it off.

It even smells
exactly the same.

All we need is for Dad to come
in here wearing a Santa hat

and it would be like
every other Christmas.

[doorbell rings]

- You guys expecting anyone?

- Hey!
Zoey, right?

It's Jack from Lumber Jack's
Christmas tree lot.

- Um, hi.

Are you here
to pick up our tree early?

Is that how it works now?

- [chuckles]
Oh, no.

I was invited here tonight.

I, uh, made a casserole.

Is anyone else here yet?

- Yeah, sorry.
Um...

come with me.

Hey, guys, look who's here.

Jack...from
the Christmas tree lot.

- Hey, everybody!
Happy holidays.

all: Hi.
- Maggie, this is for you.

It is, of course, a poinsettia,
which just happens to be...

- The official
Christmas flower.

- [chuckles]

You can't get
anything past this one.

- Well, thank you.
This is lovely.

I know the perfect place
for it.

Zoey, would you
like to come with me?

- Sure would.
- Eggnog, Jack?

[tense music]

- Quick question.
Why did you invite

the Christmas tree log guy
to our Christmas Eve dinner?

- You thought I did this?
I thought you invited him.

- Why would I do that?
I don't even know that guy.

- Okay, well, if neither of us
invited him then...

- [humming]

- I think I know
what's going on.

You heard my mom sing
"Call Me Maybe"

at the Christmas tree lot,
didn't you?

- I sure did.

And I thought I'd perform
a little Chris-mitzvah

and invite Jack tonight because
her heart clearly wanted that.

- Max.
- What?

- I also heard my mom's
heart song that night,

which is why I talked to her
about it in great detail.

And I also made her look
at several online profiles

with me afterwards.

And let me tell you,
after that night, I am scarred.

And, more importantly,

she is nowhere near ready
to start dating yet.

- Are you sure?

'cause she really committed
to that song.

- You are way in over your head
on this, okay?

You do not understand
the complexities like I do.

- I'm sorry if you think
I overstepped my bounds.

I was really just trying
to make your mother feel good

on what I thought was gonna be
a hard night for her.

Please don't be mad
at me about that.

- I just wish you would have
told me before you did this.

- Yeah, you're right.
I-I should have done that.

I guess it seemed like
a fun surprise in my mind.

What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to kick him out?

Would that make you
feel better?

- No!
- Well, good,

'cause he's really big and I
don't know if I could take him.

- [sighs]

- Look, tonight
is gonna be great.

Look, seriously, you,
you worked hard on this.

Jack seems like
a really nice guy.

You are doing something kind
for someone else.

And who knows,

maybe the universe
wants him to be here,

okay?

- [sighs]

Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

- Zoey, you've gotta try

this new batch of eggnog
I whipped up.

- Okay.

[gulps]

That's, like, all alcohol.

Why did you change
my dad's recipe?

- No, no, no.
I didn't--I didn't change it.

I enhanced it.

I just wanted to get
everybody a little taste

of that sunset booze cruise
that we had booked for tonight.

- That reminds me.

Um, well, since we're here

and not in Hawaii...

Would you please be seated?
Ladies and gentleman,

the first thing on the agenda
for this evening

is for us each
to open one present,

which is a classic Clarke
"night before" tradition.

So here you go, Emily.

- Thank you, Zoey.
- One for David.

- Thank you so much.
- And little baby Miles.

both: Aww.

- And mom.
And for our guests, Deb...

- Oh, thank you.
- And Max.

- Thank you.

- Oh, I didn't get anything
for you, Jack,

'cause I didn't know
you were coming.

- Oh, please.
Don't even worry about me.

I'm just sitting here
nursing this eggnog.

Put a little hair on my chest.
- Oh, yeah.

- Uh, you, you know what, Jack?
You can have mine.

- Oh, I couldn't, Max.
- No.

I've already had
eight nights out.

I'll be fine.

- Thank you, Max.
That's very sweet of you.

- Of course.
- [mouthing] What?

- Socks?
You gave us socks?

- Another Clarke
family tradition.

- Mom and Deb,
I got you hula girls

'cause I feel guilty.

And, David,
I got you a keyboard.

- Sometimes I like to go
to town on the 88s.

- For Emily, I got mini gavels.

And then, oh,
for little baby Miles,

I got a lot of my face

so that he can always look
at his auntie.

And then for Max, Legos.

Um, Max--I mean, Jack.

- Yeah, I like to brag about
being a master brick builder.

- Well, also, the first day
that we met...

- Yeah, of course.

- Are you okay?

- Uh, um...
[clears throat]

I'm sorry, uh...
[sighs]

Well, uh, these just caught me
by surprise I guess.

- Oh, they're just socks.

- You know, I didn't--I
didn't have a lot growing up

and, uh--but
I did have this Lego set

that my father
gave me one Christmas,

and I played with it
all the time.

Anyway, these, uh--

these socks really, uh,

really brought me back
to a moment in time.

Oh, my God.
And now here

I am crying in front
of a bunch of strangers.

I'm sorry.

Thank you so much

for inviting me into your home
on Christmas Eve.

- We're happy to have you.
- You can come by anytime.

- Anytime, yeah.
- Yeah.

[bell rings]
- Well, uh,

that means it's almost dinner!
Whoo-whoo!

Uh, David, Emily,
Max, baby Miles,

do you guys wanna help me
put everything on the table?

- Sure.

[quirky music]

- You have a beautiful home.

- Thank you.

Would you like a tour?

- Sure.

- Deb, would you like to come?

- Nope.

[indistinct chatter]

- Hello, Susan.

I'm very excited
to see what you pulled off.

Mo's been glowing
about it all week.

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

[applause]

[scattered cheers]

all: ♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la,
la la la la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la,
la la la la ♪

- Stop!
This will never work.

Let's show them
what we really can do!

[bright music]

♪ ♪

♪ You're here
where you should be ♪

♪ Snow is falling
as the carolers sing ♪

♪ It just wasn't the same ♪

♪ Alone on Christmas Day ♪

♪ Presents,
what a beautiful sight ♪

♪ Don't mean a thing
if you ain't holding me tight ♪

♪ You're all that I need
underneath the tree ♪

♪ Tonight I'm gonna
hold you close ♪

[children vocalizing]

♪ Make sure that you know ♪

♪ I was lost before you ♪

♪ Christmas was
cold and gray ♪

[children vocalizing]

♪ Another holiday
alone to celebrate ♪

♪ But then one day
everything changed ♪

♪ You're all I need
underneath the tree ♪

♪ You're here
where you should be ♪

♪ Snow is falling
as the carolers sing ♪

♪ It just wasn't the same ♪

♪ Alone on Christmas Day ♪

♪ Presents,
what a beautiful sight ♪

♪ It don't mean a thing
if you ain't holding me tight ♪

♪ You're all that I need
underneath the ♪

♪ Underneath the tree ♪

[scattered applause]

Stop.

I believe I can speak
for all of us

when I say the holidays
are about the kids.

- Yeah.
[cheers and applause]

- Which is why
for my next song,

I will be singing
a childhood favorite,

"Frosty the Snowman."

It's not my favorite,
but kids like it so hit it!

- Serving tray, serving tray.
Where are you, serving tray?

Max, wrong bowl.
You need a gravy boat.

David, stop eating
the dinner rolls!

Emily, one more minute
on the Brussels sprouts.

Hey, can anyone make
a maple cranberry sauce?

Forget it.
I'll make it myself.

- You okay, Zoe?
- Yeah, uh-huh.

Sure, I just--
I had an idea in my head

about what this night
was gonna be like

and it doesn't seem to be
going in that direction.

And where is the damn serving
tray I need for the ham?

- What about those?

- Calla lily.
- Bingo!

Man, that's excellent.
And, um, and these?

- Uh, nasturtium?

- Stumped the man
with amaryllis.

- Amaryllis?
- Yup.

- It gets me every time.

Hey, what are these?

- Oh, oh, I found those
the other day.

I used to tap a bit
a lifetime ago.

- Hmm.

Can you show me?
- [chuckles]

I don't think
that's a very good idea.

- Oh, come on.
I'll show you

I still know
how to cabbage patch.

- [laughs]

- Your turn.
Can you?

Come on.
Coast is clear.

- I cannot believe
I'm doing this.

[big band rendition
of "Jingle Bells" playing]

♪ ♪

[laughter]

- Outstanding!
Encore! Encore!

- No, no, no, no, no.
Don't press your luck, buddy.

I should go check
on the dinner.

- Sure, um...
- Oh, tap shoes.

- Yeah.
- [chuckles]

Sorry.
- Yeah.

- Oh.

- You certainly know
what that plant is.

- Yeah.

- Hey, Mom, do you know
where our serving tray--

- I found the serving tray.
- Okay, perfect, thank you.

- Hey, you want me to help
with the ham

even though I've never carved
anything before?

- You carved a place
in my heart.

- Oh, nicest thing
you ever said to me.

- Zoey, can I please talk
to you for a second?

- Hey, I can try
to help carve it too.

I once whittled a garden gnome
at summer camp.

- Honey.
- Everyone stop!

[sighs]

Dad always used
to carve the ham.

And since I knew he wasn't
gonna be here tonight,

I spent hours watching
a YouTube video

on how to do this which means

I have the whole frigging thing
figured out.

So can you please all get
the hell out of my kitchen?

[electric knife whirring]
Get the hell out of my kitchen!

[tranquil holiday music]

- Oh, wow.
Zoey, that looks great.

I've actually really been
craving some Big League Chew.

- David.
- Well, it was a lot harder

than it looked in the video.

And no one has to eat it
if they don't want to.

It is fine!

- Oh, I didn't...
- Mom, could I have some wine?

- Absolutely, after I pour
myself a second one.

- Hit me up too.
Would you, sister?

- Sure.
- Ooh, thank you.

- Well, I will say this looks
really delicious.

Stellar work, babe.

- Thank you.
- Wait, wait, what is this?

- Oh, it's
our Christmas newsletter

that we're emailing
Adam Gluck tomorrow morning.

- Tomorrow morning.
- So we wanted to show you all.

- This is incredible.
What a year you two had!

Wait, wait, you played piano

on "Watermelon Sugar"?

- Uh, in a way.
- Really? Let me see that.

- Oh, no. You don't have to.
It's like--it's not a big deal.

It's just something
we like threw together

and it's, it's, um...

- Wow, you won a non-televised
season of "The Amazing Race"?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, but,
but one of the couples,

turns out they were
the producer's children

and so they had to shelve
the whole thing.

- Oh.

- Anyway, I feel like you
get the gist.

- We sure do.
Can I ask you something?

Why did you feel
the need to do that?

- Spite.
Vengeance.

- Pettiness.
Jealousy.

- Yeah.
Also, this was Max's idea.

- Hey, don't blame me for being
an out-of-the-box thinker.

- Wait, I'm sorry.

Do you--do you have, like,
a real issue with this?

- I mean, I'm not gonna
tell you what to do,

but I'm not sure Dad would say

it's exactly
in the Christmas spirit.

- Hey, everybody, Zoey worked
really hard on this meal.

So let's, um, dig in
before it gets cold, okay?

- Yeah, Mom, let's!

I'm sure you worked up
quite an appetite.

- Wow, this green bean
casserole is amazing!

- That's the one
that Jack made.

- This green bean casserole
is amazing!

- Thank you, Max.
- You're welcome.

- David, would you pass me
the ham, please?

- Absolutely, my friend.

- Braver man than I am.
- Uh-hmm.

- So actually,
it's a little heavy.

- Thank you.
Oh, God.

[all gasping]

[somber acoustic music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ So, so you think
you can tell ♪

♪ Heaven from hell ♪

♪ Blue skies from pain ♪

- ♪ Can you tell
a green field ♪

♪ From a cold steel rail? ♪

♪ A smile from a veil ♪

- ♪ Do you think
you can tell? ♪

♪ Did they get you to trade ♪

♪ Your heroes for ghosts? ♪

♪ Hot ashes for trees ♪

♪ Hot air for a cool breeze ♪

♪ Cold comfort for change ♪

- ♪ And did you exchange ♪

♪ A walk-on part in the war ♪

♪ For a leading role
in a cage? ♪

♪ ♪

all: ♪ How I wish,
how I wish you were here ♪

♪ We're just two lost souls
swimming in a fish bowl ♪

- ♪ Year after year ♪

- ♪ Running over
the same old ground ♪

all: ♪ What have we found? ♪

♪ The same old fears ♪

♪ Wish you were here ♪

♪ ♪

- [gasps]
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

- Are you all right?
- I am, I am.

- It wasn't your fault.
- Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Here, uh, let me help.

- It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

- No, do you have a broom?
- I got it.

Can you please explain to me
how the man

breaks our snow globe
and then somehow,

I have to spend the whole night
making him feel better?

- I don't know.
Nothing makes sense any more.

[knock at door]

- Zoey?

Honey, can we talk about
what happened with me and Jack

before you go to sleep?
I don't wanna--

- We really don't need
to talk about it.

I just--I wasn't
expecting it, that's all.

- I wasn't expecting it either.

- I mean, we should really get
some free Christmas trees

out of this or something.

- Agreed.
That's the least he could do.

Okay, well, good night, honey.
Good night, Max!

- Good night, Maggie.

- Is he okay?

- I don't know.
Blame my cooking?

Wow.

You must really be upset
if you're lying next to Daryl

and it doesn't even bother you.

- I'm sorry I invited Jack
to dinner tonight.

I completely ruined Christmas.

- No.

It's not your fault.
It's mine.

[somber music]

- I'm trying to keep
everybody together

and...I don't know.

Holding on so tight
to some...

♪ ♪

Memory.

Maybe you were right.
[sighs]

Maybe we should have gone away.

[sniffles]
Just the two of us.

♪ ♪

[jingle bells ringing]

[soft suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[warm hopeful music]

♪ ♪

["Have Yourself A Merry
Little Christmas" playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Let your heart be light ♪

- Dad!

- ♪ From now on ♪

♪ Our troubles
will be out of sight ♪

♪ ♪

- I am so glad you're here,

and at just
the right time, too,

'cause we have
a lot to discuss.

- I'm aware.

It sounds like my girl
had a rough night.

- Yeah, I mean,

I was just trying to throw
the perfect "Mitch Christmas"

for everyone,
but I don't know.

It turns out being you
is a lot harder

than I imagined.
- Well, I'm flattered.

But can I tell you
a little secret, honey?

No "Mitch Christmas"
was ever perfect.

There were plenty
of fights, tantrums,

angry scarfing down
of gingerbread cookies.

And that was just
your mother and I.

- [laughs]
- I think perfect

is only how you
remember it in your mind.

- Do you think that I...
I made a mistake?

Trying to keep
everyone together

for Christmas this year?

- No.

I think the only mistake

was trying to keep things
exactly like they were.

- I know, but I'm just...

I'm really trying

to keep you with us.

- I'm still here.

I'm right here and right here.

And that's never going away.

And no one can
take that from you.

But I think you might

wanna think about
making some new memories,

creating some new traditions.

- No, that's a really
hard thing for me to do

because it almost feels
like I'm betraying you.

♪ ♪

- That's not possible.

So how about you forget
about "perfect"

and instead embrace each day
that this life grants you?

♪ ♪

That seems pretty perfect
to me.

♪ ♪

♪ Have yourself
a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪

♪ ♪

♪ From now on♪

♪ Our troubles
will be miles away ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Through the years ♪

♪ We all will be together ♪

♪ If the fates allow ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hang a shining star ♪

♪ Upon the highest bough ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Now ♪

♪ ♪

[bright holiday music]

- [baby laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

- Finally.
She awakens.

- Merry Christmas, everyone.

- Can we please start
opening presents now?

- Oh, that's sweet, babe.

You must have something you're
really excited to give Miles.

- Yeah.
Exactly, Miles, mm-hmm.

- Before we start,
I have something to say.

Uh, I know that
I was pretty...

intense and inflexible
last night.

- I described the experience
to my parents as "harrowing."

- Fair.

I realize now that I was
clearly holding onto something,

something that--wait.

Where's Max?

- We thought he was
in bed with you.

You know,
you guys aren't married,

so, maybe, I should I make him
sleep in--oh, screw it.

- Wait, I think, I might know
where he might be.

Uh, I'll be right back.

Don't open any presents
without me.

[upbeat music]

- I'm talking to you,
David Aaron Clarke.

♪ ♪

- I'll be back in a bit, too.

♪ ♪

- Stop staring at them.
It's weird.

Don't smell it either.

- Yeah.
It was really cool, like, oh.

- You do?

- Uh-huh.
- Try it, oh, I wanna try it.

- All right.
Well...

- Well, the gifts
were a huge hit.

- Duh.
I'm basically Black Santa

and you're my Mrs. Claus.

- [laughs]

- So do you wanna tell me

why you were so cold to me
after the pageant?

I haven't gotten
that kind of response

since I played both Romeo
and Juliet in middle school.

- My apologies.

You were as transcendent
as ever.

- Why do I feel
like a "but's" coming?

- The "but" is that,
as wonderful as you were,

that wasn't really the purpose
of the holiday pageant.

It was meant to give
the children a chance to shine.

- Their costumes shined.

- You put them in
the background, Mo.

- You liked me getting involved
in the kids' lives

and said if I had any tips
to give them and I did.

I just wanted the night
to be great.

- I appreciate that.

And I love you having
a relationship with them.

But sometimes, especially
when it comes to kids...

you have to learn how to think
outside of yourself.

Who wants some hot cocoa?

- Yay!
- Yay! Go!

- Yay!
- Whoo-hoo!

[somber music]

♪ ♪

- I wanted to tell you that

I kissed a guy

under the mistletoe last night.

That's not even the worst part.
[laughs]

I also tap danced for him, too.

And...

it felt strange, Mitch,
like really strange.

Like, um, maybe I don't even
know how to do this.

The whole thing's strange.

And I know...everyone keeps
telling me

that I'm supposed to move on

and I know that you want me
to move on

but, um...

I hit the jackpot with you,

and it is gonna be really hard
to just bounce back from that.

♪ ♪

So, um, so here's
what I'm thinking.

I think that I'm gonna
just keep learning

how to stand
on my own two feet again.

Maybe I will even take
some tap classes

to help me find my balance,

you know, and then
when I feel more comfortable

just being Maggie

instead of...

"Mitch and Maggie..."

Maybe then we'll revisit
the whole idea

of seeing other people.

How's that sound?

♪ ♪

I think so, too.

I miss you.

I love you.

But you know all that already.

Merry Christmas, Mitch.

[seagulls squawking]

- I think you should
at least open my gift

before you get
this mad about it.

Is this still about Jack?

Because honestly,
I am equally at fault.

- I heard your whole family

sing a heart song
last night, Zo.

There was just so much pain
and vulnerability in it.

And I couldn't help but feel
like I made that happen.

I invited that man.
I caused all that suffering.

- Max, the pain was there.

The pain is always there.

That's what grief
and mourning is.

But it's getting better

and it's gonna keep
getting better, I know it.

- Yeah, you know what's
not gonna get better?

All of this guilt and shame
I now have inside of me.

- All because of
a broken snow globe?

- No, because of the way
I treated you

ever since the moment
you told me you had this power.

Honestly, how many times
have I hammered you

over the lack of equality
in our relationship?

All because you could hear
my heart songs

and I couldn't hear yours?

I was so focused on
how your powers made me feel

that I never thought about
the toll they took on you.

And that sucks.

Because this...is so much

for one human being to take on.

- It is.
It's a lot to carry.

And, uh, sometimes
other people's pain can be...

overwhelming.

- Which is why I should have
been more understanding of you.

I'm so sorry for how I acted.

- Max, listen to me.

There's no way you could have
known what it's like...

♪ ♪

Unless...

Max...
- Hmm?

- What if this is why
you got the power?

So that you could feel
what I feel

and understand
what I experience every day.

And if empathy is the reason

the universe
gave you this, then...

we are just going to keep
getting stronger and stronger.

Because...
[sighs]

[warm pop music]

♪ ♪

♪ Lying in my bed ♪

♪ I hear the clock tick
and think of you ♪

♪ Caught up in circles ♪

- ♪ Confusion is
nothing new ♪

- ♪ Flashback,
warm nights ♪

- ♪ Almost left behind ♪

♪ Suitcase of memories ♪

♪ Time after ♪

- ♪ Sometimes you picture me ♪

♪ I'm walking too far ahead ♪

both: ♪ You're calling to me ♪

♪ I can't hear
what you've said ♪

- ♪ Then you say,
"Go slow" ♪

- ♪ I fall behind ♪

both: ♪ The second hand
unwinds ♪

♪ If you're lost,
you can look ♪

♪ And you will find me ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ If you fall,
I will catch you ♪

♪ I'll be waiting ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ If you're lost,
you can look ♪

♪ And you will find me ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ If you fall,
I will catch you ♪

♪ I will be waiting ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

- ♪ After my picture fades ♪

♪ And darkness ♪

[voice growing fainter]
♪ Has turned to gray ♪

- ♪ Watching through windows ♪

♪ You're wondering
if I'm okay ♪

♪ ♪

I can't hear you.

♪ The drum beats out of time ♪

♪ If you're lost you can look
and you will find me ♪

♪ Time after time ♪

♪ If you fall
I will catch you ♪

♪ ♪

I think they're...gone.

- It's okay.

- I think it's a nice gift and
I feel like I'm pulling it off.

I'm just--I'm not really sure
if it's me.

- It's not.

Hey, so, are we sending
this newsletter or what?

- Okay, so I was thinking about
it all night especially...

- Hmm.
- After Jack and Deb,

you know, bought all
our ridiculous lies

and Zoey got in my head and...
- Mm-hmm.

- I actually--I wrote
a different letter,

and I was thinking

that maybe we should
send this one instead.

- Okay.
"Hey, Adam.

"We were gonna send you
a fake newsletter

"saying all the amazing things
we did this year.

But that's not true.
We had a really tough year."

"My dad died.

"I left my job.

"Emily suffered from some very
intense postpartum depression.

"If anything, we were all
just trying to...

"get by.

"But here's the thing:
we're still here.

"We can still make
each other laugh.

"We have a great kid.

"And we don't need to pretend
our life is better

"just for your benefit.
So have a great holiday

and maybe take us off
the Christmas list next year."

Wow, David.
That's, um...

that's very brave.

And heartfelt.

It's very powerful, babe.

- You still think we should
send the other one, don't you?

- Most definitely.
- Yeah.

- [chuckles]

- Okay, yes, I may have
opened up a few of the gifts

and I know that wasn't
part of the plan,

but before you say
anything, just...

- Don't worry about it.
- Oh.

- What...does that mean?
Is this a test?

Like an escape room
where they actually kill you?

- No.
[laughs]

It's fine, really.

- It is, for real.

- Oh, okay.
So, uh, now what?

We're going to like just, uh,
wait for Mom

and open up
the rest of the gifts?

- Make pancakes...

- Do our annual Christmas nap
and then...

- I have a different idea.
Instead of doing

what we always do, I think
it's time we mixed it up.

Bring in some new traditions.

Try something else
for Christmas.

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Holiday, holiday,
holiday ♪

- Hi.
You look wonderful.

- Look at you.
- ♪ Make it up on holiday ♪

♪ Our holiday, holiday ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, holiday ♪

♪ Holiday ♪

♪ Make it up on holiday ♪

♪ Our holiday ♪

♪ Holiday ♪

♪ It's a holiday ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ ♪

- Excuse me...

- As I live and breathe,
my heart just grew three sizes.

The entire Clarke family
is here

at my Christmas Carol-oke.

To what do I owe this pleasure?

- Uh, they just wanna make sure

you don't burn down
our restaurant.

Oh, wait,
no, that was actually me.

- Hmm.
- Mwah.

- Thank you for having us.
- The place looks amazing.

- "Hi, Aunt Mo!
I'm drunk on breast milk!"

- Oh, can I get
you guys anything?

- No, no, no, go, we are good.
We're fine.

- Okay.
- [laughs]

You do know your entire
workplace is here, right?

- That might be Max's fault.

I think he posted
the party on Instagram

and they'll show up
to anything.

- And what is your excuse?

Because this party is for lost
souls with nowhere else to go.

- Yeah, that sounds just right.
- [laughs]

- Also I can't think of
any place I'd rather be.

- You mean it? [laughs]

With that, go find your light

and make some memories
and sing something.

Except "Sweet Caroline."
That song sucks.

- I love that song.
- [laughs]

Do you wanna get a drink?

- Yes.
- Oh, no! Oh, Tobin!

The ski trip, what happened?

- Oh, this is nothing.
You should see the other guy!

- You mean the mountain?
- Yeah.

- Oh, hey!
It's the Clarkemans!

- Hey! Uh, how was birding
with the family?

- Oh, incredible!

We got a photo of
the rare two-eared quetzal.

And I called my ex
at the Audobon Society and he--

- Yeah, that sounds super cool!
We're gonna grab a drink.

- Right, he was, like, oh,
yeah, no, we can do the thing.

Okay.
- What's up, bro?

- [laughs]

- You don't have a drink
in your hand.

What can I make the two of you?

- Mezcal mule for me, bruh.
- Glass of wine.

- Done and done.
- Hi.

Okay.

So, Christmas Eve with mom
and the new husband.

How was it?

- I'm not gonna lie.
It was a little weird at first

but...it was nice seeing
my mom so happy.

Which I guess is
all that matters, right?

Oh, before I forget...
- Yes.

- I brought you
both back souvenirs.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

- Max.
- Presents.

- Bro, I got you some "I heart
Las Vegas" golf balls

because I think it's time we
start playing a sport together

which you,
of course, will lose.

- [laughs]

- I will see you
on the greens, pal!

- Okay.
And for you...

Now, no matter what you're
feeling over the holidays,

you can always look at this,
shake it up,

and think
"At least I'm not in Vegas."

- Did you tell him?
- I...

[sentimental music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you.
I love it.

You know what, it is now
our new official centerpiece.

- Excuse me, can I have you
beautiful people's attention?

[cheers and applause]

- Okay, first of all, I would
like to thank you all

for coming to my eighth Annual
Christmas Carol-oke Party.

[cheers and applause]

Ooh, and I can already tell
I like this venue

more than my apartment.

And we will see you all
next year, okay?

And with that, let's give
a round of applause

to my partner in crime, Max...

for graciously saying "Yes"

for this magical evening

and for splitting the liquor
and food bill without knowing.

- Oh, in that case,
party's over, everybody!

Have a great night.
Kidding.

- We all know that the holidays
are about family,

whether it be your family
or your chosen family.

And no Mo-ccasion
would be complete

without a little
♪ song ♪

But...
[cheers and applause]

This year, we're gonna
do things a little different

because someone
that I care so much about

didn't get her chance
to shine so,

Amirah, will you come up here
and sing a song for us?

[cheers and applause]

- [laughs]
What do you wanna sing?

And she has taste.
I like it.

She got that from me, Perry.
[laughter]

["What Christmas Means To Me"
playing]

[upbeat piano music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Candles burnin' low ♪

♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪

♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪

♪ Everywhere we go ♪

♪ Choirs singing carols ♪

♪ Right outside my door ♪

♪ All these things and more ♪

♪ All these... ♪
crowd: ♪ And more ♪

- ♪ That's what Christmas
means to me, my love ♪

crowd: ♪ That's what Christmas
means to me, my love ♪

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ I see your smilin' face ♪

- ♪ Like I've never
seen before ♪

- ♪ Even though
I love ya madly ♪

- ♪ It seems I ♪
both: ♪ Love you more ♪

- ♪ The little card
you give me ♪

♪ Will touch my heart
for sure ♪

- ♪ All these things
and more, darling ♪

- ♪ All these things
and more... ♪

- ♪ Whoa ♪
- ♪ Darling ♪

- ♪ That's what Christmas
means to me, my love ♪

- ♪ That's what Christmas ♪

- So...how we doing?

Still bummed you can't hear
heart songs anymore?

- I mean, it was fun
while it lasted,

but clearly I should leave
the heavy heart song lifting

to the experts.
- Okay.

You know what,
if you ever wanna know

what's going on inside my head,
just ask me and I'll tell you.

- Oh, you mean, like two
healthy, normal,

communicative people
in a relationship?

- Yeah, just like that.

- ♪ Happiness
in the coming year ♪

- ♪ Let's deck
the halls with holly, oh ♪

[cheers and applause]
♪ Sing sweet "Silent Night" ♪

- ♪ Fill the tree
with angel hair ♪

♪ And pretty, pretty lights ♪

- So...I guess we know

why the universe
gave me the powers.

But...what about you, Zo?

- That's a good question.

I mean, maybe I got them all

so I could communicate
with my dad while he was dying.

- Mm-hmm. Or...maybe you got
them to help others.

I mean, there's a lot of people
hurting out there

who could sure use you.

- Or...

I was spending too much
of my life

hiding behind
a computer screen.

And the universe
was trying to tell me

it was time to look up.

[warm music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Someone shook
the snow globe round ♪

♪ Turned the whole world
upside down ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Landed us so far apart ♪

♪ Me down here
and you up in the stars ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Tree's all decorated ♪

♪ Pretty bows are tied ♪

♪ The television's playing ♪

♪ "It's A Wonderful Life" ♪

♪ Even though I miss you ♪

♪ Part of you's still here ♪

♪ So in a way I'm with you ♪

♪ At the most wonderful time
of years ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm always looking up ♪

♪ 'cause I can feel your love
and I ♪

♪ Know just where you are ♪

♪ In the sky and in my blood ♪

♪ And I've never been
to Heaven ♪

♪ But it doesn't seem
that far ♪

♪ 'cause you're
my north star ♪

♪ You're my north star ♪

♪ You're
my north star ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ You're my north star ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ You're my north star ♪

♪ 'cause I've never been
to Heaven ♪

♪ But it doesn't seem
that far ♪

♪ 'cause you're
my north star ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Mm ♪

♪ ♪