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1
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,284
Hey, Engine Room?
2
00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:09,052
Hey, what's the
matter with you guys?
3
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,988
It's 26 degrees up here.
4
00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,155
Hey, I wasn't meant
5
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,656
for this type of
temperature, baby.
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,626
Tell him my blood
is turning to slush.
7
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,096
Hey, don't give me
"energy crisis," man.
8
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,497
How'd you like it if we quit
9
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,265
and left your loved
ones unprotected?
10
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:25,835
Very well put.
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,505
Hey, baby, it is cold up here.
12
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,010
12th Precinct, Nanook speaking.
13
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:34,777
Let me have the address.
14
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,846
Yeah, well, if you don't
get some heat up here,
15
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,548
we're going to start
breaking up the furniture
16
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,183
and burning it. Bye.
17
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,185
The kid that stuck
up that liquor store
18
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,753
the other day,
19
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:44,954
the owner thinks
he recognized him.
20
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,023
We better check it out.
21
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,047
Okay.
22
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:51,495
There's six inches
of snow in the streets.
23
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:52,629
It's freezing out there.
24
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,331
It's worse in here.
25
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,395
Now I know why a
penguin walks so funny.
26
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,369
Pour me a cup
of coffee, will you?
27
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,703
Cream and sugar?
28
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,871
It doesn't matter.
29
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,695
I'm going to sit in it.
30
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:06,943
Hey, you want to
see something funny?
31
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,833
Come in the toilet.
32
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,551
Hey, what have you been doing?
33
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,953
Writing on the walls again?
34
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,022
No, the water in
the sink is frozen,
35
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,691
and a bunch of ants
are crossing the ice,
36
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,261
and they're slipping and
falling all over the place.
37
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,163
Come on, it's funny as hell.
38
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,898
Hey, man, you got a
weird sense of humor,
39
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:29,999
you know that?
40
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,068
What's going on around here?
41
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:32,469
You'd think in this
kind of weather,
42
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:33,470
business would be slow.
43
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:34,671
The armored car
drivers and guards
44
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:35,972
are still on strike.
45
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,807
Money's piling up
faster in the stores
46
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,476
than garbage in the streets.
47
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,944
Burglaries, armed robberies,
48
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,079
aggravated assaults...
49
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,381
Yeah, and every dude
with a gun or a knife
50
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,848
or a pointed stick is out there
51
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,016
trying to seek his fortune.
52
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,118
What a civilization, huh?
53
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,152
Yeah.
54
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:53,623
Okay, come on. Stand over there.
55
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:54,657
What do we got here?
56
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:57,860
A flasher, exposing
himself at a bus stop.
57
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,029
In this weather?
58
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,566
Did you ever hear
anything so disgusting?
59
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,734
Hey, man, it's 10
degrees out there.
60
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,570
Tell me about it.
61
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,472
Some filthy habit, huh?
62
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:11,774
Pervert, degenerate...
That's me, A-number-one.
63
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,444
Okay, Mr. Farber,
you've got one phone call.
64
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,580
Would you make a
phone call if you were me?
65
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:18,047
What am I supposed to do,
66
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,983
brag about it?
67
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,651
Maybe you better call a lawyer.
68
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:25,255
I am a lawyer.
69
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,956
Then you better call a doctor.
70
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,158
What for?
71
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,159
I don't need a doctor.
72
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,327
I need an executioner.
73
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,495
Okay, Mr. Farber,
74
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,962
do you want to step
into the cage, please?
75
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:33,997
Oh, and keep your hands
76
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,098
away from your coat, huh?
77
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:37,601
Good. Lock me up.
78
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,336
Keep me away from decent people.
79
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,837
Take it easy, Mr. Farber.
80
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,305
Everything is
going to be all right.
81
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,507
Sure, Mr. Pollyanna.
82
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,807
You think this
83
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,098
is like giving up smoking?
84
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,114
I've been to the finest
medical minds in the world,
85
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:52,815
and they all tell
me the same thing...
86
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,718
"Farber, you're
filthy. It's that simple."
87
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:59,022
Uh, Chano... call Bellevue.
88
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,691
Tell them we've got
a prune danish to go.
89
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:02,715
Oh, yeah.
90
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,229
Put it over there on the desk.
91
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,798
Hey, Barn, wait till you
see what we got here.
92
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:09,866
Siegel's Department Store
93
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,268
hasn't been able
to make a deposit
94
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,470
for a week, so they asked us
95
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,104
to keep their
receipts till morning.
96
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,973
I said okay. Is it okay?
97
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,308
Wojciehowicz,
98
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,442
we're working on a half-shift.
99
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,211
We can't baby-sit
somebody's payroll.
100
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,945
An employee told Mr. Siegel
101
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:25,615
he heard they were
being set up for a rip-off.
102
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,217
They'd like to avoid
trouble, Barney.
103
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,685
Yeah, I've never
seen so much money
104
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,952
in my whole life.
105
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,376
Take a look.
106
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,997
♪ Happy birthday To me ♪
107
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,465
♪ Happy birthday To me ♪♪
108
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:43,900
How much is in there?
109
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:47,870
216,480-odd dollars.
110
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:51,274
Oh... "80-odd." Aren't you sure?
111
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,475
Well, when you're loaded,
112
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,010
what's a few
bucks, more or less?
113
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,778
That is "more..."
114
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,780
"Less" is what I take
home every week.
115
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,516
Somebody put it in the safe.
116
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,685
I got it. I signed for it.
117
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:02,885
All right, then it's
your responsibility,
118
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,188
but get at it. We've
got a lot of work to do.
119
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,889
You know what?
120
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,425
The people at the bus stop
121
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,293
called me a "sickie."
122
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:13,162
Sticks and stones, Mr. Farber.
123
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:16,366
That's a very old model.
124
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,900
You're not kidding.
125
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,669
They don't make
them like they used to.
126
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,204
What's the combination
of this thing?
127
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,505
I forget it again.
128
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,107
One to the left,
two to the right,
129
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:27,143
three to the left,
four to the right.
130
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:32,304
That's the way to
do the "varsity drag."
131
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,298
Bellevue Psychiatric Division?
132
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:24,066
Hi. This is Sergeant Amenguale
of the police department.
133
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,302
Who am I speaking to, please?
134
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,969
Miss Sanchez. Right.
135
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,971
We've got a patient for you
136
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,039
here at the 12th Precinct.
137
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,208
Yeah. Yes, miss.
138
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,376
A male Caucasian,
139
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,378
between 40 and 50 years old.
140
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,280
Yes, miss.
141
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,248
Yeah, indecent exposure.
142
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,650
Mm-hmm, tonight at a bus stop.
143
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,674
That's right, in the snow.
144
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,724
Can you believe
that, Miss Sanchez?
145
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,192
I can't understand
146
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:52,662
what makes a guy
do something like that.
147
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,786
No kidding.
148
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:00,158
Rejection when he was a baby?
149
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,831
No kidding.
150
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,534
Breast feeding?
151
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,553
No kidding.
152
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,888
Me? No, I was a bottle baby.
153
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,457
Sure.
154
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,392
I would remember
something like that.
155
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,729
No kidding.
156
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:29,454
Do you like dancing
too, Miss Sanchez?
157
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,935
Hey, why don't you let me
158
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,270
give you a hand with that?
159
00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:35,472
I don't need no help.
160
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,006
My responsibility.
161
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,810
I mean... It's my
money, sort of.
162
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,645
Till tomorrow morning, anyway.
163
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,213
Live, baby.
164
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,582
Hey, come on, Yemana.
165
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,417
We better check out that
liquor store heist, huh?
166
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:48,618
It'll be nice to get outside,
167
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:50,208
where it's warm.
168
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,723
Yeah, okay, Miss Sanchez,
169
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,191
I will have the forms for you.
170
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,259
Right. Goodbye.
171
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,261
Hey, Fish, you wouldn't believe
172
00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,496
what makes a guy like that
173
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,563
do what he does, man.
174
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:01,867
It's the weather.
175
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,902
When it's damp and cold,
176
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,071
people get depressed,
irritable, and unpleasant.
177
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,473
In the winter,
178
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:13,410
Scandinavia has
more lunatics per capita
179
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,311
than any other
country in the world.
180
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,880
No kidding.
181
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:21,183
Bernice is Scandinavian,
but only on her mother's side.
182
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,787
She usually cheers up around...
183
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,210
the middle of February.
184
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:29,793
Fish?
185
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:30,794
Yeah?
186
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:33,463
Come in my office
a minute, will you?
187
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,632
Uh, Chano... Hmm?
188
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:36,633
Did you call Bellevue?
189
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,867
Yeah, I got in touch with them.
190
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:38,902
Excuse me.
191
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,626
May I show you something?
192
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:49,913
I'd rather you didn't,
if you don't mind.
193
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,247
There was a time when,
194
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,649
if you wanted
someone to notice you,
195
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,183
all you had to show them
196
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:55,217
was a little courtesy.
197
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,953
Yeah. How about the night shift?
198
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,154
Are they going to make it?
199
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,489
I don't think so.
200
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,024
The guys who live in Long
Island can't get to Manhattan.
201
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,526
Well, that means
202
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,094
that the guys who
live in Manhattan
203
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,262
can't get to Long Island.
204
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,597
Right.
205
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:08,965
Why don't we call Long Island
206
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,167
and have them keep the
guys who can't get to Manhattan
207
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:12,869
and we'll keep the guys
who can't get to Long Island?
208
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:15,972
They tried it once
and they didn't like it.
209
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,240
It made too much sense.
210
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:21,277
It's going to be a long night.
211
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,279
Here, take a look at that.
212
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,515
You'll get a kick out of it.
213
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:29,251
Hey, Barney, this is marvelous.
214
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:32,088
Deputy Inspector.
215
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,389
There's a slim chance
216
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,024
of anything like that happening,
217
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:38,127
but... it's kind
of a kick to see it
218
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,295
in an official publication, huh?
219
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,163
Deputy Inspector.
220
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,165
I know guys who
have been on the force
221
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,001
30, 40 years,
222
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,435
have never even been considered
223
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,471
for a job like this.
224
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,473
Take me, for instance.
225
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,975
I'm proud of you.
226
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,310
I'm going to put this on
the bulletin board. No, no.
227
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,345
Don't say anything.
Don't tell anybody.
228
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,314
It would just be causing
a lot of excitement
229
00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,582
over nothing.
230
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,683
I haven't even told Liz.
231
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,319
Deputy Inspector Barney Miller.
232
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,554
What a thrill.
233
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:06,422
It's a thousand-to-one shot.
234
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,391
The 12th won't be
the same without you.
235
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,359
Come on, I'm not going anywhere.
236
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,028
I'm going to miss you.
237
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,531
Fish, there are five
precinct captains
238
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,299
who've got more time
in on the force than I do.
239
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,402
We're all going to miss you.
240
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:24,574
Cook, Leeds, Stevenson,
Rourke, and Burns.
241
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,108
And Carmichael.
242
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,845
You know what politics
and seniority mean
243
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,613
in an appointment like this?
244
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:33,149
I've got a feeling
you're going to make it.
245
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,284
Come on.
246
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,420
Don't be ridiculous.
247
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,159
Carmichael? Who's Carmichael?
248
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,563
Hey, I can't get any
more in the safe.
249
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,298
That's what I call
a classy problem.
250
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:53,402
There must be a
$100,000 here in small bills.
251
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,239
Oh... Where am
I going to put it?
252
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:01,644
How about beach
property in San Juan?
253
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:02,946
I can't leave this stuff
254
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,480
sitting around
here till morning.
255
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,481
Oh, man.
256
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,316
Do you know what the interest is
257
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,718
on $100,000
258
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:09,953
from now until morning?
259
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,320
I'm telling you,
260
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,089
we are blowing a
very big opportunity.
261
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,757
I apologize.
262
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,626
That's okay.
263
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,562
I apologize to the entire world.
264
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,598
On behalf of the entire world,
265
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:25,468
I accept your apology.
266
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,169
What else?
267
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,005
I want to go to the men's room.
268
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,473
Why didn't you say so?
269
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:33,676
I want to suffer, but I
don't want to wet my coat.
270
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,778
All right, hurry up.
271
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,814
You don't want to
miss your ambulance.
272
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,682
I'm not fit to be
around human beings.
273
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,183
Come on, come on, come on.
274
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,218
Hey, Fish?
275
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,586
What would you do
276
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,488
if you had all this money?
277
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:49,125
I'd take a trip
around the world.
278
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,228
I'd send Bernice a few bucks...
279
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,063
and postcards.
280
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,734
She loves picture postcards.
281
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,836
You know, I got an
interesting question.
282
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,671
Yeah, what's that?
283
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:05,374
Why would a flasher close
the door to the bathroom?
284
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,577
Jeesh.
285
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:11,914
What the hell was that?
286
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,516
I think it was a wolf.
287
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,384
It's the rotten plumbing.
288
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,861
Mr. Farber, are you through?
289
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,463
Farber's in the bathroom?
290
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,331
He don't sound like
he feels too good.
291
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,923
Farber! Farber!
292
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,039
Chano, give me a hand.
293
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,674
What's going on, Fish?
294
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:38,875
Wojo, help Chano.
295
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,110
What'd he do?
296
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,846
Tried to electrocute himself.
297
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,682
He put one finger
in the light socket
298
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,573
and one foot in the toilet bowl.
299
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,688
No kidding.
300
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,812
I didn't know he was that tall.
301
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,315
Come on!
302
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,251
Barney...
303
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:05,690
I'm sorry. I... I
think he's dead.
304
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,420
Taking a prisoner
to the bathroom
305
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,755
is a professional obligation,
306
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,323
not a social function.
307
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,825
I didn't think he
could hurt himself
308
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,127
in the toilet.
309
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,062
Look up your statistics.
310
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,531
Toilets are very high
up in the statistics.
311
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,667
Give me the coroner's office.
312
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:39,969
That's all right.
313
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:44,440
If I was in a hurry, I
wouldn't be calling you.
314
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:45,775
Man, I sure hate
315
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,110
for something like
this to happen, man.
316
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,510
All right, all right,
317
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,012
there's nothing you
can do about it now.
318
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:51,380
Fill out the coroner's
report. Yes, sir.
319
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,050
This is Detective
Fish, 12th Precinct.
320
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,854
Look, we got a
customer. Suicide.
321
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,957
Electrocution in the men's room.
322
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:04,026
Men's room, right.
323
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:07,585
Light socket and
the toilet bowl.
324
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,836
Very imaginative, yeah.
325
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,905
Okay, junior, get it in here.
326
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,440
Hey, it's freezing in here.
327
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,076
Ever since we
washed the furnace,
328
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,699
we can't do a thing with it.
329
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,147
Some dump.
330
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,382
If I'd have known I
was coming here,
331
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,317
I'd have resisted arrest.
332
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,120
Hold on. I take it all back.
333
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,289
Hey, who left the petty cash
334
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,258
laying out all over the desk?
335
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,226
Sloppy, sloppy.
336
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,360
Petty cash?
337
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,784
Barney!
338
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,865
Barney, I ain't sure,
but I think he's alive.
339
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:43,900
What are you talking about?
340
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,367
I put a mirror under his nose
341
00:13:45,391 --> 00:13:46,836
and I think it fogged a little.
342
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,404
Where the hell are
those guys from Bellevue?
343
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:49,839
I'll try them again.
344
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:54,243
Hello, coroner? I'm
going to put you on hold.
345
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,345
What happened?
346
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,581
The flasher committed suicide,
347
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:00,850
but very badly.
348
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,219
He's alive. He's alive!
349
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,608
Hey!
350
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,624
Keep him warm.
351
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,216
Put anything on him,
your coats, anything.
352
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,699
He's got a pulse, not
much, but it's there.
353
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,035
Harris... Come on, pulse!
354
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,102
Hey, this is more clothes
355
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,305
than this dude has
had on in his life.
356
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:23,306
You ready?
357
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,307
Yeah.
358
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:27,476
One, two, three, four, five...
359
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,678
Uh, I think he's turning blue.
360
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,813
Oh, man.
361
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,982
Don't turn blue, man!
362
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,084
He don't look too blue, does he?
363
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,652
Yeah, he looks
pretty blue to me.
364
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,654
One, two, three, four, five...
365
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:39,989
Barney, you're not blowing
366
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,157
hard enough, man.
367
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,993
Wait a minute.
368
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,017
I lost his pulse.
369
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,499
Anything?
370
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:51,500
Not yet.
371
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,391
Pop him again.
372
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,339
Over here. Over here.
373
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,174
All right, step aside.
374
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,942
We'll take care of everything.
375
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,643
I got a pulse. I got a pulse.
376
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:05,248
Attaboy, Farber.
377
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,084
Come on, baby.
378
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:11,254
Charlie, the oxygen.
379
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,621
What's all that
money on the desk?
380
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,622
Payday.
381
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:14,757
Charlie!
382
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:15,925
I didn't know cops make
383
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:16,926
that kind of money.
384
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,549
We're very good cops.
385
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,663
How's he look?
386
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:22,831
He seems to be fine.
387
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,133
His heart stopped.
388
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,335
I had to hit him in
the chest with my fist.
389
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,770
Yeah, I think you saved his life
390
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,372
and I know you broke his ribs.
391
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,973
It seemed to be the thing to do
392
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,041
at the time.
393
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,842
It was a good decision.
394
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,044
You'd make a good doctor.
395
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,769
Of course, you'd
make a lot less money.
396
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,151
He looks pretty
good, doesn't he?
397
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,319
Yeah, he didn't look that good
398
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,343
to begin with.
399
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,113
12th Precinct, Sergeant Yemana.
400
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,129
Hey, Barney, it's
the coroner's office.
401
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,763
They're still on hold.
402
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,466
Tell them to forget it.
403
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,467
Forget it.
404
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,470
The guy's still alive.
405
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,660
Sorry.
406
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,708
Hey, did you know
this guy has nothing on
407
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:07,977
under his coat?
408
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,868
He'll be delighted you noticed.
409
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,553
Hey, Engine Room.
410
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,455
What's the matter with
you guys down there?
411
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,689
Turn the heat down.
412
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,124
The humidity is murder up here.
413
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,494
We can't get the stamps
to stick to the envelopes.
414
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:28,786
I wish I could say the
same for my shorts.
415
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:33,491
Very well put.
416
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,639
Harris, release those guys
417
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,041
from the one-four
and say thank you.
418
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,476
Will do.
419
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,677
While you're at
it, call downstairs,
420
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:42,945
See if you can turn
down the steam.
421
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,180
All my papers are curling up.
422
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,204
Yeah, yeah.
423
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,085
You should have seen
424
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:52,788
what someone wrote
downstairs in the snow.
425
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,290
Where's Chano?
426
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:57,293
Stopped by at Bellevue to
have breakfast with a nurse.
427
00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:00,329
Captain Miller, can I see
you a moment, please?
428
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,464
We found that wife beater
429
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,032
at a bar on Third Avenue.
430
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,766
He looked worse than she did.
431
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,135
She'll never press charges.
432
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,737
She won't, but he will.
433
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,906
Yes, what can I do for you?
434
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:14,076
There seems to be an error.
435
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,378
What kind of error?
436
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,412
Easy.
437
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:19,848
There's no error.
438
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:26,389
Mr. Wojciehowicz
signed for $216,487.
439
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,324
Yeah, somewhere in there.
440
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,758
Exactly in there.
441
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:34,963
$216,487? Okay, knock it off.
442
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,232
216,000...
443
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,299
All right, you've counted it.
444
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,300
What's the problem?
445
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,570
There's exactly $5000 missing.
446
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,805
$5000?
447
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,464
That's impossible.
448
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,711
Maybe you ought
to count it again.
449
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,047
I've counted it three times.
450
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,348
That right, Pete?
451
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,550
That's correct.
I counted it too.
452
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,618
It's a bundle short.
453
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,920
Fish?
454
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:58,987
Yeah?
455
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,356
Count it.
456
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,990
Harris?
457
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,549
You watch Fish.
458
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:09,087
Pete, you watch Harris.
459
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,869
Wojciehowicz, check
out the safe again.
460
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,271
No, there's nothing
in the safe, Barney.
461
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,605
Hey, come on, you guys,
462
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,107
stop clowning around.
463
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,208
Now, this ain't funny.
464
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:22,144
Come on, Fish,
Harris... Hey, man...
465
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:23,379
Yemana?
466
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,547
Don't look at me.
467
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:25,548
I don't touch that stuff.
468
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:26,648
I'm an addict.
469
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,285
Check out the other
desks, will you?
470
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:33,122
Wojciehowicz, check
out that safe again.
471
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,390
Chano's missing.
472
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,657
Check out the safe again!
473
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:38,694
Mr. Gross, there was
a lot of excitement
474
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:39,695
here last night.
475
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,696
The money could
have been misplaced
476
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:41,863
or gotten buried
477
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:45,267
under some of
this official... litter.
478
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:48,170
Have you ever misplaced
$5000 before, captain?
479
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:51,107
Yeah, once, in a Monopoly game.
480
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,975
Barney, there's
nothing in the safe
481
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:53,976
but petty cash.
482
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,144
Oh?
483
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,678
$16.
484
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,115
And that's for two weeks.
485
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:02,851
$75,000... $80,000... $85,000.
486
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:03,919
What are you up to, Fish?
487
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,254
$90,000... $95,000.
488
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,922
Count careful, now.
489
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:11,127
$100,000... $105,000... $5000...
490
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,695
I'll never pay it off
at $714.00 a month.
491
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:19,890
$714,000...
$715,000... Hey, Fish.
492
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:37,286
$5000... $10,000...
493
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,555
I don't see it anywhere.
494
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,423
There's nothing on these desks.
495
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:42,958
Wojo, are you certain
496
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,793
when you signed this
money out of Siegel's,
497
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:45,794
it was all there?
498
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,429
Yeah, sure I'm sure.
499
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,632
Then where the hell could
it have gone? I don't know.
500
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,033
Harris, you were
standing right there
501
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,635
when I was
putting it in the safe.
502
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,303
Hey, you wouldn't let
me help you, remember?
503
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,571
You said it was all yours.
504
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:58,040
You said that?
505
00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:01,043
It was a figure of
speech, Mr. Gross.
506
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,578
Detective Wojciehowicz
507
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,380
probably felt
personally responsible
508
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,548
for the money.
509
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,216
He is personally responsible
510
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,784
for the money.
511
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,653
You hear that, Harris?
512
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,120
Hey, man, don't look at me.
513
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,389
If I needed any extra money,
514
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,225
I could do windows.
515
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,494
Hey, hey, hey, fellows.
516
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,529
Look what I got
from Miss Sanchez.
517
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,698
Man, you're in the
wrong business.
518
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,567
Where the hell did she get that?
519
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:26,868
She got it from
Mr. Farber's coat.
520
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,204
Yeah, seems like
521
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,838
when you guys
took him out of here,
522
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,174
he had just enough
strength to steal it.
523
00:20:32,198 --> 00:20:33,875
Well, there's hope for him yet.
524
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,344
At least he's given up suicide.
525
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,279
Yeah, but he's
taken up stealing.
526
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,714
One step at a time.
527
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,937
Mr. Gross?
528
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,152
Count it, please.
529
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:45,588
Thank you, captain.
530
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,289
I knew I didn't lose it.
531
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:50,659
$1200... I never
took my eyes off it...
532
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,229
Except for a minute.
533
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,864
I must have aged a
couple hundred years.
534
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,248
A couple hundred thousand...
535
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,406
$200, $400...
536
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,842
12th Precinct. Sergeant Yemana.
537
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,377
Yeah, he's right here.
538
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,445
Barney, it's for you.
539
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,179
It's the commissioner.
540
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,549
I'll take it in my office.
541
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,172
Congratulations, Barney.
542
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,021
Congratulations for what?
543
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,558
Barney is up for
deputy inspector.
544
00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:23,559
No kidding!
545
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:24,660
How about that?
546
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:25,927
It's all here.
547
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,095
Thank you very much, gentlemen.
548
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,397
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
549
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:29,398
Sign this.
550
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:31,221
My pleasure.
551
00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:40,476
Hey, is he taking that
money out of here?
552
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,144
Yeah, and it's about time.
553
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,846
Hey, you... What?
554
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:47,316
Stick 'em up.
555
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:49,017
Don't be ridiculous.
556
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:51,553
You're in jail. You
don't even have a gun.
557
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:54,556
I don't care. Stick 'em up!
558
00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:57,359
Take it easy, kid.
559
00:21:57,383 --> 00:21:59,828
What a night.
560
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:02,030
All right, you guys got
561
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,265
your final reports ready?
562
00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:04,566
Yeah, here's mine.
563
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:06,168
Anybody else?
564
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:07,869
Almost finished.
565
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:08,904
Well?
566
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,205
Well, what?
567
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:11,807
The commissioner.
What did he say?
568
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:15,243
Oh, Carmichael got it.
569
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:16,912
Carmichael?
570
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,782
Oh, I knew I wasn't
going to get it.
571
00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,550
Carmichael's got
four years on me.
572
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:22,751
He's a good man, Carmichael.
573
00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:23,952
I'm sorry, Barney.
574
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:25,387
Don't be silly.
575
00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:28,278
Here you go, Barn.
576
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:31,993
Barney...
577
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:34,229
Will you guys cut it out?
578
00:22:34,253 --> 00:22:36,465
Come on, now. I knew
I wasn't going to get it.
579
00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:37,833
I didn't expect it.
580
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:38,834
Come on.
581
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,658
There's always next year.
582
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:57,007
Wojciehowicz, get
that fixed, will you?
583
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,230
145th Street and 9th,
584
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:09,398
that's where they're going
585
00:23:09,422 --> 00:23:10,466
to have the heist.
586
00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:12,434
Hey, Barney.
587
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:14,670
Somebody left
this package for you
588
00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:16,004
at the desk downstairs.
589
00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:17,840
Hey, I'll bet it's
from Siegel's.
590
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:21,009
They gave me a
credit application.
591
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,478
Nice of them, if it was.
592
00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:23,712
It's probably for all you guys.
593
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,047
No, it's addressed to you.
594
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:28,016
"To Captain Barney Miller,
595
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,418
"with grateful appreciation
596
00:23:29,442 --> 00:23:31,620
"of all your efforts
on my behalf.
597
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:35,646
Lyle W. Farber,
Attorney at Law."
37058
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