All language subtitles for Naked News Uncovered S01E03 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD

Speciaaal!

Aah! JEREMY: Oh God.

It's Monday morning.

It's just for him!

The owner has given me the
challenge,

and it's a big one: a 240-
percent

increase in traffic.

This is absolutely a survival
issue.

There are roadblocks that he
will have to face,

and that's convincing Peter
that what he's doing is right.

Across the northeast, 16
deaths have been

blamed on Sandy.

PETER: Here comes
Eila, waring a giraffe outfit.

We acted like idiots!

Have you ever had any focus
groups?

A focus group would be
fantastic.

EILA: U.S. and
Canadian residents have been

turning to their smartphones
for up-to-the-minute

hurricane reports.

I thought it was kind of
cheesy, actually.

I just see it as very, like,
lowbrow.

I thought it would be
negative.

I didn't think it would be
that negative.

ANNOUNCER: In 1999, an
outrageous concept

grabbed a global audience.

Naked News went from internet
novelty

to international success.

Years later, Naked News is
still around,

but it doesn't have the heat
it used to.

Today, a dedicated staff is
fighting

to regain its past glory.

This is their story.

Hey!

MAN: Hi.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

LUCAS: Peter. PETER: Yes.

How are you doing? It's Lucas.

PETER: Hi.

The focus group, they were
extremely negative.

Great, another show telling me
what I should look like.

It's very objectifying to
women.

This show is for straight
white people -

probably mostly men.

I wouldn't sit there with my
mom or my sister

and learn, you know, what's
going on

in the Middle East.

They just couldn't wrap their
heads around the fact

that we did serious news that
involved

nudity and disrobing.

It's not only niche, it's
extremely niche.

I think, if we offered some
levity and some

personality to how we present
the news,

that might open the door a
little bit and maybe

let some more people in.

Peter is definitely a control
freak.

When he gets involved, you
know, he gets involved

too deeply.

Peter is a very polarizing
individual.

I think he's a very special
man, but he's a complex man,

and difficult to know, and
impossible to predict.

Peter is a very forceful, very
opinionated person.

He hires a bunch of experts,
and sometimes

he'll tend to make the
decision rather than to

listen to what we say.

IAN: Ever since I started
here, actually, Peter's dream,

like Dr. Martin Luther King,
has been to see

a shot of the girls' asses

JEREMY: He has a dream!

in the studio, while they're
reporting the news,

because he believes that there
is

no part of a woman more
sensual

than their ba-donk-a-donks.

Than the bottom.

That is his exact word: he
always says,

"Show me more ba-donk-a-donk!"

Go!

Hey, Stephen. STEPHEN: Hey.

So I got the call from Peter,
and he wants us to definitely

go ahead with those "ass cam"
test shots.

Yeah. With the robotic
cameras?

LUCAS: Yep. STEPHEN: Alright.

LUCAS: OK. Thank you.

In the back, we've got our
"butt cam".

It's a robotic HD camera that
was urgently purchased

to be used as the primary
camera, but it doesn't work

through the teleprompter
glass, so we've decided,

instead, that we can use it as
our

"butt camera" for test
purposes.

STEPHEN: So there's a bit of a
different thing we're

trying out today: we're doing
some tests.

We've set up one of the
cameras in the large studio

as a "butt shot" camera.

STEPHEN: So we're just doing
it as a test.

It's not going out on the
show, right now.

We want to compile these all
together so it can be

sort of seen in context.

Yeah, like a zoomed-in butt
shot kind of thing.

Secretary General Anders Fogh
Rasmussen made

the statement on Monday, after
the Turkish military

struck back against a fresh
onslaught of

Syrian mortar rounds.

It doesn't make me feel
vulnerable or weird

'cause, luckily, I have a nice
butt.

The two things that we're
looking to pick up -

these are tests for what Peter
is looking for -

is one would be, like

an undoing-the-bra shot from
behind, and the other

would be a removing-panties
from behind shot.

Removing panties from behind.
That's classy.

When was this decided?

This has been sort of passed
down through informal

meetings over the past week or
two

as things we'd like to see.

It's difficult as it is to
make it look alright,

taking your clothes off while
delivering this hard news.

Why are we compounding this
with more sleaziness?

Clearly, he thinks it's a
beautiful thing.

To the actual person - and
yes, hello, still a person

attached to the ass shot - I
feel, very much, that this is

removing the last vestige of
personality I get to give.

So far, all the tests have
been working,

from a technical standpoint:
the system works reliably.

As for whether the content is
actually what we want to

have in this show will be up
to other people to determine,

especially in cases like "News
Off the Top":

we're talking about conflicts
in Syria and problems

with U.S. military command
that are

not necessarily a good
motivated reason

to cut to a butt shot of an
anchor.

RACHEL: Blocking is
very important

when playing defense.

Nate, "Flex Appeal"?

Is this what we stand for?

DAN: Is this what Naked News
is?

When I first started here, you
know, one of my questions was,

"What kind of show are we
trying to make?

Are we trying to make, you
know, porn,

or are we trying to make
news?"

And no one can really give me
a straight answer.

It is the farthest thing form
porn that you could

possibly get to and still have
your clothes off.

I mean, it's about as sexually
depraved as

the bra section of the Sears
catalogue.

Information or boobs?

Like, what are we, here at
Naked News?

We're both. We're a balance
between the two.

But what's more important?

It's tit for tat.

Alright, so this test, you're
saying,

is happening with me today.

Not the butt shot, but of the

bra-removing-from- the-back
shot.

Which is great, 'cause then
you get to see the

bra marks close up.

Yeah, which is nice, and then
you get that little

red mark, which is always very
sexy and appealing.

That will look nice in HD, I
think.

Let's just be honest: Vic's
ass isn't what it used to be.

Although I don't mind the
bra-unclip shot, but

Yeah. I mean, it is
distracting

bending over to take off your
panties?

It's not the most flattering
thing.

Really?

Yeah. And it's sort of a
close-up.

Of course it is.

And it cuts in: like, we've
got you on the

"News Off the Top" background,
and then we're going to cut

to a close-up shot from a long
shot of you talking.

You're still going to be
talking, and we've got

a close up of, you know, a
rear shot with a light

in front of you.

That's why it's always failed
in the past,

so I haven't actually had to
take him down to the mat

in this argument.

WOMAN: The makers of Viagra
need a drug to

help their lawyers'
performance.

VICTORIA: It's so ludicrous
that it will die

a natural death, the way it
always does.

If I bring it up and I create
a big fuss, then

it might make it live longer.

If it should stick around,
then, to me, that's a very

clear sign that we have no
chance of succeeding,

and that we're only going to
appeal to the lowest

common denominator, and that
audience will get smaller,

and smaller, and smaller as we
diminish ourselves.

VICTORIA: With that, it's time
we took a quick break

from the headlines

Did you know about this, um...

well, the perv cam?

I knew about it.

I know Peter. Peter loves

Well, you know that: he's an
ass man, right?

Yes.

And he loves it. He can't get
enough of it.

Let's give it one more try and
see if we have to

go do the whole thing.

California, for example, has
55 electoral votes,

while Montana has only 3.

There are 538 votes in total,
so the winning

number for either candidate is
270.

Are you OK with that going up
as a test?

Sure. STEPHEN: Alright.

VICTORIA: So, if this issue is
forced and they are

going to go ahead with it, I
simply can't do that.

I'm going to gather the last
tattered shreds of

dignity that I still own and
not be present for

that particular shot.

LUCAS: Pretty soon, we are
going to watch the focus group

and just comment on some of
the things

that everyone was saying.

I'm hoping to get out of it
some sort of consensus -

like, a message to go to Peter
with.

If a group of people say the
same thing to him,

it may sway him.

MAN: OK. Here we go.

DAVID: Who's heard of
the Naked News before?

PEOPLE: I have.

All the dudes put their hands
up.

DAVID: What are your first
impressions?

What does it evoke for you?

I wouldn't sit there with my
mom or my sister

and learn, you know, what's
going on

in the middle east.

You're missing the point
completely! Holy smokes.

How many hookups have you got?

Don't lie!

Uh... 13.

She was, like, conversational,
and sarcastic, and obviously

funny, and kind of outgoing,
and so that

showcased her skills in a good
way -

like, she was good at doing
that.

You know, the girls talking
about Bahrain,

you look like a moron.

If I see this chick ever, I'm
going to

STEVE: "Fuck you."

You'll recognize her on the
street.

Right? Thank you, Steve.

I would change the name, maybe
call it

"Naked TV": "24/7, all the
time.

It's not just about the news.

We are naked all the time,
everywhere."

Then you can have, Friday
night,

"Naked Bowling for Dollars".

MAN: That's our new producer,
right? You hired that guy?

ERICA: When does he start,
Ian?

Seemed like we were watching
something

from the '80s - it just seemed
very dated.

WOMAN: I would say even the
fashion was outdated.

As a woman who likes women,

I still don't want my women to
look like that.

Outdated clothing? Have we
looked at her shirt?

I think that focus group was a
bunch of hoo-hee!

It was nonsense.

Those people have no taste.

I want a new focus group.

This might be the very first
time

anyone has held a focus group

for any form of adult content.

It's true, actually, because I
can't see

It doesn't make sense.

like, Hugh Hefner sitting down
and saying,

"OK, so we're thinking of
doing something

called a 'centerfold'. What do
you guys think of that?"

"Gather 'round."

"What do you think of these?"

"How does that make you feel?

And you? And you?"

"Good? Yeah?

We're going to have good
articles

in here, too, though."

"You in the back, I can see
you're looking hard."

"We're going to get Isaac
Asimov to

write a bunch of crap."

VICTORIA: I think it was a
pretty glaring look at how

people initially respond to
naked news, which is,

at first, confusion: "What the
hell are they?"

We don't have a strong enough
identity, so, right off

the bat, they don't know what
to expect, so they're

going to be disappointed, no
matter what.

How it impacts me is that I'm
driving all this

traffic to this site, and I
need them to convert.

I need them to have a good
experience.

I really feel, if we need to
revitalize the brand,

we need to address some of
these things.

I think they hammered it home:
it's dated.

It's the music, it's the
graphics - all these things.

What I'm looking forward to
next is speaking with some

of the "superfans", the people
that have been with us

for a very long time and
continue to renew each year.

I want to get some consumer
insights into

why they joined, what they
like about the program,

what segments they like - all
of this to assist with

my marketing efforts and who
we go after.

Hello.

MAN: Hello.

MICHAEL: Where are you
located?

What do you love most about
Naked News?

Favourite anchor? And why?

One of the things we learned
from the superfans

is that they really identify
strongly

with the anchors.

And then we also saw, from the
focus group, that the

segments they like best is
where the anchors were

able to have their own
personality shine.

So I think that might be a
road we could take to, you
know,

expand the appeal of the
product by leveraging

the personalities so that
we're appealing to

a broader segment of people.

Hey, guys. Rachel Simmons
here,

taking a much-needed vacation
at the lovely Wasaga Beach.

LUCAS: "Naked in the Streets",
it's unique to

Naked News because the girls
go out topless and

they interview people on the
street.

Hello. Hi.

Hi.

What's going on with Andrea
today?

She's coming, right?

You have two camera people
coming.

You don't need Andrea.

I need Andrea. Why?

Because it's so much better
with Andrea, dude.

It's so much better having a
girl there that's dressed.

You have Rachel.

Doesn't matter. We're both
naked.

It's so much better.

The segment, in particular,
that I'll do is

"Naked in the Streets" - we
call it "Nits".

They're topless and they're
interviewing people

on the street about random,
like, pop-culture stuff.

Check you out, doing your
thing.

ERICA: Rachel and I went to
Wasaga Beach this summer.

We, uh, stayed in a motel for
the night, and, by the

end of the 24 hours together,
we almost killed each other.

This is it. This is it.

Oh, I don't need this, because

I'm master of all questions!

You know what's up!

Erica comes from a different
time in the show.

So, back in the day, it was a
little bit more serious -

like, they were interviewing
big people:

she was on the red carpet.

You are sweating.

I'm really hot. We've been in
here for hours.

Thank you for this.

No! Get away from me!

I meant that in all the nicest
way possible, Erica.

She doesn't really like being
produced,

I don't think, and I think I
was sort of taking a

segment producer role that
day,

and she didn't really like
being told what to do.

I've been buying your drinks
all day.

We both have it, so let's stop
it.

Let's stop it, like, right
now. Honestly.

And, apparently, there was a
lot of alcohol involved,

and Erica got out of control,
then they both

had it out with each other.

Dealing with Rachel is
definitely a situation where

you need "Dutch courage".

Take the edge off!

I'm done. I'm done with her.

ERICA: I'm leaving.

Me and Rachel are going to go
back out in the street

and see what happens!

Wish me luck.

LUCAS: I'm sending Rachel and
Erica out today because

they're two crazy people.

LUCAS: I'm willing to
sacrifice a little of the
production

for the entertainment value
that it's going to generate.

Talent comes at a price.

Jesus Christ, she's taking a
long time.

What is she doing, man?

ERICA: So, guys, you realize
I'm getting in a car

with Rachel Simmons.

Wait. Are you going solo with
Rachel?

Buckle up. Yeah. I don't know
why.

You're not going to be safe.

So it was nice knowing you.

You're not going to be safe.

No, I know.

And I'm really scared.

Where is she?

Where is this mental case?

Holy shit!

Alright.

RACHEL: What are you fucking
looking at me like that for?

RACHEL: Jesus Christ! Get in
the car.

ERICA: Don't start like this
already. I swear to God!

RACHEL: Taking so long, man!

Where are we going to go now?
What's happening?

Git,
git, git, git!

What are you doing on the

That's your side, not this
side!

Get off the road. This is not
a bike lane.

Stay on your fucking side!

Yeah, fruitcake, I'm here.

You should be over in that
lane.

What are you doing?

I'm just going to call my
grandmother

and tell her I love her.

Yeah, tell anyone that you
care about.

Ooh, it's constant... fucking
in my face, always.

Everybody bothers me.

All the streets are fucking
cluttered with human litter

and fucking...

What the fuck is this?

Please, God, help me.

It's like a bat out of hell.

It's another level of wild, I
tell you.

I have my moments, I know,

and I can see a little bit of
me in there,

but it just is a whole other
level,

and sometimes it's hard to
take.

These meddling little rats,
they wander around,

dart across the road like
little rodents...

You know what? I hate everyone
equally.

That's good then, at least.

Yeah. I'm fair.

I want to be a traffic cop,

'cause I hate people on the
road,

and they do the most douche-y,
stupidest things,

and none of these idiots would
be able

to get away with anything with
me.

And I'd walk up with my smile
and be like,

"License and registration,
please."

Alright.

We have arrived.

Thank God.

Hey. Excuse me.

Can we ask you a couple of
questions for Naked News?

Gah!

I like "Naked in the Streets".

It's fun. It's fun to shoot.

But it depends on what you're
shooting.

There are some times it's just
damn impossible

to get anyone to talk to you.

Would you stop staring at them
like that?

You've got to look at the
camera a little bit!

RACHEL: He's just staring
right at them!

ERICA: You can stare at them
all you want in a minute,

but, like, just for the
interview, try to look up.

I have two eyes.

ERICA: You try to tune it out,
but it's crazy

out here right now.

We're getting a lot of
attention.

You get little comments, and
it's off-putting.

Like, right at the first
second that we're out there...

Let's go "Naked in the
Streets"!

Let's do it!

...you get a guy going,
"Please don't",

and it makes your stomach
tense up for a second.

WOMAN: This is a family beach.

A family beach.

Yeah, get me right on camera,
'cause, you know what?

I live in Collingwood, I've
got my two grandkids here,

and that is fucking
disgusting.

ERICA: Well, your language is
a bit disgusting.

RACHEL: Yeah, that's a little
reproachable.

ERICA: How are we offending?

That is fucking disgusting.

I hope you put me on the news.

Let's get these breasts
talking, people!

ANDREA: I'm going to ask you
to stand right next to Erica.

ERICA: Hi there. Is that your
lovely girlfriend over there

that's agreed to let you talk
to topless people?

Yeah, that's my girlfriend.

How nice is she?

You're aware I'm going to be
topless, right?

Oh! OK.

Alright. There we go.

What is your favourite season,
and why?

My favourite season is fall,
'cause my

birthday is in the fall.

To me, I think the colour
scheme looks like vomit.

Do you love autumn?

I like autumn, but I'm more of
a summer person.

I love fall.

Yeah? Why?

I love the clothes you can
wear!

For Naked News, I'm Erica
Stevens.

And I'm Rachel Simmons.

Bye-bye.

We did it!

We did it!

Oh my God!

Don't make me vomit.

Don't you dare make me vomit.

ERICA: I think that today went
very well.

RACHEL: Fan-fricking-tabulous.

ERICA: And I can't believe
that me and Rachel

didn't kill each other - Yeah!

and we got along, and I think
it was one of

the best segments ever.

People were enthusiastic, but
they weren't,

like, too aggressive - which
is sometimes a real bummer.

I'm not going in the car with
Rachel.

I have a witness that I was
good this time!

ERICA: No way.

I was damn good this time: I
didn't kill Erica today.

So we have a special treat for
this Friday viewing,

and that is a peek behind the
scenes, if you will.

Peter's lifelong dream,

ever since he started Naked
News,

was to show more ass.

He thinks he's finally
"crack"ed it...

..."butt" I think opinions
will be "split".

However, I will let you guys
take a look.

EILA: Secretary
General Anders Fogh

Rasmussen made the statement
on Monday,

after the Turkish military
struck back...

MEN: Boo.

Yeah, I don't like it.

The lighting is horrible and
so unflattering.

So let's hope that, if we are
going to do it

in the future, that they fix
it up a little bit.

Researchers project the
gluten-free industry

to hit the $4.2-billion
mark...

Facebook is experimenting with
a new promotional

project that could turn your
check-ins into free wifi.

The new service is being
tested by...

No! No, no, no.

No.

Oh dear God.

I didn't know until they
brought it into the studio

the other day.

I did not know that this "ass
cam" was going to

be a thing until they used it
on me.

KATHERINE: It just looks so
gratuitous.

I don't think that it reflects
what

our show is about at all.

ANDREA: It takes us entirely
in the wrong direction.

Recall that conversation that
we had.

VICTORIA: Since the bottom
line, not the bottom, is what

we're all about, we're after
growth.

What viewer are we trying to
reach with this?

The viewers we already have,
you give them that,

they will not be satisfied.

They will just ask for more.

Exactly! Exactly.

I don't think an "ass cam" is
going to get new viewers.

If people want hardcore porn,
there's lots of

places to get it.

We are not porn. We're not
even softcore porn.

But my ass is the last part of
me that

should be going HD.

LUCAS: It's not flattering for
many.

IAN: Yeah, for a lot of
people,

it's not a great angle.

It takes you out of the entire
story, and all you see

is a screen full of ass, and
it's too much.

KATHERINE: That, right there,
made me want to cry.

JEREMY: But that's kind of not
the issue.

I think the issue is that this
is something that Peter wants.

IAN: Yeah. He's the one who
literally

signs our cheques.

If he wants it, he's going to
get it.

PETER: Hello.

LUCAS: Peter, how are you
doing?

Very good, thank you.

This "ass cam" that you're
trying to bring back, is there

a particular reason you're
trying to bring it back now?

I'm just wondering whether the
whole thing

is worth it.

Some of the girls are unhappy
about it.

It's not very flattering to
some of the girls.

And, when you throw that in
the middle of a news story,

it really... brings us down to
another level.

I just don't think it fits.

You need to see it, so we'll
go over that, OK?

Bye.

PAUL: Go.

Think you've got a gaming
addiction?

You've got nothing on Okan
Kaya.

He actually played for hours
at a time,

and then slept a bit.

Sports drinks helped him keep
up his energy, ladies...

Basically, it's just, like, a
butt shot,

and then split screen, so you
get her shot and then

the girls over on the other
set, speaking

on their part of the split.

I've got a really nice booty -
it's one of my best "ass"ets -

so I'm really happy about it.

The viewers will finally get
the full view.

It's what the viewers like,
and that's what Peter loves,

so he's getting what he wants,
and we don't have to

deal with the other "ass cam",
which was,

well, disgusting.

IAN: So, good news. Check it
out.

"News Off the Top" for today.

Wait for it.

Boom.

JEREMY: Alright!

And it works, 'cause it's a
nice ass.

Let's just be honest here.

Viewers get their butts...

Yeah.

...anchors get their
dignity...

Such as it is.

We've found a middle ground!

Perfect.

I'm pleased that there's
finally a resolution to the

"butt cam" situation, and I
think it's

a nice compromise.

I would not have quit over it.

I would have taken a Sharpie
and graffiti-ed

my ass with "Now we're both
asses!"

Something like that.

IAN: As is tradition around
here, every four years,

we fuck up our election-day
coverage.

ERICA: This is some serious
news anchors over here!

Why do we have the table

when our fucking panties are
up here?

Nobody ever listens to us!

LUCAS: It's tough finding the
right girls for this program.

Hey. I'm Sarah, with...

MAN: Watch this walk-away.

So what brings you out to
Naked News?

Actually, my fans.

Who are you that you have
fans?

I'm Lucy, and, today, we're
taking a look

at international glamour model
Jordan Carver.

Yeah, very nice.

I haven't seen any of her
clips, but, like, in my mind...

I know what a webcam girl is.

STEVE: To "Naked Lunch", our
newest segment.

Let's not screw it up too
badly.

KATHERINE: We took his
mother's van, and then I lost

my virginity to "Paradise by
the Dashboard Light".

This is "Naked Lunch"...

Yeah.

...and it sucks.

RENEE: Those two women are
never going to sign up.

They've taken too many gender
studies courses.

It's just not going to happen.

As they were exiting, one of
the guys

came up to me and said, "So do
we get, like,

free subscriptions?"

The initial response from most
women:

"Why would anybody be
interested in watching that?

You wouldn't be interested in
watching that,

would you, random man?"

And, of course, his response
is going to be...

EVERYONE: "No way! No, of
course not!"

IAN: "That's awful! But they
should have

more Asians on the show."

JEREMY: This has been awesome.

Can we do this every week?