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1
00:00:02,224 --> 00:00:04,391
Gosh, their goalie
got lucky, Dad.
2
00:00:04,459 --> 00:00:06,793
Yeah, the goalie was lucky you
kept kicking it right to her.
3
00:00:07,011 --> 00:00:08,377
I think the last time
you kicked to her,
4
00:00:08,445 --> 00:00:10,205
she just went, "hey, thanks!"
5
00:00:10,214 --> 00:00:12,849
Will you two please
stop arguing?
6
00:00:12,917 --> 00:00:14,550
And what about the girl
that stole the ball from you?
7
00:00:14,618 --> 00:00:16,618
Why is she still walking?
8
00:00:16,686 --> 00:00:19,221
"Great game, honey."
"Hey, thanks, Dad."
9
00:00:19,289 --> 00:00:22,124
It's called being nice,
damn it!
10
00:00:22,192 --> 00:00:23,591
Listen, you're playing
at a high school level.
11
00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:25,194
You gotta punch up
your game a little bit.
12
00:00:25,261 --> 00:00:27,229
Okay. If you think you can
do so much better,
13
00:00:27,297 --> 00:00:28,797
then why don't you just
dress up like a teenage girl
14
00:00:28,865 --> 00:00:30,398
and join the team?
15
00:00:30,466 --> 00:00:32,766
If I took the trouble to
dress up like a teenage girl,
16
00:00:32,835 --> 00:00:34,768
I'm goin' out!
17
00:00:36,805 --> 00:00:38,806
- You shot some video of that game.
- I did. Yeah.
18
00:00:38,874 --> 00:00:40,507
- Would you hook up the TV, please?
- Okay.
19
00:00:40,575 --> 00:00:42,210
I want to see that last
penalty kick.
20
00:00:42,277 --> 00:00:44,111
Really sorry
I missed the game.
21
00:00:44,179 --> 00:00:46,647
Why couldn't Eve
have been a total klutz
22
00:00:46,715 --> 00:00:49,015
like you and Mandy?
23
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,884
I like to think we all
have our own strengths.
24
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,252
You know, like for instance,
25
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,486
Mandy has her keen
fashion sense,
26
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,157
and I... am fertile.
27
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,658
I just hate
how people get so upset
28
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,260
about soccer around here.
29
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,362
Oh, no, the game of football
stirs up a lot of passion.
30
00:01:03,429 --> 00:01:06,232
My father used to put a lot
of pressure on me when I played.
31
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,467
I spit on his grave.
32
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,072
But I'm sure Eve won't hold it
against Mr. Mike.
33
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,174
Okay.
34
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,178
Nice! Nice! Good job!
35
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,579
Who is that?
36
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:26,918
That is the new
assistant coach, Octavio.
37
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:30,088
- He's kind of a babe.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:31,990
- Mom?
- Hmm?
39
00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:33,491
Not that I'm complaining,
but, um...
40
00:01:33,558 --> 00:01:35,158
Did you get anything
41
00:01:35,226 --> 00:01:37,327
- besides this guy in his shorts?
- Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
42
00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:38,828
Yeah. Um...
43
00:01:38,897 --> 00:01:41,164
Uh...
44
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:47,137
God, no, that's--that's
pretty--pretty much it.
45
00:01:47,205 --> 00:01:48,571
Yeah.
46
00:01:48,639 --> 00:01:50,507
Hey, did you cue that up, honey?
Where's the game?
47
00:01:50,574 --> 00:01:52,341
Uh, honey, you know what?
48
00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,210
- Uh, uh, I think something's
wrong with my phone. - What?
49
00:01:54,278 --> 00:01:56,379
- I-it came out all grainy. It was
grainy, right, girls? - Yeah.
50
00:01:56,446 --> 00:01:58,247
Grainy. Oh, very grainy.
Nothing to see.
51
00:01:58,315 --> 00:01:59,676
Nothing but grainy,
grainy, grainy.
52
00:01:59,682 --> 00:02:02,018
Okay. He gets it, Blanca.
It's grainy.
53
00:02:02,085 --> 00:02:03,519
Honey, what's the matter
with your phone?
54
00:02:03,586 --> 00:02:06,022
I don't know, Mike.
I'm not a scientist.
55
00:02:06,589 --> 00:02:10,658
You have a PhD in geology.
You in fact are a scientist.
56
00:02:10,726 --> 00:02:14,462
- You know what? I just-- I wish
you'd let up on Eve. - I know.
57
00:02:14,530 --> 00:02:15,830
- Yeah. - She can play better
than that, you know?
58
00:02:15,898 --> 00:02:18,133
She's just not listening
to me anymore.
59
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,968
Maybe you shouldn't be
her coach anymore.
60
00:02:20,036 --> 00:02:21,569
What about that
new assistant coach?
61
00:02:21,637 --> 00:02:25,172
That, uh, uh, um, um...
Oktoberfest, or, uh...
62
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,907
- Young guy.
- Octavio?
63
00:02:26,975 --> 00:02:29,810
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. He seems nice. Why?
64
00:02:29,877 --> 00:02:32,646
He does private coaching.
I could hire him to coach Eve,
65
00:02:32,713 --> 00:02:34,034
and he'll come
right to the house.
66
00:02:34,049 --> 00:02:36,783
Uh... gonna have--
have to think about that.
67
00:02:36,851 --> 00:02:38,685
You think it's a bad idea?
68
00:02:38,753 --> 00:02:40,053
I just want to think
about it, Mike.
69
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,754
Think about it.
That's all.
70
00:02:41,822 --> 00:02:42,855
If he was able to teach her
anything, you know...
71
00:02:42,923 --> 00:02:44,523
She might get a scholarship.
72
00:02:44,591 --> 00:02:46,692
She gets a scholarship, y-you
know, I, uh...
73
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,028
I could get a boat.
74
00:02:49,096 --> 00:02:50,729
All right, well,
if a private coach
75
00:02:50,797 --> 00:02:53,433
means less of you two arguing,
then--then I'm all for it.
76
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:54,934
Perfect.
I'll give him a call.
77
00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:56,801
I guess he does it
for a lot of the girls.
78
00:02:58,938 --> 00:03:02,307
Does it
for a lot of the moms, too.
79
00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:06,378
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
80
00:03:09,207 --> 00:03:10,715
I've been
teaching Eve up till now.
81
00:03:10,783 --> 00:03:12,216
You know, I played football
in high school.
82
00:03:12,284 --> 00:03:15,586
The other football--the kind
people really care about.
83
00:03:15,903 --> 00:03:18,572
Oh, yeah. Except
for the 6 billion people
84
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,074
who don't live in America.
85
00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:24,245
We're losing daylight, ladies.
86
00:03:24,312 --> 00:03:27,047
Can we just kick some balls?
Please?
87
00:03:27,115 --> 00:03:28,981
His name's Octavio?
88
00:03:29,049 --> 00:03:32,017
The other moms
call him "The Big O."
89
00:03:32,085 --> 00:03:33,519
You know why?
90
00:03:33,587 --> 00:03:35,154
Yeah. Yeah.
91
00:03:35,222 --> 00:03:38,090
But I would love to have
my mother explain it to me.
92
00:03:38,158 --> 00:03:39,992
Hey, what does he charge
per hour,
93
00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:42,395
and does it have to involve
soccer?
94
00:03:44,214 --> 00:03:46,948
My dad and I usually
warm up with some stretching.
95
00:03:47,016 --> 00:03:49,551
Or we can start with...
Juggling.
96
00:03:49,619 --> 00:03:53,688
Or some close-up magic
and ventriloquism.
97
00:03:53,723 --> 00:03:55,390
Uh, juggling,
l-like this.
98
00:03:55,458 --> 00:03:57,326
Uh, I know what jugggling is,
but we gotta stretch.
99
00:03:57,393 --> 00:03:58,293
You gotta...
100
00:04:02,998 --> 00:04:04,265
Well, that'll come in handy
101
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,334
if she ever wants to be
a trained seal.
102
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,242
Blanca, I thought you
were cleaning the upstairs.
103
00:04:14,309 --> 00:04:17,244
It's clean enough.
104
00:04:17,311 --> 00:04:19,779
- Uh, I wish Dad would get out of the way.
- Hmm.
105
00:04:19,847 --> 00:04:21,914
I wish Dad would turn
into a white horse,
106
00:04:21,982 --> 00:04:24,351
and then the backyard
would turn into a beach...
107
00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:28,121
And I was just an innocent
native girl collecting shells.
108
00:04:28,989 --> 00:04:31,290
In a white cotton dress
that billows
109
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,225
in every warm breeze,
110
00:04:33,293 --> 00:04:36,662
and then things get nasty.
111
00:04:36,763 --> 00:04:38,264
Kyle.
112
00:04:38,331 --> 00:04:40,899
No, he's not there.
113
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:42,334
Hi, Mandy.
Hi, everybody.
114
00:04:44,237 --> 00:04:46,104
How long have you been
standing there?
115
00:04:46,173 --> 00:04:49,207
Since right before
things got nasty.
116
00:04:50,275 --> 00:04:52,443
Hey! So, what are you doin'?
117
00:04:52,511 --> 00:04:54,512
- Okay, so I was at the car wash...
- Mm-hmm.
118
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:56,047
And I found this little,
tiny license plate
119
00:04:56,114 --> 00:04:57,848
with your name on it.
120
00:04:57,916 --> 00:05:00,251
Aw! I've never seen
anything like that.
121
00:05:01,019 --> 00:05:02,353
I got this one for me.
122
00:05:02,421 --> 00:05:04,087
That says "Karl."
123
00:05:04,155 --> 00:05:07,224
Yeah.
They didn't have "Kyle."
124
00:05:07,292 --> 00:05:08,758
But I'll know.
125
00:05:09,826 --> 00:05:10,960
All right.
I better go.
126
00:05:11,028 --> 00:05:13,330
Okay, wait. Um...
127
00:05:13,398 --> 00:05:14,665
Are you mad?
128
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,032
Sort of.
129
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,068
I mean,
Kyle's a pretty common name.
130
00:05:19,670 --> 00:05:22,471
No. I mean, like,
aren't you a little mad
131
00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,473
that you caught me
staring out the window,
132
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,275
drooling over
a gorgeous guy?
133
00:05:27,343 --> 00:05:30,580
God, Mandy.
That's your father.
134
00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:34,850
No! Oh, my God!
The other guy!
135
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,285
Oh!
Yeah, the guy in the shorts.
136
00:05:37,353 --> 00:05:38,720
That adds up.
137
00:05:38,787 --> 00:05:40,689
All right. I better go.
138
00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:42,396
If I'm late, Mr. Alzate
makes me clean out
139
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,292
the filter
in the indoor trout pond,
140
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,928
and then for the rest of the day
my hands are all trouty.
141
00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:48,697
S...
142
00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:50,932
Huh. He doesn't mind.
143
00:05:50,999 --> 00:05:52,499
Mm. What a nice guy.
144
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:54,868
What a jerk! He catches me
lusting after a hot guy,
145
00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:56,337
he's all, like,
chill about it?
146
00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:57,838
Why isn't he furious?
147
00:05:57,905 --> 00:05:59,840
Mm, Kyle was never the jealous
type when we were dating.
148
00:05:59,907 --> 00:06:01,642
Once, a guy slipped me
his number.
149
00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:04,712
He and Kyle still talk.
150
00:06:05,579 --> 00:06:08,448
You know, your father
used to be insanely jealous.
151
00:06:08,515 --> 00:06:11,684
If a man said I was beautiful,
he'd yell, "No, she's not!"
152
00:06:18,158 --> 00:06:19,798
My boyfriend likes me
to look at other men
153
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,261
and get all worked up.
154
00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:23,428
It's a time-saver for him.
155
00:06:25,565 --> 00:06:27,766
He's gonna be very happy
tonight.
156
00:06:29,869 --> 00:06:31,670
Good job!
157
00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:33,672
Way to pick the corner.
158
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,073
I-if I may make
a suggestion?
159
00:06:35,141 --> 00:06:38,543
Oh, yes. I'm glad
you're not out of them.
160
00:06:38,611 --> 00:06:40,544
Or we could just let
the guy who played soccer
161
00:06:40,612 --> 00:06:42,313
all his life do his job.
162
00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:44,181
That may, in fact,
be the problem.
163
00:06:44,249 --> 00:06:45,549
All he knows is soccer.
164
00:06:45,617 --> 00:06:46,817
Sometimes to really
understand something,
165
00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:48,952
you need a fishing analogy.
166
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:50,954
Uh, Mr. Baxter,
167
00:06:51,022 --> 00:06:53,291
I know you've been coaching
Eve for a long time--
168
00:06:53,358 --> 00:06:55,492
Yeah. When I started with her,
she couldn't even walk.
169
00:06:55,559 --> 00:06:58,428
Yeah. But maybe if you
let me take it from here.
170
00:06:58,496 --> 00:07:00,363
You're not kicking me
out of my own yard, are you?
171
00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:02,131
No, of course not.
172
00:07:02,199 --> 00:07:03,767
Eve, let's finish
this lesson at the field.
173
00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:05,769
Sorry, Dad.
174
00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:07,837
Mr. Baxter, could you
toss me that ball?
175
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:09,105
Oh, sure.
176
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:12,574
Not supposed to
use your hands.
177
00:07:12,642 --> 00:07:14,410
I'm surprised
you didn't know that.
178
00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:33,498
Wow! Who's that tall, cute guy
in the sexy hip waders?
179
00:07:33,565 --> 00:07:35,833
That's just a display.
180
00:07:40,639 --> 00:07:42,639
I was actually
talking about you, Kyle.
181
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:45,576
Hey, listen. I--
182
00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:48,512
I just came by to apologize
about that thing--
183
00:07:48,579 --> 00:07:52,582
Me and Eve's soccer coach.
That was wrong.
184
00:07:52,650 --> 00:07:55,652
Yeah, don't worry.
Didn't bother me.
185
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,287
Yeah, I know.
186
00:07:57,355 --> 00:08:00,724
'Cause you keep saying that,
but I want it to.
187
00:08:00,791 --> 00:08:02,393
Um, I mean, come on.
188
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:05,061
I was, like, fantasizing
about another guy.
189
00:08:05,129 --> 00:08:07,363
Yeah, but, Mandy,
we all have fantasies.
190
00:08:07,431 --> 00:08:11,034
You know, sometimes I like
to imagine myself
191
00:08:11,101 --> 00:08:13,903
stretched out
on this king-size bed
192
00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:17,907
with some cold peach iced tea
and a bologna sandwich...
193
00:08:17,974 --> 00:08:21,643
With mustard. No. Mayo.
194
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:25,547
You know what? Both.
It's my fantasy.
195
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:28,316
Or maybe the reason
196
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:30,452
that you're not jealous
is because
197
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,387
you don't really care
about losing me.
198
00:08:33,255 --> 00:08:35,489
I would hate losing you.
199
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,391
But...
200
00:08:37,459 --> 00:08:40,794
If you and Octavio really
wanted to be together, then...
201
00:08:40,862 --> 00:08:42,163
I wouldn't want to stay
in your way.
202
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,597
I want you two to be happy.
203
00:08:43,665 --> 00:08:45,066
I... I don't want
to be happy.
204
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,667
I just want you
to be jealous.
205
00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:48,135
I'm sorry.
206
00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:50,637
I don't want you to be sorry.
I just want you to be jealous!
207
00:08:50,705 --> 00:08:53,005
- I apologize. - Oh, my God, that is
the same thing as being sorry!
208
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,708
- Why can't you just be jealous?!
- Will you just calm down, Kristin?
209
00:08:58,479 --> 00:09:00,012
Did you just call me
"Kristin"?
210
00:09:01,282 --> 00:09:03,716
I don't know.
211
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:06,752
It makes sense, though.
I used to date a Kristin.
212
00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:09,621
Kyle, you just called me
213
00:09:09,689 --> 00:09:11,457
the name
of a former girlfriend...
214
00:09:11,524 --> 00:09:12,991
Who's my sister.
215
00:09:13,059 --> 00:09:14,693
Not cool.
216
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,895
How would you feel
if I called you Brandon,
217
00:09:16,963 --> 00:09:19,298
or Travis or Tyler or Greg or Ashton...
218
00:09:19,365 --> 00:09:21,233
Or the other Ashton?
219
00:09:21,301 --> 00:09:23,401
Actually, I wouldn't mind
being called "Tyler."
220
00:09:24,836 --> 00:09:26,137
I'd wear fancy clothes
and, you know,
221
00:09:26,205 --> 00:09:29,006
give everyone finger guns--
"hey!"
222
00:09:29,074 --> 00:09:32,076
Oh, my God, I hate
fighting with somebody
223
00:09:32,144 --> 00:09:33,544
who won't fight back!
224
00:09:33,612 --> 00:09:36,447
Now I've gotta go be mad
for the both of us!
225
00:09:38,650 --> 00:09:40,550
Come on, bologna,
take me away.
226
00:09:47,725 --> 00:09:49,159
- Oh, hey, Blanca.
- Hey.
227
00:09:49,227 --> 00:09:50,660
You know, you don't have
to cook. You can go home.
228
00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:53,230
Oh, but Mr. Mike asked me
to stay and make dinner.
229
00:09:53,297 --> 00:09:56,165
Oh, he must have forgotten
that I was gonna make dinner.
230
00:09:56,233 --> 00:10:00,902
Yes, that must be why.
He forgot.
231
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,650
Mike, what--
what are you doing?
232
00:10:02,705 --> 00:10:04,440
Looking for Eve's game
on your phone.
233
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:06,575
Yeah--no, honey, I-I told you
it didn't come out.
234
00:10:06,643 --> 00:10:08,963
It--it-- I know, it was grainy,
but you got something here.
235
00:10:08,978 --> 00:10:11,546
- Did you hear what Octopi
told the coach? - Mnh.
236
00:10:11,614 --> 00:10:13,948
He told Eve's coach that she's
supposed to play defense.
237
00:10:14,016 --> 00:10:15,650
You know what that means?
Defense?
238
00:10:15,717 --> 00:10:18,186
It's de thing that goes
around de house?
239
00:10:20,088 --> 00:10:22,257
Not everything is a joke, honey.
240
00:10:22,324 --> 00:10:24,825
She's gotta play forward. She's
gotta score some goals.
241
00:10:24,893 --> 00:10:26,361
And I'm looking for where
she did that penalty shot.
242
00:10:26,428 --> 00:10:28,495
It's in here somewhere.
243
00:10:28,563 --> 00:10:30,030
There, there, there.
Look here. Look here.
244
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,632
Yeah.
See, watch her go around.
245
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,867
Look at how she does--
246
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,102
What
are we-- what are we doing?
247
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,543
Why are we looking
at this guy's butt?
248
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,444
- Move around--it--
- Yeah, you know, it's-- it's Octavio.
249
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,846
He just--he just kept getting
in front of me as I--
250
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:50,816
Why are you zooming in
on his ass?
251
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,886
I don't know, honey. I'm not a scientist.
Just--just--
252
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:57,190
I'm gonna fast-forward
past this--
253
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,124
there we go. Right here.
Watch her score here.
254
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,659
She shoots it over
to that Janice girl, right?
255
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,846
She centers it up, she shoot--
watch this, watch this.
256
00:11:02,861 --> 00:11:04,262
Get a penalty--you gotta
shoot over this way.
257
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,264
Shoot over--
it's a perfect kick, score!
258
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:09,334
And thank God
this strange European guy--
259
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,768
he got it all.
Look at this.
260
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,504
What is this?
261
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:13,905
Uh, you know what, honey?
I don't know.
262
00:11:13,972 --> 00:11:15,073
I'm sorry.
I got distracted.
263
00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:16,440
I-I don't think
you were distracted.
264
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:19,677
You were spot-on, honey.
You really zeroed in.
265
00:11:19,744 --> 00:11:22,513
Oh. Octavio.
266
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,181
Uh, come in, come in.
267
00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:25,949
Uh, gosh, I wish I'd known
you were coming. I--
268
00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:28,285
Yeah, she would have made
herself 20 years younger.
269
00:11:32,189 --> 00:11:34,924
I've come to get Eve
for our practice.
270
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:37,460
Why does she need to practice
to stand around on defense
271
00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:38,894
and watch other people
score?
272
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:41,397
Oh, she told you I want
to move her to defense.
273
00:11:41,465 --> 00:11:43,165
Well, you know, in soccer,
274
00:11:43,234 --> 00:11:44,800
every position is
equally important.
275
00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:48,169
Oh, stop with your European
socialist hoo-hah!
276
00:11:48,238 --> 00:11:51,139
This is America.
We celebrate superstars.
277
00:11:51,207 --> 00:11:54,309
We want her to be Huey Lewis,
not The News.
278
00:11:54,377 --> 00:11:57,246
Well, I'm sorry, but she'll
never be Huey Lewis.
279
00:11:57,313 --> 00:11:58,847
Oh, no, wait. No, no, no.
Wait a minute. Wait--yeah.
280
00:11:58,914 --> 00:12:00,148
Eve has always been
really good, so--
281
00:12:00,216 --> 00:12:02,150
And we think scholarship,
maybe the Olympics.
282
00:12:02,218 --> 00:12:04,585
Okay, let me put this in terms
you can understand.
283
00:12:04,653 --> 00:12:07,688
If soccer was fishing,
284
00:12:07,756 --> 00:12:11,191
Eve would not be good
at... fishing.
285
00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:15,162
I'm afraid there are
no scholarships for her.
286
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:16,764
So what I'm saying is...
287
00:12:16,831 --> 00:12:18,766
Let her play for the joy.
288
00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:20,166
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We're Baxters.
289
00:12:20,234 --> 00:12:23,436
We don't do anything
for the joy.
290
00:12:23,504 --> 00:12:26,573
Well, I'm sorry to say,
that's true.
291
00:12:26,641 --> 00:12:29,942
- We bust our ass around here to
be the best at things. - Yeah.
292
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,078
And clearly if you don't think
that she has the skill set
293
00:12:32,146 --> 00:12:34,514
to do that, I'm just gonna
get another coach.
294
00:12:34,582 --> 00:12:36,114
But--
I think it's best.
295
00:12:36,182 --> 00:12:39,217
Okay. Well, I'm sad
to hear that, but...
296
00:12:39,286 --> 00:12:40,919
Okay.
297
00:12:40,987 --> 00:12:43,221
Please tell Eve I enjoyed
our private lessons
298
00:12:43,290 --> 00:12:44,990
and I'll see her
at the game.
299
00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:47,593
Uh, you'll see me
at the game, too, Octavio.
300
00:12:47,661 --> 00:12:51,129
Uh, I'll--I'll be there
Saturday. Just...
301
00:12:51,197 --> 00:12:52,597
You know, if you were
20 years younger,
302
00:12:52,665 --> 00:12:54,098
you could just
chase him down.
303
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:55,866
Oh, shut up.
304
00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:03,076
- Maybe Octavio is right.
- Huh?
305
00:13:03,393 --> 00:13:05,695
Maybe it isn't such
a good idea to push Eve.
306
00:13:05,763 --> 00:13:07,396
It's always a good idea
to push.
307
00:13:07,465 --> 00:13:08,665
You know who didn't
get pushed?
308
00:13:08,666 --> 00:13:09,966
Who?
309
00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,168
Exactly.
You never heard of 'em. Why?
310
00:13:12,235 --> 00:13:14,102
Because they didn't
get pushed.
311
00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:15,537
You know what?
312
00:13:15,605 --> 00:13:17,072
I'm just trying to be
realistic.
313
00:13:17,139 --> 00:13:18,640
I don't want Eve
to get her heart broken.
314
00:13:18,708 --> 00:13:20,108
I am being realistic.
315
00:13:20,176 --> 00:13:22,043
I'm gonna be
the proud parent
316
00:13:22,111 --> 00:13:24,071
watching her in the Olympics
playing soccer there,
317
00:13:24,113 --> 00:13:27,215
probably sitting by myself
with an empty seat next to me.
318
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:28,783
Come on. Who are we kidding?
It's women's soccer.
319
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,785
There's gonna be
a lot of empty seats.
320
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,386
Look, I just don't want her
321
00:13:32,454 --> 00:13:34,088
to have unrealistic expectations.
322
00:13:34,155 --> 00:13:36,056
I mean, n-not everybody
can be a rock star
323
00:13:36,124 --> 00:13:39,994
or a supermodel
or... a geologist.
324
00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:43,798
Because, I mean, hey,
we're rock stars, too.
325
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,533
It's not funny
on your license plate bracket,
326
00:13:46,601 --> 00:13:48,234
and it's not funny
right now.
327
00:13:48,302 --> 00:13:50,303
What are you gonna tell Eve
when she asks
328
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,838
why you fired him?
329
00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:53,339
Eve's tough. She'll get over it.
330
00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:54,875
She's a Baxter. We don't care
what people think about us.
331
00:13:54,942 --> 00:13:56,776
Yeah, which you prove
every morning
332
00:13:56,844 --> 00:14:00,846
when you go out to get the newspaper
in your underwear.
333
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:03,348
Or, as Mrs. Green, our neighbor,
refers to it as,
334
00:14:03,416 --> 00:14:05,584
the best two minutes
of her day.
335
00:14:09,872 --> 00:14:12,341
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
336
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,443
You know, everybody's life
has failures,
337
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:15,877
but the test of your character
338
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:17,478
is how you respond
to those failures.
339
00:14:17,545 --> 00:14:19,580
When life knocks you down,
you don't lie on the canvas
340
00:14:19,647 --> 00:14:23,650
crying and overeating like
Al Gore after the 2000 election.
341
00:14:23,718 --> 00:14:27,388
Boy, he blew up
like the Hindenburg, didn't he?
342
00:14:27,456 --> 00:14:29,957
Look, you gotta get up
and start swinging.
343
00:14:30,025 --> 00:14:31,925
Michael Jordan got cut
as a sophomore
344
00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:33,693
from his high school
varsity team.
345
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,328
Don't know
if you're aware of this,
346
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:38,865
but that wasn't the last time
he ever played basketball.
347
00:14:38,932 --> 00:14:41,401
J.K. Rowling had
"Harry Potter" turned down
348
00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:42,768
by a dozen publishers.
349
00:14:42,836 --> 00:14:44,104
Did she Quidditch?
350
00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:49,108
Not on your life-itch.
351
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:51,043
Abraham-- Old Honest Abe--
352
00:14:51,111 --> 00:14:53,112
had a long string
of political losses.
353
00:14:53,179 --> 00:14:56,048
But did he ever give up?
No, he did not.
354
00:14:56,116 --> 00:14:58,850
He did get shot, however.
355
00:14:58,918 --> 00:15:00,685
Oh, great!
356
00:15:00,753 --> 00:15:03,122
I guess I don't need to see
that movie now.
357
00:15:10,062 --> 00:15:11,795
You gotta--
pau-pause it for a second.
358
00:15:11,863 --> 00:15:13,664
Pause it. All right.
I need an end to this.
359
00:15:13,732 --> 00:15:15,500
Like, "Winning is everything"
sounds stupid. Uh...
360
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:17,135
Oh, how about, um...
361
00:15:17,202 --> 00:15:19,203
How about "Never give up.
Never surrender"?
362
00:15:20,872 --> 00:15:23,440
I like it.
363
00:15:23,508 --> 00:15:24,974
Never give up.
364
00:15:25,043 --> 00:15:27,544
Never surrender.
365
00:15:27,611 --> 00:15:31,281
Those are some wise words,
Mr. B.
366
00:15:31,349 --> 00:15:33,517
You know, uh, Mandy and I
have been going through
367
00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:35,685
kind of a hard time.
368
00:15:35,753 --> 00:15:37,520
But I think
I'll take your advice
369
00:15:37,587 --> 00:15:39,588
and not give up
on our relationship.
370
00:15:39,656 --> 00:15:41,323
Well...
371
00:15:41,391 --> 00:15:44,493
I think that does give me
an idea for tomorrow's vlog.
372
00:15:44,561 --> 00:15:47,129
"How to bury a young man
in your basement."
373
00:15:49,132 --> 00:15:50,532
Uh, oh, Kyle.
You're looking for me?
374
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,334
- Yeah. Mr. Alzate, um...
- Yeah?
375
00:15:52,402 --> 00:15:55,336
I'm having some...
lady problems.
376
00:15:55,404 --> 00:15:58,373
What, like cramps?
377
00:15:58,441 --> 00:16:00,108
Uh, no.
378
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,177
Mandy and I are having
some romantic problems.
379
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:03,811
You said we could talk.
380
00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:05,480
Oh, yeah. Fire away.
Go ahead.
381
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,914
Not in here. Please.
382
00:16:06,982 --> 00:16:08,583
He's uncomfortable
with conversations
383
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:10,551
about his daughters
and their lovers.
384
00:16:12,387 --> 00:16:13,954
Come on.
385
00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:15,622
Okay. Okay. Go ahead.
386
00:16:15,690 --> 00:16:17,291
So, Mandy and I were
in the middle
387
00:16:17,358 --> 00:16:18,792
of a very passionate
moment yesterday--
388
00:16:18,859 --> 00:16:20,894
Hey! Guys, I can still
hear you.
389
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:24,531
This is real life, Mike.
You can't ignore it.
390
00:16:24,599 --> 00:16:26,566
Now, come on...
391
00:16:26,633 --> 00:16:28,634
- Anyway, in the middle, I
got confused... - Uh-huh.
392
00:16:28,702 --> 00:16:31,237
And accidentally called
Mandy "Kristin."
393
00:16:31,305 --> 00:16:35,608
Oh... no. Ouch.
That's a bad move, son. No.
394
00:16:35,675 --> 00:16:38,777
You see, when a man
is in the throes of intimacy
395
00:16:38,845 --> 00:16:41,980
with a woman, you've got
a lot on your mind, right?
396
00:16:42,047 --> 00:16:44,816
It's best to stick
with nonspecific names.
397
00:16:44,883 --> 00:16:48,653
All right. Such as, uh,
"You're so beautiful, honey."
398
00:16:48,721 --> 00:16:51,323
"That feels wonderful,
darling." Huh?
399
00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,091
"You keep doing that,
I'm gonna have to buy you
400
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:54,726
a condominium, princess."
401
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:56,628
You see?
402
00:16:56,695 --> 00:16:59,730
- Okay, but, um, we weren't
in any throes. - Hmm.
403
00:16:59,797 --> 00:17:01,465
Uh, we were having a fight.
404
00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:03,267
Well, the same applies
to fighting.
405
00:17:03,335 --> 00:17:05,302
Yeah, yeah,
"calm down, honey."
406
00:17:05,370 --> 00:17:07,438
Uh, "that gun might be
loaded, darling."
407
00:17:07,506 --> 00:17:10,374
Yeah.
408
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:11,842
"That naked woman
in the shower with me?
409
00:17:11,909 --> 00:17:13,376
That's my plumber, princess."
410
00:17:15,246 --> 00:17:16,746
That's good advice.
411
00:17:16,813 --> 00:17:18,481
- I really don't like fighting.
- Mm-hmm.
412
00:17:18,549 --> 00:17:20,650
You know, if Mandy and I
pull through this one,
413
00:17:20,717 --> 00:17:22,785
never having another one.
414
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,255
Solid plan.
415
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,128
Dad?
416
00:17:33,196 --> 00:17:36,398
Hey. What's--what's going on?
I just got a text from Octavio
417
00:17:36,466 --> 00:17:38,433
saying that he's not gonna
give me private lessons anymore.
418
00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:42,904
Yeah, that's because he's
a European surrender monkey.
419
00:17:43,672 --> 00:17:45,673
He said that you fired him.
420
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,841
He didn't put up
that much of a fight.
421
00:17:47,909 --> 00:17:50,511
Well, why would you do that?
I was really learning a lot.
422
00:17:50,579 --> 00:17:52,246
Because I want somebody
in your corner
423
00:17:52,314 --> 00:17:53,681
that believes in you.
424
00:17:53,748 --> 00:17:55,616
What do you mean?
425
00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:57,485
H-he...
426
00:17:57,553 --> 00:17:59,787
He didn't think
that you have what it takes
427
00:17:59,854 --> 00:18:01,421
to get a scholarship
playing soccer.
428
00:18:02,823 --> 00:18:04,658
He said that?
429
00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:06,826
He also said you were
no good at fishing.
430
00:18:08,762 --> 00:18:10,430
Listen, Eve.
No, hold on a second.
431
00:18:10,498 --> 00:18:11,731
Honey, this is what
I was afraid of.
432
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,366
See, now she's crushed.
433
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,535
Well, she's gonna have to toughen up.
434
00:18:15,603 --> 00:18:18,437
- Listen, just because oxymoron doesn't
give her a gold star... - It's Octavio!
435
00:18:18,505 --> 00:18:19,945
We both know who we're
talking about.
436
00:18:20,006 --> 00:18:21,440
Well, maybe now
she can play soccer
437
00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:22,908
just for the sheer joy
of it.
438
00:18:22,975 --> 00:18:24,410
- "Joy of it"?
- Yeah.
439
00:18:24,477 --> 00:18:26,212
Screw that! I don't do anything
for joy around here.
440
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,113
I'm a Baxter. Come on, Dad,
drive me to the field.
441
00:18:28,181 --> 00:18:29,515
Wait, wait, wait.
Eve, honey,
442
00:18:29,583 --> 00:18:31,116
are you not upset
about what Octavio said?
443
00:18:31,184 --> 00:18:32,884
Well, yeah, I'm really upset.
444
00:18:32,952 --> 00:18:34,985
That's why Dad and I are gonna
go practice some penalty kicks.
445
00:18:35,053 --> 00:18:38,590
Gonna show that euro-dork
what's up.
446
00:18:38,657 --> 00:18:40,458
That's what I'm talking about.
447
00:18:40,526 --> 00:18:42,026
That's Michael Jordan
right there.
448
00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:43,994
That's no Al Gore.
449
00:18:44,062 --> 00:18:47,064
- I am proud of you.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
450
00:18:47,132 --> 00:18:49,966
Now let's move it, old-timer.
You want a boat or not?
451
00:18:52,203 --> 00:18:54,003
- I'm getting a boat.
- Mm.
452
00:19:02,381 --> 00:19:03,714
Thank you.
453
00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:08,052
He just left me 5 bucks
on a $10 tab.
454
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:09,386
- Yep. I get it.
- Mm.
455
00:19:09,454 --> 00:19:10,888
Men love you, Kristin.
456
00:19:10,956 --> 00:19:12,857
Can't forget you, Kristin.
457
00:19:12,925 --> 00:19:14,625
Constantly calling out
your name--
458
00:19:14,693 --> 00:19:17,094
"Kristin, Kristin, Kristin!"
459
00:19:17,162 --> 00:19:20,430
Well, I do wear
a name tag, so...
460
00:19:20,497 --> 00:19:22,265
Did I do something to you?
461
00:19:22,332 --> 00:19:24,367
- No.
- Are you sure?
462
00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:25,669
- Yes.
- Eh...
463
00:19:25,736 --> 00:19:27,203
It's nothing.
464
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:28,805
What?
465
00:19:28,873 --> 00:19:31,741
The other day...
466
00:19:31,809 --> 00:19:34,310
Kyle and I were, like,
really going at it,
467
00:19:34,378 --> 00:19:36,111
and he called me "Kristin."
468
00:19:36,179 --> 00:19:38,513
Really?
469
00:19:38,582 --> 00:19:39,648
Yes.
470
00:19:39,716 --> 00:19:41,884
Whoa.
471
00:19:42,452 --> 00:19:44,652
This is kind of
an awkward sister moment.
472
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,220
Yeah.
473
00:19:46,288 --> 00:19:47,855
Kind of a "yay, me" moment...
474
00:19:47,923 --> 00:19:50,191
But still awkward.
475
00:19:50,258 --> 00:19:52,426
Well, it made me feel
awful, so...
476
00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:55,830
Well, it shouldn't. What Kyle
did is only natural, okay?
477
00:19:55,898 --> 00:19:58,500
You know, he and I had
some pretty intimate moments.
478
00:19:58,568 --> 00:20:02,403
Wait.
Stop. No. No.
479
00:20:02,471 --> 00:20:04,271
We--we were fighting.
480
00:20:04,339 --> 00:20:05,772
- What?
- Yeah.
481
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,674
Like, really going at it.
Like, "rrr!"
482
00:20:07,742 --> 00:20:09,176
I was screaming at him,
483
00:20:09,244 --> 00:20:10,744
and he was all,
"calm down, Kristin."
484
00:20:10,812 --> 00:20:13,114
Oh. Wait a minute.
So, you were screaming at him,
485
00:20:13,181 --> 00:20:15,248
and he immediately
pictures me?
486
00:20:15,916 --> 00:20:16,749
So?
487
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:20,052
So, that's not exactly
flattering to me.
488
00:20:20,121 --> 00:20:21,988
Oh, my God, of course!
489
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,190
That makes so much
more sense! Yeah.
490
00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:25,858
'Cause...
491
00:20:25,926 --> 00:20:28,428
Like, I was being a real bitch,
so naturally he thought of you.
492
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:32,631
Glad to help.
493
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,866
Come on, Kris,
you gotta admit, you could be
494
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,235
pretty hard on Kyle
when you guys were dating.
495
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,003
Yeah, I guess I was.
496
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,305
Especially when he would say
something dumb, which...
497
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,406
Doesn't bother you,
because you're...
498
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,009
Compatible.
499
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,810
Thank you.
500
00:20:46,611 --> 00:20:48,712
- Hey... honey.
- Aw.
501
00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:53,684
I came to apologize again.
502
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,485
Princess.
503
00:20:55,953 --> 00:20:57,855
No, listen, Kyle.
504
00:20:57,922 --> 00:21:00,190
I'm the one who should be
apologizing.
505
00:21:00,224 --> 00:21:04,027
Looking at Octavio like that
wasn't very respectful.
506
00:21:04,094 --> 00:21:06,395
He's probably used to it.
507
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:08,497
He's gorgeous.
508
00:21:08,565 --> 00:21:11,868
No, I meant not respectful
of you
509
00:21:11,935 --> 00:21:14,037
and our relationship.
510
00:21:14,104 --> 00:21:15,071
So I'm sorry.
511
00:21:15,072 --> 00:21:15,673
You don't have to be sorry.
512
00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:17,874
Would you please just accept
my damn apology?
513
00:21:17,941 --> 00:21:19,841
Apology accepted, Kris...
514
00:21:19,909 --> 00:21:21,677
Uh, princess.
515
00:21:24,681 --> 00:21:25,648
Ooh, while you're at it,
516
00:21:25,682 --> 00:21:27,515
you might want to throw
an apology Kristin's way.
517
00:21:27,584 --> 00:21:28,417
Why?
518
00:21:28,485 --> 00:21:30,819
So, I'm bitchy, huh?
519
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:37,097
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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