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Previously on I'm Dying Up Here...
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- I'm getting married.
- I always had a soft spot
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00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,408
for men who could make people laugh.
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00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:11,639
- How soft?
- Schlosser agreed to let
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00:00:11,664 --> 00:00:14,301
you two make a pilot
as part of Saul's deal.
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00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:17,024
Was in the neighborhood,
thought I'd stop by
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00:00:17,024 --> 00:00:19,512
and introduce myself to your
son that you never mentioned.
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I tried talking to Eddie.
I need to apologize.
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- You need to leave.
- I have a son.
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What kind of person walks
away from their own child?
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00:00:27,335 --> 00:00:29,762
I blew my audition taking care of you.
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00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:31,887
I don't know when I'm
gonna stop doing this shit.
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00:00:31,887 --> 00:00:33,566
Who do you think I lost my virginity to?
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00:00:33,591 --> 00:00:35,134
A comic, when I was 15.
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00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:36,671
You tell me who you're talking about.
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Roy!
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I don't want to be this anymore.
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00:00:40,669 --> 00:00:41,919
I don't want to be Roy Martin.
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00:00:42,003 --> 00:00:43,541
Have you seen a man, tall?
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Oh, fuck. Roy!
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Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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You, uh, get a hold of his daughter?
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00:01:33,044 --> 00:01:35,128
Eh, she's skiing, some college thing.
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She doesn't know nothing.
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You okay?
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Right. Um, I'm sorry.
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- Oh, Zeidel.
- Hm?
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I need the keys to the Caddy back.
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Hm?
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He's embarrassed.
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Licking his wounds somewhere, huh?
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Yeah.
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Bam, biscuit, all right,
welcome back, listeners,
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to "Kenny in the AM."
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And I'm here with comedian Nick Beverly,
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who is not a morning person.
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Would you say that's correct there, Nicky?
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Um, could I get some more coffee?
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All right, sure, let's do that.
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00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:32,915
And how about a little
sugar, Nicky, to wake you up?
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What are you thinking, one lump or two?
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00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,191
- Uh, just black.
- All right, black it is
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00:02:37,275 --> 00:02:39,567
for comedian Nick Beverly,
who looks like something
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the cat thought about dragging in,
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reconsidered, and just went about his day.
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Kenny, I have known you for a long time.
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- Right.
- I understand the need
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- to be on.
- Mm-hmm.
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I'm going to ask you to just
take it down a notch, okay?
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Every time you open your mouth,
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00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,304
it's like the Mexican
soccer team scored a goal.
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Oh, oh, I'm so sorry there, Nicky,
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but that's a big "no can do,"
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because this is "Kenny in the AM"!
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Not "Kenny, Post Mortem."
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Nicky, let's talk about
your decline, shall we?
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Word on the street is you're doing a lot of
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00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,025
couch surfing as of late.
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What's that like for someone at your age?
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00:03:16,623 --> 00:03:19,192
You know, Kenny, I'm in
between couches right now.
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00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:21,022
I'm sort of doing a back to nature thing.
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A lot of park benches and, uh,
bus stations, things like that.
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00:03:24,064 --> 00:03:27,792
You know, doing a real Henry
David Thoreau sort of deal.
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I don't know, I've been
really into this idea about
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trying to survive in
hostile elements, you know?
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Uh, historical change,
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or you know, natural decay.
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00:03:38,416 --> 00:03:40,042
But hey, maybe that's hard to fathom
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if there isn't a kazoo or a
slide whistle backing me up.
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Oh, bam biscuit, you are...
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- You.
- What?
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Okay, we got a SIG alert,
so stay tuned everybody,
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for Harvey in the Sky with traffic.
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♪ Traffic and weather ♪
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Thoreau, really, is that what
the fuck we're doing here?
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00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:03,042
Any chance of you upping your energy?
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- I don't know.
- Jesus fucking Christ
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there, Nicky.
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This show is about getting people to work.
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Not back into fucking coffins.
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00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,662
Do you ever think that
people might just want to,
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you know, just ease into their day?
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00:04:13,852 --> 00:04:15,680
They don't want some coke-addled parrot
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00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,299
being shoved up their fucking
ass first thing in the morning?
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00:04:20,288 --> 00:04:24,187
Can someone tell me where the
funny fucking comics are, huh?
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00:04:24,487 --> 00:04:26,946
Can someone please tell me where to find
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00:04:27,029 --> 00:04:29,888
the funny fucking comics?
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No.
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00:04:36,212 --> 00:04:38,779
- Oh, that's the one.
- Really?
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00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:39,939
I don't know, it seems kind of...
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00:04:40,299 --> 00:04:41,526
- Sad?
- Yeah.
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00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:44,672
Pathetic? The embodiment of stupidity?
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00:04:44,755 --> 00:04:47,512
Desperation? Narcissism?
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00:04:48,047 --> 00:04:49,842
- Kind of.
- Yeah, that's the one.
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00:04:52,069 --> 00:04:53,356
No, this is the one.
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00:04:53,356 --> 00:04:55,223
I mean, this is the most
representative of the evening.
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00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,046
Don't let it hit you too hard, buddy.
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00:04:58,046 --> 00:05:01,504
Well, it's a fake. Roy
gave me a fake Rolex.
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00:05:01,587 --> 00:05:03,004
- What?
- No way.
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00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:05,269
That would mean that
Roy was a huge asshole.
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00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:08,030
I tried to pawn it. Guy
said it was worth 40 bucks.
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00:05:08,114 --> 00:05:09,947
Can you believe that? 40 fucking bucks.
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00:05:10,030 --> 00:05:11,393
Ed, I don't think you're going to find
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a less sympathetic audience right now.
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00:05:13,039 --> 00:05:15,231
Oh, right. Definitely blame the iceberg,
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because that marriage was unsinkable.
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Oh.
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00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:20,073
Let me guess, you still can't find him?
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00:05:20,157 --> 00:05:22,361
No, that guy was my bread and butter, man.
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00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,076
And that's not saying a lot.
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00:05:24,781 --> 00:05:26,481
I think I'm just going to
have to get back my shifts
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00:05:26,506 --> 00:05:27,678
at Donimirski's.
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00:05:28,073 --> 00:05:29,626
Do you need money? I'll give you money.
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00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:33,242
No, thank you, but I already
live here for free, so.
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00:05:33,285 --> 00:05:34,712
No, come on, I'll just float you
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00:05:34,712 --> 00:05:36,421
till you get back on your
feet. There's no shame in that.
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00:05:36,446 --> 00:05:37,963
I got to agree with Ron on this one.
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You know, I'm all for a step or two back,
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00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:41,485
but Donimirski's?
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00:05:41,923 --> 00:05:43,511
Shit's like the next state over.
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00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:46,576
Look, it's temporary, okay? And I just...
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I want to do this one by myself.
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Why?
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What do you mean, why?
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00:05:53,223 --> 00:05:54,849
I mean, I understand the whole
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00:05:54,932 --> 00:05:56,744
pull yourself up by your bootstrap thing,
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00:05:56,769 --> 00:05:59,348
but what's the harm in
a little financial aid?
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00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:01,625
Plus, I don't want the house smelling like
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00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:03,796
Poland's doing its laundry
every time you come home.
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00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,964
Hey, Ron, why don't you focus
on cementing the memories
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00:06:07,048 --> 00:06:09,339
of your latest brush with
mind-blowing stupidity
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00:06:09,422 --> 00:06:11,131
and let me take care of me, okay?
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00:06:14,052 --> 00:06:15,589
My boss is a real jerk.
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00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:17,297
I hate being his assistant.
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00:06:17,297 --> 00:06:19,172
I have to make tea for him every morning.
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He's never once said thank you.
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00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,646
- He's a tea drinker?
- Yeah.
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00:06:23,047 --> 00:06:25,422
Hey, Cameron, does he have a private stash?
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00:06:25,505 --> 00:06:27,589
Imported, Earl Grey. Comes in a tin.
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00:06:27,672 --> 00:06:29,047
Okay, listen very closely, Cameron,
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00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:30,755
because this is what I want you to do.
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00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:34,172
Tomorrow morning, I want you
to go in a little bit early,
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I want you to take that tea bag out, okay,
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00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,315
and I want you to fold it up real tight,
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00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,231
and tuck it up under your manhood.
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00:06:40,315 --> 00:06:41,565
You are going to let it steep there
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00:06:41,590 --> 00:06:43,613
for about 15 minutes, my friend.
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00:06:43,784 --> 00:06:45,684
Get a brisk walk going, do a few squats.
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00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,815
Whatever it is that really
gets the Cameron essence
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00:06:48,899 --> 00:06:50,340
going, you know?
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00:06:50,607 --> 00:06:51,982
And I want you to take it
out, you're going to add
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00:06:52,065 --> 00:06:53,971
some boiling water, you're going to smile,
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and you're going to serve.
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00:06:55,273 --> 00:06:57,565
Is this the old family recipe there, Nicky?
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Thank you so much, listener.
All right, everybody,
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00:06:59,773 --> 00:07:01,690
stay tuned because up next is sports,
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00:07:01,773 --> 00:07:03,642
with your very own Matt Ravelich.
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00:07:03,642 --> 00:07:06,136
"Jock Talk" coming up.
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00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:12,822
- Nicky, that was a good show.
- Cool.
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00:07:12,861 --> 00:07:14,194
I mean, it started off slow,
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00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:15,777
but the people really seemed to dig
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00:07:15,861 --> 00:07:17,736
your angry
down-and-out shit.
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00:07:17,819 --> 00:07:19,527
I mean, personally, I wanted
to hook a fucking car battery
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00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:21,444
up to my nuts every time
you opened your mouth, but...
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00:07:22,794 --> 00:07:23,960
Phone lines don't lie.
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00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,649
Yeah, I think someone said
there was going to be cookies.
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00:07:25,649 --> 00:07:28,457
- Are there cookies?
- Hey! Cookies!
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00:07:28,539 --> 00:07:30,407
Get the guy some fucking cookies, please!
169
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,279
Nick, you like doing this?
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00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:37,754
Um, I don't know, yeah. Thanks.
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00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:40,123
What do you say you fill
in for me a couple days?
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00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:41,742
- Uh...
- No, listen to me.
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00:07:41,743 --> 00:07:43,456
My old lady's going to fucking kill me
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00:07:43,539 --> 00:07:44,915
if I don't take a couple days off,
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00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,207
so I'm thinking I pop up
to San Francisco with her.
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We see what's cooking up in the lab.
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00:07:49,481 --> 00:07:51,116
Hello, ha ha.
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00:07:51,116 --> 00:07:52,408
Nick, you're going to love doing this.
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00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:53,532
You get to choose any guests you want.
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00:07:53,614 --> 00:07:55,870
The shmucks behind the glass
practically do everything,
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00:07:55,870 --> 00:07:57,198
and this asshole right here
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will even write your jokes for you.
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00:08:00,699 --> 00:08:01,991
- What's it pay?
- What's it pay?
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00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:03,532
I'm sleeping on people's fucking couches?
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00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:05,032
The station will take care of you, Nick.
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00:08:07,219 --> 00:08:08,657
I don't know, you really
think I'm that good?
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00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,615
Of course not.
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00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,991
But you're decent enough
not to fuck up my show,
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00:08:13,074 --> 00:08:14,490
and you're shitty enough that the people
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will be glad when I return.
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00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:17,865
- Shim sham.
- Nicky!
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00:08:17,949 --> 00:08:19,258
There we go, baby.
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00:08:23,182 --> 00:08:26,365
I like beard. Masculine, good.
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00:08:26,578 --> 00:08:27,745
Ah, thank you.
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00:08:27,745 --> 00:08:31,075
I like old Eddie hair
better. Less homosexual.
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00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:36,684
Yeah, hey, gotcha. I
really do appreciate this...
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00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,183
- More things.
- Okay.
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00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,529
Shoes falling apart. You get new ones.
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00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:42,147
Oh, well, you know...
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00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,392
I sort of made a vow to myself
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00:08:44,475 --> 00:08:46,600
that this would be my
last pair of waiter shoes.
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00:08:46,684 --> 00:08:49,183
This restaurant, not Valley Forge.
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00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:53,099
Oh, and Eddie, I'm sorry.
No more comedy here.
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00:08:53,183 --> 00:08:54,726
Only folk singing.
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00:08:55,818 --> 00:08:58,109
Yeah, well, I don't think
there ever really was
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00:08:58,192 --> 00:08:59,503
comedy here, Grajca.
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00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,542
I'm just saying,
your black television show
208
00:09:03,625 --> 00:09:05,126
needs a redheaded white male.
209
00:09:05,209 --> 00:09:07,179
No, no, dude, you're going
to blind people at home.
210
00:09:08,503 --> 00:09:10,628
Well, if it isn't my two
favorite people and Bill.
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00:09:10,712 --> 00:09:12,045
- Ah.
- Oh, hi, Nicholas.
212
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,420
William.
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00:09:13,701 --> 00:09:15,368
Heard you on "Kenny" this morning.
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00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:18,515
- Oh?
- Yeah, you were fucking awful.
215
00:09:19,284 --> 00:09:21,202
Yeah, man, nobody wants to contemplate life
216
00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:22,660
first thing in the morning.
217
00:09:22,685 --> 00:09:24,834
That's a post-masturbation activity.
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00:09:24,859 --> 00:09:26,567
- I don't know, I liked it.
- Oh, please.
219
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,434
The only reason you liked it is because
220
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:30,025
he's been inside of your body, okay?
221
00:09:30,108 --> 00:09:32,328
If you had any objectivity,
you'd call it what it was.
222
00:09:32,328 --> 00:09:33,598
Ear rape.
223
00:09:33,771 --> 00:09:35,687
Well, congratulations, Dawn.
224
00:09:35,771 --> 00:09:37,688
You get to be my first on-air guest.
225
00:09:37,713 --> 00:09:39,542
- Now look at that.
- Wait a minute.
226
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:40,876
- You got a show?
- Mm-hmm.
227
00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:43,126
"Kenny in the AM." Only
I'm going to call it
228
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,542
"Nicky and the Why The
Fuck Am I Up So Early?"
229
00:09:48,442 --> 00:09:49,963
- Wow.
- Yeah, he's taking a break
230
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:52,121
for a week, he asked me to
fill in... begged, really.
231
00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:55,280
He's going to take a whole week
to do coke out of the studio?
232
00:09:55,281 --> 00:09:56,987
- Hurt!
- I will see you tomorrow
233
00:09:57,012 --> 00:09:58,304
at eight o'clock.
234
00:09:58,329 --> 00:09:59,587
Boys, I'm sorry you didn't make the cut,
235
00:09:59,587 --> 00:10:01,349
but we do have some lovely
parting gifts for you.
236
00:10:02,491 --> 00:10:05,538
Oh, thank you, I love those.
237
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:07,608
It's so quiet, you can hear the drug use.
238
00:10:08,264 --> 00:10:09,713
Heard you this morning.
239
00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:12,013
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
240
00:10:12,097 --> 00:10:13,866
You have some thoughts
you would like to share?
241
00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:16,287
Your zest for life is contagious.
242
00:10:18,598 --> 00:10:22,098
It'll be awfully nice if
those people got their drinks
243
00:10:22,182 --> 00:10:24,727
before the valet handed them their keys.
244
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,563
Thank you. What are you up to?
245
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:31,669
- Just heading out.
- That's what I thought.
246
00:10:34,848 --> 00:10:36,864
- Seriously?
- What?
247
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:38,469
It wasn't him.
248
00:10:38,579 --> 00:10:40,073
Are you going to do this with every comic?
249
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,609
Not if you tell me who it was.
250
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,975
It was a long time ago.
I don't care about it.
251
00:10:44,057 --> 00:10:45,217
Just let it go.
252
00:10:45,419 --> 00:10:47,390
I would have taken a bullet for you then,
253
00:10:47,473 --> 00:10:49,683
just as I would take a bullet for you now.
254
00:11:01,932 --> 00:11:05,235
Hey, Eddie. I got something for you.
255
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,932
No, I'm not really hungry, man.
256
00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:08,111
No, it's not food.
257
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,509
Scott Woytowich? Who the hell is that?
258
00:11:19,903 --> 00:11:23,579
Agent over at CMA. TV guy, covers writers.
259
00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:25,988
Says Newhart's show is looking to staff.
260
00:11:26,155 --> 00:11:28,196
I mentioned you working for Roy Martin;
261
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,527
he was all over it.
262
00:11:30,904 --> 00:11:33,144
That's fucking crazy, man! Thank you.
263
00:11:33,144 --> 00:11:35,686
Oh, okay, okay.
264
00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:38,103
Um, this is a little uncomfortable, Eddie.
265
00:11:38,186 --> 00:11:40,652
- You know?
- Thank you, man.
266
00:11:43,839 --> 00:11:44,908
Eddie.
267
00:11:45,578 --> 00:11:46,891
A job and my fries?
268
00:11:47,587 --> 00:11:48,573
Thank you.
269
00:11:48,964 --> 00:11:50,801
Don't... don't make it a thing. Get the...
270
00:11:53,056 --> 00:11:55,570
So basically, it's a game show sketch
271
00:11:55,595 --> 00:11:57,512
where white people try to convince us
272
00:11:57,596 --> 00:11:59,346
they've suffered just
as much as black folk.
273
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:02,189
Yeah, it's called,
"You Think You Got It Bad?"
274
00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:05,229
Yeah, and I'll be the
host. Jimmy Jam Johnson.
275
00:12:05,229 --> 00:12:06,807
That sound good. Y'all got it written up?
276
00:12:06,832 --> 00:12:09,363
Like, eight pages. You
know, it's a little rough,
277
00:12:09,363 --> 00:12:11,012
but it's definitely something.
278
00:12:13,072 --> 00:12:15,780
I'ma split. But I got places to be.
279
00:12:15,863 --> 00:12:17,106
Hot date?
280
00:12:17,106 --> 00:12:18,682
Everything ain't about dating.
281
00:12:18,707 --> 00:12:20,432
A girl can have other places to be.
282
00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:23,753
We got to do a sketch about that.
283
00:12:23,896 --> 00:12:25,396
- Hey.
- Hey.
284
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,015
Why didn't you come over?
285
00:12:27,015 --> 00:12:29,703
Oh, I don't know, I guess
I'm just not really...
286
00:12:30,932 --> 00:12:32,473
Sure where I'm welcome anymore.
287
00:12:32,548 --> 00:12:34,968
Oh, Cassie, they're still your friends.
288
00:12:35,778 --> 00:12:38,194
I don't know, you ask me,
this is a self-imposed exile.
289
00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:39,888
You punishing you.
290
00:12:40,973 --> 00:12:44,956
- That certainly fits the bill.
- Just lighten up on yourself.
291
00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:49,799
Hey, do you want to get out of here
292
00:12:49,824 --> 00:12:51,086
and go get a drink or something?
293
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:53,087
Shit, I can't. I got plans.
294
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:55,171
- Okay, another time.
- Yeah.
295
00:12:59,198 --> 00:13:02,129
- You cool?
- Yeah, we're good.
296
00:13:02,212 --> 00:13:05,087
No, um, I'm asking, are you cool?
297
00:13:05,447 --> 00:13:07,182
Oh, um...
298
00:13:08,485 --> 00:13:09,880
I mean, I think so.
299
00:13:11,975 --> 00:13:14,463
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, you're cool.
300
00:13:14,546 --> 00:13:16,310
Come on, you're cool.
301
00:13:17,569 --> 00:13:18,563
I'm cool.
302
00:13:18,588 --> 00:13:21,546
How about The Exorcist, if
it was a little black girl?
303
00:13:22,729 --> 00:13:24,458
- Oh, shit.
- What's up?
304
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,150
Oh, I got to go. I'm dropping by Gloria's.
305
00:13:26,233 --> 00:13:28,942
She's working tonight, so
I'll catch you tomorrow.
306
00:13:29,026 --> 00:13:31,494
- We got an early start.
- Yeah, whatever.
307
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,176
Shit starts shooting soon.
308
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,484
♪ Well, I tried to forget you ♪
309
00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:47,992
♪ Oh, I tried, oh, I have ♪
310
00:13:49,117 --> 00:13:53,700
♪ We had a love that was a good thing ♪
311
00:13:56,933 --> 00:13:59,230
You've got some serious
moves there, brother.
312
00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:00,765
Hmm, a little bit, you know.
313
00:14:01,009 --> 00:14:02,911
And you stopped at a florist for me.
314
00:14:02,911 --> 00:14:04,536
Okay, truth be told, it was a gas station.
315
00:14:05,865 --> 00:14:08,364
It was either this, or a pack of Slim Jims.
316
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:09,899
You almost ready to go?
317
00:14:09,924 --> 00:14:12,281
Actually, I have some big news to share.
318
00:14:12,364 --> 00:14:13,948
- What's up?
- Maurice's girlfriend
319
00:14:14,031 --> 00:14:16,255
is having a baby, and uh,
320
00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,615
that means I'm going to be a grandmother.
321
00:14:19,906 --> 00:14:22,740
- Well, congratulations, baby.
- I know, it's big news.
322
00:14:22,823 --> 00:14:24,239
Shit, so what we doing staying here?
323
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,489
Let's go celebrate.
324
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,906
Listen. Not tonight.
325
00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:28,865
They're waiting for me at the house.
326
00:14:28,948 --> 00:14:30,906
They're going to have to
move in with me for a while.
327
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,364
So there's a lot to talk about.
328
00:14:32,448 --> 00:14:34,114
I'm sorry that I didn't call sooner,
329
00:14:34,197 --> 00:14:35,781
but I just found out myself.
330
00:14:35,865 --> 00:14:37,472
Can I take a rain check?
331
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:39,514
No, I feel that.
332
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:41,907
Any chance of it raining tomorrow?
333
00:14:42,861 --> 00:14:43,953
We'll see.
334
00:14:44,615 --> 00:14:46,449
Just sorry you had to
drive all the way out here.
335
00:14:46,531 --> 00:14:48,689
You know you're always
worth the trip, Gloria.
336
00:14:49,915 --> 00:14:50,935
Come here.
337
00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:54,643
I'll call you tomorrow. Get you some rest.
338
00:14:56,865 --> 00:14:58,404
You're going to need it, grandma.
339
00:15:12,531 --> 00:15:13,615
Everyone looks so happy.
340
00:15:13,698 --> 00:15:16,531
Yeah, this is the only place
in LA where you're welcome
341
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:17,907
if you're black, brown, and gay.
342
00:15:23,905 --> 00:15:26,029
You don't exactly blend in.
343
00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:27,923
Why, because of what I'm wearing?
344
00:15:32,446 --> 00:15:34,946
If someone asked me to
dance, I can dance, right?
345
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:36,634
It depends; are you any good?
346
00:15:36,659 --> 00:15:39,528
Uh, wait till you see.
347
00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:42,238
Okay. Oh, another thing.
348
00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:43,695
- You see that light?
- Yeah.
349
00:15:43,778 --> 00:15:45,765
That thing lights up, it means a raid.
350
00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:47,695
You see a guy, grab him and start dancing.
351
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,363
If a guy grabs you, act
like he's your boyfriend.
352
00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:50,571
That works?
353
00:15:50,655 --> 00:15:52,113
It's like musical chairs.
354
00:15:52,196 --> 00:15:53,488
You don't find a seat, you could wind up
355
00:15:53,571 --> 00:15:54,780
with a billy club at your neck.
356
00:15:54,863 --> 00:15:57,060
- Well, I don't want that.
- Right.
357
00:15:57,530 --> 00:16:00,405
Hey, Cassie, this is my friend, Alvira.
358
00:16:00,488 --> 00:16:02,405
- Alvira, Cassie.
- Hi, I'm Cassie.
359
00:16:02,488 --> 00:16:03,655
Nice to meet you.
360
00:16:04,143 --> 00:16:05,252
You too.
361
00:16:05,971 --> 00:16:08,488
Cass, grab us a table.
I'll get some drinks.
362
00:16:08,571 --> 00:16:10,202
- Okay.
- Yeah.
363
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:14,988
How you know her?
364
00:16:15,071 --> 00:16:17,238
Oh, she's a comic from the club.
365
00:16:17,706 --> 00:16:18,932
She's straight.
366
00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:21,126
- Straight?
- Mm-hmm.
367
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:22,973
The hell you bringing her here for?
368
00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:25,817
Well, she going through a
tough time, needed a night out.
369
00:16:26,075 --> 00:16:27,965
Well, ain't you the dyke
with the heart of gold.
370
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,087
What's your problem? You aren't jealous?
371
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:32,947
Hell, no.
372
00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:35,414
I was hoping you was hitting on her.
373
00:16:35,498 --> 00:16:36,915
Otherwise, you were just ashamed
374
00:16:36,998 --> 00:16:38,539
to introduce me as your girlfriend.
375
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,207
Shit, you keep on nagging me like that,
376
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,082
I'm going to introduce you as my mother.
377
00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:46,930
Alvira, it's a joke.
378
00:16:47,664 --> 00:16:49,077
Oh, my God.
379
00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:42,897
I feel like I should tell
you I'm not a lesbian.
380
00:17:42,955 --> 00:17:45,076
Right, no one here is a lesbian.
381
00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:48,814
No, no, really, I'm
sorry. I'm not a lesbian.
382
00:17:50,185 --> 00:17:52,054
Then what the fuck are you doing here?
383
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,976
So, I suppose you heard about Roy.
384
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,136
I heard he's missing.
385
00:18:11,161 --> 00:18:13,828
Well, he's headlining here
all week starting tomorrow.
386
00:18:15,056 --> 00:18:16,290
At least, he was supposed to.
387
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,160
I thought maybe you'd like to step in.
388
00:18:23,952 --> 00:18:25,886
Me? Not Adam?
389
00:18:26,512 --> 00:18:27,654
Yeah, you.
390
00:18:28,595 --> 00:18:29,781
What do I get?
391
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,717
What you usually get for headlining.
392
00:18:32,742 --> 00:18:35,034
- Roy gets the door.
- Roy headlines in Vegas.
393
00:18:35,059 --> 00:18:37,221
He's earned it. You've done Carson.
394
00:18:37,303 --> 00:18:38,595
And so, there's a rate for that,
395
00:18:38,679 --> 00:18:40,137
but it does not include the door.
396
00:18:41,764 --> 00:18:43,186
Well, that's wrong, and you know it.
397
00:18:43,353 --> 00:18:46,053
Wrong is a concept you're
barely acquainted with, Billy.
398
00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:47,346
None of you comics.
399
00:18:48,223 --> 00:18:51,307
You express outrage where
you should feel grateful.
400
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,302
You only want what's not been offered,
401
00:18:53,327 --> 00:18:56,390
and you take what isn't fucking yours.
402
00:18:58,369 --> 00:18:59,914
So don't talk to me about wrong.
403
00:19:10,661 --> 00:19:13,140
At the end of his set, he goes,
"And I'd like to introduce,
404
00:19:13,165 --> 00:19:14,481
Mr. Eddie Zeidel."
405
00:19:14,506 --> 00:19:17,471
And I come back on stage for a second time,
406
00:19:17,471 --> 00:19:18,880
and he does it to me again.
407
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,103
- Oh.
- Mm-mm.
408
00:19:20,103 --> 00:19:22,455
- Oh, fucking nutter.
- Oh, tell me about it.
409
00:19:22,501 --> 00:19:24,435
Oh, no, no, no, no. Four
is my limit, thank you.
410
00:19:25,983 --> 00:19:27,245
Are you still writing for Roy?
411
00:19:27,979 --> 00:19:29,010
Um...
412
00:19:29,570 --> 00:19:32,073
Yeah, you know, whenever he needs me.
413
00:19:32,687 --> 00:19:34,690
- Sort of on call.
- Mm-hmm.
414
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,859
So, uh...
415
00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:38,417
What happens next?
416
00:19:38,418 --> 00:19:40,164
Yeah, we'll take your sample packet.
417
00:19:40,164 --> 00:19:41,772
- Okay.
- And I'll call Fred Davies.
418
00:19:41,772 --> 00:19:44,647
He runs Newhart, and we'll
tell him how much we love you.
419
00:19:44,672 --> 00:19:46,630
How you're exactly what he's looking for.
420
00:19:46,714 --> 00:19:49,172
Smash cut to a parking space at MTM.
421
00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:52,381
Well, I might need to
smash cut to a car first.
422
00:19:54,006 --> 00:19:57,423
So, I come home,
and my albums are scattered
423
00:19:57,505 --> 00:20:00,423
like, everywhere, with these huge scratches
424
00:20:00,505 --> 00:20:02,904
gouged into them. I mean, who does that?
425
00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:04,671
Freaking madness, right?
426
00:20:04,696 --> 00:20:06,007
Well, you know, if you think about it,
427
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:08,279
madness is really, uh, sanity,
428
00:20:08,362 --> 00:20:10,071
just, you know, without the filter.
429
00:20:10,195 --> 00:20:12,237
Wait, you slept with her sister.
430
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,308
- Yeah.
- And you calling up in here,
431
00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:16,279
whining because your Deep Purple albums
432
00:20:16,362 --> 00:20:18,071
got a couple scratches in them?
433
00:20:18,154 --> 00:20:19,680
You're lucky you ain't my boyfriend.
434
00:20:19,705 --> 00:20:21,237
I wouldn't be scratching no albums.
435
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,462
Your manhood would be hanging
from my rearview mirror
436
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:24,901
like a pair of fuzzy dice.
437
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:28,026
Oh, that would make for
one ugly air freshener.
438
00:20:28,108 --> 00:20:30,942
- Hang up on this fool.
- Sorry, you heard the lady.
439
00:20:31,025 --> 00:20:32,358
Bye-bye, Doug from Santa Monica.
440
00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:34,932
- Bye-bye.
- Oof, wow.
441
00:20:35,399 --> 00:20:36,608
- Wow.
- How?
442
00:20:36,691 --> 00:20:38,137
- He don't love her.
- No.
443
00:20:38,228 --> 00:20:39,781
Doing the deed with
your girlfriend's sister,
444
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:40,828
that ain't love.
445
00:20:40,829 --> 00:20:42,662
You don't need no "Love is not banging
446
00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:45,148
"your girlfriend's sister" comic
strip to figure that one out.
447
00:20:45,173 --> 00:20:47,359
- The "Love Is" comic strip.
- Mm-hmm.
448
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,297
The little naked couple
with no private parts
449
00:20:49,297 --> 00:20:50,629
who keep telling us what love is.
450
00:20:50,713 --> 00:20:52,047
Yeah, it's easy to tell people what love is
451
00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:53,755
when you have no genitalia.
452
00:20:53,838 --> 00:20:56,107
Try throwing some reproductive
organs into the mix,
453
00:20:56,132 --> 00:20:57,614
then you see how complex it is.
454
00:20:57,615 --> 00:20:58,782
Exactly.
455
00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:01,281
Yeah, hey, uh, let's take another caller.
456
00:21:01,365 --> 00:21:04,329
KROQ listener, you are on
with Nicky in the Morning,
457
00:21:04,354 --> 00:21:07,875
and... The Crack of
Dawn. Uh, who do we got?
458
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,635
Alvira, South Central.
459
00:21:09,806 --> 00:21:11,697
Hi, Alvira from South Central.
460
00:21:11,722 --> 00:21:13,276
I've learned you've got to be willing
461
00:21:13,276 --> 00:21:14,783
to be who you really are to get love.
462
00:21:14,821 --> 00:21:16,446
Oh, sounds like someone's
speaking from experience.
463
00:21:16,529 --> 00:21:17,913
Yeah, I'm talking about my girlfriend.
464
00:21:17,913 --> 00:21:21,268
Mm, girlfriends. Had a few of those.
465
00:21:21,811 --> 00:21:22,852
What did she do wrong?
466
00:21:22,903 --> 00:21:24,775
Well, she's a lesbian, through and through,
467
00:21:24,844 --> 00:21:26,961
but she acts like she's a
tourist when she out with me.
468
00:21:26,961 --> 00:21:28,713
So she's closeted, is what you're saying.
469
00:21:28,738 --> 00:21:30,095
Well, got one foot out.
470
00:21:30,178 --> 00:21:32,261
She brings a girl from work to a gay club,
471
00:21:32,344 --> 00:21:33,995
then introduces me as her friend.
472
00:21:33,995 --> 00:21:35,220
- Ouch.
- Hold up.
473
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:37,911
Maybe she needs more time.
474
00:21:38,182 --> 00:21:39,714
That pressure only going to make her run
475
00:21:39,739 --> 00:21:40,761
farther and faster.
476
00:21:40,844 --> 00:21:42,737
She can run as much as she wants,
477
00:21:42,762 --> 00:21:44,098
but she can't run from herself.
478
00:21:44,098 --> 00:21:46,056
And you're going to be the
one to make that call for her?
479
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,098
- How about you support her?
- Mm.
480
00:21:48,180 --> 00:21:49,764
You know, maybe it isn't
about your time table.
481
00:21:49,848 --> 00:21:51,347
So how long am I supposed to wait?
482
00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:52,982
My support only goes...
483
00:21:53,610 --> 00:21:54,681
Uh...
484
00:21:54,764 --> 00:21:57,139
Sorry, Alvira, looks
like we lost you there.
485
00:21:57,405 --> 00:21:59,092
Uh, hey, after the break,
486
00:21:59,092 --> 00:22:01,032
it's traffic and weather, so stick around.
487
00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:04,673
Well.
488
00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:06,842
She really got under your skin.
489
00:22:07,983 --> 00:22:09,002
I'm hungry.
490
00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:12,065
You know how I get when I'm hungry.
491
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,948
- Gloria.
- Hey.
492
00:22:21,749 --> 00:22:23,180
I got the house to myself.
493
00:22:23,865 --> 00:22:25,323
What time you coming over?
494
00:22:25,324 --> 00:22:27,869
Adam, I never said for
sure that I was coming over.
495
00:22:28,408 --> 00:22:30,624
Oh, come on, Gloria.
Just play hooky with me.
496
00:22:32,158 --> 00:22:34,122
Wait a minute, are
you actually playing hooky?
497
00:22:34,147 --> 00:22:35,908
Me? No, no, no, no.
498
00:22:35,992 --> 00:22:37,263
It's just a figure of speech.
499
00:22:37,326 --> 00:22:40,448
Uh-uh, do not blow this. Do you understand?
500
00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:42,620
Okay, look, Gloria, I'm not blowing this.
501
00:22:43,043 --> 00:22:44,576
Me and Ralph been going day and night.
502
00:22:44,606 --> 00:22:47,049
I just thought that maybe
a day off might be good.
503
00:22:47,256 --> 00:22:49,569
You know, to get the
creative juices flowing again.
504
00:22:50,129 --> 00:22:52,799
Maybe recharge, how about that?
505
00:22:52,882 --> 00:22:54,715
And since you've been putting
in so much work lately,
506
00:22:54,799 --> 00:22:58,382
I just felt like maybe we could
recharge together, you know?
507
00:22:59,036 --> 00:23:00,068
Come on, Gloria, look.
508
00:23:00,104 --> 00:23:01,703
I know that you're about to be a grandma,
509
00:23:01,728 --> 00:23:04,587
but that don't mean you got
to start acting like one.
510
00:23:05,123 --> 00:23:06,499
You're too much, you know that?
511
00:23:06,582 --> 00:23:08,622
Just come and have some
fun with me, please.
512
00:23:14,590 --> 00:23:16,215
Okay, okay.
513
00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:17,918
Yeah. Cool.
514
00:23:24,152 --> 00:23:25,613
I need you to leave, please.
515
00:23:26,242 --> 00:23:28,200
- If I had a nickel.
- No, I'm serious, man.
516
00:23:28,492 --> 00:23:31,266
Gloria's coming over, and I
just want a little one on one.
517
00:23:31,951 --> 00:23:34,833
You cool and all, but you
not exactly atmosphere.
518
00:23:36,930 --> 00:23:38,346
What... what the fuck are you doing?
519
00:23:38,802 --> 00:23:40,208
My morning skinny dip.
520
00:23:41,534 --> 00:23:43,539
Put your Mexican jumping bean away.
521
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,177
Edgar, you got 30 minutes,
and then you need to be
522
00:23:45,202 --> 00:23:46,452
the fuck out of here, all right?
523
00:23:46,477 --> 00:23:48,288
- Come in.
- No, I'm serious, man.
524
00:23:48,509 --> 00:23:50,076
You ever seen a naked man before?
525
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,242
Jeez.
526
00:23:51,836 --> 00:23:53,826
He'll be coming late, but I talked to him,
527
00:23:53,909 --> 00:23:55,585
and he'll definitely make an appearance.
528
00:23:55,585 --> 00:23:58,627
I will take him for five
minutes if Carson can spare it.
529
00:23:58,711 --> 00:24:00,669
Well, just keep the drinks
and the adoration coming,
530
00:24:00,752 --> 00:24:02,669
and chances are, he'll make a night of it.
531
00:24:02,752 --> 00:24:04,585
Oh, thank you, Mitch.
532
00:24:07,248 --> 00:24:09,858
Well, I have a 12 noon
tee time with Johnny.
533
00:24:10,199 --> 00:24:11,248
Yeah.
534
00:24:13,862 --> 00:24:16,845
Basically, I'm there to raise
everybody else's self-esteem.
535
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:20,372
Thank you so much, Mitch. Oh, oh, hey.
536
00:24:20,372 --> 00:24:22,330
Tonight, Ali and his
entourage are going to be here.
537
00:24:22,413 --> 00:24:24,497
Why don't you stop by,
huh? They're always fun.
538
00:24:24,580 --> 00:24:26,789
Muhammad Ali, well, you
won't get a fight out of me.
539
00:24:28,914 --> 00:24:30,789
- Hey, you.
- Hey, Mitch.
540
00:24:38,014 --> 00:24:39,705
Jesus, what?
541
00:24:40,142 --> 00:24:42,996
- Well, I know it wasn't Bill.
- What if it was Bill?
542
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,038
- Or Edgar?
- Manny?
543
00:24:45,121 --> 00:24:48,356
Or Ralph or Gabe or Al.
544
00:24:49,038 --> 00:24:50,622
What are you going to do? Ruin them?
545
00:24:50,973 --> 00:24:52,932
They cower when they see your shadow.
546
00:24:53,015 --> 00:24:54,378
Where's the sport in that?
547
00:24:54,431 --> 00:24:56,432
I am not going to ruin anybody.
548
00:24:56,514 --> 00:24:59,041
I am your mother, and I
need to know what happened.
549
00:24:59,066 --> 00:25:00,171
Okay.
550
00:25:00,741 --> 00:25:02,367
- I'll give you a hint.
- Mm-hmm?
551
00:25:07,806 --> 00:25:09,020
Mitch?
552
00:25:09,946 --> 00:25:11,100
Bullshit.
553
00:25:12,277 --> 00:25:15,140
Mitch is my friend, and
he's older than your father.
554
00:25:15,165 --> 00:25:17,308
Even Mitch's wife won't screw Mitch.
555
00:25:17,333 --> 00:25:19,011
Well, you wouldn't admit you believe me,
556
00:25:19,036 --> 00:25:20,085
even if you did.
557
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:25,438
Meaning?
558
00:25:25,438 --> 00:25:27,623
You'd never jeopardize your in with Carson.
559
00:25:29,379 --> 00:25:30,646
I don't believe you.
560
00:25:31,845 --> 00:25:34,718
Got to admit, it'd be pretty
inconvenient if you did.
561
00:25:35,411 --> 00:25:37,964
Because you've always been
so reliable in the past?
562
00:25:39,928 --> 00:25:41,590
My 15th birthday.
563
00:25:42,178 --> 00:25:44,469
We had a reservation at Musso and Franks.
564
00:25:44,898 --> 00:25:47,459
I was waiting for you here
with some of the comics,
565
00:25:47,693 --> 00:25:49,151
and you were at the Beverly Wilshire
566
00:25:49,235 --> 00:25:51,519
trying to convince Carlin
to do a New Year's Eve show.
567
00:25:52,183 --> 00:25:54,124
You kept pushing the reservation later.
568
00:25:54,748 --> 00:25:56,477
Mitch was having drinks with someone.
569
00:25:56,801 --> 00:26:00,376
We went outside, smoked
a joint, and then...
570
00:26:03,003 --> 00:26:04,077
No.
571
00:26:05,014 --> 00:26:06,712
Well, why would you do that?
572
00:26:07,929 --> 00:26:10,869
Because it was my birthday,
and you weren't there.
573
00:26:11,799 --> 00:26:12,969
He was.
574
00:26:25,564 --> 00:26:26,793
Rough me up.
575
00:26:27,830 --> 00:26:29,003
Yeah?
576
00:26:29,444 --> 00:26:31,736
- How's that?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
577
00:26:31,761 --> 00:26:32,962
That's it, that's it.
578
00:26:41,237 --> 00:26:43,572
That's it, slap me.
579
00:26:44,132 --> 00:26:45,930
- What?
- Slap me.
580
00:26:46,369 --> 00:26:48,563
- I'm not going to slap you.
- Come on, fucking slap me!
581
00:26:48,588 --> 00:26:50,149
- I'm not going to...
- Come on!
582
00:26:50,149 --> 00:26:52,117
- What are you waiting for?
- Whoa, whoa, hey.
583
00:26:52,226 --> 00:26:53,258
Just like...
584
00:26:53,430 --> 00:26:55,550
Okay, I'm, uh, sorry...
585
00:27:02,816 --> 00:27:04,384
She was talking about me.
586
00:27:07,174 --> 00:27:08,806
Who was talking about you?
587
00:27:11,575 --> 00:27:12,728
That caller.
588
00:27:14,441 --> 00:27:15,464
Alvira.
589
00:27:17,967 --> 00:27:19,660
She's my girlfriend.
590
00:27:44,941 --> 00:27:45,906
And not...
591
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:48,826
Not telling anybody...
592
00:27:50,149 --> 00:27:51,202
Pretending...
593
00:27:53,334 --> 00:27:54,775
It's like poison.
594
00:28:04,366 --> 00:28:05,563
Fuck it.
595
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:09,895
What if you did...
596
00:28:10,869 --> 00:28:12,045
Tell them the truth?
597
00:28:16,155 --> 00:28:17,375
I'm scared.
598
00:28:20,510 --> 00:28:22,127
I'm scared I'll disappear.
599
00:28:27,379 --> 00:28:28,912
And all they'll see is that.
600
00:28:35,212 --> 00:28:36,170
Yeah.
601
00:28:41,762 --> 00:28:43,412
_
602
00:28:44,781 --> 00:28:45,812
Mm.
603
00:28:49,086 --> 00:28:50,525
_
604
00:28:51,309 --> 00:28:52,352
Mm.
605
00:28:53,614 --> 00:28:54,843
Hey.
606
00:28:56,156 --> 00:28:57,937
Oh, hey, man. Lunch already?
607
00:28:57,937 --> 00:28:59,240
Well, I'm a little early.
608
00:28:59,322 --> 00:29:01,444
I just wanted to check
out the menu, you know?
609
00:29:01,623 --> 00:29:03,262
It's lobster bisque day today.
610
00:29:03,630 --> 00:29:05,659
You know it's commissary food, right?
611
00:29:05,864 --> 00:29:07,885
Lobster bisque is basically cream of pink.
612
00:29:08,198 --> 00:29:10,322
Ain't no lobster in there for $1.99.
613
00:29:10,406 --> 00:29:12,083
Yeah, well, either way,
I'm fucking starved.
614
00:29:12,108 --> 00:29:14,375
Adam threw me out before
I could have breakfast
615
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:15,984
because Gloria's coming over.
616
00:29:17,948 --> 00:29:19,406
- Say again?
- Gloria, yeah.
617
00:29:19,652 --> 00:29:22,296
He wanted to be alone with
her, so he asked me to leave.
618
00:29:23,721 --> 00:29:25,627
This motherfucker told me he was sick
619
00:29:26,073 --> 00:29:27,983
so he could have sex with Gloria?
620
00:29:28,906 --> 00:29:30,834
He did sound like he had a nose thing.
621
00:29:31,222 --> 00:29:32,418
Save it, Edgar.
622
00:29:33,496 --> 00:29:36,413
Well, let's not jump to conclusions, okay?
623
00:29:36,438 --> 00:29:38,105
She's old; he could be reading to her.
624
00:29:38,130 --> 00:29:39,797
This thing shoots in four weeks,
625
00:29:39,822 --> 00:29:42,405
and this motherfucker
is fucking his wom... mm!
626
00:29:45,906 --> 00:29:47,572
These are the perks of our work.
627
00:29:52,918 --> 00:29:54,979
So you glad you skipping school now?
628
00:29:55,543 --> 00:29:56,678
Mm-hmm.
629
00:29:57,529 --> 00:30:00,234
You are a cool grandma,
though. I'll give you that.
630
00:30:01,308 --> 00:30:02,529
The coolest thing my grandma ever did
631
00:30:02,612 --> 00:30:05,948
was kill a damn alligator with a shovel.
632
00:30:05,985 --> 00:30:07,654
Now, that's pretty fucking cool.
633
00:30:07,738 --> 00:30:09,696
But you need to stop
with that grandma shit.
634
00:30:09,779 --> 00:30:12,404
Mm, age ain't nothing but
a number anyways, right?
635
00:30:12,487 --> 00:30:13,863
Well, that's when it's your age.
636
00:30:13,946 --> 00:30:15,237
- Mm!
- That's... oh!
637
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:17,863
Damn.
638
00:30:19,289 --> 00:30:20,781
You ever been to Hawaii?
639
00:30:21,237 --> 00:30:22,565
Yeah, many times.
640
00:30:23,213 --> 00:30:24,654
Yeah, well, I ain't never been there.
641
00:30:26,571 --> 00:30:27,654
First thing I'm going to do when this money
642
00:30:27,738 --> 00:30:29,459
start coming in, is I'm taking you.
643
00:30:31,450 --> 00:30:33,237
And you being there already,
it's going to be perfect,
644
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,237
because you can show
us exactly where to go.
645
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,946
- You got big plans, don't you?
- Damn straight.
646
00:30:44,304 --> 00:30:45,379
What the fuck?
647
00:30:45,404 --> 00:30:47,904
Sorry ass motherfucker!
648
00:30:55,612 --> 00:30:58,071
Eddie, where are new shoes?
649
00:30:58,154 --> 00:30:59,779
You look like man with shopping cart
650
00:30:59,863 --> 00:31:01,656
who always want to use restroom.
651
00:31:01,681 --> 00:31:03,764
Oh, I know, Grajca, I know,
652
00:31:03,847 --> 00:31:05,151
I said I'd buy a new pair of shoes,
653
00:31:05,151 --> 00:31:08,193
but there actually might
be a little change of plans.
654
00:31:08,276 --> 00:31:10,110
I buy you shoes, you pay me back.
655
00:31:10,194 --> 00:31:12,002
I think I might have a writing job.
656
00:31:12,787 --> 00:31:15,162
It's nothing certain,
but there's a good chance
657
00:31:15,246 --> 00:31:16,516
I might not be here long.
658
00:31:16,516 --> 00:31:18,391
Wear those shoes, very good chance.
659
00:31:18,473 --> 00:31:21,411
I know, Grajca, but if you
can just give me two weeks,
660
00:31:21,935 --> 00:31:24,182
I promise you, if nothing happens,
661
00:31:24,207 --> 00:31:25,332
I will buy a new pair.
662
00:31:25,357 --> 00:31:27,516
Weeks? Shoes dangerous.
663
00:31:27,598 --> 00:31:31,056
What if you trip, fall,
break neck, spill soup?
664
00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:32,890
You know, there's a little
bit of a mixed message
665
00:31:32,973 --> 00:31:34,348
on where your priorities lie.
666
00:31:34,431 --> 00:31:36,543
But I promise you that won't happen.
667
00:31:37,686 --> 00:31:39,662
In Poland, we have saying.
668
00:31:39,928 --> 00:31:42,632
"Jak cie widza, tak cie pisza."
669
00:31:42,853 --> 00:31:45,647
How they see you is how they perceive you.
670
00:31:51,561 --> 00:31:54,311
Your ass in here dressed like
a geisha girl, this some shit.
671
00:31:54,495 --> 00:31:57,494
Ralph, just calm down,
man. It's just one day.
672
00:31:57,709 --> 00:32:00,126
We've been going nonstop ever
since this shit got picked up.
673
00:32:00,210 --> 00:32:02,293
They all one day; we need
every single one of them.
674
00:32:03,244 --> 00:32:04,912
What did you think this
was going to be like?
675
00:32:04,995 --> 00:32:07,647
- We shoot in four weeks.
- Exactly.
676
00:32:07,906 --> 00:32:09,537
Four weeks, man.
677
00:32:10,215 --> 00:32:12,381
Come on, half of the sketches
are already written up.
678
00:32:12,381 --> 00:32:14,174
- You know that.
- Half the sketches.
679
00:32:14,256 --> 00:32:16,115
Half ain't shit, Adam! What?
680
00:32:16,711 --> 00:32:19,990
Oh, you think this town give
a shit about your dreams?
681
00:32:20,248 --> 00:32:23,645
About your voice? About
you being the next Pryor?
682
00:32:23,833 --> 00:32:26,166
This is a fucking business.
683
00:32:26,191 --> 00:32:27,815
And if you don't treat it like a business,
684
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:28,851
you're going to be out of it.
685
00:32:28,851 --> 00:32:31,345
I take this shit every
bit as serious as you do.
686
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,394
Really?
687
00:32:33,829 --> 00:32:35,659
Are you sure we talking
about the same shit?
688
00:32:40,753 --> 00:32:42,204
Apologize, man.
689
00:32:42,288 --> 00:32:43,908
- No, Adam...
- No, Gloria.
690
00:32:44,912 --> 00:32:46,358
Fucking apologize.
691
00:32:47,068 --> 00:32:48,622
You need to back up off me, Adam.
692
00:32:50,190 --> 00:32:51,976
I brought your ass along, man.
693
00:32:54,823 --> 00:32:58,159
Adam, it was a shoebox
full of scrap papers.
694
00:33:00,883 --> 00:33:02,318
I meant no offense.
695
00:33:15,276 --> 00:33:17,049
Okay, so,
696
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:19,955
I went to a lesbian club the other night.
697
00:33:21,778 --> 00:33:25,669
Yeah, and I got asked to dance right away,
698
00:33:25,958 --> 00:33:28,375
which does not happen
to me in regular clubs,
699
00:33:28,458 --> 00:33:29,993
I will have you know.
700
00:33:31,041 --> 00:33:33,523
Yeah, the whole night
really got me thinking,
701
00:33:34,103 --> 00:33:36,917
and I think it might be
time for me to get sober.
702
00:33:37,569 --> 00:33:38,621
Penis sober.
703
00:33:40,062 --> 00:33:41,582
Now, I know what you're thinking,
704
00:33:41,583 --> 00:33:42,949
which is what I was thinking, which is,
705
00:33:43,137 --> 00:33:45,485
lesbian sex is just a couple girls
706
00:33:45,485 --> 00:33:47,819
in matching PJs having a tickle fight.
707
00:33:47,902 --> 00:33:51,073
But, I'm here to tell you,
708
00:33:51,402 --> 00:33:55,069
those ladies like to get down, okay?
709
00:33:57,278 --> 00:33:59,819
Now, that's someone you should
pay attention to or what?
710
00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:03,652
Hey, I love Cassie. But, that material.
711
00:34:03,736 --> 00:34:05,569
Oh, no, no, no, she's just
flapping her wings tonight.
712
00:34:05,652 --> 00:34:08,111
She's got plenty of material
for The Tonight Show, huh?
713
00:34:08,850 --> 00:34:10,257
It's not me; it's Johnny.
714
00:34:10,304 --> 00:34:12,355
He doesn't care for female comics.
715
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,188
He thinks it's vulgar for the
fairer sex to talk like men.
716
00:34:18,333 --> 00:34:20,377
Why, thank you, darling.
717
00:34:22,417 --> 00:34:23,995
Mmm-mmm-mm.
718
00:34:34,403 --> 00:34:36,216
They have great ones, fantastic.
719
00:34:36,318 --> 00:34:40,185
Oh, fuck me, fuck me, fuck
me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.
720
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,168
- Customer that way.
- No, Grajca, I can't.
721
00:34:43,193 --> 00:34:44,622
You don't understand, I can't wait on him.
722
00:34:44,647 --> 00:34:46,097
Well, he wears shirt, he
wears shoes, you serve.
723
00:34:46,122 --> 00:34:47,656
No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand,
724
00:34:47,656 --> 00:34:50,072
I just met this man for a job this morning.
725
00:34:50,156 --> 00:34:52,406
This man knows me as the guy
who writes for Roy Martin.
726
00:34:52,489 --> 00:34:53,823
Not as a... Not as a waiter.
727
00:34:53,906 --> 00:34:55,281
What difference? Is honest living.
728
00:34:55,364 --> 00:34:57,031
No, I... you said so yourself.
729
00:34:57,403 --> 00:34:59,117
How they see you is how they perceive you.
730
00:34:59,142 --> 00:35:00,987
And if this guy sees me as a waiter,
731
00:35:01,070 --> 00:35:02,486
you can kiss the writing gig good-bye.
732
00:35:02,570 --> 00:35:04,720
Eddie, you're the only waiter here.
733
00:35:04,855 --> 00:35:06,126
Do job please.
734
00:35:06,260 --> 00:35:07,651
- Grajca!
- Do job, Eddie.
735
00:35:07,676 --> 00:35:08,767
- Grajca!
- Zz!
736
00:35:08,792 --> 00:35:09,820
Zz!
737
00:35:35,862 --> 00:35:37,235
Fancy meeting you here.
738
00:35:37,260 --> 00:35:39,507
Can we get a couple of iced teas to start?
739
00:35:42,403 --> 00:35:44,520
Just the iced teas for now.
We're going to need a minute.
740
00:35:48,570 --> 00:35:51,653
Yeah, sure, yeah. Two
iced teas, coming right up.
741
00:35:52,145 --> 00:35:53,295
Thank you.
742
00:35:59,732 --> 00:36:01,986
Guy has no idea who I am.
743
00:36:02,695 --> 00:36:05,761
I'm glad your secret
identity as waiter is safe.
744
00:36:08,486 --> 00:36:10,612
Give it up for Cassie Feder.
745
00:36:10,695 --> 00:36:11,737
Oh, hi.
746
00:36:12,574 --> 00:36:13,824
Phew.
747
00:36:14,070 --> 00:36:15,580
So you're a lesbian now?
748
00:36:17,618 --> 00:36:18,800
What?
749
00:36:20,213 --> 00:36:23,004
I took you to my place. To my world.
750
00:36:23,029 --> 00:36:26,038
I didn't say use it for some bullshit set.
751
00:36:26,063 --> 00:36:27,660
Oh, okay.
752
00:36:29,279 --> 00:36:32,612
Are you upset because I used
something that I experienced
753
00:36:32,696 --> 00:36:35,037
- and put it onstage?
- Oh, you experienced?
754
00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:37,904
Five minutes on the dance
floor grinding on some dyke
755
00:36:37,929 --> 00:36:39,204
makes you a lesbian?
756
00:36:39,946 --> 00:36:41,960
Tell me, Cassie, what the
fuck did you experience?
757
00:36:45,145 --> 00:36:46,200
Uh...
758
00:36:46,696 --> 00:36:49,229
This is ridiculous. I
don't know what to say.
759
00:36:50,362 --> 00:36:52,602
I don't have to explain
to you how this works.
760
00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:56,017
No, no, no, no, no, tell
me, what did you experience?
761
00:36:56,508 --> 00:36:58,656
You've been shunned by
your friends and family?
762
00:36:58,908 --> 00:37:01,570
You ever walk around
every minute of every day
763
00:37:01,654 --> 00:37:03,153
with a time bomb inside of you
764
00:37:03,178 --> 00:37:04,721
that can erase every trace of who you are?
765
00:37:04,804 --> 00:37:06,083
Yes, I fucking have.
766
00:37:07,599 --> 00:37:09,779
You are not the only one
with secrets, my friend.
767
00:37:11,937 --> 00:37:14,427
Everybody got secrets, Cassie.
768
00:37:15,264 --> 00:37:17,967
There's a big difference
between having one and being one.
769
00:37:28,192 --> 00:37:30,224
- Everything good?
- Yeah.
770
00:37:31,216 --> 00:37:33,008
You guys make the best pirogies.
771
00:37:34,100 --> 00:37:37,098
Anything else I can get
you? Dessert, coffee?
772
00:37:37,933 --> 00:37:40,599
- Just the check.
- Right.
773
00:37:41,992 --> 00:37:44,158
Kind of late for coffee,
especially considering
774
00:37:44,183 --> 00:37:45,904
the four you had at breakfast.
775
00:37:47,117 --> 00:37:48,159
What are you?
776
00:37:48,394 --> 00:37:50,834
Are you some kind of Amazing Kreskin?
777
00:37:50,834 --> 00:37:53,959
You... you... you really
have no idea who I am?
778
00:37:54,595 --> 00:37:55,743
Um...
779
00:37:56,208 --> 00:37:59,837
Eddie Zeidel. Adam Proteau's friend.
780
00:38:00,101 --> 00:38:03,130
We had breakfast this morning, right.
781
00:38:03,667 --> 00:38:06,750
Me, you, Bryan Watson, you're CMA,
782
00:38:06,775 --> 00:38:08,684
We met about the opening
on the Newhart show.
783
00:38:08,709 --> 00:38:10,835
Right, exactly. It's... I'm sorry.
784
00:38:10,835 --> 00:38:13,585
It's out of context. I couldn't place you.
785
00:38:13,710 --> 00:38:15,579
Well, I really must have
made some impression.
786
00:38:15,604 --> 00:38:18,044
No, you... you were great, we loved you.
787
00:38:18,127 --> 00:38:19,953
I mean, you write for Roy Martin.
788
00:38:19,978 --> 00:38:21,228
Of course I remember you.
789
00:38:21,736 --> 00:38:22,892
You're a funny guy.
790
00:38:23,033 --> 00:38:24,417
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
791
00:38:30,812 --> 00:38:31,809
What?
792
00:38:33,158 --> 00:38:36,168
There is no Newhart show for me, is there?
793
00:38:38,308 --> 00:38:39,743
Look, cards on the table.
794
00:38:40,254 --> 00:38:43,532
Adam Proteau is going to be a star.
795
00:38:43,532 --> 00:38:45,116
So you know, he tells me his friend
796
00:38:45,199 --> 00:38:46,740
needs a gig, I'm buying breakfast.
797
00:38:46,823 --> 00:38:48,615
Oh, okay, so what you're
basically telling me
798
00:38:48,698 --> 00:38:50,157
is that this morning was a total waste
799
00:38:50,182 --> 00:38:51,342
of both of our time.
800
00:38:51,367 --> 00:38:53,063
No, I'm not saying that at all.
801
00:38:53,088 --> 00:38:54,786
Now you're on my radar.
802
00:38:56,808 --> 00:38:57,902
Right.
803
00:38:59,074 --> 00:39:00,990
And how long does it go
from being on your radar
804
00:39:01,074 --> 00:39:03,028
to something actually happening?
805
00:39:04,490 --> 00:39:06,878
I... you know... I... uh...
806
00:39:06,878 --> 00:39:09,253
I don't know. I really... I don't know.
807
00:39:09,336 --> 00:39:10,505
Um...
808
00:39:11,893 --> 00:39:13,751
I'm not the Amazing Kreskin, either.
809
00:39:14,003 --> 00:39:15,421
Hi. Let's...
810
00:39:16,086 --> 00:39:18,212
After you, okay, okay.
811
00:39:21,169 --> 00:39:22,630
Thank you.
812
00:39:35,284 --> 00:39:38,031
And I'm in a long distance
relationship right now,
813
00:39:38,375 --> 00:39:39,837
because that's the way
814
00:39:39,837 --> 00:39:41,773
that most of the women I date prefer it.
815
00:39:43,694 --> 00:39:46,112
I don't understand why
long distance relationships
816
00:39:46,137 --> 00:39:47,541
get such a bad rap, right?
817
00:39:47,566 --> 00:39:50,106
Because, if you think about
it, every major religion
818
00:39:50,131 --> 00:39:54,089
that we have is based on a long
distance relationship with God.
819
00:39:55,302 --> 00:39:56,869
Right, and no one ever gives you grief
820
00:39:56,894 --> 00:39:59,225
for being in a long distance
relationship with God, right?
821
00:39:59,225 --> 00:40:00,976
No one's ever like, wait,
822
00:40:01,059 --> 00:40:03,934
you're in a long distance thing with Jesus?
823
00:40:05,976 --> 00:40:09,976
But you guys, you can't
talk, you can't touch.
824
00:40:10,059 --> 00:40:13,818
Sometimes, Jesus just like,
disappears for three days.
825
00:40:14,726 --> 00:40:16,594
He's like, hey, I'm actually back.
826
00:40:16,619 --> 00:40:20,362
I'm actually not dead.
I could never do that.
827
00:40:20,767 --> 00:40:21,879
He's good.
828
00:40:22,475 --> 00:40:24,243
- Yeah, he's good.
- I mean, he's not great.
829
00:40:24,268 --> 00:40:26,732
But you know, this place is a kiln.
830
00:40:27,282 --> 00:40:28,321
And he's a ball of clay
831
00:40:28,321 --> 00:40:31,186
waiting to get fired into a pot.
832
00:40:33,137 --> 00:40:34,408
A funny pot.
833
00:40:35,368 --> 00:40:37,455
All right, guys, that's my
time. I'm Brendan Sibler.
834
00:40:38,944 --> 00:40:42,069
Up next, it is my honor
to welcome to the stage
835
00:40:42,153 --> 00:40:44,861
the very funny Bill Hobbs!
836
00:40:49,527 --> 00:40:51,903
Hey, how about that? Brendan
Sibler, you guys, huh?
837
00:40:54,589 --> 00:40:57,701
You know, a little bird told
me that I'd be performing
838
00:40:57,726 --> 00:40:59,999
tonight for the greatest boxer of all time.
839
00:41:00,138 --> 00:41:02,396
So whoever has the ashes of Rocky Marciano,
840
00:41:02,396 --> 00:41:03,813
please raise the urn
over your head right now.
841
00:41:03,896 --> 00:41:05,061
Where are you?
842
00:41:05,771 --> 00:41:07,604
No, of course, I'm kidding,
because right now, tonight,
843
00:41:07,688 --> 00:41:09,771
ladies and gentleman, you're
in the presence of greatness.
844
00:41:09,855 --> 00:41:13,062
The greatest, the champ,
Muhammad Ali is right there.
845
00:41:16,938 --> 00:41:19,396
You know, champ, I read
some of your poetry.
846
00:41:19,479 --> 00:41:21,563
There's one thing you're not
the greatest at, huh? Oof.
847
00:41:23,305 --> 00:41:24,600
The only thing worse than your poetry
848
00:41:24,625 --> 00:41:26,272
is your military service record.
849
00:41:26,354 --> 00:41:28,905
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm just kidding.
850
00:41:28,930 --> 00:41:30,248
Please, please don't hurt me.
851
00:41:31,980 --> 00:41:34,697
I have a family that doesn't
like me, please, please.
852
00:41:35,646 --> 00:41:37,521
Muhammad Ali, you guys.
853
00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:40,746
Yeah.
854
00:41:44,789 --> 00:41:45,917
Oh.
855
00:41:49,530 --> 00:41:51,707
- That's delicious.
- Yeah.
856
00:41:52,524 --> 00:41:53,732
My mom taught me.
857
00:41:54,521 --> 00:41:56,895
She used to work for this
lady that showed her how.
858
00:41:58,413 --> 00:42:00,921
Said that the secret was
a little bit of nutmeg.
859
00:42:01,905 --> 00:42:02,928
Mm-hmm.
860
00:42:04,584 --> 00:42:05,930
You miss your mother, huh?
861
00:42:06,750 --> 00:42:09,579
Yeah, I think about her all the time.
862
00:42:10,276 --> 00:42:12,105
What I would do for her when I made it.
863
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:17,681
I'm sure your happiness is reward enough,
864
00:42:17,706 --> 00:42:19,531
because, you know, that's
all any ever mother wants
865
00:42:19,556 --> 00:42:21,262
for her child, their happiness.
866
00:42:22,248 --> 00:42:24,293
- You should know, huh?
- Yeah, it's not easy
867
00:42:24,377 --> 00:42:25,832
raising a man, and I raised two.
868
00:42:26,918 --> 00:42:28,793
- First one was my husband.
- Oh!
869
00:42:29,366 --> 00:42:31,417
We were 18 when we got married.
870
00:42:31,417 --> 00:42:33,876
Didn't know shit from
shinola, the two of us.
871
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:35,958
And then, boom, Maurice came along.
872
00:42:37,398 --> 00:42:39,815
And I did the best I
could with both of them.
873
00:42:40,624 --> 00:42:43,962
- Well, I'm sure you did.
- God knows I tried.
874
00:42:45,451 --> 00:42:46,933
I gave it all that I had.
875
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:50,904
And I don't want to do it again.
876
00:42:53,406 --> 00:42:54,445
You...
877
00:42:55,198 --> 00:42:57,293
You saying you think
you got to raise me too?
878
00:42:57,906 --> 00:43:00,607
No, not exactly.
879
00:43:01,316 --> 00:43:04,244
It's just, I've already
been to Hawaii, you know?
880
00:43:04,899 --> 00:43:07,357
Exactly, that's why you the perfect person
881
00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:08,974
to go with, baby. You know everything.
882
00:43:09,206 --> 00:43:12,333
That's why I'm the exact
person not to go to Hawaii with.
883
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,910
You need to see that with
your own eyes, not mine.
884
00:43:20,940 --> 00:43:23,052
Are... are you dumping me?
885
00:43:26,493 --> 00:43:29,201
Shit, Gloria, okay, fuck Hawaii.
886
00:43:29,565 --> 00:43:31,357
We can go somewhere
neither of us have been.
887
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:32,357
No, you're missing my point.
888
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,972
That's not what this is about, Adam, uh...
889
00:43:37,648 --> 00:43:40,024
I'm too old to be a
part of your adventures,
890
00:43:40,049 --> 00:43:41,632
and you're too young to be a part of mine.
891
00:43:42,865 --> 00:43:44,242
I'm about to be a grandmother.
892
00:43:45,816 --> 00:43:47,324
That's what I'm doing right now.
893
00:43:48,730 --> 00:43:50,732
So... so, you're just done with me, huh?
894
00:43:50,815 --> 00:43:52,087
Just like that?
895
00:43:52,507 --> 00:43:54,263
No, I'm just being honest.
896
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:57,899
This is what's best for both of us.
897
00:43:57,982 --> 00:44:00,191
Oh, come on, that's bullshit, Gloria.
898
00:44:00,274 --> 00:44:02,149
- No.
- We got something, you and I.
899
00:44:02,232 --> 00:44:03,819
What you scared for, huh?
900
00:44:04,105 --> 00:44:05,967
I don't care about no age difference.
901
00:44:05,992 --> 00:44:07,791
This is not real, Adam.
902
00:44:09,084 --> 00:44:10,565
This is a fantasy.
903
00:44:11,850 --> 00:44:13,180
For both of us.
904
00:44:14,774 --> 00:44:17,357
What's real is that opportunity
that you have with Ralph,
905
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:20,194
that you brushed off this
morning to play hooky with me.
906
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,582
Don't you see how dangerous that is?
907
00:44:22,582 --> 00:44:25,627
- It was just one day.
- Fantasy is never one day.
908
00:44:26,373 --> 00:44:29,437
Let me tell you something,
there's pursuing the dream,
909
00:44:30,488 --> 00:44:32,051
and there's living in one.
910
00:44:33,187 --> 00:44:36,096
And I think that it is time for both of us
911
00:44:37,382 --> 00:44:38,546
to wake up.
912
00:44:56,517 --> 00:44:57,631
Thanks.
913
00:45:28,049 --> 00:45:30,707
- Hey.
- Funny set.
914
00:45:31,173 --> 00:45:34,107
Oh, I thought the Jesus
stuff kind of shit the bed.
915
00:45:34,510 --> 00:45:36,041
The only thing harder for a comic to hear
916
00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:37,594
than he bombed is that he killed.
917
00:45:38,755 --> 00:45:39,867
Yeah, maybe.
918
00:45:39,892 --> 00:45:41,852
Um, could I just get a Coke for me, please?
919
00:45:41,852 --> 00:45:43,852
- Thank you.
- You're not hungry?
920
00:45:44,216 --> 00:45:46,300
I'm always starving after being onstage.
921
00:45:46,382 --> 00:45:49,398
Um, I'm just like, a
little light, right now.
922
00:45:50,050 --> 00:45:51,799
Plus, I got stuff at home, so.
923
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:54,174
I'll spot you. Gina.
924
00:45:55,090 --> 00:45:56,754
Can I get another burger and fries, please?
925
00:45:59,007 --> 00:46:01,013
- Thanks, man.
- Sure.
926
00:46:02,078 --> 00:46:03,754
It's kind of fucked up,
when you think about it.
927
00:46:04,424 --> 00:46:06,400
A hard night's work, and you
still can't afford to eat.
928
00:46:06,870 --> 00:46:08,961
- Oh, no man, it's...
- Come on.
929
00:46:09,953 --> 00:46:11,480
You make a couple hundred people laugh.
930
00:46:12,452 --> 00:46:13,782
They all buy drinks.
931
00:46:14,161 --> 00:46:15,945
And Goldie rakes it in off your talent?
932
00:46:16,203 --> 00:46:17,382
And still won't pay you?
933
00:46:18,077 --> 00:46:20,421
Well, it's like she says, it's a school.
934
00:46:32,963 --> 00:46:35,807
Oh, Mitch, thank you for stopping up.
935
00:46:36,089 --> 00:46:37,423
That Muhammad Ali.
936
00:46:37,476 --> 00:46:39,518
I love having him in the club.
937
00:46:39,543 --> 00:46:42,168
- "Thrilla in Manilla."
- He's an entertainer, right?
938
00:46:42,193 --> 00:46:44,619
- He's amazing.
- One for the road, thank you.
939
00:46:45,006 --> 00:46:46,006
Enjoy. Um...
940
00:46:47,490 --> 00:46:48,590
- What?
- Oh, jeez.
941
00:46:48,615 --> 00:46:50,685
I'm no good at this cat and mouse nonsense.
942
00:46:50,685 --> 00:46:53,601
I, uh, I'm just going to
come right out and ask you.
943
00:46:53,857 --> 00:46:56,055
Mitch, did you fuck my daughter?
944
00:46:58,748 --> 00:46:59,876
What?
945
00:47:00,149 --> 00:47:02,732
- Simple question.
- Your daughter, Amanda?
946
00:47:02,815 --> 00:47:05,231
- You're not serious.
- I am dead fucking serious.
947
00:47:05,315 --> 00:47:07,178
Well, I think it's time to call it a night.
948
00:47:07,203 --> 00:47:09,794
No, no, no, not an answer
is still an answer, Mitch.
949
00:47:09,794 --> 00:47:12,296
I won't dignify that ugly
question with an answer.
950
00:47:12,533 --> 00:47:13,909
It was her 15th birthday.
951
00:47:14,813 --> 00:47:17,084
I was late, you were here.
952
00:47:17,838 --> 00:47:20,030
- You smoked a joint.
- Where is this coming from?
953
00:47:20,057 --> 00:47:21,864
Answer the goddamn question.
954
00:47:21,889 --> 00:47:24,793
Hey, I watched that kid
grow up in this club.
955
00:47:24,793 --> 00:47:27,542
Wandering the halls with
comics as babysitters.
956
00:47:27,626 --> 00:47:30,696
You left her alone with
comics and strangers
957
00:47:30,721 --> 00:47:33,042
- hundreds of times.
- It's not about my sins.
958
00:47:33,125 --> 00:47:35,250
What would make you ask
me such a vile question?
959
00:47:35,334 --> 00:47:38,604
Amanda, she told me what you did.
960
00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:41,884
Well, then she's as fucked up as you are,
961
00:47:41,909 --> 00:47:44,039
and it's no mystery as to why.
962
00:47:44,064 --> 00:47:46,742
We both know you pay to enjoy
963
00:47:46,767 --> 00:47:48,549
the company of young women.
964
00:47:48,689 --> 00:47:50,876
Is it really such a stretch, Mitch?
965
00:47:54,159 --> 00:47:56,376
Congratulations, Goldie. We're done.
966
00:47:58,331 --> 00:48:00,425
You still haven't denied it, Mitch.
967
00:48:00,425 --> 00:48:02,676
What rabbit hole have I fallen into?
968
00:48:02,758 --> 00:48:05,216
Just tell me the goddamn truth!
969
00:48:05,299 --> 00:48:06,819
See a doctor, Goldie.
970
00:48:06,844 --> 00:48:08,466
Don't walk away from me, Mitch!
971
00:48:08,549 --> 00:48:09,954
I'm not listening to this filth...
972
00:48:13,917 --> 00:48:15,425
Oh, my God.
973
00:48:15,508 --> 00:48:18,883
Oh, my... I am so sorry,
Mitch. Are you okay?
974
00:48:18,966 --> 00:48:20,257
What do you mean, you're sorry?
975
00:48:20,341 --> 00:48:22,749
He... he didn't do it. It wasn't him.
976
00:48:22,774 --> 00:48:24,425
What, why did you say that?
977
00:48:24,508 --> 00:48:25,966
Because I didn't think you'd do anything.
978
00:48:26,049 --> 00:48:27,766
Oh, my God, you're my child.
979
00:48:27,791 --> 00:48:29,675
Of course I would, for God's sake.
980
00:48:29,758 --> 00:48:31,675
Okay, oh, my God.
981
00:48:31,758 --> 00:48:33,450
Look, I... I didn't think she would...
982
00:48:33,675 --> 00:48:36,182
Look, I am so sorry, Mitch. I am so sorry.
983
00:48:36,243 --> 00:48:37,618
Sweetheart, just go call an ambulance, huh?
984
00:48:37,643 --> 00:48:38,697
Okay.
985
00:48:39,395 --> 00:48:40,896
Oh, Mitch, I'm so sorry.
986
00:48:41,797 --> 00:48:42,839
It was Clay.
987
00:48:45,144 --> 00:48:46,291
Only Clay.
988
00:48:52,180 --> 00:48:53,272
- Gold?
- Yeah?
989
00:48:53,297 --> 00:48:55,297
I think I left an unfinished
scotch in your office.
990
00:48:59,470 --> 00:49:00,690
Hi, Grajca.
991
00:49:10,452 --> 00:49:11,483
I know.
992
00:49:12,186 --> 00:49:14,352
I'm going after work
to get a new pair today.
993
00:49:19,387 --> 00:49:20,993
Black tape better.
994
00:49:31,006 --> 00:49:33,096
Soup special, lentil.
995
00:49:47,589 --> 00:49:49,922
- Hey.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
996
00:49:50,006 --> 00:49:52,047
- I know it's early.
- No, no, it's okay.
997
00:49:52,130 --> 00:49:54,371
Come in, come in, sweetheart.
998
00:49:57,718 --> 00:49:59,511
Cass, what the hell happened?
999
00:50:01,380 --> 00:50:03,513
Uh, I don't want to do this anymore.
1000
00:50:05,003 --> 00:50:08,714
You ran out of there last night
before the applause even ended.
1001
00:50:08,797 --> 00:50:10,217
I'm not talking about comedy.
1002
00:50:11,088 --> 00:50:12,922
- With your kid?
- Not just him.
1003
00:50:13,006 --> 00:50:15,335
- With Eddie?
- All of it.
1004
00:50:15,801 --> 00:50:17,727
This fucking life.
1005
00:50:18,398 --> 00:50:21,930
Jesse, Eddie, Nick. I just want to...
1006
00:50:22,714 --> 00:50:24,787
Crawl out of my skin.
1007
00:50:28,630 --> 00:50:30,466
Okay, all right.
1008
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,379
- I don't want to be here.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
1009
00:50:35,728 --> 00:50:38,630
I just want it all to be over.
1010
00:50:40,992 --> 00:50:42,648
I want to be gone.
1011
00:50:42,673 --> 00:50:45,064
I just want it to be over.
1012
00:50:45,741 --> 00:50:47,269
I don't want to be here.
1013
00:50:48,189 --> 00:50:50,978
Shh, shh, shh, all right, Cass, all right.
1014
00:50:53,521 --> 00:50:56,980
Don't worry, I'm not going
to jump in front of a bus.
1015
00:50:57,064 --> 00:50:59,147
- Okay, all right...
- But I wake up,
1016
00:50:59,230 --> 00:51:02,355
and I open the curtains, and
I look at the sun coming in,
1017
00:51:02,438 --> 00:51:04,298
and all I can think is, "Well, Cass",
1018
00:51:04,361 --> 00:51:06,645
how are you going to fuck
up this beautiful day?"
1019
00:51:07,435 --> 00:51:10,102
Cass, you got to get out
of your head, sweetheart.
1020
00:51:10,185 --> 00:51:11,723
Yeah, and go where?
1021
00:51:12,948 --> 00:51:15,855
All this shit you're piling up on top,
1022
00:51:15,855 --> 00:51:18,825
you got to stop collecting
it like evidence.
1023
00:51:19,460 --> 00:51:21,846
Trouble hangs its hat where it sees fit,
1024
00:51:21,871 --> 00:51:23,749
and you just got to deal with it.
1025
00:51:23,789 --> 00:51:25,434
Yeah, I have been dealing with it.
1026
00:51:25,462 --> 00:51:28,114
- This is me dealing with it.
- I know, I know.
1027
00:51:29,328 --> 00:51:30,622
I know, it's okay.
1028
00:51:31,425 --> 00:51:33,747
You know, you made mistakes.
1029
00:51:34,136 --> 00:51:37,418
Real, perceived, shit. We all do.
1030
00:51:39,717 --> 00:51:40,922
It'd be nice...
1031
00:51:42,759 --> 00:51:44,024
For once...
1032
00:51:47,079 --> 00:51:48,923
To just have a victory.
1033
00:51:50,435 --> 00:51:53,753
Just one... clean...
1034
00:51:54,649 --> 00:51:56,042
Pure victory.
1035
00:51:58,117 --> 00:51:59,493
I hear you, sweetheart.
1036
00:52:07,940 --> 00:52:09,666
You came to the right bar.
1037
00:52:14,258 --> 00:52:15,583
I had an uncle.
1038
00:52:17,698 --> 00:52:18,937
Joel.
1039
00:52:19,833 --> 00:52:22,734
He was a bookie. Black sheep of the family.
1040
00:52:22,944 --> 00:52:24,986
Which, of course, has made him my favorite.
1041
00:52:26,106 --> 00:52:27,575
And he used to always say,
1042
00:52:29,145 --> 00:52:31,761
the best a gambler can hope
for at the end of his life
1043
00:52:31,878 --> 00:52:34,118
is to break even, hm?
1044
00:52:34,665 --> 00:52:35,955
The best.
1045
00:52:39,491 --> 00:52:41,653
It's that way in life, Cass, hm?
1046
00:52:43,890 --> 00:52:46,284
There are no clear victories out there.
1047
00:52:46,569 --> 00:52:50,392
It's always going to be
muddied by the day-to-day shit.
1048
00:52:52,437 --> 00:52:54,142
You're going to be okay, huh?
1049
00:52:55,319 --> 00:52:57,274
You're going to get out of this okay.
1050
00:53:00,736 --> 00:53:02,744
- What if I can't?
- You can.
1051
00:53:05,498 --> 00:53:06,819
How do you know?
1052
00:53:08,576 --> 00:53:10,355
Because you're sitting on my sofa,
1053
00:53:10,386 --> 00:53:11,777
and not in front of a fucking bus.
1054
00:53:11,861 --> 00:53:12,926
Hm?
1055
00:53:28,569 --> 00:53:31,957
Shit, man. Way to defy a stereotype.
1056
00:53:34,370 --> 00:53:37,110
I just stayed up all night.
1057
00:53:38,028 --> 00:53:39,861
Jotted down some shit.
1058
00:53:47,557 --> 00:53:50,220
All right, let's take a
look. Let's see what you got.
1059
00:53:57,533 --> 00:53:58,876
When I was 11...
1060
00:54:02,235 --> 00:54:05,029
I used to sit up nights
at our kitchen table.
1061
00:54:08,214 --> 00:54:10,282
Sit up at 2 in the morning, and try to...
1062
00:54:12,518 --> 00:54:14,372
Undo what was already happening.
1063
00:54:16,056 --> 00:54:18,194
Try to rewrite my history.
1064
00:54:19,232 --> 00:54:20,634
Right in the middle of it.
1065
00:54:30,444 --> 00:54:32,470
Undo a conspiracy I was...
1066
00:54:35,564 --> 00:54:37,736
I was conned into believing was my idea.
1067
00:54:45,427 --> 00:54:47,715
The shame and the fear that come with it...
1068
00:54:50,125 --> 00:54:51,969
They're powerful weapons at any age.
1069
00:54:52,903 --> 00:54:54,180
But at 11?
1070
00:54:57,944 --> 00:55:00,024
At 11, they are tantamount to death.
1071
00:55:02,772 --> 00:55:03,814
Not a...
1072
00:55:05,048 --> 00:55:06,244
Physical death, um...
1073
00:55:08,195 --> 00:55:09,562
A death of identity.
1074
00:55:16,482 --> 00:55:18,015
They say adversity
1075
00:55:19,007 --> 00:55:21,112
shapes us, it molds us.
1076
00:55:25,034 --> 00:55:26,120
But...
1077
00:55:27,079 --> 00:55:28,619
In the case of abuse...
1078
00:55:31,975 --> 00:55:33,084
It just...
1079
00:55:37,071 --> 00:55:38,459
It warps.
1080
00:55:41,607 --> 00:55:44,163
We never grow straight and tall.
1081
00:55:45,612 --> 00:55:47,429
Always twisted and...
1082
00:55:48,824 --> 00:55:49,992
broken.
1083
00:55:53,009 --> 00:55:56,625
Seeing ourselves through the
lens of someone else's torture
1084
00:55:56,848 --> 00:55:58,572
and fucked up fantasy.
1085
00:56:03,238 --> 00:56:04,684
Every mirror...
1086
00:56:06,313 --> 00:56:07,967
A funhouse mirror.
1087
00:56:12,596 --> 00:56:14,008
The time prior...
1088
00:56:15,826 --> 00:56:17,800
The last we really...
1089
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,262
Really saw of ourselves.
1090
00:56:31,644 --> 00:56:33,970
Good morning, KROQ listeners.
1091
00:56:34,613 --> 00:56:36,387
I thought we'd start this morning off
1092
00:56:36,470 --> 00:56:37,667
with an inspirational tune.
1093
00:56:38,513 --> 00:56:39,950
Here is Argent.
1094
00:56:41,551 --> 00:56:43,039
"Hold Your Head Up."
1095
00:57:08,803 --> 00:57:11,262
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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