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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Hey, Meg. Where are you going?
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Are you kidding? The Olympic
qualifiers are today.
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- I'm competing.
- In what?
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- I'm a bi...
- Knew it.
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- Athlete.
- Didn't know it.
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If I win today, I'm
going to the Olympics.
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Why is this the first
we're hearing about this?
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It's not. God, how could you
guys not know about this?
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00:00:53,247 --> 00:00:54,935
I've been training for years.
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Peter. Peter, I need you
to hold my ears. Aah!
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(BOTH GROANING)
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Oh. Oh.
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(ALL GROANING)
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- Who wants chowder?
- (ALL RETCHING)
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Okay, I'm off to go
train for the Olympics.
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Ew!
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Mom? Mommy? Mommy?
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Mommy? Mama?
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Hey, Ma, I'm gonna go
train for the Olympics.
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Mama? Mama? Ma?
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My goal becomes clear:
the broccoli must die.
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(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
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All right, I'm off to
train for the Olympics.
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See? I've been training
since I was Lacey Chabert.
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- So, are you guys gonna come?
- I don't know.
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The Yule Log Channel
just put on another log,
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and I really like it when the
wood goes "crack, crack,
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pop, crack, pop."
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We all like that. Sorry, Meg.
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That's okay.
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I guess I'll just drive
there by myself...
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in my Jeep!
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Wait a minute. You have a Jeep?
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Well, why didn't you say so?
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Come on, family!
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Let's go do TV commercial driving meant
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for a professional driver
on a closed course.
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ANNOUNCER: Jeep: The toughest
four-letter word on wheels.
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00:02:03,945 --> 00:02:06,610
For the driver who doesn't
like to stop going
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just because they've run out of road.
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Ow, my balls! Why'd you do that?
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Head out where the real fun begins.
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There was plenty of road left!
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Where the paved roads leave off.
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Aah! My balls! It's too bumpy.
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Potholes and bumps and ruts
can come as they will.
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Ah, they're getting
rattled and smushed.
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Jeep's welded, rugged
and riveted frame...
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Please go back on the road!
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Takes punishment in large doses...
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- My balls!
- And comes back for more!
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I like safe driving. My balls!
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Thanks again for coming, guys.
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It really means a lot to me.
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Of course, honey. We wouldn't miss it.
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Plus, it's a good excuse
to put on my winter coat
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and find items from last
year still in the pocket.
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Ooh, sticky pennies, a
rock-hard Starburst,
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an appointment card for my
next dental appointment
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that's already come and gone,
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a ticket stub for a
matinee of Interstellar,
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00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:52,799
an unwrapped piece of Dentyne,
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00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:55,224
a yarmulke from when
that Jewish guy died,
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00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:58,158
a breath mint from the
now-defunct Clorets corporation,
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00:02:58,183 --> 00:03:00,996
printed-out Mapquest
directions to Dave & Buster's,
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Iron Man Band-Aid,
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Flintstone vitamin I didn't
take 'cause it was Barney,
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refrigerator magnet
from local electrician
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who is now arrested,
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and balled up tissues with
last year's flu on it.
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You done with your pocket bits?
It's freezing!
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So the biathlon combines
cross-country skiing
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- and rifle shooting?
- Yeah.
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Well, that doesn't sound so hard.
Can I try?
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I don't know if that's a good idea.
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My event starts soon.
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Meg, it is my duty as
a bad father to prove
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that I can do anything my kids can do.
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Okay, fine.
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Here we go.
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All right, I think I'm
getting the hang of it.
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I have to say, I'm very proud of Meg.
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Who knew she was good at something?
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Yeah, does anybody else in the
family have any secret talents
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we don't know about?
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00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:51,241
I'm the Quahog edging champion.
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00:03:51,266 --> 00:03:52,901
That's great, Chris. Now what's that?
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It's the practice of
erotic sexual denial.
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Go wait in the car.
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And no edging!
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00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,476
RON HOWARD: But he did continue edging,
102
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bringing himself to the
verge of sexual pleasure,
103
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only to stop at the last moment.
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I'm Ron Howard, and I do voice-overs
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for this show now, too.
106
00:04:11,221 --> 00:04:13,082
KRISTEN BELL: But that
was the only voice-over
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00:04:13,107 --> 00:04:14,744
Ron Howard did for the show.
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00:04:14,769 --> 00:04:16,606
He asked for too much money.
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I'm Kristen Bell, and I do
reasonably-priced voice-overs.
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MAN: But her voice-overs
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were not reasonably priced,
so they turned to me,
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00:04:24,871 --> 00:04:27,156
a guy who sounds like Morgan Freeman,
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but is not, in fact, Morgan Freeman.
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My name is Josh Robert Thompson,
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and I perform for scale.
116
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(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
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♪ ♪
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You're going down, Meg.
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- Lacey Chabert?!
- That's right.
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This should be my Olympics.
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- Shut up, Meg.
- No, you shut up, Meg.
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No, you shut up, Meg.
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PETER: Shut up, Megs!
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Yay, Meg!
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Wow. Meg is going to the Olympics!
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Let's celebrate by burning our lips
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on vending machine hot chocolate.
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00:05:37,789 --> 00:05:38,988
- Ow!
- Ugh!
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00:05:39,013 --> 00:05:41,012
Mine has whipped cream,
so I didn't get it
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00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:42,522
on the first sip.
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Ow!
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- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- _
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Thank you.
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00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:53,434
Um, I-I'm not really
good at public speaking,
135
00:05:53,459 --> 00:05:57,528
so I'll just say...
farble shlup muckle blop.
136
00:05:57,553 --> 00:05:59,376
All right, Meg, I'll take it from here.
137
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:02,302
Hi. I'm Lois Griffin, Meg's mother.
138
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:05,565
You may also know me as the lady
who threw a plate of cheese
139
00:06:05,590 --> 00:06:07,356
during that city council meeting.
140
00:06:07,381 --> 00:06:08,701
(CROWD MURMURING)
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00:06:08,726 --> 00:06:10,693
But we got the streets
plowed, though, right?
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00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:11,725
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
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MAN: The cheese worked, yeah.
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00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,616
I just wanted to say how proud
we are of Meg's accomplishment.
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00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:18,726
So it looks like the Griffins are going
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00:06:18,751 --> 00:06:20,980
to the Winter Olympics in Korea!
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00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,608
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
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00:06:23,952 --> 00:06:27,710
Do you think there'll be a gag
about the Jamaican bobsled team?
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00:06:27,785 --> 00:06:29,302
- No, probably not.
- Oh.
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00:06:29,327 --> 00:06:31,989
'Cause I was working on
my exaggerated shiver.
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00:06:32,014 --> 00:06:34,398
Burr. Burr. Oh.
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00:06:34,423 --> 00:06:36,419
(JAMAICAN ACCENT):
Yeah, man, it be cold.
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00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,444
(LAUGHING): Okay, okay,
yeah, yeah, maybe.
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00:06:38,469 --> 00:06:41,262
There might be. Don't-don't go far.
Don't go far.
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00:06:58,592 --> 00:07:00,592
My race isn't for a few days,
156
00:07:00,617 --> 00:07:02,934
so we should have plenty
of time to hang out.
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00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:04,373
Anyone want to grab some food?
158
00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:05,897
Sorry, Meg, I can't.
159
00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:07,534
I'm trying to land you
some endorsements,
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00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:10,712
and I have a lead with a
very popular IBS medication.
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00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:12,267
Quick, say,
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00:07:12,292 --> 00:07:15,671
"I never let traveler's
diarrhea keep me grounded."
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No!
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00:07:16,472 --> 00:07:19,208
Well, then you're just handing
this thing right to John Kruk!
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00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:22,899
_
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00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:31,050
Oh, my God, Brian, look.
167
00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:34,628
- Who is that?
- Oh, that's figure skater
168
00:07:34,653 --> 00:07:37,248
turned flamboyant
commentator Johnny Weir.
169
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:38,570
I wonder where Tara Lipinski is.
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00:07:38,595 --> 00:07:39,957
I heard they always have to be
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within quipping distance of each other.
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00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,651
Oh, she's in the hat!
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00:07:46,093 --> 00:07:47,707
Isn't she amazing?
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I feel like she's my soul mate.
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How is she your soul mate?
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00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:51,745
She looks like a baby,
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00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,355
and she's best friends with a gay guy.
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- Her life is my life.
- I'm not gay.
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00:07:55,532 --> 00:07:56,898
Well, it's not me!
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00:07:56,923 --> 00:07:58,200
Come on, let's go meet them.
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00:07:58,225 --> 00:08:00,583
Hi. I just had to come
over and introduce myself.
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00:08:00,608 --> 00:08:03,542
My name is Stewie, and I'm
a huge fan of you guys.
183
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,771
Oh, it's nice to meet you, Stewie.
184
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,999
Yeah, it's always so
nice to meet our fans.
185
00:08:08,024 --> 00:08:12,283
And can I just say, the shape
of your head is stunning.
186
00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:13,898
Really? I get a lot of grief for it.
187
00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:15,807
Some people say it
looks like a football.
188
00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:18,753
Okay, I don't know what that
is, but they're just jealous.
189
00:08:18,778 --> 00:08:20,156
Every one of them.
190
00:08:20,181 --> 00:08:22,761
Remember, nothing normal looks good.
191
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,053
Well, I have to say, you
two are the best thing
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00:08:25,078 --> 00:08:26,102
to happen to sports
193
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:28,576
since the New York Knicks
finally changed their name.
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00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:30,112
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
195
00:08:30,137 --> 00:08:34,765
please welcome your 2018 New
York Pieces-Of-Dog-(BLEEP).
196
00:08:34,790 --> 00:08:37,458
(CROWD BOOING)
197
00:08:42,283 --> 00:08:43,660
(EXHALES)
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00:08:43,685 --> 00:08:45,145
Bitty bitty bop.
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00:08:46,981 --> 00:08:49,322
Funky, funky.
200
00:08:49,647 --> 00:08:52,472
_
201
00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:54,812
_
202
00:08:54,837 --> 00:08:57,589
_
203
00:08:57,614 --> 00:08:59,910
_
204
00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:02,061
_
205
00:09:02,086 --> 00:09:06,279
_
206
00:09:11,312 --> 00:09:12,578
Wow, I can't believe
207
00:09:12,603 --> 00:09:15,087
I'm on a first-name basis
with Tara Lipinski.
208
00:09:15,112 --> 00:09:18,087
Now, refresh my memory: is
Tara the one who had the DUI?
209
00:09:18,112 --> 00:09:19,478
No, that's Oksana Baiul!
210
00:09:19,503 --> 00:09:21,286
Oh, sounds like something Gandalf says
211
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:22,667
at the foot of a mountain.
212
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:25,597
Oksana Baiul!
213
00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:34,895
Okay, we can go in now.
214
00:09:35,944 --> 00:09:37,281
Oh, God, here she comes!
215
00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:38,795
Act like I said something funny.
216
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:39,911
I don't know, Stewie.
217
00:09:39,936 --> 00:09:42,562
I think the Special Olympics
serve an important purpose.
218
00:09:42,587 --> 00:09:44,963
So do I! Who thinks they don't?
219
00:09:44,988 --> 00:09:46,209
I don't know. Ask this guy.
220
00:09:46,234 --> 00:09:48,686
He's a dog. He's just
learning how to talk.
221
00:09:48,711 --> 00:09:51,546
So, hey, Tara, are you
doing anything later?
222
00:09:51,571 --> 00:09:53,924
I was thinking maybe we could
grab dinner or something.
223
00:09:53,949 --> 00:09:56,561
Yeah, sure. You seem cool.
That could be fun.
224
00:09:56,644 --> 00:09:58,277
All right then, it's a date.
225
00:09:58,302 --> 00:09:59,701
Oh, I just need to make a call.
226
00:09:59,726 --> 00:10:01,359
I was supposed to help
the speed skaters
227
00:10:01,384 --> 00:10:03,470
get their tights over their thighs.
228
00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:04,950
(GRUNTING)
229
00:10:04,975 --> 00:10:06,703
Stewie, it's not gonna fit!
230
00:10:06,728 --> 00:10:08,033
Hey, we can do this.
231
00:10:08,058 --> 00:10:11,229
I worked with Garth Brooks.
Shirt and pants.
232
00:10:11,597 --> 00:10:14,396
Little secret... Garth wears leggings.
233
00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:17,727
The denim pattern is projected on.
234
00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:20,706
Hello, Kansas City!
235
00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:23,960
Stick to the agreed-upon
choreography, please.
236
00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:26,122
Ask who else has friends in low places.
237
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,990
BROOKS: Hey, who else here
has friends in low places?
238
00:10:29,015 --> 00:10:29,983
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
239
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:32,163
All right, we got 'em back, baby.
240
00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:37,844
♪ ♪
241
00:10:38,577 --> 00:10:40,409
Whoa, Ryan Lochte?
242
00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:42,576
- Uh, where?
- You.
243
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,886
Oh, yeah.
244
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,793
Hey, are you athlete?
245
00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:48,380
No, I just like wearing clothes
that feel like pajamas.
246
00:10:48,405 --> 00:10:51,368
That's most of what being athlete is.
247
00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:53,935
Wait, aren't you a summer sport guy?
248
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,601
Oh... it's cold.
249
00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:58,901
Here's a beer. Follow me.
250
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:01,011
MORGAN FREEMAN: Peter partied all night
251
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,599
with international bozo Ryan Lochte.
252
00:11:03,624 --> 00:11:05,807
And this voice-over
was actually covered
253
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,494
by my original payment.
254
00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,838
Stewie, I'm very impressed.
255
00:11:15,863 --> 00:11:17,796
I didn't know you skated.
256
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:20,462
Yeah, well, there's a lot
you don't know about me.
257
00:11:20,487 --> 00:11:22,653
Like I'm always full of surprises.
258
00:11:22,678 --> 00:11:24,452
- (SNAPS FINGERS)
- (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)
259
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,245
- BRIAN: Did it work?
- Yes. Yeah.
260
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:27,960
You were supposed to be quiet!
261
00:11:27,985 --> 00:11:30,478
Would you like to join me for a dance?
262
00:11:30,685 --> 00:11:34,286
♪ ♪
263
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,875
Wow!
264
00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:38,070
♪ ♪
265
00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:47,826
STEWIE: But that's not
how it really happened.
266
00:11:47,851 --> 00:11:50,125
Would you like to join me for a dance?
267
00:11:51,539 --> 00:11:53,772
BRIAN: Oh-ho! Wow.
268
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,614
Ow! Ow! I bit my tongue!
269
00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:58,407
- I swallowed the piece!
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
270
00:11:58,432 --> 00:12:00,432
Don't go on the ice. It's too slippery.
271
00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,459
I'll crawl back. Don't watch me.
272
00:12:02,484 --> 00:12:05,018
(GROANING)
273
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:15,036
- Hi, hi, hi.
- Oh. Hey, Johnny.
274
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:18,167
I'm just gonna run to the
bathroom real quick. B-R-B.
275
00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:20,452
Oh, she's a regular Tinkle Britches.
276
00:12:20,477 --> 00:12:22,829
(DEEP VOICE): Get the hell out
of here, you little maggot.
277
00:12:22,854 --> 00:12:24,372
Wha-Wha... Johnny?
278
00:12:24,397 --> 00:12:27,073
- What happened to your voice?
- This is my voice.
279
00:12:27,098 --> 00:12:28,788
You think I actually talk like that?
280
00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:30,944
That's just something I do
to get the skater chicks.
281
00:12:30,969 --> 00:12:34,139
- Does Tara know?
- Nah. She don't like guys like me.
282
00:12:34,164 --> 00:12:36,149
(HIGH-PITCHED): She likes guys like me.
283
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:38,791
Wait, but she had a great
time with me tonight.
284
00:12:38,816 --> 00:12:41,065
(DEEP VOICE): Yeah, that's what
she does with her gay friends.
285
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,155
But you're her gay friend.
286
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,002
What'd you say, you little (BLEEP)?!
287
00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:46,837
Is everything okay out here?
288
00:12:46,862 --> 00:12:48,345
(HIGH-PITCHED): Yeah, I was
just looking at his shirt.
289
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:51,077
I love this Nordstrom Rack.
How was the tinkle?
290
00:12:51,102 --> 00:12:52,791
It was good. I also dumped.
291
00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:54,270
You're so bad.
292
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:57,059
Anyway, sad emoji face,
Stewie has to leave.
293
00:12:57,084 --> 00:12:59,082
Oh. Okay. Bye, Stewie.
294
00:12:59,107 --> 00:13:00,934
I had a wonderful time.
295
00:13:00,959 --> 00:13:02,794
Me... me, too.
296
00:13:02,819 --> 00:13:05,313
(DEEP VOICE): Not as
good as I'm gonna have.
297
00:13:05,338 --> 00:13:07,191
And I know what a (BLEEP) football is.
298
00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:09,514
Killed me to say that.
299
00:13:15,755 --> 00:13:19,328
Hey, you flush underwear
in train toilet?!
300
00:13:19,353 --> 00:13:21,294
Yeah, they, uh, th-they were done.
301
00:13:21,319 --> 00:13:23,863
This illegal. I want you off train!
302
00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:25,254
What are you gonna do about it?
303
00:13:25,279 --> 00:13:27,046
You're just a train conductor...
304
00:13:27,071 --> 00:13:29,579
who has a huge kicking foot?
305
00:13:29,604 --> 00:13:33,439
Aah! Oh!
306
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,470
Where the hell am I?
307
00:13:35,495 --> 00:13:38,299
Oh, my God, I'm in the wrong Korea.
308
00:13:38,324 --> 00:13:43,316
That's it. Like your missiles,
I'm about to go ballistic.
309
00:13:46,847 --> 00:13:49,064
PETER: But that's not
how it really happened.
310
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:53,369
That's it. Like your missiles,
I'm about to go ballistic.
311
00:13:53,394 --> 00:13:56,261
Ow! A northern bird flew into my nuts!
312
00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,322
(GROANS) Go to commercial.
313
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,121
(SNIFFING)
314
00:14:08,146 --> 00:14:09,315
That's weird.
315
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:12,374
It doesn't smell like
open butt in here.
316
00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:14,430
Peter?
317
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:21,206
Huh, he's usually up by now
dry-heaving in the shower.
318
00:14:23,151 --> 00:14:25,017
Hi, I'm pink-eyed Bob Costas,
319
00:14:25,042 --> 00:14:27,385
live from our Pyeongchang studios,
320
00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:28,757
here to bring you breaking news,
321
00:14:28,782 --> 00:14:30,611
and occasionally blink off-synch
322
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,409
in an attempt to satisfy
my searing eye itchiness.
323
00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:35,495
A U.S. tourist, Peter Griffin,
324
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,353
has been apprehended by North Korea
325
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:40,045
and is being held prisoner
for what I'm being told
326
00:14:40,070 --> 00:14:42,904
is trespassing and doing
that thing with your eyes
327
00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:44,695
that makes you look Chinese.
328
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:49,130
Damn it. Why does Peter have
to ruin every family vacation?
329
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,784
Just like he ruined our
trip to La La Land.
330
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:53,809
♪ ♪
331
00:14:58,519 --> 00:15:01,211
Hey, guy who's never
been uncool in a movie,
332
00:15:01,236 --> 00:15:02,998
I requested "Dominick the Donkey"
333
00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:04,256
like an hour ago.
334
00:15:04,324 --> 00:15:06,925
It's Christmastime, and I
want greaseball songs.
335
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:08,352
(SIGHS)
336
00:15:08,377 --> 00:15:09,783
♪ ♪
337
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:12,240
♪ Hey, chingedy ching,
hee-haw, hee-haw ♪
338
00:15:12,265 --> 00:15:14,191
♪ It's Dominick the donkey ♪
339
00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:16,291
♪ Chingedy ching, hee-haw, hee-haw ♪
340
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,649
♪ The Italian Christmas donkey ♪
341
00:15:17,674 --> 00:15:18,704
♪ La, la, la-la ♪
342
00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:20,130
Ooh, like the movie!
343
00:15:20,155 --> 00:15:22,097
♪ La-la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
344
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:26,457
♪ La, la, la, la, la,
la-lee, oh, dah! ♪
345
00:15:26,482 --> 00:15:28,228
Again.
346
00:15:33,774 --> 00:15:36,208
(DEEP VOICE): Hey, sorry
about last night, bro.
347
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,541
- No hard feelings?
- Yes, hard feelings.
348
00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:40,005
I told you, I really liked her.
349
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:42,617
Yo, relax. We only had awesome sex.
350
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,844
Geez. All right, see you later.
351
00:15:44,892 --> 00:15:47,979
I got to go wash Tara's
lipstick off my ass.
352
00:15:49,102 --> 00:15:50,992
Well, at least I have a side,
353
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,410
you neutral Swiss cowards!
354
00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:55,034
Oh, hey, Stewie, how's it going?
355
00:15:55,059 --> 00:15:58,466
Terrible. Johnny Weir's
making my life a nightmare.
356
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,883
I really thought I had a
shot with Tara Lipinski,
357
00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,174
and he ruined it.
358
00:16:02,317 --> 00:16:03,983
I'm sorry to hear that.
359
00:16:04,008 --> 00:16:05,874
You want me to take him out for you?
360
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,315
Really? You'd do that for me?
361
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:10,971
Of course. I owe you for
getting me that job
362
00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:12,059
with Gloria Allred.
363
00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:15,536
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
364
00:16:15,561 --> 00:16:18,616
CHRIS: They say if you get
a job doing what you love,
365
00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:22,091
you never work a day in your life.
366
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,488
Now it's clothes, now it's clothes,
367
00:16:28,513 --> 00:16:30,103
now it's clothes.
368
00:16:30,128 --> 00:16:33,168
This is for my brother, you
Tom Hiddleston lookalike!
369
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,027
- (DEEP VOICE): You serious, bro?
- Oh, no.
370
00:16:36,052 --> 00:16:38,626
Now you're gonna beat me
up like a Batman fight,
371
00:16:38,651 --> 00:16:40,164
only with gay words.
372
00:16:40,189 --> 00:16:40,765
♪ ♪
373
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:41,790
_
374
00:16:41,971 --> 00:16:42,971
_
375
00:16:43,867 --> 00:16:44,867
_
376
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,433
_
377
00:16:47,564 --> 00:16:48,564
_
378
00:16:49,379 --> 00:16:50,379
_
379
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,600
_
380
00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:59,197
Kids, Brian, I've got some bad news.
381
00:16:59,222 --> 00:17:01,649
Your father has been
kidnapped by North Korea.
382
00:17:01,674 --> 00:17:03,131
We've got to save him.
383
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,498
But my race is this afternoon.
384
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,846
I know, but your father needs us.
385
00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:09,545
I don't care. Where was
he when I needed help?
386
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,180
Where were any of you guys?
387
00:17:11,205 --> 00:17:13,171
This was supposed to be my week.
388
00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:16,662
Down here, it's my time.
It's my time down here!
389
00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:18,822
- Is that from Goonies?
- I think so, yeah.
390
00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,300
So you guys can all go.
391
00:17:20,325 --> 00:17:22,358
But I'm staying here,
and I'm competing.
392
00:17:22,383 --> 00:17:23,949
And I'm gonna go inside,
outside, inside, outside.
393
00:17:23,974 --> 00:17:25,590
And I'm gonna get 'em on the run, boys.
394
00:17:25,615 --> 00:17:28,189
And once I get 'em on the run,
I'm gonna keep 'em on the run.
395
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,677
Wow, she knows a lot of
Sean Astin speeches.
396
00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:32,635
Go. You don't care.
397
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,686
The only thing you care about
is nugs, chilling and grindage.
398
00:17:35,711 --> 00:17:39,027
Encino Man. Sean Astin, deep cut.
399
00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:49,288
Me? Oh...
400
00:17:49,313 --> 00:17:51,392
ANNOUNCER: Racers, take your mark.
401
00:17:51,417 --> 00:17:52,516
(STARTING GUN FIRES)
402
00:17:52,541 --> 00:17:54,519
SPECTATOR: Go, everyone but her.
403
00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:56,327
(CHEERING)
404
00:17:56,352 --> 00:17:58,318
♪ ♪
405
00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:03,923
Wait, before you kill me,
406
00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:05,481
can you at least give
me an extra bullet
407
00:18:05,506 --> 00:18:07,699
so I can pretend to
catch one in my teeth?
408
00:18:07,724 --> 00:18:09,306
(GUNS CLICKING)
409
00:18:10,439 --> 00:18:14,164
MEG: Lacey Chabert!
410
00:18:14,189 --> 00:18:16,143
Meg!
411
00:18:19,217 --> 00:18:22,982
_
412
00:18:27,282 --> 00:18:28,460
(GROANS)
413
00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:54,184
Meg, that was amazing!
414
00:18:54,209 --> 00:18:55,605
But how we gonna get out of here?
415
00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:58,226
- We're surrounded.
- There's only one way.
416
00:18:58,251 --> 00:19:00,412
An impossible video game escape.
417
00:19:00,437 --> 00:19:02,315
Ooh, can it be GoldenEye?
418
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:03,929
- Sure.
- Yes!
419
00:19:03,954 --> 00:19:05,003
♪ ♪
420
00:19:05,028 --> 00:19:10,006
_
421
00:19:10,078 --> 00:19:13,316
PETER: Bond. James Bond.
422
00:19:16,231 --> 00:19:19,085
Don't worry, Meg, it's less
sad because they don't bleed.
423
00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:23,008
Oh, don't shoot this guy.
He was nice to me.
424
00:19:23,033 --> 00:19:25,286
Aw, never mind.
425
00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:28,146
These guys are terrible shots.
426
00:19:29,597 --> 00:19:32,865
I love this almost James Bond music.
427
00:19:32,890 --> 00:19:36,431
Meg, this is what 1997 looked like.
428
00:19:36,456 --> 00:19:39,251
It's my turn next try.
I want to go next.
429
00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:43,567
You think one guy had to
shovel this whole walkway?
430
00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:47,358
Oh, great, more stairs.
431
00:19:50,445 --> 00:19:52,584
This is how you know we're done.
432
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:01,514
Peter, you're safe!
433
00:20:01,539 --> 00:20:03,538
Yep, and it's all thanks to Meg.
434
00:20:03,563 --> 00:20:05,438
But, Meg, what about your race?
435
00:20:05,463 --> 00:20:07,255
Well, I realized that
it wasn't worth doing
436
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,113
if you guys weren't there with me.
437
00:20:09,322 --> 00:20:11,319
Oh, Meg, we are so sorry
438
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,956
for how we treated you this week.
439
00:20:12,981 --> 00:20:15,348
You may not have won a
gold medal in the games,
440
00:20:15,373 --> 00:20:17,941
but you won one in our hearts.
441
00:20:18,071 --> 00:20:20,650
♪ ♪
442
00:20:24,325 --> 00:20:26,288
What do you say, guys,
should we go home?
443
00:20:26,313 --> 00:20:28,050
I don't know, I'm thinking maybe we can
444
00:20:28,075 --> 00:20:29,216
hang out a little bit longer,
445
00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:31,160
see what else Korea
has to offer... Uh-oh.
446
00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:33,469
No! You leave Korea now!
447
00:20:33,494 --> 00:20:38,607
- (GRUNTS)
- PETER: Meet me wherever I land!
448
00:20:38,632 --> 00:20:41,447
MORGAN FREEMAN: Peter landed
somewhere in the DMZ,
449
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:43,713
and was recaptured by North Korea.
450
00:20:43,738 --> 00:20:47,951
Fortunately, tensions caused
by this international incident
451
00:20:47,976 --> 00:20:49,666
were resolved by the steady hand
452
00:20:49,691 --> 00:20:51,249
of Dennis Rodman,
453
00:20:51,274 --> 00:20:53,484
who let Kim Jong-un win
454
00:20:53,509 --> 00:20:55,520
in a one-on-one basketball
game against him,
455
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,098
continuously saying, "Oop, you got me,"
456
00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:00,321
in a way that was just
convincing enough
457
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,209
for Kim to believe.
458
00:21:03,424 --> 00:21:09,354
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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