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Your�pal�came�into�some�money the�other�day...
Perhaps�we�ought�to�start regulating�your�screen�time,
-�young�lady. -�Homework.
-�Focus�on�your�studies. -�Kidding.
-�Dating�app. -�Whiles�you're�on�the�clocks?
I�work�all�day to�make�a�buck.
Won't�work�all�night to�find�a�fuck.
Any�luck?
-�Fuck�boy. -�Mm-hm.
-�Fuck�boy. -�Can�confirm.
-�Fuck�boy. -�You�are�correct.
I�don't�gots�too�much�times for�that�terms.
Fuck�boy?�Why�not?
Well,�when�you�add�S's�to the�ends�of�things
as�I's�tends�to,�that�terms�will lands�youse�jails�times.
Fuck�boy�is�the�term�men�deserve for�running�with�"tramp�stamp."
I�have�plenty�of�times�for lowers�backs�tattoos.
Lots�of�dudes�do.
Alexanders.
A�bladder�infection�means "urine"�trouble.
-�Yes! -�What's�the�frequency,�Kenneth?
-�Just�won�10�bucks. -�Oh!
Straights�to�Boardwalks�with�you theres,�Uncles�Pennies�Bags.
Don't�spend�it all�in�one�place.
-�Hey�there,�high�roller. -�You�sound�like�you're�envious.
You�sound�like�you're a�fuck�boy.
-�10�whole�bucks,�eh? -�Yes,�10�whole�bucks.
That�is�my�exact hourly�wage.
Well,�better�than�a�kick�in the�pants,�Alexander.
You're�telling�me. Welcome�to�easy�street!
-�Okay. -�The�land�of�milk�and�honey.
-�I...�I�get�it. -�Choo-choo!
-�All�aboard�the�gravy�train! -�Just�leave�it.
The�lap�of�luxury, the�primrose�path.
-�A�place�in�the�sun. -�Go�ahead,�Alexander!
Have�a�good�laugh�about�it, but�I�just�made�as�much
sitting�on�my�butt�as�you�do in�an�hour�scrubbing�toilets.
-�You�think�I'm�joking? -�Uh...
No,�I�wasn't�trying�to�be a�dick�about�it,
I�just�thought�you�were making�fun�of�me.
You've�already�let�it�change you,�the�almighty�dollar.
Look�at�old�Dary�now,�eh? He's�a�fat�cat,�a�tycoon.
I�didn't�mean�it,�Alexander.
So,�what�now,�Sir�Rupert�Warren Chadwick,�huh?
High�tea at�Chateau�Frontenac
with�the�New�England Montgomerys?
-�I�said�I�didn't�mean�it. -�Well,�what's�next,
Dr.�Ronan�Rhys Rothschild,�huh?
Croquet�on the�palace�lawn
with�Lady�Charlotte�Imogen Alderidge?
This�is�just�going on�too�far.
Let�me�pull�up�your�car�for�you, Baron�Phineas�Hawthorne.
Have�you�selected�the�Bentley or�the�Rolls
for�this�afternoon's�social?
-�Ooo-kay. -�Look�who�it�is.
As�I�live and�breathe...
it's�the�Duke of�Dickbagshire,�huh?
Will�the�Duchess�be�joining�you this�evening,�huh,
or�is�she�still�summering in�the�Cotswolds
with�the�Cuntington�Beach Vanderbilts?
How�do�you�like that�now?
Give�my�regards�to�Lady�Scarlett Stella�Rosencrantz,
you�high-falutin' duck�fart.
Well,�fuckin'...
money�changes�everything.
��
You�know�what�I�always kinda�wanted?
-�A�koalas? -�A�Mustang?
-�Bangs. -�Docs.
-�Doc�Martens? -�No,�Doc�Hollidays.
Well�they�ain't�giving those�away.
Money�doesn't�grow on�trees.
PETE: Hellooo?
Knock-knock.
(Grumbling)
Wayne.
Katy.
Ugh.
Squirrelly�Dan.
Just�Daniels, there,�Peter.
Darnell.
I've�come�to�apologize. Make�a�truce.
Isn't�he�an�"end�of�the�laneway, don't�come�up�the�property?"
What�the�fuck's happened�to�you?
I�think�it�all�started�when�meth ripped�through�town�in�'05.
Yeah,�we�lost�a�lot�of�good people�there.
-�Lost�a�lot�of�good�teeths. -�Like,�you're�out�sending
naked�pictures�of�your�sweetie around�town.
"Sweetie" is�ambitious.
You're�hanging�out�with�dudes like�Tibadoo,�who�abandon�dogs.
Yeah,�you�gotta�tell�Tibadoo not�to�give�dogs�human�names.
And�now�you're�out�buying�drugs from�that�new�Jewish�skid.
And�that's�just�in�the�last�few calendars�weeks.
Are�you�still�honking�and hollering�at�girls?
Old�habits�die�hard.
Well,�so�what do�you�think,�JP?
Is�this�rock�bottom?
-�Not�if�you�bottoms�for�rock. -�GROUP:�Hey-oh.
Well,�there�was�a�period�there where�I�was�hanging�out
with�the�Ginger and�Boots�so...
(Groaning)
You�guys�remember�that�talk about�the�third�guy
-�holding�down�the�ostrich? -�Allegedlys.
You�used�to�be,�like, a�pretty�good�guy.
-�He�was�a�real�good�guy. -�He�was�a�great�guys.
But�now,�like... you're�a�degen.
I�fell�in�with the�wrong�crowd.
You're�going�pretty�easy on�a�pair�of�ostrich�fuckers
with�"wrong�crowds", there,�buds.
Well,�I'm�done�with�them. I'm�turning�over�a�new�leaf.
Youse�are�my�friends�and...
when�a�friend�asks�for�help, you�help�them.
You�looking�for�work?
-�Dary? -�I�got�too�many�hands�as�it�is.
-�Dan? -�We're�pinching�pennies
-�with�winters�comings�up. -�Wayne?
Well,�if�something�comes along...
I'll�phone�you�up.
Thank�you.
What�a�degen.
You�know�what,�he's�like�a�dog with�his�head�out�the�window
of�a�moving�car in�all�this.
Like,�it's�a�lot�of�fun but�it's�pretty�dangerous
and�the�only�way�to�stop�him�is to�roll�up�the�window
on�his�fucking�head.
Who�are�these�nut�sacks?
How�are�you�now?
Oh,�I�see�one. Listen,�hi!
-�Hello. -�Yeah,�listen,�don't�mind�us.
I�just�love...�you�know, all�this.
-�'Kay. -�So�listen,
if�we�are�bugging�you�at�all, just�let�me�know
and�we'll�scoot,�'okurr'? -�Okay.
Alright,�newlyweds�to�be,
let's�hold�hands, 'cause�we're�in�love,
and�let's�just�forget�what�was said�at�the�previous�location.
Okay,�so�when�I�say�go, I�want�you�to�start
slowly�running down�the�road,
okay,�but�you're�looking�back at�me,�all�right?
You're�running into�your�future.
Okay,�go!
Good.
Oh,�that's�cute.
(Chuckling) I'm�really�alone�now.
That's�nice.�Yeah. Really�great...
Hey,�hey,�listen,�yeah,
what's�in�the�building back�there?
-�All�sorts�of�stuff. -�Like,�dusty�stuff
-�and�rusty�stuff? -�Can�confirm.
Okay,�listen,�I�really�don't want�to�bug�you,
but�can�I�shoot�back�there?
-�Ooh,�I�don't�think�so. -�Okay,�for�50�bucks?
(Quietly) Doc�o'clock,�boys.
Yeah,�let�me�show�you.
Gracias.
Oh,�what�is�this�hotbed of�bohemia?
We�call�it the�murder�barn.
Can�I�call�it the�murder�barn?
-�Listen... -�Okay.
It's�utopia, yet�somehow�dystopian.
Fruitopian�dystopia.
-�Hmm. -�Fallopian�Europa.
-�Do�you�know�any�sister�wives? -�I...
Listen,�dusty�stuff,�rusty stuff,�cobwebby�corners...
Is�that�a�pile�of�sawdust with�engine�oil�sprayed�in�it?
-�No,�I�think�that's�blood. -�You�just...
you�can't�get�this�kind�of�stuff in�the�city.
Okay,�firstly,�listen. Thank�you.�And�I�just...
it's�just,�this�whole�thing�is so�antiquated�and�old-timey,
and�secondly,�I�want�to�shoot some�other�clients�in�here.
-�Mmm,�I�don't�think�so. -�Another�50�bucks?
Doc�o'clock.
-�Congratulations,�Mary-Anne. -�To�you�as�well,�Lucy-Anne.
Say,�Betty-Anne's�still playing�ball,�eh?
-�She'll�be�back. -�Well,�congratulations,
-�Mary-Anne. -�To�you�as�well,�Lucy-Anne.
We�hold�the�keys�to the�regional�triple�A�squad.
-�Call�me�Lindsey�Ruff. -�Call�me�Mike�Nocock.
No�one�I'd�rather�share the�wheel�with.
-�Except�maybe�Betty-Anne. -�Maybe�Betty-Anne.
Well,�driving�is�a�serious business.
-�Life�is�a�highway. -�Seat�belts�fastened?
-�No. -�Check�our�blind�spots?
-�Never. -�Use�the�lane
-�of�least�resistance? -�We�use�the�luxury�lane.
-�Start�your�engines,�Mary-Anne. -�Pedal�to�the�rug,�Lucy-Anne.
WOMAN: Hey.
Sami�Jo�Small?
That's�two-time�Olympic�gold medalist�Sami�Jo�Small.
WOMAN: And�one�silver.
Tessa�Bonhomme?
That's�Olympic�hockey�gold medalist�Tessa�Bonhomme.
No�silver.
-�You�guys�the�coaches? -�We're�the�coaches.
-�What�have�you�won? -�Back-to-back-to-back�ships.
-�As�players? -�Back-to-back-to-back,�baby.
As�coaches?
We're�kind�of�rookies.
-�You're�schmelts? -�First-time�coaching�girls.
-�Schmelts. -�These�are�my�cousints.
Rafaella,�Donatella.
These�are�my�cousints. Leonarda,�Michaelangela.
I�want�my�cousints�to�be the�next�two-time�Olympic
-�hockey�gold�medalists. -�And�one�silver.
I�want�my�cousints�to�be the�next�Olympic�hockey
gold�medalists.�No�silver.
Until�we're�confident�you�guys can�get�the�girls�Olympic�ready,
we're�going�to�help.
MARY-ANNE/LUCY-ANNE: You're�going�to�coach�with�us?
No,�no,�no,�no. We've�hired�someone�who�has�won.
-�To�teach�you�two�how�to�win. -�Shannon�Szabados?
-�Natalie�Spooner? -�No.
Sure,�they've�won internationally,
but�we�wanted�somebody�that's won�locally.
Someone�who's�won... locally?
No...
(Coach�clearing�throat)
-�Names. -�Donatella,�Rafaella.
-�Names. -�Leonarda,�Michaelangela.
Cowabunga.
Get�dressed.
I�am�buying.
50�bucks?�Anyone�looking�for a�sugar�mama?
-�Thank�you,�Katy. -�Round�of�Puppers?
-�Beggars�can't�be�choosers. -�I'll�take�another�one
of�them�cock-sucking�gin�and tonics,�Bonnaroo.
What�has�inspired
this�humanitarian�effort�there Katy-Kat?
a�photographer�came�up the�laneway�today
wanting�to�take�photos in�the�barn�for�a�50�note.
I�said,�"Any�day�of�the�week." I'm�trying�to�get�Docs.
Don't�you�think�Docs kinda�make�you�that�guy?
Well,�yeah,�if�they're, like,�purple.
What's�so�good�about�your�barn, that's�what�I�always�say.
Well,�and�I�quote, "Dusty�stuff,�rusty�stuff,
"and�cobwebby�corners."
Sounds�like�every�barn I�ever�seen�in�my�life.
-�That's�all�I�know. -�What�kind�of�a�nut�sack
offers�a�50�note�for�dusty stuff,�rusty�stuff,
-�and�cobwebby�corners? -�This�nut�sack.
"Flutter�Me�Shutters�Lenzation Sensations."
You�guys�will�have�to�excuse�me. I've�never�seen�that�guy�before.
And�I�wonder�if�he�likes�sex with�girls.
-�Baby... -�Yeah.
We've�got�dusty�stuff,�rusty stuff,�and�cobwebby�corners.
A�lot�of�the�dusty�stuff�has rusty�stuff�right�on�it,�baby.
Mmm-mm.�Let's�poach�this son�of�a�bitch.
Ah,�Christ,�Bonderosa! Add�another�ounce�to�this
and�it�still�wouldn't�be a�gentleman's�pour.
Take�it,�take�it�and�go.
Okay,�listen! Arms�around�each�other!
That's�right, you're�in�love.
Now,�bride�to�be,�bend�your�left knee�behind�you
so�your�foot's�in�the�air.
Yeah,�perfect!
Now�give�each�other�little�peck kisses�over�and�over.
Okay. (Laughing)
Now�listen,�bride�to�be,
take�a�little�nap�on�his shoulder�there.
No,�take�a�little�nap on�his�back.
Okay,�just�think�like you're�Goldilocks
and�his�shoulder�is�the�bed that�fits�just�right.
You're�like�an�action�figure and�a�little�dolly.
(Phone�ringing)
Hello?
Hi.
Oh.�Why?
You�found�a�better�place to�shoot?
Yo,�guess�what?
-�Chicken�butt. -�Docs�o'clocks?
The�McMurray's�poached�my fucking�business.
Eh,�pars�for�the�course.
That�photographer�was�supposed to�come�back
with�another�couple�and�another fifty�bucks�to�shoot�in�the�barn
but�McMurray�stole�her.
-�Did�he�really? -�Excuse�me!
I�don't�want�to�bug�you,�but�can we�shoot�with�your�puppies?
All�right,�but�they�smell like�piss.
(whistle�blaring)
I�can't�imagine�how�you�guys feel�having�a�man�mentor�you
on�coaching�women's�hockey.
-�We�could�just�tell�you. -�I�can't�imagine�it�feels�good.
-�It�doesn't. -�That's�why�I'm�glad�it�was�me,
you�know,�and�not�somebody�you don't�like.
-�Or�respect? -�Or�respect.
-�You�got�lucky. -�We�feel�blessed.
You�guys�know�girls�as�well as�I�do,�right?
Like,�if�you�don't�keep�them focused,�their�minds�just..
Pfft!�Off!�You�know,�it's�like, Backstreet�Boys�and�pony�tails
-�and�Tamagotchis. -�Hooo-boy.
I'm�gonna�let�you�in�on�a�little secret,�you�know,
to�just�keep�them on�their�toes.
BOTH: Kick�a�garbage�can?
No.�With�girls?
No,�you�can�only�launch projectiles�with�men.
Why?
Because�women�are the�fairer�sex.
Hooo-boy.
And�because�women�are�the�fairer sex,�you�have�to--
-�Wrap�this�up? -�Oh,�hey,�okay.
Lucy-Anne,�looks�like�Mary-Anne here�doesn't�care
about�impressing�two�time Olympic�hockey�gold�medalist
Sami�Jo�Small.
TESSA:�And�one�silver!
Or�Olympic�hockey�gold�medalist Tessa�Bonhomme.
-�TESSA:�No�silver! -�Tessa,�Sami!
Wait... Hear�him�out.
-�(Chuckling) -�Go.
-�Bench�'em. -�Bench�'em?
-�Bench�'em. -�Bench�'em?
Put�'em�on�the�bench.
It's�the�first�game�of the�season.
That's�when�you�gotta�do�it.
You�gotta�get�them�early.
You�know,�you�gotta let�them�know.
First�little�lady�that�doesn't pick�up�her�check
on�the�way�back? Benched.�You�know?
First�little�diva�that�doesn't want�to�go�hard�to�the�net?
Benched.�And�you�better�believe the�first�little�lady
who�doesn't�get�pucks�deep...
-�WOMEN:�Bench�'em? -�Benched.
So�if�we're�not�happy�with�a player's�effort...
Park�it.
If�we�don't�like�a�player's attitude...
-�Have�a�seat. -�What�if�it's�a�bit�of�attitude
-�after�a�bad�bounce? -�Sit�down.
And�this�applies�to the�whole�team?
Why�do�you�think�they�make the�bench�so�big?
-�What�if�it's�the�goalie? -�Call�a�time-out,
bench�'er�for�it.
You're�sure�this�won't�just piss�'em�off?
It's�hockey. You�want�'em�pissed�off!
-�BOTH:�Fine. -�Lovely.
Now,�seeing�as�you�two�are job�shadowing�me--
-�You're�mentoring�us. -�I�would�like�a�small�coffee,
three�cream,�six�sugar.
And�some�fries with�gravy.
And�guys? Gravy�on�the�side.
And�a�diet�cola!
I�hope�what�they�say�about aspartame�killing�you�is�true.
(Whistle�blaring)
Listen,�the�McMurrays,
they�may�have�better�dusty stuff,�rusty�stuff,
and�cobwebby�corners,
but�they�don't�have�puppies, okurr?
MCMURRAY:�I�always�knew�Katy�was a�tricky�little�dickens.
It's�unethical, that's�what�I�always�say.
I�never�pegged�her�as a�Docs�gal,
but�youse�stole�her�business first.
Oh,�just�'cause�we�go�and�jump off�a�bridge,
doesn't�mean�that's�what�she's gotta�do,�does�it?
Two�wrongs�don't�make�a�right, that's�what�I�always�say.
-�Mmm-hm. -�Who�are�they,�Gailer?
-�Never�seen�'em�before. -�Influenzas.
-�Huh? -�Influenzas!
-�What? -�Influenzas!
They�go�place�to�place taking�photos�of�themselves.
Chk,�chk!�Post�'em�on the�internet.
Influencers?
-�Thought�I�heard�influenzas. -�Same�thing�really.
They're�all�looking�for the�murder�barn.
What's�that?
They�wanna�go�take�pictures�of themselves�with�the�dusty�stuff,
rusty�stuff,�cobwebby�corners and�puppies.
So,�I�hear�youse�guys�like dusty�stuff,
rusty�stuff,�and�cobwebby corners.
And�as�you�can�see,�my�wife, Mrs.�McMurray�and�I
have�ample�rusty�stuff, dusty�stuff
and�even�cobwebby�corners!
-�Where's�that�fifty�note? -�Where�are�the�puppies?
-�Cassie,�right? -�I'm�Cassie.
-�I'm�Tassie. -�You�sure?
We�ain't�got�no�puppies.
We�got�goats.
-�Dycks? -�Brethren!
T'what�do�we�owe the�pleasure?
Do�you�want�to�know�what?
Dary�was�just�saying�how�much�he wanted�summer�sausage
and�that�got�me�thinking�about how�much�I�love�summer�sausage,
so�basically,�we�just�come�by�to see�if�we�could�buy
some�summer�sausage�off�youse.
I�empathize�with�your�cravings. I�gobbled�sausage�at�lunch.
Now,�mine�wife.�Too�much�of�one thing�is�ne'er�a�good�thing.
You�had�a�banger�in�your�mouth at�breakfast�as�well.
I�can't�help�it,�Noah.
Be�forewarned, come�supper�time,
I'll�be�begging�you to�pork�me.
Summer�sausage�and�pepperettes are�in�the�cooler
by�the�produce�stand.
Keep�them�away from�the�children�though.
They�do�love�their�father's sausage.
I�trust�you'll�leave�payment in�the�Mason�jar�as�usual?
Hmm?�Honour�system.
Can�confirm.
While�ye's�are in�the�cooler,
help�thy�selves to�a�taffy�cone�once.
What�the�fuck are�youse�doing?
A�photographer�from�out Stratford�offered�us�$50
to�simply�do�chores in�the�background
while�she�has�a�photoshoot with�some�newlyweds�to�be�once.
You�must�consummate the�marriage!
Mine�wife�and�I�discussed�it, and�we�thought,�well,
we'll�be�working�anyway, might�as�well�make�the�money
that�we�can�use�to�remedy�our children's�hearing,
which,�frankly, has�gotten�quite�poor.
(Quietly)�Generation�after generation�of�inbreeding.
-�Huh? -�Poo-er?
Photographers�from�out Stratford�way�keep�coming,
one�after�the�other.
I'm�hoping�it�will relent�soon.
But�for�now,�best�to�get a�handle�on�these�hoes.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Listen.
I'm�just�gonna�scooch�in�real close�and�I�want�you
to�blow�the�bubbles directly�into�the�camera.
Okurr!
Oh,�mine�husband.
It's�been�far�too�long since�you�blew�in�my�face.
Fuck's�sake.
(Sighing)
I�can't�compete with�Mennonites.
I've�got�dusty,�I've�got�rusty, I've�got�puppies.
I�even�got�fucking�goats.
I�was�told�influenzas�think�that McMurray's�goats
are�a�bit�too�squirrelly.
What�the�hell�is�wrong with�that?
That's�why I'm�advertising�goats
that�were�less�squirrelly than�McMurray's.
How's�that�for�you?
Influenzas�say�they're�not squirrelly�enough.
(Phone�ringing)
Hello?
What? Fuck�off.
You�know�what,�you�do�that, McMurray.
-�Guess�what? -�GUYS:�What?
McMurray�says�Dick-skin's throwing�his�hat�in�the�ring.
He�says�that�he's�advertising goats�with�temperaments
somewhere�in�the�middle�of mine�and�McMurray's.
Is�he�really?
He's�calling�it�Honey�Bunches Of�Goats.
-�What�did�McMurray�call�his? -�Show�Goatin'.
And�then�what�did you�call�yours?
Murder�barn,�so, Murder�She�Goat.
Right�on.
Dick-skin�is�playing for�keeps.
Yeah,�McMurray�says�he's�done fooling�around.
He's�pulling�out�all�the�stops in�order�to�corner�the�market.
Is�he�really.
What�youse�gonna�do, Miss�Katys?
Compete.
-�How? -�I�just�have�to�figure�out
what�influenzas�love�and�start advertising�that!
-Fuck!�I'm�gonna�need�some�help. -�You�wanna�know�what?
-�Maybe�you�give�Jivin'�a�call. -�Really?
He�used�to�be�a�pretty good�guy.
-�He�was�a�real�good�guy. -�He�was�a�great�guy.
And�you�wanna�know�what,
everybody�deserves a�second�chance.
When�a�friend�asks�for�help, you�help�'em.
(crunching)
("Everybody�Sexareeno" by�Los�Sexareenos�plays)
��
���Ah,�here�we�go�now���
���We�got�something�new all�for�you���
���Now�shake, your�legs�will�break���
���Roll�around�in�the�mud, there'll�be�no�blood���
���So�get�off�your�ass, and�give�me�that�sass���
��
���And�it�goes�like�this���
���One�(one)���
���Two�(two)���
���Three�(three)���
���Four�(four)���
���Stop, everybody�Sexareeno!���
���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���
���Everybody�Sexareeno!���
���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���
���Everybody�Sexareeno!���
���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���
���Everybody�Sexareeno!���
���(Everybody�Sexareeno)���
���And�it�goes�like�this���
���One�(one)���
���Two�(two)���
���Three�(three)���
���Four�(four)���
���Stop!���
All�right,�listen,�now�kick�your legs�when�you�jump.
Yeah.�Okay.
Again.�Now�more�kicking.
Great,�now�kick�them differently�this�time.
Oh,�yeah,�that's�fun. Kinda�out�in�front.
All�right,�now�give�me a�series�of�kicks.
Just�all�different--
Yeah,�all�different�kinds of�kicks.
Listen,�hey, you're�grimacing.�All�right.
So�let's�just�lighten�up the�mood�a�bit.
Stay�loose.�Okay.
All�right,�here's�what�we are�gonna�do.
This�is�fun,�okay?
I�want�you�to�act�like�you�just burst�out�laughing.
Hah!�Okurr?
But�actually don't�laugh,�right?
Just�hold�your�face�like�you�are about�to�burst�out�laughing.
Okay?
-�(Cell�phone�ringing) -�Oh,�sorry.
Ooh.�Hold�on.
Flutter�Me�Shutters�Lenzation Sensations.
Formerly�Flutter�Me�Shutters Lensation�Studios.
Formerly�By�Dove�With�Love Portraiteria.
Listen,�are�you�serious?
Listen,�thank�you for�the�tip.
Okurr!�Okurr. (Chuckling)
Okay.�Come�on,�let's�go. Let's�get�in�the�car!
We're�gonna�head�to�Donegal right�now.
Letterkenny's�old�news.
(Engine�starting)
All�right,�the�Ninja�Turtlettes are�your�star�players,
right,�so�you�target them�first.
You�know,�set�an�example�for the�rest�of�the�players.
I�don't�think�we�wanna�rattle our�studs.
Do�you�want�the�world's�most fearsome�fighting�team?
-�Yeah. -�Then�you�bench�'em.
All�right?�Let�me�show�you.
-�Donatellis. -�It's�Donatella.
What�did�you�have�for�your pre-game�meal?
-�Let�me�guess,�pizza? -�Spaghetti�and�meat�balls.
-�Perfect,�Donna-T. -�Whole�grain�spaghetti?
-�No. -�Oh,�look!
You�just�filled�your�tummy�with empty�carbs,�you�dummy.
Have�a�seat.�You're�benched. Next�up!
-�Rafaellis. -�It's�Rafaella.
Did�you�have your�pre-game�nap?
-�29�minutes�after�lunch. -�'Attagirl,�Raf.
Badda�girl,�Raf! Your�body�puts�on�weight
when�you�take�in�more calories�than�you�burn�off.
By�having�a�nap�right�after�your meal,�you�robbed�your�body
of�the�chance�to�burn�calories, causing�fat.
What�was�your�hero�in�a�half shell�name�again?
-�It's�Rafa-- -�Benched!
-�Leonidas. -�It's�Leonarda.
What�have�you�got, pink�tape�on�your�stick?
-�What's�wrong�with�pink? -�Hey,�Lucy-Anne,
do�they�use�a�pink�puck�in women's�hockey?
Or�do�they�use�a�black�puck like�in�real�people�hockey?
It's�like real�people�hockey.
Yeah,�a�black�puck�on�pink�tape shows�the�goalie�everything
before�your�shot.
So�you�use�black�tape�to�make�it harder�for�her�to�see
where�the�puck�is�coming�off your�stick.
Hey,�Lucy-Anne,�I�got�one�more question�for�you.
Hey�who�plays�M�in�the�Daniel Craig�James�Bond�movies?
Helen�Mirren?
Dame�Judy�Bench!
(Sighing) Michaelangela?
Where�is my�Michaelangela?
���Michael, Micka-licka-angela���
���Micha-licka angels�in�the�outfield���
Meet�Benedict Cumber-Bench!
SAMI:�Micka-lickle-angels in�the�outfield?
So�good. So,�so�good.
Too�good. Joke's�over.
-�BOTH:�What�joke? -�Yeah.
I�was�unaware there�was�a�joke?
You�actually�thought�we'd�hire this�schmuck�to�mentor�you�two
when�you�got�two-time�Olympic gold�medalist�Sami�Jo�Small
standing�right�here?
And�one�silver.
I�mean,�he's�only�won�one�ship. Haven't�you�ladies�gone--
BOTH: Back-to-back-to-back,�baby.
SAMI: Like,�come�on.
We�have�Olympic�hockey�gold medalist�Tessa�Bonhomme
-�right�here. -�No�silver.
Thanks�for�playing�along. We�really�appreciate�you.
-�Was�I�playing�along? -�Just�little�hazing�is�all.
-�It's�all�good,�you�know? -�Yeah,�thanks�for�coming�out.
Uh,�what�was�your�name�again?
-�Congratulations,�Mary-Anne. -�To�you�as�well,�Lucy-Anne.
We�hold�the�keys�to�the�regional triple�A�squad.
Call�me�Lindsey�Ruff.
Call�me�Mike�No... (Quietly)�...cock.
No�one�I'd�rather�share the�wheel�with.
-�Except�maybe�Betty-Anne. -�Yeah,�maybe�Betty-Anne.
-�Driving's�a�serious�business. -�Life�is�a�highway.
-�Seatbelts�fastened? -�No.
-�Check�our�blind�spots? -�Never.
Use�the�lane�of�least resistance?
We�use�the�luxury�lane.
Then�start�your�engines, Mary-Anne!
Pedal�to�the�rug, Lucy-Anne!
What�am�I�supposed to�do?
-�Bench! -�Bench!
��
I'm�buying.
Aww,�what's�Donegal�have that�we�don't�have,�anyway?
-�A�craft�brewery. -�No...
-�They�got�a�gin�distillery�too. -�No...
Yeah,�and�that's�not�all.
They've�got�a�bison�farm, a�"general�store",
and�the�kicker...
Mexican�Mennonites.
-�Those�even�exist? -�Can�confirm.
-�Exotic. -�Well,�I�won't�miss�them.
All�they�ever�drank�was chamomile�tea
and�we�give that�away,�so...
All�they�ever�talked�about�was gummy�vitamins�and�dry�shampoo.
All�while�taking�videos of�themselves.
Yeah�I�guess�you�gotta�be�kinda self-absorbed�for�that�racket.
-�Eh? -�Yeah.
Like,�who�drives�around�from place�to�place
taking�photos of�themselves?
Pull�your�finger�out of�your�ass.
I�said�put�your�finger up�my�ass.
-�Get�a�real�job. -�Bugger,�though.
I�came�up�just�short on�a�new�pair�of�Docs.
So�you�really�wanna be�that�guy?
They�ain't�giving those�away.
Money�don't�grow�on�trees. Not�anymore.
Well,�maybe�one�day.
Cheers�to�being�done�with those�donkeys.
-�Hear,�hear. -�Noah�Dyck?
Gail,�hello�unto�ye.
You�know,�I've�never�been�one�to frequent�your�establishment.
-�Not�even�once. -�What�brings�you�by,�Noah?
I�came�to�alert�ye�all
that�the�makers�of�a pornographic�film
knocked�on�my�door�this�day�and asked�if�myself�and�mine�wife
would�perform�field�chores�in the�background�of�their�film,
while�in�the�foreground, two�actors�fornicated.
I,�of�course,�said "No�way,�Jose."
So�consider yourselves�warned.
There�are�some�unsavoury characters
lurking�about�the�community.
But�I�banished�them. And�their�film!�So...
You're�welcome.�Once.
Hey,�Dyck!
What�kinda�car are�they�driving!
KATY: What's�his�name?!
MRS.�MCMURRAY:�What's the�address�of�the�email?
("Fraud�in�the�'80s"�by�Mates�of State�playing)
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re�ali
re�alive
re�alive
re�alive���
���Oh-oh-oh-oh���
���Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh���
���You�could�surely�try to�be�more�alive���
���Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh���
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���Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh���
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