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♪ Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
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00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:04,600
♪ Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,040
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,800
♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,520
♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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♪ Romans rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless
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♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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♪ Gory stories, we do that
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♪ And your host, a talking rat
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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♪ Welcome to
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♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
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Horrible Histories presents...
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00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,360
What kind of job do you want to do?
15
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,040
I've been talking to my school
careers adviser
16
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,200
and, apparently, I might have to
consider alternatives
17
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:50,440
to a glamorous TV presenting job
in a smelly sewer.
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00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:54,000
But the dream can't last forever.
TOILET FLUSHES
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00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,680
So, if I'm going to find
a new career,
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00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,600
I thought I'd use some jobs
from the past as a guide
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00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,760
for what I could do!
22
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,840
First off, I need to avoid some of
the worst jobs from history.
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00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,680
Mm!
24
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,000
That dinner was delightful.
25
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,120
Well, you certainly enjoyed yourself.
26
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,640
Not sure three helpings of cabbage
was a good idea.
27
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,320
Oh, well, it's not every day you
get to visit the...
28
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,400
HIS STOMACH GROWLS
Oh, dear.
29
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,840
You're just going to have to hold
it. I don't think I can hold it!
30
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,280
Greetings, friend.
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00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,720
'Tis I, Loo Man,
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00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,760
aka The Caped Convenience,
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00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,680
aka The Walking Water Closet,
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00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,200
aka The Living Little Boys' Room.
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00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,040
I come when people need...
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00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:38,240
...to go.
37
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,040
HIS STOMACH GROWLS
Whatever. Gang way!
38
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,480
HE FARTS LOUDLY
Ah!
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FARTING CONTINUES
40
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,360
HE SIGHS
41
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,360
Excuse me! Do not use
the cape to wipe on!
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Use the damp rag provided.
43
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,720
Unbelievable!
44
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,520
Thank you, whoever you are.
45
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,360
I told you, I'm Loo Man.
46
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,440
Your bill.
47
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,880
Oh, didn't realise
there'd be any charge.
48
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,720
You think people do this for fun?
49
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,160
How much? That's daylight robbery!
50
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,120
Overcharging again, Thomas Butcher?
51
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,840
Do not reveal my secret identity!
52
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,280
It's not much of a secret! People
can smell you coming a mile off!
53
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,520
Look, he's charged us
a shilling to spend a penny!
54
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,600
I think you'll find I didn't do
anything, Officer.
55
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Didn't do anything?
What is that, then?
56
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,720
Where did this come from?
57
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,400
Are poos falling from the sky?
58
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,400
That was in there when I went in.
59
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,800
He's lying! It's still warm!
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00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,440
HE STAMMERS
You're coming with me!
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00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,880
Overcharging again!
62
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,760
MAN'S STOMACH GROWLS
Oh, no, no, no!
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00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,080
Wait, wait, wait!
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Keep the change!
65
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,640
Ah!
HE FARTS
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I might be in here a while.
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00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,880
Have you got a bigger bucket?
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FARTING CONTINUES
69
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,000
Well, you're the best delivery man
we've seen.
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00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,120
You got the job.
71
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,280
Oh, thank you! I won't let you down.
72
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,000
You better not, or that's a lot of
people's Christmases ruined.
73
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,120
Hang on, this is a Christmas job?
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00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,440
It's only September.
I thought the job started today.
75
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,200
It does. Come on, then!
76
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,360
Whoa!
TURKEY GOBBLES
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00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,920
Norfolk turkeys. Best in the land!
78
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,160
But why start now? Ow!
79
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,080
It takes months to walk a turkey
from Norfolk to London,
80
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,640
and they lose weight on the journey.
Ow! Shoo! Ow!
81
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:20,880
So you got to get there early
to fatten them up again.
82
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,520
Wait, you want me to walk
a turkey to London?
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00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,320
MAN GUFFAWS
84
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,800
Of course not!
85
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,880
If you do it one at a time,
it would take forever.
86
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,640
You're taking 1,000 turkeys!
87
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,040
ALL GOBBLE
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GOBBLING STOPS
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GOBBLING RESUMES
90
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,680
GOBBLING STOPS
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00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,960
You're expecting me to walk
them lot over 100 miles?!
92
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,400
{\an8}Well, how else are you going
to get 'em there?
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00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,320
Ow! Cut that out! Don't worry.
94
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,560
I'm going to give you this
little stick! But...
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00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,720
And these boots.
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00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,520
They won't fit me! I'm a ten!
97
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,240
Oh, they're not for you!
HE LAUGHS
98
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,760
They're for the turkeys!
99
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,080
They're made of leather so their
little feet don't get tired.
100
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,000
Go on, put these on that one.
101
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,360
Have a practice.
102
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,680
You can't be...
103
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,120
HE SIGHS, TURKEY GOBBLES
104
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:04,720
Argh!
105
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,440
GOBBLING CONTINUES
Argh!
106
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,600
Get a move on.
107
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,400
You'll have to set off soon
or you'll hit the traffic.
108
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:16,360
Trust me, there're a lot of turkeys
travelling from Norfolk to London.
109
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:18,960
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
110
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,280
I did it.
111
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:21,720
Well done!
112
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,720
You can do the others now.
113
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,760
Argh!
114
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,760
Don't let them get you
on the ground!
115
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:27,920
Oh!
HE GROANS
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00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,520
I know what you did wrong.
117
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,240
You forgot your little stick.
118
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:32,760
Gah!
119
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:38,160
Right, so turkey walker and loo man
are off the list.
120
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,040
For one thing,
I've only got little legs,
121
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,600
so I'd struggle with the bucket.
122
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,280
HE CACKLES
123
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:47,640
I do kind of fancy doing a job that's
a little bit different, though,
124
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:51,920
and there have definitely been a few
of those throughout history - hm.
125
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:57,120
{\an8}I've got 500 people who need to be
working in my factory by 6am...
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00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,400
...but there's no way I'm going to
pay them enough
127
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,600
to afford alarm clocks.
128
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,240
We could call... the Knocker-Upper.
129
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,120
I heard someone was looking for me.
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00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,360
VOICE-OVER: She'll give everyone
a wake-up call...
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00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,440
RESIDENT: Thanks, Jane!
132
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,000
Thank you!
133
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,320
Ow, my eye!
134
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,600
You're welcome.
135
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,120
...armed with her trusty peashooter.
136
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,920
{\an8}You can't hit this snooze button.
137
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,200
Sorry about the bedpan, Jane.
I woke up in a bad mood.
138
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,440
That's OK, lady.
139
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,000
Still, I should've emptied it first.
140
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,560
Ah.
141
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,440
The Knocker-Upper in...
142
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,760
Harold, this is a STEM jobs fair.
143
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,680
I work in science.
144
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,840
Mm, you sell cakes at the science
museum. It's not the same thing.
145
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,320
SAILOR: Interested
in seeing the world?
146
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,560
Getting your hands dirty exploiting
our natural resources?
147
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:08,280
Join my whaling expedition
and I'll make you rich!
148
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,880
We can kill over 100 whales
in a single voyage.
149
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,080
That's awful!
150
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,000
The cruelty's bad enough, but if you
keep hunting them like that,
151
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,040
we'll have none left!
152
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,880
Hm, yeah, that'd be a shame,
given how useful they are.
153
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,480
Every part of the whale
makes money, you see.
154
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,480
The bones are used in clothing,
155
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:26,520
the oil's used in lamps...
156
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:28,960
COUPLE GASPS
157
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,920
Ah! And we eat their vomit.
158
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,920
{\an8}Well, I think it's disgusting,
159
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,520
{\an8}particularly the vomit thing.
160
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,440
Oh, then I'd better not
tell you about
161
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,120
using their poo to dye clothes.
162
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,920
Um, can I ask how you lost your...?
And your...?
163
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,480
Minor work injuries.
164
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,680
Yeah, it can take hours
to kill a whale
165
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,400
and, by then,
they've smashed the boat
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00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,880
and most of your limbs to pieces.
167
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,000
WOMAN GASPS
168
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,880
SAILOR BELCHES
Harold, shall we?
169
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,040
Oh!
170
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,280
Oh, not again!
171
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,760
Is that my other leg?
172
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,400
PROSPECTOR: Interested
in oil prospecting?
173
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,480
Oh, gosh! There's another one!
174
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,800
You could explore
our beautiful planet
175
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,840
AND get rich in an instant!
176
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,280
Ooh, that's interesting!
What about...?
177
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,480
Hang on, are you what happens
to oil prospectors?
178
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:18,520
Well, I grant you there's poor
sanitation and fires are common,
179
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,240
but I was fur trapping when I got
attacked by the bear,
180
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,480
so that doesn't count!
181
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,600
Fur trapping? Yup!
182
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,200
If you're interested
in fur trapping,
183
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,520
they've got a stall over there
184
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,520
and an actual bear you
can play with.
185
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:29,880
That sounds very dangerous.
186
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,600
Yeah, it is.
BEAR GROWLS
187
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,200
Oh, look, the bear escaped.
188
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,280
The bear escaped! Argh!
189
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,520
Can we go home now?
190
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,240
RAILROAD WORKER: You want a job
building the American railroads?
191
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,760
Ooh, railroads?
192
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,480
Don't need qualifications,
193
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,240
just a steady hand!
194
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,720
Perfect! Great!
195
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,800
We're giving people
a try-out right now.
196
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,360
All you have to do is carry
a box of nitroglycerine
197
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,200
from one table to another.
198
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,800
Er, isn't nitroglycerine
incredibly explosive?
199
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:58,880
Yes, it is!
200
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,600
That's why we use it to blast holes
in the mountains,
201
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,920
for the train tunnels.
202
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:07,560
Right, you just have to
be really, really care...
203
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:08,840
...care...
204
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,560
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
205
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,760
Achoo!
206
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,200
Oh!
207
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,120
You know what? I might just go back
to selling cakes at the museum.
208
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,080
SHE SIGHS
209
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,320
Blown up?
210
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,560
Shipwrecked?
211
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,640
Swallowed by whales? No, thank you!
212
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,480
I'd rather do something safer.
213
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,160
There have been some incredibly
clever inventors,
214
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,520
and maybe I could be one of them!
215
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:38,080
I have, after all, invented... this.
216
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,160
Behold, the fart stick!
217
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,480
It fires farts at your friends.
218
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,320
Genius, I know!
219
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:45,720
I'll give you a demo.
220
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,560
Ugh. Oh, is that...?
221
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,480
No, that's... Oh, come on.
222
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,160
Now... Now, it must be jammed.
223
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,760
Still, inventing could be my thing!
224
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:54,960
Yeah!
MACHINE FARTS
225
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,560
SHOUTING: Ugh!
226
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,080
THUD
227
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,440
VOICE-OVER: Sorting out
the beefs of the past...
228
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,160
King John, listen to me.
229
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,840
I don't care if you've signed
your name with an X
230
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,440
or a big sloppy kiss.
231
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,480
...with the justice of today.
232
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,160
The Magna Carta is a legal document!
233
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,080
Welcome to...
234
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,680
Two of electricity's great minds,
235
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,840
George Westinghouse
and Nikola Tesla,
236
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,840
are seeking damages
from the defendant,
237
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,960
world-famous inventor Thomas Edison,
238
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,960
over who invented the best
electrical current.
239
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,520
Right, which one of
you sparky fellows
240
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,520
wants to tell me what's
going on, then?
241
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,560
HE CLEARS THROAT
Thomas Edison, Your Rindersty.
242
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,760
Allow me to illuminate you, which
is something I should be good at,
243
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,280
because I invented the light bulb.
244
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,040
Hang on, Judge. George Westinghouse.
245
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,320
He didn't invent the light bulb, he
just invented a more popular one.
246
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,680
{\an8}I decided to use my light bulb,
which I definitely invented,
247
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,760
to create a company that would
make streetlamps,
248
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,760
but I'm having problems
with these two men
249
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,040
because they claim to have a better
electrical current system than me.
250
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,160
Yes, and what exactly is the
difference between the two systems?
251
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,880
Well, I use DC - that's direct current.
252
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,040
And I use AC - alternating current.
253
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,800
It's cheaper AND more efficient.
254
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,920
It's more dangerous, more like,
255
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,560
and he didn't create it!
256
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,880
He is marketing it.
257
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,160
Well, hang on a second,
who did invent it?
258
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,360
Hello. Nikola Tesla.
259
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,160
But why isn't he marketing it,
for goodness sake?
260
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,440
I am in love with a pigeon.
PIGEON COOS
261
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:27,360
{\an8}Uh, some people say
that Nikola is... strange.
262
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,800
It has glowing eyes. OK.
263
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,840
Alternating current
is completely safe.
264
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,920
Poppycock! In the last year alone,
265
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,440
dozens of stray cats, stray dogs...
CAT YOWLS, DOG BARKS
266
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,600
...and even a circus elephant...
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
267
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,120
...have been electrocuted by
alternating current.
268
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,720
Yes, by you.
269
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,160
Yes!
270
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,400
By me!
271
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,400
Because it was the best
way of demonstrating
272
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,080
how dangerous
alternating current is!
273
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,800
If these two men get their way,
274
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,440
it won't just be elephants
getting Westinghoused!
275
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,200
Just excuse me for a second, sir.
What exactly does that mean?
276
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,600
It means getting electrocuted.
277
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,360
No, it doesn't! He made that up!
278
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,200
Stop using my name to mean electrocuted.
279
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,800
{\an8}Everyone's using it. Who?
280
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,080
{\an8}That's it, that's it!
281
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,720
{\an8}I rule in favour of Tesla
and Westinghouse.
282
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:08,840
Why?
283
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,760
Well, cos the worst thing Mr Tesla
has done to an animal
284
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,760
is to fall in love with a pigeon.
285
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,000
He hasn't, like you, sir,
tried to electrocute it!
286
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,000
Yes! Thank you, Judge!
287
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,680
PIGEON COOS
288
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,400
Do you do weddings?
289
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,480
Mm-hm, yes.
290
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,160
Er, court dismissed.
291
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,760
You are all invited!
292
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,880
Yes, I'll be washing... my hair.
293
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,600
I'm Charles Babbage,
294
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:35,320
mathematician, philosopher,
the father of the computer
295
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,480
and inventor of shoes
that walk on water.
296
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:42,000
The computer was more popular than
the water shoes, weirdly.
297
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,480
Anyway, I love
to explore our planet,
298
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,160
but, tell me, how did
I once do that?
299
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,680
Did I...?
300
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,680
And the answer is B.
301
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:05,280
In 1828, I actually lowered myself
on a rope into Mount Vesuvius
302
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,080
so I could look at the lava.
303
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,840
I did not think this through,
to be honest.
304
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,880
Erm... Hoo-hoo!
305
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,440
It is hot in here!
306
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,920
I brought a wooden yardstick to see
how deep the lava went, but, well...
307
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:24,000
...fire plus wood equals
more fire, less wood.
308
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,640
Told you I was a mathematician.
309
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,480
I'm worried I'm going to die.
310
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,280
Well, what with the fart stick's
teething troubles
311
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,120
and me not wanting to go into
active volcanoes for a living,
312
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,680
I've crossed inventing off the list.
313
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,720
But I could still
help people in a new job.
314
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,320
I'm very much an
all-action kind of rat,
315
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,320
so maybe I could try a career
in the armed forces,
316
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,160
or even the police!
317
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,840
SIREN BLARES
318
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:53,920
Ooh!
319
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,840
I heard a tip-off about
an legal operation
320
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,560
right in the heart of the community.
321
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,040
I've heard they've got kids
involved and everything. Sick.
322
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,160
SIREN BLARES
323
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,360
It starts with morris dancing gangs.
324
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,760
That's just a gateway
to leaping and vaulting.
325
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,240
Look, unbelievable.
326
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,280
Before you know it - bang!
It's a full maypole bonanza.
327
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,520
Illegal maypole dancing.
328
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,400
Breaks your heart.
329
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,360
I'm sorry, can we...?
330
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,080
Hey, stop in
the name of Puritan law!
331
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,920
Step away from the maypole,
step away!
332
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,720
This whole area is
a hotbed of dance-related crime.
333
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,520
THEY GROAN
334
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,680
Oh! I've been hit.
335
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:38,840
You get hardened to it.
336
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,760
It's just a ribbon. I know.
337
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,800
But, sir, it's jolly!
338
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,920
Sometimes, they're even
armed with lutes.
339
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,360
I am arresting you for possession
of a maypole with intent
340
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,600
to dance around it with ribbons
and bells.
341
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,880
Oh, it's not a maypole!
342
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,240
It's just a thin tree.
343
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,880
Pull the other one -
it's got bells on.
344
00:13:55,880 --> 00:14:00,240
I know it was a win today,
but sometimes, when it's quiet,
345
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,400
I can hear the jingles at night.
346
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,920
BELLS JINGLE
347
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,960
What? I'm going undercover.
348
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,920
Sorry. Yep.
349
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,960
Ah! Who's there? It's me.
350
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,240
Don't shoot.
351
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,480
What are you doing
out in no-man's-land?
352
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,760
I thought I could hear the British
moving towards us,
353
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,840
so I went to look. All I found was
this. What is it -
354
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,120
a grenade? No, it's a tin can.
355
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,560
It's what they keep their food in.
Curse them!
356
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,000
They're in our country
and they're eating better than us.
357
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,160
I don't know about that.
358
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,360
I heard it was just a mush
of turnips, beans and animal fat.
359
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,440
Wait, wouldn't eating a lot of that
sort of thing make someone...
360
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,080
LOUD FART
What was that? Well, it wasn't me.
361
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,240
FARTING
362
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,760
Did you hear that? They heard that
in Gallipoli - and smelled it, too.
363
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,440
FARTING
364
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,800
Cork it, Simpson - they'll hear us!
I can't help it, Sarge.
365
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,640
It's these Maconochie cans of
food we've been eating.
366
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,760
They're very, er...
HE FARTS
367
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,160
...dry.
368
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,640
Well, keep it down.
369
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,200
Ah! It's the British. They're out
there, sneaking up on us.
370
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,680
FARTING THROUGHOUT
371
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,160
I wouldn't call it sneaking.
372
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,200
Sorry! For goodness' sake,
Perkins, clench.
373
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,760
You're giving away our position.
374
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,000
Right, OK, that was me.
I'll take that one.
375
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,200
Cor! I'm glad those
uniforms are brown.
376
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,120
{\an8}There's an Ottoman outpost just up
ahead. Are we in position?
377
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,760
Sounds like they're going to attack.
378
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,960
FARTING
Smells like it, too.
379
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,760
On my whistle.
SQUEAKY FART
380
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,800
That wasn't it!
I think we should retreat.
381
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,120
Because there's too many of them?
No, I just can't stand the smell.
382
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,360
WHISTLE BLOWS
383
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:55,000
FARTING
384
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,600
Hm. They've gone.
Looks like the left in a...
385
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,720
HE FARTS
Ooh. ..hurry.
386
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,120
I'll light a lantern and see if
they have any fresh food.
387
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,880
No, don't light a...
EXPLOSION
388
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,400
FILM TRAILER VOICEOVER:
When their nation called,
389
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,520
they answered.
390
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,480
Here she is - the Flying Fortress.
391
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,640
We'll be taking her
up to 10,000 feet
392
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,360
on a bombing raid
over Nazi enemy lines.
393
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,280
You know what that means?
394
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,600
Ice cream. Huh?
395
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,880
Why are we taking
a canister of liquid cream?
396
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,760
It might be liquid now, but
if we anchor it to the rear gunner
397
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,200
compartment and then fly at
high altitude, what'll happen?
398
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,480
It'll get shaken up.
399
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,120
And freeze. Becoming?
400
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,560
Ice cream.
401
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,000
Yessiree bob.
402
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,160
I'm scared.
We've got no choice, Mickey.
403
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,240
We're nearly out of tutti-frutti.
404
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,200
What's the situation?
405
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,200
Turning nicely, but we need
to go higher so it freezes.
406
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,800
EXPLOSION
407
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,600
Mickey? Mickey!
408
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,840
No!
409
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,320
No.
410
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,840
Don't worry, man,
411
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,440
it's just raspberry sauce.
412
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,000
It goes a beauty on my tutti-frutti.
413
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,600
Emergency landing!
Prepare the fire engine!
414
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,360
EXPLOSION
415
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,960
And the wafers!
416
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,400
Yes!
CHEERING
417
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:46,320
Gentlemen, we've got
another mission.
418
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,080
ALL: Rocky-road flavour!
419
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,360
This is...
420
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,480
Yeah, a bit too much danger
going on there for my liking.
421
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,480
However, I've had a brainwave.
422
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,680
The best job in the world is...
423
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,480
...ruling a nation.
Think about it.
424
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,720
I could be a dictator or a king.
425
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,960
Everyone just does what you
say all the time.
426
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,760
You have people to get your food
out of the bins for you,
427
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:21,240
and your home is some
kind of palace.
428
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,080
Ruling a nation might just
be the job for me.
429
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,120
Hm.
430
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,560
HE SNORES
431
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:31,840
{\an8}It is, er, time for you to
wake up, Your Majesty.
432
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,680
Hey! Hello, my subjects!
433
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,920
It is I, King Louis XIV. What's up?
434
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,360
A lot of you have been asking,
435
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,240
"Hey, Louis, how come you look
so banging every morning?"
436
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,320
It is a good question.
437
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,760
Well, it is partly down to my
natural awesomeness,
438
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,880
but, er, I do get, er,
a teensy-weensy bit of help.
439
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,240
Eh? Say hello!
440
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,800
ALL: Hello.
441
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,560
This is my chief valet de
chambre, Alexandre Bontemps.
442
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,240
He is one of the most powerful
people in all of France.
443
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,720
{\an8}I get to sleep in a tiny bed
in the corner of his bedroom.
444
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,920
Super-cool, super-cool.
445
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,800
The closer I let people get to me,
the more important they are.
446
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,000
And he is so close to me,
he can literally breathe in
447
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,280
my poo des pantalons.
HE FARTS
448
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,600
There we go! Hey!
449
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,960
Hey-hey!
Hashtag winning at life!
450
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,560
FARTING
451
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,840
After wakey-wakey, my physician
and surgeon come in to check
452
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,440
if I'm superfit
and to take off my nightshirt.
453
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,920
At these important moments,
it gives them a chance to ask me
454
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,760
{\an8}for a private favour.
455
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,560
{\an8}I have a little dispute
with a neighbour.
456
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,320
{\an8}I was wondering - could you have him
arrested and all his land seized?
457
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,680
Oh, you scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours.
458
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,480
Oi! Backscratching's my job.
459
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,400
Once I am out of my sweaty
nightshirt, I have a quick pray.
460
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,800
Dear God,
aren't we both awesome? Amen.
461
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,360
And then I get dressed in my other
bedroom in front of more courtiers.
462
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,400
CHEERING
463
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,240
Hey, who's got my undies?
464
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,920
Ah! I give them responsibility
for different items of clothing
465
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,240
so while they're arguing over who
owns my under-crackers,
466
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,040
they're less likely to
plot against me, eh?
467
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,120
{\an8}Cheeky, cheeky, cheeky.
468
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,840
That is Maurice.
469
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,640
He used to be in charge
of my undies,
470
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,080
but he missed a lot of skids.
471
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,640
{\an8}Didn't you, Maurice?!
472
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,560
It is too late now!
473
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,360
That's right, I wear a little
sleeping wig.
474
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,200
{\an8}Well, I don't want to
look stupid, you know.
475
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,320
{\an8}So, who wants to help me
get changed?
476
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,560
THEY ALL SHOUT
477
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,640
Ah, mornings - so much to do
before you can get going, 'uh?
478
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,400
{\an8}Hello, guys, and thanks
for clicking on this tutorial
479
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,040
where I'm going to teach you how to
photo chop your photos.
480
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,240
I'm Russian leader Joseph Stalin.
481
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:53,640
With my help, your photos
will be getting top MARX.
482
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,160
The results will really
483
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,720
BOLshevik your friends
over! Ha-ha-ha!
484
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,280
But, seriously, the ability to erase
someone from history
485
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,000
is a godlike power.
486
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,200
Let's get started.
487
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,920
OK, so let's say you have a photo.
488
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,800
There's a problem here.
489
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,480
Can you spot it?
490
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,960
{\an8}That's Antipov.
He was a traitor.
491
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,160
We don't want him, do we?
492
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,800
So, just a chop, chop, chop
493
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,040
{\an8}and, boom, that's the photo
and the history correct.
494
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,360
By the way,
there is another problem.
495
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,040
There.
496
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,920
That is Shvernik.
497
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,760
{\an8}Very annoying!
498
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,160
{\an8}He was demoted.
499
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,800
It wouldn't look right for him
to be here.
500
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,880
Let's get to work
501
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,120
and paint him out of history.
502
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,440
Ah! Perfect.
503
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,720
Uh-oh!
504
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,360
Who is this?
505
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,160
No, it can't be Kirov, can it?
506
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,080
People said I had him shot later,
507
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:04,600
so it would be awkward
if there was a photo of us together.
508
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,960
{\an8}Hm. KIROV you go.
509
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,040
There, at last -
510
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,280
history as it should be.
511
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,680
The perfect picture.
512
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,000
The picture you
should have taken
513
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,880
in the first place, Comrade Camera.
514
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,680
If you weren't a traitor!
515
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:25,880
Agh! Who do you work for?!
Who do you work for?!
516
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,480
Who's laughing now, Comrade Camera?
517
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:33,120
So, that's how you photo chop your
photos to get rid of your enemies.
518
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,160
Don't forget to like and subscribe,
519
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:38,240
or I might have you
erased from history.
520
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,760
Ha-ha! No, seriously, I might.
521
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:49,080
I'm Queen Victoria and I'm
something of a wedding aficionado.
522
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,960
Firstly, as Queen, I was the one
that proposed to my husband.
523
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,000
Ha, take that, patriarchy!
524
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,520
I also married off all nine
of my children.
525
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,760
Hashtag parenting goals!
526
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:05,240
I even have four grandchildren
who married each other. Hm!
527
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,120
But as a natural-born trendsetter,
528
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,680
what part of the wedding did
I make popular?
529
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:18,440
Was it...
530
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,720
The answer is
531
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,760
C. It was my wedding dress
that made everyone want to wear
532
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:27,080
white at their weddings.
But do you know what's strange?
533
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,440
My dress wasn't strictly white.
534
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,120
It was a kind of ivory.
535
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:32,800
You can't tell in the pictures,
536
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,320
because people painted it
whiter than it was.
537
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,680
So I started the white-wedding craze
538
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,640
by not wearing
a white wedding dress.
539
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,360
Legend!
540
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,600
I'm not sure being in charge
sounds much fun.
541
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,280
Rather than being a
rule-maker, perhaps
542
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,440
I'd be better as a rule-breaker.
543
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,800
Some of the best
of those were pirates.
544
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:57,200
Let's face it,
I look good in the kit. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
545
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,840
You know what, though?
Sitting here and showing you all
546
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:04,200
this stuff from history has made me
realise the best job for me
547
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,280
is actually sitting here and showing
you all this stuff from history.
548
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,400
I guess that means I'll see
you next time. Bye!
549
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,720
Oh!
550
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,440
♪ Pirate operator
There's none greater
551
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,360
{\an8}# Blackbeard's my name
552
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,240
{\an8}# Stealing's my game
553
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,840
♪ It's no surprise I cause a scare
I keep lit tapers in my hair... ♪
554
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,440
Now me take to...
HIGH-PITCHED: ..your loot.
555
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:32,680
Ahem, excuse me.
556
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,720
♪ I don't need your silver and gold
557
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:40,640
♪ Cos they're far too
heavy in my hold
558
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,680
♪ Give me cumin, nutmeg
and all of your wine
559
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:48,560
♪ Anything I can sell will do fine
560
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,640
♪ Look out cos here we come
561
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,480
♪ Sailing in the hot sun
562
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,960
♪ Flag has got a skull on... ♪
563
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,760
See.
564
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,720
♪ Here's what my advice is
Hand over your spices
565
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,400
♪ Or get cut into slices... ♪
566
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,080
No, I'm serious
567
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:07,840
♪ Anne Bonny
Mary Read
568
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,560
♪ Equal opportunity
569
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,120
♪ Gonns take your rum for a tidy sum
570
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,560
♪ Secret sails to the colonies
571
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,240
♪ If you want tea, it's me you see
572
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,400
♪ But don't tell the governor!
573
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,960
♪ We may be bad
but in case of dispute
574
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,440
♪ Pirates' gold means
you'll get your fair loot
575
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,680
♪ And when we're caught
we'll claim pregnancy
576
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,400
♪ It's what's known
as pleading the belly
577
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,800
♪ Feel the Caribbean
underneath the hot sun
578
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,000
♪ Ship with 36 guns
579
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,720
♪ Stealing from everyone
580
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,880
♪ Then sell it back to them
Spend it on having fun... ♪
581
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,960
Yeah!
582
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,880
♪ We're out looting stock
583
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,960
♪ Sell at every stop
584
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:01,800
♪ Be it sugar or spice
585
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,320
♪ All competitively priced
586
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,200
♪ A pirate's life
isn't quite what it seems
587
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:12,680
♪ Some have even robbed ships
for the Queen
588
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:16,280
♪ We'll sell you just enough
so you give us your stuff
589
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:20,280
♪ Cos I'd rather keep my
cutlass clean... ♪
590
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,240
But we will kill you if we have to.
591
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,400
♪ On the ocean we row
592
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,600
♪ Under skull and crossbones
593
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,240
♪ Galleon is our home
594
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:30,800
♪ Harr-harr!
595
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,600
♪ Stealing is a pleasure
We don't bury treasure
596
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,440
♪ Spend it at our leisure
597
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,200
♪ Oh!
Living life on the run
598
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,360
♪ Underneath the hot sun
599
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:45,520
♪ Easier said than done
600
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,920
♪ Yeah, yeah!
601
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,120
♪ Cos there'll be retribution
602
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,400
♪ We'll face prosecution
603
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,200
♪ And an execution
Oh, yeah! ♪
604
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,320
Forgot about that. Not ideal.
605
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,640
It won't just
be elephants
606
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,200
getting...
607
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,920
What's your name?
608
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,680
It won't just
be elephants
609
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,720
getting Worthingtonhoused. LAUGHTER
610
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,960
♪ The past is
no longer a mystery
611
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,920
♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible histories. ♪
612
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:21,520
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