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♪ Terrible Tudors
Gorgeous Georgians
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♪ Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:07,120
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,520
♪ Horrors that defy description
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00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,040
♪ Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,520
♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishments from ancient times
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♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
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♪ Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
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♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly middle ages
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♪ Gory stories, we do that
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♪ And your host, a talking rat
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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♪ Welcome to...
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♪ ..Horrible Histories. ♪
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Horrible Histories presents...
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SCREAMING
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Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
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VAMPIRE ACCENT: It is I, Count Dracula,
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Lord of Transylvania.
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You will find me in the darkness and...
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NORMAL VOICE: That organ is quite
distracting, actually.
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Knock it off, Nige. Sorry!
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Now, we all love a monster story.
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00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,760
No matter where or when you go,
you'll find stories
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00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,960
of strange mythical creatures.
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MAGICAL MUSIC
Nice ones, like unicorns
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and mermaids,
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or...
THUNDER CRACK
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...nasty ones, like vampires and witches.
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WITCH CACKLING
From ancient Egypt,
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to Tudor England,
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to medieval Japan,
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there are monsters everywhere.
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And a few of them might even
surprise you.
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Collect all your favourite monsters
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for Japanese folklore in Historical
Pokymonsters - Run!
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00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,720
Featuring monsters from the last
1,000 years of Japanese history.
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And when you collect monsters like
Gashadokuro -
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a terrifying giant skeleton that
creeps around at night
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crushing people -
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you'll want to run!
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Historical Pokymonsters - Run!
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features all the best historical Japanese
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monsters for you to collect.
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Like Futakuchi-onna,
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the lady with the extra mouth
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in the back of her hair!
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Jubokko - who looks like a tree,
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but get too close and it will
remove all your blood,
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and leave your body for the birds to
peck at!
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Classic Jubokko.
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Historical Pokymonsters - Run!
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And don't just collect the scary monsters,
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collect the weird ones too.
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Like Kara-Kasa-Kozo,
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the monstrous spirit of a broken umbrella,
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with one leg and a long tongue.
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He likes licking people
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with his long tongue!
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No reason.
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00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,480
And you won't be able to take your
eyes off the screen,
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when you see Bake-Danuki,
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the Japanese raccoon-dog with
magical powers.
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There are hundreds of cool, Japanese
monsters and spirits
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to collect in Historical
Pokymonsters - Run!
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A game so good, you'll hurt yourself.
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Now featuring third generation Pokymonster
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Nurikabe, who appears as the wall
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you can never get around.
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Because, why not?!
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Historical Pokymonsters - Run!
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Catch them, before THEY catch YOU.
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GIRL SCREAMING
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Ah, lucky you.
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You caught sight of one of history's
rarest, and, dare I say,
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most handsome creatures.
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Yes! It's me - Henry VIII.
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00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:07,080
And though I may be a very real,
ABSOLUTE legend,
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I was a very big fan of mythical
legends too.
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00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,400
Now, I have to warn you,
Your Majesty,
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your husband, King Henry,
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is planning a surprise.
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Ooh! I love presents.
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00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,160
Ah, yes, we all love presents,
Queen Catherine,
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but this is more likely to be...
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GRUFF VOICE: Ha-ha-ha. Stand and
deliver!
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Stand and deliver. Stand and deliver.
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Oh! Gertrude, Margaret - we are
being ambushed.
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I am Robin Hood.
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Oh, they have us surrounded! Call
the King.
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It IS the King, Your Majesty.
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{\an8}I'm not the King. ACCENT CHANGING:
I'm not the King, I'm Robin Hood.
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Robin who? No, not... Robin Hood.
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Robin HOOT?
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What, like an owl?
HOOTING
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It is your husband, ma'am.
We have to play along.
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Why is he pretending to be an owl?
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00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,960
He's not. He's pretending to be some
mythical bloke from Nottingham,
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who hopped about in tights.
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It's an English thing.
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Ladies, when you've quite finished.
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Yeah? There's sort of a whole thing
going on here.
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00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,040
A lot of people gave up their
afternoons. So... OK.
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Help! Help! Better.
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Who will save us from Mr Robin...
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Wearing it on my head! ..hat.
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Hood! Sorry.
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GARBLED ACCENT: Ladies, we must away
back to Sherwood Forest.
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Good times.
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Er, must you leave? NORMAL VOICE:
Yeah, I really have to go.
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These tights are so itchy and
they're riding me raw!
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But you cannot leave without a kiss. Ha.
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Hang on, ain't you married? Yes.
How I wish he was here now.
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LAUGHING: He is here!
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LADIES IN WAITING: Oh! Tis I - your
husband - Henry VIII.
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No, I know. We get it.
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Yeah, I'm not Robin Hood.
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You totes believed I was him.
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EXAGGERATEDLY: Oh, no! Who are
these large and handsome...
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No, we've done that now.
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Right, ladies.
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We shall meet again in the wild wood,
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wherever me arrow doth fall.
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00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,960
ARROW TWANGS
SCREAMING OUTSIDE
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Sorry, Simon.
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Ladies.
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KING AND MEN CHEERING
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Do they do this sort of thing much?
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Way too often.
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One of history's greatest and most
noble rulers comes to life.
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It's 500 AD,
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the time of King Arthur,
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the English legend.
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I shall unite this land.
CHEERING
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But he might actually have been Welsh.
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WELSH ACCENT: Come on, boyos.
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let's win this mingin' battle.
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Er, some people think he was French.
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FRENCH ACCENT: Uh, zis will be our
day, mes amis. Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh.
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While others say he was a Roman
general. Uh...
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00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,160
ITALIAN ACCENT: With this-a holy
grail-a, the cuppa-Jesus-a,
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I will have eternal life and I
will look-a this hot forever!
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Or he could
have been from Romania.
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{\an8}ENGLISH ACCENT: What?!
I mean, am I not...
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{\an8}I'm not even going to try that.
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00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:06,320
With my sword Excalibur,
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00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,960
I shall crush my enemies in a frenzy
of blood.
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No, you won't. Excalibur was made up too.
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00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,720
But I will not do it alone.
Yes, you will.
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It seems Guinevere and The Knights
Of The Round Table
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didn't exist either.
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Well, what DO we know?
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{\an8}The legend of King Arthur,
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{\an8}who we know, may not have existed at
all!
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What?! No...
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00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:37,440
Oh, you've caught me doing my facial.
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00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,520
What?
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00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,000
People are painting me, like, all
the time, so I have to look my best.
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00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,520
But what special ingredient do I use
in my ointments and balms?
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The answer is C - unicorn horn.
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Only the finest ingredients
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go on this kingly body.
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Of course, some people say unicorns
aren't real,
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and it's really the horn from a narwhal,
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which is sort of a whale.
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But I say...
BLOWS RASPBERRY
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Just because you haven't see something,
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doesn't mean you shouldn't believe
in it.
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00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,000
I've not seen my perfect wife, yet,
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00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,840
but I still believe I might find
one, eventually.
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Speaking of which,
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leave me in peace.
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I've got to keep this on for
another ten minutes,
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then I'm off on a date.
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Please, let this one be my unicorn.
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You know, during the reign of the
Tudor king Henry VIII,
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being a queen could be a risky business.
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But during the reign of my
Stuart king - James I,
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being any kind of woman was risky.
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He was also obsessed with witches,
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and if you were a woman,
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it didn't take much for him to
accuse you of being one,
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which was ridiculous.
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Anyway, must be off.
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CACKLING LAUGHTER
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{\an8}This is Jimmy On The Street.
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{\an8}I'm King James I, or Jimmy VI,
if you're Scottish,
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{\an8}and I am your host and
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I know all about the worst threat
to our society -
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00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,720
wicked witches!
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00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:04,920
But don't worry,
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because I literally
wrote the book on how to spot them.
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Let's get witch-hunting.
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00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:10,880
{\an8}William Shakespeare,
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00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,120
{\an8}get ready to ring the witch bell.
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00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,920
Are you sure this is absolutely
necessary?
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00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,520
Yes, it is. He knows all about
witches, too, you know.
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00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,320
He just added a bunch of witches to
his new play Macbeth.
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"Secret, evil, midnight hag."
That was my favourite bit.
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00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,280
Yeah, well, I though it
might have been.
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Not that we added them to keep
you happy, or anything.
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Let's go!
203
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,480
Women! Are you witches?
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00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:40,920
No. Oh, how convenient!
Just what a witch would say.
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00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,120
Have you got the witch's mark?
What's a witch's mark?
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00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,640
Well, it's all in the book.
Do none of you read?
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00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,600
Have you got a birth mark? No.
A mole? No.
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00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,520
Freckles? Oh, I have got freckles.
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00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:51,960
Oh, you've got freckles.
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00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,760
Yay, yay, yay! Witch! Ring the
witch bell, Shakey.
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All right. Sorry.
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00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,480
BELL RINGING
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00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,520
Whoa, whoa! Woman!
Are you a witch?
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00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:00,760
Er, I'm a man.
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00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,480
Men can be witches too, you know.
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There's just less of them, because
the Devil prefers frail women.
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00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,480
Write that down, Shakey.
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00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,880
Come on! Women,
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00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,280
be ye witches?
220
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,680
No.
Well, come on, there's three of you.
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00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,560
Shakespeare wrote witches come in
threes. Didn't you, Willy?
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00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,320
Yes, in a play...
JIMMY GASPS
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00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,320
Ohhhh, are you the hags that tried
to sink my wee wife's boat?
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00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,600
{\an8}Ha! Are ya? Witch! Ring the witch
bell, Shakey.
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00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,800
BELL RINGING
226
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,200
I miss Queen Elizabeth.
227
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,640
Witch!
228
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:32,800
Like King James,
229
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,680
I've got some solid advice on how to
deal with witches.
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00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:40,000
SHOUTING: Just run away. Scream
your head off. Aaaaaargh!
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00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,240
LAUGHING DEMONIACALLY
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00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:43,720
In fact, throughout history,
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00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,480
lots of people have offered advice on
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00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,240
what to do if you DID bump into a
mythical creature.
235
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,160
You might want to take notes.
236
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,320
Guys, we really want to stay safe
on this raid.
237
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:59,080
So, here are some self-defence tips
that may help.
238
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,800
Ah, hey, we'll just be fighting a
bunch of monks,
239
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,920
bash them on the head and steal
their gold.
240
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,040
SWORDS CLANK
VIKINGS GROWL
241
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,320
Hm. So Frida, picture this...
242
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,120
...the longboats arrived on an
island. It is dark and cold.
243
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,320
What do you do?
244
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,200
Easy. Leap on to the shore
245
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,760
and form a shield wall.
VIKINGS: Shield wall! Huh!
246
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:21,880
Then light a fire till morning. OK. Great.
247
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,640
The island drags you under the water
and eats you!
248
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,240
It's not an island, it's a Lyngbakr!
249
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,720
You woke it with the fire.
A Lyngbak-what-er?
250
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,120
It's a sea monster.
You should know this.
251
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,120
I want another go.
252
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,560
OK, fine, Frida. You're on the boat,
253
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:37,800
you see a rocky island...
254
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,280
I...stay on the boat?
255
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,840
Good. The island sinks. Yes! Safe.
256
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,560
Then it explodes out of the water
257
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,440
with its mouth, eating you and the boat.
258
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,520
Bad luck.
259
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,760
The rocky island was a
nose of a hafgufa.
260
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:51,840
Ah, man.
261
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,360
Blooming hafugufsen-lynkalynks!
262
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,840
The trick to hafgufas is to row for
your life when you see an island.
263
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,520
Can I ask, is going on this raid
compulsory?
264
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,440
I mean, I could stay home and look
after the sheep.
265
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,720
BAAING
It's a very important job, actually.
266
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,240
Way to get picked, Bjorn.
267
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,640
You meet a giant. What do you do?
268
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,200
Uh, take no chances.
269
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,640
I attack him with my sword.
270
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:14,760
Nope.
271
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,320
Um, smash him with my shield?
272
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,560
No, no, no.
273
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,120
Shield wall? VIKINGS: Shield wall!
274
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:27,120
You can't just say, "Shield wall."
You're just guessing now.
275
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,200
OK. I have no idea.
276
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,240
Ha! I might as well dress up as Thor
and try to scare him off.
277
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:37,480
Well done. Mokkurkalfi is the clay
giant that is very scared of Thor.
278
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,280
SCREAMING
It was a total guess.
279
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,640
Are all these real monsters? Yes.
280
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,520
They're mentioned in the sagas, so
they must be real.
281
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:49,240
OK, a man approaches in a grey hood,
holding a book,
282
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,280
he's mysterious and small.
283
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,520
What do you do? I run for my life.
284
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,880
Why are you running?
285
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,200
This one is just a monk with a
bible. I tricked you! Oh.
286
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,880
Honestly, it's very hard to win
in this game.
287
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,560
You should also look out for
288
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:04,280
{\an8}trolls, dwarves,
289
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,760
{\an8}Jormungandr the serpent,
290
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,200
{\an8}the Fenris wolf that can eat the moon,
291
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,120
{\an8}and Hel - the little girl slash
corpse monster.
292
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,320
Any questions? No!
THEY SCREAM
293
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,040
Guys, you can't skip the safety class.
294
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,280
It's really important.
295
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,080
Argh! It's Hel, the little girl monster.
296
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,920
Shield wall! Shield wall!
297
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,480
Dad, Mum says it's dinner time.
298
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,320
SHE SIGHS
Parents are so embarrassing.
299
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:35,480
Next up, we are thrilled to have
some real life
300
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,400
historical ghostbusters with us in
the studio.
301
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:42,320
First up, it's Rie-Aie, a priest
from ancient Egypt.
302
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,960
HE SCREAMS
A ghost!
303
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,360
Where did he come from?
304
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,080
I just came in from over there.
305
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,920
So, Rie-Aie, why don't you show us
some of your ancient Egyptian
306
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,560
ghostbusting methods?
307
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:58,080
Absolutely. We could cover
ourselves in honey.
308
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,320
Demons hate honey.
309
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,680
Uh, no. I'm fine.
310
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,720
Mate, I'm fine. Honestly, I am fine.
311
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:03,760
Tell us,
312
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,480
what's it like to live in a fire
station?
313
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,240
LAUGHING: Oh, no, no - that's the
film. That's not real.
314
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,560
This is a REAL ghostbuster
315
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,040
from ancient Egypt.
316
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,800
Technically, a demon hunter.
317
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,800
Whatever. You're a serious professional.
318
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,240
Extremely serious.
319
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:23,800
Now, who wants to lure the demons
out by spreading poo on their bum?
320
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,720
Well, if you think it will help.
321
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,800
OK, I think that might be a good
time to say, "Goodbye,"
322
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,360
to Rie-Aie,
323
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,480
and bring in our next guest.
324
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,240
He is a Fangxiangshi,
325
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:40,520
an official 3rd century,
Chinese, Hang dynasty ghostbuster.
326
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,720
HE SHRIEKS
A ghost!
327
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,080
Where did you come from?
328
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,680
Over there.
329
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,920
Oh. Doesn't that outfit get in the
way of your proton pack?
330
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,760
"Don't cross the streams!"
331
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,320
Again, that's the film.
332
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,200
This is a real historical ghostbuster.
333
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,440
Exactly. Although,
334
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,680
I don't work alone.
335
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:03,520
I have a small team of mediums,
diviners, apprentices,
336
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,840
accountants, scribes, labourers
and runners.
337
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:11,040
Plus, I sometimes use 10,000 boys
with bows and arrows.
338
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,200
Oh. Let me show you.
339
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,800
Hang on a minute,
340
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,240
can you see with that on?
341
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,600
Nah, it's important the arrows are
fired randomly.
342
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,680
Here we go. Ooh.
343
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,280
No! No. You've got to be kidding.
344
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,560
Hello - and don't worry,
345
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,160
nothing to be afraid of.
346
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,880
Though there's plenty of myths
about us mummies
347
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,400
coming back from the dead
to haunt the living,
348
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,760
we're teddy bears, really,
underneath all this wrapping.
349
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:41,040
Us ancient Egyptians, we're a
superstitious bunch, you see.
350
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,480
Some of us even believe that crocodiles
351
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,360
were the earthly representative
352
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,560
of the god Sobek.
353
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:51,680
That meant we were extra nice to
any crocs we came across.
354
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,880
Hi, guys, and welcome to...
355
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,080
BOTH: ..One Stop Croc...
356
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,360
...the channel dedicated to the worship
357
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,520
of the crocodile god Sobek.
358
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,480
The immortal half-man,
half-crocodile.
359
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,360
That's why we're extra nice to all
actual crocodiles.
360
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,960
Like this tame guy, here.
361
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,200
We call him Lil Sobek.
CROCODILE GROWLING
362
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,760
He's one of Sobek's representatives
on Earth.
363
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,080
Ooh, who's a good little
representative of Sobek
364
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,880
on Earth? Cute little
representative, yes you are!
365
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:21,680
So, how do we worship him?
366
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,880
We're going to teach you
367
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,240
with today's tutorial.
368
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,280
Sobek your self,
369
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,840
before ya wreck urself.
370
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,200
Step One - jewellery.
371
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,360
How much is too much?
372
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,360
You can never have too much.
373
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,480
So, croc-a-dial...
CHEERING
374
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,880
...it up to 11.
375
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:46,240
Ooh, Lil Sobek looks so fine.
So fiiiiiine.
376
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,280
Step Two.
377
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:52,000
What should you feed your croc
to keep Sobek the god happy?
378
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,600
In the wild crocodiles eat... Birds,
fish, bugs.
379
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,400
But we like to feed our crocodiles
380
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,560
cake, bread and wine.
381
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,840
Step Three.
382
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,080
Crocodiles may act tame,
383
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,720
but always remember,
384
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,600
these are unpredictable animals.
385
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,840
In the wild, they can grab you in
their giant jaws
386
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,360
and drag you into the river.
387
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,160
What do you do if that happens?
388
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,040
BOTH: Celebrate!
389
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:24,560
Congratulations. You have just
become a minor god.
390
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,400
Getting dragged away by a crocodile
391
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,520
means that your body is blessed.
392
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,960
You'll be a semi-deity
faster than you can say,
393
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,960
"See you later, alli... arghhhh!"
394
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,560
Hooray. I'm going to be a demi-god.
395
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:43,240
APPLAUSE
I'm going to die.
396
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,760
You go, girl!
397
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,920
You know, we rats can be very
superstitious creatures, too?
398
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,320
I never walk underneath the toilet
when the seat's up,
399
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,280
and I've always been nervous about
the number 13,
400
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:03,360
ever since I ate 13 suspicious
sausages and got rather unwell.
401
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,160
TUMMY GRUMBLES
402
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:10,360
Oh! Of course, people have been
superstitious throughout history.
403
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,920
Perhaps the most superstitious of
the lot
404
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,760
were the sailors.
405
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,840
FARTING
406
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,040
Ooh.
407
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,640
HORNPIPE MUSIC PLAYS
408
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,400
Hello, sir. I was told you're the
man to talk to
409
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,920
if I wanted to get a
job aboard this fine ship.
410
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,320
Yeah. And who might you be?
411
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,760
I'm Jonah, sir. Jonah!
THUNDERBOLT STRIKES
412
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,640
That's a terrible name for a sailor.
413
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,960
Jonahs bring awful bad luck.
414
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,760
The ship could sink with a Jonah on board.
415
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,600
HE WHISTLES
And no whistling!
416
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,480
Whistling's bad luck for a ship,
an' all.
417
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,040
I promise not to whistle, then.
418
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,240
SLIPPING SAILOR: ...water on deck!
419
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,680
Please give me a job. I want to
travel the oceans.
420
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:49,960
HE LAUGHS
I'm strong. Yeah.
421
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,560
I'm good with rope. Right.
422
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,240
I can swim. SWIM!
423
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,280
A good sailor doesn't know how to swim.
424
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,920
If you fall in - that's it -
the ocean's taken you.
425
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,080
No point in trying to swim.
Really? Yeah.
426
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,400
NEXT SAILOR: Are you all right down
there, Daaaaave!
427
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,520
And there'll be no bananas on
board!
428
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,240
SAILOR: Owww!
429
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,600
Please give me a chance.
I don't know, mate.
430
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,840
A lot of red flags here for me.
431
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,520
Everything you're doing is bad luck.
432
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,480
Plus, it was a red sunrise this
morning - bad omen.
433
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,840
And it's Friday -
434
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,160
unluckiest day of the week.
435
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,880
Ow, which idiot
threw that banana?!
436
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,960
Unluckiest ship ever. I quit.
437
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,600
Well, on the other hand, it appears
we have some vacancies.
438
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,320
Please, sir.
Yeah, all right, you got the job.
439
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:32,200
But heed my warning, you have to pay
attention to these superstitions.
440
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,160
Right. It's how we stay safe at
sea... Argh!
441
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,480
Ooh. Man overboard.
SPLASHING
442
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,760
Ooh, there's sharks in here!
443
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,840
Good job you can't swim, or that
would be bad luck, wouldn't it?
444
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,920
{\an8}UPBEAT ADVERT MUSIC
445
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,400
I'm Pliny the Elder -
446
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,600
author, philosopher and all-round
great guy.
447
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,560
And according to Roman superstition,
448
00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,320
spitting is a simple,
effective cure for curses.
449
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,240
SPITTING
450
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,560
Is there a new baby in your family,
451
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,040
and you don't want anyone to curse
it?
452
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,400
Simply spit on the ground three
times, like this...
453
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,520
BABY CRYING
454
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,080
You spat on my baby.
455
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,120
You're revolting. And you're
welcome.
456
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,520
BUZZING
457
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,680
Have you got an insect in your ear?
458
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,320
Well, not any more.
459
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,520
Simply get someone to flob in your ear,
460
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,880
and the insect will leave.
461
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,760
BUZZING
462
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:41,400
Or drown.
463
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,080
Did you know that spitting in the
mouth of a snake
464
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,840
can cause it to explode?
465
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,400
It's worth a try.
466
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,680
SPITTING
Arghhhhhh!
467
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,720
Not the beard! Please, not the beard.
468
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,440
You know, the Romans had a lot of
great ideas,
469
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,120
but that was not one of them.
470
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,840
Actually, a lot of the most famous
myths and monsters
471
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,880
have come from famous authors.
472
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,720
But their original stories were
sometimes a little different
473
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,320
to the versions we now know.
474
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,800
And though their work is celebrated today,
475
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,320
this wasn't always the case when it
first came out.
476
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,440
Hello, I'm Mary Shelley
477
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,560
and I wrote the famous book Frankenstein,
478
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,800
about a scientist who made a monster.
479
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,520
These are some of the actual reviews
480
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,120
that came out around the time
that I wrote the book.
481
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,840
I hope they don't use the word
"Genius" too much!
482
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:50,480
OK, so... "Frankenstein was...
horrible and disgusting."
483
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,320
Oh, well. I guess there's always one.
484
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,920
"Gross inconsistencies."
485
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,000
I suppose... there's always two.
486
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,240
"Taste and judgement revolt
at this kind of writing."
487
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,160
Oh, well,
this one's just a list of insults...
488
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,000
"Plum. Massive turnip. Milk..."
489
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,800
Oh, no, no, no...
Sorry, that's my shopping list.
490
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,960
Oh, no, no - here's a good one...
491
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,840
Wait - "his"!
492
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,240
Why do they think Frankenstein was
written by a man?
493
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,240
I mean, I suppose I should be grateful
494
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,440
that they're not having a
go at me for being a female writer.
495
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,040
I knew this was a bad idea.
496
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,120
You know what you can do with
your reviews?
497
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,800
I, er, forgot my shopping lists.
498
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,080
It's story-telling week,
499
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,800
and head teacher Mrs Thomas needs a
new English teacher,
500
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,800
because it turns out Mr Lewis
501
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,640
was very good at telling stories
502
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,800
about his qualifications.
503
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,680
Welcome to Historical Educating.
504
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,840
I can't believe it.
505
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,600
I've only got Denmark's most famous
author to fill in.
506
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,080
Every kid in the school will know
his stories.
507
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,400
I mean, half of them have been
turned into
508
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,880
massive blockbuster movies.
509
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:12,360
My name is Mr Hans Christian Andersen.
510
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,680
IMITATES TROMBONE
511
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:15,880
Ah...
512
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,200
Now, who knows any of my brilliant
stories?
513
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:23,480
Ah! I love the film The Little
Mermaid, Mr Andersen.
514
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:27,240
Ah-ha-ha-haaaa-ha-ha-ha!
515
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,080
That film is terrible.
516
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,240
When Mr Andersen talked about the film,
517
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,200
he used some very rude sounding words.
518
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,680
He said they were just Danish,
519
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,360
but I think they might have been
Danish and rude.
520
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:40,320
So, in my original version of the story,
521
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,840
the little mermaid falls in love
with the prince
522
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,320
after she saves him from drowning.
523
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,160
She then goes to ask the sea
witch... Ursula?
524
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,840
Bless you. ..to turn her into a human.
525
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,440
We meet the sea witch while a toad
is eating out of her mouth.
526
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,960
CHILDREN: Eurgh.
527
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,760
So, the sea witch gives the little mermaid
528
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,320
her legs, but the transformation
529
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,480
feels like she's being murdered,
530
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,280
and every step that she takes on her
new legs
531
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,440
is like walking on knives.
532
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,640
Why hasn't the film got a song about
that?
533
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,920
I don't think there are any singing lobsters
534
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,640
in Mr Andersen's original story.
535
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,560
Just endless horror.
536
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,520
So, in payment for being so helpful,
537
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,920
the witch cuts out the mermaid's
tongue.
538
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,360
No more talking for the little mermaid.
539
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,160
We've had a couple of traumatised children
540
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,280
report to pastoral.
541
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,120
I just need to check Mr Andersen's
542
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,280
original version of The Little Mermaid.
543
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,360
I'm sure it's fine.
544
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,360
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
545
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,240
Can we just read something else?
546
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,360
Isn't Frozen based on your book
The Snow Queen?
547
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:51,160
Ah, The Snow Queen, yes.
548
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,240
I will read the section where one of
the characters
549
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,120
gets poked in the eye with a shard
of glass.
550
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,640
Step away from the book!
551
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,960
Mr Andersen has left us,
552
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,040
and we've offered the children counselling.
553
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:09,320
But I don't know if any of them
will ever sleep again.
554
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,520
Hello, Mary Shelley here again,
555
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,440
author of Frankenstein.
556
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,040
But I wasn't the only writer in the family.
557
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,840
My husband Percy Bysshe Shelley was
a great poet,
558
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,640
may he rest in peace.
559
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaking of which,
560
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,960
what part of my husband's body did I
keep after he died?
561
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,600
The answer is C - his heart,
of course.
562
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,480
Keeping his toenails would
have been so gross.
563
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,640
Thanks, Mary.
564
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,480
Nothing creepy about THAT whatsoever.
565
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,680
Mehhhh. There's just time before
the clock strikes 13 -
566
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,760
CLOCK CHIMES OUT OF TUNE
I really must get that mended -
567
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:57,040
to tell you about some of the
greatest monsters of all time.
568
00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,280
In fact, why don't I let them tell
us themselves?
569
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
570
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,400
the scariest boy band around.
571
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:10,080
VAMPIRE ACCENT: And now I must take
flight. Goodbye!
572
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,880
FLAPPING
573
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,120
NORMAL VOICE: Yeah, I'll
just get the bus home.
574
00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:16,960
HE SCOFFS
575
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,360
SPOOKY RAP MUSIC PLAYS
576
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:25,240
♪ Straight out of legend
577
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,960
{\an8}# Hairy, howly monster
called a werewolf
578
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,280
{\an8}# Transforms, so I'll terrorise the neighbourhood
579
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,720
♪ There are stories from Greece
Like the Golden Fleece
580
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,360
♪ Tales so scary, that you might go
to pieces
581
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,680
♪ Stories from Rome
Closer to home
582
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,200
♪ I weed in a circle
And I turn my clothes to stone
583
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,160
♪ I always transform to a wolf and back
584
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,760
♪ Mess with me and I'm gonna
attack... ♪
585
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,240
Realistically, I'll probably attack anyway.
586
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,640
Especially on a full moon. So,
you know, do what you like.
587
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,840
Yo, yo, revenant
where the medieval zombies are.
588
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,920
♪ We're straight out of legends
589
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,600
♪ Medieval zombie called a revenant
590
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,920
♪ 1,000 years old, but I still
stayed relevant
591
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,640
♪ When I rise from the grave
The people take flight
592
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,320
♪ But even when they lock the doors
I hit them with the blight
593
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,400
♪ Breathe through the cracks
Spread my plague - death
594
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,840
♪ You'll join me in the grave
When you smell my breath... ♪
595
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,120
WEREWOLF CHOKING
596
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,720
That is rank! And I've got
heightened smelling ability,
597
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,720
because of the wolf thing.
Sorry about that.
598
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,840
Dracula, tell them about the vampires.
599
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,720
{\an8}# We're straight out of legend... ♪
600
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:26,960
{\an8}Eurgh!
601
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,000
♪ Blood suckers called Strigoi
in a story
602
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,160
♪ Poshed up by the writer Polidori
603
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,800
♪ He made me a Lord
Hard to kill with a sword
604
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,320
♪ Bram Stoker wrote Dracula
And vampires soared
605
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,680
♪ Transylvanian lair
But it's not really fair
606
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,000
♪ Stoker did research
But he'd never been there
607
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,520
♪ Took my name from Vlad
Who'd done a lot of killing
608
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,720
♪ Next to him I'm not a real
villain... ♪
609
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,240
Don't tell them that.
610
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,000
You're supposed to be scary.
611
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,200
You're not even a legend, Frankenstein.
612
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,240
Hey... where are you from?
613
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:59,080
♪ I'm straight out of novels
614
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,720
♪ Book by a woman called Shelley
615
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,040
♪ I'm also made of parts
From my eyes to my belly
616
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,480
♪ But my name wasn't Frank
617
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:06,960
♪ Frankenstein was the crank
618
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,360
♪ Sparked me into life
While suspended on a plank
619
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,400
♪ Straight out of legend
620
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,240
♪ Or the minds of the writers
621
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,720
♪ Straight out of legend
622
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:18,880
♪ When you see us coming
You're really meant to fight us
623
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,400
♪ Straight out of legend
624
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,480
♪ We're meant to spread fear
But people hold us so dear
625
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,480
♪ Straight out of legend
626
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,160
♪ I love a good scare
Kind of makes me despair. ♪
627
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,920
Strike a pose!
628
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,360
Can you send that
one to me? Yeah.
629
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,560
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
630
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:46,880
♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories. ♪
631
00:27:46,930 --> 00:27:51,480
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